Improving Your Wellbeing

The word ‘wellbeing’ is used a lot at the moment, especially

about our mental health. In recent years, huge attempts have
been made to reduce the stigma about talking about mental
health. The focus on improving wellbeing has encouraged a
move from focusing on symptoms of illness and towards
helping people feel well.

The word wellbeing suggests a life without stress or challenge,

where everything is easy. However, the reality is obviously very
different for most of us. In other words, wellbeing does not
just ‘arrive’, it needs nurturing.

This page explains why we should take time to increase our

wellbeing. It also sets out how we can do so.

What is Wellbeing?
wellbeing, n. state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy

Oxford English Dictionary

Personal wellbeing has been described as having various elements. For example,
expanding on the definition from the Oxford English Dictionary, the New Economics
Foundation suggests wellbeing is linked to emotional wellbeing, leading a satisfying
life, resilience and self-esteem, vitality and positive functioning.

All of these factors affect how we feel we are doing. They are therefore sometimes
referred to as subjective wellbeing. This means that they affect how we define our
wellbeing ourselves.
The UK’s Office of National Statistics has been recording the nation’s wellbeing
since 2010. It uses a series of questions and a number of categories to work out
what that means. They include:

 A subjective wellbeing assessment, such as asking people about how they

feel; and
 Objective factors or facts, such as whether people are employed, the state
of their social network, and whether they have a house and family.

These objective factors are often called the social determinants of wellbeing. They
are the parts of our life and environment that have a huge impact on how we feel.

This page largely discusses subjective wellbeing. However, Skills You Need contains many pages
about how to improve the more objective factors affecting wellbeing too. For example, you can
find more about improving your employment status or salary in our pages on  transferable
skills  and  personal development.

The Importance of Wellbeing

Personal wellbeing is essentially about health and happiness. Feeling well and
being happy with yourself have a range of benefits. For example:

 Our relationships with others improve if we are content and calm.

 Feeling angry and stressed creates tension. It often means that we put up
barriers and are unforgiving, and this can affect our relationships with
others. There is more about this in our page on managing anger.
 Low self-esteem can lead to fear of failure. This, in turn, makes us
defensive and can make us overly controlling to prevent things from going
wrong. You can find more about this in our page on self-esteem.
 Being under stress can make it harder to regulate our emotions. It is
harder to cope with the normal stresses and strains of life if we are not
resilient or if we have low self-esteem. We tend to function better if we
engage more with others. You can find out more about this concept in our
pages on emotional intelligence.

Wellbeing is about reaching our potential and being the best versions of ourselves,
but without judgement. It is not about reaching a specific set of goals that applies
across society. Instead, it is about recognising our successes and working out what
it is that makes us happy, so that we can live in a contented way.
Happiness is personal

It is important to stress that what works for one person, and gives them
meaning and purpose in life may be very different from what works for
someone else.

It is therefore easier to improve your wellbeing if you are self-reliant,

rather than relying on external validation from others.

Evidence shows that people who achieve good standards of wellbeing at work are
likely to be more creative, more loyal, more productive and provide better
customer satisfaction than those with poor levels of wellbeing at work. This means
there are real benefits in employers supporting staff wellbeing beyond an ethical
imperative.

Five Ways to Wellbeing

One approach for improving wellbeing that has been advocated and validated is
the Five Ways to Wellbeing.

This sets out five areas to consider to improve your wellbeing:

 Be active

Physical exercise is good for mental health. However, you do not need to
take up marathon running. Joining a gardening club or getting an allotment,
walking with friends, or taking up yoga can have huge benefits, as can just
moving around more. At its simplest, get up from your desk and walk around
and stretch several times a day.

There is more about this in our page on the  Importance of Exercise.

 Give

This is about giving of yourself, rather than material gifts. It can be hard to do
this if you are feeling low or struggling, but paradoxically, it is even more
 helpful to make the effort at these times. Giving can be something as simple
as calling a friend who is lonely, or more formal like regular volunteering.
The principle is that doing something for someone else often stops us over-
focussing on our own problems.

There is more about this in our page on  Generosity.

 Keep learning

Learning new skills has many benefits. It can lead to increased potential at
work. Doing new things can also expand our understanding, making us more
interesting and interested people, and giving us new perspectives. It need
not be formal learning but could be watching a video to learn how to make
something, or paint, or taking up something completely new or that you have
always wanted to try.

For more about this, you may like our pages on  Personal Development  and  Lifelong
Learning.

 Take notice

Taking notice of how you feel and what is going on around you is crucial
to improving wellbeing.

There are many tools out there to help develop this habit. Breathing
exercises, yoga and mindfulness techniques help the body and mind find a
quietness that is often absent from our day-to-day lives. Creating this space
allows us to recognise how we feel. Doing it regularly helps us notice when
things change or develop so we can spot potential indicators of stress or a
need for change. Journalling or gratitude diaries can help us see the good
things around us and create a sense of balance and positivity, which feed
directly into our emotional wellbeing.

