Cosmopolitan USA - The Mental Health Issue 6 202

THE 2022 COLLECTION ISSUE 6
Contents t he
MENTAL
HEALTH
issue
on taking care 4
Look for the
heart-and-
head icon
at the top of
pop cult 6 the

our pages
for related
stories.
look 16 bites 46
life stuff 54
Your Coffee Station
Deserves a
Makeover
love stuff 66
Page 52
astrology 74 psa 77
laura harrier 78
survival mode 88
dopamine
6 Fashion Brands
dressing 96 vans Serving Looks and

Giving Back
Page 16
not bans 104

ayurveda intel 108
What’s Up With
the last page 114
Water-Based
Fragrances?
Page 36
COVE R PH OTO G R A PH BY DA N N Y K A S I RY E
C O V E R FA S H I O N B Y C A S S I E A N D E R S O N
On Laura: Saint Laurent by Anthony Vaccarello dress and boots. Fernando Jorge earrings. David Yurman rings.
Hair: Stefan Bertin at The Wall Group using Color Wow. Makeup: Valeria Ferreira at The Wall Group using Dior.
Manicure: Lucy Tucker for One Represents. Set design: Ranya El-Refaey. Production: Yasser Abubeker. To get Laura’s
look, try Capture Dreamskin Care & Perfect, Dior Forever Skin Glow, Dior Backstage Glow Face Palette in 001 Universal,
Dior Addict Lip Glow in 012 Rosewood, and Diorshow Iconic Overcurl Mascara in 090 Black, all by Dior.
ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 1
Editor-in-Chief SVP/Group Publishing Director
JESSICA GILES N A N CY B E R G E R
C R E ATIV E D I R ECTO R Mallory Roynon G RO U P E XEC UTIV E FI N A N C I A L D I R ECTO R Kathy Riess
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2 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6
Me and the vice
president at Cosmo HQ.
Ed i to r ’s Let te r
Taking Cosmo has written about women’s mental

health—in some ways radically—for
decades, but we’ve never done an entire
Care Mental Health issue before. Maybe that’s
radical too, but we don’t think so.
After all, Gen Z is more likely than any prior generation to report
having poor mental health, and to quote Vice President Kamala Harris,
“a key part of transforming how we understand and address mental
health includes how we talk about mental health.” My team and I
believe we should talk about it loudly, honestly, and empathetically,
because while our mental health is deeply individual (see page 60 for
my friend Natasha Bowman’s moving story about the breakdown that
shattered—and then healed—her life), it’s also increasingly universal
(see page 88 for our feature report on the daunting new phenomenon
of cumulative collective trauma). That’s why, on the heels of the gov-
ernment’s 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline launch, I reached out to the
vice president to talk about her quest—our communal quest—for a
mentally healthier world.
Jessica Giles, EDITOR-IN- CHIEF
communities. Second, connecting Americans to the care
they need. And third, creating healthy environments for
Americans to talk about mental health.
Our administration has invested more than $5 billion
to expand access to mental health and substance use
services through the American Rescue Plan (ARP), the
historic legislation that President Biden and I passed
into law after we took office, which has helped power
our nation’s economic recovery.
President Biden also called for a doubling of the num-
ber of school-based mental health professionals in the
U.S., and school districts are estimated to use an addi-
tional $2 billion in funds from ARP to hire more school
psychologists, counselors, and other mental health pro-
fessionals in K–12 schools. And thanks to the Bipartisan
VP Harris speaking at Children’s National Hospital about
the mental wellness of health care workers. Safer Communities Act signed by President Biden in June,
an additional $1.7 billion for mental health is headed
to our schools and communities. Finally, the omnibus
spending bill that the president signed in March included
more than $16 billion to strengthen mental and behav-
ioral health, and our proposed 2023 fiscal year budget
includes more than $100 billion of funding geared toward
mental and behavioral health over the course of 10 years.
There’s more work to do, but I’m proud of our progress.
A lot of the efforts you’ve mentioned center on the

well-being of children. Tell me about that.
I’ve seen firsthand throughout my career—launching the
California Bureau of Children’s Justice when I was the
state’s attorney general; helping to create the Center for
Youth Wellness when I was the district attorney of San
Francisco—how undiagnosed and untreated trauma can
lead to serious mental health challenges disproportion-
And getting candid with me about the ately harming children. Our young leaders are counting
leaders young women deserve now. on us. We must care for their mental health and invest
in their potential.
You’ve also just launched the 988 Suicide & Crisis Life-
OPPOSITE PAGE: RUBEN CHAMORRO. THIS PAGE, FROM TOP: COURTESY THE WHITE HOUSE; RUBEN CHAMORRO.
line, which is a more immediate step toward getting

