ThePowerofPhi

l
osophy
“Thepowerofphi l
osophytoblunttheblows
offateisbeyondbeli
ef.Nomi ssil
ecan
sett
leinherbody;sheiswell-
protect
edand
i
mpenet rabl
e.Shespoilst
hefor ceofsome
missil
esandwar dsthem offwiththeloose
fol
dsof
herdress,asi
ftheyhadnopowert oharm;
other
sshedashesasi de,andthrowsthem
backwi t
hsuchforcethattheyreboundupon
thesender.
Far
ewel
l
.”-SenecaI
ntr
oduct
ion
May bey ou’vestumbl eduponasmar t
quotebyananci entSt oi
cphil
osopheror
you’vereadanar ti
clet hatsharedsome
i
nspiringSt oici
deas.May beyou’v
ebeen
toldaboutt hathel
pf ulandflouri
shingold
phil
osophybyaf riendory ou’vealready
studiedabookort woaboutSt oi
cism.Or
may be,althoughchancesar ev er
yl ow,
y
ou’
venev
erev
enhear
dabouti
tbef
ore.
Howev er ,encount er
ingSt oi ci
sm inone
wayoranot herist heeasypar t
.
Underst andingandexpl ainingexact l
ywhatit
i
s,though, ist hetri
ckypar t
.Recogni zi
ngand
seeingexact lyhowi t’srel
ev anttodayand
howi tcanhel pyou,isthechal lengi
ngpart.
Full
ygr aspingi tandput ti
ngi ti
ntopracti
ce,
i
st heambi t
iouspar t—that’
swher ethegold
i
shi dden.
Whatt heStoicstaughtandpr acti
cedinthe
eraofgladiator
sf i
ghtingforthei
rlivesand
Romanssoci al
izi
ngi nst eamingbat hsis
sti
llremarkablyapplicableintheeraof
GameofThr onesandFacebook.The
wisdom oft hi
sancientphilosophyis
ti
meless,andi t
sv al
uei nthequestfora
happyandmeani ngful l
i
feisundeniabl
e.
Wit
ht hi
sbook,y
ou’r
eholdingthe
t
reasuremapinyourhands.Iti
ntr
oduces
yout ot heleadi ngphilosopher s.Itgiv
es
youaneasyt ounder standov er
viewofthe
phi l
osophy .I
tteachesy out hecor e
principl
es.Itpr ov i
desy ouwi th55St oi
c
Pr acti
cesandhel pfulhintsf orthe
appl i
cati
oni ny ourchallengingl i
fe.And
mosti mpor t
ant l
y ,i
tshowsy ouhowt o
translateitfr
om bookpaget oact i
oninthe
real world.
Cool !Buthow doesat went y
-somet hing
know how t owr i
t etheSt oictreasuremap
forthegoodl i
fe?Fairenough, I
’dbe
wonder i
ngaboutt hattoo.Af t
ermany
yearsofschoolanduni versit
y,Iwassi ck
ofr eadingacademi cbooksandpaper s
andl ear ni
ngaboutst uffthatdi dn’
tr eall
y
teachmeany t
hingofreal l
if
ev alue.So,
l
iterall
ythedayaf terhandinginmyf inal
paper ,Il
eftthecountryandst artedmy
sevenmont hslongt r
av el
aroundt hewor l
d.I
wantedt ogetaway ,seeplacesandother
cul
tures,butmainlyIwant edtogettoknow
myselfsoI '
dknowwhatIwant edtodowith
mylif
ewhenIgotback.Thatl astpar
tdid
notwor kout;however,Ididfi
gureout
somet hi
ngelseinstead:"Isomehowmust
havemi ssedtheclassonhowt oli
ve?!
”
Infift
eenandahal fyear sofschool i
ng,I
l
ear nedmat h,physics,chemi str
y,biology,
andabunchofot herst uff,excepthowt o
deal wit
hchallengingsi tuations?How t o
facemyf ear
sandst ruggl es?Whatt odo
aboutmydepr essi
v efeelings?Howt odeal
effecti
velywiththedeat hofmyf riend?What
todowi thmyanger ?Howt obemor e
conf i
dent?Nope, Imusthav emi ssedal l
thosecl asses.That ,byt heway ,is
exactlywhatschool sofphi l
osophywer e
allabouti nt heanci entwor l
d,they
taughty ouhow t olive.Andev ent hough
theseschool
sdon’ texi
stany
mor
e,youandI
andmostpeopl eareinasmuchneedofa
phil
osophythatteachesushowt
oliveaswe
everwere.
Longstoryshor t,
Idecidedtoinvestin
my sel
fandl earnhowt oli
vewell.From all
thewisdom Idev ouredinthefol
lowingy ear
s,
Stoicphil
osophyhel pedmet hemost ,even
thoughitdidn’tstartongoodt erms.Bef or
eI
knew much( anything)aboutthe
phil
osophy,It houghtt hi
smustbet he
mostbor i
ngt hingonear t
h.Imean, aft
erall
,
i
t’scall
edSt oi
ci sm andnot“Super manism”
orsomet hi
ngel sethatwouldindicateit
’s
wor t
hstudying.
Igaveitashotanyway,gothooked,and
si
ncethenI’vebeenavoraci
ousst udent
andpr act
it
ionerofStoicphil
osophy .And
eventhoughI ’v
ereadandr eread
countl
essbooks.I ’
vealwaysl ackeda
sour cet hatpr ov i
desasi mpl eov er
v i
ew
andexpl ai nswhatexact lySt oicism i s.So
Iwr ot et hi smassi vear t
iclet hatshoul d
doexact lyt hat:Gi veanov er vi
ew oft he
philosophyandsaywhati t’sal labout .
Fortunat el y, manypeopl el ov edt hear ti
cle
andf oundi timmensel yhel pful—somuch,
actual l
y ,t hatsomeonest olet heexact
cont entandsol ditashisbook.Thatdi dnot
onlyt estmyper sonalSt oicmi ndset,but
allthef i
v e-starr evi
ewsi tgott oldme
thatpeopl er eall
ywantt ol ear naboutt his
philosophy .Soher eIam,passi onat el
y
wr i
tingaboutwhatwoul dhav esav edme
count lessweeksofr esear chandwoul d
havepr ov idedsomuchsought -af t
erand
desper atelyneededwi sdom f rom t hi
s
exempl ar} 7phi losophy.I’
m posi tivethatt hi
s
bookwi l
l cont ri
butet othemoder nStoic
l
iteratur eand, mosti mpor tant ly,thatitwi l
l
servey ouwel loilyourquestf orthegoodl i
fe.
Becausethat’
sreal
l
ywhatStoi
ci
sm hel
ps
youwith:
liv
ingagreatl
i
fe.
What every ou’regoi ngt hrough,t here’
s
adv i
cef rom theSt oicst hatcanhel p.
Despitet hephi l
osophy ’
sage,i tswi sdom
oftenf eelssur prisinglymoder nandf resh.
Itcanhel py oubui ldst ami naand
strengthf ory ourchal l
engingl if
e.I tcan
helpy oubecomeemot ionallyresili
entso
you’ll
neithergetj erkedar oundbyout si
de
eventsnorwi llother sbeabl etopushy our
buttons.I tcant eachy out ohandl e
yourselfandst aycal mi nt hemi dstofa
storm.Itcanhel py oumakedeci si
onsand
thereforedrasticallysimpl i
fyev erydaylivi
ng.
“Hewhost udi
eswithaphil
osopher,
”Seneca
says,“
shouldtakeawaywithhim someone
goodt hi
ngev eryday:heshoulddai l
y
ret
urnhomeasounderman, ori
ntheway
tobecomesounder .
”Pract
ici
ngStoici
sm
helpsy ouimprov eyourselfasaper son;
it
teachesy outomi ndfullyl
ivebyasetof
desirablev al
uessuchascour age,
patience,self-
disci
pline,sereni
ty,
perseverance,forgiveness,kindness,and
humi l
ity.It
smanyanchor soffersecur
it
y
andgui danceandwi ll l
evelupyour
conf i
dence.
Andy oucangett hattoo.I nfact,Stoi
c
philosophymadet hegoodl i
fear eachable
goalf orev erybody ,cut t
ingt hroughsoci al
classes—whet hery ou’
rer ichorpoor ,
healthyorsi ck,wel l-
educatedornot ,it
makesnodi fferencet oyourabi li
tytolive
thegoodl i
fe.TheSt oi
cswer el i
vingproof
thatit’spossi bleforsomeonet obeexi ledto
adeser tislandandst i
llbehappi erthan
someonel ivingi napal ace.Theyunder stood
verywel lthatt here’sonl yal oose
connect i
onbet weenext ernal
ci
rcumst
ancesandourhappi
ness.
InSt oi
cism,whaty oudowi tht hegi ven
circumstancesmat t
ersmuchmor e.St oi
cs
recognizedt hatthegoodl ifedependson
thecultivati
onofone’ schar act
er ,oi
lone's
choicesandact i
onsratherthanonwhat
happensi nt heuncont r
ollabl
ewor ldaround
us.This,myf ell
owSt oi
cst udent,isatt he
rootofat oughandatt hesamet i
me
highlyattract i
veaspectofSt oicism—i t
makesusr esponsi bl
eanddepr i
v esusof
anyexcusesf ornotl
ivi
ngt hebestl if
e
possibl
e.
YouandI,we’reresponsi
blef orourown
fl
ouri
shi
ng.We’ r
eresponsiblef ornotlet
ting
ourhappi
nessdependonext ernal
ci
rcumstances—weshoul dn’tletther ain,
annoyi
ngst r
angers,oral eakingwashi ng
machinedecideuponourwel l
being.
Other
wise,webecomehel plessv i
cti
ms
oflif
eci r
cumst ancesoutofhand.Asa
Stoi
cst udent,youlear
nthatonlyyoucan
rui
ny ourli
feandonl yyoucanrefusetolet
yourinnerselfbeconqueredbywhat ever
nastychallengeli
fethrowsatyou.
So,St oici
sm t eachesust ol i
vebyaset
ofv aluest hatcont ri
butet oemot ional
resili
ence,cal m conf idence,andacl ear
directioni nl i
fe.Justl i
keanol dr
eliabl
e
wal kingst i
ck,it’
sagui detolifebasedon
reasonr atherthanf ai
th,agui det hat
suppor tsusi nt hepur suitofsel f-mastery
,
per sev er
ance,andwi sdom.St oi
ci
sm
makesusbet terhumanbei ngsand
teachesushowt oexcel i
nlife.
It
spower ful
psychol
ogicaltechni
quesare
almostidenti
calt
otheonest hatarenow
provent obeef f
ecti
vebyr esearchinthe
scient
if
icstudycall
edPosi ti
vePsy chol
ogy’
.
Iam notaccusi ngther esearchersof
theft
,butt heexer cisesdi scussedi n
PositivePsy chologyl ooksuspi ciousl
y
simil
art ot heonest heSt oicsusedov ertwo
thousandy ear sago.Thef actt hatmodern
researchof tengoeshandi nhandwi t
h
whatt heSt oicst aughtmakest he
phil
osophyev enmor eappeal ing.Ont opof
that,Stoici
sm i sn’
trigid,butopenand
l
ookingf orthet r
uth.AsaLat insay i
nggoes:
“Zeno[ founderofSt oi ci
sm]i sourf ri
endbut
trut
hi sanev engreat erfri
end.”
Ifwelookaround, weseecount lesspeopl e
whopur suedt heirdreamsofagol den
mansion,aPor sche911, andasi x-
figurejob,
andyetthey’renothappi erthanbef orewith
themoldyf l
at,ther ustyol dcar,
andt he
cheapjob.They ’
reli
vingbyaf ormulat hat
l
ookssomet hi
ngl ikethis: I
fyouwor khard,
you'
llbesuccessf ul,andoncey ou’re
successful
,theny ou’
llbehappy .Or ,ifI
fi
nish/get/
achievesuchandsuch,t henI ’
ll
behappy .Theonl yproblem?This
for
mul aisbr oken.Andaf terf
oll
owing
thi
sf ormulaf oryears,t
hesepeopleare
wonder i
ng:Isthi
sr eal
lyal
l l
i
fehastooffer
?
No, i
t’snot.Thepoi ntis,manypeopl edon’ t
getanyhappi erwhent heygrowol der,they
don’timpr ovewhat soever.Theymi ndlessly
strol
l t
hroughal i
fel acki
ngcl eardirection,
repeatedlymaket hesamemi st
akes,and
won’ tbeanycl osertoahappyand
meani ngfulli
feintheireighti
esthant hey
wer eintheirtwenti
es.
Itshouldreal
lybeano- brai
nerf ormanyof
ust oadoptaphi losophyofl if
et hatoffers
guidance,dir
ection,andal argermeani ngto
l
ife.Withoutthatcompass, there’sther i
sk
thatdespiteallourwell-i
ntentionedact ions,
we'llr
unincircles,chasewor t
hlesst hi
ngs,
andendupl i
vingai l
unfulfi
ll
inglifefullof
emotionalsuffer
ing,r
egrets,and
fr
ustrat
ion.Andsi nceitdoesn’ttakemuch
eff
orttogiveStoici
sm achanceasy our
guidi
ngphilosophyofl
ife,
there’
sreall
y
nothi
ngt ol
oseandmucht ogain.
Thepr omi seoft hi
sbooki sr eallyt he
promi seofSt oicphi losophy :I tteaches
howt oliv
easupr emel yhappyandsmoot hl
y
fl
owi ngl i
feandhowt or et
aint hatev enin
thef aceofadv ersity
.I tpreparesy out obe
readyf oranything,likeat owerof
strength—unshakabl e,deep- root ed,
emot i
onall
yresili
ent,andsur prisinglycal m
andmi ndfuleveni nthemi dstofahel lf
ir
e.
Stoicism canimpr ov ey ourlif
ei ngoodt i
mes,
butit ’
sinbadt i
meswheni tsef fi
cacy
becomesmostappar ent.Itcanbet hel i
ght
showi ngy outhewayt hroughpi tch-black
depr essivemoment s.I thol dsy ourhand
wheny ouneedconf i
dencet omi nimi ze
emot i
onal sufferingbyt ami ngt hebadguy s
l
ikeanger ,fear,andgr ief.Itcanbey our
steppingst oolt or eacht hatt r
anqui li
tyyou
needwheny ou’r
eknee- deepi nshi t.I
tcanbe
yourst r
ongbackbonewheny ouneedt o
actcour ageousl yev enwheny ou’re
shakingl ikeal eaf .I
tcanbet hecl ownt hat
wakesy ouupandcast sasmi leony our
facewheny ouneedi tthemost .
Inshor t.
Stoici
sm notonl yshowsy out hewaybut
alsohandsy out hekeyt ot hegoodl i
fe.All
youneedt odoi swal kthepat h, t
ur nthekey,
andent er .So,St oicteacherEpi ct etusasks,
“Howl ongar ey ougoi ngt owai t?”
“Howlongarey ougoi ngtowai tbeforeyou
demandt hebestofy ourself?”You’
reno
l
ongerachi ldbutaf ul
l-grownper son,
andyety ouprocr ast
inate,Epict
etus
remi
ndshi msel
f“ Youwi l
l notnoti
cethatyou
aremakingnopr ogressbuty ouwil
lli
veand
dieassomeonequi teordinary.
”From
nowon,hewar nshimself,andallofus, to
l
iveli
keamat urehumanbei ngandnev erset
asidewhatyout hi
nkisbestt odo.And
wheneveryouencount eranythi
ngdi ff
icult
,
rememberthatt hecontestisnow, youar eat
theOlympi
cs,y oucannotwai tanylonger .
Wedon' thavet heluxuryofpost poning
ourtr
aining,becauseunliketheOl y
mpi c
Games,thecontestwepar ti
ci
pateinev er
y
day—l
if
e—hasal readybegun.Lif
eisright
now,i
t’
saboutt i
met ostartourtr
aini
ng.
TraininginSt oici
sm isabitli
ke
surfing—li
ttl
et heoryandlotsofpractice.
Rightnow, youcan' twaitt
ogetst art
edand
youi maginey ourselfst
andingont he
surfboardhittingwav eaft
erwav e,having
thetimeofy ourlif
e...wait,Ihavetost op
yout here.Becausei nyourfir
stsurflesson,
yougett olear nsomet heoreti
calaspectsof
surf
ingtoo.Ont hedryland,youpract
ice
howt opaddle,popup,andst andonthe
board.Inotherwords,t
hef ir
stpar
tfeels
annoying—youjustwant edtosurf
,youdidn’
t
si
gnupf ort
hatdrytheorylesson.
Surprisinglyqui cklyy oumakei tt hrough
thet heoi ypartandy ougett oent erthe
water, f
lushoutt hesandymout h,andst art
yourpr act i
ce.I
nt hewat er ,youqui ckl y
real
izet hatit’
snotsoeasy ,andt he
theoiypar twasact ual l
ynecessar y.I t’
sthe
samewi thStoicism.You’ ll gettohitt he
wav es,buti fyouwantt ohi tthem
successf ul
lyandnotgi v
eupaf terthef ir
st
few( many )nosedi ves, y
ouf i
rstneedt o
under standsomeoft het heoiybehind
surfi
ng. ..ahem, Stoicism.
Isoughtt oorganizethi
sbookand
presenttheancientwisdom inan
accessi
ble,di
gesti
ble,andhighl
y
functi
onalway .I
nt hef ir
stpar t
,y ou’
l
l
l
earnaboutthepr omi seoft hephi l
osophy,
i
tshistory
,mainphi l
osopher s,andabout
thecor epri
ncipl
espr esent edast he
StoicHappinessTr iangl e.St udythat
tri
angleandyou’r
eabl et oexpl ai
nt he
phil
osophytoaf i
v e-
year -ol d.Thesecond
partisallabouthi ttingt hewav es;it
’s
crammedwi t
hpr acti
cal adv iceand
exerci
sesforeverydayl i
ving.
Myul t
imateaim ofthisdirectand
strai
ghtfor
wardappr oacht oStoi
cism i
sto
helpyoul i
veabetterli
fe.Ibeli
evewecanal l
becomeal i
tt
lewiserandhappi erby
practi
cingthi
swonder fulphil
osophy.
I
t’
sti
met
odi
vei
n.Par
t1
Whati
sSt
oici
sm?
“I
fiti
snotr
ight
,donotdoi
t,i
fiti
snott
rue,
donotsayi
t/'
-Mar
cusAur
eli
us
Chapt
eri
ThePr
omi
seofSt
oicPhi
l
osophy
Not reebecomesdeep- rootedandst ur
dy
unlessst r
ongwi ndsbl owagai nstit.This
shaki ngandpul li
ngi swhatmakest he
tr
eet ighteni tsgr ipandpl antitsroot
s
mor esecur ely
; t
hef ragiletreesarethose
growni nasunnyv al
ley .“ Whyt hen/’asks
Seneca,“ doy ouwondert hatgoodmen
areshakeni norderthatt heymaygr ow
strong? ”Justl i
kef orthet r
ees,heavyrain
andst rongwi ndsar etot headvantageof
goodpeopl e, i
t’showt heymaygr owcal m,
disciplined,humbl e,andst rong.
Justl
ikethetreemustt ightenit
sgr i
pnotto
fal
ldownwi theveiybreeze,wemust
str
engthenourposi t
ionifwedon’ twantto
besweptof fourfeetbyev eiyt
ri
fle.Thi
sis
whatStoicphil
osophyi sher ef
or—itwil
l
makey oustr
ongerandletthesamer ai
n
andwindappearli
ghterandkeepyouon
yourfeetatallti
mes.I notherwords,it
wil
lprepareyout odealmor eeff
ectiv
ely
withwhatev
erstor
myweat herli
fet
hrowsat
you.
From wrestl
i
ngphilosopherstoemot i
onal
wolves,t
hisfi
rstchaptercover
sallyouneed
toknowaboutt hepromi seofStoi
c
phil
osophy,orwhyy oushouldgetinto
Stoi
cism.
War ning:Thisbookwi l
lcont ainsome
scarywor dsl i
keeudai moni a,arete,or
vi
rtue.Theirunknownlookswi l
l makey ou
wantt oturnthepage,sobr acey ourselfand
standst r
ong.Despit
ether esistance, itwill
payof ftohanginthereandy oumi ghtev en
addt hem toyoureverydayv ocabul ary.And
hey,thiswouldn’
tbeanci entphi l
osophy
withoutatleastsomescar ywor ds.
Pract
icetheAr
tofLi
vi
ng:
BecomeaWar
ri
or-
Phil
osopher
“
Fir
stsayt
oyour
selfwhaty
ouwoul
dbe;
and
t
hendowhatyouhaveto
do”-Epi
ctet
us
How t ol i
v eagoodl i
fe?Thi scl assi c
phil
osophi cquest ionst andsatt heor igin
ofthepr imar yconcer nofSt oicphi l
osophy :
Howt ol i
veone’ slif
e,or't hear tofl iv
ing.”
Stoict eacherEpi ctetuscompar ed
phil
osophyt oar t
isans:Aswoodi st othe
carpent er,andbr onzet ot hescul ptor,so
areourownl ivest hepr opermat erialin
thear tofl i
v i
ng.Phi losophyi snot
reservedf orwi seol dmen, it’
sanessent ial
craftforev erybodywhowant stol earnhow
toli
v e(anddi e)wel l.Ever ylif
esituation
present sabl ankcanv asorabl ockof
mar blet hatwecanscul ptandt rainon, so
thatov eral i
fetimewecanmast erour
cr
aft.That’
sbasi call
ywhatSt oi
cism does,
i
tteachesushowt oexcel
inlife,i
tprepares
ustofaceadversitycal
mly,andsimpl yhelps
ussculptandenjoyagoodl if
e.
Whatmakessomeonegoodatl ivi
ng?
Accor dingt oEpi ctetus,i t'
snei t
herweal t
h,
norhi gh-offi
ce, norbei ngacommander .
Ther emustbesomet hingelse.Justl
ike
someonewhowant st obegoodat
handwr iti
ngmustpr act i
ceandknowal ot
abouthandwr i
ting, orsomeonewhowant s
tobegoodi nmusi cmustst udymusi c,
someonewhowant st obegoodatl iv
ing,
therefore, musthav egoodknowl edgeof
howt olive.Makessense, ri
ght?Seneca,
anotheri mpor tantSt oicphilosopherwe11
gettoknowi nChapt er2,sai dthat‘‘
[the
phil
osopher ]ist heonewhoknowst he
fundament althing: howt olive.
”
A“
phi
l
osopher
”li
ter
all
ytr
ansl
atesf
rom
theGr eeki nt oa“ l
ov erofwi sdom, ”
someonewhol ov est olear nhowt ol i
ve,
someonewhowant stoat tai
npr act i
cal
wisdom concer ninghow t oact uallyliv
e
thei
rl i
fe.AsEpi ctetust ol dusbef ore,if
wewantt obecomegoodatl i
v i
ng,we
mustat t
ai nknowl edgeonhowt olive.This
mightsur prisey ou, butphi l
osophyi sr eall
y
amat terofpr act i
ce, l
ear ninghowt oscul pt
ourli
ves.Thi nki
ngandphi losophi zingabout
theblankbl ockofmar bl
ewon’ tteachus
howt oski l
lfull
yusechi selandmal l
et.
TheSt oicswer epar ti
cul arl
yconcer ned
withappl yingphi losophyt oev erydayl if
e.
Theysaw t hemsel vesasv eritable
warri
or soft hemi ndandt houghtt he
pri
mar yr easont ost udyphi losophywast o
putitintopr acti
ce.
Thi
sisagreatcompar
isonmadebyaut
hor
Donal
dRobertsoni
nhi
sbookThe
Phi losophyofCogni ti
veBehav ioural Therapy
.
Hesai dt hatinancienttimes,t hei deal
philosopherwasav erit
abl ewar ri
orof
themi nd,buti nmoder ntimes, “
the
philosopherhasbecomesomet hi
ngmor e
booki sh, notawar r
ior,butamer e
l
ibr ar i
anoft hemi nd.'
’Thi nkoft heol d
greyphi l
osophert eacher.Sowewantt obe
war r i
or sandwhatmat tersmosti snotour
abilityt or ecit
eStoicpr i
nciples, butto
act ual l
yl i
v ethem outinther ealwor l
d.As
Epi ctet usaskedhi sst udent s,“ Ify ou
didn’ tl ear nthesethingsi nor dert o
demonst ratethem i
npr actice,whatdi dyou
l
ear nt hem f or?”Hecont i
nuedt hatt hey
(hisst udents)wer enothungr yand
cour ageousenought ogoouti nt her eal
wor l
danddemonst ratethet heor yin
pract i
ce,“ WhichiswhyIwoul dliket o
escapet oRomet oseemyf avorite
wr est lerinact i
on,he,atleast ,putspol icy
i
ntopr
act
ice.
”
Truephi losophyi samat terofl i
ttle
theoryandal otofpr actice,likewr estl
ing
i
nt heanci entandsur fi
ngi nt hemoder n
world.Remember ,insurfing,wegett o
practi
cei nt hewat eraf teraqui ckt heory
partont hebeach.Heav ywav esar e
betterteacher st hanheav yschoolbooks.
AndSt oicism demandsexact l
yt hat ,togo
outt herei nt her ealwor ldandv igorously
applywhatwe’ velear nedint hecl assroom.
Ourl i
vesof fertheper fecttraini
nggr oundf or
dail
ypr acticewi t
hi t
suncount ablegr een
wav esandbl ankmar blebl ocks.
Thispr acti
cal"artoflivi
ng”dimensi onof
Stoicism holdstwomai npromises:First,
it
teacheshowt oli
veahappyandsmoot hly
fl
owi ngli
fe,andsecond,itt
eachesy ouhow
tost ayemotional
lyresi
l
ienttoretai
nthat
happyandsmoot hlyfl
owinglif
eev enint he
faceofadver
sit
y.Let’sdi
veintothefir
st
promiseandtackl
et hefi
rstofthescary
words:eudai
monia.Promise#1: Eudai
moni
a
“Di
gwithi
n.Wit
hinisthewel
l
spr
ingofGood;
anditi
salway
sr eadyto
bubbl
eup,
ify
ouj
ustdi
g.”-Mar
cusAur
eli
us
Imagi net hebestv er sionofy ourself
.
Looki nside,doy ouseeandknowwhot hat
highestv ersionofy oui s, t
heonewhoact s
ri
ghti nallsituat
ions, theonewhomakesno
mi stakesandseemsunbeat able?Ify ou’re
any thi
ngl i
kemeandhav ebeent r
yingto
i
mpr ovey oursel
f,theny oupr obablyknow
thisidealv er
sionofy our sel
f.Wel l
,inGr eek,
thisbestv ersionwoul dbet hei nnerdaimon,
ani nnerspi r
itordivinespar k.Fort heSt oics
andal lotherschool sofanci entphi l
osophy ,
theul ti
mat egoal oflifewaseudai monia, t
o
becomegood( eu)wi t
hy ouri nner
daimon.( Nott obeconf usedwi thdemon,
whichisabadspi ri
t.
)TheSt oi
csbelieved
thatnaturewant sust obecomet hathighest
versi
onofour selves.Thi si swhyt heinner
daimon( ordiv i
nespar k)hasbeenpl anted
withi
nallofusl i
keaseed, sothatwehav eit
i
nournat ur alpotential tobecomet hat
highestversionofour selv es.Inotherwor ds,
i
t’sournatur etocompl etewhat ’
sbeen
start
edwi tht hatdivineseedandbr i
ngour
humanpot entialtol ife.Tobecomegood
withouri nnerdai mon,t ol i
veinhar mony
withourideal selfis,ther efore,t
ogetas
closeaspossi blet othathi ghpotentialself
.
Weshoul dcloset hegapbet weenwho
wer ecapableofbei ng( ouridealself)and
whoweact ual
lyareinthatmoment .How
canwedot hat?TheStoicshadawor df or
thattoo:ar
ete.Inshort
,aretedirect
ly
transl
atesas“virt
ue"or“excel
lence,”butit
hasapr ofoundermeani ng—somet hinglike
“expressingthehighestv ersionofyourself
i
nev erymoment .
"We’ lldi
vedeeperi ntothat
i
nChapt er3,butyoucanal readyseethat
Stoicism dealswi
thy ourmoment -t
o-
momentact ionsandwi thlivingascloseas
possi bl
etoy ouri
deal self
.
TheSt oics’overarchinggoal was
eudai moni a;tobegoodwi t
hy ourinner
daimon, toliv
ei nhar monywi thyouri deal
self,toexpr essy ourhighestv er
sionof
yoursel fi neverymoment .Butwhatdoes
thatmeanexact ly?Themostcommon
translati
onoft heGr eekwor deudai m onia
i
shappi ness.Thet ranslati
ons“ flouri
shing”
or“ thriving,
"howev er,capturet heor igi
nal
meani ngbet t
erbecauset heyindicateaf orm
ofcont i
nuingact i
on—y oucanonl ybegood
wi t
hy ourdai monwheny ourmoment -t
o-
momentact ionsar einhar monywi t
hy our
i
deal sel f.Youf l
ourishatlivi
ngwel l
,andonly
osaconsequencey
ou’
l
lfeel
happy
.
Eudaimoni ar efersmor etot heov erall
quali
tyofsomeone’ sli
fer athert hana
tempor arymoodsuchashappi ness.It’
sa
condit
ioni nwhi chapersoni st hri
vingand
l
ivingopt imal l
ywel landsupr emel yhappy.
