Ok - I was coming back to blogging with all the amazing and wonderful news and the hard news that had happened to myself and my little family.... when 6 weeks ago yesterday something horrendous happened to my Sam, my darling beautiful funny as fuck Sam...... Sam works real hard as a groundworker, long hard hours, a job he loves.... on Friday evening 6 weeks ago straight from work he met a couple of mates up the local pub for a quick pint after a long long week at work...... the so called friend in a spiteful act jabbed my Sam in the face with a pool cue........ it went through his eye and into his brain.... he was rushed to hospital where we were told he would die within the hour...... he didnt..... he was then lifted to the neurological speicialist hospital 30 miles away, one of the best in the country.... where he was placed on life support and given a 1% chance of survival and if he did survive they did not know in what state that would be..... for 2 weeks my darling boy hung on to life. with me and his brothers sitting with him constantly..... it is now 6 weeks on from that fateful evening that has chanced my Sams life forever, the pool cue went through his eye and right into his brain touching the skull on the other side, he had a brain op to remove the end of the cue that has broken off in his brain.... he has since been transferred to our more local hospital in the hope that the F1 rehab unit can try and get as much of my darling Sam back as possible.... he was an extreme skateboarder and a talented drummer, a funny popular young man that I adore...... we will never get our Sam back fully..... his brain is damaged....... my Sams life is no longer as it was and my life is now given completely to my son..... everyone knows the love I have for my boys....... this has totally ripped my heart and soul from my body...... I spend every single long day at my sons bedside its been 43 days now...... Im totally mentally and emotionally exhausted........ So dear friends of the blog world....... please forgive me for not blobbing as I promised...... I am no longer the person I once was 6 weeks ago, and neither is my precious Sam..... I will write more in a week or so........ please note my yahoo email I dont think is working so if anyone wishes to get hold of me please email me on - [email protected] - dont think I have forgotten you all and the love and laughs we all once shared... cos I havent, you are all tucked safely in the pockets of my heart..... A dear dear friend has set up a support page where I do daily updates about my Sam and the raw writtings from my soul........ it is a closed group but if those that I know and love wish to be added then please just email me on the above addy..... This is a local newspaper clipping from that week..... its not all accurate, but sorta of.... you know, freedom of press and all that shit....... http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/local/man-lucky-to-be-alive-after-brain-stabbed-with-pool-cue-1-5297825 know you are loved by me your old friend......... xx

Ok - its been so long I wouldnt know where to start.......... x

Tiz Been A While..

Well, tiz I.... so much has happened this pass year which meant I could not be here, or on your blobs - it does not mean I have not thought about each and every one of you - and Ive missed you all so much - and the more I left it the harder it was to log on - but, I need to come home, and home is here.... whether there is anyone here or not, I still need to be back here.... So hopefully in the coming days I will try to explain whats what..... I hope you are all well, I have so much catching up to do on every blobs its gonna take me a life time.....

so... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL, OR ANYONE LEFT ALIVE..... if you could tidy the place up for when I come back in the coming days I would be grateful...jebus Ive missed Twaddling and you all....so very much..

love laughter and happieness to you all in the coming year....always

x

Last Crimbo (2009) Part I..

Ok, I know its been yonks since last I was here and a longtime since I had the time to blob around all everyones blobs.... Im sorry, but life caught me by the short and curlies and I thought it best to step back from most things in life for a while.. but it doesnt mean each and everyone of me blob maties havent been in my thoughts daily..

There are reasons as to why I could not be here and if I wrote a proper list it would be as long as me arm, but Im sure over the coming months these reasons will be put down on Twaddle for the record lol... these are reasons not excuses... and of course the longer I left it the harder its been to tiptoe back in, and without dearest Buff my blogger friend who upped and bloody died on me, to nag me constantly in emails to 'get me arse back' its been hard, but I had to remind meself as to the reasons why I started this blob, and that was as a record of things in my life that my lads might oneday enjoy when I am no longer around, and jebus knows I have so much more to get down on record...

These are a few of the 'reasons' that spring to mind ....Life - My Best Blobber Friends Death (which had such a profound affect on me) - Allotment - Birthdays - Lack Of Work - Almost Financial Ruin - Woodelf - Sadness - Snippets Of Hope - Laughter - Tears - Struggles Beyond Measure - Loss Of The Most Precious Friendship With What Was A Dear Blobber/Sista Friend Which Im Still Finding It Hard To Get Over - Baby - New Chickens - Twat Neighbours - Summer - Twice A Week Physio - My Best Friend Here Wendy Whom Is The Reason Im Still Sane Even Though That Is Debateable...She Is The Only One That Truely Knows Whats Been Going On..

Anyways... Enough of all that.... I need to get down the things that happened last christmas before this christmas is upon us..... havent done one single thing as yet towards this years crimbo..... one has to be very creative when one is as skint as me lol....