urgent mental health care to everyone everywhere.
You’ve spoken before about how this country is in How does it work?
a mental health crisis. We hear the same from our At any time of the day or night, any person in our nation
readers all the time: Young Americans are stressed. can call 988 to speak with a trained counselor. The 988
I believe many people in our nation are struggling with Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is totally confidential and free
their mental health. And too often, those who experi- to use. No matter who you are and no matter where you
ence mental health challenges are stigmatized and live, someone will be there for you.
treated differently. We must create an environment We are investing in building a robust crisis services
that promotes mental wellness and a safe place to system that includes not only someone to call but
discuss challenges. We must make it easier for people someone to respond and somewhere to go. We will
to get care, no matter where they live. For too long, keep strengthening it and making sure it works well for
when we as a society have thought about health care, everyone. For people in immediate crisis, 988 offers a
we have operated as though the body starts from the pathway to help.
neck down. But we need to care for people as whole
people—and that includes taking care of their mental What do you do for your own mental health, especially
health and well-being. in your high-stress position?
For me, I work out every morning. No matter how much
What is the Biden administration doing to help? sleep I’ve had, I find half an hour a day to use the ellipti-
President Biden and I recognize that we have a role of cal. It helps get me going for the rest of my day. Find what
leadership in this fight. That’s why we have made it a works for you. Try to surround yourself with family and
priority to expand mental health care for all Americans. friends who will be there to cheer you on but will also be
Our strategy is focused on three areas: first, helping there in times you’re feeling down. Even in those darkest
attract more behavioral health specialists to underserved moments, know that it will get better.
If you or someone you know is struggling, scan

here to connect directly with the 988 hotline. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 5
Take a Brain Break
Page 12
K-Pop’s Favorite Girls Go Deep Shopping With Charli
Page 8 Page 14
When How TWICE—K-pop’s

Mental record-breaking,
stadium-touring,
Health highly in-demand girl
group—made it easier
Makes for an entire industry
to be more honest.
Waves I N T E R V I E W B Y K AT M O O N
PHOTOGR APH S BY RUO B I NG LI
FASHION STYLIST: CASSIE ANDERSON. HAIR: EUNHEE SON.

MAKEUP: SANGKI JO AND JUNGYO WON.
P O P C U LT I n C o nve r s a t i o n
w hen your latest

project—in this
case, your 11th
EP, B et w e en
1&2—sells more
than 1 million
units in preor-
ders before it’s
even released, you might not blame anyone
for assuming you’re riding high. Especially
because, not just in South Korea or the States
but in the world over, success and happiness
are branded as basically inextricable. If you
have the former, you have the latter, right?
But for Jihyo, Nayeon, Jeongyeon,
Momo, Sana, Mina, Dahyun, Chaeyoung,
and Tzuyu—the nine 23- to 27-year-old stars
of TWICE—there’s no reason to maintain
that charade, despite K-pop’s reputation for
near-inescapable control of its messaging
and its reluctance in the past to acknowl-
edge or accommodate the challenges of
global fame.
All that shifted in 2019 when TWICE’s
management company, JYP Entertainment
(JYPE), announced that Mina would no longer
participate in the group’s current world tour
due to an anxiety disorder. It made head-
lines worldwide. “Mina is currently struggling
with sudden extreme anxiety and insecurity
toward performing onstage,” a statement
read. While it’s not uncommon for stars to
take breaks, it’s rare for labels to share their
artists’ diagnoses, especially in South Korea,
where heavy stigmas around anxiety and
depression persist. JYPE’s disclosure about
Mina’s condition was a game changer. Fans
showered Mina, TWICE, and JYPE with praise
and support on social media.
Soon after that announcement, Dahyun
emphasized in an interview that “physi-
cal health and mental health are the most
important things that members should take
care of.” TWICE has been even more vocal
in the years that followed, like in a recent
cover story for British digital music maga-
zine NME, where Nayeon stressed why they
choose to be so candid. “Before, there was a
time when we thought that it was better not to
talk about it, but now we don’t think that. We
think it’s much better to be open and honest
about what’s happening to us.” Since Mina’s
break, not only has fellow TWICE member
FROM LEFT:
Jeongyeon taken time off for, as JYPE stated, JIHYO, TZUYU,
“panic and psychological anxiety,” but multi- AND MOMO
ple other artists, like Jiho from Oh My Girl and
The complete TWICE lookbook,