AsZeno,t hef ounderofSt oicism, putsi
t,
“happi
nessi sasmoot hlyf l
owi ngl i
fe.”Thi
s
entai
lst haty ourlif
egener allyf lows
smoot hly.Let ’sconcludet hateudai monia
i
sahappyandsmoot hlyf l
owi ngl i
fet hat
comesf r
om t hrivi
ngatbr ingingour
moment -
to-momentact ionsi ntohar mony
withourhi ghestsel f
Thispromiseofeudaim oniaentai
lsthat
we’ r
earmedwi t
hallweneedt odealwith
what ev
erchal
lengewe’ref
acinginlif
e.How
elsecanwest ayhappyevenwhenl if
egets
tough?Becauselif
eispret
tyeasywhen
thingsaregoi
ngwel l
,i
tonlygetsarduous
whent hingsseem t oturnagai
nstus,when
we’r
ef acingdiff
icult
iesandstruggl
es.Thi
s
bri
ngsust ot
hesecondpr omiseof
Stoi
cism:Phi l
osophyt rai
nsust obeabl e
totakeonev eryobstacleinl
ifewi
ththe
ri
ghtmi ndsetsot hatli
fekeepsongoing
smoot hl
y .
Pr
omi
se#2:
Emot
ional
Resi
l
ience
“
Tobeartr
ial
swithacal
m mi
ndr
obs
misf
ort
uneofit
sstr
engt
hand
bur
den.
"-Seneca
“Butwhati sphi losophy?”asksEpi ct
etus.
“Doesn’titmeanmaki ngpreparat
ionto
meett het hingst hatcomeuponus? ”
Yes,hesay s,phi l
osophypreparesust o
endurewhat ev erhappens.“Otherwise,
it
wouldbel iket heboxerl eavi
ngt her i
ng
becausehet ooksomepunches. ”We
couldactuall
yl eav etheri
ngwi t
houtany
consequences, butwhatifwe’dabandont he
pursui tofwi sdom?“ So, whatshouldeachof
ussayt oev eryt r
ialwef ace?Thisiswhat
I’
vet rainedf or ,
thisismydi sci
pli
ne!
”Hey ,a
boxerwhoget spunchedi ntheface
won’ tl eav et her ing,i t
’swhathepr epared
for,i
t’shi sdi scipli
ne.Andt hesamei st rue
forphi losopher s; j
ustbecausel if
eslaps,
kicks, spits,andknocksusoutdoesn' tmean
weshoul dgi veupandl eave, i
tmeanswe
shoul dgetbackupandkeeponget ting
better.Suchi sl i
fe—it'slikeourboxingr ing,
punchesandki cksar ewhatwe’ v
esignedup
for,thisi sourdi scipline.
“Unhar medpr osperit
ycannotendur ea
singleblow,”say sSeneca,butaman
whohasgonet hroughcount less
mi sfor
tunes“ acqui
resaski ncal lousedby
suf f
eri
ng.”Thismanf ight
stot hegr ound
andcar ri
esont hefightevenonhi sknees.
Hewi l
lnevergiveup.TheStoicsl oved
wrest l
ingmet aphors,soMar cusAurelius
simi l
arlysays,“
Thear tofl iv
ingi smor eli
ke
wrest l
ingthandanci ng."Weneedt obe
preparedf orsuddenat t
acks.Nobodywi l
l
evert ackleadancer .Thedancerwi ll
nev ergetchokedbyadv er
si t
yl i
kea
wrest l
er.So,aswar ri
or-philosophers,we
know t hatlifewillbechal lenging.Act uall
y,
weshoul dev enber ubbingourhands
togetherandbel ookingfor war dtotake
somepunches, knowingt heywi l
lmakeus
strongerandgr owourski nt hicker.
Thisiswhyweshoul dwanttoengageand
trai
nint hi
sf i
ghttheycalll
if
e.Becausewe
wanttobest rong,wewantt oli
vehappyand
smoot hlyflowingli
ves.Wewantt ohandle
oursel
v esandouract i
onswhenlifegets
tough.Wewantt obeat owerofstrengt
h,
unshakabl eevenatt hepeakofar ageattack.
Whenot herspanic,wewantt ostaycool,
wel
l
-consi
der
ed,
andbeabl
etobet
hebest
wecanbe.
Practi
cingSt oicism hel psusdev el
opt he
tool
st odealasef fectivelyashumanl y
possiblewi thwhat everkicksandpunches
l
ifethrowsatus.Nomat t
erwhathappens
i
nourl i
ves—we’ rer eadyf or
anything—we’ r
epr epar edt ot akehooksand
side-kicks,nev ergi v
eup, andmaket hebest
ofit
.Thi sist hepr omi seofSt oic
phil
osophy .Yet ,rightnow,i fy ouget
punchedi nt hef ace,what ’sgoi ngt o
happen?Yougetemot ional .Like
everybodyel se,y ouei t
herangr il
yf ight
back,ormor el ikely,y oust artcr yi
ng.The
Stoi
csi dentifi
edst r
ongemot i
onsasour
ult
imat eweakness; especi allywhenwel et
them di ctateourbehav i
or.They ’r
et oxic
toeudai moni aandt hey ’
reatt herootofal l
humansuf f
ering.Unf ortunat ely,accor ding
totheSt oics,mostofusar eensl av ed
topassions—strongnegativeemot ions
suchasirrati
onalfear,
gri
ef,oranger .Thisis
whysomanyofusar emiserable,we’ r
ef ar
awayfrom beingat owerofstrength, we’re
farawayfrom beingatgoodt ermswi thour
i
dealself
.Ourpassi onscauseust oactf ar
beneathofwhatwe’ recapableof.
Ifwewantt obeabl etoactl
ikeourideal
self,
saytheStoics,weneedt okeepour
emotionsincheck, weneedtotamet hem
sotheywon’ tgetinthewayofthegoodl i
fe.
No,thankyou, Ican’
taff
ordtopanicri
ght
now.
TameRest ri
cti
ngEmot i
ons(±
Unemot ional)
Thepromi seofStoi
c
philosophyconsist
sofbot hthesupremel
y
happyl i
fe(eudaimonia)andt he
preparati
on( readyforany t
hing)todeal
effecti
velywithwhateverlif
et hr
owsatus.
Yet,wecanonlydealwellwit
hl if
e’s
chall
engeswhenwe’r
eemotionall
y
resi
li
entanddon’
tletouremotionsjerk
usaround.
Thisi swhyweneedt omakepr ogr ess
towar dt amingandov ercomi ngdi st
ur bing
desiresandemot i
ons,sot hat
,asSeneca
putsi t,theglit
terofgol ddoesn’ tdazzl e
ourey esmor ethanthef lashofaswor d, and
thatwecaneasi l
ywav easi dewhatot her
peopl ecraveandfear.Thi sov er
comi ngof
one’semot i
onsissomet imescal ledt he
Stoic“ t
herapyofthepassi ons”andmi ght
bet her easonwhyEpi ctetussai d:“ The
phil
osopher ’sschoolisadoct or’
scl inic.”
Now,ifweimagineadoct or
’scl
i
nictohave
acouchinit
,then,wi
thsomecl i
che,weget
apsychot
herapist
’sr
oom.Backi nEpict
etus’
days,
wheny ouhadpr oblemswi t
hy our
mindorsoul ,youwoul dn’
tseeashr i
nk
butaphi losopheri nstead—theywer et he
preferreddoct orsoft hemi nd.TheSt oics
weregr eatobser v er
soft hehumanmi nd
andact uallyhadmanyi mportant
psychol ogicalinsights.Theyr eali
zed,for
exampl e,t hatwhatmakesi nsultshurtful
i
sn’tt heircont ent,butouri nterpret
ati
on
oft hosei nsult
s.Theyhadapr oper
underst andingofourmi ndanddev eloped
psychol ogicaltechniquest opr eventand
dealwi thnegat i
veemot ions(most
techniqueswi llbecov eredinthesecond
partoft hisbook) .
Alt
houghSt oicism isaphi l
osophy,ithas
asignif
icantpsy chologi
calcomponenttoit
.
Manyofi tsbel i
efs,suchasthegoaltothr
ive
ashumanbei ngs, gohandinhandwith
modernr esearchi nPosit
ivePsychol
ogy;
thi
sissomet hingIfindhi
ghlyint
ri
gui
ng
aboutStoici
sm.I t
’sbeyondthescopeofthi
s
booktolookatthesciencebehindtheSt
oic
i
deas,butifyouhappentor eadabookon
Posit
ivePsychol
ogy,you’
llseethe
consonance(ShawnAchor ’
sTheHappiness
Advantageisafant
asticstart
.)
Justast hereareai l
ment st othebody ,ther
e
areailmentst othemi nd; andt heSt oi
cs
werewel lawar eoft hat.Theysai di
t’s
i
mpossi blet ofl
our i
shi nlifewhi lebeing
tor
ment edbyi rrati
onalemot ions.
Therefore,weneedapat heia—t heabi l
ityto
overcomet hesei nterferingemot i
ons.
That'swher ethewor d“apat hy”comesf rom,
andit’samai nreasonf ort hecl assic
misunder standi
ngt hatt heSt oicswer e
somehow unemot i
onalorseeki ngto
suppresst heirf eel
ings.Theot herr eason
forthatmi sunderstandi ngcomesf r
om
thelower casewor dst oicwhi chmeans
to“sucki tup”orhav i
nga“ st i
ffupperl ip”
andhasabsol utel
ynot hingt odowi th
theupper caseSt oi
cism t
hisbooki sall
about.Let ’
sclearoutthis“Stoicsare
emotionless”mi sunderstandingri
ghtnow.
Stoi
cism hasnot hingt odowi thsuppr essing
orhidingone’semot ionsorbei ng
emot i
onless.Rat her,it’
sabout
acknowl edgi
ngouremot i
ons, ref
lecti
ngon
whatcausest hem, andlearningt oredir
ect
them forourowngood.I not herwor ds,it’
s
moreaboutunsl avingour selvesf rom
negati
v eemotions, mor eli
ket amingr ather
thanget ti
ngri
doft hem.
Imaginest rongemoti
onst obel i
keyour
i
nnerwol f—immensel
ypower fulwhenlet
l
ooseandabl et
opullyouwher everi
twants
to.Emot ionsacti
vat
eanact i
on
tendency —wheny ouf eelangiy,for
exampl e,y ouhavethet endencytoclench
yourfists,shout
,andthrowst uff
.Basi
call
y,
whent heinnerwol fisangr y,wel etit
takeov er,andt henwebl i
ndlyfoll
owt he
acti
ont endencyandactout .Whatt heStoics
found,howev er,i
sthatwedon’ tneedto
foll
owt hattendency.Wecant rainoursel
ves
toactcalmlydespi t
efeeli
ngangi y,
act
courageouslydespitefeel
inganxious,and
goingeastdespi t
ethewol fpull
ingwest .
Fort
unately,wedon’tneedt opretendthe
wolfisn’
tthere,orevenkilli
t(whi
chi sn’t
evenpossi ble)
.TheSt oi cswantust o
tameandl earnt ounderstandthatwol f.
Inst
eadofl ett
ingitdictateouract ions
wheni t’
sangr y,anxi
ous,orhungr y,we
actcalmlydespi tetheanger .Itcansnar l
andhowl asmuchasi twant s,wedon’ tf
ear
i
tandactaswechooset o.Thewol fdoesn’t
haveasayi nourdeci sionsanyl onger
despitefeeli
ngt heacti
ont endency.
Thegoal
isn’
ttoel
i
minat
eal
lemot
ions,
the
goalistonotgetov er
whelmedbyt hem
despit
etheiri
mmensepower .Wef eelthe
emot i
onalwolf
,butwekeeponourpat h
despit
ei tpul
li
ngi nanot herdi r
ection.
“Okay,thewolfwant stofreakout ,butwhat
wouldithel
p?”wesayt oourselves.Wer ise
aboveouremot i
ons, wecanheari tsnar l
,but
weknowwenei therneedtolistennorf ol
low
along.
TheSt oicswer en’tunemot ionalpeopl e
withhear tsofst one.Theyacknowl edged
thatdesiresandemot ionsar epartofnat ur
e,
butwehav eitwit
hinourpowert ori
seabov e
them andnotget( too)disturbedbyt hem.
“Noschoolhasmor egoodnessand
gentl
eness;nonehasmor elovef or
humanbei ngs.”saysSeneca.“ Thegoal
whichi tassignst ousi st obeusef ul
,to
helpother s,andt otakecar e,notonl yof
oursel
ves,butofev eryone.”TheSt oicsdo
carefort hei
rlov edonesandf ell
owci ti
zens;
theyjustt amet heiremot ionssot hey
won’tgeti rr
ationall
yov erwhel medby
them.AsSenecaput sit,there’snothing
i
mpr essiv eabout“ putti
ngupwi t
hthat
whichonedoesn’ tfeel.”St oicaut hor
DonaldRober tsonexpl ainsi twell
: “Abrave
mani sn’tsomeonewhodoesn’ texper i
ence
anyt r
aceoff earwhat soev erbutsomeone
whoact scour ageousl ydespi tefeeli
ng
anxiety.
"
TheSt oi
cswantust oconquerour
passionsbybecomi ngst rongert hanthem
andnotbyel iminati
ngt hem.Wewi ll
alwaysf eeltheemer gingemot i
onalwol f
,
butwecant rainour selvestor ecognize
ourt endencytowar df oll
owingal ong,and
thendel i
beratelychoosewhet hert o
foll
owal ongornot .Stoici
sm willhel pusget
l
esspl aguedbynegat i
veemot ionsand, at
thesamet i
me,experiencemor epositi
ve
emot ionssuchasj oyort ranqui
li
ty.It
’s
i
mpor tantt onoti
ce,howev er
,thatf orthe
Stoics,t heseposi
ti
v eemot i
onsar emor e
l
ikeanaddedbonust hanamot iveby
themsel ves.Let'
sl ookcl oserat
tranquili
ty’asaby -productofpr acti
cing
Stoici
sm.
Practice Stoici
sm and Become mor e
Tranquilas a By -
ProductI
tmaycomeas
asur pri
se,butSt oi
cism i
saratherj
oyful
philosophyofl i
fe.Wheny oureadt he
Stoics,youf indcheer f
ulandopt i
mi st
ic
peopl eful
lyenjoy i
ngwhatl i
fehast o
offer.Theywer en’tunemoti
onal,theyjust
recognizedt hatst r
ongemot i
onswer e
theirweaknessandst oodint hei
rwayt o
l
iveast hey’r
ecapabl eof.
Remember
,theult
imategoalofl
i
feis
eudai
moni
a—thehappyandsmoot
hly
fl
owi ngl i
fethatcomesf r
om t hri
vingat
expressingy ouri dealversionmomentt o
momentt omoment .Andi fy ou’re
enslavedt oy ouremot i
onal wol f,t
heny ou
panicandf oll
owy ouractiont endenci esthat
arewaybeneat hofwhaty ou’recapabl eof.
That’swhyt heSt oicswantust omi nimize
theef f
ectsthatst r
ongemot ionshav eoilour
l
ives, t
heywantust otamet hatwol fso
thatwecanst ayatt hest eer i
ngwheel
atal ltimesinsteadofl etti
ngt hewol ftake
overwhenev eritwant sto.Onl ythencanwe
expressourhi ghestv ersionandl astly
l
iveahappyandsmoot hlyf lowingl i
fe.
Sowhenwe’ renotenslavedt oouremot i
ons,
wecanexpr essthehighestversionof
oursel
vesinevei
ymoment .Whenwedot hat
,
there’
ssimplynoroom f orregret,f ear
,or
i
nsecurit
y.Whatr esult
sf rom thisi sa
real
lyhel
pfulsi
deeffect—tranquili
ty.In
today ’shecticwor ld,it’
swhatsomanyofus
seek, tobeabl etost aycalm, feel confi
dent
andsecur e,ev enint hemi dstofchaos.I fwe
practiceSt oicism,thisisexact l
ywhatwe
getasaby ­ pr oduct .It
’saby -product
becausei t’snotwhatt heSt oi
cssought
i
nt hef ir
stpl ace.Theydi dn’tseek
tranqui l
it
y,theysoughteudai moni a,and
tranqui l
it
ycameasanadded( and
wel comed)bonus.Soi twoul dn’treall
ybe
consi stentwi t
hSt oicism topr acticeitfor
tranqui l
it
y’ssake.
What ’
st ranqui l
it
yany way?Senecat al
ks
aboutt hepowerofeut hymiainhis
classi
cl etters.Het el
l
sust hateuthymia,
whichget st ranslat
edast ranquil
i
ty,
isall
aboutknowi ngy ourpathandwal ki
ngthat
path.I
t’
st hef eelingwegetwhenwet ruly
andutterlytrustour sel
ves.You’r
econfident
thatwhaty ou’ redoingisri
ght,andyoudon’t
needtoli
stenleftandrightforwhatother
s
havetosay.Youdon' tneedtosecondguess
andcompar ey our
selftoot hersal
lthe
ti
me.Yout r
usti nwhaty ou’r
edoing
becauseyou’retry
ingyourbest,andyou’r
e
l
ivi
ngaccordinglytoyourvaluesandknow
i
t’
sallyoucando.
It
’sthecal m conf i
dencey oufeel when
you’r
el iv
ingy ouraut hent i
cselfinintegri
ty
withy ourhighestv alues.Yougett hatpeace
ofmi nd,say sSeneca, becausey ouhav ean
unchangi ngst andar dy ouli
veby ,notlikethe
restofmanki ndwho“ conti
nuallyebband
fl
ow i nt hei
rdeci sions,floati
ngi na
conditionwher etheyal ter
natelyreject
thi
ngsandseekt hem. ”
Stoi
cism wi
ll
giveyoumanyanchorstohol
d
your
selfont
o,soyoucanfindyourpath
andwal kitassur
ed.Thiswi l
lcauseyou
togainani nnert
ranqui
l
ity,
acalm
confidenceatallti
mes, evenwhenl if
egets
toughandshowsi tsmeanestki cksand
punches.Becausey ouknowwhyy oudo
whaty oudo.Youhav ethisinnersecuri
ty
thatyou’r
edoi ngtherightthingand,come
whatmay ,you’
resteadfastli
kethattowerof
strength,andnothingcanr ootyou
out.Chapter2
AQui
ckHi
stor
yLesson
“Imadeaprosperousv oy
agewhenI
suff
eredshi
pwreck."-Zenoof
Ci
ti
um
They eari saround320BCE.A
Phoeni ci
anmer chantsuf fer
sshipwr eck
somewher ebetweenCy prusandtheGr eek
mainlandi ntheMedi terr
aneanSea.Hej ust
l
ostal lhismur exdy e,ahighlyval
uable
purple-color
eddy ewonf r
om themur exsea
snail
, andwi t
hthatal l
hisweal t
h.Wear e
tal
kingaboutZenoofCi tium who,t hanks
t
othi
sshipwreck,shoul
dbecomet he
f
ounderofSt
oicism manyyear
slat
er.
Zeno’sf at
herwasamer chanthi mself
andusedt oreturnhomef rom hist r
avels
withbookspur chasedi ntheGr eekci t
yof
Athens.Thismi ghtbet hereasonwhyaf t
er
theaccidentatsea, Zenowentt oAt hens,
satdowni nabookst ore,andr eadabout
theAt heni
anphi losopherSocr ateswho
taughtaroundacent uryear li
er.Zenowasso
i
mpr essedthatheaskedt hebooksel l
er
wheremenl iket hisSocr atescoul dbe
found.Thebooksel lerpoi ntedint he
dir
ectionofCratest heCy nic,whowasj ust
walkingby,andsai d,“Followy onderman. ”
I
ndeedZenodi dfol
lowCr ates,
whowasa
l
eadi
ngphilosopheratthetime,andbecame
hi
spupil
fory ear
stocome.Zenowashappy
howhisl
ifetookat urnandsai d,“
Iti
s
wel
ldoneoft hee,Fortune,thustodriv
e
met ophi
losophy.
”Whenlookingbackon
theshi
pwreckti
mei nhi
sli
fe,Zenolat
er
commented,“Imadeapr osperous
voyagewhenIsuf fer
edshipwreck.
”
Note: Thi sintri
guing shi pwr eck st or
y
was wr i
tt
en down by Gr eekbi ographer
DiogenesLaer ti
usinhisLi vesofEmi nent
Phil
osopher saround150y ear saf terZeno'
s
death.Ther earedif
ferentver sionsoft he
storyandt hedatesarei nconsi stentand
contradict
ory.Sowecan’ tbesur ewhet her
thi
si sthetruestoryorjustt hemost
attr
activefoundingstoryofSt oicism.
Afterstudyi
ngwi thCr atesf orat i
me,
Zenochoset ogoandst udywi thother
l
eadingphi l
osophers,bef orehest ar
ted
hisownphi losophysev eralyearslateri
n
around301BCE.I nit
ially,hisf ol
lowers
wer ecall
edZenonians, butcamet obe
knownasSt oicsbecauseZenogav ehis
l
ect uresi ntheSt oaPoi kile,the"Pai nted
Porch, ”af amouscol onnadedecor ated
withpai nti
ngsofhi storicalbattl
es,
l
ocat edi ntheAt henianci tycenter .
Stoicism wasbor n.Unl i
keot herschool sof
phil
osophy ,theStoi
csf oll
owedt heexampl e
ofthei rheroSocratesandmetout sidei nt
he
publ i
c, onthispor
ch,wher eany onecoul d
l
isten.SoSt oicphil
osophywasf or
academi candor dinarypeopl eal i
keand
therefor eitwassomet hingl i
kea
“philosophyoft hestreet.”
Aswe’ veseen.Stoicism wasnotbor noutof
nowher e,i
tsf
ounderZenoandt heear l
y
Stoi
cshadbeeni nfluencedbydifferent
phil
osophicalschool sandthi
nkers,
especiall
ybySocr ates,theCy ni
cs( l
i
ke
Crates),andbyt heAcademi cs( foll
owers
ofPl ato)
.TheSt oicsadoptedSocr ates’
question:Howt oliveagoodlife?They
focusedonappl yingphi l
osophyt oev eryday
chal l
enges,ondev elopingagood
char acterandbecomi ngbet terhuman
beingswhoexcel ledinl i
feandcar edabout
otherpeopl eandnat urei t
sel f.Onet hingthe
Stoicschangedf r
om t heCy nicswast hat
theyabandonedt heCy ni
cascet ici
sm.
Unl i
ket heCy nics,theSt oicsf avor eda
l
ifestylet hatallowedsi mpl ecomf orts.They
arguedt hatpeopleshoul denj oyt hegood
thingsi nlif
ewi thoutclingingt othem.As
Mar cusAur eli
uslatersaid, "Ifyoumustl ive
i
napal ace,theny oucanal sol iv
ewel l i
na
palace. ”Thisallowanceofcomf ortwas
somet hingt hatmadeSt oi cism mor e
attractivebackt hen,andcer t
ainlyt odayt oo.
Aft
erthedeathofZeno( who,bytheway ,
wassoadmi redbytheAtheniansthatt
hey
bui
ltabronzestatueofhim),
Stoici
sm kept
i
tsplaceasal eadi
ngAtheni
anschoolof
phil
osophy( alongsi deot her s)unt i
l155
BCE,whensomet hingveryi mpor tant
happenedt oanci entphi losophy —theheads
ofStoicism ( DiogenesofBaby l
on)and
otherschool sofphi losophywer echosen
asambassador st or epresentAt hensi n
poli
ticalnegot iat
ionswi thRome,i nRome.
Whilet henegot iationsar eofl i
tt
le
i
nter est,thecul t
ur alimpactt hi
sv isi
thad
i
snot .TheAt heni ansgav epacked
l
ectur esandspar kedani nt erestin
phil
osophyamongt heratherconser vativ
e
Romans.St oi
cism becameat hr
ivi
ng
schooli nRomewi thallt hef amous
Stoicswhosewr i
tingsser v east hemaj or
sourceoft hephi losophyt oday :Seneca,
Musoni usRuf us,Epi ctetus,andMar cus
Aurel i
us( we’ l
lgett othem shor tl
y.)
Stoi
cism wasoneoft hemostinf
luenti
al
andr espect
edschool
sofphi
l
osophyf or
nearlyf iv
esubsequentcent uri
es.Itwas
practicedbyt her i
chandt hepoor,the
power fulandt hesuffererali
ke,int
hepur sui
t
ofthegoodl i
fe.Howev er,aft
erthe
deathsofi tsf amoust eachers—Musoni us
Rufus, Epictet
us, andtheRomanEmper or
Mar cusAur eli
us—St oici
sm felli
ntoasl ump
fr
om whi chi thasy ett orecover.The
l
ackofchar i
smat i
cteachersandt heri
seof
Christiani
tyaret hemai nreasonsforthe
declineoft heoncesopopul arphil
osophy .
Thei deaofSt oi
cism,howev er,foundi ts
wayi ntomanywr it
ingsofhi stor
ical
phil
osopherssuchasDescar tes,
Schopenhauer,andThor eau.Andi tis
fi
ndingit
swaybacki ntotheli
vesofor di
nary
peopleli
keyouandme( nooffense).This
comebackofSt oi
cism canbet r
acedbackt o
ViktorFr
ankl
’slogotherapyandAl ber tEll
is’
rati
onalemotivebehav i
ortherapy, bothof
whichwereinfl
uencedbySt oicphil
osophy
.
I
nmor erecentyears,authorssuchas
Pier
reHadot ,Wi ll
iam Irvi
ne,Donald
Robert
son,andespeci al
lyRy anHoli
day
haveaccel
eratedthereturnofStoi
cism.
TheMostI
mpor
tantSt
oicPhi
l
osopher
s
Lookar ound, y
ou’ r
eint hemi ddleof
thousandsofexci t
edpeopl eswi ngi
ngt heir
fl
ags,shout ingandcheer ingmadl yf or
theirfav ori
techar i
otr acersdowni nt he
arenaoft heCircusMaxi mus—zoom out ,go
halfami l
enor th,zoom i n—Roar !Straighti n
frontofy ou, agladiatorfighti
ngal i
on, on
yourright ,agl adiatorai minghi sspeari n
yourdi rection,left,amonst r
ousel ephant
sprint
ingaty ou'.Int hesedr amat i
ct i
mes,
ourmai nchar acterstaughtandpr act iced
Stoicphi losophy .Althoughphi losophyi s
muchl essexci tingthanbl oodybat tlesi n
theCol osseum ( wher ey oujustgotsmashed
byanel ephant),i
t'
st hephil
osophyt hat
surv
iveduntiltoday.Forgoodr easonsas
you’
lll
earni
nt hefol
lowingchapt
ers.
Now,we’ lllookatt hef ourRomanSt oi
cs
whosewr iti
ngsandt eachingssur
vivedfor
nearl
yt womi ll
enni
aandnow bui ldthe
foundati
onofSt oi
cism:Seneca,Musoni us
Rufus,Epictetus,andMar cusAureli
us.It
's
saidthatoverat housandbookshadbeen
writ
tenonSt oicphil
osophybutonl ya
handfulsurviv
ed—mai nlytheonesfrom
theseluminaries.
Lucki
ly,thesebr i
l
li
ant(butal soflawed)
mendi dnotl iveincav essomewher ein
themount ai
ns,butall
ofthem wer ef ul
l
y
engagedinsocietyandwor kedhar dt o
maket hewor ldabet terplace.You’ l
l
meetani ncredibl
eweal t
hypl aywrightand
equiv
alentoft hemoder n-dayentrepreneur
,
you’
llmeetanear lyfeminist
,anda
cri
ppledsl av ewhoshoul dbecomet he
maini nfluenceoft heRomanEmper or
andmi ghtiestpersoni nthewor l
d.To
staytruet ot henameoft hi
sbook,well
onlyscratcht hesur faceoft hese
fasci
nat i
ngl ivesoft hefourmost
i
mpor tantSt oicphil
osophers.
Senecat
heYounger(
c.4BCE—65CE)
“
Ifamanknowsnotwhi chpor
thesai
l
s,no
windi
sfav
orabl
e.”-Seneca
Themostcont r
oversi
al St
oicphil
osopher,
LuciusAnnaeusSeneca, mainl
yknownas
Senecat heYoungerorsi mplySeneca,was
bornaroundt hetimeofJesusi nCordoba,
Spain,andeducat edi
nRome, I
taly
.Heis
renownedasoneoft hef i
nestwr i
ter
sof
anti
quityandmanyofhi sessay sand
personalletter
ssur v
ivedandser veasan
i
mpor tantsour ceofSt oicphil
osophy.
Thesewr it
ingsspeaktousbecausehe
focusedont hepracti
calaspectofStoici
sm,
downt ohowt otakeat r
ip,howtodeal with
adversi
tyanditsprovokedemot i
onssuchas
gri
eforanger ,
howt ohandleoneselfwhi l
e
commi tt
ingsuici
de(whichhewasor dered
todo),howt odealwithwealth(whi
chhe
onlyknewt oowell)
,andpov er
ty.
Senecal iv
edanext raordi
naryli
fe,ali
fet hat
raisesmanyquest ionswhenst udiedcl osely.
