N.E.R.

F
By: Jason Pauli Unamedvideosinc

Scene 1
Open with Akiva looking up the stairs to make sure Toby is still in the bathroom. Akiva: Kyle, pick up the pace! Hes gonna be out any second! Look over packet of bathroom video game. watches to find Kyle coming out of the closet with a small laxative and pours it into Tobys coke then as the door opens they run back to the couch and play the Toby comes down, sits down, drinks from his coke and them play. Akiva and Kyle do a little fist pound.

Cut to later when Toby is walking down the strip mall area off Orchard Lake Road. He walks happily till the lax NOTICEABLY kicks in. he sprints into the first store he can, then after a few seconds he runs back out and runs past the camera screaming. Toby: They dont have a bathroom! They dont have bathroom. Show Logo and other stuff like opening credits.

Scene 2: The Rabid Squirrels

(Open on an establishing shot of the Rabid Squirrel's home. The camera then cuts to following behind David while he says things like, youre gonna wana catch this. He barges into Zekes room who is reading either Twilight or Magic Treehouse. He instantly throws it to the side and picks up a weight. David: (Fake smiley and nice) Hey Zeke buddy. Zeke: Oh hi David (nervous). Whats up? David: Oh not too much, not too much. What are you up to?

Zeke: Oh you know, getting jacked. You know. David: Oh yeah? Getting jacked huh? Well it must be hard to do right? Especially when youre (Pulls out Hersey Bar with the name Zeke on it) eating garbage! Zeke You werent supposed to know! David: You know what this means dont you? Zeke: Oh god no please! (Cut to interview either on back porch or by the weights) David: Im David and we are the Rabid Squirrels. (Shot of the team exercising, doing bizarre stretches and weight lifting workouts) We are the clear winners of these games. No one works out like us. No one! (Cut to David sitting on Zekes back while he tries to do push ups) We eat right here, and when we dont, we burn off those calories with pain, suffering, and more pain and suffering. (Cut to Zeke dragging himself across the back yard and as he crosses we see David grabbing onto his legs being dragged) Luke is sort of a ninja. As a matter of fact, the only non ninja thing about him is the fact that hes Jewish. (Show Luke doing ninja things followed by him eating hummus or wearing a yamika)We keep a rigorous training schedule. From seven to eight we do our sun salutation so we can ensure that Jesus is on our side. Then from eight to ten is furious cardio and calisthenics. From ten to ten thirty we study some of the battle styles of some of nerfs greatest champions as well as assembling and disassembling our guns. Then from ten thirty to elven thirty we lift weights. Noon to one we eat at the local deli schmere. From there we do target practice and work on our in battle technique till two. I didnt finish high school, so my math might be off slightly. (Graphic: 7 hours not counting lunch) We will win these games. We are the most dedicated, strong, intelligent, generally attractive, and attractive group. We will use the blood of our enemies in a soup i make composed of their blood, corned beef, and lemon zest. Its really really tasty.

Scene 3: The Umbrella Porcupines

Open on a shot of Sebastians (Ians) house. Sebastian is on the computer on Tumblr, Steven is playing one the guitar and Ferguson is scrolling through his camera. Cut to Interview with Sebastian in Ians room or one of the back rooms. Sebastian: We are the Umbrella Porcupines. As for the name, its from this really underground indie film that played in Ann Arbor. Youve probably never heard of it. Only like ten people have. (Shots of them walking to Burger King, taking pictures on the way there, taking pictures of the food) We heard the prize was fifty dollars or something per player so we al just kind of joined. Steve: (Interview Style as well) Im Steve, co captain of the Umbrella Porcupines. Did Sebastian already mention the name? Okay good. Im fairly confident well end up wining. Our work with cameras has taught us all about how to be quick with out shooting and know how to hide. You know because being caught while trying to take a picture of two making out for artistic purposes and not to get back and my evil ex girlfriend. Because if you get caught then you have to deal with cops and.... yeah... we should win. Ive gotten better. (Interview with Ferguson) Ferguson: Das va da chi ka (Clicks and whistles. Pan to See Sebastian sitting next to him) Sebastian: We speaks Juansachikihilii. Its cool, only like, three tribes speak it. Steve: (Separate Interview. Stares at Camera) What type of lens is that? (reaches into Camera)

