Lesson

6
Emphasis
Beginning and end shake hands with each other.
—German Proverb

In the end is my beginning.

—T. S. Eliot

All’s well that ends well.

—William Shakespeare

Understanding How Sentences End

If you consistently write sentences whose subjects/topics name a
few central characters and join them to strong verbs, you’ll likely
get the rest of the sentence right, and in the process create a pas-
sage that is both cohesive and coherent. But if the first few words
of a sentence are worth special attention, so are the last few. How
you end your sentences affects how readers judge not only the
clarity and strength of individual sentences, but also their collec-
tive cohesion and coherence.
When readers build up momentum in the first nine or ten
words of a sentence, they more easily get through complicated
material that follows. Compare:
1a. A sociometric and actuarial analysis of Social Security revenues
and disbursements for the last six decades to determine changes in
projecting deficits is the subject of this study.
80
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 81

✓ 1b. In this study, we analyze Social Security’s revenues and dis-

bursements for the last six decades, using sociometric and actuarial
­criteria to determine changes in projecting deficits.
As we start (1a), we struggle to understand its technical terms at
the same time we are hacking through a subject twenty-two words
long. In (1b), we go through just five words to get past a subject
and verb and twelve more before we hit a term—sociometric—that
might slow us down. By that point we have enough momentum to
carry us through the complexity to the sentence’s end.

Complex Grammar
Which of these two sentences do you prefer?
2a. Lincoln’s claim that the Civil War was God’s punishment of both
North and South for slavery appears in the last part of the speech.
2b. In the last part of his speech, Lincoln claims that God gave the
Civil War to both North and South as a punishment for slavery.
Most readers prefer (2b), because it begins simply with a short
introductory phrase followed by a one-word subject and a specific
verb, then moves toward grammatical complexity. We discussed
that issue in Lesson 5.

Complex Meaning
Another kind of complexity is in the meanings of words, especially
technical terms. Compare these two passages:
3a. The role of calcium blockers in the control of cardiac irregu-
larity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium
in the a ­ ctivation of muscle cells. The regulatory proteins actin,
­myosin, tropomyosin, and troponin make up the sarcomere. The
­energy-­p roducing, or ATPase, protein myosin makes up its thick
­filament, while actin, tropomyosin, and troponin make up its thin fil-
ament. I­ nteraction of myosin and actin triggers muscle contraction.
✓ 3b. When a muscle contracts, it uses calcium. If we can under-
stand how calcium affects muscle contraction, we can explain how
the drugs called “calcium blockers” control cardiac irregularity.
The basic unit of muscle contraction is the sarcomere. It has two
­filaments, one thin and one thick. Those filaments consist of four
proteins that regulate contraction: actin, tropomyosin, and tro-
ponin in the thin filament and myosin in the thick one. Muscles
contract when a protein in the thin filament, actin, interacts with
the protein in the thick filament, myosin, an energy-producing or
ATPase protein.
82 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

Both passages use the same technical terms, but (3b) is clearer to
those who know nothing about the chemistry of muscles.
Those passages differ in two ways. First, information that is
only implicit in (3a) is stated explicitly in (3b). More important,
note how almost all the technical terms in (3a) are toward the
­beginnings of their sentences and the familiar ones are toward
the end:
3a. The role of calcium blockers in the control of cardiac irregu-
larity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium in
the activation of muscle cells.
The regulatory proteins actin, myosin, tropomyosin, and tropo-
nin make up the sarcomere.
The energy-producing, or ATPase, protein myosin makes up its
thick filament, while actin, tropomyosin, and troponin make up
its thin filament.
Interaction of myosin and actin triggers muscle contraction.
In (3b), those technical terms appear at the ends of their sentences:
. . . uses calcium.
. . . “calcium blockers” control cardiac irregularity
. . . is the sarcomere.
. . . actin, tropomyosin, and troponin in the thin filament and
­myosin in the thick one.
. . . myosin, an energy-producing or ATPase protein.
These ways of introducing unfamiliar terms work even for
prose intended for professional readers. In this next passage, from
the New England Journal of Medicine, the writer deliberately uses
metadiscourse just to put the new technical term at its end:
The incubation of peripheral-blood lymphocytes with a lympho-
kine, interleukin-2, generates lymphoid cells that can lyse fresh,
noncultured, natural-killer-cell-resistant tumor cells but not
­n ormal cells. We term these cells lymphokine-activated killer
(LAK) cells.

