Day 213

Last night I asked Austin to help me find one of my purple flip flops. He looked at me and said mom its like looking for Where's Waldo in here. I cracked up. But its so true. I've let my ever growing shoe collection get out of control. So Today I have started to fix that. I want to get rid of a lot of my stamp in up stamps and other things that I don't use so I can put some book shelves in there to hold my shoes. I just ordered 6 more pairs over the weekend. Yikes. I had to ask my 365 girls what they do with their kids old art work and papers from school. It looks like most take pics and save a few for scrapbooks. I will have to do this when the kids aren't here because they are famous for making me feel guilty about getting rid of their things. I've told you before they say: mom you are throwing away our childhood. Oh Brother! Lets see what they do with their kids stuff. I'm going to remind them not to throw their kids childhood away too. LOL Before I started working on the closet, Dominic and I were playing on our computers and watching the Olympics. And even before that, I caught Brandon, he had fallen asleep after XC practice with his phone in his hands as if he was still looking at it. That boy can fall sleep in all sorts of ways. Dear Tender-Hearted Girl, Usually when someone hurts our feelings, it's over something that really has nothing to do with us. People lash out when THEY are hurting and do and say things that they would not say if they were feeling whole and safe. Try not to take it personally. Try to see where their poor mood or attitude is coming from. Definitely don't take it on, or even try to fix it. Just try to see things from their point of view. It will help you to see that it really has nothing to do with you. You see, all that we can do is take responsibility for ourselves. We can only control our reactions and our actions, so reacting in a positive way, no matter what, is always the best way to keep our hearts from being tossed around, and a wonderful example and a gift of live to anyone who is coming at us in a not-so-positive way. You can do ti because you are brave and amazing! Little things really are the big things, and giving love when you are getting hostility is one of the biggest, most important things you can ever do! Spread happiness!

Day 212

Have u ever felt like u were a puppet on a string? Have u ever been asked how u felt about something and when u gave the answer it wasn't the one they wanted to hear? Have u ever written something down only to be asked to change it because it wasn't what they wanted to see/read? Have u ever been asked to do something with no explanation, and u just have to do it because that is what they expect or is best for them. What about me? Have u ever just felt like taking the scissors and cutting those strings and running away like Pinocchio? Well that is how I feel most days. If you don't want my opinion don't ask. If you don't like what I write, don't read it. If you don't like me for the person I am get the hell out of my life. Im so tired of not being me and trying to be what everyone else wants me to be. I just want to love the person I love, I want to be the best mom ever to my boys, be the best friend ever. But it just doesn't seem to be enough. Im sure I get judged by what I write here. Everyone wants me to change. Guess what I don't care anymore. Im so done! xoxo

Day 211

A little bit ago, Playlist.com stopped letting us put music on our blogs. This has made me very upset. I loved hearing my music and other peoples music when I went to visit their blogs. I have yet to find another site that I can use. If u know of one let me know please. Well anyway, I sat down and wrote out every single song I had on my love song list and my summer list. Just with the love songs, was 3 pages long. My hand was getting tired. All these songs mean so much to me. Yes a lot of them brings to mind someone I care a lot about. but anyway, now I need to purchase quite a few of them to add to my Ipod. Anyway today we didn't do a whole lot other than watch the Olympics. Yes we do become obsessed with certain things. This being one of them. We did venture out for about an hr to sweet tomatoes for lunch. It was pretty good. When we came home I did a digi page about the accident. I think I will redo it at some time since it feels a little kiddie to me. Now just sitting back down for the evening events :)

