$40,000 MAN - John Daily & Jonathan Goldstein 101PG

"THE FORTY THOUSAND DOLLAR MAN"
FADE IN:
EXT. KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA - DAY
A Saturn V rocket stands on the launchpad as numerous NASA

technicians prepare it for launch.
CHYRON: KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, 1973
INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The room is bustling with activity as crew-cut, skinny tie-

wearing TECHNICIANS prepare their stations for launch.
Overseeing the operation is MAJOR COLBY STAFFORD, 30's, the
clean-cut, hyper-competent mission chief.
COLBY
How we looking, Flight?
TECH 1
We are T-minus fourteen minutes,
Chief. Go for launch.
COLBY
Roger that, Flight. Capcom?
TECH 2
All systems go, Chief.
COLBY
Thank you, Capcom.
(turning to another
Technician)
How's our guy, Doc?
TECH 3
Funny thing about that, Major.
Either he's not there... or he's
dead.
ANGLE ON an EKG monitor which is flatlining.
COLBY
LOM, give me video of the cockpit,
please.
TECH 4
Roger that. On main screen.
(CONTINUED)
The Forty Thousand Dollar Man 2.
CONTINUED:
We see the interior of an empty cockpit appear on the screen

at the front of the room.
COLBY
Oh, shoot. Not again.
(to the room)
We are T-minus fourteen, people.
Where the hell is Buff Taggart!
CUT TO:
EXT. OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
MUSIC CUE: "Rubberband Man" by The Spinners
COLONEL BUFF TAGGART, 30's, the most famous living American

astronaut, has just paddled his surfboard out to an imposing
20 foot wave.
BUFF
That looks about right.
As the wave catches him, he mounts his board and rides it in

toward shore. His eye is caught by something gleaming
underwater and he leaps from his board into the sea. He
swims several meters down, grabs an oyster from a coral reef
and heads back to the surface.
EXT. BEACH - MOMENTS LATER
BONNIE SWANSON, late-20's, suns herself on a towel. She is

the quintessential 70's TV star, complete with feathered
hair, savage tan and generous bosom.
BUFF (O.S.)
Got you another one, baby.
Buff stands dripping over her. He tosses a pearl onto a

small mound of pearls beside her towel.
BONNIE
Oh, Buff. All these pearls...
BUFF
Let's make love.
BONNIE
Shouldn't you be at the launch?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
(checks watch)
Hmm. I guess I should. Colby
hates when I'm late.
He bends down and kisses Bonnie.
BONNIE
Be safe up there.
BUFF
Honey, I'm just going to space.
What could go wrong?
He quickly towels off, then picks up a full NASA spacesuit
from the sand and steps into it.
CUT TO:
EXT. BEACH PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER
Now in his spacesuit and holding his helmet, Buff climbs into
his gold 1973 Corvette Stingray and peels out.
Pull back to reveal he is heading toward the nearby rocket.
Above him we see a large billboard showing Buff in the
driver's seat of a 1973 Corvette Stingray heading toward a
nearby rocket. A caption reads "Corvette: the Car of
Astronauts!"
EXT. STREET - MINUTES LATER
Buff screeches to a stop at a red light. A KID in the car
next to him does a double-take as he stares at Buff.
KID
Buff Taggart!
BUFF
That's right, son.
KID
You going to the moon, Buff?
BUFF
Not this time. Now, you listen to
your mom and behave.
KID
I will, Buff.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
As the light changes and Buff zooms off, he tosses something

to the boy. It's a pearl.
KID (CONT'D)
Gee, thanks!
The Kid looks at his MOM, confused. She shrugs.
EXT. LAUNCHPAD - MOMENTS LATER
Buff pulls up to the base of the rocket and is immediately
surrounded by NASA TECHNICIANS. He steps out of his car and
heads for the elevator leading up to the command module of
the rocket.
Colby watches Buff in the elevator on a monitor.
COLBY
(into his microphone)
Cutting it a little close, there,
aren't you Buff?
BUFF
(through speakers)
Not as bad as on Apollo 16.
Colby shakes his head, amused in spite of himself.
COLBY
Yeah. You endangered a lot of
lives on that one.
BUFF
(jokingly)
Talk to my attorney.
COLBY
(laughs)
We did.
EXT. GANGWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Buff heads toward the entrance.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
(over P.A.)
T-minus four minutes...
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
Buff greets various WORKERS as he goes.

BUFF
Hey, Jimmy. Lookin' good.
(to another worker)
Jimmy! Love the moustache.
(to another)
Jimmy boy! See you on the flip
side.
Buff climbs into the module.
INT. COMMAND MODULE - CONTINUOUS
The door is shut behind him and Buff moves to take his seat.
SFX: A tearing sound
Buff looks down to see the sleeve of his suit has caught in
the door and torn a small hole.
COLBY (O.S.)
Everything okay in there, Colonel?
BUFF
(covering the tear)
Uh... roger that. Just prepping
the cabin for launch.
He latches his seat harness, then pulls out a tiny photograph
from a pocket of his suit. He kisses it, then places it
tenderly above his seat.
REVERSE ANGLE: We see the photo is of Buff
EXT. LAUNCHPAD - CONTINUOUS
Smoke begins to build up at the base of the rocket.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
Colby watches the countdown.
COLBY
Okay, people. Let's get this
right. That rocket is carrying a
national treasure.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY (CONT'D)
And a personal friend of mine.
Godspeed, Buff Taggart.
EXT. LAUNCHPAD - CONTINUOUS
The rocket's engines ignite.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Three, two, one, liftoff.
The rocket gradually ascends from the launchpad.
EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS
Bonnie watches as the rocket blasts off. She blows it a
kiss.
INTERCUT with Mission Control.
Buff's face jiggles ridiculously as the rocket ascends.
COLBY (O.S.)
You're looking good, Buff. How's
your main bus power?
BUFF
Uh, which one is that again?
(beat)
I'm just kidding.
Colby and the rest of the NASA Techs bust out laughing.
COLBY
You had us going there.
BUFF
Yeah. Anyway, main bus power is...
low. Dangerously low. Pretty much
off.
Colby and the others scramble to check their gauges.
BUFF (CONT'D)
Kidding. Just kidding around.
Power's fine. Thanks for asking.
Colby cracks a tight smile and turns to Tech 1.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY
Always gets me with that "main bus"
gag. Funniest astronaut in the
fleet.
TECH 2
Uh, Chief, we're picking up
something on audio. Kind of a
rattle.
COLBY
Put it on the box.
SFX: A loud rattling sound
COLBY (CONT'D)
Buff, we're getting a kind of
rattling sound down here. Any idea
about the source?
In the cockpit, Buff is holding a cocktail shaker. The
vibrating of the rocket mixes his martini for him.
BUFF
I'm not hearing anything, Major.
COLBY
Okay. Well, let us know.
Buff takes a martini glass from a compartment and pours
himself a nicely shaken cocktail, then plops an olive in. He
removes his helmet and takes a sip.
EXT. SATURN V ROCKET - MOMENTS LATER
The nose of the rocket glows as it leaves the Earth's
atmosphere. The command module separates from the booster
rocket.
Buff takes the final sip of his drink as the spacecraft moves
into zero gravity. The olive floats out of his glass.
BUFF
Where do you think you're going,
little friend?
He chomps the olive out of the air and swallows it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY
Buff, we're showing you at zero
G's. Stable orbit achieved. You
can go ahead and remove your helmet
at this time.
Buff looks up at his helmet, floating above him.
BUFF
Uh, roger that. Let me just...
(grunts)
Unhook this...
(more grunts)
Taking off the old helmet... Whew,
feels good getting that thing off.
COLBY
Okay. You can start your zero grav
experiments whenever you're ready.
BUFF
Roger that.
Buff empties a bag containing a stopwatch, a cage of mice and
a hammer.
CUT TO:
EXT. SATURN V ROCKET - LATER
The command module orbits high above the Earth.
INT. SATURN V ROCKET - CONTINUOUS
Buff straps himself into his chair, preparing for sleep.
INTERCUT with Mission Control where it is the night shift.
Colby sits at his station drinking a cup of coffee.
COLBY
Okay, Buff. Great work today.
That mouse-hammer study is really
going to make a difference down
here in a lot of people's lives.
BUFF
Thanks, Chief.
Colby gazes thoughtfully at the video feed of Buff on his
monitor.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY
(to himself)
God, I wish it was me up there.
BUFF
You say something, Chief?
COLBY
Me? Nope.
BUFF
Okay, well, I'm gonna grab some
Z's. Don't suppose you'd consider
singing me to sleep?
COLBY
(smiling)
You got it.
Leaning into the mic, Colby sings. His voice is surprisingly
beautiful.
COLBY (CONT'D)
(singing)
Just yesterday morning they let me
know you were gone, Susanne the
plans they made put an end to you.
I walked out this morning and I
wrote down this song, I just can't
remember who to send it to...
Buff smiles contentedly and shuts his eyes.
Tech 1 and Tech 2 exchange a look and join in singing backing
vocals on their own mics.
COLBY/TECH 1/TECH 2
(singing)
I've seen fire and I've seen rain,
I've seen sunny days that I thought
would never end...
SFX: A LOUD BOOM

Buff's eyes open as the entire craft shudders. An alarm goes
off.
BUFF
What the hell?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
TECH 1
We have an impact on the hull.
Repeat, impact on the hull!
COLBY
Buff, what's happening? Can you
see anything?
Buff looks out a porthole and sees a small satellite with a
TARANTULA EMBLEM spinning off into space. A stream of gas
vents from his module.
BUFF
Appears I was struck by a
satellite. I'm venting gas into
space.
COLBY
A satellite?
TECH 2
That's impossible, Chief. We've
got positions on every licensed
satellite in Earth orbit.
COLBY
(to Tech 1, covering his
mic)
Did it breach the hull?
TECH 1
No, sir. But he's venting a lot of
02.
COLBY
Buff, I want you to check your
oxygen gauge.
Buff floats over to a control panel.
CLOSE ON an oxygen gauge. The needle is moving slowly
downward.
BUFF
(calmly)
Oh, yeah. We've got a leak.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
TECH 2
(to Colby)
Sir, it appears the breach can only
be repaired from outside the
module.
COLBY
How much time does he have?
TECH 2
At this rate of outgassing, I'd say
fifteen minutes, max.
COLBY
(over mic)
You hear that, Buff? Looks like
we're going to need you to do an
unscheduled EVA.
Buff is already putting on his spacesuit. As he puts his arm
in the sleeve, he notices the tear from earlier.
BUFF
Right... Hey, Chief? I forgot to
mention, upon entering the craft, I
acquired a small tear in my suit.
COLBY
A tear? You tore your suit and you
didn't tell us?
BUFF
In my defense, I did not expect to
be leaving the module.
COLBY
Damn it!
(to Tech 1)
What are our other options?
TECH 1
Uh... He could suffocate and die
in space.
BUFF
It's okay, guys. I can do the
space walk and patch the leak.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (4)
COLBY
With a torn suit? How? You gonna
hold your breath?
BUFF
Yup.
COLBY
Are you nuts? That's impossible.
TECH 3
It might not be.
COLBY
What? In the vacuum of space?
He'll burst like a Christmas goose!
TECH 3
If he can create positive pressure
in his thorax and keep a tight
clench on his anus to prevent
intestinal explosivity, he just
might be able to pull it off.
BUFF
What about my eyes, Doc?
TECH 3
You'll have to keep them tightly
shut, Buff, to prevent ocular
explosivity.
BUFF
Okay. Colby? Do I have a go?
COLBY
I don't know, Buff. You'll be
working blind. And that's a long
time to clench your anus.
BUFF
I can do it. I've trained for
this.
COLBY
(sighs, then)
All right. But don't you go and
die on me. I don't want to be at
the helm when we lose an American
hero.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (5)
TECH 2
What about Apollo 1, Chief? You
were at the helm of that one. And
they all burned.
COLBY
Larry, you know damn well I was in
the bathroom when that happened.
Inside the capsule, Buff opens a plastic cover on a button
labeled "DEPRESSURIZATION. EMERGENCY ONLY!"
BUFF
Preparing to depressurize capsule.
COLBY
Roger that.
BUFF
Hey, Colby? If this doesn't work,
do me a favor? Tell Bonnie there's
a dead astronaut floating around up
here who loves her very much.
In mission control we see all the Techs, including Colby, are
sniffling and passing around a Kleenex box.
Buff grabs a crescent wrench. He then takes a deep breath,
lets it out, shuts his eyes, clenches up and pushes the
depressurization button.
SFX: A LOUD WHOOSHING SOUND
Buff feels his way to the door of the capsule and unscrews
the hatch.
EXT. SPACE - CONTINUOUS
Gripping a handle outside the capsule, Buff works his way
outside and over to the gas leak. Ice crystals immediately
form on his skin.
Colby watches Buff on a monitor.
COLBY
(to himself)
Oh, this is not good.
(then, to Tech 1)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY (CONT'D)
Tom, I'll be in the bathroom if
anyone needs me.
Colby hurries off.
EXT. SPACE - CONTINUOUS
Clearly struggling to keep from exploding, Buff tightens a
bolt with the wrench. The gas leak slows and stops.
Buff clambers back inside the capsule, shuts the door and
hits a repressurization button.
INT. KENNEDY SPACE CENTER MEN'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Colby stands at a sink, furiously scrubbing his hands with
soap as Tech 2 bursts into the men's room.
TECH 2
Major! I think you'd better see
this.
INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Colby and Tech 2 hurry in to a room of applauding Techs. On
the monitor, we see Buff in the capsule from behind, checking
some gauges.
COLBY
Buff! You did it!
BUFF
Why do you sound so surprised?
Buff turns to the camera revealing that both his eyes have
bugged out grotesquely. One seems to be hanging on by the
optic nerve. The NASA Techs abruptly stop clapping.
COLBY
Oh, sweet Jesus.
BUFF
What's that?
COLBY
Uh, you look great, Buff.
Congratulations.
(quietly to the room)
Keep clapping.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
The Techs resume clapping uncomfortably.

