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Sex, love and gender norms: Sexual life and experience of a group of young
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CSIRO PUBLISHING & MINNIS COMMUNICATIONS Research Paper
www.publish.csiro.au/journals/sh Sexual Health, 2007, 4, 63–69

Sex, love and gender norms: sexual life and experience of a group
of young people in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

Hoa Ngan NguyenA and Pranee LiamputtongB,C

A
Centre for Gender and Family Studies, The Institute of Social Sciences, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.
B
School of Public Health, La Trobe University, Bundoora, Victoria 3086, Australia.
C
Corresponding author. Email: [email protected]

Abstract. This paper discusses the impacts of gender norms on the sexual life and experience of a group of young
Vietnamese people. It is based on a qualitative study on sexuality and abortion among young people in Ho Chi Minh
City, Vietnam. There were two general attitudes towards premarital sex. One view supported young people in a serious,
loving relationship engaging in sex before marriage; the other opposed premarital sex because it affected the reputation
of girls and their families. These general attitudes were similar to the views on virginity: one group believed strongly
in girls maintaining their virginity and the other group emphasised love, emotion and trust, not virginity, as the most
important criteria for marriage. Among women there were more supporters than opponents of the traditional view of
premarital sex and virginity. Premarital sex was more acceptable for young people in a serious, loving relationship with
certain commitment to marriage. Young men considered sex a way to express their love and to become more intimate.
Women’s view was that premarital sex only occurred within a serious, loving relationship or when there was a serious
commitment to marriage. It is clear that young people’s sexual life is shaped and constrained by gender norms through
political interventions, sexual education and moral judgements. Under the pressure of these norms, young people face
many difficulties in order to fulfill a safe and satisfying sexual life.

Introduction In this context, it is necessary to shed light on the issues

Since the establishment of D i M i (a large-scale economic that shape changes in young people’s concept of sexuality and
restructuring) in 1986, many social changes have taken place in their sexual behaviour: what are the changes and how do
in Vietnam. People have more freedom to make their own Vietnamese people respond to these changes? More importantly,
choice and more contacts with Western cultural influences. This it is essential to understand clearly the meanings young people
restructuring has led to many changes in family relations and is give to their sexual behaviours and their needs in order not to
seen to undermine the traditional social system.1 In particular, unnecessarily exacerbate confusion and difficulties in the present
parents seem to lose some of their control over their children transition into contemporary life following increased exposure
when they become financially independent. More contact with to Western culture.
Western culture is considered an important factor leading to In Vietnam, several studies on sexuality began to emerge
change in society and culture (p. 37).2 In terms of being in the 1990s with a focus on three main topics: prostitution,
exposed to foreign influences, young people are considered HIV/AIDS and premarital sex. However, these studies have
the most vulnerable group in Vietnamese society (p. 114).3 remained in the exploratory stage.2 Further, gender inequality
Traditionally, premarital sex and abortion are considered to be in intimate relationships is still relatively uninvestigated among
products of moral corruption, instigated by Western culture. scholars in Vietnam.6 Thus, the present research attempts to
Parents, politicians and many researchers have widely expressed apply a gender perspective to explore how social constraints
their condemnation of premarital sex and abortion. For example, and cultural values affect or shape sexual practices among
Nguyen and Pham strongly argued that pornographic products young people in Ho Chi Minh City. We use the term ‘gender’
must be eliminated entirely and premarital sex must be criticised to refer to differences between being a female and male as
severely by public opinion.4 Nguyen Thanh Loi (quoted in Ref. 5: ascribed by a society.7,8 Theoretically, the findings from this
p.18) argued that the concept of premarital female virginity research will provide a pivotal basis for identifying policy and
must be emphasised and premarital sex must be proscribed social interventions aimed at improving the sexual health of
by parents and others in society as a way to protect young Vietnamese young people.
people from Western consumerist and libertarian ideas. Khuat, Why should a gender perspective be applied to find the
however, argued that premarital sex and premarital abortion are answers to research questions, and have we chosen young people
evidence of change in sexual behaviour and in the understanding in Ho Chi Minh City for this research? Often gender is based
of sexuality among young people.2 on an inequality between the two sexes8 and this inequality