So..... This one is in honour of my 4 sons, I wonder if they will ever truely know just how much I love them.... last Crimbo was the bestest Christmas we have EVER had.... filled with laughter, love, tears, togetherness in the face of adversity......

Im never prepared for just how quick christmas decends upon us, I always think its ages away, and I like to celebrate my Sams Birthday in the middle of November before I even think about whats got to be done in preparation for christmas......and then before I know it, its just a few weeks before actual christmas and Im all in a fluster and cos Im on my own there is so much I have to do....

Our Crimbo always starts with us going to cut down a tree at Southwick Estate something my Sam and Jacob always love to do with me... (dont know what will happen this year as the Estate is not opening the tree meadows this crimbo)..

Just look at that straggly specimen, and I dont mean me lads lol - we laff so much picking a tree and cutting it down and dragging it to the car... the old man that usually sits in the little shed and dishes out the saws for the cuttings was not there last year, which was upsetting, I presumed he had died, cos he was rather ancient... I said my condolences to the other bloke in the shed and waffled on and on about how sad it is that the old chap was no longer with us.... to which this bloke replied, after letting me prattle on and on..... oh, you think he is not here cos he has died *much laughter and shaking of his head* well, he says, he aint here cos he has gone for his teabreak, he unfortunatley is still alive and kicking LOL.... it was then my turn to shake me head lmfao


This photo of my Sam makes me smile, note he has a 'dew drop' on the end of his nose, cos it was so cold that day lol

We decorated our little house with things we get out year after year, we like the tradition of our old decorations, wooden decs and glass baubles and all the childhood decs me lads made as children and even a little glass tree dec from my childhood - our special bits and bobs of christmas's past, with the always new little added decoration of the present crimbo, usually a wooden one upon which we write the year and our names and ages, its become a family tradition, and its nice to pick out the decorations from when we first started it, the year we found ourselves on our own.. it was like a new beginning.. to see just how far we have come despite all the things that have been thrown at us especially over the past few years..




I cant imagine living in a house without a working fireplace, somewhere to burn huge logs and a bucket of coal over the winter months, especially at christmas for roasting chestnuts and marshmallows upon.... logs are so expensive over here but this year we managed to nick some hahaha (but thats another fasinating story) so will have at least enough to burn over the crimbo week...

I have this father christmas that I hang from my bedroom window...


The minded nippers love him, when they arrive in the morning and see him hanging from my window I tell them he is listening and watching to see who is being good lol....

But, from inside my bedroom I get a fright every morning when I pull me curtains back, and no matter how many times I do it, I ALWAYS get a fright and think its someone trying to get in me window lol....



See what I mean, every day it makes me jump when I open me curtains lmfao....



We decorate the windowsill.... see that white star hanging, well its a Norgewian star that my sister sent me about 25 years ago one crimbo when she lived in Norway, and do you know it still has the same lightbulb in it from all those years.. I love my star... and all me little old wooden bits and bobs we have on the windsill..



We decorate the fireplace with fir garlands and lights and cinnamon sticks and dried orange and fruits and special little wooden and tin bits and bobs... and of course my shabby chic santa takes pride of place :) we just have to move him when we light the logs.. the gold wicker stars with lights entwinned with I found about 15 years ago and just fell in love with them and they still work :) - we have beautiful tin wired stars hanging from me lights..... just natural wooden and tin things.... aint to kean on plastic rubbish lol

Then there is our tree, its never a perfect shape, cos we usually feel sorry for the little lone tree that everyone walks past and we always end up cutting that one down and bringing it home lol.... but at least it is loved for a few days.... and we wrap garlands up the stair bannisters and hanging all our beautiful wooden geese and moons and stars and bits from that to... the tree is always in our middle room cos there is no room in our little lounge...





So I know our decs aint to everyones tastes but Ive always loved the old wooden and tin and glass things just love the more natural feel of things.. I still have decs on our tree that me lads all made at pre-school lol....





From last year onwards our crimbo table will always have a beautiful crafted table runner that a once dear blobber friend sent us.... I love it almost as much as I love her... JBelle has started a new tradition in our house, and I will treasure it always and each and every year until I die, it will run down the middle of our crimbo table..



And of course no self respecting bottle of red would adorn the crimbo table without its little knitted father christmas :)

Do you know what I like about crimbo day in my home...... cos its just me and me lads for the morning, and sometimes one or more of their girlfrieds will come in the afternoon but mostly its just us, we dont have to dress up, we can lounge around in comfy gear or just JimJams.... we dont have to go all posh we can just be US...

