Showing posts with label scary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scary. Show all posts

09 July 2021

Friday Funny

We checked into our room at the tiny little hotel halfway between home and daughter/grands, then slowly climbed the stairs of the facility undergoing massive reconstruction. The teensy lodge in a teensy little village was the only opening we could find on the holiday weekend. It had been a long day; we left town after a full day of me working at home and a hard day for Lizard with recent medication changes that literally are disastrous. The three-hour-turned six-hour drive was so difficult for Lizard to tolerate, I'd had to stop frequently to enable him to attempt to walk off his restless legs.

I was just about to put our bag on the bed when Lizard announced we needed to leave the hotel right away. There was blood on the floor.

I had not touched anything in the room yet, and I quickly about-faced to inspect what Lizard had found. Sure enough, it looked as if someone had recently had a nosebleed. I looked around on the floor a bit more before agreeing to his offer to just sleep in the car when I noticed more "blood." This time, behind the room entrance door.

I could not imagine how in the world anyone would have been able to get blood on the floor right behind the door like that without getting it all over the entrance. As I opened the door to lead us back out into the hallway, I noticed the door had been freshly painted. Red.

We did stay the night, and our evening wasn't anything we could label a sequel to The Shining. But it's an experience we won't forget, and don't want to. It makes far too good a story not to share!

31 October 2020

The Scariest Halloween

The toilet didn't just seem to be alive. It was crawling with microscopic monsters just waiting to suck the life out of any healthy bum that made contact.

The downstairs toilet was equally as bad. Both were filled to the brim with poo, the vengeance of an adopted child abandoned by her birth mother 14 years earlier, forsaken by her runaway adopted brother who'd found his way out of this hell hole, and tormented endlessly by her adoptive mother who just couldn't tolerate the tiniest of terrors.

She thought if she intentionally blew the adoption, she could wind up in a foster home with a cell phone of her own and a car she could hotwire in the middle of the night to sneak off to a bar while the foster parents slept. Mom's car was a stick, and she couldn't get the darned thing to move once she rolled it out of the driveway and into the street. Heaven only knows how many times she tried!

Never in her wildest dreams did she expect her adoptive mom to keep trying. Love! The ugliest word on the planet!

She had tried to frighten her mom by standing over her as she slept, kitchen knife in hand, ready to plunge it into Mom's throat. She had tried cutting Mom's hair while she slept and burning it in a candle near the bed. She had tried to pretend she'd committed suicide by hanging from the wardrobe bar in the closet, a belt noose around her neck.

Mom had been ordered to remove anything that could be used as a weapon from the home. No silverware, no appliances with cords, no scissors, no yarn... The house was now disgustingly sterile.

This woman still would not give up! What was wrong with her?!?

Well, she'd just show her! Used tampons were stuffed between the bed and the wall. Used condoms were strewn beneath the bed. Holes were fist-punched into all the walls and then filled with little baggies of dried green leaves, if not roach clips and half-toked joints, too, before being recovered with Megadeth, Iron Maiden and Slipknot posters. Oh, and the finishing touch!!! Lots of little white pills in every nook and cranny. Most were TicTacs, but Mom would never know. And the toilets. She could just picture the horror on Mom's face!

And with that, she snuck out her bedroom window, into the night, screeching with the most evil laugh she could shriek. Several hours later, a blue and white Crown Victoria with lights flashing and siren blaring returned her home, putting a temporary end to her stolen cigarette and bootleg booze rampage.

It truly was Mom's worst Halloween. Until 2020, that is...

The kids are grown and have kids of their own now. They try hard to make up for the trauma they caused their mom so many years ago. Love occasionally blossoms beautifully. Mom made Halloween snowflakes, masks and costumes for the grands. Everything was going as well as could be expected with all the nightmares of 2020.

The toilet backed up into the tub on Halloween's Eve. Bringing back memories of those Halloween toilets literally in another century. Mom's been bailing poopy water all morning.

And she thought bailing snow melt from the window well was bad!!!