© CSIRO 2007 10.1071/SH06023 1448-5028/07/010063

64 Sexual Health H. N. Nguyen and P. Liamputtong

can be seen clearly in Vietnamese culture. Confucianism was to sexuality and sexual practices. Sampling young unmarried
adapted by elite Vietnamese by the 10th century AD.9 Under men was also purposive and was based on the same criteria as the
Confucianism, gender roles are allocated in a firm hierarchy sampling of young unmarried women, except for the requirement
of submission and dominance following concepts of yin and of having had an abortion experience. The men we recruited
yang, the nature of earth and the rigid nature of heaven were either female participants’ boyfriends or any man who
respectively.9 Confucianism, which has been practised in the agreed to be interviewed. Most were interviewed in a café near
past 20 centuries and has governed the ways of life and belief their homes.
systems of Vietnamese people, still continues to influence Sixteen interviews involving 12 women and 4 men were
Vietnam’s present society.10−12 But how are gender roles linked conducted. The socio-demographic characteristics of the
to young people’s sexuality? According to Weeks, there are three interviewees are presented in Table 1.
main determinants: class; gender; and ethnicity.13 Weeks further All recording tapes were transcribed and then translated
confirmed that for women, their age and gender expectations into English by the first author. Thematic analysis was adopted
are much more decisive factors than class differences in for analysis of data (p. 265–70).20 Put simply, the interview
shaping behaviours.13 Moreover, a strong double standard of transcripts were used to interpret how the participants described
conduct, by which gender expectations in marriage and sexuality their meanings and experiences through the process of coding
are enforced differently for men and women, still exists in systems: open, axial and selective coding. The actual statements
Vietnam.14,15 These factors provide a rationale for a gender were then organised into coherent themes and the emerging
perspective to be applied in the present research. themes are presented below. During translation, many subtle
To address the research questions related to the way social
constraints and cultural values affect or shape sexual practices Table 1. Demographic characteristics of the participants
of young people in Ho Chi Minh City, we first aimed to examine
young persons’ attitudes to premarital sex and virginity in Demographic Females (n = 12) Males (n = 4)
comparison with their parents’ attitudes and, second, to explore Age
the meanings youth give to their sexual practices. 15–18 years 2 0
There are two facts about Ho Chi Minh City that are important 19–20 years 3 1
in the choice of setting for undertaking this research. First, this 21–24 years 7 3
city is the largest urban centre in Vietnam.16 Among the people Religion
living in this city, 1.06 million (21%) are in the group of people No religion 5 4
aged 15–24 years (p. 78).16 Second, this city has had the earliest Buddhist 4 0
contact with Western culture through the French colonisation Christian 2 0
and the US military occupation. Under these colonial influences Protestant 1 0
and circumstances, will the gender roles of Confucianism still Region of birthA
influence young people’s sexual behaviour and attitudes? Ho Chi Minh City 4 1
Southern regions 3 2
Methods Central regions 4 0
Northern region 1 1
This paper is based on our larger study on sexuality and abortion
among young people in Vietnam.17 An in-depth interviewing Educational level
method was used for data collection. The method allows us Primary 0 0
Secondary 4 0
to obtain more truly the meanings that respondents give to
High 4 1
events and the complexities of their attitudes, behaviours and College 2 0
experiences.18 The technique for sampling young unmarried University 2 3
women in this research was purposive.19 Interviewees were
Occupation
selected using criteria including age, abortion experience and Student 5 2
present dwelling place. Unmarried women who had experienced Worker 4 0
abortion, aged between 15 and 24 years, and had lived in Ho Chi Trader 2 1
Minh City were invited to participate in this study. Government employee 1 1
The hospital where we recruited subjects and conducted the Accomodation
study is one of the biggest obstetric hospitals in Ho Chi Minh Living with family 5 1
City. After obtaining ethics approval from La Trobe University Living with relatives 1 0
and authorising approval from the hospital had been granted, the Living in rent house 6 3
first author arranged with hospital staff to conduct interviews Living in dormitory 0 0
with women coming to the hospital for follow-up examinations Length of stay in Ho Chi Minh City
after having had an abortion. Key informants, working at the 0–6 months 2 0
abortion ward, made the first contact with the women who met 6 months to 1 year 1 1
the criteria for inclusion in this research. All interviews with 1–5 years 2 0
these selected unmarried women were carried out by the first 5–10 years 2 2
author. Each interview took about an hour. 10 + years 5 1
Including some young unmarried men in this research project A Vietnam is divided into three regions: northern, central and southern. The
was necessary in order to examine gender differences in attitudes Red River Delta is in the northern region.
Sexual life and experience in young people in Vietnam Sexual Health 65

