Long time since I was here, a friend I chat to on facebook told me he had a blog "Grumpy Old Dog". So I nipped over to take a gander at his, & couldn't resist peeking at mine, Oh how things have changed.......

Since my husband retired from the Police Force in October, he & my son have opened BROWNS Cafe, Bar & Bistro, also in the next few weeks, BROWNS Hair & Body is opening. Hectic to say the least, enjoyable at times, stressful YES.........
My son Daniel is about to open Manchester Red Hot World Buffet, which will be the largest buffet restaurant in Europe. Since my last blog Daniel has designed Liverpool & Leeds Red Hot, which are awesome & I recommend you go to dine there.
So long since I've been here I have forgotten how to do pics, spell check, etc, so boring post I'm afraid, I hope all my friends I used to chat are well & happy. x

ST GEORGES DAY

St Georges Day will never be the same to me. It will hold memories of sad times, sharing times, friends and family together.

Yesterday was my stepfathers funeral, and, although known always by the name "Doug" he was in fact baptised "George Douglas". Yesterday it was the patron saint, St Georges Day here in sunny, (it was yesterday), England. An opportunity to make Doug's final farewell unique and special - just for him.

All of us, and this included the vicar Alan, (a fantastic guy who helped more than I think he will ever know with my families grief), wore a red rose buttonhole, and many of the flowers sent to Doug were red roses. (Mine was a boomerang, which I will explain later).

As we followed Doug on his journey to the church his car looked amazing. I also don't feel I have to justify any monies spent on his floral tributes, as they were to be returned for display in St Edmund's Church, which would make good use of their beauty.

Doug had actually arranged most of his funeral, something that I take my hat off to him for, because that's no easy task for any person to do. It saved his loved ones from lots of heart breaking decisions, and we just added our bit to mark his memory with our own personal touches and love.

He had arranged his music, well two bits anyway with the third part a little harder to come by. He wanted "Cathy's Clown" by the Everly Brothers for his entrance, then "The Breeze and I" by Caterina Valenti, a song no one had heard (but thank goodness for the web), for his remembrance/committal.

He hadn't chosen a third for family and friends leaving the church, but we decided that we wanted the song he always whistled. We thought that it started "there's a certain sound", and eventually I got it. "Happy Heart" by Andy Williams.

Well I wish I could explain how right his and our choice sounded. It was "SUPERB". It really did make us think about him, the man, the teenager. I also loved the hymns he had picked and I sang my little head off to "O Jesus I have promised".

How do I encapsulate the day for you? Emotional/moving/defiantly special, yet none of these really sum it up, maybe sometimes words just aren't enough...

Oh yes! the Boomerang... As I have mentioned before Doug and I had some very rocky periods in our time, which I choose not to store now, its history and enough damage has been done throwing rocks /boulders/pebbles in the past. This last year Doug and I have made our peace and in someways I am envious that I never had what my sisters have lost with the death of their father (I hope that comes over as I mean it to).

I was with Doug until his last moment, held his hand and let him know that I loved him. The grief I have felt has shocked me. We knew he was ill, but this had all happened far quicker than anyone thought. I had visited him on Sunday at the hospital, we chatted about how we were going to celebrate his birthday on the 10th of May. With suckling pig roast it was to be a feast. We all wanted to make the most of the next few months.

We also chatted about Australia. Doug adored Australia and visited every year for months on end. He had many friends out there, but I think his love for his daughters and his grandchildren kept him here in England.

Now when I was in the flower shop with my sisters ordering their wreaths, I looked through the books and pictures, but none felt right for me. Although Doug and I had formed a new relationship, I wanted something to say it was from me, and to be honest and true. Then suddenly I had one of my great brain-storms, you know, the ones that friends and close family members have thought about having me tested for.
I thought the definition of a BOOMERANG is - to return to the place it came. So I had to say good-bye before we could meet again, start again, lessons learned.
I think I was the florists nightmare, but they did me proud, and a letter of thanks is on its way.