Once dinner is in the oven we open our pressies, we only get pressies from each other, dont have grandparents or auntie and uncles to buy anything for me lads, so its just pressies from each other.... even though my lads have numerous uncles and aunties and still have a set of grandparents around, they never hear from them or get any recognition that they exist.... so you can see its been hard for me over the years to try and give them all a special crimbo with just US.... sometimes I look and read about other family crimbos and it makes me cry knowing what me lads miss out on, I mean they only have me, just me and each other, its not much... I have to just hope its been enough..

Anyways, we exchange our little gifts with much laughter and love in our little lounge filled with christmas decorations from years pass..... there are always smiles in our home a crimbo... often throughout the year there are many tears shed, mainly by me in the quiet of my own room... sometimes I dont even know why Im crying.. but on crimbo its all genuine smiles and laughter and love...



See what I mean about bumming around in jimjams and no tops lol oh and the smiles...Thats my Ben infront of the fireplace and my Sam on the right...



This is our Tom, he was really laffing, you see if you read this blob you will know about the 'turkey neck' from the other year, when I told our Sam that it was the turkey's willy and he believed me and I chased him around the house with it, well Tom is laffing in this photo cos our Sam wrapped up the turkey neck and put it in a parcel with Toms name upon it, and when he carefully opened what he thought was a nice pressie from his brother the turkey neck wobbled and moved as he opened the box and he jumped back with shock cos he thought it was some creature moving inside, it was just the funniest dam thing ever and we laffed for the rest of the day about it....



Ben laffing at Tom about the turkey willy lmfao



And here is the culprit LOL..... I think you just had to be there to see the funny side..

My lads have never written crimbo lists, not even when they were smaller.... father christmas would leave a little stocking filled with things from him on the end of each of their beds, he never left a big pressie like a bike or nuffin, cos I always felt if I had to struggle to buy a dam bike for each of them then at least it should be me that gets the fanks for it LMFAO... so, no lists, Ive always considered crimbo was about what people 'wanted' to buy another person, and I felt that I knew me lads well enough to know what I think they would like without no dam lists of greed and wants... and I dont think they have ever been disappointed....



T J and B looking at something Jacob got..



Maybe I should of bought Jacob a belt lmfao..



Monging out whilst dinner is cooking..



My bestest new slipper boots lol see how low maintenance I really am :)

Tom and Jacob trying to suss out their new Iphone applications and Ben and Sam sorting out guitar hero...

They must of been getting hungry cos me lads moved from the little lounge to the middle room lol....




love these shots of me lads all together trying to suss something out....

ok the turkey was cooked and time to EAT it was about 2ish by then and tummys were rumbling....

If anyone remembers me christmas past posts about the turkey willy and the birdseed cake which me lads thought was stuffing lmfao or the post and the photo about the EYES inside the turkey... well there always seems to be a funny thing about the turkey and last year was no exception.... I lifted the turkey out and placed it upon pride of place on the huge turkey platter... when Sam exclaimed WTF is that, pointing to the cooked turkey.... here let me show you..



See the flap of skin that covered the neck opening of the turkey, well I told Sam that it was the Turkeys Balls LMFAO hahahahaha.... yeah right he said and pretended he didnt believe me..... so, if he didnt believe me, how come I caught him doing this........



He was only taking a sneaky double peek at the turkey nuts lmfao hahahaha oh my goodness I sooooooooo laffed.....

We take it in turns to carve the turkey and this year it was Toms turn....



Its strange sometimes just being the 5 of us, when it use to be not only my sons father at the table but my mother and father and my brother and his wife... that seems so far away now, my parents are both dead and my brother parted ways, so its only been the 5 of us for years and years.... but, my goodness, do we laff at our christmas dinner table or what lmfao



My Sam was explaining about something he had done which sent us all into fits of laughter, its unrepeatable here but the 5 of us laffed so much (Sam looks like a redneck in this photo lol)



Yep, by now the giggles had got out of control lmfao




Please excuse the fishtank that had yet to be cleaned out and set up for a bearded dragon LOL

My Sam and Jacob are both as thin as sticks cos they both do extreme sports and burn more calories then I can possibly put inside of them.... and somehow the table talk got around to who had the biggest skinny muscles lmfao.... my Jacob on the left is 3 1/2 years younger then Sam on the right... Sam does extreme skateboarding and Jacob is a free-runner and a trampolinest, oh and is doing tree surgery and forest management at college so is up and down trees like a monkey and uses a chainsaw daily so has good upper body structure lol...




Skinny rats the pair of them :)

we usually spent a good couple of hours at the table eating dinner and numerous puddings and drinking and just talking about different things..

then its all back into the lounge to mong out, and Toms Girlfriend with whom he lives turned up (she had been at her mums for dinner lol)



So more laughter, I love this girl with all my heart, she is beautiful both inside and our and is about a foot shorter then my 6'4" Tom lol.... who would of thought that within 18 months of Tom splitting up with his long term (3 years) girlfriend just 18 months previous that he would of met such a beautiful girl as Sammy and got engagement and moved in with each other.... Sammy just slipped into our family unit like a soft hand in a glove, it was meant to be.....