 Connect

Connecting with friends and family, or in other social groups is beneficial for
wellbeing. This might involve regular calls to someone close, meeting up with
a friend or joining an online book club with people you have never met
before. The crucial aspect is to make and build human connections.
Small steps…
Doing all of this at once may sound overwhelming, which is of course not
helpful in improving wellbeing!

The key to success is therefore to take small steps in one or more of these areas.
Above all, do not put yourself under pressure to meet an unrealistic goal. Instead,
celebrate any success, however small, and just be kind to yourself and others.

A few minutes at the beginning or end of the day is far better than trying to
redesign your whole day.

Anger Management
Anger is a perfectly normal human emotion and, when dealt
with appropriately, healthy. However, you need to be able to
manage your anger. It is neither appropriate nor healthy if you
cannot control your temper, and often lash out at others.

Uncontrolled and frequent outbursts of anger will affect your

health and your relationships with others.

Anger management is a term used to describe the skills you need to

recognise that you, or someone else, is becoming angry, and then
take appropriate action to deal with the situation in a positive way.
It does not mean internalising or suppressing anger, but recognising
the triggers and signs of anger, and finding other, more appropriate
ways to express our feelings.

Control but not Suppress

Anger management, therefore, is about learning to control your anger.
This does not mean to suppress or internalise it, which can be as damaging as
frequent outbursts. Instead, it is about understanding why you are angry, and
learning to manage your emotions. It is, therefore, an important element of self-
control.

We all get angry at times, even people who are very good-tempered. It is actually
good to be angry sometimes: for example, at injustice, or when someone’s rights
are infringed. It is, therefore, a necessary part of life.

The man who is angry at the right things and with the right
people, and, further, as he ought when he ought, and as long as
he ought is praised.

Aristotle

The key to anger is to learn to manage it, like any other emotion, so that it
can be channelled into appropriate action.

Anger management skills will help you to understand what is behind your anger,
and then express it in a more healthy way. This will allow you to communicate your
message more clearly.

Many of us have learnt behaviours to help us deal with strong emotions. Anger
management may therefore be about unlearning ineffective coping mechanisms
and re-learning more positive ways to deal with the problems and frustrations
that lead to anger.

Do You Need Professional Help with Your Anger?

There are many anger management techniques that you can learn and
practise by yourself or teach to others. However if you, or someone you
know, experiences a lot of regular anger or very strong anger (rage) then
you may want to seek help, usually from a counsellor.
You should seek professional help if anger is having a long-term negative
impact on your relationships, is making you unhappy, or is resulting in any
dangerous or violent behaviour.

If any of these statements are true for you then you may need
professional help to manage your anger.

 Your behaviour has led to any sort of criminal or civil wrongdoing.

 You are violent towards your partner, children or other people.
 You threaten violence to people or property.
 You have outbursts of rage which involve deliberately breaking
things.
 You have constant arguments with people close to you, your
spouse/partner, parents, children, colleagues or friends.
 You feel angry frequently but internalise the emotion.
 You think that you may need professional help with your anger.
Take our Quiz How Angry are You?

See our page Anger Management Therapy to find out what to expect if

visiting a professional anger management therapist.

Steps Towards Anger Management

There are a number of steps that all of us can take to help us to manage our
anger more appropriately.

Step 1. Start to Understand Your Anger

Anger is an emotion like any other, and the first step towards being able to
control any emotion is to understand why it happens.

Many people use anger as a way to cover up other emotions, such as fear,
vulnerability, or embarrassment. This is particularly true for people who were not
encouraged to express their emotions as children, but it can apply to anyone.

When you start to feel angry, look behind your anger to see if you can identify
what you are really feeling.
Once you name the feeling, you will find it easier to express it more appropriately.

Step 2. Know Your Triggers and Signs

We all have certain things that make us angry, and also telltale signs that we
are starting to lose our temper.

Learning to recognise both can make it easier to stop before you lose your
temper.

The signs of anger are often easier to recognise. For example, people often say that
their heartbeat increases when they are angry, because anger is linked to the
adrenaline (fight or flight) response. You may also find that your breathing speeds
up, for the same reason. You may tense your muscles—people often clench their
fists when they are angry. Some people need to move around, pacing the floor—
again, an adrenaline response.

Triggers are often very personal, but there are a number of general themes
that can help you to identify them. For example:

 Negative thought patterns are often associated with angry outbursts.

Beware if you start over-generalising (“He never helps me!” “She always leaves
her shoes lying about!”), or jumping to conclusions about what people are
thinking (and for more about this, see our page on The Ladder of
Inference).
 People or places that you find stressful may also make it harder to
control your emotions. If your anger is a mask for other emotions, it may
therefore be likely to emerge. Being aware of what makes you stressed can
help you to avoid those situations, or ask for help to manage them better.
See our pages on Stress and Stress Management for more.

Step 3. Learn Ways to Cool Down Your Temper

Just as we all have triggers for anger, so we all have ways that we ‘cool down’.
Learning some techniques means you can use them when you notice your
telltale anger signs.