nuances of language could not be easily translated into English I have some friends living carelessly. They
owing to differences in expression between the two languages. have lived carelessly since they were in high
However, we attempted to translate all interviewees’ answers school.[. . .] their love is easy to start, as well as
so as to represent their feelings, ideas and views as accurately easy to finish. People call these girls ‘playgirls’.
as possible. For them, love is just a game. (Dung, a 19-year-
old university student)
Sexuality The other man thought that the traditional view of premarital
In this section, we discuss the attitude of a specific group of sex was still right, simply for historical reasons. He contended
young people towards premarital sex and virginity. Further, that people need to be mature enough before they have
different nuances between male and female attitudes to sex because of the potential consequences of any unwanted
premarital sex and virginity will be examined. We also attempt pregnancies. However, it is interesting that both men were
to shed light on how young people justify their sexual activities sympathetic to premarital sex with commitment to serious love.
within their relationships. Premarital sex and trust
Others openly opposed the traditional view of premarital sex; for
Premarital sex as morally wrong behaviour example, Xuan, who perceived premarital sex as a sign of love
Some women in the study embraced the traditional view of and trust among lovers, remarked:
premarital sex, that premarital sex is relatively acceptable for All my friends have premarital sex. If we don’t
young men, but not for young women. Other women expressed have sexual relations, we think that we do not
different views of premarital sex. love seriously. My friends think that if there are
I thought it [premarital sex] was not a serious no sexual relations, the people do not trust each
activity. I did not know how it was evaluated other. I said to my boyfriend that after having
here. But in my hometown, it was very important sex if our love was broken, I would be very sad.
because girls had to keep their virginity. But he said that he and I had already confirmed
[. . .] Although my family was poor, everyone’s our love; I do not have to worry about our love
conduct was good. My conduct was not bad, but breaking. If I trust him, we will become husband
I did it [having premarital sex] unintentionally. and wife one day. If I don’ t trust him, even if we
I will bear this moral mistake to the end of my were husband and wife for one or two days, we
life. (Mai, a 24-year-old trader) would soon divorce. (Xuan, a 23-year-old tailor)
Another justified this matter from quite the same perspective: Ngoc noted the change in her attitude to premarital sex as a
I thought the traditional view of premarital sex result of her changed circumstances:
was right because it protected girls from having In the past, both of us were in university. At
sex easily. For me, the first time I had sex with that time we were conservative because we were
my boyfriend, I was afraid that he would not students. But when we started our life in society
respect me. But we had it after we were in love outside university, everything was different. It
for long time. In addition he was an educated depended on the context. It was possible that we
and a serious person. So I trusted him. (Dao, a became closer and so we decided to have sex.
21-year-old trader) (Ngoc, a 24-year-old government employee)
Women also mentioned the different effect of premarital sex Minh mentioned the change in people’s attitudes towards
on men and women. premarital sex as a result of the influence of other countries:
A man can have premarital sex because a man What do you think of the traditional view of
is male. If a man has premarital sex, he does not premarital sex? (Interviewer)
lose anything and people see him from outside I think it was right in the past. But now everything
[his physical appearance], they do not know is changing [. . .] and other countries affect
anything. [. . .] But if a girl loves someone for our country. (Minh, a 20-year-old university
a long time, people may suspect her. (Linh, a student)
22-year-old hairstylist) For these women, the changes in social context predispose
Premarital sex affects girls more than men their changing attitudes towards premarital sex. In the new
because girls are always losers [meaning that context, the traditional view of premarital sex became wrong
girls are always held responsible]. (Cuc, an or irrelevant.
18-year-old high school student) Two men in the study openly opposed the traditional view
It is noted that even though the number of men in this study of premarital sex. One man confirmed that premarital sex was
was small, their attitudes towards premarital sex were polarised. common among his friends. Sex was the better way to express
According to two younger men who had not engaged in sexual their commitment to love, to get closer and for lovers to become
intercourse, the traditional view of premarital sex was valuable, more intimate.
even though they were in love for more than 1 year. One man What do you think of the traditional view of
reasoned that premarital sex was prohibited for girls because premarital sex? (Interviewer)
the older generations want to protect them from a careless way In Vietnamese culture, it is important. But in my
of life. opinion, it is normal [. . .] Almost of my friends
66 Sexual Health H. N. Nguyen and P. Liamputtong

