JIM B.

PAGALILAUAN, MST
Language Instructor
College of Arts, Sciences & Teacher Education

ENG1: Advance Writing

 WEEK 6
Effective
Paragraphs
Organization, Coherence &
Transitions
 A BRIEF HISTORY
•Prior to the nineteenth century, paragraph
structure as we know it did not exist.
•Scottish polymath Alexander Bain developed an
“organic paragraph model”
•Among his proposals, he suggested unity—one
idea per ¶ that is clearly stated (in topic
sentence).
•He also advocated coherence (logical order and
transitions between sentences and development
(support of main idea)
)
 A BRIEF HISTORY
Although there are many paragraph models and
variation, Bain’s ideas of unity, topic sentence,
coherence, and development are still valuable
tenets.
 A BRIEF HISTORY

"A paragraph is a unit of discourse developing

a single idea. It consists of a group or series of
sentences closely related to one another and to
the thought expressed by the whole group or
series.
Devoted, like the sentence, to the development of
one topic, a good paragraph is also,
like a
good essay, a complete treatment in
itself."
 UNITY

•A ¶ makes one main point.

•If it has more, these smaller points must be

unified
under a common theme or idea.

•This is often achieved through a topic sentence,

in which the purpose and/or the main idea of the
paragraph is clearly presented:
 CUEING

•Topic sentences at the beginning announce what

the rest of the paragraph will develop; its strengths
are development and amplification.
•Topic sentences at the end tend to move from the
particular to the general; they work particularly well
with presenting a contentious argument, as the
reader is able to consider and accept evidence
before the argument is fully presented.
•Anything that does not support the unifying point
of the paragraph should be moved or deleted!
 CUEING

Topic sentences typically perform three tasks:

•Indicate the ¶’s main point

•Indicate how that point relates to the thesis

•Provide a link to the preceding paragraph(s)

 DEVELOPMENT

Each claim made in the topic sentence must be

corroborated by evidence (anecdotes, raw data,
research studies, etc)

Remember that you will probably have more

evidence than you need; sheer bulk or length
does not make an argument more compelling.
 COHERENCE

Two types of coherence:

•Intra-paragraph:
use transitional words and phrases to move us along your ideas
make lexical connections: repeat key words and synonyms from one sentence to
the next

•Inter-paragraph (connects paragraphs to one

another):
use transition sentences, that show us the relation of one idea to the next add to
this the same lexical connections between paragraphs
include topic-to-thesis explanatory sentences: explain why or how the paragraph
supports your thesis; usually comes at the beginning or end of paragraphs.
 COHERENCE

Work with Nouns & Pronouns

• George Abbot was perhaps the ugliest of them all, a morose,

intemperate man, whose portraits exude a sullen rage. Even in
death, he was portrayed on his tomb in Holy Trinity
Guildford, as a man of immense weight, with heavy, wrinkled
brow and coldly staring eyes. He looks like a bruiser, a man
of such conviction and seriousness that anyone would think
twice about crossing him. What was it that
made George Abbot so angry?
 COHERENCE

Use Synonyms
• Hype and hysteria have always been a part of movie advertising,
but the frenzy of film trailers today follows a visual style first
introduced by music videos in the 1980s. The quick cut is
everything. Next time you go to a film, study the three or
four previews that precede the main feature. How are these
teasers constructed? What are their common features?
• What might trailers say about the expectations of audiences
today?
 ROUGH PLAN

The Rough Plan is a simple—but effective—

graphic organizer designed to save time. It helps
you establish the direction of your paper,
determine the best organization for your ideas,
and foresee paragraphs that are irrelevant or
redundant.
 ROUGH PLAN

1. Establish your thesis and main sub-points.

2. Arrange these points in a logical (but provisional)
order.
3. State each point so it indicates what paragraph will
do, not just what paragraphs is about (see next
slide).
4. The plan also suggests how paragraphs will be
developed (what kinds of support/analysis is
needed).
5. Check plan to see how well it holds together, and
where changes are necessary.
 ROUGH PLAN

offering an example
counterargument
introducing
concluding
offering the primary support for thesis
combining minor support under one paragraph
transitioning us to another idea
giving context
widening the significance
 ROUGH PLAN