Day 210

Well it looks like Austin phone has died. Yep putting it into the rice bag only saved it for a day. It won't turn on or do anything. Good thing we have 2 upgrades in August. He is so cool about it though. I said if that were me again, I'd be crying like a baby. He said mom its ok I'll just go old school and this is how he came back into my room. OMG he's too funny. He wrapped our old house phone around him and asked if he could use that one. Graciela came over to hang out by the pool. I had already been out there for an hr. We stayed out until almost 5. We laid out, took pics, sat in the pool just talking. It was a very nice day. I can tell I had a little bit too much sun, but Its all good. We are supposed to be getting rain Mon-Wed. I came in and made chili and she stayed for dinner. Dominic drove over to pick up my mom. She was going stir crazy. I don't blame her. I will be in her shoes next week when we have to take back the rental car. :( I took my mom home and laid downstairs waiting for Phelps and Lochte to square off. I had fallen asleep, but Dominic woke me up just in time. I knew Ryan would win, but I never thought that Michael wouldn't even medal. How sad. Hopefully he will do better in his next races. Here is a fortune I got last night. Dear Vivacious Girl, Sometimes you are entirely too hard on yourself. While it's SO GOOD to have big goals in mind for yourself, to shoot for amazing things and to expect wonderful results....it is impossible to always have everything go exactly as you hoped, planned or worked for. Oftentimes, things go wrong, we don't do as well as we wanted to, or we just reach our wit's end and have a complete meltdown. Remember that life just works this way, it isn't just you. Some days are better than others, some days we would rather just forget. Hard days are sometimes life's way of slowing us down and making us rest, or making us look for better ways to do things. It's never productive to say mean things to yourself, to beat yourself up over what didn't happen or what mistakes were made, or to tell yourself that you should or shouldn't have done things the way you did. What you CAN influence is the way that tomorrow goes. So, decide today how you want to feel tomorrow, and decide that you will work to feel that way no matter what does or does not happen. Tomorrow is a new day and it can be a great one. Give yourself a break and be SO KIND to yourself. You already know what you need to work on, so stop beating yourself over the head with it. Give yourself the kind of encouragement you would give to your best friend. Be good to yourself, you deserve it...you are such a wonderful, amazing girl. xoxo

Day 209

The day that Dominic has been waiting for all Summer. The start of the 2012 London Olympics. I can remember 4 yrs ago us being at Magic Mtn and had the opportunity to see Katy Perry. But No, we had to go back to the Hotel to watch some of the Olympic events. I should have sent him back to the hotel by himself. LOL That is how he was today. We had to make sure we were home by 7:00 to set up the screen. Kirstin and I went to Panda to pick up dinner. We kept telling the guy at the window to hurry it up or we will miss the beginning of the opening ceremonies. He laughed, but started putting things in our bag really fast. LOL We got home 7 mins late. Thankfully Dominic paused it. Then Christopher calls and asks that we hold it till he gets home. He didn't get home until after 8. As we were watching it, I nearly fell asleep, Christopher had to be his normal self and commentate on how bad it was. He finally went up to bed, Thank God, With Kirstin right behind. LOL Austin did fall asleep. Brandon was disappointed that they didn't include Dr Who. Dominic thought it was ok. We enjoyed the Mr. Bean part the most. He reminds us of one of our friends Terry. He could be his double. Can't wait to see the reviews tomorrow. I knew it was going to be super hard to out do Beijing.

Day 208

Got the call this morning that my mom is being sprung around 2 today. I think she is ready to be home. Plus I could tell she is feeling much better by the way she is complaining about everything. Yep she's back to herself. :) Spent the afternoon with my friend Albert. He's such a trip to hang out with. I love it when we do hang out. He's having a rough time right now trying to find a job. I took him around to see what we could find. If anyone in Vegas knows of anyone hiring, let me know. He's getting desperate. Kids went and picked up my mom from the hospital and took her home. They have now officially diagnosed her with diabetes, so she sent home all of her goodies with the kids. When I got home I said who bought this crap. Twinkies and ding dongs. YUCK. Oh this morning Austin accidentally dropped his phone into a cup of milk. Oh NO. We quickly put it into a bag of rice. I hope we can save it. Told the boys they are on their own tonight for dinner, as Glenda has asked a few of us ladies to get together tonight at Artful potter. Everyone is bringing something to share and then we will paint and have a great time. It was Glenda, Paula, Barbara, Vanessa, Megan, Peyton and Becca. Artful Potter was so much fun. I made a mug. Its very plain. The colors will be pink and purple when its done. Right now it looks ugly. LOL After I went to see my mom for a bit. I took her some of the enchiladas that Glenda made. I think she was really glad to be home.

