The Whole Turkey

I'm reading an oddly wonderful children's book called The Doldrums which really and truly defies any description other than to say if you're feeling a bit trapped by circumstance or bogged down with routine, this book will give you hope and whimsical inspiration.

Yesterday morning I read a really good piece of writing in it that I wanted to put someplace I wouldn't lose it. (This is a library book and as nice as the MC librarians are to me, they still have a hard time when I turn down corners on pages or underline in pencil and comment in the margin on the things that strike me. Now you know why I own so many books...they ALL strike me, and I can't afford library binding prices to replace the ones I borrow.)

The Chronicles are as good a place as any to put this passage and besides, now I can share this funny odd thought.

"If someone tells you they love turkey smothered with cranberry sauce, that they love it more than anything else in the world; you might spend the day roasting that someone a turkey and smothering it with cranberry sauce. If that same someone then takes on little bite and says, "That'll be all, thank you," you'll likely go red in the face and hurl both these turkeys out the nearest window because clearly, this person never loved turkey smothered with cranberry sauce in the first place.

Little bites are never enough when you love something. When you love something, you want it all.  That's how it works. And that's how it was for Archer. Archer didn't want a little taste of adventure with a side of leftover discoveries. Archer wanted the whole turkey and he wanted it stuffed with enough salts and spices to turn his taste buds into sparklers. Needless to say, it was a tall order for a boy who wore a size-small blazer."

Little bites are never enough.

There's a section a few pages later about dreamers and doers, and I'm half tempted to share THAT with you too, but part of me wants you to hustle around, find the book at your library, and discover these little treasures for yourself.

If you DO, ask the librarians for The Doldrums by Nicholas Gannon. Even if you just get it and look at the pictures, it will be worth your time.
But don't be surprised to see eraser marks under the good parts...

Here's the cover:

"I just KNEW your house was magical!"

This was the statement my friend Amber exclaimed yesterday as she and her kids visited us for the first time.

Now, my house is a lot of things....dusty, rather cluttered at times, quirky, warm, small....but it has never once occurred to me that it's in any way magical!

As I picked up and puttered around this morning, I tried to think of what might make it magical.

Perhaps it was the fact that she was greeted at the door by a pirate who was heartily informing the visitors of maps and buried treasure in our yard.

Maybe it was the sparkly pink flamingo sunglasses resting next to the tiara adorned teapot.

Or the conversation over the lunch table sincerely examining the feeding habits of foot trolls.

The dragon pictures scattered about the house?

Our dogs' thoughts that are narrated by everyone in the family, as though translating for a foreign cousin who wants to participate but doesn't know the language?

The coconut happily hanging out with the homegrown tomatoes on the counter?

Or maybe it's the dust bunnies with cardboard box houses that the kids created...

I don't know.
Maybe it's not magical, it's just "crazy" and she was politely reluctant to use that particular word, bless her heart!
But she mentioned the magic more than once, so something struck her deeply (besides the garlic in the pizza...).

I would hope that some of the magic would be how delighted we are to have guests, how they feel loved and appreciated, that the hugs we greet them with are genuine and deep.
I hope some of the magic in our home is the humor and safety to discuss any and everything, no matter how frivolous or deeply difficult.
If only some of the magic here is the wonder of being surrounded by a library's worth of good books and the beautiful art of my talented friends and family!

My greatest wish though, is that the true magic of our house is love.

Confession #753

Here it goes....

I have a frienemy.

Well, actually I have more than one, and in this case frienemies beget frienemies...quite literally!

I've tried to untangle the crazy way we became frienemies, but I really can't. All I can say is that Patsy Clairmont was involved, I fell hard for a frog picture, we started following each other's blogs, then became friends on Facebook, then ended up in a fantasy football league together.  And THAT'S when I became frienemies with the one I'm writing about in this post. I'll call her *Willa McGillicuddy to protect reputations. Her mom, Labelle McGillicuddy was my original frienemy, the one with the frog picture. (It's absolutely perfect. You'd be smitten, too.) 

Anyway, long story only a little tiny bit shorter...

We discovered we had a shared love of baseball! 

