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Prologue
A Ray of Sunshine

°°PROLOGUE°°
"Funeka, Johannesburg is a big city. It is filled with different
people with all kinds of attitudes, every single day you'll meet
people who lives a life that is far different from yours. The life
can be catchy, shinny that you'd also envy it but remember, you
are there on your own mission. To make your dreams come
true... "
Martha engulfs her only hope, her only daughter in a bone
crushing hug and allow her self to cry.
"I won't disappoint you mama, I promise you"
In between sorbs and sniffings Funeka utters.
"Respect Betty as you respect me"
A sudden hoot of a taxi disturps the emotional moment, it
breaks apart a mother and a daughter, it shortens the goodbye
hug, forcefully grabbing what should have been a longest
goodbye into a shortest one..
"don't forget to pray. I love you Fuze. My very own social
worker"
Funeka sat by the window on the second row of the taxi, diving
deep in her thoughts, wondering if she made the right choice
by leaving her mother behind her whole life, her friends and
the only place she called home.
If it was upto her she would stay but Martha insisted, she is a
mother who wants what's best for her child.
She's lived her whole life in Mtubatuba, kwaMsane.
Being the only child, she grew up making as many friends more
than anyone else, she did well in high school and moved to do
Bachelor of Social work in a local university, the University of
Zulu land.
Yes she has seen the bubbles of Varsity life, she has partied,
drank, failed some modules and lived a little but who's never
been scared of the unknown.
She closes her teary eyes and hope for the best, who knows
maybe Johannesburg might just be a ray of sunshine, a
beggining of something great.

Her dreams awaits her.

°°ONE °°

Bassonia, Johannesburg South.

The sun has set below the horizon.

"Traffic is a nightmare at this time of the day" Complaints Betty,
Martha younger sister
"I can tell," added Funeka, unsure of her response. She hasn't
seen Betty in a while. Even a simple conversation with her
seems like a whole mission.
"I'm not surprised though with countless people coming from
work"
Funeka flashes a smile and looks outside the window allowing
the strong manly fragrance looming inside the car to invade
her nostrils even more, shifting a bit on the comfortable seats.
She arrived around 4 O'clock here in Johannesburg, Betty came
to get her at the Taxi Rank.

"I wonder if Zamani is back from his business trip. If he is, you'll
get to meet him. I must warn you though, he is kind of scary
when quite but once he starts opening that hole below his cute,
pointy nose, he becomes a cute bear " she utters, a sparkle
flashes in her eyes accompanied with a blush, you can tell that
she is still very much in love.
Betty doesn't mind talking from sunrise till sunset. It's her
specialty and what drove her into Marketing, selling ideas to
clients and making them as reliable as she could.

It is already dark as they reach the luxurious double storey

house, in a quite yet beautiful neighbourhood, Bassonia.
The long black gate opens revealing an outstanding huge green
yard, a three tier fountain is inviting and a beautiful sight for
sore eyes as it stands at the centre.

As Funeka jumps off the cosmos black, GLA 200 Mercedes she
stands still looking like a new student in the middle of a class,
carrying her small hand bag. Betty jumps off as well and heads
to the boot

After taking out the suitcase she led her out of the Garage to
the front door. There is a door inside the Garage connected
with the kitchen but she prefers the front door...
Bettina lives here. She has been ever since she got married to
Zamani, they have one child together, Ntsikayomzi.
However Zamani does have older sons who aren't Betty's.

Martha and Betty are siblings that don't have a tight

relationship but they do have each other's backs when needed.
Hence she asked for help, to provide a place to stay for her
daughter until she finds a job

"Hey, Funeka is that you. My God you've grown"

Nsika jumps on Funeka with a tight hug almost sending her to
the ground. He is young than her but very taller
"Oh sis, I'm so glad you are finally here"
Again she smiles, blinking her big hazel eyes

"Let her breath already Nsika, you're choking the poor girl"
Betty intervens, sharing a soft laughter

The interior is to die for as they manoeuvre inside a magnificent

sitting room.
She feels propelled to shoes off

The wall decorated with family pictures and from them she can
tell that these people value family
"wait. Is that my photo?" She is in a graduation gown, while she
was still in primary school.
She remembers this day like it was just yesterday

Her mother had promised that her father would come but he
never did and she was sad an entire time

"Hey, are you okay" she quickly blinks tears and turns back
smiling.

"I'm fine, where is the bathroom? "

Ntsika takes her hand leading her to a left corridor passing two
bedrooms
He points the bathroom and she quickly rushes in and closes
the door behind her.
It never heals! Why can't it just heal?
She holds onto her mouth as she silently cries, tears falling
down her face. The little girl in her is still hurting, she still craves
her father's love.
All the primary pictures were removed from the wall at her
home because they were a trigger.
Her heart piercing sobs are becoming louder, Ntsika budges in
and just stands next to her, he wants to hug her but end up
brushing her shoulders.

..

°°FUNEKA°°

"I can't believe your father didn't come back as promised. I

really miss him" Ncane says, she really looks heartbroken. We
are seated in the dining room, I'm watching as they are
devouring on a mouth watering supper.
"a day without that grumpy man of yours is joyous to me
mama bear" he says
Thier talks go on and on.
Both of them are so talkative and loud.
I'm just a spare wheel looking out of place. I can't even eat,
been poking the food since it was put before me.

"Funeka, aren't you hungry baby?" Ncane questions, now they

are both staring at me with their big, clear eyes. Ncane is just so
humble and looks like a sweet woman. I wonder why they
aren't too close with her sister

" I'm just not feeling well. Might be the longest trip" I say
She smiles warmly, her caramel skin is just so fresh
complimenting her smile. She doesn't look like she's above
forty years.
"It's okay, you can eat your food in the morning then. Go to bed
and take a bath"
I'm about to stand up when deep voices suddenly erupts, then I
hear the door opening
"Bad timing as always, your children mama! They will rob us
one day and we will wake up in an empty house I tell you. "
Ntsika utters.
The moment they appear I just know that this family is just
strange.
The one with dreads is carrying a full laundry basket which I
assume has unwashed clothes with the way they are unfolded
and untidy.
The other one with a clean haircut is carrying about five dirty
Tupperwares, all lined up from his hands up to his chin holding
them still. He can't even stand properly

"struggles of being a mother. You cook for them even when

they don't live with you anymore and you bare their dirty
clothes and dirty dishes. Funeka baby, meet my twin boys
Mongezi and Mazisi" They are too good looking and identical,
light skinned but very tense and unapproachable
"Welcome home sis." They simultaneously say to me, weird.
"thank you"
"This is for you, I'll give you something nice tomorrow" the one
with dreads says, putting a laundry basket next to me, grinning
like a lunatic.
"And this is a welcome present sis! I love you dear sister" dishes
are being put on top of the basket.
What? I mean we are meeting for the first time, they can't be
doing this to me.

"No No! You are not doing this to my baby girl. Never! You will
take these back with you when you done eating"
Ncane says, with a straight face
"Come on Mah!" again, they simultaneously shout, their deep
voices too loud for my poor ears. No one seems to mind this,
except me.
"She is our little sister and little sisters take care of their older
brothers. Right Funei nei"
Okay, I already hate deadlocked men.
"Tskek wena rasta, where is Zabelo?"
Who is Zabelo?
"Don't know, don't care"
And just like that the diner table is even louder and full of
laughs.
What a warm welcome!
A rumbling stomach wakes me from a deep slumber. I'm
hungry, way too hungry and I can't sleep when I'm this empty.
I should have brought food in my bedroom, but that would be
strange because this house is squeaky neat. It doesn't look like
they allow such. It will create cockroaches, I think.
I'm so used to taking food in my bedroom and eating during the
night, this bad habit grew on me back in Varsity.

I should have forced food down my throat but I couldn't. My

father's subject always does that to me.
The outside lights are giving a full insight of the interior as I
manoeuvre my way to the kitchen.
Something catches my attention.
My heart skips as I come across a shadow in the middle of the
kitchen

I'm slowly reversing out when it start charging towards me

"Aaaaaaaahhh!" Out of my voice I scream, fear crippling me
straight in my legs.
My fighting instinct are always awaiting so I quickly grab
something near me and throw it as hard as I can.
A loud bang breaks
"Auch!"
A huskier voice exclaims in anger and pain. The shadow seems
to be losing balance, sashaying around. Now I can't move
Is this side not supposed to be the safest neighbourhood? First
day in Joburg I'm already fighting thieves.. .
I can't stay here, I can't.
"Oh God! What's going on here?"
The lights quickly comes on, my eyes lock with an an eifel
tower of human before me, a murderous stare is directed to
me making me shrink, I feel my inside turning.
"Oh Zabelo. You are here again, attacking my kitchen at night.
Jesus! Are you hurting? Funeka baby, did he scare you?"
His stern gaze remain on me, if I was a man I'd be picking up
my fallen teeths.
Should I go to him and apologise or just… . I quickly turn and
make a run for it..
°°Two°°

Funeka

I can not believe what conspired last night!

It's still hard to come to terms with.
I've texted in the whatsapp group with my beasties that I just
made the worst mistake
I hit someone with a vase, and it broke into pieces.
They are having a great morning, busy laughing at me. I wanted
them to make me feel better and not make a mockery out of
me
Heck I'm afraid to even go out of this room because what if I
see him

"Rise and Shine beautiful sister!"

I hear his voice before he budges in, no knocking!
Really?
"Hey, how was your first night in Joburg?" he asks, taking a seat
on my already made bed
Its after 7 and I've taken a bath.
"Eventful" he laughs as I sigh
"Wow, I can't believe you actually wounded my brother like
that"
Now I feel even more awful
"is it that bad?" He sees my worried face and stop laughing

"no, not at all. Come now, let's go have breakfast. Dont worry
about Zabelo he is a big man and he doesn't hold last night
against you"
Look at him trying to make me feel better
"did he say that?"
I ask him, he shrugs his shoulders
"well not in many words but maybe if you stopped and
apologized. Mama told me that you ran out"
"I panicked. What If he thinks I'm a psychic or a narcissist or
worse a thief?"

He shakes his head and drag me out with him

Relief washes over me when I find Ncane alone, thank God.
The breakfast is already screaming my name.
Reminding me that I actually spent a night hungry.
They make these hotel like breakfast here, you just fill up your
plate and join in.
I've spotted scrambler eggs, beacon, mushroom and fish
fingers.
Im definitely gaining weight this side, to hell with this skin and
bones body

"Hey baby, how was your night?" she asks, smiling warmly
"it was okay ma" I tell her
And Nsika started laughing, again.
Then both of them end up dying with a belly aching laugher.
Will I get the end of this. *sigh*

I hear the door opening and Dreadlock twin enters, he is alone

today. He is lookind dapper and proper, a suit, formal shoes
and tied dreads to the back. He is panty dropper this one, I feel
for girls who works with him
"Mr CEO" Mama states
"Morning fam, what are we having for breakfast? And what's so
funny in this early morning"
He says, grabbing a fish finger tossing in his mouth and taking a
seat next to.

"Well, let's just say Zabelo left with a bleeding wound on his
face" Ntsika responds happily
"OH, I heard. He told me this morning. Did you really think my
brother was a thief Funei nei?" he is grinning as he says.
Stealing a short glance and stuffing himself with a greasy
breakfast
"Mazisi, you should have seen him. It's like he wanted to eat
her alive"-Ncane.
This family has no secrets at all. Now I'm a morning joke?

"Anyway, when are you joining me Funeka?" He asks

"Join where?"
"At the company. You are looking for a job and there is an
opening. Rather than sitting down and doing nothing, why not
join me?"
I never expected this, I'm in awe
"Don't give me an answer now, think about it"
He tells me
"A social work degree in a logistic company Mazisi? It doesn't
mix" Ncane says. Not that I even knew that it was logistic
company

"This is just a temporary thing, I'm sure she knows a thing or

two about computers so she'll be my assistant. Mihlali is going
to a maternity leave soon" his voice is gentler as he says
"Wait for your father to come back then so you can discuss this
with him"
"I'm the CEO Mama, I make decisions with or without him"
Owky, awkwardness!

After breakfast I prepare to leave with Ntsika. He will help me

prepare my documents and everything so I can start sending
applications.
I've opted for a white mini dress with sneakers and fixed my
braids then let them loose.
Ntsika gets in just as I fix my light make up and whistle.
I can't talk about hips and ass for days because I was totally
denied that access.
I'm just a middle height petite woman with a brown skin that
turn a gay into a strict man.. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating..

"Dzam! I'm definitely done paying for drinks when I have a hot
sister like you" daaa!
"A sister with a tiny butt and zero meat on the sides.. I doubt"
He is laughing
One thing I've gathered about Ntsika is that he is just a bubbly
soul. But his brothers are just…tense and very unapproachable.
You only feel free around them when they open their mouth
and talk to you.
Let me send my mom a whatsapp before I take on this journey.
She sends me a bible verse and reminds me to pray.

I would have gotten lost very quickly if it wasn't for Ntsika and
his White polo. Typical hot player, and he is just 20 years but
has already broken hearts more than anyone I know.
I'm learning this because he has been receiving calls all day
long
"Now that we are done for these documents of yours, let's go
have something to quench my thirst. I also have a meeting an
Event Organiser in about an hour"
He says as we drive back. That's news to me, but I'm still
learning about their lives.

"Where exactly are you meeting that organiser?"

I ask him
"In Zabelo's Club"
"Does he have a club?" I quickly ask
Advertisement
I don't even know why I'm even surprised. I met him in just few
hours ago and it wasn't a pleasant experience

"Yeah he does. Him and Mongezi are Co owning it" family of

business owners. And I'm just here looking like a lost human in
an elien planet.
"and you? What do you do exactly? Apart from driving women
crazy" he laughs. He has a loud, deep laughter
"Dad wanted me to study business management and join the
company. My mother wanted me to be a model because
apparently I have the looks.. And the body height"
I laugh shortly. They are right though. He is a looker, his height
is just a bonus

"And my brothers just wanted me to study anything that makes

me happy as long as I pursue a certain degree. But I am tired of
books. So I decided to take a gap year last year. It turned out
pretty good because I focused on tiktok"
Wait.. I can't hold it in. I'm in stitches

"Aibo, who stops furthering their studies for tik tok? You are
not serious about your life"
"actually I am. Because my followers increased and before I
knew it I was being approached by event planners, advertising
agencies to market their ideas"
Now I stop laughing. He is serious

"so, you are a content creator and an influencer"

He nods, a pride smile plastered on his face

"Okay, how come I don't know about you because I do spend

my time on tiktok too. And by the way, that's a great thing you
do hey. I'm sure you will be a successful person one day"
I tell him

"That's the idea. What about you? Ever thought of something

else other than your social Work career?"
Okay, now I have to think
"I'm not really sure. I loved it while growing up but in my
second year I realised that it became my dream because it was
everyone's dream and it seemed like a better career at the
time"

"I get you. I'm going to ask you a personal question. Why now?
Why didn't you visit before and only come here now."
I never expected that
"because mother didn't want me to. Why did you stop visiting?
Because you used to when you were young?"
"Mama didn't want me to visit anymore. She never said why"
Something is going on between these two sisters.

We are here, in this very beautiful place.

It is designed in a way that allows customers to mingle freely.
The ground floor has some sort of a pub and grill

There is a first floor which I assume might be a club.

Ntsika's client arrives just as our order does.
I indulge in my hot wings and juice.
It's a strict woman wearing a formal white shirt and black skirt
with black heels.
She flashes a smile and they start talking business.
"So, our budget for now is a little tight hence we'd like to at
least deposit R1000"
I choke on my drink
"Sorry, isn't that too low? You must be joking we Bawo!"
I say, feeling annoyed on behalf of Ntsika. The nerve of this
woman
"and who are you again?" she's giving me a nasty look as if I'm
some low class citizen
"Aibo, ngumunt ebantwini sis"
Ntsika is laughing
"And what's funny? Are you actually condoning her behaviour?
Where did you even pick this one with such a cheap off the rack
dress.."
Oh No she DIDN'T.
My hands are quick to throw the remaining juice on her shirt. A
bit of colour would be good for that shirt

"OH MY.. YOU BITCH*"

She sends a slap on my face and I jump on her cheap wig on her
head..
.
.

"Be glad Zabelo isn't here for now. I can't believe you just stood
there Ntsika and never stopped the fight" It's Mongezi,
shooting daggers at us
"That woman deserved some fists and slaps. She was straight
up rude. I'm glad Funeka rearranged her wardrobe because if I
did that I would be on my way to jail as it is.."
She almost took off my few braids.. But I had the upper hand. I
grew up in Mtubatuba, no Joburg girl will fight me and win

" And you, you are just going to keep quiet?"

I blink and gulp. He is angry, I hate angry people in general
"Leave her alone. We are leaving anyway"
Mongezi shakes his head in disappointment and leave us
standing

.
.
I wonder how loaded these people are because by the look of
it, money says baba to them.
I never saw the backyard yesterday, I'm only seeing it now.
We are actually having a great time just sitting outside on the
back patio. The huge pool is glistening under the sunlight and
very inviting
That pool is going to become my studio from today. I'm
definitely posting the videos I'm going to make on tik tok. I will
ask Ntsika to show me off to his followers.
I have 532 embarrassing followers, with no posts at all.
It's not that I didn't try, I did try those trending contents and
posted but the response was discouraging and had me stare at
myself in the mirror questioning my beauty. So one morning I
woke up and shifted everything to private and Now I just laugh
other people's videos and comment and like..

"Are you sure we are not going to get caught though?"

I question, taking a long sip on an expensive red wine with a
sweet, dark flavour. I'm already on my third glass.
When we reached home he took out some of his mother's wine
and well, I can never say no to that! I love things mina. I can't
wait to explore Johannesburg nightlife!
" We won't. Drink like a normal being phela nawe.uyaminya
tjo" Why is he giving me that look of judgement..
" Please, it's not everyday I get to sip on something fancy, cut
me some slack"
He shakes his head. There is a sudden bell ringing. He vanishes
inside the house to check the door.
Okay, the pool is calling my name and it doesn't look that deep.
Let me put the glass down and check it out..
Where I come from there is no pool.
I'm allowed to mingle in such beauty. Talk about nice life things

Reaching the pool I get in with one foot on the first step and I'm
so surprised to find the water so cold, under such high
temperature conditions.
Let me just take a swim. It's hot anyway.
..
I'm going down instead of going up, I've seen people on TV
using thier arms so I try that one too but.. Am I drowning?
I'm trying to keep my head and my nostrils on the surface but it
like there is a force pulling me down…
It's becoming hard to breath and I'm losing my strength, I feel
water filling up my lungs..
Is this the way I die? I haven't lived my life to the fulesst,
haven't even drove my first car. Hell, I haven't graduated yet
April is still two months away.. God plea..
Strong hands encircles me and I feel a rough pull..

My mind is recovering when I feel strong hands on my tummy.

A pull force to puke visit me and I cough as the water comes
out of my mouth harlshily.
I blink, trying to think
My eyes lock with these angry, red set of eyes glaring deep at
me..
This shivering, stern glare will drown me straight to the grave.
Jesus, I'm glad you realised that I'm not good for heaven just
yet..save my seat for when I'm 100 years old..

Anyway I need some more wine...

°°THREE°°

"You could have died Funeka and my sister would never have
forgiven me. What if Zabelo didn't find you in time. That pool is
deep and I'm surprised your partner in crime didn't tell you
that. He was only interested in feeding you my wine" Ncane
calmy states as I sit on the comfy sofa before her. Her voice is
laced in hurt and a bit of anger but she is not screaming.
Something my mother would be doing right now

"you are crazy, careless, stupid, irresponsible, irrational, the list

is endless! As if that wasn't enough you go around beating up
people, what if you got arrested for assault?" His deep husky
voice rumbles in anger. I can feel his rage as he stares at me as
if he'll squash me to the size of an insect

"Come on Zabelo, that's a bit extreme don't you think" Ntsika

defends me
He turns, his stern look burning Ntsika next to him
"And you, don't tell me shit because you are just like her. What
were you thinking stealing mama's wine and drinking like
people with no direction in life"
I'm here like a wet chicken, listening as they take turns scolding
me. Now I see it, I was really stupid. I can't even swim. I don't
even know why I was there to begin with. Well, to be honest,
alcohol disturbs my brain cells when I'm drunk, I always feel like
superwoman.

"I'm so disappointed in you Funeka. I really am" Ncane says and

leaves the room. I feel my heart slicing into tiny pieces.
My hand is playing with the cloth of my dress that I put on after
that saga.

"You haven't even spent a week here but you are already
attracting trouble. If you wanna gallivant and behave like a
street mate I suggest you pack your bags and go back to
Mtubatuba because in here I will not have a hooligan stressing
us. Behave like a well raised child girly"
Wow, I feel tears stinging my eyes as he storms out as well.
I blink them away and head to the room in a run.
Where are my bags?
Tears are totally blinding my vision as I start packing again. I
can't stay in a place where I'll be reminded with every mistake I
make that I don't belong.
I was wrong I admit, I could blame alcohol but I can be a bit
irrational too. But It doesn't mean I should be reminded that
this is not my home.

"And then? What are you doing?" I hear Nstika'a voice but I
don't even bother.
For a moment it was nice having some sibling relationship. I'll
definitely miss Ntsika

"I'm going home. Zabelo made it clear that I'm not wanted
here. I'd rather live my directionless life at home, where I'm
safe and free"
My phone is ringing.
It's my mother. Great, she needs to know that I'm coming back
home.
I don't care about unemployment. For as far as I know an entire
country is facing that, moving to another province is no game
changer. I agreed because it was what mama wanted, not me
"Hey Fuze ka mama" her voice is always calming to me. I feel
the lump growing hard but I hold it "Hi mama, how are you" I
ask
"Betty told me the news.."wow, already.
"mamiza I'm sorry.."
"I'm over the moon about the job Mazisi is offering you. I knew
something great would happen there. Uziphathe kahle nana,
uyakuthanda umama yezwa"
Oh.. But
"Is that all she said?" I probe
"Yes, was there anything else?"
She is too happy and I can't ruin that
"No, I love you to mamiza wam"
There goes my trip..

***

Ever been in a situation where you are half asleep and someone
keeps talking to you non stop?
Yes, that's me right now.
Ntsika is sitting on my bed, telling me his countless stories.
It's already after Eight in the evening yet I haven't got the
courage to go out and face Ncane after today. If it wasn't for
Ntsika who gracefully sneaked food for me in here then I'd be
as hungry as they come
"So I lied to her and said she was my cousin. Instead of
believing me she straight up slapped me.. All of me, being
slapped. I mean have you seen me! My face? "
He is blabbering about his crazy love life.

"You are in a whole mood Ntsika but right now.. I'm so sleepy" I
tell him, yawning and stretching my body.
Surprisingly he doesn't look hurt, instead he stands up from my
bed
"don't mind Zabelo Funeka. And please don't ever want to
leave just because someone said some awful things. Anyway
have a good night " He says. I know he means well but I think
that man hates me.
He hated me the first time we met
"I grew up alone, with mom always working. When I got here I
felt that sense of excitement and having someone to do crazy
things with. But that doesn't mean I'm desperate Ntsika, so
trust me I don't mind going back home again" he looks hurt. I
couldn't leave, not after that phone call. She sounded excited
about me getting a job.

….

I'm peacefully sleeping when I feel a soft pat on my shoulders. I

want to scream and kick whoever. I keep them closed and the
pat continues.
I open my eyes ready to rain terror on the intruder but I quickly
seat up amazed of this man before me. He is seated on a chair.
"maFuze" he gently says.
"Sawbona" I say, more like a whisper.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you arrived. I'm the boy's father
and your mother's husband. Zamani Ngcobo" He introduces
himself, taking out his hand for a shake.
Another weird thing I never mentioned is that I'm a Ngcobo by
blood too, the difference is my father was a douchebag that
never loved me while this man is a present, good father.
My mom and Ncane really had a thing for Ngcobo men. Pity
mom got the devil while Ncane got the real deal
"How are they treating you?"
Ncane said this man is scary but I don't see anything to be
scared of. Instead I see a man who is gentle and just sweet
"They are good. Very good" He smiles
"I'm glad, If anyone gives you trouble don't hesitate to let me
know. I heard that you are starting work at the company today.
Congratulations" He says, now smiling wider. "No, I'm not.
Mazisi said I should think about it first" This family and no
secrets..

"Stand up, take a bath and let me take you to work. There is
nothing to think about here maFuze. I'll be waiting for you"
What.. Istill wanted my sleep
"Welcome home maFuze" there is comfort and warmth laced in
his voice as he utters.
He then stands up and leaves.
My heart is beating in joy. That hit differently. Lord
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why can't my father be like that man?
My mind drifts off to my good for nothing father as I get out of
the bed. Like dozens of children in Mzansi I also grew up
fatherless. My father left when I was born, so I heard. His
reason was to look for employment in Durban but he never
returned.

But letters, he wrote them on my every birthday, all

accompanied with gifts. It was cute until it became more
painful. I wanted him, not the letters.
With each letter I became more sad rather than happy.

One morning I woke up with my mother holding a letter with a

smile. She said the man was coming back to town and he would
grace me with his presence for the first time. But that day was a
special day to me, it was the day for my farewell party.

So I was over the moon, waiting for him in my school so he

could take pictures with me wearing that ridiculously huge
gown they use in primary school.
I didn't even eat a cake, or take a picture with my mother and
my friends, not even with my favorite teacher Mrs Mthembu. I
wanted him. My mother forced me to take at least one picture
of me since I didn't want one with her. I only knew him from
pictures, blurry black and white pictures that I could barely
make out.

There's something about hope. It doesn't kill, it keeps you going

so they say.
For those 13 years of my life without that man I had it, the
hope of seeing him again.
No matter how many times I was mocked in my
neighbourhood, the girl with no father and a prostitute of a
mother. That's why I'm easily ticked because of that and many
other things I can not mention. I don't know and I don't even
want to know why people saw it fit to call my mom a
prostitute.
I just felt the need to defend us both. I know fighting is no
solution but it keeps me strong. It gave me that protection my
heart craved in my father but he wasn't there.

Did he come during that day? Nope

That day hope killed me, it took a part of me that i'll probably
never get. And since that day everything stopped, the letters
and the gift.
It all stopped.
I stopped asking, I stopped caring or so I thought.
…

I hold my breath taken back as we drive inside the huge,

magnificent building.
ZNM Logistics invites my eyes, written in bold letters.

"Welcome to ZNM Logistics, maFuze" he says and flashes a

proud smile. I would be too, this is like a dream
He's been telling me about how he started small as a car wash,
to a car mechanic hustler and now.. A successful company that
is a dream to many.
This man is an inspiration.

We are welcomed by an amazing reception, even the

receptionist is nice. On the inside it's just a whole different
level.
Bab Ngcobo shows me around the building made of seven
floors.
The place is really big, the backyard is filled with trucks, in
different sizes and a huge warehouse I've never seen.

Mazisi arrives after a while and takes over.

Reaching the last floor he leads me to a dark skinned woman
typing something on a huge iPad in her hands.
The moment she sees us she stands up in respect and greet us.
She is very much pregnant and looking like a whale

"Funeka this is Mihlali Mpisane, Mihlali meet my sister. Funeka

Ngcobo"
She smiles and shake my hand
"Nice to me you, Mr Ngcobo told me a lot about you hey. I
hope you'll be able to hold the ropes perfectly in my absence"
I smile and nod my head.
These blue pyramid heeled pumbs are killing me. I had to look
like a professional and I don't have many of those with me.
That's why I opted for a waisted skinny Jean, white boobtube
with a blue collar blazer. I tied my braids in a high ponytail and
well, I tried to look the part.
During lunch Mihlai takes me to a cafeteria and introduces me
to her two colleagues, Mandisa and Karabo. Both of them are
sweet.

By the time we head back to the desk I'm sleepy but I don't
have a choice. Mihlali might leave sooner so I have to learn as
quick as I can.
"Okay, I'm tired now. I need the loo"
She says and disappear at the far end of the building. Being
pregnant is no joke, Lord knows how many times she's visited
the loo.
I roam my eyes around and feel this tingle of warmth. This has
to be a dream, all of me working on such a beautiful place. The
third floor is quite, there is a boardroom and CEO's office then
Mihlali' s cubicle.

I never thought I'd be working with an iPad, setting up meetings

and appointments but I know I can do this.
The lift pings, I quickly look up and I blink, watching the man
taking long strides towards my direction. I'm attacked with a
strong cologne before he reaches me
"Good day miss..?" Raising his left jaw he says.
What a polished, warm manly voice.
"What's your name?" oh flip, I'm drooling
"Funeka. The new Assistant"
"I'm Qhawe, Qhawe Ndlovu. I'm here to see Mazisi" I smile and
stand up leaving the iPad behind

I'm about to knock when the door opens and Mazisi comes out
"Ai, Ndoda you are here. Let's grab a drink outside"
He says, patting his shoulders and they both leave.
Wow, now that was a sight for my sore eye. Okay, was I not
supposed to check if he had an appointment or not?
°°FOUR°°

There is something about morning sleep, it just hits differently.

I'm holding onto the blanket diving deep into warm sleep when
a hard knock comes through..
Argh! Can't I just get at least five minutes
"Funeka!" Baba's voice utters outside my door
I'm quick to out of bed and start making the bed
When the door opens he finds me busy with my bed
"Baba" He smiles, shaking his head
"one day I will badge in here gun blazing because clearly you
need a whole gun to wake up"
He says as he moves forward
"but I'm already awake Mr Vandam"
Vandam? .. What the hell. Why didn't I keep my mouth shut. He
does the unexpected and laugh
I just made a man of the house laugh? Ring the bells father
Christmas

When I'm satisfied with my look I head out for breakfast.

Everyone is seated around the table, The twins are also here
but Zabelo is not. I'm glad.I would have lost the appetite
around that man.

Today I drive with ncane, she is in a marketing team. I'll be

signing my contract and by the end of the month I'll receive my
very first payment.
"I'm sure your mother will be so happy to have someone spoil
her for once. She deserves some soft life" Ncane says, a soft
music is playing.
"I know, I'll build her a double story house that will stand out in
our neighborhood and buy her a car. But we will have to find a
driver for her to be moved wherever she would want to"
She smiles looking happy

"Ncane, what happened between you and mom?" I ask, I've

been meaning to ask this since I arrived
"your mother just... Distanced her self from me" okay. That's
weird
"But Nsika said that you stopped him from visiting"
"Because I didn't want to seem like I was too pushy" I don't
believe her. She sees my doubtful expression and heave a sigh

"if you don't believe me than I'll show you my call logs. You will
tell me who has always been calling, trying to reach out for the
past years. Martha stated talking to me when she needed my
help. And since you arrived she's been actually answering my
calls and even calling too. Though our conversations end with
just you but at least we are talking now" I can sense sadness as
she says.
Maybe she isn't telling me everything, my mom has a big,
beautiful heart. I know her and this is not like her.

Arriving at work Mihlali introduced me to the HR manager, Mrs

Ndlela and I signed a contract.
After that I called my mom and told her the news. She is
happier than I am.
After everything is done we continue where we left off
yesterday. Mihlali is such a warm person with a welcoming
personality.
We are in the middle of something when Mazisi comes out of
his office and heads to us both. I love how he just let his dreads
loose this time. They look good on him
"I'm heading out. Funeka, please leave work early today. We
are attending a charity event. Mihlali, schedule all my
appointments for tomorrow "
Wait a minute..
"A charity event?"
He nods and starts heading to the lift, I quickly run after him.
"Why?" I ask as I reach him
He press the button and wait for the lift

"Because our attendance is mandatory little sister" he gets in as

the lifts opens and I get in right after him
"But why?"
He stares at me as if I'm the most dumbest person

"We are a company with a reputation to maintain, we have

clients we must keep in our payroll no matter what and we are
still expanding we still need more. These kinds of events are
attended by big fishes
from all over South Africa and if we are lucky even those
outside our country do attend. If we show our presence and
contribute, that will also gain us more growth. Being part of
these events means we are also being part of the community
upliftment, we take part in our community matters.. "
That was a long conversation, even the lift has long opened and
closed. We are heading up to the fifth floor as it is.
Now I do feel like a fool, why didn't I think of that. I'm such a
hopeless case sometimes
"Go home early and be ready before Six"
"Why didn't you say sooner?"
I ask too many questions sometimes
"Because uMah and her husband were going to attend but
they've changed their minds and now I'm going with you"
My wardrobe doesn't have something for an event? Not even a
party.
"I can't attend. I don't have anything to wear"
He frowns

"Don't get me involved. I need your attendance." he sternly

utters, leaving no room for discussion. But not with me.
"You can take Mihlali with you."
That look, the look of a CEO to a crazy employee is enough to
make me obey.

My head has been all over the place since that bomb Mazisi
dropped on me.
It didn't help that Mihlali confirmed my theory of expensive
outfits and makeup done by famous people.
"Are you sure the red carpet will be there?" I asked her again.
"Of course. High profile business tycoons will be there. You
must look the part girl. Not just for you, but for the company
too"
Now I'm floating through space
"Okay, I'm definitely not working with a zombie. Come now,
let's head out" Mihlaili tells me, picking her things
I'm about to follow her when the lift suddenly opens revealing
my worst enemy.
I feel my inside turning.

"Funeka" oh. So he does know my name. For a moment I

thought he didn't
"Zabelo" I say.
He says nothing and just stand before me looking gloomy as
always
"it doesn't hurt you know" I tell him, does he ever blink? He is
staring deep in my eyes
"What doesn't hurt?" He ask
"Smiling and showing that you are alive like everyone else.you
look like a ghost, ready to strangle life out of me. Just show a
little smile and decorate that dark face, it deserves some light"
He doesn't get it, I see the way his deep set of red eyes are
squinting
"Mazisi asked me to take you home"
Oh hell no.. I'm not spending the next minutes with a devil next
to me
"I'll request an Uber. You can leave"
I pass him but he is quick to grab my arm gently bringing me
before him.
and I'm frozen for a moment, my body is just acting a little
weird. This man scares me

"I am taking you home."

He is telling me, not even nicely . In fact, he is forcing me.
"I said I will request"
"It either you walk out here willingly or by force"
Flies will get inside my mouth and probably steal my insides
with the way my mouth is widely open
I feel like strangling him with that little goatee beard without
moustache
"Lead the way" Bustard
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°Five°°

Funeka

I can't help but keep on stealing glances at him. He has this

unsettling presence that's so strong and bold at the same time.
It is difficult to grasp and understand what his mind is thinking
with the same stone cold expression plastered on his face.
Not that I want to know what he is thinking about.

For all I know he might be thinking of thousand ways to kill, he

does give those seriel killer vibes, his rich dark skin is a perfect
mix for a killer with deep red set of eyes that seems to lack
sympathy. Why am I even analysing him?

"I can do it even better than you and it won't be nice" He

suddenly says, giving me a short glance.
"Do what exactly?" I ask him.
"Staring" I feel my cheeks getting hot. I've been staring for far
too long haven't I
"I'm.. Sorry" we reach a red robot and he stops.
Then he burries me with a hard look.
Our eyes are locked, I feel like I'm staring at a devil and it's
becoming hard to keep up with my thundering heart.
Saved by the car hoots.. He starts driving again and I breath
out.

°°°°

"I’m almost done, just wait a little longer bhuti” I say putting
the last touch ups on my face.

He huffs, glaring at me impatiently.

He is looking dapper in that black tailor made suit.
" It's approaching Seven as it is, we should be on our way right
now. This event is starting in about 30 minutes from now”

I don’t get why he is complaining because he is the one who

hijacked me. “had you told me earlier we’d be long gone. Okay,
I'm not happy with this rag I'm wearing"
I say, staring at this black dress I'm wearing. There's nothing
appealing about this outfit.
I feel awful and uncertain about this
"Come on, you look stunning" he is grinning as he says, an
impatient grin to be precise. He just want us to leave

"Of course you'll say that. You will do anything to make me go

with you. Sadly for you.. I'm not going. Not with this rag"
Im heading to my bed, taking off the heels
"You're joking"
As I get inside my covers and summoning all the angels of the
dream world to take over
"Okay, we will pass somewhere. I'll ask someone to make you
look like the way you want" is he begging me? How sweet
"Will that someone happen to have a killer dress lying around
and waiting just for me?" I ask, holding my covers in my hands
He nods
"Are you sure?" he nods
"Okay then, let's go"

Imagine my surprise when I meet thee 'someone'. I'm a bit

shocked and confused
"Mihlali" Mazisi says gently as we stare outside the door of her
apartment I think.

They share a look I can't make out. It's quick though because
she is now staring at me
"Hey Funeka"Her sweet voice utters
"Please make her ready for the event. I trust you" with that I'm
grabed in what I assume is her bedroom and she immediately
starts throwing out everything in her closet. She looks funny
with that huge tummy.. But let me be a lady for once and stop
analyzing people

Ever since we arrived

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I’ve been feeling like something is off. I’ve never met any of
these people, yet I have this strong feeling as if someone is
staring at me at a certain corner. I’m seated alone, not entirely
since there are two guys before me in this table of four.
Mazisi is negotiating something with this pat belly white man at
the corner. This hall is big, decorated beautifully and everyone
seems to know their wardrobe.
It’s my first time being in such events and I already know that
its my last. I’m wearing what I consider the only expensive
dress that has ever draped my body. Thanks to Mihlali who
happened to store one of the best designed dress in her closet.
It's a Black mock neck sleeveless high slit dress with six inch hills
that makes me feel like I'm taller than everyone. My braids are
tied in a neat ponytail and my make up is just on another level.
Mihlali sure knows how to turn things around. I’m pretty and I
know it but boy am I bored to death.

“are we done?” I ask the moment he returns to the table; he

just shakes his head and stand up again argh!
Let me check my besties. We are slowly moving on with our
lives. This group used to be a buzz but now it's becoming a
ghost town. I snap few pictures and update my whatap status.
In just a minute my phone is buzzing. Now I feel like a flower
girl

“hi” I’m met with a very handsome guy grinning from ear to
ear, I smile too “hello” I say . He joins the table after saying
“may I” typical business man “I’m Mbuso , Mbuso Ndebele, you
are?” I like him already, he has manners “Funeka Ngcobo” his
grin widens and he start telling me about him and his well
successful company. The man is gloating, and I’m turned off
right now. I need someone to rescue me as in..

Theres an unexpected soft pat on my shoulders

Looking up my heart my heart skips, I’m frozen “And I thought I
was seeing things. What brings you here?” he deeply
says.
“uhm.. I am.. With my brother ” I don’t get why I’m stuttering
so much. “can I steal you for a second?” he asks, more like
commanding but in a polite manner. I slowly nod and stand up
Someone clears a throat, aw its Mbuso “the lady is with me?”
wait.. what? “and you are?” he asks, a bit bold “Mbuso
Ndebele, the CEO of Ndebele Holdings” was that even
necessary
“nice to meet you Mr CEO, lets go” he gently grabs my arm and
lead me out of the hall with my rumbling heart, why did he asks
his name if he wasn’t going to do anything about it?
"I'm Qhawe Ndlovu, I hope you still remember me. You look
stunning by the way"
Tingles instantly fills up my tummy.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°SIX°°

Funeka

I woke up early today and decided to be a woman for once

since I arrived here.
I'm busy preparing breakfast for everyone. Time is approaching
Eight in the morning.
Thank God it's the weekend today. I don't have to go to work.
My phone beeps, I quickly wipe my hand and check the
incoming message. It my mother wishing me a wonderful day, I
call her and we talk for a while.
For a moment I thought it was Qhawe, he asked for my tens
and I haven't received anything from him. He is good looking
and I won't mind having him as my first Joburg boyfriend but..
Maybe it's too soon. Yeah it is..

The kitchen door suddenly opens as I'm engrossed in making

breakfast
Ntsika walks in looking like a train walked over him and he
smells like brewery
"Sis wam" his voice is extremely low as he greets me heading to
the fridge
"Damn, you are a hangover yourself" I tell him
"Tell me something I don't know" he grunts holding his head
and drink water

"Where did you spend the night again?"

He takes a seat on the kitchen counter and gulp even more
water
"I spent the night at Pretty's place. More like morning since we
only left the club after 2 am"
Wrenched in pain and exhaustion he responds, even his eyes
can't open properly
He keep on squinting them

"at least you slept in a bed, safe and sound"

He stands up again stretching his arms and body.
His clothes are a little wrinkled. And he smells like.. Sex
"ew, Ntsika did you have sex?" flaring my nose I ask him and he
gives me a 'Duu' look.
"That's a necessity. What's the point of going out if I'm not
getting a cookie? It's is part of having fun and living in a
moment"
He says, brushing his eyes and jumping back on the counter. He
looks horrible
"anyway Let's forget about me. How was your evening
yesterday?" my lips spread into a smile as I think about last
night

Yesterday Qhawe took me to this magnificent restaurant where

we had a late night dinner and he brought me back when
Mazisi was bombering my phone with calls.

"Let's just say next time you'll have to kill me first and drag my
dead body if you want me to attend those events again. It was
just not my thing and I was bored to death"
His eyes are coming to life, he is smiling widely like a kid given
candy for the first time
"That smile and what you just said don't add up, so please sis
wam spill the beans and leave no stone unturned. Did you meet
prince charming with a killer smile that got your panties wet? "
I hit him with a swab and he laughs
"Ntsika!" That's so gross. I usually have these sexual talks with
my female friends..

"Please, I know how you girls operate. So tell me, who made
your boring night bearable?"
I shake my head smiling. Somehow this makes me so happy.

"Well, there is this guy I met on my first day at work. His name
is Qhawe and yesterday he just happened to be at the event
and I spent most of my evening with him. He even took me to a
restaurant for a late night dinner.."
His screams suddenly burst out but in a nanosecond they are
replaced with moaning, he is holding his head cursing and I
can't help but laugh at him.

"Damn.. I'm never drinking again. If you see me holding any 'not
for persons under the age of 18' beverage again, hit me with a
four pound hammer and feed my dead body to pit bulls." same
song everyone sings in the morning.
"I'll hold you to that"
"I need to get some sleep before Magwaza's son finds me in
this state. I sort of had a fight and broke some things in his club
yesterday.. "
He says, heaving an exhausted sigh
I frown, I'm confused
"Am I supposed to know who that is?" I ask him
"OH, I totally forgot that I didn't share this with you. Zabelo is a
Magwaza, uNjinji wale phans eNatali kwankomo ziny ikiwi
Polish"
Okay that's news to me
"How? Was he adopted or what?" I probe further
"No, it's a long story," he says, yawning. How I want that long
story, the mamgobhozi in me is literally screaming and itching
at the same time. Zabelo is not a Ngcobo? Who will sell this
long story paper to me as of now..
"So.. The long story.." he shuts me with a hand. Bummer!
As he falls down the counter tiny screams suddenly burst out
somewhere in the house annoying Nsika even more
"Oh Thixo. The little monsters are awake!" he grunts.Ntsika is
something else. Who calls kids monsters
"Come on, that's a bit extreme" I tell him
"wait until you meet them, you will even wish to tape their
mouth and make them watch opopayi just to have peace"
I give him a look
"You didn't.."
"I will be ready to lend you my red tape before the end of
today. But make sure that you do not use it in front of the
parents. I'm not ready to die yet" says the man who was ready
to be fed to pitbulls

Three cute girls appear wearing matching dresses with flowers

and jump at Ntsika
"Babo, where were you last night? We looked for you and you
weren't there. Babo, I have a new teddy bear Gogo gave to me.
Babo…"
Ntsika is close to fainting as they all chant in unison looking up
at him. And they are shouting louder than their tiny voices, kids
are just a whole different kind of species.

I smile as I watch them telling him stories unbothered that their

listener isn't in a good space. Ncane comes through as well
being followed by Baba. They greet and introduce the Kids. Two
girls are Mazisi's children. They are also twins and they are Six
years old, Simakahle and Asemahle. They are cute
light skinned like their father. They might have arrived
yesterday night I guess.

Then there is an Eight year old black pearl, she is a spitting

image of Zabelo you don't even have to ask. Her name is
Nkosazana. Such a beautiful unique name for a daddy's first
princess.
I love children, growing up I always asked mom to bring me a
little sister and she would always laugh at me.
That's why I've even forgotten about the breakfast I was
making. I'm sandwiched between them on the three seater
couch playing a bubble shooter game on this huge iPad.
These kids are living a soft life I tell you.
In such a short time I already know that Nkosazana is a little
bully that gives out orders, and Ase and Sima fight over petty
things.
They are screaming at each other on who won better than
who..
"But I was better the last time. Fifi, I got 123.."
Nkosazana says, flashing her long eyelashes at me. Fifi being
me, I guess Funeka was too hard for their little tongues
"No! She's lying. She got 121.." - Sima
"No, you're lying. Fifi, she's lying"
"I am not!"
"Sima you failed today. You got 5!" Asemahle chirps in and
even emphasises with her tiny fingers.
Maybe I might need Ntsika's red tape after all
"OKAY! how about we go outside and play something else." I
say standing up
"Little ladies and a big lady. It's time for breakfast" Ncane's
voice shouts. Phew! What a rescue
We all head to the table and begin breakfast
°°°°

I can't even remember the last time I had such a good time.
When Nstika woke up we headed to the pool and well, he had
to play safeguard with not just me, but even the kids

. The embarrassing moment I faced was when I realised that I'm

the only one who can't swim. These kids can swim perfectly, it's
even harder to watch. I keep thinking they might sink. But they
prove me wrong.

Ntsika said baba taught them. I applaud him for teaching his
grandkids how to swim. Kids are sometimes unpredictable.
Even if you tell them to never use the pool, one day they'll
sneak out unnoticed and jump straight in the pool. Teaching
them how to swim is a way of keeping them safe.
But they are still not allowed to swim alone.

I'm outside the pool with my feet dangling inside while

cautiously taking pictures and videos.
I've updated countless statuses on my whatsapp. It's crazy.
My phone rings as I reply a text from one of my constant status
viewer

It's an unsaved number. I hesitate before answering

"Hi" I say reluctantly
"Beautiful lady. It's Qhawe here" I feel my heart jumping a bit.
for a moment I thought he'd never call.
"Qhawe, HI" my tone is too loud. I'm sure he can tell I've been
waiting for his call
"I hope I'm not disturbing" wow, gentleman.
"No, you are not disturbing" I say. Ntsika shoots me a look. I
stand up and move away, these little kids are screaming
anyway

"I'm sorry for calling this late, I didn't want to seem pushy"
Hella, I like pushy
"It's fine" I tell him
"If it won't be a bother I'd like to take you out for dinner
tomorrow If you don't mind"
My cheeks are getting warm
"No, I don't mind"
We talked for a while and when he hanged up I had already
picked out my wedding dress in my head and named our
children. I'm like that in every new relationship. I can't help
myself. I need to buy some sexy lingerie and shave and.. Okay
I need some water to quench this little bitch taking over me

The kitchen is empty. Ncane and her husband are out, they are
always busy with something.
I take out water in the fridge and gulp.
Let me make some snacks as well..

I'm looking for a bigger bowl so I can put everything inside. I

search all the cupboards until I spot it, at the top shelf. How do
I even reach that? I'm not short but I'm not tall either, just
average. I guess I'll have to jump.

I start jumping, come back empty handed. I jump once more

and..
“Need help with that?”
"OH.. GOD!" holding my chest I utter.
I breathlessly turn and meet Zabelo in the middle of the
doorway, one hand buried in a pocket of that short he is
wearing revealing his long, hairy legs. He just gave me such a
fright and he is not even apologising. Sometimes God creates
hopeless beings.
“Ahem.. Why are you here?"I quickly add a question
I think he likes squinting his eyes now and then because he is
doing that now.
Instead of giving me an answer he slowly walks in and stands
before me. His eyes are so glued onto me, his look is always
burning and stern. Now I feel extremely exposed. I should have
covered my body, I'm just in my shorts jeans and a drenched
white vest that has my pecky boobs all out.. Why am even..

“Tell me what you want me to do” his deep husky voice utters
softly, an inch close to me. I literally smell his mint breath as I
hopelessly stare up at him. The organ in between my lungs
bounces, I feel my knees weakening
“I.. want. .. A bowl” I softly reply which seems to be a whole
mission.
His body presses deeper as he raises his hand taking the bowl. I
suck in my breath as an electrifying feeling suddenly attacks my
body. I don’t know what's happening but it's making my whole
body paralyzed. As he hands me the bowl our eyes meet. I've
never noticed before, but the brush cut he has on is really
suitable for his face.
“I apologise for giving you a fright maFuze" He gently utters. OH
he did not! …I open my mouth but nothing leaves my throat. He
turns and walks out leaving my body in shock
The Zulu girl in me is ululating and dancing ingoma. My mind is
trapped somewhere I don't know..
God Forbid!
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°SEVEN°°
FUNEKA

Sundays are very uplifting and full of energy in this house.

Ncane is singing out loud along with the Joyous celebration on
blast, I also find myself singing along. It helps me wander away
from my demons for a while and gives my wrecking brain a
minute to breathe.
Ever been in a situation where you feel totally overwhelmed
and caged in your own mind. That's how I've been since
yesterday. I can't seem to shake away Zabelo's image, he just
became a regular resident in my mind and it is just so
irresistible and infuriating.

Baba is eating breakfast with Ntsika and the kids. The table is
filled with too much screams and endless arguments. Baba is a
whole different being when around those munchkins.
He is even feeding them straight from his plate

"baby, help me move this," Ncane says. I move towards her and
we move a coffee table. Ncane woke up early to clean and I am
helping her. Ntsika thinks she is too much, apparently there is a
helper even though I haven't seen her since I arrived. I guess
she loves to take charge in her own home, she's a
superwoman.

When we are done we also eat breakfast and head to our

designated rooms to shower for church. Yes, we are going to
church. This won't be my first time in a house of the Lord but I
can count the few times since I have been to church.

My mom and I never had any church we went to, I just tagged
along with my friends. I'm even surprised she owns a Bible, a
very old Bible that I even think she inherited from her mother,
and her mother from hers.. I can bet my life that the Bible will
also be passed down to me one day.
Other families have their own elums like Jewelry but in this
family, we have an intergenerational Bible. Life!

I’m moving up and down in my room not knowing what to

wear for
church. I
ended up settling for a white Puff Sleeve Half Button top,
paired with a Floral Print Pleated Skirt ending between my legs
and Rhinestone Decor Toe Ring Thong Sandals. I'm not about to
wear heels when I don't even know how long the service takes.
I pull back my blonde knotless braids and add a tiny doek at the
front and put my pearl earrings and watch. I bathe with my
cheap INuka perfume and yes, I feel awesome.

Where is my white Minimalist Croc Embossed Baguette Bag ?

Got it.
Am I not a wife material? Arg! marry me Qhawe Ndlovu. I'm
yours.
I snap a few pictures and throw some in my status and send my
mother some.
Qhawe is quick to react, maybe I should approach SABC and
pitch my own show called 'on my journey to becoming Mrs
Ndlovu', pave a way for a Millionaire in making you
centeniers. Happiness! Phew, I’m ready for today’s service.

The church is full and I can literally feel the spirit of worship
hovering all around. We are seated at the front, we were late
but they actually put us here.
Ntsika is here next to me looking like he is about to faint. Ncane
does not play when it comes to church, even baba is here. The
only people who aren't here are the three prodigal older sons.

After church we head straight home driving in a family car, a

white hyundai h1. This home owns about Four cars excluding
the twins and Zabelo's car. It's a GLA 200, Nstika's Polo, a
Silicon Silver Range Rover Evoque and this one we are driving
in.
As we drive inside the yard I spot Zabelo leaning against his car
that is parked just in the middle of the yard. Something
twitches in the depth of my heart, I feel nervous all of a
sudden.
"Ntsika!"Ncane calls him out as the car stops inside the Garage.
He is fast asleep next to me, even the kids are asleep. No longer
screaming like they did on our way to church. If you want
peace, take them to church and they will sleep an entire
service, including the entire day.

"Funeka baby, please carry Nkosazana. I'll take Ase"

Baba takes Sima and we leave Ntsika in the car.
It's a mission to dive these stairs heading up, the kid is so
heavy. My poorly sized 32 body can't manage for long.
I'm hyperventilating as I reach the end of the stairs.

After putting her to bed I head out and head down the stairs
passing Ntsika looking gloomy.
"Tell mom headache is killing me. I'll snap a bit okay" He says
and takes long strides.
I head back to the car to get my bag.

I'm taking slow steps as I return back to the kitchen , my eyes

glued on my phone. I am trending! I feel like screaming.
My Six friends have posted me on their whatsapp status. Ntsika
did too. Am I not a celebrity?
Mom updated her DP with my makoti picture. Ncaw… what a
way to..
A shallow scream instantly leaves my mouth as I bump into a
hard surface dropping my phone in the process..
"MaFuze"
I can't stand the pace my heart is taking, it's faster and making
me edgy
I'm frozen as he sinks a bit, taking my phone and inspecting it.

"Watch your steps, You'll get hurt next time," he says, handing
me my phone and staring deeply into my eyes. There's a strong
scent attacking my nostrils. His stone cold presence gives me
the heebie-jeebies.
"umuhle maFuze" Massive butterflies instantly engulf my
tummy. I watch as he walks out feeling my heart dancing. Dear
God, save me. Amen

Ncane enters the kitchen and we start preparing a seven

colours kind of lunch.
This house is very homely, the aroma dancing around the house
is mouth watering and just soul soothing. There is a warm and
welcoming spirit in this house.

A while later A hearty meal Is decorating this entire table.

Everyone is here except for Mongezi. Baba is at his seat
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mama next to her and Mazisi.
The crazy three mosquitoes are on their chairs just a bit far
from us already eating and arguing about who sang which song
at Church.
Zabelo is seated opposite me and it is becoming a mission to
even hear anything around me with the way my heart is racing.
I don't understand these sudden feelings that his presence
brings to me. I'm frustrated
Instead I check out the mouth watering meal. Lamb chops,
wors, chakalaka with pap balls. Coleslaw is the ancestor of
every meal, followed by a creamy spinach, green salad and
beetroot.
Dessert is a cheesecake. It's gonna be a long meal for my
tummy.

We are in the middle of chewing with light conversion here and

there when Mongezi enters the door being followed by this
brown skinned boy.
"mfana ka gogo, it's been long since I've seen you baby boy.
Uyaphila Nkazimulo"
He gives the boy a long tight hug. As she lets go he smiles shyly
heading to baba.. Who is suddenly wearing a different
expression. It's… hard and unwelcoming

"Mkhulu" The boy greets. I see his Jaws clenching as if he is

fighting some anger in him
"Baba, you said you were ready. My son is innocent yet you
can't even spare him a look! Just man up and deal with your
demons without hurting my son because if you don't, I'll leave
this house and I'll never return" Mongezi half shouted, his eyes
twinkling in tears. The boy is now behind him. I've never seen
Mongezi this hurt and angry. But then I've known this family for
two minutes to even understand anything.

"Stop daydreaming Mongezi. This man will never change" I'm

dazed. Zabelo's voice is beyond cold, it's shivering and his face
is deadly as he stares at baba unshaken. Baba looks like a world
is on his shoulders..
And I'm sitting here failing to understand what's happening in
this house . Not even once did I suspect that something was
going on. I just saw this perfect family with no fights

"Mongezi I said I will try. I just didn't say bring him here" a
bitter chuckle escape Zabelo's mouth followed by a click
"Can we have a quiet meal without bickering. I'm the one who
called everyone here so please respect my efforts" Ncane says.
"Not until ubaba here accepts that my son is not him! " him
who?
"This is our father, Show him some respect!" Ntsika chirps in.
"RESPECT! respect to who? To the man hiding away from his
hideous secrets…" - Zabelo
" ENOUGH!"
Baba suddenly bangs the table. A hard fist that has plates
turning upside down and that's goodbye to what would have
been my longest meal.
And a que to take the kids out in the backyard. Something is
seriously going on here and I feel like I'm the only one who
doesn't get the point
….

After that horrible lunch we spent the day outside with my

newly found friends playing. I've had to carry them in my back,
my hands and my shoulders. I ran with them in my arms and
threw them up and down in the air.
Right now exhaustion knows me by my name.
I'm so tired.
The backyard is very big, there is a garden at the far distance
from the pool and some trees with fresh air. That's where we
are, laying on the grass and looking up under the tree shade.
Nkosazana is a bully, my knees are up and she is seated on
them, her feets just resting on my poor tummy

"Fifi, Nkosazana has a boyfriend" Ase whispers loud enough for

all of us to hear.
"and she doesn't walk with us during break in school anymore "
Adds Sima.
I'm still recovering air that has left my lungs.
Nkosazana is giggling.
This kid! At her ege I didn't even know there were boyfriends to
begin with. I remember that I used to scream out of my voice
for any aeroplane up in the sky with the size of my finger to
drop a baby. To think I was once that gullible and innocent to
even believe that aeroplanes just drop babies to the world.. I
was deceived
"Do you know what a boyfriend is Nkosazana?" I ask her
"A boyfriend is a friend who writes homework for me. He gives
me his lunch and buys me a chocolate" Men aren't safe, already
I'm seeing slay queen tendencies. And who defied her about
this definition

"If I tell your father, what will he say?" she's quick to move and
stand on her feet
"No. Don't tell my father. He said boyfriends are like vampires.
They eat people"
I fail to hold in. I laugh, this is the worst thing I've ever heard.
Now they are laughing with me, screaming actually.

I'm dying of laughter when I suddenly feel this heavy presence.

"We MaFuze, what are you doing to these princesses? I've
never seen them laughing this hard"
Again, my heart is suddenly thundering.
He is hovering over me staring down at me.
He loves shorts because today he is wearing a Rolled Hem
Ripped Denim Short with Contrast Binding Polo Tee that's
hugging his biceps so tight. There are Grey Nike sneakers on his
feets

"Babo, Fifi is my best friend now. Can she go to my school so

she can carry me during break?" Nkosazana innocently says
looking up at her father. He crouches on her level and starts
chatting with these kids like they are old buddies.

For once.. I see something different replacing a stone cold look.

His eyes twinkles and his lips form a warm, contagious smile.
Something melts inside of me, my heart is racing hard in my
chest and I can't help but smile as I watch him..
I quickly look away when our eyes lock.
Let me stand up and clean up. It's getting late
I see Ntsika approaching with my ringing phone in his hand. I
haven't seen him since that quarrel. He looks down somehow
as he hands me my phone.
Oh God. It's Qhawe. I totally forgot about him
"Qhawe, Hey"
"Please don't tell me you forgot our date"
He says. For a moment I feel guilty.
"No, of course not. How can I forget our date? It's the only
thing I've been looking forward to today" one lie won't kill me.
I blink as I spot a look from Zabelo. Stone cold once again I see

"Great. I'll pick you up at six then.."

"No.. Don't pick me up. I will ask my brother Ntsika to drive
me.."
I tell him. I see the kids heading inside and I'm left with a devil..
"Just text me the name of the restaurant and I'll be there"
"If that's what you want then that's fine by me. Let me know if
you need anything else, I'll send the details. I can't wait to see
you Funeka"
I'm trying so hard to smile and enjoy the moment but Zabelo's
burning stare is just straight up in my eyeballs.
I'm fidgety as I clutch the back of my neck.
"Me too. I'll see you"
I softly say and he hangs up leaving me in a rather sticky
situation.

"So,A date?" he says it like, I don't know. But I don't like his
tone.
"Yeah" That's all I can say.
He says nothing more and takes one step ending an inch close,
our bodies almost touching and my body is heating up. There's
something about the way his head hangs low staring down at
me, My Breath hinges as his hand rises, our eyes glued and he
takes something from my head and throws it down.
"Thanks.." I say, a bit soft and quickly walk away. My knees are
wobbly..

A date? Yep.
It's after seven in the evening and Qhawe is not here. I'm
getting worked up right now. I arrived around half six which
means I've been here for more than thirty minutes!