Day 207

Well I had plans on hanging out with a friend of mine today, but this particular friend has a very bad habit of not showing up. They had to go on a job interview and was supposed to call after. Well no call until 4:00 this afternoon. Makes me so frustrated. I could have let Dominic use the car this morning had I known that this was going to happen again. I just should have assumed it would. Anyway, Ian was able to bring Dominic home from their run. I ended up spending most of the day in the pool. It was the perfect day for laying out. We have had monsoon weather lately. So no clouds or rain in site :) I made Philly chicken sanwiches for the kids then headed over to the hospital to see my mom. She wanted me to bring her some popcorn. I should have taken a picture of her eating her popcorn. She was inhaling it like there was never going to be popcorn again. I was worried she would choke on it. She was really missing it. She usually made a bag a night for herself. So I left her 2 bags in case she wants some tomorrow. That's if she's still there. There was talk she may get sprung tomorrow. Lets hope. Dear Clever Girl, Everyone has an opinion about what you should do with your life, don't they? Today is the day to forget outside opinions and to embrace your own peculiar truths and dreams. Today is the day to go for it.......even if it makes you look like a freak. If your heart is telling you to do it, and your heart just won't give up...even if it's been telling you the same things for years and years and years.......you probably haven't done it because of your fears of the opinions of others. You are never going to make everyone happy, ever. To live a bold and uncommon life, you are probably going to turn an lot of heads and make a lot of other heads shake in disbelief about the path you have chosen for yourself. In the end, you will never regret listening to your own deepest truth, even when this means shutting out almost every other voice. Our deepest truths are our highest selves...coming from places of authenticity and love and light and joy.....how could that ever be a bad thing? Go for it, brave girl.....we are rooting for you all the way. xoxo

Day 206

Feeling much better today. Guess my body really needed all that sleep I got yesterday. Boys went to XC practice this morning. Im so thankful to Wyatt for taking them. He only lives around the corner, so its been nice. I posted more pics of the dining out to the CAP website that Graciela took, then showered. We were suppose to take back Dominic's tux on Sunday, and that didn't happen nor did it yesterday. I thought we were going to have to pay late fees. Nope. Thank God. I will never go anywhere else to rent or buy a tux. If u need a great place to get a tux go to Jerry's Tux on Trop and 215. No Im not getting compensated at all for that one. lol After that Dominic and I went to lunch together. I want to spend as much alone time with him as I can get. He will be leaving in less than a month back to Redlands. This time I won't have the luxury to visit as often until I get a car. From there he and I went to Walmart to pick up a few things that we need for the house. I dropped him and the groceries off and headed over to see my mom. She is looking really good, but they may be keeping her for 4 more days. I can't believe that. While there Glenda came up and visited with her. She had been invited to Michele's bday dinner. She asked if I wanted to go with her. I didn't really want to, but it was nice going to hang out with her. We don't do that enough lately. We had a good time. Then she dropped me back off at the hospital to get my car and I went and spent another hr with my mom, until my back really started to hurt. Dominic had gone out with Jayson for his birthday tonight. Happy Birthday Jayson. I got home at 10:45, boy I was surprised to see Dominic here, I thought for sure he'd be out late. Dang my kids don't know how to party like I did when I was younger or like I do now. LOL I really am glad they are good kids. I guess I've done something right. Dear Patient Girl, You knew when you started on this path towards your goals and your dreams...staying on the pathway that’s meant just for you, that sometimes the road was going to get rough, that things would not always be fun or easy, and that you were willing to sacrifice whatever it took to get there. So why is it, gorgeous friend, that when things do get tough or boring, or when sacrifice is required...that we somehow forget and think that things must not be going exactly how they are supposed to be going...when we knew when we started that there would surely be days like this. Don’t let the tough times get you down....they are part of the journey...and they are temporary. Learn what you can while you are in those times....but most of all, be patient...and let yourself remember that you knew this would happen and you knew that you could and would make it....and you will...and you are. It will be worth it. Have a beautiful week!

