Man Stress

UNIVERSITY OF THE ASSUMPTION SCHOOL OF ARTS AND SCIENCES 1
There was never an us : REASONS, CHALLENGES, COPING AND

MEANING IN LIFE OF MANSTRESSES
Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P. Austria, Ramoncito C. Barro IX, Rose Ann R.

Luriz, Ciann Marc C. Sonza , Angienette C. Evangelista & Noli D. Franco
Abstract
This phenomenological research study describes the essence of what it
means to be a mantress particularly on the reasons, challenges, coping and
meaning in life having been in an affair with a married woman. Five
participants were purposively selected and interviewed. It was found that
both internal and external factors influenced the participants’ engagement
in the said affair. They shared that their situation is mentally, emotionally
and spiritually draining. Further, active and passive behavioral responses
were employed to cope. As of the moment, the participants shared that
being a manstress is their choice, but sooner or later, many are still hoping
to discover, achieve and fulfill their life’s purpose.
Key terms: Manstress, coping, meaning in life
Marriage is one of the most fulfilling experiences for both a man and a woman because it
is the time where they settle to have their own family It is perceived as the most intimate adult
bonding, serving as a primary source of affection, love and support (Devalut & Cohen, 2011). It is
the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly
cut short by divorce. Over the course of a relationship that can last as many as seven or eight
decades, a lot happens. Personalities change, bodies age, and romantic love waxes and wanes.
And no marriage is free of conflict (Stosny, 2009). As a married couple traverses the life of having
a family, it is only normal that they experience some ups and downs in their relationship. As the
couple progress deeper into the relationships, it is inevitable that opinions, feelings and wants will
clash (Wright, 2000).
Infidelity is one of the many problems married couples all over the world experience.
Drigotas and Barta (2001) defined infidelity as a partner’s violation of norms regulating the level
of emotional or physical intimacy with people outside the relationship. Though there are many
common problems couples face, this particular problem is often the reason behind the separation,
annulment, or even divorce of couples. Infidelity is the act of being unfaithful or disloyal to a
partner, which causes major problems and arguments for married couples. It is the breaking of a
promise of faithfulness, which can take many forms—from vows sanctified by the church or by civil
marriage, to privately uttered verbal agreements between two lovers.
As its very core, infidelity refers to any behavior that breaks the contract that two people
have with each other (Lusterman, 1998). Many people describe the aftermath as worse than losing
their partner through death because relatonships survive after death, but not always survive after
infidelity (Glass, 2004).
Infidelity is common, over one-third (1/3) of marriages one or both partners admit to
cheating and 14% of women confess to cheat on their significant other (Piercy, 2016). When it
does happen, it raises thorny and painful questions to couples such as: Should you stay? Can trust
be rebuilt? Can you and should you forgive and move on?
According to Friedman (2015), infidelity is a symptom of an unhappy relationship, a moral

flaw or a sign of deteriorating social values. Infidelity is a major reason for marital dissolution
(Brown, 1999 as cited in Pittman, 1898). Infidelity includes participation in sexual intercourse with
a person other than one’s partner. Infidelity is more significant and is experienced as a traumatizing
abandonment and/or betrayal. A lot of reasons may be involved in infidelity such as revenge,
boredom, the sexual thrill of novelty and sexual addiction. Levine (2005) explained that flirtation is
the reason for future infidelity, which is also known as the non-verbal expression of attractions.
Mostly, it starts with some kind of flirtation between two unloyal people, and eventually leads to
the act itself where one becomes unloyal to his or her original partner
Mostly, the “usual” image of infidelity is that of married men and are with families, but have a
secret affair with a mistress. Now, the researchers looked into the other side of the situation—an
intriguing issue about a man having a secret affair with a married woman. According to Marketman
(2011), “manstress”, which sounds like the male equivalent of a mistress, would refer to the male
with whom a married female is having a long-term relationship with, whether as a kept man or a
lover. Moreover, it could equally apply even if there is no financial renumeration or consideration
involved.
This study is a pioneer in using the term “manstresses” referring to men who are engaged in
an affair with a married women. As of today, there is no particular term being used by researchers,
psychologists, sociologists and even educators coming from developing and developed countries
which directly describe a man involved in a relationship with married woman. However, the Internet
uses the word “manstress,” and defines it as the male counterpart of mistress, referring to any
single or married man having an affair with a married woman.
For most men, there is just something about a married woman that is more attractive than
anything else. Single men often love having access to someone who is passionate, sexual and really
wants nothing more from them. On a purely physical level, most men are going to enjoy their
affairs with married women (Dodge, 2014). It might be how most of them seem to convey a sense
of self-esteem or confidence in themselves and their situation. An important literature from Macleod
(2015) specified some reasons why married people are more attractive. For some males, married
women are apparently more alluring because emotional attachment is not necessary for sexual
encounters. Macleod also added that it gives them a perverted sense of fulfilment and winning
feeling over the real partner.
The notion that married women are more attractive to men has been elaborated by (Menza,
2015). One factor is that men are enticed with the self-confidence that is especially present among
married women. Self-assured women may look good in men’s arms, but it may work differently in
the case of a single man wanting to date a married woman, as it does not give the man the sense
of satisfaction similar to how a married woman looks good on his arms. Another factor cited by the
same author is that it boosts the manstress’ ego.
They prefer to date married women primarily because it is not right to steal another man’s
wife, therefore giving a sense of pride on the part of the manstress. Men in general are thrilled in
chasing a woman who is unattainable. They seek for the thrill of competing with the unsuspecting
husband. Chrissle (2015) supports that when a man is able to overpower the husband, it makes
the man feel like “he has conquered a battle”. The same author added that men are thrilled over
the fact that they have the potential of getting caught in the affair.
There have been research studies about infidelity. Several layers of experiences among
individuals who are presently engaged in unwanted romantic relationship or committed acts of
infidelity in the past were undertaken among the western and non-western countries. The book of
Julie Yap Daza entitled “Etiquette for Mistresses,” presented the many faces of being a mistress.
Star Cinema even made a romantic-drama film based on the best-selling novel of the same name.
During the press conference of the movie “Etiquette for Mistresses,” one of the reporters raised a
question to Ms. July Yap Daza which mentioned about whether the novel has a male counterpart.
According to Ms. Julie Yap Daza, she wishes to write a male counterpart book of the “Etiquette for
Mistressess,” but failed to identify participants willing to be interviewed. Said statement, end up
the inspiration behind the current study entitled: A love to last? Reasons, Challenges, Coping and
Meaning in Life of Mantresses.
This phenomenon has been going on for a long time but there is lack of society’s awareness
and understanding toward men who are involved in this kind of relationship. Thus, the researchers
felt the need to explore and understand the phenomenon through the experiences of men who
engaged in relationships with married women. This research endeavor, aims to understand the
reasons why manstresses engaged in love affairs with married women, to be knowleadgeable of
the common challenges encountered by the manstresses in the affairs they were in, to determine
different coping strategies and to grasp how manstresses define their meaning in life.
METHOD
This phenomenological research study included five (5) self-confessed mantresses who are
currently in a relationship with married women.
The researchers developed a two-part instrument in order to gather the data needed in the
study. The initial phase comprises of the robotfoto, which is the instrument for the demographic
profile of the participants. The second phase consisted of semi-structured in-depth interview
(Patton, 1990) as a data gathering tool. The guide questions were validated by experts in the fields
of psychology and qualitative research.
Consent foms were distributed to the particpants before the interview. All the details about the
interview with them were mentioned in the letter including the extent of their involvement. Upon
their consent, interview with the participants were scheduled based on their availability and
convenience. At the start of the interview, each participants was told to answer the robotfoto
containing their demographic data followed by the interview which lasted for an average of one
and a half hours . For the purpose of capturing everything that was transpired in the process, the
participant’s interview sessions were tape-recorded.
Transcripts or field text were carefully read and reread to enable the researchers to identify
statements, verbalization, and musings that collectively described what was common in the
participants’ responses. Specifically, the analysis consisted of three parts, namely: reduction,
description, and seeking the essence. Reduction involved transcendental subjectivity where the
researchers set aside all their biases and prejudices about the phenomenon. The description part
involved in eidetic presentation of the reality in the words of the sujects. Essence referred to the
coding of data into themes, analyzed in order to uncover the lebenswelt or the central meaning of
the essence. The use of a repertory grid facilitated the conduct of both cool and warm analyses.To
ensure the trustworthiness of the written protocals, member checking and critical friend techniques
were employed in order to validate findings of the study.
FINDINGS
Table 1 presents the profile of the participants. All particpants are Roman Catholics, only
one (1) participant is unemployed and three out of five of the participant’s parents are
separated, while two are with parents still together.Only one participant is earning below ten
thousand pesos, while the rest are receiving a monthly salary of more than twenty thousand
respectively. In terms of educational attainment, two of them are college graduates. The
participants relationship with their partners are from one to four years already and majority
of them are in the same age bracket.
Table 1
Participants profile
Participants
Demographic
variables 1 2 3 4 5
Religion Roman Roman Catholic Roman Catholic Roman Catholic Roman Catholic
Catholic
Occupation Hotelier Unemployed Call center Automobile Call center
agent mechanic agent
Family Parents are Separated Parents are Separated Separated

Arrangements living living together
together
Monthly Income 41,000 Below 10,000 41,000 above 20,000 above 30,000
(pesos) above
Educational College High school College College College

Attainment graduate graduate undergraduate undergraduate graduate
No. of years in a
relationship with a 1 4 2 3 4
married woman
Age difference Same age Same age 6 years Same age 3 years
with partner
Their Reasons
Internal influences. According to the responses uttered by the participants, feelings of

inner joy, thrill and excitement greatly influenced them to be in a relationship with a
married woman.
Sexual gratification. It was mentioned that sexual need gratification played a

vital role to the participants in engaging a relationship with married a woman.
“Pangangailangan ng katawan ko, libog di’ba? (Libido is a physical need,

right?)” (P1)
“Magaling din kasi siya, sa sex ganoon (She’s really good in sex).” (P2)
“I guess in a way sexual arousal, as well.” (P3)
“Itang mumuna, makanita siyempre pantunan mu rin itang sex life (At first,
you’re after the sex life).” (P4)
“Nasasatisfy kasi yoong sex life ko sir eh. iba yung performance (My sex life is
satisfied, because there’s something with the performance).” (P5)
Ego empowering. The power to overpower the legal husbands gave the
participants the pleasures and gratification which made their illicit acts ego-
rewarding.
“Ewan ko ha pero ang sarap ng ganoon yoon bang nakaisa ako, nakalamang
ako sa kapwa ko lalaki (I don’t know, but knowing that I somewhat ‘beat’
another man is satisfying).” (P1)
“If makakapag-dominate ka pa ng iba, why not--it’s your chance (If you could
dominate others, why not—it’s your chance).” (P3)
“Patse kalako na naman ning asawa na, iya na naman kanita. Balamu bantay
salakay ka kanita, nung ala ya ing pusa, masaya ya ing daga (As soon as her
husband’s gone, we’re at it again. It’s like they say, when the cat’s away, the
mice will play).” (P4)
“’So bago mo kitain, bago kayo mag anniversary, sex muna tayo,’ sabi ko. So
nasa-satisfy din ako sa ganoon na nakakatakot (‘Before meeting up with him
for your anniversary, let’s have sex first’, I said. I get satisfied with that kind
of thrill).” (P5)
Love and belonging needs. Participants acknowledged that their love and
belongingness for one another became their sources of joy and happiness which
greatly contributed in making their relationship with their partners more lasting.
“Ang saya na namin para kaming love birds, para na kaming mag-asawa
talaga, nagagawa na namin ‘yong mga ginagawa ng mga mag-asawa
kumbaga (We’re very happy, as if we’re love birds. We get to do what couples
do, as if we really are husband and wife).” (P1)
“Sa katagalan na in love na rin ako sa kaniya. Sa tagal ng relasyon namin,

