259-262 Fairy Idol
259-262 Fairy Idol
259-262 Fairy Idol
ODDPARENTS
“Fairy Idol”
Story by:
Written by:
NORM (V.O.)
Lemme guess...
NORM
First time in a genie's lamp?
MAYOR
Yes!
NORM
Well, sit back! Kick your shoes off! And
learn a little bit about the wonderful
world of Genies!
NORM
Genies! You gotta love us! I mean...
one...
NORM (V.O.)
We get a really cool hat!
NORM (V.O.)
And two? We can do anything, as long as
we're doin' it for some idiot human what
rubbed our lamp!
NORM (V.O.)
And it always goes the same way. Wish
one, something stupid.
NORM
See, it's that sandwich wish that made us
make this video.
NORM (V.O.)
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 3
NORM (V.O.)
Until it goes horribly awry, which leads to
the third wish...
ALADDIN GUY
I wish everything was back to the way it
was before I met you!
SFX: <<GONG!>>
NORM
And then we get sucked back into the
lamp! So before you make your second
wish, think long and hard...
MR. MAYOR
I WISH I WAS MAYOR OF THE WORLD!
NORM
Of course you do! You're gonna need a
different sash!
SFX: <<GONG!>>
NORM
Well, this should take about 12 minutes.
What do I have on my "stuff to read
during the big dumb second wish" shelf...
NORM
"Da Rules?" Where did I --
COSMO
You're going to be here a while, so here's
some stuff to read! An auto repair
manual! A phone book...
(re: Da Rules)
Da Rules? There's no pictures in this!
NORM
<<GRUNTS AS BOOK HITS HIM>>
NORM
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 4
NORM (V.O.)
"When a fairy godparent quits, the
position of godparent can be filled by any
magical creature"?!? All I need to do is
get an idiot fairy to quit and I can use
that to get out of this lamp forever!
NORM
And I know just the idiot fairies to use.
But first...
NORM
Mayor of the world not working out the
way you had hoped?
(hands card to the mayor)
Here. I wrote it out for you.
MR. MAYOR
I wish everything was back to the way it
was before I met you... and that the lamp
appeared next to Timmy Turner's best
friend?
NORM
HAHAHAH! THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET!
SFX: <<GONG!>>
CHESTER
I'm off to see AJ! So we can go play-ay!
Today, is the day, hey! To Play-Ay with...
AJ
Hi Chester! Bye Chester!
CHESTER
Bye? Where... where are you going?
AJ
I got accepted to the best college on
Earth! I'm going to get my degree in
every study known to man!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 5
CHESTER
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
AJ
Relax! It's just college! I'll be done in two
weeks! Why don't you see what Timmy's
up to?
CHESTER
I've been trying all weekend...
MOM
I'm sorry Chester, but Timmy can't fly
kites with you until after he cleans the
attic!
DAD
I'm sorry, Chester, but Timmy and I are
spending the day together!
DAD
A little to the left, son.
DAD
There we go! (sniffle) These are the
days we'll remember in our golden
years...
CHESTER
Aw man... AJ's going to college and my
best friend's never around when I need
him! I wish there was something I could
do!!!
SFX: <<GONG!>>
CHESTER
OW! What the... A lamp from the '70s?
NORM
Not just any lamp from the '70s... a
MAGICAL lamp from the '70s! I am Norm!
And you, my friend, get three wishes!
CHESTER
I wish...
NORM
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 6
CHESTER
OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE A MIND READER!!
NORM
No need to waste that first wish on
something stupid, huh?
NORM
So, Tracks-Through-Teeth, whattya say we
get some real wishin' done? How about...
CHESTER
I wish I could hang with my friend Timmy,
but he's been so busy lately. Could you
fix that?
NORM
Man! That is vague enough for me to
totally use for my own evil needs! You
stay right here!
TIMMY
Covers.
TIMMY
Floor.
WANDA
Uh, sport? How about a good morning!
TIMMY
Hair. Clothes.
COSMO
How great is this?
WANDA
It's NOT! Timmy, don't you think you
should be using our powers for
something other than things you're too
lazy to do yourself?
TIMMY
Answer.
COSMO
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 7
No.
TIMMY
Toilet.
COSMO
YOU HEARD THE MAN!
WANDA
We're here to grant wishes, not be your
slaves. We don't have to take this you
know!
NORM
Hey there, Naggy McNaggynag and
Colonel Brainless. What's shakin'?
TIMMY
Flush. I said...
(sees Norm)
AAAGH! IT'S NORM! THE GENIE! HE'S
RETURNED FROM MARS TO EXACT HIS
MAGICAL REVENGE ON ME!
(beat; to Wanda)
PROTECT ME!
WANDA
Wow! Two words. Now we're really
communicating.
COSMO
TIMMY DEFENSIVE MANEUVER K-88!
