Weirdo by Zadie Smith & Nick Laird, illustrated by Magenta Fox

Scene 1: Introduction

There is a living room setting (image in the presentation projected). The narrator is sitting on
a chair (she is offstage but the children can see her). There is a big box in the middle of the
stage and there are some birthday decorations in the room.

Happy birthday song sang softly in the background (Bob, Derrick and Dora are singing the
song in a rock style. Bob feels really in the mood for singing and continues while the others
have finished singing in a crazy way - Everyone stares at him).

Kit is in behind a big present box.

Narrator: It was Kit’s birthday. Do you want to know the present she got for her birthday? [...]
Soon you will discover it…

The narrator opens the book.

Kit looks inside the box.

Kit: Oh wow!

Narrator: Her present was a soft, small, sleepy surprise.

The Surprise peeks out from the present box - without coming out from it (dressing in a judo
costume)

Kit: (thinking moving the finger and looking around.) She’s perfect! But why is she wearing
these strange clothes?

Kit: Why is she wearing that judo costume?

Kit looks around the Surprise.

Narrator: No-one knew. The surprise wasn’t telling.

Mom: (Voiceover - Alba) Come on Kit! Hurry up! We are going to school.

Kit: Okay mommy! I am coming!

Kit leaves the stage.

All the lights are turned off, change of scene but not the setting.

Scene 2: Kit leaves for school and the Surprise wakes up

Same stage setting. Bob, Derrick, Dora and the Surprise are on stage.

The Surprise wokes up and comes out from the present box.
Narrator: Wow look! What’s happening?

The animals of the house come closer to the box cautiously.

Surprise: (whispers shyly) Good morning...

Derrick: (moves its arms as if it was flying) Look, look what is it? Is it a bird? Do you think
she can fly like me?

The Surprise moves her arms and shows clearly that she can’t fly. The rest of the animals
shake their heads.

Dora: (meows) Is it a cat? Do you think she can meow like me?

The Surprise tries to meow with no success.

Bob: (barks) Is it a dog? Do you think she can bark like me?

The Surprise tries to bark with no success.

Derrik: She doesn’t fly, she doesn’t meow, she doesn’t bark… She doesn't do much...

Surprise: (whispers) Hello! Well.. I am good at doing judo.

Silence on the stage.

Narrator: (puts her arm on her ear) Did you hear that?

Dora: (sniggers) She just said she’s a weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark).

Bob: Are you a weirdo-do-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark)?

The surprise doesn’t know what to say.

Dora: Oh, she’s definitely a weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark). If you’re
not a cat or a dog or a bird, you’re a…

Dora, Derrick and Bob: (all together with the melody of Baby Shark). weirdo-do-do-do-do

Bob opens a big notebook where the timetable is written.

Bob: According to the timetable, it is now time to watch Animal World. Do you watch Animal
World? (pointing at the timetable and showing to the Surprise) It’s on the timetable.

The Surprise reads the timetable.

Surprise: Today is Thursday… in the morning… we have breakfast and at noon…

afternoon… evening… and night… we watch animal world.

Surprise: (whispers) Really? I don’t know this TV program. I only know the judo program.

The other animals simulate that they didn’t hear it properly.

Dora: (shouting) She said she has always been a weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of
Baby Shark).
Dora, Bob and Derrick leave the stage while singing “She’s a weirdo-do-do-do-do… Yes, she
is” (With the melody of Baby Shark).

The Surprise is left alone at the stage.

All the lights are turned off, change of scene.

Scene 3: The Surprise tries to fly

There is a window setting (image in the presentation projected). There is a chair next to the
window. The narrator is offstage in the same place as the other scenes. The Surprise is
alone on stage.

Narrator: The Surprise was left alone. She thought about ways to make herself more like
the others.

Surprise moves according to the other animals. (In the screen, pictures from the animals the
Surprise is imitating will be appearing).

