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Empathy, the art of understanding others

Preprint · September 2020

DOI: 10.13140/RG.2.2.22471.11684

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 Empathy, the art of understanding others

Marcelo Álvaro Rivero-Guzmán

Universidad Mayor de San Simón - DICYT

Summary

Empathy is the perception we have of a person in relation to what they think, feel or do
considering the emotions, needs and problems in order to understand what is
happening that originates their reactions, what they think and what they feel. Empathy
helps strengthen ties with the family primarily, friends and society as a whole. This study
was born with the need to understand people, their thoughts and actions putting "in the
shoes of others" to better understand them. The aim of this paper is to show that
Empathy is a necessary skill to understand and create new synchronic relationships with
the world around us understanding the motivations, limitations and realities of people.
For the realization of this article, books and publications on empathy were reviewed and
it was concluded that empathy is necessary in any area of life to understand and
communicate better.

Keywords: Motivation, Impulse, Effort, Will.

 Introduction

From anthropology, cognitive science, philosophy, neuropsychology, developmental

psychology, primatology and sociology, an interest in empathy has been shown, agreeing that it
is extremely important for the human being but with certain controversy about its origin, its
training and its effects.

When speaking of empathy we are talking about a relatively new concept, first introduced by
the psychologist Theodor Lips in 1903. Since then, the concept has been spreading and various
definitions have emerged in charge of explaining this natural capacity, shared with other
mammals - such as chimpanzees, elephants, whales or dolphins - capable of perceiving and
reacting to pain by giving supportive responses.

We define empathy as the ability to capture what another thinks and needs and the sincere
connection with his feelings as if it were of our own –even though, it is not the same as one
would think or feel in the same situation– while feeling the desire to comfort and to help. It
means, going beyond focusing on oneself, it means leaving one's own self to open up to others.
This ability predisposes not only to feel suffering but also to share the happiness and to
participate in the joy of another person.

At the neuronal level, the human being is prepared to feel another, experiencing what he feels
and does, as if we were in his skin, vibrating with his feeling. It does not come from religious
imperatives or obligations imposed by the rules but from the sense of humanity that we all
naturally possess. Evolution has ensured us the ability to care for others by making us gregarious
animals with instinctual drives to protect each other to promote survival, both individually and
in groups. To survive we are programmed for struggle but also for altruism. Empathy can be
cognitive and emotional.

The empathy that most humanizes us comprises both capacities at the same time, with a deep
emotional connection and participation with another person, accompanied by a cognitive
evaluation, setting in motion an active attitude aimed at alleviating suffering when painful
feelings occur. The two variants of empathy are based on differentiated brain circuits.

Cognitive empathy involves having thought in perspective to imagine what someone else thinks
and feels: I know what you feel. I know what you think. While emotional empathy entails: I feel
what you feel, that is, emotionally the emotions felt by the other person are felt. Prior to
emotional and cognitive empathy, a primal empathy originates. Laughter is contagious, crying is
contagious, yawning is contagious. We could say that this is a sample of shared sensitivity and it
can be considered the first empathy, the most basic and the one that shows us the
synchronization with the bodies of others, as migratory birds synchronize common needs that
push them to take flight to A long trip. This sensitivity is prior to conscious activity.

Having the perspective of another - cognitive empathy - understanding their reactions,

understanding how they feel, but without sharing the feeling, is a partial form of empathy. This
ability can even be used for purposes contrary to empathy and can become a form of
utilitarianism, since it allows manipulation. Knowing what hurts can be used cruelly. Extortion
and torture are based precisely on knowing what another needs, thinks and feels.
MATERIALS AND METHODS

A bibliographic review of different articles, books and brochures related to the term empathy
was carried out.

DEFINITION OF EMPATHY

Empathy is the intention to understand feelings and emotions, trying to objectively and
rationally experience what another individual feels. The word empathy is of Greek origin
"empátheia" which means "excited".

Empathy makes people help each other. It is closely related to altruism - love and concern for
others - and the ability to help.

When an individual manages to feel the pain or suffering of others by putting herself in their
place, she awakens the desire to help and act according to moral principles.