8 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6 for your convenience:
“It’s gotten How do you think that level of fame has
changed you?
easier for me Tzuyu: I was never a talkative person
to express before TWICE, and I can’t say that I’m

talkative now. But I definitely talk a lot
myself.” — M I N A more and I’m much more outgoing than
I was before. And all of this is because of
my desire to communicate with our fans.
Mina: It’s gotten easier for me to express
Dawon from WJSN, have also publicly myself. I think that comes from communi-
stepped away for their own welfare. cating with our fans and also from being
I chatted with TWICE over Zoom, via with our members. I almost feel like I have
a translator, about what they do to take more feelings now.
care of themselves now, how they support Jeongyeon: My Myers-Briggs Type
EXCUSE ME?
each other in times of stress, and what it’s Indicator used to be ISFJ [introverted, TWICE’s music
really like to experience a level of fame sensing, feeling, judging]. I was very plan- has more than
they never imagined. oriented and controlling. But recently, the 5 billion streams
on Spotify.
last letter, J, changed to P [perceiving],
As busy as your schedules are these
days, how do you look out for your-
selves mentally?
Dahyun: To relax while I’m touring, I eat.

Healthy and delicious food is the most
important thing after concerts for me. I
also take a bath and I nap. And some-
times I look up funny clips on YouTube.
Momo: When we’re working, there are
certain members who are more energetic
than others. When I’m tired and not at my
best, they really make me laugh, and just
by talking to them, I get more energy. And
when they’re tired, I make them laugh.
Mina: I’m a person who spends a lot of
time alone, and it really helps me cope
with difficulties when other members ask
me to do things I would not do on my own.
They took me waterskiing!
You have fans all over the world. Is this

level of fame what you imagined when
you debuted?
Sana: In the beginning, we really hoped

that one day, we would hold a concert of
our own. Now we’re holding concerts in
Korea, in the U.S., and all over the world,
and that’s really unreal.
Nayeon: The K-pop market has really
expanded over the years. So I think
that’s another reason why we have so
many global fans now. Because we had
our debut in Korea, I think our initial hope
FROM LEFT:
was to let ourselves be known to as many SANA, JEONGYEON,
people as possible in Korea. We didn’t AND DAHYUN
really expect the global fans.
P O P C U LT I n C o nve r s a t i o n
which means I’m more spontaneous and teams and we said hi to each other, but
more open-minded. I used to love watch- we never had any conversation—like,
“Once I saw ing my plans go exactly as I planned. I just
loved it. But once I saw things not going as
real conversation. But as the years went
things not going I planned, it was strangely very relaxing.

by, she became the person who cared
for me the most. Especially when I’m sick
as I planned, it I never turned back.
How have you learned to better

or something, she’s the first to come and
hold my hand.
was strangely support each other since you first met?
Sana: I helped her blow her nose once.
very relaxing.” Dahyun: My relationship with Sana was

not close at all when we first had our
Are there negative parts of being
famous that fans might not expect?
— J E O N GY E O N debut. We were in different [pre-debut] Sana: I’m really worried about my
personal information leaking, especially
at airports. When I show my passport,
sometimes people take pictures from
above.
Jeongyeon: I get random calls on my cell
phone that worry me.
Jihyo: I don’t want to call it a downside
of fame, but I have to say that we are
just super busy and I don’t have enough
me-time.
Tzuyu: I’m so thankful for the love that
we’ve received. But it would be great
to have a little bit more time to care for
ourselves.
TWICE has accomplished so many

“firsts,” but do those ever feel bitter-
sweet considering the downsides?
Jihyo: When we got our first trophy [for a

music show in 2016], it was a live broad-
cast, and I remember during the time
that we were so busy and so tired and
almost, like, out of it. At that time, one
of the members was pretty sick and she
had to go to the ER. And I remember we
hugged each other and we cried almost
every day because it was so difficult. But
when we topped the chart and got that
trophy in our hands, it was a testament
that we were doing okay.
And what’s the big-picture goal of all

that success?
Chaeyoung: When I look up our own

videos, a lot of the comments are about
how our songs take fans back to their
favorite memories, to the moment in their
lives when they first heard that song. It
would be so great if 50 years from now,
our songs still trigger good memories.
FROM LEFT: FUN FACT

