Wright, 2012

Development and Psychopathology 24 (2012), 537–552
# Cambridge University Press 2012

doi:10.1017/S0954579412000144
SPECIAL SECTION ARTICLE
In their own words: The experience of mothering as a survivor

of childhood sexual abuse
MARGARET O’DOUGHERTY WRIGHT, JOAN FOPMA-LOY, AND KATHERINE OBERLE

Miami University
Abstract
This article reviews past research on the parenting characteristics of childhood sexual abuse survivors and presents the results of a qualitative study exploring
the women’s perspectives on mothering as a survivor. Grounded theory was used in the collection and analysis of the data. Data sources included the
narrative responses of 79 women (mean age ¼ 38.2 years) and in-depth interviews of a purposive sample of 15 women (mean age ¼ 39 years). They had an
average of 2.2 children, ranging in age from 5 months to young adulthood. The theoretical model identified through analysis of data using the constant
comparison method was entitled “The Hard Work of Mothering as a Survivor.” Processes emerged that described the ways participants managed the work of
mothering in light of memories of the abuse and attempts to heal from this earlier trauma. The conditions for committing to the work included becoming
aware of and accepting the reality of the abuse and how it affected one’s life, and taking on the hard work of developing a mothering self. This included
expanding awareness, developing and evaluating a personal model of mothering, navigating typical and abuse salient parenting challenges, mothering
through the pain of recovery, and battling for balance. The findings highlighted the dynamic, multifaceted nature of recovery and resilience for these mothers
and the need for an increased focus on parenting in counseling with childhood sexual abuse survivors. Provision of anticipatory guidance regarding
commonly experienced stressors at varying stages of the child’s development and the mother’s stage of recovery and methods for coping with these challenges,
would benefit these mothers and promote parenting competence. Specific implications for psychotherapy and directions for future research are discussed.
Historically, researchers and clinicians alike have sought to competence in their parental role; and (b) to present the find-
identify and understand the multiple factors that might be im- ings of a grounded theory study in which we explored the pro-
plicated in the development of psychopathology and later cesses through which women with CSA histories navigate
adaptational difficulties following stressful life experiences. mothering as a survivor.
For many years, the emphasis in such research was on the In the past 30 years there has been an increased awareness
study of risk, vulnerability, and illness, rather than on protec- of the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse and considerable
tive factors, adaptive strengths, recovery, and health. Yet, as attention paid to the complex mental health and develop-
the pioneering work of Norman Garmezy has so clearly illus- mental sequelae that can follow such an experience (Briere
trated, many people are remarkably resilient when confront- & Jordan, 2009; Courtois, 2010; Trickett, Noll, & Putnam,
ing significant crises or chronic adversities (Cicchetti & Gar- 2011; Walsh, Fortier, & DiLillo, 2010). CSA is unfortunately
mezy, 1993; Garmezy, Masten, & Tellegen, 1984; Garmezy quite common; estimates from community samples suggest
& Rutter, 1983). This paper focuses on survivors of child- that approximately 12% to 35% of all women and 3% to
hood sexual abuse (CSA), a group that exemplifies the chal- 16% of all men experience some form of sexual abuse or sex-
lenges inherent in recovering from a “toxic relational environ- ual assault prior to the age of 18 (Finkelhor, 1994, 2008;
ment” that poses significant risks for adaptational difficulty Gorey & Leslie, 1997; Johnson, 2004; Putnam, 2003). Past
across many domains of functioning (Cicchetti & Toth, research has often focused on later psychopathology associ-
2005, p. 409). The goal of the paper is twofold: (a) to provide ated with being a survivor of CSA. It has been well docu-
a succinct review of the literature on vulnerability and resili- mented that CSA survivors carry an increased risk for most
ence in adult survivors of CSA, specifically focusing on later psychiatric disorders, including depression, anxiety, posttrau-
matic stress, substance dependence, somatization, eating
problems, and a variety of personality disorders (Beitchman
The authors express appreciation for the technical support of Janet E. Hurn in et al., 1992; Briere & Eliott, 2003; Briere & Runtz, 1988; Fer-
creating Figure 2. The first author also expresses her deep gratitude for the gusson, Boden, & Horwood, 2008; Fergusson, Horwood, &
wonderful mentorship and support of Norman Garmezy throughout her life.
Address correspondence and reprint requests to: Margaret O’Dougherty
Lynskey, 1996; Polusny & Follette, 1995; Putnam, 2003; Ro-
Wright, Department of Psychology, 90 North Patterson Avenue, Miami Uni- berts, O’Connor, Dunn, Golding, & The ALSPAC Study
versity, Oxford, OH 45056; E-mail: [email protected]. Team, 2004). Other long-term effects include a variety of
537
538 M. O’Dougherty Wright, J. Fopma-Loy, and K. Oberle
abuse-related negative cognitions such as self-blame, shame, search on the long-term adjustment of CSA survivors
low self-efficacy, low self-esteem, and perceptions of oneself reported that approximately 20% to 40% of adult survivors re-
as helpless and of life and other people as dangerous (Barnett, ported no psychological dysfunction related to the abuse
Miller-Perrin, Perrin, 2005; Briere, 1992; Browne & Finkel- (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986; Finkelhor, 1990; Russell,
hor, 1986; Courtois, 2010). Problematic emotion regulation 1986) and many adult CSA survivors report leading healthy,
strategies (such as self-harm, suicide attempts, bingeing and happy lives and identify themselves as functioning well (Ban-
purging, sexual acting out, and substance abuse), have also yard, 1999; DiPalma, 1994; Himelein & McElrath, 1996;
been noted (Briere, 1992; Courtois, 2010; Kendall-Tackett, Liem, James, O’Toole, & Boudewyn, 1997; Perrott, Morris,
2004; Trickett & Putnam, 1998). Finally, a heightened risk Martin, & Romans, 1998; Wright, Fopma-Loy, & Fischer,
for sexual revictimization is now well documented (Arata, 2005). A recent meta-analysis of 59 studies focusing on col-
2002; Messman-Moore & Long, 2003; Trickett et al., 2011). lege student samples also indicated that although there were
However, considerably less attention has been devoted to adjustment differences between students with a history of
later relationship difficulties for CSA survivors, particularly CSA and controls, all effect sizes were of a small magnitude,
experiences in marriage, as a parent, and with respect to the suggesting considerable variability in outcome (Rind, Tro-
potential for the intergenerational transmission of abuse movitch, & Bauserman, 1998). Wright et al. (2005) found
(Banyard, 1997; DiLillo, 2001; DiLillo & Damashek, 2003; that when CSA survivors’ functioning was assessed across
Trickett et al., 2011; Zuravin & Fontanella, 1999). This ne- multiple domains (e.g. mental health, physical health, parent-
glect is surprising given the commonly held assumption ing competence, and marital satisfaction), 20% of the women
among developmental psychopathologists that internal work- in their study displayed positive adjustment in each domain,
ing models of self, others, and self in relationship to others are whereas a majority (82%) demonstrated positive functioning
strongly influenced by childhood experiences in one’s family in at least one of these domains. Of concern, however, was the
of origin and these models are often influential in the forma- finding of continued vulnerability for many mothers; 18% of
tion of later representational models of caregiving (Bowlby, the mothers had difficulty in every domain assessed, and over
1988; George, 1996; Riggs, 2010; Rogosch, Cicchetti, 50% of the mothers experienced difficulty in at least two or
Shields, & Toth, 1995; Roisman, Madsen, Hennighausen, more domains. Unfortunately, there has been remarkably lit-
Sroufe, & Collins, 2001; Wright, 2007). tle research that has examined the process of recovery and the
High levels of family dysfunction also often characterize specific intervening processes that might attenuate risk for
homes in which CSA occurs. Later parenting competence problematic parenting outcome and foster resilience. Extend-
might be impacted because survivors of CSA may not have ing knowledge of the factors associated with continued vul-
had adequate opportunities to observe and learn from healthy, nerability as a parent as well as positive adaptation to parent-
effective parenting models (DiLillo & Damashek, 2003). ing should provide greater understanding of the mechanisms
Other childhood risk factors that heighten the risk for poor by which posttraumatic recovery is facilitated.