Anyways I need to close this terribly long post lol.... but before I do I must just add this......... last crimbo I decided not to fill up each of me lads stockings with new socks and boxers, you know like us parents do to bulk out their stockings (and yes I still do them each a stocking) but upon seeing the next photo...



maybe I should of at least got Tom some new socks lmfao

So there was crimbo 2009 in my house.... if nuffin else it was filled with love and laughter and surely thats what its all suppose to be about....

I doubt if anyone is still here or anyone has read my long winded post, but I needed to get it down before this coming crimbo is truely upon us....

It was THE BEST christmas day we had ever had, and usually they are good, but this one, well it just had an ease about it, it didnt matter that we didnt eat til 2ish or that the sprouts were a tad soggy or the parsnips fell on the floor lol.... it was just the best......

and tomorrow would be boxing day, usually the day I love best in the whole year.... and within this next week I WILL get down about that day.... it was to turn out to be the most surprising special day in a very long time.... a day that bought more laughter and tears running down my face with joy.....

so, know you are loved Twaddlers if any of you still exists.... and I will do Crimbo Part II in the coming days......

OXO

Heather... We Loved You ... RIP

Ok....... I still need to do me crimbo post but I need to get down something that happened the weekend before last.... probably no one here to read, but this is a diary of my life events for me lads to read one day....

Sorry I aint been around, life has just been in the way..... my dear friends hubby had his brain tumour op, its not gone to well, they couldnt get it all out, so its harrowing times for this dear family... and Ive tried to be there for me matie.... me other divorcing matie is getting on me tits though.... dont even get me started on that one lol - and Im still trying to rob Peter to pay Paul, I have picked up a couple of part time nippers though so maybe things are gonna pick up soon, cos I sure know this is no way to live....existance is not living...

Anyways.....

Last month I joined a Pet site via facebook..... it was a semi rescue/selling site for pets and accessories....

Someone on there had a cocketiel and cage that they no longer wanted.... and I know my Jacob would LOVE one of these birds so I rang the number and spoke to a well nice lady in town, she said the bird was called Major and he was very tame, they just didnt have the room for him no more what with a new baby on the way..... so I arranged to go into town with my lad to have a butchers at the bird to see if it was what he wanted.....

Well, blimey, he fell in love with the dam thing.... so Major and its cage came home to live with us..... and he was/is tame... we gets him out everyday and he spends most evenings perched on someones head or on someones shoulder, he says loads of things and when no one is around during the day, Im trying to teach him 'bollocks' LOL but he aint having non of it........ he does say HELLO MAJOR and HELLO BABY and NITE NITE MAJOR..... and cos he says these things it means my Jacob had to keep his name the same....


This is Major sitting on our Sams head..

Me cats dont seem to bothered with him, oh they had a little paw at the cage the night we bought it home, but thats about all.....


I love this photo, if you look carefully to the right you can make out our fat Cat Buff staring through the bars of majors cage, thinking, just one wrong move dam bird and you're my lunch lol

So... we had only had Major for a week and eveyone loves him..... my Tom that lives with his girlfriend was besotted by him, and the following Sunday our Tom and Sammie his girlfriend turn up one Sunday morning, everyone else is in bed and he says...... Ive got an idea mum.... how funny would it be if Jacob woke up and found another bird in the cage with Major.... you know, a GIRL bird..... so I says.... what? he says, we have just been to the pet shop to get crickets for the Chamelions and they have some well cute cocketiels there..... thats it he says, before Jacob gets up Im going to go buy him another bird..... and he disappears.....


This is Major, aint he sweet.. and if he sits on ya shoulder he fiddles with ya chain round ya neck or ya earring or even fiddles with ya hair.... and he aint once did a poo whilst out of his cage :)


Jacob and Major....

Well LMFAO..... he comes back about 15 mintues later with the funniest of funny birds..... it was the fattest cocketiel I have ever seen.... its face was so fat that its beak sorta looked more like a little nose... it was so pretty though be it a little hunched back looking...... Tom picked it cos it was on its own in the aviary and was just on the floor pecking around, he said.... it looked like no one would love it so I knew it had to come here LMFAO....

I think it was to heavy to actually fly.... anyways we put it in the cage with Major and he went mental...... he was shouting.... hello baby hello baby over and over.... Jacob woke up and came down and he to was besotted with the new bird and Major by then was in LOVE..... it was so sweet, he would lay his head on the fat birds chest...

So....... the new bird was to be called HEATHER...... doodles will not understand this, but it is named after Fat Heather off of Eastenders which is a telly programme here, cos this bird looks just like Fat Heather....