Apar tf r
om hi sl etterswhichar est il
lr ead
almostt womi l
lenniaaf t
erhi spassing,he
madei tintot hehi storybooksf ormany
mor er easons.Hewasasuccessf ul
playwr i
ght .Hegotext r
emelyweal t
hyt hanks
tosmar tf i
nanci alunder t
akings( t
he
moder n- dayent repreneurandi nvestori f
youwi ll
).Hewasexi ledforcommi tti
ng
adul t
erywi tht heemper or’
sniecetowhat
hecal l
edt he“ barrenandt hornyrock”
Cor si
ca—whi ch, byt heway,isapopul ar
holi
daydestinati
onknownfordi
v erseand
sceniclandscapes.Afterei
ghty earsof
exi
le,theemper or’
snew wifewant ed
Senecaasat ut
ortohersonNero.
OnceNer obecameemper or,Senecawas
promot edt ohi sadv i
sorandbecameone
oftheweal t
hiestpeopl ei
nt heRoman
Empi re.Accordingtoaut horNassi m Tal eb,
whodev otedawhol echapt ertoSenecai n
hisbookAnt i
fragil
e,“hisfortunewast hree
hundredmi l
li
ondenar i
i(f
orasenseof
equivalence,ataboutt hesameper iodin
ti
me, Judasgott hir
tydenar ii
,theequi v al
ent
ofamont h'ssal ar
y ,tobet rayJesus) .
"
Thisext remeweal thwhi lebei nga
phil
osophert hatpr omot edt he
i
ndifferenceofext ernalpossessi onsi sa
reasonwhySenecasomet i
mesget scal l
eda
hypocr i
te.Theot herf actthatr aises
questionsi st hathewast het utorand
advi
sorofEmper orNero,whowasasel f-
i
ndulgentandcruelr ul
erandhadhi s
motherandmanyot herpeopl
ekil
led.I
n65
CE,Neroorder
edSenecat ocommi tsui
ci
de
becausehewassupposedl yinv
olvedina
conspir
acyagai
nsttheEmperor.
Hy pocr i
teornot ,
Senecaliv
edat urbul
entli
fe
ful
l ofrichesandpowerbutal soof
philosophyandi nt
rospect
ion( he
under stoodwel lenought hathewas
i
mper fect)
.Stoici
sm remainedaconst anti
n
hislif
eandst ampedhi smanyhel pfuland
i
nspi rati
onall et
tersthatIl lquotel i
beral
ly
throughoutt hisbook.
Musoni
usRuf
us(
c.30CE—c.100CE)
“Sinceev er
ymandies,
itisbet
tert
odi
ewith
distinct
ionthant
oli
velong.
”-Musonins
Ruf us
TheleastknownofthefourgreatRoman
Stoi
cs,GaiusMusoniusRufustaughtSt
oic
philosophyi nhi sownschool .Weknowl it
tle
abouthi slifeandt eachingsbecausehe
didn’ tbot hert owr i
teany thingdown.
For tunately,oneofMusoni us’pupi ls,
Luci us,t ooknot esdur ingt hel ectures.
Ruf usadv ocat edf orapr acti
cal andl ived
philosophy .Asheputi t,’’
Justast herei sno
usei nmedi cal studyunl essitleadst ot he
heal thoft hehumanbody ,sot hereisnouse
toaphi losophi cal doctrineunlessi tleadst o
thev irt
ueoft hehumansouk"Heof fered
det ail
edadv i
ceoneat inghabi ts,sexl i
fe,
how t odr esspr operly,andhow t o
behav et owar done’ spar ents.Besi des
thinkingphi l
osophyshoul dbehi ghly
pract ical,het houghti tshouldbeuni v er
sal .
Hear guedt hatwomenandmenal i
kecan
benef i
tfrom educat i
onandt hest udyof
philosophy .
Musoni
usRuf
uswast
hemostpr
omi
nent
Stoict eacheratt het i
meandhi si nfluence
i
nRomewasr espect able.Toomuchso
forty rannicalEmper orNer ot hatheexi led
himt ot heGr eekislandGy arosi n65CE( and
yes,exi l
ewascommoni nanci entRome) .
Seneca’ sdescr i
ptionofCor sicaasa
“barrenandt hornyr ock”woul dhav efit
ted
muchbet t
ertoGy aros, whichr eallywas
(andst il
lis)adeser t
-l
ikei sland.Af terNer o’s
deathi n68CE, Musoni usr et urnedt oRome
forsev eny earsbef orehegotexi ledagai n.
Hedi edi naroundt ooCEandl ef tbehindnot
onlyt hefewl ecturenot esf rom Luci us,but
alsohi smostf amouspupi l.Epi ctetus,who
aswe’ l
lseer i
ghtnow, becameani nf l
uential
Stoict eacherhi msel f
.
Epi
ctet
us(
c.55CE—c.135CE)
“Don’
texplai
nyourphi
l
osophy
.Embodyi
t.
”-
Epict
etus
Epi
ctet
uswasbor
nasl
avei
nHi
erapol
i
s
(present-dayPamukkal ei nTur key).His
realname,i fhehadone,i sunknown.
Epictetussi mpl ymeans“ property”or“ t
he
thingt hatwasbought .
”Hewasacqui r
ed
byEpaphr odit
os,aweal thyf reedman( t
hat
i
s,af ormersl avehimsel f)whowor ked
asasecr etar
yt oEmper orNer oinRome,
thepl acewher eEpictetusspenthi sy out
h.
Hewascr i
ppledi nonelegei therbybirthor
byani njuryreceivedf r
om af ormer
mast er.Hi snew mast erEpaphr odit
os
treatedhi m wel landal lowedhi mt o
studySt oicphi losophyundert hemost
renownedt eacherinRome, Musoni usRufus.
Somet i
meafterNero’sdeat
hi n68CE,
Epict
etuswasfreedbyhi smaster—a
commonpr acticeinRomewi thintel
l
igent
andeducatedsl aves.Hest ar
tedhisown
schoolandtaughtStoicphi
losophyfor
nearl
ytwent
y -
fi
veyear sunti
ltheEmper or
Domi tianf amousl ybani shedal l
philosopher sfrom Rome.Epi ctetusf l
ed
andmov edhi sschoolt oNi copolis,
Greece, wher ehel edasi mpl elif
ewi thf ew
possessi ons.Af tertheassassi nati
onof
Domi tian,St oi
cism r egainedi ts
respect abil
it
yandbecamepopul aramong
theRomans.Epi ctetuswast hel eadingSt oi
c
teacheratt het imeandcoul dhav emov ed
backt oRome, butchoset ost ayinNi copol i
s,
wher ehedi edi nar ound135CE.Despi t
ei ts
l
ocat ion,hisschool at
tractedstudent sf rom
allaroundt heRomanEmpi r
eandt aught
them,amongot hert hi
ngs,how t or etain
dignityandt ranquilit
yev eninthef aceof
l
ife’shar dships.
Justlikehisownt eacherMusoniusRuf
us,
Epictetusdidn’
twrit
eany t
hingdown.
Fortunatel
y,therewasagai nageek
amongt hest udents,Arr
ian,whoradi
cal
l
y
tooknot esandwr otet hef amous
Discour ses—aser i
esofext ractsof
Epictetus’lectur
es.( NowI ’
mt hegeekwho
i
st ryingtoor gani
zeal lofSt oici
sm intoa
l
ittl
ebook... )Arri
anal socompi ledthe
shor tbookEnchi ri
dion,asummar yoft he
mosti mpor tantprinciplesoft he
Discour ses.Enchiri
dionof tenget s
translatedasHandbook, butitli
teral
ly
means“ readyathand” —mor el i
keadagger
thanahandbook, al
way sreadyt odeal wi
th
l
ife’schallenges.
Mar
cusAur
eli
us(
121CE-
180CE)
“I
tnev erceasestoamazeme: wealll
ove
ourselvesmor ethanotherpeopl
e,butcar
e
mor eabouttheiropini
onthanourown.”-
Mar cusAureli
us
“Wast
enomor eti
meargui
ngaboutwhata
goodmanshouldbe.Beone.
”Thesewords
werewri
tt
ennotbysomeslouchbutbya
rareexampl eofaphi l
osopherki ngand,at
thetime, mostpower fulmanon
earth—Mar cusAur eli
us,emper orofthe
l
egendar yRomanEmpi re.Hei sthemost
well-knownofal ltheSt oicphil
osophers
andhi sMedi tat
ions,aser i
esof12shor t
bookswhi chhewr ot
eent irel
ytohimself
(l
ikeadi ary
)ashi sowngui danceandself
-
i
mpr ov
ement ,
isconsi deredoneoft he
greatestwor ksofphi l
osophyofal lti
me.
Asat eenager ,i
t'ssai dMar cusnotonl y
enj
oyedact iviti
essuchaswr est
ling,
boxi
ng,andhunt ing,butal sophi losophy .
Hest udiedwi thdi ffer
entphi losopher s,
oneofwhi chl enthi m acopyof
Epi
ctetus’Discour ses,whi chbecamet he
si
nglemosti mpor tantinfluenceonhi m.
Whenhewassi xteen,Emper orHadr ian
adoptedMar cus’mat ernaluncl eAnt oni nus,
whoint urnadopt edMar cus( hisrealfather
diedwhenhewasy ounger ).WhenMar cus
ent eredpal acelife,hispoliticalpowerdi dn’
t
got ohishead( hedi dn'tl
eti t)
,neit
herasa
co-emper orofhi sadopt i
vef athernorasan
emper orhi msel faf terAnt oninus’deat h.
Foronet hi ng,heexer ci
sedgr eatr estrai
nt
i
nhi suseofpowerandmoney .
Fur thermor e,despi t
ehi sinterestinSt oic
philosophy , hechosenott ousehi spowert o
preachSt oi ci
sm andl ecturehi sf ell
ow
Romansont hebenef i
tsofi tspractices.
Hewasai lexcept ionall
ygoodemper orand
ruledf rom 161CEt ohisdeat hin180CE
andcount sast heZastofasuccessi onof
rulersknownast heFi v
eGood
Emper ors.Chapt er3
TheSt
oicHappi
nessTr
iangl
e
“Theblazi
ngfi
remakesfl
amesand
bri
ghtnessoutofev
ery
thi
ngthr
own
i
ntoi
t.
”-Mar
cusAur
eli
us
Enoughhi story,
it’
sti
met ogett ot hehear t
ofStoici
sm.Whatdi dthesef asci nating
phil
osopher sbeli
eveandt eachexact ly?
Howdi dtheypl antokeept heirpr omi seofa
supremelyhappyandsmoot hlyf lowi ngl i
fe?
Howcant heirpri
nci
plespr epar eust o
facewhat ev erchall
engel i
fet hr owsatus?
Andhowcanwet ameouremot ionsand
becomeanunshakabl etowerofst rengt h?
It
'ssimple: y
ouneedt ogoouti nt her eal
worldandt rainli
keawar rior-philosopher .
Butfir
st,youneedt oknowt her ulest opl ay
by,youneedt oknowwhatt of ightf or ,and
youneedt oknowwhi chdi rectiont ot ake.
Thesearet hecor epri
nciplesofSt oicism
thatyouwi lll
earninthispar t.
Now,y oumi ghtt
hinkthi
sshouldbefai
rl
y
easy,spi
titout,whatarethecorepri
nci
ples?
Ithoughtt hesamewhenIst umbled
uponSt oi
cism thefir
stti
me.Iquickl
ygot
hooked,readqui teabitabouti t,
andt ol
d
fri
endsaboutt hiscoolphilosophy .Butwhen
theywantedt oknowwhati texactlywas,
thenIf ail
edmi serabl
yatexpl ainingit
.I
real
izedthatdespi t ethemanyt ext sI
'd
read,Ihar dl
yknew any thingabout
Stoici
sm,Icoul dn'
tevenmanaget oexplai
n
i
tpr oper
lytofriends.
Asi tturnedout ,i
t'
snotsoeasyt ogeta
simpl eov erviewoft hephi l
osophy.The
originaltext s—consi sti
ngofl ecturenotes,
personall etter
s,anddi aryentr
ies—don’t
offeracl ear -
cutanswerl ikeoneoutofa
textbook.Andev enmoder nbooksl ack
foolproofexpl anations,If i
nd.It’
sof t
ena
mi xoff ant asticStoicideas,whichare
def i
nitel
ywor thstudy i
ng,butfai
l t
obri
ng
acrossasi mpl eov ervi
ewt oholdonto.
Thi
sisbasi
cal
lytheideabehi
ndt
heSt
oic
Happi
nessTri
angle.I
tgiv
esyouasi
mple
overview oft hecor epr incipl
esof
Stoici
sm.I fy ouknow t het ri
angle,y ou
knowandar eabl etoexplai nthemost
i
mpor tantaspect sofwhatSt oicism is—even
toaf ive-year
-old.It’
sthebestIcoul dcome
upwi tht opresentSt oicphi l
osophyi na
simpleandv isual way,combi ninganci ent
andmoder nli
terature.Ihopey ou’l
lfi
ndi t
helpful.Andkeepi nmi ndt hattheSt oic
Happi nessTr iangleisnotwhatt heStoics
taughtperse, it
’smyv i
sualizationoft hei
r
coret eachings.
TheSt
oicHappi
nessTr
iangl
einaNut
shel
l
TakeResponsi
bil
i
ty
Eudair
nonia:Atthecoreofthetr
iangl eis
eudaimonia—theult
imategoalofli
feal l
anci
entphilosophi
esagreedon.Ast ouched
i
nChapt er1,thi
sistl
iemainpr omi seof
Stoi
cphi l
osophyandi t
’saboutlivinga
supremelyhappyandsmoot hl
yf lowi ng
l
ife.It’
saboutt hriv
inginourl i
ves.That ’
s
basical
lywhatweal lwant ,
tothr i
veandl ive
happylives,ri
ght?That ’
swhyi t’satt he
coreoft heSt oi
cHappi nessTr i
angle.Do
your emembert heGr eekor i
ginoft hewor d?
Itmeansbei ngongoodt erms( eu)withyour
i
nnerdai mon, yourhighestself.Andhow
canweachi ev ethis?Bylivi
ngwi t
har ete.
LivewithAret
e: Expressyourhighestsel fi
n
everymoment .Ifwewantt obeongood
termswi thourhi ghestsel f
.,weneedt o
closet hegapbet weenwhatwe’ recapable
ofandwhatwe’ r
eact uall
ydoing.Thi sis
reall
yaboutbeingy ourbestversioni nthe
hereandnow.I t’
saboutusi ngreasoni nour
actionsandli
vinginhar monywi t
hdeep
values.Thi
sisobv iousl
yeasiersai dt han
done,whatsuppor t
st hi
sambi tiousgoal
i
st oseparat
egoodf rom badandf ocuson
whatwecont rol.
FocusonWhatYouCont rol
:Thi si st he
mostpr omi nentpr i
ncipl
ei nSt oi
cism.At
allt
imes, weneedt ofocusont hethi ngswe
control
,andt akether estasi thappens.
Whatal readyi shast obeaccept ed
becausei t’
sbey ondourpowert oundoi t.
What ’
sbey ondourpoweri sult
imat elynot
i
mpor tantforourflouri
shing.What 's
i
mpor tantforourflouri
shingiswhatwe
chooset odowi ththegi v
enext ernal
cir
cumst ances.Sonomat terthesituat i
on,
i
t’salwayswi thi
nourpowert otrytomake
thebestwi thit,
andtol i
veinhar monywi th
ouridealself.
TakeResponsi bil
it
y:Goodandbadcome
sol
elyfrom y our sel
f.Thisf ol
lowsthefir
st
twocornel'
st hatsayexter nalthi
ngsdon’t
matterfort
hegoodl i
fe,
sol ivi
ngwitharete,
whichiswithiny ourcontrol,i
senoughto
fl
ouri
shi nl
i
f e.Also,you’r
er esponsi
blefor
yourlif
ebecauseev er yext ernal eventy ou
don’tcont r
ol offer sanar eay oucancont r
ol,
namel yhowy ouchooset or espondt ot hi
s
event.Thisi scr uci al i
nSt oicism, it
’snot
eventst hatmakeushappyormi serable,
butouri nterpret ationoft hoseev ents.
Thisiswhenat owerofst rengt hcanbe
born—t hemomenty oudeci det ogi ve
outsideev entsnomor epowerov er
you.That '
sofcour sej ustt hef r
ameoft he
tr
iangle,andwebar elyscr at chedt he
surface.I nt hecomi ngpages,we’ l
llook
ateachcor neri ndet ailwi thcl ar
ify
ing
i
deasandmet aphor s,andwe’ l
lgett o
know t hev ill
aint hathi nder ssomanyof
usf rom expr essi ngourhi ghestsel f
momentt omomentt omoment .Butfirst
,
l
et’sremembert hesur finganal ogy.
Upnexti
sthehighl
yimport
antbutnotso
funt
heor
ypartatthebegi
nningofyourf
ir
st
surfl esson.Oh.t herewego. ..somewi se
guysr unst raightint
ot hewat er,despite
thewar nings.I talway shappens.Her e’
s
thecool thing—oncewe’ redoneher eand
youf oll
owt hem inthewat er,you’ll
dobet t
er
i
mmedi at el
ybecauset heylackt hebasics,
andt hat’swheny ouneedt oseet heir
faces—pr iceless!Howev er,somewal l
comebackear l
ierbecauset hey’
ve
realizedt hey ’
relackingsomet hingor
they’v ehur tt hemselves.Any way ,l
et’
sst art
withoutt her unaway sandy ou’llgetinthe
wat erbef or
ey ouknowi t.Ont hesand, get
set,go!
1.Li
vewit
hAret
e:Expr
essYourHi
ghest
Sel
finEv
eryMoment
"Agoodcharacteristheonl
yguar
ant
eeof
ever
last
ing,
carefree
happi
ness-Seneca
Thef
ir
stcor
neroft
heSt
oicHappi
ness
Tr i
angl eisLiv ewi thAr ete.Thecl assic
translationfort hisGr eekwor di s“vi
rtue”or
‘
‘excellence.”Ipr eferhow Br ianJohnson,
thephi l
osopherbehi ndt hewebsi te
opt i
mi ze.me, translatesar ete:“ Expressing
thehi ghestv er sionofy our selfmoment
tomomentt omoment .”Becauseoft his
deepermeani ngoft hewor dandbecause
i
tappar entlywasoneoft hehi ghestideals
ofGr eekcul ture, let’
suset heor i
ginalword
forthenameoft hisfi
rstcor neroft he
tri
angl e.We’ l
lnecessar i
lyuset hecommon
Englisht ranslationv ir
tuet oo, sokeept hatin
mi nd.
Theul t
imategoalofStoici
sm isposit
ioned
i
nt hecenterofthetr
iangle:eu-dai
mon- i
a,t
o
l
iveahannyandsmoot hlyflowingl
if
e.To
achievethi
sgoal.weneedt obeongood
terms( ei
z)withouri nnerdai mon,the
highestver
sionofour selves,ournatural
i
nbor npot enti
al.Inwhat every oudo,
i
magi net herearetwol i
nes:thehigherline
i
ndi catingwhaty ou’r
ecapabl eofandt he
l
owerl inewhaty ou’r
eact ual
lydoing.Living
withar eteisaboutt i
yingtoreacht hehigher
l
ineandexpr esswhaty ou’r
ecapabl eofi n
thisver ymoment .That ’
sact uali
zingt he
highestv ersi
onofy ourself
,that’sbeingon
goodt ermswi thyourinnerdaimon, that’
s
wheny ouachi evethehappyandsmoot hly
fl
owi ngl i
fecalledeudaimoni a.
Now, thisperfectactual
izati
onofour
highestselvesmi ghtnotbet oohardto
expressi nsinglesit
uati
onsorinour
i
magi nation,butdragusouti ntherealwor l
d
andwef ailmiserabl
y.Andt hat
’sok,that’
s
whatwe’ reher efor,
lear
ningabout
ourselvesandhowt oexpr essourhighest
versi
onmomentt omomentt omoment .
That’swhywer eti
yi
ngtogetbet ter
,that’
s
whywe’ r etryi
ngt oimpr ov eourv i
rt
ue.Thi nk
ofareteorv ir
tueasaf orm ofwi sdom or
str
engt ht hathelpsy oudot heappropriate
thi
ngatal lti
mes, sot haty ouract i
onsar e
i
nhar monywi t
hy ourhi ghest
self
—cour ageous, disci
plined,andkindf or
exampl e.Vi rt
ueiswhathel psy oucloset he
gapbet weenwhaty ou’
react ual
lydoingand
whaty ou’recapabl eof .Thebi ggerthatgap,
thefurtherawayy ouar ef rom eudaimoni a,
andt hewor seoffy ouar e.Because
somewher einthedar knessoft hegap, they
arelurking, t
hebadguy sleadbyr egret
,
anxiety,anddi si
ll
usi onment .
Alr
ight,
vir
tuei
saboutt ryi
ngt obet hebest
youcanbei never
ymoment .Andifyou’
re
abletodothat,
theny ou'
llhaveagood
rel
ati
onshipwit
hy ourhighestselfandwi l
l
l
iveahappyandsmoot hlyf l
awinglif
e.If
you’r
eunabletoexpressthehi ghestver
sion
ofyoursel f,t
hiswillcreat espacef orregr et
andanxi etytocr awl outoft hedar knessand
spreadmi sery.Thi
si shi ghlyimpor t
antt o
know, butl et
’sbehonest ,
itdoesn’thelp
muchy et.Imean, don’ tweal lwantt obet he
bestwecanbeany way ?(Isurehopeso. )
Now,apar tfrom li
v i
ngwi t
har ete,the
Stoicsusedanot herst ockphr asef orthe
samegoal ofexpressingt hehighestv ersion
ofyoursel f:l
ivi
nginagr eementwi thnat ure.
Let’
sunr av elt
hatandseewhet herwe’ r
e
smar t
eraf terward.
ThePer
fect
ionofOurNat
ural
Pot
ent
ial
TheStoicsbelievedt hatnaturewant sust o
thri
vei
nl i
fe.Thisiswhyt heinnerdai mon,
ourhighestsel f,hadbeenpl antedwi thi
n
allofusl ikeadi vineseed,sot hatwe
haveitinournat uralpotentialto
becomet hathi ghestv er
sionofour selv
es.
AsMusoni usRuf ussai d,we’reall
“ bornwi t
h
anincli
nationtowardv irt
ue.”Inotherwor ds,
i
t’
sournat ur etocompl etewhat ’
sbeen
start
edwi ththatdivineseedandbr i
ngour
humanpot enti
altolife.So, aperson’svir
tue
dependsont hei
rexcel lenceasahuman
being,onhowwel ltheyper for
mt hei
rnatural
potenti
al.Tobev irt
uous, then,i
stoliveas
naturedesignedust olive.Thisiswher ethe
Stoicaphor i
sm li
vi
ngi nagr eementwi t
h
naturecomesf r
om.
Putsimpl y,v
irtueisthesamet hingforall
l
ivi
ngbei ngs—t heperfecti
onoft heirown
nature.So,li
vingwi t
hareteisbasi call
yto
compl et
eournat ur
e.Withoutt hat
compl et
ion,wel acksomet hi
ngandour
l
iveswi llremai nunfulf
il
led.It
'
scl ear—ifwe
don’tli
veupt oouri nnatepotential,
wel l
neverbef ulf
il
led.
Let
’slookatanexampl
einnat
ure.The
nat
uralpotent
ial
ofagr
apeseedistogrow
i
ntoagr apevi
neandbeargrapes.Soagr ape
seedHueswi tharet
eorinagr eementwi t
h
naturewheni tfulf
il
lsi
tsnaturalpotenti
al
bygrowingint
oagr apev
ineandproducing
grapes.
Justasi t’
senoughf ort hegoodl if
ef orthe
grapevinet opr oducegr apes, i
t’senoughf or
ust oexpr esst hehi ghestv ersionof
ourselvesmomentt omomentt omoment .
That’sallitt akes.Not hi
ngext ernalis
requir
edt ogett ot hegoodl i
fe—nov i
l
la
byt hebeach,nodi amondr ings,no
porcelainpl ates,andgener allynot hing
thathasn’ tbeenpl ant edwi thinasnat ural
potential
.Andt hat’
ssomet hingt hat
makesSt oicism soappeal ing.The
potentialt ol i
vet hegoodl ifeiswi thinallof
us—whet herwe’ rer i
chorpoor , healthyor
sick,model -likebeaut i
fulorot her -
kindof
beautiful
.Al l ofuscangett ot hegoodl if
e.
ButI’
m gett
ingaheadofmysel
f,we’
ll
lear
n
moreaboutt heunimport
anceofext er
nal
thi
ngsi nthesecondcorneroftheStoi
c
HappinessTri
angl
e.
Yournat uralpotenti
al l
i
esi ny ourhighest
versionofy ourself
.Yetther e’
smor e.The
Stoicsar guedt hatt hemostsi gnif
icant
differ
encewi thotherani malsi st he
human’ sabi li
tytouser eason.St oic
teacherEpi ctetusexplainedt hatwhat
separ atesusf r
om wi ldbeast sandsheep
i
sourr ati
onalel ementandnott henaked
skin,weakerbones,ormi ssingt ai
ls.We
negat eourv ei
yhumani t
yandf allt
othe
stateofasheepwhenwel etouract ions
becomei mpul siv
eandi nconsiderate.He
asked,“ Whenouract i
onsar ecombat iv
e,
mi schievous, angry,andr ude,dowenotf al
l
awayandbecomewi l
dbeast s? "
Epi
ctet
us'poi
nti
sthatourabi
l
ityt
ouse
reasoni satt hecor eofournat ural
potenti
alweneedt of ulf
il,andi tshows
bestinouract i
ons,byexpr essi ngi t
momentt omomentt omoment .Onone
hand,theabili
tytouser easoni sourmost
preci
ousgi f
tand,ifwel ivebyi t
, we’ l
lhavea
happyandsmoot hl
yf lowi ngl i
f e-l
ikea
grapevinethatpr oducesgr apes.Ont he
otherhand,it
'sourheav iestbur den, because
i
fwef ailtoli
vebyi t
, wef alltothel evelofa
beast,negateourhumani ty,andwon’ tl
ivea
happylife—muchl i
keagr apev i
net hatfail
s
toproduceedi bl
egr apes.
Fort heStoics,t
hen,it’
sreasonableto
alway strytobet hebestyoucanbe.Weal l
havet hi
sseedofr eason,thisseedof
ourhi ghestsel f,pl
antedwi thi
n.And
therefore,we’v
egott hepot enti
altoli
vea
vir
tuousl i
fe—thatis,ali
feledbyr easonand
expressingouri dealsel
f.Thisexpression
showsasgener all
yhonor ableand
praisewor thyacti
onst hatbenef i
tour sel
ves
andot hers.Aslearnedear l
ier,
virtuei sforall
l
ivingbei ngstheper fecti
onoft heirown
natur e;inthecaseofhumans,t hen, vir
tue
i
st heper f
ecti
onofr eason.Putdi fferently
,
l
ivingwi thareteistheper fecti
onof
expr essingourhighestsel finever ymoment .
Remember ,l
ivi
ngwi tharete,vi
rtue, reason,
andi nagr eementwi thnat ur
ear eal l
dif
f erentexpressionsf ort hesamegoal .
InSt oi
cphi l
osophy ,it
’scl earthatt he
perfectionofr easonnotonl yincluded
rati
onal,butal sosoci alact ionsi nthe
form ofdut i
est oourf ell
owmen, suchas
honor i
ngourpar ents,bei ngagreeabletoour
fri
ends, andbeingi nterestedi nthe
wellbeingofmanki nd.Asr ationalandsocial
creatures, weshouldther eforeapplyreason
andexpr essourhighestsel vestothree
mai
nar
easofl
i
fe:
1.Ourownmi nd: Ashumanbei ngswit
hthe
abi
li
tyofreasonablethi
nking,weshoul
d
consi
derouractionsrat
ionall
yandwisely
,
andatall
timest ryt
obet hebestwecanbe.
2.Withotherpeople:Associ al
bei
ngswho
natur
all
ycaref oreachot her
,weshouldt
ry
toli
veharmoni ousl
ywi t
hot her
sand
contr
ibut
et othewel l
beingofmankind.
3.I
ntheuniverse:
Asci t
izensofthevast
cosmos,weshouldt i
ytoliveharmoni
ously
wit
hnature,
calmlyacceptev ent
sthat
happentous,andtiytorespondwisel
y.
Iknow, thi
swhol earete,vi
rtue,reason,and
ful
fil
l
ingournat ureideaishi ghl
yabst r
act
andit’
sdi f
fi
culttohav eacl ear
understandingofhowt hi
sl ooksl i
kein
practi
ce.Luckily,theSt oicsusedamor e
graspableclassifi
cati
onofv i
rt
uet hat
divi
dedi tintof ourdesirablechar acter
tr
ait
sknownast hefourcardi
nalvir
tues.
Befor
ewel ookatthem,though,l
et’
squi ckl
y
l
ookatt heSt oi
cSage,t hehy pothet
ical
i
dealtheSt oi
csusedt opor t
raythe
perf
ectlywiseandgoodper son—theAdoni s
ofcharacter,i
fyouwil
l.
Youmi ghthavebeenwonder i
ng,isiteven
possibletobet hebestwecanbei nevery
moment ?No, i
t’snot.Thisi
swhyt heStoics
usedt heSageasani deal,becauset here
arenoper fecthumans.Andwedon' tneed
tobeper fectfortheSt oi
cs,butwecanat
l
eastt rytobeasgoodaspossi bl
e.Thisis
whyt heycontempl atedtheSage, they
wantedt obeasgoodaspossi bleandj ust
l
iket heSageat t
ainper f
ecteudai monia.