Except, here's the kicker (and this is where it becomes shameful on my part):

 they're a Yankees family.

(You can see why I'd change names to protect everyone.)

THAT'S what made us frienemies. 

The Yankees (for those who don't know or care about major league baseball) are the sworn mortal enemies of the Red Sox from the origin of the sport, basically. I'm not going to delve into the history of the rivalry because that would start a brawl here on the Chronicles and that's not the point of the post. The point is that enemies can become friends and still remain enemies. Frienemies.


My frienemy, Willa, lives near where the Red Sox hold their spring training and preseason games. As my luck would have it and hers would fail, she has a friend with connections to the Red Sox. There were tickets in the family box of one of the games bestowed from a player, she asked Willa to accompany her...putting Willa in a painful dilemma.

Should she participate in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to shmooze with MLB players of the sworn villainous team, thereby almost ensuring bad luck in the upcoming season for HER team? Or politely decline, knowing in her heart that she was a loyal 3 generation fan and kicking herself all the way to the nursing home when her children's children asked her "WHY, Gramma? WHY did you give up that opportunity?!"

It was impossible!
Poor Willa!

In the end, she did the right thing.
She grabbed a couple balls and a Sharpie marker, and went to the game.

Willa sent me one of the signed balls....the LUCKY BALL...and now I'm going to share photos of it with you. (This is a rare opportunity. The LUCKY BALL doesn't make public appearances as a rule.)

 The first signature, and the one with the most importance to the story of the LUCKY BALL is that of Xander Bogaerts (#2)

(Photo from Yahoo)

You can look up all his stats (this year they're stinking good), but he's the one who gave Willa's friend the tickets. 

The best part about his signature is that it's right above the "Made in China" stamp on the ball. 

It's so dear and naive, and I smile every time I see that. 

This sideways signature is Brock Holt (#26)...Brockstar. 

Photo from MLB

He's got great hair.

And he's ALSO a rising star this year! (Part of the reason I call it LUCKY BALL despite the Red Sox having a rather stinky season is because those who signed it seem to be having a lucky year. It's like they were blessed by the selfless, brave choice Willa made.)

 This is precious.

It's a signature by Luis Tiant (bottom). He was one of the greatest Red Sox pitchers of all time. 

Photo courtesy MLB

He's a legend, Red Sox Hall of Fame...hot stuff.

I'm not worthy.

Directly over the top is the signature of Anthony Varvarro, pitcher on the disabled list of the Red Sox roster.

Now, THAT was intriguing to me.

So I asked Willa who signed the ball first.

I couldn't imagine the moxy of a guy (especially a PITCHER) who would sign his name above El Tiante's signature...the arrogance!

Tiant signed the ball after Varvarro, robbing me of the thought.

And Varvarro's the only guy I haven't figured out if luck is holding for him this year.

Finally, John Farrell's signature.

Photo courtesy Zimbio

He's the manager of the team who is currently on the DL, I guess, with lymphoma cancer.  And for a while I wondered if the LUCKY BALL had failed him.

But actually, the cancer was discovered in a routine surgery for a hernia, so it really WAS lucky.

 LUCKY BALL sits on the shelf above my sink, next to my tiara, flamingo sunglasses, SF 49ers helmet decal, and notes from friends. (And frienemies!)

As a followup on Willa....
She's in counselling.

NOT REALLY!
Willa is still a very loyal Yankees fan, but she does keep track of certain Red Sox players now, having met them and all.  Her friend is still able to get tickets to games, so they're going to another one in a week or two. (You should also know that her friend doesn't care about baseball at all. It's a darned shame, and we chew on that quite a lot.)

Willa's mother, Labelle, continues to be my frienemy, too, but she says that Willa "stole" me from her. Just because we text daily. All I know is that I love them both and they'll just have to work that out on their own.

I hold dreams of going to "Fenway South" someday for spring training, but it's smack in the middle of calving season so that doesn't look imminent unless I win the lottery. (Which I'd have to actually play to win.)

So ends the confession.
I hope we can still be friends.
At the very least....if you're a Yankees fan....frienemies.

It's a sad state of affairs....

....when flamingos are rustled from the mailbox.