I try his number for the fifth time and it's still Voicemail! I feel
bile rising in my throat. Qhawe wouldn't do me like this, would
he?
"His sis, would you like to order something?"
Another thing that will kill me is this waiter staring at me
"Water is fine" I say. That's going to be the third glass of water
by the way. She nods and flashes a sympathetic smile. Arg! I
don't need sympathy
"We also have something special this evening .." bla bla bla! I
feel like Vousteking this waiter
"I'm fine sis" I tell her
"Are you sure? Because we also have.."
"You heard the lady. Make yourself scarce. You'll be called
when needed. " A deep husky voice reverberates behind me.
Oh hell no..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°EIGHT°°

Ntsika Ngcobo

He gulps the third glass of wine and sink back on the chair
wallowing in deep end.
He loves his parents, more than anything and seeing them fight
is something he hates more than anything. He is about to add
on that list of stress
A while later Betty appears wearing one of her best fake smile.
Anyone can buy it but this is his mother and she can never fool
him

"I hate it when you turn into alcohol Ntsika, I hate it" she half
yell snatching the half bottle away from him.

Ntsika has a very soft heart, he wants everyone he loves to be

happy and when he is reminded that he can't control what goes
on in this house he breaks
"and I hate it when you pretend with me. Mamiza you are not
okay. You're not" tears twinkles in his eyes as he says

"It's not your job to worry about me Ntsika. It's my job however
to make sure that you don't ruin your health with alcohol. You
are too young to have a liver failure my boy"
"Go to bed, I love you okay" she says
"I know, talk to your husband. This tension has to end. Or he
will lose his children.."

*****

Funeka

“The devil doesn’t always come in red and with horns, it comes
with a Zabelo Magwaza these days. Must be nice in hell, they
are a having a blast since their hell king is giving them a
breather and in turn harassing me”
I retort, he smiles. A cunning smile that I feel bile rising up my
throat. Can the angels of death take him already
“and I’m guessing the devil is me?” he ask, sipping a beer that’s
on his hands.
Yes, he ordered a beer and made himself comfortable on a seat
that was meant for a no show Qhawe
“How else would you explain being here instead of Qhawe? ”
The smile vanishes and he lean on his chair and stare at me.
“Do you know that calling someone devil is wrong? Why do you
go to church if you still have the gut to make someone feel as if
they are better than you” okay, I didn’t expect such.
I open my mouth to say something but get interrupted as the
waiter put food in front of me, that he ordered of course.

Where is Qhawe? How can he do me like this?

I’ve been cracking my skull trying to understand why he
decided to ghost me and isn’t even man enough to tell me

“Eat your food, it’s gonna get cold.” Ah God! Why me.
“I don’t remember ordering any food Zabelo”
I tell him.
“I know, but I still say eat your food” he firmly says. Habe,
haven’t I suffered enough today. Why am I sensing a control
freak tendencies
“and I said I didn’t order any.”
He leans close, placing his beer down and balancing on his
knuckles.
“You are very beautiful MaFuze. Very beautiful” His deep husky
voice rumbles softly. Goosebumps!
I blink and look away trying so hard to fight an urge to smile

“There is something about you maFuze. Something innocent,

warm and sweet”
He adds, Heavy breathing slowly visits me, my heart rate is
beggining to change and I feel these emotions I can’t explain
attacking my thundering heart, my body and my unstable
brain.
What am I even doing?
I clear my throat trying to get my head straight
I turn my eyes slowly and find his still on me.
“Why are you here Zabelo?” I ask
“What do you think?”
He asks. This time I don’t shy away from his piercing gaze.
There is something about his eyes it's as if there is a sad story
behind, I want to know what lies behind those red eyes, behind
the dark skinned man with bushy eyebrows and full kissable
lips.. Okay.
I look down and start digging in. I’m losing it.
He move away from my face raising his hand.
I sigh a long relief. This can’t be good, for someone I hardly
know to hold so much authority.

“Another one” OH wow, another beer

“too much alcohol is not good when you’re going to drive” I
find myself saying
“don’t worry about me, I’m a big man. I won’t drive us to
death” he says, emptying the beer in his mouth
“Us?”
I frown as I ask him
“Didn’t your buddy text you, I’m going to be your driver
tonight”
What? I just lost my appetite.
Where is my phone.

It rings for a while, I’m even annoyed when he picks up

“Nsika..”
“Has Zabelo arrived? I asked him to take you. Something came
up so I can’t be your driver”
Wow, I chuckle in disbelief
“a heads-up would have been nice Ntsika, a simple text telling
me that I’ll be spending horrible hours with a devil”
I’m angry, very angry that I feel air leaving my lungs
“It’s no big deal..”
“IT IS A BIG DEAL! “ I yell.
I’m too late to calm down, my voice is very bold and I’ve gained
myself some audience. Nice

“Okay, balance me here sister. What’s wrong with Zabelo, do

you prefer I just ghosted you completely. Why don’t want to
ride with him?”
Why don’t I? For one he is a stone cold man that gives me
shivers.
And he is a heavy drinker. As it is he is on his second beer. What
if we get killed

“It’s nothing. Bye Ntsika “I hang up before he grills me even

more. Everyone seems to be ditching me today. First it was
Qhawe and now Nsika

I stand up requesting an Uber.

I'm standing outside when I feel his presence behind me but I
don’t even bother looking back
“My car is that way” He adds
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I ignore his sorry ass

He waits with me.
Few minutes later the Uber pulls up in front of me. I get in and
he goes around to the driver and talk to him.
After a while the car start moving. What was that? I’m even
surprised he didn’t force me to ride with him like he did the last
time at the office
Just as the Uber pulls outside my gate I head out only to be met
with Zabelo’s car. He was driving behind us all along.
He rolls down the window and tells me to get in.
I have no strength to fight and I have no remote with me so I
get in..
You know what.. Let me get this out of my chest
“Did you do something to Qhawe?” He says nothing and keep
on driving inside
“Who am I kidding. Ofcourse you did something. Did you have
him killed or slashed his tyres maybe. You are such a douche
Zabelo Magwaza"
Still no response. The car stops as we reach the front yard
"Get out” he utters very low, almost didn't hear him. He
unlocks the doors. Is he really giving me a cold, dead response?
I'm fuming as I stare at him but he is just looking ahead and not
at me

“What you did was lame and very low. I hope you rot in
darkness and sorrow , others might think you are all that when
in actual fact you are just a lonely, angry man sinking in his
demons alone..” his head snaps and I quickly gulp as his eyes
meets mine. They emit something else, sorrow or sadness but it
cut deep to see him in this state. even his face is just darker.
The atmosphere quickly thickens and I’m quick to open the
door.
I feel like hitting my face so hard. Why did I even say those
awful things?

…….

Work!
I wish I can say it’s going great but it’s just going South.
Its after Lunch but I’ve already had two clients shouting and
badging in Mazisi’s office screaming. The second one actually
stepped on my tiny toes when I tried stopping him and they
hurt like hell.
Not to mention that I forgot to remind Mazisi about a 13:30
meeting and forgot to book a boardroom as well for the
meeting . Time is approaching Two and I left his office filled
with about Six or Seven clients, angry clients to be precise
Right now I’m looking at the Admin Clerk shouting at me about
this.
Her office is on the first floor facing the lift and everyone
passing by is looking at me
“Just because this is your father’s company doesn’t mean that
we’ll bend the rules for Princess Ngcobo. Unlike you who got
this job because you were born in a well off family, some of us
worked our ass off for our position. I hate spoilt brats like you
that disrespect their jobs because they know that daddy
dearest will always be there to save the day.. “
She is literally yelling and the lump in my throat is becoming
hard to press. One blink and one tear fall off
“Aw! Would you look at that? She is crying just for making a
stupid mistake. Get out of my sight” just as I turn I find Mazisi
behind me. I hear a gulp
How long has he been standing here? I bet we didn’t see him
because of the heated moment.
He looks angry, deadly expression is shivering
“Bhuti I’m sor..”he raises his hand
“that was quite a movie Simone. How about you repeat what
you just said to my sister again?”
I’m back at my table feeling like the world is on my shoulders. I
admire what Mazisi did there, standing up for me but this made
things worse. Now I’m even afraid to go out because everyone
thinks I’m this spoiled princess that doesn’t know a single
struggle. They don't even know that bab Ngcobo is not my
biological father, we just happen to share the same surname. If
I had the power I would change this surname, it brings nothing
but heartache to me.

I grew up with a single mother, there is no silver spoon there.

These people met me few days ago but they’ve already decided
my fate. They know nothing about me, nothing.
I came here to look for work, I didn’t know work will find me. It
seems like I’m just a carrier of bad omen because this is too
much. An unhealthy working environment is depressing and I’m
not about to put my self through that. Only if Mihlali was here,
maybe things would be a bit bearable. Even Mihlali’s work
friends have ditched me, to think that I thought they were nice.
I guess I misjudged them

What throws me in the deep end is that image of Zabelo,

looking so broken. I can’t shake it off no matter how many
tiktok videos I watch, he is like a bad dream that keep on
showing up even if you pray more than ten times a day. I’ve
been feeling like a whole elephant is seating on my chest since
that stunt I pulled on Zabelo.
I hear someone clearing their throat and be met by one of
reason why my stress level is this high
“Funeka” Qhawe must be losing his mind to even show his face
here.
“go away Qhawe, I’m having a bad day as it is and I don’t want
you to make it even worse”
He doesn’t move. His presence is suffocating me, even his
cologne just make me wanna puke. I stand up trying to get
away but he is quick to hold my hand and staring at me
“I am sorry about last night, something came up and I just
didn’t want to be the bad company” is that all he is giving me. I
deserve way more than that
“Were you mugged? Or someone slashed your tyres or
something? “
I ask him. He frowns and shake his head
“Then what happened? Why did you stood me up when you are
the one that asked me out Qhawe? Am I a fool to you?" these
damn tears
He shakes his head and wipe the tears in my eyes
“I wasn’t mugged Baby. Stop crying okay, I’m sorry I stood you
up”
I want to scream, for everything that I’m feeling inside
“I need more than that Qhawe. If you don’t give me a proper
explanation than just get out of here.” He sighs
“It’s a long story. It’s about my father. My mother never really
talked about him until yesterday and I just lost it. I didn’t want
to be a bad company “.
Wow.. Someone bury me alive because I deserve it. I can’t
believe I suspected Zabelo when he was just helping me get
home safe and sound
“Why didn’t you call me? “
“I sort of smashed my phone on the wall “
It might have been bad..
“I know I messed up my chance but can you please allow me to
make it right. A date in my apartment, I’ll cook and we can
watch some movies after “He gently ask, caressing my cheeks.
"Please" He has a charming smile, why am I even melting arg!.
“And?” he impatiently asks and I smile as I watch his face
looking so out of place
“It’s good, very good “he smiles warmly and sigh.
“For a moment I thought you hated my food, God knows I
would have fainted” I laugh. He cooked a creamy mushroom
and chicken pasta, it tastes Devine. Not for a date night but is
its something to take me away from my wrestling brain
“you are a great cook. I might learn a thing or two from you”
When we done eating we head to the kitchen and he wash the
dishes and I wipe.
After that we head to the huge cauch and watch some Romcom
with light laughs, conversation and popcorn.
I’m glued on the TV when I feel his eyes on me
“It’s a sin to stare at a woman like that young man, especially at
night”I say, he leans close and wipe something on my mouth,
slow and erotic. My heart is begging to change its normal
rhythm
"its even a double sin when that woman looks so gorgeous
even at night" he says. I stare in his eyes and make the first
move. Our lips meet and he grabs my neck bringing me close.
We are deeply kissing when I hear hands clapping
“Qhawelethu Ndlovu! I’m busy worrying about you while you
are busy with hoes”
Okay, that’s my que.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE
**unedited *

°°NINE°°

“Mom what the hell are you doing here?”

Oh Jesus!, it’s his mother
She’s glaring at me as if she’ll kill me with just a stare
“I have the keys remember” dangling the keys in the air she
says and look at her son. How I wish the world to swallow me
I fix my dress and stand up
“This is my apartment, you can’t just badge in here without
knocking”
He seethes
“is she the one influencing you to be disrespectful Qhawe,
because my sweet boy never screams at me”
Let me take my bag and leave before I lose it
“I’ll see you Qhawe” I pass her but she quickly grabs me with
my arm
“stay the hell away from my son”
I’m grabbed again, this time by strong hands and I land on
Qhawe’s hard chest with my back. I must be a yoyo today

“You don’t have the right to touch her like that mom!, What’s
wrong with you?!"
She laughs, not a good laugh

“get out of my house”

I look at him shocked
“No, Qhawe you can’t kick your mother out. I’m leaving” he
holds me tight
“go to my bedroom and wait for me. “ I want to protest but the
tension is already too much so I head to where the bedroom is
After deafening screams I see him getting through the door. He
looks exhausted emotionally and physically
“I am so sorry about what just happened. I didn’t want you to
leave like that. Let me drive you home, my mom doesn’t want
to leave”
I grab my things and follow him.

****
I’m so drained as I open my eyes slowly. The annoying alarm is
bursting my ears, I quickly stop the alarm and throw the
blanket away. I take the shower and prepare for work.
Monday was the worst day, to think I thought it’ll end better
only to be dissapointed in the end.
I hope today will be better

I grab my things and find a woman preparing breakfast in the

kitchen, she smiles as she see me
“You must be Funeka, I’m MaVezi. The house helper” I smile
“nice to meet you ma. Where is everyone? “
“I’m not sure, maybe they are still sleeping"
I grab the apple and request an Uber to work. I’m slowly
running out of cash that mama gave me.

Reaching work it’s the usual annoying eyes and back to back
meetings. By the time lunch comes I'm exhausted as they
come. The office phone rings as I’m about to head out for
lunch.
“HI Funeka
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this is Pearl. Someone is here to see you, she said she is
Qhawe’s mother”
I'm shocked but I remain calm and tell her I'm on my way

I find the reception quite as always, the receptionist is seated

with a cup of coffee on her hands
"Pearl, hi. You said someone is here for me"
"yes, there she is"
I turn and find her seating on a cauch just from me. She stands
up, her expensive fragrance hits my nostrils. She's wearing
heels and her walk is that of an 'I own the world' demeanor

"Fumile rights" she says as she reach me. Not even smiling
"it's Funeka" I tell her. She is intimidating, glaring at me from
head to toe as if I bathed with puke, my perfume might not be
the best but it smells great that I'm sure off

"can I help you ma?"

"I'm not your mother little girl, don't ever call me that. What an
insult" she's even frowning as she says.im being tested today
"Which hole did you come from? What sango a did you see
because my Qhawe would never stoop to this level" her bold
voice is gaining attention as she says, pointing at me with her
manicured hands
"with all due respect mah.."
"I Am Not your mother. Do me a favor and stay away from my
child"
Is this a joke?
Somebody punch me in the face because this can't be real
"I think Qhawe is old enough to make his own decisions. If he
doesn't want me he will tell me and only then will I stay away.."
A loud slap lands on my face, I'm bewildered as I stare at her.
Did she just slap me?
"stay away from my son"
"women your age are busy enjoying middle age and here you
are harassing me ma..."
I scream as a hot liquid make contact with my chest, drenching
my top completely
"It won't be coffee next time, stay away"
Tears rolls down my face.
I'm frozen, I can't move or think where to from here
I feel hands grabbing me gently
"what happened?" I hear Mazisi's voice, he is leading my
zombie self outside. I hate my life.
RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TEN°°

Martha Ndlela

It is after two in the afternoon.

Martha is busy cooking in a kitchen when a hard knock comes
through. She drops everything and heads to the door.
She blinks, shock washing over her as she realize who is at the
door
"Martha" The man says, his voice sounding bolder than before.
He is darker than she remembers him, the bald head suits his
older look "Thulani" her chest is heaving and falling, she's just
glued in one spot, in the middle of the door way

"Are you going to let me in?" He asks, staring at her.

"come on in" he gets in and instantly she gets hypnotised with
the manly fragrance.
He has always been a man that smells good
"Can I offer you something to drink? I was making some food"
He shakes his head as she leads him to the tiny kitchen with
built in cupboards and a table with four chairs.
He settles in one of the chairs, his eyes start wandering around
as if searching for something.

Silence visits them. The silence of two people who've spent

years without seeing each other.
"I never thought I'd see you again" She breaks the ice, leaning
against the fridge
"I never thought I'd get out" he says.
"You look, old. But not in a bad way"
Martha adds, he doesn't smile.

"So, how long have you been out?" Martha ask again
"Just a few days, I had to be cleansed first before coming
here."
It's silent again. Martha feels a pang of hurt and guilt in her
heart. She didn't know he'd actually be released.
"Can I see her?" asks Thulani, in a softer tone. Martha heads
out and returns with an album and hands it to him.

Tears start welling in his eyeballs as he pages the album, each

picture giving him heartache and joy at once.
"Where is she? Visiting friends or? "
Martha looks away, a topic she's been trying so hard t avoid
since he stepped inside her house

"Martha" the album is now on the table and his stare is back at
her.
He has scars on his face, some have replaced the others but it is
evident that he is an ex convict.

"you have to understand Thulani that I had no choice"

She starts by explaining. Thulani stands up and she quickly take
a step away from him.
He is not the Thulani she once knew

"Where is my daughter Martha?"

He firmly ask
"She lives with My sister in Gauteng.. and… Your brother"
Veins pop out of his face, his nose flaring causing her to gulp
nervously

Martha is afraid but she tries to explain. This is not how she
imagined things would turn out.
Had she waited a little longer, none of this would be
happening.
"I didn't know that you were going to be released from prison
and beside Funeka doesn't even know you so I had to give her a
family that she can trust"
He sarcastically laughs, for the first time since he arrived here
"and my brother is the family she can trust, how hilarious"
"Thulani listen to me, I'm.."
"Martha there is nothing that I will listen to here. You decided
to ship my daughter to the very same man that is the reason
she grew up without a father and never even had the guts to
tell me" furiously he says.
He isn't yelling loudly but his voice is laced with utmost anger
"Tell you? Don't tell me that crap Thulani. You and I stopped
talking many years ago, I didn't want to judge appear of
nowhere and tell you how I plan to raise my child"
"And whose fault is that? Aren't you the one who just stopped
visiting"
His voice is beginning to raise

"I had to move on, from you."

"What about my child, did you even tell her about me? Did you
even give her the letters I wrote?"

"You were away for a long time Thulani and it was hurting my
child.."

"OUR CHILD!"
She sighs

"that day when you promised to come and never did

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that broke her. I didn't want to keep giving her false hope not
knowing if you were ever going to be released"
She tells him

"You know it wasn't my fault that I was suddenly denied Parole.

You know that very well Martha. I was away for 25 years, 25
years and the only thing that kept me going was the image of
seeing my child. I want my daughter Martha and I want her
now.."

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen. If you want to see

Funeka you'll have to go to Gauteng."
"Why did you do that? Why did you ship her to him? Of all
people you gave my child to that back stabbing mother fuckin
shit!... "
"I'M DYING , OKAY . I'm dying"

"What do you mean you are dying?"

Her lips start quivering and tears instantly drop down..
******
FUNEKA
I say a little prayer before opening my eyes.
Its another day, I'm not even going to hope that it will be better
because I seem to attract nothing but trouble since I stepped
on Johannesburg grounds.
If I was a believer in ancestors I'd ask mama to burn some
incense and tell them to look after thier own. I mean, what in
the name of trouble is this?

I get off the bed and head to take a shower.

When I return I hear a knock at the door.
"Coming"
I've decided to lock my door, I can't have everyone budging in
here and find me naked.
After wearing comfortable clothes I unlock the door. Ntsika
walks in and sit on my unmade bed.
"Sis, Mazisi told me about what happened. How are you
feeling?" there are no secrets in this house.
Mazisi brought me home yesterday and I slept an entire
afternoon. Sometimes I just take a nap when I'm too engraved
in magnitude of emotions
"I'm okay, I guess" I sit next to him and blink tears away. I'm
sensitive sometimes, especially when I'm too scared
He sighs and stare at me, he is feeling sorry for me I can tell

"what exactly happened? Why did that woman do that to you"

Where do I start
"To stay away from her son, Qhawe. She said it won't be coffee
next time. I don't know what she meant but I got scared"
"nx, wicked woman! As if his son is made of gold. Has he called
though? Does he know what his mother did?"
He has been calling but I've been ignoring his calls
"I don't have the strength to talk to him"
He smiles sadly and side hug me

"We can visit her home if you want to, slash some tires or break
windows just to teach her a lesson"
This one is crazy
"No no, I'm good. I'm famished anyway , can we go eat"
I'm not going to work today, I'm taking a break. Mazisi gave me
three days off, maybe it is good to work for family sometimes
We find mam MaVezi preparing breakfast, I make a cereal for
myself just to pass time
"I am telling you, we woke up at 4 am to fetch water.." Mama
says, she's telling us stories about how her life was and I can
safely say that I wouldn't have survived in her time
"imagine carrying 20 litre bucket for over 20 minutes"
"I would have committed suicide. Tjoh"

We are busy laughing when a doorbell rings, the one leading to

the lounge.
I stand up heading to the door, it might be Mazisi. That one is
always having breakfast here. I wonder why he even moved out
if he wasn't ready to make breakfast for himself

"Mama!" I scream and throw myself in her arms.

I didn't realise how much I've missed her until now.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were
coming"
"I'm here now aren't I"
We break the hug and my eyes land on this man behind her. His
face is somehow familiar..

"Funeka" he says, offering me a handshake

Ow, he knows my name
"Sawbona" I say and we shake hands.
He doesn't let go as I try to pull away.. Strange. "THULANI,
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"
I turn to see Bab Ngcobo shooting daggers at the man holding
my hand…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°ELEVEN°°

FUNEKA

These people spend so much time arguing about things that

don't even make sense to me.
I left the lounge and headed to my bedroom.
The only thing that makes sense right now is tik tok videos.

Qhawe is calling again,

Might as well pick up
"Hi"
"Funeka, what's wrong? Did I do something. Why are you
ignoring me like this?"
His voice is full of panic
"Qhawe, I don't think you and I will work. Maybe we should just
stop.."
He chirps in
"Don't even think about it. Can I atleast see you? Please, I
promise I won't disappoint you. I just need you to tell me what I
did wrong the last time".
I sigh and keep my mouth closed.
I'm really confused, I don't want to fight useless battles like that
one with Qhawe's mother.. I'm way too young for monster in
law chronicles
"Qhawe, I don't mean to be insensitive or anything but just
leave me alone. You and can't work. Not now, not ever"
I dropped the call. I'm tempted to block his number but let me
just be human and leave things the way they are. Maybe he'll
get the memo.

There is a ping of hurt in my heart. Maybe because I was

starting to like this guy. It's easy to like him because he is good
looking, with a charming smile.
There is a knock at my door.
Mazisi walks in and stand by the door
"Are you okay?aren't you supposed to be going to work"
" There is something I want us to talk about"
Sounds serious
"what is it?" I ask him, putting my phone on the side
"Are you in a relationship with Qhawe, a client?"
Okay, I never expected this question

"Am I talking to a CEO, my boss or a brother?"

He laughs, shakes his head and completely moves in. My bed
dips as he sit next to me
"Maybe both, if you are in a relationship with him you have to
break things off with him
I'm saying as a boss. And as a brother, he is not good for you
sisi. Break up with him"
Why is everyone telling me to leave this man..
****

During the day I'm with Ntsika in Zabelo's club. He is having one
of his meetings. I take some selfies and upload some of my
status and a location of where I am.
People must know that I drink expensive cocktails in
elegant clubs… I have class now.. Okay I'm exaggerating but
who cares..

The last time I was here I had a fight. I promise to behave

today.
This Friday I'm painting Joburg red, it's high time I experience
the night life of Ndonga ziyaduma

I see Mongezi approaching our table just as Nstika's client

leaves the table.
Something clicks in my head, now I know why that man was so
familiar this morning.
He looked exactly like that boy he brought home during that
chaotic lunch. As old as he is but he looks exactly like Mongezi's
child

"sis, I hope you'll come to me next time before choosing a

boyfriend. I know every man in Johannesburg and that one is a
no no.." What's with this family and no secret, especially when
it comes to me
"This morning it was your twin telling me to break up with
Qhawe and now it's you"
I say.
"we know better"
"you guys are so controlling"
I tell him
I keep hoping that I might see Zabelo.
I haven't seen the guy since that fallout.
He hates me even more wherever he is I'm sure.
Since Mongezi kept on harassing me, I ended up with just one
bottle of brutal. Just one.
I'm definitely not partying here next time, never. I don't want to
have a security guard while I'm trying to have some fun.

Do people come here straight from work? I mean it's

approaching four but this place is starting to be a buzz.. I might
just not go back home tonight. Mama will have to forgive me. I
have mother in law issues and I need to unwind.
We are seated at a table, having the craziest, loudest
conversation with Ntsika when I see Qhawe approaching with
flowers in his hands. How did he know.. Okay, he might have
viewed my status.
"Funeka, can we talk?" he says just as he reaches me.
"I'm busy Qhawe"
Ntsika is now shooting daggers at him
"Hello to you too, man of Gold" he says, looking up at him. This
one is drunk, nobody's guarding him like me.
"You should tell your mother to focus on finding herself a good
sugar daddy instead of harassing my sister." he is talking too
much. Now Qhawe is glaring at me putting the flowers on the
table
"What is he talking about?"
"I'm in no mood for this thing. You and I are nothing Qhawe. I
don't owe you any Explanation".
Where is the loo? I suddenly feel pressed so I stand up but I feel
his hand grabbing my wrist.
"Can you give me a chance? Please Funeka. I beg you" OH
Bawo. This is not what I signed up for.
"Let go of me Qhawe."
"Not until you talk to me. Let's go to my car and we can talk"i
try to wiggle my hand out of his but he is stronger..
"Let me go! You are hurting me Qhawe…"
"I'll let you go when you agree to talk to me.."
Aibo, is this a joke or?.
"Let her go"

story of my life…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWELVE °°

FUNEKA

Qhawe instantly let go of my hands.

I can literally feel his heavy presence behind me.
Qhawe seems a bit.. I don't know shaken or something.
"We were just talki.."
"I don't care. Touch her like that again, I'll cut those hands
myself" he venomously spits.
My vessels are drying up, seriously.
Is he threatening him? My God your children aren't safe with
this man behind me
"hadde Bro"
What's happening here?
"Get lost ninja"
Just like that Qhawe wabathu quickly walks out. Shame, never
thought I'd see a ninja this close. Arh !

I turn.
There he is, looking dapper in shorts, golf t shirt and flops. Doe
he ever wear something else other that shorts
"maFuze"
My tummy does this thing of flipping
"Zabelo"
I'm thinking he will walk away instead he draws close. I suck in
my breath as his body presses against mine. He takes my hand
slowly, the one Qhawe was holding and I feel this shocking
feeling bursting my entire body as he slowly massages my
wrist.
I feel some sense of warmth. His hands are warm and weirdly
soft for a man

The Hypocritical organ in between my lungs is bulging.

Zabelo has this deep aura around him that's somehow
intimidating but rigid.
"Are you in pain?" He asks in a rather scary tone, staring down
at me. I literally feel his minty breath on me as he stands an
inch close.
I shake my head. His eyebrows frowns
"MaFuze" He is staring deep in my eyes, while his hand remains
massaging my wrist. I'm exploding in magnitude of emotions
and he expects me to function normally. Somebody tells me
how my weakened knees are still carrying me
"just a little" hhay, this soft voice can never be mine. I refuse
"Come with me"
My wrist is just in its brown state, if I was light skinned I'd
probably be red. But as they say black doesn't crack.

We are in his car driving to Lord knows where.

I'm just seated like a good kid next to him biting my fingernails.
I'm diving in nervousness and feeling kind of important at
once.
"We are here" he says, stopping the engine.
He gets out and I do the same.
I feel his hand encircling my waist and we start walking. I don't
even know why I'm allowing this to happen. But here I am,
feeling like a queen in his arms.
I feel protected, content and at peace

"That wasn't necessary Zabelo" I tell him as we leave the

pharmacy behind. Yes, he bought some cream to help with the
pain.
"it was" yep, only him can bring just tiny responses while I'm
waiting for a two pages kind of response

We are Inside the car when we find his phone ringing.

He looks at the screen, a Mandisa name pops up in bold. I feel
some type of way
Is that his girlfriend? Why am I even bothering myself
He doesn't pick though, he just grabs my wrists and starts
applying the cream he bought. It's cold, but his gentle rub has
me wanting to go out and ask Qhawe to bruise my other wrist
When he is done he puts it down and starts the engine.
*****

"Zab.." I don't know what to do, he is slowly taking my thong

with his teeth. It's turning me on and erotic at the same time.
He tosses it aside and hovers over me
his hard face now an inch close to my mouth.

I cry out a faint cry as he plays with my slippery folds and in a

nanosecond he thrust in and I let out a loud scream. My head
is sinking deep in the pile of pillows as I moan…

I wake up sweating, my head buried deep in the covers and I'm

embarrassingly wet and horny.
My clit is crying for help.
Somebody strike me pink because what in the name of
witchcraft is this?
How can I have a wet dream about Zabelo? Of all people.
I need some holy water and that pink powder to get rid of this
bad spirit.. Jesus!

I'm on my way to the kitchen. I need something to keep me

sane. If I knew where bab Ngcobo kept his wine, I'd be heading
there but water will have to do for now..

I quickly stand still as I reach the kitchen door. It's him, it has to
be!
My goodness, it wasn't enough to dream about him now he is
here.
I slowly turn
"maFuze, I don't bite"
Flipp… damn it. The bustard with crazy instinct has sensed me.
Is it because of my INuka perfume, I mean I spray myself after
bathing. Maybe it's high time I stop this silly habit
"Are you having a nightmare?" he asks, closing the fridge
gently. There is a half bitten drumstick in his hands.

"ahem.. Something like that?" really, it was worse than

something like that..
Oh God! My heart is sinking, he put the drumstick on the
counter.
I want to run as he makes his way to me, slowly.

He stops before me and looks down at me looking all serious

and dangerously salivating in a white vest that's revealing all his
strong arms and black track pants.
"Tell me about it" he gently utters.
I gulp and summon all the courage bones in my body and hope
to die
"I was running in the woods.." he chuckles. Now I'm glaring at
him. What's funny about my lie, he doesn't know that I'm lying
so what's funny?
"I'm sorry, continue" he says, stifling a laugh.
Let me just..
"so, I was running in the woods and I saw something like a
vampire.."
He is laughing, it is not even funny.
"Really Zabelo?" I'm getting worked up, seriously
I turn and begin walking away but I'm instantly grabbed
bumping on his hard chest.
Now my heart is literally jumping hard.
We've never been this close before, one wrong move our lips
will collide..
Our eyes are glued, I can't shy away. I want to look at him all
day long, every day but..
"Where do you think you are going, young lady? We are not
done here" his husky voice whispers..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

*Unedited *
°°THIRTEEN °°

FUNEKA

Something tells me this is just another dream, because there is

no way in hell I'll allow this to happen. To make matters worse,
Zabelo is like a brother.

We shouldn't be buried deep into this situationship. Maybe I'm

still dreaming as I stare closely at his dreamy face, his dark lips
inviting me to do the worst.
My thundering heart in my chest is evident enough that I'm in
no lalaland. This is happening

"Zabelo" I doubt he heard me, my voice was way too low. His
eyes stare down my lips, my eyes close automatically as I feel
his breath tickling my face.
I feel air leaving my lungs as I hold my breath waiting.. Waiting
and..

"And then wena nightwalker? Are you sleepwalking now?" I

half scream, holding my chest.
"Hhayini undertaker, what are you doing here in the middle of
the night? If I didn't know any better I'd say you are a witch"
Where is Zabelo? I can still smell his cologne.
My eyes wander around, was I dreaming?
°°°°°°°°

I woke up to a ringing cell phone. Mazisi, he is calling me...

Just as I pick up the call stops.
Now that I'm awake let me check tik tok first, that's my home.
Followed by whatsapp and Facebook. I used to have Instagram,
until I realised that it wasn't my time yet. I'll grace those IG
streets once I have my own money. For now, Marc zuckerback
is my daily hero.

After exhausting my poor eyes I check text messages. Maybe I

won a lottery, who knows.
I jump up, this can't be real.
Somebody just deposited R10 000 cash in my account and the
reference is..
Damn you Qhawe Ndlovu.
I'm fuming. The message was received during the night, he
wasn't sleeping but busy thinking of ways to trap me. He hasn't
even apologised for manhandling me. Dauche!

I was angry when I realised that Zabelo left me stranded and

now this?
God must really enjoy seeing me wrenched in terror. Qhawe
isn't picking up as I call him.

Let me check his whatsapp..

What?
I'm his Display picture, he stole my recent status and updated
his DP. The nerve of this guy.
I'm still recovering from this anger when someone knocks on
my door.
"Come in"
I quickly sit up as Bab Ngcobo gets in.
He smiles and grab a chair then seat in front of me
"MaNgcobo"
He greets
"yebo baba" I say, respectfully
"Are you okay? I heard someone harassed you at work the
other day" sometimes I wonder if they ever keep secrets in this
house

"I'm okay baba" he is looking at me

"Do you have a boyfriend?" the bomb!
It just busted in front of my eyes and I'm not sure how to
handle this situation. I blink and shake my head
"these boys are too much trouble ndodakaz. Stay away from
them if you know what's good for you" he says, in an unfriendly
tone.
I nod my head.
He stand up
"If you need money don't be afraid to let me know. I don't want
you receiving money from scumbags who will only hurt your
feelings. Come with me, there is something I must give you"
my.. Oh my..

I'm holding a bank card, baba just handed it to me just now.

I'm on my way back to my room holding it in my hand.
I'm gobsmacked.
"Nenezi, I've been looking for you" Mama says as I bump into
her in the passage.
"Where is the man you came with yesterday?" I ask her
"he left. What's that?" she's staring at the card in my hand

"Baba gave me and said I should buy whatever I want, the pin is
my birthday, how strange and amazing mama" I happily tell her.
She just snatches the card away and climbs the stairs in anger..
And then?

After bathing I head to the kitchen and find it busy. MaVezi is

preparing breakfast with a woman I've never seen before in my
life.
I greet them and begin making myself a cereal.
"Ayibo, sis Mandisa. Is that you?" Ntsika yells, walking in and
immediately the kitchen becomes loud.
They seem to get along with this woman.
I'm just minding my own business

"Where is Nkosazana?" Ncane asks, walking in as well.

"she's at school ma. I drove her to school and decided to pass
by. It's been a while since we saw each other" the woman
responds, her voice as sweet as those of radio presenters.
"I miss her, bring her here after school" she nods
"I see you've met Funeka, she's my sister's only daughter"
Ncane introduces me.
She smiles, my God, she's gorgeous.
"Nice to meet you Funeka, I'm Zabelo's baby mama"
I choke in my breath and quickly swallow nothingness.
"HI" I say and offer a hug.
What an awkward hug!
The breakfast table is draped in laughter and crazy
conversation. Baba is just listening but sharing not even a single
smile.
On the other hand, I'm buried in mixed emotions.
This is thee Mandisa, this girl is hot. She is blessed with the likes
of Buhle Samuel's Body and here I am looking like I just survived
kwashiorkor and hunger in Haiti.
"FUNEKA!" I look up
everyone is staring at me.
"What?" I ask, looking confused

"Mandisa is asking if you don't mind volunteering at a hospital

she is working in" Nsika says.
"what are you talking about?"
I ask, I haven't been paying attention to this conversation

"I'm a doctor and I was wondering if you'd like to volunteer.

Ntsika says you have a degree in Social work"
Aw.. Zero point for me. Again!
"No, I'm okay" I say, flashing the fakest smile ever.
"you can think about it, no need to turn me down now. I'm just
trying to help. Social work has scarce opportunities so it is
better to take anything that comes your way nana"
Who died and made her the deputy motivational speaker, last I
checked Zondo is still alive and kicking.

I'm saved by mama joining the table and it is instantly quiet.

Thank God I can eat my breakfast in peace.
Where is Mazisi today, I wonder.
****

After breakfast Mandisa, the doctor offered to wash dishes and

I just decided to solve this Qhawe issue once and for all

As of now I'm heading out to meet with him. He called and said
he was outside.
I'm about to go out the gate when suddenly Mazisi drives in. I
wave at him but he stops, rolling down the window
"bhuti" I say
"You do not listen do you?" his voice is stern as he says.
"What are you talking about?" I ask
"didn't I tell you to stay away from that scumbag Qhawe?"
Is he scolding me? At this age?
"but I did break things off. There was nothing going on between
us" I say, he unlock the car and gets off
Oh bawo!

"Where are you going then?" his sharp eyes are glaring at me.
Now I look guilty as I look at him dumbfounded
"What's this?" he hands me his phone.
I feel my heart sinking deep.
I'm all over Qhawe's status. Why didn't I notice this?

I just looked at the Display picture only and didn't bother to

view his status updates. There are even old pictures from
Facebook.
And a screenshot showing that he sent me the money.
"OH God" that's all I manage to say. This is just.. Strange and
scary
"I swear Bhut I'm not dating Qhawe. I'm not."
He looks at me and takes his phone.
I'm left even more confused as he drives away from me.
I wait for Mazisi to get inside the house and walk out. The
streets are empty, there is no Qhawe. Maybe Mazisi told him to
get lost, I won't be surprised if he did.

The day goes too slow when you are stressed. The sun is
scorching outside, I'm in nothing but a light doek covering just
my upper body. I'm wearing a Drawstring Waist Short for
security.

I've binge watched every thing that I love until I settled on

Titanic.
I'm watching Titanic a zillion times today.
I'm at the scene where Rose is surrounded by dead people, in a
coldest ocean on a darkest night.
She's waking Jack, I'm crying with her. I do that when I'm
stressed sometimes so I can find a reason to release the
suffocating tension in my heart.
I can't seem to shake away Zabelo's image. I'm trying so hard to
understand last night's situationship, headache is slowly getting
worse. Ntsika isn't here to keep my mind busy, mama is
sleeping and everyone else is at work. Dr Mandisa left as well
and maVezi too.

It's after Four when Titanic ends.

You know what, let me do this.
I quickly request an Uber to his club.
I'm back to fuming again, how dare he. He had absolutely no
right to do that to me.

I'm a woman and I'm vulnerable at night, he used that

opportunity to lue me and made me a fool. Uthinte
abangathintwa sgodo esimnyama!
I'm coming for you.

Just as the Uber drops me off at the club I quickly walk in and
search for him. Right now I can even smell his blood, if I can just
grab his balls and squeeze them, only then will he know my
name, Rhaa! Where the hell is this dick head?
"Funeka, what are you doing here?"
Its Mongezi
"Great, you are here. Where is your useless partner? I want to
squeeze his green balls dry" I say, he looks shocked.
"He is not here. He went back to his apartment just few
minutes ago"
The bustard's underground gang works overtime. How can I
miss him?
"but I can drive you" Aw, look at God. I'm definitely praying
today.

Mongezi leaves me at the door. I knock and wait, tapping my

foot impatiently.
He has to know that I'm not here to play. Will he tell me why he
left me like that? For his own good I hope he does.
I'm a woman of high calibre and I deserve better.
I'm about to knock again when the door opens
His presence hit me in a way I never even imagined. I'm not
sure what to say anymore. Why am I even here again?

He looks shocked to see me outside his door, his face is

showing that he just woke up. Was he sleeping?

Heavy breathing slowly suffocates me, my heart rate is

beginning to change and I feel these intense emotions attacking
my over beating heart. God, I'm losing my mind. I swear I am.
We are staring into each other's eyes, saying nothing. Just
staring.
I feel drawn into this man, so drawn that it hurts a little.

"MaFuze"
After what feels like eternity he softly utters.

"Zabelo, how can you do this to me?" one blink and a single
tear drops down my face.
He is quick to encircle his arms around my waist bringing me to
his chest..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°FOURTEEN°°

The lump in my throat is suffocating as he suddenly let me go.

He stares at me, as if caging me in his spell. Something in me is
screaming and feeling more attached to the dark man before
me. An unexplainable magnet evokes my heart, pulling me to
him.

He slowly brings me inside and closes the door, locking it. I

stand still, wiping stupid tears on my face. I can feel his
supreme yet demanding presence behind me, I try to ignore
him but he speaks
"MaFuze, I've never been a sangoma before. I suggest you tell
me what is going on before I lose my mind. Who hurt you?" His
melodic yet husky tone is soothing my heavy heart. This man is
so dump, can't he tell that he is the one responsible for my
crazy emotions
My lips dance, tasting nothing instead of giving him an answer.
Strong hands land on my shoulders and I'm turned slowly. But I
look down at his very big toes. Very big toes with full nails, why
can't he cut his nai..
"Look at me" he commands. Tingles flushes my tummy
instantly.
"I can't," I whisper. How do I even stare at him after making a
fool of myself. Seriously? What doll stopped dancing in my
head for me to misbehave this way

"MaFuze" I know, I just know that he is getting impatient. A

warm, index finger lands on my chin and slowly he raises my
face until our eyes meet..
If it is me than I am signing myself in a psychiatric hospital
because I feel it, I think he does too.
The burning, electrifying connection is too deep and hard to
ignore, it is as loud as an empty can in the coldest, quiet night.
I'm screwed, dead and buried in the name of Zabelo Magwaza
I'm drowning in a wave of emotions as he stares at me. His
monolid dark eyes illuminate gentleness and something that I
fail to read.
He begin caressing both my cheeks, I feel like I'm in Disneyland
with colourful surroundings.
"Who hurt you?" he softly questions once more.
"You" a bit louder than before I responded.
His eyes narrow at my answer, a bit taken back.

"you hurt me Zabelo, you just appeared out of nowhere and

made me feel things I don't even understand and then you just
left and never even bothered to check up on me. I'm not an
idiot and I'm not a plaything okay! I have feelings and I hate it
when my feelings are rejected! "
I've screamed, I see the way his face has suddenly reached a
stone cold state. I don't know when he removed his hands from
my face but he has, I can feel the coldness they left.
Its too late to turn back my words.
I sound like I'm begging for his love..
He does the unexpected and leaves me standing, again? And to
make matters worse, the man locked me in..

I'm left in an impassive state, my heart feeling like somebody

just punched it with a four pound hammer. Tears dingle in my
eyes but I'm quick to blink them and breathe out loudly..
Nothing is happening between us, but the way he just left me
stings so bad.
Aw God, I'm going off the deep end

°°°°°°°

Qhawe Ndlovu

He stares at her pictures for the umpteenth time and each time
he still feels the love for her growing even deeper than before.
Time is approaching eight in the evening, he has been inside
Zabelo's club just wandering around.
The Ngcobo boys really had it with him
Advertisement
first it was Mazisi and now it seems like Zabelo is heading the
same way.
This time he won't take it lying down, he will fight tooth and
nail to have her.
His phone beeps, he closes the folder and opens the text with a
number and a location.
He will pay this woman a visit, she will be the perfect ally.

*×××××××××××*
FUNEKA

I could lie and say I don't like this bachelor apartment but I
really do. It is comfortable and cosy, combining the living room
with one big sofa and a huge TV screen on the wall, the tiny
kitchen is on the left side of the apartment and the sleeping
area is at the far corner with a huge, comfy bed adorned in
Grey and white covers.
There is a door leading to what I assume is a balcony and
another one that I think leads to a separate bathroom.
It's different from the luxurious double story that I live in but
it's actually a beauty on its own.

My phone is ringing, mama's name flashes on the screen and I

feel like slapping the foolishness out of me. How can I forget
her so quickly?
"Where are you? Last I checked you were watching the TV
Funeka" she is about to scream at me.
I can start by telling her how I stupidly looked for a man that is
not even here with me anymore and that I'm here, at night and
alone in his apartment patiently waiting for him to return. It's
so quiet and I'm just on my own like a wife waiting for her serial
cheater husband to come home. I can't even bother with TV
"I'm with Mihlali. She is pregnant and she said she was having
cramps so I wanted to be there for her." By the time I reach hell
my gold made folk would be long done and just waiting for me
"Who is that ?" she ask
I've mastered the art of lying when it comes to this woman. I
became an expert during my adolescence stage.

"I work with her. You can ask Bhut Mazisi, she knows her"
She believes me and tells me to pray for her and hangs up.
I feel bad for lying but what I feel for Zabelo surpasses my little
lie. Now, how do I make sure that my little lie remains intact?
I text Bhut Mazisi and ask for her numbers.
I send her a whatsapp asking her to back me up.
We aren't that close but she seems like a good woman.
In less than a minute she calls and laughs at me and tells me to
shave..
Lucky for her I'm that chicken that's always ready for action,
Zabelo won't know what..
okay..
Let me hit a brake because I'm going in a fast lane.

To shy away from my wrecking brain I decided to check the

pots and start cooking since there is no food in here. I'm sure
he eats at the Club Grill during the day and at night he
ambushes ncane's kitchen.

I'm busy cooking the only thing I found in this house, beef and
maize meal, so I made uphuthu. The nerve of Zabelo, his fridge
has more beer than food. Yerr. There is a lot of work for me
here.. Okay let me get this out of my head..
I'm almost done when I suddenly hear the door knob
turning, he walks in.
My heart jumps, announcing that the man of my sanity is in the
house.
"Come here" he says. I slowly catwalk towards him, his stare
burning my every step. As I reach him the smell of mint and
something else suffocates my nostrils.
"You just left" I say, looking at him. The pain in my voice is
loud.
"I was out, smoking," he tells me.
He moves closer to me, his body presses against mine and I
hold my breath.
His breath is heating up my face, that's how close we are. The
intense connection again, I feel it evoking the deepest part of
me.
I briefly glance at his inviting lips and then stare at his eyes
again. If I'm seeing clearly I'll say he just shared a sly smile for a
second. He starts to lean in, my heart is literally threatening to
leap out.
A burst of adrenaline rushes through my body like firecrackers
when his lips pressed against mine and I shut my eyes
completely. I feel his hand hooking behind my neck and our lips
start dancing in sync rebooting every emotion in me. He gently
parts my lips, sliding his tongue and I let him take full control
and allow the intense, deep and lingering kiss to overtake me.
A low, faint moan leaves my mouth as the kiss deepens, unholy
juices are slowly forming in between my legs
Butterflies in my tummy are bursting like crazy as I hold on to
his hard chest…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

*unedited *

°°FIFTEEN°°

There is this unexplainable happiness at the deepest of my

sentiment. I'm overjoyed and I can't even put it in words.
After that knee weakling kiss we shared last night we ate and I
fell asleep in his arms. The most amazing moment of my life.

I slowly open my eyes and be greeted by the sun rays

illuminating the entire apartment but his side is empty. As if he
can sense the questions starting to bomber my mind he walks
in, from the balcony.
He is in just a vest and boxers, that alone just gives me heart
palpitations.
His strong manly amrs are just out in the open
My eyes dart down to his hairy, long legs as he confidently
walks toward me. His left leg is slightly curved and that add to
his masculine, confident walk. I feel like everything about this
man fascinates me in more ways then one.
God created him just for me to lose my sanity.

I'm just staring in awe, laying on the bed. Just as he reaches me

he kisses me, slow and passionate awakening every emotion in
me. If this is how it feels to be with indoda then I'm definitely
choosing him over family.. Okay that's too early

"maFuze" he says as we stop kissing, his face an inch close and

our breaths are attacking one another. My heart swirls in
tingles and I can't help the blush spreading across my face.
His breath has something minty and … weed if I'm correct. I feel
his his touch on my cheeks, .
he brushes my face staring deeply in my eyes.. I'm ashamed of
my self for responding to his touch so effortlessly

"Why are you here MaFuze?" he asks in a whisper, keeping his

gaze on me. His hand keep on caressing my face
He is hovering over me, his other balanced on my left side, I can
literally feel his thing poking his boxer and in turn touching my
lower body causing shivers.
"because I want to be here, with you" I tell him, surprising
myself in the process
"ngiyatkthand mina maFuze" he hit me with a bomb as he
confesses that he loves me and I'm just not even sure what to
say. I'm bewildered but overjoyed. Because I think Iove him
too, why else would I be here If I didn't have feelings for him.

"Your image has haunted me since my eyes landed on you that

night, hitting me with a vase and your lips pouting and your
face terrified" he chuckles. I'm just amazed, taking in what he
just said.
Then he stops and be stone cold again
"But you are young Funeka, you're supposed to be running
after your age mates, not me"
Is he trying to hurt me? Because it is working. Did he just call
me by my name? I hate it.

"I'm 24 years, I'm not a child Zabelo" I say, defending whatever

it is that I'm feeling for him.
He moves from my face and seat beside me.

"I hate games maFuze, I'm too old to be running around you
and telling you how to behave around me. I hate being shouted
at because it makes me feel like I'm some mindless teenager
with boyfriend issues, I hate being unable to get hold of my
woman because she has suddenly decided to ignore me over a
silly argument. I hate not knowing where you are, with who. I
hate lies, as little as they are I still prefer the truth. Maybe I'm
possessive, or controlling but that's just me. Are you ready to
take all that from me? "
.. That was a long chat.
I stare at him and just see this man that I want to be with so
badly..

"How old are you? "I ask instead of giving him an answer
"35" he replies. Not bad.
"You are not that old" I say, he is looking at me straight in my
eyes making me edgy
"as I said I hate lies. So I'm going to tell you straight. I love you
and I will not tolerate any silly behavior, do you want me just as
I want you or maybe you are just confused"
Conf..
"Im not confused" I argue and get off the bed heading to
nowhere really

I stand before the dressing table and watch myself in the huge
mirror.
He is behind me in a second staring at me in the mirror.
"Are you ready to be with a hard headed man like me maFuze?"
can't he just stop asking me questions.
"I want to be with you Zabelo
that's all I know right now. Can you please stop questioning me
now." I say. He bows down my shoulder and press his body
even more behind me.
As my body reacts strangely he start kissing my right shoulder
gently making his way to the nape of my neck.
But my senses are slowly flying out of the window as I move my
head aside…
I'm getting chills and my heart is racing

He begins nippling, teasing me. His hands easily slide inside the
doek I'm wearing and he begins massaging my nipples..
There is a sudden knock at the door
"Bafo! Open up" someone yells outside.

Mongezi and Mazisi walks in, Their eyes are on me.

"Hi" I'm so embarrassed right now. What are they doing here so
ealry?
"What's going on here?" Mazisi asks
"my twin here can be slow, I can't believe I actually shared a
womb with him…" that's Mongezi, looking at me with a sly
smile.
Another knock erupt and
Mandisa walks in and rush to Zabelo hugging and kissing his
face as if she is seeing him for the first time.
I quickly grab my phone and head out requesting an Uber..

Reaching the gate there is a car parked just a few meters away.
It moves until it stops before me and the window rolls down
revealing Qhawe.
"Hey love, going somewhere?" really?
Maybe I do need a ride. I mean I look like a hobo since I haven't
even taken a bath.

I get inside Qhawe's car.

He start driving playing soft music.
"just so you know I don't want your money. Can you please
delete my pics on your phone.you and I aren't dating Qhawe
okay"
Guess what the dude does next, he smiles. why can't he just get
it.
"I love you, I know you love me too. Take that money, it's
yours.."
I'm dealing with a lot Today.
"if you love me that much, you will reverse this money Qhawe.
I'm serious, or else I'll go to the police station and report
harrasment."
He seems to be thinking, good. I don't need another stress right
now.

I'm trying so hard to control my emotions. One wrong turn, I'll

definitely explode.
*****
*****

I can't believe it is Friday today. I'm so glad.

Reaching home I found the house empty, with just MaVezi.
I call my mother as I sink my body inside the bath tub
"Someone decided to remember me" that's her pick up line
"Come on, I'll never forget you. You're my mother, my first and
last love. My super human" she is softly laughing.
I love my mom, I can't imagine a life without her.
During the day I laze around the house until Ntsika return.
"Does your mother know that you sleep around now Funeka?"
that's the First thing he said when he saw me. Ntsika can read
me when I'm lying and I hate it
But I don't tell him that because I'm still hoping that he takes
me with him to the groove today. I mean, it is Friday.

I'm in front of the TV when he comes and hand me the phone

"Who?" I ask
"Zabelo" my heart instantly sink.
I'm crazy, stupid and dump and naive and.. The list is endless.
When I saw Mandisa this morning my mind just clicked in a
different direction.
I mean what if he was just playing when he said all those things.
Mandisa isn't a teenager, she's curvy and beautiful woman with
a bright career. What was I even thinking going to his
apartment! Arg

"Aibo, sis please take the phone" says Nsika impatieny, slapping
the back of my head.
I snap out of it and stand up heading to my bedroom to
preparer for the groove
"Funeka!"
He yells my name. Can't he get the message, I don't want to
talk to Zabelo.
****
You know that the groove was lit when you come back after
midnight, with heels on your hands and seeing double things at
once.
It was a great night indeed, Nsika took me to this amazing club
in Rosebank and i had the best night ever

As the Uber drops us off we head inside, holding each other's

hands.
I'm not that wasted. But I feel like I'm on cloud nine

We part ways in silence and I make my way to my room hoping

that I'll be able to wake up with no hang over in the morning.
I walk in, drop my heels and sigh.. Phwe!
"MaFuze"... What.

***
Forgive me for errors, I'm kak tired I was shopping for
Christmas.

Anyway have a great weekend lovies❤️

I'll see you on Monday
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°SIXTEEN°°

FUNEKA

Am I that wasted that I even hear his voice from the walls? Arg
I'm losing my mind. The only thing I want is to close my eyes
and let sleep take over.
I take off my dress and a bra. I'll sleep naked today, I feel hot.
Where is the switch anyway, it's too dark for my liking.
I stumble a bit as the lights come on.

I blink a couple of times and widen my eyes.

I'm gobsmacked
"MaFuze" my heart gladly accepts his unexpected presence as
it beats for him. I feel air leaving my lungs, gawking at him
slowly walking to me.
My head is literally spinning right now.
"Zabelo" what is he doing in my room
I'm staring at him from head to toe, failing to believe that he is
actually here in front of me.

My breathing quickens as he brings me closer, his hands sliding

around my bare skin.
He kisses me, gently parting my lips and I let his tongue enter
my mouth.
As drunk as I am I feel him in this kiss, the gentleness,
adoration, dominance and many unsaid words that I can not
fathom.

I almost scream as I'm swiftly lifted up, my back balancing on

the wall as he puts me on either of his shoulders with my feet
dangling behind him.
My lacy thong is teared up with teeth in a second leaving me
rather shocked.
For a moment he stares at my cookie displaying straight on his
face, I whimper inwardly as my clit throbs and his head lean
inside my cookie
I gasp, holding hard onto his head feeling the tip of his tongue
teasing my entrance..
He stops, I feel like screaming as he stares up at me with a
smug look
"You scream I stop, don't scream" he orders, his voice more
huskier and deeper.
"I won't scr.. ah.. Zabe..ple" I'm whimpering softly as he gently
nibbles my clit, grabbing his head. It becomes a mission
impossible to stifle the moans overtaking me.
And he eats me up senselessly as his tongue shudders over my
cookie hitting the right spots until I feel my muscles tensing and
an orgasm hits me hard..

He lays me in bed and plants a soft kiss on my cheek after

tucking me in.
"Ngyakthanda maFuze" he whispers and I feel his steps fading
away.
My knees are literally shaking as I close my eyes..

:::::::
A smile graces my lips before I even open my heavy eyes.
Sunrays have long invaded my space as I sit up, yawning and
feeling a hangover attacking me.
Damn it, I should have woken up early to treat it.

My eyes land on my teared thong at the corner and last night's

event instantly fills up my mind. My clip throb once and I feel
my body being draped in goosebumps.
My oh my, what did I get myself into.

I search for my phone to check the time.

There are missed calls from an unsaved number. And a text
message that reads
**Your moans are like a soft melody on a beautiful sunny day
maFuze, you drive me crazy**
A blush quickly spread across my face.
I feel this happiness I can't even explain overtaking my deepest
heart.
I'm tempted to call him, the sudden knock at the door reminds
me that I was actually looking for a time. It's after nine,
Jawova!
And I'm still naked!
"don't enter.. I'm still busy" I quickly scream and run to take my
thong and my dress.

I search for my gown and put it on then order whoever at the

door to enter.
My mom walks in, looking beautiful like always
"My baby, maFuze ka mam wakhe" maFuze suddenly seems
like the only name I prefer, because Zabelo says it better than
anyone
After what feels like an eternity of conversations, mama heads
out. I hold my head and moan in pain, sinking my heavy body
on my bed. I was trying so hard to remain normal around her.
Just as I plan to take a shower the knock comes through again!
Rha! Can't a girl have some peace

Mazisi walks in, I haven't even ordered him to.

"Bhuti, what If I was naked" I say, annoyed.
"you aren't naked, end of discussion. I need you to do
something for me."
He seat on my bed and look at me.. Might as well join him

"what is it?" I ask

"well, Mihlali's sister is planning a surprise baby shower and
they want you to be there because you are my sister."
I give him a blank stare
"so, you happen to have a relationship with every employee in
the company and even get the liberty to invite your family
members?"
He looks at me for long, squinting his eyes.

"God Mazisi, explain. Clearly there is something you're not

telling me"
I snap at him, rising my hands on air
"She is carrying my child, or children"
What..
"Shut the front door! Hebana, you don't say. When did it
happen, in your office, your chair or the table.. Aw.."
I cry out, holding my throbbing head after he smacked my
forehead.

"you talk too much for your own good. Getrude will contact you
about the details. I'm out" he says, standing up
"Who is that?"
"Her sister"
Mazisi is slow, Mongezi was right.
He just stops at the door as if he remembers something

"I hope you know what you are doing

" he says sternly.
"Zabelo has been through a lot. He went crazy yesterday after
you bailed out, if you are not ready to be in a committed
relationship with him just let him go "
My mouth dries up instantly. He heads out leaving me in a
taboo moment.
After taking a warm shower I wear comfortable clothes and
take my phone saving Zabelo's number as Magwaza, with a
heart emoji. I'm a gone girl bethuna.

My phone rings, it's an unsaved number.

"Hello" I say,
"Hi there sweaty, it's ma G here. I'm Mihlali's little sister" her
loud voice speaks and in turn worsening my headache

"Getrude right?" that's what Mazisi said.

"that what the rents said, Call me maG. So I was thinking, you
will buy a Lubbeez Baby Twin Pram, it's not that expensive.
Around R5000 or so, look it up and well, bring it. We've all
decided what we will buy, I guess you were the only one
remaining"
Okay.. Let me breath..
"When is the baby shower again?"
I ask
"Tommorow at 9,in our backyard."
I'm seating here, inwardly scolding Mazisi for putting me
through this. I mean, tomorrow ? How am I supposed to find a
dress and a whole R5000 Pram?

"Is this supposed to be a joke because how will I get such an

expensive present in such a short space of time. And aren't
present supposed to be from the heart?"
I ask her

"Don't be a bore, you guys are loaded and swim in money. You
can't be a monster in law this ealry."
Tjo…
"so, the event will take place in which backyard?"

"Backyard at home, in Orange farm. She's heavily pregnant and

looks like a whale so she can't go anywhere now. Another
thing, the theme is yellow and white, we will wear white mini
dresses with heels okay.." typical African baby shower.
"Let me guess, she will wear yellow dress" I Say
"YES! Wow you are a genius. You and I will get along. Okay, tell
sbari to send the cash for the dress. Anyway I'll keep in touch.."
" Wait.. How do I get that present? "
" Look it up dear, I'm sure you'll find something."
"aw..owkay..i guess"
"Brilliant! Bye Bish!"
I stare at my phone in awe.. Is this happening?

I charge my phone and head out.

My heart almost leap out as I come across a table full of people
in the dining area, Zabelo being in the middle of them all.
"Finally awake!" Ntsika says and everyone smiles at me

"FIFI!!" Aw these cute pies are just sweet. They all come and
hug my feet and start bombarding me with questions until baba
orders them to sit down and eat. They might have arrived this
morning maybe

"Sanibona" I greet,trying so hard to never look in his direction.