masasabi ko naman na tunay kaming nagmamahalan (In the long run, I fell in
love with her. Given how long our relationship is, I can say that we truly love
each other).” (P2)
“Mas happy ya patse abe naku at aku rin masaya ku kapag abe ke. Apapasaya
mi ing metung at metung, kaya siguru linwat kami pilan banwa uling masaya
kami pareho maski ing gagawan mi alina istu (She is happier when she is with
me, and I am also happy when I’m with her. We make each other happy,
which is maybe why we lasted this long, even though what we’re doing is
wrong).” (P4)
“Pero dumarating din sa time na medyo tinatamaan nga din ako di mawawala
yun, yung emotional feelings, na ma-aattach ka pin ketang tawu (There comes
a point when I’m hit with emotional feelings, which cannot really be avoided).”
(P5)
Feeling of thrill and excitement. It was posited by the participants that

engaging in a relationship with married women gave an extra excitement and
thrill compared to the usual boy-girl relationship.
“Actually, ‘yong mga relasyong ganito ‘yan ‘yong mga pinakamasarap, kasi
nga bawal kasi eh. Nakakapagpabata, parang bumabalik ka sa pagkabinata.
Yung mga ganyang relasyon masarap sobra kasi ang maganda doon nakuha
mo siya eh. Hindi mo pwede kunin pero nakuha mo siya (Relationships like
this are more satisfying because it’s forbidden. It’s like going through your
teenage years again. And the best thing about this is you got the girl. You’re
not allowed to get her, but you did).” (P1)
“ I find it ‘yon nga, medyo thrilling kasi one hindi siya usual na boy-girl ligawan
kilala ng nanay kilala ng tatay and all. Medyo kakaiba siya (I find it thrilling
because it’s not the usual boy-girl courtship and all).” (P3)
External influences. Participants attributed the reasons for engaging

themselves in an affair with married women to family dynamics, friends,
material gains being enjoyed and its boosing effects in their ego.
Material rewards. The participants expressed that part of their gains and
benefits in engaging in a relationship with a married woman were the
opportunities of receiving material rewards such as gifts and money.
“Humihingi rin ako ng pera sa kaniya, pang-gimmick. Binigyan niya ako ng

limang libo (I also ask money from her, for partying. She gave me five
thousand [pesos]).” (P2)
“Afford niya yung luho ko, so rine-regaluhan niya ako ng kung anu-ano since
nagpapadala ‘yung husband niya, ‘yon ang isa pa palang benefit ko (She can
afford my wants, so she buys me gifts since her husband sends her money.
That’s another benefit for me).” (P3)
“Basta minsan mu rin mi ambunan ka, didinan na ku rin at aabutanan na ku

naman (Sometimes, [you] get showered, and she gives me some as well).”
(P4)
“…Siguro doon sa nabibigay niya eh, material, kasi may kaya sila eh. So eku
maniyad pero mamye ya every cut-off (Maybe it’s what she gives, material,
because she can afford it. I don’t ask, but she gives me some every cut-off).”
(P5)
Physical attractiveness. Physical attraction was considered to be a primary

determinant why participants were tempted to engage in such relationship with
married women.
“Maganda siya, as in maganda siya runner up nga eh, lumaban

ng Binibining Dumaguete (She’s beautiful, as in beauty-pageant material.
She’s a runner-up, and she joined Binibining Dumaguete).” (P1)
“…tsaka ang ganda niya, ‘yung mukha niya sobrang amo (She’s very
beautiful. Her face was so sweet).” (P2)
“Malagu ya talaga, anggyang ninu sabyan da naman pakilupa

de pin ketang metung artista keng GMA (She’s really beautiful. Every one
agrees with that, and some even say she looks like that actress in GMA).”
(P5)
Absence of parental guidance. Majority of the participants are products of

dysfunctional families. According to them, lack of guidance from their parents
became instrumental in their present engagement in illicit affairs.
“Hindi kasi ako close sa magulang, hindi ko nga alam paano sila naghiwalay,
bata palang kasi ako nagtatrabaho na tatay ko sa malayo pero hindi ko talaga
alam kung bakit sila naghiwalay (I’m not close to my parents. I don’t even
know why they separated. When I was young, my father worked from afar,
and up to now, I really have no idea why they separated).” (P2)
“I Ima ku ampo I Tatang ku mag-aral ku pa mikawani na la, kaya mekipag-

obra ku ban kanita maski makananu makasawup ku (My mother and my father
separated when I was still in school, so when I started working, I made sure
I was able to help out).” (P4)
“Dinagul kung broken ‘yung family, so since first year high school mag-rent na
kung apartment yakung dili, so ang dami kong na-meet na mga tao, gang,
fraternities at automatic may kasamang babae yun. Makanita siguru talaga
kapag eka dinagul kayabe deng pengari mu, alang gagabay keka ampong
manyabyanan (I grew up with a broken family, so since I was in first year high
school, I rented an apartment by myself. I met a lot of people there, including
gangs, fraternities, which of course included women. I guess that’s how it is
when you grow up without a parent to guide you).” (P5)
Faulty modeling. One participant reported that his circle of friends are also
engaged in illicit affairs which influenced him to do the same acts and practices.
“Aliwa mu naman kasi yaku eh, pati reng aliwa kung high school friends
makanyan mu rin ing gagawan da. Mapma lalaki o mapa-babayi, kakabit o
mangabit (It’s not just me. Even my high school friends do it. Man or woman,
he or she is engaged in a similar affair).” (P4)
Their Challenges
Mentally draining. Being in a forbidden relationship is something that is very

complicated highly critical. Every detail about the relationship must be kept private to
refrain themselves from being exposed to possible humiliations and life threatening
situations.
Limited time. The world of manstresses was described to be mentally draining

because everything is unpredictable, especially concerning time being spent
together.
“Isang linggo ‘di kami nagkikita kasi nandiyan yung asawa niya ‘di kami maka-
tiyempo (We did not see each other for a week because her husband was
home).” (P2)
“May time kasi na completely magkasalungat ‘yong shift [work] namin, so

walang chance para magkita kami, di naman kami pweding lumabas (There’s
a time when our shifts [work] are exact opposites, so there’s no chance for us
to see each other. We can’t even go out).” (P3)
Limited space. One participant aired his disappointment that in a forbidden

relationship, everything is likewise discrete in a sense that the relationship cannot
be shown in public.
“Masakit yang pisasalikut uling balu mu ne ing kayi, malati ya ing yatu. Anya
pin medyu eke lulwal keni (It’s hard to keep on hiding, because we never
know, since it’s just a small world. This is why we rarely go out here).” (P4)
Emotionally draining. Manstresses are always exposed to negative thoughts and

feelings because of the fear of being caught by the legal husband which may possibly lead
to several negative outcomes.
Fear of karma. The fear of “karma” was expressed during the interview because
of the belief that their wrong deeds may bring misfortunes.
“...paano na lang kapag meron na kong sariling pamilya pero hindi na ‘ko
binigyan ng Diyos ng anak. Natatakot din ako baka yoon ‘yong maging karma
ko (What if when I have my own family, God will no longer grant me a child.
It scares me that that might be my karma).” (P2)
“…then yoong mga ate ko kasi kinausap nila ako, ‘yun nga, ‘What if sa’min
naman gawin? Halimbawa yoong may asawa pala yung naging boyfriend ko
anong gagawin mo?’ So ayon parang ayaw ko mangyare doon sa mga kapatid
ko .” (P3)
“Atin ku rin kasing kapatad a babae, eh maka-abroad ya din kasi ing asawa
na. Ita ing pinaka maragul a struggle ku ngeni… deng asawa da reng kapatad
ku, maka-abroad la ngan eh apat la. Babae la ngan reng kapatad ku… what if
ila rin, kung baga ana pin makarma ka (I have a sister whose husband works
abroad. That’s my biggest struggle right now. All the husbands of my sisters
are working abroad—all four of them. What if it happens to them, too… karma,
as it is).” (P4)
“May fear din ako na baka bumalik sa akin ‘yung ginagawa ko so sana ‘wag
naman. Kaya siguro bago ako mag-asawa malamang dapat tinigilan ko na
‘yung ganyan (I also have this fear of the same thing happening to me, though
I hope not. Maybe that’s why before I enter the married life, I would have
stopped having affairs).” (P5)
Career at risk. Participants acknowledged that one of the possible concerns that
may occur with being in a relationship with a married woman is the tendency to
risk one’s career.
“Medyo mahirap kasi nasa-sacrifice yoong trabaho (It’s kind of hard because
my work is being sacrificed).” (P3)
“sinabihan ako na magresign ako nung lalaki, so siyempre hindi mo naman

pababayaan masira ‘yong career ko (I was told by the man to resign, but of
course, I can’t just waste my career).” (P5)
Life in trouble. Many of the participants noted that being in a relationship with
a married woman may be life threatening because of the fear of being caught by
the legal husband and the possibility of being placed in a legal battle.
“Paano kung mahuli kami ng asawa niya. Paano kung may baril ‘yon? Siyempre
paranoid ka mag-isip (What if her husband catches us? What if that man has
a gun? This is why I get paranoid).” (P1)
“Naglalaslas ‘yun kapag naghihiwalay kami (She slits her wrist when we break
up).” (P2)
“Takot na mahuli, kasi pinakita niya ‘yung picture ng husband niya maskulado,
‘yon takot na magulpi, kasi menial job ginagawa niya sa Singapore, so pag
umuwi sana hindi mahuli para hindi magulpi (She’s scared of getting caught
because she showed me the picture of her husband. She’s afraid of getting
beaten up because he’s doing a menial job in Singapore, so when he comes
home, I hope we don’t get caught or else I might get beaten up).” (P3)
“Threat sa mismong buhay ko syempre baka patayin ako nung asawa niya
(Threat on my life because her husband might kill me).” (P5)
Unacceptable relationship. Participants’ relationship with the married women

were deemed as wrong by their family and friends. There were instances wherein
their friends came into the point of voicing out their rejections and refusal of their
illicit affairs.
“Kinakatakot ko naman eh, kasabihan nga walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag,

walang apoy na hindi umuusok. So may makakahalata pa rin lalo na yoong mga
malalapit sa amin (I’m scared because as they say, no secret stays safe, no fire
does not emit smoke. Some people notice, especially those close to us).” (P1)
“Maraming mga mata na nakatingin tapos magsasabi sa nanay nung babae, eh

yung nanay niya ayaw din sa akin at mas ayaw sa kung anong meron kami ng
anak niya . Kaya sabi ko salisi lang talaga (A lot of eyes are on us to tell on the
lady’s mother since her mother does not like me and does not approve of what
her daughter and I have).” (P3)
“Naririnig ko nag-uusap silang magkakapatid sabi, ‘Bakit ‘di mo pa hiwalayin

