I Am But A Smol And Simple Bean.

Real

Once knew a guy from LARP who told a story about when he had first gotten his hands on chainmail and was getting used to wearing it and maintaining mobility and balance with the weight of it (it was heavy stuff). So he started wearing it under his clothes when he was out running errands and stuff to practice for when he had to wear it in mock combat.

Then one night he was coming home late and got mugged by a dude with a knife.

Apparently the look on the dude's face was amazing when he went in to gut the guy for his wallet and found out he was wearing medieval armor under his hoodie.

So, you know. Pretty good argument for wearing it under streetclothes!

so maybe my type isn't totally unrealistic

My fucking cat has figured out how to gently dig his claws into my eyelid and pull my eyes open while I'm sleeping. He does this. It does not hurt. He is remarkably precise and gentle. I however am asleep when it happens and do not appreciate being clockwork oranged by a needy clingy goddamn animal who thinks he needs attention.

I would like to clarify that this animal self feeds and is not being denied breakfast by my sleeping in. He doesn't do this to anyone else. Everyone else simply gets increasingly invasive headbutts and even thats a fairly rare occurence. This fucking cat needs to cuddle with me specifically, And he is decided that the best way to do it is to gently shove his claws underneath my eyelashes and pull. There is no way I can train him out of this because believe it or not shoving your fingers in somebody's eyes to wake them up has the desired reaction.

We have come to a compromise. One that neatly illustrates the reason I'm not wearing an eyemask.

If I have a hair tie on my wrist, my darling sweet baby boy, love of my life and apple of my eye, can gingerly dig his teeth underneath and grab it in his mouth and then back up. and pull. And Snap the hell out of me with the elastic. Again, he is very gentle and precise, there are never teeth touching my skin. This is not a fluke, he managed this several times in various circumstances and positions.

This is worse than a toddler. We are approaching diabolical machinations hitherto undreamt of by domestic felines.

Behold, Prince Shithead himself.

I do what I want

You do not control me!

Can we talk about how much freaking effort it took for that diver to get into all of that gear just to take that stupid picture in the hot tub? You’re all fucking losers and I love you

for the last fucking time, tiktok getting banned is BAD. this is a huge free speech concern. it's rooted in sinophobia. and it will set a really bad precedent that allows the government to ban any platform that doesn't let them control the media narrative

the leftism bare minimum of fucking democracy leaving peoples bodies when a platform they don't personally like is on the chopping block

this made me cry so now i need everyone to see it

My new mission in life is to impart this wisdom to as many people as possible

IT'S ALSO USEFUL IF YOU HAVE TMJ DISORDER

in both cases: always start on the lowest setting and wrapped in something soft!! if it hurts, stop!!

But, re: sinuses: look up a diagram of where they are, and when a spot feels particularly good or is particularly congested, hold it there longer. Definitely keep tissues handy for when it drains. Also it can help if your sinuses hurt like fuck but aren't actually congested (which happened when I had covid), but the effect doesn't last long.

Re: TMJ disorder: You can just push it against the joint, obviously; if your vibe has a small contact point you can REALLY dig in there (but again: stop if it hurts). But don't forget the whole area around the joint, around your ears, and up your scalp. There's a lot of muscles that tighten when your jaw is tight/stiff/in pain. Be especially careful when on a spot that's just skin over a bone without a lot of padding.

vibrators can also help if you have restless legs syndrome! Especially ones with fancy pulse patterns. When my RLS is severe I tuck them behind my knees or wherever & can finally lie still & sleep. You might need to wrap them in fabric to avoid skin irritation ymmv. There was even a paper published somewhere called "counter stimulatory devices for RLS" that was hilariously vague about saying the word "vibrator"

Once again adding also useful if you have dystonia or any kind of muscle spasticity. I have cervical dystonia (neck spasms) and dystonia in my left leg that's essentially like persistent Charley horse cramps from my neuromuscular issues and bought a Hitachi expressly for this purpose lol

A vibrator has been recommended to me to unblock clogged milk ducts for anyone that may apply to

I learned about the sinus thing and immediately bought a vibrator for that purpose. And yes, it DOES help with sinus headaches. 

I use mine to cum as well

You should probably wash it before you use it for your sinuses then

"don't speak ill of the dead" don't be a piece of shit before you die.

once again, dont speak ill of the dead is for your uncle who had an alcohol problem, not the politician who upheld the oppression of millions of people 

I love seeing a meme and being like oh, tumblrs going to love this one

Peer reviewed tags.

Reblog today and you, too, can maliciously comply with facts of science.

just learned about farming simulator

I mean, I already knew about it, but I just learned about it

Did you know that the target audience for Farming Simulator is actual real-world farmers? Because I didn’t. I just assumed that farmers probably don’t want to go home from a day of farming to do some (presumably highly inaccurate) virtual farming?

Like, imagine if the target audience for Power Washing Simulator was actual professional power washers.

Farming Sim gets sponsored by companies and shit to put ads in their games. But since the game is for farmers, all of the ads target farmers. Advertising products that, realistically, only farmers would be interested in. Aka John Deere tractors and shit.

There’s a fucking farming sim esports league. Where do they play? Agriculture conventions. not gaming conventions. agriculture conventions.

post cancelled this is way funnier

My buddy who is a farmer has the type of planter that drives itself across the field using GPS at a steady speed, and he just needs to turn it around at the end of each row. He added a little folding desk to his chair and plays farming simulator on it while he plants.

okay playing farming simulator while farming is crazy

I love characters that are completely harmless until they finally unleash their power and then they’re TERRIFYING

or, even better: totally harmless but occasionally the other characters catch glimpses of what’s underneath and you just know

Or, even better: A character that used to have the reputation of being terrifyingly powerful but nowadays is seen as totally harmless and no one believes that they could have ever been that terrifyingly powerful until they show what they are truly capable of.

And they’re in a throuple

based on this post

good night o7 DSGHSDJ

@catboybeebop

There's a post sitting in my flagged posts that's been there for three plus years. It's a pair of onions in a bag that looks suspiciously like a pair of fat tits. Apparently it's flagged for everyone and God i wish i could show y'all

Lord if this works

Powerpuff Girls was actually a show about a group of small children crushing the patriarchy and no one will convince me otherwise

Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise obviously wasn’t watching the same show.

reasons why i love this show so much 

I love that the most tiny feminine delicate sweetheart of the three does the traditionaly masculine chores. Kinda makes me wanna see a teen Bubbles change a tire in a pretty dress and hair bow.

honestly i think my fav part of this gifset is the fact that those last two are probably supposed to be Their Chores but only Bubbles is doing them like that is peak sibling energy, flawless execution

Didn’t PPG have a villain that was specifically meant to mock feminists as man haters that use feminism to harm others?

They did and if you watch the whole episode you see the PPG get tricked into letting the villain committ crime out of female solidarity.

Then several women step in to talk to the PPG about how the villain is using feminism as a scapegoat to get away with toxic and criminal behavior. And how what the villain is doing isnt actually feminist at all.

Like that episode was very good about addressing toxic behaivor from people who are supposedly woke or whatever.

An episode a lot of Tumblr should watch given the rampant radfem and terf ideology that gets spread on here.

in conclusion

stan powerpuff girls for clear skin

Additionally: look at Bubble’s smile and pure joy when her sisters bring up her role. That’s not a child who’s getting shunted with the sibling chores, that’s a child who decided one Sunday morning “I’m going to wash the car, it sounds fun!” and no one has stopped her since. 

this show is a gem <3