Some useful techniques include:

 Consciously Breathing More Slowly and Relaxing

 The idea behind this is to try to reverse some of the physical symptoms of
anger.

A Breathing Exercise
When you start to feel tense and angry, try to isolate yourself for 15
minutes and concentrate on relaxing and calm, steady breathing:

o Inhale and exhale deeply 3 or 4 times in a row.

o Count slowly to four as you inhale.
o Count slowly to eight as you exhale.
o Focus on feeling the air move in and out of your lungs.
o Concentrate and feel your ribs slowly rise and fall as you
repeat the exercise.
o Stop and revert to normal breathing if you start to feel dizzy at
any time.

See our pages on  Relaxation Techniques  and  Mindfulness  for more
ways to help you relax.

Even if you cannot take yourself away for 15 minutes, stopping and taking
(and particularly releasing) some deep breaths can help you to relax and give
you time to think.

 Focus on How You Feel Physically

Take a moment to notice your body’s reactions. What has happened to your
breathing? Your heart rate? What else has changed?

Sometimes, just noticing the physical changes in your body can help to
calm you down, because it turns your mind to something other than the
immediate problem.

 Slowly Count to Ten (or More!)

Give logic a chance to catch up with your emotions.

 Slowly counting to ten (preferably in your head, especially if you are with
other people) before saying or doing anything will help you to avoid saying
anything you may later regret. It will also help you to work out how best to
get your message across.

 Stretch

When you are angry, you tend to tense up. Slowly stretching out can help you
relax a little, which again reverses some of the physical signs of anger and
therefore makes you feel calmer.

Step 4. Find Other Ways to Express Your Anger

There are times when anger is appropriate. However, exploding is not. You
need to find a healthy way to express your anger calmly, so that your
message is heard.

Some ways to ensure this happens include:

 Plan ‘Difficult’ Conversations

If you are worried about having a conversation that may leave you feeling
angry then try to take control of the situation.  Make notes beforehand,
planning what you want to say in a calm and assertive way.  You are less
likely to get side-tracked during your conversation if you can refer to your
notes.

See our pages  Assertiveness  and  Communicating in Difficult Situations.

 Focus on Solutions not Problems

Rather than dwell on what has made you angry, try focusing on how to
resolve problems so that they do not arise again in the future.

See our  Problem Solving  pages for some effective ways to help you solve
problems.

 Give Yourself Time

Wait until you have calmed down from your anger and then express yourself
in a calm and collected way. You need to be assertive without being
aggressive.
 See our pages:  Improving Communication  |  Assertiveness  and  Effective
Speaking.

 Focus on the Relationship, and Don't Hold Grudges

We all need to accept that everybody is different and that we cannot

control the feelings, beliefs or behaviours of others.

Instead of focusing on the immediate issue, focus on the relationship. This is

more important than who is ‘right’. Try to be realistic and accept that people
are the way they are, not how we would like them to be.  Being resentful or
holding a grudge against somebody will increase your anger and make it
more difficult to control. You cannot change how other people behave or
think but you can change how you deal with others but working on a positive
attitude.

See our page:  Emotional Intelligence

 Use Humour to Defuse Situations

It is easy to use inappropriate sarcasm when angry; resist the temptation to

do this and instead work on introducing some good humour into potentially
difficult conversations. If you can introduce some humour, resentment will
be reduced and your mood lifted.

See our page:  Developing a Sense of Humour  for more.

The simple act of laughing can go a long way to reduce anger, especially over
the longer term. See our page on Laughter Therapy for more information.

Step 5. Look After Yourself

Any kind of emotional management is easier if you are well and healthy in
mind and body.

Or, to put it another way, when we are under stress—which includes being
unhealthy—it is harder to manage and our master our emotions. It can therefore
be helpful to take steps to ensure that you remain healthy. These include:

 Taking Exercise and Keep Fit

 The hormones that we release when we are angry—mainly cortisol and
adrenaline—are similar to those produced when we are stressed. When you
exercise regularly, your body learns how to regulate your adrenaline and
cortisol levels more effectively.  People who are physically fit also have more
optimum levels of endorphins, the hormones that make you feel good and
therefore less likely to feel angry.

See our page  The Importance of Exercise  for more information.

 Sleeping Well

Sleep is an important part of life and good quality sleep can help combat
many physical, mental and emotional problems, including anger. When we
sleep, the body and mind rest and rebuild damaged cells and neural
pathways.  We all know that people often feel better after a good night’s
sleep. The optimum level of good quality sleep is about 7 hours a night,
although everybody is different and you may need more or less than this.

See our pages  What is Sleep?  and  The Importance of Sleep  for more
information.

 Learn to Manage Your Stress Levels

Being under stress makes it much harder to manage emotions. It is worth

looking carefully at your stress levels, and see if you can reduce them at all.

See our pages on  Stress and Stress Management  for more.

Improving Relationships and Health

Nobody likes people who constantly lash out at those around them, especially
unpredictably. A constant state of anger is also bad for your heart. Getting
your anger under control is a good first step towards better health and
relationships.