We put new ones down there, but this time they're branded with the OC on the right hip. (I know. I couldn't really find the right hip on the plastic flamingos so I just went for the general area. Flamingo branding is tricky!)

A homemade pie reward will be given for information leading to the swipers of the previous flamingos. 

A Wild Yarn

My friend Elise bought a knitting book several years ago with the most hilarious, hideous sweater patterns to make for men.  The patterns themselves could probably have been made a little more classy by using different yarns, actually, but the models used to display the sweaters were beyond redemption.  Truly.  Every one of them was posed in such a way that we could just tell they had been talked into this particular modelling gig by someone they owed lots of money to, because there was no possible way for them to pull off "sexy beast" and "my sister knit this for me" at the same time (which seemed to be what the pattern designers were going for).  

As we sat in the park and looked through the book, we laughed until tears were in our eyes, each picture funnier than the last!  And ever since then, we've been looking for the same sorts of patterns and pictures for each other...kind of like unbelievable JELL-O recipes; so awful you can't look but you can't stop looking.  

I think I finally have enough images that I can make up the calendar of sweater centerfolds that we've been planning.  I plan on hanging mine in the living room like a piece of art. You know, similar to a velvet Elvis; everyone will see it, but no one will say anything because it's impossible to come up with anything that really does it justice. 

As a teaser, I'm going to post a few NEVER BEFORE REVEALED IMAGES here, so that you can see what still cracks us up:

As if the peach and mint green cap sleeve sweater wasn't enough, the polyester pants demand a pose that makes you squirm uncomfortably at the viewing of the whole mess...

Interpretive dance should probably never be used to sell sweater patterns for men.

Belted sweaters seemed to be easier to carry off, especially if one didn't have to pose with any other models.  (We have much better belted sweater images. I didn't want to shock you TOO much before the calendar came out...) I was hoping to catch a glimpse of a Star Wars guy in the background of this set, but no such luck.

I think she's grinning because she won a fantasy football bet in which these guys had to wear the sweaters for a week in Lukenback, Texas or something.  

I cannot come up with a single person, male or female, that I'd gift with a granny square tank top...even the ones that I'm not feeling so charitable toward right now.  No one deserves that sort of abuse. 

(But these models seem completely tickled with their wardrobe at the moment! There may have been a cocktail party just before the photos to ease the pain.  I don't know.)

Here's that "look" I was talking about....he's not happy, Bob; not happy. 

The best for last...

Elise hasn't seen this one!  

The photographer was obviously in a hurry to wrap up the shoot because he didn't give this poor chap time to put on his polyester double knit wide-legged pants! (He DID manage to snag a sexy hat, probably hoping to draw attention away from...*ahem*....and it almost worked.) 

Gives one a whole new perspective on knitting, doesn't it?!

Won't this be a great calendar?

And a year long testament to twisted friends forever...

Big Happenings on the Little Dry

Cohagen School is back in session with an astonishing number of pupils for a community our size.  As of press time, 14 students are enrolled in grades 1-6!  The teacher is once again Mrs. Joni Carroll who has attained the status of "veteran" country school teacher in the county, since all the other country schools have hired teachers who are brand new to the county or have had fewer years at their schools than Mrs. Carroll. It should also be noted that the cloak rooms and entry of the school have been painted a bright, cheery white with apple green and grape purple accents by the veteran country school teacher, herself.  Wishing all the students and teacher a productive and safe school year!

After 35 years of service, our postmaster Kay Collins is retiring this month. There will be a potluck meal and party at the Cohagen Community Hall on September 7th at 5 p.m. to thank her for her many years of dedication to the community.  (Incidentally, this is the day after the Annual Farmer/Rancher Appreciation Banquet and Dance in Miles City, so some of those attending both events may be a little...tender headed.  Please be considerate and don't raise your voice to a hurtful level on Sunday.)  Sloppy joes will be provided by Mrs. Jenn Hafla, so bring salads and desserts for the potluck.  (Pie is nice. We only have two and a half months to practice before the Pie Auction, so this would be the opportune time to advertise your skills!)

