HAPPY CRIMBO MATIES...

Ok.... things have been right proper hectic around here, the wrapping job has taken up every minute of the day when I aint been minding and every minute of the evenings.... some nights up till gone midnight, but its all done and dusted.... Father Christmas was pleased that over the past 4 weeks I had managed to wrap 10,000 yes 10,000 pressies for the grotto.... Im all bloody wrapped out, you should see my sad state of wrapping me lads and minded nippers pressies today and this evening lmfao...... and of course the more Strawberry wine Ive drunk the worse this wrapping is lmfao...... it does not pay to be rat-arsed whilst wrapping :)

And I had nippers full time this week cos the schools broke up.... so Im sorry I have neglected you... I WILL catch up with emails and posts and blobs over the coming week....

Anyways, I wanna fank you all for sticking by me through thick and thin this past year, its not been an easy ride for me what with 2 major surgeries with such shit complications....... but soon it will be a new year..... and things will be different, right? LOL



SOooo........... HAPPY CHRISTMAS MY DEAR FRIENDS....... health, love, laughter, happieness and good friendships I wish upon you all for the coming year ahead....

know you are loved...... and even though I am tad rat-arsed, I mean it from the depths of me heart :) hic hic

x

Mission Complete...

Ok, I know its been a while..... things have been difficult so I just tend to keep meself to meself.... and besides having me before and after schoolers, Ive been doing that dam wrapping for that company every spare minute of the day and night up until I go to bed at night and a few nights that meant wrapping til gone 1 in the morning.... and Ive still had to try and suss and sort everything home here out and fit in physio twice a week, YES Im still at physio, I have a few problems, but Im plodding on..... dont say a word or I will be in tears..... and whilst I was at physio this week I had my Sam in Accident and Emergency with a suspected broken ankle.... just glad he hadnt actually broken it though.... Im totally exhausted, and I mean totally, mind body and soul..... and I aint even done nuffin as yet towards crimbo..... thinking I might just give it a miss this year..... except we did go and cut our tree down last Sunday BUT it still stands naked and bare in out kitchen just propped up against the table, we aint even had time or the thought to do anything with it... and I dont even know if we will bother LOL

Anyways enough about my shit lol - I so wanted to get this post sorted, I know its just a little over a week until crimbo and there is me gonna do a halloween post LOL better late then never right?

I found this photo this week from when me lads were little and we won the village pumpkin competetion....


oh my, how I wish I could get this time back.. and NO my Jacob aint wearing a girlie pink coat, YES it is pink but it was a french jacket and it was actually a boys coat, note the blue and mustard insets and the lined hood LOL...

I dont know if anyone remembers my Halloween post from last year, and how one child actually piddled his pants :) well the stakes were raised this year and we was on a mission to make kids wet and soil there trousers LOL...... ya see, when I was over the school the days leading up to halloween, so many parents asked me if I was gonna be 'doing' halloween this year, you see, our house has started to become 'the place' to visit LOL......



But you see, I dont give kindness and sweet talk on halloween to anyone, not even children, I firmly believe that if you take your kids out trick or treating no matter what age, then you have to expect to be scared and I mean scared...(ya see, I have to be kind and sweet and nice to my minded kids, so halloween is at least a time when I aint regulated by rules and policies hahaha)... and apparently Im the only house in the village that does that LOL most just open the door sweetly and give out bags of sweets.... well NOT IN THIS HOUSE WE DONT......my little house is getting a bit of a reputation...

I set Sam the task of carving the pumpkins.... one is never to old for that and he got right proper stuck in :)



Me and Jacob baked most of the day on halloween.....I didnt wanna be spending to much money on sweets so we made plates and plates of little fairy cakes...



oh my I think me oven door needs cleaning lol.... we then iced the mini fairy cakes with orange icing and put eyeball chocolates on the top...



And these mummy head pizzas we made trays and trays of (oh shut it, they looked good in the recipe lol)..

We also make hotdog mummys but I cant find the photos.... they were hotdogs wrapped in a mummy like fashion in flakey pastry and baked in the oven then little faces added, they looked well proper good and Im bummed that I cant find where I put the photos.....but here is the picture from the recipe page..


Mine of course looked better then these :)

We did also have a skull plate full of sweeties.... and we even made a real surgical heart jelly where the kids had to dip their fingers in the heart to retrieve eyeball chocolates.....

Ya see, most dont get trick or treaters calling, but I KNEW we were in for a barrage of trickers this year cos word had spread about how much fun our house was to come a knocking at..so we had to be prepared...