Problem Diagnosis

Paragraph without a point

Point irrelevant to thesis
Unnecessary summary
Paragraph with multiple points
Paragraph sequence out-of-
order
Redundant paragraphs
 CONCEPTUAL ORDERING

Instead of just using this formulation:

Thesis, because A
and B
and C and D and E
try
Thesis, because A
or B
so C
but D
yet E
From Ross Winterowd’s The Grammar of Coherence
 TRANSITIONS

Transitions are key to creating the feeling of

continuity for your reader.
A single transition word also cue your reader about
the main idea of the paragraph (e.g. similarly,
however, consequently)
Some papers may require transition paragraphs
to help link two ideas. In longer papers, a mini-
conclusion at the end of a main section is helpful
for reader before moving to new material.
 TRANSITIONS

Hooping: Step by Step

1.Print out a copy of your essay.

2.Isolate two sequential paragraphs from the body of your essay.

3.Circle the last two or three sentences from the first paragraph and the first two or three
sentences of the second paragraph.
4.Rewrite the circled sentences as if they were combined in one paragraph. Read this
new paragraph for
coherence. Does it flow? If not, it may mean that you need to add a transition
between the two paragraphs.
 TRANSITIONS

Hooping: Step by Step

Paragraph 1 Paragraph 1

Checking for
Transitions

Paragraph 2 Paragraph 2

*This exercise was developed by John Bruns.

 TRANSITIONS

Don’t forget that headings can work as effective

transitions.

Section headings such as “Methods,” “Results,” and

“Discussion” provide easy clues to help guide the
reader, and can be just as effective as more
traditional transition words or phrases.
 COUNTER-ARGUMENT

To strengthen your point, consider alternate

positions or interpretations.
You need a balance, however, between
acknowledging the counter-argument without
appearing to waffle between two sides of the issue.

It is important to do more than simply state the

opposing view; you must refute its validity, or
provide a rebuttal. If you attack potential opposition
it will weaken, invalidate or reduce their credibility.
 COUNTER-ARGUMENT

Argument  Counter-argument  Rebuttal  Stronger Argument

If the counter-argument is too strong or valid to refute entirely, you can concede
that the opposition may have a point in one matter, while explaining that you
believe that the opposition’s argument does not mean that your own argument
loses any validity: “Despite the fact that... (concession/qualification) it is still
more important that... (your/primary argument).”

Argument  Concession/Qualification  Reassertion of Primary

Argument
 COUNTER-ARGUMENT

•Question the evidence.

•Attack the warrants or assumptions that underlie the claim.
•Attack the logic or reasoning of the opposing view. Identify any
possible logical fallacies.
•Attack the possible solution. Is it feasible? Practical? Ethical?

Sample language for phrasing counter-argument:

While opponents of have understandable/reasonable concerns …
Though it may be true that…
Many believe…But…
Unless A changes, then B cannot be true/occur/be improved…
While it might be the case in situation, it is not always true…
Adapted from a worksheet by Mariko Dawson
 INTRODUCTIONS

•Directly declare focus of investigation

•Preview scope of project
•Provide needed background (relevant studies,
definition of key terms, context for topic)
•Set the tone for the paper

•Remember to write the introduction when you

are ready. This might be at the END of the
paper.
 INTRODUCTIONS

Professors aren't known for fussing about their looks, but the results of a
new study suggest they may have to if they want better teaching evaluations.
Daniel Hamermesh, a professor of economics at the University of Texas at
Austin, and Amy Parker, one of his students, found that attractive professors
consistently outscore their less comely colleagues by a significant margin on
student evaluations of teaching. The findings, they say, raise serious questions
about the use of student evaluations as a valid measure of teaching quality.
In their study, Mr. Hamermesh and Ms. Parker asked students to look at
photographs of 94 professors and rate their beauty. Then they compared those
ratings to the average student evaluation scores for the courses taught by those
professors. The two found that the professors who had been rated among the
most beautiful scored a point higher than those rated least beautiful (that's a
substantial difference, since student evaluations don't generally vary by much).
While it's not news that beauty trumps brains in many quarters, you would
think that the ivory tower would be relatively exempt from such shallowness.
 INTRODUCTIONS