The ability to put oneself in the place of the other, which is developed through empathy, helps
to better understand behavior in certain circumstances and the way the other makes decisions.

The empathic person is characterized by having affinities and identifying with another person.
It is knowing how to listen to others, understand their problems and emotions. When someone
says "there was an immediate empathy between us", he means that there was a great
connection, an immediate identification.

Empathy is the opposite of antipathy since contact with the other person generates pleasure,
joy and satisfaction. Empathy is a positive attitude that allows establishing healthy relationships,
generating a better coexistence between individuals.

Empathy is not a superficial, additional, light addition to the moral life. It is an essential factor
for conflict resolution. People who have suffered pain often respond by inflicting pain on others.
The result leads to violence, sometimes emotional, other times physical, directed against
individuals and even entire groups. The only genuine, non-violent alternative is to be able to
enter the other person's pain, in such a way that they know that they have been understood,
their humanity recognized, and their dignity affirmed. But active empathy changes life, not just
for you but also for the people you interact with. Instead of responding angrily to someone else's
anger, you need to try to find out the reason for the anger. In general, if the intention is to try
to change someone's behavior, it is necessary to place yourself in their mind, see the world
through their eyes and try to feel what that person feels, and then say the word or act
accordingly. in a way that appeals to your emotions, not your own. Very few people make it.
Those who can, change the world.

EMPATHY STARTS WITHIN

Freud observed: "Mortals cannot keep any secrets. If their lips are silent, they gossip with their
fingertips; betrayal breaks through every pore." The negotiator's nervous playfulness belies his
undaunted expression; the studied disinterest of the customer discussing the price of a car is
contradicted by the enthusiastic glances he makes at the coveted convertible. Knowing how to
detect these emotional clues is extremely important in those situations in which someone has
reasons to hide their true feelings, which is common in the business world. Noticing what others
feel without saying it is the essence of empathy. Rarely will the other tell us in words what he
experiences; instead, he reveals it to us by his tone of voice, his facial expression, and other non-
verbal ways. The ability to perceive these subtle communications stems from more basic skills,
especially self-knowledge and self-control. If we cannot perceive our own feelings (or prevent
them from drowning us) we will find ourselves hopelessly out of touch with the moods of others.

ACTIVE LISTENING

Active listening is listening carefully to what the other says with their non-verbal verbal
communication, with their eyes, tone of voice, posture, etc. In order for true active listening to
take place, it is necessary to be in a state of mindfulness or awareness, which allows us to notice
clearly the stimuli that come from outside. Conscious attention is about the listener focusing
exclusively on the other person for a certain time, that is, what is called "stopping the mind",
not thinking about anything, just being focused on what the other is saying, taking interest in
everything that is heard and observed without judgment.

Our mind through judgment classifies, chooses, discards, approves and disapproves and does so
with its own scales or parameters which have been built since childhood as a result of education,
personality, experience, etc. By judging, without being aware of it, we “disconnect” from what
the other says, we stop listening to him, we go from being focused on the external dialogue to
connecting with “our internal dialogue” (thoughts, feelings, values, expectations, etc. ) moving
away from the possibility of being empathetic.

Active listening is an intellectual act, just like thinking, judging, guessing, or any other act
performed by the mind. And even if we believe otherwise, two simultaneous intellectual acts
cannot be carried out well with conscience. Being mindful requires considerable physical and
mental effort to avoid distractions from other stimuli. It can be trained and in this way we will
be emotionally more predisposed to understand the other.

UNDERSTANDING

Understanding is the attitude that arises from paying mindfulness and implies being open to
exploring the world of the other to understand their fundamental feelings and needs.

To understand is to see "naturally" the actions and feelings of others, without judgments or
condemnations, but with the conviction that any of us can fall into the same thing. People who
in childhood have been nurtured emotionally, because they have been accepted, cared for and
loved, have a greater capacity to understand others, because they are less afraid that if they do,
they will renounce themselves. Understanding does not imply sympathy or antipathy to the
other, but simply understanding them without judging them. In addition, having understanding
is applying compassion plus action, which leads us to propose, suggest or establish the means
that help others to overcome the state they are currently going through. Understanding does
not mean agreeing with the other, nor does it imply setting aside one's own convictions and
assuming that of the other as one's own.