COSMO
Huh? Oh! Sorry! I thought the "K" stood
for carrot!
NORM
WHOA! HEY! Easy! I come in peace!
And I brought a little something for each
of you!
WANDA
A Hunky chocolate candy bar!
(to Timmy)
How is that our enemies are nicer to use
than you are lately?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 8
(to Cosmo)
I like to eat the brains, because models
never use them!
COSMO
OOO! OOO! What'd you bring me?
COSMO
STRING!!! MY CURRENT FAVORITE!
COSMO
THE FUN JUST NEVER STOPS!
TIMMY
What about me, Norm? Ya got anything
for me?
NORM
What I have for you, is a proposition.
NORM
Look, here's the thing. You can't tell
anybody but... I got a new master, right?
TIMMY
CHESTER?!?
NORM
What are the odds! Now, he was tellin' me
he wanted to use his first wish to do cool
stuff with you.
TIMMY
Yeah?
NORM
Like cheatin' on competitions together...
TIMMY
Yeah?!?
NORM
Gettin' girls to fall in love with you guys!
Girls like Trixie Tang...
TIMMY
Eh. I'm sort of done with her.
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 9
NORM
And printing your own money!
TIMMY
Counterfeiting? That's totally against
"Da Rules!"
(beat)
I dunno... I don't trust you.
NORM
And I like that about you! But you trust
Chester, right?
TIMMY
You bet! He's my best friend!
NORM
Well, there you go! So I whipped this little
baby up to cover for you with THEM...
WANDA (V.O.)
THE ANKLES ARE FILLED WITH
MARSHMALLOW!
COSMO (V.O.)
WEEE HEE HEE! OH NO! IT BROKE!
NORM
And get you outta school! TA DA!!!
TIMMY
A clone? Been there. Done that.
NORM
Not like this. Watch!
(to clone)
What are the answers to today's pop
quiz?
TIMMY CLONE
D. All of the above. Lincolnwood, Illinois.
The South Pole.
TIMMY
That's awesome!
NORM
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 10
NORM
And you? You know what to do.
TIMMY CLONE
Yes, master...
NORM
HAHAHAH! MASTER! I LOVE THAT!
NORM
Ah, the time between wishes. That
magical time when a Genie can kick
back, relax...
NORM
And watch his evil plan unfold...
COSMO
Must... retain... joy... of being... a
godparent...
TIMMY CLONE
FASTER!!!
COSMO
Uh, Timmy? Could you use a regular
ball?
TIMMY CLONE
No! Regular balls and pins don't scream
when you get a strike!
COSMO
AAAAAAAAAA!!!!
TIMMY CLONE
One million eight... One million nine...
One million...
TIMMY CLONE
Oh, man! All your screaming made me
lose track! Now I have to start over!
TIMMY CLONE
One! Two! Three! Four...
TIMMY
Man! What a great day!
CHESTER
You bet, pal of mine! Same deal
tomorrow?
TIMMY
Wouldn't miss it for the world!
TIMMY
I wonder what Cosmo and Wanda have been
doing? I'll bet without me, they had a nice,
relaxing day at home...
TIMMY CLONE
This is getting boring...
TIMMY CLONE
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 12
COSMO
YAY!
WANDA
THAT'S IT!!!
WANDA
We put up with a lot of your selfishness because
we love you and we're friends, but if you're
going to just order us around, all bets are off!
COSMO
Yeah! What she said!
(beat)
Whatever it is she said!
WANDA
I said Timmy needs to stop being so
thoughtless and cruel! Well? Don't you
have anything to say?
TIMMY CLONE
BLECH! This tea tastes like stupid green
fish and fat pink fish!
COSMO
NOBODY CALLS WANDA FAT EXCEPT MY
MOTHER, AND ME THAT ONE TIME AND
I'LL NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!
WANDA
NOBODY CALLS COSMO STUPID EXCEPT
ME, JORGEN, AND, WELL, EVERYBODY!
BUT IT'S STILL NOT NICE!
TIMMY
Uh oh... that doesn't sound good.
WE QUIT!!!
TIMMY
OH NO! What did my clone do?!?!
WANDA
Goodbye forever, you ungrateful twerp!
TIMMY
What have you done?
NORM
Anybody else here have an evil plan go
super great today? No? Just me?
TIMMY
You made my godparents quit!!! Why
would you do that?
NORM
Isn't it obvious? With those two no longer
Fairy Godparents, that job is now open to
anyone! Including me! All the power of a
genie... all the freedom of a fairy! How
great will that be? For me?
TIMMY
You'll never get away with this!
JORGEN (V.O.)
TIMMY TURNER!!! YOU HAVE LOST YOUR
FAIRY GODPARENTS!
NORM
Sure you will! Because according to "Da
Rules," in about four seconds, Jorgen's
gonna wipe your memory!
TIMMY
AAAAAAAAAGGH!