parenting, and that often co-occur with CSA, include child-
hood physical and/or emotional abuse and neglect, witness-
Later Vulnerability in Parenting Among
ing domestic violence, high family conflict, or parental alco-
CSA Survivors
holism and substance abuse (Dong et al., 2004; Harter &
Taylor, 2000; Higgins & McCabe, 2001; McGee, Wolfe, & One aspect of functioning that survivors of childhood sexual
Wilson, 1997). Given the frequent co-occurrence of multiple abuse have identified as an important realm affected by their
risk factors within the family, it is often difficult to disentan- CSA experience is their parental role (Courtois, 2010; Cross,
gle the specific effects of CSA from more general family dys- 2001; Westerlund, 1992). Although research is still in the
function and abuse. Thus, it is important to view CSA as one early stages of development in this area, findings suggest
of many risk factors that is often embedded with other family that CSA (a) is associated with higher levels of stress related
dysfunction and adversity, and together these cumulative risk to parenting, (b) may adversely impact feelings of confidence
factors increase the likelihood of later adaptational difficulties and competence in parenting and negatively impact parent–
(Banyard, Williams, & Siegel, 2003; DiLillo & Damashek, child attachment, (c) may result in a higher reliance on
2003; Roberts et al., 2004; Trickett et al., 2011). A recent re- negative parenting behaviors and punitive discipline, and
view by Pratchett and Yehuda (2011) revealed the importance (d) may contribute to an elevated risk for intergenerational
of considering lifetime trauma exposure, particularly experi- transmission of abuse or neglect. Evidence in each of these
ences of adult interpersonal revictimization, in accounting for areas is briefly reviewed.
subsequent psychopathology and interpersonal difficulties Schuetze and Das Eiden (2005) reported that mothers with
among CSA survivors. Overall, these findings highlight the a CSA history demonstrated lower levels of confidence in
importance of cumulative trauma exposure and a life span their parenting ability and higher levels of stress related to
perspective (Masten & Wright, 2010). their parental role. Their findings echoed previous research
However, it is important to note that although many dele- regarding parenting attitudes and beliefs among CSA survi-
terious long-term effects have been documented, not all sur- vors. CSA mothers have reported a greater wish to avoid mo-
vivors display adjustment problems. Early reviews of re- therhood than mothers without such a history (Herman,
Mothering as a survivor 539
1981), more negative views of themselves as mothers (Ban- served and the resilience of some mothers. The study also
yard, 1997), less confidence in their parenting competence suggested that it is important to differentiate between parental
and decreased positivity in the mother–child relationship perceptions of competence and actual parenting behavior.
(Roberts et al., 2004), and less emotional control when inter- This critical area has received very limited attention, and is
acting with their children (Cole, Woolger, Power, & Smith, an important area in need of further study.
1992). Overall, the evidence does suggest that the experience Finally, very few studies have examined the effect of the
of CSA is often associated with the parent’s perception of re- mother’s experience of CSA on the adjustment of her children
duced competence. This self-perception may critically impact (Noll, Trickett, Harris, & Putnam, 2009; Roberts et al., 2004).
the mother’s satisfaction as a parent, her ability to bond with Roberts and colleagues (2004) found that the mother’s his-
her child, and her ability to consistently provide a home envi- tory of CSA was associated with adjustment problems for
ronment that promotes optimal emotional development her children, which was mediated, in part, by the mother’s
(Schuetze & Das Eiden, 2005). level of anxiety. In Noll and colleagues’ (2009) 18-year lon-
CSA survivors have also had difficulty establishing appro- gitudinal study, children born to mothers who had a history of
priate hierarchical boundaries and limits with their children, CSA were more likely to be born prematurely, have a mother
which has resulted in some negative parenting behaviors. who was a teenager, and be involved in child protective ser-
Past studies have documented that some CSA survivors pro- vices. Their study highlighted the importance of intervention
mote premature autonomy (Cole & Woolger, 1989), and oth- and prevention programs for victims of childhood sexual
ers engage in role reversal with their children (Alexander, abuse to prevent the intergenerational transmission of adver-
Teti, & Anderson, 2000), potentially negatively impacting sity and abuse.
the attachment relationship (Rumstein-McKean & Hunsley, In an attempt to further understand the effects of CSA on
2001). Research also suggests that these mothers face chal- parental functioning, several recent studies have examined
lenges in limit setting with their children. Some mothers the role of possible mediators and moderators of the relation-
have been reported to be overly permissive, whereas others ship between childhood sexual abuse and parenting outcome.
are overly protective and excessively restricting (Kreklewetz Maternal depression and current experiences of intimate part-
& Piotrowski, 1998; Ruscio, 2001). Conversely, the opposite ner violence have been the primary mediators studied,
parenting style has also been observed, with some CSA sur- whereas partner or other forms of social support have been
vivors resorting to excessive physical punishment in disci- moderators that have received attention. Banyard et al.
plining their children (Banyard, 1997; Schuetze & Das Eiden, (2003) reported that high rates of trauma exposure over
2005; Zuravin & Fontanella, 1999). Although mothers may one’s lifetime (including child and adult traumatic experi-
struggle initially to set limits, when they do, they may re- ences) were related to decreased parenting satisfaction, re-
spond with anger and resort to harsh or overly punitive ports of child neglect, use of physical punishment, and a his-
methods. An increased potential for physical abuse or neglect tory of protective service reports. The link between overall
of their children has been documented (Cohen, 1995; DiLillo, trauma exposure and parenting satisfaction was partially
Tremblay, & Peterson, 2000; Mapp, 2006; Trickett et al., mediated by maternal depression. However, the specific ex-
2011) and this increase in risk for physical abuse has been perience of CSA was not related to the parenting outcomes.
partially accounted for by elevated maternal anger (DiLillo Banyard and colleagues (2003) speculated that for their sam-
et al., 2000). Finally, CSA mothers are more likely to have ple, cumulative abuse experiences, and other types of trauma,
children who are victims of abuse by other perpetrators, in- were more strongly predictive of parenting problems. For par-
cluding the mothers’ own abuser(s) (McCloskey & Bailey, ticipants who had experienced both childhood and adult trau-
2000; Zuravin, McMillan, DePanfilis, & Risley-Curtis, mas, receiving social support and taking care of one’s own
1996), suggesting difficulty adequately monitoring and pro- needs emerged as protective factors. Schuetze and Das Eiden
tecting the child from sexual predators. (2005) did find that CSA experiences were associated with
There are only a few observational studies of CSA mothers both maternal depression and partner violence, and these latter
and their children. Some studies have revealed that CSA factors mediated parenting confidence and disciplinary strate-
mothers demonstrate a greater focus on themselves and a ten- gies. Similarly, in a study of incest survivors, Seltmann and
dency toward role reversal (Burkett, 1991), as well as lowered Wright (2012) found that higher levels of depressive symptoms
sensitivity and warmth in interactions with their infants mediated the parents’ ability to promote age appropriate auton-
(Lyons-Ruth & Block, 1996). More recently, Fitzgerald, omy and communicate effectively with their child. Partner sup-
Shipman, Jackson, McMahon, and Hanley (2005) reported port strengthened the survivor’s bond with her child and was
that although mothers in their study did demonstrate lower associated with appropriate limit setting. Overall, severity of
levels of perceived self-efficacy (similar to that found by Ban- CSA demonstrated an indirect effect on parenting through de-
yard [1997] and Cole et al. [1992]), these mothers actually pressive symptoms, and this effect was found to be conditional
demonstrated similar levels of actual support, assistance, on level of partner support but only at high levels of partner
and confidence when compared to nonabused mothers during support. Taken together, these studies provide strong evidence
an interaction task with their children. This finding high- for the important mediating role of depression and moderating
lighted the diversity in parenting outcome that can be ob- influence of support in abuse survivors.