•Bold statement/lead with thesis

•Reframe or narrow question
•Define the opposition
•Quotation
•Hard Facts
•Anecdote
•Metaphor, symbol, reference

(See handout for examples, advantages,

disadvantages of each)
 CONCLUSIONS

•Summarize points AND connect them

•Reiterate the thesis

•Can propose further questions for debate or

research
•Can conjecture about broader implications based
on the information provided
•Can suggest action step or policy change based on
idea you’ve proven
 CONCLUSIONS

Though research on CDCS remains far from abundant, existing

studies prescribe early and ongoing intervention by a team of specialists,
including speech-language pathologists, physical and occupational
therapists, various medical and educational professionals, and parents.
Such intervention has been shown to allow individuals with CDCS to
live happy, long, and full lives. The research, however, indicates that
the syndrome affects all aspects of a child's development and should
therefore be taken quite seriously. Most children require numerous
medical interventions, including surgery (esp to correct heart defects),
feeding tubes [...] Currently, the best attempts are being made to help
young children with CDCS reach developmental milestones earlier,
communicate effectively, and function independently.However, as the
authors of the aforementioned studies suggest, much more research is
needed to clarify the causes of varying degrees of disability, to identify
effective and innovative treatments, and to individualize intervention
 CONCLUSIONS

What to do Instead

For every category, emphasize how your paper

has shed new light on the topic***

1.Return to the ongoing conversation.

2.Consider again the background information

with which you began.

3.Return to the key terms.

 CONCLUSIONS

4.Use an anecdote or quotation that summarizes or

reflects your main idea.

5.Evoke a vivid image.

6.Call for action or suggest a course.

7.Acknowledge your opponents--if only to

emphasize that you've superseded them.
 CONCLUSIONS

8. Ask, and perhaps answer, a provocative

question.

9. Universalize carefully (compare to other

appropriate situations)

10. Suggest consequences or results (what

benefits/ costs will ensue if your argument is
heeded or dismissed?)
 CONCLUSIONS

• Remember: language is especially important to a

conclusion. Your goal in your final sentences is to
leave your ideas resounding in your reader's mind.
Give her something to think about. Make your
language ring.
IT’S TIME FOR
TESTING!
LET’S RECITE!


 WEEK 7-8
Main Ideas in Paragraphs
(Getting the Big Ideas)
 WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?

Do you know how to find the “big ideas”

in paragraphs?

Click below for

next slide
THESE ARE THE ESSENTIAL PARTS IN
PARAGRAPHS.

Topics

Main Ideas

Supporting Details

Next slide
 3 TIPS FOR FINDING THE TOPIC

1. Look for the subject of the first sentence.

Subjects are nouns (persons, places, things, or
ideas).

2. Look for a word or phrase that is frequently repeated or

referred to.

3. Finally, ask: What do ALL the sentences in the paragraph

deal with?
Previous slide Next slide
 PRACTICE WITH FINDING A
TOPIC
Read to find the topic in this paragraph:
Does watching violence on TV make people more prone
to violence themselves? Obviously, TV violence has some
negative effects. One study found that heavy TV watchers
are more fearful of others. They try to protect themselves
with guns, alarm systems, and security locks on doors. In the
same study it was found that heavy TV watchers are less
upset about real-life violence than are non-TV watchers. All
of the violence they see on TV makes them less sensitive to
the real thing. A recent study also found that TV violence
increases aggressive behavior in kids and makes them more
likely to select toy guns rather than other kinds of toys.

Click the forward button to pick a topic.

 CLICK ON THE BEST TOPIC FOR
THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH.

A. kids

B. TV watching

C. TV violence

D. real-life violence

Return if you need to reread paragraph.

No, kids are only mentioned in the final
sentence. “Kids” is not the topic of the
entire paragraph.

Click the back arrow and try again.

The paragraph does mention TV watching,
but that is too broad a subject, since TV
watchers can see both good and bad or
violent programs.
Click on the back arrow and try again.
Right! The topic, TV violence, is mentioned
in the first sentence and repeated throughout
the paragraph.

Click the forward arrow to see where the topic

appears.
No, the entire paragraph is not dealing with
“real-life violence”; it is only mentioned in one
sentence.

Click the back arrow and try again.