Day 205

Oh what a day. I didn't realize how exhausted my body was. I got up to take Kirstin to drop off her car. She backed into a monster truck at work and her bumper came off. So it needs to be replaced. I had every intentions after to go through my closet and clean it out. That didn't happen. I pretty much slept the day away. And Im still tired. (wonder if its depression)hmmm.......... Boys mostly watched this TV show that is on SYFY channel, called Eureka. I have never watched it before, but they LOVE IT. They are actually watching it on Netflix to get caught up to the current season. Gotta love Netflix.

Day 204

Only got about 3 hrs sleep today. Went to bed around 5 got up around 7:30. Yes my phone starts buzzing pretty early. Had Graciela send me some pics from yesterday. My brother came over with his gf's daughter and they went swimming. I tried to load pics to the Civil air patrol site on FB. Then it was time for us to go to the movies. The boys have been dying to see BATMAN: Dark Knight Rises. I just knew I would not make it thru the movie. We got there an hr early because they really thought that we needed to. Not so much. Maybe 30 mins ahead. Oh well. We loaded up on popcorn. While we were waiting for the movie to start, this guy kept going up to Christopher who was standing down by the front rows of seats talking to his co worker about a problem at work. This guy actually thought he was planning on doing something bad to the theater. We always joke with him that he looks like a terrorist. We didn't mean it literally. As I predicted, I fell asleep thru 80% of the movie. I did wake up for the last 30 mins or so to see the great ending. What an Awesome movie this one is and I can't wait to go see it in its entirety. lol

Day 203

Spent the morning laying out to get some color for tonight's Dining out. It was very hot. I had hoped that I wouldn't get sunburned. Thankfully I didn't. The color is going to look so good with my dress. Around 3:00 I went over to Genica's house because she said she would help me do my hair and makeup. She did such a fantastic job on it. I felt so pretty. I came home and Dominic had gone up to pick up Vanessa and my dress. Glenda had to hem it up a little. She did a super job of getting it just right. I got dressed and then Graciela showed up looking beautiful. She took a couple of pics before we left. Didn't have time for many because we needed to be out at Nellis by 5:45. Let me tell u, I wasn't in any mood for this dining out. I really hate being at things were I don't really know anyone and on top of that having to be the Hostess to all. We had to mingle with everyone during cocktail hour. Im not really sure what time it was, but the chimes went off and we had to be introduced as the head table. I was sitting up there with 4 other colonels and their wives. Talk about intimidating. Graciela got to sit with Vanessa and Dominic. She was taking a lot of really great shots of the cadets and their families. The other boys didn't want to go. I think they should have. They posted The Colors and then it was time to eat our Salads. During this time they had this punch bowl in the middle of the dance floor. It was the Grog. Listed in the program were rules that u had to abide by. If u didn't then you would be called out and had to drink this concoction. It was pretty funny seeing families rat one another out. This went on for about 45 min. Then we took a break, head table was dismissed for 15 min. We were called back in and then it was time for dinner. We got the London broil. Ours was really good. After dinner There was a guest Speaker: Colonel Alex Grynkewich, The vice commander, 57th Wing. He is responsible for 39 squadrons at 12 installations comprising the Air Force's most diverse flying wing, flying and maintaining more than 130 aircraft, And the U.S. Air Force weapons school, among other things. He was very interesting to listen too. After his speech they handed out awards. Robert received 2 awards that he had no idea he was getting. Don't ask me what they were, cause I don't know. LOL With Closing ceremonies, the dancing began. Well not much dancing since it was mostly boys and not a whole lot of girls. Dominic and Vanessa got out there and danced the macarena. Then Graciela and I did the cupid Shuffle. As much complaining as I did leading up to this night, I did have a nice time. And if felt good to get dressed up. On the way home and on the way to dropping off Vanessa we stopped at Sonic to get a late night snack. LOL We are spending too much time there these days. We visited with Glenda, Meg and Stan for a bit then headed home. I was in a lot of pain and swelling so took my meds, played some games didn't go to bed until 5AM Oh no. It was a very fun night and thanks to Genica, Glenda, Graciela and .........for all they did to make this night a success for Robert and his first Dining out as Squadron Commander. (I'll post more pics as I get them. Graciela took all the pics for the night)

