I am a computer klutz.
(Whew! I'm glad that's out...)
This doesn't come as any great shock to my friends, but they have no idea the actual depth my ineptitude actually goes to.
We bought a new computer tower with some of our tax refund money this year and I'm still getting to know it, 3 weeks later. I had JUST gotten familiar enough with the old one to make it do most of the things I wanted it to! We'd only had it about 8 years and we were finally getting along fine. He'd grind along slow enough for me to change my mind and I didn't expect too much from him. But it was time to put the old Gateway out to pasture. He didn't want to deal with 1200 digital images a year. And who can blame him?
Our new computer is all that and a side of fries, but it is WAY beyond my limited range of ability. This computer actually sort of sneers at me. Yes, sneers. I know computers aren't supposed to have personality, but when the machine smugly "ding"s at me as I fumble around, looking for the 3 photos I downloaded, opening files that look promising but are obviously none of my business, according to the computer, I'd consider that sneering.
She's sleek. She's fast. She has more memory than I ever had or hoped to have. She's great at filing, anticipating my searches on the internet and condescendingly asks me if I'm sure I want to do that. I don't think she makes coffee, but that remains to be discovered....
I apologetically sit down and request access with my crummy little password.
She considers it, and finally with a sigh of her fan, allows me entrance to my screen.
From there, our relationship deteriorates.
She brought with her the latest greatest versions of everything; sort of like a Mary Kay lady who brings all the same products only *NEW*IMPROVED*MORE EFFICIENT*CHANGED PACKAGING! It sort of looks the same, but it's not.
For instance, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to get a Word document to print! I could translate the entire thing into Ethiopian, but it appeared I'd have to pack the computer to my friend in order to send the actual message. In Excel, I can make pivot tables 'til the cows come home (and at my house, that's literal) but I couldn't get a simple formula to show real numbers. All it would do was: ######. And everytime I tried to fix it...."ding". Yeah. That's the computer, calling me a moron.
I was excited about having Photoshop! Yes! At last, I could whiten my teeth, imperceptibly, in my photos before releasing them to the rest of the world!
Photoshop requires a person to think in layers. I have to think of the end product and work backwards, layer by layer. So I can't just highlight my teeth in the picture and shazaam! they're fixed. No. I have to work with opacity, hue and saturation. (Doesn't that sound like the members of a funky band? Opacity, Hue and Saturation...live....from Saturday night!)
I'm sort of with Donkey, on the movie Shrek. Parfaits have layers. And I can find my way around parfait layers, as you all know. But photo layers are killing me.
So I end up closing down the programs and my computer asks me if I really and truly want to do that. And I feel like such a quitter! But I say yes. Then she asks if I want to SAVE my changes. Looking at the 27 pivot tables enumerated with #######, I get the feeling she's mocking me. I say no. She shrugs her electronic shoulders dismissively and I'm back at the main screen.
I'm allowed to use the internet without much comment, but occasionally I get nagged about the security updates. I love telling her "Not Now" and x-ing that little box! That'll show her!
I hope it doesn't take 8 years to make peace with Dell-a.
(Yes, that's her name. Don't you name your computer?)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Multi-tasking
I'm still here!
I always feel apologetic to you when I haven't posted in a while....as though you are hanging on your computer, checking the Chronicles every 15 minutes. (Because THAT'S how riveting ranch life is.)
(Sarcasm is hard to express in type...)
It's been crazy busy!
Or maybe just crazy.
And I left my camera at Marisa's house last Thursday, so I've been nearly handicapped! I didn't realize that I took photographs constantly. All week, I've been wandering around reaching for my camera, only to remember it was taking a vacation in Jordan. And what a week to be missing it!
The kids and I left in a flurry on Saturday to go to the Miles City Bucking Horse Sale parade, swooping in to pick up Celestia on the way. I'd informed everyone that I couldn't go, because we were branding, so my friends were shocked to see me. Especially my friend Elise, whom I've never met in real life, only in Blogger and Facebook! She brought her four kids (beautiful, funny, kind kids) and we were able to watch the parade together.
The high points of that day were free cotton candy in the park, Angus touring every bathroom in a 1/2 mile radius, losing my car keys when the town's population had quintupled with visitors, and seeing our favorite Caledonians piping and dancing in the parade. (I didn't say they were all GOOD highlights.)
Sunday and Monday were basically eaten up with my school board job. I think I complicate things. Things like Quickbooks, Excel and Word. Anyway, we had our board meeting Monday night until.....(get this).....a little after midnight, when Traci and I turned into pumpkins and the other two board members gave up on us. I got home at 1 a.m. Summer conference had better be a whing-ding-dilly this year or there's no reason for me to continue on with this little jobbee!
Tuesday, we branded a big bunch of calves. And I messed up with the ID tags. I wake up in the night, in a cold sweat thinking about it! To quickly explain, we are putting button tags in the calves' ear to verify the source of the animal, so when it's processed for food, it can be traced all the way back to our pasture. The button is about 3/4 inch in diameter and has a 21 digit code on it that has to correspond correctly with the number of the calf tag.
My job, when we brand, is to put the button tag in the calf's ear, record the calf number and sex beside the ID number, reload the tagger, grab a syringe with Nasalgen and squirt that in the calf's nose, run back and pick up the tagger and then do the Ivermectin on the calf's back before they turn him out. In a couple minutes. Accurately. And when the syringe runs out, refill it. And keep track of the kids, who are running around the corral.