Rationale for the Present Study and little research addressing changing demands experienced
by mothers as their children enter the age of the mothers’ vic-
Past research in this area has revealed considerable variability
timization and/or face new developmental tasks (Cross, 2001;
in parenting outcomes, a variety of parenting concerns and
Fitzgerald et al., 2005; Kreklewetz & Piotrowski, 1998). Such
struggles, and contradictory findings regarding parenting
an understanding could provide a stronger conceptual foun-
competence. However, the majority of research in this area
dation for clinical intervention with CSA mothers who re-
is based on quantitative findings, conducted from the per-
main vulnerable and continue to struggle. Consequently,
spective of the researcher. The value of the participants’ per-
the purpose of the present study was to develop an overarch-
spective is well recognized, but rarely studied. As Sullivan
ing model of mothering as a survivor of childhood sexual
(1998) noted in his review, qualitative methods are particu-
abuse, informed by the survivors’ own descriptions of the
larly well suited to capturing the complexity of social context
challenges, stressors, and rewards that they encountered.
and the social construction of meaning. Quantitative and
We selected a qualitative research strategy because we be-
qualitative research paradigms differ in their emphasis on de-
lieved that this approach was particularly well suited for dis-
ductive versus inductive reasoning respectively, with quanti-
covering and understanding the subjective perspectives of
tative research focusing more specifically on a context of
these women regarding the interface between their childhood
validation and qualitative research focusing on a context of
experiences of sexual abuse and their current parenting ex-
discovery (Sullivan, 1998). In quantitative research based
periences (Banyard & Williams, 2007; Marecek, Fine, &
on survey data, there is a tendency to generalize from group
Kidder, 2001; Morrow & Smith, 1995; Phillips & Daniluk,
aggregate data to individual cases, converting numbers into
2004; Sullivan, 1998).
narratives to explain how individual processes of develop-
ment occur (Sullivan, 1998). However, qualitative methods,
working directly from narrative data, are able to preserve Method
the specific meanings that individuals attribute to their experi-
ences and actions. This idiographic approach allows a more Procedure
direct examination of the impact of personal agency and
This study relied upon grounded theory methodology in order
situational contingencies on development (Sullivan, 1998).
to enhance understanding of the women’s experiences of
Thus, qualitative approaches have the potential to contribute
mothering as they recovered from their childhood history of
a great deal to our understanding of developmental psychopa-
CSA (Strauss & Corbin, 1998). A major strength of grounded
thology by discovering context specific processes leading to
theory methodology is that it provides a systematic set of pro-
maladaptation. Sullivan (1998, p. 385) summarizes the im-
cedures for collecting and analyzing data and for developing
portance of such work:
new theoretical understandings (Glaser, 1992; Glaser &
Strauss, 1967). Grounded theory is based on the inductive
In a society with deep and widening chasms of inequality and elabo-
method and assumes that theory is discovered by examining
rate systems for classifying and controlling the poor and powerless, a
great deal of skepticism about how these systems work and how their concepts grounded in the data (Charmaz, 2006; McLeod,
categories correspond to the lived experience of those they classify is 2001).
surely justified. The recovery and representation of the social con- Narrative data were collected through the mother’s written
texts and constructions of meaning by and about those who are clas- responses to open-ended questionnaire items (N ¼ 79). For
sified as psychopathological are activities of considerable impor- example, participants were asked to describe their own par-
tance, in the name of objective social science. enting, and to discuss a parenting problem they believed
was related to their history of CSA and how they coped
The purpose of this qualitative study was to address this no- with this, and to identify additional parenting stressors that
table gap in prior research—the absence of the mother’s own they believed were related to their history of CSA. All re-
voice regarding her parenting experiences—in order to un- sponses to the questionnaire items were copied verbatim. A
derstand the parent–child relationship and parenting chal- subset of 15 mothers (12 from the original questionnaire
lenges from the mother’s perspective. How does the survivor group who volunteered to be interviewed and 3 from the sur-
experience herself as a mother on a day-to-day basis? What rounding community) participated in a semistructured inter-
are her perceptions of stressors and challenges in parenting, view that was audiotaped and/or videotaped. The interviews
and how do these differ with the age and gender of her child ranged from 30 to 120 min, with the majority of interviews
and the stage of her recovery from her abuse experiences? being approximately 90 min in length. The initial prompt
Although often acknowledged as important, very little direct on the interview guide was “As I’ve learned in talking to other
research attention has explored how the survivors’ own view- mothers, survivors have many different views. Some survi-
point of what impacts recovery contributes to our understand- vors feel there are connections between their history of
ing of later psychopathology versus resilience following CSA and who they are as a mother, some don’t, and some
CSA. Further, there has been limited theoretical discussion have never thought about this. I wonder where you are?
and empirical research regarding the specific processes un- Would you talk to me about how you see the relationship be-
derlying the parenting challenges experienced by survivors tween your experience of being sexually abused as a child and
you being a parent?” Participants were also asked to discuss a Participants

situation that best described what it is like to be a survivor and
Participants were initially recruited for the study using multi-
a mother. Another question on the initial interview guide was
media publicity asking adult mothers who had experienced
“How have you changed as a parent as you have moved
childhood sexual abuse to volunteer to complete an anon-
through the recovery process?” Consistent with grounded the-
ymous mail-in questionnaire. Flyers were placed in a variety
ory methodology, this interview guide evolved and additional
of community settings across several states, including pedia-
questions were incorporated as theory emerged from the data.
tricians’ offices, grocery stores, laundromats, bookstores, and
Audiotapes and videotapes were transcribed verbatim. Data
libraries. Announcements also appeared in local newspapers,
was analyzed concurrently with data collection, using the
a national survivors’ newsletter, and on several Internet list-
guidelines formulated by Strauss and Corbin (1998). All three
servs for survivors. In response to the recruitment effort,
authors read each questionnaire narrative and interview tran-
104 eligible women requested the questionnaire and 79 re-
script several times to develop a sense of the overall context of
turned them, representing a 76% return rate. The characteris-
the data. Next, through open coding done both individually,
tics of the participants who responded to the questionnaire
and as a group, common themes of mothering were identified
were as follows: mothers’ mean age was 38.2 years (SD ¼
and examined in relation to the context, meanings, and cir-
8.03), their mean educational attainment was partial college
cumstances of mothering as a survivor. As concepts and cat-
(the range was from partial high school to a doctoral degree)
egories emerged, these were tested deductively through sub-
and their mean socioeconomic status was 62.4 (SD ¼ 21.15)
sequent data collection, resulting in refinement of coding
on a scale that ranged from 15 (unemployed) to 97 ( physi-
schemes. Ongoing open, axial, and selective coding led to
cian; Duncan, 1961; Nakao & Treas, 1992). This mean score
the emergence of a core variable or category. In keeping
corresponded to a job in a technical or managerial capacity.
with the grounded theory criteria of theoretical saturation,
The sample was predominantly Caucasian (95%), 73%
sampling was continued until the categories upon which the
were married, 3% were living with a domestic partner, 21%
theory was built were saturated or well developed.
were divorced, and 3% were single. They had an average of
Credibility in grounded research is demonstrated when
2.2 children (mean age of children ¼ 10.6 years). Respon-
“informants, and also readers who have had the human ex-
dents were also recruited for interviews from those women
perience . . . recognize the researcher’s described experi-
who indicated their willingness to be contacted for a subse-
ences as their own” (Beck, 1993, p. 264). A variety of
quent in-depth interview by returning a postcard with contact
methods for enhancing credibility (Chiovitti & Piran,
information in a separate mailing from the questionnaire.