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. FONTAINEBLEAU HOTEL - NIGHT
Limousines pull up to the famous Miami Beach hotel.
CHYRON: "ONE WEEK LATER"
INT. BANQUET HALL - CONTINUOUS
A large AUDIENCE applauds as Vice President SPIRO AGNEW moves
to the dais. Buff, now in a double-knit polyester leisure
suit, sits beside Bonnie on the stage. Colby sits a short
distance away.
AGNEW
Thank you. Tonight we honor a true
American hero. A man who laughs in
the face of fear. A man who has
been to the moon more times than
any other human. And he was good
enough to come back down and tell
us what he saw up there.
BUFF
A lot of rocks, Mr. Vice President.
A lot of rocks.
The crowd busts out laughing.
AGNEW
(chuckling)
Now, I understand our friends at
NASA have prepared a kind of
highlight reel of Colonel Buff
Taggart's storied career.
Gentlemen?
The lights dim and a screen descends as a projector rolls.
ON SCREEN:
A dramatic shot of the moon and stars. The camera tilts down
to reveal a placid farm.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
WILLIAM SHATNER (V.O.)

Buff was born in 1943 in the
heartland of America to Jack and
Greta Taggart. Jack Taggart had
been a World War I flyboy...
We see a young Jack Taggart standing beside a bi-plane.
WILLIAM SHATNER (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...while Greta stayed at home,
growing badly needed corn for the
war effort.
In a series of photos, Greta squats beside an ear of corn.
As it grows larger and larger, she stays in the same
position.
In 1951, when Buff was only eight,
tragedy struck the Taggart farm. A
powerful tornado took the life of
his father. Then, one year later,
the same tornado killed his mother.
We see a photo of Jack running from a massive tornado. Then
one of Greta running from a tornado which now has a skeleton
inside it.
A devastated Buff was sent to a
government home for wayward boys,
where he developed a fascination
with the heavenly bodies that
floated above his squalid quarters.
Ten year old Buff lies on the roof of an orphanage staring up
at the night sky.
Five years later, at the age of
fifteen, Buff lied about his age in
order to enlist in the US Air Force
like his father before him.
We see fifteen year old Buff, wearing a fake beard, standing
beside several taller, older pilots and their planes.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)

Thanks to his fearlessness and
outstanding flying skill, Buff
quickly rose to the top of his
squadron. And when the conflict in
Vietnam broke out, it was Buff who
led his fellow flyers into combat.
Twenty-something Buff sits in the cockpit of an F-4 Phantom
fighter plane, giving a thumbs-up.
After winning the war, Buff
returned stateside. That's when
NASA came calling. They were
looking for a few brave men to join
in the race to space.
On screen we see photos of Buff in his spacesuit, planting a
flag on the moon. Then another, driving a lunar rover.
In Apollo missions twelve through
seventeen, Buff became the first
man to drive the lunar rover, the
first man to throw a javelin on the
moon...
We see Buff in his spacesuit hurling a javelin.
...the first to fire a gun...
Buff fires a pistol at a beer can on a pile of rocks in the
distance.
...the first to plant a tree for
Israel.
Buff, wearing a yarmulke on top of his space helmet, plants a
sapling on the moon.
Never satisfied to rest on his
laurels, Buff Taggart continues to
break records. Leaving behind his
lover, Bonnie Swanson, star of the
top rated television drama, "Lady
Soldier..."
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
On screen we see a clip of Bonnie in "Lady Soldier." She

wears a skimpy camouflage uniform and fires an automatic
rifle at unseen foes. Her breasts shake violently.
...Buff keeps venturing out into
the unknown. For that is what
makes a man a hero. And a hero a
legend.
On screen, Buff stands beside an American flag on the moon.
At the edge of the photo we see two other astronauts looking
resentfully at Buff, hogging the spotlight.
The crowd rises in a standing ovation as the vice president
shakes Buff's hand. Colby embraces Buff. Finally, Bonnie
gives Buff an inappropriately deep kiss.
CUT TO:
INT. BUFF'S CAR - NIGHT
Buff and Bonnie drive home.
BONNIE
I'm so proud of you, honey.
BUFF
Well, imagine how proud of me I am.
BONNIE
The vice president himself came all
this way to honor you.
BUFF
And how about that plaque?
(looks around)
Did you grab the plaque?
BONNIE
No. I thought you took it.
BUFF
I didn't take it. Oh no. We
forgot the plaque.
BONNIE
Do you want to go back for it?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
No. It's just a plaque.
They drive on in silence.
BUFF (CONT'D)
Was that a piece of moon rock in
the plaque?
BONNIE
I think so.
BUFF
Damn. That was an expensive
plaque.
BONNIE
We can go back and get it, Buff.
BUFF
Nah. It's late. No biggie.
BONNIE
Are you sure?
BUFF
Positive.
A long beat. Bonnie looks at Buff.
BONNIE
Thinking about that plaque?
BUFF
Yeah. Let's go back.
EXT. ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The car does a U-turn then stops at a stoplight. A teenage
KID in a 1970 Mercury Cyclone pulls up beside Buff. The Kid
notices Buff, then says something to his companion, a FAT
TEEN. Both boys laugh. Buff nods to them, uncertainly.
INTERCUT: INT. BUFF'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
KID
Excuse me?
BUFF
Yes?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
KID
Are you that astronaut guy?
BUFF
Buff Taggart. You want me to sign
something?
KID
Oh, that'd be great. Could you
sign my balls?
Both boys crack up.
BUFF
Um, okay. Do you have a felt tip?
You probably don't want me to use a
fountain pen.
BONNIE
I think they're mocking you, Buff.
BUFF
What? Why would they--
KID
Astronauts are gay.
BUFF
Astronauts are not gay! They're
not allowed to be.
KID
Oh, and those moon landings?
Totally faked.
BUFF
(infuriated)
They were not faked! I was there.
FAT TEEN
My dad said our government faked
the whole space program to make
Kruschev jealous.
BUFF
Your dad's gay. And you're a
fatty.
BONNIE
Buff!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
KID
I bet you're too scared to even
race me, spaceman.
BUFF
Are you kidding? I've pulled
twelve G's on reentry.
KID
Was that before or after you had
sex with a man?
BUFF
Okay. That's it. I'll race you to
the Fontainebleau Hotel on Collins
Avenue. I have to pick up a
plaque.
KID
You're on.
BUFF
(to Bonnie)
I'll pick you up here in a few
minutes.
BONNIE
What?! You can't be serious.
You're going to leave me out on the
street so you can race some kid?
(then, gently)
Come on, lover. You don't need to
prove anything to him. Just as
long as you believe in yourself.
Buff looks at her for a beat.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD - SECONDS LATER
Bonnie stands on the side of the road in her elegant evening
dress. The Fat Teen stands beside her. Buff and the Kid's
cars peel out in a puff of burning rubber.
FAT TEEN
I love you in "Lady Soldier."
BONNIE
Thank you.
EXT. ROAD - MOMENTS LATER

Buff and the Kid zoom down the street, neck and neck. Buff
rolls down his window and calls out to the Kid.
BUFF
(yelling over the wind)
You need to learn some respect!
And I'm the one who's going to
teach you that respect!
KID
(yelling)
What?
BUFF
I said, you need to learn--
Buff suddenly spots a possum crossing the road ahead. His
eyes go wide as he swerves to avoid it. The car slams into a
large wooden pole, demolishing the vehicle. Buff flies
through the front windshield and lands on his back, badly
injured.
BUFF (CONT’D)
(barely conscious)
--some respect...
Buff looks above him and sees the pole he hit was holding up
the Corvette Stingray billboard we saw earlier. The entire
thing collapses and falls directly on top of him. All that's
left is Buff's smiling face on the advertisement and the
slogan "Corvette: the Car of Astronauts!"
CUT TO:
BLACK
FADE IN:
EXT. MILITARY HOSPITAL - HOURS LATER
CHYRON: NAVAL MEDICAL CENTER, QUANTICO, VIRGINIA
INT. MILITARY HOSPITAL HALLWAY
OSCAR GOLDMAN, late-40s, a no-nonsense government official,
hurries down the hall to find Colby and Bonnie pacing
tensely.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR
What's Taggart's status?
BONNIE
Who are you?
OSCAR
Oscar Goldman. Director of OSI.
BONNIE
What's OSI?
COLBY
Office of Scientific Intelligence.
(to Oscar)
What are you doing here?
OSCAR
There's no time to explain. What's
Buff's status?
COLBY
He's critical. He lost an arm, an
eye, his nose and a leg.
A nurse exits the surgical room carrying a severed leg.
COLBY (CONT’D)
Both legs.
BONNIE
Oh god.
OSCAR
I need to speak to him.
COLBY
What? Why?
OSCAR
Because I think we can save him.
COLBY
What? How?
OSCAR
I'm just going to...
Oscar gently pushes past Colby and Bonnie and enters the
room.
INT. SURGERY - CONTINUOUS