29 October 2020

Halloween Spring Cleaning

I've been trying to clean out one thing a week for the last month or so when I can. There are closets and drawers my fingers haven't touched in years. There are boxes that haven't been opened since my adopted kids took permanent unauthorized field trips in 2002 and 2003. (They ran away. There are some spooky memories packed in with all those skeletons...)

There have been some real treasures in there! As well as a few scary finds...

I found and put up our Halloween decorations. We hadn't decorated for any holiday since... gosh, I can't even remember the last time.

I have a Christmas village I'd sort of forgotten about. I'm not sure I will use it next month, but something needs to be done with it. It might find a spot on the local marketplace.

There also are some Christmas crafts from the turn of the century that need to be finished and either sold or gifted.

And then there are memories. Oh, boy, are there memories!!!

I believe this was my son's calculator in sixth grade, but I'm not sure. It still worked when I first pulled it out of the box. I shouldn't have dusted it. The dust particles must have been its super power. It won't even turn on now, even after solar charging. I can't remember when I last saw a pocket calculator that wasn't a phone app.

I remember the days of calling up a web page on my old Mac Classic and then doing a load of laundry while waiting for the page to load. I couldn't believe I still had the key to that level of internet!!!

Not sure whose bike this came from, but I'm sure the bike probably has gone to wherever old banana seat bicycles go two decades after they've been declared old fogey.

Back in my newshound days, I used to be the denim queen. So I couldn't resist buying anything made of denim or at least that looked like denim. I can't believe one of these survived. I'm saving it!

Neon green was another thing I was known for. I remember buying this at the Space Needle in Seattle, and I remember it dangling from my jeans pocket for years and years and years. I didn't know I had saved it when I became a little more professional in my attire.

This was to repair a camera bag I don't even own anymore. None of my current cameras, except for the phone, would have fit in that old bag. This has got to be circa 1988 or or older.

Back in the 90s, if I found a bumper sticker I liked, I'd buy two. Because I knew the bumper sticker would outlast whatever car I was driving. The twin for this baby is still on my 22-year-old 4Runner.

I loved swirly pencils as a kid. When I found a handful of them at a gift shop somewhere when my kids were young, I had to buy the whole stash so my kids would get to enjoy the same swirly creativity I craved when I was their age. This is the only one that survived. And it wouldn't have survived if I hadn't stashed it away and forgotten about it!

All that other stuff was fun. But this... I guess you might say this is the jackpot. I still remember the valentine's day back in high school when one of my classmates presented this to me. We got to spend an afternoon together again back in about 1998, and he couldn't believe I still had it. He couldn't believe it still had chocolate inside. I didn't open one then. Good thing.

It STILL has candy in it!  Well, not now, but, it did until yesterday.

you'd think it might be yummy, but...

I didn't remember hiding change beneath the candy. I wonder if my kids made deposits if they found this and borrowed some of the sweetness...

08 November 2013

Friday Funny

MY bananas!!! All mine!

Actually, this would have been funnier on Halloween, but even then, I'm not sure I would be laughing if it had happened to me!!!

Can I come inside and get warm???

25 October 2013

Friday Funny



ICK!

Just the other day, The Lizard was saying we need one of these.

I would carry this.

Cool!

Awesome.

Don't know if I'll actually make the dress, but I will buy the magazine!
(What a great Halloween costume!!!)

Egad

Oh, my!

Scroll down just a bit for Halloween costume inspiration...

Meat Cleaver Clutch

And to top off everything I've shared today, check out this link and see if it doesn't leave you feeling proud to be human and more in touch with your fellow mankind. (Thanks, Phil!)

15 March 2011

Commuting in Winter

iPhone sunrise
After my first-ever January 60-miles-in-a-day ride, I thought getting a 60-mile-day each month this year would be an awesome goal.

February rolled along, and my plan to ride to work at least once kept getting pushed back for one reason or another. By the last week of the month, I realized even a short February ride just wasn't going to happen. Maybe next year.

Nothing wrong with 11 months with 60-mile days, though, if I can attain that. Got another 60-miler Monday, and it may be my first-ever March winter work commute. I've logged many March miles in years gone by, but I don't know that I've done 60 miles in a day in March.

