MIFTAAH SEMINAR

EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE Imam Mikaeel Smith

Introduction
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One day the Prophet SAW challenged the top wrestler in

Madinah, Rukana, to a wrestling match. This man was not
interested in Islam and he would avoid the Prophet SAW so
that he did not have to hear about Islam. When the
Prophet SAW challenged him to a wrestling match he
accepted because he knew that he would win. To his
surprise, the Prophet SAW beat him. Rukana wanted to
wrestle again and the Prophet SAW beat him again. This
happened a third time and as Rukana got up from the
ground that time he said the shahadah. 
One day the Prophet SAW was at home with Aisha RA. He
SAW said to Aisha RA that he knows when she is happy
with him and when she is upset with him. Aisha RA asked
him how he knows and he began to explain to her how she
was when she was upset or happy. 
These stories are both examples of emotional intelligence.

1 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION

 If we want to understand how the Prophet SAW left such a
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profound impact on people, we must study him from the

perspective of emotional intelligence. 
Emotional intelligence is a tool for change. 
This concept of emotional intelligence is based off of the
fact that the Prophet SAW was the most intelligent of
Allah’s creation. 
Moral intelligence is the content of the revelation. 
The do’s and don’ts, the halal and haram, etc.
Emotional intelligence is the vessel which is needed to give
that information. 
Emotional intelligence is a person's ability to
recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate
emotions within themselves and within others. 
Why is this important for us as Muslims?
In order to act with accordance to how Allah SWT
wants us to, we must be able to do all 5 elements of
emotional intelligence.  
All of us have family relations and all of those
relationships mean that we interact with people.
If we want to have nourishing experiences with
these people, we must be able to truly understand
them so that we can help them. 
By telling Aisha RA that he SAW knows when she is
angry and happy, the Prophet SAW is
demonstrating that he understands the language
of emotion.
2 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION
 Emotional and Social Intelligence: Two Parts of the
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‘Aql
The Prophet SAW said, “He who mixes with the people
and is patient with them is better than the one who
avoids the people and doesn't have patience with them.”
If you are not good to your family members, then you
are causing harm to the rest of society, because your
damaged family members are now interacting with
many other people in society. 
Fruitful and positive interaction is dependent upon
emotional understanding. 
If you want to have good interactions with your
family, it is all based on your ability to understand
emotions within yourself and within other people. 
The Prophet SAW stated, “All of you are shepherds
(tending to your flock), and all of you will be questioned
regarding your treatment of that flock.”
One can not expect to treat their flock well if they
cannot understand them.
Emotional and social intelligence are essential parts of
the ‘aql (intelligence) because they teach us how to help,
guide, and engage with everyone around us.
Healthy relationships require a perceptive emotional
understanding and large amount of emotional
investment. 

3 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION

 Emotional investment is when a person spends time
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and focus to understand another person’s emotions.

The Prophet SAW stated: “Indeed, the family of my father
are not my protectors. Rather my close protectors are only
Allah and the righteous believers. They (the family of my
father) have a bond of kinship with me that I keep damp.”
Through this hadith, the Prophet SAW is telling us that
all relationships will dry up if they are not tended to. 
When a relationship dries up, it will die. 
Effort must be made to keep the bonds of kinship
moist and alive. 
As we study the interactions of the Prophet SAW, we will
see his amazing ability to understand his own emotions
first, and then his ability to understand and positively
influence those around him. 
Husayn ibn Ali RA said, “I asked my father about the
gatherings of the Messenger of Allah.” He said, “The
Messenger of Allah would not stand or sit except with the
remembrance of Allah. When he would go to a people, he
would sit wherever there was space available, and he
would order others to do the same. He would give every
attendee his due portion of attention, to such an extent
that every attendee would think that there was no one
more noble in the sight of the Prophet SAW than himself.”
This narration shows us that everyone in the gathering
of the Prophet SAW felt special and valued.

4 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION

 No one had to seek the Prophet’s SAW attention
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because he already made them all feel special. 

