Wink from Heaven: January 2010

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Volleyball boy

In the Winter we don't take Caleb away from home very often. We really try to not to expose him to sicknesses that Winter brings. However, when the #5 BYU volleyball team was playing #3 Stanford , we just couldn't help ourselves. We just really wanted to go as a whole family. We were able to sit right behind the team so his stroller would fit, and we had a great time! I loved being ALL together. I loved not having the tug in my heart to hurry home. And I loved watching Caleb's brother hold his hand when it got a little loud.
BYU basketball plays against UTAH this weekend. I think we just might have to try this again one more time...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Outside and inside smiles

I remember a conversation I had with a dear friend while I was expecting Caleb. We were discussing his physical challenges, and we were talking about how we hoped he would be "able to smile back." I thought I could be brave about almost anything, but I worried it might break my heart if he couldn't smile back at me.

Caleb can't always smile back.
But when he does, his smiles are glimpses into heaven. They rarely happen on demand. They are usually too fleeting for me to catch on film, but they often appear in those moments when I need reassurance the very most.

I think about that conversation often. "I hope he can smile back..." And now that I have a child who can't always smile back, I've learned that smiling is something that comes from inside. Caleb's smiles are felt more than seen.
Even when I can't always see them on the outside,
I can feel them from the inside.
And that's just as special.

Dear Caleb,
I'm so thankful for your sweet smiles-The outside ones and the inside ones. They are both a miracle to me. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of heaven. Love,
Mom

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The blessing of an ear infection

Having a little boy like Caleb often means there are no easy answers. There have been many times when we've taken him to the doctor because we know that he's hurting, but even they have not been able to figure out the cause. It can be challenging when there are so few answers.
A week or so before Christmas we could see that Caleb wasn't feeling well. We took him to the doctor and found out he had an ear infection. I was so relieved- not that he had an infection, but because there was an answer!
This infection has been a stubborn one. We've returned to the doctor 3 times, and we're now on our 3rd antibiotic. However, I'm so thankful that we know why he isn't feeling well and that we have the rescources to combat it. Having an answer is truly a blessing!
Dear Caleb,
Thank you for teaching me about hidden blessings.
I love you so very much.
Love
Mom

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Hearts knit together

Would you be able to resist those cheeks?
Me either.

Vision

Caleb has been a bit under the weather for the past several weeks. The last time his vision teacher came, he wasn't even feeling well enough to open his eyes. This time he decided to sneak a peek, and we even got him to smile!

Peek!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Spirit

Tonight my four boys and I were snuggling together in my bed. We were watching the movie "Spirit." Matthew wrapped himself all around Caleb and whispered, "I would just die with out you Caleb... because, you know... you're my brother."

tender.

Then and now

5 years ago I would often find Caleb's preschool age brothers quietly keeping watch over their baby brother.

Today I caught a glimpse of them saying good bye before they went to school.

I don't think much has changed in 5 years.

Brother bonds are like that.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Birthday boy

Last year we returned home from a two week hospital stay just in time to celebrate Caleb's birthday! Two of my dear friends even braved a snowstorm to make sure that we got home in time celebrate!
This year we enjoyed celebrating at home, all together, with people we love!
It was a cozy day at home with family. Just the way that Caleb likes it!
The boys loved giving him lots of hugs and helping him with his presents! Mitchell has been asking for the movie "Snow White" and was so excited that Caleb was willing to share it with him!
We are thankful beyond words for the miracle of 5 years...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweet boy

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Happy Birthday Caleb!

My sweet Caleb is five years old today! My mom writes a special story for each of her grandchildren on their birthdays. You can read Caleb's birthday story here.

Heaven sent...
We were blessed with a little boy who always winked!
Caleb's brain did not form, and doctors didn't expect him to live for more than a few weeks. After 8 days in the NICU doctors sent us home saying there was nothing more they could do. Among his various physical challenges, Caleb was missing one of his eyes. Even though he was never be able to say "I love you" with words, he told us every day with his "wink!" His little wink was a daily message of love from heaven.

Caleb’s spirit radiated pure love. He brought the love of God and light of Christ into the lives of all who knew him. Caleb’s life was a precious gift and a tender miracle. His winking eye was a daily reminder of Caleb’s deep love for all of us. Caleb could have quickly returned to heaven but instead he brought heaven to us for seven years.

Caleb was a precious gift to our family, and now it is our priveledge to live in such a way that we will be reunited with him forever.

Prayer for Caleb

(written by Caleb's Grandma in her weekly column -2008-)

In my family we have a secret code to communicate our love for each other when we are out in public. We wink. When one of us is about to perform or speak, we look for a family member’s face in the crowd. Then we wink at each other. Closing one eye and winking is our secret code for saying, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

About three years ago, my grandson Caleb was born into our family. He must have known before birth that he would never be able to speak to us because he was born with one eyelid permanently closed. So, he is always “winking” at us, always communicating, “I love you. You can do it. You’re wonderful.”

Caleb has one eye lid permanently closed because he is missing one of his eyes . . . and he is also missing his brain. All the doctors said he would die soon after birth. They were wrong. Caleb is three years old. He is a medical miracle. The doctors say he can’t see, hear, speak, think or move. Those who know and love Caleb understand he has his own unique way of experiencing the world and communicating his love to those around him.

After Caleb was born the hospice people told us to buy a burial plot and continually warned us of his imminent death. We soon learned you can not live well in a state of fear and sadness. We decided we could spend Caleb’s entire life anxious and scared he might die at any moment, or we could celebrate each day we were blessed to have him with us. In the beginning, my daughter April celebrated Caleb’s birthday every week instead of every year with balloons and cupcakes because we simply did not know how long we would have him with us. We stopped the cupcakes after we gained ten pounds, but the celebrating goes on.

We all prayed for a miracle when we first learned about Caleb’s condition. We got one. Caleb’s birth, life and mission have had a deep and lasting impact on our lives. His spirit, eternal identity and most of all the loving, individual relationship he has with each of us is truly a miracle. Because of Caleb we know that each of us has a divine purpose and that the physical body is a sacred gift we should never take for granted. We better understand the worth of a soul and the resiliency of the human spirit.

Caleb’s five year old brother Matthew said, “Grandma. The doctors said Caleb was going to die, but he didn’t. That’s the first miracle I ever saw!”

Sometimes Caleb’s baby brother Mitchell pulls out his feeding tube while they hold hands riding together in their double stroller. Sometimes the only intervention that can get Caleb’s heart rate up is when his older brothers Josh and Matty crawl in his crib, hug him and sing, “I am a Child of God.” ...If you have a moment please offer a prayer for the little boy who has never been able to utter a single word and yet has taught everyone who knows and loves him – all the secrets of a rich and meaningful life.