have the same attitude as me.[. . .] The love of two According to Xuan, young people’s economic independence,
persons at first is different from their love later. such as having their own earnings and capacity to live
Later they cannot find nice language to express independently, give them power to be free from their parents’
their love. They have to do it [have sex] to express control. Minh also questioned the different demands for
their passion. It is hundreds or thousands times maintaining virginity between men and women:
better than saying lovely words. (Hung, a 24- I wonder why a man does not have to maintain
year-old government employee) his purity [virginity] before his wedding but a
The other man reasoned that sex was a way to keep his girl has to do it?[. . .] people marry because
girlfriend: they love each other. [. . .]The traditional view
Every time I went out with her, she attracted of virginity was right in the past. But now
me more. And I was afraid that I would lose everything is changing. (Minh, a 20-year-old
her if I did not do it [having sex]. I had to do university student)
it. [. . .] The old people prohibit their children Cuc was concerned about the dangerous effects of
from doing it openly, but their children still do overvaluation of virginity for girls:
it behind their backs. They do it outside their I thought it [virginity] was partly important, but
home. The children become liars. It is better it was also partly not important. [. . .] Because
that the old should let their children tell them every one can make a mistake in his or her
the truth. It is fine. I think like that. If people life. But some times people make mistakes. If
do not accept premarital sex, youth have to virginity is important, it can lead to a negative
hide it. Then it still happens, so there are more result: a husband only respects his wife if she is a
and more youth affected. Their thinking is not virgin and he can treat her badly if she does not
healthy. They hide their sexual activities. They maintain her virginity. [. . .] My boyfriend said a
get unintended pregnancies. They have to hide it girl’s virginity was valuable, but it was difficult
because they are afraid their parents will scold to maintain when people loved each other. (Cuc,
them. And they must have abortions. (Nam, a an 18-year-old high school student)
24-year-old trader) Ngoc, a 24-year-old government employee, shared a similar
It is obvious that young people’s attitudes towards premarital view and Vy thought that the evaluation of virginity depended
sex have been polarised. However, this polarisation is not at on the sophistication of a man:
the same level between men and women. More women still It [the decision to have sex] was up to the girl’s
insisted on the traditional view of premarital sex, even though boyfriend, not only up to the girl. If the man
it contrasts with their practices. However, for both the people was a civilised person, it meant that he saw
with the tradition-opposed view and traditional view, premarital the girl not by her activities in the past, but
sex was acceptable within a serious commitment to love by her activities in the future. That is why our
or marriage. country is backward. People always see what
happened in the past and find someone to blame.
If people make one mistake, it does not mean that
The importance of virginity they always make mistakes. (Vy, a 20-year-old
According to the women in this study, virginity was important for electronic worker)
girls. The importance of virginity was explained by its meaning All men in the present study shared the same opinion that
for a girl’s marriage prospect and her family reputation. girls’ virginity did not affect their marriage at all. All of them
My mother always asks me to keep my body suggested that the serious commitment to love of their girlfriends
[maintain virginity]. If I lose it, my husband-to- was the most important thing for their marriage:
be will not respect me. And if people know it, they When I get married, the most important thing
can say my parents do not know how to educate is my serious love for her and her love for
their daughter. (Oanh, a 18-year-old high school me. There would not be the situation in which
student) we would argue because she was not a virgin.
Some young women opposed the traditional view of virginity Perhaps she made a mistake in an exciting
as a means to evaluate women’s worth, especially in the context moment. I understand this situation, and she also
of the changing society as in Vietnam. recognises her mistake. So I can accept her as
What did you think of the traditional view of my wife. It is important that we love each other. I
virginity? (Interviewer) do not value her virginity. (Hung, a 24-year-old
I thought this view was not right. If I could government employee)
maintain my virginity until my wedding day, I However, in the language of these men, words such as
would be happy. But now nobody thinks like that. ‘mistake’ and ‘forgive’ were used to describe the loss of virginity
Now when children grow up, they have to live by of a girl and the acceptance of the man.
themselves. If they are very poor, they have to Son confirmed the social pressure for maintaining virginity
endure. If they are better off, they can enjoy their among young women:
lives. Nobody can prohibit them from having sex. In Vietnam, if I have two girlfriends, people think
(Xuan, a 23-year-old tailor) it is normal. But if a girl has two boyfriends,
Sexual life and experience in young people in Vietnam Sexual Health 67