‘yan? May asawa ka na.’ Ayaw sa’kin ng mga kapatid niya, galit sila dahil nga
mali yung ginagawa namin (I heard her siblings say, ‘Why don’t you break up
with him? You already have a husband.’ Her siblings don’t like me mainly
because what we’re doing is wrong).” (P4)
Feeling of insecurities. Participants’ feelings of jealousy toward the legal

husbands were reported to be the most difficult part when in a relationship with
a married woman.
“Madalas naiinsecure ako kasi nga ‘yung asawa niya nabibigay gusto niya (I
often get insecure because her husband can give her what she wants).” (P2)
“Recently lang kasi umuwi ‘yung husband niya. I guess ‘yon ‘yong worst part
na mararamdaman mo siyempre makakasama niya ‘yung asawa niya,
makakatabi niyang matulog, ‘yung mga ganong bagay ba (Her husband went
home recently. I guess the worst part is the feeling you get knowing she will
be with her husband, that they will be sleeping beside each other, and stuff).”
(P3)
“Darating ‘yong insecurity na maiisip mo pano kaya pag fina-fuck na siya nung
asawa niya (Insecurity kicks in when you’re just thinking what if she’s fucking
her husband at the moment).” (P5)
Feeling of being humiliated. Participants pointed out that some experienced

being degraded because normally their partners are usually the ones financing
their basic needs and wants.
“Lagi niya akong sinusumbatan sa pera. Lagi niyang sinasabi na binihisan niya
lang daw ako (She usually rebukes me when it comes to me. She always tells
me she just dresses me up).” (P2)
Spiritually draining. Participants mentioned that their being manstresses did not spare
them from doing sinful acts which made them feel guilty sometimes.
Engagement in sinful acts. Engaging oneself in a relationship with a married

woman taught two participants to do sinful acts like abortion and adultery.
“Nagka-baby kami. Luwas siya ng luwas ng maynila ‘yun pala pinapatanggal

niya. Ilang beses ‘yun, anim ata ‘yun ‘yung ganon nagpapatanggal siya (We
had a baby. She went to and from Manila, because apparently she was having
[it] aborted. That went on for probably six times, when she was going through
abortion).” (P2)
“Sa mata ng ibang tao at sa Diyos, pangit talaga, kasi alam mo na na may asawa,
pinatulan mo pa (In the eyes of other people and in the eyes of God, it’s really
ugly, because you already know she has a husband and yet you still took her).”
(P3)
Coping strategies
Active. Some of the participants resulted to negative actions as their chosen strategies
to cope up with their problems and difficulties as mantresses.
Resort to vices. Some participants have expressed that their way of coping
against the difficult challenges of being a manstress is through vices, like drinking
alcohol. For them, being under the influence of alcohol allowed them to forget
their issues and concerns about their illicit affairs.
“Iinom na lang ako para makatulog. Iisipin mo pa ba ‘yon? At least kahit

papaano nakalimot ka sa pinagdadaanan mo (I’ll just drink so I can sleep.
Should I still think of that? At least I can still forget what I’m going through) .”
(P2)
“… so ‘yun nag-iinom kami para hindi na isipin at makawala (so we just drink
so as not to think of it and free myself from the burden).” (P3)
“Dalan mu na keng inum ‘yan… kunwari, patse mumuli ya ing asawa na, alang
conversation makanta. Malungkut ka rin kaya madalas dadalan kuna keng alak
ing panamdaman at dadalanan ku (I just drink it… For example, when her
husband goes home, we don’t converse. You also get sad so I just always drink
my feelings away).” (P4)
“Iinom—‘yun lang ginagawa ko. Siyempre pampa-lakas ng loob sabi nila, kaya
‘yon din ginagawa ko madalas (Drink—that’s what I do. As they say, it boosts
oneself, so that’s what I usually do).” (P5)
Demanded attention. Becoming frustrated and being out-of-control with their

sexual impulses in a way helped the participant to cope with their undesirable
situation.
“Inipit ko siya sa situation. Few hours before niya sunduin ‘yung asawa niya,
nag-demand ako na magkita pa kami. So we did it, we had sex before niya
sunduin husband niya (I nailed her in a situation. Few hours before picking up
her husband, I demanded that we see each other first. So we did it, we had
sex before she picked up her husband).” (P3)
Passive. Many of the particpants resulted to series of inward defenses as their way of
defending themselves from ego threatening situations.
Avoidance. Escape was a form of avoidance for the participants which allowed
them to deal with anxiety-provoking situations.
“Madalas ‘di ko na lang din pinapansin (I just usually ignore [it]).” (P2)
“Actually I don’t deal with it, in a way—escape. Escape ‘yung ginagawa ko.
Mahirap kasi parang pinaka-way ko is tumahimik like I’ll be alone, papatayin
ko ‘yung phone, hindi kami mag-uusap (Escape is what I do. It’s actually hard
because my way of silencing myself is to be alone, with my phone turned off,
since we don’t talk).” (P3)
“…Di-divert ku na ing aliwang oras ku keng aliwang bage, kakalikutan kunala

dening mutor keni, o kaya maglibut makanyan basta itang ekuna aiisip ing
bageng ayta (I simply divert my time and attention towards other stuff, like
going through my motor, or going somewhere—basically anything to keep my
mind off those things).” (P4)
“Binabaling ko na lang atensiyon ko sa ibang bagay, at tsaka madalas naman

din busy sa work, usually kasi gabi naman ang ideal time to think eh call center
agent ako so nagwowork naman ako that time kaya hindi ko na rin masyadong
naiisip (I just turn my attention towards other things, and I’m often busy at
work. Night time is the ideal time to think, but I’m a call center agent working
during that time so I don’t get to think of it that much).” (P5)
Acceptance of the situation. Accepting one’s situation and the realities of

being a manstress was used by the participants as one other coping strategy in
dealing with their difficult situation with their partners.
“Iisipin mo pa ba ‘yon? Wala naman din magbabago eh. At the end of the day
kabit pa rin ako (Will you still think of that? Nothing will change, anyway. At
the end of the day, I’m still a manstress).” (P2)
Undoing. Two of the participants sometimes experience regrets because of the

reality that their current relationship is not accepted in the society. Thus, adopting
one of the defenses like “undoing” their actions in the future as mantresses in
order to go against any ego-threatening situation.
“Minsan naiisip ko hindi ko deserve ‘yung ganito. Parang wala naman din
pupuntahan. Andun din ‘yung pagsisisi pero wala eh, mahal naman eh, kung
hanggang saan na lang aabutin (Sometimes, I think I don’t deserve this. It
won’t be going anywhere anyway. Regret also comes in, but since I love her,
I’ll just go with wherever this is going).” (P3)
“Minsan makalukluk ku mipapaisip ku balamu magsisi kamu rin. Balamu ot

gagawan ku ini. Aiisip ku ali ustu ini. Minsan buri ku na rin pin tuknangan
(Sometimes, I’m just sitting by myself thinking how much I regret this. Like,
why am I doing this. I also get to think that this is not right. Sometimes, I just
want to stop doing it).” (P4)
Their Meaning in life
Uncertain. Participants stated during their interview mentioned that their present
situation placed them in a life that is surrounded with uncertainties, no sense of direction
and fulfillment.
Lack of sense of direction. Most of the participants mentioned that their

present life has no direction because in the end, their current relationship is
something that their respective families and friends will not support. Efforts like
investments of time, energy and emotions will bring them into nothing.
“Hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong lesson ba talaga. Andoon pa ako sa puntong
hinahanap ko pa sarili ko. Actually mabigat ‘yang tanong na ‘yan e. Well, kung
lesson ang pag-uusapan siguro malaking lesson ang nagawa niyan sa akin.
(Actually, I still don’t know the lesson. I’m at that point where I’m still
searching for myself. It’s a very heavy question. If we’re talking about lessons,
I’m guessing it’s a very big lesson).” (P1)
“Wala lang. Parang walang meaning in life. Nasa panahon pa na naglalaro ako
sa buhay ko kaya ‘yun. Naghahanap ka rin naman ng walang asawa kaso wala
pa eh. Wala pang the right one (Nothing. It’s as if there is no meaning in life.
I’m still at that point where I’m still playing with my life. I’m actually looking
for someone without a husband, but I haven’t found the right one yet).”(P2)
“Actually magulo, and in a way medyo nakakapagsisi. Pwede naman ‘yung

normal lang na wala kang kinakatakutan, wala kang tinataguan. Minsan
masarap din mabuhay ‘yung parang walang takot. Syempre gusto ko din
magkapamilya, like literal and legal na pamilya. For now kasi enjoy eh, ‘yung
feeling na ninenerbyos ka. Within that process na nag i-intercourse, okay,
masarap and all exciting, though after no’n yung ninenerbyos ka (Actually, it’s
chaotic and in a way, regretful. A normal relationship would do, without the
fear and the hiding. Sometimes, it’s satisfying to live without fear. Of course,
I also want a family, a literal and legal one. For now, it’s all about enjoying
feeling nervous. Within the process of intercourse, okay, it’s satisfying and all
exciting, but afterwards you’re just nervous).” (P3)
Lack of sense of fulfillment. The participants stated that being a manstress