I did think during the week that the parents miss out, the children get all the treats and they as adults dont get nuffin, so we thought we would make home made truffles with a bit of a surprise for all the adults that would come calling with their children.....



Dont they look great..... and oh my the parents were so very happy and delighted to be thought of :)

Here is the recipe for the truffles..

First melt a big pot of chocolate..... dont go using the best, just cake cooking chocolate will do cos they dont stay in their mouths for long LMFAO....

Next take some button sized brussel sprouts and cook until soft but not to squishy..and tip into the melted chocolate.... whirl around until the sprout is completely covered in the chocolate.. *Evil Grin*





See, dont they look just like normal truffles........

I had a bit of help from me lads at the beginning of the evening, you know, in the scaring department, we sorted out them out as they was all going to a party, so they got a few scares in to start me off LOL.... then the rest of the evening it was down to me to do the scaring....



Our Tom got the first point for making a child wet his trousers LOL.....the child was terrified after I opened the door and once he had calmed down and the father had explained that it was JUST MELODY WITH A MASK ON..... our Tom came around the side of the house and the kid went nuts LMFAO.... it was just the funniest....



Tom and Sammie done up as gouls.... all their make up was from stuff in the kitchen cupboards, unlike last year when I painted out Tom with Emulsion green paint from the shed LOL..



sorry the photo is sidewards I cant make it turn round lol...... Ben was off to a old goul slags party.... he to scared the hell out of kids before he left for the party lmfao

And our Sam, well, he went to a NERDS party lmfao



And this is the best we could do lmfao... he dont look nuffin like this usually, he had his shirt tucked in and his waistband was almost up to his armpits lmfao..... and no, he was NOT allowed to wear those glasses he had on, they are my new ones and had just cost me $500, but we found an old pair of mine and popped the lenses out and he wore them..

Our Jacob was out and so we didnt get no photo of him cos he got sorted at his mates house....

Ok, me lads all buggered off to their different parties which left little old me to hold the fort.....

I wear a horrendous mask and when someone knocks on me door I shout in the most witchy voice I can muster WHATDAYA WANT.... CLEAR OFF.... and when they knock again I stoop right low and open the door just a crack and peer out..... when you open the door at child level they are not expecting it, neither are they expecting the door then to fling open and me to be standing their stooped over holding a half life size skeleton LMFAO.... hence the first casualties of the evening lmfao...kids scream and adults laff.... sometimes I didnt hold the skeleton but a severed hand which has batteries in it and the fingers move and I make the kids shake the hand lmfao.... jebus I am sooooooo mean :)


This is my mask, its actually better looking then I am for real......

When they settle down, before I offered them a treat I said to the adults...... 'Ive made treats for the adults, cos you lot always miss out'.... oh my, the smiles and the words of fanks for thinking of them, as they reach out their hands to take a handmade truffle....... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Then the gagging and the gobbing out of the truffles and the laffs and the snorts as they realise they have been tricked by chocolate covered sprouts lmfao.... the funniest thing was the pure smiles of happieness with them thinking that someone had gone to time and effort to make homemade truffles just for the adults.....

Do you know it was just the funniest surreal thing ever to see them smiles turn to looks of horror and surprise and then laughter lmfao....

It was hard to get shots of them cos I was holding a plate of truffles and a skeleton and was wearing me mask LMFAO so the following photos aint to great but you will get the idea....


See the look of delight..


See the look of WTF.... these two were nibblers and nibbled instead of popping the whole thing in their mouths.... LOL



Someone taking a truffle for her and her friend (in the white on the left) she was so grateful and pleased that I had made truffles lmfao


The same friend gagging as she had popped the whole truffle in her mouth and had greedily started to munch LMFAO..... I so though she was going to throw up lol


they laffed and laffed and laffed and I think she might of been one of the adults that wet themselves LOL


You can clearly see the gagging reflex in this woman lmfao


This couple were me most favourite of the night, they laffed and laffed so much, I aint never seen them before around the village, but they said they were TOLD to come to my house if they wanted the best scare LOL

The chap laffed so hard that a bit of sprout came out of his nose and then he laffed some more LOL note in the womans hand the gagged up sprout, she was well to posh to just gob it out in the road like everyone else had LOL....they fanked me for the bestest trick EVER lmfao


See the little skeleton lad, thats 'just jack' he actually soiled his trousers LOL....mission complete *ha

All in all I think the adults had as much fun and laughter as the children did.... well the kids did after they got over the initial scare LOL.... I only took me mask off for one little nipper cos I though she was gonna have some sorta fit, and she screamed and screamed no matter how much the father told her it was only 'Mel' so I relented just the once LOL for health and safety grounds lmfao....