What's more, you can completely disagree with someone without ceasing to be empathetic and
respect their position, accepting your own motivations as legitimate. But to be able to do this
without fear it is important to also develop the competence of assertiveness.

ASSERTIVENESS

As the important thing is not so much to understand the same, but to do it with the different
and to be able to empathize with him without giving up oneself, it is also necessary to develop
assertiveness. Assertiveness is a word that comes from the Latin "asertum" which means to put
clearly, affirming and implies having the ability to express or transmit what one wants, thinks,
feels or needs, without disturbing, attacking or hurting the feelings of the other person. It is to
value both one's own perspective and that of the other, without feeling threatened by the
difference, but reinforced by the conviction that, although the other is understood, one's own
position is also defended and an alternative that benefits both is sought from respect or harm
as little as possible. Therefore, in this model, assertiveness is preceded by understanding, which
makes it easier for us to be more prepared to respect the different person and to be able to read
in a more adequate way the needs of the different person and empathize with him, and based
on this, be able to readjust our actions to achieve mutual benefit from sincerity and respect.

WE ARE BORN EMPATHY

So is there something in our biology that makes us empathic by nature or, as others argue, is it
cultural learning?

"We have to come prepared as standard by force, because a banana can never become
empathetic and we can," Arcadi Navarro ruling. Now, from there to saying that humans are
empathic by nature “there is a long way”. It is true, he adds, that there are some characteristics
in human beings that make them capable of being empathic to varying degrees.

If we have to learn them or we have them incorporated as standard, it is little relevant for this
investigator. “We are characterized - he recalls - by a clear co-evolution between natureand
learning, genes and environment. There are many things that we are programmed tolearn [like
language]. Maybe that's why babies are less empathetic than an adult ”.Some animals also seem
to show some empathy. Jean Decety, researcher at

The University of Chicago and one of the most prominent experts in the study of morality,
empathy and pro-social behavior, conducted an experiment: he placed a trapped rat in a
transparent plastic tube, so that other rodents could see it. And these are

They threw themselves to try to rescue her, even though they could choose to go gobble up
chocolate, which they are crazy about. Were they empaths? In a certain way, yes, says
Wassmann, who points out that different mechanisms must be distinguished within empathy.

The most basic is activated when seeing another, as when a baby starts crying because he sees
another in full tantrum. There are more complex mechanisms, such as the one that allows
identification with another person; or the one that makes it possible to understand the situation
of another person. We share the first mechanisms with animals, the third is genuinely human.
"To develop fully empathic behavior, you need the prefrontal cortex, the social brain, typical of
people," says Wassmann. One of the most important neuro-scientific theories indicates that the
social brain of which it speaks, Wassmann was formed about 3.5 million years ago, when the
first humans came out of the jungle and began to need a more complex mind that allowed them
to think of others, of their fellow humans.

Be empathetic to survive. “There is a hypothesis that uses a biblical metaphor and claims that
we owe our brains to the fact that they expelled us from “paradise”, points out Òscar Vilarroya,
promoter of the chair The social brain, at the UAB. On a certain momento, Our ancestors stayed
on the border between the jungle and the savannah and in that situation, trust in the other
members of the group was essential to advance, because there were innumerable dangers.
“It was key to interpret the behavior of the other and empathy allowed to develop a very
powerful social thinking tool to understand what is happening around you and act for your
benefit or that of yours ", says the neuroscientist.

EMPATHY AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Today we have all heard about emotional intelligence, and many of us have even read different
books on emotional intelligence and especially that of Daniel Goleman.

In summary, Emotional Intelligence is the system that encompasses all the skills related to
communication between the individual and feelings (whether their own or others).

Emotional Intelligence is made up of five skills: self-awareness, self-control, self-motivation,

social skills, and empathy.

EMPATHIC CAPACITY AND EMPATHY DEVELOPMENT

Human beings are not born being empathic, but empathy is part of our correct emotional and
social development, beginning to develop from childhood and taking special importance in
adolescence.