CHAEYOUNG, TWICE was the
NAYEON, first K-pop girl
AND MINA group to play a
U.S. stadium.
no digital
distortion
P O P C U LT E xc u s e s to Sta y I n
Some
Very, Very
Good
Content
Sweater weather
means it’s time to
snuggle up with
these new picks.
B Y TA M A R A F U E N T E S
1776
Now in previews, American Airlines Theatre,
New York City
Move over, Hamilton, a new

set of founding “fathers”
1776: EVAN ZIMMERMAN FOR MURPHY MADE. JEPSEN: MEREDITH JENKS. MAKING A SCENE: SCRIBNER. NERD: ATRIA BOOKS.
is coming to Broadway.
This trailblazing show
PARTNERS IN CRIME: AVON BOOKS/HARPERCOLLINS. POSTER GIRL: HARPERCOLLINS/WILLIAM MORROW.

stars a female, trans, and
non-binary cast playing
names like John Adams
Call Jane Monarch
October 28, theaters Now airing, FOX and fulfilling our dreams
In a movie that feels eerily
like it could be set in the
This series led by Susan
Sarandon and Trace
of not having cis white men
present day (but actually Adkins is like the Nashville- be the people writing all
takes place in the ’60s),
Elizabeth Banks plays a
Empire mashup of your
dreams. Siblings fight the rules in our country. The
housewife who joins the
Jane Collective, a real
for the chance to become
the next face of their limited run is worth a trip
organization that helped
women find abortions
family’s country music
dynasty after their mother
to NYC, but the show will go
pre–Roe v. Wade. It’s as
powerful—and timely—as
decides to retire, and no
spoilers, but...the lengths
on a national tour in 2023.
it sounds while somehow they will go to in order
also bringing much-needed to take over make
laughs along the way. Succession look tame.
“Are you still watching?”

12 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6 Yes. Yes, you are:
Get Lit
MAKING A SCENE,
by Constance Wu
Guillermo del Reboot October 4
Toro’s Cabinet of Now streaming, Hulu After spending some time

away from the spotlight,
Curiosities What happens when the the actor lets us in
October 25, Netflix dysfunctional cast of a in this emotional memoir.
The horror movie icon (see: sitcom gets together to

Pan’s Labyrinth and The remake their show after 15
Shape of Water) makes TV his whole years? This super-
thing via this terrifying new meta take on the reboot
anthology series. Not only era answers that question
does every episode tell a hilariously and with some
different story, but they’re also incredible twists (let’s just
all led by different directors, say the fictional writers’ NERD,
including Twilight’s Catherine room has a big secret). by Maya Phillips
Team Judy Greer Should October 11
Hardwicke. Each is the perfect
way to get a little bit of a scare. Be a Lead finally wins as In these essays, Phillips
she stars alongside offers a compelling
Keegan-Michael Key and and insightful way to
look at our favorite
Johnny Knoxville.
fandoms.
The Loneliest PARTNERS IN

CRIME,
Time, by Alisha Rai
by Carly Rae Jepsen October 18
October 21 A they-were-almost-
engaged couple get
Don’t let the album title (or kidnapped together in this
even this photo) fool you: wild and funny rom-com.
Carly is on a mission to get
everyone dancing with the
kind of upbeat tempos
and lyrics you’ll want to
shout in a crowded bar.
She keeps it interesting,
too, with songs like
“Beach House,” featuring
POSTER GIRL,
surprisingly dark lyrics by Veronica Roth
about dating the wrong October 18
guys and...organ A dystopian thriller in
donation? It’s twists like which the former
this that make us love her face of an oppressive
even more. government has to
win back her own
freedom.
P O P C U LT G o o d Ta s te
How to Do
Charli Like Charli
Does Charli
Social media star,
clothing designer, and
now perfume mogul (!)
Charli D’Amelio tells
you what to add to cart.
B Y E M M A B AT Y
THIS ALBUM IS, HANDS DOWN,

MY FAVORITE RIGHT NOW
A Letter to Me, by my sister, Dixie. I love
each song on it, and I always have
it on repeat.
A Letter to Me album,
$10, music.apple.com
THE ONE THING THAT MAKES ME

FEEL PAPARAZZI-PROOF
My Prada sunglasses are my latest
staple. My friends and I own the same
pair in different colors and we have
fun wearing them.
Prada sunglasses,
$433, bergdorfgoodman.com
Want more Charli? Read