NORM
Get him out of there, willya? I gotta
meet Railroad McBraceface back at the
single wide.
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 14
JORGEN
Your godparents have quit! Which means
you lose EVERYTHING!
(to O.S.)
Binky! I need more ominous music! Play
track seven!
JORGEN (V.O.)
I SAID TRACK SEVEN!
BINKY
Sorry! Sorry!
JORGEN
According to "Da Rules" and "Da Very
Ominous Music," you must forget you ever
had fairy godparents!
JORGEN
...and now, it is time you lose every
single magical item you have ever come
in contact with!
TIMMY
Sweet! I still have my memory!
(beat)
BUT COSMO AND WANDA ARE GONE!!!
FAIRY NEWSCASTER
When asked what their plans were now
that they've quit being Fairy Godparents,
they had this to say:
COSMO
Are we on TV?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 15
(looks at Wanda)
Wow. The camera does add ten pounds!
WANDA
We didn't want to quit being Fairy
Godparents! We just wanted to quit
being TIMMY'S Godparents!
JORGEN
Tough Toenails! Quit one, you quit both!
And now, we must pick a new fairy
godparent!
JORGEN
With a super funtabulous singing contest
that is now open to any magical, wish-
granting creature in the known
universes!
NORM
(singing; great voice)
ME ME ME ME ME!
(back to)
That's who's going to win, and then be free
of this lamp forever. HA HAHA!
(beat)
Now all I need is a distraction for my
"master."
NORM
"Worst baseball player ever? Banned
from the majors?" That explains the
interesting choice in living
arrangements...
CHESTER
Man, that was the greatest day ever!
NORM
Yeah, it was, wasn't it? For you and
Timmy...
NORM
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 16
CHESTER
But I can! What if instead of him being
the worst baseball player ever, I wished
he was the best?
NORM
And that I was free to go to Fairyworld for
a week while you lived your new life?
CHESTER
Whatever that means! Sure!
NORM
Okay! But just remember! It was your
idea!
CHESTER
Man! This is great!
NORM
And it's about to get greater! See ya in a
week!
CHESTER
AWESOME!!!
TIMMY
Aw man! I've got to get to Fairyworld
and there's only one way to do that!
CROCKER
Finally! My super secret portal to
Fairyworld is complete! I can finally get
back to Fairyworld and exact my revenge
on those fairies!
CROCKER
Neat! A can! I wonder what kind of soup
it is?
CROCKER
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 17
TIMMY
"Fairy Hunting Stuff..." I could probably
use this...
TIMMY
Man, this stuff's heavy! No wonder he
has a hunched back!
TIMMY
(to self)
Please be the one thing he made that
works right...
TIMMY
Of course not.
(beat)
Hey, can I borrow the Auto-Poofer?
JIMMY
GET OUT OF MY LAB!!!
TIMMY
I made it! Now, to find Cosmo and
Wanda!
JORGEN (V.O.)
Let the super funtabulous contest to see
who will replace Cosmo and Wanda...
begin!
TIMMY
Oh, no way.
JORGEN (V.O.)
From all over magical lands, they have
come! Some by poofing!
Some by flying. All with some sort of
goofy hat or crown, and a dream...
JORGEN (V.O.)
With only our judges - Simon, Blonda and
Binky - standing between them and
fame.
JORGEN (V.O.)
Oh, and talent. That stands in the way,
too.
BAD WITCH
And now, I'd like to sing a little song
called "Somewhere."
BLONDA
Well, thank heavens for that.
SIMON
Wow. You really brought the house down.
TOOTH FAIRY
...my shiny teeth and me!!!
BLONDA
Good heavens. Those notes were so high
only dolphins could hear them.
SIMON
Are you a singer or a slide whistle?
BINKY
You have pretty shoes!
(beat)
What? I don't do mean!
LEPRECHAUN
Doo doo doo doot! Ye can't have this!
(clutches gold tightly)
I'm serious. Any of you come anywhere
near me gold and I'll skin you alive!!!
LAWN GNOMES
We're Not Pixies! Not Pixies! Check out
our mad wicked mixies! Not pixies! Not
pixies!
We're lawn gnomes! Not pixies!
JORGEN (V.O.)
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 19
TIMMY
You have got to be kidding me.
JORGEN (V.O.)
I AM NOT KIDDING YOU!
CHET (V.O.)
And it's out of here! And Bucky
McBadbat has won it again!
CHESTER
Man! That was a great game!
CHESTER
There's Pop! And look how happy he is!
BUCKY MCBADBAT
I'm not happy to say this son, but I gotta
go!
CHESTER
WHAT?
BUCKY'S AGENT
Dinner with agent. Dancing with TV
stars. Movies with publicist. It's no place
for a kid.
CHESTER
You wouldn't go without me, would you?
BUCKY'S AGENT
Go without you? If you insist! But here's
20 bucks! Go get yourself a banjo!