people think badly of her. People mean that stop at the limitation of their love. Two other men, who had
females are behind males (males are first and already engaged in sexual relations, said sex was the better way to
females are second). So from the beginning of express their love. A desire for sex was more strongly expressed
a girl’s life, she has a clear impression of the by men than women.
importance of her virginity. So her fear and her It is interesting that one man who had not engaged in sex
worry control her passion. (Son, a 23-year-old mentioned the difficulties for men to control sexual desires:
university student) When people reach puberty, everyone has sexual
desire. I am a man. It is more difficult to control
sexual desire for men than for girls. (Son, a 23
Sex and love year-old university student)
In order to understand reasons for young women engaging in Son also expressed disagreement with one of his friends, who
sexual relations, it is necessary to examine the social contexts considered sex as a casual matter:
on which their activities were based. Of 12 women in the study, I have a friend living in my house. It is interesting
5 women lived with their families. Seven women lived either to talk with him. Every week, he has to go to
in relatives’ houses or rent houses with their friends or with hotels four times for sex. I don’ t like these kinds
their sisters. Most of these women had been in love with their of activities. But it is his own business. I cannot
boyfriends for more than 1 year. Only one woman said she say anything to him. [. . .] He thinks of sex as
had been in love for 6 months. Of 12 women, 8 women had a temporary affair. But he said he would not
a confirmed plan for marriage. Two women were still in high marry a girl without virginity. (Son, a 23-year-
school and did not think of marriage at all. Only two women were old university student)
not sure about their marriage in the future. Most women stated The view of sex as a temporary affair was also expressed by
that they had had sexual relations as recently as some months Nam, a 24-year-old trader. He confessed to his girlfriend that
ago. Only three women said they just had sexual relations once he had sex with several girls before her. But he thought these
and became pregnant immediately. relations were not serious and he used condoms.
For their reasons to have sex with their boyfriends, most of
these women remarked that when their love was so strong, they Discussion
could not control their emotion, especially when they were out Owing to the qualitative nature of the study on which this paper is
of their family control: based, the findings have limitations in that they cannot represent
I lived far from my family, in a rented house. I perceptions and experience of all Vietnamese young people.
did not live with my friends. He always visited Qualitative research does not provide generalisable findings,
me. Then it was emotional affair. . . Generally, but qualitative data provide readers with a better and deeper
we tried to keep abstinence, but we could not. understanding of the participants’ subjective experience since
(Xuan, a 23-year-old tailor) the information can be gained through their own voices.20
Getting more intimacy and having closer relations with their Additionally, our findings concern only female participants
boyfriends was another reason used by the women to justify recruited from an abortion service. We therefore caution that
having sex: our findings cannot be generalised across all young people
You and your boyfriend have been in love for in Vietnam.
several years, but both of you kept from sexual The results of the present study provide an understanding
relation for quite long time. Why have you had of some young people’s attitudes towards premarital sex and
it recently? (Interviewer) sexual practices. To understand why young people in Vietnam
Because we got very close. [. . .] and I trusted him have such attitudes, and why they behave in such ways, social
more. [Minh, a 20-year-old university student) structures and cultural values, in which attitudes and behaviours
With a stronger opinion, Linh said: are shaped, need to be addressed. In doing so, we will first
If people love each other and do not have sexual discuss how gender norms in social structures, such as political
relations, their emotion is not strongly bound. interventions and educational institutions, and in moral spheres
(Linh, a 22-year-old hairstylist) constrain young people’s sexual practices. In the second section,
Most of these women believed that their love became stronger we will examine the meanings given by young people to suggest
after having sex. They felt that their love became deeper, that obstacles to the practice of safe sex for young people have
their boyfriends cared about them more and they had more their root in their social context and are framed by gender norms
understanding between each other. However, having sex with within the Vietnamese society.
a boyfriend might lead to the sense of not being respected, as
one woman said: Social regulation of youth sexuality in Vietnam: gender
I thought we became more intimate. But doing it norms in political interventions, educational institutions
[sexual relations] too often, it becomes boring and in moral sphere
and this is why sometimes my boyfriend did A strong double standard in gender norms exists in Confucianism
not respect me. (Ha, a 19-year-old college and feudalism. According to this double standard, women’s
student) chastity is valued above all things. Thus, for Vietnamese women,
Two of the men in the study had not engaged in sexual sexual activities must be conducted within marriage, but this is
relations. They said they could control their emotion and could not so for men. Additionally, marriage constrains women more
68 Sexual Health H. N. Nguyen and P. Liamputtong