It to was fairly tame, but I think its more cos it couldnt actually fly off cos it was to heavy..... but we loved fat Heather.... and Major certainly was in love with his new cage matie....

All was well for 5 days.... then Jacob got up at 6 on the Friday morning for college and he came down the stairs well quiet.... Fat Heather died mum in the night, I uncovered them this morning and she is laying on the floor of the cage... dead.....

oh no, I says...... he said, last evening she was making well funny noises and me and Tom filmed her cos it was funny, but now I come to think about it, it was probably her dying cos the noises wheren't normal.... but we just thought she was showing off to Major.....

Oh my Jacob, Im so sorry, but at least you gave her 5 days of fun and love and she did like us and she seemed happy..... what have you done with her now.... oh, I put her in a plastic carrier bag in me room, will have to bury her when I get back from college..... Tom will be sad and to think he had wasted 30 quid on a bird that only lasted 5 days.....

Well...... whilst Jacob was at college I had some things to do in town so whilst there I popped into the pet shop, cos my reckoning was that a bloody bird should last longer then 5 days, when we had looked after it proper, it shouldnt just up and die on us.... this is what happened at the pet shop......

I wander in the door and go up to the counter where a nice looking lady is standing behind the till..... I swear on my life this is the conversation that followed..

hello she says..... hello I say back... Heather is dead.. the woman looks at the other woman at the other till and turns back to me and says...... oh Im very sorry about your loss... Im really upset I say and I dont know where I stand, its all been very upsetting..... again the woman says Im so very sorry, maybe see a bereavement councillor, was Heather your mother? (she must of thought I was some nutcase that had just wandered in off the street she obviously didnt realise I was talking about Fat Heather our bird)..

Im to upset for councilling I said, I just want to swap her for something else...... blank stares from the woman..... pardon the woman says... I want to swap Fat Heather for another bird I says......... OH she says smiling... Fat Heather was a bird you bought from here, its NOT your mother?... nah its not me mother, I wouldnt swap my dead mother for the time of day, she hated me, she was more a cow then a bird I says...... with that the woman lost the plot and just burst out laffing as did her staff mate on the other till......... sorry I said but I dont think its funny, we loved Heather and you must of sold us a dodgy bird... so I would like to swap her for one that is breathing, cos our bird is dead and is not breathing.......

hahahaha the woman laffed you want to swap it for one that is breathing, now that is funny she said....... me, still with a dead straight face said...... so what do I do...

Have you got the bird, opps sorry, Fat Heather with you.........what do you think I am? mad? do you really think I would take a dead bird out with me shopping, no she is at home in a plastic recycleable carrier bag in the bottom of the fridge.....I think it is a biodegradable one and not just any old bag...I just didnt wanna put her in one that might suffocate her......... the tears were rolling down the womans face, but you said she was dead, I doubt it would make any difference what bag she was in..... out of respect I say, to Heather, she still has a soul... hence the biodegrable bag....so, I says...... what do you want me to do with Fat Heather that now resides in a carrier bag in the bottom of me fridge...... please please dont tell me you really have dead fat heather in the bottom of your fridge....... its ok I say, she is under the bag of chopped lettuce, I didnt wanna leave her on the side in the kitchen incase the cats decided to have a nibble on her.... god rest her soul......

By now the woman was in uncontrollable fits of laughter........ Im sorry you find this so funny I say, to laff at someones obvious distress about the loss of their dead fat Heather I dont find amusing....

Im sorry the woman is trying to say through muffled gulps of laffing....

Ok, the woman says....... if you could bring dead Fat Heather back to the shop you can have your money back....... we just want to swap her for one that is breathing I say.... ok she says, tears still rolling down her face....... I'll bring the dead bird back when I come to pick my boy up around 6ish... you will see she really is dead and Im not just making it up to get a different bird....

Fine the woman says......I hope Im still on shift when you come back...... and she walks away down the shop shoulders heaving with laughter...... some people can be so insensitive to others loss......

So with dead Fat Heather uncovered from underneath the mixed salad in the fridge I pick me lad up and we go back to the pet shop...... I explained to the bloke that the lady during the day said we were to bring Fat Heather back to swap her for a breathing bird...... the bloke says, Val told me to expect you... we dont usually swap animals unless they die within 48 hours of purchase...... I give him the evil eye and say.... at 30 quid Heather should of lasted more then 5 days.... you either swap my boys dead bird for another healthy breathing bird or Im gonna shove it where the sun dont shine which will be easy cos by now Fat Heather is rather stiff....he just burst out laffing and said, under the circumstances I will let you pick another one........ like you even had a choice I mumble...