CHESTER
WAIT! I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE BANJO!
JORGEN (V.O.)
After an exhaustive search of some of the
worst singers in the known universes...
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 20
JORGEN (V.O.)
We decided to pick some we knew
wouldn't reek.
JORGEN (V.O.)
Juandissimo!
JUANDISSIMO
I want to be a fairy godparent to show
there is more to me...
(rips shirt open)
Than this fantastic chest.
JORGEN (V.O.)
The April Fool.
APRIL FOOL
You'll be a fool if you don't pick me!
Huh? How about that? Huh?
JORGEN (V.O.)
The diapered dynamo of desire, Cupid!
CUPID
Hi, Mommy!
JORGEN (V.O.)
Straight out of Pixieworld, shout out your
mad props to Sanderson.
SANDERSON
I am currently an explosion of joy and
must share it with others, yo.
JORGEN (V.O.)
And...
NORM
Hi, I'm Norm! And this is not part of an
elaborate scheme to enable me to escape
my lamp forever.
APRIL FOOL
Hey, what's the deal with your fez?
NORM
Hey, what's the deal with that pie in your
face?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 21
APRIL FOOL
What pie in my face?
COSMO
See? Now THAT'S hilarious!
JORGEN (V.O.)
And having already quit, but feeling they
can make a difference in some other
child's life... Cosmo and Wanda!
JORGEN
One of these creatures will be your next
Fairy Idol! Could it be...
APRIL FOOL
...feeeeeeeeeeeeelings! Thank you!
NORM
Ha. I knew suggesting he sing one word
from a moderate easy listening hit from
the '70s would work!
(smiles)
One down, six to go!
JORGEN (V.O.)
Wow. That was horrifying. Judges, how
do you feel?
BLONDA
I have to say: Horrifying. It reminds me
of when I, Blonda, sang in the musical
"Wand Side Story...
BINKY
I like the way his funny hat jingles!
SIMON
I have to say, as a singer, you make a
lousy comedian.
APRIL FOOL
Hey! What's up with that!
JORGEN
I'll tell you what's up with that. Bye bye
is up with that!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 22
APRIL FOOL
AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
TIMMY
Aw, man... I'm never gonna get in there...
(looks up)
Unless...
TIMMY
Look out! You're about to be crushed by
a bad comedian!
FAIRY BOUNCER
Yeah, like I'm gonna fall for...
FAIRY
He's unconscious! Come on! Lets go!
TIMMY
HA! I'm in! Not bad for a totally human
ten year old! Made it to Fairyworld,
fooled a dumb guard... now all I gotta do
is find Cosmo and Wanda!
GUARD 1
Excuse me. Do you have a hall pass?
TIMMY
No.
GUARD 2
Do you have a stupid crown?
TIMMY
I have this pink hat?
GUARD 1
Not ridiculous enough. You're coming
with us.
JORGEN (V.O.)
Well, we're down to the final round...
JORGEN
And you've already seen performances
from Juandissimo...
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 23
JUANDISSIMO
I'm too sexy for my sexy. Too sexy for
my sexy. Too sexy and sexy.
SIMON
Yes, well, there's definitely such a thing
as too sexy.
JORGEN
And, of course, Cupid!
CUPID
(deepest voice ever)
AND! I! CAN'T! LIVE! WITHOUT! LOVE!
(normal voice)
Thank you!
SIMON
Actually, I don't care how many magic
arrows he shoots me with, I will not fall in
love with that performance.
JORGEN
...and we'll back with our last three
hopefuls - Sanderson, Norm, and either
Cosmo or Wanda... after this commercial
break!
TIMMY
Guys, I'm telling you, I need to get out of
here and talk to Cosmo and Wanda!
GUARD 2
You just pipe down and enjoy the show.
Soon as this show's over, you're gonna
have a violent chat with Jorgen.
TIMMY
Oh man! If Jorgen finds me here, he'll
know that he didn't wipe my memory,
and I'll never get the chance to let
Cosmo and Wanda know this wasn't my
fault!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 24
TIMMY
Oh, yeah.
JORGEN (V.O.)
And now, put your puny hands together
for... Sanderson!
SANDERSON
Check me as I whip out some serious
beats, yo.
SANDERSON
I'm Sanderson!
You heard me, son!
When I win this contest
I'll be number one!
TIMMY
No guys! It's not Crocker! I'm wearing
his anti-magic clothes, and this butterfly
net is so heavy, it gave me a hunch! It's
me!
(ala Crocker)
TIMMY TURNER!
CHESTER
I bought it. I paid for lessons.
(strums banjo)
It still doesn't make me happy. But at
least I'm finally home where I can spend
some time with my dad...
CHESTER
...and about a million people...
CHESTER
POP!
BUCKY MCBADBAT
(to crowd)
Dagnabbit, let me go! I'm trying to spend
some quality time with my boy!