Therefore, the attitude and emotional education of parents is essential for a child to develop
empathy.

Figure 1. Empathic capacity.

Empathy, therefore, is not a gift, nor a genetic or birth trait, it is a competence or ability and as
such we can all develop it if we wish.

A person can increase their capacity for empathy by observing in more detail others while talking
to them, giving them their full attention and observing all the messages that that person
transmits, making an effort to put themselves in their place and "read" what they feel.

TYPES OF EMPATHY

There are three types of empathy:

Cognitive Empathy: It is what is perceived when one sees how things are happening and adopts
the perspective of the other. People with this type of empathy can be found in the organizational
or company environment. An example of cognitive empathy is that of the leader who makes his
workers obtain good results because he manages to explain things in a way that they understand
him and that makes them motivated. Also executives with great cognitive empathy, they have
positions abroad because they grasp the norms of another culture more quickly.

Emotional Empathy: It is the basis of rapport and chemistry, it is feeling the other person,
making her see that we take charge of her situation. People who excel in emotional empathy
are good counselors, teachers, professors, they have positions of responsibility in customer
service and group leaders who, thanks to that capacity and type of empathy, detect the reactions
in others in the moment.

Empathic Concern: People with this empathy feel the concern, notice that others need that help
and offer it unconditionally and spontaneously. They are those people who belong to a group, a
company or a community, who help others without further ado and because they like to do it
when they need it.

5 CHARACTERISTICS OF EMPATHY THAT ARE AN EXAMPLE OF ITS IMPORTANCE

Empathy is the ability to identify with what the other feels or thinks, to share their feelings and
emotions. It is a healthy way of relating to other people, and establishing constructive and
enriching relationships.

Hence, it is a highly relevant social skill in our family, school and professional relationships.
Therefore, below we tell you what are the five characteristics of empathy that are an example
of its importance.

1. Know how to listen

Knowing how to listen is a fundamental characteristic of empathy. Empathic people like to

establish enriching and constructive relationships. They are always willing to listen to each other
and are very good conversationalists. Therefore, when someone is angry or sad it is important
to give them the opportunity to express why.

2. Understand the other

Empathy also involves the ability to understand the other person's feelings, emotions, and ideas;
not only what the other is capable of expressing verbally, but also everything that he or she
expresses with their gestures, behaviors and decisions.

An empathic person is able to understand the other to the point of being able to feel what the
other person feels and to understand their mental states in a sincere way.

In empathy we make the other feel understood. Thus, when we comfort someone in difficult
moments, we are having an empathic attitude.

3. Identify with the other

Being empathic is also being able to put ourselves in the place of the other, to understand in a
deep and sincere way what they think or believe, what they feel or worry about, what makes
them suffer or rejoice.

Thus, an empathic person can put themselves in the emotional situation of the other and deeply
understand their feelings, fears or beliefs.

This becomes evident, for example, when someone tries to show us the solutions to a problem
by remembering that similar situations have also happened in the past.

4. Be supportive

An empathic person has a high sensitivity towards what other people feel or suffer. For this
reason, empathy has a lot to do with solidarity, with the desire to help others, especially when
they go through a situation of need. An example of this is helping a friend who is having a difficult
time.
5. Be respectful

In short, being empathetic also implies respecting the other in their feelings, ideas, behaviors,
decisions and, in short, in their way of being and facing life, even if we do not agree or like it.

For this reason, empathy is a fundamental value to live in society, because it allows us to
understand other people and respect the way they express their ideas, feelings and concerns in
front of the world.

We are empathetic when, for example, we support our family, friends or colleagues when they
go on adventures or projects that we sometimes cannot fully understand.

HOW TO ENHANCE EMPATHY?

1. Talk to strangers: Highly empathic people harbor a child's curiosity and find others more
interesting. Their interest in human nature invites them to converse with strangers, expand and
meet people with very different views, taking advantage of any daily situation.

2. Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities: Empathic people move away from a
worldview full of clichés and preconceptions. They acquire an independent spirit while being
tolerant of the search to share with people instead of highlighting the aspects that divide them.