Scene 4: The Eggs

Shot of Bobs house. The Eggs are all in the kitchen. Bob is reading the paper, Rob is making toast, and Ted is also reading the paper. The shot should be long and oh so very uneventful. Interview with Bob Bob: Hello, my name is Bob, how ya doing eh? Uh, we are the Eggs. We call ourselves because (chuckling a little) were always sunny side up (laughs a bit to himself). Sorry, thats my favorite joke. its a real doosey dont cha know. Anyways were here from the great land of Canada and we hope that we can do our nation justice. Well i dont have too much to say, you know, dont want to hog all of the camera time (laughs a bit) so im gonna turn it over to Rob. Thank you both for taking the time to interview me. (Stands up as he says that) (Interview with Rob) Rob: Oh hi. Nice to meet ya. I dont think i can say anything about us better then Bob Bob: (Offscreen) Oh stop it you Rob: No you stop it you silly goose. Well anyways were not really in it to win it (<--- as awkward as he could possibly say), were just here to have a good time with some nice people. (Looks offscreen)Oh did you get that pumpkin pie for me? Ted: (Offscreen. Rob stands) Oh maybe. Rob: (leaving) Oh you knows that that goes straight to my thighs dont ya know. (exits)

Scene 5: The Black Ops

Open on Akiva and Kyle playing video games. Turn camera to find Toby, at the bottom of the stairs, furious. Akiva and Kyle are unshaken Toby: You guys are my least favorite people!

Akiva: And how was your day darling? Tony: I was in the Subway bathroom for an hour! Do you know what thats like? All the rats were staring at me and my blubber. Kyle: Sweetie Im sure the rats were just checking you out. Look at yourself, youre beautiful. Interview With all three of them Akiva: We are the Black Ops, in honor of my newest game, Black Ops. Kyle: Well that and we didnt think of any other names. Shots each of them Akiva: Well im Akiva Kyle: Im Kyle, and poo poo pants over there is Toby Toby: You guys suck. i feel violated. Akiva: We entered this contest because we love nerf war, theyre a lot of fun and Black Ops 2 is roughly fifty bucks and we need the money to buy it becasue my duct tape shoes (shows shows) are not selling as well as i thought they would, but yeah i need to money for the game. Kyle: The games gonna suck too. Akiva: Yeah it probably will Kyle: As far as training goes weve been playing a lot of Black Ops and other first person shooters, you know, gaining tactics and what not. Akiva:

In terms of phsycial training....eh... minimum to none. And umm yeah, Toby, anything let to say? Toby: (Pause) i hope you die first

Scene 6: The Letter

Show David and Luke sitting on the couch, Luke should be sitting in a way that signifies him as a ninja. Zeke runs down the stairs with a handful of papers. Zeke: Sir, sir, ive got the papers David: Good boy Zeke, good.... what is this crap? Zeke: Paper sir. David: Oh its paper alright, theres no denying that, but tell me, what do you think is wrong with it? Zeke: Uhh, uhh David: Look at it man. Thats printer paper. id print maybe a document on it or something. Are we printing a document Zeke? Zeke: Well if were be... David: No, no were not. Were sending an invitation. Do you want to come off as tense and cold. Zeke: Uh, uh David: No! Clearly not! We want to seem nice and personalble. Zeke: But were not. David:

Well they dont have to know that. Get me some classy paper right now. Zeke: Yes sir (starts to leave) David: Im sorry, what are you doing? Zeke: What? Daivd: Lunges, Zeke, lunges. Zeke: *Sigh* Graphic: One hour later Zeke re-enters, exhausted and with new paper. Zeke: I got it, puts paper on table then falls over and dies. David: Oh yeah, this is classy. This is nice. Were gonna have fun with this. Go get the scented markers. Cut to Eggs House See the Eggs House from outside Rob: Hey Bob Cut into Kitchen. Bob and Ted are playing scrabble when Rob enters the room with the Bob: Whats up eh? Ted and i were just enjoying a round of Scrabble. Ted: I think i might have you beat. Bob: Oh youd like to think that. But really, what cha got there eh? Rob: Its a message but im not sure what its aboot. Bob: (Gets up and takes letter) Dear members of