Monday's ride made me grateful I was not able to ride to work in February. I would have had darkness on both ends, and Olympian Allison Dunlap said it well: "Riding at night is a whole different beast." She said cyclists who compete in 24-hour events are, paraphrased, nuts. Riding at night is not for cyclists who are not nuts, in my opinion. I'm crazy about cycling, but I'm not nuts.

In total darkness, I ride with a powerful headlamp attached to my bike. I must ride much slower than usual, especially on curves and downhills. At night, the familiar is anything but. It doesn't matter how many times I've traveled the same path; it seems foreign when I ride it in total darkness. I have to wait for my headlamp to show me where I'm going on hairpins, and this time of year, there's still a lot of gravel on the roads. Gravel and rocks are treacherous beneath road bikes.

Team Leopard Trek cyclist Jens Voight in the movie "Chasing Legends" said, "All you've got for protection is a tiny little helmet, and your connection to the ground is two square centimeters of rubber touching the ground, and you're sitting on it. I just don't want to die there. I don't need to take any crazy chances."

(If you visit the Jens link, which you should because it's totally worth the visit, refresh often; you won't be able to stop laughing.)

While riding through wooded bike path, my headlamp combined with my own motion makes everything seem alive. Shadows in the trees move. When I see eyes in the headlight beams while driving at night, I have a vehicle wrapped around me. On a bike, there's nothing but air between me and whatever critter is staring at me, trying to figure out if I am a threat.

Monday morning's coyote quickly bounded away, thankfully. A few years ago, the eyes in the headlamp's beam belonged to a much shorter black animal, one with a prominent white stripe down his back... definitely the scariest critter I've ever encountered in the wild. Thankfully, he too decided to beat feet instead of confront me. I would have been no match! And I doubt my co-workers would have welcomed me with open arms if Stinky had reacted differently.

The duck resting a little too close to the bike path Monday morning, however, was understandably vocally angry with me for intruding, and the resulting ranting quack that shattered the predawn stillness nearly sent me airborne, so startled was I.

About an hour into my ride, I still couldn't see the horizon, and I noticed as if I'd just grown feet that my toes were cold. Next thing on my list: new neoprene booties!!! My ears, however, stayed toasty warm beneath my balaclava and the turquoise wool earwarmers custom made by The Knackful Knitter.

After the sun finally painted the sky red, then pink, the warming ball of fire washed the sky and landscape with a glorious gold. I didn't have my camera. I left it at home, thinking I might not have room in my pack for the Nikon AND four layers of clothing if daytime temperatures reached the nearly-60-degree forecast. I pulled out my trusty little refurb iPhone and snapped a couple of photos. They aren't as good as what my Nikon can do, but better than no photo at all. Stopping for a photo stretch also gave me a chance to move my heavily bundled but icy cold fingers and toes.

I pass nine coffee shops each way during my 30-mile ride. In the frigid darkness, I was so tempted to stop at every single Starbucks because I could hear peppermint hot chocolate calling my name. But they don't make it in sugarless. I successfully resisted temptation. Yes, they have hot herbal tea, and that would have done the trick, but Tazo apparently doesn't know my name and did not attempt to capture my attention.

I also was tempted to detour and portage my bike on the train after my toes got cold. I kept chanting, "60 miles. 60 miles. 60 miles." Once again, I resisted the urge.

After the sun came up, I was able to pedal faster, which heated my blood just enough and pumped it all the way to the tips of my toes and fingers. I made it in to work, where I enjoyed a free cup of sugarless hot chocolate. No peppermint, but the steamy beverage still hit the spot. After showering, I wished I could keep my feet in a bucket of hot water all morning long.

The ride home in the evening was more normal, but I wasn't able to pedal fast enough to elude darkness for the entire return trip. About eight miles from home, my headlamp alerted me it was almost out of juice. Oh, how I wished The Lizard would drive by and save me from the last three climbs.

About two miles into the warning light on the headlamp, The Lizard did indeed drive by and flirtatiously honk. Traffic was heavy, and he kept going, knowing deep inside I would not be happy if I didn't get my 60 miles. His rear view mirror didn't give him a good view of me desperately trying to flag him down.