2003) were utilized: (a) allowing participants to guide the
Those mothers who returned a postcard were contacted by
research process, (b) checking the generated theoretical con-
phone to provide further information about the study and to
struction against participants’ meaning, (c) using partici-
ascertain their continued interest. Twelve mothers were re-
pants’ actual words in the theory, and (d) articulating the re-
cruited in this manner; these interviews were audiotaped be-
searchers’ views about the explored phenomenon. Concepts
cause this sample lived across the United States and Canada.
introduced by the participants were incorporated into the in-
Three additional respondents were recruited following their
terview guide used with subsequent mothers. Member
response to a volunteer announcement in a local newspaper.
checking was incorporated in several ways. Participants
These three interviews were audiotaped and videotaped at
were questioned regarding developed codes for their rele-
the Psychology Clinic on the university campus. These three
vance to their experience of mothering as a survivor and,
respondents received $50.00 compensation for time spent in
thus, were invited to “refine, develop, and revise the emerg-
the interview, travel time and costs, and childcare arrange-
ing theoretical structure” (Chiovitti & Piran, 2003, p. 431).
ments. The demographic characteristics of the 15 mothers
At completion of data analysis, the theory was presented
who participated in the interviews were very similar to that
twice to CSA survivor mothers, their significant others,
of the larger questionnaire sample: their mean age was 39
and therapists in a focus group format at a national meeting
years (range ¼ 25–53 years), number of children ranged
of survivors of childhood sexual abuse (Victims of Incest
from one to four, education ranged from high school to partial
Emerge Survivors conference); participants verified that
graduate work, 10 were married, 2 partnered, and 3 divorced,
the model reflected their experiences as well. The language
all but one were Caucasian. Informed consent and demo-
used by study respondents was incorporated at all levels
graphic information was obtained from each mother returning
of coding. Researchers’ views were articulated through
the questionnaires and prior to the start of all interviews.
memo writing (Strauss & Corbin, 1998). Audibility, or the
consistency of the research study, was enhanced through
the use of the audit trail, which was comprised of study pro- Characteristics of the sexual abuse. The 79 questionnaire par-
cedures, original transcripts, memos, notes, and audiotapes ticipants experienced predominantly intrafamilial abuse. A
of meetings during which the researchers analyzed data. Ap- total of 87.3% of the participants indicated that at least one
proval for the study was obtained from the institutional re- perpetrator was an immediate or extended family member (fa-
view boards of the two Midwestern universities supporting ther 41.8%, stepfather 15.2%, brother 20.3%, uncle 13.9%,
the authors’ work. grandfather or stepgrandfather 15.2%, brother in law 3.8%,
mother 16.5%, and cousin 11.4%). Exclusively extrafamilial work of recovery. This entailed promise or undertaking, as
abuse occurred for 12.7% of the participants and the perpetra- well as performance of action. Mothers expressed a calling
tors included neighbor (22.8%), stranger (13.9%), family to mother their children differently than they were mothered.
friend (22.8%), teacher (1.3%), and minister (1.3%). A total One participant stated, “I had to be right for them, honestly. I
of 41.8% of the sample reported one perpetrator, whereas have to be right for them.” Another mother voiced that having
58.2% reported two or more perpetrators. The mean onset her daughter was a “call to action.”
of the sexual abuse was when the participant was 5.47 years
of age (SD ¼ 3.32 years) and the abuse ended at a mean age of
13.40 years (SD ¼ 5.23 years). Some participants were not Expanding awareness
able to recall the exact onset (nine missing data) and ending In order to commit to the work, mothers had to become aware
(seven missing data) of the abuse and left this item blank or of the abuse as well as accept the way abuse had affected their
gave an approximate age. The types of unwanted sexual life and them as a mother. Participants differentiated between
abuse experiences included touching 91.1%, kissing 43.0%, the time during which they gained initial awareness of their
oral sex 53.2%, digital penetration 70.9%, vaginal or anal in- abuse history and the ongoing process of expanding aware-
tercourse 51.9%, and use of force 58.2%. Only three of the ness. Some mothers talked about gaining new awareness of
interview mothers were not also part of the questionnaire the effects of abuse on them as mothers when they exhibited
sample: these mothers also experienced intrafamilial abuse behavior that was “foreign” or when confusing feelings
and did not differ from the larger group in the characteristics “came at me.”
of their CSA experiences.
The stress of being a parent is enough for the quote–unquote normal
Results person, but if you’ve got shit in here it comes out . . . because of par-
enting her, because of the issues around that that brought out all the
demons, you know? Yeah, and so even though I’d done psycholog-
Construction of a theoretical model for mothering ical work before, I knew something was wrong, but I could not put
as a survivor my finger on it. You know, I just, I was dog paddling.
Processes emerged that described the ways in which partici-
pants approached and managed the work of mothering in light
Developing a personal model
of memory of their childhood history and attempts to heal from
this earlier trauma. The theoretical model identified through Mothers expressed that they did not have a model for parent-
analysis of the data was titled “The Hard Work of Mothering ing, and were unable to determine what was normal in terms
as a Survivor.” The core category, developing a mothering of child development and behaviors, parenting behaviors and,
self, described the developmental process by which partici- finally, what were normal feelings and behavior for a mother
pants developed an ability to love and nurture the self as well with a history of childhood sexual abuse. Mothers revealed
as effectively mother their children. In this process of change several strategies for developing a personal model for mother-
and growth mothers became increasingly able to differentiate ing; reflecting on the way in which they were parented, seek-
mothering needs of their child and the child within, as well ing out information on parenting through books and parenting
as to find the middle ground in relation to caring for their child classes, checking out perceptions with therapists, selecting a
and caring for the self, and in relation to specific tasks of par- “model” mother to emulate, and attending survivor support
enting. There was a cycling or spiraling back and forth nature to groups. Some mothers who had not had contact with survivor
this process. The process began with committing to the work. mothers expressed distress regarding their difficulty in judg-
Committing to the work was ongoing as were the processes of ing what was “normal” for a survivor mother. Personal mod-
expanding awareness, developing a personal model, and eval- els also included goals for mothering. For most mothers the
uating the work of mothering (refer to Figure 1). In navigating foremost goals were that their child would not experience
the work of mothering, mothers must navigate parenting chal- abuse or other pain and that the child would enjoy the expe-
lenges encountered in day-to-day interactions with their chil- rience of having a childhood. Mothers expressed the impor-
dren. In the process of navigating parenting challenges, tance of valuing and showing respect to their child. They
wounds were continually reopened and childhood experiences also articulated goals of being open, real, and present for their
were relived. Consequently, mothers found themselves moth- children. The process of developing a personal model for
ering through the pain. Mothers struggle to be there for their mothering was ongoing, as mothers realized that as their chil-
children as they navigate the work of mothering. These pro- dren reached new developmental stages they needed to con-
cesses are elaborated below. tinue to revise and expand their models of mothering. For ex-
ample, mothers of late adolescent and adult children indicated
that they did not have a healthy model for this phase of the rela-
Committing to the work
tionship. One mother with a child in college expressed her be-
Committing to the work involved committing to becoming a lief that survivors do not have a chance to separate in a healthy
better mother, which necessitates committing to the hard way and that allowing her son to separate was very difficult.
Figure 1. The theoretical model entitled “The Hard Work of Mothering as a Survivor.”
Evaluating the work personal model while simultaneously mothering through the
pain of recovery. As participants engaged in the daily work of
Mothers also engaged in a process of evaluating their work as
mothering, they found certain mothering tasks and responsi-
mothers. It was very important to participants that they be
bilities to be especially important but also challenging and
able to meet the mothering goals identified above: that they
problematic. These included demonstrating empathy and af-
be good, or even perfect mothers. As was stated by one
fection, disciplining and setting limits, promoting autonomy,
mother it is “very important to do it right, set out to try to fig-
promoting healthy sexuality, and protecting the child. Partic-
ure out how to do it and to judge/evaluate how well you’re
ipants recognized that mothers without a history of CSA also
meeting your standards.” A second participant expressed
struggle with these parenting issues. Participants perceived,
her struggles with negative evaluations of her mothering, stat-
however, that their difficulties were more extreme due to their
ing “I have a big button about bad mommy.” Participants’
lack of reference for normal developmental experiences and
evaluations included judgments about their competency/nor-
behaviors, and because these mother–child situations trig-
malcy as a mother and as a survivor/mother, and about their
gered reliving of abuse experiences and associated emotions.
child’s normalcy. Mothers also imagined others’ evaluations
Mothers also struggled to find a healthy middle ground in re-
of their mothering. As mothers shared their self-evaluations,
lation to these issues, tending to parent in extremes.
they revealed hoped for mothering selves, actual mothering
selves, and feared mothering selves.