“Hel ivesint otalharmonywi thhi mself
,
ther estofmanki nd,andNat ur
easa
whole,”describesDonal dRober tson,
“becausehef ol
lowsr easonandaccept s
hi
sfategraci
ously,i
nsofarasi ti
sbey ond
hi
scont r
ol.Hehasr i
senaboveirr
ati
onal
desi
resandemot i
ons,toachi
evepeaceof
mind.Hi
scharacteri
sabsolut
ely
prai
sewort
hy,honourabl
eandbeauti
ful
.”
Nowondert heSagei sahy potheti
cali
deal,
buttheSt oi
cssayi t’
sbenefici
al t
ohave
someonet olookupt oandcompar e
ourselvesagainst.TheSagemakesi teasi
er
toimagi neourideal sel
fandact sl
ikea
signpostshowi ngt hedir
ection.Now, l
et’
s
l
ookatt hefourvir
t ueswithwhi chwecant r
y
todeliv
eraSage- likeperformance.
TheFourCar
dinal
Vir
tues
Youandme, wegetcl osertoourcommon
goalofthegoodl i
febymaki ngprogr
ess
towardli
vi
ngwi tharete.Now, wecan
eval
uatethi
spr ogressinf ourbroad
charact
ertrait
st heSt oicsadopt edfr
om
theSocrati
cphi l
osophy .Theydivi
dedvi
rtue
i
ntot hef ourcar dinal vi
rt
uesofwi sdom,
j
ustice,cour age,andsel f-di
sci
pline.Li vi
ng
byt hesequal itiesmakesast rong
characterandl etsy outakegener all
y
honor ableandpr ai
seworthyactions,j ust
l
iket heSage.Theopposi teimmor aland
wickedchar act ert r
aitsareknownast he
fourcar dinalvices.Kaki aistheGr eekwor d
thatopposesar eteandi tmakesaweak
charactert hatshowsasshamef ul and
i
gnor antbehav ior.Letuslookatal l oft
hem,
onebyone:
Wisdom i
saboutunder standinghow t o
actandfeelappropriatel
y.Wi sdom
i
ncludesexcel
lentdeliber
ation,healthy
j
udgment,perspect
ive,andgoodsense.I t
opposest
hev i
ceoffollyorthoughtlessness.
Justi
ceisaboutknowinghow toactand
feelwel
linourrel
ati
onshi
pswithother
s.
Justi
ceincl
udesgood-
hear
tedness,
i
ntegri
ty,publ
i
cser vi
ce,andf
air
ness.I
t
opposestheviceofwrongdoi
ngorinj
ust
ice.
Courageisaboutknowi nghow t oact
andf eelcorr
ectl
ywhenf aci
ngf ear
ful
si
tuati
ons.Courageincl
udesbr avery
,
persever
ance,honest
y,andconf i
dence.I
t
opposestheviceofcowardi
ce.
Self-Disci
pli
ne( ortemper ance)isabout
knowi nghow t oactandf eelri
ght,
despi t
eemot i
onssuchasst rongdesir
e,
i
nnerr esi
stance,orl ust.Sel
f-
disci
pli
ne
i
ncl udesorderli
ness,self
-contr
ol,
forgiveness,andhumi li
ty.I
topposesthe
viceofexcess.
Thesear edef i
nit
elycharactertrait
swor t
h
str
ivi
ngf or
,r i
ght?Ify ou’
reany t
hingli
ke
me,t hesemakei nt
uiti
vesenseandwe
al
l,ev enacrossdiff
erentrel
igionsand
cul
tures,val
uet hesesamet r
aitsin
peopleamongusandOl li
'
selves.Wheny ou
readthrought hose,youmi ghtt hinkyou’re
goodatj usti
cebecausey oual way streat
otherswithexcept i
onal fairness, butyou’r
e
notsogoodatsel f
-disciplinebecausey ou
oftenst r
ugglewi t
hst ickingt othatone
glassofRioja.Now, ev ent houghi tmakes
perfectsenset osayt haty ou’r
ebet terat
someoft hem andwor seatot hers,for
theSt oi
cs,it’
sal wayst hewhol epackage
thatcount s.Virt
uei sanal l
-or-nothing
package.
TheSt oi
csof feredananalogyt oclear
thi
ngsup: Someonecanbeapoet ,
anor ator,
andagener al
,butatthesamet i
mehe’ sstil
l
onlyoneindi vi
dual.Andsotooar ethe
vir
tuesunifi
edi nonebutcanbeappl iedto
dif
ferentareasofact i
on.So,thisper soncan
beanexcel lentpoet,anokayor ator,anda
l
ousygener al,butwhatmat tersisthe
personasawhol eandnotthesi ngleactions
i
nt hei
rrespect i
v eareas.Andifwethink
aboutit
,thisall-or-nothi
ngpackagemakes
sense.Afterall.wedon’ twanttocalla
highl
yself-discipli
nedandcour ageousbank
robberav i
rtuousper son.
Perfectv i
rtuei sani deal onl
yt heSagecan
reach, butit’
sencour agingtoseet hatwhat
mat tersisy ouasawhol ebei ng.Youcan
growandr ipenasawhol eper sonandi t
doesn’ tmat t
erwhet hersomeone
obser vesy ourv i
rtuousact i
onsornot .
maki ngpr ogressandt r
yingtobet hebest
youcanbei senough.Sov irtuei s
essent ial
l
yonef orm ofpr act icalwisdom:
toknowwhat ’st heappr opri
atet i
li
ngtodo,
andt oact uallydoi t.Andkeepi nmi ndt hat
j
ustl i
keagr apev inewon’ tpr oduce
perfectgr apesi ni tsfirstyear s,andwill
continuet ohav esomesourgr apesev enin
i
tspr ime, yout oowi llgetbetteri fyouti
yto
beyourbestbutyou’
ll
alsoconti
nuet
oshow
somef laws.Thisimperf
ecti
onis
perf
ectl
ynat ur
alandsomet hi
ngtheSt
oics
observ
edi nt
heirownli
ves.
Here’sanexampl efrom Seneca: “Whent he
l
ighthasbeent akenawayandmywi f
ehas
fal
lensilent
,awar easshei sofmyhabi t
,I
exami nemyent i
reday,goi ngthroughwhatI
havedoneandsai d.
”Senecapl eadedhi s
caseathi sowncour tev eryni ghtand
sharedsomeexampl esi nhi sl etterOn
Anger.Myf avor i
testoryiswhenatsome
eventhegotangr ybecausehewasnot
seatedinapl aceofhonorhet houghthe
deserved.Hespentt heeveni ngbei ngangry
withthehostwhoseat edhi m andwi t
hthe
guestswhower eseatedabov ehi m.“ You
l
unat i
c,”hewr oteinhi sj ournal,“ what
dif
ferencedoesi tmakewhatpar tofthe
couchy ouputy ourwei ghton? ”
Thepoi nti s,nobodywi lleverbeper fectin
alltheiract ionsand, aslongaswe’ r
etrying
ourbest ,thisdoesn’ tmat t
er .Thewor l
disn’t
blackandwhi te,wecan’ tal way stel
lwhat
ther i
ghtt hingt odoi s,butwecanal wayst ry
toactwi thourbesti ntent i
on.Andt hat ’
s
whatIf indi st heeasi estwayt o
under standl ivi
ngwi thar ete—atal lt
imes, ti
y
tobet hebesty oucanbe, tryt ochooset he
appr opr i
at eact ion/response,andsi mpl y
tryt obeagoodper sonwi t
hconcer nf or
other sandnat ureasawhol e.Inot her
wor ds, dev elopy ourchar act er.Andt hat’s
whatwe’ l
ll ookataf t
erani mpor t
antside
note.At tent i
on( l
iter
all
y )
:Ifwewantt obe
thebestwecanbei nev eiysit
uati
on, if
wewantt ol i
vewi tharete,t henweneedt o
beawar eofourev eryst ep.Today ,wecal l
this“ mi ndf ulness,”theSt oicsusedt he
term“ at tention”( prosoche) .Inthewor ds
ofMar cusAur eli
us,weshoul dpay
“vi
gorousat t
ent i
on...totheperfor
manceof
thetaski nhandwi thpreciseanalysi
s,with
unaffecteddi gni
ty,wi t
hhumansy mpathy,
withdispassionatejustice.
”Wecanachi eve
suchami ndfreeofot herthoughtsby
performing“eachact ionasifitwerethelast
ofyourlife.
”
Imagi ney ou'r
ewal kingbarefootal ongt he
beachwhensuddenl yasectioni sf ul
lofbits
ofbrokengl ass.Nowy ouwal kvery
cautiouslyandwat chev er
yst eplikeahawk
soy oudon’ thur ty oursel
f—t hat'
st he
att
ent iontheSt oicswantust opayt o
everyact i
on.Thi sf ocusedat tent i
onand
continuoussel f-
obser v
ati
oni snecessar y
i
fweact i
velywantt oal i
gnouract i
ons
withv irt
ue,forhowcoul dwemakesur ewe
actv i
rtuouslyi fwewer en'
tev enawar eof
ouract ions?Aswel etourthought sdrift
away ,ouract ionsbecomemmd/ ess,we
stumblei ntof oll
y,andgi veawayour
bestchancef oreudai i
noniaaswe’ r
ef aroff
from bei
ngourbesti nt hisverymoment .
Thiswillhappencount l
esst i
mes, butthat’
s
whenmi ndful
nessi sneededmost .“A
consciousnessofwr ongdoi ngist hef i
rst
stept osalvation,
”Senecasay s.“Youhav e
tocatchy ourselfdoingi tbeforeyoucan
correctit.
”Justl i
kehedi dwhenhe
real
izedwhatal unat i
chewasf orgetti
ng
angryatot hersabouthi sseat i
ng.Without
suchconsci ousness, ouractionsbecome
i
mpul siv
e, automatic,andr andom—exact l
y
theopposi teofwhatwewant .
“Att
enti
on( prosoche)isthef undament al
Stoi
cspiri
tual att
it
ude,”explainsaut hor
Pier
reHadot .“ I
tisacontinuousv igi
lance
andpresenceofmi nd,self
-consci ousness
whichneversl eeps,andaconst anttension
ofthespir
it.Thankst othisattit
ude, the
phil
osopheri sfull
yawar eofwhathedoesat
eachi nstant,andhewi ll
shi sact i
ons
ful
ly.
”Ev eni fthisconsci ousnesswhi ch
neversleepsi stheStoic’sgoal,Epict
etus
sai
dt hatit’
snotpossi bletobef aultl
ess,
butwecant i
yand“ wemustbecont ent
i
fbynev err emitt
ingthisattenti
onweshal l
escapeatl eastaf ewer r
ors.”Character
BeatsBeaut y
“Layasi det hesenator’sdr ess,andput
onr agsandappeari nt hatcharacter
.”No
matterwhi chrol
ey ouhappent oplayin
soci
ety, nomat t
erifyouwearasui tandtie
orsocksandsandal s,Epi
ctetusispointi
ng
outthatwhatmat t
ersisy ourcore,your
character.Theonlywayt or ecogni
zeat rue
Stoi
c,then, i
sbytheircharact er
.
Thi
nkaboutsomeoney ouknow whohas
acharacterofgr
ani
te.Br
unocomestomy
mind.Br
unowasoneofmyearl
ysoccer
coaches.Hewasdependabl e,trustwort
hy,
andmosti mpor t
antl
y,hewasconsi st
ent
i
nhi sactions.Hewasf airandhonest
notonl ywheni twasconv eni
ent,but
alway s.Hewasamansol idasar ockwitha
pinchoff antasti
chumor .Iam sureyoucan
thinkofaBr unoinyourownl if
eandi t
becomescl earwhySt oi
cism valuesa
per son’
schar act
ersogreat l
y.
“Characterbeatsbeaut y
,”Ioncewr oteinan
arti
cle.Thisisprobabl ynottrueforour
ti
mes, whi
chwi ll
ber eferredtoast hebeauty
mani aepochi nhistorybooks, butit’
s
defini
telytr
uei nStoicphi l
osophy.The
Stoicswoul dgoast epfurtherandclaim
that“characterbeatsnotonl ybeaut y,but
alsoriches,power,andy eah,eventheJoker.”
Beingaper sonofv irtuereall
ymeanst o
excel atone’scharacterandal wayst l
yingto
doy ourbestandwhat ’
sgener all
y
honorabl
eandpr aisewort
hy.Virtuereall
y
i
st hehighestgoodinStoi
cism andlivi
ng
byitwil
lult
imat
elyshapeyouintoa
genui
nelygoodperson.Andthatwi l
lcome
wit
hext r
abonuses.Letmeexplain.
Let’
sgobackt oBr uno.Doy out hinkhis
consist entl
yf airandhonestact i
onswent
unnoticed?No!Hegotpr omot edasacoach
manyt imesandbecameoneoft hemost
i
mpor t antfiguresattheclub.Asf arasI
know, ev eryonel ovedandappr eciat edhim.
Hist rustwor thyandst eadfastchar acter
broughthi m manybonuses.Justt o
mentionaf ew:loveandadmi rationf rom
hisplay ers,respectandpoweratt hecl ub,
andsoon.Andt hankstothesebonuses,
Brunomostcer tainl
yexperi
encedf eelingsof
j
oyandwor thiness.
Andsoitcanbeinourli
vestoo.Whenwe
actbr
avel
y,honest
ly,
andjust,
thenwemi
ght
getsomegoodf eeli
ngsinreturn.Wheny ou
raisey ourvoiceagai nstJi
mmyt hebully,the
victim mightthanky ouf ori
tandy ou'
ll
be
proudasaconsequence.Wheny outelly
our
par entsthetruthaboutt hatj
oint,y oumi ght
feelr eli
eved.Wheny ouper severei ny our
j
obsear ch,y
ou’llfeelhappyoncey ouget
accept ed.
FortheStoics,i
t’
simportantt
hatthese
posi
tivefeeli
ngsshouldnotbethepr i
mai
y
motivesofourv ir
tuousacti
ons.The
posi
tivefeeli
ngsshoul dbelookedatas
addedbonuses.Vi r
tuemustabsolutel
ybe
i
tsownr ewar dforatl
easttworeasons:

1.Theaddedbonus(e.g.
,feel
i
ngofj
oy)i
s
notunderourcont
rol
.
2.Theaddedbonuscoul dbecausedby
othernon-
vir
tuousact
ions.
Youshoul dactv i
rtuouslybecauseit’
st he
ri
ghtt hingt odoandnotbecausei twi ll
benef i
ty ouinsomewayoranot her.Hel pthe
bulli
edgi rlbecausei t’
stheappropri
at ething
todoandnotbecausey ou’
llf
eelgreat
afterwar dandy ou’l
l getachanceforadat e.
Theaddedbonusesar euncer
tai
nandnot
undery ourcont rol.Youonl ycont r
oly our
actionandnotwhathappensaf t
erwar d.
Yes, youmi ghtfeel goodabouthelpingher .
Yes, youmi ghtgethernumber .Butal so,you
mightgetsl appedint hefacebythebul l
y.
Andy oumi ghtgeti gnoredbythegirl.So, a
Stoicshoul dbewi l
li
ngt oactwit
hcour age
despitehi sf eeli
ngspul l
i
nghi m back
rathert hanbecauseofpossi bl
efutur e
benef i
ts.
MarcusAur
eli
usdescribesthiselegant
ly
i
nhi sMedi
tat
ions.Hedisti
nguishes
bet
weenthr
eetypesofpeople.Thefi
rstt
ype
ofpeopl
e,aft
erdoi
ngadeedofkindness
toanother
,isquickl
ytodemandthe
fav
orin
return.Thesecondt ypeofpeopl earenotso
quickt oaskf oraret urnofthefavor,but
privatelyt hinkoft heot herast heir
debt or.Thet hirdt ypeofpeopl ear ejust
“l
iket hev inewhi chhaspr oducedgr apes
andl ooksf ornothingel seonceithas
bornei tsownf rui
t.”Likeahor seafteri
ts
raceorabeeaf t
erpr oducinghoney, t
his
thir
dt y peaskf ornot hingbutpassont ot he
nextact i
on,“justast hev inepasseson
tobeargr apesagai ni ndue
season.
”It
’si
nournat
uret
odogoodt o
other
s,andweshoul
ddoitfori
tsownsake.
TheSt
oicLov
eofManki
nd:
Act
fort
he
CommonWelfar
e
We’r
esoci
alcr
eatureswit
hanatural
af
fecti
ont
owardotherpeopl
e.St
oic
phi
losophyisf ul
lofgoodness,
gentl
eness,lov
ef orhumanbei ngs,and
att
enti
ontothecommongood, say sSeneca.
Thegoal i
stobeuseful,
tohel
pot hers,
and
totakecareofoursel
vesandeverybodyel
se.
TheSt oicsnur t
uredt hisideat hatwe
shouldbeconcer nedwi t
hot herpeopl e,
wishthem tof l
ouri
sh, anddevelopasense
ofkinshipwiththerestofmanki nd:Treat
evenstrangersandt hosewhoopposeusas
rel
ativ
es—br othersandsi st
ers,aunt sand
uncl
es.We’ real lcit
izensoft hesame
world.Thissharedaffinit
yformst hebasis
formut uall
oveandf ri
endship.
Apersoncannotat
tainanythi
nggoodfor
hi
mself,say
sEpict
etus,“
unlesshe
cont
ri
butessomeser v
icetothecommunity’
.”
That
’sthenatur
eofthesocialandrat
ional
ani
malwear e.We’r
edesi gnedtoli
ve
amongot herhumanbeings,ver
ymuchlike
bees,say sMusoniusRufus: “
Abeei snot
abletol i
vealone:itper i
sheswhen
i
solated.”AndMar cusconv eni
entlyadds,
“Whatbr i
ngsnobenef i
tt othehiv e
bri
ngsnonet othebee. ”Ouractionsmust
benefitthecommonwel fare,
ortheywon’t
benefitoursel
ves.We’reli
keamassi ve
organism: al
ldependingononeanot her.
Oursoci aldut
yi st ofeel aconcer nforall
manki nd,towor kt ogether,andt ohelpeach
other.“Forall
thatIdo, ”saysMar cus,
“shouldbedi r
ectedt othissingleend, t
he
commonbenef i
tandhar mony.”Wecannot
expressourhi ghestsel veswi t
houtatt he
samet i
mecont ributingtot hecommon
good.I fweseekt hev erybestinour sel
ves,
wewi llacti
vel
ycar eforthewel lbeingofall
otherhumanbei ngs.Thebestf orot her
swi l
l
bethebestf ory ou.
I
t’
snott
hatwear
esoci
ali
nthesense
thatwel i
kebei ngaroundot herpeople,
i
t’sinthedeepersenset hatwecoul dn’
t
existwithoutthehel pofothers.Ther efor
e,
whenwedogoodt oothers,weact uall
y
benefitourselves.Benefi
ti
ngot her
si sa
form ofv i
rt
ue,andi tult
imatelybenef i
ts
ourselvesasv irt
uei si
tsownr ewar d.Now
thatyouknowdoi nggoodtoot hersbenef i
ts
yourself,y
oucoul dsel
fi
shlydogoodt o
others.Allforyourownbenef i
t.
Andul ti
mat ely,i
tdoesn’ tmat terwhet herwe
dogoodt oot hersf orself
ishoral t
ruisti
c
reasons,asl ongast hei ntenti
oni st o
actf orthecommonwel fare.Remember
thethreet y
pesofpeopl eMar cusdescr i
bes?
Thef i
rstalway sl ookingf orar eturn,the
secondt hi
nkingt hattheot heri shi s
debtor,andt het hi
rd, whoismor elikea
grapevine,produci nggrapesandnotl ooking
foranythinginr eturn.It
’shissoci aldutyto
dogoodt
oothers,
andhewon’
tlookf
or
any
thi
ngi
nretur
n.
Mar cussay sthatfulf
ill
ingyoursoci
alduties
will
simpl ygiveyout hebestchanceat
havingagoodl if
e.That ’
stherewardfor
acti
ngf orthecommonwel f
are,not
grati
tude,admi rati
on,orsy mpathy—these
are( uncertai
n)addi t
ionalbonusesand
shouldn’tbet hereasonf oryouract
ions.So
evenMar cusAur el
iusactedforthecommon
goodf orasel fi
shreason—becausehe
thoughtitwoul dgivehimt hebestchance
foragoodl i
fe.
l
ivingwit
har et
eanddirecti
ngone’sact i
ons
towardthecommongoodi sitsownr eward.
Thisisournatureandit
’sulti
matelyourbest
chancetoliveahappyandsmoot hl
yflowing
l
ife.Wemustnotl ookorwishf oradded
bonusessuchasadmi rat
ionf r
om ot her
s
becauset heyaren’twit
hinourcont r
oland
canf adequi ckl
y.“ Butthewi seperson
canl osenot hi
ng,”Senecaar gues,“t
heir
owngoodsar ehel df i
rm,boundi nv i
rt
ue,
whichr equi
resnot hingfrom chance,and
ther
efor ecan’tbeei t
herincr
easedor
diminished.
”
Yourchar acter,stemmi ngf r
om youract ions,
i
swhaty oucanr elyonatal lti
mes.I nSt oic
phil
osophy , i
t’
senought otrytoexpr essy our
highestsel fatal lti
mes, anddirecty our
actionst ot hecommongood.That ’
sally ou
cando.Mar cusAur el
iusbeaut i
fullyremi nds
himsel ft hatalampshi nesunt i
lit
sf uelis
full
yspent .Sowhyshoul dn'thistruth,
j
ust i
ce, andsel f-
cont r
olshineunt i
l he’
s
exti
ngui shed?I nt hatsense, l
et’
slightour
l
ampsofv ir
tueandl etthem shineby
expr essingourhi ghestv ersi
onsf orasl ong
aswemayexi st.2.FocusonWhatYou
Cont rol:AcceptWhat everHappensand
Maket
heBestofI
t
“
Whatisitt
hentobeproperl
yeducated?Iti
s
l
ear
ningt
oapplyournatur
alpreconcepti
ons
t
otheri
ghtthi
ngsaccor
dingtoNat ur
e,and
beyondthatt
oseparat
ethethi
ngst
hatl
i
e
wit
hinourpowerfr
om those
t
hatdon’
t”-Epi
ctet
us
“Ofthingssomear ei nourpower ,andot hers
arenot .”Thesear et hev eryf i
rstwor dsi n
Epictetus’Enchiridion.Aswel earned
earli
er,Enchiri
diont ranslatesi nt oreadyat
hand—l ikeadagger —andt hesepar ation
betweenwhati sinourpowerandwhati s
not,i
ssomet hingweshoul dal way shav e
readyathand, readyt ohel pusdeal with
what everli
fethrowsatus.Thecent ral
teachingofEpi ctetuswast hatt herear e
thi
ngswhi chareupt ousandt hingswhi ch
aren’t;
weshoul dalway s“maket hebestuse
ofwhati sinourpower ,andt aket her estas
i
thappens.
”Thisi
deaisthecorner
stoneof
Stoi
cphil
osophy,andtherefor
ebuildsthe
secondcornerofourSt oi
cHappiness
Tri
angl
e.
Imaginey ouhol di nyourhandsadol lthat
l
ooksj ustl ikey ou.Let '
scall itavoodoodol l
.
Beautiful.Now, y ouwal kov ertothewi ndow,
openi t
, andt hrowy ourdol loutintothe
street
.Youst ayi nsideandhopef orasunny
daywi thsomel uckyhappeni ngs.Al lofa
sudden,l i
febecomesanemot i
onal roll
er
coaster—wi thouty ouhav ingasayi nit.Pug
mar ksy ou, suitki cksy ouar ound,andPr i
us
roll
syouov er.Ugh. ..li
fesucks!Now,
nobodywoul dact uall
ydot hatwi t
ht heirown
voodoodol l.Orwoul dthey ?Isn’tthat
exactlywhatmanypeopl edobywor rying
aboutst uffout sidet heirowncont r
ol?Ri ght,
that’
sther ootcauseofemot i
onalsufferi
ng,
towonyaboutout si
deev ent s.DoesSt even
l
ikeme?Wi llIgetthatjob?Whyam Inot
taller/t
hinner /bet
terl ooking?Handi ng
powert ot hingswehav enodi rectcontr
ol
ov ercausesemot ionalsuf f
ering.Thisiswhy
theSt oicswoul dtellustot aket hat
i
magi naryv oodoodol lbackint oourown
hands, andl etourselvesdeci dewhent oget
kickedar oundandnot .Thepoi ntis,t
he
Stoi cswantust of ocusonwhatwe
cont rolandl ett hepugsmar kwher ethey
may .
Whati sitthent hatwehav econt r
olover?
Onlyaf ew things—onrv oluntar
y
j
udgment sandact i
ons.Wecandeci dewhat
eventsmeant ousandhow wewantt o
reacttothem ( we’ l
llookatour
j
udgment smor ecl oselyint hethir
d
corneroftheSt oicHappi nessTriangl
e.)
Andouract i
ons,wecanchooset oalign
them withvir
tue,asdi scussedi nthe
prev
iouspart.Al
lelseisnotunderour
contr
ol.That
’sfr
om t heweathertoot
her
peopleandt hei
ract ionstoourhealth
andbody ,andliterall
yever
ythi
ngthat
happensaroundus.
Right ,ourbody ,f
orexampl e, i
snot
compl etelyunderourcont rol
.Wecansur el
y
i
nf l
uencei twithourbehav i
or —wecanl if
t
wei ghts, dosomeal l
-outspr i
nts,andeata
broccol iaday —butt hiswon’ tmakeourhi ps
smal ler,ourshoul derswi der,ournose
straighter ,orourey esbl uer.Ther eare
certaint hingst hatinfluenceourbodyt hat
wedon’ tcont rol,suchasgenes, earl
y
exposur e,ori njuries.Theso- calledStoic
dichot omyofcont rol—somet hingsareup
tous, ot herthingsar enot—i sreall
yabout
ther ecogni ti
onoft hreelevelsofi nfl
uence
wehav eov erthewor ld:
•Hi
ghi
nfl
uence:
Ourchoi
cesi
njudgment
s
andact
ions
•Par t
iali
nfl
uence:Heal
th,weal
th,
rel
ati
onshi
ps,andoutcomesofour
behavi
ors
•Noi nfluence:Weat her,et hnicity,and
mostext ernalci r
cumst ances“ Thi sis
wholl
yupt oy ou—whoi stheret opr ev ent
youbeinggoodandsi ncere?”Mar cus
Aurel
iusof tenr emindedhi msel foft he
powerhewasgr antedbynat ur e—t he
powert ochoosehi sact i
onsandcr aft
hisownchar act er.Hesaidpeopl ecan’ t
admirey ouf orwhat ’sbeengr ant edt oy ou
bynature, butt herear emanyot herqual it
ies
tocult
ivate.“ Sodi splaythosev i
rtueswhi ch
arewhol l
yi ny ourownpower —i ntegrity,
digni
ty,hardwor k,self
-denial
,cont ent ment ,
fr
ugali
ty,ki ndness,i ndependence,
simpli
city,discr eti
on, magnani mit y
.”
Wear
etheonl
yonest
ost
opour
sel
vesf
rom
cult
ivat
ingt hesequal iti
es.I t’
swi thi
nour
powertopr ev entviciousness, curbour
arr
ogance, stopl usti
ngaf t
erf ame, and
control
ourt emper .“
Doy ounotseehow
manyv irt
uesy oucandi spl aywi t
houtany
excuseofl ackoft alentorapt itude?Ordoes
thefactthaty ouhav enoi nbor nt al
ent
obli
gey out ogr umbl e,t oady ,orbl ame? ”
Noitdoesnot !It
’swi thi
nourpowert o
chooseourbehav i
or,eveni fev eryt
hingelse
i
snotoronl ypar ti
all
ywi thinourcont rol
.
Beforewel ookatwhat’swit
hinourcontr
ol
i
nmor edetail
,l
et’
slookatanexampleofit
i
npr acti
ce.TheSerenit
yPrayer,apr
ayer
usedbyAl coholi
csAnonymousandot her
recoverycommuni t
ies,
isbasical
lyt
heidea
appli
edi npracti
ce:
“God,gr
antmet heSereni
tyt
oacceptt
he
thi
ngsIcannotchange,TheCour
ageto
changethethi
ngsIcan,
Andt
heWi
sdom t
oknowt
hedi
ff
erence.
”
Recov eri
ngaddi ctscannotchanget he
abusesuf feredi nchi l
dhood,ormay be
evenbef oret heywer ebor n.Theycannot
undot hechoi cest heyhav emadei nthe
past;theycannotunsnor tthecoke,undri
nk
thebooze, orunswal low t hepill
s.They
cannotundot hepai nt heyhav ecaused
forthemsel vesandot hers.Buttheycan
acceptt hepastandt rytochanget henow
andt hef ut
ur ebyf ocusi ngont hechoices
they’
remaki ngr i
ghtnow.Andwecando
thesamebyf ocusingonwhatwe
control—namel yt hechoi ceswemakeev er
y
day—andt akingt her estasi thappens.Forit
i
sf uti
leandt herefore/ooZzsh, said
Epictetus,towor ryaboutt hingsthatarenot
upt ous.
