Family Studies - Chapter Two

Family Studies - Chapter Two
to be completely immersed in the person youre talking to = romantic love

in this country we put a lot of emphasis on love and attraction and emotion
arrange marriages are 40% of the world's couples
romantic v conjugal
congual love or relaistuc love is the love between a marriage
sometimes love is conditional

depends on the person that is reciepricating
can also be called deficiency love
tends to come out of a place of insecrurity
vetting potential partners

to check out someone, ask questions, get to know them
maybe ask others, search online
sternberg identified 3 aspects of love that he felt was important

intimacy passion and commitment
just intamacy no passion or commitment (liking)
just passion no intamacy or commitment (infatuation)
just commitment no intamcy or passion (empty love)
consummate love (agape) - when having all three aspects
john lee "many colors of love"

different labels.
6 different flavors/colors
**ludic love** - self centere style of love, love is a game
avoiding commitment
seeing it as competitive
not romantic
**pragmatic** - practical style, familial love
a want love to grow out of friendship
aren't crazy about the romantic asoects
do not like expressive displays of emotion or jealousy
sexual compatibility is a skill to be developed
**eros love** - very romantic and passion, physical attraction
to have a type that turns you on
love at first sight
wants an intimate relationship immediately
**mania love** - obsessive emotional dependency
jealousy is a big part of it
big needs for affection and constant needs to be assured
most likely an insecurity
a neediness
**storge (store-gee) love** - friendship, compassionate
the love you have for pets, family members, maybe friends
not sexual intimacy but deep caring
affection and commitment with a partner through experiencing
**agape love** - selfless, all accompassing love
total all around commitment and greatest interest to a person
a type of love that "everyone should aspire to"
theories on love
evolutionary theory - people have evolved to the compacity to love one another. is
developed through giving love and forming deep bons with their children/their
young.
learning theory - love develops overtime through conditioning. being rewarded with
physical attention, smiling. is a learned behavior.
psychosexual theory - repressed sexual desire. freud. an unconcious need for sexual
interaction. a dynamic that ends up being played out during the relationship like
being with a partner that is similar to their mother or thei father
bichemical theory - the mechanism of the evolutionary theory that your body
releases neurotransmittors that reinforce love.
how do you know if you're truly in love or you're just excited?

chemical pieces are apart of it but it's truly up to the person and their
interpretation of the relationship
the five love languages:

each person has a primary way in which they express or which to be expressed to.
wors of affirmation
acts of service
recieving gifts
quality time
physical touch
most people like all the languages or use all the languages
there can be a primary one but that doesn't mean its their only love language
social control of love

-arranged marriages
-how families influence love decisions (and don't) ~ snide comments
-another look at valentines day ~ the idea that need someone to celebrate.
-workplace romance issues ~ can create power dynamics, what to do if it doesn't
work out
prerequistes for lasting love

perception of reciprocal liking - can be love languages connected
self acceptance - to love yourself before loving someone else
if theyre insecure about themselves, they can become jealous or have problems arise
you need to be able to take care of yourself so that you can better into the
relationship
self-disclosure - being honest and communitative
to share and create a space of vulnerabilities
to be able to trust someone
keeping love alive over time

1. think carefully in selecting your partner
2. not expecting your partener to fill all of your "expectations"
3. stuff happens. there may be events that change everything, try to be aaptable
4. keep yourself happy, take car eof yourself
5. support your partner interests
6. ensure emotional an physical engagement with one another
7. plan activities and have fun with one another
8. be responsible and keep your relationship on track
growing together/growing apart

growing apart - having fewer common interests over time
growing together - maintaining common interests over time
the decline of passion

when people lose the initial blush of a reltionship an that it becomes less..
exciting
having passion die down is not uncommon
passion can slow down once marriage
can be more sexual activity in the beginning of the relationship but it doesnt stay
love problems
-unrequited or unreciprocated love ~ very painful and hard to maintain. one-sided
is very
-parental disapproval and breaking family connections ~ can create tension and
influence decisions
-simultaneous loves ~ having to navigate through the people youre attracted to.
communicating and being honest helps very well
-absuive of stalking reltionships
-gaslighting ~ to be used against you, very unhealthy
-depression at the end of a relationship
coping with breakups

going over everything that "went wrong in the relationship" - obessive review
jealousy - when someone is jealous of someone's connection to another person
an envy of something that is competeing with the thing taking their partner's
relationship.
often comes from being insecure
jealousy can be driven by very deep-seeded insecurities.
+mistrust, low self esteem, lack of perceieved alternatives, insecurity
in general:
men are more jealous by sexual infidelity
woman are more jealous by emotional infidelity
polyamory?
compersion: approval of partners emotions and sexual involvement with another
person.
polyamory: emotional connection with multiple people, while its known and agreed
swinging: recreational sex but without emotional recreation.

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Family Studies - Chapter Two

to be completely immersed in the person youre talking to = romantic love

sometimes love is conditional

vetting potential partners

sternberg identified 3 aspects of love that he felt was important

consummate love (agape) - when having all three aspects

john lee "many colors of love"

how do you know if you're truly in love or you're just excited?

the five love languages:

social control of love

prerequistes for lasting love

keeping love alive over time

growing together/growing apart

the decline of passion

coping with breakups

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