Well my friends, sorry that I'm not the blogger I was, and I touch Blogdom only now and again, but your kind thoughts and comments help me such a lot. Even if I don't post I pass by, and your comments give me strength.

Mum has taken Doug's death far worse than any of us thought, and she looked so fail and worried yesterday, so I'm sure you know who's on the top of my list at the moment.

The one thing that I can honestly say that I have learned from the recent events is, "never put off until tomorrow what you can do today". Need I say more??????????

FACEBOOK / FACING FACTS.......

Well yesterday I had yet another moment of madness, and joined Facebook. I will explain why I'm trying this form of communication later.
Not sure if I get Facebook though, maybe my new laptop is giving me some of the problems I'm incurring. This isn't me showing off what a good girl Santa thought I was, by bragging about my generous gift, I just really am a creature of habit, and new fandangled gadgets take me a while to get accustomed too.....
One good thing I have managed to do with facebook though is to hook up with my old friend, Steffen in Sweden.
I'm sure I will get into it eventually, and even work out how to write on his wall, I feel sure to give him a poke is not a good thing to do (it just sounds so wrong) DOH!!!!

I have felt very down this week, yet like my sister said "sometimes its OK to feel like this, and maybe its been a long time coming". It is hard sometimes to be cheery & chattie all of the time, and I think I have been relatively brave during most of the past ordeals (I know it helps Math & Nat if I appear that way).
There are several things that I think have contributed to my feeling low, maybe my stepfathers diagnosis is a part of it. Also, the afternoon that I visited him at the hospital we spent the longest time together in conversation (without quarreling), since I've known him, which must be nearly 40yrs now. How sad is it that it takes this kind of tragedy for us to to lay down our swords and treat each other with respect /kindness & manners????

The morning of the day I visited my stepfather I had my appointment with Dr Gorgeous & his consultant Physio. I was sent for an X-ray when I first arrived at his clinic, and whilst waiting for my radioactive intake, I ploughed through my mind all the questions I wanted answers to.

Firstly though, I wanted to thank him that my pain levels are far more controllable, its only if I try to push my mobility that it gives me a slap. Yet all the time thinking if I pushed it that bit more, it would ease off and I would experience more flexibility in my joints........
Then tell him my frustration at still having to have help to get my knickers and stockings (OK socks & tights) on.

Also all the feminine bits we need to tweak, which there is no-way I'm going into detail about here on my blog.......

When is he going to do my next op to straighten my leg, because I have noticed that since I'm trying to move around more my leg is moving back inwards............

Finally when will it take me less time to recover if I have a bit of a party? Believe it or believe it not, I am still in agony from New Year (it was worth it though). Honestly all I did was swing my arms around and shuffle my feet a little, its not like I did an Irish Jig!!!!!!! Yet I could hardly move for a week and still now have discomfort in my back and hip....

Now let me get all the slushy stuff out of the way, Dr Gorgeous entered the room looking the 100% dreamboat he is (I swear I saw a flicker of a halo above his head). He shakes hands with Math and myself then and then gave me that beaming smile that makes me feel instantly better, and the old heart rate racing. His consultant physio recalled my problems to him, it was then that he paused and stared into my eyes. Now I knew it wasn't him being flirty with me, (I'm allowed to dream), but checking I was giving him my full attention.

I won't repeat word for word his conversation, just share the bits that made me start crying like a baby (not something I had done before), with him having to pick up my damp tissue from the floor, whilst I tried to get my emotions back in check.
He explained "you remember how worried I was about the outcome of this operation and what I might find in there? Well the good Lord must have been smiling on me that day, because it was far worse than I'd thought, and we were very lucky to get away with what we did. I do not want to carry out the further operations as the risks are far to high".
He continued to explain that I have to accept that this is as good as it gets, and what a high risk I am for having a femur/hip fracture if I don't take care. Recommending that the only exercise I should persist with (including the hospital physio) is at the swimming baths, walking in water will help stop muscle wastage.

So I need to get over my self consciousness about exposing my scars, and get my butt down to the new swimming centre that has opened up just down the road from me.

