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Astolat Retrovirus Superspreader Event

@aurpiment / aurpiment.tumblr.com

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evilwizard

me: so what job experience do you guys bring to the team

guard one: well, we have a lot of experience with breakdancing—

guard two: no we absolutely do not. but we did guard these two doors for a bit

guard one: i killed jfk

guard two: he didn’t

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My conduct this year landed me on Santa Claus's fabled and controversial "Kill-at-all-Costs" List. Turns out the reason the big man and his people don't exercise that option more often is that they really aren't good at following through on it. Well outside their core competency. He's delegated to the elves, and they've got this ingrained assembly-line mindset that doesn't translate at all to the adaptable and fluid mindset needed for siege breaking. They just haven't adjusted their playbook at all from when they're doing rote deliveries. Armed Elves have been rappelling down my chimney one at a time into the roaring fire I've kept going nonstop for the last week. They haven't even thought to try my front door yet. Whole house smells like peppermint, which it turns out is what burnt elf meat smells like. Thought I was being super clever putting cyanide-laced almond milk out with the cookies as a last line of defense, but none of them have made it even the scant few feet to the side table where that's sitting. At the rate things are going the real danger is that I'm gonna forget what I did with that and accidentally drink it myself while I'm watching the show

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saucefunk

conclave is an amusing instance where you see the extremely well-made video edits backed by rupaul and charli xcx songs and think ‘surely this is giving me a warped impression of what this film is about’ and then you watch it and realise it really is like that

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