 FINDING A TOPIC

Does watching violence on TV make people more prone to violence themselves?

Obviously, TV violence has some negative effects. One study found that heavy TV
watchers are more fearful of others. They attempt to protect themselves with guns,
alarm systems, and security locks on doors.
In the same study it was found that heavy TV watchers are less upset about real-life
violence than are non-TV watchers. All of the violence they see on
TV makes them less sensitive to the real thing. A recent study also found
that TV violence increases aggressive behavior in kids and makes them more
likely to select toy guns rather than other kinds of toys.

Notice that the subject of the 1st sentence is repeated

throughout the paragraph, and ALL sentences in the
paragraph deal with “TV violence.”
 DIFFICULTIES IN
IDENTIFYING TOPICS
• Sometimes the topic is not the subject of the first
sentence.
• Sometimes the topic is not repeated.
• So, if the first 2 strategies don’t help, here are steps to
take:
Look at the nouns within the paragraph.
Ask: What general term includes all or most of them?

The general noun is probably the topic.

 PRACTICE—READ THIS
PARAGRAPH.

• 1Police officers complain that they arrest perpetrators who

are soon let out on the street. 2Judges argue that they are
bound by laws that force them to free defendants, some of
whom may be guilty as charged, on technicalities.
3Government officials worry that they don’t have the funds or
space to construct new prisons. 4In addition, many citizens
claim that either the police, the judges, or the government—or
all of the above—are not doing their jobs. 5Clearly, the way
the huge problem of crime is being handled angers and
frustrates many segments of our society.

What noun suggests the general idea in the paragraph?

Click the forward button to find out!!!
NOW LOOK AT THE PARAGRAPH
AGAIN!

• 1Police officers complain that they arrest perpetrators who

are soon let out on the street. 2Judges argue that they are
bound by laws that force them to free defendants, some of
whom may be guilty as charged, on technicalities.
3Government officials worry that they don’t have the funds or
space to construct new prisons. 4In addition, many citizens
claim that either the police, the judges, or the government—or
all of the above—are not doing their jobs. 5Clearly, the way
the huge problem of crime is being handled angers and
frustrates many segments of our society.

All of these nouns, plus other words like “arrest” and

“guilty” suggest that CRIME is the overall topic.
 TO REMEMBER THE STRATEGIES--
USE FIRST
This mnemonic (memory trick) will help you recall the
strategies for identifying topics of paragraphs.

F is for subject of the First sentence.

R is for a Repeated word or phrase.
ST means that all sentences deal with the Same Thing.
 CHECK YOUR MEMORY!

See if you can write from memory the 3 strategies for

identifying the topic of a paragraph. Write them on
your
own paper. Then click on the return button to see if
you
were correct.

Return
 RECOGNIZING A MAIN IDEA

Also called controlling idea, central thought, or gist

Called a thesis when referring to a passage or long
selection
May be stated or unstated (implied)
When stated in a sentence (s) by the author, the main
idea is expressed in the topic sentence(s).
 STATED MAIN IDEAS—TIPS FOR
FINDING TOPIC SENTENCES
The most common place to find the stated main idea (topic
sentence) in non-fiction material is in the first sentence
of a paragraph.

The second most common place for a stated main idea is in

the last sentence of a non-fiction paragraph.
A topic sentence is a general or summary statement.

A brief statement that ends in a plural noun may be used as

a topic sentence.
 KEEP THESE SUGGESTIONS IN MIND.
The topic sentence must include the topic within it.
A topic sentence must NOT include details; it is a general
sentence.
A topic sentence must NOT contain transitions (terms like
“for instance,” “second,” “in addition”) which suggest examples.
A topic sentence may end in a plural noun or contain a plural
noun that is a general term for the supporting details.
A sentence that is followed by a statement with a contrast
term is NOT the topic sentence.
 Which of the following could be good topic
sentences? (Click on each of your choices.)
A. Students go to college for many reasons.
B. Twenty-five students reported having their books stol
en last semester.
C. For smokers and their families, smoking has many
negative health effects.
D. You can protect your home from burglary by taking
several precautions.
E. The second way to improve your grades is to take
extensive lecture notes.
F.
There are several steps you should take before puttin
g your home on the market.