The door swings open and Oscar enters to find Buff sedated on
the operating table. He is missing his legs, an arm, and has
bandages over one eye and his nose.
OSCAR
Buff? Can you hear me?
BUFF
(pouting)
That lady just took my leg.
OSCAR
I know. I'm sorry about that.
You've been in a terrible accident.
BUFF
I can't smell.
OSCAR
You've lost your nose.
BUFF
I don't like this.
OSCAR
Look, Colonel, the government of
this country considers you an
invaluable asset. And we do not
intend to lose that asset. We have
the ability to repair you if you'll
agree to undergo an experimental
procedure.
BUFF
What sort of procedure?
OSCAR
We call them bionics. We've never
used them on a human before, but
we've been given an unprecedented
forty thousand dollars to spend on
you, Colonel Taggart.
BUFF
Forty thousand dollars! That's an
insane amount of money.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR
You're worth it to us, Buff. And
if you say yes, you'll be the first
bionic man.
BUFF
What are these bionics?
OSCAR
They're super-strong replacement
parts. We've had great success in
animal trials. Our bionic rat was
able to lift three hundred pounds
with one paw.
BUFF
That's amazing.
OSCAR
Well, that's in rat pounds, of
course. But still--
BUFF
What are they made of?
OSCAR
High grade steel and wrought iron.
BUFF
Steel and iron...
Buff thinks for a beat, then
BUFF (CONT’D)
Okay, I'm in.
Buff moves to extend his arm, but there's only a bandaged
stump. Oscar uncertainly shakes the stump. Buff recoils in
pain as the bandage starts to turn red.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Ow! Oh, god!
OSCAR
Sorry.
(calling off)
Nurse?
DISSOLVE TO:
SURGERY MONTAGE
INT. SURGERY - LATER
A team of DOCTORS perform extreme surgery on Buff. We see
one doctor open a steel case and remove a bionic arm. He
hands it to another doctor.
OSCAR (V.O.)
Buff Taggart. Astronaut. A man
barely alive. Gentlemen, we can
rebuild him. We have the
technology.
A doctor carefully inserts a bionic eye into Buff's partially
opened skull.
OSCAR (V.O.) (CONT’D)
We have the capability to make the
world's first bionic man.
Two doctors attach bionic legs to Buff's pelvis.
OSCAR (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Buff Taggart will be that man.
Better than he was before. Better,
stronger, faster.
A doctor cleans the nostrils of a flesh-toned bionic nose
with a Q-tip, then attaches it to Buff's face. They step
back from their patient and shake hands with one another as
we
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAYS LATER
BUFF's POV as he slowly opens his eyes. Not yet in focus,
Oscar and Bonnie stand over him. Behind them is a LUTHER, a
technician in a lab coat. The right half of the view seems
to be ZOOMING in and out.
OSCAR
He's coming to.
BONNIE
Oh, thank goodness.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR
Easy now, Buff.
BUFF
Where---
OSCAR
You're in a top secret government
facility.
BONNIE
How are you feeling, baby?
BUFF
(weakly)
I'm fine. Just a little car crash,
that's all.
LUTHER
I'm easing up on the morphine
drip...
Luther turns a dial on a tube leading to Buff's good arm.
Buff's face contorts in pain.
BUFF
Holy mother of god! No! No! NO!
LUTHER
Resuming morphine drip...
Buff's face relaxes.
BUFF
Just a little car crash.
OSCAR
Now, Buff, your body has
experienced an enormous trauma.
It'll be some time before you begin
to feel like yourself again.
BUFF
(glancing down)
Are these the bionics?
OSCAR
Yes. Your legs, your right arm,
your right eye and your nose have
all been... upgraded.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
Bonnie gently pulls Oscar aside.

BONNIE
Mr. Goldman, I know it's the least
of his worries right now, but I'm
wondering, will everything work
properly... down there?
OSCAR
Miss Swanson, on that front you
have nothing to worry about. Buff
is every bit the man he was before
the accident. Except that his
penis probably won't work anymore.
BUFF (O.C.)
So thirsty.
Oscar returns to Buff. Bonnie, looking disturbed, joins him.
OSCAR
There's a glass of juice on the
table in front of you, Buff. Why
don't you see if you can reach for
it?
Buff reaches for the glass with his good arm.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
No, with your bionic arm.
Buff slowly extends his bionic right arm toward the glass.
SFX: Bionic sound effect
OSCAR (CONT’D)
Good, good...
Buff grasps the glass and immediately shatters it in his
hand.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
Okay. That's to be expected.
Luther, could we have another glass
of juice, please?
Luther fills a new glass with juice and sets it on the table.
BUFF
I don't know, Oscar--
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
OSCAR
Just try again, Buff.
Buff again reaches for the glass. This time he does not
break it. But he hurls it against the wall, shattering it.
BUFF
Damn it!
OSCAR
Not a problem.
(to Luther)
Little more juice?
Luther fills a new glass and sets it down. Buff immediately
bats it off the table.
BUFF
This is ridiculous!
OSCAR
You're getting the hang of it.
(to Luther)
Juice.
Luther fills another glass but before he can set it down,
Buff punches him in the stomach, then hurls the juice glass
against the wall. Bonnie rushes to Buff's side.
BONNIE
Buff!
Buff involuntarily cold cocks Bonnie, knocking her against
the wall.
OSCAR
Oh dear.
BUFF
Bonnie!
BONNIE
(checking her nose for
blood)
It's fine. I'm okay.
BUFF
I'm so sorry, baby. It's this arm.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (4)
BONNIE
No, I know. It's bionic.
OSCAR
(to Luther)
Can we get another juice, please?
The now resentful Luther pours another glass of juice,
nervously sets it down and backs away.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
Concentrate, Buff. You can do
this.
Buff furrows his brow and slowly reaches for the glass. This
time he picks it up, brings it to his mouth and drinks.
Bonnie watches raptly.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
Good. Very good.
BONNIE
You're doing it, honey. You're
doing it.
Buff finishes the juice. A beat. He smashes the glass
against his own face then punches Bonnie again.
CUT TO:
EXT. RUNNING TRACK - DAYS LATER
Buff, wearing an orange tracksuit unzipped to his chest hair,
sits in a wheelchair. Oscar is with him.
OSCAR
You've made great strides these
last couple days, Buff. Now it's
time to see what those bionic legs
of yours can do.
Oscar extends his hand and Buff takes it, hoisting himself
out of the wheelchair.
BUFF
It feels good to stand again.
OSCAR
Imagine how it'll feel to run sixty
miles an hour.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
What?!
OSCAR
That's right. Your bionic legs
were designed to achieve a top
speed of a mile a minute.
BUFF
I thought you said sixty miles an
hour.
OSCAR
That comes out to a mile a minute.
BUFF
I don't think so...
OSCAR
It does. You need to trust me.
BUFF
(still doubtful)
You're the boss.
CUT TO:
EXT. RUNNING TRACK - MOMENTS LATER
Buff jumps up and down, stretching out his new legs.
A Technician raises a starter's pistol and fires.
In SLOW MOTION:
Buff starts to run down the track. Oscar stands with Luther
who holds a stopwatch. They grin as it appears Buff's legs
are working according to plan.
NORMAL SPEED:
As the image returns to normal motion, we see Buff is not
actually running all that fast.
OSCAR
How fast is he going, Luther?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
LUTHER
Twenty miles an hour, sir.
OSCAR
Slightly faster than a normal man.
Disappointing.
Oscar picks up a megaphone and calls out to Buff.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
Buff, can you go any faster?
BUFF
(yelling)
I don't think so!
OSCAR
All right. Then bring it in.
BUFF
You got it, Oscar.
Buff waves and tries to slow down but he can't.
He continues to run quickly around the track, flailing his
arms, clearly not in control of his speed.
LUTHER
He's not stopping, Mr. Goldman.
OSCAR
I can see that, Luther.
(calling)
Buff? You can stop now!
BUFF
I... I can't. The legs won't stop!
OSCAR
Damn it.
Buff continues running, his arms hanging at his sides.
BUFF
Can anyone help me?!
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. RUNNING TRACK - ONE HOUR LATER

Buff cries softly as he continues involuntarily running
around the track.
BUFF
(weepy)
These legs are raping me.
Oscar watches as a pickup truck with Technicians in the bed
drives alongside Buff. Luther reaches out, trying to slow
Buff's pace.
LUTHER
Almost got you...
Just as he is about to grab hold of Buff, Buff's bionic arm
punches him, sending Luther flying off the pickup onto the
track.
BUFF
Sorry, Luther!
As Buff reaches a bend in the track, the truck continues
straight towards the cement wall, forcing Buff to go straight
as well. The truck comes to a stop but Buff speeds towards
the wall.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Oh no.
Bam! Buff slams into the wall and goes down. His bionic
legs continue to run as Buff lies face down, groaning.
Oscar, watching from a distance, shakes his head with
disgust.
CUT TO:
INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
Oscar stands with Buff.
OSCAR
Today we're going to see how well
your bionic eye and nose function.
BUFF
Great.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR
I want you to start by focusing on
that eye chart with your right eye.
BUFF
Okay.
Buff closes his left eye while squinting with his right.
From Buff's POV we see the eye chart.
Suddenly, his view ZOOMS IN dramatically till we see nothing
but the black ink of the letters.
BUFF (CONT’D)
What the--
OSCAR
Can you read the bottom line?
BUFF
All I see is black.
OSCAR
Black?
Buff looks over at Oscar. From his POV we see an EXTREME
CLOSE-UP of Oscar's lips. They flap open horribly, saliva
droplets clinging to the corner of his mouth as he speaks:
OSCAR (CONT’D)
What do you mean black?
Buff jumps back, startled.
BUFF
Ahh!
OSCAR
What is it?
BUFF
I think my eye is overzooming.
OSCAR
Overzooming?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
BUFF
Everything's too close. How do I
pull back?
OSCAR
Oh. It only has two settings.
Zoom. And not zoom.
BUFF
That doesn't seem very--
Buff's POV: we zoom in on Oscar's forehead. It's a sea of
pores and blackheads.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Sweet mother! Your skin, Oscar,
it's... terrible.
OSCAR
Stop it, Buff.
BUFF
I'm sorry, it's just--
CLOSE ON tiny droplets of oil on Oscar's face.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Uch! It's so oily.
OSCAR
It's perfectly normal to have a
certain amount of oil on the
skin...
BUFF
Certain amount? It's like the menu
at a diner!
OSCAR
Zoom out.
BUFF
It's like the seat of a taxi.
OSCAR
I said zoom out.
Buff does. His view returns to normal.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
BUFF
I don't get it, Oscar. What good
is an eye that can only see your
horrible pores and greasy skin?
OSCAR
We haven't ironed out all the kinks
yet.
(then, testy)
Would you rather we had left that
gaping hole you had when we found
you?
BUFF
No.
OSCAR
All right then. On to your bionic
nose. It's been designed to be a
thousand times stronger than the
normal nose.
BUFF
I hope it's not as oily as the
normal nose.
OSCAR
That's enough!
Oscar indicates a row of pedestals concealed by small
screens.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
Now, behind each of these screens
is an item. I want you to identify
the items solely by their smell.
BUFF
Okay...
Oscar points to the first screen.
OSCAR
Let's start with this one. Can you
smell what's behind it?
Buff inhales deeply through his nose, focusing his attention
on the first screen.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (4)
BUFF
Okay, I smell something. I'm
getting...
(Buff scrunches his nose)
It's kinda earthy. No, wait,
funky. Ugh. It's feces. You put
poop on that pedestal?
OSCAR
What? No, of course not.
Oscar lifts up the screen, revealing a lemon.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
It's a lemon.
BUFF
Oh.
Buff squints his eye.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Wow, that is one oily lemon.
OSCAR
All right, try the next screen.
Smell anything?
Buff sniffs and nods.
BUFF
Uh huh. Definitely doodie.
OSCAR
Buff, this is no time for
horseplay.
BUFF
I'm not kidding, Oscar. All I
smell behind that screen is poop.
Oscar sighs and lifts the screen to reveal a single rose.
OSCAR
You can't smell this rose?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (5)
BUFF
No, all there is is an overwhelming
smell of turd. Actually...
Buff wrinkles his nose and heads toward the doorway.
BUFF (CONT’D)
It seems to be coming from outside.
Buff exits into
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Buff makes his way down the hall, sniffing the air. Oscar
follows.
BUFF
Yup. It's stronger out here.
(wincing)
Ugh, how can anyone work in here?
It's like a cesspool.
OSCAR
I don't smell anything.
Buff reaches the door to the men's room.
BUFF
It's coming from in here.
Buff opens the door and enters.
OSCAR
Buff, wait.
INT. MEN'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Buff and Oscar step into the men's room. Buff immediately
crosses over to one of the stalls.
BUFF
This is it! I'm sure of it.
Buff grabs the handle and using his bionic arm, tears the
door off its hinges. Inside Luther sits on the toilet, his
arm in a cast.
LUTHER
Hey!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR
Sorry about this, Luther.
BUFF
Oh. Hi, Luther.
OSCAR
Well, the good news here is that
your arm seems to be working.
BUFF
Oh, yeah. Look at that.
OSCAR
And your bionic nose is able to
detect faint odors from a great
distance.
BUFF
But the only thing I can smell
really well is shit.
OSCAR
At least it's a starting point.
They consider this for a beat.
LUTHER
Do you guys mind...?
OSCAR/BUFF
Right./Sorry, Luther.
They move away from the stall.
CUT TO:
INT. OSI OFFICES - A FEW DAYS LATER
Buff, now wearing civilian clothes (silk shirt, bell
bottoms), enters Oscar's office.
BUFF
You wanted to see me, Oscar?
OSCAR
Buff. Yes, come in.
Buff enters and sits.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR (CONT’D)
It's been two weeks since your
accident. How are you feeling?
BUFF
A lot better than when that sign
fell on me.
OSCAR
I can imagine. And how are you
adjusting to the bionics?
BUFF
Well, it was hard at first. But
they're really starting to feel
like a part of me.
He gives Oscar a thumbs-up with his bionic arm.
OSCAR
I'm glad to hear it.
Buff's thumbs-up remains up. Buff glances at it nervously.
He obviously can't put it down.
SFX: Bionic sound effect continues over the following
BUFF
So, am I ready to go home? I sure
do miss Bonnie.
OSCAR
That's actually what I wanted to
speak to you about.
Buff casually tries to pull down his right arm with his left.
It won't come down.
BUFF
What, uh, what do you mean?
OSCAR
You see, Buff... are you okay?
BUFF
I'm great.
He indicates the thumbs-up to emphasize his point.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
BUFF (CONT’D)
Please, go on.
OSCAR
The thing is, we didn't spend forty
thousand dollars of taxpayer money
just to save a dying astronaut...
With his good hand, Buff grabs Oscar's nameplate off the desk
and tries to hammer down his frozen bionic arm with it.
BUFF
You didn't?
OSCAR
(re: arm)
Do you want me to get someone?
BUFF
No, I've got this.
Buff grunts as he wrestles with his "thumbs-up" arm, finally
forcing it down, breaking off the chair's armrest in the
process. He grins sheepishly.
OSCAR
The bionics program was designed to
create a kind of super-agent. An
agent who could carry out
classified missions that no
ordinary man could.
BUFF
What sort of missions?
OSCAR
I'm glad you asked.
Oscar presses a button on his desk. The lights dim, and a
projection screen descends from the ceiling.
BUFF
Neat.
Oscar narrates the images we see on the screen.
OSCAR
For the last several years, our
government has been tracking this
man: Luis Guzman.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
We see a squat, nefarious looking man in a flashy white suit.