There is mama, Ncane, bab Ngcobo. Both twins are here and
Mongezi's child is surprisingly here as well.
God has never liked the idea of me living a normal life, because
why in the name of temptation is this . The only chair remaining
is the one just next to Zabelo.
"seat down and eat" Zabelo suddenly speaks, I swallow
nothingness
"No. I'm okay" I quickly say and everyone gives me a strange
look
"Seat down and eat ndodakaz, like everyone else" baba orders.

"I just needed water first.."

"Here is water." - Zabelo says, pointing a jug full of water. When
did he become so outspoken?
"I also wanted some juice too" I say, now looking straight in his
eyes. He better let me be!
Is he smirking?
"We have juice on this side as well" he responds again. Wow. I
could wipe that smirk with just a slap. A hard one at that

I join the table before I even make my self look stupid.

His presence next to me is loud and asking for attention but I'm
a big girl. I can do this.
Just as I take a plate I feel his hands resting on my lap. I gulp
and keep going..

Laughter erupts after every second in this table. It's a happy

morning indeed.
I'm laughing too when his hand suddenly moves up my thigh, I
quickly tighten my thighs together but he just pinches me hard..
The f! #ck
Everyone is engrossed in the moment, I give him a
reprimanding stare but he doesn't budge.

I close my eyes, clenching my teeth as his hand reaches my

core, teasing with my clit. Pleasure is shooting all over my
body..
He suddenly press a bit hard
"Tjo.. Ah.. ! "
"Hey are you okay?" Mama question after my sudden stupid
half scream.
"Yes, I'm just singing. Iskiba sa john.. sbhalu seven
syangchazaaa. Skibha sajonaweee"..
I quickly stand up and stumble a bit.. I curse the day I met
Zabelo Magwaza.

I head to my bedroom and take my phone.

He is calling!.
"meet me in Five minutes, I'll be parked just outside the gate"
he says and hangs up.. No, this man is stupid.
I feel like each chapter of him is crazier than the last one

I quietly head out and indeed he is parked.

He gets out as he sees me
Just as we meet he attack my lips with a deep, lingering kiss
that makes me forget all the troubles and evokes every single
emotion in me
"I brought you something" he gently says, staring into my eyes.
I suddenly feel so shy and Joyful at once.
He opens the car and return with a tiny gift bag
"a replacement for the other one.."
My heart swells up in excitement. Did he just buy me a new,
red lace Thong? Never did I think my first present would be a
thong. But I'm liking this somehow
"Zabelo" I softly sing his name like a sweet melody and smile
widely.

"I love you, maFuze"

I look into his eyes and just melt, why do I feel so many tingles
attacking my tummy
"Ngyabonga Magwaza" his eyes twinkles and he lean close
again. As our lips meet my eyes shut down and I savour the
glorious moment surrounding my arms in his neck bringing him
close....
A RAY OF SUNSHINE. .

°°SEVENTEEN °°

FUNEKA

Zabelo just switched from smiling into being all serious and it's
making me edgy.
I don't think I'll get used to this other stone cold side of him. I
prefer the more lovey dovey Zabelo.
His hands are circled around my waist and my hands are rested
on his waist.
"Did I do something wrong?" I ask, staring at him. Our faces are
almost touching as we look at each other
"Why did you leave like that yesterday?"
He sternly asks, his piercing gaze is something that's going to
take forever to get used to
"I'm sorry" after all this love he's been giving me I thought he
let it slide
"I'm not looking for a sorry Funeka, explain to me why you just
left without giving me a chance to explain "
Tjo. Zabelo is hard to predict, I'm jotting that down now

"because Mandisa was there" I tell him, now playing with my

fingers
"Is that the only reason?"
Can't he just let this go.
I can't keep up with this hard, unapproachable him
"she hugged you and I thought I was intruding"
He doesn’t flinch or blink, his intense gaze plastered on his face
is just weakening my knees.

"Did I say that?" he ask me

I shake my head
"maFuze, Mandisa is the mother of my child. Yes what she did
was wrong, to just hug me like that but that doesn't mean
when something like that happens you run. I would have
handled it with you by my side so she can know that she has no
place in my heart but you. I want you to trust me enough to let
me love you, to believe that I can love you wholeheartedly
without having doubts.
I need you to let me in MaFuze because I can not fully love you
when you don't allow me in your heart"

I drop my gaze , feeling all these emotions attacking me.

And he plant a wet kiss on my forehead sending Tingles all over
me
" Let me be your man. I promise to love and take care of you in
every way I can, you are my peace and happiness I never knew
existed until I met you. I love you maFuze," I'm getting
emotional as he allows me to rest my head in his hard chest
listening to his loud heartbeat.
I close my eyes and be warm in his embrace as he tightly holds
me. This feels like a home I never knew I needed

Until now…

During the day Zabelo takes me to Johannesburg and helps me

shop for the twin pram and everything that I didn't think I
wanted, until this very moment.
I love spending time with him, he is just this glue I can't seem to
let go of. I just want to be around him more often.

After a day of bliss, we head to the salon. His treat, not mine.
The lady responsible for my hair had to first unplait my braids
and wash my hair.
After an eternity of loud noise, hot gossip and crazy laughs I
look like a new person. This girl knows how to make someone
feel good and beautiful.
I smile as I look at my new hair style in the mirror, a wrapped
ponytail with in-front-of-the-ear braids
I had to force Zabelo for a new haircut.
At first he didn't budge but I'm persistent and he listened.
But he left after the haircut was done.
After paying the lady I call my man

It rings once
"maFuze" he is in so much noise
"Magwaza, I'm done" I tell him
"give me few minutes, I'll be there"
I looked at the purse inside my handbag, Zabelo just surprised
me. He gave me cash and transferred some of it to my account.
I feel pampered.

It doesn't take long as he gets inside the salon, looking rather

hot in his new haircut. It's a low fade buzz cut with line up. I
quickly stand up and meet him halfway
The minute I reach him he hugs me and swings me around like
a child, I'm giggling non stop.
I'm thinking he'll put me down but he just carries me bridal
style out of the salon leaving the ladies screaming and gents
whistling.
God, where was this man when I got played by a neighbour's
son promising me heaven, only to deliver nothing but
heartbreak. It is true when they say you have to kiss frogs
before finding your prince charming.
In my case I'm sure that I've kissed not only frogs, but lizards
too.
I believe that Zabelo might be my prince charming, because
with him everything just flows, it seems so right and so perfect
at the same time. If this is a dream, I sure as hell don't wanna
wake up.
"You are crazy Zabelo, you know that" I say, widely smiling as
he puts me on the bonnet and stands in between my legs.
He lean in and whisper in my ear
"About you my love, yes I'm crazy" shivers attack my body.
And our eyes lock
"you look beautiful"
This has to be a dream! I can't even recall the last time I was
this happy in a relationship.
It feels surreal
"You make me happy Zabelo Magwaza. I'm happy to be with
you" I tell him, and his eyes twinkle, reflecting something warm
that has my heart beating fast.
No, I love this man!

Reaching home I drag the stupid present inside the house first
then lastly my four shopping bags. All thanks to Zabelo. He left
me just outside, he has a club to run and he can't be with me all
day. I'm just glad that he spent some of his busy time with me. I
feel special and important.
I feel like every woman at some point deserves a man that can
move mountains just to see a smile on her face, a man that
knows how to take care of her. It doesn't have to be expensive
holidays, expensive gifts.
Spending time with your woman, giving her what you can and
reminding her every second of the day with phone calls, text
messages that she is beautiful and loved is just enough. It is
everything, it's a dream come true.
My phone beeps..
*I love you too my love* it's Zabelo. I didn't have to utter the
exact words. He just know that I love him and that's enough to
plant even more love in my heart.

After unpacking everything I head up to Ntsika's room. The

house is just so quiet and that's not normal considering that we
have little rascals in this house.

Now I know why it is so quite.

I find these three kids laying down on the floor, with pensil,
crayons scattered all over. Before each of them is an exercise
book.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I ask and join them, grabbing a
piece of paper and a pincil
"shh, quite. We are drawing Babo. He said we must draw him,
just like that,on his bed with closed eyes" Nkosazana whispers.
Ntsika is fast asleep on the bed, he is even snoring sofly. My
God! Just when I thought he can be saved.

******

The day of the baby shower is finally here.

Sadly I couldn't go with Zabelo, he had some business he had to
take care of this morning.
I'm driving with Mazisi.

"So, how did you meet Mihlali?" I hate silence so I break the ice
"can't you keep quiet for another minute" he says.
"Not when you hijacked me and asked me to attend a baby
shower in Orange Farm backyard with a Gertrude in this era
that chose a present I must bring. So tell me brother, how did
you shag your Personal assistant and even had the nerveto
plant your seed in her womb"
He shakes his head and laughs..
"You talk too much Funei nei. I can't deal with you sometimes"
He changes the radio station and another song comes on, I
don't have time for a song, I want answers.
"So
how did you meet her. Was it an interview or.." I probe
He sighs

"He was a friend with Tholile." Mazisi and giving our short,
incomplete statement
"and how am I supposed to guess who Tholile is"
I say
"She was the mother of my twin girls. She died"
Aw, that's rather unexpected and sad
"I'm sorry" I suck I know.

"Mihlali was there for me when that happened. She just

understood the pain I was going through. At some point things
got out of hand and we created something good. But, she had a
boyfriend, actually a fiance and they broke up because of our
mistake." wow.. That's a long story, I feel like I'm reading a
novel
"so, are you together now?"
"No, we are not."
He is back to being slow.

"Why can't you be together then, I mean they broke up with

the fiance so she is all yours now right"
He doesn't say anything for a while
His face is suddenly hard

"That would be a disgrace to Tholile's memory"

Tjo, let me keep my quiet.

Reaching the destination I send Zabelo my location and head

inside with the heavy present.
I'm two hours late.
I can hear the loud screams as I enter the unlocked gate
The yard isn't that big, there is a huge double story house that
stands out in this township.
Reaching the backyard they all scream in unison. I suddenly feel
like a celebrity
"Wow,you are so beautiful. I love your dress, your hairstyle.
Your makeup! Girl, I can't believe you actually brought the
pram. Wow!"
I think this is Gertrude.

The setting is beautiful, Mihlali is looking happy and her make

up is on point.
The friends around here are also just beautiful as well. But
Gertrude and some few look like those fly by night models.. Let
me stop judging

I don't regret coming here. These ladies are fire, they are full of
life.
I've memorised some names, there is a crazy Khanya like Getty,
there is a mother hen Phiwo and a praying warrior Mary.
I've also learned the shock of my life, Qhawe is actually the ex
fiance. And from what I've gathered the parents still hate
Mihlali for bringing shame on the family name.

After the baby shower we all head to the local club, leaving a
pregnant lady behind of course.
I thought I won't have fun here but it is so crowded and live, I
can't help but just blend in.
My handbag is close to my chest as we are seated around the
table feeling all sort of crazy. Never even thought a baby
shower can also have an after what what.. I mean what do you
even call this

My phone is vibrating for the umpteenth time in my bag as I

head to the dance floor. Whoever they are, I'm sorry. Now Isn't
a good time.
I dance my life away, sweat and step some people and even
curse them.

It's been hours since we arrived in this buzzy club, I'm tipsy and
exhausted just seated on the table. I'm holding a bottle of
Savanna that maG gave me when I suddenly feel uneasy.
"maFuze '' someone whispers in my ear, I quickly stand up and
turn, the savanna in my hand drops and crack. That's the least
of my worries

I feel it, the heavy presence that he carries everywhere he

goes.
"Zabelo" … my heart is racing..
"in the flesh love" he says.
This man can't stop dropping like a bomb unexpectedly.

With that murderous stare I already know I'm in trouble

He is in front of me, his heavy presence is weighing down on
me as he stares down at me.
I just flash a stupid smile.
……
°°°°°
×××

The flats on this side are to die for. The day I find my dream job
I'll live here.
It is still my dream to rent a beautiful place by myself and sip on
expensive wines like the ones owned by baba and throw the
mother of all parties.

My phone is ringing. I picked it up.

Zabelo is taking a shower.
"bitch how can you disappear like that!" it's Gertrude.
I can start by telling her how I was snatched from the club,
because Zabelo had to drag me out since in his words, it wasn't
safe for me

"I left, sorry" I say. She is screaming my name and cursing me

about losing a perfect dick for the night because she has been
looking for me and she goes on and on cursing my sex life and
that I should find a man with a tiny dick that I would take a
cucumber and setisfy myself instead..

I knew there was a story with that cucumber joke they kept on
sharing at the baby shower.
I hang up because she's too drunk.
And what's with the cucumber and women anyway?
It's not the real deal..
Its food! It supposed to go in a hole under the nose, not that
unholy one under my clit. Argh!

I sink my exhausted body on the bed.

It's so much better when you sleep on it. So comfy and just
heaven.
I close my eyes and heave a sigh
"maFuze" my heart does that strange thing whenever he calls
my name. I quickly sit up.
I gulp, my eyes threatening to fly out of their socket. He is in
nothing but boxers on.
His strong torso greeted me ! I keep fighting the urge to stare at
that..thing hanging between his legs..

"ahem… hmm." my voice has gotten lost just between my

pipeline. Why is he putting me in such a bad space.. My racing
heart is threatening to leap out of my mouth.
He stares, his eyes just opening a can of worms in me
"Are you okay? How are your feets"
"They are sore. Very sore. I'm so exhausted "
"Let me take care of that" a shy smile takes over my lips.

In a nanosecond my heels are taken off. Slowly he started

massaging my feets with his big, yet soft hands. His touch is just
lethal and opens a tap down my coochie.
I'm stifling a moan, I'm so loose..
He should consider working at a spa as a side job… I mean his
hands are magical.

What is he doing? He is gently laying me on the bed. I almost

jump as his hands slowly move up my exposed thighs leaving an
electrifying touch.
slowly he massages my thighs and I suck in my breath
"Zabelo" my voice comes out softer that intended as if I'm
begging him to keep going.
This is torture. His hands slide under my dress on either of my
thighs pushing the dress up slowly and I let him as he takes it
out of my head leaving my perky boobs greeting and all pointed
at him.
He gently laid me on my tummy.
It takes a short while and I feel something liquid dropping on
my back. The minute his hands make contact with my skin, I
feel shivers all over me.
I'm relaxed as I feel every touch massaging my shoulders, my
back.
He is slowly running his hands and I feel hot and needy, his
hands are turning me on.
The way they gently press on my skin as if leaving a mark.
My clit is throbing like crazy, I want something more.. I want to
feel something and I'm losing my mind as I moan with each
touch, my eyes tightly closed.

His hands make contact with my thong, slowly he takes it off

down my legs. And he starts from my legs, massaging softly.
At this point my heart is beating so hard, my body is screaming
for his touch and my clit is crying for a release. I'm sexually
aroused and it is suffocating because he keeps on massaging
my legs

I hold my breath as his hands travel up my thighs, he part them

slowly and I moan, feeling my cookie exposed to his mercy.
His hands makes contact with my cheek bums and he fully
masseges them, a bit hard parting my thighs further and slowly
brushing the inside of my bum
"ah.." a faint cry escape my mouth. I'm gaping for air, going
insane as these feelings of pleasure shoots all over me..

I close my eyes as his finger reach my core, making Contact

with my throbing clit..
I moan louder, jumping a bit but I'm stopped by a hard spank
on my cheek bum.
"So, you just headed for the club, not even bothered to let me
know" he rumbles. Does he expect me to reply because I can't..
He sticks one finger in me and I scream grabbing the sheets
"Tell me, I'm talking to you maFuze" now I'm at the verge of
crying,

"I'm.. We.. Ah.. Zabelo please" he is back on massaging my

cheek bums, rough and fast this time giving me a hard time to
breath.
I'm singing gliberring, I badly want his hand in my cookie but he
is denying me and it cuts deep
"I'm.. Sorry.. Ooh.. " I'm choking in my voice as he suddenly
massages my slippery folds very very slow..
I'm crying and singing gliberish right now.
This is torture..
This is torture..

He stops..
I'm expecting something…
Something until I open my eyes and I spot him going out the
balcony with something in his hands…?
No.. Fresh tears burn my eyes..
is this happening to me? all of me
A RAY OF SUNSHINE
**unedited ***
°°NINETEEN°°

Funeka

Zabelo drove me home this morning and miraculously no one

asked questions of my whereabouts. Mama must be so tired of
me and my ways.

The moment I reach my work station I stop stalling and do what

need to be done.
I have to be in check with my life and I can't achieve that with
Zabelo, I send the message saying we must stop whatever we
are trying to do and then start working.
The man is creepy and... Strange.

I've been working my tooth and nail since I arrived af work,

Mazisi does not play these days I swear. If I'm not in a meeting
with him, I'm sending emails, typing previous minutes and
setting up appointments for the days he won't be busy.
About last night's events, I've managed shove at the back of my
mind as well, my heart is way too heavy but I try my best.
Sometimes I'm too clingy, that's why I hate myself when I'm in
love.
I can't think properly. It hurts because I tend to lose focus of my
own life.

Office phone rings, I quickly pick up

"Come to my office" - Mazisi the strict CEO orders
I leave everything and head to his office.
I find him staring down at something on his laptop
His office isn't big, or small. Just evarage CEO office

"Sir, you asked for me" yep, Funeka the personal assistant.
That's me
"Come here"
I head to his side and watch
He tells me about the mistakes I made, what to improve and
then I'm told to order lunch.
God loves me, now I know.
"You may leave now"
He says.

I close Mazisi's office door after getting out and Just as I look up
I get the shock of my life.
"maFuze"
My throat instantly dries up, my heart dances a bit. I hate how I
respond to everything he does.
He is leaning against my table, I remain standing far from him.

"Zabelo, ahem why are you here?"

"to see my brother" he says, very calm for my liking. Aw..
I watch as he takes bouncy strides towards my direction, there
is something captivating about this man. Just as he reaches me
he lean in my ear and whisper
"By the way, you look hot in this tiny dress. Can't wait to tear it
off" I suck in my heart as he slowly bites my earlobe and leaves
me breathless..
My knees are shaking somehow..
Didn't he get my message?
***
Mandisa Masondo

She's wide awake, walls staring at her. From a night shift she
should be fast asleep but sleep has deserted her wrecking
brain.
She gets out of bed and heads to the kitchen, gulps the
remaining wine on the bottle and stands still, holding the
bottle.

Zabelo is the man that just dropped while she was going
through the most. Pursuing a Medical Career is no child's play.
Zabelo wasn't the best of the best but he was there, when she
fell pregnant he never left.
Something that's hard to find in this Era.

She loves him, he loves her. That's what she knows and
believes.
Like any woman she doesn't want another woman coming to
Zabelo's life unannounced.
She can only hope that Funeka will also leave like the rest.

Her doorbell rings, she huffs and heads to it.

"Your plan has to work, have they broke up?" Qhawe's first
words says just as she opens the door
"ahm, hello to you Qhawe. I'm fine
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thank you for asking" she says, flashing a mocking smile
"I don't have time for that Mandisa. Did your pla work, yes or
no?"
She shakes her head and head inside, Qhawe following behind

"How the hell will I know Qhawe. I'm not a magician, am I"
Qhawe huffs and start pacing up and down

"She was there, I followed her and she saw what that man get
down to. Funeka is an egg, she is fragile and I know that she can
never handle the truth" he says
"maybe she didn't tell her the truth. One thing though, Zabelo
doesn't like anyone following him around. It never ends well.
Chances are they had a fight, she fucked her brains out and
maybe she is confused. I just need to up my game a little,
something to involve guns and dead bodies. She can never
handle such.. "
****
Funeka

The lift pings just as I finish up preparing for lunch. I frown at

the sight of a man I once saw with my mother. Is he her
boyfriend?

"ndodakaz" he says as he reaches me.

I smile and nod my head
"Can I take you out for lunch, there is something I need to tell
you" he says.
Is this not weird, yes it is!

"I don't know you baba, why would I spend my lunch with a
stranger" I tell him
"I'm no stranger, trust me. Call your mother and ask her
yourself" okay, this is getting a little too much for me. It is her
boyfriend..

"I can't. Please leave" the door opens suddenly and Zabelo
appears with Mazisi laughing.
But their laughter quickly dies out as their eyes land on the man
before me
"Wena, what are you doing here?" Mazisi spits.
"Get the hell out before I call the security"
Do they know him?

After my strangest day I find my mother cooking and humming

a gospel song. I tell her about the strange man
"OH.. Dear can you please finish up here. I need to take care of
something first" she says and quickly leaves.
It doesn't take long until loud, violent noises erupt somewhere
in the house. Might as well open up my own channel of family
feud, I mean what the hell?
Just as I start to check the pots, as exhausted as I am, my phone
beeps indicating an incoming message.
It reads
*I'm outside** Zabelo is… my God!

I'm now fuming as I reach him, I'm angry at him for pretending
as if we are still together.
"stop what you're doing Zabelo. It's not cute" I say, pointing my
finger at him.
He grabs my hand and brings me close
"what am I doing?" He asks, staring at me closely
"Let me go" he let's my hand go.
I sent you a message Zabelo" I tell him
"I know, I don't care about that message. You are my woman
and you don't get to dump me over a text Funeka, not in hell I
won't allow it"
I'm in deep shit here..

"Too bad because I don't want to be with you anymore"

I scream as he suddenly grabs me and make me lean on the car,
completely caging me in with his legs and long arms.
"Look at me in my eyes and tell me you don't want me. I'll leave
I promise" he whispers.
I can literally feel his breath on my face, that how close we are.
My heart is pumping as our eyes meet. Of course I want to be
with him.. It just
"I don't.. I…" He stares at me straight in my Eyeballs and I don't
like it because he will find the truth
"I'm waiting maFuze"
"Just let me go" I say, his hand rest on my cheeks and he begin
caressing evoking emotions I'm trying so hard to ignore
"Is that what you want?"
How am I supposed to focus in this situation
I stare down at his lips..
I want to kiss him so bad.
. Hard breathings increase as he plants his lips on mine, his
hand sliding around my waist.
The kiss deepens as I hook my arms around his neck. I'm
screwed.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY°°

As I cement my heart to break the news to Ntsika about Zabelo

and I.
After that knee weakling kiss that reawakened every Fibre of
love for him, he left and said something about an emergency.
I'm glad I got a chance rethink my decision of leaving him.
I wouldn't have even survived a week with that decision
anyway.
I love Zabelo and I'm willing to make us work

I knock after what feels like forever, my knees are getting weak
as he opens the door with a rather annoyed look.
"Can't I have peace in this house, I also pay rent".. Okay..
"rent?"
I ask as I make my way in.
"Yes, I do make my own bed, my own breakfast sometimes.
And I make my own washing. I wash every car in the garage and
I make a garden. Isn't that enough to cover rent? "
This one can talk senseless things the whole day.

"I'm thinking of applying to study. Maybe I can still find a

college because chances are university are already full" he says
as we settle on top of his bed.
" I thought you are taking a gap year"
"I'd do anything to get away from this house. What brings you
in my room anyway? I haven't spend time with you in a while. If
you aren't at work, you are awol. For a moment I thought you
and I were close, but I guess I was wrong" his voice carries
some sadness as he says. I feel awful
"I was busy Ntsika" I say
"too busy to tell me what's going on with you. Funeka this is is
Jorbug, a place that can swallow your innocence if you aren't
careful. I can't believe that in such a short space of time you've
managed to turn this house into a war zone"..
"okay, that's a bit extreme Ntsika. I know I've been spending
time away from home without telling anyone but I mean I
didn't.. I didn't kill anyone"
A dissapoint look rest on his face, he stared at me shaking his
head
"spend a day in this house then you'll understand what's going
on. "
"I didn't come here for this. I wanted to apologize for neglecting
you. And I also wanted to share something with you. Can we go
out for a late night dinner? Please"
He rises from the bed and head straight to the closet
"Now you are talking. I know a cosy place that have delicious
food, with delicious wines"..
I smile..
….

Zabelo Magwaza

Just as the lift pings open he get out and head straight to
Mandisa'a door. He knocks, for a while until Mandisa opens the
door.
She blinks, her face covered in shock and somehow fear
"Za.. Zabelo hi" as freaked out as she is she manage to utter
these words
"Aren't you going to let me in?" asks Zabelo, his eyes staring
deep in her eyes.
"No.. Why are you here. I was busy" she says, speaking faster
than normal
Her shuddering breathing is hard to miss

Zabelo knows this woman, he knows she is hiding something

"With what?" he suddenly ask
Mandisa look down upon his piercing gaze and hold the door
handle tighter
"Just say what you came here to say and leave"
She feels flurry of shivers overtaking her entire body at the
deep stare she's being subjected to

"I'm taking Nkosazana with me this weekend. I'm going home

for Zimase's ceremony"
"talk to my mother. I'm sure she won't mind." she says and
close the door on his face.
Leaning against the door she breath loudly, for a moment she
forgot how firm Zabelo is.
running back to the living room she find Qhawe on his toes
ready to leave

"Don't leave just yet.." she quickly stops him

"I've spent half of my afternoon here so it's time for me to
leave."
"No.. Zabelo is outside…"
.
Qhawe stand still
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looking rather frozen
"Zabelo is here" he says, staring behind her.
"No, he is outside. He can't see you here because he wi.."
"Here, he is right behind you"
"What?"
His calm demeanor makes him far less predictable as he stand
in the middle of the living room staring at Qhawe.

"I thought you left. You can't just badge into my room without
my concern Zabelo."
Her shaky voice utters in anger
"I'm not going to ask what's going on between the two of you
because I do have a glimpse of it. Whatever is is that you are
planning, drop it before someone get hurt. That's a promise"
Intense silence visit them
His phone beeps, he takes it out and his face becomes a bit soft
at the sight of Funeka's half naked pictures.
He is quick to get back to his emotionless expression, with a
deadly stare
"rest assured, I don't break my promises"
With that he walks out.
"I need to start preparing for my shift.." she whispers and
swallow nothingness.

***
Funeka

After taking a bath I just thought of taking some crazy pictures

and sent some to Zabelo.
I'm busy with my make up when my phone rings.
My heart melt at the sight the caller ID
"Magwaza" I say
He breath and softly laughs
"you are making me loose my mind you know that" I'm blushing
and I cant even stop thinking about his face
"That's the plan baby. I want you to lose your mind when you
think about me. I miss you"
"I'm on my way"..
"No don't come now. I'm taking Ntsika out for Dinner. I haven't
been spending time with him lately" I'm also dying to see him
but not tonight
"Where are you going?"
"some restaurant. I'm not sure which one, he suggested the
place" I say and start taking out some of my clothes for
sometbing to wear with one hand

"I hear you, can I see you afterwards?"

"if you promise to bring me back early than yes."
After the long, stupid and lovely chat with my man we hang up
and I continue preparing for the night.

This place us to die for. It's life and just so comfortable.

We've ordered food and some wine.
We are dining with crazy chat here and there. I'm still failing to
drop the news to Ntsika
My phone beeps, just once and I'm met with a message of
some money that's been deposited into my savings account.
Zabelo asked for my bank account details and I was quick to
give him.
I'm being pampered here and I love it
"Who is this man that's making you feel like you are in your
own universe?" he ask. I put down my phone and wear a
serious face
"promise me you won't be angry" I say
"is he the one who's been making you sleep out?"
I nod my head, feeling nervous all of a sudden
"okay then, tell me." it's now or never
"Zabelo"
He put down the fork, gulp the wine and look at me. I can't tell
what he is thinking
"I thought Mongezi was bluffing. I guess he wasn't" This family
and telling my business..
"Why are you with Zabelo? Out of all the man in Johannesburg.
Why him?"
"I love him"
He sighs
"I hope you know what you are doing"
He is not happy. I can feel it
It stings but I remain calm and collected.
" okay. I'm no longer into this.. Goodbye" he suddenly says and
take his things then walk out.
"Aibo Ntsika, wait.." I run after him but I'm too slow I guess
because he just drove away as I reached the parking lot..
I turn defeated and bump into a hard surface.
"aksies mam, you didn't pay your bill" it's the waiter.

After paying I request an Uber, tears burning my eyes. It really

hurt, I thought he'd at least understand that I'm in love with
Zabelo.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY ONE°°

FUNEKA

My phone rings just as I get inside the uber

I greet the driver and pick up
"My love" Zabelo gently says
"Zabelo" my heart is down and hurting right now.
"What time can I pick you up? I'm done at the club" I almost
forgot that we were going to see each other after the supper
with Ntsika
"You don't have to, I'm already on my way home."
"So soon?" I can tell him about my fallout with Ntsika but I'm in
no mood to retell the story

"Yeah baby, we decided to cut the night short"

I say and end the conversation with a tiny laugh, just to seal the
deal
"The Ntsika I know never cut the night short. Did something
happen?" Oh God? Is he my boyfriend or a detective?

"Nothing happened. I'm working tomorrow remember"

It's silent for a while.
I can hear him breathing
"You are not okay MaFuze. What's wrong?"
My heart skips a beat, did he just read my mood over the
phone. I don't know what to make out of this

"I'm okay Magwaza. I sure you"

I'm hoping he will believe me because I seriously can't do this
right now
"maFuze" his tone is laced with a warning, as if caging me to tell
the truth.
"Zabelo just.. Let it go"
I snap and drop the call.
I'm already dealing with Nsika's situation, I don't need him
showing me pity. I mean what else can he do except for feeling
sorry for me..

He is calling me again, and again and again.

The loud ringing of my tone has the Uber driver shooting
daggers at me, he can mind his business which is to take me to
my destination.
After about Four or Five calls he eventually gives up. Great, I
can finally breathe in peace.
I close my eyes and mingle in my sad emotions

A loud male voice wakes me.

I might have dozed off along the way.
I pay the driver and get out of the car.
I stretch my muscles and start walking towards the gate, calling
Ntsika. He must open up the gate..
He is not picking up.. Damn it..
I sent him a whatsapp text and waited..
Still nothing.. Arg!
As I call him again, blinding lights suddenly brighten around me
and I turn in panic only to be met with Zabelo's car..
I can tell from the look he is giving me, he is mad.
He gets out, come to me and gently grab my wrist
"Let's go for a drive" he is telling me.
"I'm not sure I'm in the mood.." his piercing eyes has me
shutting my mouth

Aren't night drives supposed to be filled with love, kisses,

laughter and nice things? I feel like I'm on my way to bury a
corpse.
It will take forever to get used to this intense Zabelo

In less than an hour we headed to his apartment. As always he

leaves me and goes out to smoke.
I take off my heels, throw my heavy body on the bed and close
my eyes…

I'm still fighting my demons in my head when I feel his strong

presence. I open my eyes and am met with him, staring down
at me.
I sit up and yawn
"When you look at me, what do you see?"
Oh Gaaad!
"I'm tired, Zabelo, my poor feets are burning. I don't need you
asking me lame questions"
He frowns, wearing a serious, stone cold face
"Do you want me to repeat my question?" he asks deeply.
He moves closer, caging my legs in his and deeply staring at
me.
I feel edgy and freaked.
I still don't get why he gets angry when I don't pick up his calls.
"I didn't want to talk about what happened, that's why I didn't
answer your calls. You were pushing and I hated it"
I say and sigh
"Is that my answer or you've forgotten the question?"
My head is literally spinning

"okay, I'm sorry ke for not picking up your calls"

"maFuze" his eyes are narrowing as he warningly says. He is
scaring me
I try to push him so I can get away from this but he just grab
both my hands and push me down the bed with just his knee
"Zabelo.." I say, my breath quickens as I lay on the bed, my
hands tightly held up my head with his one, very strong hand.
"You like acting tough MaFuze, why are you so stubborn?"
Me, stubborn?
"I'm not st…"
I choke in my breath as his other hand slide inside my short
dress, drawing circles in my upper thighs

"Are you saying I'm lying?"

His voice is far huskier than normal
I hold my breath feeling his hand pulling my underwear aside,
his other hand still holding my hands
"maFuze.."
"No… aahh" I screamed as he suddenly inserted a finger deep
inside, he slowly started moving in on me and I licked my lips,
trying to suppress the pleasure shooting all of me.
Just as he is hitting the right spot he sticks out his finger and
they land on my sensitive throbbing clit, I half scream moving
my body.

He let go of my hands and stop..

Can he do me like he did the last time?
I'm about to whine when he takes off his clothes so fast, my
dress also flies out of my head being followed by my
underwear. I quickly wrap my legs around him and clutch my
hands on his shoulders.
His shaft starts playing with my slippery folds, I'm moaning,
feeling pleasure building in me..
My cellphone suddenly rings louder and louder..
He doesn't let me go, I don't want him to but my phone is so
persistent, bursting my eardrums.

He clicks his tongue and hands it to me.

I feel my knees getting weak. It's Ncane.

"Ncane" I say, nervousness has me by my clit

"Where are you young lady?"
Shock quickly engulfs all of me.
Oh Jesus..It's baba
I quickly seat up, Zabelo moves away from me

"Funeka, ukuphi? " His voice is calm but sending me to the

nearest hiding spot
"I'm with Ntsika" I lie through my teeth. I don't even know why
I'm using Ntsika, we aren't on good terms and he is home. I'm
panicking and I can't think at all
"Is that so?" It sounds like a warning.

"Yebo baba" he is chuckling... This is not good

"Hold on, someone would like to say hi"
he says
"Where are you exactly? I opened the gate a while ago and you
are still not here. " Nsika's voice says on the other line.
Oh no… oh God. Angel of jezebels, where are you?
"Let's try this again shall we, where are you?"
I'm screwed..
…
Again we are not talking. I don't know if he is angry or sexually
frustrated. Either way that's the least of my worries, sex is the
last thing on my mind right now. All I want is to disappear into
thin air and just become invisible. I mean how will I face bab
Ngcobo?

Reaching home I head straight to the kitchen and to my worst

case I find Ntsika drinking something, standing in front of an
opened fridge

I could lie and say I don't feel uncomfortable but I do. But I try
to act tough and pass him heading to my bedroom. The living
room is empty. I thought I'd find the family waiting for me.
I rush to my bedroom, take my shoes off and get in my bed and
let sleep take over without even taking off my clothes. I'm too
drained, maybe tomorrow will be a bit better.
****
I've been trying to understand Nstika's cold shoulder but I come
up with nothing. I know being in love with Zabelo is somehow
shocking and maybe inappropriate but am I really the problem
here? Seriously there must be something else in this.

Even at this breakfast table he is just so quiet and dull. Actually

everyone is, no one dares to say something. The sound of
cutlery is the only thing keeping us company.
I'm seated here feeling like I'm breathing on borrowed time.
I'm expecting yelling and all that after last night but nothing.
This is torture

Both twins are here, with Mongezi's son sitting beside bab
Ngcobo. My mother and Ncane are also just as quiet.
The moment of silence is disturbed by a door bell, someone is
outside I guess.
Zabelo walks in, beside him is a man that is rather an older
image of Nkazimulo.
"He refused to leave when I asked," says Zabelo.

Quickly bab Ngcobo stood up and headed to the man

he was the one who came to my workplace the other day. I'm
starting to feel like there is more to this man, why does he keep
on popping up every now and then
"Get out!" Spit Bab Ngcobo in anger

"Relax little brother, I'm here for my daughter and not you.."
I scream at the sudden mean punch thrown at the man and the
aggressive fight begins..
Taking Nkazimulo seems like a better idea so I grab him and run
towards my room leaving a warzone behind me.

I open my phone after locking the door and hand it to

Nkazimulo so he can play some games. He looked frightened, I
would be too if I witnessed such at his age.
"so, which grade are you in?" I ask, trying to make a
conversation
I can still hear screams from here but I remain calm
My bedroom is the only one closer to the dining room

"Grade Seven" he respond after what feels like forever

"Wow, you are a smart little man aren't you, I thought you
were in grade four "
He smiles, this one will drop panties one day with that killer
smile.
"I'm Eleven years this year, my teachers said I was too smart in
grade three so I skipped two classes"
I clap my hand and start dancing on the bed
"That's amazing! And to think I repeated grade 11 is an insult to
your image as an aunt. I can't believe it"
He put down my phone and started telling me about his dreams
of becoming a pilot.
At his age the only thing I dreamt of was how to sew a dress for
my doll, even now I'm still figuring out myself and at this age
this kid already knows who he is and what he wants. I'm
impressed and overjoyed at the same time

"I'm proud of you little guy" I tell him, brushing his shoulders
with mine. We are seated on my bed leaning against the
headboard
"sometimes I wish Grandpa would be proud of me too" he
suddenly utters, a bit slow. I'm sensing sadness
"What makes you say that?"
I ask, staring at him
"He doesn't like me much because I look like his brother that
hurt him badly" Wh… what? I'm so confused right now
"who told you that?"
"My father told me. He said grandpa loves me, but he can not
play video games or football with me because I look like the
man that hurt him. I remind him of that man. I hate that man
for making my life a living hell"
I'm in awe.
The door handle starts to move in that sticky moment, I head to
the door and open it.
Mongezi comes through, there is blood all over his shirt

"sis, is Nkazimulo okay?"

He asks, Nkazimulo is fast to run to the door as he hears his
father's voice. He takes his hand and they leave me hanging.
Wasn't he supposed to bathe first before seeing the child!
Nkazimulo looks like the observant type, you'd think he doesn't
notice anything only to realise that he notices even the little
details. That boy is dangerous..
I head out of my room and bump into Zabelo.
He also looks disarranged
"maFuze" he says and take my hand
"Where are we going, wait. You can't just.. ZABELO"
Loud screams twtw t in just a bit far from us.
"I'm getting you out of here, I'll bring you back when everything
has settled"
I don't want to go but I let him lead me out using the kitchen
door..

***

After a long, intense hour we drive inside a big, beautiful yard

with nothing but green, perfectly cut grass and a two story glass
house.
I'm tempted to ask where we are but I keep quiet and head out
following him.
He takes out the keys and opens, the door.
I'm in awe as I step on the cold, stunning floor. The house is just
empty, with just a three seater couch, a fireplace, and the TV is
on a perpendicular wall.
It looks like an open plan design because I can spot some built
cupboards with a fridge on my far right.
"the interior designer is still busy with the furniture and all
other necessities."
He suddenly says, I look around and smile at the chandelier
hanging over in the middle.
The sun is scorching outside but here it's like a mini heaven. It's
so calm, cool and soothing

I move around heading to the elegant looking stairs and start

climbing up.
I can feel his hard steps behind me
Reaching the next floor he takes the keys again and open the
bedroom door and I'm met with a very big bedroom, the huge
king sized bed in the middle is inviting me to take a nap.

I love huge balconies

I quickly head to the door leading outside and he is gentle to
open the door.

I stare outside in awe, the balcony has just one chair, and a
table with an ashtray ontop. It's big and refreshing. Down there
I expected a pool but it is just a huge open space, it's somewhat
soothing and soul captivating. This place has a bit of clean,
fresh air from the trees surrounding the area.

"is this your house?" I ask, first thing I utter since I got into his
car
"Our house. I bought the house six months ago. I had no
strength to make it a home until I met you" his husky voice hit
differently as he gently says.

My heart swims in tingles, my cheek are literally burning and I

can't stop the smile that's spreading accross my lips.

His supreme presence next to me is impossible to ignore, I feel

even more drawn into him as he gently pulls me until I'm facing
him.
Zabelo Magwaza, a dark skinned, captivating man.
He stands before me and stare down at me, his hand sliding
around my waist bringing me closer.
Electrifying feelings attack my tummy as he grab my chin slowly
brushing it
His face lowers and I close my eyes, feeling his breath on my
skin.
He kisses me, like ice on fire I involuntarily melt in his arms. This
heart palpitating, passionate kiss sucks the deepest part of my
body and incapacitate every every moving muscle as our lips
moves in sync

He moves us away and I lean on the cold wall, in between his

legs and taking all of him as he freely plant himself even in my
beating heart. This moment right here can last forever, it's one
in a million.
I feel his hand sliding inside my shirt dress

My underwear is easily pushed aside and

I faintly moan as he suddenly start rubbing my coochie gently
I hold onto his arms tightly taking in all the pleasure. It hard to
keep up as I throw my head back feeling pleasure shooting all
over me..
In a nanosecond he lift me up leading us back in the bedroom
and I'm thrown on the huge bed..
We are breathing hard as we both stare at each other.
He is taking too long so I make the first move and help him out
of his vest and pants.
in turn he help me out of my dress and underwear leaving me
bare and needy underneath him..

That look, it's a one look draped in thousand words. I want him
to look at me like this from today until our last breath.
"maFuze, you are beautiful. You are beautiful"
whispering softly he says, brushing my face.
My heart is beating hard, threatening to leap out as his face
lowers meeting my lips

His lips move from my mouth landing on my nape and he

begins nippling, teasing me.
I'm dying in tingles and unexplainable pleasure as his hands rest
on my niples and he begins massaging
I feel his knee opening my legs wider
"Za.." I'm floating in utmost pleasure feeling his shaft playing
with my slippery entrance.
I'm whimpering as he presses his shaft in my depth so deep
throwing me in this universe of extreme pleasure
I'm not sure what to do as I hook my legs around his waist
bringing him even closer..
A deep, throaty moan escape my mouth as he slowly thrust in.
He is in too deep as I dig My nails on his back. Why do I feel like
my intestines will be rearranged? Is he planting a baby in the
womb because it feels like it.
I literally feel my walls clenching allowing him space, I'm just
paralyzed and unable to move
My libido is skyrocketing
My voice is trapped as he slowly gives me deep, hard thrust, I'm
whimpering.
He is in too deep and driving me into pure intimacy that has my
mouth biting his shoulder
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY TWO°°

My phone ir ringing, I get the meanest look from Mazisi. We are

in a serious meeting, I made a mental note to put it on silence
but it slipped my mind I guess.

I switch the phone off and continue taking notes.

I'm starting to enjoy this job, to be honest I'm learning a lot
about logistic business and how it operate.
I'm thinking of taking just a short business course and see
where it takes me.
Bhut Mazisi promised to lend me one of the company cars,
luckily I did my license while I was still in Varsity.
No more asking for lifts and requesting ubers, I'll finally have
my freedom
"I hate incompetence and stupid mistakes Funeka, what
happened today shouldn't happen again. Ever" he curltly states
as we leave the restaurant where the meeting was held
"I apologize bhuti, it just slipped my mind"
I tell him
"One mistake can cost you million in the business, no more silly
mistakes like this one. Are we clear?"
His Jaws are tainted as he utters strictly
"Yes sir"
"Good. When we reach work I'll contact the clerk to show you
the car you'll use. She will give you the card for petrol and all
the rules to follow. I want no stories Funeka, I don't want to
hear that you were seen in ungodly places driving the company
car because you will be held responsible if you do that"
He is so strict, sometimes I even forget that we share the same
breakfast table
"I won't let you down sir"
After reaching the parking lot we drive out heading back to
work.
Its Friday today, roads are very busy.
It take longer to reach work hence the only thing I did was to be
shown the car that I'll be using and everything else will be
finalized on Monday.
I'll start using the car on monday

I check my phone, Zabelo was the one calling . I last saw him on
Wednesday when he broke my bones and drove me to esctacy ,
since then he has been busy and so have I.
Beside that, I also wanted to be home a bit often.
*****
THE NGCOBO HOUSEHOLD

Mandisa is busy running around the kitchen preparing the best

supper for the family. Chaos draws the entire hallway, which is
no surprise because nkosazana and the little twins are around.
Time is approaching Four in the afternoon, Betty enters the
door looking exhausted. She had the busiest day and the only
thing she wants is to lay in bed and let sleep take over.
The twins and nkosazana run to her, jumping and asking
countless questions leaving Martha, Funeka's mother on the
floor with their countless toys.
After hugging and promising them sweet she heave a sigh and
watch them running back to Martha happily.

The mouth watering aroma lead her exhausted body to the

kitchen and she quickly remembers that Mandisa said
something about family dinner.
"Mandisa" she greets, she turns and smile
"Mama, you are back. You look tired" she says meeting her
halfway and they share a brief hug
"If I could, I'd fly myself up to my bedroom and take a long nap.
How are the things here? I can tell by the smell that all will be
well tonight"
Mandisa smiles proudly as she digests the words
"I want Zabelo to have something to eat on the way too since
he is driving down to KZN tommorow morning, with
Nkosazana"
Betty draws a chair and sit.
Zabelo is somewhere in the house as well
"He did tell me. I'd go with him but he didn't want me to. How
is he though, is he okay?"
Ask a concerned Betty, not knowing that Mandisa and Zabelo
are ancient history
"he is who he is ma. There is a new girl causing a drift between
us but she won't last. Zabelo loves me and her daughter, he
always comes back to us" she confides in her

Betty shake her head asking her self why would Zabelo hurt
such an amazing woman
"ayi, men and their never setisfied nature. Let me go shower
and change, I hope there won't be any drama today . Funeka's
father can be too much sometimes and the short tempered
Zamani always fight him forgetting that he is the older brother
and more powerful than h.. Him.."
By the time she shut her mouth, it is too late.
Mandisa has concluded on her head that Funeka isn't Bab
Ngcobo's biological daughter. But his brother's instead,
unknowing that she just listened on a secret she's not meant to
reveal
Betty quickly walks out hoping that Mandisa didn't notice
anything.

Later in the afternoon Mazisi drops Funeka at the gate and go

somewhere.
Funeka is also drawn in the kitchen due to the killer aroma
hitting her nostrils.
"I hope it taste as good as it sm…." her sentence is cut short as
she come across an unexpected visitor.
"Funeka
Advertisement
Hey" smiling pricelessly she says
"and you don't have to worry, I'm good behind the stove."
"I see" she says, failing to hide the dissapointment in her voice
Heading to her bedroom she has already decided that she will
not be available during tonight's supper. Her and Mandisa on
the same table isn't something she looks forward too.

After taking her clothes off she head inside the ensuit
bathroom and takes the long, warm shower cooling her self.
Thousand thoughts are attacking her mind, why is Mandisa
going up and down as if0 she is the makoti of the house, it is
unsettling and she can't help but feel furry of anger blowing out
of her.
"nx" she clicks her tongue heading back to the bedroom
covered in a towel

Just as she lift her eyes she almost scream at the sight of
someone seated so comfortable on her bed
"maFuze" he says, slowly stand up charging towards her
"Zabelo, you can't just badge in here during the day. You'll get
me into trouble" on a serious tone she tells him
Instead of listening Zabelo brings her close and smash his lips
on her reviving every emotion.
Hard breathings increases as the kiss deepens, his
hands roaming around her body.
"the…door" Funeka says in between the steamy kiss
"locked" he says.
She allows him to pats her lips allowing his tongue entrance to
her mouth.
The kiss is filled with dominance, lust and burning desire as
their heart pound faster and faster with each passing second

His clothes quickly flies out, Funeka long lost the towel as he
hold onto the man before her. He steps on his clothes after
taking them off and swiftly carry her against the cold wall

Funeka circles her legs around his waist for balance, putting her
amrs around his neck kissing even deeper and now faster. just
one touch, one touch of his fingers on her slippery fold has her
caged in pleasure and crying a soft moan.
His heart dances, she is ready for him.
Knowing how loud she can get he takes full lead of the kiss just
to absorb her moans

He rubs his shaft against her wet coochie driving her to the
edge and she whimpers. There is something about her skin, it's
softness has him craving her even more. Her vulnerable state is
driving him to insanity

Slowly he position himself, entering her fully and she tighten

her legs around him feeling pleasure consuming her entire
being

*****
FUNEKA
It's after seven when the stupid supper comes, I wouldn't have
bothered but I did it because it might be suspicious if I
don't avail myself.

I'm not yet ready to tell the entire family about Zabelo. With
the way Ntsika reacted, I'm not about to crush my heart when
they all start judiging me

Today the table is filled with laughter and chatting. Bab Ngcobo
is seated on his chair, Mandisa is opposite me next to Ncane.
Then there is mama, Mazisi, Zabelo, Mongezi and a very
pregnant Mihlali.
This must be a huge night, I give it to Mandisa. She can cook.
The food is really delicious.
I'm buried in my own world until Mandisa says something
annoying me
"I don't know why girls like snatching people's baby daddies. It
irks me" she says
I don't know when the conversation switched to such

"I feel like it is so stupid to date a man with a child because in

the end they always go back to the mother of the child" Ncane
adds
"exactly, imagine warming up a bed for a man only for him to
leave you dry like you never existed" Mandisa again
I'm starting to boil inside

"I just feel like people aren't the same. Child or no child, the
man will always leave if he wants to" Mihlali for presidency.
I breath out and keep poking my food. I just lost appetie
"Funeka, what's your take on this matter?"
I shift and ignore her
"I mean you have experience in this so why.."
"Mandisa" Zabelo chirps in, his voice laced in nothing but
authority
"Look at you defending your girlfriend, how cute"
The table instantly dies down..
My heart is pumping hard, my face is surely pale right now…
"Mandisa, just leave this alone" Zabelo again
"Please don't even try to stop me. You don't think it is hurting
me that you are cheating on me with Funeka who is like a sister
to you? How will bab Ngcobo's brother feel when he leanrs that
you are sleeping with her daughter?.. "
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY THREE°°

FUNEKA

"Mandisa, just leave this alone" Zabelo again

"Please don't even try to stop me. You don't think it is hurting
me that you are cheating on me with Funeka who is like a sister
to you? How will bab Ngcobo's brother feel when he leanrs that
you are sleeping with her daughter?.. "
"SHUT UP!!" Roars Bab Ngcobo

It becomes instantly quite

Even the children are just quite
And I start thinking, what she just said is ringing in my head and
I'm failing to form words..
My ears must be deceiving me!
They must be
"Mandisa, what did you say about my father?"
My heart is thundering painfully as I ask her, my voice is as low
as if I just woke up

No one dares to say something

"SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT!"
I'm losing my mind..
My head is literally spinning
"Mama! What did she say? What is it that she just said? What
does she mean, mama!"
Tears are blinding my vision

"Don't scream at me girly, I'm still your mother!"

I chuckle, and stand up
"Explain what she just said ma! I'm listening"
"EXPLAIN WHAT EXACTLY? THAT YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH A
MAN OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FATH…"
I laugh
"my father, who is my father ma? Who?"
"ahem.. I can see that.."
"See what Zabelo, this is all your fault. How dare you luring a
child to setisfy your sexual needs"
Bab Ngcobo shouts, staring at Zabelo
"I didn't lure her, I love her.."
Faster than lightning he charges towards him and..
A LOUD SLAP.. land across Zabelo's face..
It becomes chaotic instantly. I can't even think…

I let my feet carry me out of the chaotic scene..

I don't know what to think anymore..
****
THE NGCOBO HOUSEHOLD
Mazisi and Mongezi finally succeeded in breaking Zabelo from
Bab Ngcobo's hard fists.
His nose is bleeding, he spits blood.
Anger does not describe how he feels at the moment, he feels
rage creeping in every single bone in his body.
Betty and Martha are now quite, breathing loudly.
Mandisa is nowhere to be seen
Mihlali is holding her tummy, moaning softly

Ntsika took the kids and dissappeared

"Baba, what's wrong with you?"
Mongezi seethes, pointing a finger at him
"why don't you ask that boy? I took him in! Raised him into the
bustartd he is today and he has the nerve to lure a child…"
"Please, don't you dare tell me that crap. You did that just out
of guilt for getting my father killed.."
-Zabelo.
And the arguments goes on and on until a loud, painful scream
stop them

"my water just broke.."

whispers Mihlali and for a moment they all freeze.
"THE BABIES ARE COMING
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YOU CAN'T JUST STARE AT ME DAMN IT! I NEED THE
HOSPITAL!" her shouting has them running around again, some
taking her, gently leading her outside while Mazisi reverse the
car closer to the door.

Just as the car drives out Zabelo looks around, holding his
throbbing face
"Funeka, where is Funeka?"

****
Time is approaching Nine in the evening.
The night is so quiet, the sound of cars moving at a distance can
be heard, wind is slowly blowing in all directions yet no one
seem to notice in the Ngcobo household

Martha is a crying mess, she has been since Funeka vanished

"They will find her Sis, just please stop crying" begs Betty,
wiping her own tears
"it's been hours and they are still not back! What if something
bad happened to her.. What if.."
"Okay stop.. I won't allow you to do this to yourself. They will
find her trust me. They will"
She cries even more

The doors suddenly opens and they quickly rush to Bab Ngcobo
who greets them with a saddened face, Mongezi follow as well
looking just the same and a loud wailing burst out as Martha
falls down her knees.
Mazisi is at the hospital with Mihlali
Zabelo isn't back yet..
****

Zabelo Magwaza

He is scared. Very scared as he drives through the night

searching for her.
His eyes are running around, he has called anyone he trust to
help but they all come up with nothing. Nothing.

He sighs, smoking for the fifth time since the whole thing
began.
His phone start ringing
"Tell me you found something" he quickly says
"hadde boza yam, no one has seen someone who matches that
description"
He clicks his tongue, cursing.
He parks the car next to the road and begin walking by foot.
He'll never sleep without her, his heart won't let him. How can
he even close his eyes not knowing if she is safe wherever she
is..

The more he walks, is the more he feels rage growing against

Mandisa. How dare she? Now might not be the time but he will
surely deal with her..

×××××
Qhawe Ndlovu

He smiles, a cunning smile as he stands before the bed.

Funeka is fast asleep on his bed. He pinch himself making sure
that he is not breathing.
Everything just became so much more interesting
He never thought Mandisa can still pull this one.
When he saw Funeka walking down the road he wasted no
time.

He gets out, lock the door and toss the keys in his pocket then
come out with a cellphone.
He makes a phonecall
"Hello.." a deep, throaty voice says
"everything worked out.. Gatsheni"
"it's time to take back what's mine.. "

After the phonecall he send Mandisa a text message telling her

that all is well, take out the simcard and chew it..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY FOUR°°

°°°THE PAST°°°

Twenty Five years Ealier..

It's been long hard thirty one years of his life,

The life of guns and dodging bullets isn't something he wanted
but life had its own plans for him, from loosing his parents at
the age of Ninenteen, to trying so hard to make a living because
the only brother and the only sibling you have doesn't seem to
care about your education or your life for that matter.

"Buddy, penny for your thoughts?" Thulani, his 40 year old

brother spare him a look as they lean on the car seats waiting
for the go ahead from their inside guy
"it's nothing" a 31 year old Zamani responds to his brother, his
heart angered with everything he has done to him..
From introducing him into this dangerous life, taking everything
that he seems to take interest in. It started as simple as a
cellphone , if Zamani wanted a cellphone Thulani would be
there to buy it first just to spite him. Even when their parents
were still alive Thulani felt the need to outshine his little
brother who seemed to be the spotlight of the family.

"you know how this one operate. He must be thinking about

that slut, Sharon.."
He turns, directing a sharp stare at Themba Ndlovu, one of his
brother's friend
Vumani Magwaza is one of the friends too.
"Leave her out of this, she's none of your business Bra T" he
says, angry as he looks at Themba at the back of the light blue
Cressida.
His heart feels heavy, sharp pain hitting his chest but he
remains calm on the outside while he breaks things on the
inside. How dare she do this to him, how dare Thulani for
slashing his back like this..

"Bhekan lentwan, defending a slut"

"Ngithe iyeke bra!" he shouts
"One of these days you will kill yourself because of that slu.."
Zamani quickly turns and throws a punch at Themba who fights
back.
Vumani stop the fight in a nonesend and stare at A forever
talkative Themba

"Just shut the fuck up for one minute, just one"

Thulani is laughing.
He finds this whole thing funny and amusing.
Sharon.. A beautiful yellow bone of Alexander, Zamani saw her
first and made a move on her. She fell in love with him and
that.. That didn't seat well with Thulani
He made it his mission to prove his point and finally he got the
girl and slept with her, in the end also falling in love with her
behind Zamani's back.
Zamani never knew about the affair until until few weeks ago
while they were still planning a heist.
He overheard the conversation between the three friends.
Vumani, Themba and Thulan who was gloating for getting the
girl
"This kiddo has no respect for me. Nx!" Themba seethe in
anger. The heist is yet to happen as they wait in the car..

"respect is not for hooligans" Zamani says

"Come on, you know he is telling the truth don't you? That girl
is a slut! A qualified one"
-Thulani
"Just drop this,you are too old Thulani so act like it! " that's
Vumani, a man of few words.
As much as he hated what was happening between Thulani and
Zamani, he didn't pay much attention. The only thing he
focused on was his 10 year old son, he was everything and
more to him. He was all he had after his mother ditched him on
his doorstep..
A phone beeps
"fellas, it's time"
Themba says and they quickly get ready..

The heist was as quick as a blink, hijacking a cash van requires

one to be faster and that's exactly what they did..
Laughter fills the car as they drive faster, Thulani being the
driver until bullets suddenly goes off..
Zamani is quick to hide down, his mind running a marathon
asking himself if he did the right thing.
He knows it's the best decision for him and for the kids.. His
Five year old boys that he loves dearly. They deserve a better
life than the one he leads.. They deserve a home

As much as he loves his brother, he will have to forgive him.

The thought of what Thulani did to the mother of his children
also put his conscience to rest.
>>>>>>>>>>>

The Ngcobo Household

Just as the sun comes up, Martha is fast asleep on the couch
with Betty next to her.
Mongezi is up and making countless calls
Zamani is staring into space, feeling his world coming to an
end.
His phone starts ringing and he quickly jumps on it without
checking the caller ID
"Hellow" he says
The person on the other hand keeps quiet
That frustrates him even more

"Hello.." a bit louder he says

Still nothing.
He clicks his tounge and drop the call.
It rings again much to his annoyance

"WHAT!" He shouts
raising the sleeping siblings
"Aw buddy buddy.. Still short tempted I see"
The deep throaty voice says, he checks the caller ID and sees
the number he doesn't recognize..
The voice is a bit familiar

"Who are you?" he ask, impatiently

"auch, I'm hurt. You've even erased my voice in your head.
Really ntwana"
He feels lightheaded instantly, air leaving his lungs.
He quickly run out of the lounge to his office
His heart drummed hard in his chest..
His body is shivering and he can't help but gulp
"Are you still there buddy?" asks an amused Themba

"Bra T" loud claps fills up his ears

"I always knew you'd never forget me. You know, after what
you did"
His veins pop out, replaying what happened that day. Vumani
lost his life after they fought with the police not knowing that
Zamani was behind everything.
"What do you want?" he ask, trying so hard to remain calm

"I like you, jumping straight to the point. Thing is I'll come see
you in person so that we can have a chat you and I.. Expect the
details.." the line goes dead before he can try to say more..
He runs out calling Mongezi..
"Where is Zabelo.. I want someone to run this number and
check its location" he tells him as he reach him on the hallway
"I'm not sure, he isn't back yet. I have a guy who can though.
Let me call him"...
He stops..
Looks at his father
"Was she kidnapped?"
He shakes his head and tell him to do what he asked.

He prays, prays that maybe it is a coincidence. As much he

refuses to believe the little voice in his head but deep down he
knows that Funeka going missing and his sworn enemy
resurfacing means something..

He let his guard down. After that detective he made a deal with
died, he should have paid more attention.
He knew that Qhawe is Themba's son. He knew, it's the reason
why he kept him close as one of their clients. He just didn't see
this one coming..
Another number different from the previous one shows on his
screen with a location and time..
He screams, throwing the phone on the wall..

Martha appears in the hallway and look at him, her face

swollen from all the crying
"Zamani.." she says softly.
When Thulani was arrested she was just months pregnant, with
a child that Thulani believed was his..
"You have to find her.. You have to"...
Zamani looks at Martha and sees the innocent girl she was
once. Pity she fell for the wrong brother who cared about no
one but himself..

After Thulani was arrested Martha returned back home and

that meant Betty had to find work and so she headed to
Gauteng too..
However what Martha did not anticipate was Betty falling in
love with the same family she had a history with..
*****
FUNEKA

Headache!.
I close my eyes and reopen them again as I feel pain hitting
every corner of my head.
I seat up yawning
"Finally, for a moment I thought you'd never wake up. How are
you feeling?"
I blink, staring at Qhawe who is smiling like a lunatic.