Be sure you find all 4 correct answers before clicking the

forward arrow for the next slide.
 Yes, this sentence is general and suggests
that specific reasons will be given as
supporting details.
It ends in the plural noun “reasons.”

Return to question.
 No, this statement is too specific. It mentions a
specific
number of students. It seems to be a detail.

Return to question.
 Yes, this sentence is general and suggests that specific
effects of smoking will be given as details to support it.

The sentence ends with a plural noun, “effects.”

Return to question.
 Correct! The statement indicates that some specific
precautions against burglars will be listed and discussed
as supporting details.

It ends with the plural word “precautions.”

Return to question.
 No, this sentence appears to be a specific detail.
The word “second” suggests that a first detail has
already been given and a third will likely follow it.
You should be careful. The sentence ends in the
plural word “notes,” but that is not always proof
the sentence is a general one.

Return to question.
 Yes, this statement mentions “steps” and
indicates that the paragraph that includes
it will provide specific steps for the
home seller to take.
This time the plural word “steps” is not
at the end of the sentence, but it does
point to specific details to follow.
Return to question.
 A TOPIC SENTENCE MAY BE THOUGHT
OF AS AN “UMBRELLA” STATEMENT

Main Idea

supporting details

The other sentences are covered or included under the

heading of the main idea. Supporting details explain,
prove, or give specific information about the main idea.
 SAMPLE PARAGRAPH
TOPIC SENTENCE IS HIGHLIGHTED

1The high cost of college causes many problems for

students today. 2For one thing, it keeps some students from
attending college in the first place. 3Also, high tuitions affect
the amount of time available for study. 4Because loans and
scholarships are not easy to get, many students have to put
in numerous hours at work in order to afford an education.
5Finally, those who do manage to get loans know they must
begin their careers with large debts.

Read the paragraph carefully. Note the topic. Then ask:

How do you know the first sentence is the topic sentence?
 HOW CAN YOU RECOGNIZE A TOPIC
SENTENCE IN THIS PARAGRAPH?
1The high cost of college causes many problems for students today. 2For one
thing, it keeps some students from attending college in the first place. 3Also,
high tuitions affect the amount of time available for study. 4Because loans and
scholarships are not easy to get, many students have to put in numerous hours at
work in order to afford an education. 5Finally, those who do manage to get loans
know they must begin their careers with large debts.

The first sentence includes the topic, “the high cost of college.”
The first sentence is general; it is an “umbrella statement.”
The first sentence contains a plural noun, “problems,” then the
other sentences name specific problems.
 Other sentences in the paragraph use transitions, such as
“also” and “finally,” which point to details. They cannot
be the topic sentence.
 PRACTICE WITH FINDING A STATED
MAIN IDEA (TOPIC SENTENCE)
Select the topic sentence in this paragraph; click on your choice below.
1
Cocaine is considered today to be both a major social and medical problem.
2
Just a century ago, however, cocaine was treated as a harmless stimulant and cure-
all. 3Scientists, such as Sigmund Freud, freely used cocaine. 4Coca Cola’s original
formula actually included three parts coca leaves (the source of cocaine) to one part
cola nut. 5Coca Cola was originally advertised as a delicious drink as well as a
medicine to “cure all nervous afflictions.” 6It was often prescribed for headaches,
depression, and many other ills.

What is the number of the topic sentence ?

A. Sentence 1
B. Sentence 2
C. Sentence 4
D. Sentence 5
 Incorrect. The topic is “cocaine,” but the first sentence
is concerned with how cocaine is viewed today.
There are no details to support that cocaine is a major
problem today.

Click on the back arrow and try again.

Return to question.
That’s right. The second sentence contrasts with the
first, so it does not support the first. All the sentences
after sentence 2 give details to prove that cocaine was
considered harmless over a century ago. Click the back
arrow to reread the paragraph or the forward arrow to
continue.

Remember this: If the second sentence of a paragraph

uses a contrast term, the first sentence is NOT the topic
sentence. In other words, the second sentence is showing the
author is changing direction.
 Incorrect. Sentence 4 is a detail giving the original
formula for Coca Cola. It is not the overall idea of
the paragraph.

Click the back arrow and try again.