So the upshot of it is that Jacob got to pick out another bird..... and I told the bloke that if this one also dies within a week it to will be bought back and swapped.....I dont think he dared argue lol

At least Heather had a lovely few loved filled days with us....... the bloke said it was to late in the day to do anything with the dead bird and he would sort it out in the morning (they send them away to find out why they died incase they have dodgy breeders that supply them) and with that he shoved Dead Fat Heather under the counter....... I just hoped that whoever came on first shift the following day didnt think someone had left them a donna kebab for their breakfast lmfao


This is our new bird, as yet unnamed...... I will get the photos of Fat Dead Heather off of our Jacobs camera and show you what a pretty funny girl she was before she died.... just aint downloaded them onto the computer yet :)

I expect thats a day in the life of a pet shop worker that wont be forgotten in a hurry :)

Sorry, but I can only be me....... I know I aint normal..... but still, I wouldnt want me any other way lol

I promise to do better in the blobbing stakes.... here and around other blobs.... please forgive me..... life aint been easy...

ok, to much Twaddle for one rather hot May morning ...

x

Spring Reflections..

ok...... I dont know where the last few weeks have gone.... a dear friends hubby has just found out his 'strange turn' the week before last, is due to an egg sized brain tumour nestled behind his eye socket, so worrying times for my friend, and their 2 girls and young son whom I have childminded for the past 5 years...

I saw me friend yesterday outside our village shop and asked how things were going... she said easter would be strange this year.... to which I replied...... well, you wont have to buy Richard an easter egg, not if his tumour is egg shaped, least that saves a bit of money.... to which she replied....... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha fank you Mel for being you, everyone has pussyfooted around, but you, are just you.... I'll tell Richard your words they will make him laff LOL..... sometimes I think I need to keep me mouth shut LOL...

And another friend is just starting on the road called 'divorce street' and she thinks life aint gonna change for her and her 16 and 13 year old.... oh my.... except, I think she already has someone lined up on the side lines...... *rolling me eyes* but as usual, I will be there for her....

Anyways.... this is just a quickie...... being Easter Sunday and all...... as you know I dont 'do god' even though many says he does me lol....

Ive had a couple of very 'trying' days this week.... many also uncontrollable tears.... desperately trying to figure things out on me own on many aspects of life..... and Ive been bashing meself up bigtime.....

BUT.......

When I got up this morning an tiptoed down the stairs as to not wake anyone up, you know, to bung the kettle on and let me chickens out and move me car off the Baptists Chappels forcourt (the only place to park last night when I got in from a reflective tearful drive) or that vicar will be knocking me up when church starts.....

This is what I saw as I was half awake waiting for the kettle to boil......



I have this little wire beaded heart hanging from the handle of one of me kitchen cupboards.... and there reflecting on me tiles was this heart shape..... the strange thing is the sun was not shining through me kitchen window cos its to early in the day.... I couldnt work out how there was a shaddow...... then I followed the line of the light and it was coming through my kitchen roof skylight window which was being reflected off me twat neighbours open window......

bloody hell..... DO YOU THINK ITS A SIGN FROM GOD........... and dont say a sign of madness LOL

Those that 'do god' have the most special of days........ and those that dont do him, well, still have a special day lol

Be safe and be kind to one another...

love you..

x

Marriage and Banana Bread...

Ok....... I know its been yonks since Ive been here or anywhere else, except the odd comment on faceache, oops I mean facebook.... just been trying to keep afloat here, still without any between school hours paid work.... just trying desperately not to go under.... but as yet, I keep bobbing to the surface, I refuse to drown until there is no hope left......I get just to the point of no return and something little comes along with lines me pockets with a bit of dosh to see us through the week, but do I hide every penny, do I hell, I sent a couple of little friendship gifts to a few and when I only had a fiver left last week I gave it to someone I know that was, I thought, more skint then me, found out later they spent it going out with friends and not on that bread and milk for their kids..... I live and learn lmfao

Im also sorting me house out with an option to sell it, which would be hard after this being our home like forever..... still at physio.. who would of thought that they could cock up both knees aye and by doing so, I'd lose me daytime babies, and cos of the knock on I'll probably loose me house....... life aye..... all cos I had to have surgery... wish I hadnt had either surgeries now........ oh well.... aint much I can do about it now but keep plodding along with my stubborn pigheaded strong YOU WONT BEAT ME attitude LOL - I dont share my problems with anyone, well, me matie Wendy who is my bestest matie here, knows everything, she is the one that came to court with me back before crimbo.....I'd trust her with my life.. other then her knowing stuff, I keep meself to me self, cos Ive learnt if you share to much or take people into ones confidence (people around here I mean - here meaning in this village) they eventually turn it around and use it against you for their own gain..... so I do what Ive always done all me life.... and try and suss and sort everything out meself ...

Anyways..... I doubt if anyone is still around, but Im posting this for me lads to one day read when Im long gone....