OSCAR (CONT’D)
Guzman's company is the number one
provider of disco balls and disco-
related paraphernalia in the world.
OSI believes that this is merely a
front.
BUFF
For what?
OSCAR
We raided one of Guzman's
warehouses and found that each of
his disco balls was packed with ten
pounds of pure Columbian cocaine.
BUFF
Why not arrest him?
OSCAR
We've tried, but Guzman always gets
wind of our plans. Our hope is
that by sending in one lone agent,
we can capture him before he even
realizes we're there.
BUFF
And I'm that agent?
OSCAR
If you think you're ready.
BUFF
I know I'm ready.
Buff gives a thumbs-up again with his right hand. There's a
beat as he realizes.
BUFF (CONT’D)
(shaking his head)
Stupid...
CUT TO:
INT. BUFF'S HOTEL ROOM - THAT NIGHT
Buff sits Indian-style on the bed. He is on the phone with
Bonnie.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Well, I thought I would be home
tomorrow, baby, but something came
up.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. "LADY SOLDIER" SOUNDSTAGE - DAY
Bonnie stands at a phone cart, holding the phone in one hand
and a rocket launcher in the other. She wears a sexy,
tattered soldier's uniform as a MAKEUP LADY powders her
cleavage.
BONNIE
What could be more important than
being here with me? I haven't seen
you in two weeks.
BUFF
I know. But Oscar asked me to do
something for him.
BONNIE
What?
BUFF
I can't say. It's classified top
secret.
BONNIE
Classified? Is it something
dangerous?
BUFF
I really can't say. All I can tell
you is I have to capture Luis
Guzman who's smuggling cocaine in
disco balls. And I don't even know
if I can tell you that.
BONNIE
Luis Guzman?
MAKEUP LADY
The disco ball guy?
BONNIE
Yeah. Apparently, he's smuggling
cocaine in them.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Hon, who are you talking to?
BONNIE
Janice, my makeup girl.
MAKEUP LADY
Hi, Buff.
BUFF
Okay, please don't tell anyone else
about this. It's highly
classified.
(beat)
Bonnie? You there?
We see Bonnie is relating the information to a group of
people on the set.
BONNIE
...isn't that crazy? Guzman, the
disco ball guy...
(into phone)
Hi. Sorry.
BUFF
I'll be home as soon as this
mission is over. I love you.
BONNIE
I love you, too. Be careful.
BUFF
Careful is my middle name. But
it's pronounced "car-u-fal." It's
Danish.
BONNIE
I know your middle name, Buff.
They hang up.
CUT TO:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - NIGHT
Buff, dressed in his best disco outfit, struts toward the
entrance of a bustling dance club. He makes his way to the
front of the line where a large BOUNCER stops him.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BOUNCER
Hold up, grandpa. You on the list?
BUFF
What? Of course. I come to...
(looking up at the club's
sign)
Disco Very all the time.
BOUNCER
It's Discovery.
BUFF
Right. Well, I'm on the list. So,
you don't need to worry about that.
BOUNCER
Name?
BUFF
(deliberately slow and
unclear)
Miiiichaellll....angelllo...
BOUNCER
Michelangelo?
BUFF
No. Baaaaaaa...rrrrrr....
BOUNCER
I can't understand you.
BUFF
It's right there on the list.
Laaaaaaaaaa....
BOUNCER
(off list)
Larry?
BUFF
Yes. Larry.
BOUNCER
Larry Morton? He already went in.
BUFF
Not Larry. Gllllllehhhh....
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
Another BOUNCER notices Buff.

BOUNCER 2
Hey, aren't you that astronaut?
BUFF
Uhhh...
BOUNCER 2
You're Buff Taggart. This guy went
to the moon. Let him in, Kenny.
BUFF
Thank you, Kenny.
The Bouncer moves aside a rope and Buff heads into the club.
BOUNCER
(to Bouncer 2)
That guy's an astronaut? I thought
he was retarded.
INT. DISCO - CONTINUOUS
Buff surveys the crowded room and bustling dance floor.
OSCAR (V.O.)
Now, our intelligence informs us
that Guzman wears a distinctively
spicy cologne with leathery
overtones. Your bionic nose should
direct you straight to him.
Buff sniffs the air.
He seems to catch a scent and moves toward the edge of the
room.
INT. DISCO HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Buff slowly makes his way down a hall, sniffing the air as he
goes. The smell grows strongest as he approaches a closed
door.
BUFF
All right, arm. Let's see what you
can do.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
He winds up and slams the door off its hinges. He bursts

into the room.
INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
BUFF
Freeze, scumbag!
Pull back to reveal Buff is in an empty bathroom. The toilet
in front of him is overflowing.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Aw, come on!
EXT. DISCO - MOMENTS LATER
Frustrated, Buff crosses to the bar and signals a BARTENDER.
BUFF
Give me a Cutty Sark with a splash
of plum wine.
The Bartender prepares the drink.
BUFF (CONT’D)
I don't suppose you could tell me
where I might find a guy by the
name of Guzman? Luis Guzman.
BARTENDER
Never heard of him.
BUFF
Is that so?
Buff puts his hand on the Bartender's and begins to squeeze.
BARTENDER
What are you... ow!
BUFF
Have you heard of him now?
BARTENDER
Oh god, you're really hurting my
hand!
BUFF
Just give me a location and this
will all be over.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BARTENDER
Okay, okay, he's upstairs in the
VIP area! Owwwww!
Buff looks toward the VIP area and squints his bionic eye.
POV: Buff's view zooms in to where Guzman is sitting but once
again zooms too far. All he can see is a close-up of
Guzman's nostril hair.
BUFF
Useless.
Back to normal view. Buff turns back to the Bartender.
BUFF (CONT’D)
That wasn't so hard, was it?
He moves to release the man's hand but instead keeps
squeezing harder.
BARTENDER
Why are you doing this?! You said
it would be over!
BUFF
I'm sorry. I'm trying to let go
now...
BARTENDER
Oh sweet mother! Someone please
help me!
Other disco patrons notice them. The Bartender starts to
weep.
BUFF
Gosh, this is embarrassing. I am
really doing some damage.
BARTENDER
I don't want to live!
Finally, Buff wrenches himself free leaving the Bartender
with a mangled hand. A bone juts out from one knuckle.
BUFF
Wow. That is a bone. I feel
terrible.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
Buff backs away and hurries up the stairs.

INT. VIP AREA - MOMENTS LATER
Buff enters to see a group of thuggish MEN and slutty GIRLS
lounging on sofas. In the center of the group sits LUIS
GUZMAN.
OSCAR (V.O.)
Once you ID Guzman, you'll need to
lure him outside where he can be
apprehended.
Everyone turns to look at Buff.
BUFF
Hi. How is everyone? Stayin'
cool?
LUIS
Who the hell are you?
BUFF
My name is... Michelangelo. Okay
if I just...?
He goes to join them on the sofa.
LUIS
No, it's not okay.
(to Bodyguard)
Get him out of my room.
BUFF
Wait. I think you're going to want
to hear what I have to say, Mr.
Guzman.
LUIS
How do you know my name?
BUFF
You're the king of disco balls.
I'm the king of... lights that
shine on disco balls. We need each
other.
LUIS
I'm listening.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
I propose a joint venture. Shall
we step outside?
LUIS
We can talk here, Mr.
Michelangelo.
BUFF
(sitting)
Okay. Outside would've been great.
But here is fine.
OSCAR (V.O.)
And be careful, Buff. If Guzman
suspects you're an agent, he won't
hesitate to kill you.
BUFF
(clears throat nervously)
Now, we have a variety of bright,
shiny lights that, when combined
with your mirrored balls, will
create some terrific disco effects.
LUIS
What kind of effects?
BUFF
What kind of effects? Stars.
Diamonds. Stars. You name it.
LUIS
What are you talking about?
BUFF
I'm talking about a joint venture--
is it hot in here? I am parched.
Buff goes to sip his drink but his hand shakes, sloshing some
of the liquid onto his legs.
LUIS
Why are you so nervous?
BUFF
I'm not nervous. I just wish you'd
come outside with me...
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
Buff looks down and notices a puff of smoke rising from his
lap. His legs appear to be shorting out.
LUIS
What's happening to you?
BUFF
Nothing's happening to me. What's
happening to you?
He tries to casually pat down his legs but the short circuit
only gets worse.
BUFF (CONT’D)
So, do we have a deal?
LUIS
A deal? You're crazy, man.
BUFF
I don't think that's--
Buff's legs are now burning. He tries to stay calm.
LUIS
Your legs are on fire!
BUFF
You know what these legs could use?
Some fresh air. Come on outside.
Buff stands. By now his pants are in tatters. The fire
continues to burn.
LUIS
Doesn't that hurt?
BUFF
I'll tell you what would hurt. You
and I not going outside. That
would hurt.
BODYGUARD
Mr. Guzman, look.
The Bodyguard points to Buff's leg. His pants have burned
away and the fake skin has seared off revealing a metal part
on which "Property of OSI, Made in China" is engraved.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
LUIS
OSI? He's an agent. A robot
agent! Kill him!
Guzman's THUGS surround Buff and move toward him.
BUFF
I'm warning you. Stay back. I am
unpredictable at best.
Three Thugs charge him. Buff swings his bionic arm, knocking
them all across the room and over the railing. They fall to
the dance floor below. Other disco patrons scream.
Buff turns to see Guzman making his escape.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Stop!
Guzman bolts down the hall. Buff, now in his underwear,
turns to chase him. He fails to notice that his burning
pants have ignited a tablecloth.
INT. STAIRCASE - CONTINUOUS
Guzman rushes down the stairs with Buff in hot pursuit. Buff
grabs hold of Guzman's collar with his bionic arm.
BUFF
Game over.
Guzman continues to run and Buff's arm detaches from its
socket. The arm stays attached to Guzman's shirt.
BUFF (CONT’D)
That's great. That's just great.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - MOMENTS LATER
Guzman emerges from the club and jumps onto the back of a
waiting motorcycle.
GUZMAN
Go, go!
DRIVER
You got an arm on you!
GUZMAN
Ahhh!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
Guzman pulls the arm off and tosses it behind him. The
motorcycle pulls away as Buff bursts out of the disco. He
sees his arm on the ground and picks it up.
BUFF
Not so fast, Guzman.
Buff runs after Guzman's motorcycle.
SFX: Bionic sound effects
Without much effort, Buff catches the bike and stays
alongside it for a couple blocks.
DRIVER
This is impossible. How is he
running this fast?
GUZMAN
How fast are we going?
DRIVER
Twenty miles an hour.
GUZMAN
Well, drive faster, you moron!
DRIVER
Right.
The bike begins to pull away from Buff.
BUFF
Hey, come on! Wait!
The motorcycle turns a corner. Buff has lost it. He
stumbles on a fire hydrant and rolls to a stop.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Damn.
As he brushes himself off with his remaining arm, he notices
the disco behind him is in flames. Panicked patrons stream
out.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Damn.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
OSCAR (PRE-LAP)
Obviously, forty thousand dollars
simply wasn't enough.
CUT TO:
INT. OSCAR GOLDMAN'S OFFICE - DAYS LATER
Buff, his arm reattached and legs repaired, sits glumly
across from Oscar.
OSCAR
Do you have any idea of the damage
you did in New York?
BUFF
The fire?
OSCAR
The fire. The months we spent
gathering intelligence on Guzman,
all for nothing. That poor
bartender whose hand you crushed!
BUFF
It's these bionics, Oscar. They
don't work right.
OSCAR
I know. I'm not blaming you, Buff.
We really thought we could do it on
the budget we had. We were wrong.
BUFF
Well, now that we know they don't
work properly, we can fix them.
Upgrade them. Right?
OSCAR
I wish it were that simple. The
hard reality is, we just don't have
any more money. How can I go to
Congress after this debacle and ask
them for even more funding of the
bionics program?
BUFF
What are you saying?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
OSCAR
I'm saying we're shutting it down,
Buff. The bionics program is
finished. I'm sorry.
BUFF
And what happens to me? I just go
back to the space program?
OSCAR
I wish it were that simple. NASA
has no use for an astronaut with
faulty arms and legs. And a nose
that smells nothing but shit.
BUFF
Can you give me back my old parts?
OSCAR
I wish it were that simple.
BUFF
Why do you keep saying that?!
OSCAR
I'm sorry. Luther will validate
your parking.
Oscar stands.
BUFF
So, that's it? You're just
shutting it all down? What am I
supposed to do? How am I supposed
to live like this?
OSCAR
I'd try and keep your legs dry.
Good luck, Buff.
Buff stands and slumps to the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. LOS ANGELES TELEVISION STUDIO - A FEW DAYS LATER
Buff gets out of a taxi carrying a suitcase and heads into
the lot.
INT. "LADY SOLDIER" SOUNDSTAGE - MINUTES LATER