than men because a woman’s identity is focussed on her role as were still affected by these norms through subtle use of language.
a wife and mother.1,21–23 They used the word ‘mistake’ for the loss of women’s virginity,
Political interventions are very powerful in the regulation and the word ‘forgive’ for their right to make the decision to
of sexual behaviour and sexual attitudes. In Vietnam, political marry a non-virgin woman.
leaders have great power in deciding policies. Engels’ ideas of Young people cannot be free from gender norms, so when
sexuality form the basis of the views of modern politicians. Engel they engage in premarital sex they are captured by the conflict
idealised the nuclear family and monogamy.24 In this context, between their own sexual agency and the pressure of gender
sexuality is a means to produce children and the family is the norms. They are themselves aware of the risk of spoiling their
main legal institution of sexual activities. In Vietnam, where moral reputation in the eyes of their parents, their neighbours
premarital sex is condemned and stigmatised, these ideas are and of the people surrounding them. They have to find a way
supported through gender norms. Therefore, it is not surprising to defend themselves from social condemnation and moral
that the political leaders support these norms. For example, judgements. Thus, they interpreted their sexual activities as the
during a National Assembly debate of the existing Marriage trust of love and as a serious commitment to their love. In their
and Family Law, Ms Nguyen Thi Binh, the Vice President of view, their identities were not spoiled because they were not
Vietnam, asked for a ban on ‘trial marriage’. ∗ In response to this ‘easy’ people, and they had made a serious commitment to love.
call, some Vietnamese women said that the proposed ban would
help women maintain the country’s customs.25 In this point of Conclusions
view, young women are considered the protectors of traditional This paper attempts to demonstrate that young people’s sexual
moral values.25 Further, the gender norms in Confucianism lives are shaped and constrained by gender norms through
are perpetuated and promoted by government policies and in political interventions, sexual education institutions and moral
government slogans.26 For example, one government slogan judgements. Under the pressure of these norms, young people
promoted female Confucian characteristics as chastity, hard face many difficulties in order to fulfill safe and satisfying sexual
work and proper behaviour. As a result of this, young unmarried lives. The task of improving sexual lives of Vietnamese young
people are neglected in family planning policies. The Prime people, particularly women, is a long road. This paper has at
Minister’s Instruction Number 99 for information, education least started the journey. It is hoped that further research will
and communication mainly targets married couples and people be undertaken to reach this goal. Only then will many sexually
intending to marry. In another decision of the government, young active young people in Vietnam enjoy a healthier sexual life and
unmarried people are considered the last priority of agendas.27 achieve their sexual needs.
Population programs, which focus on providing family planning
services to married people, do not address young unmarried Conflicts of interest
people’s needs in reproductive health matters.1 Therefore, young None exist.
unmarried people have no official rights to access family
planning programs and information. The dismissal of young Acknowledgements
people’s needs regarding sexuality in these political interventions We thank all the Vietnamese young people who took part in this study and
has a negative effect on both sexual education for young were willing to share their private experiences with the researcher. Without
people and the direction of public opinion about young people’s their insights, this study would not have been possible. The first author thanks
sexuality. the Ford Foundation for sponsoring her study at La Trobe University and field
trip to undertake her field work in Vietnam. We also thank Greg Murphy and
Rosemary Oakes, who read and made comments on this paper for us.
Meanings given by young people to their sexual life:
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∗ ‘Trial
marriage’ is a term to describe a way of life occurring among students in dormitory or renting houses, in which a couple live together for a while then
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