If we want to fulfill the rights of our family members,
we must be present with them and we must
understand their emotions. 
This type of connection, in the culture of the Prophet SAW,
was not done by men. The Prophet SAW knew that and he
went against it in order to improve society. 
Male emotionality was not valued in this society, so the
Prophet SAW had to introduce it to them. 
He SAW showed them through his own example that
displaying emotions is not only normal but it is a sign
of Allah’s mercy. 
Allah SWT made the Prophet SAW equipt to understand
people’s emotions because this was the only way that he
SAW would be able to relay the message of Islam
effectively. 
In the Quran, Allah SWT explains that the Prophet’s SAW
deepest pain was knowing that others were in pain.
The reason that most people do not want to invest in
other people’s emotions is because it makes them
vulnerable. 
When you invest your emotions into someone else,
you will feel hurt when that person is hurt.

5 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION

 Emotional Awareness: Intrapersonal Awareness or
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Self-Knowledge
Intrapersonal and interpersonal awareness are both
necessary.
They involve the capacity to notice moods.
This is what is seen in the hadith where the
Prophet SAW mentioned to Aisha RA that he knows
when she is happy or upset with him. 
The first step of having emotional intelligence is
intrapersonal awareness, or knowing yourself.
This is the only way you will be able to control your
own emotions and behaviors.
This will then allow you to handle the emotions and
behaviors of others. 
If you do not come to terms with your own feelings,
they will always be there, and they will continue to
affect you and your relationships. 
This is seen in the story of Wahshi RA and the Prophet
SAW.
Wahshi RA was the man who killed hamza, the
uncle of the Prophet SAW, in a battle. He later on
accepted Islam and he wanted to be close to the
Prophet SAW. The Prophet SAW asked Washi not
to live near him because whenever he SAW saw
him, he thought about his uncle who was killed
and he did not want that bad feeling to affect the
way he SAW treated Wahshi.  
6 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION
 Here we see that the Prophet SAW understood
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his own emotions and this allowed him to deal

with the situation correctly.
If he SAW was to keep those feelings inside, it
would continue to bother him. 
The Prophet SAW utilized the 5 components of
emotional intelligence (recognize, understand,
label, express, and label) to deal with his
emotions.
Ignoring our emotions will lead us to develop a lack of
familiarity with ourselves.
This will then lead to feelings of awkwardness
when we are alone which leads us to avoid
moments of inner reflection and contemplation. 
Imam Ghazali stated: “The one who knows himself
knows Allah SWT.”
When you realize your dependence, you realize
Allah’s complete independence.
When you realize Allah’s knowledge, you realize
your ignorance.
Interpersonal Emotional Awareness
Interpersonal awareness is your understanding of other
people. 
One must understand people in order to positively
motivate them. 
This will only happen when a person recognizes the
value of emotionally investing in those around them.
7 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION
 The Prophet SAW understood that within the word
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“emotion” is the word “motion”.

This means that the way we act is connected to our
emotions. If we do not understand this, then we will
never be able to understand and connect to the
action. 
Developing interpersonal intelligence begins with
empathy.
The community of the Prophet SAW did not have the
ability to feel, so he SAW had to teach them how to feel. 
One day a man came to the Prophet SAW and asked
permission to fornicate. He wanted to accept Islam but
he only wanted to do so under the condition that he
could commit zinah. The Prophet SAW worked to
develop his moral compass by developing his capacity
to feel empathy (feeling the pain of others). He SAW
asked the young man if he had a mother or a sister.
The man replied that he did. The Prophet SAW
encouraged him to feel the pain of someone else. He
SAW asked him how he would feel if someone
fornicated with his mother or sister. The man
immediately showed disgust. After this interaction with
the Prophet SAW, the young man stated that there was
no sin that was more disgusting to him than the sin of
fornication. This shows that his moral compass had
been recalibrated. His desire for that sin was silenced
by his empathy.
8 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION
 After empathy is developed, the next stage of interpersonal
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awareness is attunement.
Attunement is defined as sincere, sustained presence
with people.
This allows others to have trust in you. This trust is the
primary element between two people communicating. 
This requires deep listening. 
Deep listening is the ability to hear what the heart is
saying and not what the lips say.
It is to learn to listen beyond the words. 
This involves body language as well as several other
elements.

9 p.g. EDUCATION | PRESERVATION | APPLICATION