I had gotten up early to make coffee cake for treats for the crew and was just rummy from no sleep. (My mother-in-law had thoughtfully made bar cookies, but I didn't know that! Drats.) I didn't write down one number, toward the end. That can mess EVERYTHING up, in a big way, if it's not caught immediately. Fortunately, I caught my error immediately and we adjusted, but it still makes my palms sweat to think about it....
Yesterday, I thought I was going to have to move bulls and work with them in the corral for (Alice, brace yourself) semen-testing. My father-in-law told me he thought they could handle it without me on the top rail of the corral, waving my sorting stick, ready to bolt. Strange. But okay!
I went to the green house in Miles City instead, thanks to a kind offer from my friend Traci to watch my kids.
I can spend hours in the greenhouse. I had the incredible privilege of working there one spring and summer, and don't tell them, but I would do it for no pay. And when I'm there, I usually end up selling plants as I shop, myself. And deadheading.
Here's the thing about green houses: when you assemble your plant purchases THERE, it looks conservative...pitiful, even. When you get home, the plants have grown in number and size in the back of your car and you wonder where you're going to put them all! (Well, I don't, really. But my husband does.)
I'll write more about my plants tomorrow. This post is LONG.
Today we gather another big bunch of pairs to brand tomorrow. And I get to plant up some pots!
Thanks for hanging in with me! Come back to the Chronicles when you can....I miss you all when I don't visit with you in a while. What's going on in your world?
I always feel apologetic to you when I haven't posted in a while....as though you are hanging on your computer, checking the Chronicles every 15 minutes. (Because THAT'S how riveting ranch life is.)
(Sarcasm is hard to express in type...)
It's been crazy busy!
Or maybe just crazy.
And I left my camera at Marisa's house last Thursday, so I've been nearly handicapped! I didn't realize that I took photographs constantly. All week, I've been wandering around reaching for my camera, only to remember it was taking a vacation in Jordan. And what a week to be missing it!
The kids and I left in a flurry on Saturday to go to the Miles City Bucking Horse Sale parade, swooping in to pick up Celestia on the way. I'd informed everyone that I couldn't go, because we were branding, so my friends were shocked to see me. Especially my friend Elise, whom I've never met in real life, only in Blogger and Facebook! She brought her four kids (beautiful, funny, kind kids) and we were able to watch the parade together.
The high points of that day were free cotton candy in the park, Angus touring every bathroom in a 1/2 mile radius, losing my car keys when the town's population had quintupled with visitors, and seeing our favorite Caledonians piping and dancing in the parade. (I didn't say they were all GOOD highlights.)
Sunday and Monday were basically eaten up with my school board job. I think I complicate things. Things like Quickbooks, Excel and Word. Anyway, we had our board meeting Monday night until.....(get this).....a little after midnight, when Traci and I turned into pumpkins and the other two board members gave up on us. I got home at 1 a.m. Summer conference had better be a whing-ding-dilly this year or there's no reason for me to continue on with this little jobbee!
Tuesday, we branded a big bunch of calves. And I messed up with the ID tags. I wake up in the night, in a cold sweat thinking about it! To quickly explain, we are putting button tags in the calves' ear to verify the source of the animal, so when it's processed for food, it can be traced all the way back to our pasture. The button is about 3/4 inch in diameter and has a 21 digit code on it that has to correspond correctly with the number of the calf tag.
My job, when we brand, is to put the button tag in the calf's ear, record the calf number and sex beside the ID number, reload the tagger, grab a syringe with Nasalgen and squirt that in the calf's nose, run back and pick up the tagger and then do the Ivermectin on the calf's back before they turn him out. In a couple minutes. Accurately. And when the syringe runs out, refill it. And keep track of the kids, who are running around the corral.
I had gotten up early to make coffee cake for treats for the crew and was just rummy from no sleep. (My mother-in-law had thoughtfully made bar cookies, but I didn't know that! Drats.) I didn't write down one number, toward the end. That can mess EVERYTHING up, in a big way, if it's not caught immediately. Fortunately, I caught my error immediately and we adjusted, but it still makes my palms sweat to think about it....
Yesterday, I thought I was going to have to move bulls and work with them in the corral for (Alice, brace yourself) semen-testing. My father-in-law told me he thought they could handle it without me on the top rail of the corral, waving my sorting stick, ready to bolt. Strange. But okay!
I went to the green house in Miles City instead, thanks to a kind offer from my friend Traci to watch my kids.
I can spend hours in the greenhouse. I had the incredible privilege of working there one spring and summer, and don't tell them, but I would do it for no pay. And when I'm there, I usually end up selling plants as I shop, myself. And deadheading.
Here's the thing about green houses: when you assemble your plant purchases THERE, it looks conservative...pitiful, even. When you get home, the plants have grown in number and size in the back of your car and you wonder where you're going to put them all! (Well, I don't, really. But my husband does.)
I'll write more about my plants tomorrow. This post is LONG.
Today we gather another big bunch of pairs to brand tomorrow. And I get to plant up some pots!
Thanks for hanging in with me! Come back to the Chronicles when you can....I miss you all when I don't visit with you in a while. What's going on in your world?
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