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CHAPTER 2

Self

2.1 Self-Concept: Who Are You?

Self-concept is generally thought of as our individual perceptions of our behavior,
abilities, and unique characteristics. It is essentially a mental picture of who you are as a
person. For example, beliefs such as "I am a good friend" or "I am a kind person" are
part of an overall self-concept.
Self-concept tends to be more malleable when people are younger and still going
through the process of self-discovery and identity formation. As people age, self-
perceptions become much more detailed and organized as people form a better idea of
who they are and what is important to them.
According to the book "Essential Social Psychology" by Richard Crisp and Rhiannon
Turner:
The individual self consists of attributes and personality traits that differentiate us from
other individuals. Examples include introversion or extroversion.
The relational self is defined by our relationships with significant others. Examples
include siblings, friends, and spouses.
The collective self reflects our membership in social groups. Examples include British,
Republican, African-American, or gay.

5 Personality Traits
 Openness
This trait features characteristics such as imagination and insight. People who
are high in this trait also tend to have a broad range of interests. They are
curious about the world and other people and eager to learn new things and
enjoy new experiences.
People who are high in this trait tend to be more adventurous and creative.
People low in this trait are often much more traditional and may struggle with
abstract thinking.

 Conscientiousness
Standard features of this dimension include high levels of thoughtfulness, good
impulse control, and goal-directed behaviors. Highly conscientious people tend
to be organized and mindful of details. They plan ahead, think about how their
behavior affects others, and are mindful of deadlines.

 Extraversion
Extraversion (or extroversion) is characterized by excitability, sociability,
talkativeness, assertiveness, and high amounts of emotional expressiveness.
People who are high in extraversion are outgoing and tend to gain energy in

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social situations. Being around other people helps them feel energized and
excited.
People who are low in extraversion (or introverted) tend to be more reserved and
have to expend energy in social settings. Social events can feel draining and
introverts often require a period of solitude and quiet in order to "recharge."

 Agreeableness
This personality dimension includes attributes such as trust, altruism, kindness,
affection, and other prosocial behaviors. People who are high in agreeableness
tend to be more cooperative while those low in this trait tend to be more
competitive and sometimes even manipulative.

 Neuroticism
Neuroticism is a trait characterized by sadness, moodiness, and emotional
instability. Individuals who are high in this trait tend to experience mood swings,
anxiety, irritability, and sadness. Those low in this trait tend to be more stable
and emotionally resilient.

Humanist psychologist, Carl Rogers believed that there were three different parts of self-
concept:
 Self-image, or how you see yourself. Each individual's self-image is a mixture of
different attributes including our physical characteristics, personality traits, and
social roles. Self-image doesn't necessarily coincide with reality. Some people
might have an inflated self-image of themselves, while others may perceive or
exaggerate the flaws and weaknesses that others don't see.
 Self-esteem, or how much you value yourself. A number of factors can impact
self-esteem, including how we compare ourselves to others and how others
respond to us. When people respond positively to our behavior, we are more
likely to develop positive self-esteem. When we compare ourselves to others and
find ourselves lacking, it can have a negative impact on our self-esteem.
 Ideal self, or how you wish you could be. In many cases, the way we see
ourselves and how we would like to see ourselves do not quite match up.

2.2 Self-Esteem: How to Improve

Confidence in one's value as a human being is a precious psychological resource and

generally a highly positive factor in life; it is correlated with achievement,
good relationships, and satisfaction. Possessing little self-regard can lead people to
become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and
relationships. Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of
entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. It can also be a sign of
clinical narcissism, in which individuals may behave in a self-centered, arrogant, and

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manipulative manner. Perhaps no other self-help topic has spawned so much advice and
so many (often conflicting) theories.

Self-esteem can influence life in myriad ways, from academic and professional success
to relationships and mental health. Self-esteem, however, is not an immutable
characteristic; successes or setbacks, both personal and professional, can fuel
fluctuations in feelings of self-worth. Each individual’s experience is different, but over the
course of the lifespan, self-esteem seems to rise and fall in predictable, systematic ways.
Research suggests that self-esteem grows, by varying degrees, until age 60, when it
remains steady before beginning to decline in old age.

 Self-Esteem vs. Self-Concept

Self-esteem is not self-concept, although self-esteem may be a part of self-
concept. Self-concept is the perception that we have of ourselves, our answer
when we ask ourselves the question “Who am I?” It is knowing about one’s own
tendencies, thoughts, preferences and habits, hobbies, skills, and areas of
weakness.

Put simply, the awareness of who we are is our concept of our self.
Purkey (1988) describes self-concept as:
“the totality of a complex, organized, and dynamic system of learned beliefs,
attitudes and opinions that each person holds to be true about his or her
personal existence”.

According to Carl Rogers, founder of client-centered therapy, self-concept is an

overarching construct that self-esteem is one of the components of it (McLeod,
2008).