TheSt
oicAr
cher
:Focusont
hePr
ocess
AsI
’
m Swi
ss,
it’
sti
mef
oraSwi
ssl
egend.I
n
theear l
yf ourteenthcentmy ,partof
Switzerlandwasoppr essedbyt he
Habsbur gemper orsofVi enna.I none
vil
l
age, thecr uel governorr ai
sedapol ein
themar ketpl ace, hunghi sf eather edhat
ont opofi t
,anddemandedev ery bodyt o
bow r espectbef orethathat .WhenWi lli
am
Tellandhi ssonpassedt heplacewi thout
bowing—ei t
hert heydi dn'tknowori gnor ed
i
t—Tel lwasf or cedt oshootanappl eof fhi s
son’sheadwi thhi scr ossbow.Lucki l
y ,he
wasanexper twi thtli
ecr ossbowandhi tthe
appleinast r
ai ghtshot .Hewasar rest ed
anywayf oradmi tti
ngt hathe’dpr epar eda
secondar row t oki llthegov ernori ncase
hemi ssedt heappl eandhi thissoni nst ead.
Thankstoastorm,Tellmanagedtof
lee
fr
om theboatthatwassupposedtobri
ng
hi
mt othegovernor
’scastl
efor
i
mpr i
sonment.Knowingthathewasfacing
adeat hsent encenow,hehur r
iedtot he
all
eyl eadingtot hecast l
eandwai tedin
ambush.Whent hecr uelgovernorandhi s
fol
lower scamet hroughtheal l
ey,Will
i
am
Telll
eaptoutandshott hegov ernorwithhis
secondbol tstr
aightthroughthehear t
,
beforehemel tedbacki ntothewoods.My
fel
lowcount ryman’sactofbr averysparked
arebelli
onandl edt othefreeSwi ss
Confeder acy
—hur ray!
Hundr edsofy earsbef oreTel lshotanappl e
offhisson’ shead, theSt oicsusedt he
archermet aphort oexpl aint heir
fundament ali deaoff ocusi ngonwhaty ou
control.Tell candrawhi sbow, closeaney e,
focus,aim, hol dhisbreat h, andf i
nall
ypull
thetri
gger .Nowi magi net hear rowt obein
theairinsl owmot ion.Thear rowi soutthere,
mov i
ngt hrought heairt owar dt heapple.I
t’s
outofcont rol—Tellcan'ti nfluencei t
anymore,hecanonl ywaitandsee.An
unexpectedgustofwindcoul dbl
owt he
arr
owof fcourse.Abirdcouldfl
ydir
ectl
yin
fr
ontofthearrow.Thesoncoul dstoop
down,orhismot hercoul
djumpi nand
heroi
call
ytakethehit.
Thepoi nti
s,Tel
lcant ryhisbesttothe
momenthepul l
st hetri
gger,butwhetherhe
hit
stheappl eortheey eisnotinhispower .
Andt hesamei strueforusi never
ydayl i
fe.
Wecanchooseouri nt
entionsandactions
buttheul t
imateout comedependson
exter
nalv ari
abl
esbey ondourcont rol.Thi
s
i
st hereasonwhyt heStoi
csadv i
sedto
focusonwhatwecont rol
,andlett
her est
happenasi twil
l.
I
nmoder nt imes,wecallthi
spr ocess
focus—t
of ocusont heprocess(under
ourcontr
ol),inst
eadofthedesired
outcome(notunderourcontrol
).In
archery,t
hedesi r
edout comei stohitthe
target
,butthat’snotwher ethefocusshoul d
l
iebecausei t’
sbey ondourcont rol.I
t’
s
smar t
ertof ocusont heprocesst hatwil
l
optimall
yleadt othedesiredout come.
TheStoicsr eali
zedt hatthepr ocesswi ll
affecttheout come.Thepr ocessi sabout
ourbehav ior,deli
beratepract i
ce,andal l
thatpreparesust oshootwel l.
Success, then, i
sdefinedbyouref fortt
odo
everythingt hat'
swithinourpower .Whet her
wehi tthet argetornot ,whet herwewi nor
l
ose, whet herwedr opsomewei ghtornot ,
ult
imat elydoesnotmat ter.Wesucceedor
fai
lalreadyi nthepr ocess.Sot heSt oic
archerf ocusesont hepr ocess( preparing
andshoot ingwel l)
;apossi bleposi ti
ve
outcome( hit
ti
ngt het arget)won’ tar ouse
j
ubilati
on,andapossi blenegat i
v e
outcome( missingthet arget)won’ tarouse
despair
.TheStoicarchersucceedsi
nthe
processandi sreadyt otakeany
outcomewi thequanimityandcal m
confi
dence,knowingthey’
vetri
edthei
rver
y
best
Thisf ocusont hepr ocess,focusonwhat
youcont roli
dea,i samassi veconf i
dence
boost er.Youknowi fyoudoy ourv er
ybest ,
youwi ll
succeednomat terwhatI t
’sall you
cando.I fyoutryy ourabsolut ebestaty our
j
ob, i
ny ourrelati
onshi ps,andf ory our
health,t heny ou’l
lal way sfeelconf ident
andatpeacewi t
hy ourself.Thi scal m
confidenceort r
anqui li
tyli
esi nknowi ng
thaty oudi dwhatev erwasi ny ourpower ,
becauset hat
’sally oucont r
ol.Ev enift hings
don’tt urnoutwel l
, youcander i
ve
sati
sf actionfr
om knowi ngy ou’vedoney our
best.Noneedt ojust i
fybadr esults,t
her e
arejustt oomanyuncont rol
lablef actors
i
nfl
uenci
ngt
heout
come.
It
’sonl yi fyouknowy ouhav en’tdone
ev erythinginy ourpowert haty ouwi llfeel
i
nsecur eandmustj ustif
yy oursel fThat ’
s
thedar kgapbet weenwhaty ou'react uall
y
doi ngandwhaty ou’r
ecapabl eofdoi ng,as
discussedear l
ier.TheSt oicshi ghlighted
thatanxi etyandi nnerdi sturbancecome
from want i
ngt hi
ngsoutofourcont rol
.
Epi ctetus,forexampl e,saidt hati t’
s
fool i
sht owantf ri
endsandr elati
vest oli
ve
forev erbecausei t’
snotupt ous.Asseen
bef ore,t her ootcauseofemot i
onal
suf feri
ngcomesf rom wor ryi
ngaboutt hings
out sideourcont rol.Thisiswhyweshoul d
focusont hepr ocess; theprocessi sful
ly
underourcont rol.Andi fwedef i
nesuccess
asgi vi
ngourbesti nthepr ocess,t henwe
cannotf ail
,feel calmlyconf i
dent, andcan
acceptanyout comewi thequanimi t
y.St
oic
Accept
ance:
Enj
oyt
heRi
deorGetDr
agged
Al
ong
“Sufferingi sourpsy chological r
esistancet o
whathappens, ”expl ai
nsDanMi llmani nThe
Wayoft hePeacef ulWar ri
or .Eventscangi ve
usphy sical pain,butsuf f
eringandi nner
disturbanceonl ycomef r
om r esistingwhat
i
s, fr
om f ighti
ngwi threalit
y .Wegetangr yat
thatdr i
v ert hatcutusof f,we’ reunhappy
withourexam gr ades,andwe’ r
e
desper at ebecauset het raini srunning
l
at e.Ifwel ookatt hosesituat i
ons
objectivel y,wer ecogni zeit’sfutil
et ofight
withthem, becausewecan’ tchangeorundo
whatal r
eadyi s.Yet ,wef ightwi t
hr ealit
y
allthet imeandwanti tt obedi ff
erent.
Thatdr i
v ershoul dn’tdr i
vel i
ket hat,my
gradesshoul dbebet ter,t hetrainshoul d
beont ime.Wemusthav ei tourway ,t
he
waywewanti t,thewayweexpect edittobe.
Thisisf i
ght i
ngwi ththeGods,say s
Epict
etus,thingsar east heyar ebecause
that’
show i t'smeantt obe.Our
emot i
onalpai nemanat esfrom confusing
thethingswhi chareupt ousandt hose
thataren’
t.Fi ghti
ngwithreali
ty;fi
ghti
ng
withthet hingswecannotchange,wi ll
l
eav eusdi sturbed,angryatthewor l
d,
blamingot hers,resenti
nglif
e,andhat ing
thegods.
Whenev erwedesi resomethingt hatisn'
ti
n
ourpower ,ourtranquili
tyandconf idence
willbedistur
bed; ifwedon’tgetwhatwe
want ,
we’llbeupset ,andifwedogetwhat
wewant ,we11exper i
enceanxi etyand
i
nsecur i
tyinthepr ocessofget ti
ngi taswe
cannev erbesur ewe11geti t.Ther ef
ore,we
shouldalway sfocusonwhati supt ous;
thatwaywewon’ tblameot hers,won’t
resentli
fe,andsur elywon’tfi
ghtwi ththe
gods.That ’
swher emuchoft hepowerof
Stoicism comesf rom.Thei nter
nal
izati
on
oft hisbasictrut
ht hatwecancont rol
ouract ionsbutnott heiroutcomes
makesusconf i
dentbecausewehav e
gi
v enal lthatwasi nourpower ,andt his
conf i
denceletsuscalml yacceptwhatever
happens.
Focusonwhaty oucont r
ol ,andt aket herest
asithappens.Ther estisnotundery our
control,that’
swhyt heStoi csadv i
set o
accepti teveni fit
’snotpleasi ng.Accepti t
fi
rst,andt hent rytomaket hebestoutofi t
.
Weshoul dacceptr at
hert hanf ightev ery
l
itt
lething.Ifthisguycut sy ouof f,thenso
bei t.Ify ourgr adesar ebad,t hent hey
are,y ou’vehady ourchancet opr epare
bett
er .I
ft hetrainislate,theni tislate.
May bei t’
sgoodt hatit
’slate.Whoknows?
Allyouknowi st hatthetrai nisn’therey et
.
Andt
hat’
sokay
,becausei
t’
ssomeoneel
se
whodri
vest
hetrai
n.
TheSt oicswantust ocul ti
v ate
acceptancet owhat ev erhappensbecause
mostev ent shappenwi thoutushav ingasay
i
nt hemat ter.Youcanei thertakei tasi t
comesandt r
yt oenjoy ,ory oucanbe
rel
uctantandgetdr aggedal ongany way.
There'sawonder fulmet aphort heSt oics
uset oexpl ainthis.I
magi neadogl eashedt o
amov i
ngcar t.Theleashi slongenought o
givethedogt woopt ions: (
1)ei therhecan
smoot hlyf oll
owt hedi rectionoft hecar t,
overwhi chhehasnocont rol,andatt he
samet imeenj oyt her i
deandexpl oret he
surroundi ngs,(2)orhecanst ubbor nlyresist
thecartwi t
hal lhisforceandendupbei ng
draggedal ongsideany way —fort her estof
theride.
Justl
i
kef
ort
hatdog,
ther
ear
emanyt
hings
i
nourl i
veswecan’ tcont rol.Eit
herwe
acceptt hesi tuationandt i
yt omaket hebest
withit,orwef ightitli
keast ubbornbabyand
endupcr yingandf eelingmi serable.It’
sour
choice.I11Ry anHol iday ’
swor ds:“Toget
upsetbyt hingsi stowr onglyassumet hat
theywi l
llast ,[and]t or esentchangei s
towr onglyassumet haty ouhav eachoi ce
i
nt hemat ter.”That ’
swhyweshoul dtake
Epictetus’adv icet ohear t:“Seeknotf or
eventst ohappenasy ouwi shbutr ather
wishf orev entst ohappenast heydo
andy ourl ifewi llgosmoot hl
y .
”Ver y
simple( yetnoteasy —we’ l
llookatdi f
ferent
exercisesi nPar t2.)
Thingshappent hatseem ver
yunf ortunate,
noquest i
on.Lovedonesdi e,
af l
ood
destroysyourhome, youl
osey ourjob, orfai
l
yourexams.Youcan’ tundothose
conditi
ons,youcanonl yt
rytobeart hem
withanobl espi ri
t,andt i
yt omaket hebest
withthegi vensi t
uation.St oicphilosophy
teachest of ocusonwhaty oucont rol,
take
therestasi thappens, andt i
yt omaket he
bestoutofi t.It'
swhaty oudowi t
hagi ven
sit
uat i
ont hatmat ter
s, andt hewayy ougo
aboutdoi ngi t.Theout come, ontheot her
hand, i
sbey ondy ourcont rol anddoesn’ t
mat t
ermuch. That'stheki ndofper son
Epictetusisl ookingf or,“Findmeasi ngle
mai l
whocar eshowhedoeswhathedoes,
andisi nterest ed,notinwhathecanget ,but
i
nt hemannerofhi sownact i
ons.
”
Att
ention:Taki ngt herestasi thappens
hasnot hingt odowi thresignati
on.Just
becauset heSt oi
cssai dthatmanyt hings
arenotwi thi
nourpowerandt hatwe
shouldt akeanyout comeswi th
equanimi t
ydoesnotmeant hattheywere
unambi t
ious,feeli
nghelpless,orint
o
resignation.Ont hecont rary,resignationis
precisel
yagai nstwhatt heSt oicspr eached
andpr act i
ced.Ev entsdonothappenast hey
dor egardlessofy ouractions, butr ather
dependi ngony ouract ions.Wi thy our
voluntaryact ions,y oucanco- directthe
outcomes.I tmat tersgreatl
yhowhar dy ou
trai
nandt iytohitt hetarget,i
t’sjustnot
entirel
yupt oyouwhet heryouhi tormi ss.
Thear gumentt haty oucoul djustr esign
i
fy oushoul dl ovewhat everhappensi s
i
gnor antandj ustplai nlazy .I
ttakes
muchmor et oacceptr atherthanfight
eveiythmgt hathappens.I ttakesar eal man
orwomant of acenecessi ty,anditt akes
at oughy ethumbl emi ndt oacceptand
dealwi thmi sfortune.Inot herwords, i
ttakes
awar rior-
philosopher .Becauseawar rior
takesev eiy
thmgasachal l
engeto
becomet heirbest ,whi l
eanor di
nar y
per
sonjustt
akesever
ythi
ngei
therasa
bl
essi
ngorcurse.
Justbecauseweshoul dtrytoaccept
what ev erhappensdoesnotmeanwe
appr oveofi t.Itjustmeanst hatwe
under standt hatwecannotchangei t
.And
thust hebestopt i
onistoaccepti t—andout
ofthi saccept ance, t
rytomaket hebestout
ofit.“Noonewant stheirchildrent ogetsick,
noonewant st obei nacaracci dent;but
whent heset hingshappen, howcani tbe
helpful toment all
yarguewi tht hem? ”That’s
howBy ronKat ieputsitinherbookLov ing
WhatI s.Sure,t hi
ngssucksomet i
mes, butit
doesn' thelpt of i
ghtthem, nei t
herdoesi t
helpt ogi veupandf eelhelpless.Whatt he
Stoicssayhel psi st ol ookatt hem asa
challenge,asabl ankbl ockofmar ble
wher ewecant raintoexpr essourbest
andul timatelybecomest ronger .
TheSt oi
csdi dnotr esign—t heywer e
commi ttedtot akeappr opriateacti
onint he
wor l
d.Mar cusAur eli
uswast hemost
power f
ul mil
it
ar yandpol i
ticalleaderofhi s
l
ifeti
meandl edhi sar miesi nt
ocount l
ess
battl
est opr otecttheRomanEmpi re.He
waswi seenought oknowt hediff
erence
betweenwhat ’
supt ohi m andwhat ’
snot ,
courageousenought ofocusandactupon
hi
spower s,andcal m enought otakewhat ’s
outofhandwi thequani mitysoi twoul dn’t
affecthi
swel lbeing(seet heSer enit
yPr ayer)
.
TheGood,
theBad,
andt
heI
ndi
ff
erent
Thi
ngs
“Ofthingssomear egood,somear ebad,
andsomear eindi
fferent
.’’
Epictet
usand
theStoicsdidnotonlydiff
erenti
atebetween
what’
supt ousandwhat ’
snot ,butalso
betweenwhati sgood,bad,and
i
ndiff
erent.Cruci
all
y,onlythethingswhich
areupt ouscanbeei thergoodorbad, and
allt
hoset hatar en’tupt ousgetcl assi
fi
ed
asindi f
ferent.Thi siswhyt heSt oicarcher
takesanyout comewi thequani mi t
y,
becausei t’
snotupt ot hem andi s
thereforeul ti
mat elyi ndi
f f
erent.Howev er
,
theSt oicsusedaf i
nerdi sti
nctiont hat
definedhi tti
ngt het arget( ort heappl e)
asapr eferredi ndifferent.Iftheout come
wascompl etelyindifferent, t
henwhywoul d
yout i
yt ohitt hetar getint hef i
rstplace?
Beforewel ookcl oseratt hatdi stincti
on,
l
et’sl ookatwhatgood,bad,and
i
ndifferentt hingsi nclude:
•Goodt hi
ngs:Allt
hati
svir
tue;
wisdom,
j
ust
ice,
courage,sel
f-di
sci
pli
ne.
•Badthings:Al
lthati
sv i
ce;
fol
l
y,i
njust
ice,
cowar
dice,i
ntemperance.
•Indif
fer
entt
hings:Ever
ythi
ngelse;
li
fe&
deat
h,heal
th&sickness,
wealth&povert
y,
pl
easur
e&pai
n,r
eput
ati
on&badr
eput
e.
Thegoodandbadt hingscanonl ybef ound
i
ny ourbehav i
or .Expr essingy ourhi ghest
self,asseenear li
er ,issuffi
cientf orthe
happyandsmoot hl yf l
owingl ife.Because
i
t’sal lthatiswi thinourpower .Ouract ions
mat tergr eatly
,andt hedev el
opmentofone’ s
char act eri
sal lthatcount sfort hegoodl i
fe.
Not hingext ernal i
sneeded.Thesamei st r
ue
foranunhappyl if
e—i tcomesf r
om v icious
behav i
or ,nomat tert heext er nal
cir
cumst ances.Theonl ygood,t hen,i s
l
ivingi naccor dancewi thnat ure,f ulfi
lli
ng
ournat uralpot ent i
al ,andt husl i
vingby
thev irt
uesofwi sdom,j ustice, cour age,
andsel f-
disci
pline.Theout comeofour
vir
tuousbehav i
or ,howev er,
isdownt of ate,
i
t’sbey ondourdi rectcont rol,andt her efore
i
snei thergoodnorbad,buti ndif
fer ent.If
thet hingst hatar en' tunderourcont r
ol
couldbegoodorbad, thenwe’dbedest
ined
tosufferbecauseofourinabi
l
ityt
odo
somethingaboutthem.Al l
goodmust
necessari
lycomef r
om oursel
ves.
Thei ndi ff
er entt hingsof tenget
summar izedasheal th,weal th,and
reput ati
on; butbasi cally
,ev eryt
hingexternal,
every thingt hati snotupt ous, gets
classi f
iedasi ndi
fferent.Byi ndif
ferent,t
he
Stoicsmeant hattheseev ent sar eneut ral
andcannei therhel pnorhar m our
fl
our ishingashumanbei ngs,t hey’r
e
unimpor tantf ort hehappyandsmoot hly
fl
owi ngl i
fe.I fweneedt hoseext ernal
thingsf ort hegoodl if
e,t hatwoul dbe
demor alizingf ort hosel ackingt hem.
Ther efor e,weshoul dlear nt obe
i
ndi f
f erentt owar di ndiff
er entthings,and
asdi scussedbef ore,acceptt herestasi t
happensi nst eadoff ighti
ngwi t
hit.
Remember,t
heSt oi
car
cheri
sreadyto
takeanyoutcomewi t
hequanimit
y,
becausei
t’
sbey ondthei
rcont
rol
.
Thet ermi ndifference,howev er,i ssl i
ghtly
misleadi ngsi ncei ti ndicatest hatthese
thi
ngshav enov alueatal l
.That ’snott he
case.Al thought heseext ernalt hingsar e
i
rrelevantf ort hegoodl if
e,somear e
preferredt oot hersnonet heless.I tmakes
i
ntuitivesenset ochooset obeheal thy
ratherthansi ck, ri
chr athert hanpoor ,and
beaut i
ful r
athert hanugl y.Al so,it’
scl eart hat
Wi l
li
am Tel lpreferredt ohi ttheappl er ather
thanhi sson.Thesear ecal ledpr eferredi nd
i
ffer ents.Ifwecoul dchoose, we’dal way s
taket hebet t
eropt ions.Andt hat ’
st he
samef ortheSt oics, theyseekt hosebet ter
optionsbutdosoi nadet achedmanner .
They ’dratherhav eitbuti t
’sokayi fthey
don’t.Andt hehi ghestpr i
orityremai ns
l
ivingwi t
har et
e,sotheyonlyseekthose
preferredindif
ferentsaslongasitdoesn’
t
i
nterferewi t
hexpressingt
heirhi
ghest
version.
Friendshipi st hemosti mpor tant
pref er
redi ndif
f erentf ort heSt oics.Our
humannat urei snotonl yr ati
onalbut
alsosoci aland,t herefor e,we’ renaturall
y
attractedtoot herpeopl e.Andagood
per sonalway sshowsl ov e, ki
ndness,j usti
ce,
andconcer nf orhi sf ellow human
beings—f orhi sbr others,nei ghbor s,and
strangersal ike.Hav i
ngwi seandgood
fri
endsi sthemostpr eci ousext ernalt
hingin
thewor l
d.AsSenecawr ites, thewi seman
“desi r
esfriends, neighbor s, andassoci ates,
nomat terhowmuchhei ssuf fi
cientunto
himsel f.
”We’ reabl etol i
v eahappyl i
fe
withoutf r
iends, butwepr ef ernott o.
Unl
i
kei
nHol
l
ywoodmov
ies,
howev
er,
the
Stoi cswoul dnev ervaluel ovehigherthan
mor alintegr i
ty.Whenev ervir
tueisinvolved,
allel seneedst ogiveway .“Loveconquer s
all”mi ghtber omant icandmakegoodf il
ms,
buti t’spreci selytheopposi teoftheSt oic
prior i
ties—notev enlov eshouldbet r
adedi f
thepr i
cei st hecompr omi si
ngofy our
char act er.Sogoaheadandseekf ri
endship,
asl ongasi tdoesn’tneedy outobr eakwi t
h
virtue.I t
’sbet tertoendur eloneli
ness,
sickness, andpov ert
yi nanhonor able
mannert hant oseekf ri
endship,health,
andweal thi nashamef ulone.Thegood
per sonwi llalwayspur suev ir
tueandav oi
d
viceatal lcost s.
I
t’ssi
mplyfabuloushowSenecaexpl ai
nedit:
“Goodpeoplewilldowhatt heyfi
nd
honorabl
etodo, evenifi
trequir
eshar dwork;
they’
l
ldoitevenifitcausesthem inj
ury;
they’
l
ldoitevenifitwil
lbri
ngdanger .Agai
n,
theywon’tdowhatt heyf i
ndbase,evenifit
bri
ngsweal th,
pleasure,orpower.Nothi
ng
willdet
ert hem from whati shonor able,
andnot hi
ngwi l
llurethem i
ntowhati s
base.”
I
nPokerasi
nLi
fe,
YouCanWi
nwi
thAny
Hand
Pokerexpl ainsthi
sideaofgood,bad,
andi ndiff
erentthi
ngsbeaut if
ull
y.The
handsy ou'r
edealtaredi f
ferentexternal
circumst ancesandl if
esituati
ons: y
ourflat
scr eenTV, yourmeanboss, theil
lnessof
yourwi fe,thebadgradesofy ourson, and
yourencour agi
ngbestfri
end.Thesear ethe
var i
oushandsy ou’
redeal
tandnowhav eto
playwi th.Thehandsar edealtbychance;
youhav enosayi nwhaty ouget .Sot he
car dsdon’ tmatter
,they’
reneut ral
,
i
ndi ffer
ent .Whatmat ter
si show wel lyou
playt hem.
Inpokerasi nl i
fe,
youcanwi nwithanyhand.
Sure,y oupr eferdoubleaceandaheal thy
wife,butt hat’
snotupt oyou.What ’
supt o
youi swhaty oudowi t
ht hegi vensituati
on.
Oncet hehandhasbeendeal t,youhav e
nochoi cebutacceptwhat ’
stool at
eto
change, andy ouwishnol ongerforamor e
preferabl ehandbutf orthestrengthtoplay
i
tthebesty oucan.
Thehal lmarkofanadmi r
ablepl ayer
,then,
i
st hatt heypl aytheirbestr egardlessof
thei
rcar dsandt hattheycalmlyaccept
what evercomesout .It’
sallt
heycan
do—gi vingtheirbestwi t
hwhi chev ercards
they’vebeendeal t
.Intheend, nott heplayer
witht hebestcar ds,buttheplay erwhopl ays
thei
rcar dst hebestov erthecour seoft he
tournament , orthecourseofawhol e
l
ifet
ime, wil
lwi n.
Thebesthand—gr
eatheal
th,weal
th,and
fame—byi t
selfcannothel paf ooli
shand
unjustpersont oatt
aint hegoodl i
fe.And
neithercanthewor sthand—si ckness,
pover t
y,andbadr eput ation—harmt he
vir
tuousper son’swel l
bei ng.Onascal e,
vir
tueandagoodchar acterwillal way s
outweighheal t
h,weal th,andr eputation.
Noabundanceofext ernalgoodswi l
lev er
keepupwi t
haper son’ schar acter.Some
externalgoodsmi ghtbepr ef
erableov er
others,butt hey’
reul t
imat el
yindifferent;
allthatmat tersforthegoodl if
eishowwe
playthem.
Toagoodper son, l
osinghiswhol eestatei
s
thesameasl osingonepenny ,andbeing
sickisnoworset hanhav i
ngst umbled,
that’
swhatearlyStoicChrysippus
supposedlysaid.Senecael oquentl
y
expressedsomet hingsimilar,
“Lif
eis
neit
hergoodnorbad; i
tisthespacef orbot
h
goodandbad. ”Lifeandalli
tsv ari
ous
sit
uationscanbeusedwi selyorf ooli
shly
,
i
t’souract i
onst hatmakeitgoodorbad.
That’simpor t
ant.Alt
houghext ernalthi
ngs
areindiff
erent,howwehandl et hem isnot.
It
’sexactlythewayofuseofi ndiffer
ent
thi
ngst hatmakesahappyorcr appyl i
fe.
3.TakeResponsi
bil
i
ty:
GetGoodf
rom
Yoursel
f
"I
fy ouwantany thi
nggood, youmustgeti t
from y oursel
f”-EpictetusThef inalcorner
oft heSt oi
cHappi nessTr ianglei sbuilt
upont het woot hers;theymaket hi
st hi
rd
cor nerpossible.Thef i
rstprincipl
emakes
l
ivingwi t
har ete,orexpr essingy our
highestsel f,thehi ghestgood, whereas
thesecondt ell
sust hatexternal
circumst ancesar enotimpor tantforthe
goodl i
febecauset hey’r
enotunderour
cont rol
.Thatmeansar etealonei senough
fort
hegoodlif
e,andbecauseit
’swithi
nour
cont
rol,
itmakesusresponsi
bleforourown
fl
ouri
shi
ng.
Thisis“ thet oughestandmostappeal ing
aspectofSt oicism,”asDonal dRober t
son
putsit,becauset hisresponsibil
i
ty
depri
vesusofanyexcusesf ornot
attai
ningt hehappyandsmoot hlyflowi
ng
l
ifeweal laspi reto.We’retheonlyones
stoppingusf rom culti
vati
ngv i
rt
uous
behavior,
we’ r
et heonlyonesst oppingus
fr
om livi
ngt hegoodl if
e.Li
vingwithareteis
withi
nourcont rol
+thi
ngsoutsi
deourcont
rolar
enotrel
evant
fort
hehappyli
fe=l
ivi
ngwitharet
eiswit
hin
ourcont
rol
+enoughforthehappy
l
i
fe.
Thi
sresul
tsi
nusbei
ngr
esponsi
blef
orour
ownhappyli
ves.
Let’
sunr avelthisabi tmor e.The
ulti
mat egoali seudai moni a—ahappyand
smoot hlyfl
owi nglif
e.Inor dertoreacht hat
goal,theStoicsdef i
nedanot hergoal:Livi
ng
withar et
eorl i
vinginaccor dancewi th
nature.Thehumannat ureist oapplyreason
toouri nt
ent i
onsandact i
ons.Sot hegoal to
l
ivewi thareteistoappl yreasont oour
actionsandal way strytoexpr essour
highestversionofour selves.
Inmoder nterms, t
hisisapr ocessgoal .The
Stoicsdidnotf ocusont hef utureout come
(ahappyl ife)butont hepr ocessi nthe
presentmoment( li
vingwi t
har ete)that
shouldul ti
mat elyleadtot hewi shed
outcome.Thi sf ocusont hepr ocessis
whatmakesus,asaspi ringSt oi
cs,
ult
imat elyresponsi bl
ef orourown
fl
our i
shingbecausewe’ r
ei ncont r
olof
thatprocess.Whi l
et heout comecanbe
prevent
edbyext er
nalevent
s,theprocess
andouri nt
ent
ionsarecompl et
edint he
presentmomentandcannotbepr ev
ented
byany t
hingout
sideourcontr
ol.