We got through over 100 truffle sprouts most of which were gobbed up into the road and which the birds the following morning had a great breakfast.......over 80 mini halloween fairycakes.... 16 mini mummy pizzas and about 20 mummy hotdogs plus about $20 worth of sweets.... and plates and plates of homemade chocolate bones which we made in moulds incase we ran out of sweets.....

Afterwards I felt a bit of a saddo that I did this mostly on me own, cos me lads all went to parties, what on earth must people think of me LOL

I do know that the following week we was up the pub at a fireworks and giant bonfire display (actually we got there an hour late so missed it) which we missed due to having the wrong time LOL, but was having a pint outside with the crowds of people afterwards, when 3 different people came up to us and said.... oh you must be the people in the funniest halloween house in the village, everyone is talking about it, you was the talk non stop in the pub before the display of fireworks.... LOL.....

Now, how on earth am I to top that for next year......

ok more then enough Twaddle for a cold damp wet Wednesday evening......I doubt anyone has read it anyways LOL

x

Jacob Da Jew...

Ok.......... sorry I have not been around..... Ive been working every spare minute of the day...... cos Ive only got before and after schoolers at the moment, which aint enough to actually live on, Ive picked up a little at home job doing some crimbo wrapping for a company that supplies wrapped crimbo pressies to all the top notch grottos across the country, you know, the posh ones cos some of these pressies Ive wrapped at sorta like £20 pressies ($40), they all supply corporate companys with pressies for their workers childrens crimbo parties....... Ive wrapped over 3000 pressies over the past week or so, and its often meant not only wrapping all day but well into the early hours of the morning, making sure the orders are fullfilled...... BUT, tiz dosh.... and its something I can do at home, he said I could go into the company premises and do it, but to be honest, even though its a little slower doing it at home, cos you have to unload all the boxes etc and repack, I'd rather be on me own doing it at home, then at the company with strangers LOL...Ive never watched so much day time telly in me life LOL... Yesterday my little lounge was piled to the ceiling high with boxes LOL....... I dropped them off this morning at 5.45am when I dropped my Ben off to work...and I have to go and pick up another 1000 at 2 o'clock to do over the weekend.....looks like bleedin Santas grotto here lmfao....

I was so sick of wrapping books during the week.... they were beautiful childrens books though, that, in the 400 books I wrapped I thought it would be a nice thing to write a little note and slip into the front cover of a handfull of books...... the note read.... 'SANTA IS NOT REAL AND RUDOLPH THE REINDEER IS DEAD' .... think how much the parents of the children receiving those books will one day thank me, if has saved them the agony of telling their children the truth, I consider I did them a favour :)

I also wrapped over 200 Hannah Montana dolls..... 2 of which are now travelling up north to a corporate company sporting a tash and a beard.... think how happy 2 little girls will be with their 'butch Hannah' dolls :)

Anyways, enough of my rubbish..... I have so many stories stored in me head that I need to get down.... but this is just a short one (that will surprise Buff lol)....

During the weeks before Halloween (I will do me halloween story next week) there was lots of spookie sweets and things in the shops to buy for trick or treaters.... well, when I was in Sainsburys I happened across a little box of 'body parts' and even though my lads are grown I still cant get out of the habit of treating them to sweets every so often.....

Well, I gave our Sam and Jacob a box of these body part jellies.....they was right proper good LOL........ Sam (he is 19 lol) thought they was well funny.... and whilst sitting on the computer he made a little face out of them.....and then decided it looked like a 'jewish person' and as he is always doodling whilst on the computer, he also doodled a picture to go with the jelly body parts......



This is our Sam's scribblings lol..... (sorry I cant seem to turn the picture around) bloody blogger....



As you can see the jelly body parts are quite life like HAHAHAHAHA

So, let me explain about 'Jacob Da Jew' part...... you see, our Jacobs initials equate to the word JEW.... JACOB ETHAN WILL--S... so for since as long as I can remember sometimes he is referred to as Jacob Da Jew :).... hence when Sam drew a jewish person he named it Jacob LOL

Sam showed me the picture and we all had a giggle about it, then I forgot all about it..... until a couple of days later when our Sam said 'mum, wheres that envelope that was on the side that I had to post'....... oh, Ive posted it, I say....... OH SHIT says Sam and then bursts out laffing so hard that I nearly had to man bitch slap him to bring him back to earth LMFAO.....oh my god he kept saying over and over again.... I was gonna put it in a different envelope he says....... no need I said, it a had a frankmark on it so it meant you didnt have to buy a stamp......... BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HE SAID........