I am feeling very sorry for myself, and yes I do know there are lots of folks out there far worse than me, some within my own close family group. Yet I can't help feeling angry that our plans of going back to Venice with Math, Nat and his girlfriend, won't happen. I really thought after my op that with time those steps & bridges there would have been within my mobility range.

Bloody frustrated that I can't dress myself, having to share all my intimate pampering with my husband. How I would love for him to come home and for me to be dressed head to toe looking like the gal I use to be........

So now you know how much I'm feeling sorry for myself???? Therefore I'm allowing myself time to get over how angry/frustrated & cheated I feel. Then I'm going to start to re-arrange my dreams/plans, and learn to live for today/the moment/now, and stop stressing out about the future.

Not sure how I'm going to go about doing all that, but its going to be my number one priority.....

Then when I've rearranged my dreams/plans I'll be back to share them with you.
Saying all that, if you fancy keeping in touch you can catch me on facebook, my AKA is Elizabeth Brown, Nottinghamshire. If you do contact me and I know you, I will welcome you with open arms, a steaming hot cup of tea, and a slice of homemade cake, without being self-piteous.......

By the way if my darling son ever manages to give me the photos of 'SAINTS' resurrection I will post them on my blog, and if you are ever in that area, let me know and I will treat you to a Saints tea/coffee/wine, or whatever you want (within reason)there.............

OOH LA LA...

Crikey the 8th already, so much to do so little time to do it all....

Christmas was great, followed by a very memorable New Year at my sons wine bar, dressed as the local tottie. The theme was "Moulin Rouge", several of my nursing friends (Ruth brought her long term boyfriend 'Pierre' who is French, he really fitted in with the scenery a treat) joined us getting into the spirt of things by dressing up for the celebrations.

Nat had hired props for the evening such as French lampposts/windmill etc.....I have a few shots we took with my little camera that I can show you now. Nat hired a professional photographer and I promise you that as soon as Nat hands those pics along with views of his bar 'before & after' shots, I will post them. Saying that, Nat is so busy at the moment, trying to tie him down is like grasping fog!!!!

Nat needing an eyebrow pluck!!!

I can't wait to show you some of the costumes the crowd there were wearing, absolutely fabulous, stunning girls and their partners looking proper dapper. After a few hours Math & Nat's false hair bits started to aggravate them and they ended up being stuck to the champagne bottles. Yuck!!!

Nat & his girlfriend

Myself with Ruth & Moira (nursing friends)

(I look like I'm sucking a piece of lemon)!!!

Ruth & Pierre

Alas the celebrations I knew were to be short lived, as just before Christmas my stepfather had been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. He has to start intense radiotherapy the Sunday following New Year, three times a day for twelve days. I have to be completely honest here and say that Doug (my stepfather) and I had not always shared the closest of relationships. But he is the father of my two younger sisters, and with everything that's been happening with our mum, this was another emotional turmoil that I wish they could have been spared. Nevertheless we work close together when there are storms around us and we will weather this storm.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my consultant at Queens hospital, which I will go into more detail with on a later post. Then we drove over to the City hospital to visit Doug, who seemed to be coping well, although his breathing was rather laboured. This morning I had to go to mums case conference at Kings Mill hospital, so all in all I have become a loiterer of the local hospitals these last few days.
Good news with mum though, they are upping her care which will include evening care which solves a one of the big problems we have with her not taking her evening meds. Also they are going to start her on a drug for her Alzhemer's disease. That is once they have leveled out her pulse rate, so lets hope this helps with some of her difficulties.

Thanks for all your good wishes over Christmas & New Year, I will post shortly about how my visit with Dr Gorgeous went after things have steadied down a bit here.

See you soon. Queenie x

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE...

HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR.
Sorry I haven't posted for a while, we are all over the place at the moment.
I couldn't pack the old lap-top away for the start of our family celebrations before I'd wished you all a happy, healthy, Christmas & New Year.
I will be collecting photos of the parties at Nats place (Moulin Rouge for the New Year), and catching up with you all in the New Year. So until then my friends have a fabulous time however you choose to spend it, sending you my warmest thoughts. Love Queenie X