AsSenecaput sit
,'Thewi semanl ookst
o
thepurposeofallacti
ons, notthei
r
consequences;beginningsar ei nour
powerbutFor tunej udgest heoutcome,
andIdonotgr antherav erdictuponme.”
Stoici
sm t eachest hatwe’reverymuch
responsiblef orourownhappi nessaswel l
asunhappi ness.Italsoteachest hattaki
ng
thi
sr esponsi bi
li
tywi l
li
mpr oveourchances
ofat tai
ningeudai monia.Thev icti
m
ment ali
ty—bl amingext ernal
cir
cumst ancesf orourunhappi ness—on
theot herhand, willmaket hehappyl if
ean
i
mpossi blegoal t
or each.
Wemustref
usetol
ett
hehandswe’redeal
t
deci
deov
erourwel
l
bei
ng.TheSt
oicssay
thatoutsideev entsandot herpeople
mayhav et hepowert oaff ecthowand
evenwhet heryoul i
ve,buttheydon’thav e
thepowert oruinourl ives.Onl yyou
yoursel
fcanr ui
ny ourlif
ebyget ting
j
erkedar oundbyt hi
ngsy oudon’ tcontr
ol
andbyf ail
ingtoactaswel lasy ou’
re
capableof.
Wemustmakesur et hatourhappi ness
dependsasl it
tl
easpossi bleonout si
de
cir
cumst ances.Ther eshoul dbeonl ya
l
ooseconnect i
onbet weenwhathappenst o
usandhowhappywear e.That ’
spossi bleby
focusingonwhatwecont rolandt r
yingto
maket hebestwiththegi v
enci rcumstances.
Andal sobywant i
ngonl ywhati swi t
hin
ourpower ,becauseasl earnedear li
er,
desir
ingwhat ’
snotwi thinourpoweri sthe
rootcauseofemot i
onal suffer
ing.
“
Iti
snev
erpossi
blet
omakehappi
ness
consi stentwi thal ongi ngaf terwhati snot
present .Fort ruehappi nessi mpl iesthe
possessi onofal lwhichi sdesi red,asi n
caseofsat ietywi t
hf ood;t her emustbe
not hirst,nohunger .
”WhatEpi ctet
us
descr ibesher eisexact lywhatwet oday
callcondi tionalhappi ness—bi ndi ng
happi nesst osomef utur eev ent .I
’l
lbe
happyaf termyexams.I ’ll
behappywhenI
gett hatnewPor sche911.I ’
llbehappywhen
Ifi
nal lyear nsixfigures.It’
sl i
ket he
horizon—y oucanwal kf ormi l
esandmi l
es
butwon’ tgetanycl oser.Eitherwekeepon
yearni ngf orstuffwedon’ thav e, orwe
actual lyhav eachancef orhappi ness.We
can'thav ebot h.Truehappi nessi swheny ou
haveal l youdesi re.
“Ext
ernal
sarenoti
nmypower ;wi
l
lisi
nmy
power.Whereshal
lIseekt
hegoodandthe
bad?Wi t
hin,
int
hethi
ngswhichar
emyown.
Butinwhatdoesnotbel ongt oy oucal l
nothingeithergoodorbad. ”Epictetus
remindsusher etoseekt hegoodwi thi
n
ourselves.Heof t
enusest hebasi cmessage,
“Ify
ouwantany t
hinggood, getitf rom
yourself.
”Wemustseekhappi nesswi t
hin
ourselves,noti next ernalthings;t hey’r
e
notwi thinourpower ,they’r
enei thergood
norbadbuti ndi
fferent.
Natur
eequippeduswi tht henecessary
tool
stocreateasat isfactor
yandhappy
l
ifenomatt
erthehardshipswef aceinli
fe.
So,i
fwewantt ogaincontentment,we
mustchangeour sel
vesandourdesi r
es.
Wecannotchanget hethingsthathappenin
theworl
daroundus,wecanonl ychangethe
waywelookatthosethingsandwhatwe
choosetomakeoutoft hem.
Changi
ngout
sideev
ent
sisi
mpossi
ble.
Changi
ngy
ourv
iewaboutt
hoseev
ent
sis
possi
ble.Sowhynott
iyt
ochangewhat
’s
possi
ble?
TheFr
eedom ofChoi
ce
“Therear et hreet hingsi ny our
composi t
ion:body ,br eath,andmi nd,
”
Mar cusAur el
i
usr emindshi msel f.“The
fi
rstt woar ey our st ot heext entthatyou
mustt akecar ef ort hem,butonl ythe
thi
rdi si nthef ul lsensey ourown. ”Onlythe
mindi st r
ulyyour s.Onl ythemi ndiswi t
hin
theSt oiccir
cleofcont rol.Allelseisnotor
onlypar ti
all
ywi thinourcont rol.
Asdi scussedear li
er,ouract ionsar e
withinourpower ,butnott heirout
comes.
Fortunately,Epi
ctetussay s,“themost
excell
entandsuper i
orfacult
y”—ourabili
ty
touser eason—wasal soplacedwi t
hinour
power ,sothatwecanmake“ ther i
ght
useoft heappear ancesoft hings.
”Ev en
i
fwe’ re“ only
”givencont rolov erour
mind,thisleavesuswi thplent
yof
power—theabilit
yt odecidewhatout si
de
event
swi llmeant ous.Judgment ,
then,
becomest heheartofourbei
ngofrati
onal
creat
ures,andthesourceofourf
reedom.
Wedon' tcont rolwhathappensi nthewor l
d
aroundus, butwedohav ethepowert o
controlouropi ni
onsaboutt heseev ents.
“Wecannotchooseourext ernal
cir
cumst ances,butwecanal way s
choosehow wer espondt ot hem, ”as
Epict
etust ellsus.Wemustr eali
zet hat
exter
nalev entsar eneut ral,andonl yhow
wechooset oreacttot hem makest hem
goodorbad.Ei therwe’r eav ictimt oour
cir
cumst ancesandgetj erkedar oundl i
ke
ourvoodoodol l
,orwechooset ost and
responsibl
ef orhow wehandl et he
cir
cumst ances, andmakesur ewedon’ tlet
ourselv
esj erkar ound.Beingahel pless
vi
cti
misneverhel
pful
.Takingresponsibi
li
ty,
ontheot
herhand,gi
vesust l
i
epowert o
makethebestwit
hthegivencircumstances.
Ev eryout sideev ent ,t
hen, offersanareaof
ourowncont rol, namel ywhatwemake
wi tht hatev ent.Thi si sat rueandf ai
r
amountofcont rol,stemmi ngf r
om our
abi l
itytoj udgeev entsaswechooset o.
Bei ngabl et ochoosemeanswehav ea
choi ce, andhav ingachoi cemeansf reedom.
Let ’
scal lt
hist hef r
eedom ofchoi ce,
i
nspi redbyVi ktorFr ankl,whosay sinhis
bookAMan’ sSear chf orMeani ng,
“Ev erythingcanbet akenf rom amanbut
onet i
li
ng; thel astoft hehuman
freedoms—t ochooseone’ sat ti
tudeinany
givensetofci rcumst ances. "
Somet hi
nghappens( sti
mul us)andt hen
wer eacttoit(response).Oftent
imes,thi
s
responsehappensaut omat i
call
y,
unconsci ously,andwi t
houtust hinki ng
abouti t.Wecaneasi l
yobser vet hisbehav ior
i
not herpeopl e—somet hinghappensand
theyr eacti mpul sively.Inkids,t hat’seven
mor edi st i
nct.Let’ssayy onngBoyi s
playi
ngwi thhisbr ontosaurBr ont y,andt hen
yout akei taway .Whathappens?Chances
arehi ght hatBoywi llimmedi atelyst art
cryi
ng.Boydoesn' tthinkabouthi sreact i
on,
i
twi l
l comeaut omat icall
y .Maybehe' l
lstare
atyoui ndi sbeli
efbef orehe’ l
lstartl aughing.
Whoknows?Now,Boyandot hery oung
kidsdon’ thav ethepowert ochoosea
response.Butf ory ouandme,i t’
s
diff
erent .Potential
ly,there’sasmal lgap
betweenst imulusandr esponse.Thepower
l
iesint hatgap.Thef reedom ofchoi celies
i
nt hatgap.
Thegapmeanst
hatwehavet
hechancet o
st
epinbet
weenst
imul
usandresponseand
chooseourv olunt
ar yreact
ion( ornon-
reacti
on).Thegapi sonl
yapot ential gap
becausei fwe’renotawar eenough, there
willbenogap,andwewi l
lmi ndlessl ygo
witht hedef ault(oraut o-
)response.
Awar eness,mi ndf
ulness,orattenti
onast he
Stoicscallit
,isnecessaryforyout obe
ablet ost epinbet weenst i
mul usand
response.Dependi ngony ourawar eness,
thegapbecomesbi ggerorsmal lerorev en
nonexistent.
Thepoi ntis,whensomet hinghappenst o
you—y oubr eakagl ass,stepi nt
odogshi t
,or
getshownt hemi ddlefi
ngerbya
stranger—y oucouldent erthegapbef ore
your eactautomat i
cally
.Oncey ou’r
einthe
gap, youcant hi
nkabouty ouropt i
ons,and
thenchoosey ourbestr eaction.Mostpeople
willreactivelygowi tht heirdefault
response,andonl yl ater( ornotatal l)
r
eal
i
zet
hatt
hei
rreact
ionwasi
nappr
opr
iat
e.
Wheny oust epi ntodogshi t,it’
s
plausiblet hatsomer eact ionf ollows
automat i
cally.Somet hingi nsidey ou
decidest hatt hesi tuat i
oni sr eallybad;
whatf oll
owsar ef eeli
ngsofanger ,
annoy ance,andpani c,accompani edby
swearwor dsandhect i
cbodymov ement s.
Nowt hismi ghtnotseem t oobad, butwhat
happensi sthaty ougetj erkedar oundbyai l
outsideev entt haty oucan’ tchange
anymor e.Youl etanout sideci r
cumst ance
determi nehowy ouf eel.Ifwegener all
ygo
withourdef aultreact i
ons, we’llalway sbe
dependentonwhathappensar oundus;
steppingi ntodogshi tmakesusmi serable,
steppingoi l
aSi obi l
l makesushappy .We’ re
atthemer cyoft hesi t
uat i
on, ifourdef ault
reactiont othesi tuationisposi ti
ve,t hen
hurray ,ifnot ,thenwaah.Thati st hrowi ng
ourvoodoodollouti
nthestreet
sall
over
agai
n.For
tunat
ely,i
tdoesn’
tneedtobethat
way.
TheSt oicsar guet haty oucanst epi n
betweenwhathappens( dogshi t),and
yourreactiont oit(angerandf -
wor ds).The
i
deai stochoosey ourbestv ir
tuous
responser athert hangoi ngwi t
ht hedef ault
.
Inordertodot hat,y ouneedt obeabl et o
spotyouraut omat i
ci mpr ession(it’
sr eally
bad)inthef i
r stplace.Ify ouwantt ogeti n
thegapandchoosey ourr esponse, youneed
theawarenesst ospott hef ir
stimpr ession
thatari
sesi nt hefor m oft houghtsand/ or
emot i
ons.Oncey ouseet hisfir
stimpr ession,
youcanst epback, andquest i
onwhet her
thi
simpr essioni sgoodt ogowi thornot .
Youcanl ookatt hist houghti mpr essi on
asamer ehy pothesi supf ordebat e
beforeyouexami nei tr
ationally.
Basi cally,y ouwi thholdt heappr ovalof
thati mpr essionandav oidr ash, impul siv
e,
andaut omat i
cbehav i
or.Thi si s
i
mmensel ypower fulandenabl esy out o
thinkbef orey ou( r
e-)
act.Itgi vesy out he
powert ochooset hebestpossi ble
react i
on,andwhathappensi nt hewor ld
aroundy oudoesn’ tmat tersomuch
any mor e.Ithandsy out hekeyt oy our
i
deal behav iorasy oucanchooset oacti na
wise, ser ene, andforgivi
ngway ­ smi l
e,
cleant heshoe, andmov eonwi thy our
l
ife.Thef reedom ofchoi ce, orhowt he
Stoicscal lit
,reasonedchoi ce, i
sr eall
yabout
activel ychoosi ngourr esponser atherthan
react i
v elygoingwi ththedef aultr esponse.
Inor dert obeabl et odot hat,weneed
tobr ingawar enessintot hesi tuationsowe
canspotourf ir
stimpr essionandav oid
get t
ingcar riedawaybyi tandr espond
react i
v ely.Ther eacti
v eresponsecoul dbe
unv i
rtuousbehav i
orandcausef urt
her
unheal t
hyemot ionssuchasanger ,f
ear,
or
desire.Instead,ifwe'reabl
et ostepback
from theiniti
al i
mpr essi
on,wecan
ev al
uatet hati mpressionrationally
,look
atot herpossi bl
er esponses,andt hen
chooseourbestr eactionornon- r
eaction
(somet imesi t’
sbestt onotr eactatall).
Thatwaywer espondhow wechooset o,
hopef ull
yinaccor dancewi t
hv i
rtue.
TheMi
ndMakesYouRi
ch,
Eveni
nExi
l
e
Howdi dt heSt oicsreactt oadversi
ty?Thr ee
ofourfourpr otagoni stshadbeenexi l
edat
l
eastonce.Theyt ooki tinexemplaryStoic
manner .Senecasai d,“ I
tist hemi ndt hat
makesusr ich;t hisgoeswi thusi nto
exil
e.”Musoni usRuf us,whowasexi l
edt o
theworstofal l places,Gyara, saidthat
exil
edepr iv
edhi m ofhi scount r
ybutnotof
hisabil
itytoendur eexile.Heevensai dthat
exil
edoesn’ tdepriveaper sonofanythi
ngof
value—virt
uecannotbet akenaway .Exil
e
doesn’tprev enty ouf r
om bei ng
courageousandj ust .Wemustkeepi nmind
thathappinessdependsmor eonwhatwe
makeofwhathappensr atherthanwhat
happensi nt hef i
rstpl ace.Nomat ter
whathappenst oyou, yourmi ndisal
ways
avail
abletot urnitintogoodf or
tuneby
respondingwi t
hvirtue.
TheSt oicSage, andappar ent l
yalsot he
mai nphilosophers,areabsol utel
yfreeev en
i
nexi l
e.Becauset heirfr
eedom consi st
sin
beingablet ofoll
owt heirr easonablenat ure,
whichi st ofocusonwhaty oucont rol
,
taket her estasi thappens,andr espond
withv ir
tue.Ev eiyobst aclebecomesan
opportunityt opracticewi sdom,cour age,
j
ust i
ce,andsel f-
discipl
ine.Thei dealSt oi
c
onlywant stor espondt owhat ev er
happensinhar monywi t
hreasonandhis
hi
ghestself
,andnot hi
ngcanpr ev
enthi
m
fr
om doingthat
.Heonl ydesir
eswhat’
s
withi
nhi
scont r
ol,andtheref
oreheremains
“f
ree”ev
eninexileorprison.
Stoicism chal lengesy out ochangey ourself
whenev ery oucan’ tchanget hesituation.
Eveni fy oucan’ tchanget hesi t
uat i
on,
youhav et hepowert ochangey our
atti
tudeabouti tandr espondwi thv i
rtue.
Nomat terwher eyouar e(pri
sonor
palace),andnomat terwhatchal l
enge
you’ref acing( dogshi tor$10bi ll
),your
fr
eedom ofchoi cewi llalway sbeav ail
ablet o
you; youj ustneedt ospoty ourfir
st
i
mpr ession, avoidshi tti
ngabr i
ck,takea
stepbacki nstead,ev aluatethesi tuation,
andchoosey ourwi sestr esponse.Ext ernal
event sarenotwhatmat ters,butwhaty ou
chooset odowi ththem.
Wemustr ecognizet hef actt hatwe’ re
response-ablet ochoosehow t or espond
tosituations.Vi ktorFrankl,t hel egend
whocameupwi ththef reedom ofchoi ce,
wentt hrought hemostbr utalexper iences
wecani magi ne.Hel osthiswhol ef amily
andbar el
ysur vivedthehor rorsoft heNazi
concentrationcampsofWor ldWarI L
Despitethosehor r
ors,hewasst i
llableto
choosehi sat t
it
udeandhechoset onotgi ve
i
nt othoset erri
blesituati
ons.Sur e, we’veall
experi
encedmanybadt hingsi nourl ives,
butmostcer t
ainlynotasbar bar ousas
l
osingourent i
ref ami l
yandgoi ngt hrough
concentrationcamps.Thepoi nti s,if
Franklwasabl etochoosehi sr esponsei n
themi dstofunspeakabl eterror,thenwe
shouldbeabl etochooseourr esponses
too.(Speaki ngofVi ktorFr ankl,ify ou
haven’talready,makesur etor eadhi sbook
AMan' sSear chf orMeani ng. )
Attention:Al thoughSt oicphi losopher s
saywecanst epi nbet weenst i
mul usand
response,t heyadmi tt hatt herear e
aut omat i
cr eact ionswedon' tcont r
ol.
Thesear er efl
ex- l
ikeemot ionalr eact i
ons
tosomei mpr essi onssuchasbl ushing,
sweat ing,tensi on,t ears,orst artl
ing.We
hav enochoi cebutacceptt heser apidbodi l
y
reactions.Asuddennoi secanshocky ou
withouty ouhav ingasayi ni t
.Howev er ,i
fwe
bringenoughawar enessi ntot hesi tuation,
wecanspotouri mpr essi on,st epback,
andav oi
dget t
ingear nedawaybyi t.Ev enif
youdon’ tcont rol thesei mmedi atereflexive
reactions,y ouhav et hepowert ocont rol
whatcomesnext :goal ongwi ththe
i
mpr essionorst epback, evaluatet he
sit
uat i
on, andchoosear esponseconsi stent
withy ourv alues.
Di
stur
bedorI
nvi
nci
ble:
That
'
sUpt
oYou
“Menar edisturbednotbyt het hi
ngswhi ch
happen, butbyt heopi
nionsaboutt he
thi
ngs.”Epictetus’wordsar eanimpor t
ant
take-
awayf rom whatwe’ v
ej ustl
ear ned:
Exter
nal eventsarenotwi thinourpowerbut
theyofferanar eawecont r
ol;wehav ethe
powert ochoosewhatt heseev entsmeant o
us,andi t
’sourchoi cest hatmat ter,not
theev ents.Ext er
nalev entsbasicallycany
nomeani ngatal l
,it
’show weper ceive
them,i t
’sourj udgment sthatgivet hem
meaningandmaket hem seem goodorbad.
(Byt heway ,thi
sisf arf r
om easyt o
realizeasl ongaspeopl er espond
i
mpul sivelyandt hereforemi ndlesslyto
ev ents,becausei tseemsobv ioust othem
thatt heev entcausest heirunhappi ness.As
soonast heygetbetteratst eppingback
from t heiri
niti
ali
mpr essions, t
hey ’
llseethat
whatupset st hem i
st hei
rv eryown
j
udgmentaboutt hesi tuat ion.)Thef ir
st
l
esson, then,istonev erbl ameot herpeople
orout sideev entsf orwhat evernegat i
ve
emot i
onswe’ ref eeli
ng.Take
responsi bil
ity.Fort heSt oics, i
t’
sclearthat
notev ent s,butouropi ni onsaboutt hose
eventsar ethecauseofat r
oubl edmi nd.
Thismi ghtshow assuf feringand
unhappi nessandar i
seswhenwebel ievethe
stori
eswet ellourselv
es.Ani mpr ession
comesasat houghti nt oourheadsand
weaccepti tast hetrut h.“ I
’mi nexil
e,
thi
si st err
ible.”Thesi t uat i
oni t
self(exi
le)
doesnotmakeusunhappy , i
tmaycause
physical paini ncertai
nsi tuat ions,butit
’s
thest or yaboutt hesi tuat ion( it'
sterri
ble)
thatcausest het r
oubl e.Yourj udgment s
i
nf orm oft hought s,opi nions,and
i
nterpr etati
onsmakey ouunhappy .Goodor
badcanonl ybef oundi ny ourj udgments
andact i
ons, notinext er nal ev ents.
Thet roubledmi ndconi esf rom j udgi ng
anev entasundesi r
abl eorbad, ofteni n
thef orm ofcompl ai
ning.Wegi veanev ent
valuebyj udgi ngitast erribleforexampl e,
andf orgett hatt heev enti t
selfi snei t
her
goodnorbad; iti
sempt yandcar riesno
meani ngatal l
.Wegi vei tt hemeani ngby
j
udgi ng,r esent i
ng,andwant ingi tt obe
diff
er ent.Thiscausest heemot i
onal
suffer i
ng.Ifyoucoul dl etitbeasi tis, i
fyou
wer eabl enott ojudgei tgoodorbadbut
takei tasi ti s(neutral ,indi
fferent ),then
youwoul dn'thav eatroubl edmind.Youar e
freeofsuf f
ering,saysEpi ctet
us,ify oudon' t
caref orthet hingswhi char enotiny our
power .
Duh,
I'
m socl
umsy
.Vs.Thegl
assi
sbr
oken.
Thi
sist
heworstdayofmylif
e!Vs.Ther
e’s
dogshi
tonmyshoesole.I
tsmell
s.
Ar
gh,sucha j
erk!Ihat
ethi
sguy
.Vs.He
er
ect
edt
hemi
ddl
efi
ngeri
nmydi
rect
ion.
Theev entsthemselvescanynomeani ng.
It
’sourj udgmentsthatmaket hem either
goodorbad.Il i
kehowElli
eGoul dingsings
i
nhersongFi rstTi
me,'Themi ddlef i
nger
wasourpeacesi gn.”Wheny out hi
nk
abouti tthisway,“
Argh,suchaj erk!”can
easil
ybecomeasmi l
eand,“Aww, sucha
sweetie.”Theexactsameev entcanbe
i
nterpretedi nsomanydi ff
erentway sand
arousecompl eteopposit
efeeli
ngs.
Look,Iknowy ou’renotstupidandknowv er
y
wellwhattheot herpersonist r
y i
ngt otell
you;thepointis, i
tdoesn’tmat terwhathe’ s
tr
yingtotellyou, whatmat tersiswhaty ou
makeoutofi t.Soev enifitseems( ori
t’s
obvious)thatsomeonei stryingt oinsult
you,it’
sy ourj udgmentt hatpr ovokesy ou.
Youcannotbehar medunl essy oul eti
t,
becausetheot herpersonhasnoaccess
toy ourmi nd.“Other
wi se,”Mar cus
Aureli
ussay s,“myneighbor ’
swi ckedness
wouldbemyownhar m: andt hiswasnotin
god’sint
ention,tol
eavemymi sfort
uneupto
another.
”Onl yyouyourselfhav eaccesst o
yourmi nd,andonl yy oucanr ui
ny our
l
ife.You’reresponsi
ble.
Someonecan’ tfr
ust r
ateyou, dogshi tcan’ t
makey oudepr essed—t hesear eext ernal
event sthathav enoaccesst oy ourmi nd.
Thoseemot ionsy ouf eel
,asr ealast heyar e,
don’tcomef rom theout side,butfrom t he
i
nside.Yougener at ethoseemot i
ons,y ou
gener at
ey ourpai n.A br okengl assi sa
brokengl ass.It’
sy ourjudgment( “Duh, I’m
socl umsy ”
)thatmakesy ouf eell
ikeal oser .
Don’tblamet heev ent,bl
amey ourreact ive
selfforfeeli
nghowy oufeel.Thecausel i
es
i
ny ourjudgment .“Remov et hejudgment ,”
Mar cussay s,“andt hehurtitselfi
sr emov ed.”
Don’tj
udget heev ent,andy ouwon’tget
har
med.Yourr eaction,then,basi
call
yshows
whetheryou’vebeenhar medornot .When
youbreakagl ass, y
ouhav etwooptions:
Get
hurt
,ordon’tgethur t.
“
Duh,I’
m socl
umsy’
'+st
artcry
ingandfeel
miser
able=st
rongr
eact
ion,
getti
nghur
t.
“
Oops”+cleanupandmoveonwi
thy
ourl
i
fe
=noreact
ion,
notget
ti
nghur
t.
Thisgi vesy ouplentyofpower ,becauseit
meansy oucannotgetupsetbyany t
hing
outsidey ourcont r
ol.Onl yy ourjudgment
canhar my ou.Nomat terwhat
uncont roll
ablechal l
engesy ou’ refacingin
l
ife,y ouhav et
hepowert odeci dewhat
theseev entsmeant oy ou,onlyy ouhav ethe
freedom t ochoosey ourbestr eacti
on.Your
reactionwi llei
therdeli
ghtorhar my ou.
That'swhyEpi ctet
usadv isest oalway shave
twor ulesr eadyatmi nd:(1)thereisnot hi
ng
goodorbadunlesswechooset omakei tso,
and(2)weshouldn’
tt r
yt oleadev entsbut
fol
low t
hem.Resistanceisf uti
le,take
thi
ngsastheycome, andmaket hebestof
what’
sinyourpower.Chapter4
TheVi
l
lai
n:Negat
iveEmot
ionsGeti
nthe
Way
“Once[anger]begi
nst ocarr
yusaway ,
iti
s
hardtogetbackagai nint
oahealthy
condi
tion,becausereasongoesfornothi
ng
oncepassionhasbeen
admittedtothemi nd.
..Theenemymustbe
metanddr i
venbackatt heout
ermost
front
ier-
li
ne:forwhenhehasonceentered
thecityandpassed
i
tsgates,hewi
ll
notall
owhispr
isoner
sto
setboundstohi
svi
ctory.
”-
SenecaHappi
nessseemsprett
ydoable,
ri
ght?FortheStoi
cs,itonl
yconsi
stsin
how wer espondt oev ents,andwhatwe
makeoft hem.Al igni
ngouract i
onswi th
vir
tueissuffi
cient(butal sonecessary)
forthehappyandsmoot hlyf
lawingli
fe.So
whathappens?Whydon' tweallgetthere
withasnapofthef i
ngers?
Lifeget si ntheway .Realit
yer ectsi t
selfin
frontofus; itcatchesusbysur pri
se,seems
ov erwhel ming,causesf ear,i nsecurit
y ,
anger ,andgr i
ef,andmakesuswantt o
runawayandhi de.Thi ngsar et ougher
thanwet hought,andt heyhappen
differentlyt hanweexpect edandwi shed
for,andwe’ restruggl i
ngt odeal withthem
effectively,orevent oacceptt hem int he
fir
stpl ace.Butwai t!Stoicism t eaches
thatext ernalev entsdonotmat terand
thatwemustgetanygoodf rom our selves.
Itonlyseemst hatlifegetsi nt heway ;in
realit
y ,
it’sournegat i
veemot ionst hatgetin
theway.Theseintenseemot i
onsconquer
ourmind,actual
l
yourwhol ebeing,makei
t
i
mpossibletothinkclear
ly,
andurgeustodo
theopposit
eofwhatwet hi
nkisright
.
Onceourmi ndhasbeencapt uredby
negat i
veemot ions, orpassi
onsast he
Stoicscal lthem,suchasi rrationalf ear,
grief,anger,orgr eed,thesepassi onst ake
over,andwer eacti mpulsiv
elywi thout
beingabl et othinkabouti t.AsSeneca
say si ntheopeni ngl inestot hischapt er
,
oncet heenemyhasent er
edt hemi nd,
reasoni sgone.I t
’soneort heot her, r
eason
orpassi on;whenpassi onisatt he
steeringwheel ,reasoni sti
edupand
gaggedi nthet runk.
Negativ
eemot i
onsnat ural
lyf eelbad;
thi
nkofgr i
ef,fear
,jealousy,orstrong
cravi
ngs.Sowi ththeemot ioni nthe
driv
er’
sseat,andwi thsomet hinginsi
de
feeli
ngbad,ournumberonepr iorit
y
(unconsci ously)becomest ofeelbet t
er,and
weaut omat i
cal l
yseekr el
iefofthepai n
we’refeeling.Thenegat i
v eemot ion
ordersust odowhatmakesusf eel
betterandr elievet hepaininthepr esent
moment ,regar dl
essofourv al
uesandl ong-
term goal s.Weenduppushi ngasi de
ourdeepv alues,andi nsteadwal kaway
l
ikeacowar d,or derpizzaandt iramisu,
binge-wat chMar velmov ies,smashdoor s
andgl asses,shoutatourf ri
endsandki ds,
andbuyt hosebl ackhi ghheelswedon’ t
need.
Negati
veemot i
onscant akecountl
ess
for
ms.Theycanswal low uscompletely
l
ikeint
enseangerwhi chcreat
esa
suddentunnelvisi
ont hatsi
mplylet
sus
actout
—bain!—andit’
shappened.Theycan
bemuchcalmerl i
keexcessiv
egriefwhich
canl eaveusful
lofself-pit
y,depressi
ve
thoughts,andcompl et
ei nacti
on.Ortheycan
bev eiysubtl
eli
ke“justnotf eel
ingli
keit
,”
whichcanst em fr
om dif f
erentemot i
onsand
causesussi mplytonotdowhatweknow
weshoul dbedoing( everhear dof
procrasti
nati
on?).