"Come back!" I cried. "Come back!"

He couldn't hear me.

So on I pedaled.

I made it. The light didn't go out until after I parked my bike in my living room. Got my 60 miles for March. Woohoo.

I might be waiting, however, until we have about 30 more minutes of daylight before trying this again. I'm sure I can come up with plenty of valid excuses for not not being nuts again until April.

25 October 2010

Skullflake Monday

Skullflake
Sometimes I study the clouds in search of shapes. And sometimes I see shapes within my snowflake designs.

SkullflakeThis skullflake was inspired by a highly unlikely flake I designed recently. The holes in the flake I was designing looked almost like a skull face. Because it is October, I decided that wasn't such a bad idea. I made this flake on 10.10.10, and writing the pattern was complete in the 10 o'clock hour. Bewitching!

Note to Self: Never design a pattern with black thread! Make a white one, an orange one or even a purple one first. After you finish tweaking, then you can make the spooky black one!

Jack 'o Lanterns full of gratitude to Allicats for helping me work the bugs out of this pattern. I wouldn't have been able to share it with you today without her patience and expertise in testing this pattern for me. And get this... she made her own beads for her skullflake!!!

You may do whatever you'd like with skullflakes you make from this pattern, but you may not sell the pattern. Thanks, and enjoy!

Skullflake
Finished Size: 5 inches from point to point
Materials: Size 10 crochet thread, size 8 crochet hook, 12 clear red 6 mm beads (or whatever size and color desired) empty pizza box, wax paper or plastic wrap, cellophane tape, glue, water, small container for glue/water mixture, paintbrush, stick pins that won't be used later for sewing, clear thread or fishing line

Skullflake Instructions

String 12 beads onto thread. (I use glue to stiffen tip of thread, let it dry, and then thread beads with "glue needle." I also tend to string more beads than needed, just in case.) I've also included instructions for a beadless version. Skip this step if you are using beads.

Starting at inside of flake, at jaw of skulls, ch 48. Being careful not to twist ch, sl st into 1st ch. Ch 1.

Round 1: 1 sc in same ch, 2 sc in next ch, 1 sc in next ch, [yo and draw up loop in next ch, yo and pull through 2 loops, repeat 4 more times, yo and pull through all loops on hook] (5 dc cluster made), *1 sc in next ch, 2 sc in next ch, 1 sc in next ch, 5 dc cluster over next 5 ch; repeat from * around 4 more times for a total of 6 jawbones; sl st in starting sc.

Round 2: Making teeth, ch 1 (does not count as sc), sc in same st, ch 1, sl st in 2nd sc of 2 sc increase below, *ch 1, 1 sc in next sc, ch 1; working into top center of 5 dc cluster (as shown in photo below), 1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc; ch 1, 1 sc in next sc (to minimize "Katherine Wheel hole", pull loop up through cluster below sc instead of just through sc as shown below, but hole also may be camouflaged during pinning and stiffening), ch 1, sl st in 2nd sc of 2 sc increase below; repeat from * around 4 more times; ch 1, 1 sc in next sc, ch 1; working into top center of 5 dc cluster, 1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc; ch 1, sl st into starting sc.

working into top center of 5 dc cluster
pull up loop through top center of 5 dc cluster
Katherine Wheel hole stitched over
Katherine Wheel hole
pinned Katherine Wheel hole

Round 3: Round 3: *Ch 3, [2 sc in next ch 1 space] between next sc and dc (top of tooth); repeat [ ] 3 more times; repeat from * 5 more times; sl st into 1st ch of starting ch 3. (total of 8 sc across the top of each skull with chain 3 in between each skull)

Round 4: Forming nostrils, ch 6 (counts as 1 dc and ch 3), *sk ch 3 and next sc, 1 dc in each of next 3 sc, ch 2, 1 dc in next sc, ch 2 (nostrils formed), 1 dc in each of next 3 sc, ch 3; repeat from * around 4 more times; sk ch 3 and next sc, 1 dc in each of next 3 sc, ch 2, 1 dc next sc, ch 2, 1 dc in each of next 2 sc; sl st in 3rd ch of starting ch 6.