Word on the street is that the Brandon and Brandi Dalton family have taken a position in New Zealand and will be moving sometime in October.  We wish them well in their new endeavor and will miss seeing them around the community!  (This will withdraw one student from the school, making an uneven number for P.E. and field trip buddies.  Another challenge for the veteran country school teacher...)

Exciting news from up the creek!  One of our young couples recently announced they are expecting a baby this upcoming spring! Jason and Destanie Pluhar will be welcoming their first child in March of 2015.  This begs all sorts of "calving season" comments with their due date, but let's not go there, folks.

In other news, many in the Cohagen community are placing bets as to whether Mr. and Mrs. Vern Pluhar really ARE retiring this fall.  They're building a house in Pryor Creek which should be finished the end of October or first part of November, so only a month or two to speculate and put money on the table.

The 2014 Garfield County District High School graduates have left for colleges all around the state of Montana.  I believe we have Cohagen kids at MSU-Bozeman, MSU-Billings, Miles Community College, Dawson Community College, Helena College of Technology, and University of Montana.  Fall work on the ranches is going to be a little more challenging without the help of these hands! And grocery bills a lot lighter...

Our school bus driver, Mrs. Rita Wemmer, is inquiring around as to who so kindly placed quite a lot of zucchini in her mailbox last week.  While she appreciates this generous gift, she also requests that such offerings not be repeated, since she finally sent her last child off to college and there's really only so much zucchini bread she and Mr. Wemmer can eat by themselves.  Tis the season for neighbors to pass around Walmart bags filled with zucchini, cucumbers, and tomatoes; more cars are locked in the county in September than at any other time of the year, simply because no one knows what to do with all these produce "gifts".

If the Chronicles made a glaring news omission, feel free to add a paragraph in the comment section.  Letters to the editor will be read just as voraciously as the current affairs listed above...

Family Fashions

It all started with Aunt Bert showing me funky little mismatched outfits and patterns for baby Hattie (her granddaughter).  The more we looked at them, the more we realized these fun, free-spirited fashions were right up Maggie's alley!  Grammy Karen Dutton has been sewing Maggie skirts for several years now and she wears the dickens out of them; one is almost transparent and still she loves it.  We're all about unique, one-of-a-kind couture, especially if it's made by someone we love and admire.

So, Aunt Bert decided she'd work with Maggie on a design for an outfit.

They started with a basket of fabric and loads of enthusiasm....

Maybe these two pieces would look good side by side.  (You can see Maggie just got home from school because she's sort of frazzled.  You can ALSO see that her fashion choice that day was a little Bohemian, anyway!)

Here's the preliminary drawing, with the tiny little swatches attached.  This would change in about 10 minutes...

Ooooooo! I know it's supposed to be mismatched chic, but this is actually coming together sweetly!

Considering the options....

They worked really hard at making every piece of fabric work in the design.  One of the funny things was that Maggie was big into the symbolism of the fabrics.  "This one is an animal print, because I love wildlife."  and "I think a summer fairy would be better in this fabric, don't you?"

Each swatch was numbered and each number assigned a layer in the design.

Taaaaa-daaaaa!  

Here's the final design, all sewn up with love by Aunt Bert, modeled by her co-designer Maggie!

It's absolutely perfect for this little girl!

(And she feels beautiful when she's wearing it.)

Last night, we played "Fashion Show" and this is Maggie's pose.  She is so proud of the design and the process!

See the skirt?  There was fabric left over from part of the outfit, so Grammy Karen sewed a little skirt to go with it!  It's PERFECT with the top and adds another option for summer...

A more sedate picture of the same ensemble...

But wait...there's MORE.
We found this fabric in Billings at the end of our family vacation this year and Grammy Karen sewed it into a wonderful twirly skirt that matches the tie-dye.  You can't imagine how fun it is!

Happy girl with new duds and ideas for more...except this time I'm going to work with her on sewing her own.

Thank you, Aunt Bert and Grammy Karen!

(She's wearing the designer duds today to the Art Center to show her friend and artist Jordan.)

A word!

Remember yesterday when I said that there would be more joy here at the Chronicles?

Well.

Right after that...

(And I'm talking within about 10 minutes)

God smacked me upside the head with a word. 

