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    Coping With A Relationship Break Up

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    dankandie2
    The document provides information on coping with a relationship breakup. It discusses common reactions such as sadness, anger, and fear of being alone. It then offers ways to cope, including accepting feelings, getting support, avoiding contact with the ex, and seeking counseling if needed.

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    Coping With A Relationship Break Up

    Uploaded by

    dankandie2
    4 views4 pages
    The document provides information on coping with a relationship breakup. It discusses common reactions such as sadness, anger, and fear of being alone. It then offers ways to cope, including accepting feelings, getting support, avoiding contact with the ex, and seeking counseling if needed.

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    Coping With a Relationship Break Up

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    The document provides information on coping with a relationship breakup. It discusses common reactions such as sadness, anger, and fear of being alone. It then offers ways to cope, including accepting feelings, getting support, avoiding contact with the ex, and seeking counseling if needed.

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    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    4 views4 pages

    Coping With A Relationship Break Up

    Uploaded by

    dankandie2
    The document provides information on coping with a relationship breakup. It discusses common reactions such as sadness, anger, and fear of being alone. It then offers ways to cope, including accepting feelings, getting support, avoiding contact with the ex, and seeking counseling if needed.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    of 4

    Professional Support and Development

    FACT SHEET

    COPING WITH A RELATIONSHIP BREAK-UP

    February 2013
    FACTSHEET: COPING WITH A RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP

    Introduction

    It’s never easy when a significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split—and
    whether you wanted it or not — the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world
    upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings.

    A relationship breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship,
    but also of shared dreams and commitments. When relationships fail, we experience
    profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

    A breakup launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and
    responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even
    your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your
    partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem
    worse than an unhappy relationship.

    Recovering from a breakup can be difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep
    reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with
    yourself. You can learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

    What are common reactions to a relationship break up?

    As the ending of a relationship is often a significant loss, grief reactions such as sadness,
    depression, insomnia, anxiety, concentration difficulties and a loss or gain of appetite are
    common.

    Other feelings and thoughts that may accompany a break up include -

    A sense of abandonment, rejection and loss of self-esteem.


    A feeling of relief that the relationship is over.
    A preoccupation with blaming, either oneself or the ex-partner. You may feel angry
    towards your ex-partner for causing so much pain or you may experience feelings of
    guilt and responsibility for hurting your ex-partner.
    A sense of personal failure that the relationship has ended. You may blame yourself
    for the problems in the relationship and continually replay past conflicts, saying to
    yourself, “If only I had done or said this differently”.
    Fear of the future without the ex-partner, in particular the fear that you will never love
    or be loved again.
    Feelings of loneliness can be quite acute and many people describe their experience
    as akin to living in a vacuum. This can be particularly distressing if you have lost
    friends whom you had previously met through your ex-partner.
    Feeling overwhelmed and frightened by the intensity of your feelings.
    Confusion surrounding the cause of the break up and a need to make sense of it all.
    Difficulty in letting go of the relationship and finding any opportunity to contact the ex-
    partner.
    Fluctuating feelings towards the ex-partner, ranging from relief that the relationship is
    over to intensely missing the person.
    Viewing the relationship in „black and white‟ terms. This can involve either a
    preoccupation with the good or the bad aspects of the relationship.
    Anxiety about finances and housing if previously shared with the ex-partner.
    Concern about parenting issues if children are involved.

    Ways to Cope after a Relationship Break up

    Accept painful feelings – their intensity will subside over time. Experiencing such
    overwhelming feelings does not mean that the relationship should not have ended. It
    is normal that you grieve for the “good things‟ in the relationship.
    Gain support from others. Surround yourself with non-judgemental family and friends
    with whom you can freely express your feelings.
    Try to understand the reasons for the relationship breakdown. If you have questions
    regarding the reasons for the break up or you feel that you need to directly
    communicate significant thoughts or feelings which are preventing you from moving
    forward, it may be helpful to arrange a meeting with your ex-partner. This is not
    however always possible or appropriate, particularly if the relationship was
    emotionally or physically abusive. An alternative can involve either communicating
    via email or writing a letter.
    Trying to make sense of a relationship breakdown can be confronting. This can be a
    time for self- evaluation which may be challenging. Understanding the causes of the
    relationship break up can prevent similar mistakes with a future relationship.
    Avoid regular contact with your ex-partner. This can just prolong the pain and delay
    the healing process. If you decide to recontact, first give yourself time for the painful
    feelings to subside.
    Reduce your expectations. Accept that you may not be able to function at your best
    but remind yourself that this will be temporary.
    Try to avoid beginning a new relationship while you are still grieving from the past
    relationship. Unresolved issues from the former relationship can adversely affect the
    new one. Making decisions about the suitability of a new partner can also be
    problematic at this time as you are likely to make your decision in terms of what was
    lacking in the past relationship rather than all the characteristics of the new
    relationship.

    Where can I get help from others?

    To access the PSD Confidential Counselling Service, please see the PSD webpages.
    Make an appointment to see your doctor

    What other resources are available?

    Relate – website www.relate.org.uk

    A very extensive and reliable source of practical and very helpful information.

    References

    Bruce Fisher & Robert Alberti (2005) Rebuilding: When your Relationship Ends: Impact Publishers.

    Suzie Hayman (2009), Moving on – Breaking Up without Breaking Down (Relate Guide)

    Sarah Litvinoff (2008), Starting again – How to learn from the past for a better future (Relate Guide)

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