14 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6 her full Cosmo profile:
IF YOU LEAN IN CLOSE,
I SMELL LIKE... THIS HOME DECOR ITEM IS
Born Dreamer, my perfume, a fruity NONNEGOTIABLE
floral for everyone. It has a lingering My SKIMS blanket is a must-have
smell, it’s affordable, and the bottle in my home. The material is so soft,
is recyclable. I spent a lot of time and I love being cozy. It adds to
perfecting it. my peaceful environment.
Born Dreamer by Charli D’Amelio SKIMS blanket, $98,
perfume, $48, ulta.com skims.com
EVEN ON MY BUSIEST DAYS, I

CHRISTIANO HERMOSO.
I START EVERY MORNING WITH STILL FIND TIME TO USE THIS

THIS PRODUCT BEAUTY PRODUCT
Ice rollers—they are great for Rhode Peptide Lip Treatment. It’s
de-puffing and help make my face so hydrating and refreshing. I make
feel well prepared for photo shoots or sure to use it all the time to stay
just ready for every day. moisturized.
Pasnowfu facial ice roller, Rhode lip treatment,
$13, amazon.com $16, rhodeskin.com
Clothes for Your Soul These Masks Though Attn: Perfume Purists Self-Care as Skincare
Page 18 Page 28 Page 36 Page 41
The Power of Style So. Many. Hair. Accessories. Crystal Magic
Page 24 Page 33 Page 38
th e
6 Fashion
Brands
Serving
Looks and
Giving Back
For these designers,
caring about
your well-being isn’t
a trend—it’s what
they’re all about.
B Y TA R A H - LY N N S A I N T- E L I E N
AND ANDREA ZENDEJAS
The Mayfair
Group hoodie,
$108, sweat-
pants, $88,
themayfair
COURTESY THE MAYFAIR GROUP.
groupllc.com
T H E LO O K I t ’s a W h o l e T h i n g
The Mayfair
Group
TheMayfairGroupLLC.com
“The Empathy, Always collec-

tion has become one of our most
iconic staples,” says Mayfair
Group founder Sam Abrahart. “It
sends a powerful message and
is a great reminder for anybody
who wears or sees it.” Mayfair’s
seriousness about its mission
to help spread awareness and
destigmatize mental health
hasn’t lessened any sense of fun
in its designs though—if anything,
it fuels it. And that’s made this
brand a bona fide celeb fave.
Sweatsuits featuring phrases like
“Your emotions are valid” and
doodled-on crewnecks have
been spotted on everyone from
Jennifer Lopez to Bella Hadid.
The good vibes extend beyond
the clothes too: This past spring,
Mayfair launched a therapy fund
in partnership with MyWellbeing,
a mental health organization that
matches people with behavioral
health providers.
The Local Love Club

TheLocalLoveClub.com
If the phrase “You can sit with us”

The Mayfair Group
were a fashion brand, it would be
crewneck, $108, themayfair the Local Love Club. Founder Maeve
groupllc.com
Reilly was bullied growing up, and her
COURTESY THE MAYFAIR GROUP; COURTESY THE LOCAL LOVE CLUB.
brand of sweatsuits was conceived

as one way to flip the script. “It’s really
The Local Love Club
important for me to use my platform to crew, $165,
thelocalloveclub.com
help spread positivity through clothes
that are wearable, comfortable, and
relatable,” she says. (One example? A
super-soft sweatshirt with the phrase
“Love More World Tour” printed on it.)
Beyond making inclusive clothing, Reilly
also donates a portion of the brand’s
proceeds to the Kind Campaign, a
The Mayfair Group tote bag,
nonprofit that brings awareness to and The Local Love Club
bucket hat, $30,
$38, urbanoutfitters.com aims to prevent girl-on-girl bullying. thelocalloveclub.com
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IDONTMIND
IDontMind.com
IDONTMIND crew, $65, wrist-

band, $5, shop.idontmind.com
“A customer told us she bought

one of our tees when she was
struggling with depression and
was afraid to talk to her mom
about it,” says Edward Schmit,
cofounder of mental health
campaign IDONTMIND. “The
shirt inspired a conversation
between them and she started
getting treatment. She credits
that conversation with potentially
saving her life.” IDONTMIND’s
merch—hoodies, sweats, T-shirts,
hats, accessories, and drink-
ware—supports the campaign’s
mission of developing a world
unashamed of sharing unfiltered
thoughts and feelings. One
hundred percent of proceeds
supports Mental Health America.
IDONTMIND’s website also
contains a trove of resources,
including articles with helpful tips
and Q&As with therapists.
COURTESY HAPPINESS PROJECT; COURTESY IDONTMIND.
Happiness Project
HappinessProject.com
From graphic tees to a collab with Toms,