Forexampl e,whenIwasat eenager , afri
end
ofmi negotbeat enupbyanot herguyf rom
school.Ot herkidsandIwer ewat ching,andI
knewi twoul dber i
ghtt ohelp, but
somet hinginsidewashol di
ngmeback; I
didn'
tfeel li
kehel ping,Iwasaf rai
d.The
emot i
onwon.Oral l t
het imesIsawsome
beautif
ul girl
inabarandwant edt osayhel l
o,
butatt hesamet imeIdi dn’
tfeel likeit.Iwas
afrai
d.Theemot ionwonmostt imes.Of
courseIhadsomegr eatexcuses; she
wasn’tt hatpretty,Ijustwasn' tint hemood, I
wast her eforthegoodt imewi tht helads,
andsoon.
Itdoesn’ treallymat terwhi chemot i
ons
geti nt heway —f ormei t
’sobv iousl yfear
i
nmanycases( I'
m wor ki
ngoni t),f
ory ouit
mi ghtbeanger ,greed, r
esent ment ,orpr i
de.
Thepr oblem wi ththeseemot ionsi snot
thatt heyexi st,butt hatt heyov er whelm
ussot hatweendupdoi ngt heopposi te
ofwhatweoughtt odo.Andaswel earned
ear l
ier,ourrational actionsar eatt her ootof
ourhappi ness, t
her eforewecan' tlivea
happyl i
fewhenwel etstrongemot ional
disturbancesdi ctateouract i
ons.TheSt oics
believedt hatsuchpassi onsar et oxict othe
goodl i
feandcausemi seryf ormanypeopl e.
Themaj ori
tyofusar eensl av edbyt hese
emot i
ons; wet ooof t
enactaccor dingt oour
emot i
onsi nsteadofourv alues.
Sot heStoicswantustoover
come
theseir
rat
ionalf
earsanddesi
res,sot
hat
we’ reabl etoactaccor dingt ov i
rtueand
attaint ruehappiness.Al so, oft
entimes,
theseemot ionsar eagai nstourr ati
onal
natur east heyi gnorewhati strulygood.
WhenI ’
m afraidtosayhel l
ot osomegi rl
,
thi
sf earandmyi nacti
ongoescompl etel
y
agai nstv ir
tue—it'
sunwi seandi rrati
onal
tof earwhat ’
snotdanger ous,itl acksself
-di
sci plinefornotov ercomi ngt hei nner
resistance, andit’
ssi mplycowar dly.It
’s
essent i
altoov er
comet hesenegat ive
emot ionsifwewantt opr act i
ceSt oici
sm.
Thisi swhyakeypar toft heSt oic
philosophyi st opreventt heonsetof
negat i
veemot ions,andt obepr epar edto
deal wi ththem effecti
velyandnotget
over whel medi ft
heyar isenev ertheless(and
theywi l
l!)
Sowhat’
sthesecr
et?There’
snotreal
l
ya
secr
et(
sorr
y1).However,
therear
especi
fi
c
pract i
cest hat’
llhelpy oupr epar ef or
chal l
engingsi tuati
ons.( Thesepr acti
cesar e
cov eredinthesecondpar toft hi sbook. )
Afteraqui cksi denot e,we’ l
ll ookatt he
twomai nr easonswhynegat iveemot i
ons
conquerusi nthef ir
stpl ace.Whenwecan
mi nimizetheset wo, thenwe’ l
lconsequent ly
getl essnegat iveemot i
ons,andwe’ llget
bet t
eratdeal ingwi ththem. At tention:Our
humanbr ainisbui l
tf orsur v i
v al,not
thrivi
ng.Ourancest ors’mai ngoal swer eto
sur vi
veandr epl i
cate.Foodandwat erwer e
scar ce.Andt herewer emanydanger s,so
theywer econst antlyont hel ookoutf or
danger ousani mal sandr i
v alcl ans.That ’
s
whyourbr ainsdev elopedanegat ivi
ty
bias—i ft
heygotcaughtbysur pr i
sebyawol f
,
theywer edead.Ont heot herhand, i
fthey
mi ssedanoppor tunityf orfood, theyst i
llhad
anot herchance.Soi twasmor ei mpor tantto
focusont henegat iver athert hant he
posi
ti
ve.
Andt oday,westil
lhav et hesesame
brai
ns—const antl
ychecki ngifwhat ’
s
happeningar oundusi sdanger ous.
Becauseofourev olution,wesee
obstaclesmuchbet terthanoppor tunit
ies.
It
’sinournaturetowor ryaboutheal th,
wealth,andsoci alstat us.I tseemswe
needt hosef orsurvival.Ther efore,we
automat i
call
ycompar eour selv
est o
others,focusonpossi bledanger s,and
chasemor eandmor est uf f
.
Sodon' twor r
yifyouthinky ou’realway s
negativ
e, that
’snormal.That '
sj ustthebui l
t-
i
nnegat ivi
tybiasofourbr ain.Howev er
,
that
’shi ghlycounter
pr oducti
vei nt he
moder nwor l
das,af teral l
,we’ rev ery
safeandhav eenoughf ood—ther efore,
survi
val canbet i
ckedof fforthemostpar t
.
Nothingi sgoingtoattacky ouatni ght,and
nor i
valclanwil
lbur
ndowny ourhut.The
pointis,t
hesenegati
veemot ionsgetinthe
wayandwemustt i
ytomi ni
mi zethem and
theeffectstheyhav
eonourl ives.Let
’snow
l
ookatt het womainreasonswhyweget
overwhelmedbynegat i
veemot i
ons.
WeWantWhat
’sBey
ondOurCont
rol
“Passi
oni spr oducednoot herwisethan
byadi sappoint
mentofone' sdesir
es.”
Epict
etusmakest hepointthatnegat
ive
emot i
onsar i
sewhenwedon’ tgetwhatwe
want.Thi sdisappointment" i
st hespri
ng
ofsor r
ow, l
ament at
ion,andenv y;t
his
rendersusenv i
ousandemul ous,and
i
ncapabl eofheari
ngr eason.”
Basicall
y,negat
iveemot ionscomef rom
wantingandf earingwhat ’
snotunderour
control.Aswel earnedearli
er,ther
oot
causeofoursuf feri
ngstemsf rom
worryingaboutst uffoutsi
deourcont r
ol.
Thesear efaultyv
aluej udgments;wev alue
somei ndiff
erentext er
nal t
hingasgoodor
bad.Forexampl e,mi stakenlyjudging
mat eri
althingsasgoodordesi r
abl ei s
thecauseofcr avingsf orweal t
hand
pleasure.Suchst r
ongcr avi
ngi sa
negativeemot iont hatt akesov ert he
steeri
ngwheelandl etsusdowhat ev er
satisf
iesthecr avingf ort hemoment ,
regardlessofourv al
ues.Becausewe’ re
i
ncapabl etohearr eason, r
emember ,reason
i
st i
edupandgaggedi nthetrunk.
Fault
yv aluej udgmentsal sowor kthe
otherwayar ound.Wemi st
akenlyj
udge
somei ndiffer
entext ernalev entsuchas
rai
n,annoy ingpeopl e,orpov ertyasbudor
eventerri
ble,andthiswr ongjudgmentabout
theeventcausesangerorf ear.Soi t
’s
thewr ongj udgmentaboutanev entthat
causesthenegat iv
eemot ions,andthese
emotions,agai
n,getint
hewayofahappy
l
ifebecausetheyletusacti
mpul
si
vel
y
rat
herthanrati
onall
y.
Donal dRober tsonsay sitwel li
nhi s
bookSt oici
sm andt heAr tofHappiness,
"Themaj ori
tyofordinarypeoplelack
ful
fil
lmentandpeaceofmi ndbecauset heir
valuesar econfusedandi nt
ernal
ly
confli
cted.Wewast eourl i
veschasi
ngaf ter
ani l
l
usi onofHappi ness,basedonami xture
ofhedoni sm,mat er i
ali
sm and
egotism—cr azy,self -
defeati
ngv al
ues
absor bedf r
om thef ooli
shwor l
daroundus. ”
Wedesi r
eandf earext
ernalthingsbeyond
ourdirectcontrol;
wenai v
elyjudge
i
ndifferentt
hingssuchasheal th,wealt
h,and
reputati
onasgoodandev ennecessaryfor
thehappyl i
fe,andweal sojudgesickness,
poverty,andri
diculeasbadandhi nderi
ng
tot hehappyl i
fe.Thesedesi resand
fearsaboutext ernalt hi
ngsar eabr ight
bli
nki ngwar ningsi gnt hatsay s,“ You
forgott hebasi cs!Gobackandengr aint he
corebel i
efs.”Inot herwor ds,wehav en’ty et
secondnat uredt hebasi cSt oicpr i
nciples
thatv ir
tuei st heonl ytruegood, thatwhat ’
s
notwi t
hinourcont rol i
sul ti
mat ely
i
ndi fferent,andt hatwear esolely
responsi blef orourf lourishing.Asl ongas
wef eel t
hatt hingshappenf ororagai nstus,
thatdogshi tmakesami serableday ,
anda
bonusmakesahappyone, asl ongaswe’ re
afraidofnotget t
ingwhatwewantandf eel
badaboutnotget tingi t—we’ reonl ya
puppett oouremot ions, causedbyf aul ty
j
udgment saboutwhat ’
st r
ulygoodand
bad. “Youar esi l
ly/Epi ctetussay s, “
[if
]y ou
woul dhav et het hingswhi char enoti ny our
powert obei ny ourpower ,andt het hings
whi chbel ongt oot herst obey our s.”I f
wecoul dcar efullysepar atebet weent he
thi
ngswhi chareuptousandt hethi
ngs
whicharenot,andfocusoilt
hoseupt ous
andlettheresthappenasitwil
l,
thenwe’d
getmuchl essjer
kedaroundbythenegati
ve
emotionscausedbyf aul
tyj
udgments.
Howev er,evenifwesetoutt odoexact ly
that,
there’ssomethingelset hatoftenget s
i
nt heway :unconsciousness.We’ renot
awareenoughi nsi
tuat
ionsandf orgett o
focusonwhatwecancont r
ol;instead,
wegetcar ri
edawaybyouri niti
al
i
mpr essionsandwi l
lonlyrealizelaterthat
wemi sjudgedt heevent
.Al ackof
awarenessi sthesecondr easonf or
negati
veemot i
onstoariseandt akeusov er.
WeLackAwarenessandGetCar
ri
edAway
byI
mpressi
ons
Doy ouremembert
hatt
heSt oi
cswantusto
paymassiveat
tent
iont
oourev er
yact
ion?
Justli
kewhenwe’r
epayingatt
enti
onnott
o
standonbi tsofbr okenglass?Wel l,guess
whathappenswhenwedon’ tbringsuch
attenti
oni ntochal l
engi
ngsi t
uati
ons?We
getcar ri
edawaybyourf ir
stimpr essions
withoutbei ngablet ocheckthem.These
fi
rstimpr essionsar eli
ketendenciest oacta
certainway ,butwhenwe’ reawar eenough,
wecanst epi nandchooseourbest
response, whichi smostcer t
ainl
ydi ff
erent
tot hefi
rstimpr ession.
Here’sanexampl et hathappenedt ome
whenIt ookat oil
etbr eak.Igotupf r
om my
writ
ingchair,walkedt othetoi l
et,whent he
newpackoft oi
letpaperont hef l
ushingt ank
caughtmyat tention.Iboughti tyesterday
whenIdi dmygr ocer yshoppi ng,andi twas
necessarytodoso.Af t
erseeingi t
, mymi nd
i
mmedi atelywent ,“Yeah,youdi dv erywel l
buyi
ngi t
.Nils(mybr otherIl
ivewi th)didn't
evennot i
ce.Nosi gnsofgr atitude,andso
on.”Feeli
ngsofl i
ghtangerandunease
start
edt oar i
sewi thi
n,andmymi ndwent
onr ati
onali
zingi tsel f
,“ Wel
l,hedi dsay
thanky ouf orbuy ingt hegroceri
es.Andhe
doesmanyot hert hingsinthehousehol d,
andsoon. ’'
For tunat el
yIwasawar eenough
torecognizethist houghtpat ter
n,steppedin,
andcal l
edi tof fascl assi
cego- wants-
recogni
tionmi ndbat tl
e.Thenegat ive
feel
ingswer egonei nt hebli
nkofaney e.
Whathappenedexact l
y?Thesi tuati
on
new toil
etpapercausedanaut omat icfir
st
i
mpr essionofsuchandsuchi sbadwi t
ha
tendencytowar dgetti
ngangr y .Thankf ul
ly,
Iwasawar eenough,r ecognizedi t
,and
couldcalli
tof fi
mmedi ately
.Ifitwoul dhav e
beenamor echallengi
ngsi t
uation, t
henI ’
d
havebeenabl et
ouser eason, orjustcold
hardlogic,andlookatthesi t
uat i
on
object
ively
.I’dhavesaidt omy selfthat
doingther i
ghtt hi
ngi senough,i t’
sa
rewardi nitself,anddoesn’ tneed
recogniti
onf rom someoneel se.Now, ifI’
d
beenunawar eoft hatir
rati
onalimpressi on,
I’
dhav egot t
enangr yandf r
ust r
atedand
enteredmybr other’
sr oom andki cked
himi nt hef ace.Or ,mor elikely
,the
negativeimpr essionwoul dhav ecar r
iedme
awayandIwoul dhav ebeenlostint hought
forat i
mewhi l
ebei ngir
rati
onallyangrywi th
mybr other.
That'swhyunawar enessi ssodanger ous:
Whi l
ebei ngunaware, wecan’tobser veand
recognizeourf i
rstimpressionsand
wouldmi ndlessl
yf oll
owal ong.As
Epictet
ussay s,“Wheny ouhav eletyour
mindl oose,i tisnol ongeriny ourpowerto
recal
l i
t,eit
hertopropriet
y ,
ortomodest y
,or
tomoder at
ion:buty oudoev eryt
hingthat
comesi ntoy ourmi ndinobedi encet o
yourincl
inati
ons."That’
sexactlywhatwe
l
earnedear li
er—oncepassionhast aken
over,weobeyl i
keadogt hatsmel ls
sausage.Reasoncanshoutandwhi st
leher
l
ungsout ,butwecan'thearherbecause
we’r
ecompl etel
yabsorbedbypassion's
sausage.
Look,onecoul dar guet hatt her eason
forthenegat i
veemot ionst ot akeov er
evenint hiscasei st hef aultyj udgment ,
nottheunawar eness.Theemot ionsar ise
becauseoft hei rrationalj udgmentt hat
mybr otherisungr at ef
ul.Howev er ,one
couldalsoar guet hatmanyf aulty
j
udgment shappenbecausewe’ renotawar e
enoughinthef i
rstplace.We’ renotawar eof
ourever
yst epandendupi ndogshi t.Ormy
mom isn’tawareenought oknowhowmuch
ofhercupofcof feeshe’ salreadydr ankso
sheendsupwonder ing,“ Whodr ankmy
coffee?
”Sur e,shemi ghtv al
uecoffeet oo
highly(
isthatevenpossibl
e?),
butthe
reasonbehindthatfaul
tyjudgmentisher
unawarenesswhi ledri
nkingitherself
—in
mostcases( sorr
ymom, someti
mesIt ook
asiport wo).
Thepoi nti s,bei ngawar ewi llreducet he
ti
meswegett akenov erbynegat ive
emot i
ons.Thi sisi mportantbecause
gettingt akenov erbynegat i
veemot i
onsis
exact l
ywhathi nder susf r
om t akingtheright
actionsandget t
ingt hegoodl ife.Remember ,
fortheSt oics, t
heonl ygoodl i
esi nour
voluntaryact ions, andouract ionscanonl y
bev oluntarywhenwe’ r
ebringing
awar enessi ntoev erymoment .Ifwel ack
thatawar eness,weper mi tourselvestoget
carriedawayandl etouract i
onsbecome
shamef ulanddi sregardful,touse
Epictetus’wor ds.Onl ybybr i
nging
awar enessintothemoment ,wecan
properlyconfrontthechal lengeof
accept i
ngexternalev entswithequani mi
ty,
whi l
ecul t
ivat
ingwi sdom,j usti
ce,andself-
discipl
ineinourreactions.Withthat
awar eness,wecant iytofol
lowEpi ctet
us’
adv i
cet oendureandr enounceinev ery
day
si
t uati
ons:
1.Weshoul dendurewhatweirr
ati
onal
l
y
fearanddisl
ikewit
hcourageand
persever
ance.
2.Weshouldrenounce(
orabstai
nfr
om)
whatweir
rati
onall
ycrav
ethroughdi
scr
eti
on
andsel
f-
disci
pli
ne.
Wedef i
nitel
yneedawar enesstodet ect
i
rrati
onalfearsandcravi
ngsbeforewecan
endurethem withcourageandper severance,
orabstai
nf rom t
hem withdiscr
eti
onand
self
-di
scipli
ne.Awareness,however,won’t
beenough.Notev erybodycanstaref earin
theey esanddoi tanyway .Ioftencan’
t.Even
i
fI ’
m awar eenought orecognizemyf ear
whileknowi ngt hefearisirr
ationalandi t
woul dbet hewi set hingt oactdespi te
thef ear,theemot i
onof t
enbeat smy
courage.Anot herexampl ei sthebattl
e
betweenani rrati
onaldesi r
eandsel f
-
disci
pline.Af teral ongdayofwor kand
persev eri
ngwi thmyt asks,Iobservethe
desiret ochecksomenews.I ’
m wellawar e
ofthebat t
lebetweent hepleasurabledesir
e
andmydef l
atingwill
power ,andmostt i
mes
will
powerwi ns,butsomet imesIgiveinto
thedesi re.
Awar enessmi ghtnotbeenought oalways
actaccor di
nglytoourv al
ues, buti
tsurel
y
buysy out i
meanddel ay ,
soy ouseet he
sit
uationclearl
yandcanatl easttr
ytomake
therationaldecisi
on.Thiswi l
lmakeitway
easiertomast eryourself
,actr ati
onall
y,
andmakepr ogresstowardt hehappyand
smoothlyfl
owinglif
e.Anditwill
preventyou
manyt i
mesf r
om getti
ngcarri
edawayby
i
rrat
ionalemotions,andy ou'
llstepinto
fol
ly(anddogshi t)l
essfr
equent l
y.
St
epbyst
ep,
yougetahead.
Par
t2
55St
oicPr
act
ices
“
Letphi
l
osophyscr
apeof
fyourownf
aul
ts,
rat
herthanbeawayt
orai
lagai
nstt
hef
aul
ts
ofothers.
-Seneca.
Chapt
er5
Howt
oPr
act
iceSt
oici
sm?
'
Asi tiswear egl
ibandfluenti
nthelect
ure-
room, andifanypalt
ryquesti
onari
sesabout
apoi ntofconduct,
wearecapableof
pursuingthe
subjectl
ogi
cal
l
y;butputust
othepr
act
ical
testandyouwil
lfi
ndus
mi
ser
abl
eshi
pwr
ecks.
”-Epi
ctet
us
Congrat
ulati
ons!Youmadeitt
hrought
he
theor
ypart.I
t’
stimetogeti
nthewater
.
Bewaret hough,justbecausewe’refluent
i
nt heclassroom doesn’tmeanwe’ r
e
readyfort herealworld.Knowingthe
theoryandappl yi
ngiti npr
act
icearetwo
enti
rel
ydiffer
entanimal
s.Youaregoingto
getwet.
OrasEpi ctet
usput sit,wemightget
miserablyshipwrecked.That’
swhywemust
practi
ce.Hesay sacar penterbecomesa
carpenterbyl earningcert
ainthings.Anda
helmsmanbecomesahel msmanby
l
earningcer t
ainthings.Soit
’sclearthati
f
wewantt obecomegoodpeopl e, wemust
l
earncer t
ainthings.
“St
epforward,
”hesay s,“
andmakeuse
ofwhaty ou’
velear
ned.Itisn’
tmorel
ogi
c
choppi
ngthati
sneeded—ourStoi
ctext
sar
e
full
oft hat.Whatweneednowar epeopl
eto
applyt hei
rlearni
ngandbearwi t
nesstot
heir
l
ear ningintheiract
ions.Please,bet
heone
totakeont hischar
acter,Iam ti
redi
nmy
teachingofi nvoki
ngexampl esfrom t
hepast
,
Iwantt obeabletoholdupanexampl ef
rom
myt i
me. ”
Bet heexampl eoutt here.Don’tbe
sati
sf iedwi thmer elearning,butpr
acti
ce,
pract i
ce,pr actice!Becausei ftimepasses,
Epictet ussay s,wef orgetwhatwe’ ve
l
ear nedandendupdoi ngt heopposit
e,
andhol dopinionstheopposi teofwhatwe
shoul d.
Sonytobr i
ngitt oyou,butyou’
renot
Superman.Youcan' tj
usthearStoi
c
pri
nci
plesonceandexpectt orelyonthem
whenlif
ehappens.Youmustpr act
icelikea
prof
essionalat hlet
e,andshowupont he
pi
tcheveryday .Showupear l
i
erandleav e
l
atert
hanevery
oneel
se.Fr
om not
hing
comesnothi
ng.
Remember ,phi
losophyi sallabouthow
toliveone’sli
fe.Asdi scussedearli
er,
Epi
ctetuscompar esphilosophyt o
art
isans—j
ustast hecarpenteruseswood
andthesculpt
orusesbronze, weuseour
ownl i
vesastherawmat erial
intheartof
l
ivi
ng.
Everyeventinourliv
espresent sablank
bl
ockofmar blet
hatwecant rai
non.That ’
s
howwel earntouseachisel andmalletunti
l
we’vemast eredourcraf
t.Phi l
osophyi sall
aboutappl yi
ngi t
spr i
nci
plest ot her eal
world.Remember ,wewantt obewar r
ior-
phil
osophersandputi nt
opr acti
cewhatwe
l
earn.
That
'swhatthi
sparti
sallabout
.You’
ll
find
55Stoi
cpracti
cesmixedwithpr
acti
cal
advi
ce.Eachcanbeusedbyi t
sel
f.For
simpli
cityreasons,l et’
sdi fferentiate
betweent hreesor tsofpr actices:The
fi
rstarepr eparingpr acticesy oucandof or
yoursel
f.Youwon’ tneedal if
esi tuati
onto
trai
non,andy oucansi mpl ydot hem at
home.Thesecondar epr acti
cesf or
chall
engingl i
fesituat i
ons:how t ohandle
yoursel
fi nstressfulmoment s.Andt he
thir
darepracticesforsi tuat i
onswi t
hother
people:howt odeal wi t
hchal l
engi ngpeople.
Keepi nmi ndthatdi
fferentapproacheswork
betterforsomepeopl eandwor sef orot
hers.
Treatthepr act
icesassuggest i
ons,notas
ri
gidrules.Trythepracticesandkeepon
doingwhatwor ksandl eaveoutwhat
doesn’t.Don’tovert
hi nkit.
Nowbef orewegettothepract
ices,l
et’
s
quickl
ylookatalegendandthr
eei mport
ant
detail
sthatwi
llhel
pyougetthemostoutof
thepracti
ces.
BraceYour
self
"WhatwouldhavebecomeofHer cules,do
youthi
nk,ift
herehadbeennol i
on,hydra,
stagorboar-andnosavagecriminalstorid
theworldof?Whatwouldhehav edonei n
theabsenceofsuchchal
lenges?"-Epictet
us
Whatwoul dhav ebecomeofl egendary
Herculeswit
houtanyst r
uggles?“Obviousl
y,”
Epict
etussays,“hewouldhav ejustr
olled
overinbedandgonebackt osleep.Soby
snori
nghislif
eawayi nluxui
yandcomf ort
henev erwouldhav edev
elopedintothe
mightyHercules.”
Whatwoul dhavebecomeofanypersonyou
admirewithoutanystr
uggl
es?Yourmom?
Thatcol
leaguey ourat
esohighly
?Roger
Feder
eroranyot hersuper
star
?
Onethingissur
e,theywouldn’tbewhere
t
heyarewi t
houtthechal
lengest heysurel
y
facedintheirl
ives.Dif
ficul
tiesare
i
mpor t
ant.That’
swhatwe’ r
eher ef
or.God,
saysSeneca,
“doesnotmakeaspoil
edpet
ofagoodman; hetest
shim,har
denshi
m,
andfi
tshimforhisownserv
ice.
”
Alltheadv ersit
iesy ou’
ref aci
ngi ny our
l
ife,thesear et ests.I t
’smer etraini
ng.Life
i
sn’tsupposedt obeeasy ,l
i
feissupposed
tobechal lengingt omakesur ey ouact ual
l
y
grow.“ Andt hoset hingswhi chweal l
shudderandt rembl eatar eforthegoodof
theper sonst hemsel vest owhom t hey
come, ”saysSeneca.
Whenev eryouf indyourselfi
nahol e,
remindy oursel
fofHer culeswhobecame
strongonlybecauseofthechall
engeshe
faced.
Li
feismeanttobehardatt
imes.Chi
nup,
chestout
,you’
l
ldofi
ne.
Now,l
et’
slookatt
hreehel
pfuldet
ail
sthat’
ll
hel
pyougetthemostoutofthepract
ices.
BeMi ndful
Stoi
cism i
sn'
taneasy-
to-
fol
l
ow
road.Therearemanyprinci
plest
okeepin
mindandt oliv
eby .
Andt hemostimpor tantprer
equisi
teisto
beawar eofwhat ’sgoingon.Because
Stoi
cphil
osophyisalotabouthowwer eact
towhathappensintheworldaroundus.
Whathappensdoesn’tmatterbecausei
t’
s
beyondourcont
rol.Whatmat t
ersishowwe
dealwit
hit
.
Inor dertodealwit
hwhathappens
effectivel
yandtobemi ndfulofour
react i
ons,weneedtobeawar eofwhat’s
goingon.Weneedt obeabl etostepin
betweenst i
mulusandresponse.Weneedt o
beabl et onotgowithourimpulses,buttake
ast epbackandl ookatthesituat
ion
objectively
.
St
oici
sm r
equi
resustobeabl
etonotr
eact
i
mpulsi
vel
ytowhathappenst
ous.I
t
requi
r esustospotourinit
ial
impr
essi
ons,
sothatwer ecognizeourabil
it
ytochoose
ourr esponse.Oncewe’ reabletospot
ouraut omaticimpressi
ons,wecant est
them andact i
vel
ychooset ogowi t
ht he
i
mpr essionornot.
Look,awarenessi sthefir
ststept owar dany
seri
ouschange.I fyou’r
enotawar eofwhat '
s
goingwrongi ny ourlif
e,thenhowdoy ou
wantt ofi
xit?Ify oudon'treali
zewheny ou
getangry,howdoy ouwantt oprev entitin
thefutur
e?“ A consci ousnessof
wrongdoingi st hef ir
stst eptosal vation,
”
Senecasay s.“Youhav etocatchy ourself
doingitbeforey oucancor rectit
.”Stoicism
asksofust obeawar eofwhatwedoi n
everymoment .Thewhol eideaofv ir
tue,to
expressourhighestsel fineverymoment ,
is
basedonourabi lit
ytobepr esenti nthe
momentandknowwhat ’
sgoi ngon.How
el
sedowewantt
ochooseourbestact
ion?
Ourv ol
untarythoughtsandact i
onsar e
bydef i
nit
iontheonl ythi
ngswi t
hinour
cont
rol.Andt heyonlyexistint hehere
andnow.Wecan’ tchooseanact ionif
we’r
el ostinthought,ruminat
ingint he
past
,ordr eamingaboutthefut
ure.
Therefor
e,weshoul df ocusourat tent
ion
ont hepresentmoment ,undi
stract
edby
thepastorf uture.Thenwecanpr operl
y
confrontthechall
engewe’ refacingnow,
tryi
ngt oacceptitasi tis,andchoosea
responseconsist
entwithourvalues.
Basi call
y,weshouldbeawar eofourev eiy
step.Assai dearli
er,weshouldwat ch
oursel vesli
keahawkandbr i
ngt hesame
attent i
onintothemomentaswhenwe’ re
wal kingbar ef
ootonbr okengl ass.This
focusedandcont i
nuousself-
obser vati
onis
neededt opracti
ceStoici
sm effecti
v el
y.
Don’ tworryi fyouthinky ou’
renotav ery
mi ndfulper son.You’restil
labletopr act
ice
mostoft hef oll
owingpr acti
ces.Pl us,many
wi l
lactuallyimpr ovey ourmi ndfulness.
Thiscul t
ivationofawar enessi sapar tof
Stoicism.You' l
lgetbetteratsteppingback
from y ourimpul ses,soy oucananal yze
them andquest i
ont heiraccur acy,and
thendeci deupony oursmar testresponse.
Rechar
geYourSel
f-
Disci
pli
ne
Practi
cingStoi
cism i
sn’
tli
kewatchi
ngTV.
Ittakeseffor
t.Youmustactual
l
ydo
somet hi
ng.
Mostpr act icesrequir
eself-di
scipli
nei f
youwantt odot hem.Somear e
chall
enging,notpar ti
cul
arl
yf un,andwi l
l
suckupy ourwi ll
power.Butthat’spartof
thegame.Andi t’
ssimil
arwit
hot herthi
ngs
i
nl i
fe.I
fy ouwantt ogetbet
teratdar t
s,you
mustpr acticeit.I
fyouwantt ogetbet t
erat
l
i
fti
ngwei
ght
s,y
oumustt
rai
nhar
d.