As you can see, the envelope was going to a fairly important place HAHAHAHAHA

What? I said... What?..... oh mum our Sam says the 'Jacob Da Jew' drawing was on the back of THAT envelope, and you've posted it off....

With that we all burst out laffing, so much so that I think a little bit of wee came out....

A few days later Sam got a phone call from the Job Centre.....hahahaha the woman says, your drawing on the back of your application made our office staff's day.... we have passed it around all the departments, but Im afraid to say we do not have an opening on the job front for a RABBI...... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sometimes my Sam so creases me up..... I do not know where he gets his sense of humour from..... it certainly aint from his father LMFAO....

Ok, enough Twaddle for today, just breaking myself back in slowly....

Hope you are all well, Im sorry for still being such a slagbag emailer, I promise to catch up soon..

know you are loved......

x

This Is How...

This is how Ive felt of late, since the court case....... totally overwhelmed with things...... the injustice of justice aye... I cant explain as yet,

A little no one in a huge sea of life.... someone that dont count in the big plan.....



This past month has been a whirlwind of solicitors and hospital and physio and talks with me consultant (surgeon), and trying to keep our heads above water cos only working part time so finacially in the shit LOL ..... and ups and downs......

So much to get down on paper, yet Im a very private person.....

Anways, I typed a long long post like I am known to do, but Ive just deleted it... I find it hard to share somethings, things that hurt me deep inside.... so for now, I will leave it at that......

Hey Buff aint that just the shortest post Ive even done LOL..

Fanks for all your loverly comments of love and concern in my previous post.... every time I read them I almost brings me to me knees with overwhelming love....

I just wanted/needed to put this out there, I know Ive been a slagbag with me emails and comments and have not really even been blobbing around... just the odd little comment on facebook, thats been me lot of late.... and Im sorry....

I have so many stories in my head that I need to get down on paper for me lads to read one day.... and Ive missed you all..... but, Im back on track now.... Ive hit the floor and bounced back higher.....

Its Guy Fawkes/Bonfire Night tonight and Im just now off to our Scout Hut to help with the arrangements and things for our fireworks display, which attracts thousands of village people..... hence this short post now....

Maybe I'll explain more another time, but you just have to remember Im quite a private person....

know you are loved....

x

Be Back Real Soon.... Proper Back An All LOL

Ok.... I know I have let this place go to rack and ruin.... its not that I wanted to.. and there is way to much to explain as to why I aint been around everyones blobs much.... Im fighting for survival here in more ways then one.... need to get next Monday and court out of the way and maybe things will level out, if it all goes tits up then I could well be imprison for how I will deal with the offending party LOL....

So, you might have to start baking cakes and putting files in the middle of them.... GoFigure you might have to get over here I aint good in court lmfao....

Im hobbling much better now, still aint right by any stretch of the imagination, and still having physio twice a week which leaves me totally knackered, but it must be done if I stand a chance of getting any of the life back that I so crave...

I did have a nasty fall a few weeks back that scared the shit not only out of me but out of me physios, and it did put me back a bit, I was lucky to get away with it, but get away I bloody did, it could of mean two broken legs instead of the bruises arse and skinned hip that I ended up with, but it sure as hell shook me up big time..

Seriously though.... as one thing has been piled on my shoulders to deal with, more has been placed wobbly on the top.... so instead of coming in here and moaning and whining, I thought it best just to keep meself to meself and try as best I can to suss and sort the spoils of life out on me own like Ive always had to...

That dont mean to say I aint missed you all like crazy.... but Im living in a crazy timespan and if I cant suss it out then I will go under....

I have so many stories in my head that need to be written....

Anyways.... I'll leave you until next week with a few photos of the colours in me little garden....


I LOVE daisy plants with a passion..


This little Hibiscus bush I love, its more blue then it looks in the photo.....blue plants and purple plants I love more then any other colour... they make my heart sing.. and blue delphiniums are my utmost love..