SUPER MODELS
Hi, Bucky.
BUCKY MCBADBAT
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, SON!
CHESTER
This isn't what I wished for.
(strums banjo)
And I still hate the banjo.
SANDERSON
When it's time to choose,
Don't be confused,
let this pixie be affixied
with a crown and wand and wings-ies!
(back to Ben Stein voice)
Hmm. That last sentence was seriously
lacking in flow.
SIMON
I'm quite scared. Would you hold me?
BLONDA
No.
BINKY
I will! Hugs make everything better!
COSMO
He's back! Timmy's back and he's come
to wreak his unholy revenge!
TIMMY
Cosmo! Shush! I'm only trying to...
WANDA
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 26
TIMMY
He didn't! He wiped the mind of a clone!
An evil clone that Norm tricked Chester
into wishing up!
WANDA
An evil clone created by Norm? And you
expect us to believe that?
COSMO
And of course we do! That explains the
jerk who was running us around like
slaves all morning!
TIMMY
Actually... no. That was me. And I'm
sorry.
(long beat)
Uh... guys? This is the part where you
say, "Apology accepted."
COSMO
Maybe we don't wanna, huh? Maybe
we're still miffed!
COSMO
Apology accepted!
WANDA
Well, not from me. Not yet. Timmy, I
don't know if I believe you DESERVE
fairies anymore.
TIMMY
Maybe I don't.
TIMMY
But that doesn't mean we can let Norm
win, right?
COSMO
He's got a point. And this is one sweet
apology cookie.
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 27
NORM
'Scuze me while I show you floating
nitwits how it's done.
WANDA
Oh! HE'S GOING DOWN!
(beat; to Timmy)
But I'm still mad at you.
CHESTER
<<GROANS>>
(beat)
Man! That was some party last night. I
can't believe Chompy ate all that ice
cream.
CHOMPY
<<BURPS>> then <<BAAAAS!>>
BUCKY MCBADBAT
Aw, man. This stinks like... like...
CHOMPY
<<BELCHES>>
BUCKY MCBADBAT
Like that. It stinks like that goat's breath.
Days like this make me think I'd be
happier if I lived in a mobile home.
JORGEN
Cosmo, Wanda... you're up after Norm
and...
(sees Timmy)
Hey... do I know you?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 28
COSMO
Um... he's our... agent?
JORGEN
You know there's no pay in fairy
godparenting. You do it out of love.
TIMMY
You were godparents for free?
COSMO
Really?
WANDA
Yes. We did it because we loved you.
And you loved us.
TIMMY
I still love you! And when you win the
contest I'll get you back and be able to
prove it!
WANDA
Timmy, we quit. Even if we win, we'll be
assigned to the most miserable kid on
Earth.
TIMMY
But I'm miserable without you!
WANDA
And we were miserable with you.
DIRECTOR (V.O.)
Coming back in three... two... one!
JORGEN
So, I have to say, even though you're a
filthy Genie, you've been doing a very
good job in this competition.
NORM
Well, Jimmy McJarhead, I'm hoping I can
go from filthy genie trapped in a lamp to
idiot fairy not trapped in a lamp!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 29
JORGEN
And why do you want to be a fairy
godparent?
NORM
I'll tell you...in song!!!
JORGEN
You're up after Norm. Which one of you
is singing?
JORGEN
Stupid puny fairies, there are no duets in
Fairy Idol!
WANDA
Oh no! Cosmo and I are only good in a
duet!
COSMO
We're doomed! DOOMED!
TIMMY
Well, this is working out fabulously.
WANDA
I'm still barely talking to you.
NORM
I'm a swingin' G-E-N-I-E!
Let me tell you
what that spells to me!
That I'm shoved in a lamp!
That's cold and damp!
My wishing power stops at three
and that's pretty dang
annoying to me!
TIMMY
Wow. He's good. Tricky and
untrustworthy, but good.
WANDA
I'll have to be better.
COSMO
Allow me. During the first part of the
song, I poofed home and got this!
TIMMY
"How to sing like Diana DelGarmo?" You
picked a female voice?
CROWD
("BOOOS!" TIMMY)
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 31
NORM
Give me the wand!
WANDA
He'll enslave you all!
NORM
Give me the wand!
And set me free!
JORGEN
Looks like there are duets in Fairy Idol
after all! How about that? How's that for
a performance?
Here, Jorgen recaps the performances, and gives out the 800
numbers (even though kids will have seen these songs online
and been voting for weeks).
COSMO
I just sang that! Why did they show it
again?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 32
WANDA
SHHH!!!
JORGEN
Contestants. You have all come a long
way. But never forget, if you don't win
today, you will always be losers.
JORGEN
(opens a card)
Sanderson. Fairyworld has voted and...
You are not going to be assigned to a
Fairy godchild.