Here’s the point: Your readers want you to organize your

sentences to help them manage two kinds of difficulty:
• long and complex phrases and clauses
• new information, particularly unfamiliar technical terms
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 83

In general, your sentences should begin with elements that

are relatively short: a short introductory phrase or clause,
followed by a short, concrete subject, followed by a verb
­expressing a specific action. After the verb, the sentence can
go on for several lines, if it is well constructed (see Lessons 10
and 11). The general principle is to carry the reader not from
complexity to simplicity, but from simplicity to complexity.

Another New Term: Stress

In the last lesson, we said that the first few words of a sentence are
especially important because they state its topic, what the ­sentence
is “about ” or “comments” on. The last few words of a s­ entence are
also particularly important, because they receive special empha-
sis. You can sense that when you hear your voice rise at the end
of a sentence to emphasize one syllable more strongly than the
others:
. . . more strongly than the ó-thers.
We have the same experience when reading silently.
We’ll call this most emphatic part of a sentence its stress. How
you manage the emphasis in that stress position helps establish the
voice readers hear in your prose, because if you end a sentence
on words that carry little meaning, your sentence will seem to end
weakly.
Global warming could raise sea levels to a point where much of the
world’s low-lying coastal areas would disappear, according to most
atmospheric scientists.
✓ According to most atmospheric scientists, global warming could
raise sea levels to a point where much of the world’s low-lying coastal
areas would disappear.
In Lessons 4 and 5, we saw how different subjects/topics ­create
different points of view (pp. 55–56, 73–74). You can create differ-
ent ­stylistic effects by managing how your sentences end.
Compare these next passages. One was written to blame an
American president for being weak with Iran on arms control. The
other is a revision that stresses Iran. The ends of the sentences tell
you which is which:
1a. The administration has blurred an issue central to nuclear arms
control, the issue of verification. Irresponsible charges, innuendo,
84 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

and leaks have submerged serious problems with Iranian compli-

ance. The objective, instead, should be not to exploit these concerns
in order to further poison our relations, repudiate existing agree-
ments, or, worse still, terminate arms control altogether, but to insist
on compliance and clarify questionable behavior.
1b. The issue of verification—so central to nuclear arms con-
trol—has been blurred by the administration. Serious problems
with Iranian compliance have been submerged in irresponsible
charges, innuendo, and leaks. The objective, instead, should
be to clarify questionable behavior and insist on compliance—not
to exploit these concerns in order to further poison our relations,
­repudiate existing agreements, or, worse still, terminate arms
­control altogether.

Here’s the point: Just as we look at the first few words of

a sentence for point of view, we look to the last few words for
emphasis. You can revise a sentence to emphasize particu-
lar words that you want readers to hear stressed and thereby
note as particularly significant.

Diagnosis and Revision: Stress

If you have managed your subjects and topics well, you will, by
default, put the words you want to emphasize toward the ends
of your sentences. To test this, read your sentence aloud, and as
you reach the last three or four words, tap your finger hard as if
emphasizing them in a speech. If you tap on words that do not
deserve strong emphasis, look for words that do. Then put those
words closer to the end. Here are some ways to do that:

Three Tactical Revisions

1. Trim the end.
Sociobiologists claim that our genes control our social behavior in
the way we act in situations we are in every day.
Since social behavior means the way we act in situations . . . ,
we drop everything after behavior:
✓ Sociobiologists claim that our genes control our social behavior.
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 85