have left them with no sign of any accomplishment in their lives which increased
their beliefs that they got nowhere and their lives are useless.
“Ala, kumbaga balamu patapun. Kasi balamu manyayang kang oras keng
alang kwentang bage. Balamu ala kang kasiguraduhan na ing pakiyabayan
mu. Ing pagiging kabit, balamu ala naman kapupuntalan. Maliban ketang sex,
ala naka man akwa. Pero patse naman eme abe, makalukluk kang minsan,
balamu magsisi kamu rin. Balamu ot gagawan ku ini? Siyempre, once na aisip
mu rin kasi na e ustu ini, aisip mu. Ing kasing tawu minsan balu me ing lalake
matutuksu ya. Minsan makasarili ya eh, emu aiwasan. (Nothing, like something
to be thrown away. It’s like wasting time on a worthless thing. It’s like not
having the assurance of who you’re with. Being a manstress has no direction.
Aside from the sex, you get nothing. But if you’re not with her, you just regret
everything, thinking why you are doing such thing. Of course, once you’ve
thought it wrong, you’ll keep thinking of it. A person, a man, is tempted.
Sometimes, he is selfish, and you can’t avoid it).” (P4)
“Wala. I think I got nowhere I got nothing pa din, kasi at the end of the day,
katapos mo siya kitain, after niyo mag-do, mag-mate, you’re still alone eh so
mag isa ka pa din after noon. Pero I’m still hoping the next day meron pang
kami. Actually, it’s useless as I can see, pero sana ‘yun nga, hindi naman
habang buhay eh ganito (None. I think I got nowhere, because at the end of
the day, after seeing her, after doing her, mating with her, you’re still alone.
But I’m still hoping that on the nexy day, we’re still together. Actually, I can
see it’s useless, but I hope it’s not like this forever).” (P5)
DISCUSSION
Despite the many challenges being faced by the manstresses, the participants still chose to
stay in the relationship due to several internal and external influences. According to the
manstresses, their family dynamics, environment, the material gains enjoyed including the material
rewards are primarily some of the external reasons which makes their present situation very
attractive, inviting and hard to give-up. Internal influences such as feelings of inner joy and
excitement were likewise recognized by the particpants as part of their reasons for engaging
themselves in a relationship with married women.
In the US, 14.7% of wives are having an affair rose for almost 40% during the last two decades
according to the latest data from the National Opinion Research Centers General Social Survey.
According to the hierarchy of needs by Maslow, as cited in the studies of Cherry (2013) and
Sphancer (2014),, sex is part of the physiological needs of man. Sexual satisfaction is one of the
ingredients of a lasting relationship. More so, Mcleon (2007) and Borreli (2017)) indicated that men
are usually attracted to women when their sexual need is very much gratified. Men are likewise
get easily attracted to beautiful women (Segal, 2016). In addition, as cited in the studies of
Chowdhury (2016); Martin (2006); Kristenes (2015) and Cristene (2013), men have usually eyed
for married women because it adds thrill and excitement into their lives considering that these
individuals could still attract women who are already married. Family structure and dynamics were
also noted to contribute among the many reasons behind the possibility of single men engaging in
an affair with married women (Saltz, 2007; Hadley et al., 1993; Warner & Broida, 1991).
Also, it was noted that men who cheat are often to be a child of an adulterer and are products
of dysfunctional families (Saltz, 2007; Labier, 2010; Karen, 2009 and Wikihow, 2017). Thus, it
implies that family structure somehow plays an important role which influences an individual to
engaged themselves in illicit affairs.
It is true that the life of mantresses is filled with controversies and challenges. Participants
described their being a manstress as mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining. Individuals who
are engaged in any illicit affairs are expected to keep their relationship privately. Several times, the
relationship is surrounded with numerous challenges such as limitations in terms of time and space.
It is true that said relationship is something that is not suppose to be shown in public because it is
unacceptable both in the society and in the eyes of God. The relationship is likewise in the high
risk of being placed in such dilemma such as humiliation, prejudice, the possibilities of losing one’s
career, and life-threatening circumstances which may happen once the relationship was discovered.
It is known to both parties that their relationship is uncertain especially that their partner is at
the same time living with their legal husbands and children. These are the things that made the
manstresses feel insecure. As mentioned by one of the particpants, number one will always be
number one. No one knows until when the relationship will last.
Manstresses learned to do sinful acts from the time that the relationship started. Engaging
oneself in an illicit affair is a moral sin. More so, undergoing abortion is another form of moral sin.
Thus, these are just some of the many negative consequences once decided to be paired with
someone who is already legally married. In the study of (Karen (2009) and Wooldridge (2016), it
was mentioned that illicit affairs are normally being secreted and unpublicized because of the fear
of being caught. Chinx (2009) likewise expressed in his study that individuals who are engaged in
extramarital affairs encounters several challenges making their relationship very complicated. Many
times as noted in the study of Karen (2009), and Tom (2013), said relationships are expected to
be surrounded with limitations and controversies. Karma was likewise mentioned as one of the
possible negative implications of doing sinful acts (Sarah, 2013).
Anyone involved in a difficult situation has to learn to cope in order to survive. For the
manstresses, both overt and covert responses were presented as coping stragies. Some of the
participants resulted to vices and exhibited improper actions in order to express their insecurities,
anger, worriness and guilt feelings. However, some managed to resort to ego defense acts such
as not entertaining the negative feelings; Case et. al. (2005) posited that instead of seeking out
unfamiliar information, people would rather accept information that do not contradict with their
views, just to avoid discomfort and conflicts in their minds.
Accepting realities, particularly the many limitations of being involved in a complicated

relationship and through positive thoughts plans of discontinuing the relationship in the future. It
has been expressed by Linehan (1993) that people have a few options in life, and one of them is
Radical Acceptance. Shpancer (2010) suggested that Emotional Acceptance pertains to the ability
of an individual to completely tolerate with emotions and to experience them as well. This
Phenomenon happens when an individual accepts a situation completely. Thus, in the studies of
Cooper et al. (1992); Esperas (2008); and Colder & O’Connor (2002), articulated that drinking is
an internally motivated factor for reducing feelings of tension.
As of today, everything for the particpants is uncertain. According to the participants, their
relationship with married women admittedly placed them in a situation that made their lives very
complicated. The manstresses realized that their present life lacks sense of direction and fulfillment.
Meaning in life until today remains to be an important universal motive among humans (Frankl,
1978).
In the study of Maddi (1970), refers to the making sense, cohereance and order out if one’s
existence. People pereceived that when life’s meaning is achieved, everything is placed in
coherence. Thus, people who lack meaning may be contronted with more threatening and stressful
situations.
Thus, this study intends to propose that future researchers may consider the recommendation
of exploring on the manstresses’ other layers of experiences such as hope, quality of life, values
and self-esteem in order to present additional body of knowledge in understanding the lives of
manstresses better. It is also recommended to come up with a wider scope of manstress
participants coming from different cultures, races and diversities, various social status and age
group may be considered. Lastly, various types of infidelities may be undertaken in order to capture
the many faces of it including the etiquette for manstresses.
Emerging Framework
Figure 1 presents the realms of mantresses lived experiences. The focus of the study is
centered on the participant’s four layers of experiences namely reasons, challenges, coping and
meaning in life. The heart in the picture which symbolizes their motivation presents the different
reasons which influenced the participants to engage themselves in an affair with married women.
Challenges were described to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining through the gavel.
Several coping strategies were carried out by the particpants in order to withstand the many
adversities of being mantresses were presented on the wrench which is used to repair things .
Lastly, the man with question marks on his head symbolizes how the participants view their
meaning in life, a life that is filled with uncertainties.
Figure 1. Reasons,challenges,coping and meaning in life of manstresses

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APPENDICES
Appendix A
Plagscan
Appendix B
Certificate of Originality
CERTIFICATE OF ORIGINALITY
This is to certify that the research study titled “A love to
last?:REASONS,CHALLENGES,COPING AND MEANING IN LIFE OF MANSTRESSES”
is our work and does not contain any material previously written or published by
another person or material which is to a substantial extent has been accepted for
the award or any degree or diploma in the University of the Assumption or other
educational institutions, except where due acknowledgment is made in the thesis.
Any contribution made to the research by others, with whom I have worked at the
University of the Assumption or elsewhere, are explicitly acknowledged in the
thesis.
This certification is issued upon the request of the researchers this

18 day of October, 2017.
th
JILLEANNE MARIE TIFFANY P. AUSTRIA

RAMONCITO C. BARRO IX
ROSE ANN R. LURIZ
CIANN MARC C. SONZA
Researchers
Attested by:
ANGIENETTE C. EVANGELISTA
Adviser
Appendix C
Certification from the Grammarian
CERTIFICATION
To whom it may concern:
This is to certify that the research study titled “A love to last?:

REASONS,CHALLENGES,COPING AND MEANING IN LIFE OF MANSTRESSES”
authored by Angienette Evangelista,Jilleanne Austria, Ramoncito Barro IX, Rose
Ann Luriz and Ciann Marc Sonza has been reviewed and edited by the undersigned.
This certification is issued upon the request of the researchers this 26th day
of October, 2017.
JEAN RICELLE D. AQUINO

Grammarian
Appendix D
Endorsment from the Adviser
RECOMMENDATION FOR
ORAL EXAMINATION
I am endorsing herewith the final paper of Jilleanne Marie Tiffany Austria,
Ramoncito C. Barro IX, Rose Ann Luriz and Ciann Marc Sonza with the title “A love
to last?: REASONS,CHALLENGES,COPING AND MEANING IN LIFE OF
MANSTRESSES”
I have read and examined the paper and recommend that it be accepted
for final oral defense in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree
Bachelor of Sciences in Psychology.
This endorsement is issued upon the request of the researchers this 18th
day of October, 2017.
ANGIENETTE C. EVANGELISTA, RGC, RPm

Adviser
Appendix E
Letter for Validation of Guide Questions
Dear __________:
Greetings!
We are fourth year BS Psychology students currently processing the

completion of our research study entitled “A Love to
last?:REASONS,CHALLENGES AND MEANING IN LIFE OF
MANSTRESSES”
In line with this, may we ask for your kind assistance to validate our guide
questions for our participants. We look forward to your approval. Thank
you very much!
Sincerely,
Jilleanne Austria Ramoncito Barro IX
Rose Ann R. Luriz Ciann Marc C. Sonza
Noted by:
Mrs. Angienette C. Evangelista, RGC, RPm

Research Adviser
Mr. Noli D. Franco, RPm

Research Professor
Letter for Validation of Themes
Date
Dear___________________,
We are the undergraduate students of the BS Psychology
Department of the School of Arts and Sciences at the University of the
Assumption. We are conducting a research study dealing with men who
engaged in love affairs with married women particularly their reasons,
challenges and meaning in life.
With your expertise, we humbly ask for your time to rate the
attached themes we had made from the responses of our participants.
We are looking forward that our request would merit your positive
response.
Sincerely,
Austria, Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P.
Barro, Ramoncito IX C.
Luriz, Rose Ann R.
Sonza, Ciann Marc C.

Appendix F
Informed Consent Form
Title of Research:
“A Love to Last?”: REASONS, CHALLENGES AND MEANING IN LIFE OF MANSTRESSES
Researchers: Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P. Austria, Ramoncito C. Barro IX, Rose Ann R. Luriz, Ciann
Marc C. Sonza.
Purpose: The purpose of the research is to know why the mastresses get involved in such
relationships and to know their underlying reasons and challenges.
Procedures: Participation in this study will require answering questions that will be asked by the
researchers and providing some demographic information. The interview will take about one and a
half hour. Proceedings in the interview will be tape –recoreded and transcribed.
Risks: As the interview will be conducted, you may encounter a question that you may find
unpleasant or otherwise objectionable, which may cause you to think about negative emotional
states. Rest assured that the researchers will provide counselling for serious adjustment regarding
emotional or developmental needs.
Benefits: The participants may obtain potential benefits from joining the research study. Benefits
may include the satisfaction of the participants knowing that they have contributed to a study that
gives other manstresses a better understanding and acceptance to the society.
Data Collection and Storage: All results that will be obtained from the study will be secured and will
remain confidential. Only the researcher will see the data, unless mandated by the law.
Contact Information: For related problems or queries concerning your rights as a subject and
questions about the study, you can contact the researchers or email them through the information
below:
Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P. Austria 09053094048 [email protected]
Ramoncito C. Barro IX 09368327990
Rose Anne R. Luriz 09759937815 [email protected]
Ciann Marc C. Sonza 09256791228 [email protected]
Content Statement: I have read and understood the study described above. I freely consent
to participate. I understand that I am free to withdraw from the study at any time. A copy of this
consent is being provided for me.
Signature of the respondent: __________________

Date: ________________
Signature of the researcher: __________________

Date: ________________
Date: ________________
Date: ________________
Date: ___________
Appendix G
Validated Guide Questions
1. How do you describe your life before you became a manstress?