A sharp pain hits my heart and I hold my chest, events of last

night hitting me hard.
I'm failing to understand why..
Why wasn't I told that my father is actually a brother to Mr
Ngcobo..
Why? He must be alive somewhere.. He must be.
All the void, the questions I've buried deep inside of me comes
crushing down every bone in my body.
I feel like there is this elephant just having a party on my chest,
dancing and sipping on cocktails while laughing at my situation.
I let the tears fall off, hands quickly grab me into a hard chest
and I feel a gentle brush in my back and that gesture just
releases waterfall on my face..
I wail.. Wail for that little girl in me who was robbed of the
chance of knowing her father.
"Hey… hey look at me. Don't cry. All will be fine in time. I'll take
good care of you. I'll never make you cry. You are my safe
haven Funeka. I love you"...
Wh.. Is Qhawe okay upstairs?
I wipe my tears and push him away. They are probably looking
for me at home. I better leave, I want answers from that
woman who gave birth to me.. She owes me
"Seat down Funeka. You are not leaving" he says as I head to
the door.
I'm still in my yesterday's clothes.
The door is locked..
"Qh…" damn my voice is horrible
"I want to go home, Qhawe. Please open this door"
I tell him
He comes to me, stand before me and smile
"You are not going anywhere sweatpie"..
Wait. Is this a joke?
Zabelo
He budges inside Mandisa's door and find her draped in a red,
sexy lingerie. She is a sight for sore eyes, but Zabelo is not even
paying attention
Her fresh body is out in the open but he is too enraged
"took long enough, I've been waiting Njinji" she says,standing
up and meeting him halfway
Within a blink he attacks her neck, strangling the life out of her.
Anger vein popping on his forehead
He sees red, Mandisa is hopelessly fighting off his strong hold,
eyes popping out shedding tears with no voice coming out.
He let's her go, she succumbs to the ground coughing hard and
blowing air with her hand.

"I will ask this once. What did you do? " enraged he
seethe,clenching his teeth…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY FIVE°°

This is the second day since Funeka went missing.

Everyone is going through the roughest patch in the Ngcobo
family.

Time reads Twelve during the day, Zamani and Thulani are
seated in one of the restaurants in Johannesburg waiting for
Themba.
In a nanosecond he enters the door surrounded by goons.
After greeting he demand his share of the money..
R1. 5 million…

A stupid, crazy amount of money.

"My money or the girl dies" he says
"Here, this is a half a million. You'll get the rest when I see her.
now where is my child" that's ThulanI, handing him a huge
brown case under the table
"Where is my full amount" he asks
"you'll get the rest when we do the exchange.."
"Thulani.. NC NC. I thought you had my back and now you've
decided to take this imbecile's side. Don't you want your
money?"
"I SAID WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER THEMBA?" shouts Thulani
banging a table.

In turn other customers looks at them strangely

"Give me my full amount or I make a phone call. Which one is it
gonna be?"
Tounge clicks
"We can't have that kind of money lying around. You'll have to
give us few days.." Says Zamani
"until then, our business here is done"
…

Funeka
Sometimes you just act impulsively and land yourself a much
bigger trouble.
Had I stayed and never went out, none of this would be
happening

The room is locked again, my tummy is in turmoil.

I've come to realize that there is more to this.

Qhawe makes phonecalls, comes to me and try to make a move
on me. Every damn time I turn him down and he always gets
furious.. I'm glad he hasn't made me a punching bag..
Unlike this other old man

He seems to be here more often, it looks like he is bargaining

with my life. He takes pictures of me, hit me and now..
I'm tied on a metal chair, hands
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feets and my taped mouth.
After I tried to escape on my yesterday evening this is what he
did..
Qhawe is just.. Qhawe.
He promised to let me go if I agree to be his..
I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically.
Maybe today might be the day I get to play along so he can
release me..
Maybe he can

The door swings open and I flinch, pain in my body and in my

heart.
I want my family, I miss them.
My heart is wrenched in terror, Zabelo..
I can not bring myself to think about him because I'd be just
killing myself.

It's enough that I'm worried about my mother

"My love" Qhawe says, slowly removing the tape and I breath.
My nostrils burn at the Nando's aroma, my stomach grumbles
"I brought you something. Open up" he says, staring at me. I'm
tempted to spit on him but..
My tummy speaks a different language

I slowly open my mouth and allow him to feed me

"I didn't want this to happen this way, forgive me when all of
this is over okay. It just that, what that man did to my father
was inhumane. He just want his share of money and all will be
well"
He is speaking gliberish right now, I'm totally lost

Half way through the meal, a heartless old man budges in and
throw away what remained on the Nando's paper bag
"We are leaving"
"Don't hurt her Gatsheni, you know I love her. You promised
not to hurt her" Qhawe says..
My feets are untied and I'm grabbed screaming to God knows
where..

I'm pushed inside a car.

Just as it start moving a loud bang suddenly goes off…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY SIX°°

The ear cracking sound of scratching tyres burst out the entire
yard, provoking terror to any nearby human.
"Damn it, I should have known" seethes Themba, his teeth
clenched as the car swings around until it comes into a halt
Funeka is draped in melancholy, acidic yet salty sensation flying
down her soft cheeks. Her trembling hands are quickly grabbed
in a hard force, a loud wailing escape her quivering lips.

The sharp, heart wrenching sound of gunshots are too much to

handle as she screams not knowing where she was headed

Themba stands in the middle of the lounge, a quivering, messy

Funeka stands in front of him with a gun pointed at her head.
Knees are shaking violently, her wrecking brain has already
picked a coffin, moarned her untimely death and envisioned
her final resting place decorated deep soil, flowers and a
freshly made cross.
It is a mystery that her feet are still strong enough to carry her
heavy, violently trembling body through such a horrific scene
she's never been subjected to before..

Within a blink Zamani and Thulani jumps inside the lounge and
quickly stand still due to the deadly, heart attacking sight.
Their chest are heaving and falling, hands tightly grabbed in
guns as they shoot hard, deadly stares at the man holding a gun
against Funeka
"Long time, friend." Thulani rumbles..
"One wrong move.. I shoot, friend. Stay where you are and
listen to me" Themba quickly says, his voice laced in terror. He
acted impulsively, with no solid plan. All he wanted was his
money to start his life after after being released.

Her shuddering breathing is loud in her chest as Funeka cries

silently, her face is dranched, tears slowly dampening her top
and neck..
"baba.. help me" her rough, slow voice painfully begs and that
set the wrong button in both brothers, one bullets flies up the
roof in an instant causing a faint wailing as Funeka cries a bit
louder
"I'm not playing here, one wrong move the next one is on her
head. Try me, just try me"
His eyes even bigger, runny and red he utters bitterly.

Eventually Thulani and Zamani put thier guns down and their
hands quickly goes up thier head..
Just after that Qhawe enters behind pointing guns at them
"Son my son…" proudly he utters. His lips suddenly spread into
a smile, a tidal wave of relief washes over Themba upon seeing
his son coming through for him
"we have all your money in the car, just give us Funeka and we
will be on our way.." Begs Thulani, his now shaking voice selling
him out.

"Now you want to beg for mercy? After attacking me in my

home. Come on fellas, you don't deserve that. I'm doubling the
amount. I want R3 million now.."
Hard gasp escape the brother's mouths.
They are glued in one spot
"Now you are loosing it. How will we find such an amount in a
second.."
"I don't care. Just get it done. I have all day here.
You have kids, they are well off. Just think of something. And
let me warn you, whatever you do, don't even think of trying
something because one wrong move, she's dead." pressing a
gun on her temple he says. Funeka feels her vessels drying up

Themba takes out his phone, throw it at Zamani

" Now
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start worki…"
A loud bang suddenly roars…
Funeka wails painfully…
Her knees fail her and she succumbs to the cold floor, her head
hitting the floor hard.
Everything suddenly becomes blank…

.. Qhawe realize what's in front of him, he quickly run

inside vanishing in one of the rooms..
Zabelo enters the door, carrying a gun while breathing fire..
He rushes to her and throw her in his arms..
Hitting and trying to wake her..
"FUNEKA!! STHANDWA SAM PLEASE OPEN YOUR
EYES..FUNEKA!!"

Themba's lifeless body lies on the floor, Qhawe is nowhere in

sight.
******

°°DAYS LATER°°

FUNEKA
The birds are joyfully chirping, wind slowly blowing in all
directions. It’s the beginning of yet another day and I’m still
buried in terror

I still see my life flashing right in front of my eyes

I still hear the loud banging sound of gunshots
I still feel that cold metal on my head and that.. That just
crushed me back to square one.
"Funeka.."
I scream, feelings all kinds of panic attacking me

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.."

the nerve she has for showing up on my face.
"I know you hate me and I understand but you have to believe
me, I didn't know that Qhawe was going to put your life in such
danger. I had no idea.."
"Mandisa, you are not the one who doesn't sleep at night, who
wakes up sweaty and screaming, unable to breathe. It's not you
who suffers from anxiety now and again.. It isn't you. So please,
just leave " "A tear drops in my left eye,
I feel my heavy heart Wrenched in pain, my chest is tightening
and I hate how I've been lately but I can't help myself.
These emotions just overtake me in a way that I fail to control
"I just want to apologise for.."
"Mandisa, why are you here?"..,
He is here.. A sense of relief attacks me.

He is always resurfacing around where I am. It is like he is

guarding me in the shadows and when he feels I'm not safe he
emerges.
"ahem.. I was here to speak to Funeka. To apologise for what I
did" her voice is laced in panic as she speak.

"didn't you sell her to your best friend?" firmly Zabelo asks, his
eyes emit anger
"Ahem. I said I'm sorry"
"If she died who will you be apologising to?"
There's no response

"I'm talking to you"his teeth pressed he says

"no one" whispers Mandisa
"The reason you still have that voice to utter nonsense is
because I allowed it. It is because you are good to my child,
otherwise you'd be history Mandisa and I would have been the
one who gladly read your obituary and held the last spate
standing just above your grave.
Do me a favour and stay the hell away from Funeka, are we
clear "
She nods quickly
"I said are we clear, yes or no"
I feel my skin giving goosebumps as I watch silently..
Zabelo is that kind of man who can do anything to get what he
wants.. That scares me to death.
He can kill, any day. Anytime.

When Mandisa is out of sight he stands before me.

Gently takes my hand in his and plants a long perk on them
breathing loudly, wave of tingles itches my entire body.

His hands are warm, soft as he begin caressing my face and I

want him to touch me all day, every day
Eyes locked, his buried in warmth and gentleness
I feel his thumb wiping my teary eyes
I stare deep in his eyes and my heart is engulfed in utmost
peace and strange feelings of longing for him even when he is
right in front of my eyes
"MaFuze" my heart still recognizes his presence, his voice..
"How are you feeling today?" his voice is softer, ever since that
day I've been like this.
I spend my days in this porch, watching at whatever my eyes
land on and fight the battles in my head
"I'm afraid.. Very afraid when you are not around"
My voice is low as I tell him truthfully

"I'm always around sthandwa sam. Always"

"I love you MaFuze"
My heart jerks as he tells me. I lay my head on his big, strong
chest..
His strong arms circles me and he hold me tight as I shut my
eyes, breathing him and taking all of him. I always feel safe
when he is around..
His ames are my safe heaven, my safe home.
"I love you Zabelo" his hold tightens even harder. "I'm the one
that loves you more and more.."
He is crazy sometimes
"and I love you more and more and more and more.." he sofly
chuckles and plant a wet kiss on my neck awakening sleeping
juices

I hear someone clearing their throat.

Zabelo let me go and baba appears in front of me..
Yes, the man who gave birth to me.
Bab Ngcobo is with him, my mom, Ncane and Ntsika.
Their eyes sell them away as they are glued on him, they hate
him.
They hate Zabelo but they tolerate him because of me… Zabelo
makes me feel safe. He makes me feel protected…
"I'll be around maFuze" he says, pecks my cheeks and then
leave.. I feel my hear t getting lighter.
They find somewhere to seat and just watch me like an egg that
might break any second..
I hate pity
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY SEVEN °°

Qhawe Ndlovu

His eyes are glued on nothing specific. Hands gripping on the

fork, the spargethy and meat balls at the receiving end of his
misery as he keep on poking the food before him.

"We Qhawe, eat that food before I make you. Don't get me
mad boy boy, you hate me when I'm mad. Hell I hate myself
too" that's his mother uttering firmly seated opposite him
"Why did you introduce me to my father at this age mama? This
is all your fault"
He says, slowly put the fork down and shoot daggers at his
mother who doesn't seem fazed at all

"That man was a good for nothing thug, he was a useless

bhantinti that would have done nothing but mess you up as he
did in his last days. even behind bars he still was obsessed with
the Ngcobo brothers and in the end they succeeded in killing
him.."

"no.. Zabelo is the one who killed him. I had just found him, I
used the girl I love because I wanted to help him. And now he is
gone.. If only you told me about him a while back.."
Its been weeks since the incident occurred.
Qhawe has been swimming in the darkness of sorrow. Like any
boy child, he also was keen to have a relationship with his
father. He never cared about anything of his past, or his
present.
He wanted him in his life..

"Anything that hurt this so called Funeka girl is music to my

ears. She's a good for nothing, low class bee."
Qhawe chuckles
"Why do you hate her so much?" he akss
"I don't.. I just don't like her either. Eat that food before it gets
cold"

"I'll be cold in one of these days when Zabelo finds me."

"He won't.." Says his mom
"Look at me hiding behind my mother's skirt instead of fighting
him like a man"
"Litsen to me Qhawe. I'd rather have you hiding behind my skirt
instead of burying you. You are my son, my only son. So I don't
care how you feel, as long as you are safe and alive, I'm okay"
It's silence for a while
"And here you are blaming me for not introducing the man in
your life. Look at the damage he has caused in the last few
weeks he was in your life. He messed you up, you can't even
show your face in public. You can't run your business, you are
just here hiding. Tell me something Qhawe, if Themba was in
your life since you were born, do you really think you would
have turned out good? "
Hearing such words from his mother has his heart in
shambles..

*****
Funeka***

After talking to a therapist, I feel somewhat better.

Ntsika is outside the door waiting for me, I smile as he stands
coming towards me

" How was it? "he ask as I reach him

He takes out his hand and I hold it then we begin walking away
"better than the last time"
I tell him.
Three weeks have passed since the whole ordeal.
I stared theraphy last week.
Zabelo actually forced it down my throat, my mother and
everyone supported the idea.

"I'm glad. For a moment I thought I'd lose you"

He can be sweet, too sweet sometimes
"well, you won't lose me. Not now atleast"

We pass by Mihlali's ward and see the new added members of

the Ngcobo clan.
The babies are so tiny, I'm even afraid to hold them. Infact, I'm
never holding a baby that's so tiny. I can't..

After the hospital visit we pass by the shopping center and I

shop a few clothes.
Stress is one weired thing.
Instead of losing weight I just gained.. My tiny, favorite dresses
don't fit me no more.
When we reach home it's after Four in the afternoon

I find my mother cooking, something I haven't seen since I got

here. Atkeats her and Ncane are no longer a car and dog. I think
what caused the drift was this issue of my father.

I hug her behind and peak my head, she's checking out the
mouth watering beef stew
MaOledi" Nstika half yells and stand just next to mama
"who are you calling maOledi wena ngane?"
I'm left standing as mama pinch Nsika's left ear
"Tjonawe.. I'm sorry MaMzo"
I laugh and peak through the pot, where is the spoon?
I take the spoon. I'm about to dig up my piece of meet when I
feel pain im my right ear
"And wena! What do you think you are doing?"
Oh No.. This is so painful
"Mama! I'm sorry.. I was just checking if the meat is ready"
It's Nsika's turn to laugh now..

"Leave my child alone Martha" For a moment I freeze. It's still

hard to come adjusts to these new changes.
Mam let's me go and I brush my ear feeling pain all over again.
"Do you have any idea what she was doing. She's been stealing
my stew.."
"Hawu mah! I didn't take anything njena"
I chirp in

"Of course she did baba, she took almost half of that stew and
didn't even hand me a piece. Selfish little sister" Aw.. Ntsika is
pure lying
"No, you are lying Nstika.."
"He is not" my God.. My mother and Nstika are ganging up on
me
"even if she ate the whole stew I wouldn't mind. No one is
supposed to go hungry while there is food in the house.."
I squeel in happiness..
"DID YOU HEAR THAT??" I Scream at these two Hypocrites
"You aren't getting any g
Food tonight" thats my mom.
"I think I want some pizza, I don't want your food any more.." I
add
"Let's go get some pizza then, Ndodakaz yami"
Why am I melting off a sudden…
"Don't leave me oo! I'm coming with you." Nstika can be too
much sometimes

******
I'm outside, seated in the front porch as I watch sunrise. I'm
feeling a bit of peace,I slept like a baby, something I haven't felt
in a long time.
My phone beeps, Zabelo wishing me a wonderful day and
reminding me that I'm loved.
My heart dances, I can't help the smile spreading accross my
lips

During the day Nstika takes me to Zabelo's club

And we have some good time together.
I miss my friends back home.
I haven't been lucky in finding friends this side 7

"It's been weeks of being sexually starved.

Zabelo has been denying me my right since,Since the day I
almost lost my life. He treats me like an egg that might break
with just one touch" I tell Nstika as we dive deep into this low
conversion, with a red wine to spice up the moment.
We are gracing the VIP section for a change.
Savouring on hot wings, steak and cold, mouth salivating wine.
"You need to make a move. I can't believe you've survived with
so much salt in your system. I'd die if I were to stay that long
without sex, I'll be buried and the cause of death would be..
Lack of kuku. Even hell won't accept my soul, I'd come back
here and hunt you"
My stomach twitches as I release a belly aching laughter.

We are back to being the crazy, annoying siblings.

One morning he just came into my room and asked if I'm happy
with Zabelo, I said yes. He sat down and explained why he was
being offish, he didn't want to find himself in between our
battles when Zabelo and I fight because he loves us both..
I assured him not to get him in involved ..

"God, I missed that laugh. It is so real and so beautiful. I almost

believe that you are not being sexually starved.." jeez. this
man.
"I'm not really sexually starved. He does give me some oral
loving but.. It's not enough you know. Though I love him more
when he sucks my cl.."
"Voustek! Do you want me to puke out all this wine. The dude
is still my brother and I can't imagine him doing all that! Don't
give me full details Funei nei. I don't wanna die of trauma mina,
I'm too handsome to die"
He is a dramatic dude
"okay, I withdraw my case. Can we dance, I feel like dancing"
"Say no more" he grabs my arm and we start dancing to the
music softly playing.
Ntsika can dance.
While on the other hand I'm just a story of another lifetime.

We are breathless as we take a seat

"I need to do something with that lack of dancing, can I book
you into a dancing class? Your bones are so stiff yet you move
like a professional dancer underneath my brother"
I laugh and hit him at the back of his head
"Don't mock me, I can do better than many other people out
there. Wena give me something stronger, I'll show you flames"
Anyone can dance under the influence of alcohol I tell you.
"Nstika. Never thought you'd move on so fast" looking up I'm
met with a slay queen. She's a young beauty, Nsika's age
"Pretty, meet my sister.."
Before I even anticipate she attacks me, grabbing hard. This kid
doesn't know me
I'm quick to kick her sorry, slay queen ass until bouncers stop
the fight.

"Ngzokubamba bitch.." she screams as they take her out.

Where is Ntsika. I'm breathless, my chest is heaving and falling
as I search around until I spot him at the corner, with a phone
on his hand..
"Ntsika! You were recording!" I scream angry as I charge
towards him. I had to fight on my big day, it's his fault.
"I'd do anything to see that fight again. Thank you sis wam for
bringing her down her knees. She's been bullying me too
much"
Amen!

It doesn't take long for Zabelo to grace us with his cold

presence.
I jump on him before he can say anything and plant kisses all
over his face.
He put me down gently and cup my face, staring deep into my
eyes
"maFuze" he says.. It's coming
"can't you behave like a normal person for once?" his deep,
husky voice utters
I put my hands on his mouth and spread his lips
"Can't you behave like a normal boyfriend and smile" he smiles
involuntarily and take my hands then plant a kiss on my cheeks
"See, it doesn't cost even a cent to decorate your stone cold
face with a smile baby" I say
"You make me feel like a high-school kid maFuze"
His hands slide behind my waist and our bodies touch

I run my hand on his chest, looking up at him

"is that a bad thing Magwaza?" I softly ask
"I don't know. You tell me"
"well
I love you more when you let loose a little. Hhay njalo nje, We
Funeka what's wrong with you, why are you so stubborn
Funeka" I say mimicking his angry voice.

He release a deep laugh, his eyes brightening and I'm in love

even more
"I don't speak like that maFuze"
"OH yes you do." he laughs even more
"Ngyakthanda Kodak, even though you are too strict
sometimes"
He leans in and kisses me
A sensual kiss awakening emotions in me..
"Okay! Sesyabonga we Shaka Zulu and his wife for the show..
Enough now!" Nstik, grabbing Zabelo away from me. The
nerve!.
…

What an eventful, crazy yet funny day.

I'm as exhausted as they come when we reach Zabelo's
apartment
The first thing I do is to visit the bathtub and start bathing. I
take my time hoping that he might get in and thing can lead to
me screaming his name in pleasure…..

Bummer, he doesn't pitch and the water is getting cold.

I hear a gasp as I return to the bathroom, butt naked. I get in
bed just in my birthday suit and snuggle on his skin feeling
shivers awakening.
He is in just boxer shorts.
His body suddenly goes hard.. Great..
"baby" I softly say
"Yes" he sighs as if fighting something
"Don't you miss me? Don't you miss burying your cock deep in
my cookie"
He doesn't respond.
"I need you inside me. I miss you Njinji" I tell him, with my low
horny voice as I brush his hairy, hard chest.
"You're still not yourself, Funeka. You are drunk" his breath is
changing. I'm glad I still have this effect on him. I hook my leg in
his
"that's not true Magwaza. I had just two glasses of wine. Two.. I
want you badly,please"I beg, pushing my knee in his shaft and I
hear him grunt softly. I push deeper and he instantly turn my
body and take my full lips in his

The kiss is sloppy, affectionate and ignites a can of worms in

me. Now I want him badly.. I swear I'd rape him if he doesn't
give it to me tonight
I'm lying on my back with him on top of me, still kissing me
strongly.
We stop, catching our breaths.

Looking up at him I see him, his eyes a bit darker than normal,
lust gracing his expression.
My trembling hands swiftly grabs his neck once more, bringing
his face back to me.
His hot, minty breath heat up my hungry face
"maFuze" his voice is draped in gentleness, deeper than
normal, he wants me badly, however his caring side wants to
be sure if I'm ready

I land my lips in his, bite his bottom lip slowly and moan his
name already imagining his shaft delivering deep yet sensual
strokes.
And that awakens the beast in him as he breathes out and in..
He takes full control of the kiss and I let him lead me

Upon catching my erratic breathing his lips land on my neck,

lighting fire in me
I whimper as he nible and suck my weakest spot, my eyes
shutting close
His hands are roaming around my body, burning my skin with
firecracking pleasure that has my mouth slightly opened,
I feel his hand taking full control of my breast,
My heart rumbles

Gripped in sheets his sensual lips moves down my breats

"aa.. H.." a faint, lifeless cry escapes me as his mouth takes full
control of my nipples, sending me to ecstasy

I'm left needy and in furry of emotions.

A hand grabs my thighs, his head dissappear down my cookie
I half scream, feeling all the bursting yet consuming pleasure at
his tounge dancing like a professional on my coochie..
He takes his slow time driving me to the never land until my
muscles twitch and an orgasm attack me

His skin on my body is like a magnet pulling me deeper than his

body, I feel drawn into his soul and I want to be like this,
always.
My walls welcome his organ in me and I bite my lower lip..
Explosive, uncontrollable pleasure cracking my bones..
Deep, slow strokes begin torturing me and at this point I fail to
form words.
I allow him to lead me to our world of pure intimacy as I hook
my legs around his waist.
The blabbing sound of our organs strongly uniting is heard, his
grunts are louder than my whimpering screams
I hold onto his bold shoulders when he begins moving in circles
hitting the right spot. I'm singing non existing songs as he does
that.

An unexpected loud scream leaves my mouth as I feel strong

fingers pressing hard on my clit, still doing the sensual, errotic
moving circles. and he.. brings me closer and closer…
Something suddenly squeezes my entire being, from my toes,
my tummy, my back firmly, an unexplainable urge to pee
suddenly attacks me..
This can't be good, it can't.. Not now..

Yes now.. I'm failing to hold it in.

My mouth opens, closes again..
I'm like a fish gaping for air
"aa.. I..need… to pee.." I finally manage to utter, he doesn't
stop.
Instead his strokes increase a pace and they are faster, deeper
and full.
A lifeless cry escapes me as the urge to pee arises extremely…
I feel fresh tears burning my iris..
"Zab.. Pl.. I can't hold It" I cry out..
My trembling, sweaty hands try to push his hard body, I need to
release myself
.He is a hard rock. Not moving..
I try to move up using my strengthless, wobbly feet but he is
fast to put me to place, grab my both hands putting them up
my head.
I'm at his mercy , he knows it too.
"ah.. Please! "..
"Let it go.. Mashiyamahle. Fuzelihle. " he whispers in my ear…

A loud, throaty scream escapes me as I'm attacked with an

explosive orgasm I've ever had..
Something is different today.. Did I just pee…
How do I face him after this..?
As I regain my composure he has already pulled out. I lie on my
side, back facing him.
"No no no my love. We aren't done yet"what..
One grab has me lying on my stomach, something is pushed
underneath me and my legs are widely spread out.
His weight is on top of me, I feel his hands sandwiching my
body.

I whimper, grabbing the sheets again as his shaft presses firmly

on my clit, I feel my body coming to life
A a deep yet exhausted cry leaves my gaping mouth as he fully
positions his shaft inside me. This time it hit differently, as if he
is pushing all of him.. He is in too deep as I cringe on the sheets,
unable to move.
"Njinji.. I'm.. Sorry"
He is faster, not having mercy on me as he grunts, thrusting in
and out of me.. ..

somebody theatre this cookie out of me.. I don't need it

anymore.
I'll never initiate sex, ever again
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY EIGHT °°
FUNEKA

Zabelo's ringing phone dig me up from a deep slumber. I'm

entangled in his arms, my heart swims in joy and warmth.
The phone stops ringing. I hear him shuffling and taking the
phone I guess.
After a while he snuggles back to me
"maFuze, kusile mama wabantwana bam"
his husky voice rumbles in my ear and he bites my earlobe
gently and slowly..
My heart skips, I feel my heavy, exhausted body regaining
strength.
He is nibbling my neck.
I'm lying on my side butt naked, back facing him. I can literally
feel his hard shaft pressing on my back.

Zabelo's touch is lethal to not just my body, it's like he marks

himself deeper than my body. I can feel him at the deepest part
of me.
I can't explain the feelings I have of him, they seem to pile up
with each day and I'm afraid to even envision a life without
him..
I'm so deeply in love with the man that I can't even bring myself
to admit it loudly, his feelings cut deep that it even hurt a little.
I'm in too deep, diving in a fast lane with no plan of backing
down a little..

His trounce is like an addiction I can't fight, effortlessly my body

responds to his mere touch. He doesn't have to do much.
My organ is on fire due to last night but as always a mere touch
from him has my clit throbbing and my body crying for him
inside me..
His hands start caressing my body
I'm trying to ignore him so I keep still, my eyes tightly closed

I'm holding my breath at the direction his hands are taking..

"Zab.. elo.." my sleepy voice moaned his name as his hand
found my clit and started rubbing gently.
One knee is inserted in between my legs, spreading them apart
a little.
and slowly he pushes himself in
"Njinj…aah " I cry out
Is he trying to kill me?

I lay my head on his shoulders and sigh, feeling the warm water
comforting all the right spots.
My cookie feels a bit better, the fire down there is slowly dying
down..
"OH Njinji.. Please.. I need to pee" '
his voice is suddenly squeaky as he says.
Wait a minute?
Is he mimicking my voice?
I turn swiftly and look up at him
We are both naked in the bathtub
I'm hoping my firm eyes will do the talking

""Oh Njinj.. I want to pee" he continued. Clearly amused..

I hit his hard chest and a bit of pain struck my poor fingers ,
I pinched his beard instead .
He released a deep, belly aching laugh.
His eyes narrow, he holds his stomach still dying of laughter..
"I hate you Zabelo"
This is upsetting and embarrassing..
During sex I'm in a different planet that doesn't even exist in
the real world and I don't wanna be reminded how crazy I get
when aroused
"You didn't hate me when you recited all my clan names. Who
needs Google when I have you baby, for a moment I looked at
you and wondered why you are sitting on such a talent.
Imbongi yam, my very best personal poet…"
This is it.. I'm done

Where is the towel

I get up as drenched as I am
And take the towel
" We MaFuze, you should attend those poetry sessions, you are
good baby"
I look at him laughing stupidly. If only I could wipe that smile
with this wet towel
"I'm never having sex with you. Ever again"
I tell him, furiously wiping my body

He gets up and encircle his arms around me

"Zabelo, just stop touching me, you're making me wet" ..
He plants a soft kiss on my shoulder, awakening my sleeping
hoe.
His wet skin on me is doing the things that I hate to love

This man is so annoying! I wiggle myself out of him, my towel

drops and I bend down picking it up. He grunts softly
Serves him right!
"what are you trying to do maFuze? "
"nothing,.. Just grabbing my towel. It's not my fault that your
mind is always dirty ."
His knee push inside my legs spreading them apart
"Is that so?" he firmly asks
his voice changing. I try to stand up but he hold me down with
his hard hand on my back
"Bend down" he commands.
I'm about to protest but he is quick to push my legs apart with
his knee.
"Zabelo Wh.. Aaa" he slowly plays with my slippery opening..
Will I ever get peace in this house?
"I'm.. Still sore Magwaza" I manage to utter. My body is already
aroused
Long press on my clit has me crying in gibberish "Should I
stop?" slowly, very slowly positioning himself he asks.. I feel my
senses packing the bags and leaving me senseless as I hold onto
the sink for dear life..

***
"Baby” I feel a soft touch on my face. A faint voice is speaking
from afar.
Where am
I?
“Sthandwa sam, wake up" a wet kiss wakes me
up from the deepest sleep ever.
I open my heavy eyes and blink..
"MaFuze" Zabelo's deep husky voice brings me back to reality
and to what conspired earlier, I feel my cheeks getting hot.
My poor cookie..
“your father wants to see you. He has been calling non stop” I
quickly remove the throw blanket and stretch my arms
yawning...

He hugs me and kisses my neck. This one loves neck kisses.

He smells good though
"What's the time?" I ask, brushing his arms
"After lunch.." what..
I jump out of bed and straight to the shower.
I slept that long, what did this man do to me?
Who would even blame me..

I put lotion on my body after the shower. Zabelo can't keep his
hands to himself. Why is he even touching me.. Tjo
" stop touching me I'm busy Zabelo"
“Let me help you with that..
"
“no!” I quickly say, he laughs
moving away from me. Nx bloody moron.
I don't want him to touch me. It all started with his touch, look
at me now. my legs are wobbly, my cookie is on fire and I feel
like a thousand needles were poking me

Zabelo takes me home when I'm done and I change some

clothes. I find my mother asleep, the TV watching her.
There are pills before her, on the coffee table.
I'm about to wake her when she opens her eyes
“I almost sent a search party to look for you!”
"I was with Zabelo" I tell her. She doesn't say more after that. I
prefer the truth than to lie
"Thulani has been calling. He want to see you".
"I'm on my way to see him"
Ntsika enters the lounge area and look at me, I mean studying
me

"What?" I ask him

 “Is that a hickey!” my God, I’ve never felt so embarrassed in
my entire existence, the bustard put a hickey on me. I breath
out and rush to the kitchen leaving my mom behind.

Just as he reached the kitchen I quickly put my hand on my

neck
“don’t hide it babe, jeez your walk is even worse, you walk like
a penguin” I'm leaving his sight,
"Tjo.. Sis wam don't you need some painkillers or something?" I
need a new brother..

I'm dropped off just outside this big house in some township I
never even bothered to remember.
Baba spoke to Zabelo and he drove me here
"Hey.. Where do you think you are going without kissing me
young lady?" he asks firmly as I try to unlock the car.
I peck his lips but he holds me tightly and end up giving me a
full deep kiss.
I knocked on the single story house. It looks like a five or six
bedroom house
There is noise inside, loud piano music and some loud
laughter..

A younger version of… Thulani appears at the door with a wide

smile on her face. She looks Twenty or so..
"Pholoba, she's here!" she happily screams.
I'm just not sure how to behave
She has his face, his voice even.

"MaNgcobo, you are finally home" he says, opening his wide

arms.
To avoid awkwardness I hug him.
He introduces me to the girl, Nangamso.
The woman who is petite comes as well
So ubaba has another family too. He has two children with this
woman. They've told me about Nangamso and a son who
apparently is in boarding school.
Nangamso and him have a lot in common, I feel like an
intruder.

We are having what I assume is delicious food because lunch

has long passed..
"So Funeka, your father says you are a graduate. That's great."
she says, Pretty is her name.
I smile, not a genuine smile.

While I was craving for his presence he had another family. I'm
hurting.
"Ahem. If you don't mind me asking, how old is Nangamso?" I
ask
"20 years. The next question is how did I have a child while in
jail, I know. Pretty is or was a warder who happened to fall in
love with a jailbird" baba says.. wow..
That's all I can say..
Why was I denied a chance of knowing him because it is so
clear to me that he kept in touch with his other family..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°TWENTY NINE°°

FUNEKA

Laughter fills up the entire table.

Here and there Baba just throws the prison jokes.
My tummy betrayed me and I ended up laughing like the rest.
I never thought he was this free, funny and loving.
Once in a minute his eyes looks at Pretty and twinkle. He loves
her, it is so obvious
She loves him too because we are laughing and she is just
blushing like hell

"Let's face time Ndalo, he has always wanted to see sis Funeka"
Nangamso announces in the middle of the ear cracking noise.
"That's a good idea actually, let's do it"
I'm still clueless and misunderstanding whatever they are
saying as Nangamso takes her phone and does a video call.
A light skinned, young boy appears on the screen with a grin..
He looks like Pretty, just looks like her.
Unlike Nangamso who is a dark skinned girl like daddy, this one
is like mommy

"It's her" he says, wow.. His voice is way too deep for a young
boy.
He smiles, amused and looking rather speechless.
We are all squashed in front of this tiny screen
And I look confused.
"sis Funeka, this is our brother Ndalo. He is doing matric in a
boarding school"
That's the loud Nangamso doing the introduction
"HI there" I say and flash a smile.
"Baba, she's so pretty, wow I'm so gonna update my Facebook
display Pic with her. Can I have your pictures mtaka baba"
I nod, feeling some sort of tingles and all the nice feelings.
I've never had siblings, been just me and me alone. The
conversation is cut short with my bursting phone.
It is Zabelo
"Can I please take this privately.."
I'm dazed as I'm quickly grabbed by my hand heading to one of
the rooms..

She opens the door and the room has bright colours and two
single beds with the same pink linen with flowers and cute
pillows, teddy bears and wow..
There Is a strawberry fragrance roaming around

"Welcome to our room.."

She says and smiles. She looks so happy right now..
My phone rings again bringing me back.

“Magwaza ” I say and take a seat.

The bed is actually comfy “are you good Sthandwa sam? ” ..
I was a bit down the entire drive. I guess he just wanted to
check on me.
The man that put a hickey on me.. “I’m good.. why did you put
a hi..” I quickly stop in the mid-sentence as it hit me that I'm
not alone.
Nangamso, all her eyes on me.
Smakade
sezulu.

“Why did I? ” “nothing, just missing you” she smiles, resting her
hands on her cheeks. “ I missed you the moment you left the
car, how is little MaFuze down there..”
Oh Jesus.. “she is soo fine thank you” does this man know that
I’m not alone “are you sure she isn’t sore? ” no sane person ask
such a stupid question I swear “well she is” “I’m sorry maFuze,
why don’t I kiss her better then, I might come even now”
My cheeks are spreading without my concern right
now

“Zabelo I’m not alone” I tell him and take a brief glance at
Nangamso.
The girl is still staring at me amused “so? ” “you are crazy , I
need to go”
"Will I see you tonight or will your father drive you back?"
He doesn't get enough.
This time he wants to paralyse me
"No, bye Zabelo.."
"Ngyakthanda yezwa… "
Oh This man!
My heart is on a fast lane, speeding

"Thank you.."
He doesn't hang up.
"I said I love you Funeka Ngcobo"
I almost forgot that he has a loose screw on his head
"Love you too"
I say, faster than I could take my next breath
"that's better"
He says and hangs up..
Tjo..
“okay! out with it” she claps her hands once. yeah she is still
here looking so stupid smiling like a baby.. “I don’t kiss and tell
sisi” “oh come on just tell me.. Oh God. Is that a hickey!”
God why me!

"How long have you known about me?"

I ask, changing the topic.
"for as long as I can remember. When we visit Pholoba he'd
always tell us about his other daughter and that one day we will
meet her.."
Wow.. I'm touched..

"Okay, back to the main topic. Who is he? Did you have sex the
whole night coz I can tell with your walk that it was all Christian
Greying down there.."
My mouth is dry..

“shem the man might have been sexually

frustrated, jeez did you starve him sexually? , Yoh hhay
uyangdumaza sis” that’s what she add as she clap her hands
once more
Advertisement

“ I’m not telling you my bedroom affairs if that’s what you are
expecting Nangamoso” I just met her.. I mean I'm not that
comfortable and I'm still
adjusting

“but you aren’t being fair, I don’t mind sharing mine” “aw come
on jeez man! You can't be having sex at this age” She laughs..
"Aw sis, you really need to spend the night here so I can tell you
everything. Wait, will you spend the night?"
Hhayikhona..

"Not tonight. Maybe next time"

Her face fell. She stands up leaving
"Let's go"
After a while I head back home. My father is driving me back.
His life looks content for an ex con. I keep on glancing at him
"Say what you want to say" he gently speaks
"You stopped writing letters. Why?"
I ask him
"I did not stop writing letters Funeka.."
"You did! You stopped after that day. I waited and waited
hoping you'd show but…"
My chest is tightening. I sigh and look outside, that day
replaying in my head

"I am sorry, my child. But you have to believe me. I never

stopped writing to you, every birthday I sent letters to your
mother.."
Mother…

Reaching home my first stop Is my mother's bedroom.

I knock once and enter. I find her reading a Bible
She looks up and smile
"You are back early. I thought you'd spend the night with your
sister…?"
Wait…
"Mama! You knew I had siblings?"
"No. He just mentioned it a few days ago. Stop shouting naw
Funeka I'm not a child.."
"Why didn't you tell me about him, mah? Why didn't you tell
me where he was? I could have visited him too, you know.."
The lump in my throat is growing as I ask her, standing next to
her bed

"Hhay Funeka. Thulani was in jail. I didn't want to confuse you.

His case was a tight one and the chances of him getting out
were thin. I was just protecting you.."

Tears instantly burn my iris

"mah! That wasn't your decision to make. You robbed me of a
chance to know my father. And now I feel like an intruder. He
has a family, he is a good man, mah. Only if you have me a
chance "
My heart bleeds
"Funeka baby, you have to understand that what I did was for
you."
"HOW! Mah you saw how broken I was when he didn't show up
for my farewell party in Grade 7. You should have told me the
truth.. All this while I thought he hated me, he didn't want
me."
"Tjo mtanami, just stop shouting!"
The hell…

"the letters" I tell her, wipe the single tear that just dropped on
my left eye
"What letters?"
"The letters that my father wrote to me and you had no guts to
hand them to me. So where are they?"
She stand up, putting the bibble aside

"Is this what he taught you? To be rude and disrespectful

Funeka?"
I'm going to explode I swear
"You did not need that man in your life. I was doing what's best
for you. You turned out fine without him don't you see"
She adds

"Mah you saw how broken I was that day. Who said I was fine?
It wasn't nice having a void I could not understand, having to
stare at every male that walked in our gate hoping it was him.
Just because I never talked about him doesn't mean I was fine,
hell I cried some nights wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I
was too dark or too skinny, or he just didn't want me because I
was a girl.. I had so many questions.. So many.. "
I choke, tears streaming down my face..
My hands are trembling as an intense grief slashes deep in my
spirit.
I'm drowning, feeling all these darker emotions and I just want
her to make me understand..

" Funeka I did it for you.. He was a criminal and… "

That's it..
I quickly head to my bedroom and let the tears wet my pillow..
She just doesn't understand and it cuts deep..
Waking up in the morning I feel heaviness both in my spirit and
my body.
I drag myself out of bed, with the mother of all headaches and
drink a lot of water in the kitchen.

I start by cleaning the kitchen and the lounge then my

bedroom.
When I'm done I make breakfast for everyone.
By the time I finish everyone is awake.
I'm keeping busy because if I spend one more second to think,
I'll burst..

My mom is looking like her usual self. No an ounce of regret

and that infuriates me even more.
"Baba, can I please get the tools to fix the garden"
I say as they are seat around breakfast table
"ah.. In the garage"
He looks at me with confusion.
I head there and take the spate.
The soil is to thick and hard but I keep going
The scorching sun on my body is worse but I still keep going..
How could she..
All these years I thought I was abondoned. I thought the man
left is both and she knew. She knew all along.
She knew.. She did not tell me.
She's not even sorry!
What's wrong with this woman?
I craved his presence so much that when I started dating I
couldn't last in any relationship because I was looking for a
father, in a boyfriend..
As I push one more time a sharp, stabbing pain suddenly hit
me. I try to ignore like I've been doing all these years but
instead the pain worsens. I deeply breathe in and…
Something heavy is seating on my chest
Salty liquid wet my face, faster
My mouth gasps…
"Aibo, MaFuze"
Strong hands grab me as I lose balance, my knees weakening…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY

The warm water cascading down my body is giving me an

amazing physical relief while freeing me from exhaustion and
unstable, wrecking brain.

His soft hands lingering around my body are exactly what I

need. His presence alone is soothing and calming.
Zabelo found me outside deranged and out of place. He never
asked for anyone's permission to come with me.
I just remember him shouting at mom as to why she allowed
me to be outside in such a scorching weather.

When we reached his apartment the first stop was the shower.
He has been bathing me gently making me feel like a baby.
When he is satisfied he wipes me dry, carries me out of the
shower and starts lotioning my body.
After wearing his big t-shirt I laid on the bed.
There Is a knock at the door.
I just watch him heading to the door and return with a
McDonald paper bag.
I feel my mouth watering instantly as the aroma hits my
nostrils..
The moment he hands it to me I devour it for dear life and lay
down closing my eyes..

I'm woken up by something soothing my scalp.

Opening my eyes I'm lying in between his legs, my head on his
chest.
"Magwaza" my voice sounds horrible as I say
"How are you feeling?" he ask, still brushing my hair
"I'm not sure. What are you doing with my hair?"
I ask
"I'm unplaiting your hair. You my love need a new hairstyle"
I laugh, did he just say that to me
"Wow.. You are strange Zabelo"
"and you love me as strange as I am"
Yeah. I do..
"Thank you" I genuinely appreciate what he did for me. For a
moment I thought I was losing my mind.
I would have probably fainted if he never showed.
"What happened?"
"I don't wanna talk about it Zabelo"
I hope he understands

His phone rings and he picks up , it sounds an emergency hence

he just stand up and prepare to leave
I'm not surprised. It is saturday after all, the busiest time in the
club.
"will you be fine here, alone or shall I call Ntsika?"
His voice is lace in concern as he asks me
"Call Ntsika, and tell him to bring my phone with"
He nods, peck my lips and leaves
A sigh escapes my lips as I rethink the recent events of my life.
Maybe I should just focus on something good, like my payday
nearing.
My first salary, Mongezi said I'll get paid even though I've been
on leave ever since that ordeal occurred..
I'm just glad that I'm going back to work on Monday

The sudden knock at the door disrupt my unstable brain. That

was quick
Ntsika might have been close by then.
I make my way to the door after fixing the shirt and covered my
lower body with a towel

Opening the door my knees instantly weakens,

My blood vessels are drying up as I stand, frozen and unable to
move.
"Funeka, I came to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did, I
swear I didn't know he was going to hurt you…."
My heart rate escalates to another level, I hold my chest feeling
lightheaded
He quickly turns and walks away faster

I'm still on the same spot when Ntsika appears in front of me

screaming my name…
" Okay, slow down already sista"
He interjects snatching away my second bottle of
Bernin and I shoot him a hard glare
"Just let me drink in peace Ntsika tu. I'm here to drink and have
fun, just let me be"
I grab my cider and swallow the remain.
My mind is in turmoil..
I've been going to Therapy, I've been talking and Qhawe's
sudden visit instantly brought back the memories I'm trying so
hard to forget
"kant what has you so stressed out?"
I haven't told him, don't want to talk about this..
I stand up and head to the bar,trying so hard to never step on
anyone's toes in this crowded place.
I order something else and let the alcohol take away my mind a
little bit.
It's after midnight when Ntsika literally drags me out of the
certain club in Sandton. He brought us here just to cheer me
up. I couldn't even enjoy my first time in Sandton..
I'm lingering under a dark cloud and it's all because of that dick
head Qhawe..
The moment we get inside the house I feel something rising up
my throat faster than I could reach the bathroom..
Before I utter a word I've already spilled the disgusting vomit all
over the floor..
"Ah No !!!! Jeez Funeka"
He is disgusted I can tell..
I feel like my inside are coming out.. Am I gonna hold my lungs
on my hand?
It feels like it

Just as I finish, I feel lighter and I drop on the floor, closing my

eyes..
"Don't even think about that.. FU.."
*****
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY ONE

Sweat drips from my brows, down to my gasping mouth as a

harsh, smelly vomit leaves my mouth.
My weakened knees on the cold floor feel even more
uncomfortable as I hold onto the toilet seat purging
continuously

After What feels like eternity of misery I rise up from the cold
ground, striding back to my room leaving the horrid body waste
flushing down the drain.
Only if I could flush down the splitting headache, nausea and
this runny stomach..

My trembling hands tugs my ringing phone, glances at it until

the noise stop tormenting my poor eardrums.
Zabelo must just wait..
Who calls at 02:41 am anyway..
I blink my heavy, stinging iris lying on top of my bed. I've drank
alcohol since I was in Grade 11,not once did I face what I'm
facing today.
What was put in my drink?
What If I was poisoned?

Mom is fast asleep next to me. After I vomited she cleaned me

up and decided to spend the night with me.. To look after me..
What a joke, I'm now looking after her as she snores deeply.

My mind is slowly resting when the tiny cries break off..

Dear God! Can I have a minute of sleep?

I woke up at One feeling nauseous and since then I've been
running an unending marathon to the toilet..
I've deposited my body waste through the hole on my behind
and the one under my nose..

I can safely say that I'm done drinking..

It feels like a whole mission to fight to get back to sleep again..

Sunday mornings are always loud and full of energy in this

house. Today Sipho Makhabane's exuberant singing woke me
up from a deep end.
I'm still feeling awful but atleast I napped a little.

After taking a bath I drag my heavy body to the dining table and
greet everyone.. Looks like I'm the only one who was missing..
Mazisi'w face is beaming as he keep on talking about his twin
girls.. Samkele and Samkelisiwe..

The kids are here as well except for Nkosazana, screaming and
telling me about babies, apparently Mihlali is here with her
twin girls..
Mazisi and having twin girls..
Explain the tiny cries I heard, they might have arrived while I
was at the club.

I brave the excitement out of my deepest sentiment just for the

little ones and listen to their crazy stories.
My ringing phone doesn't seem to matter to them, they've
grabbed their little chairs and put them next to me..
It stops ringing as I take it.
A message comes through ..
*I'm outside, come out now or I'll budge in there and drag you
out. You know I can do that**
I can feel the anger straight from the message..
I've drank only water since I joined this table, I don't have the
guts to eat..
My stomach still feels awful

I find him leaning against the car, parked on the side of the
road.
An icy glare burying my whole and making my skin prickle
His eyes are gleam, I can't make out what his head is at.
But I know one thing, these puckered brows are that of an
angry Zabelo

"Funeka" his deep husky voice rumbles as I stand before him, I

feel goosebumps flashing on my skin.
He is glaring deep in my eyes.
I dart them from one place to another

"You love testing my patience don't you? Everything must be a

mission to you, everything! What is so hard about picking up a
phone Funeka? I should be a fool and wonder how you are
feeling and if you are okay. "
"I was sleeping Zabelo, that's why I didn't pick up"
I snap,
His gaze deepens, head shaking slowly

"Is there something else you'd like to tell me?" he strikes a

question. I shake my head
"You aren't planning to tell me about Qhawe, are you?"
My eyes fire back up instantly
How did he know?

"MaFuze
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that man took something in you that you'll probably never get
back and instead of telling me what happened you decided to
keep quiet about it"
The scorching sun on my skin is becoming hard to ignore. I
suddenly feel lighter and I stumble only for him to grab me as
quick
His eyes are now tender and loving as I love them
"You are not fine." he tells me, reading my expression
thoroughly
"I'm okay"
I'm not about to tell him something else..

After seeing the cold, icy Zabelo I get back to bed and take a
long nap.
I wake up drenched in sweat, even my underwear feels
drenched. My back and my tummy are on fire, the worst,
squeezing pain shooting at my back is as if I'm approaching my
periods..
I haven't had them in a while, I was too depressed to even
notice..
I'm feeling weak and my entire body is trembling..
Something is wrong!

I send a text message asking Ntsika to come to my room. He

replies in a second that he is in church with everyone. I'm alone
I guess.
I try to get out of bed but I quickly fall back seeing everything
upside down, my head spinning..
This can't be a hangover, it's something else.
A frail wail suddenly leaves my mouth as I'm attacked by a
sharp pain on my lower abdomen..
My vision becomes blurry as tears burn my eyes
I'm now kneeling, holding my burning tummy when I spot
bright red blood draped in my pink sheets..
My trembling hands quickly take my phone and I call mama..
My heaving chest is loud, I'm sniffing and sneezing all at once..
It rings unanswered..
Oh mama!
I try to get up but this time I fall off the bed and land on my
tummy,pain escalates to a deep level and this time I fail to hold
it in..

****
Mandisa

She just woke up from a deep sleep after a busy night shift.
Nkosazana is playing with her cellphone while wide awake next
to her.
Mandisa kisses Nkosazana and tickles her. Her loud giggles are
music to her ears..

After playing with her child she leaves her in bed and finds
Niniza watching Dumisa in the lounge. Niniza is Nkosazana's
nanny. She lives with her parents who insisted on raising
Nkosazana. Mandisa didn't want to burden them, hence she
hired a nanny.
Whenever Nkosazana visit her mother, Niniza tags along so she
can babysit while she is at work
"mah, how are you doing?"
She ask, kissing her cheeks
"ah, I'm doing fine ngane yam. I cooked some food, feed that
tummy and come back here so we can talk about your baby
daddy"
Mandisa shakes her head and walks away laughing

Nkosazana might have mentioned something about her Fifi to

Niniza.
Before she reaches the kitchen a knock stops her.

Her breathing escalates as she looks at the man in front of the

door
"You've got some nerves showing up here after what you did
Qhawe"
She sneers, hot flushes rushing through her veins
"Why didn't you tell me you'll kidnap her. That's not what I
signed up for.."
" Tell your baby daddy to leave me alone if he doesn't want to
bury one of his own.."
Cold sweat breaks on her skin

"Are you threatening to kill my child?"

Her lip trembling she asks
"Maybe I am.. Maybe I'm not. Just tell your baby daddy to stop
trying to find me..
The only reason I haven't retaliated is because I love Funeka
and I still need her to forgive me and see that snake of a man
she chose for who he really is.. A scumbag full of stinking
skeletons in his closet" he spits out in anger
"If you dare lay even a single finger on my child Qhawe.just a
little.. You will curse the day you walked through my door
and.."
"Qhawe Ndlovu.. "
Zabelo's voice suddenly sneers from behind as he ascend the
last stairs and join the hallway

Qhawe is quick to grab his gun on the waist pointing at Zabelo

while moving away from the door slowly.
Behind Zabelo Mongezi shows up, with a gun pointed at
Qhawe, another man also appears with Monhezi also with a
gun..

"Drop it now.." sneers Zabelo

Eyes blink countlessly, fear slowly gripping him on his last
nerve.
Mandisa is immobile, unable to take a single step..
"Zabelo… Nkosazana is inside the house please just.."
It takes a second, a second for Nkosazana to rush in the middle
of a war zone and that triggers a panicking Qhawe..
One loud noise burst out
One bullet
A frail cry breaks off..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY TWO

FUNEKA NGCOBO

Helplessly laying on this floor, wailing and submitting to pain

will only give me nothing but more and more pain..
Cramps have multiplied, my rembling hands manage to hold
onto the bed and grab my phone

His phone is ringing…

Each ring dissipated every inch of hope I had.
Salty sensation drenched on my face is evident enough to any
Sane person that I am a complete mess.
Zabelo has never ignored my call, But God decided that today is
going to be the one day, one day where I need him the most
and won't reach him.
I'm about to call an ambulance when I hear someone screaming
my name…

******
ZABELO MAGWAZA

Within a blink he flies towards Qhawe who out of panic fires

one more
His hard fist land on Qhawe in a nanosecond and he rains fist
on his face, kicking, punching..

Red..
That's all he is seeing.
Nobody dares to stop him
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nobody.
All he sees is blood

Mandisa's heart wrenching cries she holds as she a bleeding

Nkosazana, coughing blood..
"hold on baby.. Please…"
Her shuddering, saddened voice breaks out
Tears running as fast as heavy rain on her drenched face..
*******
At the Hospital

"I feel like I'm losing my mind mama"

As she blinks, more tears drops.
"They will pull through nana, I promise" Niniza says softy ,
assuring Mandisa while hugging her tightly

"Can we pray?" she asks

Niniza quickly nods and they join hands and begin praying.
Praying for her daughter to survive the thorns of life as she
fight for survival in theatre
Nkosazana got shot on her left lower abdomen area.
Currently she is in theatre and they are still waiting for
feedback from the doctor

Zabelo rush in after a while later, a sling covering his left arm
after receiving a shot on his shoulder from Qhawe..
"How is she?" he ask as he reaches them
No answer from Mandisa as she sniffs
"We are still waiting, ndodana" responds Niniza.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY THREE

FUNEKA

It must be a whale taking an hour rest, or a weighty man having

a mother of all dances on top of my body.
I'm depleted of energy, it feels impossible to wake up. Fingers
on my hands begin moving, atleast I am still in charge of this
strength drained, heavy body
It takes one blink as my iris comes to a brightest room,
involuntarily they shut down again.
A minute later I presume, they reopen.
My mind begin wrestling for answers, unaware of my
surroundings
A familiar, unsettling smell hit my nostrils..
I'm in a hospital, connected in a drip and still in my clothes..
It doesn't take long, Ntsika is here. He looks awful and
deranged, his eyes are red and smaller than usual, swollen
even..
He is staring at me, worry adorned his facials
"You scared me" he softly says
"Wh...."
My dry throat has me feeling thirsty and just awful..
I'm in severe pain, especially my burning abdomen
Ntsika helped me drink water with a straw.
I've tried a few times to get up on my butt, however my heavy
body is too much to handle
"an hour ago I found you just passed out …on the floor in a pool
of blood. I thought something happened maybe there was a
break in and some thugs raped and killed you.. I panicked and
called an ambulance.. What happened?"
By the time he stops talking I feel even worse than the last
time

A young, spicy white man wearing a doctor's coat, with a

stethoscope hanging around his neck walks in, he is wearing
casual underneath.
He begins the mumbo jumbo duties, I keep on breathing in, out
and confirming that I'm alive and kicking.
I asked Ntsika to stay, I don't want to be alone
"Do you remember the last encounter in your life? Before you
passed out"
His English accent has me dusting up my UNizulu English
specifically used for Mrs Miller's unending presentations
""I was alone. I was bleeding excessively" I tell him, my voice so
low, slow. My throat is burning, my bones feeling like I just
survived a plane crash

"I think I drank too much" I add

"When was the last time your menstrual cycle occurred?"
He has such a polite voice, as if polishing all the lancinating pain
in my body
"Last month, I think"
Do I even remember
"Your brother here says he found you passed out, what
happened?"
"I had the worst abdominal pain, I was getting my period a little
late. I think that's why I had such severe cramps.. And alcohol
too. I drank too much and didn't sleep because I was having a
runny stomach and vomited almost the whole night " I say
"How are you feeling now?"
"I'm in serious pain, my abdominal area is burning and in pain"
"In the last 7 to 21 days, have you been involved in an
unprotected sex Miss Ngcobo?"
My heart is beating faster in my chest as he asks the question,
staring deep in my eyes as if searching for the truth
"What's that got to do with me bleeding ..?"
"Yes, or no?" he interjects
I nod as a yes. It is always embarrassing to admit such, doesn't
matter how many times they ask. It gives me this shame I can't
quite describe in words.
Yet I'm a qualified social worker, now I know why memorising
instead of studying is so wrong. I can't even practise what I
studied. How will I convince my clients to be free to speak
about such delicate, sensitive and personal matters when I
myself still believe that it's shameful.
"There is a possibility that you were pregnant Miss Ngcobo and
suffered a miscarriage. However we are still awaiting the blood
test results. For now please…."
……

Pain..
Am I insane for feeling such great pain for someone I never
knew existed?
After those words I prayed, prayed for the results to come back
wrong but.. It is the sad truth.
The one I must live my whole life regretting.

I breath, trying so hard to swallow the bitter pills after the

nurse handed me.
I fail to ignore the weighty lump seating in my chest..
My heart feels like it is pumping blood, in a near death
situation.
The pain has lowered in my abdominal area as I curl into a
foetal position unable to breath
How I wish it can give my inner self a break, a breather..
Staring into nothingness I feel salty, warm liquid cascading
down my face..
A long, shaky breath takes over being followed by a loud sob
taking over all of me..
I'm crippled in intense, deep sorrow that it feels so hard to
breathe.
I was supposed to know
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I should have known, felt something. Suspected something.
I keep replaying every single movement, everyday encounter.
Where did I go wrong?
A part of me is ripped off, mercilessly against my will
I'm swallowed in a deep hole, with no hope of ever coming
out.

>>>>>>
Days goes by, nights just follow the day and in my mind it is all
the same.
The day and the night
Darkness of sorrow has no day or night
I can count each and every spoon I've allowed inside my mouth,
Lord bless my mother for being such a caring parent.
Always in my room, reading a Bible. Feeding me. Even bathing
me when I don't feel like getting out of bed..
Not that I've gotten out of bed since I was discharged.
I never counted how many days or nights have passed.. They
never help with anything
Pain never subside, it does not heal yet my mom has recited
this verse that time heal..

What time?

Because the one I'm living under seems to have battery issues,
it is not moving. I guess it takes pleasure in seeing me being the
slave of sadness

There is that feeling in your heart, in your mind that never goes
wrong.
Your heart being emotionally drained, your mind listening to
whatever words are being said to you to make you feel better,
to make you stronger, to remind you that you are not alone..

Bitter truth is none of what they say will dig me out.

My hands grab my chest as if trying so hard to pull out the pain
my heart is subjected too.
I lean on the corner of my bed for the umpteenth time listening
to nothing
I am bleeding, internally.
If I had a chance, I would make it all stop because it is all too
much now.
The endless tears never get exhausted, the piercing, crippling
pain.

Countless, uncontrollable thoughts attacking my wrecking

brain.
My forever awake conscious, constantly crucifying me for being
careless and stupid
Nothing hurts than watching your life vanishing in the deep
end. Lord knows I would do anything to wake up from this bed
and bless my body with sunshine..
The strength left me the day I was told I lost my first child I
never knew I had.
All I had to do was to focus, I would have known.
I would have if I was given a chance.. Just a chance..

"she's going to be fine, just give her time.."