Buff enters and sees Janice, Bonnie's makeup woman.
MAKEUP LADY
Buff. Hi. How did it go with your
classified mission?
BUFF
Not great, Janice.
MAKEUP LADY
Oh. Did Luis Guzman get away?
BUFF
Yeah. Don't tell anyone, okay?
MAKEUP LADY
Of course not.
BUFF
Thanks.
Buff crosses away as Janice turns to a group of CREW MEMBERS
and points at Buff, obviously telling them.
Buff spots Bonnie, in her sexy soldier uniform, chatting
amicably with a young MAN.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Bonnie?
Oblivious, Bonnie and the Man laugh at something, then the
Man opens a jewelry box and offers a ring to Bonnie. Bonnie
appears to be surprised but smiles as the Man slides the ring
on her finger.
Buff, stunned, uses his bionic eye to ZOOM IN on the ring,
revealing a sparkling diamond.
BUFF (CONT’D)
No.
Without thinking, he bolts across the stage toward them.
In SLOW MOTION Buff tackles the Man, knocking him to the
floor.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BONNIE
(slow motion)
Buuuuuufffffff!
Buff hoists the Man in the air with his bionic arm and hurls
him violently into a fake tank which collapses under his
weight.
Back to normal speed.
Bonnie rushes up and grabs Buff's arm.
BONNIE (CONT’D)
What are you doing?!
BUFF
I could ask you the same question!
Who is that man?!
BONNIE
That's Chuck!
BUFF
Are you in love with him?!
BONNIE
What? Of course not.
BUFF
Then why did he give you a diamond
ring?
BONNIE
He's the prop guy! It's his job.
BUFF
It's his job to propose to my
girlfriend? I don't like that job.
BONNIE
You idiot. Lady Soldier gets
married in this episode. The ring
is a prop!
BUFF
The ring is a-- Oh. I see.
(calling off)
Sorry, Chuck.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
BONNIE
What's gotten into you?
BUFF
OSI shut down the bionics program.
I'm a failure, Bonnie.
BONNIE
You're not a failure. You're a
national hero.
BUFF
Not anymore. Now I'm just an
unemployed robot freak.
BONNIE
This doesn't sound like the Buff
Taggart I know. The Buff I love.
BUFF
That's because that Buff died in a
car accident while racing with a
sixteen year old.
BONNIE
It's not true.
Just then, Bonnie's director, REED, hurries over.
REED
What the hell is going on here?
Who broke my tank?
BONNIE
It's okay, Reed. It was a
misunderstanding.
REED
Misunderstanding my balls. We're
already a week behind schedule on
"Lady Soldier Gets Married." The
last thing I need is some washed up
flyboy terrorizing my set.
BUFF
Washed up? Flyboy?
REED
Look, Taggart, we all know what
happened at the disco.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
BUFF
Doesn't anybody know what
"classified" means?!
REED
You're a danger to yourself and
others. The best thing for
everyone here is if you just
disappear.
(calling off)
Security!
BONNIE
Reed--
REED
I'm sorry, Bonnie. You can do
better than this loser.
Two SECURITY GUARDS hurry over.
SECURITY GUARD
Let's go, Colonel.
BUFF
Take your hands off me!
SECURITY GUARD
(to his partner)
Call for backup.
As they attempt to subdue Buff, his bionic arm goes on the
fritz and begins swinging around madly.
BUFF
Oh no. Look out!
The Security Guards pile on top of Buff. Reed and Chuck, the
prop guy, join in the melee.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. TELEVISION STUDIO - MINUTES LATER
Two POLICEMEN load Buff into a squad car as flames come out
of the stage behind him. From the back seat, Buff looks out
to see a devastated Bonnie watching the car pull away. She
turns and walks off.
CUT TO:
INT. JAIL CELL - LATER

Buff paces in a holding cell. From the reception area in the
next room he can hear COPS talking.
COP 1 (O.S.)
Did you see the "hero" we got back
there?
COP 2 (O.S.)
(laughs)
Yeah. Some hero.
Buff grimaces. He looks down at the bars of his cage, then
at his bionic arm. After a moment, he takes hold of the bar
and begins bending it to the side.
Just then, he hears a familiar voice from outside.
COLBY (O.S.)
I'd like to post bail for Colonel
Buff Taggart.
BUFF
(to himself)
Colby?
Buff quickly bends the bar back into place.
COP 1 (O.S.)
Okay. Bail is set at five
thousand.
COLBY (O.S.)
Five thousand? I don't think I
have that much with me.
Buff sighs and starts to bend the bar of the cage again.
COLBY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Nope, wait, I have it. Here you
go.
Buff bends the bar back into place again.
CUT TO:
INT. COLBY'S CAR - SHORT TIME LATER

Colby drives Buff to his hotel.
BUFF
Thanks again, Colby.
COLBY
No. Don't thank me. The way this
government treated you after all
you've done for it makes me sick.
BUFF
I can't believe they would just
shut down the program like that.
COLBY
They didn't shut down the program,
Buff.
BUFF
COLBY
There's something I need to show
you.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM - THAT NIGHT
Colby sets up an 8MM film projector as Buff sits on the bed.
COLBY
This was given to me by a friend of
mine at OSI. You're going to want
to sit down.
BUFF
I am sitting down.
COLBY
Good. You're going to want to.
Colby switches off the light and starts the film.
ON SCREEN we see a MAN in a tracksuit step onto a treadmill.
He begins to run and the speedometer attached to the
treadmill climbs: 10 MPH... 20 MPH... 30... 40... 50...
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
60 MPH! Another man steps into frame, smiling. It's Oscar
Goldman.
BUFF
What is this?
COLBY
Steve Austin. The astronaut. Your
successor.
BUFF
COLBY
Oscar lied to you, Buff. Not only
didn't they shut down the bionics
program, they put six million
dollars into building a new, better
version.
BUFF
A six million dollar man?! Oscar
told me they had no more funding.
ON SCREEN, we see Steve Austin throwing a football an
impossible distance, leaping over a brick wall and hoisting
an imposing dumbbell.
Throughout the film we hear the familiar "Six Million Dollar
Man" theme.
COLBY
After we pulled our troops out of
Vietnam, there was a sudden
surplus. OSI got their share.
BUFF
Why didn't they use it to fix me?
COLBY
They considered you "damaged
goods."
Buff takes a moment as this sinks in. Then,
BUFF
What is that music? Did they give
him a theme song?
COLBY
They had some money left over.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
BUFF
It's not fair.
COLBY
No, it's not. I thought you had a
right to know the truth.
Buff sits silently watching the screen as his last shred of
idealism dissolves. And we
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SATURN V ROCKET COCKPIT - DAY
CHYRON: One year later
CLOSE ON a porthole behind which we see a black field of
stars. A hand reaches out and wipes the window. PULL BACK
to reveal it is Buff. His hair has grown long, he is
unshaven and slightly paunchy. He takes a spray bottle and a
rag and wipes the porthole clean.
Suddenly, a bald head pops up in the porthole.
MR. NAGOPIAN
Taggart! I told you not to go
inside the exhibits!
BUFF
Oh, sorry, Mr. Nagopian. I just
thought I would clean in here.
MR. NAGOPIAN
No cleaning! Now get out of there!
Buff sighs, gathers his cleaning supplies and climbs out the
hatch.
INT. SMITHSONIAN NATIONAL AIR & SPACE MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS
Buff emerges in a display hall of the museum. We see the
field of stars was just a backdrop.
BUFF
You know, I used to work in one of
these.
MR. NAGOPIAN
And I used to be finance minister
of my country.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
MR. NAGOPIAN (CONT'D)
Now I boss janitors. We're both
pathetic. Go clean up the puke in
the Hall of Heroes.
BUFF
Yes, sir.
Buff heads off.
INT. MUSEUM HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Buff wheels a bucket and mop down a row of displays. Each
one shows a smiling photograph of a different NASA astronaut
in front of a backdrop of the Earth.
Buff spots the mess and begins to mop it up. A YOUNG GIRL
gazes up at a display that is dedicated to the career of Buff
Taggart. She looks at the photo, then at Buff, then back to
the photo. The girl tugs on her MOTHER'S hand.
GIRL
Mommy, isn't that the astronaut?
MOTHER
What, the janitor?
GIRL
Yes. It looks just like him.
MOTHER
Nancy, don't be ridiculous. Why
would an astronaut become a
janitor? Astronauts are heroic,
successful men. Janitors are
repulsive social outcasts.
Having heard every word, Buff sadly continues his mopping.
GIRL
Uh oh.
MOTHER
What is it, Nancy?
GIRL
I think I'm going to be sick again.
MOTHER
Well, you go ahead. This man will
clean it up.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
As the girl prepares to upchuck on the floor, we