Return to question.
 Incorrect. The fifth sentence is giving a specific detail. It
helps to prove that cocaine was considered to be a cure-all
for many health problems.

Click on the back arrow and try again.

Return to question.
 STEPS FOR RECOGNIZING
AN IMPLIED MAIN IDEA
Read the entire paragraph.
Decide what the topic is.
Ask: What is the general idea that all the sentences seem
to support?
Mentally compose a sentence that seems to summarize all
that the paragraph has to say about the topic.
Then choose the best paraphrase of that sentence.

The main idea you choose should

1) be a complete sentence,
2) include the topic of the paragraph, and
3) avoid specific details.
 PRACTICING IMPLIED MAIN
IDEAS
Read to discover the implied main idea in this paragraph:
1
College students must attend classes for several hours each day.
2
When in class, they must listen carefully to their professors and take
careful notes. 3In addition, students must spend many hours reading
difficult textbooks that deal with many varied subjects. 4Furthermore,
college
students must take a few hours daily to complete homework
assignments
and to prepare for regular exams. 5Besides all this, they must frequently
do research papers and write essays.

Click on the forward button to select the best statement of

the implied main idea for this paragraph.
The best statement of the implied main idea for the
previous paragraph is:

1. Taking notes is a difficult task for many students.

2. College students have to do a lot of homework.
3. Tests and research are very important requirements
for college students.
4. College students must spend much time doing
everything that is required of them.

Return to reread paragraph, if necessary

“Taking notes is a difficult task for many students.”

Incorrect!

Taking notes is only one of many tasks that are

mentioned. It is not a general statement. Also,
since the topic, “college students,” is not named in
the sentence, it cannot be a main idea statement.

Click the return arrow to reread the paragraph.

“College students have to do a lot of homework.”

Incorrect. This statement does not summarize the paragraph

because some of the details included in the paragraph, such as
taking notes in classes, is not a part
of homework. Click the return arrow to reread the paragraph.
 “Tests and research are very important requirements for
college students.”

Incorrect. “Tests” and “research” are specific details about

what is expected of college students. It is not a general
statement of the main idea.

Click on the back arrow to reread the paragraph.

“College students must spend much time doing everything
that is required of them.”

Good! This is the best main idea statement. Many time-

consuming tasks are mentioned as being requirements for
college students: attending classes, taking notes, reading
textbooks, doing homework, studying for exams, writing
essays, and doing research.
Click on the forward arrow to take a quiz on what you have
learned.
 REVIEW QUIZ

Click on True or False for each statement below:

1) True False All sentences in a paragraph must have

something to do with the topic.
2) True False Another name for a main idea is the
controlling idea.
3) True False Every paragraph must have a topic
sentence.
4) True False A contrast word in the second sentence
may help the reader in selecting the topic sentence.
5) True False The main idea of a longer passage is
often called a thesis.
 Excellent! Return to
complete the quiz.

Return to quiz.
 Sorry. Any sentence that doesn’t deal with the topic
belongs in a different paragraph.

Return to the quiz to try the other questions.

Return to quiz.
 Yes, the main idea can also be called the central thought
or gist.

Go back to complete the quiz.

Return to quiz.
 Incorrect. There are several names for the main idea.
“Controlling thought” is one of them.

Return to complete the quiz.

Return to quiz.
 Wrong! If a paragraph has an unstated main
idea, it has
no topic sentence.

Click to return to finish the quiz.

Return to quiz.
 You are absolutely correct!

Go back to complete the quiz.

Return to quiz
 Right! If the second sentence uses a contrast term
(but, however, although, on the other hand, etc.), it
indicates that the author is contradicting, not
supporting, what was said in the first sentence. The
second sentence may be the topic sentence, but the
first sentence will not be.

Click the arrow to return to the quiz.

Return to quiz.
 Incorrect! If the second sentence contradicts the first,
the reader knows that the first sentence is not the topic
sentence.

Now go back to complete the quiz.

Return to quiz.
Well done! You have another correct response, and you
have completed the quiz.

You have learned much about topics and main ideas. Your
new skill will help you learn from your textbooks and pass
the State Exit Exam in Reading.
Incorrect. The main idea of an essay or long article is
usually called the thesis. You have completed the quiz.