Protecting from danger, pain, and unhappiness. As protect-
ing from danger, specifically abuse, was a major parenting
Navigating the work of mothering: Parenting challenges
goal of the mothers, there was much attention and energy fo-
Navigating the work of mothering refers to the process of at- cused on this parenting task. In infancy and early childhood
tempting to mother in ways consistent with one’s developing mothers used guarding/surveillance behaviors to ensure
safety. As children grew older, guarding/surveillance was ex- I have trouble relating to my daughter’s ‘problems’ because I think
tended and mothers also began to use additional strategies: she’s had such a stable, healthy family life. I think of the troubled
warning children of the danger, monitoring access to poten- childhood I had, and can understand why I had problems with
tial perpetrators, teaching children to protect themselves, self-image, relationships, and communicating, but feel she doesn’t
have reason to be troubled.
and being open with children. Mothers indicated that being
open with children about their emotions and experiences
and encouraging children to do the same was essential so Although mothers articulated the goal of giving their chil-
that the child would know that he/she could come to the dren a childhood, at times the child’s expressions of pain,
mother if hurt or abused. Openness about risk behaviors fear, or anxiety, and subsequent needs for comforting were
was a strategy used to protect the child from his/her own po- experienced negatively by some mothers. Mothers described
tentially dangerous choices. Mothers perceived that their difficulties identifying and empathizing with the child’s fear
awareness of dangers and openness were parenting strengths, and vulnerability, instead responding to the situations with
and ways that they differed from mothers who were not survi- feelings of lack of control (child not doing what he/she was
vors of CSA. asked to do) or anxiety as these situations triggered emotions
Mothers’ responses also revealed difficulties in finding a related to their own childhood experiences. Further, mothers
healthy balance between underprotection and overprotection often used their child’s behavior as a measure of their effec-
of children. Some mothers revealed that due to a lack of pro- tiveness and value as a mother and a person; when the child
cessing of their abuse and/or internalized self-blame for the did not behave according to rigid/perfectionistic standards
abuse they had not recognized the potential for abuse of their this elicited mothers’ feelings of guilt and “not being good
own children, and had not consistently engaged in protecting enough.” One mother described asking her 3-year-old daugh-
strategies in the past; consequently, at times exposing their ter to recite the alphabet.
children to dangerous situations. Several mothers revealed
And she started, and she messed up. And I’m like ‘You are so stupid!
that, in fact, one of their children had been sexually abused.
Oh my God!’ . . . I think I wanted her to be better than everybody.
Other mothers veered toward hypervigilance and overprotec-
You can be better than I was! We can do this! I’ve always blamed
tion. For a few mothers who had come to see all males as myself for anything she was doing, or not doing.
being unsafe, a male child reaching puberty or a spouse
were also viewed as potential perpetrators dangerous to oth-
ers. These mothers conveyed that they had to protect their Providing physical caregiving. Mothers were sometimes
daughters from these male family members. wary of conditions in which physical touch and intimacy be-
tween them or their child or between their spouses/partners
and their child was present. For some mothers, diapering or
Building the mother–child relationship. Determining healthy bathing young children provoked fears that they would be-
emotional intimacy and experiencing emotional closeness come abusive or that others would consider them abusive.
and connection was a difficult task for some mothers. Al- Some mothers described having fleeting thoughts of wanting
though mothers discussed the importance of being emotion- to touch their child inappropriately, but not acting on those
ally present for their children, they also recounted times when feelings.
they withdrew, experienced emotional numbing, or resented
their children. One mother described the way in which she ...it would cross my mind sometimes with diapering them, just what
distanced herself from her son as a way to protect herself they looked like—I never touched them or anything like that but just,
from fears that she would become abusive or that others it would cross my mind as far as that and especially with little boys
would perceive her to be an abusive mother. Another respon- getting erections.
dent described how she “pulled back too far” because of her
fear that she would invade her son’s boundaries. Other Some mothers described avoiding their child’s nude body
mothers also related this difficulty to the lack of a model as much as possible in an effort to protect themselves from
for healthy affection in the mother–child relationship. these thoughts. Others engaged in the caregiving, but har-
bored fears regarding potential consequences.
When my daughter first went to preschool, her very first day I took
her into preschool and I just left her. I didn’t know you did this, that
you kiss them and say have a good day—I didn’t know you did that Discipline and limit setting. Mothers expressed struggling
stuff. Or, if they get hurt somewhere, I’ll go outside to see how she with knowing how and/or being able to appropriately disci-
is but I think it’s just, it’s like an act for me . . . It feels like I’m stand- pline their children. Taking on this role at times conflicted
ing back and watching them. And it’s kind of like, it’s like an act with the mother’s goal of protecting the child from unhappi-
to me. ness. Data also indicated that situations in which children
expressed anger in response to discipline/limit setting were
Other mothers expressed difficulty in responding with em- especially problematic. In these situations, mothers often
pathic understanding as they compared their own childhood experienced a sense of disrespect and loss of control. This
and that of their child. loss of control often elicited thoughts and emotions similar
to those the mother experienced during childhood abuse, such “. . . you’re having to in effect sort of nurse, you know, these
as fear, anxiety, rage, confusion, or shame. Last, mothers also children when you need a nurse.”
had difficulty imposing structure and consistency because as
one mother revealed the “inner child needs play and affec- Managing triggers. Mothers described the importance of
tion.” Mothers identified several strategies used in this area: learning how to anticipate and manage triggers in order to at-
trusting the process, avoiding corporal punishment, and using tain their parenting goals. Triggers sometimes involved spe-
strategies that minimized the child’s negative affect. cific circumstances, such as time of day, locations, or anniver-
sary events. At other times the process of mothering and/or
Promoting autonomy. Promotion of age-appropriate auton- characteristics of a particular child, including age, gender,
omy and separation/individuation was likewise troublesome and behavioral responses were sometimes triggers. Often,
for mothers. Some of the participants again expressed the dif- mothers recounted that when a child reached the age of their
ficulties inherent in having no model for what were develop- abuse this milestone served as a trigger for initial recovery of
mentally appropriate expectations, responsibilities, and privi- memories or for rememories. At times, this made any interac-
leges. In vivo codes for this category included letting go and tion with that child extremely painful. One mother spoke of
giving the space, yet for some mothers, letting go and a her son when he was 8 years old, also the age when her abuse
child’s assertions of independence caused feelings of anxiety began, “I couldn’t stand him. There were times I didn’t even
related to no longer being the “protector.” Children’s expres- want to be around him, and that was real hard . . . to have love
sions of separation/individuation also, at times, caused and that kind of repulsive thing going on.” The frequency and
mothers to feel invisible, unappreciated, or unacceptable, intensity of triggering varied, with mothers describing this as
feelings experienced during their own childhoods. In describ- being most intense during their most active recovery work.
ing circumstances and outcomes related to this task of Mothers also found that new developmental stages some-
mothering, one respondent stated, “It triggers not being good times brought new triggers for which they were unprepared.
enough. If I’m good enough then I can prove that I’m not
this dirty thing that happened and that it’s not my fault.” Dif- Battling for balance. Mothers realized that confronting and
ficulties in promoting age appropriate autonomy also re- working on abuse-related issues was paramount to becoming
sulted, in some cases, from a mother’s overwhelming depres- healthier women and mothers; one aspect of recovery work
sion and fears of being alone; at times, this resulted in role was acknowledging the hurt of the child within and healing
reversal. One mother revealed, “I kept her home from school that inner child. Consequently, participants described a pain-
a lot, when she was little, so I wouldn’t have to be alone. You ful battling for balance between the demands of mothering
know she was my best friend in the world really.” their child or children and the demands of recovery work
and mothering the child within. One mother expressed this
Promoting healthy sexuality. Promotion of the sexual health struggle:
of their child was extremely troublesome for mothers, as
this was the area identified by many as least resolved in their I couldn’t identify my own emotions, much less help him identify his
own lives. Mothers conveyed concerns about children’s sex- . . . he’s a high demand, very intelligent, but high demand child. And
ual curiosity and sexual behavior. This became more pro- I had my own high demand child inside. It was definitely needing to
nounced as children neared puberty and mothers feared that help myself grow up in a sense and learn about myself while trying to
they would be viewed as sexual by others. It also was difficult do that for my child . . .