My mother, always full of hope. If she knew the depth of the pit
I'm in.
"Fifi, please say something. Anything. "
It's not that I don't hear Ntsika speaking, I do.
But my mind is a prisoner of pain.
I can't even fathom words

****

ZABELO
"Mr Magwaza, you need to let her go" the middle aged, black
doctor delivers bitter news to a father of a child he loves dearly
and would do anything to save

His hands forms a fist, slipping into rage in a nanosecond

"Shut the fuck up if you've got nothing good to say. Damn it,
can you even imagine what she is asking of me Sizwe.. Can
you!" venomously he spits, Jaws clenching
Hot flushes attacks him
How dare her

Sizwe instantly hold his hands, trying to stop him from skinning
the woman alive.
She shakes her head, sympathy written all over her face
" It's been Six days Mr Magwaza. You are only hurting yourself
for this. She is just a child, just.."

"MY CHILD, SHE IS NOT JUST ANY CHILD. SHE IS MINE!"

his outbursts is no surprise, he is a man in pain. Battling
between letting go and fighting for her only sweet, innocent
Nkosazana.
"Foza, let's head out a bit" Says Sizwe, but he stand still and
charge towards the doctor who doesn't even flinch. She has
seen worse
"I know this might be another patient to you, but she is my
child. Just do your best, save her. For me. Please" from anger to
sadness, he switches in seconds as he begs the doctor, slowly
kneeling before her.
Eyes red, tears threatening to leap out
It is a heart breaking sight indeed
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY FOUR

FUNEKA

I wish I can say today is better than yesterday.

That it isn't gloomy, darker and consuming but it is.

Paging through my phone I come across a message that I

received four days ago.
Its my first payment, ever.
I've always imagined how I'll spend my first payment with my
mother, I thought we'd go out, have some fun, visit the salon,
make our hair and nails..
Visit the spa and have our bodies pampered

The date on my phone indicates that it is the fifth of March

January was approaching the end when I came here..
But in such a short space of time I've been subjected to utmost
pain I never would have imagined even in my wildest dream

I never thought there would be a time where I'll watch my life

flashing right before my eyes
I never thought that I would lose an innocent soul I never knew
I had until it was too late

My mom gets in and seat on my bed next to me.

There is no Bible with her today, nor there is a tray of foot.
She's just alone

"At some point you will have to get up from that bed and face
the world ngane yam" she starts, heaves a sigh and glares at me
deeply

"I know what you are going through is the worst pain that
maybe none of us understands. I know that you feel like there
is no reason to go on
But there is.. You might have lost your first child but you did not
lose you, you did not lose your life. You still have you, you owe
yourself a life, a life full of light even in the middle of the
darkness. It's been days Funeka, if you continue like this we will
wake up to your dead body, is that what you want? Are you
tired of living baby? "
Her voice is laced in softness yet it carries the loudest message

I sniff, wiping the tears on my face as I curl up, folding my legs

and my hands brushing my arms
I do want to live, I really do
"Funeka, do you want to live, to smile again and be happy or do
you want you to be swallowed in the darkness until there is
nothing but a shadow of you left?"
Her words cuts deep, they manoeuvre their way inside my
darkest corner

I slowly shake my head

"In this life we fight, we fight to be alive
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to be happy, to be better. If you want to live again you must
fight, fight for that little baby you never got to meet. Fight for
you"
It's silent
Sound of my sniffing is too loud for this moment

"I never told you before Funeka, I never told you how sorry I am
to hide the truth of your father. I thought I was protecting you
but I know I was wrong. I am sorry my child"
With that she heads out living me in my own sorrows

The only thing that keeps me occupied is checking social worker

post online
I'm not sure what to do so I keep on applying for jobs that
require years of experience while I'm just a fresh meat from
Varsity.

I need a bath, a long, hot bubble bath..

****
Ntsika literally forced me out of bed during the day. I'm seated
outside the garden, under a tree shade.
The cool breeze brushing my body is enough for now..

I've been typing, deleting and retyping again

I don't know what to say to Zabelo.
I haven't received any messages or calls from him in the past
days and that's not him.
It's actually strange
"Where is Zabelo, when did you see him?"
I ask Nsika who is seated beside me
"He is at the hospital, he is always there "
That's news to me
I blink, feeling shocked and surprised all at once
"It's not him. It's Nkosazana, she is in ICU after being shot"
That's all it takes for me to get up and try calling him
He doesn't pick up
Ntsika offers to take me to him. We pass by his apartment first,
he is not in.
We head to the hospital,
Ntsika has been here before because he keep on leading the
way.
As we reach a closed door he tells me to get in and moves
away

I haven't seen him since forever..

How will I face him
What will I say
What if he hates me for what happened..
I make a decision now, I'm not telling him anything. Not when
he is still fighting something like this…

I hear sniffs as I open the door

Only to be met with Mandisa in Zabelo's arms crying..
I stand still, watching the stinging moment
"Funeka" Says Zabelo as the hug breaks
"Hi, I came to see you and nkosazana"
I say
"Go home Funeka, there's nothing you can do to change the
situation.." he coldly states..
His words bleeds like a stab wound in my heart
I quickly turn before the damn tears make their entrance..

"You need to stop crying sisi" his voice is saddened as he

comforts me.
I haven't been able to stop the growing lump in my throat since
we got back from the hospital.
I don't understand why he treated me that way
I'm back in my bed again, I don't want to get out. Not today..
I hear some voices outside my door and baba walks in, with his
family. This time there is a little brother too, Nangamso
instantly cry as our eyes meet..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY FIVE

Funeka Ngcobo

I wake up drenched in moisture, my chest on a comrade

marathon that it takes a while to breathe normal. I have been
having nightmares, ever since the gun saga but they got worse
the day I lost my baby. I would have loved a baby girl, maybe it
was a boy. I would have named….
My chest tightens as the imagination grows in my head..
“Sisi, are you okay?” I almost forgot that she is here,
Nangamso’s voice is soft as she asks. A hard lump is having a
rest on my chest, I fail to form words..
Instead I feel her hands encircling my body. I’m entangled in a
warm embrace, I cannot even reminisce the last time I was held
so delicate. That thought alone brings his image in my mind. I
miss him, I miss him very much that it even hurt.
There is this void inside of me, I can't shake it nor can I ignore
it. If only he bothered about me as he did days ago.. Maybe he
has realized that I'm too much of a bargage..

“Can I make you something? Anything. A tea, warm milk?” She

ask, getting off the bed and the lights comes on. I wipe my face
and ask for a warm milk. She nods, giving me a heartfelt look
adorned with pity and melancholy..
I can spot few tears from her eyes.

She heads out, I’ve gathered that Nangamso is just so sensitive,

she even insisted on sharing the bed with me to make sure that
I’m comfortable and don’t feel like I’m alone. When they came
to see me, she literally broke down. Baba was hurting too,
that’s why I did not even protest when they asked to take me
with them
Ndalo is here as well, I can’t believe he bunked school to see
me. He is actually tall for his age, bold voice too. A handsome
young man. I’m glad to have a little, loving and caring brother.
You’d swear we met a long time ago, while we just met just last
afternoon.

I hear shuffling before the door opens, Nangamso walks in

carrying a warm milk on a white mug with love on the side..
“My ex-boyfriend gave me this cup on our first valentine
together, I bunked his sorry ass the next day. I wanted a trip to
CapeTown, Not a stupid mug ”she says handing me the cup.
While chuckling.
“Yet you still kept his gift, you are a hypocrite Nangamso” This
time she laughs..
To think I’ve never had a man big enough to buy me a gift on
valentines. It’s a disgrace. There is a soft knock at the door just
as she seat next to me, I look at her strangely.
“Please don’t get mad, I called them” she quickly says
And just like that the bed becomes way too small as the whole
family squats before me. Mam Pretty, Ndalo and baba
“Nangamso said you were crying. Are you in pain?” that’s
baba’s tender voice, his stare is directed to me
“I can call an ambulance if you aren’t feeling okay mtaka baba”
Ndalo adds
“I’m okay. I was just having one of those breakdown” I say
This family is worse
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really. Who wakes up during the night just because I’m crying?
Am I crying blood?
“Don’t mind us Nana, we are just worried about you okay” an
awkward smile rest on my face..
What a bizarre family..

In the morning Ndalo woke me with a full English breakfast that

he made. He wants to be a chef, a qualified, famous chef
owning strings of restaurants. God doing it again, reminding me
that I’m actually dreaming small, why can’t I just have bigger
dreams like other people? I’m so proud of him though.
He left, an hour ago and I started preparing to
leave. Nangamso left just now, heading to a certain library, I
guess she uses weekends to write. She is in her second year,
doing accounting at UJ, the subject still gives me shivers and
heart palpitations. I’m still not sure if she lives here in Thembisa
or at res.

During the day baba drive me back home. I find everyone in the
lounge, Bab Ngcobo, Mongezi and Mazisi, ncane and mama.
Only Nstika isn’t around. Shouldn't they be in church since it is
Sunday?

I greet them and walk away..

I need to see Zabelo today. Maybe he will talk to me, I also
need to see Nkosazana. I’m praying so hard that she recovers..

After spending most of my time sending applications to various

NGO’s and few clinics and hospitals , I finally get the nerve to
call him. He doesn’t pick up. I’m hurting but it’s okay. Maybe he
is busy. This is how I usually keep my mind occupied, by
applying until my fingers hurt.. I've never focused on applying
until now.. It the only thing that I seem to focus on

Mama gets in , looking rather spooked

“Is everything okay mah?” she shakes her head
“MaZungu just called me”MaZungu being our noisy neigbor
back home
“she said some thiefs got into our house ..I left her the key so
she could keep an eye on my house but it looks like those thugs
have finally realised that we are away”
Oh Bawo!
“Then lets go back home, its not like I’m busy here” I suggest..

I've made the decision, I'm going back home.

Maybe a change of scenery would do me some good. I need a
break from this place
But first, I need to talk to Zabelo
It's after Three in the afternoon as the Uber drops me outside
his apartment building.

Reaching his door, I find it slightly opened.. Strange. This door is

always, I mean always closed..
A sudden rush of shivers suddenly hit me, my heart skip a beat.

I swallow nothingness and push the door open only to have my

heart shattered into pieces.
They are kissing.. He pushes her away so hard that she almost
fall. Warm drops flood down my face as a sharp feeling stab my
heart completely
"The hell..! " he screams, turning to walk away I assume
because he suddenly freeze as he seems me..
****

ZABELO MAGWAZA
Time reads 12:30 in the middle of the night, Zabelo is seated on
the chair, deep in thoughts when the life support machine start
going crazy, bursting , making noise while flashing and in a
nanosecond he is on his feet screaming Nkosazana’s name.
That wakes Mandisa who was lying on top of a throw on the
cold floor..
Even after being warned, shouted to move they never do
until..
“Time of death: 12:33..”
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY SIX

TWO MONTHS LATER

My head is buzzing as I shout "after robot"

I get off and head to taxis leading to Musgrave.
I'm drained, the last time I attended an interview was just a few
weeks ago and bad doesn't even describe it..
I literally went blank, I asked for water and ended up spilling
them on the table and drenching the interviewer's personal
belongings, not to forget phones..
I blamed them for putting such a huge jug on the table and not
water containers..

That day Khanyisa cooked for me and gave me her last cider.
She is my best friend who is also a social worker like me. I'm
crashing at her place for now, job hunting. It's not nice, trust
me.
Khanyisa was lucky because she is currently working at a certain
private hospital as a receptionist. It's close because if there is a
vacancy she will be the first to be considered. And not to forget
that she is also an outspoken, courageous person who isn't
afraid to make connections..

I'm an official graduate, I graduated at the beginning of April, I

thought I'd be one of the few lucky stars and get a job..
My underground gang really let me down, to think I thought
they'd come through. Not that I ever even focused on anything
relating ancestors
I don't want to be Mazisi's PA, anything relating to Joburg is just
a sad story for me..

I left Joburg that day, I never looked back ever since. I'm still in
contact with my family, but I don't live there any more.
In the last months I also found out that my mother is sick, she
has been for a while.
Breast cancer, I never even wanted to know how long she has,
I'm glad she got to see me in a graduation gown..
It was the happiest day of my life.
This time baba came, not just him but an entire Ngcobo clan.
We had a party, a glamorous grad party that everyone still talks
about even now..
A hard bump has me cursing the phara looking man as he
passes me..
I click my tongue in annoyance. This was my fifth interview, I
tried but there was a time where my English decided to round
off to the nearest nonsense
I even said aibo sis Koda because…

Tjo

Everyone is paying and I'm sweating, searching for my purse

furiously. I'm not sure if I misplaced it or what but it was here..
"Yey Yashoda lenyuku! Who didn't pay?" Drivers assistant, or
scabha and whatever name they are usually called has
announced for the whole taxi to hear.
Now I wish I had the power to vanish into thin air..

"Here" a loud voice speaks just next to me

Is he paying for me?
I don't even know what to say
He looks at me and smile
"Thank you, I think I misplaced my purse. Must be the post
interview trauma"
He is quite for a while
Then he start blebering worst stories about interviews and
everyone joins in and laugh

By the time I get off, so does he. His name is Jacky, yes. I've
gathered with the way he speaks, he laughs and his clothing
style that he is gay..
As it turns out we live on the same building, same floor. Our
doors are opposite, then I haven't been lucky here to even
bother myself with making friends..

I thank Jacky and unlock the door.

I start taking everything out on my handbag..

Nothing
My armpits are burning up..
I'm losing my head and I hate it..
My purse, my cell phone. Gone!
How? When?

I call my mother every now and then making sure that she is
okay. She is in Mtuba, I hired someone look after her. I can't
bear the thought of leaving her just alone..
I don't pay, Baba and my brothers give me enough to pay..
Mazisi is the most caring compared to the rest..

Jacky will regret the second he decided to pay for me, I knock
on his door and he opens.
He is in nothing but a skinky short. He has an Angel tattoo on
his chest..
"Girl, are you okay?"
I blink a couple of times wondering if she is not a devil
worshiper.. Okay I'm being stupid. Tattoos scare me
"Can I please use your phone I need to call my mom. I'm sorry
to bother you" what an untidy room, is he a fashion designer
because why am I seeing lot of cloths on the floor
"Come in, make your way and jump up if you want too. It's
messy here, I'm having a deadline. Some client decided to give
me the last minute pressure.. I hate sewing like a woman who
snatched my man but love it like someone's son dick.. Okay.
Here"
So many things in one sentence!

After calling mama I'm feeling better. I never mentioned my

bad luck of losing my things, I lied and said my interview went
great.. Sigh*

I want to go home and be with her but the thought of bringing

bad news will only make things worse and she will force me to
go back to Johannesburg and I can't..
Not after what happened..
I've never received anything after that day from him..
Not even a lame text apology..
We were doing great, or so I thought.
I still don't know if he knows about the miscarriage.. I'm not
planning on digging up that saddening part of my life.. Not even
with him

It is a past and I am willing to forget.. And move on from him as

well.. I deserve to be happy.
But for now, my focus is with my mom and my life..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°THIRTY SEVEN °°

"Stop pausing like your grandmother who lost her virginity in

the early 60's Funi.. Jeez! Let loose a little. And give me that
smile!" Teekay screams at me and I'm no longer scared really.
He doesn't scare me any more. Once he holds that camera, he
loses focus of the real world that has hopeless people like me
who are turned into models in just a day.. How hilarious

Sometimes I just aim too high, tempting the man above in the
process. Since when did I become a plus sized model, yes I
gained and never got my petite body ever again. From a
normal, size 32 to 34 in just two months.. Stress does add some
fats in my body..
Here I am, pausing for a photo shoot.
I'm adorned in a contrast floral chain strap Lingerie..
My body is all out for these two, forward gay men.

I feel uncomfortable.. But incredibly beautiful

"OH yes!" I guess I'm giving the pots..
I can already see myself on billboards making waves on social
media with more than 20 reactions, I'll change my Facebook
name into Funeka F. The model of the universe .. Maybe I can
even score a deal with Pep Store or Ackermans for their
summer advertisement and.. Okay I'm aiming for hills again
while I can't even climb a gentle slope
By the time Teekay finishes my body screams shower and a
warm blanket.
I wear my tracksuit back and my socks with morning shoes
It is a chilly weather out there today I even feel sorry for
Khanya, it'd make anyone look for the long lost blanket and
ditch work just to feel warm..
I would be in my bed, binge watching Netflix with Mazisi's
account.. But God decided to send that Phara to steal my
million dollar cellphone only to resell it wit R2, my life can end
already. I've seen it all

" Teekay please give me Savanna, I need to finish this suit

otherwise this client will have my intestines for breakfast.
Funeka, Are you sure you are ready to have all your body
displayed for every one to see'' that's Jacky. Khanyisa is at
work, I was bored alone so I came here and to my surprise
Teekay, Jacky' s friend was in need of someone to help with his
photography dream
He has an event coming up, something about photography and
staff..

"He said my face won't show, I'm only helping because of that.
Wait, is he going to show off my face?" I quickly ask, there goes
my dream of slaying on billboards. I seriously am not
comfortable with being naked while my face is on display
"No, I won't break our agreement. My show is in three days and
here I am wasting my time. I need to get these artistic pieces of
you ready for the show. I'll see myself out"
He hands Jacky the Savanna and kick his leg than leave him
cursing..
What a strange relationship

"Thank you for helping him. It has always been his dream to
showcase his talent in a big city. Finally it is happening"
I smile and stand up as well
Let me dash, before I leave I ask to call my mother. She promise
me that she is fine. I'm not too convinced, I want to see her.
I don't know when, maybe tomorrow I'm going back. I'll only
come back here if I happen to get another interview or
something better.. A call offering me a job..

But judging from my past interviews.. I won't get any calls..

Even if I do get calls, how will they reach me?

Okay I don't know if I'm slow or what..

But I need to buy a new cell phone and make simswap asap..
I have the money, baba and my brothers make sure that I never
lack in any way. Even bab Ngcobo..

Time is approaching four in the afternoon as I begin cooking.. I

wanted something to go with this weather and that is usu for
me and streamed bread

I'm in the middle of my cooking when a knock suddenly comes

through. Khanyisa has her own key..

I sigh and wipe my hands clean then head to the door

"Hi mam, I'm looking for Funeka Ngcobo" He politely utters.
"that would be me"
"someone is here for you."
A frown rest on my face, it's the security guard. The uniform
sells him away
"Me? Who is that person"
I'm confused because no one knows me here.. No one. Except
Jacky that I also met yesterday
"You can come and see for yourself. If you are uncomfortable
I'll go with you"
Durban! They've started with kidnapping young girls like me..
Have they gathered that I'm farm Julia from Mtuba..

I follow him simply because I'm way too curious and.. Well I'm
not sure who is looking for me
It's raining hard.. Chilly air attacks my body the moment we
step out of the elevator in the ground floor
We reside on the Fifth floor. If I were to take the stairs every
day I'm sure I'll even do better than those known it all Virgin
Active members..
I look around the reception and see no one.. What the hell
My heart rate has increased. How dare this security guard for
disturbing my cooking. He is not even around anymore. Arg!
I turn heading back when I suddenly feel some type of way..

Heaviness I can't explain and my heart just skips

"MaFuze"
My feet suddenly get crippled, I stop walking.
I dream too much. I've been on my feet for too long dreaming
about billboards that I even lose my senses.
I am not turning my head.
Let me keep going bec..

"MaFuze"
My throat is suddenly drier than Kalahari dessert my hands are
trembling, my heart is winning a marathon that I don't even
know of
My legs on the other hand have decided to take a step back and
mock me, I'm unable to move..
Just frozen without looking behind me..
But I feel it
I feel him..
As if he never left for two months and forgot about me
As if I never cried, for days, cursing the day I met him
As if I never prayed for his calls, his text messages.. Anything
from him..
My heart is heavy, all the feelings I fought so hard to forget just
hit me..

His cologne evokes my nostrils before I raise my eyes to see …

Him
The man I never thought still remembers me, let alone my
name

My hands forms a fist as I stare at him

I feel hot flushes overtaking my blood vessels
"I'm not sure where to start.."
I clench my teeth..
My mind is telling me to wipe the floor with the damn suit he is
wearing. Who knows, maybe the owner might be impressed
and hire me as the supervisor of all the cleaners..

"Ahem.. I cam here prepared.. But"

Nervous!
He is nervous..
He looks stupid, the desire to grab his stupid grown beard
grows in me. Those hair on his head will make it easier to drag
him out..
I thought I'd cry.. When I see him.
I've imagined this scene many times in my head. I'd run to him
and cry in his amrs telling him how much he hurts me but…

Someone passes carrying a kettle, I'm too enraged to stop.

Before I know it I'm standing in front of a terrified drenched
man, a woman swearing at me and furiously taking her kettle
from me..
I just grabbed a stranger's kettle and throw the water at him ..
He isn't burnt.. Otherwise he'd be running to the hospital yet he
is still here, frozen and begging me with his eyes
Nx! God knows how to make them

Where are the stairs?

My chest is so tight and heaving as I reach the room.
I get in,
"MaFuze.. Please here me out..,"

Devil is testing me.. And he has succeeded.

I believe that I will find my seat waiting for me next to the devil
That vase can knock some sense into him
I grab and he is quick to dive as I watch the vase falling into
pieces..
I grab any near thing I find and throw at him..
I fail to see clearly..
I'm hyperventilating…
Tears are blurring my vision..
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE! DAMN IT! FUNEKA"
Even in war there are casualties..
I feel soft
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tiny hands hugging me and she shouts "Just leave!" Khanyisa
will catch bullet one day, why did she tell him to leave. I wanted
y
to see him bleed..
Is that blood?

Oh God!

"JUST SIT DOWN, YOU'RE MAKING ME DIZZY!" Screams

Khanyisa. This is one friend that screams and tell you she loves
you in one sentence

"is he still there?" I ask for the.. I don't know many times..
Its been a long while since that quarell with Zabelo.
I'm infuriated.. But the blood is making my heart worse
"I don't know we sisi, go out and check."
She's watching TV.
In the middle of a messy, tiny lounge she just paged her way
and sat. I'm left with a huge job, to clean this mess.. I hate
Zabelo. Why did he come
"Did I hurt him?"she doesn't respond. Not that I care..

I head down stairs..

He is seated on one of the chairs, facing down looking
depressed..
"Yewena, runaway baby daddy" I say, loud enough for him to
hear.
In a second he is on his feet, looking spooked.
This is interesting..
Imagine scaring such an old, tall human
I'm in for woman empowerment.. Maybe I should run for
women's league chair

He looks disoriented
"Are you cold?" I ask
"Yes"
"Good, may you be colder than a corpse in mortuary. If you
want a place to sleep, say the word. I can organize a mortuary
that can give a man who failed me a place to sleep. Maybe I can
even call the cops and let them know that there is an intruder..
Cold jail cells are actually better, hand me your phone"
If I didn't know, I'd say he is suffering from amarabi. But that's
dogs disease.. Actually he is a dog
He hands me his phone hesitantly and I dial a number I've been
singing since I was able to count

"There is a man in my house. He has a gun… I'm.. I'm afraid

please hurry.. I'm in the bathroom.. "... I say my address with a
wobbly, whispering voice and walaaa.. Police are on thier way..
I wonder if they will make it in time, or show up at all.

To think I wasted my time studying Social work. I should have

gone for Drama, look at the acting I just did. I'm the next Thuso
Mbedu, a star

Let me leave him shaking like a leaf.. Oh..

"hand me your suit"
He wants to hesistate but I stare at him. He gives me and be left
with a shirt..
"I hope amarabi kills you, and pneumonia.."

When the police siren start wailing outside my mind start

functioning again..
Khanya is now sleeping..
I head out in a robe and long pygamas and find him speaking to
the police. They seem to get along.. The fuck!

****

When I wake up this morning I feel different..

Khanya's side of the bed is empty. She might be gone already.
The time on the wall indicates that it's after eight.
I stretch my body..
She suddenly enters in a rush and take her charger

"He is still at the reception, you know"

She screams as she heads out.

Khanya knows about my situation. I told her everything.

That man can rot in that reception for all I care. I wanted him to
spend a night in jail, a night would never make up for what I
went through, for what he put me through.
He goes mute for an entire two months and just emerges as if
everything is normal.
I should have hit him with an entire coffee table so that some
of his bones may break..

I hate him..
Let me start packing, I'm going home today

******

ZABELO MAGWAZA
Ever since he lost his father, his mother's longing grew on him.
Even when Martha came into the picture at a later stage to
raise him, Mongezi and Mazisi she never filled that void..

The loss..

He is afraid of death.. Not when it comes to him but to his loved

ones..

After years of dealing with the loss of a father and a mother

that never wanted him, he finally grew the courage of going
back to Graytown and meeting her..
She has other children she never ditched on a doorstep. She
loves and take good care of them but not him..
When Mandisa came into the picture he was just a shell. Giving
him a daughter made his shell bearable, warm and
comfortable.
He opened up to her precious daughter , loved and protected
her like his life is meaningless without her.. But he failed her.. In
her last days he failed..
Again, God did it. He snatched away the most amazing thing in
his life. Loss always hits him differently, he just close off and
stay away until he is ready to face.
After Nkosazana's funeral he wanted to see her, but when he
heard the knews from Mazisi that he lost yet another soul.
He swallowed on a deep pit
It was too late as he realize that he need her, she also need
him..
Its been a while, gathering strength to reconnect and see her
again. Fix what's broken and move on.. Funeka dropped like a
bombshell and destroyed the shell he was in, made him love
fully without any fear. Made him a little good and happy..
He was happy, at peace..

He is afraid, still. The thought of losing her.. It seems like

everything he holds dear is always taken away from him..
He had a plan, to move on and forget but a heart has a mind of
its own..

And he find himself today, wallowing in the cold winter

morning, freezing and bearing the strange stares..
He looks horrible..
His face has fresh cuts, dried blood.
He will take it all..
The beatings, calls to the police
The waiting on stone cold benches..
In the end he will walk out here knowing that all will be well..
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

THIRTY EIGHT

Phwee!
I'm done packing . I'll sleep with my mother tonight, I can not
wait.
My eyes land on his suit blazer that I threw on my way in
yesterday..
I lost my mind.. Now that I think about it I did

Some of the things I did don't even make sense..

I even remember asking for his cell phone to call the cops! Yeap
I was crazy. Who even does that?

My spirit drops to zero the moment I reach the lounge, I jump

the broken glasses and head for the water to the kitchen
I was cooking!
Damn it!
Khanya might have switched the stove, she was too exhausted
to wait for usu and steamed bread to get ready..

Checking the pots it's all just looking gloomy..

I'm forced to throw ujeqe wam away,
Usu can still recover, I just don't have the strength anymore so I
pack it up and straight to the fridge..
Now back to the worst mess

By the time I finish cleaning I've killed Zabelo thousand times,

attended his funeral and even saw his useless self being forked
and roasted in hell..

I'm about to take a bath when a knock comes through..

I'm starting to loath these annoying knocks..
I'm sweaty and I haven't even taken a bath yet, or brushed my
teeth for that matter

God must be crazy to bring this man on my doorstep.. Again

"maFu…"
I scream!
A deafening scream that has his eyes all out like a dead goat.
Seriously, why is he back?
"If you call me MaFuze one more time I swear I'll do more than
calling the police. I'll call an antire FBI on you, or CIA so they can
throw you in a blacksite and torture you until you can't even
remember your own name, do you understand me dick head?"
Eyes blinking countlessly
Hands brushing together.. Is he gaining confidence or what… If
blessings were thrown at me like such temptations then I'd be
driving my dream car, sipping cocktails in Paris.
Sometimes I also ask myself, why does God keep on tempting
me with this devil worshipper.

"ahem, I just want…"

"Want What? Can't you get it. I don't want you bhuti wabantu.
Just get lost!"
Even I also flinch at the bursting sound of a door after I shut it
harlshily on his stinking face..
Where to from here?
I've packed my bags, I'm ready to go back home.
First thing first, the toilet. I don't want to be pressed along the
way
I need to also pass by pep for a new cell phone
The soft knock…
Again..
Maybe it is someone else

I laugh as I come across him..

There is a stubborn human being, then there is Zabelo on top.
Heavy breathing slowly visits me, my heart rate is beggning to
change and I feel the utmost anger closing all the senses in my
head..
I shouldn't be blamed if someone dies today. It self defence, I'm
defending my mental health from vultures who left me while I
needed them the most. Vultures who kiss their baby mama's
and throw you out like a used tissue..
I'll never forgive that..
"Before you scream, your friend sent me. She wants to talk to
you" wait..
Does that even make sense..

The phone rings and he hands it to me

"Funeka, it's me"
It's Khanya..
"You have his number? Khanya how did…"

"Just stop losing your mind for once and listen to me. It's
important"
Really, I'm not going to stop my mind from assuming the worst.
Is he here for her? Are they dating and I'm the fo…
"Where did you get his number Khanya?"
Red is what I'm seeing

"Relax, I got a call from your sexy brother. The CEO. He also
gave me his number because apparently you will not receive
the news from him so he asked me to tell you. He was your
reference right?"
I'm still waiting for the right answer I'm looking for.. Not this
crap
" FUNEKA! "
" I'M LISTENING BACK STABBING BITCH!"
She sighs, dissapointed..

"Funeka, you are the one who gave your brother my number.
He is the one who called and gave me your ex's… He"
What was I supposed to do when Mazisi wanted to know the
person I currently live with
"He would have passed the message through him because he
knows he is in Durban since you can't be reached. But clearly
you don't trust me enough as your friend if you have the nerve
to think of the worst.. Anyway he said I should tell you that he
got a call from Liana Larson Private Practice about your
interview with them. They want to see you again today, at 10.."
The call drops. I'm frozen..
My heart is racing
.
I'm gobsmacked
.

Zabelo had to drive me to my destination.. The Practice is in

Glenwood. I would have requested an Uber but that time of
waiting would have cost me.
Time was already approaching Quarter to ten when I received
the call. Lord, I did not bathe..
. For the first time in my life I left the house with yesterday's
sweat. Zabelo kept on assuring me that I wasn't bad.. I literally
used my hands to brush my face…
I've never been a true fan of weaves and wigs but I ran to
Khanya's weaves and took one. I have short, steel wool natural
hair but to comb it would have needed more time.. My hair is
the worst and very painful.
I kept on staring at myself in the rear view mirror. Luckily the
dress I was going to wear didn't need ironing.

Nerves were killing me but I managed to arrive just 2 minutes

early.. It counts..
I can't believe it is actually happening..
This is the same interview that had me blacking out..
I was given a second chance
next Monday. It is still Thursday so I still stand the chance to
prepare and do better this time..

Getting out I find Zabelo still waiting for me outside..

I slide in the passenger seat and he starts driving..
"How did it go?" he asks, staring at me briefly .. "I got another
chance for an interview"
I'm telling him because he helped me today.. And that's it! "I'm
happy for you, you deserve this"
He gently says, with a proud smile resting on his face..
Something in me moves..
Then I remember

"just like you deserved Mandisa's kiss. Did you sleep with her?"
I say, feeling my heart slicing all over again
His bloodstained face stares at me sadly and briefly,
He is puffy, swollen and adorned in grief.
I don't have to ask twice to know that he is going through
something..
He has hair, a beard. My heart twitches.
For a moment I feel sympathy slowly creeping in

He looks absent-minded as we drive through the busy road

until he hits the speed bump so hard and we move up like
sacks…
"Flip! I'm sorry.. Are you okay? I'm sorry MaFuze. I'm really
sorry.. I'm.."
He is stuttering, what's wrong with him?
Last I checked was a professional driver..

The moment we reach the apartment I take a long deserved

bath. I allowed him in, because he helped me.
He is sleeping! On the couch looking so sad.
I stand before him
There is something upsetting my inner peace about this man.
He is not the man I once knew..
He wasn't a smiley Joe but he had life in him..
Right now it is like looking at a near death version of him.
I think he feels my presence because he opens his eyes and for
a moment I get lost..
Staring deep in his, and him in mine
There is no spark of life in him.. Nothing
Just a blank look

"Are you hungry?" I quickly ask, moving away from his eyes..
"You should take a bath. And change"
He nods and stands up. He comes to me but I turn back, away
from him.
Something flashes in his eyes, it is hurting me to see him this
way but.. I can't..
He furiously covers his face with hands and sighs.. A trembling
sigh
"I will see you" he says, removing his hands after a while
"No, you won't" I tell him truthfully. What we had died the day
he kissed Mandisa..
I'm thinking he will leave but he moves closer and quickly takes
my hand
A burst of shock intensifies, attacking my whole body
I say nothing, looking at him taking my hand in his mouth and
kissing it gently sending shivers
"I know I broke us, but promise I will restore us, I will get you
back MaFuze" he whispers then look at me
I drop my gaze. He let go of me and headed out..
I'm caught in between…

Instead of wallowing in my messy life I headed to pep and

bought myself a reasonable cell phone and started the process
of sim swap.

By this time tomorrow I'll be ready to roll..

God is good!
I'm grateful for the second chance interview, may I nail it this
time.

I decided to spoil myself so I visited Roca Mammas in Florida.

After that I just went shopping around Durban until my feet
couldn't take it.
I first buy pizza and the head back.
I'm carrying my new clothes and pizza.. It's a mess

When I reach the door, today's events quickly flood my mind. I

remember what I said to Khanya.. Embarrassed and ashamed I
knock. She opens and leaves me at the door. I grab my
shopping bags with a tale between my legs
I have the key, I don't even know why I knocked

I sit on the kitchen counter and put the pizza next to me .. She
is cooking
"Your new friend Jacky was here. He wanted to see you and it
sounded agent"
I will talk to him in the morning.. For now
"Best friend, I'm sorry about this morning. I overreacted and
acted impulsively."
She turns.. I feel like Kak

"I hate what you did Funeka, I won't lie. But I get it, you are still
confused and overwhelmed over this whole Zabe thing.'' She
shortened his name to Zabe. It's like she is referring to a
different person

"still, I should never have assumed such. I'm the worst friend
ever. I'm really sorry ma Zulu"
She smiles
"Okay, what am I getting for being bashed?"
Right!
I need to use her phone and lert mama know of the recent
developments. She's going to be happy,
I'm glad I didn't announce my visit because she would have
been expecting me.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°THIRTY NINE°°

"Okay, tell us more about yourself. Behind the naked eye, who
are you?"
What the hell?
"Okay. Well I'm Ngcobo, my surname is my name.. No, I mean
my name is Funeka and I'm surna.. I'm Ngcobo .." sigh*
My God!
Khanya is rolling with laughter, hitting my back as she holds the
draft paper.
"Nawe nabo Behind the naked eye Khanya, really?"
I'm not sure why she even included that. It's her fault I'm
stuttering this much

"Just tell us more about yourself and stop whining! You don't
know what words they will use. Be glad I used naked eye, one
Indian lady once asked me to advertise myself, to tell them
what's inside my box of intelligence.. I mean the fuck"
I can tell with her dull facial expression that she still hate the
lady. I'd pack my bags and leave if they ask me something I
don't know
"Now you're stressing me"
I stand up, pushing down my short night dress then head to the
kitchen for a drink..

She follows me behind. This fridge is forever full, Khanya is from

a well of family, I'm sure they are the ones paying the rent.
I take the milk and pour some on the glass and sip..
My head is buzzing. We have been doing this every night before
bed. It's Friday today, normal teenagers are gallivanting and
savouring the night life of Durban and here we are.. Looking
like a woman who just buried her husband

"Let us know who Funeka Ngcobo is! Behind the naked eye miss
Ngcobo!"
she yells mockingly entering the kitchen.
"Tseg!" she's giggling as I swear at her.
I want to scream as she join me, grabbing my glass of milk and
drinking in one go..
"That's mine, tall ass bully!"
I hit her tiny ass, she laughs and hit the back of my head
Khanya is tall, slim and caramel skinned.
I sometimes scold her for wasting such a modelling talent. She's
the most easiest person to blend with, you always know what
she thinks because she never hide anything in her chest.
"Says someone who let a depressed man stay outside all night,
in a cold winter while it was raining. The poor man was freezing
. I'm even surprised he made it out alive "
That hit home

"Was it that cold?" I know it's a stupid question but I ask

anyway
A sonorous laugh suddenly burst out as she laughs hard. God
I'm getting a headache as she keep on hitting my back while
laughing
One thing I hate about Khanya, her voice is deeper than normal
girls. And when she is laughing she has this annoying tendency
of hitting you just as she laughs.
I move away grumping, her hands are painful
She follows me..
"Stop hitting me! Your laugh is ugly Khanya, stop it before you
embarrass yourself even more"
It's like I'm tickling her.. Jesus!
Seriously, I'm getting annoyed with each second
"tjo.. Jewova."
She's breathless as she rest her head on my poor shoulder. I'm
a duck, yet I'm carrying a pole
"I know it's been long since you did Geography but come on,
we are in the middle of May,winter is forever cold Funeka"
My head is buzzing, when this one laughs at you she makes
sure you feel every blow
"I tend to forget that you are a weather expert sometimes..
Mxm!"
I leave her alone.. That was not necessary.

"okay, wait ke."

I rest on the couch and she catch up with me, seating next to
me catching her breath
"Nothing is funny here. I need a new friend,you are abusive
Khanya Zulu"
She smiles, she still want to laugh more but she hold it in and
lies on my thighs
"I'm definitely not working up tomorrow, such a heavy sack on
my poor body"
I say, that all it takes for her to regain her stupid laughter..
I pinch her nose until she stops and I let go
She looks so funny with her now red nose and her older than
three weeks cornrows on her head. Weaves hide so much, they
deserve some counselling for hiding such hideous hairstyles.
"Are you trying to kill me? This is your talent. But this is nothing
my friend compared to what you did to poor Zabe, he looked
horrible as a plane crash survivor"
A heavy sigh leaves my lips.
I don't know..
I am angry.. Very angry at Zabelo
I have been but I was too heartbroken to focus on anger and
now that he resurfaced everything just dropped on my face

The excruciating pain I dealt with when I lost my pregnancy..

No support from him
The last straw was when I saw him with Mandisa.. Kissing

I can't help the lump tightening in my throat

But I've cried too much for the last couple of months so I
swallow as hard as it is
I feel soft hands brushing my cheeks
"You need to talk to him so that you can move on sis" it's
Khanya's soft voice.
She's looking up at me sympathetically

"He hurt me you know, he loved me too much. Took care of me

and made me fall in love with him and then stabbed my heart
completely. I hate him" now I fail to hold it in, a single tear drop
my left eye. Khanya wipes it
"The only way you will get to heal completely is if you talk to
him.." I interject
"So he can lie and say it was a mistake. I don't need him or his
useless apologies. I'm better of without him"
I can feel anger slowly replacing the pain I'm feeling
"I'm not saying you need him, or get back with him but look at
your sisi. You are not fine. You need to hear him out, listen to
his lame apologies maybe they might clear your heart."
I hear her but I don't..

She seat up
" You might not cry every night like before, or long for his
embrace like before but you haven't healed. I see it in your eyes
whenever his name is mentioned, whenever you see a baby
close to you, you zone one. Just because you don't talk about
him doesn't mean you have healed. You are ignoring the pain,
the betrayal he left you with and that my friend is a recipe for
disaster …"
I'm mantled in malicious emotions, my head and my mind are
in a zone of war.
Of course my heart just longs for him..
But my mind is a different story

"I get it. He wasn't here before, but now he is here and he owes
you some explanation. It might not wash away what he put you
through but I'm certain that it will make a difference."
I hate feeling this way.. I feel like I'm slowly crawling back to
that dark, cold corner I was once in
" He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve that chance"
My trembling voice utters as I wipe the tears away. They don't
stop, they just keep pouring!
My feet are still strong to carry my to nowhere really.. I just feel
like yelling so loud until the pain stop..
There's this heavy feeling just seating in my chest.. No matter
how hard I cry it always find a way to get back
I feel hands hugging me from behind.
"I'm so sorry you are going through such pain sis. I really am"
I thought I was healing
I was.. Until he emerged out of nowhere and dragged me back
to square one
I'm drained as I sink down the floor curling into a foetal
position..
I feel Khanya's hands letting go of me…
However I'm too consumed in heartache that it even hard to
make sense of my surroundings
****

°°ZABELO MAGWAZA °°

He knocks, waiting for the worst.

Instead of seeing Funeka, he sees someone else.
"Zabe, this isn't a good time. Please leave"
He frowns as she speaks quickly yet quietly
A trembling, heart wrenching sob breaks out..
Picking through the door he sees her.. In a heartbreaking
position
A door is slammed on his face just as he is still draped in shock

The evoking smoke of weed is dancing around the apartment

he is in. He has lost count of how many blunts he has consumed
yet the pain is immobile, just stuck on his chest like a heavy
elephant.
An empty bottle of Harrier Whiskey lies beside him as he seats
on the floor..
Wasted..
Time reads 11:28PM
It's been more than three hours since he returned from
Musgrave.
His heart is swollen, injured in a way he probably can never put
in words..
He is lost, dangling in pain and suffering.

From losing his princess to a child he never got to meet. It is a

mystery as to how he survived the past couple of months
without dropping dead.
His spirit is crushed as he lies on his back, on the floor awake
staring up the ceiling

Seeing Funeka so broken and wallowing just put him in a

horrific place that's worse than the one he is in..
With no doubt he knows that he is the reason, he is to blame
for every single pain she is going through

His mind is all over the place. If Funeka never accepts his
apology then has no idea where to go
Advertisement
how to even start living again.
She is the only thing that makes sense..
He never meant to push her away, he prays that she gives him a
chance..
To rewrite and correct his mistakes.
****

FUNEKA NGCOBO

The loud ringing of my cell phone wakes me up from a deep

slumber.
A headache is the first thing I feel as I sit up. I feel like I'm
carrying a heavy object on my head
My mother is calling
I have no idea when or how I fell asleep yesterday.. My voice is
horrible as I pick up her call.
We talk for a while and then end the call.
I didn't call her yesterday, I'm not surprised because my night
ended on a sour note
Khanya is nowhere in bed, I'm about to go look for her when
she enters carrying a tray. A mouth watering aroma hit me
And my mouth waters
"Hey, sleepy beauty . How are you feeling?"
She ask, putting the tray on the pedestal then join me in bed
"Perfect. I'm feeling very good today"
Confusion rest on her face
I'm done crying over spilled milk!
Yesterday was the last time I cried over a past that I can not
change.

"Funeka, you can’t be good after yesterday's breakdown. It is

alarming and crazy"
I grab the toast and an egg then shove it down my throat
"I'm fine. Stop worrying. Thank you for the breakfast"
She sighs
"If you say so. How is headache though? I'm sure you are dying
after.."
"Yeah yeah.. I'll be fine"
I hate being reminded of this..
Seriously I don't want to talk about this

We eat breakfast in a light conversation until we reach taxi

drivers annoying attitude
"They are not that bad." she defends them
Hebana
"Since when?"
Is she blushing? The Khanya I know hated taxi drivers. We used
to bash them together
"Well, we just misunderstood them, you know. They are good
people if you listen and respect them. It is just that the
environment they are under compel them to be rude. You
know how people are mngani.."
I would have laughed but my throat is still sore
"Khanya, do you have a new taxi boyfriend? Where is
Ndumiso?"
"Let me dash to work. I'm already late as it is. Wena just wake
up and prepare for the Art Show, you need a lively suroudnng
before you kill yourself. I'm taking you out when I return okay"
She kiss my cheeks then rush to the bathroom
"The art Show start at 12, I'm ealry. I just need juicy news for
my mental well being"
I say, she laughs..
My phone is ringing again.
Its a videa call, Nangamso
I answer and be met with an entire family, including Ndalo
"morning Family" I greet happily and they do the same.
Nangamso and Ndalo keep on arguing, baba and Pretty just
don't even bother with thier arguing
"Are you sure you are fine there? We miss you this side" baba
says.
I can't help but fee warm inside
"I miss you too. I'm doing fine, I promise"
"You should visit, atleast for a weekend sis, maybe you might
still find me you know."
Thats Ndalo, pushing Nangamso away.. She screams I think she
just fell..
"Damn it Ndalo"
She hisses and appear again on the screen cursing at Ndalo who
apparently was expelled because of a fight…

During the Jacky came to take me and we attended an outdoor

Art Show in Botanic Gardens.
I never realised how rich African art is. Never even bothered to
look closely actually.. It's my first time being exposed to such
variety of beauty

It's soul soothing to watch. It's as if we are all bleeding from the
same wound, blending in the same circle while finding comfort
in each other.
There's that unity and some spirit of belonging.
Everyone is draped in a warm, loving smile.
The sun is all out and about making this day even more
beautiful..
The amazing smell of flowers just makes this day even better..

I'm wearing a black gathered sleeve fold pleated front shirt

dress, black stiletto healed ankle strap and carrying a minimalist
square Bag
The dress end above my knees, showing off my brown skinned
legs and thighs..
One thing about me, I love short dresses..
I love showing off my skin, that's where my confidence lies.
I'm not doing it for people or attention, I'm doing it for me. It
makes me feel good about my body.
I thought I'd be a little off since I've gained but damn, I'm in
love with my new added flash.
Jacky excelled with my make up, thanks to Khanya's 26 Inches
Peruvian Straight weave, I'm in some Bonang Matheba beauty
today..
I'm a bevvy of beauty..

Teekay has been blabbering in these countless people passing

by, showing of his work.
He is good, he can paint too. I had no idea, I just thought he
was into photography only..
My eyes land on my very own art.. The picture of me looking so
artistic.. I'm glad my face isn't recognizable. I'm facing down but
my heart is thundering as the number of people salivate over
my black and white picture

"You are damn hot! By sun down your pictures will be

gone"Teekay whispers in my ear…
" Pictures?" I've only seen one
" Look Around"There are four in total..
They are all just different and adorned in range of beauty
"thank you for this Funeka. It really means a lot to me. After
this event you and I will have a real talk" He says, staring at his
work with a proud smile
I'd be proud too, he is way too good.
I'm back to the same question, what is my talent axactly?
Beside my love for money..
"As long as that talk include some finances then I'm game" he
laughs
Jacky is lost somewhere around.
I stare at myself thinking how far I've come.
I'm just realising how ungrateful I have been. As shitty as my
life has been, I still have one undeniable blessing..
Life!
I'm still breathing, I'm trying so hard to reach my dreams. I have
a very supportive family that love me. I have an educational
qualification, I'm smart, I'm beautiful. I'm my very own
inspiration

Maybe Khanya was right about something, I do need to see

Zabelo and clear my heart. For real, I deserve inner peace.
"ahem, MaFuze"
One day this voice will make my heart stop beating. Damn it, I
feel my knees weakening..
I swear he just goes out and sniff the air and realize where I am.
He can't just resurface everywhere I am.
"HI" I say, clutching my bag and trying so hard to control the
anger.. Zabelo is just… A ball of confusion for me..
He makes me angry, sad, taken, sympathetic with the whole of
other crappy feelings I can't explain

His presence is so loud yet he is just so quiet. I can literally feel

his stare digging a hole on my skin
I fix my necklace then hold my pealrs in my ear with my left
hand.
I can't help these mixed feelings worsening with each passing
second.
"I never thought I'd see you in such events. I didn't know you
were into arts" I break the ice, without sparing him a glare. I
actually wanted to ask why he is following me but..
"There is a lot you don't know about me MaFuze"
Behind the statement I sense sadness

I look at him finally, he cleaned up pretty good even though his

eyes are darker than normal. There are fresh cuts on his face..
He combed his hair and a beard
He is into black neck blazer and tailored pants with white tee
underneath hugging his upper body delicately.Jonathan D
White Scout Loafer rest so perfectly on his feet
The man is a panty dropper and I hate to admit it

I snap it out of my embarrassing moment and meet his gaze. He

looks at me in a rather warm way and smile
I know Zabelo, that smile is completely different than the one I
know. He would actually be showing me that cunning smile of
his
"You are gorgeous MaFuze"
My heart shift its normal rhythm..
"Let me leave, my date is waiting for me" I say and leave him
with a hanging mouth. I grab the first male I see and move
away…
may he burn like I did..

My feet are sore as the sun is swallowed deep in the horizon.

I've taken and posted many pictures..
I'm slaying and people must know!
Zabelo vanished into thin air, after our encounter I never saw
him again..
Not that I was searching for him.
My pictures were all sold! Am I not lucky..

Just as I arrive Khanya is on the coach, channel hoping.

"Finally, for a moment I thought you've thrown yourself in front
of a moving car. I'm searching for news headlines as it is.."
I laugh and join her, throwing my exhausted body
And sigh

"I'm guessing we no longer going out…"

Oh! There was that?
"I'm sleepy" my eyelids are so heavy as I shut my eyes..
"How was the Art Show? I would have been there too if I wasn't
working."
I mumble a tiny response..
My mind takes me back to Zabelo's image..
I wonder how he is doing.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°FORTY°°

The weekend flew quicker than any other weekends I've ever
had. Maybe because I had nerves crippling my mind and soul.
I couldn't even spend a minute without thinking about my
interview.
I practised until my mind just couldn't take it
But I'm hoping it was worth it as I head out of the Liana Larson
Private Practice after my second chance interview..

I had nerves when the interview started but as it went on I

regained my composure. This is the First interview I'm proud of.
Even if I don't get the job, I know that I did my best.
They said they will give me a call after five days, I guess there
are others as well who were also given second chances.. I'm not
sure
I'm about to request when a car stops before me, a window
rolls down and his face greets me.
This man is popping up everywhere I am
"Zabelo, are you following me?"
I ask, a bit annoyed. He seems to know my every move..
"Yes and I won't stop following you until you give me a chance
to talk to you"
I roll my eyes and get in the car
Might as well deal with this once and for all

The moment I walk inside his apartment my chest

suffocates..there is a very strong smell of weed. The alunge is
untidy, I can spot a kitchen from where I am.
His phone rings as I still look around in awe
"Zabelo Magwaza speaking.. Yes.. Now? I can't..
Oh okay then I'll be there.. It's okay I can make it" I'm just
standing before him as he speaks
When the call drops he looks at me sadly..
"You can go.." I quickly say
"I'm sorry Mama. I promise I'll be back in less than an hour"
I nod and watch him as he walks out in a rush.

Sigh! I can't spend a minute in a beautiful dengion. I drop my

bag and start cleaning
By the time I finish I've encountered at least Five empty bottles
of whiskey. I've opened up the windows and let the fresh air
loam around
He knows how to pick spacious and beautiful apartments. This
one has a modern open plan kitchen, leading into the lounge
with a private balcony.
When I'm sure that everything is in order I charge for the
bedroom.
The first one is just neat, with just a bed only.. Then an ensuite
bathroom.
There is no much to be done hence I just get out
My feet freeze as I walk in the second, huge bedroom. There is
no headboard, above what should be a headboard are my
pictures..
They are beautifully gracing the walls
as if there were made to be there..
Some warmth visits my tummy.. This is art
An hour later Zabelo is still a no show.
I keep myself busy by arranging his laundry.
Something drops in one of the trousers. It's a picture of
Nkosazana..
My heart bleeds for what happened, I heard but I was going
through a lot myself at that time. She was just a bubble child
with a contagious smile.
Pity the world snatched her before we could see her
blossoming into something beautiful

I hear the door opening, in a second he walks inside the

bedroom.
Its like we are strangers, I don't know how to put it. But we are
not the same as before. I can feel it
"I'm sorry for taking too long" he says, moving towards me
slowly, his gaze piercing through me.
My heart is suddenly beating hysterically on my chest , my
insides are turning due to all these emotions engulfing me all at
once..
He takes these things in my hands and put them to bed then
comes to me again..
Now I'm just a robot
"I've miss you MaFuze" he gently utters..
"I'm not here for you to tell me that. Let's talk" I protest as
wobbly as I am
His body pressed against mine and I feel his hand encircling my
waist bringing me close and the hold tightens ..
My head is telling me to push him, kick his balls and all that
but.. My heart is pumping hard and melted
His chest is as warm as I remember. I involuntarily lay my head,
my eyes shutting. His mouth is on my neck, Tingles ripped my
body, my blood rushing harder than normal…
His embrace feels like a safe sanctuary
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY SEVEN

FUNEKA

"Please MaFuze'' he pleads, his voice getting lower as hold the

spoon of beef stew and rice to my mouth. His eyes reflect
sadness and something else.
My stomach growls, I end up letting him feed me.

The sudden revelations about my mom's death crushed me for

those few minutes.
I just broke down completely, wondering why Zabelo didn't tell
me anything. Why did it have to be his family to bring me such
sorrow
He came to get me, I think Siziwe called him
He brought me to his apartment and cooked for me. He called
Ncane and told her I'm with him for the night and apologised
for not bringing me back as he promised.
I could tell ncane was giving him a hard time but I guess he
succeeded in convincing her to let me spend the night.

I can't believe this is my first time eating a food he cooked, it's

not bad. It's eatable, that's all I can say.
He makes sure I'm full before he gives me water to down my
supper.
I watch as he takes everything and stands up from the couch
heading to the kitchen. I let the TV watch me, it's a sports
channel and I'm not even surprised.
He comes back after putting the dishes in the sink, without his
food and settles next to me.
I guess this is the time to talk

"Aren't you hungry?"

I've said it out loud before I can even stop myself. It's the first
words I'm saying to him since
 His eyebrows furrow for a mere second,probably confused and
shocked about my sudden caring nature

"I'm okay" he hesitantly says

"You need to eat Zabelo. I refuse to share a bed with a hungry
man. I don't want to end up being the meal" okay, that wasn't
intended, I just blurt it out.
His unpleasant expression is instantly replaced with a smug.
I instantly regret saying such words to him, now he thinks I'm
not upset. I'm still upset at him for hiding such critical news
from me but let me allow him to shine, just for now
"You can just tell me if you crave sex maFuze, no need to beat
around the bush. I heard pregnant woman love sex"
I didn't say I want sex, but now that he mentions it I feel myself
getting a bit excited
"Just dish yourself some food and leave me alone. I'm not like
everyone else, I don't want sex"
His eyebrow raises a bit
"Are you sure you can resist all this sexiness? "
A low chuckle leaves my mouth as he push his top reaching his
strong torso
"Let's talk about something else"
I say

And just like that he is back to being all sad

"I'm sorry MaFuze. I was wrong and I'm truly sorry you had to
find out from Siziwe. "
He starts by telling me this
"Why did you hide it from me then? I deserve to know what
happened to my own mother Zabelo "

"I know you deserve to know. I was going to tell you after I have
dealt with the culprit but every time I get close, something else
comes up and now it's just.. It's a bit complicated"
An exhaustion sigh follows
"Dealt with the culprit?"
"Yes"
I give him the explain look
"You don't have to know every detail but just allow me to deal
with this the best way I know how"
This response makes me uncomfortable
"Are you going to kill someone?" I ask in a whisper. I'm holding
my breath and crossing my heart that he doesn't say what my
mind has concluded
I'm thinking he will blink or look remorseful or shocked. He has
a straight face, he has already made up his mind I just know
"One thing you need to understand about me MaFuze is that I
will do whatever it takes to protect you. What happened hurt
you, I don't want to see you hurt. Whoever hurt you will pay, all
those involved will curse the day they ever laid their eyes on
you"
His voice is evidently cold, my breathing rate instantly
accelerates.
I feel bouts of fear attacking my body

"nothing bad will happen to me MaFuze. I can take care of

myself" he assures me gently as if reading my mind.
I've always known that he is not that law-abiding citizen. Half of
the club owners aren't. But I just can't help this pit in my
stomach
"What if you get killed?I don't want to lose you too Zabelo.."
"MaFuze. You will not lose me I assure you"
Holding my chin he says, staring deep in my eyes.

"You don't know that, revenge does not end. It's just a vicious
cycle, you will kill that person and in turn their families will hunt
you down and kill you. Then what? I will give birth to a
fatherless child? Or be killed just to get back at you"
I'm trembling, even the thought of losing him just cripples my
mind.
He rubs my eyes with his fingers, wiping the tears that have
managed to escape my eyelids

" Look at me MaFuze. I will not die. I will be here when our
baby is born, we will raise our baby together and grow old
together"
His voice is bold and full of hope. But I know better
"Listen to me. What happened has happened, it doesn't matter
what you do Zabelo. My mother is gone and she is never
coming back whether you hunt down the culprit and kill him.
The pain he left me will run for as long as my blood does. So
please, just do what's right. Hand him to the police if you ever
find him, my mother was a good woman. I don't want any
blood to be spilled on her name. Please respect her"
I'm not revengeful, I'm hurting. I should be rejoicing that the
man who killed my mom will be killed too.
But I just can't. It's not who I am
I'm also afraid, I'm afraid of losing someone else I hold dear. I
will not take it, I know I won't
He plant a wet kiss on my left eye
then my right one and I feel myself getting warm.
He kisses my forehead and

Our eyes lock

Maybe I finally know the feeling of having that one person who
completes you without saying a word. One look at him your
heart just becomes full of his love.

"I love you MaFuze" he whisper gently and I feel butterflies at

the Lowest of my navel
My heart is beating for him, I love this man. His feelings seem
to double each passing day and I'm starting to wonder how one
person can have so much effect on me.
He looks breathtaking in my eyes, I feel his warm breath
trickling my skin before his lips graces mine in a heated,
lingering kiss

He kisses me, taking my breath away as if its the first time. It's
his touch roaming around my body that owns me, it ignites
every ounce of love I have of him

My heart is violently beating

My body is screaming for more of him
A soft whimper escape my mouth, there's that swoosh feeling
in between my thighs
I feel unholy juices forming down there

He gives me a break to catch my breath

His forehead resting on mine as our escalated breathing and
heaving chests make the noise. His hands are now buried inside
my top, just drawing circles on my bare back evoking sexual
hunger. The complete desire to be filled is growing and the
urge to rub myself on his hard member is hard to ignore.
Now I know, I missed him
My hands travels down his zip and I touch his hard member
with my hands
He sucks his breath and hold them together
"MaFuze" he whispers breathless
Sexual lust is loud in here
"We can't. You are still mourning"
What..
"Zabelo, I've waited seven days. Isn't that enough?I want this.
I'm pregnant and I want you" A low chuckle leaves his mouth
I deserve to be striked by lightning for using this pregnancy for
my selfish reasons
My poor baby

"I thought you are not like everyone else"

He reminds me and I hate myself for saying that
I'm annoyingly turned on, my body is heating up. I can feel my
aroused clit throbbing so fast and the wetness than has
gathered in my vulva is not helping
"Zabelo" my sulky spirit is out on display
He kisses me again, I love how he takes control of my body but
still makes me feel safe, not trapped.

Reaching the bed he helps me out of my clothes, I'm never

wearing jeans I mean why do I have to suffer so much to
remove them.
He ended up laughing at me
I'm too horny to find humour in this
I can finally breathe now that I'm in my bra and thong
I grab his top and take it off and he kicks off his pants with his
boxer.
This time I'm the one who onslaughts him in a hunger kiss.
He pushes me gently, helping me lie on the bed without
breaking the kiss

He unclasps my bra and starts rubbing my nipples slowly. A

burning sensation spreads throughout my body. I'm gaping, his
lips now resting on my neck
His hand travels down my thighs, caressing.
I rub myself on his hard member as the need to have him deep
in me grows.
" Zabelo.. please" …I beg softly and he listens because my thong
is slid down my knees and I use my toes to push it off
completely
"… ahh" He is playing with my drenched folds and I throw my
head back on the pillows feeling pleasure building deep in my
body.
" Mmm… '' I'm crying gibberish arching my back, gently
grabbing the bed covers as he softly rubs my clit in small circles.
I feel his knee spreading my thighs further apart and a tip of his
member resting on my entrance.
My heart is racing as if it will be ripped out of my chest
He position himself and slowly enters my opening and I feel
fireworks of pleasure ripping through my body
I cry out deeply as I get lost in a squeezing, unspeakable
pleasure closing my eyes completely…

****

I woke up tangled in his arms. The best feeling ever. Zabelo's

presence brings me peace and hope that I desperately need at
this time of loss.
He took me out and we had breakfast in one of the restaurants
just a few minutes away from the apartment and drove me
home.