A new little Mallow Shrub I bought back in the spring, it has the most delicate pale pink flowers, and even though I dont do pink, I love pink flowers in me garden lol..oh and me pink shoes, and scales and and and.... bugger, maybe Im a suppressed pink lover afterall lmfao



Sunflower in me garden, sunflowers are the only yellow plants I allow in my garden in the summer... to me yellow is for the spring.... I know I know crazy as shit right lol


I do not know what this long dangly plant is and its neither pink nor orange and I dont really like the colour, but it insists in flowering for months in my little garden so I think its unfair just cos I dont like it to dig the bugger up lol


This is a new delphinium which I got back in the spring and so didnt think it would flower this year, but it did, be it only one spike tall and thin, I think it flowered to make me smile...

If I had a big open garden I would have wide open flower beds just filled with every colour delphinium one could think of..... sigh.... but alas I dont lol - when I use to own a plant nursery with my tosser X we would grown thousands of pots of delphiniums each year to sell at the country shows.... I miss those days, NOT HIM but those days of growing and all the great shows, I loved interacting with the people whereas he hated that lol.... he was an amazing grower, I will give him that much, but that was all he was LMFAO...


I love this little bright pink alpine that I planted in the little hole in our stone front wall.... we use to grow over a 100 varieties of alpines.. thats what we specialised in... Alpines and Perennials.... we found such a gap in the market for top quality A and Ps....

Hey, maybe I could move to the States and get a job in a garden centre LOL.... I would be an asset lmfao...


See, blue again lol


This Victoria comes up without fail year after year... the only red plant in my garden this year, all me wicker hanging baskets were pinks, mauves, purples and white....

Oh my I have such a funny story about me twat neighbour and his red plant peeping over the fence, but I'll save that for another day lol

Ok, before I bore you to tears, one last photo, I picked the little sunflowers for me jug on me kitchen table, they was the little side flowers on me tall sunflowers, and they looked so pretty on our table...



Without my little garden, my lads, me cats, me chickens, me blob maties and a tiny few special maties here.... I would not of got through the summer...well, I would of, but I might not of come out sane LOL - but Autumn will a new beginning in so many ways for me..... Im making huge decisions in the coming months and its scarey on me own to be doing them.... but do them I must...

Anyone wanna adopt me LOL so I dont have to do this alone lmfao...

More then enough Twaddle for a Wednesday afternoon....

Know you are loved..... give me a few days to get back on track and I'll be back with you... then ya will be moaning when Im back proper LOL..

x

Happy Bloody Birthday To Me....

Ok........19 September and its my birthday.....

What a shit fucking year its been....... I wouldnt wish my life as it is at the moment on my worse enermy..... but even with all that, along the way Ive met some amazing people...and the most amazing blob friends..... thank you for being so dam amazing.... yes, I mean you....

Ive leant so much from so many angles.... about people, people I trusted and people I have never met...... both have surprised me beyond measure..

Lets see what this coming year has install for me, whatever it is, except for death, it cant be any bloody worse......



On saying all that, Ive had the most loverly of days with my lads, a day filled with love and laughter and good food and cake and wine and more laughter and pressies, from near and far........

Gumbies, know I love you with all my heart......

Iggy, you continue to amaze me with your kindness and gentle words.....with your little band of merry blobbers....

know you are all loved...

x

First Proper Trip Out - Trouble On A Bike

Ok....... I know, I know its been a while....... but if you was where I was right now you might understand.... on top of all the shit I already am carrying with trying to recover from all these surgeries in the past year, life threw me such a curveball this past month....

People have shit on me big time.... so much so that my house is on the line and Im trying as best I can to keep our heads above water whilst doing the doggie paddle...

Anyways, enough of my shit....... Im not gonna do the last installment of me hospital visit LOL well not yet.... Ive had enough of hospitals and all that nonsense, maybe I will do that last part in a few weeks.... need to get it down for me lads, but not now.....

Im doing okay, sorta.... still having physio twice a week which is knackering at the best of times.... Im sorta walking if you can call it that with no crutches now.... though very vulvernable and a bit wobbly especially on uneven ground....... Ive been driving for a couple of weeks now, which has given me a bit of freedom.....

Got kids this week, just as holiday and sickness cover.... dont have much work when schools go back next week, just me before and after schoolers, which wont keep the wolfs from the door...... basically Im stuffed for being a good person, Im stuffed for having surgery, Im stuffed for believing that people besides myself had morals and kept to promises, Im stuffed in being a genuine caring loving person..... maybe I should turn into a shitbag, a nasty piece of work, someone that dont give a dam, someone that dont put others first, someone that dont give a stuff....... cos, its taken me all this time to realise, that most people are just out for themselves and they even stuff ya when ya most vulnerable, they stuff ya cos someone having major surgery just dont fit in with their fucking holiday plans......