Round 5: *Ch 2, 2 sc in next dc, 1 sc in each of next 2 dc, 3 sc in next ch 2 sp, 3 sc in next ch 2 sp, 1 sc in each of next 2 dc, 2 sc in next dc; repeat from * around 5 more times; sl st in starting ch.
If you're not reading this pattern on Snowcatcher, you're not reading the designer's blog. Please go here to see the original.

skullflake

Round 6: Making eyes, ch 3 (counts as 1 dc), *sk ch sp below and next sc, 1 dc in each of next 4sc, slip bead up to needle, 1 dc in next sc, making sure bead stays at front of work facing you (I place each bead at final yo, prior to final draw through 2 loops of st), 1 dc in each of next 3 sc, slip bead up to needle, 1 dc in next sc, making sure bead stays at front of work, 1 dc in each of next 4 sc; repeat from * around 5 times, finishing with decrease 1 dc (yo, pull up loop through 4th sc, yo, pull through 2 loops, yo, pull up loop through 5th sc, yo, pull through 2 loops, yo, pull through remaining loops) across final 2 sc instead of 1 dc in each of next 4 sc on final repeat; sl st in 3rd ch of starting ch 3. (Total of 13 dc across each skull.)

(NOTE: Notice how placing the eyeballs in different stitches than what I've instructed here changes the personality. Close together and close to the nostrils makes the skull look mean or angry, while placing them further apart and/or higher on the skull – such as next row – makes the skull look goofy or happy.)

Beadless Version

Round 6: Making eyes, ch 3 (counts as *1 dc), sk ch sp below and next sc, 1 dc in each of next 3sc, ch 2, sk 2 sc, 1 dc in each of next 3 sc, ch 2, sk 2 sc, 1 dc in each of next 3 sc; repeat from * around 5 times, finishing with 1 dc in final 2 sc instead of 1 dc in each of next 3 sc on final repeat; sl st in 3rd ch of starting ch 3. (Total of 3 dc, 2 ch, 3 dc, 2 ch and 3 dc across each skull.)

beadless skullflake

Round 7: Sl st in next dc, ch 1,1 sc in each of next 2 dc, 1 hdc in each of next 2 st, 1 dc in each of next 2 st, 2 tr in next st, 1 dc in each of next 2 st, 1 hdc in each of next 2 st, 1 sc in each of next 2 st, ch 1, sl st in same st; repeat from * around 5 times; 1 sc in each of next 2 st, 1 hdc in each of next 2 st, 1 dc in each of next 2 st, 2 tr in next st, 1 dc in each of next 2 st, 1 hdc in each of next 2 st, 1 sc in each of next 2 st, ch 1; sl st in starting sc.

Round 8: Forming tops of skulls, *ch 1, 1 hdc in each of next 2 st, 1 dc in each of next 3 st, 2 tr in each of next 2 st, 1 dc in each of next 3 st, 1 hdc in each of next 2 st, 1 sc in each of next 2 st, ch 1, sl st across next 3 st - sc, sl st and sc; repeat from * around 5 times, ending with sl st in final sc of 6th skull instead of sl st in each of next 3 st of final repeat; bind off. Weave in ends.

This flake is tight and dense enough that it does not need to be stiffened, but it hangs better if stiff. You also may make it with yarn instead of thread (worsted weight, size H hook), but it comes out HUGE, and you need much larger beads.

Finish: Tape wax paper or plastic wrap to top of empty pizza box. Pin skullflake to box on top of wax paper or plastic wrap.

Mix a few drops of water with a teaspoon of glue in small washable container. Paint skullflake with glue mixture, taking care not to drench beads with glue. (Gently clean beads with cotton swab if necessary.) Wash paintbrush and container thoroughly. Allow skullflake to dry at least 24 hours. Remove pins. Gently peel skullflake from wax paper or plastic wrap. Attach 10-inch clear thread to one skull, weaving in end. Wrap fishing line around tree branch (or tape to ceiling or any overhead surface) and watch skullflake twirl freely whenever you walk by! Skullflake also may be taped to window or tied to doorknob or cabinet handle.


skullflake
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