for some mothers to promote healthy views of sexuality and
self as a sexual being because of their focus on protecting Managing emotions. Mothering through the pain involved
the child. Respondents attempted to meet this challenge by managing emotions precipitated by or exacerbated by recov-
modeling comfort with nudity in the home and exposing chil- ery work and those precipitated by the interaction of recovery
dren to literature related to sexual development. Mothers also work and mothering. One respondent talked about the ongo-
expressed talking to children about the right to say no to un- ing emergence of new memories and stated, “I think that
wanted touch and sexual advances by dating partners. being a survivor you learn to control your feelings so that a
lot of times I just keep things hidden, sheltered until I know
that I can have the time that I need to deal with it without scar-
Navigating the work of mothering: Mothering ing them or whatever.”
through the pain
Mothers experienced significant challenges in meeting their Grieving losses. Respondents expressed that mothering
goals for mothering as they mothered through the pain of hav- through the pain also involved the pain of grieving for their
ing been sexually abused as children and confronting this own lost childhoods. One mother stated, “I look at her and
pain in recovery work. Children and mothering tasks often I think . . . sometimes I get sad, like I think ”God, that’s
contributed to memories of abuse and reliving of the abuse what I could have been, you know . . . and sometimes I
experiences and the related emotions of fear, anxiety, rage, wish that I was a kid with her, you know?” A second mother
confusion, powerlessness, and shame. One respondent voiced revealed “And she just runs around and plays and has no
fears, you know, but I’m there to protect her and when I see work. Yet, they were able to stay sufficiently connected
that and experience that I miss that part of my childhood. within themselves and the present interaction to behave in
And I’m so glad that she has that, but it makes me sad too.” ways seemingly less destructive to their children and them-
Further, mothers expressed grief over the ways in which selves than “not being there” responses. As one mother
CSA and recovery had negatively impacted their ability to en- voiced, “I would just come unglued over him . . . I went
joy their children and the mothering experience. out of the room because I knew I couldn’t deal with the situa-
tion any longer.”
Asking for help. Mothers recognized the necessity of asking Mothers recounted instances in which they were unable to
for help as they were mothering through the pain of recovery. effectively navigate the work of mothering, became over-
Asking for help involved help with specific tasks such as whelmed by abuse-related emotions and were unable to
bathing, accessing of helping resources, and spiritual help stay connected to the present, to “be there” for their child.
or support. Husbands and partners, friends, other survivors, In these instances, mothers demonstrated raging or shaming
therapists, clergy, and God or a higher power were important behaviors toward their child, experienced numbing or disso-
sources of help. Family members were sources of help in ciating, or engaged in role reversal. Raging is an important
some instances, but family of origin issues and family cutoffs outcome that respondents perceived as frightening and the de-
related to abuse were barriers to help seeking and resources in gree of rage experienced is one way in which respondents see
other cases. Asking for help and the availability of resources themselves as being different from other mothers. Respon-
was affected by the mother’s willingness to disclose her his- dents indicated that “not being there” behaviors were most
tory and her needs for help. frequent and severe prior to active recovery work and during
the most intense periods of active recovery work. As respon-
dents gained greater awareness and understanding of their
Struggling to be there
abuse history, secondary responses, and relationships be-
Mothers’ success in navigating the work of mothering re- tween mother–child interactions and triggering of memories
sulted in varying behavioral outcomes—degrees of “being and abuse-related emotions, these “not being there” responses
there” for their child. Being there involved physical presence tended to decrease.
and emotional attunement or availability. As mothers devel-
oped increasing awareness of their history and secondary re-
Developing a Mothering Self
sponses to abuse they developed methods of attempting to
simultaneously manage their reactions and meet their goals Mothers described a process of change and movement over
and standards for mothering. In these situations they had to time in their efforts to develop a “mothering self” (refer to
identify whose needs must be met (self/child), they had to Figure 2). A mothering self is able to love, nurture, and pro-
control their own intense/overwhelming emotions, and they tect herself as well as able to mother her children in ways that
had to avoid responding from the pain of their own inner promote their health. Data revealed the cycling nature of de-
child. Mothers described working to stay connected, both veloping a mothering self as respondents described this as
within themselves and with their child in order to meet their “ongoing,” “back at first base,” “over and over again,” and
goal of being there for their child. “pushed forward.” Some mothers described their mothering
prior to recovery of memories in ways that reflected later
I find it very confusing because often I’m being triggered and in the phases of this process, and a cycling back following their first
situation of needing to cope with, there’s a button being pushed . . . awareness of their abuse history. Some mothers who re-
something is going on in the background, which is kicking in the counted healthier families of origin and active recovery work
fight or flight. But in the foreground there’s the adult, she’s saying, prior to motherhood never experienced the first phase of the
but here’s this 2 year old or 9 year old child or whatever who had a process. Mothers’ descriptions also suggest that as a child
need I had to meet. And I have the interplay of trying to bargain with
reaches new developmental stages, they may experience
myself to meet my own need which is ‘O.K. I can deal with this trig-
ger later and meet the need of the child standing in front of me at that
new triggers and cycle back in the spiral. Thus, the degree
time.’ So, I find it often very confusing. And the other word that to which the mother changes over time is dependent on a
comes to mind is exhausting. Because it’s a constant battle of at- number of factors.
tempting to make sure that I’m not knee jerk responding—that I
choose my responses because I don’t, in most cases I don’t necessar-
Self mother
ily want to go with the first response.
The use of the lower case illustrates that mothers in this phase
This example illustrates the mother’s ability to “be there,” demonstrate minimal awareness, understanding, and/or pro-
by setting boundaries around the recovery work, suppressing cessing of parenting or of the abuse experiences and how
her feelings, and containing her anger and anxiety. these have affected the self and self as mother. Respondents’
Sometimes, mothers were unable to successfully suppress descriptions of their mothering in this phase indicated a lim-
or contain memories or emotions precipitated by the simulta- ited ability to differentiate between the needs of their child
neous influences of mother–child interactions and recovery and their own unmet needs, and a minimal healthy valuing
Figure 2. Developing a mothering self.
of self or of self as mother. Not being there responses are Self mother
common in this phase. One respondent described herself as
Mothers in this phase demonstrate an understanding and ac-
a parent before recovery work:
ceptance of personal limitations and a healthy self-worth.
This woman values and is able to nurture and protect herself
We were very close—we grew up together. I don’t think I thought so
much about how I was shaping her. I took her almost everywhere
as well as able to nurture and protect her child.
with me and that was the point in my life when I was partying a
lot and I would take her to parties, and she would see me, you There’s an internal peace that I can actually achieve at times now
know, and I would drink with her. which is really really lovely. And as I achieve that and become
more centered and balanced as a person I think I have a tendency
to react differently to my children . . . I have a tendency to more often
Victim as mother see the joy and see the humor in the situation, I need to control things
less . . . I think I’m also willing to accept a deeper sense of satisfac-
During this phase mothers are developing a beginning aware- tion in being a parent. And it’s not so fear based now.