2. Shift peripheral ideas to the left.

The data offered to prove ESP are weak, for the most part.
✓ For the most part, the data offered to prove ESP are weak.
Particularly avoid ending with anticlimactic metadiscourse:
Job opportunities in computer programming are getting scarcer,
it must be remembered.
✓ It must be remembered that job opportunities in computer
­programming are getting scarcer.
3. Shift new information to the right. A more common way to
manage stress is by moving new information to the end of a
sentence.
Questions about the ethics of withdrawing intravenous
­feeding are more difficult [than something just mentioned].
✓ More difficult [than something just mentioned] are questions
about the ethics of withdrawing intravenous feeding.

Six Syntactic Devices to Emphasize the Right Words

There are several syntactic devices that let you manage where in
a sentence you stress units of new information. (You just read one
of them.)
1. There shift Some editors discourage all there is/there are
­constructions, but using them lets you shift a subject to the
right to emphasize it. Compare:
Several syntactic devices let you manage where in a sentence
you locate units of new information.
✓ There are several syntactic devices that let you manage where in
a sentence you locate units of new information.
Experienced writers commonly begin a paragraph with there
to introduce new topics and concepts that they develop in
­sentences that follow.
2. Passives (for the last time) A passive verb lets you flip a
­subject and object. Compare these sentences:
Some claim that our genes influence active aspects of behavior
that we think are learned. Our genes, for example, seem to
­determine . . .
✓ Some claim that aspects of behavior that we think are learned are
in fact influenced passive by our genes. Our genes, for example,
seem to determine . . .
86 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

The passive is in the language so that we can get old and new
information in the right order.
3. What shift This is another device that shifts a part of the
­sentence to the right, thereby emphasizing it more:
We need a monetary policy that would end fluctuations in money
supply, unemployment, and inflation.
✓ What we need is a monetary policy that would end fluctuations in
money supply, unemployment, and inflation.
4. It shift When you have a subject consisting of a long noun
clause, you can move it to the end of the sentence and start
with an it:
That oil prices would be set by OPEC once seemed inevitable.
✓ It once seemed inevitable that oil prices would be set by
OPEC.
5. Not only X, but (also) Y (as well) In this next pair, note how
the but emphasizes the last element of the pair:
We must clarify these issues and develop trust.
✓ We must not only clarify these issues, but also develop trust.
6. Pronoun substitution and ellipsis This is a fine point: a sen-
tence can end flatly when you repeat a word that you used just
a few words before at the end of a sentence, because the voice
we hear in our mind’s ear drops off at the end. If you read
aloud the preceding sentence, this one, and the next, you can
hear that drop at the end of each sentence. To avoid that kind
of flatness, rewrite or use a pronoun instead of repeating the
word at the end of the sentence. For example:
A sentence will seem to end flatly if at its end you use a word
that you used just a few words before, because when you repeat
that word, your voice drops. Instead of repeating the noun, use a
­pronoun. The reader will at least hear emphasis on the word just
before it.
Occasionally, you can just delete words that repeat earlier
ones:
It is sometimes possible to represent a complex idea in a simple
sentence, but more often you cannot.
One of the characteristics of especially elegant prose is
how writers use a handful of rhetorical figures to end their
­sentences. I will discuss those devices in Lesson 11.
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 87

Quick Tip: You can easily check whether you have

stressed the right words by reading your sentences aloud: As
you speak the last few words, raise your voice and tap the
table with your fingers. If you’ve stressed the wrong words,
your voice and table thumping will feel wrong:
It is sometimes possible to represent a complex idea in a
simple sentence, but more often you cannot represent it in
that kind of sentence.

If you’ve stressed the right words, your voice and table

thumping will feel right:
It is sometimes possible to represent a complex idea in a
simple sentence, but more OFten you canNOT.