You may wish to return to the quiz to try the questions

again.

After a review of this short quiz, ask the lab assistant

for a copy of the post-test to show what you have
learned!

Return to quiz
HAPPY READING!!
 WEEK
WEEK7-8
9
Expository Writing
 WEEK
WEEK 7-8
10
Descriptive Writing
Vivid Verbs and Sensuous Sentences
 GOALS FOR THIS SESSION:

• Be able to identify ineffective description

• Know resources for alternative vocabulary

• Have tools for revising description

 WHEN DESCRIPTION IS USED

• Scenes
• Introductory paragraphs, narratives
• People
• Profiles, character analyses
• Business
• Résumés, reports, research papers
• Processes
• Process analyses, recipes, personal experience
 INEFFECTIVE DESCRIPTION

• Uses dull, ordinary vocabulary

• Lacks sensory information

• Fails to follow a logical sequence

• Provides unfocused, excessive detail

 EFFECTIVE DESCRIPTIONS

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,

and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them to

know
 DULL VERBS AND MODIFIERS

I went up the beach, past colorful rocks,

and then I could see him looking into an old log.

Who looked?
What kinds of colors?
How was the action done?
 SOME VIVID VERBS &
MODIFIERS

“I stumbled a little woozily up the beach,

clambering over the boulders of quietly
hallucinatory colours, and then from my new
vantage point saw Mark away in the distance on
his knees and peering into an old log” (Adams
121).
 INEFFECTIVE VOCABULARY

• Inaccurate, vague nouns

thing, way, stuff, type, method, factor…

• Dull verbs
be, do, get, go, have, make…

• Clumsy modifiers
misused or misplaced adjectives, adverbs, etc.
 WHERE DO I FIND THE WORDS?

EVERYWHERE!

• Formal sources: reference books, professional

journals, news media, etc.
• Informal sources: peers, TV, Internet blogs,
videos, novels, poetry, podcast interviews—
especially with
writer-performers
 ACCURATE NOUNS?

Nouns are names for people, places, and things—

they can be very accurate, or very generic.
Choose whichever is appropriate.
What makes a choice appropriate?
ACCURATE NOUNS

• spiky purple flowers

• water lilies
• Nymphaeaceae
• ????
 DULL VERBS

Dull verbs only tell us the basic facts, lacking

descriptive dimension:

I walked to the store.

 REVISING VERBS I

Changing the verb can add meaningful information in just

one word:

- I slogged to the store.

Now we know it took great effort to do the action, and we

may feel what the author felt.
DULL VERBS II

Some common boring verbs:

be, do, get,

go, have, make,
put, run, see,
take, talk, use
 REVISING VERBS II

To enliven your verbs, circle the repeated boring ones, and replace them with
more meaningful verbs:

She ran to answer the phone.

She sprinted to answer the phone.

 POWER VERBS IN RÉSUMÉS

Dynamic, achievement-oriented verbs, such as

Created Formed Constructed
Studied Managed Generated
Excelled Honored Initiated
Formulated Recognized Negotiated
Designed Accomplished Operated
Led Achieved Mastered
Produced Wrote Developed
Supervised Served Presented
Executed
 CLUMSY MODIFIERS

• Dull Adjectives:
good, bad, nice, great, different, happy

• Confusing placement:
The damaged student’s car

I fought off the dog in my pajamas.

Finding it ransacked, I entered the house.

 ADJECTIVES

Adjectives (and adverbs) prevent an action or a

thing being any other way:

He spoke softly.
He didn’t speak loudly or hysterically.

My generous neighbor.
Our attention is drawn to the neighbor’s generosity, not
sense of humor or annoying habits.
 REVISING ADJECTIVES

He was a nice guy.

What’s your definition of nice?

It was a difficult time for me.

What made it difficult? How was it so?
 EFFECTIVE DESCRIPTIONS

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,

and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them

to know
SENSORY INFORMATION

Our readers NEED to have sensory input.

 SENSORY INFORMATION

Sensory input: words that have to do with

sight
feeling (texture and emotions)
taste
smell
sound
 SENSORY INFORMATION

Before writing, visualize the scene,

situation, person, or process.