(Ilarawan mo ang iyong buhay bago ka nakipagrelasyon sa babaeng may asawa at kasal na)
2. How did you meet her?
(Paano kayo nagkakilala?)
3. How did you end up together?
(Paano kayo humantong sa isa’t-isa? )
4. Knowing that she’s married why did you decide to go on with the relationship?
(Dahil alam mo na siya ay kasal na, paano ninyo napagdesisyunan na ipagpatuloy ang inyong
relasyon?)
5. How do you describe your relationship with her for the past __?
(Paano mo ilalarawan ang inyong relasyon sa nakalipas na _____ )
6. What challenges do you experience as a manstress?
(Anu-anong mga pagsubok ang iyong naranasan bilang may karelasyon na babaeng may asawa
na?)
7. How are you dealing with these challenges?
(Paano mo dinadala at nilalampasan ang mga pagsubok na ito?)
8. Do you have any apprehension as a manstress? What are they? How do you deal with them?
(Mayroon ka bang mga pangamba bilang nasa ganitong relasyon? Anu-ano ito? Paano mo ito
hinaharap?)
9. Do you plan to be a manstress all your life? Why?
(Habang buhay ka na bas a ganitong klase ng relasyon?)
10. At this point in your life, what is the meaning of life for you?
(Sa puntong ito sa iyong buhay, ano ang kahulugan ng buhay mo?)
Robotfoto
Name: (optional)_________________________________________
Age:_________ Birthday:______________________
Address:_______________________________________________
Nationality:_____________________
Religion:_______________________
Occupation:____________________
A. Family Arrangements
____ Parents are living together
____ Parents are not living together
Reason:________________________
B. Socio Economic Status/Salary/Income Monthly
___ below P10,000 ___ P31,000-P40,000
___ P11,000-P20,000 ___ P41,000 and above
___ P21,000-P30,000
C. Educational Attainment
___ College graduate
___ Highschool graduate
___ Gradeschool graduate
D. # of years in a relationship with a married woman
___ 1 year
___ 2 years
___ 3 years
___ 4 years
___ 5 years & up
E. Employment Status
___ Employed
___ Self-employed
___ Unemployed
F. What is your Age difference?
___ 1-5 years
___ 6-10 years
___ 11-15 years
___ 16 and above
Appendix H
Transcribed Interview
Participant 1
1. Typical lang din, working professional. College grad kasi ako e. At the age of 28 siguro
naging general manager ako sa isang hotel industry. So,lahat ng department napagdaanan
ko. Meaning lahat. Housekeeping, maintenance, back office, front office, sales as in lahat
tapos naging gm ako ayun typical lang. Let’s say ordinary, normal lang, normal life.
2. May napasukan akong isang kumpanya actually napirate ako no and this company so happen
medyo malaki siya ahhh di ko na sabihin kung ano company pero mayaman si boss may
mga barko siya nagooperate siya sa asia sa buong pilipinas so nadestino ako sa luzon,
visayas at mindanao ahh and then nameet ko yung girl sa dumaguete sa negros meron
kami isang property dun so hinawakan ko siya and then dun siya nakadestino actually i
first met her siya yung sumundo sa akin sa airport. Fo kasi siya. At first, wala lang. Ayun
so actually dun ko nameet yung babae.
3. Ahhh well ahhh, araw-araw mong kasama and then maganda siya, as in maganda siya
runner up nga eh, lumalaban ng binibining Dumaguete. Then may asawa at may anak
silang isang lalaki ummm ayun liit lang kasi ng sahod niya kasi nga remote area ang layo
sa kabihasnan sa totoo lang ang layo pero maganda sila may kaya din naman in a sense
na ahhm usually kasi sa bisaya kasi akala mo mahirap pero may bahay at mga lupa anlaki
ng lupain pero kung sabihin mo na well-off family medyo hindi yun hindi kagaya dito
compared sa atin dito sa luzon kung baga may kaya yan so sila typical lang din tapos yung
asawa e kung saan-saan pumapasok tapos parang siya lang may permanenteng
pinagkukuhanan ng source nila ng income so ganun tapos actually medyo maloko pa yung
babae at may boypren pang iba. Ayun tapos itong girl mahilig magsulat so siyempre ang
ginagamit namin common computer so may mga notes siya doon na as a manager
siyempre pwede mo pakialaman lahat, basa ka ng sulat nila so nababasa ko yung parang
may diary siya dyan sa computer na yan na ewan ko bakit napakaburara nung babae
nabasa ko so ayun nabasa ko yung storya niya its a good thing na sa english niya sinulat
kasi bisaya nga sila naglabas pa nga ako ng memo baka pwede namang bawal mag bisaya
in my presence kung baga courtesy na lang sa akin. Ayun so its a good thing yung
biography niya sinulat niya sa english and medyo di nga maganda ang backgroumd niya
parang ewan ko ha parang na-rape siya ng kanyang father so medyo magulo actually itong
babaeng to wala siyang dugong pilipino ang tatay niya finnish and then the mother is
indonesian pero lumaki siya sa bisaya no pero kasama niya father niya na nag asawa na
ng pilipina na bisaya then yung mother niya di na niya nameet eversince anyway ayun no
so actually nag start yun nung nakaisip ako ng kalokohan as a manager sabi ko “ boss
mahina tayo ngayon e bakit di tayo mag sales call so gumawa ako ng marketing plan target
ko cebu basta yung visayas region cebu, iloilo bohol so di submit ako ng proposal na
approve naman so tinawagan ko lahat ng sales ko sa manila so ayun its a series of parang
sales call ngayon nagkataon na di umubra yung sales manager namin tapos walang umubra
sabi ko “di ako pwedeng mag-isa” nakita ko siya ngayon na pakalat-kalat sabi ko “ oy mag
ano ka alis tayo one week “ sabi niya “ok san tayo punta sir ?” Sabi ko “ilo-ilo” sabi ko “
maghanap ka ng hotel, ibook mo” sabi niya “sir isa na lang daw po yung available” ako
naman “ ay hindi pwede sabihin mo kailangan dalawa” then “ wala daw talaga sir” tapos “
sabihin mo dalawang bed” pero type ko na talaga siya kasi siya 5’8” ako 5’5” ang ganda
tapos morena tapos runner tumatakbo tapos lumalaban ng binibining dumaguete tapos
ayun nung aalis na kami nagbus lang kami from dumaguete hanggang ilo-ilo tapos nag
roro pa kami. So ayun enjoy naman haba ng biyahe namin so siguro mga 8 hrs kami
nagbiyahe e ganun latagal biyahe so ano gagawin namin ng 8 hrs kundi magbolahan ng
magbolahan magkatabi kami sa bus matulog siya sandal siya sa akin pag nakatulog ako
sandal ako sa kanya so nagdidikit yung katawan namin tapos nahoholding hands ko na
siya e hindi pumapalag e. Kapag ang babae nahoholding hands mo hindi pumapalag yari
yun. Hahahaha. Diba? Eh di holding hands tapos pag tulog siya inaamoy ko yung buhok
tapos sumasandal siya sa akin. Ngayon pagdating sa hotel hinold ko siya tapos inutusan
ko siya nagpabili ako ng something basta ganun na ang intensyon ko ay mauna muna ako
sa front office para sabihin na sabihin nila na wala ng bed na magkahiwalay sabihin mo
isang kama na lang. Eh di tapos pumasok na siya tapos sabi ko ano may problema e wala
na daw pala yung nireserve mong kama e sabi ko sige ok lang may sofa naman ata e so
eh di ok na kinidatan ko na lang yung front office. Pag akyat namin sa kwarto ganda nung
kwarto e mahal e walang sofa so sabi ko ok na yan dito na lang ako sa baba tapos sabi
niya hindi naman pwede yun sir sige sabi ko bahala na magtrabaho na muna tayo so
infairness naman nagtrabaho naman kami so kung ano yung objective namin sa lugar na
yon ginawa naman namin. So yun eh 1 week pero ang ginawa ko tinapos ko ng 3 days
yung trabaho so yung 2 days na natira yun na sabi ko masama pakiramdam ko tapos yun
hinawakan niya ako oo nga tapos alam mo yun pero nung 1st night alam mo yung parang
unti-unti na nahahawakan ko na siya kung saan saan halimbawa hawakan ko yung boobs
niya hindi siya papalag e. Tapos pero nung pinaka 4th day dun na dun na talaga nangyari.
Grabe yung sex na yun pre. Derby talaga derby. Hahahahahaha. Ay sabi ko sayo isang
oras ko ata kinain pre tapos siya rin pucha magdamagan kumanta e oo talaga. Pero nung
natapos iyak siya sabi niya” ano tong nagawa ko” yinakap ko na lang siya. Yung 2 days na
yun wala kaming ginawa kundi magsex nung pauwi na kami ang saya na namin e para
kaming love birds. Para kami mag asawa talaga, nagagawa na namin ‘yong mga ginagawa
ng mga mag-asawa kumbaga. So ayun mayroon pang time na tatawag asawa niya lalo
akong mag iinit tapos titirahin ko siya habang kausap niya asawa niya hahahaha eh ewan
ko ha ang sarap ng ganun yun bang nakaisa ako nakalamang ako sa kapwa ko lalaki biro
mo kausap niya yung asawa niya nag a i love you sila tapos tinitira mo yung asawa niya
hahahaha ang sama no pero iba yung dating sa lalaki nun tapos sasabihin pa niya ang layo
mo sa asawa ko madalas niya magkumpara sa asawa niya talaga sabi niya first time kong
labasan. So siya nagamot ko ata yung condition niya parang bakit daw ganun. Anyway so
yun yung mga ano namin pero alam ko paalis na siya that time tapos medyo gusto na niya
makipaghiwalay sa asawa niya ewan ko parang mangingisda ata asawa niya mukhang
tanga. Minsan susunduin niya yung asawa niya di niya alam titarahin ko muna eh madami
room sa hotel namin e. Sabog sabog pareho! Siguro kung di siya nagpipills ang dami ko
anak dun so palagi ayun araw araw siguro kami nagsesex day off nga niya papupuntahin
ko pa e. So ayun honeymoon namin siguro for a month ang kinakatakot ko naman eh