Actually it's more than one, but when a verse jumps out of the Bible at me, that's what I call God giving me a word....I really don't know why I think that or where it came from, but that's what I call it.  

Get THIS:

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; 

the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

Isaiah 55:12

That's so stinking joyful that I laughed out loud!

I also thought that the psalmist showed remarkable restraint in not adding an exclamation point at the end of that particular verse.

Have you ever walked through trees and heard them clap?

I've always thought it was rustling, but now I'll hear the tiny, joyful claps of their hands.  

Oh, and shouldn't we clap with them for a moment?

And perhaps that's why I love running in the mountains...they're singing to me!  

The trees are cheering on the side for the melody of the mountains and hills...

That's good stuff, God. 

Day 19: What Do You Collect?

Besides shoes and books?

Cookie cutters.
I have 87 that I use for cookies and another 12 that are play dough designated.

It all started with fish cookies, thanks to the Yost women, and now the cutters just seem to show up...from friends and family, from travels, from second hand stores.

Teapots and flags and states and dog bones and cactus and lips...
I only have two states...Montana and Texas.  What other states really count, anyway, right?  (*wink*)

 High heels and martini glasses, maple leaf and Santa and hearts....

The old fashioned cutters remind me of my grandma and Mom, of the cookies we cut out when we were kids...

There are moose and penguins and lions and flowers and helicopters....

Kitschy 1970's plastic cutters that don't really work all that great, but still make me smile because they're so....1970's, you know?

Kangaroos and bears and cowboys and fish and angels and snowmen and...
yes...
FISH!

A friend recently asked if I had anything musical, like a treble clef or quarter note, and I did not.  BIG gap in my collection!  I also don't have a lighthouse, sasquatch, dinosaur, baseball bat, football, wine bottle or yin-yang.  (So those go on my bucket list, right?)

I really wanted to show you my shoes, because I've added to the collection thanks to a two day half price sale at St. Vincent De Paul thrift store in Miles City.

SILVER SANDALS! 

We won't go near the book collection....

Throttle it, folks...

Imagine my surprise...

...when right before lunch a bouquet of flowers arrives for me with a cryptic note, "Hang in there..."

The Farmer was as surprised as I, so I know it wasn't him.
The kids and I have had such fun trying to figure out who it might have been...and here's the true blessing:
You never really think about how many people love you until you're trying to figure out an anonymous gift.  My list is long and filled with amazing, beautiful friends and family that could have been so thoughtful.  THAT  realization brings tears to my eyes, overwhelming gratitude.

So if you sent the flowers...whoever you are...
Thank you so very, very much; they're gorgeous and I have to go put on my tiara, now...
Thank you so much more for bringing to mind all those who are dear to me.  The blossoms are all the more special because of it!

*I didn't get them arranged very well.  It's not FTD's fault!  I wish this was a scratch-n-sniff image for you...

Scary!

Peter Pan and Jeannie, ready to go to school in all their glorious anonymity...

...in the DARK!!!!

It's no secret I covet their naturally curly hair...BOTH OF 'EM!  Quite a few of my favorite people in this picture.  They're NOT scary. Here.  In fact, they're gorgeous, aren't they?!

More of my favorite people!  More gorgeousness!  

Yeah....Cohagen has the corner on pretty girls...and they rock the google eyes, don't you think?

Proving my point...

Our bus driver also serves as resident craft instructor, occasionally.  She sewed these great little canvas bags for the kids, helped them decorate (with glow in the dark paint, too!) and I'm pretty sure left some sort of great treats for them.

Maggie is so happy to be a "big girl" finally!  Little Miss Katie is a delight...

Have you noticed a google eye theme?  I opened this container of treats from our uber-talented aide and nearly dropped it, laughing!  She had a twinkie baking pan, if you can imagine, and came up with these treats!  Who in the world keeps a pan to make homemade twinkies?  She does!
(The other theme, here, seems to be very talented, creative neighbors and friends, don't you think?)

Along with uncommonly beautiful girls, Cohagen is home to very handsome, athletic young men...

A photo of the children after they consumed approximately 3 pounds of candy, each.  They didn't get much math done on Halloween, except subtracting treats from the funny little canvas bags...