3. Testing the lives of others: We are educated in knowledge and this comes from experience:
trying and making mistakes. It is always positive to attend religious rites different from ours, to
spend a vacation as a volunteer in a developing country… every action enriches the humanist.

4. Listen and open up: A person with high empathy does not hesitate to listen sincerely to others
and does everything possible to understand their emotional state. He also lives without masks
and reveals his feelings, thus creating an empathic bond with others.

5. Inspire mass action and social change: An empathic attitude can mobilize consciences for a
social revolution. Examples such as global concern for the victims of some major natural disaster.
Social media can be the future of empathic connection.

6. Develop ambitious insight: Apply empathy with enemies as "instrumental empathy" like
Gandhi in his non-violent resistance. It also affects the business area to dominate the constant
changes with the support of good leadership.

AN ATTITUDE THAT HAS TO DO WITH AN INSTINCT

As human beings are gregarious, that is, they are naturally accustomed to living with other
people, life together is part of the essence that defines us and therefore it is very difficult or
almost impossible to live completely isolated and far away. of all civilization.

In this coexistence different behaviors arise that are also inherent to the human quality and that
can be from the most sensible and supportive or selfish and evil. Among them we find empathy,
that quality that makes a person feel or get excited about the suffering of the other. Understood
as a perhaps abstract form of solidarity, empathy is what allows us to feel that another person
is not well and therefore, by feeling that suffering in our body and soul, to act to help that person
to get ahead or at least comfort her.
THE DEVELOPMENT OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

In order to better understand why empathy occurs in a person, it is interesting to note that it
has to do with the ability to develop certain levels of emotional intelligence, which makes us
sensitive and permeable to suffering, both our own and others. .

While there are people who are educated and raised without the slightest interest in developing
emotional but perhaps cognitive intelligences, there are also people who, due to the way in
which they have been raised or even by lived experiences, have a high sensitivity towards what
they are it happens to others and therefore they show greater empathy in situations of pain or
suffering.

IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHY

For any area of life, a dose of empathy well regulated by feelings is necessary, and adequately
controlled, in order to establish pleasant and satisfactory coexistence relationships.

In any area of daily life, family, work, friends, free time... this wonderful quality is used. This
suggests that people with a certain lack of empathy, who do not know the benefits of their
practice or have the courage to know about it, lose an emotional treasure so great, as to destroy
families, couples, friendships ... and not even repair damages, nor take responsibility for such
personal dramas.

The importance of empathy resides in the family, and it is she who must promote it in the most
appropriate way, and promote it from childhood in her children. Thus, empathy will become
something desirable for everyone, and achievable in those people who know how to value and
feel it.

RESULTS

The result of strengthening empathy with people, animals and plants, makes us better people
and strengthens our coexistence with all living beings at the same time makes us aware of the
thought and feeling of our outside world.

DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSIONS

Empathy is the pillar of harmony with our fellow men and with all living beings on this planet,
without it we would not be able to relate to or understand the reasons that motivate people to
feel and express emotions, neither would we be sensitive to animals, plants and our
environment
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

In the first instance I want to thank my San Simón who gave me the opportunity to study, work,
produce and share this work, I also thank my Wife Claudia Fuentes and my children Fernando
and Mateo pilares in my life, as well as my mother Amparo , my sisters Andrea and Giannyra
also thank the DICYT that allowed me to develop my skills as a researcher, Mariela Angulo for
the translation and all the people who took the time to read this Article and give their opinion
or constructive criticism towards it. , This greatly helped the publication of it.
 BIBLIOGRAPHY

Goleman, Daniel (2018), Emotional Intelligence in the Company, Editorial Conecta Pag. 171.

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de-su-importancia/ Accessed: June 10, 2019, 02:16 pm.

CRISTINA, SAEZ (2014). Get in the other's shoes. The power of empathy. LA VANGUARDIA
Magazine, MAGAZINE. Pages 38 - 42

JONATHAN SACKS (2018). The power of empathy, Editorial Ben-Tzion Spitz Pag 2 -3

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