Cut to each team as they are mentioned. The Eggs are sitting at the table except for Bob who is standing. The Black Ops are playing video games, and the Umbrella Porcupines are reading it while the other two are either standing there or taking pictures Sebastian: The Umbrella Porcupines Bob: The Eggs Akiva: The Black Ops. We so graciously Sebastian: Invite you to join us.. Bob: For a lovely Akiva: Fun Sebastian: Defiantly not an effort to remove you from the game Bob: At Drake Park Sebastian: This Friday Akiva: At five oclock Sebastian: Love Bob: not the Rabid Squirrels (Puts letter down) Well its looks like were going to a picnic boys. Ted: Well what could go wrong? Rob: Ill make the dip Ferguson:

Gug pi hag sa (clicks and whistles) Sebastian: Im not sure Steve: You know the trees with the lighting from mid day could provide some really nice shots. Sebastian: Thats true, thats veyr true. I must imagine that all the four people who follow me un tumblr must be clamoring for new pictures. Steve: ill get my fish eye lens Ferguson: Ya dong chow zang! Kyle: (All of them staring in awe) This is a classy invitation Toby: Seriously, look at that paper Akiva: This is phenomenal Toby: Should we..... should we go? Akiva: ...I dont see any way around it. just.... just look at this. They spent time on this Kyle: Isnt this... you know... most likely a trap or something? Akiva: I mean yeah, but.... just look at it. Toby: Can... can i wear a suit.

Scene 7: The Picnic

The Umbrella Porcupines are driving to the picnic. Sebastian is either driving or in the passenger seat while a parent is driving. THere should be some weird hipster music playing. Sebastian: So yeah, were going to the picnic thing. Im not sure what to expect but this should be a good time i guess. Weve got our cameras and our off brand nerf guns. They fire a little high but we didnt want to be just another team with the same kind of guns. I think well have a good time. Right guys? Ferguson: Ting jua dog mop. Steve: Hahahahahahaha! Oh my god! Thats... thats... thats just golden. (looks to camera) you guys got that right? (Camera nods) Good, good, ive uhh, ive gotta watch that later. (The Eggs Car) No one is saying anything, they all just have really big smiles on their faces. Ted: Hey Bob did you remember the artichokes? Bob: Oh look Rob, this one thinks i forgot the artichokes. (Rabid Squirrels at the park) David is pointing in different directions then he notices the camera and they all quickly disperse and hide. The camera turns around to find the eggs car pulling up. The Umbrella Porcupines enter from one of the baseball diamonds. The Eggs enter from the sidewalk closer to the kids areas. The Black Ops enter on the sidewalk nearest the skatepark, they are all dressed up. They all enter the picnic table area (Green Tables) at the same time and stare at each other. Start on the shot on the Umbrella Porcupines snapping pictures, then pan to see the Eggs smiling, then pan to the Black Ops who are shocked, confused, and scarred. Cut scene of Akiva Akiva: In hignsight, not our best move.

Cut back to the park. The camera snaps over to the bathroom where Zeke and Luke emerge with sparklers and engage in a terrible, choreographed, dance routine. David then emerges as a king at the time that will be set when the routine is choreographed. They make their way over to the picnic tables and stand on a table away from them as they strike their final pose (Luke and Zeke on opposite sides of the table, one foot on the seat , one on the ground, sparklers high in the sky, and David in some kind of huge pose. David: (Not breaking pose) Ladies and ge..... Gentlemen and other gentlemen. Welcome, to the end of this game. To be fair to you all, i will give you a 30 second head start which started... 30 seconds ago Toby: (Counting his fingers) Crap! War erupts. David pulls out a gun from his pants and shoots Ferguson in the chest. he falls over and dies. Bullets fly from the guns of Zeke and Luke (luke should do a flip) Bob: Okay boys, Game time! (they all cheer and walk away) The Black Ops and Rabid Squirrels run in opposite direction. Then look at Ferguson who is lying dead, Steve runs over and takes some pictures then runs away. We then go to the Black Ops who have their guns out and are hiding on the other side of the structure with the Vending Machines. Kyle: Whats first Akiva? Akiva: This situation, is bleak, call me Master Chief. Toby: Hey i wana be master Chief! Kyle: That implies that youre in charge. Akiva: We dont have time to bicker Kyle: Fine, Master Chief Toby what do we do first?