So, Ive not been Twaddling, Ive sat often with the page open and just couldnt bring myself to Twaddle.... and whilst sitting here Ive thought of all the wonderful friends and people I have meet through this blob and through other blobs, people I have never meet that have sent well wishes and cards and gifts, most of which I so dont deserve.... people that know me probably better then most people here.... people that I have grown so fond of over my time on Twaddle... people I have come to love..... so I fank you all for your well wishes and your beautiful cards and the little gifts, all of which lifted my spirits when I was at such a loss at to human nature and shithead people.... you restored my faith in people..... there are good out there besides those that only take for themselves...... so I fank you all from the bottom of my heart.... I would say soul, but that still aint come back to me yet LOL

But today Im gonna Twaddle, I need to...... but, not about hospitals and shithead people and being stuffed by unmoral nasty pieces of shit LOL

Ok, so we aint had a summer, not really, just odd sunny days, no long hot summer days here..... I take it as a sign, thats 2 years on the trot after major surgery that the summer has left us.... 2 years on the trot that people I loved and trusted have shit on me...... so its a sign.... a sign that maybe Im at fault....maybe by being the person I am, it somehow gives people permission to use and abuse 'me'....... I need to learn from what has happened and not change the person I am, but be strong in the belief that who I am is okay, its who Im suppose to be....anyways once again Im off track LOL soooooooo.....

A couple of weeks ago, after not being out of the house except for hospital and doctors appointments (and no, maties aint offered to come and take me out or anything..... fuck em aye) being stuck in the house for over 3 months aint been fun.... also with no money cos Im self employed, its been difficult.... Ive barely kept me sanity LOL... but a few weeks ago, I told me physio...... sod it, Im driving, he gave me a few lessons in the carpark at the hospital and I was ready to go, with, Mel only really drive when you have to LOL..... oh shut it nick....

We had a sunny Sunday a few weeks back so I said to me lads.... ok, lets go to the pub, our little favourite pub, right on the waters edge of the harbour.... lets go get something to eat.... lets go bleeding mental and treat ourselves LOL (you see both my Ben and Sam are out of work, due to redundancies and in England unlike in America dole money is pennies)..... I rarely treat myself, and I have maties that eat out 2-3 times a week, not just once in a blue moon like I do LOL....

Our Tom was poorly so that just left me, Ben, Sam and Jacob.... sod it, I said, I have the last 30 quid in me purse me might as well go down with a smile and a nice memory LOL

So off to Hayling we went, it was strange driving...... Sam couldnt drive my car you see, he aint insured, and his car has been off the road for months..... Ben couldnt drive my car cos he is banned for 2 years LOL (long story)... and of course at 16 Jacob is to young..... anyways, it was fine, sorta LOL it was just nice to get out..... I was like an inmate that had been on day release LOL..... oh there was a world outside the 4 walls of my house.... I actually saw real people out and about lmfao.... how bloody pathetic aye lol

The Ferryboat is a pub on the Western tip of Hayling Island, Ive talked about it here before.... there is one little road down to the pub, not to wide so if there are people on bikes you have to go way slow until there is a break in the traffic coming the other way before one can over take the bikes......

And bikes there was on that sunday a few weeks back..... the road only leads to the pub and the beach..... anyways...... we was stuck behind 2 bikes that were riding side by side (how rude) instead of them riding single file cos the road was narrow.... and cars coming the other way made it difficult for us to try and pass without knocking the tossers into the hedge, and believe me, it was in my head lol.....

My Sam said, beep the horn mum..... no Sam its ok, we will wait.... after 4-5 minutes of crawling behind these ignorant gits lol... there was a break in the cars and bikes coming the other way so I had room to overtake these bikes in front of us..... oh my goodness to dam funny...... as we pulled level with them my Sam reached over and beeped me horn LMFAO..... the bloke on the bike began waving his fist and mouthing something at us.... to dam funny...... and as we pulled level his face was a picture of anger LOL.... we was in fits of giggles by now, and boys being boys my Sam made the 'wanker sign' at him out the side window at the bloke for being such a tosser LOL..... we drove off with visions of him in the mirror waving his fist and shouting things we couldnt hear....... blimey, talk about 'bike rage' LOL all we did was beep the horn, and he shouldnt of been so rude as to ride side by side on a narrow road....