kasabihan nga walang sikretong di nabubunyag o walang apoy na hindi umuusok so may
nakahalata pa rin lalo na yung mga malalapit sa amin, siyempre ikaw manager ka di ka
naman taga doon so madaming asar sayo so ngayon hinahanapan ako ng butas ng mga
empleyado. So yun ang daming chismis pero di naman ako natakot dun. Siguro sa lahat
ng kwarto dun ginalaw ko yung babae ayun basta for 6 months ganun ng ganun.
4. Ah hindi ko naman nilalahat no pero man by nature is polygamous ok? Ah all though di ko
parin naman nilalahat so kung makakaisa ka iisa ka diba. Ego ayan isa yan. Pangalawa yung
human nature natin yung pangagailangan ng katawan ko physical need natin, libog diba?
Yun yun. Male dominance self fulfillment bandang huli kasi lahat nagawa mo.
5. 1 year na kami continuous. Actually yung mga relasyong ganito yan yung mga pinakamasarap
kasi nga bawal kasi e. Nakakapagpabata parang bumabalik ka sa pagkabinata. Yung mga
ganyan relasyon masarap sobra. Kasi nga ang maganda dun nakuha mo siya eh hindi mo
pwede kunin e pero nakuha mo siya. Hindi mo pwedi kunin pero nakuha mo siya. Hindi mo
nga lang ma i display pero yun yun.
6. Ah ok well doon mo naman makikita kung gaano kagaling ang isang lalaki. Never naman
akong nahuli ang maganda hindi kami nahuli although madami speculations chismis yun
ang challenge kasi di na siya magiging challenge pag nahuli na kayo so masasabi ko
magaling ako magdala kung baga pinag iisipan ko maigi.
7. Masasabi ko na magaling ako magdala ng relasyon
8. Well oo. Excitement feelings pero of course fear talaga paano kung mahuli kami ng asawa
niya. Paano kung may baril yun. Siyempre paranoid ka mag iisip.
9. Oo kaya ko maging manstress all my life pero choice ko siyempre.
10. Hindi ko parin alam kung anong lesson ba talaga. Andoon pa ako sa puntong hinahanap ko
sarili ko. Actually mabigat yang tanong na yan e. Well kung lesson ang pag uusapan siguro
malaking lesson ang nagawa niyan sa akin.
Participant 2
1., 2., 3. Dati nagtatrabaho ako sa lindberg tapos ma gimmick ako dati, inom gimmick tapos
casino, hanggang sa magyaya yung tropa sa bahay nila doon ko nakilala yung babae.
Nagiinuman kame, nung tapos na yung inuman nag one night stand kame, after that kinuha
ko yung number niya. Nagkakatext kame tapos nagkita ulit kame nong’ gabi tapos yun sabi
niya kunin mona mga damit mo dito kanalang tumira.pagkatapos non, kinasal ‘yung babae
sa negro, dumating yung negro niya dito eh. Umalis ako don’ lumipat ako sa ibang bahay,
pero siya punta ng punta sa bahay chinecheck ba ako kung may kasama ako iba, minsan
alas dos ng madaling araw pupunta yun doon eh andoon lang naman ako. Tapos nung kasal
nila kame yung nag honeymoon. Nagulat yung mga tropa ko eh, sabi nila paano si negro?
Ewan ko don’ eh siya pumunta sa bahay tapos umuwi siya ng umaga.
4. Humihingi ako ng pera sa kanya, pang gimmick. Binigyan niyako ng limang libo. Naglalaslas
yun kapag naghihiwalay kame. Sa akin lang, kung sino dumating sa buhay ko, doon ako.
Kasi ‘di mo naman hinahanap yan eh, darating lang. Kung sino dumating sa buhay ko
regardless may asawa man o meron. Magaling din kase siya, sa sex ganon. Tsaka ang ganda
niya, ‘yung mukha niya sobrang amo. Nung una pera talaga, dahil sa katagalan na inlove
narin ako sakaniya. Sa tagal ng relasyon namin, masasabi ko naman na tunay kaming
nagmamahalan. Hindi rin kase ako close sa magulang, diko nga alam paano sila naghiwalay.
Bata palang kasi ako nagtatrabaho na tatay ko sa malayo pero hindi ko talaga alam kung
bakit sila naghiwalay.
5. Lagi niyakong sinusumbatan sa pera. Lagi niyang sinasabi na binihisan niyalang daw ako.
Madalas naiinsecure ako kasi nga yung asawa niya nabibigay gusto niya. Isang lingo di kami
nagkikita kasi nandiyan yung asawa niya di kami maka tsempo. Mahigit siya di nako maka
gimmick. Meron time na outing ng department namin, sabado, lumabas kame nagpunta
kame dito sa falls dito sa subic. Alas otso na ng gabi wala pa ako tinawagan niya boss ko
tinanong kung may ot ba ako. Tapos dumating doon, sinampal sampal ako, eh nakita ng
tiyahin ko inaawat siya akala ko nga sila mag aaway. Putcha dumating katulong niya dala
dala mga damit ko pag tingin ko sa mga damit ko gutay gutay, mga gamit ko pinaglalabas
niya mga drawer ganon, hanggang sa kinuha ng mga magbobote. Naghiwalay kame non’,
one week lang naman.
6. Yung negro niya, parang nalalaman na niya, may nagsusumbong. May samahan kasi yun
mga amerasian, eh mag nakakita samin na amerasian. Nagaaway sila, hindi narin siya
pinadalhan ng pera. ‘di naman ako may anak siya, tapos yung mga pamangkin niya sakanya
rin dumidipende, kapatid niya. Siya pa nag paparal dun eh. Naririnig ko nag-uusap silang
magkakapatid sabi “bat dimopa hiwalayin yan?” Ayaw sakin ng mga kapatid niya. Nagka
baby kame, luwas siya ng luwas ng maynila yun pala pinapatanggal niya. Ilang besis yun,
anim ata yun yung ganon nagpapatanggal siya. Kase kasal na siya makakasuhan siya.
Naiisip ko nga paano nalang kapag meron na kong sariling pamilya pero hindi na ako bigyan
ng Diyos na anak. Natatakot din ako baka yun yung maging karma ko. Madalas siyang mag
eskandalo, kinuha niya mga binigay niyang bracelet, singsing. ‘di pa nakuntento pumunta
pa sa bahay para magwala, andaming tao. Maraming mga mata, yung nanay niya ayaw din
sa akin. Kaya sabi ko salisi lang talaga. Baka mapasama mapahiya ka sa ibang tao. Laging
kinakabahan, dahil taga morong, maraming npa doon, diba?minsan lumalayo mga kaibigan
ko sa akin. Sa loob ng trabaho kinakasama pa nila ako, pero kapag labasan na, nagsisilayuan
na yang mga yan. Kasi kilala nila nag anon yung ginagawa ko.
7. Parang wala narin eh, kasi sanay nako. Kumbaga paulit ulit nalang nangyayari. Iinom nalang
ako para makatulog ka, iisipin mo paba ‘yon? Wala naman din magbabago at the end of
the day kabit parin ako. At least kahit papaano nakalimot ka sa pinagdadaan mo pero
madalas ‘di ko nalang pinapansin.
8. Wala, sa mga ganyan? Wala, kase malayo naman yung asawa.
9. Hindi naman, naghahanap karin naman ng walang asawa kaso wala pa eh. Wala pang the
right one.
10. Wala, parang walang meaning in life. Nasa panahon pa na naglalaro ako sa buhay ko kaya
ayun. Sa mata ng ibang tao at sa Diyos pangit talaga, kasi alam mona na may asawa
papatulan mopa, diba? Marami narin nagsasabi sakin na itigil na, tigilan kona. Minsan kase
tinatawag ako or text tapos pinupuntahan ko. Sa tagal ng relasyon namin, masasabi ko
naman na tunay kaming nagmamahalan.
Participant 3
1. Simple, tahimik, pero in a way kase walang action walang thrill. Before yon may partner
ako in a way linoko kase ako.
2. Okay, kase actually, agent siya sa company namin, and supervisor ako, so in a way medyo
nag su-support ako sakanila, then lagi ko siya napapansin, pero in a way walang siyang
pakialam saken, at first hindi ko din alam na may asawa siya.
3. One time biniro ko lang, biro like “bat sila binebeso mo? Bat ako hinde? Eh supervisor ako.”
So in a way ginawa niya bumeso siya, medyo tinake advantage ko yon, actually i went too
far, dun sa pag tatake advantage, one time na be-besohan niya ako like naging usual,
humarap ako, so medyo naging issue yun, pero since yun nga supervisor ako and agent
siya, medyo bawal sa company yan. Yung ganun na issue. Tapos we started communicating,
nag start na kame like through text actually e-mail sa trabaho, kaso bawal so nagkaron ng
communication through text. Yun sinabi niya na may dalawa pala siyang anak, tapos 8
months old palang yung baby niya and yung asawa niya nasa ibang bansa. Actually kase
nag aral ako how to be a pick-up guy, so sa company namin, yung mga lalaki, usually they
do pick-up. There is a certain study na pinagaaralan namin, kumabaga evolutionary
psychology of women, so how to pick up girls. Through their gestures, through their actions
and all. Since alam ko sino yung attracted and sino yung hindi, i took advantage na lagi na
niya akong pinapansin. More of like yung attack is amplifying, in a way na wala yung asawa
niya, and since yun nga medyo intimidated siya na boss ako sa company, so in a way nire-
regaluhan ko iniiwanan ko ng chocolates, simple. One time hindi niya napigilan, kase medyo
nagpapabebe ako and all, hindi niya napigilan nag iwan siya ng note sa office ko, sabi niya
“do you like me?”, but the thing is hindi ko sinagot, so ginawa ko iniwan ko yung message
ulit sakanya, the same question “do you like me?”, more of like reversing yung idea, and
after nung break namin, break time, nagkita kami sa labas, kwentuhan, coffee and tinanong
niya ulet “do you like me?” And sabi ko “what made you think i like you? You’re married”
sabi niya “your actions shows that in a way you’re attracted” sabi ko “kung hindi ka attracted
saken, hindi mo mapapansin yun. So are you saying na gusto mo ako?” She admit it, in a
way na attract siya dun sa actions ko and all. So of course, me trying to be a pick-up guy i
took advantage of it, sabi ko safe naman kase wala yung husband niya and all without me
knowing na medyo padating na pala siya. So we started like dating, and communicating,
sending messages up to the point na yun nga medyo nagpa-plan na but we don’t consider
it as a relationship wala pang nangyayare. More on pabebe move na boy and girl dating
going outside and considering nga na agent ko siya and boss ako.
4. Thrill, one is thrill the other one is vengeance, kase nga yun, so yung ex ko bago siya may
sinamahan na iba, which is a married guy, so for me like, me being a social animal as they
say, i tried to be the alpha male and yun tinry ko, parang this time ako naman. So i find it
yun nga, medyo thrilling kase one hindi siya usual na boy-girl ligawan kilala ng nanay kilala
ng tatay and all. Medyo kakaiba siya. I guess in a way sexual arousal as well. Parang walang
thrill kung normal na babae lang, so i tried look having an affair with someone married.
5. Almost a year and a half na, actually walang monthsary monthsary samen, pag nadecide
namen na mag punta ng motel and all, yon so dun nangyayari yung kalokohan. Actually
magulo, and in a way medyo nakakapag-sisi. Pwede naman yung normal lang na wala kang
kinaka-takutan wala kang tinataguan, there were instances na kumbaga pag absent siya,
gusto niya absent ako kase we would end up like pupunta kami ng hotel and all, yun nga
minsan naapektuhan yung work kase nga hindi ko siya pwedeng pagalitan basta basta sa
office kase magtatampo yan hindi ako mapagbibigyan. Recently lang kase umuwi yung
husband niya, i guess yun yung pinaka worst part na mararamdaman mo siyempre
makakasama niya yung asawa niya, makakatabi niyang matulog, yung mga ganong bagay
ba. Before umuwi yung husband niya, sabi niya stop communicating, wait for me na ako
magtext and all. Inipit ko siya sa situation, few hours before niya sunduin yung asawa niya,
nag demand ako na magkita pa kami, so we did it.
6. Since sa industry namin iba iba yung shift ng mga schedule, so walang chance para magkita
kami, di naman kami pweding lumabas. May instance na literal na walang tulog walang
pahinga, yung tinatawag na ihi nalang yung pahinga, may time kase na completely
magkasalungat yung shift namen, so pag out niya before ako pumasok kailangan yun nga.
May instance na ginawa namin sa parking lot kase gusto niya and muntik kaming mahuli.
Pinaka-challenge yung tumatawag yung parents niya kase hindi umuwi sakanila. Pag hindi
siya umuuwi nasa hotel kami. Tapos kakausapin niya yung parents niya saktong tatawag
yung sa office tinatanong kung nasan na ako. Medyo mahirap kase nasa-sacrifice yung
trabaho. May instance na na aksidente ako, aside kase sakanya meron pang isa pa na medyo
pumapapel sa story, so siya yung nag-rescue saken after ng aksidente siya yung parang
naging personal nurse (1st woman) ko since registered nurse siya. Meron pa ako isang ano,
boss ko naman, pero siya seperate naman, may isang baby boy, yung challenge don nasa
hospital ako sa auf, after nung alam nila na girlfriend ko dumadating yung isa, so yung
mama ko nag wonder bakit may dalawa akong private nurse, so yun buti hindi sila nagka-
abutan. Pero dahil nga na boss ko yun, medyo nalaman niya na we’re doing it, so medyo
pinahirapan niya din yung kasama ko. Pinapahirapan niya in terms of like, binibigyan niya
ng ibang schedule, linalayo niya yung oras, late breaks and all. Maraming mga mata na
nakatingin tapos magsasabi sa nanay nung babae, eh yung nanay niya ayaw din sakin at
mas ayaw sa kung anong meron kami ng anak niya, kaya sabi ko salisi lang talaga.
7. Actually i dont deal with it, in a way escape. Escape yung ginagawa ko so yun nag-iinom
kami para hindi na isipin at makawala. Halimbawa, challenge like hindi kami magkikita and
all, yun nga since may boss ako na pwede ko naman kontakin pag kailangan na kailangan,
pag oras ng pangangailangan, so yun dina-divert ko sa iba. Pero challenges like yung
nahuhuli and all, mahirap kase parang pinaka-way ko is tumahimik. Like i’ll be alone,
papatayin ko yung phone, hindi kami maguusap. Problema kasi is alam na niya yung samin,
so pag hindi na ako nag message and all, usually pumupunta siya. Palusot niya kase kokopya
ng movie.
8. Actually yes, so yung ate ko kase yung sumunod saken, yun nga babae sila, and nung
nangyare yung accident kase kinausap nila ako, yun nga “what if samin naman gawin?
Halimbawa yung may asawa pala yung naging boyfriend ko anong gagawin mo?” So yun
parang ayaw ko mangyare dun sa mga kapatid ko and pangalawa takot na mahuli, kase