SANDERSON
Yo, J-dog! This is some serious q-whack
go-whipple!
COSMO
He's either really mad or totally thrilled.
We'll never know!
JORGEN
Juandissimo? Cupid? I am sorry. You are
also not going to be assigned to a Fairy
Godchild.
CUPID
WHAT?
(to camera)
YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO TASTE!
JUANDISSIMO
NO! NO! I AM TOO SEXY FOR THIS
HOOK!
JORGEN
Cosmo and Wanda? Norm? Fairyworld
has voted... and...
(beat)
Remember, in the event that the fairy
cannot fullfil their duty, the first runner
up will be appointed as Fairy Godparent...
JORGEN
Cosmo and Wanda...you have been
chosen to return to Earth and be Fairy
Godparents!
COSMO
HA! IN YOUR FACE! WE'RE GOING BACK
TO WORK!
NORM
Unless you can't fulfill your duties.
WANDA
What's that mean?
SFX: <<GONG!>>
NORM
And, now that you can't use your magic
to protect yourself...
SFX: <<GONG!!>>
NORM
Wow! Looks like you're going to need a
first runner up!
JORGEN
Ladies and gentlemen... your new Fairy
Godparent... is NORM!
TIMMY
OH NO! COSMO! WANDA!
JORGEN
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 34
BUCKY MCBADBAT
Hey! What's going on?
CHESTER
Dad?
GOVERNMENT AGENT
Sorry son. We're taking your Dad to an
extra-cushy federal jail for dethroned
celebrities. Which is being made un-
cushy just for him.
GOVERNMENT AGENT 2
But if it's any consolation, we found you
new parents! They own a banjo store in
Kentucky!
CHESTER
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'M
LOSING MY FATHER, AND MY BEST
FRIEND IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! I'M
THE MOST MISERABLE CHILD ON EARTH!
JORGEN
And we have a winner! Chester
McBadbat!!!
NORM
YES!
TIMMY
NO!
NORM
Ah, who cares what you think?
JORGEN
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 35
JORGEN
So remember, Norm, you're a fairy first,
then a genie! Which means you have to
follow FAIRY rules!
NORM
But as long as my Godkid's busy, I can do
whatever I want, right?
JORGEN
Well, you have to grant a wish sometime!
NORM
Or?
JORGEN
Or you might get... Magical Buildup.
NORM
Build up, schmild up! Let's go!
JORGEN
(holds up fairy wings)
Not without your manly set of fairy
wings!
NORM
So how do you put these things on?
JORGEN (V.O.)
HA! THAT IS MY FAVORITE PART!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 36
CHESTER
Oh no! The government took away
everything... except my dignity!
(beat)
What do I do?!?
Suddenly, a magic "9" ball rolls into scene, then explodes! Smoke goes
everywhere! The smoke clears, revealing Norm, floating there in all his
Fairy glory.
NORM
I'll tell ya what you do... You wish it all
back to normal! With me, Norm! YOUR
FAIRY GODPARENT!
CHESTER
Fairy Godparent? But... I thought you
were my genie! And that I had one wish
left!
NORM
One GENIE wish left! But you can have
as many fairy wishes as you want! Plus,
when you're busy, I get to do my own
thing! How great is that... for me?
CHESTER
AWESOME! I WISH MY LIFE WAS BACK TO
NORMAL!
Norm raises his wand and - POOF! The empty lot is now a mobile
home. Poof! The banjo disappears. POOF! Bucky is back with a bag
on his head. Norm POOFS into a junkyard dog. A car drives by, angry
baseball fans screaming:
BASEBALL FANS
YOU REEK, BUCKY MCBADBAT!
Bucky runs after them. Norm pops back into Fairy mode.
CHESTER
YAY! MY DAD'S DESPISED AGAIN! So
what to we do next?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 37
NORM
Don't know. Don't care! All I know is, I'm
out of here!
Norm waves his wand. POOF! Chester holds a two way pager.
NORM
Page me if you need me! But take all the
time you need!
NORM
HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK!!!
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY (V.O.)
Cosmo... Wanda...
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY (V.O.)
...this is all my fault!
IN COSMO AND WANDA'S ROOM - Timmy walks over and sits between
Cosmo and Wanda's beds, still dressed in Crocker's Anti-Magical outfit.
He holds Cosmo and Wanda's hands.
TIMMY
(tearfully)
If I hadn't been such a jerk, if I hadn't
been so selfish...
Tears fall from his eyes... CLOSE ON THEIR BANDAGED HANDS, where
the tears land, one on Cosmo's and one on Wanda's.
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 38
TIMMY
(buries head in hands)
...none of this would have happened!
I'm... so... sorry...
TIMMY
No! THEY'VE TURNED TO FAIRY DUST!
NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!
WANDA
And now I accept your apology.
TIMMY
(startled) AAAAAAAAGH!
COSMO
Can I have her apology cookie?