So we get to the pub, there is no way I was gonna walk across the carpark and across the eating area with me crutches.... so for the first time I tried to walk without them LOL..... bit of a mistake lmfao..... but, oh well..... I kept saying I WILL NOT BE A CRIMPLE I WILL NOT BE A CRIMPLE....



We ordered some drinks and our meals..... and hobbled outside to sit in the sunshine on one of the benches on the back terrace overlooking the sea..... as we was talking we mentioned the tosser bike rider and then we began to giggle cos I said...... he was riding the same way as us, that means one thing...... OMG... that means he HAS to be coming to this pub LMFAO...... to dam funny, and with that as we looked across the crowds of people sitting eating their supper, there with a face as red as a beetroot and a face like a smacked arse...... came TOSSER BIKE MAN and he was heading straight for us hahahahahaha...

He was pushing his bike through all the tables (how rude) his face was like thunder..... we were so childish, we started to giggle..... he stood at the end of our table..... hello I said....... HELLO he bellowed........ which started me off laffing again....... I COULD OF HAD A HEART ATTACK he said....... I beg your pardon I said........ he repeated himself.... my Ben who just wont take no nonsense off anyone, just said...... go away little man....tiz ok Ben I said, let the little man explain...... continue I said.... my face was making all funny shapes trying no to laff.... you beeped your horn and I could of had a heart attack he repeated...... oh, I said, not being funny or nuffin I says, but if you are that weak of heart maybe you just shouldnt be riding a bike along a road with traffic that might beep you if you are not riding correctly, cos after all, YOU could of caused an accident if you had fallen off cos of a heart attack and I might of run ya little head over, now please, we are trying to enjoy a nice drink, I suggest you just take you bike and go calm down somewhere....

Steam, I swear I saw steam coming out of his ears...he just wouldnt let sleeping dogs lie, he actually banged his fist on our table and said........HOW DARE YOU BEEP YOUR HORN AT ME........ I looked at all 3 of me lads who were now wide eyed in total disbelief at this bloke........ I could see now that my Ben was a little, how shall we say.... peeved LOL...... please dont talk to my mum like that matie, not if you dont wanna end up in that there water with ya bike on top of ya for good measure....... which now started me giggling again......... you have to rememeber this is my FIRST trip out into the human world after months stuck in the house LOL...... the bloke just wouldnt drop it...... DONT LAFF he said..... and looking straight at Ben he said, and I would like to see you try and throw me in the water you little boy.....now, my Ben is far from little, and he is a bit of a scrapper when push comes to shove.... and unlike his mother he has a bit of a short fuse when people are pissing him off for no justifable reason.... my Ben is well bloody hard LOL and aint scared of no man, let along a jumped up tosser on a bike.....

Now the standard joke amongst me and me lads is that when we are confronted by a situation that needs delicate handling but looks like it might get nasty is this......... I always say..... SHOW HIM/THEM YA TATTOOs lmfao....... to dam funny.... ya see once, my tosser X was having a bit of a todo with someone and he said..... 'I aint scared of you, I have tattoos' LMFAO hahahah I have no idea if that was suppose to scare someone, but its something thats stuck with me now forever, so in situations that arise such as now, I always try and break the ice with.....'show him ya tattoos'.... you so probably wont get that but to us it sends us into fits of uncontrolable giggles.... the bloke stopped speaking mid yell.... blank look..... yeah I said, you had better not mess with us Wil...'s we have tattoos, and with that I stick out me leg and pull me jeans up and show me little leaping frog tattoo..... there, now ya scared aint ya I said...... Sam began rolling up his sleeve to get to his tattoo.....

Well, this bloke just went balistic....the table next to us had heard the whole conversation and were in fits of giggles.... the whole pub terrace was in silence listening LOL....... he just wouldnt let it go......... so in the end my Ben just stood up and said (he was actually now getting right annoyed)...... ok matie, I suggest you just go NOW or I will not be held responsible for my actions and I just hope and pray that you can swim.... I just say in a gentle quiet voice, sorry matie but I think you picked on the wrong table, a table full of 'Wil...'s' aint to be messed with, I suppose you should consider yourself lucky that our Tom is not here, cos this conversation wouldnt even be happening now, you would be floating in that there sea.... now, before I really loose me rag with ya, I suggest ya bugger off over there and get yourself a drink and think about anger management classes..... my Ben then takes one step towards him and he actually runs with his bike across the terrace and props his bike up against the pub wall and storms into the pub with his wifey in tow.....