ness and acknowledgement of abuse and/or abuse effects, and
are often immersed in recovery work, denoted by the use of
the upper case for victim. The predominant focus is on the Discussion
pain associated with the abuse and its effects, with mothers This study centered on the perspectives of women who had
describing themselves as “raw,” having an “open wound,” experienced significant CSA, and were willing to reflect on
and a “gaping hole.” how this traumatic experience had impacted them in their
role as mothers. The study utilized a qualitative methodology
I’m kind of like a person, but not a real person . . . I’m on a spiral, I’m as an avenue to discover and develop a more comprehensive
kind of like, I’m not at the very beginning, but I don’t think I’m even in
model of mothering following the experience of CSA. As de-
the middle after all these years. I think because I still blame me and I
scribed by Maracek et al. (2001), the essence of a qualitative
still hate me and that’s where I’m at and actually I never see me getting
past that . . . I feel like I’m wearing a plastic bag or something and that’s stance involves “listening to and theorizing about what
all they see is that layer, they don’t see how bad, really things are for me. emerges when people use their own words to make sense of
their lived experience” (p. 33). We felt that this approach pro-
vided an in-depth subjective description of the experience of
Survivor mother parenting as a CSA survivor. Our proposed model “the hard
Mothers described a phase in which the personal identifica- work of mothering as a survivor” captured the complex, chal-
tion of the self as a survivor is highly salient, but there is a lenging, and changing issues that survivors of child sexual
greater acceptance and ability to differentiate needs of the abuse face as they attempted to navigate both their recovery
child and their own unmet needs. Mothers in this phase are from the abuse experience and the task of parenting. Early
experiencing fewer of the secondary effects of the abuse on in the recovery process, issues pertaining to their victimi-
and do not become so overwhelmed by abuse-related emo- zation experience often predominated, leaving less attention
tions when interacting with their child; consequently, they and emotional capacity available for parenting. Later in the
more often exhibit “being there” for the child. recovery process, identification with their abuse experience
and its myriad effects appeared to diminish and the mother
I’m a lot more settled. I just feel more whole or balanced or some- seemed more able to attend to her own needs as well as the
thing . . . I don’t think about it as much as I used to . . . I still deal needs of her child and family. By working with the mothers’
with shame, the areas where I get triggered are getting smaller and own words, we were struck by the complexity of the issues
smaller . . . So much less anger, so much less projecting of my stuff, facing them in their role as parents. We heard stories involv-
a quicker recognition of what’s going on and being able to own it. ing parental struggles, triumphs, joys, confusion, and despair.
The overall model attempted to capture the dynamic nature of 1981). Mothers found that as they developed a greater under-
the task of parenting as the survivor continued to heal from standing of the impact of their history on their intrapersonal
the legacy of her abuse. and interpersonal functioning, they were more realistic in
Our findings supported, yet expanded upon and enriched, their expectations for themselves and their children, achieved
past quantitative research conducted on mothering in adult greater balance in their responses, and evaluated themselves
survivors of CSA. Consistent with prior research, the mothers as being healthier women and mothers. This is consistent
participating in this study reported a variety of parenting chal- with findings of prior research (Phelps, Belsky, & Crnic,
lenges and characteristics that have been reported by other in- 1998; Stiles, 2001; Wright, Crawford, & Sebastian, 2007),
vestigators: questioning of their parenting competency, con- suggesting that adults who have worked through the pain of
cerns over inconsistency, being overly permissive or overly their abusive childhoods and have formed a coherent perspec-
protective, problems in fostering of age-appropriate auton- tive on these experiences exhibit greater resilience later in life.
omy, difficulties with emotional and physical intimacy, ex- The findings also highlighted the importance of understand-
cessive maternal anger, less emotional control in parenting, ing and learning to tolerate and modulate affective responses
and concern that their child might become a victim of sexual during mother–child interactions. Mothers reported being
abuse. Our findings illustrated the complexity of the contexts particularly troubled by lack of emotional control, resulting
in which these stresses and mothering behaviors occurred. in uncontrollable feelings of rage, anger, or a need to detach
Mothers’ descriptions of their experiences, as they confronted or dissociate. Consequently, a focus on affect regulation is
these situations in their interactions with their children, sug- likely to be an important part of the process of recovery (Cloi-
gested a complex, dynamic interplay among four important tre, Koenen, Cohen, & Han, 2002; Gross, 1998).
and interconnected domains: (a) the mothers’ processing of The findings also highlighted the dynamic, multifaceted na-
their childhood abuse history, (b) the development of a ture of recovery and resilience, as a process that evolves over
healthy model for mothering, (c) the pain of recovery and time (Luthar, Cicchetti, & Becker, 2000). When resilience is
the mother’s position on the abuse recovery trajectory, and viewed as multidimensional and contextual, variation in func-
(d) the mothers’ navigation of specific parenting challenges tioning across multiple domains is anticipated. Resilience is in-
as they and their child grow and develop. The key struggle fluenced not only by the mother’s personal ability to cope, but
for many mothers was how to balance these competing tasks. also by the severity and chronicity of the specific challenges
Their ability to achieve an appropriate balance was essential she faces and the adequacy of her current resources and support
in both their personal recovery and feelings of confidence (Harvey, 2007; Masten & Wright, 2010; Sullivan, 1998;
in themselves as a parent. Understanding the dynamic rela- Wright et al., 2005; Wright & Masten, 2005). Thus, the process
tionships among each of these processes was critical in safe- of “developing a mothering self’ is fluid, dynamic, and respon-
guarding recovery and successful navigation of parenting sive to multiple factors and influences.
challenges. For some mothers, early in parenting they were The dynamic process that was captured in our model was
largely unaware of how their abuse experiences were nega- consistent with Sgroi’s model (1989) on the stages of recov-
tively impacting their parenting, and it was only in retrospect ery for adult survivors of sexual abuse. Our findings sug-
that they gained more awareness and understanding. For other gested that mothers experienced the greatest difficulty in par-
mothers, issues pertaining to their sexual abuse experience re- enting in the “self mother” and “victim as mother” phases,
emerged at various times throughout their parenting and the which corresponded to the phases of “acknowledging the rea-
child’s development. Often this was unexpected, and mothers lity of the abuse” and “overcoming secondary responses to
reported being surprised at the intensity of emotion that arose the abuse” described by Sgroi (1989). The spiraling nature
regarding issues that they had thought had been addressed of developing a mothering self was consistent with Sgroi’s
and resolved. The child reaching the age that they were (1989) recovery spiral that accounted for setbacks, relapses
when they had been abused was particularly activating, as in recovery efforts, as well as forward movement. We felt
were concerns regarding the possibility that their child might that a spiral model appeared to better capture the journey
be sexually victimized. The interplay between awareness and for these mothers than a stage model. Stage models convey
management of CSA recovery issues and parenting chal- forward progress, but they suggest a linear process, which
lenges has not received much attention in past literature and did not appear to accurately reflect these mothers’ experi-
warrants further research. ences. They described an ongoing dialectic, a nonlinear pro-
Although participants in our study varied in their present cess including positive changes and personal growth as well
evaluations of their parenting competence, they consistently as setbacks and discouragement. This spiral model has also
described times during which they perceived themselves to been utilized in conceptualizing recovery from serious mental
be inadequate as mothers. They expressed the high value health problems, where a nonlinear, dynamic, forward and
they placed on being good mothers, and guilt and grief about backward process has also been noted (Ochocka, Nelson, &
those times in which they had been unable to meet their ex- Janzen, 2005).