Day 202

Oh the dreaded day of having to go back dress shopping. First I was supposed to go get my hair done at 10:00, but I could not find the keys to the rental car. We called up the hair place and told them about it and they said as long as I was there by 11 they would still take me. Nope still no keys. Boys were helping me look everywhere. In the trash, the rocks out by the car, laundry, upstairs and downstairs. I kept looking in my purse, shorts, cause that is what I thought I was wearing, but nothing. Finally I said let me go look at my blog to see what I was wearing yesterday. Sure enough I wasn't wearing shorts but khaki pants that I had hung up in my closet. And yes the keys were in the pocket. 2 hrs later I finally found my keys. Boy do I feel Blond. LOL So guess what I didn't have to get my hair done and I saved $150. Glenda was so worried about me finding a new dress that she is taking me to find another one. We took my pretty blue one and the shoes I bought with us to the mall. I tried on a few dresses at Macy's and then some new ones at Dillards. They didn't have these ones out the other day when I went. I sent picture after picture to Robert to see which one he liked. (Did I tell u how much I hate dress shopping and having to come back today to do it after I had already found the perfect dress?) He had 2 favorites. They were my favorites too. I went with...........................HAHAHA u will have to wait until tomorrow to see which one. OK, the dresses look good, but I look raggedy since I had no hair and makeup done today. Once we were done, Glenda and I hit Happy Hour at Applebees. I wanted to get another long beach ice tea. This time I had 2 and so did she. The twins met us there after they got off work. We then headed over to Old Navy to pick up a shirt for Megan. I got some earrings to go with the dress and I think Vanessa got some bracelets that fit her, Meg and Glenda. They are really tiny so its hard to find ones that wont slip off. Came home tried the dress on and got the thumbs up from all the boys. :) Then to dinner, picked up Vanessa after and headed to hospital. Moms still not doing well. Was hoping she'd come home today, but not really sure how long she will be there. :( Oh well.

Day 201

This morning Robert was heading out to work and he looked over at the look-a-like car and he saw the reflection of an Angel in the windshield. It kind of freaked him out and when he turned around there was a cloud in the sky that looked just like an Angel. He said it stunned him for a min, his hair on his arms stood up and all he could do was say thank u. He said he felt like the guardian angel was still around here to protect me. Kind of eerie if u ask me, but I still believe to this day that's the only explanation why Im here. Since the Military dining out is on Saturday I had to go get my brows done, and my toes done. I went with blue to match the dress I picked out. Well It looks like I will be going to the mall and returning that dress and getting another one.:( I hope I find something. Last time was hard enough. I really hate going dress shopping for that type of dress. I then went to Best Buy. My phone that I have been using since my other one died can't keep a charge for longer than a hr or so. I bought one of those quick charge batteries for when Im out and about and cant be tethered to a wall cord. LOL I do hope I will get to get a new phone soon. After all that I was wiped out. I came home in hopes of digi scrapping with my girls, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I told the boys to wake me up in 30 min. Well they let me sleep almost 3 hrs. When I finally did get up, They had made dinner. Yummy Salmon with their own marinade concoction, rice and broccoli. I LOVE LOVE MY BOYS!!!!!!! Dear Valuable Girl, You don't always have to be so tough, you know. There are people all around who want to help and would jump at the chance if they knew how to help and what you really need and want. There are so many people who love you. You don't have to carry this alone. Somehow it happens that we isolate ourselves over time, stuck in a mode of survival, and forgetting that there's anything else to think about beyond how to get through the next day....or even the next few minutes. Life is not meant for that kind of living, even though there are stages of life that can stretch for a long time living this way. Try to reach out today. Call a friend and be really honest about where you are. Try something new....a new skill, a new recipe, a new route to the same old places....this will help you get unstuck and begin to build a live that is about THRIVING and ENJOYING rather than surviving and enduring. You are SO STRONG and you are so great at surviving and enduring, friend......but everyone who loves you wants more for you than that. YOUR SOUL wants more than that too.....you know that, right? You can do this....there are so many smiles and laughs and new friendships and new adventures ahead for you. Your best years have not even been lived yet...you have so much to look forward to. Decide to LIVE BIG! You are so very loved. xoxo