This is our Ben :) now he aint scarey is he LOL

I know I know, we shouldnt of wound him up...... but if you had been there is was just the funniest ever....... we giggled like silly kids and even discussed about our Jacob sneaking across the terrace to the blokes bike and letting his tyres down LOL



Our Sam, I think that hat is glued to his head lol....

I suppose you just had to be there, but I laffed and laffed so much, it did me the power of good....

Anyways, I love this old pub, even with its extensions over the years, ya see, just across the harbour mouth of the Portsmouth side is where I was born, Milton Locks was where me parents lived and as a young married couple my father and mother would sail their boat across the harbour to the Ferryboat Inn and spend time there and then sail back...... when we kids were older our parents would often (they had moved by then and sold the boat) drive down to Hayling and this pub on the beach and spend time on the beach and in the pub...... just a few good memories from my childhood, and maybe thats why I have always taken my lads there...... who knows, maybe just trying to capture a few odd good childhood memories.....

So, anyways....... there is a sea wall that runs along the back terrace of the pub, the channel of water is to dangerous for swimming cos of the very strong tidal current, it would drag ya out to sea before anyone had a change to throw a life line, but there are always jetskiers there and little speed boats and of course the little ferry that goes across to Eastney end of Portsmouth and to which the pub gets its name.....



Wondering if its possible to love another human as much as I love this child..it looks like he is standing on the edge of the beach but there is a 6 foot drop behind him LOL

Now my Jacob, you know the one that is into 'free running' and doing flips off things, well, the seawall was just to much of a temptation for him.... and I have to so bite my tongue and not tell him to stop it when he does these things.......

Whatcha reckon mum, he says, ya reckon I could flip off there onto the beach below..... yes love I say, so there is no need to do it right LOL...... WRONG...



I know the seawall is only about 5-6 foot high, but still, Im his mother for gawds sake..



And then to make his mother (me) fret even more, he does it with his hands in his pockets LOL



Aint my baby just gorgeous lol....... and yes, one of those pints is his.... and I know he is only just 16..... but it was hot and the lager was cold and it was better that he has a pint with his mother then sneaks up the woods with a bottle of cider like so many of his maties do lol..... oh shut it....

Even though my Sam is an extreme skateboarder he stands in awe at our Jacob and his flipping ability to just flip off anything and everything....... Sam decided to lay on the beach below the seawall and try and take a photo of his brother as he flipped over him LOL..



This is the view one would of got if ya was sunbathing on the beach and Jacob flipped over ya head lmfao.....

Oh this photo so made me laff....... as Jacob peered over the wall at me after doing a flip, the angle of the photo just looked so funny, it looked like he was just a head on the beer glass.... you know, like 'the head' on a beer lmfao



aint that just the strangest photo......

As you can see by the time we had finished eating the sun was setting... this is a wonderful place..... and in the winter when the wind is whipping up a storm its a great place to sit inside the pub over looking the sea with the wind and rain battering the windows, whilst its all snug inside..... one day I will get to share it and my memories with someone.... maybe aye....

I took one last photo before the light got to bad for my crap camera..... and this I think is the bestest shot...... even with me crap camera...



This lad shows no fear....... I suspect soon there will be more trips to the hospital......

As we made ready to leave we realised the 'bike man' was nowhere to been seen and his bike which was against the pub wall had disappeared..... I hobbled back across the terrace towards the car, yes, hobbling like a crimple..... and I felt happy to of been out of the house and to spend time with me lads and to laff until my sides ached...... and to realise, that maybe after meeting the 'crazy bike man' just maybe, my family aint as crazy as I often think lol

We headed back down the narrow road, happy and contented....... OMG..... could it be, there in the distance...... please say it aint so....... it only bloody well was, in the gloom, we could just make out a couple of bikes riding side by side down the narrow road.... in the gloomy light it was hard to make them out until we came right up behind them...... omg IT WAS THEM lol the crazy bike man, had he learnt nuffin this afternoon LMFAO..... it was just to tempting to let go....... so I drove up next to him and me lad wound the window down LOL...... hello again I say.... you really should have lights on your bike at this time of night, I could of knocked you off I could hardly see you..... F*CK OFF he said......... how very rude.......... we giggled and laffed all the way home...... :)

ok, I know, long winded and boring and all that stuff for a Saturday afternoon....... but, I aint bovvered..... its just nice to be back on Twaddle, no matter what me problems are, Ive missed twaddling and most of all.... Ive missed you all.....

Im doing ok, really, very frustrated about me re-couping though, but thats maybe for another twaddle day......

know you are loved..

x