TIMMY
COSMO! WANDA! YOU'RE OKAY?!?
Timmy leaps to them and hugs them with all his might.
TIMMY
It's because of my tears, right? My tears
made you better!
COSMO
Actually, fairies are notoriously fast
healers!
JORGEN
Cosmo? Wanda? It's me... Jorgen, with
candy and flowers...
Cosmo and Wanda grab Timmy and POOF O.S. as Jorgen enters.
JORGEN
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 39
JORGEN
COME BACK! WHY WON'T MY TEARS
MAKE YOU BETTER SO I CAN BE THE ONE
WHO GRINDS YOU INTO FAIRY DUST?!?!
CUT TO:
CHESTER
So many wishes... I have to do something
important. Something big.
(sees possum)
Nah. The world isn't ready.
(back to)
Wait! The world! That's it! I'm gonna fix
the whole world!
Chester pages Norm who - POOF! arrives wearing a baseball cap and
holding a big FOAM #1 FAN FINGER.
NORM
(to someone O.S.)
Come on, ump! What are you, blind?
(realizes where he is)
WHAT? It's the bottom of the ninth! What
do you want? Cake? A puppy?
CHESTER
(super dramatic) A better world.
NORM
Oh, fine. There's your ride. 100% rayon shag.
Page me when you need me!
CHESTER
Look out world! Here comes hope!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 40
NORM
Mukalukkaekalekahale punch? Don't
mind if I do!
NORM
Oh for crying out...
On Chester, floating on his carpet above the dry, dusty desert. Several
camels swelter in the heat. Norm appears.
NORM
Yes?
CHESTER
I WISH TO BRING LIFE-GIVING RAIN TO
THIS BARREN LANDSCAPE!
NORM
If you need me, I'll be, um... anywhere
else.
Norm disappears. Chester soars off into the sky. As he leaves, the
camels slowly sink in the muddy sand.
CHESTER
I'M HELPING!!!
CHESTER
Oh, you poor freezing penguins!
NORM
...I'm sorry, but it's 50 for this hat, and
not a peso more! WHAT?
CHESTER
These poor penguins are freezing!
Freezing! I wish it was warm in the North
Pole!
ON THE EARTH - We see the Earth move closer to the sun. The planet
glows perceptibly red.
CHESTER
You're welcome!
Chester soars away on the magic carpet. The ice floe around the
penguins begins to melt away...
CUT TO:
NORM
...Dinner is served, my dear --
(sees Chester)
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 42
CHESTER
Look at those poor bald geniuses! I wish
every bald guy had great hair!
CHESTER
HOW GREAT IS THIS?!?!
POOF! Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda poof in. Timmy rips off the Crocker
outfit, and is back to his usual pink hatted self.
TIMMY
That's better. Now come on, lets just
poof on down and... What?
WANDA
Timmy, we're not your fairies anymore.
TIMMY
But I said I was sorry! You accepted my
apology! You each ate a cookie!
COSMO
Actually, I had two.
WANDA
But we quit. We can't grant you wishes
anymore. All we can do is bring you home.
We're sorry, honey.
TIMMY
Not as sorry as I am. But at least I'll
always remember I had you.
COSMO
Want us to walk you home, Timmy?
Before we say goodbye forever?
TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 43
Chester soars into scene and jumps off the magic carpet. He looks at
the dozens of TV's in the store window.
CHESTER
Welp, that was a great day of helping the
world! I can't wait to see just HOW great
the world is now!
CHET U. BETCHA
I'm Chet U. Betcha and the world is not
great! This is World in Crisis: Minute 1!
CHET U. BETCHA
Wait - Wait: I'm hearing a report that the
smartest scientists in the world have
gotten together for some sort of
announcement! We're saved!
AJ
Now that we have great hair, we can
meet girls! We don't feel like thinking
anymore. SURF'S UP, DUDES!
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 44
CHET U. BETCHA
This is Chet U. Betcha saying: "Who's
fault is this?!?"
CHESTER
It's... it's my fault. Mine!
CHESTER
Timmy? Are you okay? Timmy?
Timmy shuffles off. Chester pulls out his pager. Norm appears in a
bathtub with cucumber slices on his eyes.
NORM
Let me guess. Things not working out
fabulously?
CHESTER
No! I've made everything worse!
(sees Timmy)
If only I could be more like my selfless
friend Timmy! He wouldn't have goofed
up the world like this. He always made
everything better, as if by magic!
NORM
HAHAHAHA! (Beat) I mean, awww...
CHESTER
You know what I wish? I WISH YOU WERE
TIMMY'S FAIRY GODPARENT!
NORM
Wow! That's unexpected, but I can
totally use it!
AROUND THE CORNER - With Timmy as the magic nineball rolls into
scene. Smoke billows. Norm appears.
NORM
Timmy Turner! I am Norm! And I... have
a deal for you.