Exercise 6.1
Revise these sentences to emphasize the right words. In the first
three, I boldfaced what I think should be stressed. Then eliminate
wordiness, nominalizations, etc.

1. The President’s tendency to rewrite the Constitution is the big-

gest danger to the nation, in my opinion, at least.
2. A new political philosophy that could affect our society well into
the twenty-first century may emerge from these studies.
3. There are limited opportunities for faculty to work with individ-
ual students in large American colleges and universities.
4. Building suburban housing developments in floodplains has led
to the existence of extensive and widespread flooding and eco-
nomic disaster in parts of our country in recent years, it is now
clear.
5. The teacher who makes an assignment of a long final term paper
at the end of the semester and who then gives only a grade and
nothing else such as a critical comment is a common object of
complaint among students at the college level.
6. Renting textbooks rather than buying them for basic required
courses such as mathematics, foreign languages, and English,
whose textbooks do not go through yearly changes, is feasible,
however, economically speaking.
88 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

Exercise 6.2
Revise these passages so that their sentences begin with appropri-
ate topics and end with appropriate emphasis.

1. The story of King Lear and his daughters was a popular one
during the reign of Queen Elizabeth. At least a dozen avail-
able books offered the story to anyone wishing to read it, by
the time Elizabeth died. The characters were undeveloped in
most of these stories, however, making the story a simple nar-
rative that stated an obvious moral. When he began work on
Lear, perhaps his greatest tragedy, Shakespeare must have had
several versions of this story available to him. He turned the
characters into credible human beings with complex motives,
however, even though they were based on the stock figures of
legend.
2. Whether the date an operation intends to close down might be
part of management’s “duty to disclose” during contract bar-
gaining is the issue here, it would appear. The minimization of
conflict is the central rationale for the duty that management
has to bargain in good faith. In order to allow the union to put
forth proposals on behalf of its members, companies are obli-
gated to disclose major changes in an operation during bargain-
ing, though the case law is scanty on this matter.
3. Athens’ catastrophic Sicilian Invasion is the most important event
in Thucydides’ History of the Peloponnesian War. Three-quarters
of the history is devoted to setting up the invasion because
of this. Through the step-by-step decline in Athenian society
that Thucydides describes, we can see how he chose to antici-
pate the Sicilian Invasion. The inevitability that we associate with
the tragic drama is the basic reason for the need to anticipate the
invasion.

Topics, Emphasis, Themes, and Coherence

There is one more function performed by the stress of ­certain
­s entences, one that helps readers think a whole passage is
­coherent. As we saw in Lesson 5, readers take the clearest topic to
be a short noun phrase that comes early in a sentence, usually as
its subject. That’s why most of us judge this next paragraph to be
unfocused: its sentences seem to open randomly, from no consis-
tent point of view:
1a. Great strides in the early and accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s
disease have been made in recent years. Not too long ago, senility in
an older patient who seemed to be losing touch with reality was o
­ ften
confused with Alzheimer’s. Genetic clues have become the basis of
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 89