Toby: Well there;s a Rite Aide or CVS that i saw on the way here. They should sell Gummy Bears. Kyle: (Pause then back to Akiva) Master Chief Akiva what do we do first? Akiva: Well playing it safe and running out through the baseball diamonds seeing as we came here with no formal plan. yet again this is a Nerf war and that guy from the Rabid Squirrels is running through an open field. (Pan to Zeke running to the playground) So, yeah. LETS GET HIM! Team cheers and runs after him. On their run there we have a stationary shot of the Eggs upper halves (Chest up) just standing and watching the people with a big smile on his face. Their eyes follow the competitors and their smiles never go away. Zeke runs by, followed shortly by the Black Ops, one of them shoots Ted who falls over and dies. Shortly after that the Umbrella Porcupines run by and shoot Rob, who also dies. David and Luke run by, one of them offscreen fires a shot and misses. Bob bends over and picks it up. Bob: Hey you missed there pal. David: (Offscreen) Thats fine. ill kill you later Bob: (Waving)Looking forward to it eh! The Fight at the playground. Zeke runs by the camera, the Black Ops stop, fire a few shots, see they missed, then pursue. David and Luke get there, see the fighting then charge in. Sebastian and Steve are on top of the main structure fighting. David and Luke chase Kyle and Toby until they take cover behind the smaller structure. Mid Battle Zeke shoves Akiva to the ground. Zeke: Well, well, well, if it isnt our own little Akiva Finkleburg. Akiva: (Quietly) People werent supposed to know about my last name. Zeke: This is truely, a momentous occasion, isnt it? The team captain on his last legs. Cute isnt it?

Akiva: You know this is a game right? Zeke: To think someone like you could come out of the slums and the woodworks and rise to the top of a team like this. How does it feel to be just given this emmense power just from being born?! Akiva: Your story lacks continuity. Zeke: And to think, just moments ago it was you atop me, death staring me in the face. Oh my how the tables have turned. Akiva: Okay now youre just flat out lying. Zeke: So does our fallen hero have any final words? Akiva: Just one sarcastic comment. As your doctor i must to you some chill pills, take one after every meal. Zeke: Ahh, you always were quite the comedian when we were young werent you? Akiva: Oh for the love of god. Zeke: Goodnight old friend. Just before he is shot Kyle shoots Zeke in the back and helps him up. Kyle: You alright bud? Akiva: Yes considering the fact that this is a game! Jesus you guys. Kyle: Come on, were almost of amo. We wont last much longer. Toby runs over and the lot of them dash for the parking lot. Luke is frantically re-loading his gun. David comes over to him.

David: Luke, Zeke is down, were getting out of here. Luke nods and the two run away. We see the teams getting in their cars and leaving. David is upset in his car. David: (long pause) Son of a... (Shot to the trees. Tilt down to see Sebastian and the team taking pictures int he woods. Sebastian: The lighting is just breath taking. Ferguson: Das cach van bing Steve: (Long Pause) Well said.

Scene 8: CVS
One shot, across the road from CVS. Zoom in on Toby walking out with a Twinkie, David walks up from the side by the Pizza Hut. Pays Toby no attention but shoots him and enters the store. toby drops his twinkie then he falls to his knees and starts crying and saying things like OH GOD WHY???

Scene 9: Plans
Whenever someone is speaking it is implied that the camera will be on them. Show both David and Luke sitting in the basement and all 3 of the Black Ops at the table playing black Jack. Toby and Zeke enter each scene. Kyle has a sandwich Toby: Guys Zeke: Guys Long Pause for each. There should be fast camera cuts on each of their faces which includes those who are still in the game. The screen goes black then we see Zeke running down the street, being pursued by David in a car.

Zeke: Im sorry! Back to Black Ops. One stable shot where those sitting are string at Toby. Kyle: Hahahaha! Fatty! (Throws sandwich at him. Toby doesnt react) Fatty! Cut to the Umbrella Porcupines house. they are all scrolling through the pictures from the park. Sebastian: Not a fan of that one. Steve: Nah Sebastian: That one either Setev: Yeah Sebastian: (Stops on one) Oh, oh, oh. Thats a keeper, thats a keeper. Ive gotta go on Canary, coo about this to all of my followers. Cut to Bob on his porch reading the news paper and taking a sip from his coffee. Bob: (Long pause) Haha, oh Garfield. Cut over to the Black Ops on their porch, chilling. Toby is inside getting food. Kyle: And its on the water right? Akiva: Twenty yards out, yeah. Interview Akiva Akiva: Apparently my family bought a little up in Frezno Michigan. Its about half the size of my house i guess. Its got one of those water trampolines, you know the ones that are like anchored down to the lake bed so they dont drift away and stuff. Oh what else