I made him promise not to kill whoever is responsible for

mom's death. He kissed me and told me to stop worrying.
I don't know if he will listen to me or not.
I couldn't read him

I take the Bible that belonged to my mother and start paging

through it while resting on the bed.
Ncane walks in and seat next to me
"Ncane" I say
"How are you feeling?" she's such a good soul
"taking it as it comes"
She nods
"So, are you really pregnant?"
I blink, and then nod
She smiles instead of being angry
"I'm happy for you. You should enjoy this pregnancy with
Zabelo by your side.
You've been through a lot and you deserve this happiness.
However this sneaking around will not always work in your
favour. You know how your father is"
She's right
As if he could hear us, he walks in and stand before me
"MaNgcobo"
"Baba"
Now I'm feeling a little spooked
"Maybe I should just give you to him on a silver platter.
Anyway, how are you feeling today?"
Tjo, talking about being scolded in a gentle manner
"I'm okay baba, how are you?"

"I'm fine. Do you have any plans? Seating around might be

stressful, especially if you'll be alone in this house. Ntsika isn't
always around to keep you company"
I know seating around won't be a solution
"I'd like to get busy. So I'll go back to working with you if that's
not problem"
I say, he smiles
"Of course it won't be a problem. But I think Mazisi must try to
give you a better position. I don't want you to be overworked,
seeing that you are pregnant"
I clear my throat. He might have overheard my conversation
with ncane
"Thank you"
He walks out leaving me in an awkward position.

The rest of the week is pretty much busy.

I'm no longer Mazisi's assistant but I help with the
administration. I started on Wednesday
I'm working with that mean lady who hates me for some odd
reason. But she has been very kind since I began. I'm not sure
why she's being too nice but I'm enjoying every time here. I get
little time to focus on what I'm going through since I'm forever
busy.
I love being her assistant, I'm learning a few things about Admin
and it keeps me on my toes.
My phone rings bringing me back from the busy pile of work
"Tell him I haven't killed you" Simone says softly as I pick up.
She knows Zabelo might be the one calling
"MaFuze"
He says
"Magwaza wam"
He laughs softly
"come toMazisi's office"
I stand up and head straight to the lift and up I go to the office
Without asking any questions.

I found him with Mazisi.

They are having McDs burgers.
I take what's mine and eat, perks of being the CEO's sister.
Eating before lunch time
They are downing red wine..
That's where my sin lies
Yesterday Simone had red wine in her bag and during lunch she
drank some. The smell just hit me so good and I asked for just a
sip
She doesn't know I'm pregnant anyway.
But now I can't stop craving just a sip
I'm hoping this little craving will fade because last time I drank
alcohol while pregnant it ended badly.

After a good, busy Friday I head home with Ncane. The house is
full when we reach home. Mazisi's twins are here, running
around. Mihlali too
We found her cooking in the kitchen.
I head to my room after greeting and take off my clothes and
wear comfortable ones.
After that I rush to where the babies are, they are sleeping
peacefully.
I head down the stairs and straight to the kitchen
Mazisi is cornering poor Mihlali, he is standing behind her and
totally caging her
Amen
*****

Zabelo

He find his mother chilled in front of the TV.

He joins her and take the remote, switching off the tv
"and then? I was watching that!"
She yells
"I will ask you one question and for your own safety I hope you
tell me nothing but the truth. Why did you lie to me about your
husband? And what business do you have with Khethiwe
Ndlovu?"
Nora swallows nothingness feeling her blood vessels drying up
"I don't know what you are talking about"
Her voice is trembling as she says
Zabelo gives her a picture that Kiddo gave him
"Isn't that you in that picture with the same woman I'm asking
you about. Or you happen to have a twin that I don't know of"
He is strangely calm and that alone send shivers
"Ahem.. I can explain."
"please do. While at that do remember to call your real
husband to take you back because you are moving out of my
house in the next hour.."
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

°°FORTY TWO°°

Funeka

The food I cooked smells nice, Khanya is on her second plate

but I am not even close to finishing my first one.
She's blabbering about Taxi drivers who are good and can even
make good husbands too.

I'm listening but my mind is far away, I haven't even opened my

mouth to throw in my million dollar opinion. I don't comment
even when she talks about Taxi Driver's mental health. She's
saying something about creating her own organisation that can
work with the Taxi Associations to provide mental awareness..
"It can work right?" she asks, I don't get the sudden fuss of her
with the taxi drivers.. For all I know those people are rude, cold
hearted killers with a stinking attitude.

My cell phone beeps. He just deposited some money into my

account.
I know he loves me but…Mandisa is in Joburg, if he goes back to
Johannesburg then they restart the relationship. What will
become of me..
"FUNEKA!!"
I quickly shut my ears with my hands..
"Jesus, are you trying to destroy my sense of hearing?"
She looks at me, bored

"I'm talking to you and you are in your own world. What's
wrong with you today? You've been so out of it since I came
back from work"
Where do I begin
"Zabelo and I talked" I say
She smiles and hit my shoulder playfully

"I'm glad you've finally decided to close that chapter of your

life. I'm proud of you, now you can focus on healing and finding
a new dick to ride.. I can hook you up with someone"
She thinks I broke things off
"erh.. Khanya we.."
"I know you love him. I know that's why you are so down. Did
you get the closure you needed though, after the talk. Were
you fine?"
She's looking at me as she asks, she's a concerned friend. Her
face says it all
"I guess I did. I feel a bit better"
"Great! It's a start. You won't feel completely fine in a day but
as time goes by you will be fine. So you need to move on now
and forget about his cheating ass…"
"WE KISSED!"
I blurt out
She blinks, frown and says nothing
"I knew it! I knew it was too soon. I should have waited. I
should have never forgiven him.. Oh God, what have I done?"
I'm now pacing up and down, I'm just so confused and it is so
annoying

"Seat down Funeka you are making me dizzy!" she sternly says.
I take a seat and hold my head in distress
"Is this what you want? To get back with him?"
She asks calmly. I thought she's going to judge me
Hell I'm judging myself for this
"Not so long ago I wanted to kill him. I wanted to pour boiling
water on him, I wanted to have him arrested. I threw things at
him, I WAS ANGRY. MAYBE I STILL AM!"
I'm breathless, feeling mixed emotions I can't even describe..
What's wrong with me
She brushes my chin, calming me down and it is working.
" calm down Funeka. Being angry is normal and
understandable. Zabelo hurt you and you had to act out"
She doesn't get it
"I'm confused. He confuses me. He looked into my eyes,
touched me and kissed me. He told me to stop him and he
would leave but I stood there like a chicken and kissed him
back.. My heart felt so alive and.."
A heavy sigh escapes me

"You love him."she says

"I'm not sure forgiving him is what I should have done. Let
alone getting back with him. I don't trust him anymore.."
I confess
"yet everything in your body screams his name. The way I see it
you are already in too deep. Even if I say let him go you won't..
So work on the trust issue with him. The man drove from
Johannesburg
received all the blows you threw at him and damn he looked
miserable. I doubt he would want to destroy you again… "
"I lose myself when I'm with him"
I softly say, the kiss we had just playing in my head like a movie
"I know he loses himself too when he is with you and that's
okay because you will find yourselves in each other's amrs.
Let go of the past if you want him or else just let him be. This
time it will be you who will destroy the relationship. So don't go
in if you are confused.."
Tjo..
"He bought all my pictures at that Art event."
I say
"He was there and he bought them all. Instead of a headboard,
he decided to install them. All four of them. I don't know when
or how he did that so quickly but he did.."
"Okay, that's.. scary and maybe sweet.."
God, please intervene

I couldn't sleep well, wrecking my brain about my situationship

with Zabelo.
Khanya has left for work. I need to meet with Jacky and Teekay
as well today.
I take off my pyjamas and get ready to bath
I'm about to shower when the knock at the door disrupts me.
I put the towel around me and head to the door

"MaFuze"
He is back to wearing his shots
He looks at me with that one look that only he can pull off
"Zabelo. Hi"
He slowly moves in, I move back and he doesn't stop instead he
grabs me by my waits and I bump on his chest and I gasp
His hands caress my cheeks gently awakening every inch of
feelings I thought I buried
I'm breathing heavily as he stares at me so closely..
There is something about him, something that draws me in..
"Are you running away from me MaFuze?" he asks in a whisper,
his knee weakling gaze drilling me up
My heart is racing. I can literally feel his breath on me
"I.. I'm not" I didn't expect to see him at the door so early in the
morning. I know we kind of patched things up but I'm still..
Confused I guess
his other hand start drawing circles on my bare back sending
me nothing but goosebumps

"I love you" he says and kisses me

butterflies instantly overtake my tummy as he drives me in
a deep, slow kiss.
His hand slides down to my thighs and moves up to my sacred
place. I'm about to protest when he gently starts rubbing my
clit, a soft moan escapes me as I quiver in pleasure until I reach
a happy place gapping.
I gasp, feeling my clit jumping as he licks his wet fingers.. God!
My towel is taken off
I'm now totally naked…
"Spread your legs"... What..
"Ahem.. Zab.."
"I'm not doing anything. Just spread your legs" he boldly says.
I spread them apart and he start wiping me slowly… an
He hands me the towel without trying anything funny.. The
Zabelo I knew would have thrown me on the floor and made
love to me.. Maybe Mandisa slept with him and I'm not
attractive any more
"cover up. I got you something" he says as If he didn't just do
something so errotic..
I head back and wear comfortable clothes

He holds my hand and we head out. Zabelo is just so

irresistible.. I can't resist his touch no matter how angry I am
We reach the parking lot and he hands me a black bag.
"its a laptop bag" I say, confused
"Yes, inside is a laptop."
Wait..
"You are giving me a laptop?"
"You are going to need it when you start working my love. You
won't be sure if you'll be using a desktop, it's better to have
your own PC so you'll be able to work even after hours if you
feel like it"
Wow… I never saw this coming.

"But I'm not hired yet"

I tell him
He cups both my cheeks and look in my eyes
"They will be unlucky if they don't hire you. Either way, the
world is big. There are still many opportunities coming your
way. You will make a great Social worker in one of the biggest
organisations because you are amazing, beautiful and smart
and I'm lucky to have you in my life. I promise not to destroy us
again. I am deeply sorry for every single pain I caused you
MaFuze. I truly am"
My heart dances
"You don't have to apologise every time we together Zabelo"
I say
"Yes I have to. And I will do so until that spark I always saw in
your eyes returns, until the doubt in your heart vanishes. For as
long as I breath I owe you an apology MaFuze"
Tears stings my eyes…it's like he can read my doubts
He plants a long wet kiss in my forehead
"You are still the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes
on.
"Now go back, take a bath and wear something sexy. I'm taking
you out on a date."
He is on a mission to make me lose my mind and it is working.
We've never been on a date with this guy

I'm trying so hard to stop the blush spreading across my lips

A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FORTY THREE

I've never really wondered how it's like to go on a date with the
man you love. Yes it's general knowledge that couples take
each other on beautiful dates but it never worried me that I
never took part in that.

Zabelo loved me too much to even focus on things he didn't do

for me. He still loves me now
His eyes say it all.
We are seated opposite each other, however his eyes are just
glued onto me.
I can't stop smiling
His hands keep on brushing mine.
"I'm not a magician Zabelo. I'm not going to vanish into thin
air"
I tell him, he smiles shortly and plants a soft wet kiss on my
hand.
My bloody heart warms up

This is a cosy restaurant, it's not a busy one. Our table is at the
corner, the lights are dimmed and the soft music is playing.
Butterflies keep on attacking my tummy as I look around my
surroundings.
He combed his hair, he looks handsome but I love him more
with a neat haircut.

"You are the light in this dark room, you are beautiful"
I've lost count of the compliments he's been showering me
with.
As always my lips spread across my face
"It's dimmed light, not dark. Outside its very much sunny
Zabelo"
My voice is so soft as if it isn't even mine
"I love you"
Just as I'm still thrown in my world the waiter arrives with our
mouth watering food
And I waste no time to dig in
Zabelo is happy, he is happy that I'm with him but there is
something else going on with him.
While we were busy with our date a couple walked in with a
baby girl, maybe 4 or 5 years of age. His face changed
completely I could feel the solemn from him.
I asked for take aways and I told him it was time for us to go. He
didn't protest,

A sad song that I don't even know is playing as we navigate

through the Durban Traffic.
He is driving, but after every second he glances at me. His other
hand is glued on mine, his hold keeps on tightening and I can't
even say anything. I just let him hold me. Maybe he will realise
that I am here.

We were really having a great time until that couple walked in.
For a moment I thought I'd seal a date with a kiss but not today
I guess

"What's wrong Zabolo?"

I end up asking him
"What makes you think something is going on?"
So he is just going to be like this.
"You changed since we saw that couple with a child, Zabelo.
Why is that?"
Jaws are clenching but he remain quite
"Is it because you miss Nkosazana? "
"Let's not talk about this now."
I want to ask more but it is what he wants.

Reaching his apartment I put the takeaways on the fridge and

get inside the shower. When I come out he is nowhere in sight.
The doors are locked..
I don't like how he just locked me in, what if I wanted to leave
I take my phone and watch the sad multifandom on YouTube..
When I feel tired I head to the bed and take a nap

It's dark outside and inside the room as I wake up. Not
completely dark because there outside lights illuminating
inside.
I take my phone and find it is after Eight, I've slept that long!

I stretch my body and get off the bed.

I find him seated on the ground, in the lounge.
The lights are off.
"When did you get back?"
I stand next to him, glaring down.
Alcohol hit my nostrils
"I'm not sure, I love you swiladi. My heart"
He is drunk!
His voice says it all.
I'm thrown in shock for a second, I've never seen him drunk.

I switch the light on and..

He is still drinking.
His face looks up and he stares at me walking back to him. His
eyes are just dull
I grab the coffee table and seat on it before him
"My heart will go oon and on. Tututuuuu…."
He is singing!
Is this even real?
Yeah it is

"Zabelo give me that bottle. You can't be drinking at this time

of the night"
He burps and kiss the bottle
"In 35 years of my long life I've never seen such a faithful
friend. You are so faithful, you give me comfort when no one
else can. You don't judge me or betray me, you love me as
wounded as I am. You never abandon me like my own
mother.."
He burps and laughs softly..
I have a bad feeling about this whole ordeal.
He is talking to a bottle of scotch.. It is in half.

"Sometimes I even wonder who created me because it can't be

God. Maybe.. Maybe.. It's Satan.. Thee Devil with horns"
He loudly says, brushing the bottle.
"Zabelo.."
I don't even know what to say
I hope he won't protest, so I gently take the bottle I half scream
when he swiftly grabs me and I land on him and we both fall on
the ground.. I hear the bottle shattering on the ground..

Great!
I try to get up but he grabs me and I bump on his chest. He hold
me tight
The floor is utterly cold!

"Zabelo, let me go"

He is so strong as I try to wiggle away..
Sigh!

"I love you.. I love you.. I love you"

He sings these words for as long as he can.
I'm getting tired and annoyed right now
When he stops it is way too silence
"I'm in pain.."
He suddenly says and burps. His voice very low
"I've never been the lucky one. My own mother abaonded me,
my father died and I lost my two children in a space of a week.
TWO.."
"Zab.."
"Do you know how painful that is?"
His pained voice is cutting deep.
I look up, his eyes are glittering with tears..
OH God!

"It is not enough that God took the only parent I have, he had
to take my sweet innocent bab…"
I put my hand on his face as his wobbly voice breaks..
My heart is heavy.. I feel my own tears stinging
"You will be fine, sthandwa sam. I am here"
I tell him and perk his lips
Have I been so absorbed in my own pain that I couldn't even
realise that he is also suffering.
He lost two children, I've never even asked him how he really is.
Never cared to even think of his feelings too. Instead I just
focused on me, they say the drunk person can be very honest
and sincere. He is telling me what he didn't tell me while sober.
"Please don't leave me again, I swear I will kill myself if you
do.."
I hate what he is saying, I hate death but I remain calm

"I won't"
"Thank you.. Thank you MaFuze"
"Let's go to bed. We can't sleep here, it is cold"
He let me go and I helped his heavy self to stand.
He is stumbling until we reach the bed. He throws his body and
lies in a vertical position, his feet dangling on air. I try to put
him in place and take off his shoes
"I love you. But I hate my mother. Can you believe that she is a
lier. She is always using me for money. Please fight for me
baby.. Fight her for me…"
I'm trying so hard to Ignore the mother part. I need him to be
sober so we can talk about this matter.
For now I kiss his cheek and order him to sleep.
It takes a minute and he snores like crazy..
It's going to be a long night.

I woke up with a heavy heart and left Zabelo softly snoring. He

has never slept this long before.

It is after Seven in the morning. I only washed my face and

brushed my teeth then got bored in the kitchen making
breakfast.
There are few things here and there, though it is not a full
house. Eggs, vienass, fish fingers and nothing else..

I'm done, I'm busy washing the frying pan when I hear striking
footsteps coming towards the kitchen.. “I’m never letting you
out of this house” his voice is too husky as he says, hugging me
from behind, I don’t miss a strong hypnotising cologne of his.
He has bathed? “You smell good, Sthandwa sam” I say and turn
to him. He is indeed clean and actually wearing a suit.. I fix a tie,
its tradition even if there’s no fixing needed.. “thank you
MaFuze
what do we have for breakfast?” “sit down and let me take care
of you”
He smiles, for a moment I drool at the glimpse of a handsome
man I fell in love with.
"Are you going somewhere?" I ask, glancing shortly as I dish up
our lazy breakfast and hand him his “ngiyabonga
mashiyamahle" now it's my turn to smile.
"I'm trying to seal a certain deal. I'll tell you all about it when
I'm sure it is happening. For now just pray for me"
I'm going to wait until he is done eating, then I'll address the big
elephant.

He is done in no time and asks for another. I didn't make much

so I just handed him mine. I'm not hungry

“you have a big appetite

today, for someone who was drunk just yesterday” “Everything
in me is big.. like really really big.” he says, emphasises with his
eyes
I'm lost for a while then it hits me..
“Zabelo, you are so dirty” he is playful today
" I’m just waiting for a certain day to tear somebody’s vagina
until they scream out all my clan names” what… The.. Hell
He stares at me as I feel hot and affected..
"You are stupid"
He is now laughing, I'm glad I still make him laugh
His phone rings in the bedroom, he walks away and I begin the
dishes

When I'm done I head to the lounge and wait for him
"Come here" I say just as he returns. He sits next to me on the L
shaped huge cream white sofa.
I sit on him, my legs spread on his sides.
Of course his hands quickly rest on my cheek bums, squeezing
softly.

I perk his lips, circling my arms around his neck. He quickly pulls
me to him and kisses me, deepening the kiss until I feel my
body coming to life
I'm breathless when we stop, just closely staring at each other.
"I'm sorry Zabelo"
I tell him gently
"About what?"
"Your children that you lost"
I feel him tensing up, looking down.
"How are you?"
I ask gently
He says nothing..
"I know I've never asked how losing two parts of you affected
you. I am sincerely sorry for that. This is me now, showing you
that I care and that I am here. I might not say it everyday but I
love you, I'll always love you. So please, share your pain with
me. How are you, Zabelo Magwaza? "

"I'm getting there" he says and sigh heavily

I lie on his chest and hold him
"I can't explain the pain I'm in. But I'm in pain. That's all I know"
His voice is pained as he says
"We will get through this, together"
One heavy topic at a time. We will talk about the mother after
this
….

Zabelo dropped me off at the flat and I bumped into Jacky who
has been crucifying me about not meeting Teekay as promised.
"I told you I was on a date with Zabelo njena."
I say as I open the door
He follows me inside
"The least you could have done is to call and let him know, I
know from experience that a dick can make any sane person
lose their mind, especially after two months of being sexually
starved. I wouldn't survive that long wit… Ahem
Let me dash. I'll see you around"
He quickly leaves me on a confused state
How did he know about my two months' lack of sex. We've
never talked to that level, we just met.

By the time I get out he is gone, that was strange.

I decide to call my mother, hearing her voice makes me sad
somehow. I need to go to Joburg since I'm still unemployed.
I'll see her for a day and then come back.
I sent a text message to Khanya letting her know.
I need to book a bus..
Zabelo and I are okay now so I can go back to Johannesburg..

After packing everything I call him and tell him about my

sudden visit.
"You are taking a bus?" he asks, as if offended somehow
"Yes, it's cheaper "
" Don't insult me Funeka".. Am I missing something?
"You can't be serious right now." he adds, angry from what I'm
sensing
"Why are you angry??"
"don't ask me stupid questions. Just pack everything you'll
need. I'll be there in less than an hour then we can leave.."
He is telling me..
My heart is having a party with my lungs, the liver is deejaying.
But I keep my composure
"You don't have to baby" a girl can pretend not to be in need
sometimes, for control
"Of Course I have to. I don't want any nigga talking to you all
the way to Gauteng sharing crazy jokes with my girlfriend."
Really now
"You do realise that I talk to at least 20 men a day, 100 a week,
200 a…"
"I'll be there in a second.."
He quickly interjects then hangs up..
Seriously?

When I'm satisfied with the packing I get inside the shower. I'm
in the middle of bathing when a hard knock comes through..
Who could it be?
They will have to wait, whoever they are. I'm busy
When I'm done I wrap a towel around my waist.
Heading out I almost faint!
Zabelo is seated on the bed.. In the bedroom
I know I didn't lock but really?
"You can't just budge in, this isn't my space Zabelo. Please
respect Khanya's flat. "
I'm angry and he should see it
I join him and bed and glare at him waiting for an apology
folding my arms across my chest
“Are you sure you can’t postpone this trip?” he asks unhappily.
Seriously, I give him a bored look. This man is just crazy

"“postpone to what day exactly?" “I don’t know, postpone it to

not today, or tomorrow…or the day after that, and the day
after that and the one after and after to never..” I quickly laugh
when his strong hands unexpectedly tickles my tummy causing
my body to fall back on the bed
I take his hands and stop him
“I'm too old for this. you gonna kill me Zabelo!" he laughs too
as I breathlessly utter “Are you trying to kill me? ” I ask smiling
looking up at his relaxed face “How can I kill such a beautiful,
gorgeous, pretty, loving woman.” he starts tickling me again I
swear this man Is gonna be the death of me
I kick him and I mistakenly hit his balls..
He screams in pain..
I can't help but laugh at him. He started it I'm not at fault here
"MaFuze you can kick anything but this. This is a pleasure pipe,
without it you are nothing.."
He is caging me under him…
“ave umuhle kodwa MaFuze, you are beautiful”
His soft voice says. Tingles fills up my tummy
I feel his hot breath tickling my face “I love you ..” I say.
He instantly attacks my lips with a heated kiss.
His hands are running all over my body leaving a
burning sensation

A crazy idea just came to my mind as we stopped kissing. My

hands travel down to the so-called pleasure pipe.
"what are you trying to young lady? ” he quickly tenses up as he
realise what I'm trying to do
“ask no questions Mr Magwaza and let me do my job” I say
seductively as my hands slowly start massaging, he softly groan
closing his eyes
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FORTY FOUR

FUNEKA

"FUNEI NEI!!! FUNEKA!"

A yelling, deep and ear cracking voice has my heart in terror
and shock
The hell?
I wish I could drill Mongezi right now for budging in my room
only to scream.
Ntsika follows and Mazisi at last
Is this an ambush?
That is exactly what woke me from a deep sleep.
We arrived around 2 O’clock at dawn in Gauteng, Ncane waited
until I arrived. It's like she didn’t sleep at all. Zabelo However
refused to get inside, he dropped me just outside and left.
My mom was fast asleep so I headed to my room and hit the
pillow… until now

They are all giving me a toothy grin.

"Hi MaNgcobo"
They chant in unison.
I'm annoyed to the core as I sit up yawning.
"Is this a gang up or what?" I half yell brushing my eyes to
remove the heaviness off
"We came in peace, harmony and love dear sister" the most
hypocritical brother responds.
Ntsika is holding a tray full of a mouth watering breakfast,
Mazisi holding a cup of something.. Coffee maybe because it is
hot.
Mongezi is holding flowers…
Really?
"Is it my birthday?"
I'm kinda thrown in a state of confusion

"Here is a panty dropping breakfast my sister, made by your

only handsome brother in this house. Who loves and
appreciates you. I love you sisi" His voice is laced with warmth
as he gently says. He perks my forehead and gives me the tray.
My stomach instantly rumbles as the tray rest on my thighs
"Nstika" I'm speechless
I can't explain the feelings but I'm in a bubble right now
Anger has long left my system

"Move along Mr 'only handsome brother' it's my chance now"

Mongezi interjects while pushing Ntsika away from me.
"You are just jealous because I look like a model while you look
like a serial killer, evil brother"
A quick hard slap lands on the back of his head and he cries
abuse.. Jesus
It is so noisy
"This was the last month I gave you my money you ungrateful
piece of shit!" that's Mongezi spitting.
"Come on my beautiful brother I was just joking. I still need
your money" Ntsika begs. This is funny. I take a piece of fish
finger and throw it in my mouth
"You mean my hard earned money that I got from slicing
people's organs out, you know since I'm a serial killer"
"Sorry…"
"Okay! Since you two are behaving like hooligans, let me give
my beautiful sister a hot Cuppa chino specifically made from my
own secret recipes. Please sip on this coffee and relax, you
deserve only the best sis. I love you"
He pinches my cheeks and says he can't kiss me like Ntsika did
because his lips have been to unholy places.. Damn him for
saying that.
coffee is put on the tray and this time a wide green rest on my
face
"Thank you tle bhuti"
Am I dreaming?

"Funei nei! MaFuze ka khandakhulu" only Mongezi can call

Zabelo khandakhulu.
"beautiful flowers for my beautiful sister. I missed you, I am
deeply sorry for not being there for you when you were going
through the most. I I should have been there, I should have
broken Zabelo's Jaws. I should have held your hand when you
lost my nephew. You are our sister in this family, the least we
could have done was to show how appreciated and loved you
are"'
He hands me the flowers and holds my shoulder.
I did not expect this at all. My cheeks are burning, with the
amount of smiling I might not be able to return back to my
normal face
"This is me saying happy Valentine's my sister" only he can say
that to me. Valentine in May!

"Fool" Ntsika mumbles and earns himself a kick on his butts..

Ntsika returns a kick
"God please stop behaving like monkeys for once!" Mazisi
sternly says. They stop instantly. "Anyway, what we are trying
to say is that we need you here. We love you, we don't want
you to live miles away from your family. We don't want you to
be alone while we are still alive"
Mazisi adds..
Gone are the playful crazy brothers..
I'm looking at their adorable faces right now.
"Aw, I could hug you right now. Thank you, I appreciate this. I
feel so good and I don't even know why Ntsika didn't capture
this moment because I'd love to keep it forever…"
I should be shedding a few tears but naa. Not me. I don't cry
when I'm happy
"This is the part where we say ncoo" That's Ntsika, the twins
simultaneously click their tongues
"Voetsek wena!"
"Welcome back sis" they all say and head out except Ntsika
who joins me in bed and eats my breakfast..
"so I met this girl.."
He take a huge bite of my half cooked egg and I quickly hit his
hand
"Not my welcome home breakfast!"
"Hawu, ukhulumel ukudla Funeka.."
Why did I come here again?
The moment I step out of my bedroom It feels like I have been
away from this house for more than two months. I put
everything on the sink and jog to my mother's bedroom and
budge in.
She is still fast asleep.
There are pills on the pedestal.
The thought of losing her flooded my mind.
It hurt, I hate to even imagine a life without this woman

"Funeka" she says in a low voice.

I guess I woke her
I get in bed and greet her.
It is showing on her face that she's not well, but her wide smile
makes me forget the awful feelings and focus on this moment.
I'm too gullible sometimes, I should have just sat at home
instead of looking for a job. Even though she doesn't like the
idea of leaving me jobless but being here now reminds me that
some day I'll have a job but not her. She won't be around for
long so I might as well capture each moment with my mom
"You are fighting your own thoughts. What's bothering you
Fuze ka mama?"
She's looking closely in my eyes
"Will I be wrong if I stop looking for a job and look after you
myself. I mean it's not like I'm struggling and stuff. I can still
take care of us, I can even ask for my job back so I can just
spend my time here, with you and sleep by your side. Always"
She smiles, revealing her beautiful set of teeths

"You want me to believe that you will not run to that boy's
house some days and come back in the morning.."
What!

"Mama! I haven't spoken to Zabelo in ages"

Of course I'm going to lie. He is not on good books in my mom's
heart. I cried until I told her what he did and that was the last
nail. She never liked Zabelo to begin with

"I don't believe you. Anyway I don't want you stopping your life
to look after me. The main reason for me to bring you here was
for you to find a job. Instead you found a man who broke you,
made you lose your child and left you for another woman"
Jesus intervene. Is she sick even on the brain?
"Where did you come up with such a strange idea? I didn't
miscarry because of Zabelo, I drank too much and lost the bad I
had no idea I was carrying. And Zabelo did not leave me,
Mandisa was just throwing herself at him and he loves me"
She looks at me for a good minute, disapproving of my
comment. Then she sits up straight and I do the same.

"You were pregnant, that was wrong to begin with. You left
here broken because of that man. You didn't want to ever
return here because this place reminded you of the horrible
things he brought into your life. The way I see it, you lost your
way the moment you allowed that man into your life and the
only reason you are here is is because you fixed things with
him. I'm pretty sure he drove you here"
I sigh heavily
"Zabelo is not that bad mama. He is a good man and he loves
me. It just that he has lost so much and have little support
system. Do you know that his mother doesn't support or show
him love" I'm rooting for my man here
"Don't tell me stupid things Funeka. That man is a hurricane
that brings terror and disaster
, as long as you are with him nothing will go right in your life.
You will always have breakdowns and heartbreak. I'm sad that
one day I won't be here to whip you back to your senses.."
That's it. I rest my case
She is hurting my feelings right now. I didn't come here for this

"The Bible says thou shall give son in law a chance for he is a
gift from God" she cracks up and her sound of laughter fills up
my ears
"Care to tell me which verse is that?"
"Jeremiah 30 verse 21. It goes on and reads, thau shall forgive
and forget about the past"
She is still finding me funny
I should consider being a Comedian. I'm doing a great job
She is breathless as she stops laughing
"Take my Bible over there so I can teach you real verses, not
these faked one suiting your own agenda"
I get up and grab the Bible and goes back to my spot
"This Bible will be yours one day, you should familiarise yourself
with it"
There you have it Funeka. Your legacy, what a life I'm living.

During the day bab Ngcobo instructed mom and I to head

outside and we found a whole setup in the garden. It's like a
mini picnic
Difference is there is a huge bowl of fruit salad
Red wine
Fruit juice for my mom and not me.. Nope
There are salted caramel cupcakes and a carrot cake.
My mouth instantly waters

I'm surprised to see Nangamso and Pretty, and my father at the

same table. I greet and hug them then we begin the amazing
picnic.
KFC wings are here as well
Advertisement
and a full bucket of KFC pieces.
I was enjoying this until I asked for wine. Now everyone is
giving me a strange eye..
I'm above 18!
Anyway I'm glad I was welcomed so warmly, clearly I was
missed here.

After the beautiful day I stay on my phone. Zabelo hasn't called

me back. When I returned from outside I found about Seven of
his missed calls. Let me just call the man instead.
His phone drives me straight to voicemail.
My heart completely shuts down
I miss him now.. I didn't focus on him because I was busy but
now that I'm alone. I want to see him badly.
There's this heaviness seating on my chest, the longing desire
to see him just itches every part of me. I try him again.. And
again and…
Aarh!
Damn it!

My heart is aching and my mind is just thinking of him way too

much.
Oh kill me Baba osezulwini, God knew I'd be like this yet he still
allowed my path to cross with Zabelo. Now I'm shaking with
insecurities.
What if he is with Mandisa..
That alone has me requesting an Uber to his apartment right
away..
I tell my mom I'm seeing a friend. She gives me a long stern and
says nothing..
Sigh!

A while later the lift pings open and I find his apartment locked.
Tears instantly stings my eyes.
I try him one more time and still.. Voicemail..
I still remember where his house his. He said he finished the
house because of me
I guess that makes it my house too.
I request again. He might be there..
I'm definitely not going to the club, last time I ambushed him
like that things went south.
If I don't find him in that house then I'm going to ask for
Mandisa's address. He might be there.
The Uber drops me outside the gate.
It's not locked, which is a good but strange thing. I don't even
know why I came here, what if I bumped into a locked gate.
God knows how many orgasms he has given her.
I only gave him a blow and he didn't even initiate sex.

My head is in turmoil as I invite myself in. I don't even have

time to admire the house. I quickly head upstairs. With each
heavy step I feel like my lungs are clutched, I'm suffocating and
sweaty at the same time.
The door is tightly open.
"Aw.. Mandisa. You are soo good.."
My whole world comes crushing down..
My armpits are burning up and I can't bring myself to open the
door…
Wave of emotions attacks me..
He wouldn't.. Would he?
I'm here, frozen and salty sensation gracing my horrible face
until the door opens widely and I hear a loud gasp.
"OH God!!.. Uhm it's not what you think sis Funeka.."
Wait, I'm the sister.. What a downgrade
"Oh please, it's exactly what she thinks. It was nice having sex
with you Thami."
Okay this voice it too tiny to be Zabelo's
I wipe my tears and get the anger of my life instead of relief..

"Hey Funeka. Bye Funeka" she says and smile walking away
after giving me a sly smile
"Who are you?" I've never seen this face in my life. I'm more
focused on this yellow bone skinny, very tall boy before me.
"I'm Thami. Zabelo's brother. He hasn't been here in a while."
This doesn't make sense. And doesn't give him the right to do
this horrible unspeakable act.

I head downstairs with my spinning head and gulp the water I

find in the fridge.
I'm breathless.. I cried for nothing!
After what feels like forever he reaches the kitchen.
"I am really sorry, please don't tell my brother. It was a mistake
sis Funeka." I'm even surprised he knows me.
Zabelo has a brother that I've never heard of, he brought him
into what should have been our house and he slept with his ex,
not just any ex. Mandisa! They had sex in the same bed Zabelo
and I shared our intimate, first time moment. I'm gonna die
Yaze yayinun engafi nay ntombazane

"Do you realise that you slept with your brother's ex,his baby
mama, on our bed?"
My voice is low as I question him
He licks his lips. He is a cheesy boy with no manners. He is still
in boxers and stinks!
His phone rings in his hand and he hand it to me
I frown but he puts it in my ear.
I feel like a penguin compared to his height
"Helllo, are you there ngane yam?" It's the voice of a woman.
"Hi" I reluctantly reply
"This is Zabelo's mother. Don't tell him what Thami did. He will
be angry and throw us out. We still need him, I'm unemployed
and Thami is doing his driver's licence that Zabelo pays for.
Please my child, I'm still trying to fix things between us, this will
ruin my chances"
How… why?and…
"Okay" that's all I can say.

I'm gobsmacked.
She thanks and say she will be here soon
"How Many are you here? How long have you been living
here?"
I ask the tall one
He look young, maybe Nstika's age
Why is Mandisa sleeping with Zabelo's younger brother
"just the four of us, my mom and two sisters. It's been a month
and a few days since we arrived here"
Wow..
I request an Uber again!
This time I don't even know how to feel.
I know him and I just got back together but he should have
given me the heads up. He should have told me about his
family, about his mother that I still fail to understand her
situation with him
"wait. Mom might want to see you. Don't go just yet.."he says
as I head out
I turn and ask
" Who invited Mandisa here? "
" My mother did. She lost a child and she wanted to comfort
her."
I'm not going to like this woman
"And you saw it fit to sleep with her. A woman 10 years older
than you.. "
He chuckles
" She was struggling and I was trying to support her. And please
don't talk about age, you look like my brother's little sister"
My God.. This is the hurricane my mother talked about
"I'm going to tell your brother what you did"
I leave his rude ass looking spooked.
*****
By the time I reached home my phone was completely off.. I'm
in no mood to talk.
My mother's bedroom was locked so I just headed in my
bedroom and threw my heavy body on the bed..
I took a one minute shower and slept naked.. I haven't
unpacked and I had no energy to page through my suitcase
looking for pyjamas.

I'm in deep sleep when I feel a soft pat on me. I thought I was
dreaming until he calls me MaFuze.
Mxm!
I open my eyes and sit up, folding my amrs.

"wear something comfortable. We are leaving"

Now he is making things worse
"I'm not your wife Zabelo. And please respect this house. You
can't just budge in as you please"
I'm shouting so slowly. Everything in me wants to scream but I
can't do that
"Just wear something or I'll carry you without warning"
Duuu
"I'll scream if you do that. I'm not your puppet Zabelo you can't
just ignore me the whole day and come here unannounced
barking out orders.."
The lights are on so I can clearly see his stone-cold face being
replaced with anger

"Am I dog Funeka?"

Oh Jesu Nkosi
"Just leave. I'm not going anywhere with you"
I turn and lie on my side back facing him.
I'm feeling sleepiness slowly revisiting until I feel my body
floating on air..
What the actual f*ck
He is carrying me on his shoulders like I'm some sack of mealies
stolen from the neighbours garden.
Of course I won't scream, I'll cause more havoc and it hasn't
even been a full 24 hours since I returned..
What an intense drive..
When we park outside he actually remembers that I'm naked
and hands me his t-shirt after taking it off.
I can't handle this man, I can't.
We step inside his apartment
"You didn't tell me your family lives in our house. You didn't tell
me about your family to begin with, Zabelo! You know
everything about me yet I don't even know a single thing about
you and your family"
I'm screaming, he hates it but I don't care

"I called you seven times. Seven times and you didn't pick up. I
wanted us to meet so I can tell you but clearly you were too
busy to even talk to me"
"Ah mxm" it's too late. He heard me.
I need to pee if I am to face this man after what I just did.
I turn and walk away before he even grill me further.
I pee and wipe myself, wash my hands then splash my face with
water.
I feel a warm body pressing behind me..
A heavy breathing on my ear..
I feel cold air rushing through my veins when his dangling
member makes contact with my skin..
This isn't how I pictured our first time after reuniting

I stare at him in the mirror and quickly look away. His eyes gives
me cold shivers.
I close the tap and try to move but he completely blocked me
from even moving at all
He is pushing me down and my forehead land on the mirror
His knee spreads my legs apart.. Oh… No
I gasp softly
I'm exposed.. The shirt has gone up
One finger start rubbing my clit and I moan inwardly biting my
lip
I'm getting wet..
He stops and roughly plays with my titties.. ..
I feel his thing pressing hard on my clit and this time I fail to
hold it in..
The hand sink is slippery and it's getting hard to balance here.
How do they do this so easy in movies
"Aaah!.." he is all in. He just thrust in without warning and I feel
my body coming to life..
My legs are weakening as he gives me deep, fast strokes. I am a
qualifying candidate for an opera music audition with the way
I'm screaming.

He pulls out and drags me out of the bathroom. I'm thinking I'm
heading to bed only to be pushed down on the ground, chest
flatly down, my ass all out..
One finger is pushed inside and I moan
He pushes in again and I gasp, holding the fluffy carpet tight..
"Za… aa.." my voice sounds so pressed and faint as I cry out
feeling paralysed in unspeakable pleasure stabbing the spots
only reserved for him. He is too deep inside and I can't hold on
like this..
He moves faster, rougher.. With each stroke my senses fly out
the windows. His groans are fueling me.
He can do this position himself. I slumber on the floor on my
stomach and cry even more as my aroused clit hits the ground..
I'm deeply aroused and I can't help but feel every part of me
being squeezed
He doesn't let go, he is still giving me deep strokes.. I find
myself apologising as my muscles tighten, squeezing harder and
deeper he goes..
"oh…my hurricane" I whimper as an explosive orgasm hit me…
He is not going to let me go…
A RAY OF SUNSHINE
FORTY FIVE

FUNEKA

My hands are clutching on his shoulders, a throaty moan leaves

my mouth as he slowly positions himself inside me.
He is in fully, not moving and I feel like screaming
"Zab… please" His name is always too long when I'm under his
sexual spell
My back arches but he presses hard and I loudly moan
"MaFuze look at me” he commands deeply, encircling his hand
around me as if carrying a few hours old infant. My head is
resting on his strong arm

"Please don’t close your eyes”

His voice is laced in gentleness as he says.
Deep, measured full thrust begins tormenting me hitting every
corner.
I am a screamer but this moment just tucked my voice in
between my lungs
I'm softly crying in pleasure, my mouth gaping, his face veined
as he softly groans
Our eyes glued
He has me completely under his control.
He promised to be gentle and he is way too gentle, giving me
full, slower thrust as if I'm going to faint. Each stroke grips me
deep within and leave me paralyzed
"Za.. bel" it's a faint cry as the most intense emotions drives us
in the world of our own
My hips keep rising to meet his deep, slow and torturing
thrusts.
I literally hear the slippery sound our organs are making

Today he is making love to me, the connection is thick and

deep as we sink deep in the world of ecstasy, mourning in
pleasure.
His pace suddenly quickens and a loud unexpected moan leaves
my mouth
I feel it building in every inch of my body, squeezing all of me.
Eyes roll back, my toes curling as I let out yet another loud
moan exploding and trembling beneath him.
I feel him tightening and groaning on top of me..

We stay in this position, breathless and sweaty

A fallen soldier is still buried in me.
He slowly looks at me and our lips meet
and we get lost in the hot steamy kiss that has both of us
wheezing.
We stop and I put my hands on his face and stare at him
"I love you too Magwaza" I tell him and my heart just float in
joy and happiness
He smiles, this time his eyes sparkle and I know I just made him
happy

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I was a bit rough" he says, brushing

my face. I'm still beneath him, and he hasn't pulled out
"A bit?" I ask, my voice frail
"Okay, maybe not a bit" he laughs softly and I join him
"Please pull out. I'm exhausted" he laughs, then pulls out. He
wipes me clean after taking the first thing his hands find, It is
his boxer.. Ew Zabelo though

I'm laying on his chest listening his heartbeat

It's morning already. And time to address the huge elephant
"my mother never wanted me."
He starts, my heart begin racing
"There is no hard story behind, she just looked at the setback I
might be in her life and decided to drop me on my father's
doorstep, that's what my father said. When my father was
killed Ngcobo took me under his wing, but Nstika's mother
came along the way and mothered me
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Mongezi and Mazisi. She's the closest thing I have to a mother.
"
I listen attentively and says no words.
"When I was old enough Ngcobo took me to her and
introduced me, her words were 'wow you have grown. I
thought you'd never make it without that father of yours'"
He chuckles, there is evident pain in his voice
"She knew my father died but she never came to check on me.
As if that wasn't enough she told me to live my life the way I
see fit, she's not going to be part of it. She has her own family.
Because I was desperate for her love I kept in contact with her
and her other children. I'll call and ask to speak to her children
and she wouldn't mind. Even when she asks for huge amount or
money I give her because at least I get to talk to her…"

"I love her MaFuze and I so long for her to love and see me
back as his son" His voice trembles and I feel my heart getting
heavier

This is heartbreaking. He longs for a woman who's not willing to

meet him halfway
"they came here a month ago I think, they were coming to see
how I was after I… lost my child. They've never left ever since.
I'm okay that they are here, I want them here. "...
This is deeper than me.
But I'm glad he told me. I hug him and tell him I love and
appreciate him in my life. I promise not to leave his side. Zabelo
might look like a stone cold on the outside but inside is a little
boy who still longs for his mother's love.
"I think she is trying" he still has hope.
I don't trust her mother after so many years of not caring but I
let it slide for now
He goes on and tell me about his siblings, Thami, Siziwe and
Pearl. Thami is 22 years old while Pearl is 20 and Siziwe is 19.
His phone rings under the pillow. He takes it and answers. I feel
him tensing up and wonder what's going on
He clicks his tongue, throws the phone on the bed and stands
up heading to the closet..
He is busy searching for clothes I think. When he is fully dressed
I charge towards him, he puts something I can't make off
behind him and pushes down his hoodie.
I'm in awe.
"Zabelo. What's going on?" I ask him, splashing my nakedness
in the open as I head to him

"Nx! Thami threw a party in my house! My fuckin house!"

Jesus! My blood sky rocketed instantly
"I knew that he was bad news when he had sex with Mandisa
on our bed…."
It is too late to take back my words..
He is grilling me with his gaze
"I was going to tell you…"
"when?" he questions too soon and I gulp
"well, I was angry. I was going to tell you I swear.."
"We'll talk about this later. I need to teach that boy a lesson"
He is heading for the door . I quickly takes a huge hoodie in his
closet and put it on. I'm not staying behind.

It takes just a few minutes for us to drive inside his house. He

was speeding, I kept on praying that we don't die along the
way.
The gate was wide open. I doubt they bother even closing the
gate anymore because I was here yesterday and it wasn't
locked either.
He parks in the middle of the yard and head out.
I follow like a puppy, running after him.
He budges in, no knocking and yeap..
Beziwa la!
Things were happening..
There are bottles everywhere, teenage girls and boys scattered
around, sleeping.
He takes something from his back..
I'm still in shock when it goes of twice bursting my ears.
He had a gun! I didn't know and how did I not notice..

It takes a nanosecond for every one to rush out in speed

carrying their things…
He ascends the stairs in speed and I run after him once more..
This boy is full of himself.
He is fast asleep in our bed, after such noise.
He drags him and pin him on the wall
"ah… B… BhBhut. You are here
.."
He is stummering, one hard slap has him screaming for his
mother who appears on the door in speed.
"Ungjwalezo uban boy? Am I your mate?"
"NO! YOU ARE KILLING MY CHILD! PLEASE LET GO OF HIM!!"
Yeap the mother is a hypocrite..
He let him go after kicking him on the balls

I wish I had my phone with me.

As angry as he was, I had to ask that we pass by the shops so he
could get me presentable clothes and a morning after… The
hard gaze I got after mentioning that will be the death of me

He drops me at home, in the yard and leaves. I'm in a long dress

at least
Though this is my first and last time wearing this, now I know I'll
never ask Zabelo to buy clothes for me
He sucks, this dress can fit for 50's birthday parties.
Luckily the kitchen is empty, I quickly rush to my bedroom and
straight in the shower.
I've started again, sneaking in and out.. Zabelo drives me crazy

After the shower I look for my mother and find her reading a
Bible.
She smiles when she sees me, I breathe in relief and join her.
Spending time with her is why I'm here in the first place
I'm happy

A while later I get back to my bedroom and switch my phone

on. Messages flood in, one number catches my attention.
I quickly call, a woman speaking fluent English picks up and I
introduce myself and say I saw the number..it's the private
practice that called me for a second interview. Apparently they
wanted me yesterday and they called another candidate
because I was not available…
Why didn't they call Mazisi like the last time?
I'm in tears.. What have I done?
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

*UNEDITED**

FORTY SIX

FUNEKA

I slept early yesterday, my mind was in turmoil with the news I

got. It just made me hate myself for what I did. So foolsh to
switch my phone off knowing fully well I was expecting an
important call that would have changed my life for the better.

But waking up this morning, seeing my mother's face, I just

knew that I'm in the right place. Opportunities come and go, I'll
find something else. I take the laptop Zabelo bought for me and
head to my mother's room.
She's sleeping, she sleeps a lot, her life is slowly deteriorating
and I don't even know what to do to make it all go away.
I sit on the chair at the corner, connect the laptop to my phone
then begin applying.
This time I only do for opportunities around Johannesburg.

Applying is always draining, a while later I head to the kitchen

and make something to eat. There is something wrong with
Zabelo, he's never stayed this long without calling me. After
yesterday's events he was just so down and I let him be. I
thought he'd be fine, clearly I was wrong.

I'm busy snacking on a sandwich when the twins walk in, being
followed by Zabelo and Ntsika.
My heart suddenly swims in nervousness and tingles at once.
I haven't shared a space with Zabelo and my brothers in a long
while and I'm not sure how to behave. A part of me is relieved
that he is okay.

Mongezi quickly snatches my sandwich and shoves it all down

his stupid throat. He swallow and rest his heavy hands on my
shoulders
"Mubiza, you are so tense. When was the last time you got a
massage? " He just called me ugly in front of my man. Zabelo is
sharing a soft laugh.
"Stop doing that!" I scream and he laughs, removing his hands..
Jesus
"When was the last time you got a massage?" Zabelo repeats
the question for him, a sly smile resting on his face. I almost
cough as I remember the torturous massage Zabelo gave me
and denied me an orgasm. I'm definitely blue ticking this
question

"Why are you all here? Aren't you supposed to be working?" it's
day time, that's why I'm asking
They stare at me, expecting an answer. Ntsika has stopped
what he was doing in the fridge, Zabelo is seated opposite me
while Mongezi is standing behind me and Mazisi settled next to
me
" Why are you here? Don't look at me like that."
"We are going on a family date. Go and get your mother ready"
Mazisi says.
That brings a smile to my face.
I thought they were being crazy as always only to get the
happiest day of my life.
We are seated at a restaurant savouring on a mouth watering
dish, mom couldn't make it. She said she didn't feel like going
out.
It's just me and my three brothers. I thought Zabelo would be
here too but I guess he drove in a different direction.

I would have loved for Nangamso to be here too but she is

studying and has no time to mingle all the time.
"Mubiza" not again!
"What?" I half yell. He doesn't seem affected at all
"Do you really love lomnyamana wakho?" OH wow. Sometimes
I wonder if he didn't hit his head while young
"he is not mnyamana , just rich in melanin" I defend my man
and they are laughing at me
"Doesn't he scare you at night?" he adds, Ntsika and Mazisi
laugh even more.
"So you brought me here just to make fun of me?" I'm hurting,
he brushes my head and says I should stay away from dark men
because they dance with the evil

"And you dance with Jesus because you are a mellow yellow"
they all stop laughing. So I hit a nerve
"We are not mellow yellow, we are just blessed with a human
skin"
Devil sent them to me, I swear
"and we don't scare the kids, they run to us when they see our
face" Mazisi as well
"You are annoying, bloody yellow bones"

I had fun today, as much as these barbarians are full of stupid

jokes I enjoy spending time with them. I brought my mother a
take away and told her that I was seeing Nangamso.
She saw my whatsapp status and wanted us to have a night
out, I'm not busy so I agreed.
It's after six as the Uber drops me outside Zabelo's club. She
wanted to be here
if I happen to vanish then it's on her and not me.
I make my way in and find myself a table with two chairs. I text
her letting her know I've arrived. It's quite crowded but the
music isn't loud.
I'm busy on my phone talking to Khanya when some chick drags
the chair reserved for her
"Hey, that seat is taken" I say, standing on my feet
"Taken by who?" She's rude, I see. The first thing I notice is her
pink dyed hair. She's light and taller. But I can take her on
"That's none of your business. Put that down pinky pinky"
She is under shock for a while and then charges
towards me.
"What did you call me?" Oh God! I take back my words. I can't
take her
"leave me alone please, I didn't come here to fight" I'm scared,
she's towering over me.
"You Jozi girls think you know it all. Guess what, I'll kick your
butt and mop these floors with you…"
"Pearl..what's going on here?"
His voice never confuses me.
He appears and frown, I didn't tell him I'm coming here
"Bhuti, it's this skank…"
"Voustek! this woman you just called skank is my wife,
uMaFuze lo"
She blinks her fake long eyelashes
"Is it her? Oh God, pictures don't do her justice. She's pretty. . I
didn't see her bhuti I swear"
She says a bit gentle
Zabelo orders her to apologise and she does then walk away.

I'm tongue tied for a while.

"So, that was Pearl, your other sister ?" I just want him to
confirm
He encircles his arms around my waist bringing me closer and
lowers his face
My body does that reaction only he can get
"Kiss me" he says in my ears..
My cheeks are getting warm
"Zabelo just focus, who is she to you?"
"I said kiss me" he is stern this time.
I perk his lips but he holds my neck and kisses me deep.
"Don't worry about her, she is good and she loves you " he says
as we stop the kiss.
My heart drops, what a bad first impression
"MaFuze.."
I look at him and blow a heavy sigh
He sees my worry and I feel his hand on my exposed thighs,
that brings shivers.
I try to move away but his other hand remains strong on my
waist .
I'm wearing a tight, short blue dress which makes it easier for
him to slide his hand in between my thighs
" Zabelo.. just…We are surrounded by pe… oh" I throw my head
on his chest as he plays with my folds on top of my lacy thong
I want him to stop but I don't want him to stop..
"Do you want me to stop?"
He whispers in my ear, pushing my thong away, meeting my
flesh.
I feel him slipping in my folds, parting my cookie lips with two
fingers and finding my clit, rubbing it in small circles.
"Aa… Mmm '' I'm crying softly on his chest, feeling my knees
weakening , my body being pleasured in a place full of people..
"What a perfect match made in heaven!" screams Nangamso
behind me..
The hell!! Wrong timing

I've been grumpy, happy and crazy since Nangamso disturbed

my session with Zabelo. We spent our time and parted ways.
I called Zabelo asking him to drive me home.
He comes a while later and drive me

I want to ask him about Thami's rude behaviour but just decide
against it. He is quiet.
When we reach the gate I kiss his cheek
He smiled shaking his head
"Thank you for the ride. I love you" I say
He looks at me
"My mother cheated on her fiance and had me, then went back
to her fiance after dropping me like a refuse bag.."
He takes a box and gives it to me
"I know you won't cheat on me. I love you and I will marry you
MaFuze"
That has my heart dancing and rejoicing
I get out and so does he

"come, let me say goodnight like a husband to his wife" he says

I put my hands on his chest as he slides his hand around my
neck and he kisses me.
The kiss is intense, full of dominance and deep emotions and
end with him hugging me tight saying that he loves me
I feel like staying in his arms like this but I have to go.

I throw my body on the bed and open the box thinking it's a
necklace or earrings but I feel my blood vessels drying up..
It's a ring!
Was he proposing?
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FORTY SEVEN

I'm literally pacing up and down with my gift box in my hand.

I've put back the ring, but my brain can't rest. So many
questions are pushing their way in and my head is spinning..
My heart on the other and is on an unending race, my hands
are just sweating.
What if he really was proposing?
I'd definitely say yes..
I can imagine myself walking down the aisle, in a white wedding
dress and looking at him at the alter waiting for me..
He would look so good In a white tuxedo, I can just see his dark
shade skin popping about and shinning just for me…
Okay let me hold my horses..

I'm calling Khanya, I can't be going crazy alone.

She picks up just when I'm about to give up
"Did you see the time Funeka?" she asks, clearly irritated
"Zabelo proposed! Well I think he did" I half scream, a wide
smile finding it's way on my lips spreading all over my face. I'm
suddenly on cloud nine
"Yeeeeess! Oh my God!!!.... No wait.. Did he propose or you
think he proposed?"
Her voice is a bit strong now. I think she's fully awake
"I think he did. He gave me a ring" I say and look at the box in
my hand
"Did he go down his knee and pop the question?"
Now she is dropping my spirit
"No. He gave me the ring." I snap
"and said what? Nothing"
Mxm..
"Well, he said he is going to marry me."
I tell her
"But did he ask you? Or he just gave you the ring?"
Why is she suddenly a detective. My man gave me a ring, isn't
that enough
"He didn't ask. We were.. Arh. Just sleep we'll talk in the
morning"
"I can't believe you disturbed my sleep for just a thought. I hate
you Funeka.." she angrily says and drop the call..
I blow a heavy sigh.. Feeling all worked up

Let me call Nangamso

"Is someone dying?" that's the first question she ask, she's
angry too.
"No…"
"Is the world ending? Are we being attacked by the Boko
Haram or something?"
What…
"No.."
"THEN WHY DID YOU DISTURB MY BEAUTY SLEEP FOR
NOTHING! I WAS CLOSE TO BECOMING A MILLIONAR, THIS
CLOSE TO WINNING A LOTTO!"
I've even moved my cellphone from my ear, her sudden
outburst is cracking my eardrums..
"Zabelo proposed" I tell her.
She is quite for a while..
Then a worse, bursting scream follows. I'm sure everyone is
awake wherever she is
"Wooow. So how did he do it? In a hotel room after you left or
maybe in his room decorated with rose petals and all the
whitey shit. You lucky bustard!"
She's rumbling, totally and I'm about to burst her bubble
"He didn't do all that. He gave me a ring"
It is coming.. Oh God
"And popped the question?"
Aarh,!
"No, , he just gave me the ring" I say a bit frustrated
"And said what?"
"Nothing. Well, not in so many words but..he gave me a ring so
I know he wants to marry me"
God I'm messed up

"For all we know he might have given you the wrong box. These
men can buy a gift and not even bother checking inside, maybe
they made a mistake at the shop. How do you know he was
proposing marriage without him asking?"
I drag my crushed body to the bed
"it's a hunch. I just know"
"Yehhen bawo, yeka ukulunga kwam. She woke me just for a
hunch. Funeka do you realise that we parted ways after 12 and
I just slept like few minutes ago. And here you are disturbing
me for a mere hunch. Apologise to me right now.."
She's scolding me for real.
"I apologize"
"F#ck you mdidi wakho" and she drops the call.
Amen..
My phone beeps…
Its a text message from Zabelo
**Sweet dreams MaFuze, I love you mkami. I hope the gift fits
you perfectly. If you do not love it, let me know and we will
change it. You are loved my special person***
Where is the ring finger again?
He definitely wants to marry me…

I scream on the pillow and throw my feet in the air.. I can finally
put a face to happiness. It looks like this moment..
He smiled at me and sip the ring in my finger..
"You may kiss the bride" the pastor says
He lowers his face and…
"WAAAAH!"
I jump up screaming, my heart threatening to leap out.
That was a deep, scary yelling of my three idiotic brothers.
I'm on my feet, on my bed terrified and angry.
They are dying of laughter..
I should have locked the door.
Who wake someone up with such a scare, they are too old for
this

I slowly seat on my bed, tears forming in my eyes.

I almost had a heart attack, my heart is racing and they are
mocking me
"come on sis, we were just joking" Mongezi says as he sees my
teary face. Now they all look concerned
"Leave my room" I softly say, stifling a loud cry. I was close to
getting my kiss, Zabelo and I were getting married and they
ruined it..
"Okay, we are so…"
"LEAVE MY BEDROOM!"
They freeze at my outburst..

It takes no time for bab Ngcobo to rush in my room looking

spooked
He sees my tears before I even wipe them
"What's going on here? What have you done to my princess
you chicken heads?" yemama, did he just called them chicken
head..
"They scared me, I was peacefully sleeping and they screamed
on my ears and laughed about it. I almost died of a heart attack
baba"
His face wears a deep frown as he looks at them one by one
"Are you crazy? Three grown men attacking a young vulnerable
girl. I'm so disappointed in you" I fold my amrs as a smile form
on my lips
"Hhay baba, now you are putting it as if we are thugs. We didn't
attack her" Mongezi has a loud mouth
"aren't you the one who budged in her room without being told
and woke her in a scream. A scream? Are you suddenly babies.
Should I buy nappies and purity?" I love bab Ngcobo
Their grumpy faces, priceless
They mumble in annoyance until baba kick them out and seat
next to me.

He put his hand around my shoulders and ask how my night

was
"it was okay, I slept like a baby until your son's disturbed me"
he is laughing
"Do you want me to shoot them?"
He ask
"I want you to make them clean the garden, the pool. Wash all
the cars in the garage and cook supper.."
Now that's the best punishment
"consider it done MaNgcobo"
We share a look and simultaneously burst in laughter.. This is
going to be a good day
There is that something about bab Ngcobo. His presence warms
me in a way I can't explain. Even with my biological father, I
don't get this feeling
"What's that?" he suddenly ask, staring at my ring.. Flip!
"aaa..this thing. It's just a ring. I bought it"
I just lied, he looks at me. Not smiling.
I feel myself getting nervous

"Why?" tjo
"I just wanted to spoil myself you know" I stupidly say. Jesus,
who spoils themselves with a ring
"You decided to spoil your self with a ring worth 20k or more.
That's a real diamond" ZABELO DAMN HIM!
If I ever had superpowers. Now is the time for them to
manifest. I want to vanish into thin air
I flang my nose and blink looking away
"We maNgcobo ka baba, who gave you this ring?" His face is no
longer tender like few minutes ago. His voice is stern and the
child in me is forced to obey
"Zabelo gave it to me" my voice is low as I respond
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playing wit my pygama top
"eehee. I've been way too good on this boy. I've been watching
him taking you any day, any time he wants. It's time to pay him
a visit, man to man. He has decided that he is no longer my son,
udla esbayen nj sam mahhala" he stands up and walks out..
I need to warn Zabelo, where is my phone
"MaNgcobo!" I almost jump as he shouts my name. He appears
on my door
"Can you lend me your phone. I need something".. What…
I hesistently hand him and watch as he dissappears with it .
There was a thin smile on his face when I handed him.
Did he do this on purpose?