CUT TO:
INT. MUSEUM BREAK ROOM - LATER
Buff deposits coins into a Coke machine and selects an item.
Nothing comes out.
BUFF
Oh, come on.
He shakes the machine. Still nothing. He shakes it harder.
Nothing. At last, he slams the front of the machine with his
bionic arm. The front panel shatters and dozens of cans roll
out onto the floor. Buff looks around self-consciously,
picks up one can and walks off.
EXT. WASHINGTON DC STREET - A FEW HOURS LATER
Buff walking home. With each step we hear a noticeable
squeaking noise. He looks down at his bionic arm and moves
his elbow. The squeak is coming from there.
He notices a newspaper box. The front page shows a photo of
Steve Austin beneath a headline: "Six Million Dollar Man
Defeats Bigfoot." Buff grimaces and continues walking.
He goes into a supermarket.
INT. SUPERMARKET - MINUTES LATER
Buff pushes a cart down an aisle. He stops when he sees a
shelf of "Six Million Dollar Man" breakfast cereal. The box
says "Now with bionic marshmallows!"
BUFF
Bionic marshmallows.
He continues down the aisle, passing boxes of "Six Million
Dollar Man rice," "Bionic Artichoke Hearts,""Six Million
Dollar Man Feminine Napkins."
Buff arrives at the checkout counter and the CHECKOUT GIRL
rings him up. As he waits he notices a People magazine cover
with a story about "Steve Austin's Greatest Enemy: Dyslexia."
CHECKOUT GIRL
That'll be sixteen fifty-five.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Oh, okay...
Buff takes out his wallet and pulls out a five dollar bill.
It's all he has.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Um, you know what? I actually
don't have that much on me right
now...
CHECKOUT GIRL
Do you want to remove some items?
BUFF
That'd be great.
The PEOPLE behind him on line grumble impatiently.
BUFF (CONT’D)
I guess I don't need deodorant.
It's not like I'm seeing anyone.
He laughs half-heartedly as he removes the item from the
belt.
CHECKOUT GIRL
That makes it fifteen twenty-one.
BUFF
Oh. Okay, let's get rid of the
bread and the mustard.
CHECKOUT GIRL
Ten eighteen.
GUY IN LINE
Come on, buddy.
BUFF
Sorry. Uh, what if I lose the
bologna, the toothpaste and the
toilet paper?
CHECKOUT GIRL
Six ninety-three.
BUFF
Can I break up these eggs?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
CHECKOUT GIRL
Sure. Whatever.
BUFF
Great.
Buff snaps the carton in half, leaving a half dozen eggs.
CHECKOUT GIRL
(rolling her eyes)
Five sixty.
GUY IN LINE
Get a job, deadbeat.
BUFF
Can I take out individual eggs?
CHECKOUT GIRL
Fine.
Buff removes one egg from the carton and gently sets it back
in the shopping cart.
CHECKOUT GIRL (CONT’D)
Five forty.
Buff takes out another egg.
Five twenty.
Buff takes out one more egg.
Five dollars.
BUFF
Super.
He hands her his five and takes his three eggs, trying to
maintain his dignity.
BUFF (CONT’D)
This will make a great omelette.
Buff exits the store as the impatient guy in line reaches the
checkout counter. He puts one egg on the belt.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
GUY IN LINE
Hi. Just the egg, please.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
Buff continues down the street past a ball field where some
KIDS are playing kickball. Suddenly, a kickball rolls up to
Buff's feet.
KID
Hey, mister! You mind kicking that
back to us?
BUFF
Sure.
Buff picks up the ball and kicks it. It flies past the kids,
over a fence and lands on the roof of a distant building.
There's a beat. Then,
KID
Asshole.
BUFF
Sorry.
He sadly continues on his way.
EXT. BUFF'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - SHORT TIME LATER
Buff climbs the stairs of a dilapidated building. He unlocks
and enters one unit.
INT. BUFF'S APARTMENT - THAT EVENING
Buff, wearing a ratty bathrobe, crosses into his tiny
bathroom.
INT. BUFF'S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Buff stands under the shower. He has garbage bags wrapped
around his legs and arm, secured with rubber bands to keep
them dry. It is a pathetic sight.
INT. BUFF'S BATHROOM - MINUTES LATER

Now wrapped in a towel, Buff opens the medicine cabinet which
looks more like an auto repair shop: WD-40 cans, hydraulic
fluid, bolts and screws, oil, etc.
He takes out a bottle of Armor-All and spreads a layer of it
over the rubber skin of his legs. We see the "skin" has
cracked and discolored.
INT. BUFF'S LIVING ROOM - LATER
Buff sits in front of the TV, wearing boxers and a T-shirt.
He has rolled back the skin on his elbow and is spraying the
bionic joint with WD-40. A half-eaten omelette sits on the
coffee table in front of him.
Buff lifts the can and sprays himself in the right eye.
SFX: A knock at the door
Buff stands, crosses to the door and opens it.
BUFF
(eyes narrow)
You.
REVEAL Oscar Goldman standing before him.
OSCAR
Hello, Buff. Can I come in?
BUFF
Why would I let you in?
Oscar holds up a bag from The Palm steakhouse.
OSCAR
I brought dinner.
CUT TO:
INT. BUFF'S LIVING ROOM - LATER
Oscar watches as Buff devours a steak dinner on the coffee
table.
OSCAR
I know we haven't always treated
you as well as we could have.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
(snorting)
You mean when you gave me these
useless metal parts and lied that
you didn't have the money to repair
them?
OSCAR
Yes, that's what I meant.
BUFF
(re: his bionic parts)
Look at this... the rubber skin
turned beige. I have to oil myself
like the Tin Man. I can't get a
good job. My girlfriend left me,
and I can't walk a block without
seeing your precious Steve Austin
and his second generation bionics.
Bet his legs don't catch fire.
OSCAR
Steve Austin is the reason I'm
here.
BUFF
What do you mean?
OSCAR
He's missing, Buff.
BUFF
Missing? He just defeated Bigfoot.
OSCAR
That was a cover story. Two weeks
ago we sent Steve to a remote
island where we believe a notorious
terrorist known only as the
Tarantula has set up operations.
One week ago we received the last
radio contact from Steve. Since
then, nothing.
BUFF
Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I'd
hate to think you wasted six
million dollars. Now, if you'll
excuse me, I've got to lube my
ankles.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
OSCAR
We need your help finding him,
Buff.
BUFF
My help? What, does he smell like
shit?
OSCAR
We're prepared to upgrade your
bionics.
BUFF
(excited)
You're going to give me six million
dollar bionics?
OSCAR
No. Unfortunately, we spent nearly
everything on Steve. We do have a
discretionary fund.
BUFF
How much are we talking?
OSCAR
Five thousand dollars.
BUFF
Five thousand?! That won't even
replace my toe. My toe fell off,
did I tell you?
OSCAR
Fine. Ten thousand. But we'll
have to go into petty cash.
There's going to be less coffee
around the office...
BUFF
So, you're saying you'd turn me
into a fifty thousand dollar man
just to save Steve Austin? Why me?
Why not send in an army?
OSCAR
The Tarantula's defenses are too
sophisticated. They'd never make
it onto the island. And if they
did, Steve would already be dead.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
OSCAR (CONT'D)
(beat)
Look, I know we're asking a lot of
you, but don't do it for me. Don't
even do it for your country. Do it
for yourself, Buff. This is your
chance to be a hero again.
Buff considers for a beat, then
BUFF
Get out.
OSCAR
What?
Buff leads Oscar to the door.
BUFF
I died once. I'm not going to let
you guys kill me again. Thanks for
the steak.
OSCAR
But--
Buff shuts the door on Oscar.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BUFF'S LIVING ROOM - HOURS LATER
Buff snores on the sofa as the TV plays.
TV ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
And now we return to "Lady
Soldier."
Buff snorts and wakes up. He wipes spittle from his chin and
turns to the television.
ON SCREEN we see:
EXT. FOXHOLE - DAY
Bonnie, as Lady Soldier, crouches over a wounded comrade,
JIMMY, 20's. Explosions detonate all around them.
JIMMY
It's pointless, Lady Soldier.
We're surrounded! There's no hope.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
LADY SOLDIER
Shut up, Jimmy. I don't want to
hear that kind of talk.
JIMMY
Just let me die.
LADY SOLDIER
Not today, Jimmy. I know the odds
are bad for us. Krakauer and his
mercenaries are stronger than we'd
thought and our air support never
arrived, but there's still hope.
There's always hope. Without hope
there's no hope.
JIMMY
But my leg is all shot up.
LADY SOLDIER
Just because you've lost a leg
doesn't mean you can't stand up for
what's right, Jimmy.
Buff sits up. This is getting to him.
JIMMY
I'm afraid.
LADY SOLDIER
So am I, Jimmy. But it's here,
when we're most afraid that we have
to rise to the challenge. That's
what makes us men.
JIMMY
You're right.
Jimmy struggles to his feet and grabs his weapon.
JIMMY (CONT’D)
I'm behind you, all the way, Lady
Soldier.
LADY SOLDIER
I'm proud of you, Jimmy.
They share a touching beat.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
Then they both begin madly SCREAMING and firing their