did they get? We have a boat, and uhh, a dock, and .... theres a Burger King thats... within walking distance... sort of.... point being were heading up there for a month this friday so i kind of need these games to be over by then. (Show him making the cards with Toby and Kyle). So i figured ill do what those other guys did, you know. Ill send out letters and just wrap up this thing at my old church tomorrow night. Id just throw in the towel now but.. i mean.. Burger King is kind of expensive, so fifty bucks... thats like, seven trips to Burger King. (Back to his interview) God i hope there are some cute girls up there because if not...... i might, kill, my family. Cut to David on the porch where David is doing some sort of weird yoga pose on the back porch in shorts that are far too short. Luke enters. David: What is it ninja Luke? (luke hands him the letter) Another letter? This one is classy, but no where near as classy as ours. (reads it) A final brawl eh? That sounds fantastic! A last hazah to finish my war! Akiva Finklestine, your death shall be mine! (Shoots fist into the air like Freddie Mercury. Luke notices and does so as well)

Scene 10: The Final Battle

Graphic: The Next Day, 7pm Akiva and Kyle are walking up to the church. Akiva: OKay, so its thursday night, right about seven oclock and were on our way to our final battle. Kyle: Where are we meeting them all. Are they just going to ambush us? Akiva: I told them to meet up int he main hall before we fight. Hopefully this wont take long. I have to pack. Cut to all of the teams meeting in the main room. They all stare at each other for a bit. Steve: So I figured what we could do is we all.. (David shoots him int he chest) .... Not cool.

War errupts. Bullets fly for a moment. They all start firing and running. Luke and David run to the youth hallway. Sebastian hides behind the couches and the Black Ops head to the piano room. Kyle: Whats first man? Akiva: Well i dont think we have to worry about Sebastian. We should focus on David and Luke. (Kyle pulls out phone and looks at it) i think i saw th.... What are you doing? Kyle: (Points to screen) Look..Its a cat. (Both chuckle) Akiva: Thats funny. Okay come on, lets go. Sebastian runs up to a wall near by the youth hallway then stops to scroll through his camera. Sebastian: (Whispered) Options, filters, no, no, no, Perfect! AHHH! Chages down the hallway. David and Luke who are walking towards the doorway and shoot him without even a glance. David: Okay now that were down here we have a particular disadvantage. They have elevation on their side. We should consider a way to get up higher so we can beat them at the stairs. You agree? (Luke says nothing) Couldnt have said it better myself. Once they leave the hallway and enter the stair room we pan up to see Akiva and Kyle entering the room. They start firing as soon as they see each other. David hides behind the bottom stair and Luke climbs up to higher ground. He then shoots Kyle. Akiva: NO! Oh wait, ITS A GAME!(Luke tries to climb higher but Akiva shoots him) idiots. David: Luke! (to Akiva) You will pay for your actions! Akiva: Well go to Dairy Queen after this. Its not that big a deal! David fires several shots at Akvia before he retreats to the hallway in the back by the sanctuary. David hides by the coffee place. They both take a moment to breathe then something hits

them that makes them realize Lets end this. They both run out screaming as they charge each other. This part is entirely in slow motion. Akiva slides on the floor in style while David jumps into the air. They both firs off a shot. Davids shot misses AKiva but Akivas hits David in the chest. David falls over. (End Slow motion) Akiva slowly collects himself and stand up. Akiva: Its over. Its over. (Akiva then pauses a moment then falls over. Bob is standing behind him with the gun tilted sideways and a big smile on his face. Zoom in the he looks at his gun) Bob: Well what do ya know aboot that?

End Scene
Graphic: UnamedVideosInc Music: Cut to Akiva out on the dock at the lake cottage. The camera is at a long shot and quite the distance from him. We can clearly see him looking over to the side and his jaw drops. The camera pans over to two girls in either swim suit or shorts and then we pan back to him staring jaw dropped. The camera zooms in on his face. Then he looks at the camera and raises his eye brows. Credits Subscribe End