Day 200

Ok I am having a really hard time walking out of my house and seeing the Identical Truck to mine, that my neighbor is working on. I cry everyday. I know I shouldn't be such a baby, but I really miss my truck. It was part of our family for 8 yrs. Dominic said its like missing a brother. I think its kind of insensitive for them to park it directly in front of my house. Oh well, Christopher's motorcycle would not start this morning so I got up and took him to work. On the way home I stopped at Walmart for those things u really need, like toilet paper and toothpaste. While there I was talking to my friend Bridgette on the phone and she asked me to do her a favor. I stopped at the Starbucks by my house to do that and got myself a Carmel Frap. Yum! From there I took Dominic with me to see my mom. We thought we could only bring 2 people, but once we go there we found out they moved her out of ICU and now can have unlimited visitors and no time restrictions. They even have a bed in a box for people to spend the night. Um that's not going to happen. We stayed a couple of hrs then she was feeling anxious so they gave her some meds and we said we would go. Took him to lunch at Krazy Buffet. Its an all u can eat asian buffet. It was just OK. Won't be going back. Sushi is way better at Sushi Fever. After that we just all chilled here. Not much we can do :( Oh and to MK, Im sorry!

Day 199

I finally scrapped my first trip to the Hollywood sign today. Spent the whole day in my pjs. Yep and it felt good. My 365 girls put out a challenge to do at least 2 digital pages today. So we all scrapped together online while we chatted. I got a few pages done. I need stuff like this to keep/get me motivated. It was so much fun today. The boys went to XC practice early this morning. Austin got lost. LOL it was funny when he was telling me the story. They came home and have just been hanging out in the game room. Dominic went with Vanessa. Its the anniversary of the day he asked her out. I don't think many people celebrate this every single month, but they do. Didn't get up to see my mom. She's not feeling that great today. I wanted to let her sleep. I will go up there tomorrow.

Day 198

Genica and Alysse came over bright and early this morning to work out. I think I am going to give it a shot on Wed. But lightly. Boys slept thru their alarm and missed XC practice. So Brandon went with Genica to the park while she played tennis and he did his run. After that we had to take Bandit to the Vet. He had an appointment for some comprehensive testing. Boy they want to get money out of us that we don't have. Not that we don't love him, but we have other obligations at the moment. Left him there all day. I went to visit my mom for a couple of hours. came home made dinner. Picked up the dog. They say he has tumors all over, not cancerous at the moment, but could turn into cancer. Went back to see my mom around 9 pm. Austin went with this time. After a certain hr u have to check in and get visitor tags. Christopher had earlier said I was showing too much cleavage, so I put the sticker right over it. It was funny. The reaction from guys was hilarious. On the way out this one guy said amazing spot for that sticker. Then the guard said I like where you put that. HA HA I love it. ;)boy Im looking like im feeling, crappy :( Dear Brave Girl, You are still in there....every single bit of you. You might feel like you don't know who you are anymore...that your identity has been lost....that you are living a life that you can't even recognize or that your hopes and dreams have been sucked away but some crazy whirlwind.....whether it happened quickly or very very slowly. Your soul is in there....your heart is in there.....your hopes and dreams and good memories and that happy, fun, adventurous YOU is in there........it is! You just gotta get unstuck....and you can. You really can. The first thing you must do is put faith in that hope that you are still in there.....then listen to that hope....talk to it...ask it where it has been and what it needs to come back out. Then keep listening....and take action. It's not too late...it's never, ever too late....and right now seems like the EXACT right time to begin the process of restoring your authentic self back to her true form. You can do it.......don't let the world miss out on you anymore, gorgeous girl.......we need you...YOU need you! You can do it. xoxo