 Self-Esteem vs. Self-Image

Another similar term with a different meaning is self-image; self-image is similar
to self-concept in that it is all about how you see yourself (McLeod, 2008).
Instead of being based on reality, however, it can be based on false and
inaccurate thoughts about ourselves. Our self-image may be close to reality or
far from it, but it is generally not completely in line with objective reality or with
the way others perceive us.

 Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth

Self-esteem is a similar concept to self-worth but with a small (although
important) difference: self-esteem is what we think, feel, and believe about
ourselves, while self-worth is the more global recognition that we are valuable
human beings worthy of love (Hibbert, 2013).

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 Self-Esteem vs. Self-Confidence

Self-esteem is not self-confidence; self-confidence is about your trust in
yourself and your ability to deal with challenges, solve problems, and engage
successfully with the world (Burton, 2015). As you probably noted from this
description, self-confidence is based more on external measures of success and
value than the internal measures that contribute to self-esteem. One can have
high self-confidence, particularly in a certain area or field, but still lack a healthy
sense of overall value or self-esteem.

 Self-Esteem vs. Self-Efficacy

Similar to self-confidence, self-efficacy is also related to self-esteem but not a
proxy for it. Self-efficacy refers to the belief in one’s ability to succeed at certain
tasks (Neil, 2005). You could have high self-efficacy when it comes to playing
basketball, but low self-efficacy when it comes to succeeding in math class.
Unlike self-esteem, self-efficacy is more specific rather than global, and it is
based on external success rather than internal worth
.
 Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion
Finally, self-esteem is also not self-compassion. Self-compassion centers on
how we relate to ourselves rather than how we judge or perceive ourselves (Neff,
n.d.). Being self-compassionate means we are kind and forgiving to ourselves,
and that we avoid being harsh or overly critical of ourselves. Self-compassion
can lead us to a healthy sense of self-esteem, but it is not in and of itself self-
esteem.

How to Understand Self-Actualization

Self-actualization represents the pursuit of reaching one’s full potential. The concept is
rooted in a theory established in 1943 by Abraham Maslow. The psychologist set forth a
hierarchy of psychological needs, illustrating an order of human motivation. At the base
of Maslow’s motivational pyramid lies physiological needs, such as the air we breathe
and the food we consume. Once those needs are met, it is possible to pursue needs for
safety, love and belonging, and self-esteem. Self-actualization occurs when the more
basic needs are met or in the process of being met and it becomes possible to strive to
add meaning and personal and social fulfillment to existence—through creativity,
intellectual growth, and social progress. As Maslow himself stated, “What a man can be,
he must be. This need we may call self-actualization.”

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2.3 Self-Acceptance

Why is self-acceptance so important?

It is so important because if you do not accept yourself for who you really are, you will
create a number of problems in your life. Some of these problems are internal affecting
you personally and some will affect how others treat you. Many people fall into the trap
of not accepting who they are and then try to be like someone else.

Let’s quickly look at some of these problems that can result from this:

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 Low self esteem – denying who you are or being blind to what you really want means
you may suffer from low self esteem
 Living a lie – if you do not accept yourself you may push yourself to be what you are
not and the result is a false life. If you feel that you are living a life which is not you
perhaps you have this problem.
 Unhappiness – connected to the last two points because you will not be enjoying life
as you are ignoring your inner voice and your heart
 Becoming a victim – if you do not accept yourself you may believe what others tell you
and become a victim
 No trust in yourself – low self confidence can follow when you are unsure of who you
are and what you want

What happens when you accept yourself for who you really are?

Self-acceptance means that you understand who you truly are and where your strengths
and weaknesses lie. You know what you want. This will allow you to be comfortable with
your place in the world and be honest with yourself.

If you can build your self confidence, you will live a life free of self criticism and you can
begin to face the challenges in your life and overcome them. Imagine being at ease with
people, being able to speak in public and feel good about yourself, no more shyness or
fear. Build your Self Confidence with hypnosis – quick, easy and guaranteed! (prepared
by experienced psychologists and gets my full recommendation).

If you accept yourself you can also value yourself and tell others that they should
respect who you are. You will also be able to accept others and not demand that they try
to reach your standards. You will also be able to ask others for what you want and need.

Self acceptance means that you are happy with who and what you are but it does not
mean that you give up any hopes of change or improvement. Self acceptance is a
necessary first step towards self improvement because you need to see the truth about
yourself and accept it and then decide whether or not you can change.

Self acceptance does not mean being happy with the present situation or standing still,
you are still free to change what you can in complete honesty with your truth.

What steps can you take to increase your self acceptance?

 Take time to think about who you are – your personality, your background, what
makes you tick
 Understand that there are both positive and negative aspects of who you are and you
should accept these as part of who you are
 Are there things about yourself which you don’t like? Ok, maybe you can improve but
first acknowledge them and accept them

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 Are you trying to be something you’re not? Why? Wouldn’t it be better to be you?

Reference

1. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-concept-2795865
2. https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/self-esteem/
3. https://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_acceptance.htm
4. https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/personal-development.html

DR SHAZLEEN MOHAMED | COM571