I WILL do me crimbo post lmfao...... it will be the latest crimbo post in the history of blobber :) - except I know its gonna be a tad long and I thought if I could post this, what happened last week, then it would ease me back into Twaddling :)

But first, before the crimbo post,I wanna get down in words what happened to me last Thursday.....

I had 25 quid in me pocket to go get some groceries for us all...... Im trying to keep the 4 of us on the little Im earning at the moment, only 4 cos our Tom now lives with his girlfriend, but with Jacob still in education and both my Ben and Sam being made redundant and of course me without me daytime nippers, just me before and after schoolers, you can imagine...... Im robbing Peter to pay Paul and Paul has already been mugged twice this week LMFAO...

So...... there I was in a the little grocery shop up in town with me 25 quid in me pocket, as I put a quid in to get a trolley I spied something that I have always always wanted... on a shelf near the shopping trolleys were rows and rows of Orchids..... oh my, I have always always wanted an orchid, but they are well expensive in the florists... and knowing me, them being posh plants, it would probably only live a week LOL.....

BUT... these beautiful orchids of all different colours and shapes were only a fiver ($8) I asked the bloke why they was so cheap, whats the matter with them I says...... nuffin he says..... they are advertised at that price to bring people in, and then those people will buy other stuff not just the Orchids...... but a fiver was a fifth of the money I had for groceries LOL and already me list was on its bare bones of its arse.....

I picked up this most beautiful orchid and then put it back and picked it up and put it back LOL...... well, I must of been mumbling to meself cos I heard next to me someone say.... arent they beautiful... to which I say, yes they are, Ive always wanted one, but I dont need one, not really, I have other things more important to buy, like FOOD lol..... well when I actually turned and looked who has spoken to me, there stood this tiny little VERY old lady... she to had picked up one of the orchids... snap (snap means jinx over here) she said, she had picked up the same shape and colour as the one I to was holding.... I again said, I dont really need one, anyways I would probably kill it within a week and again I put it back........she sorta giggled in an old lady sorta way and said, oh they are easy to keep, Ive had one 15 years, and I to dont need this one, and she put hers back to LOL..... we looked at each other and at the same time both picked one up and burst out laffing....... oh sod it I says to her..... lets both go crazy and get something we dont need in life but something for once we just WANT..... lets she says and burst out laffing again.... and I smiled at her and went on my way.....

Here it is, they had yellow ones and white ones, cream ones, plain purple sorta ones and then this one..... I just thought it was a bit different, like me LOL


I know this one is a little blurry but you can see just how ugly/pretty the flower is.....

Just inside the double doors to the actual shop there are buckets and buckets of flowers, you know, bunches.... they caught my eye.... dam and bugger...... I aint had flowers in the house since the ones that Iggy sent me after crimbo curled up eventually and died on me.... and there was a bucket full of purple and white flowers just crying at me to pick them up and put the Orchid back LOL..... so I did... I did what I did with the orchid, I picked them up and put the back, picked them up and put them back and actually said out loud.... dam Mel you DONT need them you greedy cow you have an orchid you dont need, now forward and onward.... and believe me I really truely DID say that to meself.... I didnt give a dam who was listening lol..... I had to be firm with meself, I had already over stepped the mark with having the 5 pound orchid in me shopping trolley....

So I quickly move away from the flowers, with a sorta sadness in my soul.. but there would be other times, better times.... and once again my house would be filled with jugs of flowers...

So I get to the fresh fruit and veggie part of the shop.... one thing I have emerced (is that spelt right? lol) in is my baking..... Ive always cooked and baked from scratch everyday, but now I could make a meal fit for a king from an onion LOL people cant believe how well we eat somedays out of nuffin :)..

Where was I, oh yes, the fruit and veg part of the shop....... so, my mind is whirling with what I would be cooking in the coming days and what I would need..... sweet potatoes... normal spuds..... brocolli, onions, leeks, swede, salad stuff, melon, apples, oranges, and the biggest bunch of bananas you could imagine (the fruit and veg in this particular shop is always the freshest and the cheapest anywhere - hence why I shop there)... as I turn round to put the bananas in me shopping trolley the same little old lady was next to me, I smile and she smiled back, then I looked at what she had in her shopping trolley......... bloody hell.... she had the same orchid as I had in mine, she had just put sweet potatoes and spuds and swede and all the other things the same as me in her trolley, hers was exactly the same as mine, except she HAD picked up the bunch of purple and white flowers.......