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 45
TIMMY
Been there. Done that. Worked out
cruddily for all involved.
NORM
Ah, but that was BEFORE Chester wished
me to be your fairy.
CHESTER
I can't wait to see how my pal Timmy
reacts...
NORM
I might have tricked Chester into making
you lose your fairies...
NORM
But now, here's your deal: Wish me free,
and I'll poof these two idiots back to you!
TIMMY
(building idea)
No. I'm not doing that to Chester. In
fact, I'm not making any wishes. And do
you know what happens to fairies who
don't grant wishes?
NORM
I'm sure I should, but who cares. If you
need me, I'll be in Laughlin.
ON NORM - Wearing a life vest, arm floaties and scuba gear, talks to
two female Genies. As he talks, he gets bigger and bigger. It's Magic
Build up!
NORM
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 46
NORM
Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
POOF! Cosmo and Wanda poof into scene, scoop Norm up with a
dustbin and wisk broom and then POOF AWAY.
NORM
Hey! Come on! Cut it out!
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY
You gotta love the magical back up!
NORM
No I don't!
TIMMY
So here's your deal: You'll undo all the
damage to the world, wish Cosmo and
Wanda back to me, and then go back to
serving Chester.
NORM
YES! YES AND YES! NOW FIX ME
ALREADY! I'LL GRANT YOUR WISHES, I
PROMISE!
Cosmo and Wanda smile, and then swing their wands. The confetti
swirls and then - POOF! Norm is back to normal!
NORM
Oh, but before I grant your wishes? I
QUIT! HA! I'M NOT A FAIRY ANYMORE!
DOUBLE HA! SO... What are you going to
do about THAT?
TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 47
JORGEN (V.O.)
TIMMY TURNER! ONCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE
LOST YOUR FAIRY!
JORGEN (V.O.)
BINKY! TRACK SEVEN!
SFX: DRAMATIC MUSIC UP. Jorgen poofs in with a little memory wiper
and starts blasting Timmy in the eyes.
JORGEN
And this time... when I wipe your
memory, it'll stay wiped! With this!
Extra Strength Memory Wiper with
Forgeticin!
With one final blast, Jorgen tosses the baffled Timmy aside.
JORGEN
(then: To Norm)
And you! You are no longer a Fairy! You
are a GENIE ONCE MORE!
Jorgen zaps the crown, takes the wand and rips the wings off.
NORM
AAAAAAAGH!!!
(furious)
You think I care? I still jerked Turner out
of his godparents and these two floating
nitwits out of a job! I still won!
(to the baffled Timmy)
And you lost everything!
CHESTER (V.O.)
Not yet.
CHESTER
You lied to me. You tricked me. And you
used me to hurt my best friend. Nobody
makes a fool out of Chester McBadbat
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 48
NORM
Now, Chester. Buddy. PAL! Easy...
Easy...
CHESTER
AND I HAVE ONE GENIE WISH LEFT!
I WISH EVERYTHING WAS BACK THE WAY
IT WAS BEFORE I FOUND THIS STUPID
LAMP!
NORM
DARN IT!
GONG! IN SPACE: We see the Earth zip back into proper orbit.
NORM
AAAAAAAGH!
JORGEN
Turner! What are you doing dilly-dallying
around! You know what happens if you
don't make wishes!
NORM
THIS ISN'T OVER, TURNER!
JORGEN
Ooh, a lamp from the '70's! I must have
it!
Jorgen grabs Norm and POOF O.S. Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda hug.
WANDA
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 49
TIMMY
Not... completely.
TIMMY
Hat. Clothes.
TIMMY
Bed. Covers.
TIMMY
Enjoy your day off, guys. I love you.
TIMMY
I'll get it!
ON THE FRONT DOOR - Chester, waiting for Timmy. Timmy whips into
scene.
TIMMY
(arm around Chester)
Ready to have a banjo-free, wood-
chipperiffic day?
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 50
CHESTER
You bet! Did you know I've always hated
the banjo?
Chester and Timmy wander off into the sunrise on their adventure, the
best of friends.
WANDA
Awww... We're going to have a day
without magic!
COSMO
Come on, honey! Any day we're together
is a magical one!
WANDA
Awww...
(beat)
Hey! What did you do?!?
COSMO
Nothing!
WANDA
You were sweet! For absolutely no
reason! What did you do?
COSMO (V.O.)
NOTHING! CAN'T I JUST LOVE YOU
UNCONDITIONALLY?
(beat)
Okay. I learned the banjo.
We pull out of the house, pull away. We see Chester and Timmy
walking into the sunrise, as Cosmo and Wanda lovingly squabble. And
on the strums of the Fairly Oddparents theme, played by a banjo, and
Wanda <<SCREAMING TO THE HEAVENS>> we
FADE OUT
The Fairly OddParents: “Fairy Idol” 7.11.05 51