pinakita niya yung picture ng husband niya maskulado, yun takot na magulpe, kase menial
job ginagawa niya sa Singapore, so pag umuwe sana hindi mahuli para hindi magulpe.
9. Well sabi nga ng instructor ko before, man is a social animal, in a way we always want to
be the alpha male, so parang if makakapag dominate kapa ng iba, why not it’s your chance.
Pero syempre gusto ko din magkapamilya, like literal and legal na pamilya, for now kase
enjoy eh, yung feeling na nine-nerbyos ka, within that process na nag i-intercourse , okay
masarap and all exciting, though after non yung nine-nerbyos ka, especially ayaw niya mag
contraceptives, yun yung problema, medyo kinakabahan eh. Siguro if still given a chance if
hindi man kami maging okay nito and makakilala ako ng isa pa, why not? As long as yun
nga medyo afford niya yung luhu ko, so actually kase yon, medyo afford niya yung luhu ko,
so rine-regaluhan niya ako ng kung ano ano since nagpapadala yung husband niya, yun
ang isa pa palang benefit ko.
10. Minsan naiisip ko hindi ko deserve yung ganito. Parang wala naman din pupuntahan.
Anduun din yung pagsisisi pero wala eh, mahal naman eh, kung hanggang saan na lang
aabutin. Sakin kase as long as nag eexist and all, okay ako eh. But my life being a manstress
or like a polygamous guy or adulterous guy, in a way, meaning niya, well yun nga thrill.
Actually meron kase may tinuturo siya kung pano maging kumbaga ninja. Paano magtago,
though minsan masarap din mabuhay yung parang walang takot
Participant #4
1. Nagtatrabaho ako before sa mall bago ako mag mekaniko. Typical lang na trabaho sa mall.
2. Una kasi ano eh…. Classmate ko siya before, nung highschool. Tapos boyfriend palang niya
yung asawa niya ngayon. Edi yun, boyfriend-girldfriend muna sila. Then after siguro nung
ano, parang kaibigan ko lang. Tapos nung mag abroad yung boyfriend niya, bale hindi pa sila
kasal noon. Yun nakakasama ko, bonding pag meron kaming ano ng mga barkada. Barkada
ko siya noon..
3. Yun nga, nung highschool. Mag-classmate kami. Tapos friend ko siya. Highschool friend ko
noon talaga. Once a week kasi nagkikita kami ng barkada namin noon nung highschool, every
friday. Yun, siyempre tukso-tukso kami noon. Hatid dito, hatid doon. Yun, naging close kami.
Tapos yun, hanggang sa wala akong girlfriend, mag boyriend na sila, nasa abroad yung
boyfriend. Yun, parang kami nun. Tapos sila, habang wala yung ano (boyfiend), ganun kami
4. Noong kasing mag-start kami, yun nga, tapos kamukha nung sinabi ko na hindi pa sila kasal
before. Noong ano, lately nalang sila nagpakasal. Kaya nung nagpakasal sila, umuwi yung
husband na niya noon, nagpakasal sila dito,nagpakasal silang pari. Umaalis parin yung
ano,yung lalaki. Tapos, yun parin, habang wala yung asawa niya, parang continuous parin
yung nakasanayan na namin.tapus, mas happy ya patse abe naku. Basta minsan murin mi
ambunan ka… iya kasi mamye ya, didinan naku rin. Aabutan naku naman. Medyu kayi mu pin
naman, medyu, masalimuut, makanta, sasalikut. Medyu makayi mu pin, , anya medyu atsu
ketang way a pa-iwas ku pa. Pero atin kami pa murin communication. Pero ngeni kanyan,
atsu kami ketang point na, pa-silent na kami uling pa-uli ne kasi ing asawa na.
5. Mga… one year and ten months
6. Okay naman, ngeni, manila kami mag-date, ekami lulwal keni. Mamasyal kami, makanyan,
mag-hotel. O libut. Dahilan na kasi kanita magreport ya keng office na king asawa na. Pero
ala ya pang anak. Bayu la pa kasi, lately la pa.
7. Ita pin, makanita. Masakit yang pisasalikut. Masakit yang pisasalikut uling balu mu ne ing
kayi, malati ya ing yatu. Anya pin medyu eke lulwal keni, lalu na ring barkada mi murin abe
de. Deng highschool friend ku balu da naman in mamalyari kekami. Aliwa mu kasi yaku kareng
highschool friend ing makanining sitwasyun, atin kami mu naman a atin na muring asawa’t
anak, up to now atin la pa mu ring relationship. Emi mu rin buring mibalu, kung baga dudurut
mu itang sitwasyun a ikami mung mikabalu, kekami mung highschool friend. Kaya pin potang
lumwal kami keni, pota kareng side na atin yang kakilala, kaya sasalikut ke… nung keti ka,
emu man a enjoy ing pamag luwal yu…
Aisip mu rin a kumpara me ketang regular mung girlfriend na mumunta ka, showy ka siyempre
ketang family. Ketang metung ali, itang kung baga maragul yang kalaraman. Masakit mu rin.
Kasi nung mipapaisip ka ana pin, pero ketang mimilyari kekayu patse atsu na ketang way na
ala pin kayi… bala mu ala, balamu blanku na ngan ing e gana-gana, kung baga ing yatu mu
apin namu ita eh. Pero patse naman eme abe, makalukluk kang minsan, balamu magsisi kamu
rin. Balamu ot gagawan ku ini.
8. Pagsubok? Dalan mu na keng inmu yan… kungwari, patse mumuli ya ing asawa na, alang
conversation makanta, malungkut karin. Tapus di-divert ku na ing aliwang oras ku keng
aliwang bage.tapus patse kalako na naman ning asawa na, iya nanaman kanita. Balamu
bantay salakay ka kanita, nung ala ya ing pusa, masaya ya ing daga.
9. Atin naman, atin naku man takut… lalu na ngeni medyu maragul kasi atchu nakurin kasi keng
edad… bisa naku murin magsettle. Kasi tutwa ka, enaman kabang-kabang makanyan ing
mamalyari ana pin. Siyempre bisa ka rin buung sarili mung pamilya… lalu na mumuli ya
kanyan itang asawa na, patche muli ya kanyan ing asawa na siyempre male mu mag-pamilya
na la murin…pota mipukpuk ya ana pin, karin ya pa mitauhan. Ita ing katatakutan ku,
syempre, katatakutan ku itang milako itang connection.… siyempre pag migkaanak la reta,
mag-focus ya ketang anak na, kung baga magkayi ne keng pamag pamilya na, pataran na ne
itang kayi (relationship) , siyempre malunus ya keng anak na kung nanu ing gagawan na…
king pamag kayi, pamag-kabit.
Siyempre tatakut ku, number one ne ita, anggyang naman ninung kabit ing kutnan mu ana
pin. Medyu makayi mu pin kasi maynila kami pa mimikit, barkada mi mu reng mikabalu. Enake
man kasi showy karas keti mall keni…
10. Ali, ali naman kasi siyempre bisa ka rin gawang pamilya. Ali na ka man bumiye patse makanita
ka… itang mumuna, makanta siympre pantunan mu itang sex life… pero siyempre once na
aisip mu rin kasi na e ustu ini, aisip mu. Ing kasing tawu minsan balu me ing lalaki matutuksu
ya, minsan makasarili ya eh, emu aiwasan… ing lalaki kasi potang kayi balamu marok la ren
eh, matikas ya ana, matalik la ren… pero patse kayi aisip mu rin na emu naman bisang
makanta ka habang buhay. Siympre lalu na nung magbalak ka ring magpamilya. Pati siyempre
nung magkaanak ku mu naman abalu da man ita siyempre pota sarili kung anak isuka naku
siyempre, ikarine naku, i tatang mu ana kabit ya ana, mambabai ya ana. Eku buring iparanas
ta na, dahil mu kareta ikarine naka ning anak mu. Lalu na nung atin ku pang maging anak a
babai, masakit ya. Emap ing anak a babai maging yang makanta. Tapus atin ku rin kasing
kapatad a babai, eh maka-abroad ya din kasi ing asawa na. Ita ing pinaka maragul a struggle
ku ngeni… deng asawa da reng kapatad ku, maka-abroad la ngan eh apat la. Babai la ngan
reng kapatad ku… what if ila rin, kung baga ana pin makarma ka. Tatakut ku rin kasing malyari
ita. Eku naman buring mipunta ing pangunakan ku, makalunus ya siyempre… nung malyari
ita keng ima da, masakit.
11. Ala, kung baga balamu… patapun. Kasi balamu manyayang kang oras keng alang kwentang
bage, balamu ala kang kasiguraduhan na ing pakiyabayan mu, ing pagiging kabit, balamu ala
naman kapupuntalan, maliban ketang sex… ala naka man akwa. Aisip mu rin, balamu ala,
patapun ka makanta.
Participant #5
1. Fuckboy sir, since then, since when I was in high school. Kasi siguro ano eh, dinagul kung
broken yung family, so since first year high school mag rent nakung apartment yakung dili,
so ang dami kong na meet na mga tao, gang, fraternities at automatic may kasamang babae
yun, so yun part of being a fratman medyu may kasamang babae, so from then on, hangga
ngeni talaga sigurong nadala ko yung ganon na habit.
2. Sa trabaho lang sir eh, call center so you all know call center madaming ganyan klase na
babae, so ayun, kasama ko din umiinom
3. Trainer ko siya sa trabaho, dahil pioneer kami non sa kumpanyang pinapasukan ko, lima
yung trainers namin, yung co-trainer niya sinabi sakin na “gusto ka nito” lalaki din yun
(nagsabi). Yun so sinubukan ko siya, yun reregaluhan ke, though malagu ya talaga, gyang
ninu sabyan da naman, so sinubukan ko na suyuin, yun tapos one day agkat keng minum
dun kame sa apartment niya. Yun the same day binigyan ko na ng aggressive moves, since
gusto din naman niya, gawin ko na. - Nung tumatagal na sir medyo yung hinihingi niya iba
na eh, something personal na, ita manyad neng oras. Medyo threatening sakin yun kasi
nandyan lang yung asawa, so makatakut mu din life threatening yarin kasi. Kakasuyo ko
sakanya ayun, halos everyday every night mag fuck kami makanyan.
4. Siguro, buri kumung a-experience kung hanggang saan siya when it comes to sex,
makanyan. Kasi solid lang mag fantasize deng atin asawa eh, lalo na patse maneneglect la.
Pag ni-neglect sila ng partner nila, grabe mag fantasize mga yan, so sinubukan ko lang din
kung hanggang saan yung kaya niya, ayun totoo nga na grabi la. Siguro dun sa nabibigay
niya eh, material, kasi may kaya sila eh. So eku manyad pero mamye ya, yun every cutoff
birkenstock na bago yan, mahal din birkenstock so sinusulit ko. Pero dumarating din sa time
na medyo tinatamaan nga din ako di mawawala yun, yung emotional feelings, na ma-aattach
ka pin ketang tawu, darating yung insecurity na maiisip mo pano kaya pag fina-fuck na siya
nung asawa niya.
5. 3 years 7 months, matagal tagal na.
6. Automatic complicated yun pero satisfied, kasi not all the time kasama mo siya so pag kasama
mo automatic fully satisfied ka when it comes to sex yun, tapos automatic may kasamang
freebie yan, freebie or gift so tanggap lang. Pero syempre dapat extra satisfied siya na sa
puntong na papa-squirt na siya sa sarap. Nacocontrol ko pa naman yung feelings as long as
may nabibigay siya sakin. Pero ngayon medyo extra hidden na kasi nahuli na nga ng minsan,
inulit ko lang talaga
7. Actually nung two years na kami, nahuli na kami minsan nung asawa niya, yun medyo
nagkakilala na kami personally nung asawa, nahuli kami via text, ngeni nakipagmeet ako,
kase ayaw ko magulo yung side ko, antimo for closure na sana, eh siguro hindi maalis yung
galit nung asawa, yun nagdadala ng bakal or baril yun nagkatutukan kami sa terminal, kaso
hindi din natuloy kasi na-awat kami, so nadala sa pagfi-file ng blotter case. Threat sa mismong
buhay mo kasi sinabihan ako na magresign ako nung lalaki, so syempre hindi mo naman
pababayaan masira yung ego mo, mag resign ka or magresign ako o kaya magpatayan tayo
sabi ko, so sabi niya patibayan tayo, so hanggang ngayon naman wala siyang ginagawa sakin,
so okay pa ako pero extra security lang dinadala ko padin yung mga kahit anong meron ako
jan sakaling magka-initan kami actually may chance na nandito yung asawa niya, dayoff nung
asawa susunduin siya nung asawa niya morning yun kasi closer nga siya, ang ginawa ko kasi
mag mi-meet din kami nun, aksidente susunduin siya bigla, surprise ata anniversary nila ang
ginawa ko naghintay ako sa terminal nung hotel sa tapat, inaya ko siya jan, yon sex sa loob
ng kotse ganon, nung anniversary nila mismo ah. So bago mo kitain, bago kayo mag
anniversary, sex muna tayo sabi ko. So nasa-satisfy din ako sa ganun na nakakatakot, may
thrill.
8. Iinom, yun lang ginagawa ko, syempre pampa-lakas ng loob sabi nila, so pag okay na ako
yun, yun lang. Basta may sinabi siya na I’ll still stay with you, okay na ako don. Just give me
assurance na hindi ka aalis.
9. Oo yun padin, na baka isang araw masiraan ng bait yung lalaki, barilin nalang ako sa daan.
Hindi nawawala yun kahit naman papaano, kaya nga sine-secure ko din yung sarili ko, so may
dala din akong bakal sa sarili for security. Siguro family padin, kasi malalaman nila na ganito
pala nangyari kaya pinatay, kahit naman broken family kami, ayaw ko naman madinig yung
parents ko na nagpabaya talaga ako. They dont know actually, so wala silang alam sa mga
ginagawa ko. Please sana ganoon nalang talaga hanngang sa matapos
10. Hindi naman syempre, I want to have my family padin kaso dahil nga pinasok ko na yung
ganoon na buhay, may fear din ako na baka bumalik sa akin yung ginagawa ko so sana wag
naman. Kaya siguro bago ako mag-asawa malamang dapat tinigilan ko na yung ganyan
11. Wala, I think I got nowhere I got nothing padin, kasi at the end of the day katapos mo siya
kitain after niyo mag do mag mate, you’re still alone eh so mag isa ka padin after non, kaya
ang nangyayare I tend to look for someone else padin. Pero please I’m still hoping the next
day meron pa na kami, actually it’s useless as I can see, pero sana yun nga, hindi naman
habang buhay e ganito.
Appendix I
Categories, Themes, and No. of Respondents
Table 2: Summary of findings
Categories Themes No. of Responses
Reasons
16
Internal Influences 5
Sexual need gratification
Ego empowering 4
Feeling of being loved and 5
belonged needs
Feeling of thrill and 2
excitement
External Influences 11
Material rewards 4
Physical attractiveness 3
Absence of parental guidance
3
Faulty modeling
1
Challenges
Mentally Draining 3
Limited time 2
Limited space 1
Emotionally Draining 17
Fear of karma
4
Life in trouble
4
Career at risk
Unacceptable relationship 2
Feeling of insecurities 3
Feeling of being humiliated 3
Spiritually Draining
Engagement in sinful acts 1
12
Coping
Active behavior Resort to vices 4

