Module 8 Emotional Intelligence

Module 8: Emotional Intelligence
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
More Than One Kind of Intelligence

You may have heard people mention "IQ" when talking about intellect and how smart someone is. (For
example, "My brother doesn't need to study as much as I do because he has a really high IQ.") IQ stands for
"intellectual quotient." It can help predict how well someone may do academically. IQ is just one measure of
our abilities, though.
There are many other kinds of intelligence in addition to intellect. For example, spatial intelligence is
the ability to think in 3D. Musical intelligence is the ability to recognize rhythm, cadence, and tone. Athletic,
artistic, and mechanical abilities are other types of intelligence.
One important type of intelligence is emotional intelligence.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage our emotions.
Emotional intelligence is sometimes called EQ (or EI) for short. Just as a high IQ can predict top test scores, a
high EQ can predict success in social and emotional situations. EQ helps us build strong relationships, make
good decisions, and deal with difficult situations.
One way to think about EQ is that it's part of being people-smart. Understanding and getting along with people
helps us be successful in almost any area of life. In fact, some studies show that EQ is more important than IQ
when it comes to doing well in school or being successful at work.
Improving Your EQ
Emotional intelligence is a combination of several different skills:
Being Aware of Your Emotions
Most people feel many different emotions throughout the day. Some feelings (like surprise) last just a few
seconds. Others may stay longer, creating a mood like happiness or sadness. Being able to notice and accurately
label these everyday feelings is the most basic of all the EQ skills. Being aware of emotions — simply noticing
them as we feel them — helps us manage our own emotions. It also helps us understand how other people feel.
But some people might go through the entire day without really noticing their emotions. Practice recognizing
emotions as you feel them. Label them in your mind (for example, by saying to yourself "I feel grateful," "I feel
frustrated," etc.). Make it a daily habit to be aware of your emotions.
Understanding How Others Feel and Why

People are naturally designed to try to understand others. Part of EQ is being able to imagine how other people
might feel in certain situations. It is also about understanding why they feel the way they do. Being able to
imagine what emotions a person is likely to be feeling (even when you don't actually know) is called empathy.
Empathy helps us care about others and build good friendships and relationships. It guides us on what to say and
how to behave around someone who is feeling strong emotions.
Managing Emotional Reactions

We all get angry. We all have disappointments. Often it's important to express how you feel. But managing your
reaction means knowing when, where, and how to express yourself. When you understand your emotions and
know how to manage them, you can use self-control to hold a reaction if now is not the right time or place to
express it. Someone who has good EQ knows it can damage relationships to react to emotions in a way that's
disrespectful, too intense, too impulsive, or harmful.
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Choosing Your Mood
Part of managing emotions is choosing our moods. Moods are emotional states that last a bit. We have the
power to decide what mood is right for a situation, and then to get into that mood. Choosing the right mood can
help someone get motivated, concentrate on a task, or try again instead of giving up. People with good EQ know
that moods aren't just things that happen to us. We can control them by knowing which mood is best for a
particular situation and how to get into that mood.
EQ: Under Construction
Emotional intelligence is something that develops as we get older. If it didn't, all adults would act like little kids,
expressing their emotions physically through stomping, crying, hitting, yelling, and losing control!
Some of the skills that make up emotional intelligence develop earlier. They may seem easier: For example,
recognizing emotions seems easy once we know what to pay attention to. But the EQ skill of managing
emotional reactions and choosing a mood might seem harder to master. That's because the part of the brain that's
responsible for self-management continues to mature beyond our teen years. But practice helps those brain
pathways develop.
We can all work to build even stronger emotional intelligence skills just by recognizing what we feel,
understanding how we got there, understanding how others feel and why, and putting our emotions into heartfelt
words when we need to.
Source: http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/eq.html
TYPES OF RESPONSES
Passive response: Behaving passively means not expressing your own needs and feelings, or expressing them
so weakly that they will not be addressed.
 If Geneva behaves passively, by standing in line and not saying anything, she will probably feel angry with
the girls and herself. If the ticket office runs out of tickets before she gets to the head of the line, she will be
furious and might blow up at the girls after it's too late to change the situation.
 A passive response is not usually in your best interest, because it allows other people to violate your rights.
Yet there are times when being passive is the most appropriate response. It is important to assess whether a
situation is dangerous and choose the response most likely to keep you safe.
Aggressive response: Behaving aggressively is asking for what you want or saying how you feel in a
threatening, sarcastic or humiliating way that may offend the other person(s).
 If Geneva calls the girls names or threatens them, she may feel strong for a moment, but there is no
guarantee she will get the girls to leave. More importantly, the girls and their friend may also respond
aggressively, through a verbal or physical attack on Geneva.
 An aggressive response is never in your best interest, because it almost always leads to increased conflict
Assertive response: Behaving assertively means asking for what you want or saying how you feel in an honest
and respectful way that does not infringe on another person's rights or put the individual down.
 If Geneva tells the girls they need to go to the end of the line because other people have been waiting, she
will not put the girls down, but merely state the facts of the situation. She can feel proud for standing up for
her rights. At the same time, she will probably be supported in her statement by other people in the line.
While there is a good chance the girls will feel embarrassed and move, there is also the chance that they will
ignore Geneva and her needs will not be met.
 An assertive response is almost always in your best interest, since it is your best chance of getting what you
want without offending the other person(s). At times, however, being assertive can be inappropriate. If
tempers are high, if people have been using alcohol or other drugs, if people have weapons or if you are in
an unsafe place, being assertive may not be the safest choice.
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Module 8: Emotional Intelligence

More Than One Kind of Intelligence

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Understanding How Others Feel and Why

Managing Emotional Reactions

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