Surprise: So, if I swim, am I a fish? [looking for the answer of the audience] No... And, if I
roar, am I a lion? [looking for the answer of the audience] No… And, if I twirl, am I a dolphin?
[looking for the answer of the audience] No… And, if I hide, am I a turtle? [looking for the
answer of the audience] No…And, if I stomp, am I an elephant? [looking for the answer of
the audience] No…And, if I hop, am I a kangaroo? [looking for the answer of the audience]
No..

The Surprise looks sad but suddenly has an idea, and comes closer to the window, climbs
onto the window and jumps!

Surprise: (background music) I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky!

Narrator: but when the Surprise was even closer to the window a gust of wind came…
(looks to the audience) Come on kids! Blow together with us. (Makes the children blow)

The surprise starts to move with the wind while the audience is blowing.

Surprise: (worried) Oh no! Oops!

The Surprise falls from the window.

All the lights are turned off, change of scene.

Scene 4: The Surprise meets Wacky

There is a park’s/picnic setting (image in the presentation projected). The narrator/wacky is

on stage preparing a picnic. The Surprise falls in front of her.

Wacky: Hello!

Surprise: Who is that?

Wacky: I’m Wacky. What’s your name?

Surprise: Everyone calls me Weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark).

Wacky: Oh, they call me Weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark) too.

(Jazz Chant between Wacky and the Surprise)

W: This is fantastic!
S: Why is it fantastic?
W: Life is too short!
S: But I want it long!

Wacky: And why do they think you are a weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby
Shark)?

Surprise: I think, because I don’t know the timetable.

Wacky: (laughing) Oh… well let me tell you a secret… (whispering) I never follow
timetables.

Wacky brings out a piece of cake with spaghetti on top and they sit down to eat it.

Wacky: Now what’s your real name?

Surprise: I don’t know. I’m Kit’s birthday present.

Wacky: Are you? Well, I had an Aunt who looked a bit like you. She was also a
Weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark). She loved to eat cakes with spaghetti
on top (shows the cake with the spaghetti on top).

Surprise: Wow! I’ve never tasted that.

The Surprise and Wacky played cards until the clock struck three.

Wacky: I wish you could stay all day but I think you have to leave. Your Kit will be getting
home soon.

Surprise: Yes… I think I have to leave… thank you Wacky! See you!

The Surprise leaves the setting.

All the lights are turned off, change of scene.

Scene 5: Ending

There is the living room’s setting again (image in the presentation projected). The narrator is
offstage in the same place as the other scenes. The Surprise arrives home and waits for Kit.

Kit enters the room.

Kit: (hugging her) Oh! I missed you!

And the Surprise thought...

Surprise: Oh that’s what I do. I get hugged.

Bob, Derrick and Dora enter the room.

Kit: Hello everyone!… Meet Winnie.

Bob: (murmured): Winnie, is it?

Dora: We were only a bit bad because we were worried you could be a weirdo-do-do-do-do
(With the melody of Baby Shark).

Surprise/Winnie: Oh, but I am a weirdo-do-do-do-do (With the melody of Baby Shark). But I
am also Winnie.

Derrick: Sorry about earlier. Can you teach us some judo?

Surprise/Winnie: Yes! For sure!

Winnie starts teaching them judo.

Narrator/Wacky: And from that day on, judo was also part of the timetable. And that’s how
all the pets in the house understood that being a weirdo wasn’t something bad, in fact, it was
something that made them special.

The narrator stands up and comes closer to the rest of the characters.

Narrator: I am a weirdo because I love to dress in colourful clothes.

Derrick: I am a weirdo because I hate getting up early.

Bob: I am a weirdo because I love singing and dancing.

Dora: I am a weirdo because I hate eating fish!

Kit: And I am a weirdo because I don’t like chocolate!

Surprise: And you, why are you a weirdo?

All the characters start singing and dancing in a crazy way “I am a weirdo-do-do-do-do,
you’re a weirdo-do-do-do-do… Yes I am // You are a weird-do-do-do-do… Yes, you are.. //
We are weirdos… Yes we are x2

All the characters leave the stage “with a conga” except from Bob who stays in the stage
singing and dancing alone. Dora runs into the stage again and remembers that the play has
finished. Bob ends the play with “I am a weirdo, weirdo… You are a WEIRDO!”.