Note the colors, arrangements or

sequences, sounds, smells, thoughts or
feelings involved.
SENSORY DETAIL

“The smell of the bush, the smell of the dust

and grass, caught at [Mma Ramotswe’s] heart
as it always did; and now there was added a
whiff of wood smoke, that marvellous, acrid
smell that insinuates itself through the still air
of morning as people make their breakfast and
warm their hands by the flames” (Smith 196).
 EFFECTIVE DESCRIPTIONS

1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,

and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them

to know
ESSENTIAL SENSORY INFORMATION

Our readers need to have ONLY the most

IMPORTANT sensory input!
 DECIDE WHAT IS IMPORTANT

As writers for an American audience,

YOU need to decide what is important for your
readers to know—and what can be left out.

Every bit of description has to have a purpose.

NOT EVERY SENSE NEEDS
MENTIONING…
I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth, egg-shaped,
brass doorknob, and turned without resistance. I pushed open the
door and looked around the room that smelled of rose water and
ozone. I turned and walked with creaking footsteps across the
hallway to the next door down on my right at the two o’clock
position. It was inlaid with mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips.
Through the door I could hear shouting.
 TOOLS FOR REVISING 1

Engage your senses!

Recall or imagine the sounds, smells, tones of

voice, textures, etc.
Determine if the words on the page
represent the most important sensory details.
WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth, egg-shaped,

brass doorknob, and turned without resistance. I pushed open the
door and looked around the room that smelled of rose water and
ozone. I turned and walked with creaking footsteps across the
hallway to the next door down on my right at the two o’clock
position. It was inlaid with mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips.
Through the door I could hear shouting.
 TOOLS FOR REVISING 2

Consider your audience

We use different words and phrases for different
settings.
What does it mean to be appropriate?
 TECHNICAL WRITING

Job applications

Tailor your experience to each job description

Process Reports

Include what has an effect on the outcome

Make every statement NEW information
 CHARACTERIZATION IN PROFILE
ESSAYS

• States of mind: mood, emotions, personality

• Physical expressions show readers
• e.g., fast heartbeat, twitchy smile, bright eyes
• Speech mannerisms

• Quality of dress: neat, frumpy, expensive, cheap .

..
• Can show class, gender, etc.
TOOLS FOR REVISING 3

Engage your best writing tools: a thesaurus

and a dictionary!
1) Find an alternate related to your first word.
2) Look up the meaning of the alternate to see if it
really fits.
3) If it doesn’t fit, rinse and repeat!
 TAKE TIME TO BRAINSTORM!

• Visualize
• Feel your own emotions
• Giving physical sensations “shows” readers instead of just
“telling” readers

• Consider several words

for the same topic
• Recall your own experiences
 QUESTIONS TO ASK WHILE
DRAFTING

• What did it look like?

• Where was it in relation to other things?
• What did you smell? Hear? Taste?
• How did you feel at the time? Afterward?
• Physical sensations
• Emotional sensation
DRAFTING

• Draft and put aside for a while

• Revise for importance to audience,

relevance to topic, and
order or sequence for organization
 REVIEW: EFFECTIVE
DESCRIPTIONS
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for them to

know
 REFERENCES

Adams, Douglas and Mark Carwardine. Last Chance to See. New York: Ballantine, 1990.
Littlefield, Jamie. “25 Powerful Verbs for Your Résumé.” About.com. 2009. The New York
Times Co. 26 Jan. 2009. http://distancelearn.about.com/od/usingyourdegree/a/15verbs.htm
Lunsford, Andrea. “20 Most Common Errors.” EasyWriter Resources. n.d. Bedford/St.
Martin’s. 12 April 2011. http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/easywriter3e/20errors/19.asp
Meyers, Alan. Writing with Confidence: Writing Effective Sentences and Paragraphs 6th
Edition. New York: Longman, 2000.
Smith, Alexander McCall. Morality for Beautiful Girls. New York: Anchor, 2002.
Thackston, Karen. “Copywriting and Your Five Senses.” About.com. 2006. The New York
Times Co. 20 Oct. 2006 http://advertising.about.com/od/copywriting/a/fivesenses.htm
IT’S TIME FOR
2 MAJOR
ND

SUMMATIVE
ASSESSMENT