Love_ More like Loneliness (Phil Paper #1)

Chris Jackson
Love? More like Loneliness

Does love push us dangerously toward loneliness? Are the outcomes of love
more detrimental to your mental health, stability, and well-being than being alone?
Throughout this paper, I would like to pose that love has a higher correlation to
emotional pain in our lives than never loving at all.
First, we must clarify terminology. When I posed the question and statement
above using the term “love,” I was indicating romantic love. This is the often irrational,
strong sense of attraction and commitment found in many new and ongoing
relationships. Coming from the Latin word eros, we get English terms such as erotic
which highlight the passionate form of love that we today call “romantic love.” Other
types of love include philia love which is friendship love, agape love which is love for
everyone/everything, and pragma love which is practical, non-sexual love (2.). Another
term that must be clarified is the term “dangerous.” I began to point out above that
mental health, stability, and personal well-being are all at stake when love is involved.
One dictionary simply defined the word dangerous as “something that is potentially
harmful, damaging or likely to cause an accident or injury” (3.). The last term we must
define is loneliness. Loneliness takes place when an individual’s intimacy and
connection to others around them are perceived to be less than desired. It is important
to acknowledge that loneliness and being alone differ from each other in that loneliness
is psychological and exudes depression-like symptoms, extroversion, and other
unhealthy social patterns (4.). One can be alone and not be lonely at all. On the other
hand, an individual can be surrounded by people and be extremely lonely. Now that we
have clarified the terms, we can draw deeper into the argument.
Love--romantic love is a topic that has consumed society since day one. Studies
show that half of the songs in the classic era and 60% of songs today are based on the
topic of love (5.)! While this sounds like a positive statistic, it only truly highlights the
infatuation that people have for love itself. In reality, the statistics on divorces and
breakups are astounding. Around 42% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and
73% of third marriages will end in divorce. In the United States, there are almost 17,000
divorces per week (6.)! For those who married high school sweethearts, the divorce rate
in the first 10 years of marriage is 54% (7.)! This has a tremendous impact on the
mental health and even the finances of those who once would have claimed to be madly
in love. According to Huff Post contributor Evan Manning (8.), “only two percent of new
marriages in North America are comprised of ‘high school sweethearts.’” That means
that 98% of individuals who date in high school endure breakups which can be lonely,
security robbing, and even physically damaging. Easily seen being thrown around in
relationships, the word “love” has caused an extreme amount of pain in the society
around us. Aside from the painful statistics, we almost all know of couples, married or
not, that have broken up and felt great amounts of pain if we have not experienced this
harsh reality ourselves. Love, once it has run its course, only leads people into deeper
Chris Jackson
loneliness and pain than just staying single. When a dating or marriage relationship
ends, most of the time the individuals part ways after being constantly together for many
months if not years. This draws people into such imposing loneliness that being single
can’t compare to. According to a South University writer (1.), “Once a romantic couple
begins to spend time together, they are in a sort of love euphoria.” Oftentimes, people in
love are less discerning due to the physiological and chemical influence in the brain, so
they will be left with many regrets and realizations of where they went wrong when the
relationship ends and they see clearly. These realizations can drive further depression,
low self-esteem, and loneliness. On the flip side of the coin, singles are able to focus on
personal development and growth while according to Psychology Today, married
people “...were more likely to agree with statements such as, ‘I gave up trying to make
big improvements in my life a long time ago.’” Singles don’t carry the weight of
supporting the financial needs of a family and therefore have the freedom to pursue
more fulfilling work opportunities (9.). This one benefit alone can minimize the supposed
drawbacks of being single.
P1: Love statistically leads to high percentages of painful breakups

P2: The pain of breakups often outweighs the pain of being single
__________________________________________________
C: It is better to never love than to love and be broken
Next, we must explore the counterarguments. One question that could be

brought up in the rebuttal of this argument is the idea that “If love is such a harmful
thing, why does it consume much of mainstream culture now and in the past?” My
answer to this is simple. The “hallmark” of love is something beautiful, but it is far from
reality in almost all relationships. This supposed view of love combined with social
pressure to marry and the common need for sexual fulfillment drives people into
relationships. The need for companionship both emotionally and sexually is often
sought out in marriage and dating relationships where it is temporarily found before
breakups occur often inflicting severe damage. Another question that may be asked is,
“What about the portion of society who remain happily married and ‘in love?’” I would
counter this by asking to define terms. When we have discussed “love” as a term
throughout this whole paper, we have talked about eros love. This type of love, I would
argue, is rarely the foundation happy marriages, and therefore, if you seek fulfillment in
this love, it would be better to be single. With a combination of philia and pragma love
(2.)(view definitions above), there can be greater fulfillment and commitment due to the
less emotional nature they exhibit. These are sometimes found within marriages leading
to happier, fulfilled lives, but for the most part, any relationship built on the eros love we
have discussed will crumble eventually.
Chris Jackson
In conclusion, with the evidence and statistics on the detriments of love

relationships, it is safe to conclude that it is better for your well-being, emotional state,
and practical growth as an individual to not love. As Plato once exclaimed (10.), “Love is
a serious mental disease.” Loving and getting broken by love has and does lead to deep
emotional wounds that millions around the planet are recovering from today.
Chris Jackson
Resources
1. The Psychology Behind Love and Romance. (2016, August 23). Retrieved from
https://www.southuniversity.edu/news-and-blogs/2016/08/the-psychology-behind-love-
and-romance-70700
2. Burton M.D., N. (2016, June 25). These Are the 7 Types of Love. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-
love
3. dangerous. (n.d.). Your Dictionary. https://www.yourdictionary.com/dangerous
4. Loneliness. (2016, January 23). Psychology. https://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-
psychology/interpersonal-relationships/loneliness/
5. Love still dominates pop song lyrics, but with raunchier language. (2007, May 31). Home
- News - University of Florida. https://news.ufl.edu/archive/2007/05/love-still-dominates-
pop-song-lyrics-but-with-raunchier-language.html
6. McKinley Irvin Law. (2019, November 7). 32 Shocking Divorce Statistics. McKinley
Irvin. https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-
divorce-statistics/
7. Examining High School Sweethearts and Their Likelihood of Divorce. (2019, May 23).
Men's Divorce. https://mensdivorce.com/high-school-sweethearts/
8. Manning, E. (2013, January 29). Are High School Relationships Worth It? HuffPost.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/are-high-school-relations_b_2206549
9. DePaulo Ph.D., B. (n.d.). Are Single People Happy Because They Are Free? Psychology
Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201810/are-single-
people-happy-because-they-are-free
10. Why Does Socrates Call Love Madness? (2018, February 14). Retrieved from
https://philosimplicity.com/blog/2018/02/14/why-does-socrates-call-love-madness/

Love_ More like Loneliness (Phil Paper #1)

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Love_ More like Loneliness (Phil Paper #1)

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Love_ More like Loneliness (Phil Paper #1)

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Chris Jackson

Love? More like Loneliness

P1: Love statistically leads to high percentages of painful breakups

C: It is better to never love than to love and be broken

Next, we must explore the counterarguments. One question that could be

In conclusion, with the evidence and statistics on the detriments of love

You might also like