How will I warn Zabelo now. I can't even reply to his message
that he sent last night. Maybe if I can go to his place
"MaNgcobo!!" not again!
I get off the bed and meet him halfway
"I'm about to go to work, get yourself ready. I'm going with
you"
Look at the devil , blocking my success..
"Yebo baba" I smile, while my heart is itching. Damn this old
man.. Nx

Mazisii is the CEO yet baba hasn't retired fully. He still comes to
work when he feels like it and today he dragged me with him.
And no I'm not at the office.
Its midday, my body feels so exhausted as if I've been hit by a
train.
I have been cleaning and mopping the truck containers with
some guys here. Baba dropped me off and said something
about an urgent meeting. My gut told me an urgent meeting
was Zabelo.. My poor man.
He told me to wear white only, I put my best white ankle grazer
with my heels and white top.
Right now I Iook like I just ran through the mud, He was just
punishing me I think
Where are my heels?
I have no idea
"Now we are on lunch boss lady, take a break" says some guy
who's name didn't stick. I nod my head and stretch my body.
My waist is on fire
I hear his laugher before he appears and he laughed even more
when he sees me..
Bab Ngcobo never loved me I swear
"aren't you the most beautiful thing
right now" he is mocking me, I'm sucking as I move towards
him. These containers are high hence he helps me down and
hand me my phone
"You are done for the day ntombi yam. Again tomorrow, Same
time, same place…" am I dreaming?
A call comes through as I'm about to respond.

It's Zabelo. I give him a look, he is now chatting away with his
workers.
I move further away and pick up
"Sis please come to the hospital,it's Zabelo…"
I feel the spirit leaving my body..
After I got a text of the address to the hospital from Thami I
quickly requested an Uber to the hospital. I tell him when Ive
arrived and he takes me to him.
Surprisingly he is on his feet shouting at a doctor
He can't even see me
"Sir, as I've said your injuries are serious. I'm keeping you for
the night for observation…"
"Observation yamasimba! I'm not spending a night here. I'm
leaving, these are just scratches nothing major. I'm a man not a
sissy, scratches don't scare me"
He is angry, the poor Indian woman is trying to explain but he
hears none of it. Its always the Indians facing the crazy black
man
I clear my throat
"Zabelo" he quickly turns..
My God!.

I'm up in his face in a second, his face is bruised, lip broken. He

flinch as I touch his tummy. He can't stand properly..
"What happened to you,take a rest on the bed"
The way I've been having an increased heart rate, I'm scared I
might actually get a heart attack for real this time
"I'm fine, these are just scratches.."
Zabelo is crazy if he thinks I'm allowing this
"Magwaza, these are not just scratches. Please sit down
sthandwa sam and let me look" I politely say. The Indian is still
irritated, looking at us
A proud smile rest on his face and he peck my face

"my wife has spoken. I love you Funeka Magwaza" I think these
injuries are messing with his head
Thami is laughing behind me
I'm glad he called me
He lies on the bed and I raise up his top and gasp
His tummy is red as if received real blows…
"Zabelo, you are hurt" my voice is low as I say not even
knowing where to touch. He quickly takes my hand in his
"Where is the ring?" he ask, disregarding my question
The ring.. It's in my pocket. I took it off when I realised I was
joining the cleaning team
"It's in my pocket." I tell him
He frowns. God his face is swollen
"put it back on please."
I take it and give him
"You didn't ask properly, you didn't go down your knee so now
is the chance"
He is a bit confused
"Go down on your knees and ask her'will you marry me? 'that's
Thami interfering.
" But she is going to be my wife, I'm going to send my uncles to
hers and… "

"Tjoh bhuti, you are a hopeless case. Go down on your knees"

that's Thami again.
He obeys, flinch as he get up and go down his knee
I put out my finger and he slide the ring.. I'm seeing nothing
wrong, in my own bubble feeling tingles attacking my tummy
until Thami laughs
"God! You haven't asked a question bhuti!" he says
Oh..the question "You are my wife and I love you.." he says and
stand up.
He lowers his face and kiss me
"Tjo, you were supposed to ask and not tell her.." I hear Thami
saying behind me.
"auch..!"oh God. I've forgotten that his lip is busted..
" OH No. I'm sorry Magwaza" I say brushing his lips softly with
my thumb and even blowing for pain relief
Laughter erupts behind us..
Turning I find A light skinned woman with two girls, Pearl is one
of the girls I recognize her face..
Now I'm embarrassed, for kissing an injured man
The doctor shakes her head, now looking at me as if I'm mad.
She leaves after I promise her that Zabelo will spend the night

Damn baba for costing me a kiss

"Who did this to you?" the woman ask walking in. Her girls
following behind
"No one, I fell"
"Aibo, Zabelo" I exclaim, he is lying.
We are looking at each other, his stare is firm. He is shutting me
up
"MaFuze this is my family, family. Meet my wife" Haleluya
Mfundisi.
"What happened to you? Did you bath with mud?Where are
your shoes?" that's Pearl gawking at me up and down..
Until it hits me.
I'm still in my all white drantched, dirty clothes..
I'm never lucky these days am I?
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FORTY EIGHT

FUNEKA

I can't shake the strong resemblance between Siziwe and

Zabelo. She is dark in skin, like him.
While Thami and Pearl look exactly like their mother, mellow
yellow. Siziwe is shy or calm and reserved I'm not sure but she
is the only one who hasn't said anything else other than
greeting me and holding Zabelo's hand. I'm not complaining,
but I'm complaining because she is holding his hand and I'm
just here..

Literally here flapping my eyelashes as his mother does the

unexpected and breaks down.
Is it supposed to be this awkward to share a room with a
runaway mother in law.
I don't know if she is dramatic but she is crying, I can't help but
feel like skinning her alive.
She abandoned her child for many years and only cries for 3
minutes. The nerve of this woman
"Maka Thami, I'm fine"
And I've noticed that he refers to her as 'Maka Thami' only
"We almost lost you Zaza…"
Puking! That's exactly how I feel.
Puking on her curly weave and dragging her gorgeous self out
of here. She is crying because she almost lost a jackpot.
I'm just waiting for a day, just a day she will provoke me. So
help me God, I have no respect for a woman left Zabelo in the
cold, only to rejoice his money..
"I'm sorry we had to meet under such unfortunate events my
dear, I'm Nora. Nora Ndlanzi" she says, extending her hands for
a shake while wiping tears.. Fake tears.
Now I know why I never liked the Nora name
"Hi Maka Thami, I'm Funeka" I say, no smile whatsoever. We
shake hands like signing a cold deal. If Zabelo calls her mom
then I will, for now Maka Thami it is.
"He is lucky to have you in his life, you make him happy" it's a
genuine voice as she says, smiling with her eyes. This woman is
beautiful no doubt about that
"I'm the lucky one" that's my man's stern voice. I can't help but
share a soft laugh trying so hard to remain still
"Either way, I'm happy that my son is blessed with a woman
like you"
I thank her. What else can I say.

I'm close to ululating when they all head out following each
other , I'm still in my clothes of shame but who cares.
I'm with my man
"phew, I can finally breath in peace" he says, blowing a sigh of
relief.
"Zabelo! They were worried about you"
"I don't want to he suffocated, I'm not sick nor am I dying
Dude"
"Dude? Did you just call me dude"
Now I'm convinced that something moved in his head, he is
losing it
He is giving me that one panty dampening stare of his, he is
making me shy right now.
I look at him and my lips spread into a blush
"ngyakthanda, MaFuze. I love you very much."
I'm blushing.
"I love you a lot more Zabelo" I tell him, truthfully
"Come here, I. Missed you dude" This time I crack up as he says,
opening his wide arms.
As I'm about to climb up I hear his laugh in the corridor and I
feel air packing it's bags, leaving my lungs breathless and dry
I remain standing on the same spot
And in a second bab Ngcobo grace the ward with his presence..
Zabelo is quick to seat up, he didn't even flinch
" Baba '' he says, a bit amazed. I've seen Zabelo being rude to
this man, showing hate and no remorse. Not even once did I
think I'd see the day of him being spooked. Baba definitely hit
him..
He did.
" Njinji, I heard you are in a bad shape. What happened son?" If
a devil never had a face, now it does and it is Bab Ngcobo.
He grabs my hand and we both stand before Zabelo
"It's nothing serious baba" Zabelo responds, his voice is a bit
shaky.
Baba is laughing softly
"Baba, who told you Zabelo is here?"
I ask him, he raise his brows
"Is this not my son?"
"It is"
I reply
"Exactly, I raised this man after my friend died and I'll always
know when something is wrong with him" That doesn't shut my
pie hole up
"Because baba you know exactly who.."
" Funeka" Zabelo chirps
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he is shutting me up. This man, I'm fighting his battle here
"I'm glad this man is fine, let me shake hands and leave" Zabelo
hesitantly give out his hand and he shakes him, holding longer
than usual.
His face is now just stern as he looks at my man
"I'll be waiting Magwaza" with that he let's go and walks out..
I hear Zabelo breathing in relief
"Waiting on what…?"
"MaNgcobo!!"... No.. No. Not now
He appears on the door and smile
"Let's go home ntombi yami, we have work to do tomorrow"
what!
I drag my depressed body, feeling my heart dropping to zero.
This is pure evil!
I wanted to spend some time with Zabelo and now I can't..
"Are you okay? You seem tense" he asks as we walk side by
side.
"I'm okay" I flash a forced smile

Reaching home my anger quickly flies out the window. The

kitchen is a mess!
Mongezi and Mazisi are wearing aprons, cooking.
Ntsika is literally seated on the floor, he looks awful and dirty.
"Family I'm Home" I get in yelling and swaying my non existent
hips from side to side

"Yeer wena mangcola. just go and bath, you stink" Who else
other than Mongezi
"What happened to you? Did you fight with a whole phara
nation or what?"
Ntsika adds, his voice is even worse.
They look irritated, Masizis can't even open his mouth
"Wena Ntsika don't even start, you look worse than me. How
did the garden go? I didn't think baba will actually pull this one.
I'm soo happy right now"
The engry looks I get..
Even Mazisi has stopped what he was doing and they are all
staring at me unbelievably

"You little devil, this was your idea!" Ntsika says and they all
charge towards me
"I'll scream one more time if you put your hands on me and this
time you will wash the roof and mop the yard" I threaten them,
just as they stop I take that as a way out as I rush out in speed.
They are cursing behind me

After a much needed shower I call Zabelo.

"Aren't you in pain? Did they give you comfortable blanket. I
hope you are not hungry Zabelo. I can't believe I didn't bring
anything to you. I'm so…"
"MaFuze" he softly interjects. I'm rumbling
"How are you? I'm really sorry I had to leave"
"It's okay I'm fine, I'm on my own bed sleeping comfortably "....
"Own bed?" I ask
"In my apartment, yes" he is saying it as if I'm supposed to
guess that he is there..
"You were discharged Zabelo?"
God, is he crazy
"I discharged myself. Do you love the ring?"
Jesus.. Zabelo is not okay upstairs I swear
"Who is going to take care of you? What if at night you can't
sleep. What If.."
"Funeka, I said I'm fine."
I can only hope that he knows what he is doing

"Helloooo, How are you? I was wondering if…"

Yeap, I enter the kitchen with Adele's song and they stare at me
clearly frustrated. I stop and start sniffing
" Something is off, Mongezi your pot is burn…"
I scream as he charge towards me
This time Ncane and mama shows up and grill Mongezi for
scaring me.. I'm such an egg today
When they leave Nstika literally pushes me out…
"oksalayo ngyabuya la, pheka maMgogobhozi silambe Kab
thina"
I say…
"VOUSTEK!!" That has me in stitches

By the time we hit the pillow, I close my heavy eyes and sleep..
About supper, we ended up ordering in because no one could
stomach that food cooked by my brothers.. I don't know how
come they can't cook, at this age. Ncane spoiled them too
much.

Weekend came and passed real quick, I've been kept busy. I
haven't seen Zabelo since that day at the hospital. Baba Ngcobo
never allowed me out of his sight. Even when I lied saying I'm
visiting My own father he said he will come with me. I ended up
ditching the idea

"This has gone too far. You have been in and out of my house
as you please, day in and day out. You are a child here
MaNgcobo and I am here to remind you that. This is my house,
as long as you live under my roof you will behave like a child
that you are. Akunamfazi la KaNgcobo, if Magwaza wants a
wife, he shall follow the traditional route that we all know and
stop luring you with a ring. Ring yoknukan leyo! " that's exactly
what he said the other day when he caught me trying to sneak
out. The embarrassment I got, I couldn't even say a single word
to him. I took that walk of shame back to my bedroom
And today he woke me ealry in the morning and told me to get
ready for work.
He makes sure to keep me busy so I don't have time to run to
Zabelo

"I can see you are ready for the day" He says as I join him in the
car. He start the engine and off we go
"I'm ready" I yawn after that, he laughs and raise the volume,
ukhozi Fm comes on. I'm really riding with an old here.
I'm ready for the hard labor today.
I asked Ncane for some overalls, she gave me.
They fit since I've gained wait, in my shoes I have on black
sneakers.
I even have a sunhat just in case..

"Wendodakazi" he suddenly says and I look at him

"Are you happy? Is he making you happy?"
I'm lost for a while until I realize. He is talking about Zabelo
I nod my head thinking how Zabelo has been pumping my
phone with crying emojis
"Good, because I'd be happy to break his legs, for real this
time" I've never met someone who takes pride in beating up a
young boy..
Zabelo Is a boy compared to him

When we arrive at work baba takes me to the office with him

and throw me in a meeting, full of stakeholders and tells me to
take notes..
This man doesn't take me serious at all..
Just when I was ready for hard labor I'm thrown at the office.. I
hate him with passion
A RAY OF SUNSHINE
FORTY NINE
*Not edited*

During the day baba took me to lunch in this cosy restaurant

and we had lunch together then he released me and ordered
me to Uber back home while he headed back to work.
And yes I didn't think twice.
By the time he reached work I was on my way to see Zabelo.
He's been pestering me an entire weekend, saying he is dying
and in pain.
Serves him right for being stubborn but then again, I don't want
him to be sad. I love him

I pick up my ringing phone and laugh, I sent him a message few

minutes ago telling him I'm on my way to see him
"Zabelo I said I'm on my way, can you stop calling me now" I
should have just surprised him with a knock. But then I would
have been met with a closed door because he is at the club
"You are playing me MaFuze and I don't like it" shame, he is
sucking
"Why can't you believe me when I tell you I'm on my way?"
"because the last time you said that I waited the whole day" He
will never let this one go

"Zabelo I told you that bab Ngcobo caught me when I was

about to leave, that's why I never showed. How many times
must I explain this to you exactly"
I hear something breaking
"Damn it!.. I'm. I'll call you just now"
The call drops and I concentrate on this chat with Khanya.
She is coming to Johannesburg sometime this week so we can
celebrate my engagement properly.

And it beat me that I haven't posted a picture of my ring

captioned 'I said yes'
I'm growing..

I text him when I'm outside the club and then make my way in.
I spot him balancing with one of the chairs, speaking to
whoever is in front of him.
He then turns and walks towards me.
He is limping slightly, back to his shorts, flops and golf T-shirt.
His face is recovering though
"come and give me a kiss, I missed you"
That's how he greets me by the way
"Hellow Zabelo, how are you? I'm fine too thank you for as.."
I half scream as he swiftly pulls me to him and I bump on his
chest staring up at him
"You talk too much" he whispers softly, playing with my chin
and I'm suddenly floating through space as tingles fill up my
tummy. The club isn't bust and the music is low hence I hear
him perfectly
Now that I look at his face closely I even wonder how I survived
that long without seeing him
"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are mama?" a ball of
joy just seat on my tummy
His eyes are warmly staring at me as we breathe the same air.
My cheeks are burning up with the amount of blushing

I put my hand and brush the hairy side of his face

"You can tell me now, I don't mind"
My low voice can fit for a baby right now
"Umuhle muntu wam, my queen"
This man is on a mission to make me disown my family and live
with him forever

His face is full of a contagious smile as he watch me melting in

his spell of love
"Futhi Ngiyakuthanda mina mama, kakhulu" I capture his lips,
kissing him slowly, feeling all the feelings of him bursting all
over my blood vessels.
I've been longing for his touch, his lips.
I just let the moment dive deep in me as he deepens the kiss
with my heart racing hard in my chest.
A soft moan finds its way out as he squeezes my bum
seductively, awakening unholy juices down there..
My hands bring him closer as I tug my hand around his neck for
life, pressing my depth in his front and he groans softly.

As the kiss stops we are both breathless, hunger written on our

faces.
"Let's get out of here" say no more! "

As the door closes to his apartment he quickly pins me against

the wall, kissing me aggressively and fast.
I want him badly
He helps me take off the overalls and he curses as we try to get
them off
When done I help him push down his briefs and in no time I'm
facing the wall, moaning his name as he gives me full, deeper
thrust..
*****

After the much needed release we both slumber on the bed

and blow a sigh
"Your father will kill me one of these days. Why is he so cruel
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didn't he date in his time" he says caressing my back. I'm laying
on his chest.
I laugh softly brushing his tummy, his breathing hinges..
I'm quick to pull up the only remaining clothing on him, the golf
T-shirt and I'm afraid to say he is still not recovering fully.

I seat up and give him a look

"Zabelo" I know he loves saying he is fine when he is not
"Its nothing, don't worry"
He says, I'm not even suprided.
I drag him to the shower, I'll bath him and then rub some pain
relief cream on sure they gave him he just never bothered to
use it

After I make sure that the temperature is perfect we fall under

the shower and I take the Loofah sponge pouring enough
shower gel on it and begin bathing him softly
His hands are running through my body, distracting me.
Baba was killing my man seriously
I'm focusing on his strong abs when his hand slide in between
my folds
"Za… belo H.. awu" I whine at his lethal touch and he just smirks
"Do your own thing and let me do me MaFuze please" oho, he
doesn't know me
The sponge land down on his already erected member and I
wash softly
He gabs
"Are you bathing me or you are just turning me on MaFuze"
now it's my turn to speak
"Do your own thing and let me do me Magwaza please" he
laughs at my comeback
An innocent shower instantly turns into something else..

I made sure to return back home before Four in the evening

and baba wasn't home so I decided to spend time with mom
instead.
When he returned he finds me home, I'm such an obedient
child these days.

Days flies quicker, I'm fast asleep when I'm woken up by my

mom's screaming voice. What have I done now?
"Funeka, Are you out of your mind!" I wake up, yawning and
check the time on my phone. It's after Seven am
I overslept, I guess bab Ngcobo is letting me off the hook today
because I was with him and my own father yesterday playing
snooker in some bar. Whatever beef they had is slowly starting
to subside because of me. I think they both love me and they
put thier differences aside to see me happy.

"Mama, what's going on?"

A stern look drills my sleepy self. I stretch and seat up
"so it is not enough that this Magwaza boy is making you loose
your mind, now he wants to trap you for eternity"
Zabelo and I talked about this and I allowed him to give a letter
to my mother. Since she is the one responsible for me, I just
met my father so he can't be in a position to make such
decisions on my behalf
"mama, take a seat" I politely say and quickly dive a hot slap
coming my way.
I scream and rush towards the corner

"Aibo, what's going on here?" That's bab Ngcobo rushing inside

"What's going is that this child wants to get married! At this
age, Funeka do you have any idea how hard marriage life is. I
will now allow this to happen, over my dead body!"
That statement cripples even the tinniest bone in my body
Baba Ngcobo is just as shocked

"Marriage is a beautiful thing. why can't you let the child make
her own decisions and stop being childish and selfish. You are
overreacting and scaring the child Martha"
Says bab Ngcobo and yes.. I'm scared.
I don't understand how she hates Zabelo so much. It doesn't
make sense

"You are losing your mind Funeka. This place is just not good for
you. If you don't stop this marriage nonsense we are going back
home"
"Aibo now you are losing it…"
"Stay out of my business Zamani, this is between me and my
child. MY CHILD!"
With that she walks out banging the door behind her..
I'm confused
*****

Martha

Her chest is heaving and falling as she reaches the bedroom.

She only seat for a second and start pacing up and down again
feeling walls closing in on her.
The door bust open and Zamani walks in and look at her pacing
around until she sit on the bed controlling her breathing..
Its just utter silence for a while

"She's mine isn't she, you don't want her to get married
because you know it means telling the truth, nothing but the
truth.. " he softly says
"Shut up.. You don't know what you are talking about" she
seethes already on her feet again , her eyes dating him to even
utter such nonsense with his mouth
"for a longest time I've wondered, searching for something,
some confirmation and now I got one..". They swore to never
talk about that night..
"GET OUT!"
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY!

"Sis Funeka, are you still in there?"

Siziwe's sweet voice calls out on the other side of the door
"I'm here nana, can you give me some water please" my voice
come out strained as I plead.
"I'll look for a container first then come back. Give me few
seconds" I nod completely disregarding the fact that she
doesn't even see me.
I wipe my sweaty forehead and seat up.
My chest is tight, I'm nauseous yet nothing comes when I try to
let this bile seated on my chest.

A while later she returns and hands me the bottle of water. I

drink up and blow an exhausted, shaky sigh
"How are you feeling now?" she softly ask. I can tell that she is
worried about me
"I'm feeling a bit better, thank you"
I close the toilet and seat on top
I've been feeling like this since three days ago
I happened to eat chicken curry while I was visiting my father.
I've been there since Wednesday and it's Friday today
I should be fine considering the amount of days but no. Now I
just ate some hot wings and that exacerbated my situation.

"I'll stay here until you are ready to go"

What I've learnt about Siziwe is that she is shy, down to earth
and very sympathetic. She gives very warm hugs and loving,
with a cute smile. I love being around her which is why I asked
her to come with me in here. Maybe I feel Zabelo's presence
with her around.

Pearl on the other hand is just Nangamso the second, their

personalities clatch because both of them are crazy. She is loud,
dirty minded, and talkative.
Its been weeks since I got engaged to the man of my dreams,
weeks of begging my mother to allow Zabelo do right by me.
She is still adamant to let me get married, I can't even
understand her sometimes

"Sis Funeka" Siziwe says

"Yes sis"
"I had a bad dream, I think something bad will happen
tomorrow" that's rather unexpected and strange. Why
tomorrow out of all the days, "What's special about tomorrow
though?"
I ask
"N.. Nothing. Don't mind me, I'm being crazy as always" she
says
"Maybe it was just a dream Siziwe"
I hear her heavy sigh
"I've been meaning to tell my brother why we left home and
never returned. But mom will skin me alive if I do. I want him to
know, I want to tell you so you can be the one telling him. He
deserves to know" this is the girl that can barely make a
conversation with me, or any one else of that matter. She's that
girl who seat alone in a closed bedroom while the rest of the
family is having a quality time in front of a TV.
And me, I love being around her. I just love being around her

I get up, open the door and she quickly stands too.
I'm feeling better finally
"Why did you leave then, did something happen ?" I've always
had that feeling in me that something might have pushed
Zabelo's mom to come this side
"My mo…"
"Are you servicing each other in here?"
It can only be Pearl. She just walked in, Nangamso and Khanya
are right behind her.
We are in this elegant restaurant, just having a girl's time which
is a headache because Nangamso and Pearl don't click

"We've been waiting for ages for you guys. Are you sure you
aren't a lesbian and backstabbing my brother with his sister!"
Pearl adds eyeing me suspiciously
"Ew! How did you even reach such a disgusting conclusion? You
are not okay sis" - Siziwe
"Only a dump can come up with such a stupid idea"Nangamso
says and I know it is coming so I leave them arguing and head
out

We are in the midlle of June, winter is having a great time and

I'm having a hard time on the other hand. I'm already feeling
cold, I'm in nothing but laid back outfit. Tube top and skirt, a
light cardigan and sneakers.
I've finally installed a long, shiny weave that I feel like I'm some
good looking housewife that spend her time spending the
husband's hard earned money. Khanya and Nangamso made it
their mission to make me look good. My nails are done as well,
Khanya came here on last week Wednesday and since she came
I've been up and down.

The noise hit the roof as I look at them talking and laughing
loudly. I miss Zabelo so much, my heart even hurt a little. He's
been busy today. That's why I'm so snuggled on Siziwe, she is
another version of Zabelo
"Are we boring you?" Khanya asks, disturbing my train of
thoughts
"No, I'm just cold and the sun is setting. When are we leaving?"
I ask and get a bad eye from the three night walkers.
Nangamso, Khanya and Pearl can party the entire night and
wake up the next day all refreshed.

"We came here like two hours ago and already you want us to
leave. Hhay gogo, not now please" Pearl just called me granny,
awoa
"my sister is not a granny, have you seen such a gorgeous
granny wena! Hhaybo"
Hhay Nangamso..
"I'm cold and I'm having a headache. You all can sit here and
have a good time. I'm done"
I stand up
"Okay, wait ke so we can ask for take aways. Imagine this whole
food going to waste. Not on my watch
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imali ka bafo le. It's my brother's money" and I've been getting
a lot of 'its my brother's this and that' a lot lately..
"Request an Uber Nangamso, please" I say
My phone rings.
I feel my heart dancing a different tune
I stand and move away then pick up

"MaFuze" His voice does things to me.

"I miss you" I say and start writing non existent words with my
foot
"I've been very busy sthandwa sam, I'm sorry it you feel
neglected. I'll see you tomorrow though,I promise"
My heart sinks
I keep my mouth shut, my head hanging low
"MaFuze"
He says gently
I say nothing. I miss him, can't he just see me atleast for a
minute

"You don't love me any more Zabelo,you don't. " I sadly say.
Missing someone so badly must be a sin because, it can't be
right
"When would you like to see me?" he asks
"Now, I want to see you now" he chuckles softly
"Your wish is my command my love"
"What's that supposed to mean? Will you see me today?" I'm
stifling a smile as I ask
"Turn around MaFuze, I want to see your beautiful smile"
I'm still confused but I turn anyway.

"You are beautiful my future wife and I love you" I'm literally
blushing as I look around, Zabelo is messing with my head
"Don't play with my feelings Zabelo, I will not forgive you I
swear" I tell him
"Look around" he orders
I do as told..
Roaming my eyes I spot him standing on the entrance and I
quickly run towards him and throw my arms at him hugging him
He hugs me tight
Connection sparks like wildfire as our bodies collide
As the hug breaks he grabs my neck and onslaughts me in a
steamy, pant dampening kiss.

I spent most of my afternoon with Zabelo and today I was

woken up by Nangamso and Khanya annoying me. I was
sleeping so good and they woke me and forced me to take a
bath.
I even forgot that there is this so called Nangamso's friend who
invited her to a certain party and she wants me and Khanya to
come.

I drag my body to the bathroom and take a long bath then

return to the bedroom covering my body with a towel.
On the bed lies a red, elegant dress that I feel it screaming my
name

"And then? Is this a party or gala dinner?" I ask them and they
tell me to wear the dress
I ask no questions and put it on.
Wow!
"Who's dress is this?"
I ask, turning and blushing. It has a slit, all the way from my mid
thigh down.
"It was mine but seeing that it looks good on you, then you can
have it. I'll try something else" Says Khanya. I could hug her
right now
I've taken more than twenty selfies as we navigate through the
busy road. It's after Ten in the morning and I must say, I'm a
bevy of beauty today.. Thanks to Khanya's talent of make up,
I'm all dolled up like a model
Laughter fills the entire ride, there's no dull moment with
Nangamso and Khanya in the same space. Ntsika just add on
the situation as he drives, he is our driver for today and I don't
even know how he agrred
He is taking us to the venue, but we will pass by home so he can
have a change of clothes
I stare at these elegant hills and blush.
Its like I'm on my way to a certain high profile event with red
carpet and all…
"Are you sure I'm not overdressed for this certain party
Nangamso, I wouldn't want to steal the light for miss party" I'm
starting to have nerves as I look at myself and them. They are
good but.. I'm fire
"Relax, you are beautiful just the way you are" says Khanya and
I smile thinking how Zabelo would react if he was to see me in
this hot number
"Can we pass by Zabelo later. I want to see him before we
leave" they gigle and ignore me.. Mxm!.
My phone vibrates
I've sent Zabelo some of the pictures I took and he is salivating.
Only if he could see me in person. I'm sure he'd be taken

Something is off, when we reach home I just feel this happy

mood. Ntsika rushes inside the house and we remain in the car,
in the garage.
There is this mouth watering aroma roaming around, I feel my
stomach grumbling. I should have eaten something heavy
instead of a cereal but I was too beautiful to think
"Can I go out and eat something?"
"NO!" They chant at the same time.
"I'll take a bite and…"
"We said no Funeka" that's Khanya's strict voice. I remain
seated, I wonder why Ncane cooked so ealry in the morning

"Can I atleast go and say hi to my family since I'm already

here..".
"Just sit tight and wait for my order" that's Khanya again
looking at her phone and typing faster
"Why does it feel like you are hiding something?" just after
asking the door opens and instead of seeing Ntsika I see bab
Ngcobo and my father whom I believe left ealry saying he had
something to do.. And now he is here..

They both ask me to come with them, Baba takes my hand on

the right and bab Ngcobo on the left.
"Why do I feel like I'm suddenly being ushered to the aisle" I
joke, they are both wearing suits and I can't really stop my mind
from going wild.. They laugh it off and lead me inside.
I'm confused as we take the back door and the moment we
reach the backyard garden I literally freeze…
"Welcome to your engagement party MaNgcobo"..
What…
Oh My God!
The MC, or shall I say Mcs.. Ntsika and Mongezi both welcome
the guest and I'm seating here, staring at this man next to me. I
cannot remove my eyes from him.
I've held my mouth, my beating chest and even shed tears. To
think I don't cry when I'm happier but today I did.
If I wasn't sure about him, I am now. He looks so good in a fresh
haircut and suit..
He glares at me and a warm smile spread across his lips. I can't
even think, or...
I'm floating in shock and amusement.
Zabelo kept this from me.. How did I not even suspect this
"Ngyakthanda MaFuze" he says and steal a kiss on my cheek
I blush, my tongue is still paralyzed as we are seated at the
front.
The only thing I keep saying is
"Why didn't you tell me, I can't believe this is happening"...
Zabelo actually put this one together. Even mom is here looking
pretty, my whole family is here. Zabelo's mother and his
siblings as well.
Its like I'm dreaming right now
"It's time to pray lovebirds".. That's Ntsika screaming earning
some laughter in the crowd
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY ONE

MARTHA

She is glued in one spot, emotions of joy and happiness floating

below her navel as she watches the car driving out slowly
leaving whistles and ululations behind.

That alone is enough to make her heart twitch.

She has been selfish, seeing her daughter swimming in a bubble
of happiness, love and support made her realize how selfish she
has been.

"They are happy aren't they?" turning her head she finds
Zabelo's mother also admiring what was in front of them
"They are" she says
"I've been selfish, seeing your boy loving her so openly,
planning this for her and going as far as taking her to her
favorite destination. It just sweet and romantic. She is lucky to
have him" she adds, with a warm smile
"She is, my boy is a sweetheart hey. I know for a fact that he
will treat her like a queen once they get married.."
Nora wouldn't miss a chance to gloat

"I taught my baby better, he is also lucky to have a woman as

honest and loving as my baby girl. Funeka is smart, she has a
degree in Social work. Currently she is working at her family
company but I know my child, she will one day have a company
under her name. She is destined for greater things "by the time
Martha is done floating about her child, Nora is ready for a
come back

" Zabe wami already owns a club and few other businesses. My
son is monied mfazi, Nina just give us a date of the lobola and
we'll buy her easily like that cheap wig over your head " she
smiles proudly seeing Martha is suddenly tounge tied

"my sister must be proud to have raised such a gentleman. I

heard his mother left him, shame poor boy turned out pretty
good even without his despicable, vile of a mother. I'm glad my
head with a cheap wig didn't make me shy away from raising
my child."
With that she turns and leaves Nora's jaw dropped.

She first look for her sister, Betty and when she finds her she
ask that they talk for a while.
Betty has been ignoring her since Zamani made assumptions
about Funeka's real father.
"ahem.." That's Martha clearing her throat after they sat on the
bed.
Betty is quite, she is not the one to never ask about her health
but today she didn't. She has an unreadable expression as the
elephant in the room grows heavier.. Atleast for Martha

"Sisi" she starts

"I'm sorry" she adds and heave a sigh not knowing where to
start
Betty's silence is even getting to her.
Zamani might have told her, she's just waiting for her to say it.
It would have been better if she throws insults at her instead of
a cold shoulder
"Thing is.. No amount of sories can erase what I've done to you
sis. I'm a selfish person, I know she was conceived before you
were in the picture but you deserved to know and for that I
sincerely apologize."

Intense silence!
Only the shallow breathings are audible.

"I'm going to tell Funeka the truth because I know that even if
she stumbles or hate me she has people on her corner for
support. I might not be here for long and the least I can do is to
give her, her true identity"

It's silence again.

"Is that why you kept pushing me away? Because you couldn't
tell me that the so called lover I met was the father of your
child?" finally, Betty's low voice asks.

Shame has her by her throat as she nods

"I didn't want Zamani to know, it was a one silly mistake. I loved
his brother. And Thulani was a loose canon back then, I didn't
want to cause drift between them."
Betty now looks at her in disbelief

"from what I heard Zamani and Thulani were never in a good

relationship. The drift was already there sis, even way before
that little secret. You just don't want to admit that you slept
with two brothers and fell pregnant for the one you didn't love,
you ran back home after Thulani was arrested because to you
that was the escape you needed to hide your secret. "

Martha wallows in embarrassment as she face down the floor

" You told me about Thulani, lying to my face that he was

Funeka's father. Why didn't you tell me the truth? How do you
think I feel knowing that I've been here, looking at Funeka as if
she is Thulani's child only for her to be my husband's only
daughter. How do you think I feel? " her voice hasn't raised
since she started speaking. Calm but sharp and saddened
Only then does a tear drop from Betty's eye
" I'm so sorry. "
" Please.. " she whispers
"stop apologizing. You've always been selfish. You left for green
pastures leaving me behind with our sick mother and I took
care of her, the day you return you are pregnant. I leave for
joburg hoping that you will take care of her and you fail that
she had to die alone.. While you were busy nursing your own
selfish feelings.. "
This time Martha shed few tears.
She didn't mean to ignore her mother's strained voice calling
for her, she was in a battle of her own.

"I told you that truth because I thought you'd never bring it up
again Betty. I was in a bad place, I've never forgiven myself nor
have I forgotten about that day" tears flood even harder in her
eyes, her lips trembling.

"I'm making you realise that my mother gave birth to a selfish

child. Every time I try to look at your reasoning I find nothing.
You hid Funeka all this while, only to tell her a lie to cover your
secret. You lied to me
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you couldn't tell me that Zamani was the father because you
knew I'd tell him. As if that wasn't enough you brought her
here, under my roof.… You are beyond selfish sis.. I'm
exhausted, emotionally and physically. Just do you. Tell her,
don't tell her. I don't care. And thank you for causing a drift
between Zamani and I, because apparently he has always
suspected but didn't bother to bring it up because you never
said anything. All in all, he was a cowered too, he didn't have
the courage to fight for the truth.. I'm done. I'm.. So done "
She wipes her face and stand up leaving Martha crying silently.

This is one of the things she was afraid of, causing a drift in her
sister's marriage but some things can't t be burried forever.

After wiping her own tears she looks at the time on the wall
and realize it's after four in the afternoon.
Its clear that Betty is heartbroken and that alone breaks her
spirit.
She head out and find Nora still glued on the same spot…
She is not crying but she is deep in thought
"Haibo mfazi, you can't be this lost while you have a monied
son that can make your problems go away" she tisses, trying to
stiff away from her own skeletons whispering horror in her ears

Nora finally looks at her

"I'm not proud of what I did but I will not apologize for making
a decision that was best back then. I'm human, I make mistakes
too"
She says and sigh

"That decision might have been best for you as you put it but at
least be apologetic because it affected an innocent child who
never asked to be part of those mistakes"adds Martha

"that's easy for you to say, you don't know what pushed me"
Says Nora.
""I've had my fair share of the decisions I took thinking they
were best. But in actual fact they were selfish, I just wasn't bold
enough to admit and stand for the truth" Martha says
" Ypou've never carried an evidence of cheating. Worse,
cheating while belonging to someone else…"

"Atleast you didn't cheat with your brother in law, unlike some
of us" Martha drops the truth..
A quick shocked stare is shared between the two women
Suddenly they fall into laugher in a serious matter
As they stand like that a car drives in, they pay no attention
because deco people are busy moving thier staff..

"but we need to acknowledge our mistakes"

Nora is about to respond when her worst nightmare suddenly
comes into sight getting out of the car
"OH… J.. Jesu" A stuttering, frozen Nora utters while
stemmering back.
She screams once seeing a gun on his hand while Martha
moves before her asking what's wrong..
A loud gunshot goes off..
Sending everyone near on the ground.
****

Funeka

The most memorable, glorious moment of my life! This one

goes to the books of stories I'll be reciting to my grandkids
every night until my last breath.
After my bath I crawl back in the huge bed with white covers
after changing to a skimpy nightie.

Khanya did this, I have no idea how but they even packed a bag
for me. We are spending the night in this elegant hotel I don't
even know but it's not far from home.
Tomorrow we are boarding a plane straight to Capetown!
That alone has my lips spreading into a wide smile.

When I asked why can't we spend the night at his place then
board a plane tomorrow he said the plan is to be in a different,
good place and indeed this room is beautiful.
The door opens and the man that has my heart at the palm of
his hands enters, being followed by what I call room service..
This life, can I stay in this moment forever..

The guy leaves after putting everything on the table. I'm not
hungry, Zabelo ate something with chicken next to me on our
engagement and the smell just turned my appetite off.

Zabelo leans against the wall and stares at me as if it's first time
seeing me.
I'm subjected to endless giggles and blushing all at once
"You looked stunning today my love" this has to be one of
things he excels at. Zabelo makes me feel wanted, content and
loved in all angles.
He finally did me right, he went down his knees and politely
asked me to be his wife. And I said yes as always
"You looked pretty too" I say, his face turns into a deep frown
"Hhay MaFuze. When have you ever seen a pretty man? Please
don't use that word and me in the same statement. Oil and
water, we don't mix" he is so serious, I can't help but laugh at
his response. I expected it
He end up joining in and laugh softly
"Come here" he gently says, opening his wide arms. He is still in
his perfect suit and I'm just close to nothing. I'll kick Khanya for
packing such a skimpy red thing
"Red looks good on you" he says as i reach him, his arms
encircles my waist and I look up at him smiling
"Thank you for today Magwaza. I had a beautiful day and I
loved every moment of it"
His eyes drop for a moment and he looks at me..yes he is
blushing! What a beautiful sight. My love for him suffocates me
even more
"I love you Zabelo and I can't wait to be your lawfully wedded
wife" he gently grabs my neck and rest his lips on mine driving
me in a passionate kiss.

His phone start ringing loudly in his pocket, he ignores it as his

hands run around my body.
We are too high to even wonder about phone calls. Everyone
know this is our night, anything else can wait.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY TWO

FUNEKA

I'm drawn from a peaceful sleep when Zabelo's phone rings. I

keep my eyes closed as I feel him shuffling and speaks softly
maybe not to wake me but I'm already awake.
He seems to be in an argument about switching his phone off.
Its irritating me

I'm slowly drifting off again when I hear him shouting in shock
getting out of the bed
"What do you mean she is gone?"
He loudly asks, his footsteps fading away from the bed.
I seat up straight, who is gone now? Gone where?
There are lights illuminating from outside as he turns and stare
at him.
I don't like how he is looking at me as he if about to break my
heart.

"we'll be there in a few. Sharp" the phone lazily drops on the

floor, his face turning sour.
He sighs heavily, I literally feel an intense aura he is suddenly
carrying.
Something is seriously wrong and I'm starting to have that
feeling at the pit of my stomach

"Who is gone Zabelo?" I ask, seeing that he is not willing to tell

me anything. His eyes are suddenly shying away from me. I
watch him picking up his phone, my nightie which ended up on
the floor last night, and all his belongings.
He is packing, is it not to early for our flight?
The time on the wall indicates that it is just after five in the
morning, winter and long nights.

"We'll talk when we reach home. Go and take a bath"

I remain seated, something is going on and I want to know now
"Zabelo"
"MaFuze please don't fight me on this. I need you to listen to
me, please" it's the tone of his voice that makes me listen. It's
as if he is suddenly hopeless and I'm adding to the situation
with further questions

This has to be the quickest bath I've ever taken.

I'm out in a short while and I find him ready, he even picked an
outfit for me. I don't have time to dwell on what he picked, I
just put on the dress and look at him
"We are no longer going to our vacation are we?" I softly ask,
disappointment hitting my heart. I'm hoping for a different
response but his look tells me the answer I dread to hear.
He opens his arms and hugs me..

The hug is tighter, he keep saying he is sorry.

I'm confused about the sudden change of plans but I know he is
going to tell me.
"Zabelo.. What's happening?" he doesn't let go, instead his
arms suck the life out of me.

On the road he can't even spare me a look.

We left, I couldn't stomach anything and so we had no choice
but to leave that breakfast which he ordered.
His other hand is holding me so tight, I notice that as we
approach home his hold tightenes with each second.
"Who is gone Zabelo, did your mother leave again?" that's the
only explanation. Why else would he cancel our vacation. Arg!
Such a vile woman. Couldn't she wait for us to have our
vacation before pulling this stunt? I knew she wasn't going to
stay forever.

"I'm sorry babe, I know you really wanted her to be in your life"
he tenses up at my statement, the gate opens and now I'm
starting to be edgy even.
He parks.
Zabelo is scaring me
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he leans on the steering wheel. Looking around the yard I'm
met with the police tape in our yard as if it's a crime scene
I suddenly feel this urge to scream, a sorrowful atmosphere
engulfes my body and I shiver..
Something is wrong
"Zabelo, look at me and tell me who is gone and why?" my
voice raises a bit. Now I demand to know because whatever is
going on has to be serious. Why would we cut our vacation
without even getting on the plane
"ahem. There is no better way to say this sthandwa sam" His
voice is so low as he utters, still burried on the steering wheel

The yard is awfully quite and empty

"Look at me and tell me what's going on"
He sighs, blink a couple of times and rest his eyes on mine.
Why does he look so scared
"I'm sorry MaFuze. There was a shooting apparently, just after
we left. Your mother. She.. She.. Something happened and
she.."
"SHE WHAT?" I can't stop the racing heart in my chest
"gone" he whispers. I almost didn't hear him.
He is crazy.
"Gone where?" my voice is changing, my head is spinning but
I'm thinking he means my mom went back home to KZN.
That's what he means
"I'm really sorry.."
There are different expressions..
And there is only one that you just know is your worst
nightmare..

I head out of the car, blinking and conflicted.

I feel him behind me but I'm running now.
I budge in the house and find a full house.
Everyone is here, even My father's family is here.
I'm subjected to sympathetic looks..
Ncane stands up and come to me
Her eyes are red..

"Ncane…where is my mom?"
My trembling voice manage to ask as strained as it is
One tear drop from her left eye and I feel lightheaded, a sharp
stab on my heart,engufing my chest. Breathing is suddenly
painful and difficult
"I'm so sorry my baby.."
My eyelids get heavier, my sight blurs and I feel weak,
everything around me seems to get smaller and smaller until
I'm in deep darkness..

***

ZABELO

Being helpless is one thing he can't tolerate. Sadly the situation

is out of his reach.
After it hit her that she lost a mother, she collapsed.

Zabelo feel his heart being ripped apart as she looks at Funeka
seated on the cauch with Betty. She's been staring into space
since she regained consciousness

Failing to stay, he heads out and drive out in speed. Mongezi

told him that the those who were at the scene said that some
middle aged man shot twice and ran out leaving Nora shocked.
It was clear she knew the man.
Martha unfortunately caught a bullet that wasn't meant for
her. She was at the wrong place, at the wrong time and she
died on the scene.

The sound of tyres scratching scares any living thing nearby as

he drives in his yard. In a blink he flies out of the car

He doesn't knock but just badge in and be met with packed

suitcases, his three siblings and his mother who suddenly look
like she is about to faint

"Going somewhere family?" his voice is deep yet venormous as

he asks. His bond chilling stare rest on his mother who swallow
nothingness
"I'm sorry tle Zabe.." her trembling voice comes to play
"I'm not the one who lost a mother, mine died a long time ago.
I won't ask twice woman, tell me why aren't you the one lying
dead on that mortuary, tell me what the f#ck happened?"
They all squim in nervousness
"It's my husband. I left him and he doesn't want me to" Nora's
statement
Siziwe chuckle
"go on mama and tell my brother that we ran because you also
cheated and made the man raise me as his own when you knew
very well that I wasn't…"
"Siziwe…".
"LET HER SPEAK!"

Gulping in fear she shut her mouth

"We left because that man finally found the truth and you
mother decided to clean his bank accounts and run instead of
staying. Not to forget that you also owe one of the dangerous
man a very huge amount of money…all in all we have many
enemies because of you"
Zabelo feel his blood boiling. This woman left him as an infant
and return many years latter just to cause havoc!
How will he look at MaFuze knowing fully well that he is the
cause of her loss and pain. Nora stayed because he allowed her
to and how she has brought her skeletons that caused a lot of
damage. Only if he listened to the voice in him and did his
research.
" Who was it Nora, was it a husband or a loan shark?"
"it was John, my hudband.."
"seems like I have a man to kill, how cute"
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY THREE

FUNEKA

"I'll be in the kitchen when you need me," Says Khanya, staring
at me sadly. She just took a tray of food. I couldn't stomach
anything but I ate because of how she's been slaving around
making sure I'm fed and full.
I nod, she walks out after giving me a faint smile.

I do what I've been doing since Sunday morning.

I crawl in bed feeling beyond physical pain. Sometimes I look at
myself in the mirror and slap my face hard, shouting to wake
up.
I'm confused, one minute we were enjoying my engagement
then the next day she was gone.
Just like that
All I do is just wake up, sleep, wake up and sleep. It's an unusual
cycle, then I'm in an unusual, unbelievable, heart breaking
place.
I just sit by as the days go by, in my head nothing makes sense.
I'd be lying if I say I cry myself to sleep.
I don't do it.
I don't want to cry so whenever the lump gets harder I suppress
it just as hard until it subsides down my tummy

I'm dozing off when I hear the soft knock. My heart skips just a
beat, hoping it is him.
I open my eyes to be met by bab Ngcob.
I'm sad, I wanted to see Zabelo.
"Ngane yami, don't mind me I'm just here to watch you fall
asleep"he gently says, brushing my head softly.
I smile a little and close my eyes again.
In whatever that has happened, I'm glad my mom united me
with my family. I don't feel alone
We are back at Mtubatuba.
She will be laid to rest on this side.
I have no idea how the arrangements are going, last I was told
they were preparing to move her to this side. Corpse is
extremely expensive. I have no idea how they will pull it off but
my brother's have been very hands on with everything .
I fall asleep fighting the lump growing in my throat..

Waking up in the morning there's this sour taste dangling in my

tongue, Khanya is fast asleep next to me. Nangamso could not
come, she's in the middle of exams.

I get off the bed and head to the kitchen for water but I
instantly inhale some awful smell and everything just rushes up
and right on the floor..
I puke..
I can hear someone asking what's wrong but I can't answer now
can I..
I'm given a glass of water and I gulp instantly
After that I quickly clean up before everyone wakes up and
almost puke again
I drag the chair and seat outside under the Mango tree. We
used to sit here, mom and I. During the mango season, we'll
just guard everyone who wants to steal the Mango.
She would do my hair and I'd lie on her thighs listening to her
telling me stories.
She was sick, but that doesn't mean someone had to kill her.
Nobody gives me a full story of what happened, how the
gunman just shot mom and vanished. I don't understand, why?
Why her?

I finally feel fresh air and not that suffocating one at the
kitchen
Ntsika was making eggs. He is here, Mongezi, Zabelo and Mazisi
have been up and down making sure the arrangements are in
order.

I'm glad the distant uncles and aunts haven't arrived, this house
is tiny and would be a mission impossible to fit everyone. It's a
four roomed house
Two bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom and a lounge.
I look up the sky, morning breeze hitting my face
As if bringing me peace which I need so much.
I'm exhausted
I don't have strength in me to deal with loss

I just have this hole, no amount of days or years will fill it. I'll
have to live with it. Maybe one day I'll wake up and it won't
hurt as bad as it does now..
I spot ncane slowly making her way to me with a scarf covering
her shoulders. She is broken, I see it in her eyes, her posture
itself is just heartbreaking.
"Funeka" she acknowledges my presence and looks up, fighting
back tears.
She is a sensitive woman and she's the one who manage to
make me cry my own river
"it was Sunday when Martha and I returned with a stolen
Mango from the Mzobe's. Martha being forward climbed up
the three and got us some fresh mangos. And during the day
there was a case, Mr Mzobe had reported us to mom and we
got one hell of a beating.."
She laughs, a sad laugh that can turn into a loud cry in an
instant
I hate this, I blink tears away and lay my face on my hands
"We never stopped. My mom one day came with a mango seed
and told us to water the tree every single day so that we won't
bother the Mzobe's anymore. And we did, the first Mango the
tree produced were 12, we counted them and knew them by
head. And the following year the number increased. I never
thought that one day I'll stand here, alone and crying because
God has once again claimed one of his angels. "
She's still seeing good in this situation. I appreciate her
presence in my life.
She grabs my shoulders in comfort

"I've lost a mother before and I know the feeling of loss, it's a
hard stone to swallow. But I am here if the pain gets too much.
I love you baby" headache is slowly creeping in
"I was thinking if you would like to choose a coffin" she says
softly, I can tell with her trembling voice that she doesn't want
to ask me this but she has to
"I'd love that Ncane" with that, she takes my hand, wipes my
face clean and tell me to get ready.
It doesn't take long to get ready
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I'm getting dressed in the bedroom when we hear the car
driving in. Khanya peaks through the window and smiles softly.
"They are here, finally. Let me prepare something to eat for
them" she says, I can spot joy from a distance
"Get ready Khanya and stop worrying about those fools. They
will sort themselves out"
She drop her gaze
"But Zabelo is with them Mos" I last saw him a day before
yesterday.
He is distancing from me, even our phone calls are short

"You can fix something quick then we can get going" she does a
little dance and heads out. I think she's getting addicted to
Mazisi. She calls him a strict CEO. Mazisi has a good heart but
he hardly smiles. And Mihlai is in the picture, I don't know what
is going on between the two but there is unfinished business.
All I know is I'm not getting involved. And I wonder what
happened to the taxi driver
I'm done getting ready when bab Ngcobo comes in and we
head out. He's been very supportive and hands on with
groceries, the grass cutting in the yard. My own father will
come today since it is Friday.
Sunday is the day of burial. I'm not looking forward to it.
I wish the days to just stop moving so that day does not come

"Bafana, is everything coming together?" baba asks, that's how

he greets them by the way
They quietly nod, seated on the chairs.
"Good, I'm glad to know that those big heads raised with my
hard earned money are finally producing fruits" low chuckles.
It's so awkward.
They are stealing short glances at me as if I'll break
"Sanibonan" I greet and they instantly stand up. Even Zabelo
They are so tense and frozen

"Funei nei" Mongezi softly says, he isn't sure whether to hug

me or not. He ends up grinning.
"Khanya let's get going" I tell her.
We will be travelling with bab Ngcobo.

Sometimes you'd think you are stronger only to stand in a room

full of coffins, with all sizes and shapes and be forced to choose
the one that will be the last shelter carrying your own mother..
A woman that raised and fend for you
That's when reality kicked in..
I remember failing to breathe, glued on the same spot and
painting for air..
I should never have agreed.

Since I returned I have been a mess, I'm spending minutes

crying then showing my smile.
I'm laying on baba's thighs. He is seated at the corner on the
mat. Brushing my back gently as r telling me that he is here
with me, it is calming and soothing.
Khanya put food in front of me.
Nothing fancy, just beef and pap
Ncane is seated on the sponge on another corner with my
mom's favourite neighbour and friend, Aunt Susan. every piece
of furniture was moved to the outside old one room.
My stomach grumbles, I hear baba laughing softly.
"Let's take care of that embarrassing noise maNgcobo. Sit up"
and just like that, I'm fed like a little baby.

Days will go as normal even when you are in an unusual

situation. It's finally Sunday morning.
This morning might be good to others but to me it is a gloomy
one.
Even the atmosphere is dark, frightening, depressing and
sombre
I can hear the soft, lingering and heart-wrenching melody as I
fix my dress for the umpteenth time before the dressing table
that my mom got from one of the people she was working for
at that time.

I can't believe the day of the send off is finally here, staring at
me and there is nothing I can do.
Why does life have to be so hard? Why do we get close to
people, love them and be forced to say goodbye
"Funeka, it's time to see her and say goodbye " I turn, both bab
Ngcobo and my father are at the door. Khanya is next to me as
she says softly. I'm sure Nangamso is somewhere in the house
crying, she's way sensitive.

"sisi" it's a different, deep voice. Ndalo

He gets in and puts his arms around my shoulders.
He arrived Friday and has been up in my face enough for me to
realise that he is loving and not afraid to show emotions. Unlike
my brothers who freeze before me, he holds my hand and tells
me it's gonna be okay.
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Some people are
afraid to have the last image of their loved ones be the one
laying in a coffin, unresponsive" he tells me.
I wipe the uncontrollable tears flowing, my chest so tighter as if
a heavy object is resting on it.

"Ahem.. I'm afraid" I whisper, playing with my dress.and I am

afraid. This is the time I wish my mother gave me a sister so I
can have the courage to want to see her last face, how she
looks.
"Erase scary death in your mind. Let all her beautiful memories
fill up your mind and tell yourself that this is goodnight, for
now. You will see her someday, for now allow her to have a
beautiful sleep. She will always be by your side and in here..
She will stay forever "he says, patting my heart gently.
" Just say goodnight mama, you will know in your heart that she
will be with you in spirit "
I feel my emotions slowly taking a back seat.
This is the only day I get to say goodnight to mama.
I want to implant it in my unstable mind and one day.. One day
I'll look back and never shed tears.

"And you don't have to be afraid, dear sister. You are not
alone" I turn, my fathers holds my hands and we head out.
With each heavy step I take I feel my knees getting wobbly but
the old men hold me tight and never let me hit the ground

My Brothers, Zabelo and some uncles are all surrounding her

coffin.
"Here is your mother Funeka, say goodbye to her and let her
soul rest in peace" that's the uncle Ive seen at least twice in my
life.

There she is.. My superwoman

Her face is pale, but she looks like she is in a deep sleep. In a
deep, painless sleep.
My heart is bleeding
But I keep the brave feeling that I'm not alone
And I whisper inaudibly
"goodnight mama, I love you" just saying that, I feel like the
elephant sitting on my chest just removed one foot away.
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY FOUR

FUNEKA NGCOBO

I'm wide awake, cold walls staring at me in the dark,

Unbearable pain just sitting heavy on my chest, bleeding my
heart as if a sharp stab is constantly attacking.

I'm seated on the floor with my arms wrapped around me,

leaning against the bed and involuntarily sinking in the deep,
dark pit of nothing but darkness of intense sorrow and dispair

I wish I knew how to make the pain stop, to have a heart made
of steel, the one that's cold and feels nothing.
I would even pay my last cent to be free of this miserable,
suffocating feeling that slices my heart into pieces.
As they say, even the long, darkest night does come to pass, in
this case the worst day of my life has ended. I wish it ended
with these feelings, I wish the loss I'm buried in ended with the
day too.
Maybe I wouldn't be feeling like someone is ripping my heart
apart, I wouldn't break down at any memory of her hitting my
mind constantly.

Like everyone else who's suffered a loss I also had that little
hope tucked somewhere in my brain. I didn't have to openly
focus on that hope every second, didn't have to think of it more
often and nurture it with a little prayer but it was there.
Hope that maybe, maybe she will wake up.
Maybe that's where I got the courage to wake up the next day,
the stupid hope that she still had time to wake up again.

When I poured that last soil on her grave, my body trembled

terribly. I remember screaming, screaming that they stop
blurring her, I felt the burning need to see her again, to hold
her and hug her without letting go.
The strong hands that grabbed me made it impossible to fight,
in my mind I thought maybe if we were to give her another day
she would wake up. I thought that if I screamed too loud God
might hear me and miracles would happen..
The choking, heavy lump in my throat is hard to swallow, it
ends up with a loud, trembling sob that escapes my mouth and
from there I can't stop it.. I can't stop crying, furiously clutching
my chest hoping that I grab the pain with my hands so I can
throw it where the sun doesn't shine
This is not the way to live..
It hurts
I feel strong hands hugging me.

ZABELO NGCOBO

Time on the wall indicates that it is after six in the morning.

Khanya is awake and busy in the kitchen with the rest of the
family.
He is seated on the chair next to the bed watching her snoring
softly as if she wasn't in pain. Only if she could sleep the entire
'time heals' syndrome and only wake up pain free.
Zabelo did not sleep, he sat in the lounge. He once lost the only
parent he knew, as young as he was, the pain he felt was raw,
he knows this journey too well. The first night after the burial
was the worst and he knew the post funeral breakdown would
hit her while everyone was fast asleep.

Some might think that the worst day of loving someone is the
day that you are told you've lost them, when the actual worst
day is the first night after the burial.
Having nothing else to do but to move on
Having to deal with the actual loss that they are gone and never
coming back.
It's a hard, sharp reality that bursts the little hope, that maybe
feeling, the one that put you in a bearable pain believing that
maybe they will wake up. The heart piercing image of seeing
your loved one being buried deep on the ground living nothing
but heartache behind is one terrible way to move on

Seeing her wallowing in an intense anguish stabbed him in the

deepest part of his soul, knowing he was responsible for the
pain just made things worse.
For the first since, he was able to hold her and brush her back
until she fell asleep.
Only if he could, he'd turn back the hands of time and never
allow his mother back in his life.
He is swimming in guilt, knowing his mother is the cause of her
pain just makes him hate himself more.
He can only hope that this will not be one thing to break them
apart..

A call comes through as his phone vibrates in his pocket.

Looking at the caller ID he stands instantly and pick up at the
far corner
"Tell me you have good news Kiddo, please do"
Kiddo, the go to guy when one need a quick information
"I'm afraid that man seems to have vanished into thin air"
Before he can stop himself, his fist has landed on the wall
feeling anger grabbing his last hope
"F#ckin damn it! You are slacking boy. Should I find someone
else to do this job for me?"
He has been on a hunt, searching for Nora's husband
"This has never happened to me before. It's a first, gimme just a
day I promise y…"
"Tseg! Didn't you say that on Friday? Hhu how many fuckin
days must I give damn it. I'm running on a thin lane here, I need
this information as soon asyesterday! "
He hisses enraged with the fact that Kiddo was proving to be
useless..
"I'll be in touch once I find some leads. Sho mfo"
Kiddo hangs up before he starts swearing at him again and he
clicks his tongue and turns..
Only to be met by Funeka, seated on the bed and staring at him
emotionless.

"MaFuze" his heart is doing the marathon as he gently ask her

Advertisement
wondering if what he said spiked some questions in her.
"I'm sorry if I woke you" he reaches her and stands still. Not
knowing whether to hug her or hold her.
It was easy to hold her last night because she was buried in
deed sorrow but today she is just staring deep in his eyes as if
she can read everything he's been trying so hard to keep to
himself.
He asked the family to keep her uninformed of how her mother
died until he find the killer. For now the investigation seems to
be fruitless

"You've been avoiding me" she finally says, staring at him

without blinking
"I'm not" he argues
"I'm not asking you Zabelo, I'm telling you. You have been
avoiding me as if I'm an egg that might break when you touch
me. I miss your touch"
As uncomfortable as he gets, he manages to flash a smile and
that alone brings a smile to her face. For a moment her dull
eyes are replaced with a bit of twinkle in them

"Come here," he says, opening his arms widely.