automatic weapons at dozens of oncoming foes. Blood and
entrails are everywhere.
The show abruptly cuts to a very 70's producer's title card
for Kanga Productions. A cute animated kangaroo hops in and
pulls a typewriter out of its pouch, then winks at the
camera.
BACK TO:
INT. BUFF'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Buff has tears in his eyes. We see a new-found determination
sweep over him. He grabs the telephone and dials as the
music begins to swell dramatically.
BUFF
(on phone)
Oscar Goldman, please.
(beat)
It's a residence. Thank you.
The music continues to swell. After a beat,
BUFF (CONT’D)
No, Goldman. With a G. No, G. As
in golf. Oscar. Yes. Um, I don't
know which neighborhood, Dupont
Circle? Thanks.
(beat)
Nothing? Try Georgetown.
(beat)
That must be it. Thank you.
(beat)
Hello, Oscar, it's Buff. I'm in.
The music reaches a climax.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Buff. Taggart. Is this Oscar
Goldman? Oh, I'm sorry. I must
have the wrong Oscar Goldman...
CUT TO:
BIONIC UPGRADE MONTAGE
MUSIC CUE: "Hold On" by Santana
INT. SURGERY
Buff lies on an operating table as DOCTORS reattach his newly
refurbished legs. After a moment, the doctors realize they
have the legs reversed. They switch them around.
INT. OSI BRIEFING ROOM
Oscar goes over blueprints and schematics with Buff as
enormous 1970's computer reels spin behind them.
A MAN leads Buff up onto a tailoring podium and puts a large-
lapeled leisure suit jacket on him. He marks it with chalk.
EXT. RUNNING TRACK
Oscar and Technicians watch nervously as Buff runs. He comes
to a stop and they all cheer. After a second, he
involuntarily runs forward again. The cheers stop. Buff
stops again and gives them a wave: "I'm okay." They cheer
again.
INT. SURGERY
Buff sits self-consciously on the examination table clenching
a doorknob in his fist as a DOCTOR adjusts cables inside his
opened forearm. Buff's fist unclenches and he drops the
doorknob. He thanks the doctor and tries to exit, but sees
the doorknob is missing.
END OF MONTAGE
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. OSCAR GOLDMAN'S OFFICE - DAY
Oscar is at his desk as Buff enters. He now wears a handsome
leisure suit with a wide collar shirt open to his chest.
OSCAR
Come in, Buff.
Buff enters and sits.
OSCAR (CONT’D)
I'm really glad you chose to come
back.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Well, as a friend of mine once
said, it's when we're most afraid
that we have to rise to the
challenge. That's what makes us
men.
OSCAR
Your friend sounds like quite a
guy.
BUFF
Oh, she is.
Beat. Oscar's confused. Then,
OSCAR
Now, we've done all we can to
prepare you for the mission. I'm
sorry we couldn't improve your
bionic nose, but there is one thing
I want to give you.
Oscar slides a small box across the desk to Buff. Buff opens
it, revealing a shiny new eyeball.
BUFF
(jumps)
Ahh!
(then)
A new eye?
OSCAR
This one has a zoom that works.
Try it out.
BUFF
Okay.
Buff sticks his thumb in his bionic eye and plucks it out
with a "POP." It rolls onto the desk. He takes the new eye
and squishes it into his eye socket.
We see from his POV as the new eye comes into focus. He
zooms in and out effortlessly to different distances. The
center of the view is obstructed by a thick cross-hair.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Wow. This is great. It really
works.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
OSCAR
I paid for that one myself. It's
my gift to you. A small way of
saying I'm sorry.
BUFF
Well, thank you, Oscar. I really
appreciate it.
(beat)
The cross-hair's pretty thick, huh?
OSCAR
That's right. It will allow you to
zoom in on your target with great
precision.
BUFF
Uh huh. Kind of hard to see around
the cross-hair, though...
OSCAR
I'm sure you'll get used to that.
We again see Buff's POV. The cross-hair does take up most of
his field of vision.
BUFF
I guess so.
(beat)
So, there's no way they can make
the cross-hair any thinner...?
OSCAR
I don't think so.
BUFF
Okay, not a problem. Thanks again.
OSCAR
You leave tomorrow, Buff. You'll
be airdropped onto the island and
you'll have to make your way into
the Tarantula's fortified facility.
We assume that's where he's holding
Steve.
BUFF
Got it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
OSCAR
I will be in continual contact with
you over this miniature earpiece.
Oscar hands Buff an earpiece the size of a naval orange.
BUFF
Wow. These things just keep
getting smaller and smaller.
OSCAR
Now, get some rest. You've got a
big day ahead of you. It's good to
have you back, Colonel.
BUFF
It's good to be back.
They shake hands, and we
CUT TO:
EXT. MILITARY AIRFIELD - NEXT DAY
The sun rises as Buff, wearing his leisure suit and a
parachute, approaches a waiting C-7 transport plane.
A pilot salutes him as he climbs the stairs.
INT. TRANSPORT PLANE - CONTINUOUS
Buff enters the dimly lit aircraft.
COLBY (O.S.)
Welcome aboard, Buff.
Buff squints his eyes and sees Colby, arms outstretched.
Buff gives him an awkward hug.
BUFF
Colby? What are you doing here?
Oscar didn't tell me you were
coming.
COLBY
That's because I just volunteered
this morning. I told Oscar there
was no way Buff was going in there
alone. You and I have been through
too much together.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Well, this will be great. The
Tarantula will be no match for the
two of us.
COLBY
Let's get this plane off the
ground.
He bangs on the cockpit door and we hear the engines start
up.
EXT. MILITARY AIRFIELD - CONTINUOUS
The plane taxis down the runway and lifts off.
CUT TO:
EXT. TRANSPORT PLANE - HOURS LATER
The plane flies over water.
INT. TRANSPORT PLANE - SAME
Buff and Colby await their arrival at the jump location.
PILOT (OVER INTERCOM)
(badly garbled)
Uh, greshem hangred darble mento.
Buff and Colby look at each other, confused.
BUFF
Did you get that?
COLBY
I couldn't make it out.
BUFF
Did he say we were over the jump
site?
COLBY
I can ask.
Colby yells through the cockpit door.
COLBY (CONT'D)
Excuse me? We didn't hear what you
said.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
A long beat.
Ramah clockstemper dosho lemming.
BUFF
I am just not hearing him.
COLBY
(calling into cockpit)
Did you say it was time to jump or
not?
Beat.
Yes.
BUFF
Yes it's time to jump or yes it's
not time to jump?
Roger that.
COLBY
Roger what?
Suddenly, the rear hatch of the plane begins to open.
BUFF
I guess it's time to jump.
As Buff and Colby tighten their straps and make their way to
the rear of the plane, Buff's earpiece crackles to life.
OSCAR (O.S.)
Colonel Taggart, do you read me?
BUFF
Oscar. Yes, I read you. We're
approaching the jump site now.
OSCAR (O.S.)
Good luck, Buff. But before you
jump, there's someone here who
would like to speak to you.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. OSCAR GOLDMAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Oscar stands with Bonnie at a radio console. He hands her
the microphone.
BONNIE
Hello, Buff.
BUFF
Bonnie?!
BONNIE
Oscar told me what you were doing
and I want you to know I've never
been more proud of you.
BUFF
It's great to hear your voice
again, baby.
BONNIE
When this is all over, I want you
to know, I'll be waiting for you.
BUFF
That's great to hear.
(beat)
So, you're not dating Richard
Dawson?
BONNIE
That was one time. It was
completely blown up in the press.
BUFF
Good. Bonnie?
BONNIE
Yes, Buff?
BUFF
I love you so much.
BONNIE
I love you too, baby.
(garbled)
Cranford hellion tomtom.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
I've got to go, hon.
EXT. SKY - MOMENTS LATER
Buff and Colby jump from the rear hatch of the plane. Below
them they can see an isolated jungle island with a large,
walled complex of buildings in the center.
Buff points to the complex and Colby nods.
COLBY
(yelling over the wind)
So, is this what it's like to be in
space?!
BUFF
(yelling)
No!
Colby looks disappointed. Buff points to his altimeter, then
deploys his chute. Colby does the same.
EXT. BEACH - MINUTES LATER
Colby and Buff descend onto a remote beach. They gather
their chutes and remove their harnesses.
Buff takes out a map.
BUFF
OSI thinks the Tarantula is holding
Steve in this central complex.
We'll have to make our way there
over land.
COLBY
Okay. I'll lead the way.
BUFF
(unsure)
Uh... Okay.
CUT TO:
EXT. JUNGLE - MINUTES LATER
Buff and Colby struggle to escape from a deep pool of
quicksand.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY
Help me!
BUFF
Stop struggling! You're making it
worse!
COLBY
(panicked)
I don't want to die! Not like
this.
BUFF
I think I should be able to slither
out of here...
Buff attempts to slither toward solid ground.
BUFF (CONT'D)
It's working!
Buff sinks deeper and deeper into the muck.
COLBY
Buff, you're sinking!
BUFF
Damn. So, slithering isn't the
solution.
Buff spots a tree root nearby and reaches for it but it is
too far away. He has an idea. He reaches into the quicksand
with his left hand and after a moment pulls out his detached
bionic arm.
BUFF (CONT'D)
Now, if I can just...
He extends his bionic arm toward the root. When the hand
touches the root, it grips it tightly.
BUFF (CONT'D)
Quick, Colby, grab me around the
waist. Good and tight.
Colby grabs onto him beneath the quicksand.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
BUFF (CONT'D)
No, my waist. That's not my...
Okay, fine. Hold onto that.
Buff pulls both of them onto dry land. They flop onto the
ground, exhausted. Buff reattaches his arm.
BUFF (CONT'D)
Good thing I stopped slithering.
COLBY
We make a good team, huh?
Buff just looks at him.
CUT TO:
EXT. JUNGLE - SHORT TIME LATER
Buff pushes through dense growth as a ridiculously sweaty
Colby struggles to keep up.
COLBY
(panting)
You think we're almost there?
BUFF
We've only been walking for a few
minutes.
COLBY
Okay, sorry. I can do this.
They emerge at the foot of a twelve foot high electric fence.
COLBY (CONT'D)
Whoa. That's pretty high.
BUFF
I think I can jump it.
COLBY
Yeah, I think I can too.
BUFF
All right, look, Colby, maybe I
should just go on ahead. You can
circle around and we'll rendezvous
inside.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY
What are you talking about? We're
a team. I can do whatever you can
do. I'm staying with you.
BUFF
Fine.
Buff leaps over the fence.
Colby waves to him from the other side of the fence. He
bends at the knees, prepares to jump but discovers he is
ankle deep in another pool of quicksand.
COLBY
Oh, hell. Okay, you know what?
You go on ahead. I'm going to
circle around and we'll rendezvous
inside.
BUFF
Great. Good plan.
(beat)
Do you need help getting out of the-
-
COLBY
I got it.
Buff shakes his head and takes off at a jog.
CUT TO:
EXT. TARANTULA'S COMPOUND - MINUTES LATER
Buff slowly makes his way toward the buildings. Suddenly,
his leg disturbs a tripwire.
BUFF
Uh oh.
A few feet in front of him, a panel slides open and dozens of
tarantulas crawl out, heading towards him. Buff backs away
nervously. He stomps on a couple of the spiders that get
close to him.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF (CONT’D)
Tarantulas! I guess now we know
why they call him The Tarantula.
Suddenly, another panel opens and dozens of scorpions creep
out in his direction.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Scorpions. Kind of muddies my
tarantula theory.
As Buff backs away, a third panel opens and cobras slither
out.
The creatures have backed Buff into a corner. It looks like
he's in real trouble.
Gradually, the tarantulas, scorpions and cobras begin
attacking each other, forgetting all about Buff.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Poor little guys.
He gingerly steps around the seething mass of fighting
creatures and continues on his way.
EXT. TARANTULA'S COMPOUND - MOMENTS LATER
Buff spots two guard towers in the distance. He uses his new
bionic eye to zoom in on one.
Buff's POV: despite the annoyingly thick cross-hair, he
manages to zoom in on an armed GUARD in a jumpsuit. The
pocket of the jumpsuit is embroidered with a distinctive
tarantula logo.
Buff reacts. Why does that look familiar?
FLASHBACK TO:
INT. BUFF'S COMMAND MODULE -- A YEAR AGO
SFX: A LOUD BOOM
Buff's eyes open as the entire craft shudders. An alarm goes
off.
COLBY
Buff, what's happening? Can you
see anything?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
Buff looks out a porthole and sees a small satellite with a

TARANTULA EMBLEM spinning off into space. A stream of gas
vents from his module.
BACK TO:
THE PRESENT
Buff activates his earpiece.
BUFF
Oscar, are you there?
OSCAR (O.S.)
Yes, Buff. Where are you?
BUFF
I'm inside the Tarantula's
compound.
OSCAR (O.S.)
Good work. Any sign of Steve?
BUFF
Not yet. But the logo on the
guard's uniform. It's the same one
that was on the satellite that hit
my ship last year.
OSCAR (O.S.)
That means the Tarantula's reach is
even greater than we thought. You
need to find out what he's
planning, Buff.
BUFF
Roger. First I need to take out
this guard.
Buff quietly approaches the base of the guard tower. He
spots a small rock, picks it up and takes aim at the guard.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Time to say good night.
Buff hurls the rock with his bionic arm.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
The guard appears unhurt. Buff looks around to see where the
rock went, then notices his hand is still clutching it.
Buff tries throwing the rock again, but it remains stuck in
his clenched fist.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Oscar, I thought you said you
upgraded my arm.
OSCAR (O.S.)
We did, Buff.
BUFF
Well, I can't unclench my hand.
OSCAR (O.S.)
That's because we didn't upgrade
your hand.
BUFF
...I see.
CUT TO:
INT. GUARD TOWER - MOMENTS LATER
The guard looks out over the complex. Suddenly, Buff leaps
up through the entrance door in the floor. He springs at the
guard and pounds him on the head with the rock that is still
clenched in his fist. The guard goes down.
Buff pries the rock out of his hand and surveys the complex
below.
BUFF
Oscar, this place is enormous. I
don't know how I'll find Steve.
A walkie-talkie on the unconscious guard's belt crackles to
life.
GUARD 2 (OVER WALKIE)
I'm taking the prisoner to the
toilet. Will report in shortly.
BUFF
Toilet.
(lightbulb)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF (CONT'D)
Never mind, Oscar. I think I have
a lead.
Buff sniffs the air with his bionic nose.
Buff leaps from the tower down onto the roof of another
building. He hurries over to a ventilation duct, tears the
metal cover off and shimmies inside.
INT. TARANTULA'S COMPOUND - CONTINUOUS
A dimly lit hallway. Suddenly, Buff falls from the ceiling
and lands in a heap on the floor. He picks himself up and
sniffs the air again.
BUFF
He's close.
Sniffing as he goes, Buff turns a corner and sees another
Guard in a jumpsuit standing outside a bathroom. The Guard
spots him.
GUARD 2
Hey, you! You're not supposed to
be in here.
The Guard pulls out a billy club and swings at Buff, who
blocks it with his bionic arm. The club bends harmlessly
against Buff's arm.
GUARD 2 (CONT’D)
What the...?
The guard takes off down the hall toward a red button labeled
"Alarm."
BUFF
Not so fast.
Buff takes off after the guard.
In SLOW MOTION, we see Buff gradually catch up with the guard
and overtake him before he can get to the alarm button. Buff
punches the guard in the chest, causing him to fly into the
button, setting it off.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Oh, shoot.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
The guard falls to the ground, unconscious. Buff hurries