newer and more reliable tests in the last few years, however. The risk
of human tragedy of another kind, though, has resulted from the
­increasing accuracy of these tests: predictions about susceptibility to
Alzheimer’s have become possible, long before the appearance of any
overt symptoms. At that point, an apparently healthy person could be
devastated by such an early diagnosis.
If we revise that passage to make the topics more consistent, we
also make it more coherent (topics are boldfaced):
✓ 1b. In recent years, researchers have made great strides in the early
and accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. Not too long ago, when
a physician examined an older patient who seemed out of touch
with reality, she had to guess whether the person was ­senile or had
Alzheimer’s. In the past few years, however, physicians have been
able to use new and more reliable tests focusing on genetic clues. But
in the accuracy of these new tests lies the risk of another kind of
human tragedy: physicians may be able to predict Alzheimer’s long
before its overt appearance, but such an early diagnosis could psy-
chologically devastate an apparently healthy person.
The passage now focuses on just two topics: researchers/physicians
and testing/diagnosis.
But there is one more revision that would make that passage
more coherent still:
Put key words in the stress position of the first sentence of a pas-
sage in order to emphasize the key ideas that organize the rest of it.
The first sentence of that paragraph stresses advances in diag-
nosis: . . . the early and accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease.
But the point in this passage is not about diagnosis, but about its
risks. That organizing concept, however, does not appear until we
are more than halfway through that paragraph.
Readers would grasp the point of that passage better if all of
its key concepts appeared in the first sentence, specifically toward
its end, in its stress position. Readers read the opening sentence
or two of a paragraph to find the key concepts that the paragraph
will repeat and develop, and they specifically look for those con-
cepts in the last few words of those opening, introductory, framing
sentences.
Here is a new first sentence for the Alzheimer’s paragraph
that would help readers focus on the key concepts not just of
­Alzheimer’s and new diagnoses, but of new problem and informing
those most at risk:
In recent years, researchers have made great strides in the early and
accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease, but those diagnoses have
90 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

raised a new problem about informing those most at risk who

show no symptoms of it.
We can call those key concepts that run through a passage its
themes.
Look at the highlighted words in the passage below one more
time:
• The boldfaced words are all about testing.
• The italicized words are all about mental states.
• The capitalized words are all about a new problem.
Each of those concepts is announced toward the end of the new
opening sentence, especially the theme of the new problem.
✓ 1c. In recent years, researchers have made great strides in the early
and accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease, but those diagnoses
have raised a new problem about informing those most at risk who
show no symptoms of it. Not too long ago, when a physician exam-
ined an older patient who seemed out of touch with reality, she had to
guess whether that person had Alzheimer’s or was only senile. In the
past few years, however, physicians have been able to use new and
more reliable tests focusing on genetic clues. But in the a ­ ccuracy
of these new tests lies the risk of another kind of human tragedy:
physicians may be able to predict Alzheimer’s long before its overt
appearance, but such an early diagnosis could psychologically
­ evastate an apparently healthy person.
d

That passage now “hangs together” not for just one reason,
but for three:
• Its topics consistently focus on physicians and diagnosis.
• Running through it are strings of words that focus on the
themes of (1) tests, (2) mental conditions, and (3) a new
problem.
• And no less important, the opening sentence helps us notice
those themes by emphasizing them at its end.
Again, locate at the end of an introductory sentence words that an-
nounce the key themes that you intend to develop in the rest of the
passage. This principle applies to sentences that introduce fairly
long paragraphs (two- or three-sentence introductory, t­ ransitional,
and other kinds of paragraphs follow different patterns). It also
applies to sentences that introduce passages of any length, even a
whole document.
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 91

Here's the point: We depend on concepts running through

a passage to create a sense of its coherence. You help readers
identify those concepts in two ways:
• Repeat those that name characters as topics of sentences,
usually as subjects.
• Repeat others as themes elsewhere in a passage, in
nouns, verbs, and adjectives.
Readers are more likely to notice those themes if you em-
phasize them at the end of the sentence that introduces the
passage.

Quick Tip: For a paragraph more than five or six

s­ entences long, underline the sentence that you think best
introduces or frames the rest of the paragraph. If you can’t
do that quickly, your paragraph probably has a problem.
If you can, circle the important words of that introductory
segment. Those words should sound like a title for the para-
graph. If they do not, your readers may have a problem. We
will r­ eturn to this matter in Lesson 8.

In Your Own Words

Exercise 6.3
Read a page of your own writing aloud, raising your voice and
tapping your fingers at the ends of your sentences (as suggested
in the Quick Tip on page 87). What do you notice? How often do
you seem to be stressing the wrong words, and how often the
right ones? Can you detect any patterns? How does your meaning
change when you inadvertently stress the wrong words?