It’
st hesamewi thStoici
sm.I trequir
es
effortanddi sci
pli
ne,butatt hesamet i
me
i
twi l
lbui
ldupenduranceandsel f
-di
scipli
ne.
Itwi l
lmakeyoust r
onger.Justlikelift
ing
wei ghtswil
lmakey ourmuscl esstronger,
practici
ngStoicpri
nci
pleswil
lmakey ourwil
l
stronger.
Yes,i
t’
sdemandi ng.Butyouwillal
ways
havetopayt hepri
ceifyouwantt oimprove.
Thepr act
iceswillmakey oumor e
resi
l
ient,t
ranquil
,courageous,
disci
pli
ned,
andsoon.
Plus,y oumustkeepi nmi ndt hatthere’
s
acostofnothav i
ngandpr act
icinga
philosophyoflif
e.Aut horWi l
li
am I r
vine
explainsthecostbluntly
:“ Thecl anger
thaty ouwi l
lspendy ourday spur sui
ng
valuelessthi
ngsandwi l
lthereforewast e
yourl i
fe.
”
It
’suptous.Ei
therwe’r
ewil
l
ingtoi
nvest
andreapthebenefi
ts,
orwe’
renotandri
sk
wasti
ngourli
ves.
Look,t hepossi bl erewar dsar emuch
greaterthant heef fortyouhav et
oputi nt
o
i
t.Thisinvest menti sano- brainerifyouask
me.Ther e’smucht ogainandnot hingbut
al i
ttl
eef fortt ol ose.Her e’
show I r
vine
describeswhaty ou’l
lgeti fy oumaket he
i
nv estment:“ Stoicscant ransf or
m
themsel v
esi ntoi ndiv
idual sr emar kablef or
theircourageandsel f-
cont rol.Theywi llbe
abletodot hingsthatot her sdr eaddoing,
andt heywi ll
beabl etoref rai
nf rom doing
thi
ngst hatot herscannotr esistdoing.”
Youcanbecomet hi
sremarkabl
eindivi
dual
i
fy ou’
rewil
li
ngt oputi
nsomeef f
ort.Do
thosepract
icesevenifyoudon’
tfeell
ike
doingthem.It’
swhaty ouhavetodo.
Don’treadt hem,nody ourhead,and
moveonwi t
houtput
ti
ngini
ntopr
act
ice.
Thatwon’
tmakeyouanybet
ter
.
Remember ,self-
disci
pli
neisl i
keamuscl e.
Themor ey ouusei t
,thestrongeritwil
l
get.Soeacht i
mey oudecidetoovercome
theini
ti
alhurdl
eanddoapr acti
ce,youtrai
n
yoursel
finself
-di
scipl
ineandwill
power .
I
fyoudoitt
oday,y
ou’
ll
bemor eli
kelytodo
i
ttomorr
ow.Ify
oudon’
tdoittoday,
y ou’
l
lbe
l
essli
kel
ytodoitt
omorrow.
Don’
tCal
lYour
sel
faPhi
l
osopher
Accordingt oEpi
ctetus,you’ll
getri
dicul
ed
forpracti
cingStoi
cism: “Ifyoudesire
phil
osophy ,pr
eparey ourselffr
om the
beginningtober i
diculed,toexpectthat
manywi l
lsneeratyou. ”
Now,Idon’ tknow ifthat
’sst i
l
lvali
d
today.Idon’ttal
kmuchaboutpr act
ici
ng
Stoici
sm soIhaven'
texper
iencedpeople
mocki ngmeabouti t
.Anyway ,Ithinkif
fr
iendsdomocky oufortry
ingt oimpr ove
yourselfyoumi ghtwanttorethinkt hose
fr
iendships.
“Remember ,
” Epictetus
continues,“thati fy ou abide i nt he
samepr i
nci
ples,thesemenwhof i
r st
ri
diculedwil
lafterwardadmi r
ey ou. ”
Soeveni fyougetridi
culedandother
s
giveyouahar dti
mef ory our
commi t
menttoself
-i
mpr ovement
,know
thati
fy oustayst
rong,thesepeopl
ewil
l
admir
ey ou.
Thesi mplesttricktomakesur enobody
wil
lmocky oucomesf r
om Epictetus,t
oo:
“Onnooccasi oncally
oursel
faphi losopher
,
anddonot ,forthemostpart,tal
kamong
l
aymenabouty ourphil
osophicalpri
ncipl
es,
butratherdowhatf ol
l
owsf rom your
pri
nciples.
”
Don’
tment
iont
haty
ou’
rei
ntoSt
oici
sm,
just
l
ivebyi t.Youcanst il
l tel
lthosewhowantt o
knowwhat ’
sgoi ngonwi thy ouwhent hey
recogni zey ourposi ti
v echanges.That ’
sthe
fi
rstt i
pWi l
li
am I rvi
neshar esinhisbookA
Gui det ot heGoodLi fe: “
Thef i
rstti
pIwoul d
offert ot hosewi shingt ogi veStoici
sm a
tryi st opr acticewhatIhav er efer
redt o
asst ealthSt oicism: Youwoul ddowel l,I
think,tokeepi tasecr etthatyouar ea
pract i
cingSt oic.Bypr acti
cingStoici
sm
steal t
hily,youcangai ni t
sbenef i
tswhile
avoi di
ngonesi gnif
icantcost :theteasing
andout rightmockei yofy ourfr
iends,
rel
at ives, neighbor s,andcowor kers.
”
Demonstrat
erat
herthani
nst
ructwhatyou
l
earn.Di
vein.
Chapt
er6Prepari
ngPract
ices
St
oici
sm i
sdemandi
ng.
Itwantsyoutoexpressv ourhighestsel
fat
allt
imes.Itwant
sy outof ocusonwhaty ou
control
,andaccepttherestwithequanimit
y.
I
twant syout orecogni
zeyourpowerto
per
ceiveev entsinconst
ructi
veways.Andi
t
wantsy outotakeresponsibi
li
tyf
oryour
ownflourishi
ng.
Thefol
l
owing21pr epar
ingpract
icesand
st
rat
egieswi
llhel
py oubecomet heperson
who’
sreadytodeal wi
thli
fe’
schall
enges.
Allthesepract
icesdon’trequir
eany
specif
icli
fesit
uations.Youcandot hem
anyti
me,andal mostany where.Thereare
noexcusesfornotdoingthem.Al lt
hey
needar eaf ew minutesofy ourti
me
andsomesel f
-disci
pli
ne.
You’
l
lfi
nddi
ff
erentsor
tsofpr
act
ices:
•Mi
ndset
stoadopt
•Vi
sual
i
zat
ionpr
act
ices
•Wr
it
ingpr
act
ices
•Jour
nal
i
ngpr
act
ices
•Out
doorpr
act
ices
•Li
fest
ylei
nter
vent
ions
Ready
,set
.go!
Pract
ice1
TheSt
oicAr
tofAcqui
escence:
AcceptAnd
Lov
eWhat
everHappens
“Owor l
d,Iam i
nt unewit
heverynoteofthy
greatharmony.Formenot hi
ngisearl
y,
nothi
nglate,
ifitbetimel
yforthee.ONatur
e,
al
l t
hat
thyseasonsy
iel
disf
rui
tforme.
”—Mar
cus
Aurel
ius
Acceptr at
hert hanf i
ghtev er
yl i
ttl
et hi
ng
thathappens.Wehear daboutSt oic
acceptanceinChapt er3.I
fwer esi
strealit
y,
i
fwet hinkthingsaregoingagainstus, i
fwe
fi
ghtwi t
hwhati s,t
henwewi l
lsuff
er.
Theref
or e,
weshoul dnotwi shforreali
tyto
bediff
erent,butacceptitasiti
s.
“I
fthi
sist hewil
lofnat ure,thensobei t
.”
That’
samaxi mtheSt oicslivedby.Today,
wehav ethesimilarsay i
ng‘ Thywil
lbedone.”
Anditdoesn’tmat terwhet herwecal lit
God,Nat ure,Fortune,orFat e—butwe
mustacknowl edget hatt here’ssomething
bi
ggert hanus,andt hatwedon’ tcontr
ol
every
thi
ngt hathappensar oundus.
Thear tofacquiescencei saboutt hewill
ing
acceptanceofext ernalev ent
s.Acceptev en
whatt hemajor i
tyofpeopl ewoul djudgeas
“bad.”Epi
ctetussay st hatasphi l
osophers
weshoul dadaptt owhat ev
erhappens,
sot hatnothinghappensagai nstourwi l
l
andnot hingt hatwewi shf orfail
st o
happen.Br i
ngy ourwillintoharmonywi th
what’sgoingon.“ Fateleadst hewilli
ng,and
dragsalongt hereluctant,
”asSenecaputi t
.
Rememberthedogl
eashedtoacart
metaphor
?Thedogcaneit
herenj
oyther
ide
andr unsmoot hl
yal ongsi det hecart,orhe
canst ubbor nlyresistthedi rect i
onoft he
cartwhi lebeingdr aggedbehi ndany way .If
wer esistwhathappens, thenweget
draggedbehi ndjustl i
ket hatdog.That ’s
call
edsuf f
ering.I
t ’
smuchsmar tert
oaccept
real
ityandf ocusonwher eourpowerl ies.
Aswe’ veseenear l
ier,thehal l
mar kofan
admi rablepokerpl ay
eri st hathepl ay s
thebestr egar dlessofhi shands.I nt he
end,nott heonewi t
ht heobj ecti
vel
ybest
cards, buttheonewhopl ay shi scardst he
best,wi ns.
Youdon’ tgettochoosethehandsy ou’r
e
dealt,
onlyhowy ouwanttopl aythem.Your
handsi npokerasi nl
if
eareindi f
ferent,learn
toacceptt hem equal
ly
,withoutjudgi ng.If
youcandot hat
, i
fyoucanacceptr at her
thanresistwhathappens,t heny ouwi l
l
nol ongerbedependentupont hings
bei
ngi
nacer
tai
nway
.
Gett
hisi
mpr
essi
veexampl
e:
Aged67,
afteranotherdayatthelab,
ThomasEdisonreturnedhome.Afterdinner
,
amanarri
vedatthishousewi t
hur gent
news:Af
irehadbr okenoutattheresearch
campusafewmi lesaway .
Fir
eenginescouldnotstopthefi
re.Fuel
ed
bychemi cal
s,gr
eenandy el
lowfl
amesshot
uphi ghint hesky,thr
eateni
ngt odestroy
theent i
reempireEdi
sonhadspenthi sl
ife
buil
ding.
WhenEdi sonmadei tt
othescene,he
i
mmedi atelyt
oldhisson,“
Gogetyour
motherandallherfri
ends,t
hey
’l
lneverseea
f
ir
elikethisagain.
”
Whatareacti
on,ri
ght
?Hel ostmuchofwhat
he’
dbeenwor ki
ngonhiswhol eli
fet
ime,and
i
nsteadofgetti
ngsadorangiy,heaccepted
i
tandt r
iedtomaket hebestwit
hit.He
star
tedrebui
ldingwhatt hefi
redestr
oyed
thenextday.That'splay
ingthecardswell
.
That'
snonresistance.
Plus,thisexampl eshowst hatStoic
acceptancehasnot hi
ngt odowi th
passiver esignati
on.Edi sonst art
ed
rebuil
dingev ery
thingt hev erynextday.He
acceptedhi sf at
egr aciouslyandt r
iedto
maket hebestwi thit.Andt hat’swhatthe
Stoicsadv i
seust odo: Don’tf i
ghtwit
h
real
ity,
butbr ingy ourwi l
lintoharmonywi t
h
i
t,andf ocusonwher ey ourpowerl i
es.
MarcusAureli
ushasat r
icktobri
nghi swill
i
ntoharmonywi thr
eality
.Hecompar eswhat
happenstoustowhatadoct orprescri
bes
tous.Justl
ikeyout akesomemedi cine
whenadoct ortel
lsy out o,weshoul d
takeext
ernalevent
sast heyare,because
they’
rel
ikethemedicinetheretohelpus.
Whathappenst ousisnature’
str
eatmentto
becomebetterpeople.Thosethi
ngshappen
forus,
notagainstus,evenifi
tdoesn’
tseem
so.
Here’swhathelpsme: Natureisimmensel y
compl exandit
’simpossibletotellwhether
anythingthathappensi sgoodorbad.
Becausey ounev erknowwhatwi llbethe
consequencesofmi sfort
unes.Andy ou
neverknowwhatwi llbetheconsequences
ofgoodf ort
une.Therefor
e,Itrytoaccept
eveiythi
ngasifIhadchoseni t.Thisway, I
mov ef r
om awhineyv i
cti
mt oar esponsibl
e
creator.
(Ihighl
yrecommendy oucheckoutthi
s
2-minut
eYouTubev i
deo:TheStor
y7oft
he
ChineseFar
mer.
)Pr
acti
ce2
Under
takeAct
ionswi
thaReser
veCl
ause
“Iwi
llsai
lacr
osst
heocean,
ifnot
hing
prev
entsme”-Seneca
Ther eserveclausei sacl assi
cSt oi
c
tr
ickt omai nt
ainequani mit
yand
tr
anquili
ty.I
twillhel
py ouacceptthe
outcomesofy ouractions.Wheny ouplanto
dosomet hing,youaddt hecaveat“i
fnothi
ng
preventsme.”
Senecadefinesthereser
veclausewi tht
he
formula,
“Iwanttodosuchandsuch,as
l
ongasnot hinghappenswhi chmay
presentanobst acl
et omydeci sion.”I
’
m
goingtodot hi
s,i
ffatewil
lhaveit.I
'l
ldomy
bestbuttheoutcomei sul
ti
mat el
ynotwi thi
n
mycont r
ol.Ican’
tbeabsolutel
ycer t
ainthat
i
twi l
lcomeoutaspl anned,butI'
l
l t
rymy
best.
•Iwil
lsai
lacr
osst
heocean,
ifnot
hing
pr
event
sme.
•Iwil
lworkoutMondayandThur
sday
t
hisweek,f
ateper
mit
ti
ng.
•Iwi
l
lhi
tthet
arget
,Godwi
l
li
ng.
Yousetoutt odosomet hi ngwiththe
atti
tudet hatt heoutcomei snotwithi
n
yourcont r
ol andy ou’
rewi
ll
ingt ocal
mly
acceptthatt hingsmaynott urnoutas
planned.Ot herpeopl eassumet hatof
cour sethingswi llgowell
.Andi fnot,t
hey’
ll
ber esi
sti
ngr ealit
yandsuff
er ingi
ndefi
nit
ely
.
AsSt oics,webaket hereser veclauseint
o
everythingwedoandf oreseet hat
somet hingmayinterveneandpr eventour
wishedout come.Wedon’ tpromi se
successt ousbef orehand.Ther efor
e,it
’l
l
beeasi ertoacceptf ai
l
ur e,andwe’ l
lbe
fastert ogetupagai n.Pl us,we’ l
lgain
confidencebecausewe’ renotov erl
y
attachedt ot
heoutcome.
Withthatdet
achmentf rom t
heout come,
we’l
lbeabletomai ntai
nourt r
anquil
it
y
i
nsteadofgett
ingfrust
ratedevenifwe
don’
tgettheoutcomewehopedf or.
Ther
eser
vecl
ausei
mpl
i
est
wopoi
nts:
1.Doy
ourv
erybestt
osucceed.
..
2..
..andsimult
aneousl
yknowandaccept
thattheoutcomeisbeyondv
ourdi
rect
control
.
Thisisabull
etproofwayt omaintai
ny our
confi
dence:(1)youtryyourbesttosucceed,
(2)youknowt hattheresult
sareoutofy our
control
,(3)y
ou’repreparedtoaccept
successandf ai
lur
eequal l
y,and(4)you
conti
nuet ol
ivewitharete,momentto
moment .
That'
st heSt oicarcherall
overagain.Focus
onwhaty oucont rol,
andtakether estasit
happens.Focusont heprocess—ef f
ort,
trai
ning,prepar at
ion—andber eadyto
acceptt heout comewi t
hequanimi t
y.The
reserveclausehel pswithexactl
ythat.Ifwe
addt hatcaveatwhenweshootourar row,
we’reawar et hattheoutcomeisn’tuptous
andwe’reprepar
edt oacceptsuccessand
fai
lureequall
y.We’reonlyr esponsi
blet
o
shootaswel laspossi bl
e,butnotfor
hit
tingt
hetarget
,that’
sdownt ofate.
Itcomesdownt othis:Knowt hat
somet imesthingswillnotgoy ourwayev
en
i
fy oudoy ourbest,andr egardlessof
whet heryoudeservedi tornot.Don’t
confusey ouraspir
ationswi t
hhowt he
universeshouldturnout .
Practice3
WhatSt
andsi
ntheWayBecomest
heWay
“
Theimpedi
menttoact
ionadv
ancesact
ions.
Whatst
andsint
heway
becomest
heway
.”-Mar
cusAur
eli
us
“Undoubt
edl
yoneofhi stor
y’smost
eff
ecti
veformulasforov er
comingevery
negati
vesit
uati
on.”That’swhatRy an
Holi
daysaysaboutMar cusAurel
i
us’
for
mulay oujustreadabov e.He
cont
inues,“
Aformulaf ort
hri
vi
ngnotjust
i
nspiteofwhat
everhappensbutbecauseof
i
t”
RyanHol idaybasedawhol ebookonthis
for
mul a—TheObst acleIstheWay .The
maini deai sthatdiffi
cul
tiesand
chal
lengesi nlif
ear eonl yobstacl
esifwe
maket hem so.Itdependsonhow we
l
ookatt hosechallenges—wecanei t
her
seeobst aclesandgetbl ocked,orwe
canseeoppor t
unit
iesandmakepr ogr
ess.
Inev erychall
engel i
esanopportunityfor
growt h.I
fwe’reawar eofthat,
wecanmake
suret hatwhati mpedesus—set backsand
struggles—willactual
lyempowerus.We
expectst rugglesbef or
ehand( remember
thereser v
eclause? )andknowt hey’l
l
presentabl ankblockofmar bl
et ohoneour
skill
s.
I
nSt
oici
sm,t
hat
’sal
way
sachancet
o
pract i
cesomev i
rt
ue:cour age, humili
ty,
reason,j usti
ce,pati
ence,sel f-di
scipl
ine,
andf orgi
veness.Not hi
ngcanpr eventus
from doi ngt hi
s.Virtueisal way swi thi
n
ourcont rol,
it’
salwayspossi bl
et orespond
wi t
hv ir
tuetoanygi v
ensi t
uat i
on.What
standsi nthewaybecomest heway .Just
anot herchancetopr acti
cebei ngthebest
youcanbe.
Nomat t
erwhatl ifethrowsatus, wehav ea
choice:Willwebebl ockedbychal lenges,or
willwefightthrought hem?Eit herweshr ink
orwegr ow. Theadv ersit
ypresentsa
steppingstool t
or eachahigherl evelasa
person.Wi thoutthisopport
uni ty,
wecan’ t
growandr emainwher ewear e.
Imagineafi
re.Everyobstacleget s
consumedandusedasf uel.Ifthere’
s
nothi
ngstandingintheway ,thef i
redi
es.
Youar et
hatfi
re.Nothi
ngr eallyisan
obstacl
ebecausetheyonlyfeedyouand
makey oustr
onger.MarcusAurel
iuscall
s
thisabil
i
tytouseobst aclesforfuel
“tur
ningtheobstacl
eupsidedown.”
Whenev ersomet hi
ngget si ntheway ,
uset hatobst acletopr act i
cey ourmost
i
mpor t
antgoal —toli
vewi tharete,t
oexpr ess
thehighestv ersi
onofy ourself.Nothingcan
preventy ouf r
om doingt his.Youwi l
l
continuet omakepr ogr ess,andt herewi l
l
alway sbenew obst acl es,ahem,
oppor t
uniti
espr esentingt hemselves.I t
’s
withi
ny ourcont r
oltouset hem asf uel
andpr acti
cey ourskil
ls.
Thisallcomesdownt oyourperception.The
samesi tuat
ioncanei t
herbeperceivedasa
l
eadbal lchainedt oy
ourfeet
,oraswi ngs
growingoutofy ourshoul
derblades.How
youinterprett hechall
engeiscr ucialto
yoursuccessofov er
comingit
.Ulti
mat el
y,
i
t’
snevert
hechall
engesthatmat
ter
,but
howyoupercei
vethem.
“I
fyouar epainedbyanyext ernal t
il
ing,iti
s
notthisthingthatdistur
bsyou, butyourown
j
udgmentabouti t.Anditisi
ny ourpowert o
wipeoutt hisjudgmentnow/Mar cus
Aureli
ussay sthaty ourjudgmentmakes
anev entintoanobst acl
eoranoppor tunit
y.
It
’supt oy ou.
Youcanf indanopportuni
tyf
orgrowthi
n
eveiyt
hing.Youcanalwaystr
ytoturn
obstaclesupsi
dedownandf indawayto
respondwi t
hvir
tue.
Andhey ,thisisn'taboutwear i
ngr ose-
ti
ntedglasses.Ter r
ibl
et hi
ngshappen,
that’
sforsure.Thisi
sjustshowingthatyou
alwayshav eachoice.Ei
theryouburyyour
headinthesandwhent hi
ngsseem tot ur
n
againstyou,oryoukeepy ourheadupand
l
ookf orailopport
unit
ytogr ow.
You’l
lgetbett
erov
ert i
meandwi llyoureach
apointwithi
mmensei nnertr
anquili
tywhere
nothi
ngcanshakey ou—you’l
lbereadyto
dealeff
ecti
vel
ywithwhateverli
fethrowsat
you.
Pr
act
ice4
Remi
ndYour
sel
foft
heI
mper
manenceof
Thi
ngs
“
Whengiv
ingyourchi
l
dorwi
feaki
ss,
repeat
t
oyour
sel
f,‘
Iam ki
ssi
nga
mor
tal
.-Epi
ctet
us
Changei sauniversallawofnature.Thi
ngs
arechangi ngconstantl
y.Li
feis
ephemer al—peoplewecar eaboutmaybe
snatchedf r
om usi nasnap, wit
hout
warning.Thi siswhyMar cusAur eli
us
oft
enr emindshimsel fofthetimeasa
ri
vermet aphor,i
nwhi cheveryt
hingfl
ows
past:"Thinkoft
enont heswi f
tnesswith
whicht het
hingst hatexistandt hatar
e
comingi nt
oexist encearesweptpastusand
carri
edoutofsi ght.Forallsubstanceisasa
ri
verinceaselessf low,i
tsactivi
tiesever
changingandi t
scausessubj ectt o
countlessvari
ations,andscar celyany
thing
stabl
e.”
Thingsar einconstantchange,t
heyflow
past—newt hingscomeandf l
owpast .
Therefore,weshoul dremindoursel
veshow
preci
ousourl ovedonesar e—theymay
soonf low past,too.Let’sappreci
ate
whatwehav enowbecausei tmightbe
gonetomor row.Lifeisimpermanent.
Keepinmi ndthaty ouarel uckytobeableto
enj
oythethingsy ouhav e,andt hatyour
enj
oymentmi ghtendabr uptly,
andt haty
ou
mightneverbeabl etoenj oythosethings
agai
n.Learntoenj oystuffandpeopl e
wit
houtfeeli
ngent itl
edtot hem, wi
thout
cl
i
ngi
ng.
Wi t
ht her i
v ermet aphori nmi nd, your educe
attachmentt owhaty oul ov e, andy ou
diminisht hef earoft hingsy ou’ reav erset o.
Becausey ou’ r
eawar ethatal li si n
const antchange,al sot het hi ngsy ou
disli
ke.Yougener all
yr educet heper ceived
i
mpor tanceofext ernal t
hi ngs.Knowi ngt hat
nothingl astsmakesy onl essat tachedandi t
becomeseasi ertoacceptwhent hings
changeorwheny oul osewhaty oul ove.
Epictetusr emi ndsust hatwhenwe’ re
attachedt oat hingl i
keacr y stalcup,we
shoul dkeepi nmi ndwhati tr eal lyis, sothat
wewon’ tbedi st
ur bedwheni tbr eaks.He
continues: “Soshoul ditbewi thper sons; if
youki ssy ourchi l
d, orbr ot her ,orf r
iend. ..
youmustr emi ndy ourselft haty oul ov ea
mor tal,andt hatnot hingt haty oul ov ei syour
veryown; itisgiveny ouf ort hemoment ,not
forevernori nseparably,
butlikeaf igora
bunchofgr apesatt heappoi ntedseasonof
theyear ,andifyoul ongf ori
ti nwinteryou
areaf ool.Sot ooify oulongf oryoursoilor
yourfriend,wheni tisnotgi v
eny outohav e
him,knowt haty ouar el
ongingf oraf i
gin
wintertime.”
Thenextt i
mey ousaygoodby et oaloved
one, si
l
entl
yremindy oursel
fthatthi
smi ght
bey ourfi
nalpart
ing.You'l
lbelessattached
tothem andifyouseet hem again,y
ou'll
appreciat
eitmuchmor e.
Manyt hi
ngsthathappentouswe
cannotchange.Butwecanadoptanobl e
spi
rittobearupbravel
ywit
hallt
hechanges
naturesendsourway ,
andbri
ngourwil
li
nto
harmonywi t
hreal
ity
.
Whent
her
ear
enof
igs,
ther
ear
enof
igs.
Thi
ngsareinconst
antchange.Become
awareofthesmall
nessofthi
spresent
momentwheny ou’
rereadingt his.Whoop,
andgone.Compar ethi
smomentt othe
wholeday ,
tothewholeweek, t
oy ourwhole
l
ifespan.Thi
ngschange,youchange.
Imagineallt
hepeoplewholivedbef oreyou.
Andal lthepeoplewhowi llf
ollow when
you’r
egone.Br oadenyourper spectivet
o
thewholehistoi
yofthehumanr ace. .
.
See?Thingscomeandgo.Not
hing
l
asts.
Practi
ce5
Cont
empl
ateYourOwnDeat
h
‘
7am noteter
nal
,butahumanbeing;apart
oft
hewhole,asanhouri
softheday.Like
anhourImustcomeand,l
ikeanhour,pass
away”-
Epi
ctet
us
Thingsareimper
manent.Enjoywhatyou
l
ov easlongasyouhaveit
.Ifnothi
ngelse,
theny ourowndeathwi l
lendi t.Ther
e’s
not
hingwef earmor ethanourowndeat h.
Thi
sf eari
sirrat
ional,saytheStoics,
not
hingbutr
umor sfrom thel
iv
ing.
Becauseoft hatfear,wedon’tthi
nk
aboutourowndeat h.Yes,ot
hersmight
die,butnotus—wef eeli
mmor t
al.Yet
we’renot.Beware,whathappenstoother
s
canhappentoy ou,
too.
Wedon'tknowhowmuchl ongerourheart
wil
lkeepbeating.Andi
t'
snotupt ousto
deci
de.It
’sonlyuptoustodecidehowwe
wanttoli
verightnow.Togetthemostout
ofli
fe,
theStoicsadvi
seustoliv
easiftoday
wereourlastday.
“Thinkofyoursel
fasdead, ”saysMar cus
Aureli
us,“y
ouhav eliv
edy ourlif
e.Nowt ake
what ’
slef
tandl i
veproperly.
”Livi
ngasi fi
t’s
ourlastdayisnotaboutl i
vingaf r
ivol
ous
l
ifestyl
ewithdrugs,blackj
ack,andhooker s.
I
t’saboutper i
odical
lyr ef
lect
ingont he
f
actthatyouwil
lnotl i
veforev
er,
you’
re
mor
tal,
andyoumightnotwakeupthenext
mor
ning.Li
keanhour,
youwill
passaway.
Tli
egoal isnottochangey ouractiv i
ti
es
necessaril
y,buty ourst ateofmi ndwhi le
doingthoseact iv
ities.Cont empl atingyour
owndeat hwon’ tdepr essy ou,no,i twill
enhancey ourenj oymentofl ife.I twill
tur
nt oy ouradv ant age.Youwon’ ttake
thi
ngsf orgrantedany mor e,and
appreci
ateev er
yl ittl
et il
i
ngmuchmor e.
Youwi llsav oreachandev erymoment .
Becausey ou’r
ewel lawar et hatal lthese
thi
ngshadnotbeengr ant edt oy ou
i
ndefini
tely.
Thinki
ngofy ourowndeat hhelpsyou
stopmakingr andom choicesandwasting
ti
meont ri
fl
es.You’r
emor eawareofwhat
youwanttospendy ourti
mewi t
h.Itf
ocuses
yourmindonthet r
ulyi
mpor t
ant
—onwho
youwantt obei nthiswor l
d.Ithel psyou
l
ivewi tharete,nomat t
erwhaty ou’v
e
mi ssedtot
hisday.Li
feisnowandy ouwant
tomaket hebestofitbyexpressi
ngy our
highestsel
finever
ymoment .
Theol dRomanshadanamef ort
his:
Mement omor i(remembery ouar emor tal)
.
Keept hatinf rontofy oureyesandy ou’
llnot
onlyappr eciatey ourli
feandl ovedones
mor e,buty ou’l
l alsogetmuchmor eoutof
yourday s.Mar cusAur eli
usadv i
sesto
remindy ouoft hiseverymor ning:“
Wheny ou
ari
sei nthemor ni
ng,thinkofwhata
preciouspr ivi
l
egei ti
st obealive—tobreathe,
tothink,toenj oy ,tol
ov e.
”