back to the bathroom.
INT. COMPOUND BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Buff bursts into the room to find STEVE AUSTIN flushing the
toilet.
STEVE
All right, all right, I'm finished!
BUFF
Steve Austin?
STEVE
Yes...
BUFF
The six million dollar man?
STEVE
That's right. Who are you?
BUFF
My name is Buff Taggart. I'm the
forty thousand dollar man. And I'm
here to rescue you.
As Steve reacts, we
CUT TO:
INT. TARANTULA'S COMPOUND - MINUTES LATER
Steve and Buff stealthily make their way down a hall and into
a large control room area. Buff contacts Oscar.
BUFF
Oscar, I've got Steve.
OSCAR (O.S.)
Is he okay?
BUFF
Yes.
OSCAR (O.S.)
Good. What happened to him?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
(to Steve)
What happened to you?
STEVE
I was closing in on the Tarantula
and was about to capture him when
everything went black. Next thing
I knew, I was in a holding cell and
I couldn't get my bionics to work
properly.
BUFF
Been there.
STEVE
We need to stop the Tarantula.
He's planning something big. I
just don't know what.
BUFF
All right. Colby should be around
here somewhere.
OSCAR (O.S.)
Colby? Major Colby Stafford?
What's he doing there?
BUFF
He told me he cleared it with you.
OSCAR (O.S.)
I knew nothing about this.
BUFF
Why would Colby come here without
authorization?
COLBY (O.S.)
Why indeed?
Steve and Buff turn to see Colby, now wearing a white lab
coat, standing beside some oversized 1970's computer banks.
STEVE
The Tarantula!
BUFF
What?!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
COLBY
That's right, old friend. Colby
Stafford is the Tarantula.
STEVE
I've got him.
Steve moves to grab hold of Colby but before he can, Colby
pulls a control box from his pocket, pulls out the antenna
and pushes a button. Steve immediately freezes and stands
stiffly immobile.
BUFF
What have you done to him?
COLBY
Oh, he's fine. I simply implanted
an RC chip in his bionic neural
core. With this device, I can
control Steve's every move.
Steve flails in Colby's direction with his left arm.
COLBY (CONT’D)
Well, not his every move. His left
arm isn't bionic.
BUFF
But why? Why would you do this?
COLBY
I needed Steve out of the way.
Just as I needed you out of the
way, Buff. Your bionics made you
two the only ones capable of
stopping my plan.
BUFF
What plan?
COLBY
My plan to destroy the moon.
BUFF
Wait, what?
COLBY
That's right. The moon. I'm going
to bring it down. And the best
part? You helped me do it.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3)
COLBY (CONT'D)
You, Armstrong, Aldrin, all of you
Apollo hotshots.
FLASHBACK TO:
GRAINY VIDEO FROM VARIOUS LUNAR MISSIONS
NEIL ARMSTRONG plants a flag on the moon.
COLBY (V.O.)
I ran those Apollo missions and I
saw to it that every one of those
flags you planted on the surface
contained a powerful nuclear
device.
The video of Armstrong zooms in and we see a small, blinking
light in the flagpole.
In another video, ALAN SHEPARD plants a flag.
COLBY (V.O.) (CONT’D)
I made sure the location of each
flag would align with the moon's
natural fault lines.
A final video: The image we saw earlier of Buff planting a
flag on the lunar surface. Zoom in to see another blinking
light on the pole.
COLBY (CONT’D)
And now that I have you both here,
you will be witness to this great
moment. The moment when it'll be
one small step for man, one giant
boom for moonkind.
BUFF
You're insane, Colby.
COLBY
A little, maybe. But wouldn't you
be too if you'd spent your life
watching your pals go on to fame
and glory, while you sat there on
the ground, monitoring heart rates
and singing them to sleep? Didn't
it ever occur to you that I might
want to go to the moon just once?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Well, that wasn't really up to me--
COLBY
It was up to NASA! And they
rejected my application to join the
astronaut corps. Again and again
they told me I wasn't astronaut
material. Well, I'm going down in
history one way or another.
BUFF
How did you get the money to do all
this?
COLBY
My dad invented the yo-yo with the
light in it.
BUFF
Oh, nice.
(then)
And what do you think is going to
keep me from stopping your crazy
plan?
COLBY
That's easy. He is.
Colby pushes a button on his remote control and Steve
suddenly lurches towards Buff.
COLBY (CONT’D)
Goodbye, Buff.
Colby hands the controller to an ASSISTANT and crosses off to
the detonation room as Buff backs away from an advancing
Steve Austin.
BUFF
Easy, Steve, easy.
Steve takes a bionic swing at Buff. Buff dodges the blow.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Okay, I know that wasn't you.
Buff looks over at the Assistant with the controller and
lunges towards him.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
Before Buff can reach him, Steve tackles him and hurls him
against a wall, fifty feet away. Buff goes down hard.
BUFF (CONT’D)
Man, those are good bionics.
CUT TO:
INT. DETONATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Colby hurries in to the room where another Assistant, VINCE,
is waiting.
COLBY
Is everything ready, Vince?
VINCE
Yes, sir.
COLBY
Very well. Let's blow up that damn
rock.
He turns to a wall on which we see two keyholes set more than
arm's length apart.
COLBY (CONT’D)
Insert your key.
Colby takes a key from his pocket and inserts it into one
keyhole while Vince does the same at the other keyhole.
COLBY (CONT’D)
Now, on my mark, we turn our keys
simultaneously. Three, two, one...
Vince turns his key before Colby.
COLBY (CONT’D)
I didn't say "mark."
VINCE
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were
doing it on "one."
COLBY
No, on "mark." Let's try it
again...
BACK TO:

Buff gets up and spots a fire extinguisher on the wall. He
grabs it and throws it as hard as he can at Steve. Steve
swats it away effortlessly and starts to cross toward Buff.
BUFF
This is so unfair.
Buff looks up and notices a large electromagnet hanging from
a crane directly above where Steve is walking.
BACK TO:
Colby and Vince are as we left them.
COLBY
(frustrated)
Come on, Vince. I gave you three
Mississippis.
VINCE
I'm sorry. I thought you were
going to say "go" after the third
Mississippi.
COLBY
No, we were going to turn them on
the third "pi." Mississippi. How
do you expect us to blow up the
moon if we can't work as a team?
VINCE
Okay, how about if I do the
countdown?
COLBY
You've never done a countdown
before.
VINCE
I can do this.
COLBY
You better. This is huge day for
me, you know.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
VINCE
No, I totally get that. Now let's
just turn them on "one."
COLBY
All right.
VINCE
Three, two, one.
Colby and Vince simultaneously turn their keys. Nothing
happens.
VINCE (CONT’D)
Wait. Do I turn to the left or the
right?
Off Colby's frustration,
BACK TO:
Buff sprints toward the crane. Before the Assistant
controlling Steve can react, Buff activates the
electromagnet. Steve is hoisted into the air and held fast
by the magnet. Buff jumps out of the crane and walks toward
the Assistant, who shrieks and runs away.
BACK TO:
Colby now stands, arms outstretched, holding both keys. He
tries desperately to reach both keyholes at the same time.
Vince pouts nearby.
VINCE
(whiny)
I can do it, Tarantula.
COLBY
You've demonstrated that you can't.
So now you'll sit there and I will
do it.
Suddenly, the door flies off its hinges and Buff bursts in.
COLBY (CONT’D)
What?! How is this possible?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
Let's just say Steve Austin has a
magnetic personality.
COLBY
You used the magnet out there?
Buff nods.
COLBY (CONT’D)
(to Vince)
Didn't I tell you to put that away?
VINCE
(sheepish)
Sorry...
BUFF
Drop the keys, Colby. It's over.
Colby drops them.
COLBY
It doesn't have to end like this,
Buff. We can work it out. That's
what friends do.
BUFF
Sorry, Colby. Not this time.
(into earpiece)
Oscar, it's Buff. The Tarantula's
been caught. You can send in an
extraction team.
COLBY
(pathetically)
Oh, come on. Don't extract me. I
promise I won't blow up the moon.
OSCAR (O.S.)
(over earpiece)
That's great news! Is Steve all
right?
BUFF
He'll be fine.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. OSCAR GOLDMAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Oscar stands with Bonnie.
OSCAR
Good work, Buff. You've got a very
grateful government waiting for you
here.
BONNIE
Not to mention a girl who loves
you.
BACK TO:
BUFF
(into earpiece)
I love you, too.
COLBY
I love you, Buff.
BUFF
Stop it.
Colby grabs Buff's sleeve imploringly.
COLBY
(singing)
Just yesterday morning they let me
know you were gone--
BUFF
Stop that!
COLBY
(tearing up as he sings)
Susanne the plans they made put an
end to you--
BUFF
(into earpiece)
Oscar, how long till that
extraction?
Colby, now lying on the floor, clutches Buff's legs.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
COLBY
(singing)
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen
rain... Come on, Buff. You know
the words. I've seen sunny days
that I thought would never end...
Vince has been watching all this.

VINCE
This internship sucks.
Off Buff's disgusted look, we
CUT TO:
EXT. BONNIE'S MALIBU BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT
CHYRON: ONE WEEK LATER
A full, intact moon hovers over the Pacific. We pan down to
find Buff and Bonnie canoodling in a hot tub on the deck.
BONNIE
So, when do they want you to go
back into space?
BUFF
Oh, NASA's got some crazy plan for
a kind of "space shuttle." Lands
like an airplane. They want me to
captain the first mission. I told
them I had to clear it with the
wife first.
BONNIE
The wife?
Buff reaches into the water and pulls out a dripping ring
box. He opens it and shows her a diamond ring.
BUFF
Will you marry me, Lady Soldier?
BONNIE
Oh, Buff! Of course I will!
He puts the ring on her finger. She admires it for a beat,
then a shadow crosses her face.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
BUFF
What is it, babe?
BONNIE
It's nothing. I was just thinking
about what Oscar told me about
your... your-- we'll work around
it.
BUFF
Oh, right. About that. Turns out
Oscar had just enough money left in
the budget for one last upgrade.
MUSIC CUE: "Rubberband Man" by The Spinners
He takes Bonnie in his arms and kisses her passionately, as
we tilt back up to the moon.
SFX: Bionic sound effects
BONNIE (O.S.)
Ohh, Buff!
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END

$40,000 MAN - John Daily & Jonathan Goldstein 101PG

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$40,000 MAN - John Daily & Jonathan Goldstein 101PG

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"THE FORTY THOUSAND DOLLAR MAN"

EXT. KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA - DAY

A Saturn V rocket stands on the launchpad as numerous NASA

CHYRON: KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, 1973

INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The room is bustling with activity as crew-cut, skinny tie-

ANGLE ON an EKG monitor which is flatlining.

We see the interior of an empty cockpit appear on the screen

EXT. OCEAN - CONTINUOUS

MUSIC CUE: "Rubberband Man" by The Spinners

COLONEL BUFF TAGGART, 30's, the most famous living American

As the wave catches him, he mounts his board and rides it in

EXT. BEACH - MOMENTS LATER

BONNIE SWANSON, late-20's, suns herself on a towel. She is

Buff stands dripping over her. He tosses a pearl onto a

As the light changes and Buff zooms off, he tosses something

Buff greets various WORKERS as he goes.

SFX: A LOUD BOOM

The Techs resume clapping uncomfortably.

WILLIAM SHATNER (V.O.)

WILLIAM SHATNER (V.O.) (CONT’D)

On screen we see a clip of Bonnie in "Lady Soldier." She

EXT. ROAD - MOMENTS LATER

INT. SURGERY - CONTINUOUS

Bonnie gently pulls Oscar aside.

EXT. RUNNING TRACK - ONE HOUR LATER

We see a squat, nefarious looking man in a flashy white suit.

Another BOUNCER notices Buff.

He winds up and slams the door off its hinges. He bursts

Buff backs away and hurries up the stairs.

INT. "LADY SOLDIER" SOUNDSTAGE - MINUTES LATER

INT. JAIL CELL - LATER

INT. COLBY'S CAR - SHORT TIME LATER

As the girl prepares to upchuck on the floor, we

INT. BUFF'S BATHROOM - MINUTES LATER

Then they both begin madly SCREAMING and firing their

INT. OSCAR GOLDMAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Buff looks out a porthole and sees a small satellite with a

The guard falls to the ground, unconscious. Buff hurries

INT. TARANTULA'S COMPOUND - CONTINUOUS

INT. OSCAR GOLDMAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Vince has been watching all this.

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