Exercise 6.4
Have a reader use the Three Tactical Revisions on page 84 (“trim
the end,” “shift peripheral ideas to the left,” or “shift new
92 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

i­nformation to the right”) to revise at least 4–5 sentences of your

writing.
• In trimming the ends of sentences, did your reader cut material
that you thought was necessary?
• Did your reader treat as peripheral ideas that you thought
were important?
• Are you surprised by what your reader classified as “new
information”?
Which revisions improved your writing, and which did not?
Why?

Summing Up
We can integrate the principles from this lesson with our others:

Fixed Topic Stress

Variable Short, simple, familiar Long, complex, new

Fixed Subject Verb

Variable Character Action

1. Use the end of a sentence to introduce long, complex, or oth-

erwise difficult-to-process material, particularly unfamiliar
technical terms and new information.
A determination of involvement of lipid-linked saccharides in
the assembly of oligosaccharide chains of ovalbumin in vivo
was the principal aim of this study. In vitro and in vivo studies
utilizing oviduct membrane preparations and oviduct slices
and the antibiotic tunicamycin were undertaken to accomplish
this.
✓ The principal aim of this study was to determine how lipid-linked
saccharides are involved in the assembly of oligosaccharide
chains of ovalbumin in vivo. To accomplish this, studies were
undertaken in vitro and in vivo, utilizing the antibiotic tunica-
mycin on preparations of oviduct membrane and on oviduct
slices.
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 93

2. Use the stress position at the very end to emphasize words that
you want your readers to hear emphasized in their minds’ ear:
The administration has blurred an issue central to arms con-
trol, the issue of verification. Irresponsible charges, innuendo,
and leaks have submerged serious problems with Iranian
compliance.
The issue of verification—so central to arms control—has been
blurred by the administration. Serious problems with Iranian
compliance have been submerged in irresponsible charges, in-
nuendo, and leaks.
3. Use the stress of a sentence that introduces a passage to an-
nounce the key themes that the rest of the passage will develop:
In recent years, researchers have made great strides in the early
and accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease, but those diagno-
ses have raised a new problem about informing those most at risk
who show no symptoms of it. Not too long ago, when a physician
examined an older patient who seemed out of touch with reality,
she had to guess whether that person was senile or had Alzheimer’s.
In the past few years, however, they have been able to use new and
more reliable tests focusing on genetic clues. But in the a­ ccuracy
of these new tests lies the risk of another kind of ­human ­tragedy:
physicians may be able to predict Alzheimer’s long before its overt
appearance, but such an early diagnosis could psychologically
devastate an apparently healthy person.
94 Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

S u m m a r Y : P a r t 2
A simple English sentence is more than the sum of its words;
it is a system of systems.

Fixed Topic Stress

Variable Short, simple, familiar Long, complex, new

Fixed Subject Verb

Variable Character Action

Readers have consistent preferences that you should try to

meet:
1. They want sentences to get to the subject of a main clause
quickly, so avoid opening more than a few sentences
with long, complex phrases and subordinate clauses.
2. They want sentences that get past the subject of a main
clause to a verb quickly, so do this:
a. Keep subjects short and, if you can, concrete—ideally
flesh-and-blood characters.
b. Open sentences with familiar information.
3. They want verbs that name specific actions, so do not
bury actions in abstract nouns.
4. They deal with complexity more easily at the end of a
sentence, so put there information that they will find
least familiar, most complex, or most difficult to
understand.
5. They are confused when each sentence in a series opens
with a different subject, so through a passage, focus on a
few topics that define what that passage is “about.”
 Lesson 6 Emphasis 95

6. They more easily understand the ideas in a passage when

they can connect them to a few key concepts, so thread
through a passage the themes that signal its most impor-
tant ideas.
In brief, write sentences that get to a short, concrete, famil-
iar subject quickly, join that subject to a verb that names a
specific action, and keep your subjects consistent. Readers
want to see those patterns not just in the main clause of a
sentence, but in every subordinate clause as well.