She doesn't protest, feeling his arms around her bring that
hope. Hope that not all is lost
......

Nora Mahlaba
“Mrs Mahlaba”
Nora nods at the guard acknowledging him and heads inside
the huge silver gate. She is invited by a big, greenery yard with
perfectly cut grass. She still can't get enough of the beauty of
the house. It is a triple story modern house, big enough for her
to start fantasizing about owning such a house.

She brushes her long, curly weave before knocking. The door
opens revealing a gorgeous, no nonsense woman. She’s in tight
jeans, red stilettos and a red blouse. Her head is bald but she
screams money with perfect makeup.
“Mrs Mahlaba, come in” she boldly says, Nora observes her
surroundings in awe. Her husband, Mahlaba is a tenderpreneur,
counted as one of the richest men in his hometown, however
staring at this magnificent interior makes her feel like her 10
roomed house back home seems like a tin fish.

“You may seat” she sits down and their meeting starts
“Are you sure you weren't being followed? That son of yours
can be a bit meticulous, I don't trust him"
Says Khethiwe Ndlovu
"No one followed me. I took an Uber to town, then from there
took a cab to here"
Nora replies

"Great then, we've managed to divert his mind elsewhere with

this whole plan. What's left is for him to return from KZN, then
we'll set him up and I'll have my revenge when he goes to
prison and you will get your money" Qhawe's mother states,
her voice filled with deep hatred

"I just hope he will not dig up enough and realise that the man
who shot at me wasn't my husband"adds Nora
"By the time that happens he'll be in too deep. I've told my guys
to release that guy. When he learns that he's been found, he
will fly here and finish him without thinking twice. He will never
suspect you of anything. Did you pretend to be ready to run
right? "
Nora nods
" Yes, he was livid and said out loud that he would kill that man.
I just want to get this over and done with so that I can have my
money and buy a house like this one "
She says, admiring the house with her eyes
Khethiwe chuckles and looks at her, wondering how such a
beautiful woman has no brains..

Nora heads out after shaking hands with the woman. She is
even envisioning her life without money problems and these
many people she owes. She'll manage to pay some debts and
even be left with some.

She calls a cab and in no time she is on her way to her favourite
place. The casino..
She smiles, feeling like all her problems are going to disappear.
She is grateful for the woman that approached her in the
Casino with a plan to hand Zabelo to jail because he killed her
son.
All she had was to offer a million.. A million Zabelo would never
give.
She'll just go with the plan, get the money and later confess
everything to the police and the woman will be arrested while
Zabelo will be released. That what she believes will happen..

As much as she cares for Zabelo, she wouldn't choose him over
money.
Khethiwe came up with a plan to lure Zabelo into prison.
The plan was to have Nora shot but not killed, and she would
say it was her husband.
Zabelo being him, would obviously look for the man and kill
him. That's when the plan will be in motion.

It is unfortunate that Funeka'S mother was in the wrong place

at the wrong time.
But at least that gave Zabelo even a better motive and drive to
look for the man and kill him..
*****

FUNEKA

I just came back outside and I can't stop looking at my face. I

look awful
I stare at myself in the mirror, countless thoughts bombarding
my mind.
My hair was cut, I'm completely bald headed. It's a sad tradition
on my mother's side of the family. We cut our hair when
mourning
"You are still beautiful MaFuze, stop overthinking" Zabelo says.
He is seated on my bed and I've been staring at myself every
second trying to find beauty but I see none
"You are saying this to make me feel better. I'm ugly" I hear him
heaving a sigh.
"Come to me" he orders softly
"I'll come in a minute. I'm still trying to make sense of this new
man staring at me.. God Zabelo I look like a man!" I half yell
turning to face him
I know I'm whinning but it's the truth
I feel so sad for this new look
Why did I have to be born in this family!

He comes to me and hold me on my shoulders looking down at

me
"You are beautiful, you are beautiful, you are Beau…"
"Okay! I've heard you"
Why does he keep on repeating the same thing. He is annoying
me too
"No you don't hear me because you don't believe me. Say it to
yourself, 'I am beautiful' . Say it"
Is this man serious?
I give him a look and fold my arms
"I'm not a kid Zabelo" "
" Just say this with me and I will stop annoying you. Come on.. "
Hraa.. Why did i fall for him again
" I am beautiful.. "I mumble
" MaFuze" he warningly says..
"I am beautiful, I am beautiful.. I am beautiful"
Jesus.. I need Jesus
"that's better. What else do you need to feel beautiful?" he
asks
"I need weaves. Lots of them. And I need a new makeup kit.
And I need new clothes. And I also need a.. "
His phone rings disturbing our moment
Arg!
He frowns and pick up moving away from me
That was a quick call. He comes to me and hugs me tight.
I love his hugs but this one seems off
"I have to go to Johannesburg as in now.. " that's all it takes for
my mind to send me back to my sad reality..

It's been a while since Zabelo left.

I'm feeling his absence like crazy.
Its funny because I'm in a house full of people, Ncane, bab
Ngcobo and my father are with me. Ntsika too
Nangamso, Ndalo and Pretty left yesterday night from what I
was told. I was too engrossed in my head to even notice.
Khanya left this morning, I cried when she left.

My distant uncle and aunt are leaving too, after cutting my hair
off.. Nx!
"Funeka nana, can you carry this for me?" bloody abusive aunt.
It's a black plastic. I'm sure there is meat inside.
I rise from the mat and take the damn plastic.
They say their goodbyes to everyone and we head out.
I'm glad that taxis pass just outside the gate, I don't have to
walk long distance carrying this

"How are you and the little one doing?"

She is losing her mind but I respond anyway
"I'm fine aunty"
I don't even know why she is asking me when she is already
leaving
"I know this is not an easy time for you dali. But for the sake of
that soul you are carrying please don't stress too much. We
don't want you losing a child and a mother in such a short
space of time.."
Never have I been thrown in such a deep confusion
The taxi hoots outside the gate before I can say another word.
What a weird woman
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY FIVE

ZABELO MAGWAZA

By midnight he drives inside Johannesburg.

He has been getting updates on his guy about Nora's husband.
He is no longer speeding, just driving at an average speed.
He is in deep thoughts
Kiddo mentioned that when they found the man, he was badly
beaten up and cannot even speak.

Explains why he's been awol, maybe some Joburg goons

hijacked him or something.
His thoughts are disturbed by a phone vibrating in his pocket.
He fishes it out, and glances at the screen.
His heart bounces a little, Funeka is the one calling, for the
seventh time if he is counting correctly. He stuffs it back into his
pocket, a distressed sigh escapes his mouth.
He knows she will ask why he just left, he hates lying to her and
prefers ignoring her instead of telling lies.

His eyes are suddenly heavy, blinking a couple of times he feels

that he is getting sleepy and the plan to see Nora's husband
seems to be a problem

He drives inside his apartment premises with a plan to take a

little nap and wake up to continue with his journey.
Reaching his apartment he throws his body on the bed and let
sleep take over..
Until his phone disturbs his deep sleep.

"MaFuze I've been on the road for hours. I couldn't pick up your
call" He lazily utters, eyes closed.
It is silence for a while until he hears soft sniffs
"MaFuze.."
His heart tears apart as he realize that she is hurting and
breaking down wherever she is.
She drops the call with no words said to him

He seat up, feeling like the world is suddenly on his chest.

Staring at the time, it's approaching one o'clock AM. She
probably can't sleep, she is still sinking in deep, dark waters of
sorrow and it will take very long to heal.
Instead of being there for her he had to leave in such a hurry
and never gave it a thought of how affected she might me.
He's been ignoring her calls even.

Now he is the one calling. His heart is beating hard.

She doesn't pick his call and that send his mind in turmoil
He calls Ntsika who doesn't bother picking up as well.
He curses before he calls Betty.
"Zabelo, is everything okay? I heard you left in a rush" Betty
says, in a sleepy yet gentle voice
"I'm okay mah, I'm worried about MaFuze. Can you please
check on her" his voice is filled with panic and worry
He suddenly hates being here, if he had powers he would just
telephath his way back to Mtubatuba
"Okay, let me wear something first, I'll call you back" Betty has
a heart of gold. One of the reasons why Zabelo adores her.
"thank you ma, I'm sorry for waking you"
He says a bit gentler
"It's okay son, don't feel bad about it. We are all worried about
Funeka"

He's been pacing up and down, wondering if she is okay

wherever she is. If she will sleep, or not. How many tears has
she shed, how does she feel now?
He has been too focused on trying to find the killer that he
failed to be fully there for her. Even if he does kill the man, if
she hates him now In the end it will be worthless
It is funny how it took him to be miles away from her to realize
his shortcomings

His phone rings once and he quickly pick up

"mah, how is she?"
He quickly asks
his voice filled distress
"I'm not saying we can't take care of her but. I think you
shouldn't have left Zabelo"
His knees weakens instantly and he falls on the bed and
furiously brushing his beard
"Is she asleep?"
He ask again
"No. She is crying and… rumbling stuffs. I can't make sense of
what she is saying. I'm worried Zabelo. She wasn't this bad with
you around" Betty's voice is beginning to tremble as she says
"Can I talk to her" He softly asks
There is some shuffling and then silence

"MaFuze, I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for ignoring your calls.
I'm sorry for failing to be with you when you need me the most.
I'm so sorry nana. Please just.. just close your eyes and sleep. I
love you " he says
There's no response until Betty speaks on the other side
"When are you coming, she needs you here. Zabelo, did you
know about the pregnancy?"
He blinks, blows a sigh and gulp
"Pregnancy? What pregnancy?" he is spooked, his shocked
voice is visible
"Never mind. She was probably rumbling and I misheard
everything."
Says Betty
"Please tell me what you misheard"
That's Zabelo begging
"I'm not even sure what I heard Zabelo. Just come back okay."
"okay ma. Please watch over her until she falls asleep"
"You don't have to ask. Of course I'll watch over her"
When the phonecall ends he grabs his keys without thinking
twice.

.
.

FUNEKA
"Are you sure you took everything you needed?" Ncane asks,
for the second time.
I nod, not trusting my voice at this point.
My chest is tight, one word I'll break into a loud, piercing cry.
She smiles sadly and lock the door
She then holds my hand and we walk toward the car.
Each step I take feels heavier than the last, as if a piece of my
heart is sliced, bleed and falls on this yard.
I feel walls closing in on me
My lungs seems to too stuck to let air in and out

Getting inside the car I lean against the window, staring at what
made me, what raised me. What used to be my sanctuary, my
heart, my peace. Now all is left is nothing but cold walls filled
with the memories of the only person who made my life a
better one.
Warm tears makes thier way down my face as the car moves
further and further away.. Until all I see is just blur..

It's been seven days since I said my last goodbye to my mother.

I've left my home, I don't know when or if I'll ever return. She
made that a home, without her it's just nothing but a
heartbreaking memory.
I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to her..
I couldn't look at that huge pile of soil, without imagining if she
is fine or she's at peace like everyone said on her funeral.
I couldn't bring myself to speak to her knowing fully well I won't
get a response.
I just left.
But my heart is behind
I can't understand how people survive with this deep hole that
death digs mercilelly and leave you in nothing but scattered
pieces of your heart, mind and soul
I know I cannot take this pain anymore.

I don't know when I fell asleep with the pain I was in. I wake up
in Zabelo's arms
I blink and realize that we are finally in Bassonia
He lead me to my room..
"No.. Take me to my mother's room" he doesn't protest.
I'm glad he came back the following day after he ditched me.
I was seated under the tree shade watching leaves rustling in
the breeze when he drove in. In that moment, I felt a little hope
crippling in.

"thank you, I will be taking a nap in here"

He perks my forehead and tells me to sleep.
I can smell her perfume as I lay my head.
I probably shouldn't be using any of her things but this is the
only way I feel close to her.
"Zabelo.." I whisper when he is about to leave
"don't leave"
I'm probably abusing him but I don't want him to leave
He nods and grab the chair at the corner and seat.

I'm dozing off when I feel the blanket being pulled away gently
Cold air invade my skin as he pulls up my top.
I have no idea what he is doing but he has been doing this since
that day he returned
When he thinks I'm asleep he pulls up my top and gently
caresses my tummy..
It is a soothing, calming feeling that has me falling asleep
peacefully.
Maybe that aunt was right about insinuating pregnancy. It's
been on my mind since she left, I would have told him but I
need to be sure first and I couldn't do a pregnancy test while I
was back home. Everyone was always around me, here I can
even ask Nangamso for help.
I feel lighter, falling in a deep slumber wondering why Zabelo
hasn't said a thing about this because he clearly knows
something that I don't..

*****
NORA MAHLABA

Her phone rings for the hundredth time.

She knows who is calling and she is ignoring her
"mama, your phone is ringing" Pearl reminds her. They are
watching TV in the lounge
"Leave me alone wengane!"
She snaps, Pearl frowns and decides to put her concentration
back on the tv
Her phone beeps, indicating an incoming message
It's from Khethiwe reminding her that if the plan doesn't work
she will deal with her.
Zabelo never bothered to kill the man as they had envisioned
Instead he has been with Funeka the whole week
If there was a time she hated Funeka
It has to be now..
The girl is all Zabelo thinks about and it irks her to a point
where she even imagine putting a bullet through her skull
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY SIX

FUNEKA

"Are you sure you are not pregnant?"

The water instantly takes the wrong pipe and I cough insanely
after that
The table is utterly quiet
All eyes staring suspiciously at Zabelo who looks unbothered
with the fact that I might be carrying a sex evidence, our sex
evidence
The bustard is not even brushing my back like many lovers do
He is fork and knifing his breakfast in peace as if Ntsika didn't
just pyscho analyzed me in front of everyone

"We are waiting" Mongezi mockingly says, just as I stop

coughing.
There is Ncane, bab Ngcobo, Ntsika, Mongezi and Mazisi who is
also staring at me amused.
I'm going to get Ntsika for this
"ahem.. What was the question again?"
I ask, hoping for something else but I know Nstika
"I said are you sure you aren't pregnant dear sis"
If I had superpowers I'd throw him in the wall with just my mind

"And what makes you reach such a deep conclusion Ntsika?"

I ask, trying so hard to stare at him without blinking
"I'm sorry, don't mind me just pretend I'm not even here" says
Zabelo taking two bacons from my plate with one half cooked
egg, I can't believe he is the only one in this table who is still
eating in this heat that I'm suddenly thrown under
"But you are here dude!" that's Momgezi
"Don't call me that, I have a name and it's certainly not dude"
what an unnecessary waste of my peaceful breakfast

My sin was to run to the toilet at the smell of eggs and return
with a cup of water. Now Ntsika just dropped this question
"As long as there might be a chance that you hit my sister
skoon, I will call.."
"Mongezi! "-Ngcobo
If I don't turn into a tomato then I'm strong. How can I suffer
such embarrassment so early in the morning
"Let's just finish this breakfast and mind our business. Wena
Ntsika no one asked you about your crazy tittok videos where
you take my wigs and dresses and make them your video
costumes. Leave my child alone"
Now it's my turn to laugh

"You have tik tok mah!"

He looks spooked.
"Brenda shows me your videos everyday at work" she adds
with a little laugh
"and you didn't think I deserved to know my privacy has been
bleached"
He is sulking and I'm glad he has finally left me
"Your videos are public Ntsika" that's Mongezi reminding him
"But not to mom!"
I don't understand him
"why not me?"
"because.. Because the things I do aren't meant for your eyes.. I
just.."
"you mean the videos where you pretend to be a woman or
where you twerk for your fans.."
I'm loving this

After breakfast Zabelo asks to take me out. He asked Ncane and

she agreed
I didn't ask bab Ngcobo he has a wife and she will be the one
dealing with him for me
"Are you sure I look okay?"
I'm in tight jeans, polo neck and boots. It's a bit chilly outside.
The jeans aren't tight but today they seem too tight. I won't be
able to run if the world is suddenly attacked my zombies,
maybe I'll be the first victim to be turned into one

" You are beautiful, go now. He is waiting" Ncane responds. I

don't like being bald, I put the bannie on and head out
I get in the car and we drive out
"Where are we going?"
I ask, leaning on the chair
"the doctor"
I turn my head quickly
"Why?"
"To check if Nstika's theory is true"
I feel a rush of heat bursting through my body..
Here I am thinking he is taking me out since I couldn't stomach
anything

My phone rings before I can say something

It's Siziwe. Finally!
She's been ignoring my text messages
"for a moment I thought you have forgotten about me" that's
my first line
She giggles, warming my heart. I strangely love this girl

"I'm sorry, I've been scared to call after what mother did"
She says
"Anyway I hope you and my little nephew are doing fine"
This girl is confusing me
"hold up Siziwe.."
Tyres scratching!
I almost hit a dashboard with my head.
The car abruptly stops
My heart is racing

"Ahem.. I'll call you back sis. Bye"

I end the call with Siziwe and look at this crazy man next to me
I'm so angry right now
"So it's not enough that I buried my mom just last week. Now
you want to kill me too?"
My high pitched voice doesn't seem to scare him
"You are friends with my sister?"
Oh wow.. Wow
"Aren't you going to apologise for almost killing me?"
I ask him angrily
"Funeka, whatever business you have with Siziwe must end.
Now. In Fact you must delete that number"
Is he losing his mind

"I have no idea what's going on in your head right and quite
frankly I don't care. Just don't think I'll let you treat me like
crap. I'm no one's puppet. Now please drive or take me back
home"

Intense silence falls upon us

Until the engine comes to life and we drive in utter silence

He tries holding my hand as we walk towards the building but I

yank it off.
I'm not talking to him until he apologises to me
He is the one who speaks with the white lady doctor, Megan
Brown.
She is his doctor, I see the way their conversation flows.
I've been introduced as a wife.
I don't have the energy to correct him
 I do the process of urinating and take the walk of shame back
to the doc's office.

Then we wait.
Nerves has me by my feet
I wish I wasn't angry. I'd be holding his hand right now..
Laughter erupts once in a while as they converse in a beautiful
chat with the doctor. Nx
Look at him do free as if everything is normal
"Okay. The results are now ready. One line means the test is
negative and you are not pregnant, and two lines mean the test
is positive and you are pregnant."
I suddenly feel his warm hand holding my sweaty, clasped
hands resting on my thighs

Our eyes lock for a second

I know I have his heart, just as he has mine
Megan shows us the lines and smile
" And we have two lines here. Congratulations Mr and Mrs
Magwaza
Advertisement
looks like you should start saving money for diapers . You are
pregnant, Seven weeks pregnant" wow… wow

After the test the doctor did an ultrasound and she found a
gyna for me. A close friend of hers I think
I'm not sure how to feel I'm still… shocked I guess. Zabelo on
the other hand is totally fussing, he has been touching my
tummy and asking how I feel. He's even apologised

We passed by Woolworths and he bought the goodies he thinks

I might crave. It worries him that I don't have any cravings.
I don't have anything I like for now. I just have things I hate...
My mother told me she craved soil when she was pregnant
with me.. How gross!
Maybe that's why I'm this crazy
Out of everything I could have wanted in that womb, I chose
soil. Demonic!
I'm praying to never have any cravings
Imagine all of me looking for soil.. I can't!
I might have fallen asleep along the way. I only wake up when
he tries to get me out of the car.
I tell him to move and I get out and hold his hand. I'm so
sleepy!
The moment I touch the pillow I take a long nap.
**

ZABELO MAGWAZA

He left her fast asleep, hoping to be back by the time she

wakes.
He has more pressing matters he needs to attend to. And that's
to first see Siziwe and tell her to stop bothering Funeka…
And everyone to stop calling her.
She is pregnant, he wants to make sure this time she never
loses the child.
His phone beeps before he even reaches his house, it's Kiddo
asking for a meet up immediately. He change his plan and head
to him to a nearby restaurant

"Kiddo" he says and they fist bump and seat

"I'll go straight to the point. I think we got more problems
coming"
He frowns. Just when he thought everything was going
according to plan, now this!
Funeka is pregnant and the sooner he solve this the better

"I pay you to bring me solutions and not problems Kiddo" he

boldly says
"Let me explain first. Our guy spoke a while ago for the first
time. You said that the man is from KZN but his accent is
definitely not from KZN. He has this Joburg Zulu. And check this
out.."
He gives him pictures

"I went through your brother's Facebook account and that

picture on your right is the so-called husband. It's his father, on
the right is our guy from the cctv, the one who shot at your
mother and she claimed that it was her husband. But those are
two different people."

His heart rate beats slower than normal as he stares at the

picture.
He never bothered to know his mother's husband that well.
When he goes home, which happens once in a long while, he'll
always return much quicker.
When he asked about the killer, his mother said it is her
husband and he just believed her without a doubt
"Your mother lied. Question is why?"
Adds Kiddo
"Since the man can speak, what has he said so far?"
He ask
"Nothing concrete. Just that one of his old friends offered him a
job. He wasn't meant to kill but to shoot. He messed up and
killed the wrong target, he thinks it's the bosses that roughed
him up, kidnapped him for a week and then released him. He
never saw their faces bla bla bla.. I don't understand why they
didn't just kill him since he is an accomplice"
He sighs in exhaustion
Holding his forehead feeling all the hope he had crumbling
down.
He should be home enjoying the best news but he is here,
trying to put the puzzles
"Does he know my moth.. Nora? Or Nora's husband?" even
calling her mother suddenly taste even bitter than before

"He doesn't know anyone in Gray town, or Graytown for that

matter. He knows no name of Nora. We asked for that old
friend and we haven't found him. He is said to be missing too"
He clicks his tongue
"have my mother followed. She knows some things that I
don't.."
He says then stand up, feeling heavier and heavier
"Let's go, I need to see this man myself. There is always a
loophole in every story and I'm going to find one. That I'm
sure"

******
I'm on my way to see Siziwe.
I woke up to an empty room and Zabelo was nowhere in sight. I
looked for a spare key and left
I've received calls from home
They are asking when I am coming back. They really are worried
about me
After this, I'm going back home

The Uber drops me outside, the gate is locked, and I wonder

why.
I call her and she comes to open for me
"You've been ignoring my messages. Why did you do that?"
I ask as we settle on the porch chairs
"I didn't know what to say, after what happened. I'm really
sorry"
She says
"It's okay, it's life. And it's not your fault"
I say
"but it's still my parent's fault. I feel responsible because I
dreamt that something bad might happen. Maybe if we
stopped the engagement your mom would be alive. I'm really
sorry sis Funeka.I can't believe my dad wanted to kill mom and
mistakenly shot your mom..it's just so wrong and hard to come
to terms with "
I feel air leaving my lungs..
What is she on about
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY SEVEN

FUNEKA

"Please MaFuze'' he pleads, his voice getting lower as hold the

spoon of beef stew and rice to my mouth. His eyes reflect
sadness and something else.
My stomach growls, I end up letting him feed me.

The sudden revelations about my mom's death crushed me for

those few minutes.
I just broke down completely, wondering why Zabelo didn't tell
me anything. Why did it have to be his family to bring me such
sorrow
He came to get me, I think Siziwe called him
He brought me to his apartment and cooked for me. He called
Ncane and told her I'm with him for the night and apologised
for not bringing me back as he promised.
I could tell ncane was giving him a hard time but I guess he
succeeded in convincing her to let me spend the night.

I can't believe this is my first time eating a food he cooked, it's

not bad. It's eatable, that's all I can say.
He makes sure I'm full before he gives me water to down my
supper.
I watch as he takes everything and stands up from the couch
heading to the kitchen. I let the TV watch me, it's a sports
channel and I'm not even surprised.
He comes back after putting the dishes in the sink, without his
food and settles next to me.
I guess this is the time to talk
"Aren't you hungry?"
I've said it out loud before I can even stop myself. It's the first
words I'm saying to him since
His eyebrows furrow for a mere second,probably confused and
shocked about my sudden caring nature

"I'm okay" he hesitantly says

"You need to eat Zabelo. I refuse to share a bed with a hungry
man. I don't want to end up being the meal" okay, that wasn't
intended, I just blurt it out.
His unpleasant expression is instantly replaced with a smug.
I instantly regret saying such words to him, now he thinks I'm
not upset. I'm still upset at him for hiding such critical news
from me but let me allow him to shine, just for now
"You can just tell me if you crave sex maFuze, no need to beat
around the bush. I heard pregnant woman love sex"
I didn't say I want sex, but now that he mentions it I feel myself
getting a bit excited
"Just dish yourself some food and leave me alone. I'm not like
everyone else, I don't want sex"
His eyebrow raises a bit
"Are you sure you can resist all this sexiness? "
A low chuckle leaves my mouth as he push his top reaching his
strong torso
"Let's talk about something else"
I say

And just like that he is back to being all sad

"I'm sorry MaFuze. I was wrong and I'm truly sorry you had to
find out from Siziwe. "
He starts by telling me this
"Why did you hide it from me then? I deserve to know what
happened to my own mother Zabelo "

"I know you deserve to know. I was going to tell you after I have
dealt with the culprit but every time I get close, something else
comes up and now it's just.. It's a bit complicated"
An exhaustion sigh follows
"Dealt with the culprit?"
"Yes"
I give him the explain look
"You don't have to know every detail but just allow me to deal
with this the best way I know how"
This response makes me uncomfortable

"Are you going to kill someone?" I ask in a whisper. I'm holding

my breath and crossing my heart that he doesn't say what my
mind has concluded
I'm thinking he will blink or look remorseful or shocked. He has
a straight face, he has already made up his mind I just know
"One thing you need to understand about me MaFuze is that I
will do whatever it takes to protect you. What happened hurt
you, I don't want to see you hurt. Whoever hurt you will pay, all
those involved will curse the day they ever laid their eyes on
you"
His voice is evidently cold, my breathing rate instantly
accelerates.
I feel bouts of fear attacking my body
"nothing bad will happen to me MaFuze. I can take care of
myself" he assures me gently as if reading my mind.
I've always known that he is not that law-abiding citizen. Half of
the club owners aren't. But I just can't help this pit in my
stomach
"What if you get killed?I don't want to lose you too Zabelo.."
"MaFuze. You will not lose me I assure you"
Holding my chin he says, staring deep in my eyes.

"You don't know that, revenge does not end. It's just a vicious
cycle, you will kill that person and in turn their families will hunt
you down and kill you. Then what? I will give birth to a
fatherless child? Or be killed just to get back at you"
I'm trembling, even the thought of losing him just cripples my
mind.
He rubs my eyes with his fingers, wiping the tears that have
managed to escape my eyelids
" Look at me MaFuze. I will not die. I will be here when our
baby is born, we will raise our baby together and grow old
together"
His voice is bold and full of hope. But I know better
"Listen to me. What happened has happened, it doesn't matter
what you do Zabelo. My mother is gone and she is never
coming back whether you hunt down the culprit and kill him.
The pain he left me will run for as long as my blood does. So
please, just do what's right. Hand him to the police if you ever
find him, my mother was a good woman. I don't want any
blood to be spilled on her name. Please respect her"
I'm not revengeful, I'm hurting. I should be rejoicing that the
man who killed my mom will be killed too.
But I just can't. It's not who I am
I'm also afraid, I'm afraid of losing someone else I hold dear. I
will not take it, I know I won't
He plant a wet kiss on my left eye
then my right one and I feel myself getting warm.
He kisses my forehead and
Our eyes lock
Maybe I finally know the feeling of having that one person who
completes you without saying a word. One look at him your
heart just becomes full of his love.

"I love you MaFuze" he whisper gently and I feel butterflies at

the Lowest of my navel
My heart is beating for him, I love this man. His feelings seem
to double each passing day and I'm starting to wonder how one
person can have so much effect on me.
He looks breathtaking in my eyes, I feel his warm breath
trickling my skin before his lips graces mine in a heated,
lingering kiss

He kisses me, taking my breath away as if its the first time. It's
his touch roaming around my body that owns me, it ignites
every ounce of love I have of him

My heart is violently beating

My body is screaming for more of him
A soft whimper escape my mouth, there's that swoosh feeling
in between my thighs
I feel unholy juices forming down there

He gives me a break to catch my breath

His forehead resting on mine as our escalated breathing and
heaving chests make the noise. His hands are now buried inside
my top, just drawing circles on my bare back evoking sexual
hunger. The complete desire to be filled is growing and the
urge to rub myself on his hard member is hard to ignore.
Now I know, I missed him
My hands travels down his zip and I touch his hard member
with my hands
He sucks his breath and hold them together
"MaFuze" he whispers breathless
Sexual lust is loud in here
"We can't. You are still mourning"
What..
"Zabelo, I've waited seven days. Isn't that enough?I want this.
I'm pregnant and I want you" A low chuckle leaves his mouth
I deserve to be striked by lightning for using this pregnancy for
my selfish reasons
My poor baby

"I thought you are not like everyone else"

He reminds me and I hate myself for saying that
I'm annoyingly turned on, my body is heating up. I can feel my
aroused clit throbbing so fast and the wetness than has
gathered in my vulva is not helping
"Zabelo" my sulky spirit is out on display
He kisses me again, I love how he takes control of my body but
still makes me feel safe, not trapped.

Reaching the bed he helps me out of my clothes, I'm never

wearing jeans I mean why do I have to suffer so much to
remove them.
He ended up laughing at me
I'm too horny to find humour in this
I can finally breathe now that I'm in my bra and thong
I grab his top and take it off and he kicks off his pants with his
boxer.
This time I'm the one who onslaughts him in a hunger kiss.
He pushes me gently, helping me lie on the bed without
breaking the kiss

He unclasps my bra and starts rubbing my nipples slowly. A

burning sensation spreads throughout my body. I'm gaping, his
lips now resting on my neck
His hand travels down my thighs, caressing.
I rub myself on his hard member as the need to have him deep
in me grows.
" Zabelo.. please" …I beg softly and he listens because my thong
is slid down my knees and I use my toes to push it off
completely
"… ahh" He is playing with my drenched folds and I throw my
head back on the pillows feeling pleasure building deep in my
body.
" Mmm… '' I'm crying gibberish arching my back, gently
grabbing the bed covers as he softly rubs my clit in small circles.
I feel his knee spreading my thighs further apart and a tip of his
member resting on my entrance.
My heart is racing as if it will be ripped out of my chest
He position himself and slowly enters my opening and I feel
fireworks of pleasure ripping through my body
I cry out deeply as I get lost in a squeezing, unspeakable
pleasure closing my eyes completely…

****

I woke up tangled in his arms. The best feeling ever. Zabelo's

presence brings me peace and hope that I desperately need at
this time of loss.
He took me out and we had breakfast in one of the restaurants
just a few minutes away from the apartment and drove me
home.
I made him promise not to kill whoever is responsible for
mom's death. He kissed me and told me to stop worrying.
I don't know if he will listen to me or not.
I couldn't read him

I take the Bible that belonged to my mother and start paging

through it while resting on the bed.
Ncane walks in and seat next to me
"Ncane" I say
"How are you feeling?" she's such a good soul
"taking it as it comes"
She nods
"So, are you really pregnant?"
I blink, and then nod
She smiles instead of being angry
"I'm happy for you. You should enjoy this pregnancy with
Zabelo by your side.
You've been through a lot and you deserve this happiness.
However this sneaking around will not always work in your
favour. You know how your father is"
She's right
As if he could hear us, he walks in and stand before me
"MaNgcobo"
"Baba"
Now I'm feeling a little spooked
"Maybe I should just give you to him on a silver platter.
Anyway, how are you feeling today?"
Tjo, talking about being scolded in a gentle manner
"I'm okay baba, how are you?"

"I'm fine. Do you have any plans? Seating around might be

stressful, especially if you'll be alone in this house. Ntsika isn't
always around to keep you company"
I know seating around won't be a solution
"I'd like to get busy. So I'll go back to working with you if that's
not problem"
I say, he smiles
"Of course it won't be a problem. But I think Mazisi must try to
give you a better position. I don't want you to be overworked,
seeing that you are pregnant"
I clear my throat. He might have overheard my conversation
with ncane
"Thank you"
He walks out leaving me in an awkward position.

The rest of the week is pretty much busy.

I'm no longer Mazisi's assistant but I help with the
administration. I started on Wednesday
I'm working with that mean lady who hates me for some odd
reason. But she has been very kind since I began. I'm not sure
why she's being too nice but I'm enjoying every time here. I get
little time to focus on what I'm going through since I'm forever
busy.
I love being her assistant, I'm learning a few things about Admin
and it keeps me on my toes.

My phone rings bringing me back from the busy pile of work

"Tell him I haven't killed you" Simone says softly as I pick up.
She knows Zabelo might be the one calling
"MaFuze"
He says
"Magwaza wam"
He laughs softly
"come toMazisi's office"
I stand up and head straight to the lift and up I go to the office
Without asking any questions.

I found him with Mazisi.

They are having McDs burgers.
I take what's mine and eat, perks of being the CEO's sister.
Eating before lunch time
They are downing red wine..
That's where my sin lies
Yesterday Simone had red wine in her bag and during lunch she
drank some. The smell just hit me so good and I asked for just a
sip
She doesn't know I'm pregnant anyway.
But now I can't stop craving just a sip
I'm hoping this little craving will fade because last time I drank
alcohol while pregnant it ended badly.

After a good, busy Friday I head home with Ncane. The house is
full when we reach home. Mazisi's twins are here, running
around. Mihlali too
We found her cooking in the kitchen.
I head to my room after greeting and take off my clothes and
wear comfortable ones.
After that I rush to where the babies are, they are sleeping
peacefully.
I head down the stairs and straight to the kitchen
Mazisi is cornering poor Mihlali, he is standing behind her and
totally caging her
Amen

*****

Zabelo

He find his mother chilled in front of the TV.

He joins her and take the remote, switching off the tv
"and then? I was watching that!"
She yells
"I will ask you one question and for your own safety I hope you
tell me nothing but the truth. Why did you lie to me about your
husband? And what business do you have with Khethiwe
Ndlovu?"
Nora swallows nothingness feeling her blood vessels drying up
"I don't know what you are talking about"
Her voice is trembling as she says
Zabelo gives her a picture that Kiddo gave him
"Isn't that you in that picture with the same woman I'm asking
you about. Or you happen to have a twin that I don't know of"
He is strangely calm and that alone send shivers
"Ahem.. I can explain."
"please do. While at that do remember to call your real
husband to take you back because you are moving out of my
house in the next hour.."
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY EIGHT

ZABELO MAGWAZA

Khethiwe's car drives inside her yard slowly. She spots her
security guard laying on the ground, hopelessly.
"Switch off the engine. He is here" she says to the driver and
looks around even though her PI assured her that Zabelo was
alone when he got inside the gate. She had him followed to be
sure of his plan
"You know what to do" she whispers to the three guys she is
with and tiptoes her way in.

Intense silence fills up the surroundings as she slowly walks

inside, a gun already gracing her hands.
Zabelo is seated on the third staircase, a half bottle of whiskey
in his left hand, while the right one pointing a gun at Khethiwe
who just walked in alone.

"Finally, I almost finished this baby here. It blends so well with

my tongue. My kind of taste" He says, amused at the bottle on
his hands and gulp a sip
"Drop your weapon"
Orders Khethiwe coldly
Zabelo laughs a bit, and slowly stands up
"This is a masterpiece, I have few of this kind even in my own
collection. You must hook me up, you seem like a very
knowledgeable woman…and a gullible one too "

The atmosphere thickens

They are glaring at each other, hatred adorned in their deep Icy
stares.
Khethiwe feeling angrier that the man killed her only son. She is
a bit far from Zabelo as she looks at him on the staircase
Zabelo on the other hand looks at the woman who hurt
MaFuze. Brought nothing but pain.
A woman who gave birth to a man that killed his child.

"I heard you wanted me, here I am" he says, sternly. His cold
voice sends shivers to anyone close by. His piercing stare has
cornered Khethiwe and she feels her heart skipping a beat.
He is a tall, dark skinned man with a dark, unsettling aura.

"I've waited for this day, to look you in the eyes and smile as I
rain all my bullets on you…"A bursting sound suddenly goes off
as he drops the bottle of whiskey from his hand. Itt shatters on
the floor, scattering around as Khethiwe seethes, her eyes
emitting anger
"Let them rain, I'm waiting" he says, unbothered
"You killed my son, you dog! my only son and for that you will
pay. Thanks to your dump mother for telling you everything
and brought you here, in my house, under my mercy"
"Mercy
Advertisement
you say. I wouldn't be so sure if I were you."
Khethiwe mocking laughter
"oh boy, you didn't strike me as naive as your mother. I call the
shots here. This is my house, unlike you. I am not alone"
She tells him to shake him. Knowing that her guys would appear
any second since they used the back door

"It's been more than five minutes since I graced you with my
presence. Yet, you haven't done a thing. Your time is running
out, my patience is running thin. I will not hesitate to kill you
when my time to strike comes. So now is your time, I'm giving
you a fair chance. you wanted me. Do your worst"
Khethiwe blinks a couple of times, her eyes scanning for her
guys who seems to take longer
"Sometimes I don't get why people like you underestimate me.
No one is coming, not even those bodyguards wanna be of
yours. Call your PI, he has something to say to you"
Leaning on the rails he says, boldly
"What did you do to him!!"
He screams

"Don't worry, he died a quick death after telling you exactly

what you wanted to hear."
She stumbles back, her hands shaking but she never let's go of
the gun
"You know, MaFuze doesn't want me to kill anyone. She
doesn't want anyone to die but the thing is you messed with
the wrong person. And I can not look past that.. Your time is
up"
Mongezi appears with five guys with him
Her knees weakens instantly, her heart suddenly beat harder
than normal as she realizes
She underestimated the situation
"Listen.. I can.."
*Bhaaa! Bhaaa! *

Moment of silence
Khethiwe is on the ground breathless
Mongezi looks at Zabelo and nods.
It is over…

*****

FUNEKA

I haven't been able to get hold of Zabelo since yesterday

afternoon.
I woke up to zero missed calls from him.
After kicking his mother out, I need to know if he is okay. Siziwe
told me, they all left except for her.
Zabelo loves that woman and I have no idea why he would kick
her out. I know it's her husband that killed my mother, not her.
I don't get why Zabelo would do this.
I'm starting to worry

"What are you thinking about?"

Ncane ask as she joins me in the lounge
Bab Ngcobo is behind her.
They settle on the opposite couch
"Nothing serious" I say
"Stress is not good in this state, Funeka. Tell me what's going
on?"
I hate talking about Zabelo a lot, it's like I'm disrespecting baba

"I can't reach Zabelo on the phone"

I've turned into that woman.
"You worry a lot about him. He is an old man. He is okay, I'm
sure he is busy and forgot to charge his phone"
Maybe they are right.
What if he was busy at the club, I mean it was Friday last night
so.. And it's weekend today

"he is probably busy" I'm convincing myself than them

"There is something that we would like to talk about Funeka"
that's baba, this sounds serious.
He hardly called me by my name
"yebo"
"We were thinking. Zabelo is like a son to me. We may have our
differences but I trust him with you. I've seen how protective
he is of you, he takes her of you and he loves you. But this thing
of sneaking around has to end"
I face down feeling shameful
"Which is why your mother and I decided that you move in
with him since we can't perform any lobola negotiations right
now. You are still mourning but as soon as that ends he will do
right by you"
A RAY OF SUNSHINE

FIFTY NINE

I'm happy that morning sickness doesn't hit me regularly

anymore. However I still can't stand chicken and eggs.
I make sure the chair is steady before climbing on it..

Which is a hard job because my belly is very much visible and

getting a bit big
I'm four months pregnant now..
Today marks the second month since I moved in with Zabelo
I thought bab Ngcobo was fine with the idea, until I realised
that he did this for me to be free..
But the man is always here. I'm counting hours. I know he will
be here earlier than everyone else.
I'm glad they finally agreed that the lobola negotiations will
start once I've given birth.
I wouldn't want to be a fat lady in a white, wedding dress.
We are hosting lunch in my house. Yes, it feels good to say it.
Everyone in my family is coming, hence why I woke up early.
Early for me being after 8 in the morning.
I'm forever exhausted, I sleep more than I should. It's still early
but boy I'm suffering.
Its a miracle I haven't stopped working even though I'm forever
late

Zabelo and Siziwe walk while I'm busy taking the bigger dishes
Zabelo rushes to me and hold my waist
"Are you out of your mind Funeka?"
He is angry, I hate my name when he abuses it like this
"I'm taking the dishes.." I mumble as he helps me get down
My feet touch the tiled floor and I look up at an angry baby
daddy
"I had to keep myself busy, Zabelo. I can't just sit, people are
coming into my house"

His frown deepens. There it comes

"We both agreed that you will not strain yourself MaFuze.
Siziwe will take care of everything. Nangamso is coming, Mihlali
too. And Ntsika's mother. They will do the cooking, you are
pregnant. You can't just overwork yourself. And what if you fell
in that chair, broke your bones and hurt our child. Sometimes I
don't know with you.. I just don't "
I sigh and peck his lips
"don't be upset, Magwaza. I was just trying to be busy but I
understand. I won't overwork myself, I'm sorry" I politely say
He side smiles, lean in and kisses me briefly
Now I'm staring at him pushing my top up, revealing my belly
and he kisses it and brushes it gently

Siziwe pushes him away and as always they start arguing

"Just give me a chance already! You sleep with her all night. It's
my time now. Anyway, How is my niece doing?" She's busy
planting kisses and speaking with her so called niece
I no longer pay attention to their unending stupid quarrel
They treat my belly as if it's theirs
Zabelo put his arms around me and I lean on his shoulder.
I believe that it is easier when you find the right person, loving
is easier and the best feeling ever

"You still remember the mother of thee niece Siziwe?" I ask her
She pouts her cute lips and perk my cheeks
"You know I love you right"
She's sweet talking me right now
"and I got your favourite" she's grinning as she says
Now she has my full attention
This girl. I will marry her after her brother
"You are the best!" I say, smiling widely
"What's your favourite again?"
Oh, we still have the third leg we hiding the truth from
"grapes babe, I love grapes"
He looks at me deeply
Siziwe rushes to one of the plastics and gives me grapes
And a red wine
.. I feel my heart beating so loud
She put the wine in the fridge and hand the grapes to me
"I love you sister in law" I say, faking joy and Zabelo seems to
buy it because he starts smiling as I begin eating the grapes.
I love grapes, not because I crave them. I just naturally love
them, no big deal
"So, we finally have the cravings" His voice is full of amazement
as he utters
He's been buying anything he thinks a woman craves when
pregnant, went as far as buying a biltong.. Yeah you heard that
right

"I guess so. Yeap"

I scream as he suddenly swings me around.
I'm getting dizzy as I giggle loudly
The moment he stops I stumble a bit and he holds me still
He is happy, way too happy.
There is that twinkle in his eyes
Now I feel guilty.
"wow.. I will buy lots and lots of them"
I know he will
Only if he knew this baby is red wine
"Why didn't you tell me that grapes are now your cravings? You
told my sister instead of me" His question throws me off guard.
I didn't expect it
"Please, don't be jealous. It's not a good look on you big
brother"
Thank Siziwe for saving me. They argue again and the question
is forgotten..

Baba walks in while I'm helping with the veggies chopping and
seat next to me
Siziwe is making a stiff pap
I'm sure Zabelo is preparing a braai somewhere outside. Ntsika,
Mongezi and Mazisi should have been here by now.
"My beautiful princess. Sizo, how are you?
" he says, perking my cheeks.
Sizo is Siziwe by the way. Trust old people to shorten your
name even when there is no need
He talks with Siziwe for a while and finally remembers me
"where is your wife? And your crazy sons" I say
"There was too much drama in that house. I had to leave. My
wife had to remain behind fi calm the situation
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I came with Mongezi"
I wipe my hands and pay more attention
"What situation?"
"Apparently Mazisi cheated. I don't know what's up with him
and Mihlali but she found out this morning and she was so
crazy. She messed up his dreads"
Wow.. Juicy staff

"Who is the woman? I want to know who the woman is"

His eyes lights up
One thing I recently learnt about this man..
He is a gossiper
"None other than your friend.. What's her name again?
Khanyi"
What..
"KHANYA! SHE IS IN JOBURG AND SHE DIDN'T TELL ME!"
I stand up, where is my phone?
"Hey, don't you dare mention my name okay! I'm just a
messenger here"
I hear Siziwe laughing..

It rings, she's not answering.

I'm burning up, I don't know why I'm even angry. Khanya is old,
she can sleep with anyone..

But except!
Mazisi is my brother and Mihlali is my sister in law.. Or that's
what I think. There is no label to the relationship but they have
sex..
Yes. Baba told me

"She's not answering" I hopelessly say

"Good. I don't want her to think I'm some lame gossiping father
in law. Do you realise that I might have two daughters in law?"
Jesus this man
I go back to my seat and drill him about what happened until
Mongezi decides to come in and greet me.
I notice Siziwe freezing up. She doesn't like lot of people, I
understand
" So you just left your twin in a war with Mihlali, you are not a
good twin brother Mongezi" I say
"I cannot believe baba couldn't keep this from you. My brother
is still traumatised. Can you believe that Mihlali offered to wash
his dreads only to put a relaxer on them and now they are
ruined.."
I'm waiting for a part where he says he is joking

"Are you serious?"

I ask, baba wasn't specific
"It's bad, I tell you. You should have seen him. I felt so bad, he's
had these dreads for God knows how long." I know what I'm
about to ask is stupid.
"ahem.. Did you take a picture?"
Mongezi cracks up and hands me his phone.. Damn. It's bad
We are not a good family are we..
Its been a while since baba and Mongezi arrived. Still no sign of
Mazisi and the rest of the family. I'm starting to feel bad for
Siziwe. She's busy doing almost everything.
I've helped with the salads though.
I wanted to make chakalaka but the moment I stand up Zabelo
walks in
It like he can sniff me when I'm about to do something he
doesn't like

I drink water and turn back to look at him

He takes the huge bowl and heads out. .
"Your brother will make these nine months annoying. He needs
to relax and let me be busy. I'm pregnant, not sick" I say
Siziwe shares a brief look and continue stirring her pap

"He worries about you a lot. Let him be, trust me there are
many women out there who will kill to have such a caring man
sis Funeka. He may be annoying but at least he is here, loving
you"
Sometimes I forget I'm not her blood.. Arg
I need wine
I know it's so wrong but it's just half the glass, I can't stop the
urge to have at least just a sip.
So I do that, I take a sip and lean on the fridge closing my eyes.
I feel like my body is coming to life. It's so good that I moan
softly
"Taste good doesn't it"
I hear the glass shutter as it slips off my hands and I half
scream

My heart is literally drumming

Siziwe looks just as spooked
We didn't see him walking in again
I shrink at the intense gaze I'm subjected to
I spot Siziwe walking out really fast leaving me with a raging
lion
"I can explain.."
"Explain then" the response comes too quick and cold.
I gulp, holding my tummy
"I just needed a sip. Just a sip"
I'm making him even more angrier
I face down, his gaze is grilling me enough
In the middle of an intense atmosphere Mazisi walks in, he is
completely bald. I
Instantly cracks up.. Oh Bawo
I guess we will finish this later. Atleast in saved for now
**

Happiness can be written in bold, it's so hard to miss in this

table. Everyone is in their happiest time. Except Zabelo and I..
My father is here with Nangamso and Pretty. Ndalo is here too,
for the mid year break
Mihlali didn't come, everyone has been laughing at Mazisi I
even felt sorry for him
Ntsika and Mongezi are having a great time mocking him
Zabelo still hasn't said anything and that makes it hard for me
to participate fully.
And he is not eating
"Can I say something?"
I feel my knees getting jelly
"Zabelo. I'm sorry. I won't do it again" I quickly say, now all the
attention is on us
"let me speak MaFuze" he says, stern but a bit gentle.
"It was a mi.."
"Please"
I sigh. I'm gonna be the joke on this table
"I want to say that I'm grateful for you all. Having you all here
means a lot to me. But most importantly I'm grateful to this one
person who saw me for me, loved and forgave me even when
she didn't have to.
She brought life to me, she filled even the deepest, broken
parts of me with pure love and respect. I'm not a friendly
person everyone around me knows that but since she came I've
been smiling a lot more because she is capable of bringing the
bubble side of me"
Chuckles..
His hand is tight on mine as he gently speaks, looking at me. I'm
fighting back the lump in my throat
"When compared to something, I can say I was just living in my
darkest hours and never even bothered to search for the light
until one night.. She just appeared out of nowhere and brought
up the light I never knew I needed. She just stood there, like a
ray of sunshine illuminating her way inside my heart so easily.
Right there, I just knew my life would change.. "
°°A RAY OF SUNSHINE°°

~~SIXTY~~

°FUNEKA°

One thing I've learnt about Zabelo is that he will make you
blush, be in his bubble and shower you with kisses and then the
next minute he will scolds you

I get out of the shower wrapping my body with a towel and find
him on a laptop, he is in his boxers and a vest.
I've never seen him this serious about work before, it's the first
time today seeing him busy. After such a long, crazy yet
beautiful day.

"Finally, I almost thought you drowned in there. I was this close

to calling the rescue team"
Mxm. He is mocking me
"since when does one drown in a shower?"
My response goes with an eye roll at his stupid statement
"Maybe drinking wine while pregnant can cause drowning in a
shower. Who knows?"
He looks up, I feel the heat from a distance and dodge his stern
gaze.
"I apologised, Zabelo" I say
"Does an apology erase alcohol in your body, does it stop
putting our child at risk Funeka?"
This is the time to shut my pie hole.

I change into a night dress then join him in bed. The plan was to
put my head in the pillow and let sleep take over.
Until he speaks..
"Come and check this with me"
He says, staring at the laptop.
Sigh*

He is on Google
"read this out loud"
It's about the danger of consuming alcohol while pregnant.
I know he is angry at what I did but now he is exaggerating
"Zabelo, I said I was sorry njena, what do you want from me
kant?"
I didn't mean to snap at him but I'm just getting angry too

He turns and I instantly regret snapping at him. His look is just

so hard, his eyes are emitting anger
"I will read" I quickly say
I look at the screen feeling his stern look on my body and that
just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Now I read..
"Drinking alcohol during pregnancy increases the risk of
miscarriage… premature birth and your baby having a low
birthweight"
My hands quickly run to my tummy and I hold it for dear life.

He doesn't say anything but grabs the laptop and puts it away.
My mind is still held up on miscarriage..
I cannot go through that again..
I feel him holding me and making me lie on my side. He leans
behind me and puts his hands on my tummy and begins
brushing gently..

"I didn't mean to scare you, I just needed you to remember the
danger of what you were doing. I love you MaFuze, goodnight"
he gently says and plants a wet kiss on my neck.
Of course I know the danger of drinking alcohol, I just didn't
want to pay attention. The only thing I focused on was just my
cravings. Maybe I needed just a wake up call

An urge to pee wakes me from a deep slumber. Zabelo's side of

the bed is empty and I wonder where he is.
I make my walk to the loo and pee then throw my body on the
bed.
My phone rings somewhere in the sheets, I put them aside and
find my phone.
Its Khanya
The crazy friend of mine

"Besty, or should I say sister in law"

That's my pick up line.
She is laughing
"I'm glad one of us is amuzed by this"
I say, irritation so loud in my tone
"Okay don't be mad. It was just sex, didn't mean anything"
She says so easily
"Let's hope you will still say these exact words in the next few
weeks. Mazisi has a girlfriend and four children, Khanya. He is
still struggling with grief, and hasn't let go of his first dead baby
mama. You will get hurt "
I remind her, she will get hurt and I will be caught in the middle
"I'm not planning to marry the guy, just having fun"
She is just.. I can't change her mind
"I hope you know what you are doing. Anyway, why didn't you
tell me you are in Johannesburg?"
I ask her
"I was going to tell you. It just that Mazi just wanted to spend
time with me first before I decided to visit you"
"Mazi..and you say it's just sex. Soyicel livuthiwe we Khanya
Zulu" clap once
"Just.. Stop judging me. I know he is your brother but he is old
enough to make his own decisions Funeka"

Sigh!
"bye Khanya" I hang up before she says something else that will
annoy me.
Where is Zabelo anyway?
Siziwe should be here, she usually wakes me when Zabelo
leaves early. I don't know what the arrangement is between
them but when he leaves her she comes to check up on me.
Maybe he is somewhere in the house.
I grab a robe, cover myself and head out

Entering the kitchen I'm met with a rather strange situation.

Mongezi is towering over Siziwe?
"Aibo.." I exclaim loudly
"Funei nei" Mongezi says, moving away from her
He comes to me and try to touch my tummy but I hit his hand
"Why are you here so early in the morning?"
I ask him
" I'm in love with a humble woman and I wanted to tell you"
Siziwe coughs. She looks nervous, Mongezi looks amused

I squint my eyes at him

"What did you do to a child, Mongezi? Did you scare her?"
He laughs
"She is not a child"
He says so carefree and heads out whistling ..
What was that about?

"Sis Funeka, I prepared something for you. I made porridge,

pancakes.. and I decided to start cooking something so I
defrosted beef in the microwave and I'm about to chop some
veggies too.. Would you like anything?"
Anyone would be confused as I am.
She was speaking so fast, and everything that she said didn't
add up. Why cook so early in the morning
"Sisi, are you alright ? "
I ask, staring deeply at her.
Who makes so many things at once.
" I'm fine. I'm fine" strange morning
"Don't mind Mongezi, he is crazy. He enjoys scaring people. If
he gives you issues
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let me know and I'll deal with him"
She nods.
"Where is your brother?"
I ask, dishing myself some porridge
"he said he was going to the club but will be back in less than
an hour"
I'm helping Siziwe with her early cooking when a sudden knock
comes through, Khanya walks in holding a cake. It's black forest
and I feel my mouth watering.
I even forget about our little fall out.
"I'm glad you still remember that I am your friend" I say, she
hands me the cake and I start blessing myself.
"You will always be my best friend, hey Siziwe"
The kitchen is filled with laughter, Khanya is like that. She will
find a cold house and bring it life. She's that bubble friend
everyone needs.
Even Siziwe isn't as reserved anymore
Another knock!
I'm about to go check but Zabelo walks in and behind him is
none other than Mihlali..
And Mazisi. That has me on my feet, I feel like protecting
Khanya so I stand before her as a shield
Mihlali relaxed Mazisi's hair, who knows what she can do to
Khanya.
And why are they together?
Ntsika follows too
Now this is awkward
"Welcome to world war three everybody" that's Ntsika walking
in and sitting on a chair I was seated in.
Zabelo stands before me, plants a soft kiss on my lips and grabs
a chair then sits.
"Funei nei" Mazisi says to me, grabs a chair and also sits down
Now I have three people seated, Mazisi, Zabelo and Ntsika.
Khanya is behind me, on her feet
Siziwe is before the stove while Mihlali is a bit far
It's intense and awkward
"Mihlali. Hey"
I smile, widely. I'm nervous, my house can't be a warzone
How dare Mazisi bring Mihlali here without telling me
"Hey sis. Pregnancy looks good on you. You look gorgeous" she
says innocently
"She does. I told her too" adds the pole behind me. Can Khanya
shut up
"Thanks.. Look at me being unwelcoming."
I take the empty chair and give it to her..
Mongezi walks in again and laughs. This one is always laughing
"Please let me know when you need firefighters. I'm sure this
house will burn down any second from now"
Yeap..
"He might be right" adds Ntsika
Now is the time to take a shower and make the bed..
As if I wasn't thrown under the bus enough, my brothers went
outside. With Zabelo and I was left with these women after I
took a shower
Khanya doesn't keep her mouth shut
We are now making chakalaka, pap and salads..
It's a sudden braai I never planned.
I'd be lying if I say it's not awkward.
"Are you a virgin?"
Khanya suddenly asks, staring at Siziwe
"Khanya" I say warningly
That's a personal question
"Why are you asking?" - Siziwe
"because you look so innocent. Don't let these Joburg men
corrupt you"
Sometimes I wonder if she can survive without opening her
mouth
"Joburg men are corrupt, yes, but Durban women are the
worst" Mihlali adds. I knew this was coming
“At Least Durban women are the worst. Joburg ones are just
psychos who relax their men's dreadlocks. How twisted is that"
"Okay! I will not tolerate this bickering" I half yell, staring at
them both.
Siziwe is looking lost as she stir her chakalaka
Mihlali is washing dishes in the sink we just used
I'm seated and Khanya is standing behind me "as I was saying
Siziwe, before I was rudely disturbed. Pray for the right man
who will treat you like a queen you are. Nothing hurt like giving
your virginity to an undeserving dog"
Jesus

I stand up and head out for a breather. I can't stand this.

Just as I step outside I hear screams.. God I don't need this.
I rush back in and bump into Siziwe
"They are fighting," she says..
"call Mazisi"
I quickly say and pass her
"Guys stop!" I shout
Standing in the middle of a kitchen doorway
They are fighting for real
I cannot separate those. I'm pregnant and I can't be breaking
fights. If it was any day I'd enjoy the scene
I hear heavy footsteps
Someone grabs my hand. I turn to find Zabelo
"Stop them"
I beg him ..
"Let's go, Mazisi will deal with this."
I follow him but my heart remains behind. I should have known
this would happen.
"I leave them for a mere second and they fight!" I'm angry, way
too angry as I shout following Zabelo
He doesn't entertain my bickering
"Mazisi will pay if they break my dishes. Even if it's a
teaspoon!"
I'm still shouting
"You should have stopped them! Are you a coward, Zabelo?
How can you just let them fight in our house!"
Amen. I'm talking alone here
Reaching the bedroom he opens the door,
I enter and be pinned against the wall and he attacks me with a
heated kiss
We left a fight !
For this??
" I missed you" he mumbles in between the kiss. His hands
roam around my body and I know that I'm about to be
serviced..
After a much needed quicke we took a shower together.
I'm lotioning my body when he gets behind me and play with
my tummy
His member dangles while touching my behind causing shivers
in my skin
He plant a kiss in my neck
"MaFuze, I need to tell you something"
I don't like the tone
He turns me around and I meet his deep gaze
"What's going on?"
He suddenly looks serious
"Bab Ngcobo called me, I was with him this morning"
Okay
"He doesn't like the idea of us living together with no way
forward and well, I also want to do the right thing. He spoke to
your uncles about paying damages and lobola before you give
birth and they agreed. So I can pay lobola next month"
Tingles of joy attacks my tummy
My mouth spread into a warm smile
I feel my heart being filled with happiness and joy
I encircle my hands around his neck and bring him close.
He rests his hands around my waist. For a moment I thought he
would say he cheated again..
I'm looking at his eyes and he is looking deep in mine
"Do you still remember calling me a confused teenager?"
I ask him, thinking about how he thought I was confused when I
fell for him
"I didn't say that. I just asked if you knew what you were
doing."
His husky voice responds gently
"You made me feel things that drove me crazy. I didn't plan to
fall for you, it just happened. And I'm glad it happened because
loving you has been the best thing"
He perks my lips, I know he is suppressing a blush
"I love you MaFuze"
"I love you more"
His eyes tell me a story.
I'm loved, protected and safe in his love
Zabelo is a blessing , he is my blessing.
"There is something else"
He says as I'm about to kiss him
"It's about your family. Bab Ngcobo asked me to tell you
something. Please don't get mad. There is no better way to say
this so I will just.. "
He sighs. Now I'm getting nervous
"Bab Ngcobo is your biological father. Your mother did not tell
you the entire truth…. ."
I shut him with a kiss and he responds. Hesitant at first but end
up kissing me passionately
There are things that are meant to drain me. However I won't
allow this to be one of them. My life is finally peaceful and
good.
I'm good
Rays of sunshine have finally graced my life, presenting a new
chapter, hope and new beginnings. I hold onto Zabelo as the
kiss deepens.
He is my home.
That all I know right now.

……………………………………..THE END……………………………………

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