Responses Demanded attention 1
4
Passive behavior Avoidance 1
Responses Acceptance of the situation 2
Undoing
Meaning in Life 5
Uncertain Lack sense of direction 3

Lack sense of fulfillment 2
Appendix J
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P. Austria is a modest person who puts all her trust in The
Lord God. She is an alumnus in both the University of the Assumption High school
Department and Grade school Department. For her, if you always choose to do the good in
whatever situation might come into your life, even if others will ridicule you, you will always
end up winning. After graduation, she is planning to take the board exam and also take
teaching methods in order for her to grant her dream of becoming a Special Education
Teacher. Tiffany is particularly interested in the field of Humanistic Perspective, as she holds
on to the belief that all people are innately humane.
Personal Information:
E-mail: [email protected]
Mobile no.: 09053094048
Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P. Austria

Researcher
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ramoncito Barro IX is a graduate of Saint Mary's Angels College of Pampanga,

currently taking his BS Psychology in the University of the Assumption, and currently a 4th
year student. He plans to take the board exams after he graduate and is hoping to have a
good shot in passing the licensure exams.
Mobile no.: 09368327990
Ramoncito C. Barro IX
Researcher
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rose Ann R. Luriz is a senior college student from University of the Assumption
taking up Bachelor of Science Major in Psychology. After passing the Psychometrician
Licensure board examination, she is planning to pursue her career in industrial psychology
or clinical psychology. Rose Ann is a creative and responsible person; she always bring out
the best in everything she does. She believes that success is a result of perseverance,
hardwork and learning from failures for it will be the opportunity to start and pick yourself
up again. She is hoping after licensure exam to work in HR Department to develop the skills
she learned in school. Her greatest inspiration in reaching her goals are her parents, she
wants to extend her greatest gratitude to them by granting their wishes for her. She is
aspiring to be an inspirational speaker especially to the youth in the future.
Mobile no.: 09759937815
Rose Ann R. Luriz

Researcher
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ciann Marc C. Sonza, is a 4th year college student finishing his degree of Bachelor
of Science Major in Psychology. He plans to take the licensure board examination for
psychometricians and after passing it will pursue masteral studies in guidance and
counseling or clinical psychology. He plans to pursue his career of psychology in Industrial
Psychology given the opportunity or become a successful clinical psychologist in the future.
He believes that grit is one of the keys to success in life followed by determination and
hardwork. He has many dreams and plans in life and is determined to take every opportunity
to achieve that goal and eventually reap success.
Ciann Marc C. Sonza

Researcher

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UNIVERSITY OF THE ASSUMPTION SCHOOL OF ARTS AND SCIENCES 1

There was never an us : REASONS, CHALLENGES, COPING AND

Jilleanne Marie Tiffany P. Austria, Ramoncito C. Barro IX, Rose Ann R.

Key terms: Manstress, coping, meaning in life

According to Friedman (2015), infidelity is a symptom of an unhappy relationship, a moral

Family Parents are Separated Parents are Separated Separated

Educational College High school College College College

Internal influences. According to the responses uttered by the participants, feelings of

Sexual gratification. It was mentioned that sexual need gratification played a

“Pangangailangan ng katawan ko, libog di’ba? (Libido is a physical need,

“I guess in a way sexual arousal, as well.” (P3)

“Sa katagalan na in love na rin ako sa kaniya. Sa tagal ng relasyon namin,

Feeling of thrill and excitement. It was posited by the participants that

External influences. Participants attributed the reasons for engaging

“Humihingi rin ako ng pera sa kaniya, pang-gimmick. Binigyan niya ako ng

“Basta minsan mu rin mi ambunan ka, didinan na ku rin at aabutanan na ku

Physical attractiveness. Physical attraction was considered to be a primary

“Maganda siya, as in maganda siya runner up nga eh, lumaban

“Malagu ya talaga, anggyang ninu sabyan da naman pakilupa

Absence of parental guidance. Majority of the participants are products of

“I Ima ku ampo I Tatang ku mag-aral ku pa mikawani na la, kaya mekipag-

Mentally draining. Being in a forbidden relationship is something that is very

Limited time. The world of manstresses was described to be mentally draining

“May time kasi na completely magkasalungat ‘yong shift [work] namin, so

Limited space. One participant aired his disappointment that in a forbidden

Emotionally draining. Manstresses are always exposed to negative thoughts and

“sinabihan ako na magresign ako nung lalaki, so siyempre hindi mo naman

Unacceptable relationship. Participants’ relationship with the married women

“Kinakatakot ko naman eh, kasabihan nga walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag,

“Maraming mga mata na nakatingin tapos magsasabi sa nanay nung babae, eh

“Naririnig ko nag-uusap silang magkakapatid sabi, ‘Bakit ‘di mo pa hiwalayin

Feeling of insecurities. Participants’ feelings of jealousy toward the legal

Feeling of being humiliated. Participants pointed out that some experienced

Engagement in sinful acts. Engaging oneself in a relationship with a married

“Nagka-baby kami. Luwas siya ng luwas ng maynila ‘yun pala pinapatanggal

“Iinom na lang ako para makatulog. Iisipin mo pa ba ‘yon? At least kahit

Demanded attention. Becoming frustrated and being out-of-control with their

“…Di-divert ku na ing aliwang oras ku keng aliwang bage, kakalikutan kunala

“Binabaling ko na lang atensiyon ko sa ibang bagay, at tsaka madalas naman

Acceptance of the situation. Accepting one’s situation and the realities of

Undoing. Two of the participants sometimes experience regrets because of the

“Minsan makalukluk ku mipapaisip ku balamu magsisi kamu rin. Balamu ot

Their Meaning in life

Lack of sense of direction. Most of the participants mentioned that their

“Actually magulo, and in a way medyo nakakapagsisi. Pwede naman ‘yung

Lack of sense of fulfillment. The participants stated that being a manstress

Accepting realities, particularly the many limitations of being involved in a complicated

Figure 1. Reasons,challenges,coping and meaning in life of manstresses

This certification is issued upon the request of the researchers this

JILLEANNE MARIE TIFFANY P. AUSTRIA

This is to certify that the research study titled “A love to last?:

JEAN RICELLE D. AQUINO

ANGIENETTE C. EVANGELISTA, RGC, RPm

We are fourth year BS Psychology students currently processing the

Jilleanne Austria Ramoncito Barro IX

Rose Ann R. Luriz Ciann Marc C. Sonza

Mrs. Angienette C. Evangelista, RGC, RPm

Mr. Noli D. Franco, RPm

Letter for Validation of Themes

We are the undergraduate students of the BS Psychology