pectations of themselves. This finding parallels that of past re- It is also important to recognize that mothers may be in
search that has documented a fear among CSA survivor varying phases of developing a mothering self for different
mothers of being “a bad parent” (Banyard, 1997; Herman, aspects of mothering tasks and roles. There needs to be atten-
tion to variability across the different domains of interest and manage and appropriately express her emotions. Some
concern. The challenges experienced also differed in respect mothers in our study reported vacillating between silencing
to specific children; unique characteristics of a particular their emotions and becoming numb, or raging and losing con-
child (e.g., age, gender, temperament) and/or unique charac- trol. Such a parent may need a break from constant child care
teristics coinciding with intense recovery work contributed to responsibilities and need permission/resources for child care
more problematic mothering of that child. Mothers may cycle and respite, as well as assistance in identifying ways to tolerate
back to earlier phases of developing a mothering self when and cope with these overwhelming emotions without losing
children reach new developmental stages. The mothers own control or contact. Helping her chart a more modulated ap-
words revealed the cycling nature of this process—it’s an proach, and develop better self-awareness and self-regulation
“ongoing process,” at times the mother might feel like she can be essential to recovery (Cloitre et al., 2002; Gross,
is “back at first base,” struggling with issues “over and over 1998). Direct work with a mother who feels overwhelmed
again,” and at other times she feels “pushed forward.” The by anger and loss of control utilizing parent–child interaction
importance of this spiraling back and forth dynamic was par- therapy might also be extremely valuable in reducing the risk
ticularly salient in this community sample, and may be even for physical abuse (Chaffin et al., 2004; Timmer, Urquiza, Ze-
more evident in a clinical sample. When this model was pre- bell, & McGrath, 2005). A woman in the “survivor mother”
sented for feedback to a group of sexual abuse survivors, this phase has often learned to manage triggers and emotions
aspect particularly resonated and made sense to them. They more effectively, but might benefit from cognitive approaches
felt that it could open up important dialogue with therapists and problem solving related to specific problematic mother–
about the difficulty of simultaneously working on recovery child interactions. Therapies that focus on narrative process,
issues and parenting challenges. A concern widely shared how past family of origin experiences have negatively im-
among the survivor group was that at times, to maintain effec- pacted internalized schemas of the self and influenced expec-
tive parenting, it was necessary to put aside work on CSA re- tations of significant others, and learning alternative ways of re-
covery, as it tended to be destabilizing. lating and responding to others might be useful complements
to experiential work on emotion regulation (Allen, Fonagy,
& Bateman, 2008; Young, Klosko, & Weishaar, 2003). It is
Clinical implications
also important for clinicians to recognize that moving too
Participants consistently expressed appreciation for the oppor- quickly with recovery may interfere with a mother’s ability
tunity to discuss their mothering experiences, stressing that to meet her goals for mothering. Again, providing permission
this was an extremely important aspect of their lives and recov- for the mother to put boundaries around the extent/pace of re-
ery which was not addressed sufficiently in psychotherapy covery work and collaborating in the development of ways to
or through other resources, such as reading literature on recov- do this is important. The spiral nature of the developmental
ery from CSA. Some mothers expressed that although they process of developing a mothering self also has important clin-
consulted resources on parenting, these did not meet their ical implications. Our findings revealed that issues often sur-
needs because these resources did not provide information on faced anew as children reached different developmental stages,
what was “normal” for a survivor mother, and many mothers and mothers were unprepared for the reemergence of triggers
requested feedback as to whether their experiences had been and abuse-related memories and emotions. Anticipatory guid-
articulated by other mothers who were survivors. This lack of ance regarding this is also important.
attention to the area exacerbated mothers’ difficulty in perform- Building supportive networks,learning to counteract negative
ing the hard work of mothering as a survivor. Thus, this re- self-evaluations, and finding time to engage in pleasurable and
search points to the need for an increased focus on parenting restorative activities can significantly impact overall well-being
in clinical work with survivors. Study findings suggested that and improve capacity to cope with challenging parenting de-
mothers would benefit from guidance about healthy parenting mands. At the appropriate time, survivor mothers might also
and normal childhood development to assist them in develop- benefit from broadening their life focus and redirecting attention
ing a personal model for mothering. Further, mothers may away from processing CSA memories and into new priorities
also benefit from anticipatory guidance about common experi- and pursuits (Morrow & Smith, 1995; Phillips & Daniluk, 2004).
ences and concerns of mothers who are survivors of CSA. The overarching model of mothering as a survivor might also
Challenges encountered in mother–child interactions may not serve as a useful psychoeducational tool in therapy. It might fa-
be spontaneously discussed by mothers due to their concerns cilitate dialogue about sensitive parenting and recovery issues,
about the meaning of these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and help the survivor navigate work related to abuse related
and subsequent negative evaluations of their mothering. trauma and how it has impacted parenting.
Mothers also need resources for coping as they move
through different phases of developing a mothering self.
Limitations of the study
For example, a woman in the “victim as mother” phase is of-
ten overwhelmed by negative emotions and may be triggered It is important to note the limitations of the study. The partic-
frequently and intensely by her child and response to that ipants reflect only a subset of the population of mothers who
child. This parent may need assistance in learning how to are survivors of CSA, and they had predominantly experi-
enced more severe and prolonged forms of intrafamilial Directions for future research
abuse. The participants were also women who were moti-
The findings illustrate the importance of investigating con-
vated to respond to a research solicitation and able to share
cerns about parenting and mother–child interactions across
their thoughts with a research team. The participants were
varying stages of the mother’s recovery and stages of the chil-
very homogenous with regard to race/ethnicity. Some
dren’s development. Short-term prospective and longitudinal
mothers in the study recounted additional family of origin is-
studies will enhance our understanding of the factors that in-
sues such as alcohol abuse and experienced multiple forms of
fluence the complex and dynamic experience of parenting
child abuse. Consequently, their experiences of mothering as
among child sexual abuse survivors. Further studies are
a survivor may have also been influenced by these stressful
needed to establish a comprehensive framework that is inclu-
childhood experiences or by stressful experiences in their
sive of the experiences of women of differing sociodemo-
adult life. The model of mothering developed is thus unique
graphic characteristics and to establish the transferability of
to this particular sample, the interpretative process of these
this model of mothering as a survivor to other mothers who
three investigators, and the specific context of the study.
have experienced CSA. It is also critical to incorporate the
The transferability of this model of mothering needs to be ex-
voices of fathers, a much neglected group also struggling
amined in other contexts, with more diverse participants and
with the aftermath of CSA and parenting. Whether fathers’ is-
through other investigative lenses.
sues are similar to mothers, and/or how their concerns and
Some of the data collected was based on women’s retro-
struggles might differ is an important area for new research.
spective accounts of parenting challenges that had occurred
Extending this model of mothering to encompass multiple
earlier in the child’s development and may have been af-
ecological systems (e.g., partner, children, extended family,
fected by selective memories. Respondents were also com-
friends, therapists, religious figures, etc.) as they influence
fortable disclosing their perceptions of mothering as a survi-
and are influenced by the survivor mother is also needed
vor; therefore, results may not reflect the perceptions and
(Cicchetti & Valentino, 2007; Luthar & Brown, 2007; Mas-
experiences of those women who would be less comfortable
ten, 2007; Masten & Wright, 2010; Sullivan, 1998). Triangu-
with this process. Study questions did focus heavily on the
lation of research methodologies, incorporating qualitative
mothers’ immediate family experience, and did not fully ex-
and quantitative approaches, as well as self-report, significant
plore her outside support system and other important con-
other report (partners and children), and observational study,
textual influences. Future research needs to incorporate an
will enhance understanding of parenting in survivors of child
ecological analysis, focusing not only on the mother, but
maltreatment and inform clinical intervention. Given the mul-
on her relationships with others and the social structures
tiple areas of potential vulnerability for CSA survivors in
and systems that impact her over time (Sullivan, 1998).
their role as parents, there is also a critical need for research
When research focuses primarily on the individual, there
that explores and validates specific parenting interventions
is a danger of overemphasizing the attributes of the individ-
to enhance the overall well-being of the mother and family.
ual that contribute to her current difficulty. This can result in
A closer partnership between quantitative and qualitative meth-
blaming the victim for her problems (Ochocka et al., 2005).
odologies has the potential to advance intervention efforts for
Finally, it would also have enriched and extended the study
survivor parents and their children by identifying important
to have interviewed spouses and children regarding their ex-
precursors of difficulty, specific developmental challenges,
periences and thoughts and to have had independent ob-
patterns of dysfunction, and relevant variations across social
server assessments of the mothers’ parenting competence
contexts (Sullivan, 1998). Finally, it is our fervent hope that re-
and family environment. Given the richness and sensitivity
search efforts will continue to be informed by Garmezy’s
of qualitative methodologies, and their ability to sensitively
legacy of listening to the stories of others’ struggles with
explore social context, future studies might benefit from use
trauma and adversity, by his compassion and willingness to as-
of participant observation, open-ended interviewing, focus
sist in their efforts toward recovery, and by his remarkable abil-
groups, and life history case studies from a broader array
ity to direct attention to the factors that promote their compe-
of individuals important in the life of survivor mothers
tence and resilience in the face of tremendous stress.
(Sullivan, 1998).
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Development and Psychopathology 24 (2012), 537–552

# Cambridge University Press 2012

SPECIAL SECTION ARTICLE

In their own words: The experience of mothering as a survivor

MARGARET O’DOUGHERTY WRIGHT, JOAN FOPMA-LOY, AND KATHERINE OBERLE

you being a parent?” Participants were also asked to discuss a Participants

Figure 2. Developing a mothering self.

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