Oh my I say...... just look at our trolleys, they have the exact same things in, except for the flowers and they are in my trolley in my mind I says LOL...... how strange she answers......... Oh My Goodness I say out loud whilst looking her in the eyes...... YOU ARE ME WHEN IM OLD Im looking at me in the future, you are who I will be...... to which she burst out laffing, I mean right proper laffing...... and then she said...... oh my dear it will be a few years before you are my age, but it is strange how we have the same items in our trolleys....... yep I says... you are me, except I doubt I will shrink as small as you...... again she laffed so hard I thought her false teeth were gonna shoot out..... she was quite a posh little old lady, with a nicely spoken voice (unlike me lol)... oh cripes I say...... your stalking me...... and she laffed even more hahahaha

Go on she says, how old do you think I am..... ok, me being the diplomat, I says ohhhh well your me in the future and I reckon your about 65ish....... oh my, she let out the most funny sound... and sorta did a funny little jig lmfao...... you have made my day, you have made my week she said.... Im 83 she said with such pride..... now, I knew this beautiful cute little old lady wasnt anywhere near the 65 years I had guessed at..... but, hey..... I had made her day, her week..... you wait until I tell my daughter she said, you just wait until I tell her about you and the flowers and the sweet potatoes and you thinking Im you in the future and only 65.... and she reached out with her wrinkled old hands and wrapped them tight around me and hugged me until I thought I was gonna have to throw a tomatoe at her to let me go then she reach up and took my face in those old wrinkly hands and she kissed my face and said thank you..... and she then just continued on her way....

Well. lordy...... what am I like LOL...... I aint normal right...... who says things like that to little old strangers in grocery shops....

So........ I have to rethink me list in me head cos I had the orchid in me trolley which was a fifth of the money I had to spend.... so I whizzed around the rest of the shop.... bread flour, yeast, eggs, butter, chorizo sausage...... I aint bought bread for over 5 weeks, I make bread twice a day and pizza dough..... so I bought a huge bag of flour...... adding everything up in me head as I went along.... I would hate to get to the checkout and not have enough money on me..... I know I would make a joke out of it, if that happened, but inside I would die of embarrassment lol....

Anyways...... there are a couple of people in front of me in the queue so I stand in line to wait me turn, I had nowhere near a full trolley but too much to put in a wire basket... when I see out of the corner of me eye that someone had joined the queue behind me..... as I turn round (cos Im nosey like that) there stands this bloke, about 50ish holding just 3 items in his hands, he smiles the most amazing huge smile at me..... I bet inside he was thinking....... sod it, that bloody woman in front has a trolley and I only had 3 items, I'll be here ages...... of course, Im only guessing that those there his thoughts lol

I look at his 3 items then look at my half trolley and turn around to face him and say........ would you like to go in front of me seeing as you only have a few things, cos I bet you are swearing at me inside your head cos I have half a trolley full....... he continues to beam this huge smile....I dont think he had false teeth LMFAO.... are you sure he says..... well, I says..... I only do ONE good deed a day, and it looks like your the lucky one..... BUT my one good deed comes with a consequence...... ok, he says, still beaming, and that consequence would be what? he says... actually I say, it comes with 2 LOL..... oh now ya pushing it he says, still beaming.... ok spill them, what are they........ ok.. first you have to promise to keep smiling at people today cos it might be the only smile they get during the day...... done, he says........ and, I say..... you have to pay it forward..... blank look on his face...... yes I repeat, you have to pay it forward, you have to pay forward a good deed to a total stranger today with no gain for yourself....... he was still smiling as he said...... DONE, and he slipped past me to stand in front with his 3 items..... as his turn comes up he leaves the queue and walks over to the stand where the bunches of flowers were and quickly picks up a bunch, only the dam bloody same bunch that I had put back about 4 times lol....... inside I thought..... dam git, someone is lucky, they are getting flowers from Mr Smiley man.... he puts them on the checkout with his other items.... the woman rings them up, he pays with cash, then turns around and hands the flowers to me....... now there was blank stares from me....... there you go he said....... Im paying it forward.....what I say?...... he said.... I was watching you interact with that little old lady, I was behind you outside where the orchids were, and I listened to what you were saying and I watched as you umm'd and arr'd over the flowers, then again I listened and watched you with the same little lady at the veggies, and I saw how you made a complete strangers day, someone you didnt even know, and now you have made mine with your kindess........ and he holds out the flowers and says, these are for you.... WILL YOU MARRY ME ....... hahahahahaha I take the flowers and he is beaming and I say.......

Dam, I cant this afternoon I have to make banana bread...... to which he creases up laffing and winks at me and walks out the door laffing......

There....... I lost me chance LMFAO...... probably my only ever chance at someone asking me to marry them hahahahaha ok I know he wasnt serious, but still...... why oh why did I say I had to make banana bread... what am I like lmfao

These are the flowers and I know they look pink but they aint they are mauve....

Dam, I wonder where he might of taken me on honeymoon, I never did have a proper one first time round LOL..

Ok enough boring Twaddling for one evening...... its good to be back..

OXO