Happiness Project’s lines of clothing
and accessories are almost always
adorned with design details like mood-
boosting smiley faces or cheery tie-dye. Happiness Project tote bag,
Founder Jake Lavin was inspired to create $25, happinessproject.com
the optimism-infused brand after a high

school classmate tragically lost their
battle with mental illness. Since then, Lavin
has tried to educate as many people as
possible about mental health. “The more
the world is educated, the more we can
work together to save lives and help those
suffering,” he says. Happiness Project
donates 15 percent of profits to the Ameri- Happiness Project crewneck,
can Foundation for Suicide Prevention. $70, happinessproject.com
Your Faves DannnyCalero

Are Supporting DannnyCalero.com
Mental
Health Care “I originally started making
clothes to cope with a breakup
Access Too and a tough spot in my life,”
explains designer Danny Calero.
Then he turned his hobby into a
Kenneth Cole sustainable brand that features
upcycled vintage pieces—punky
Kenneth Cole founded plaids, worn-in utility vests—that
the Mental Health Coali- draw from all kinds of aesthetics.
tion, made up of orgs,
Now he uses his growing plat-
brands, and individuals
that he says comprise the form to share his creativity and
largest existing platform also help his supporters. Calero
recently held a secondhand-
clothing raffle where people
BRAYTEN BOWERS; COURTESY SHINE THE LIGHT ON.

pitched in a few dollars each
and all proceeds went to youth-
suicide prevention nonprofit
the Jed Foundation. His future
plans? To set up a mental
health Discord group with other
creatives so that artists can more
kennethcole.com
easily connect with one another
DannnyCalero x Travis Spinks DannnyCalero miniskirt,
utility vest, $750, similar styles $200, similar styles at about mental health issues.
at dannnycalero.com dannnycalero.com
Kendra Scott
Optimism for a new day
is the inspo behind the
Sun & Moon Charm,
which will send 20 per-
cent of proceeds to
mental health charities.
Shine the Light On
ShineTheLightOn.com
Once, while Shine the Light

On (STLO) founder Eli Brown
was unpacking merchandise
in a store, a woman read his
brand’s story on a hangtag and
Kendra Scott gold charm,
$100, kendrascott.com started to cry. Her son had died
by suicide weeks before. His
Kate Spade name was Eli too. Brown felt
a connection—he’d struggled
With a mission to help with drugs and alcohol after
women and girls gain
access to mental health experiencing sexual abuse,
resources, Kate Spade and he’d created STLO so
regularly donates that no one would have to go
funds to groups like the
Trevor Project. through a similar thing alone.
His community now has help
at their fingertips thanks to the
brand’s support of orgs like
Mindfulness Without Borders
and the National Alliance on
Mental Illness.
Kate Spade crossbody, Shine the Light On hoodie, $69,
$498, katespade.com shinethelighton.com
“ Research is
the reason my
cancer has “
treatments.
NASREEN,
LIVING WITH METASTATIC
BREAST CANCER
#ResearchIsTheReason
Donate at bcrf.org
T H E LO O K Pe r s p e c t i ve
I Never Loved Fashion—

Until I Went Blind
On styling myself for a whole new life and the hope that came with it.
B Y N ATA L I E T R E V O N N E AS TOLD TO B E LLE BAKST
P H O T O G R A P H S B Y C A R I A N N E O L D E R (@ P E G G Y S H O O T S F I L M )
hen I was around 11 years old, I started to notice what felt like clouds blocking my vision. Even
W though I’d been diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis as a baby—and I knew the condition
could impact my eyes as well as my joints—I still struggled to understand what was happening.
Especially as the clouds got thicker and thicker.
eau de parfum
MACY’S CHANEL.COM
T H E LO O K Pe r s p e c t i ve
The years went on, and my vision best with it. And like anyone else, I some-
had ups and downs. I’d get a corrective times gravitate toward favorites, like
surgery and my sight would return, only a striped blazer. (The one currently in
to start to disappear again soon after. It my closet is one of my best pieces. I can
was exhausting. Then, when I was 17, my tell it’s striped because the stripes are
doctors put me on an intravenous drug raised; I use tactile touch to remember
that was supposed to help but ended up what’s in my closet and as a way to sort
making me really sick—dizzy, nause- through everything.)
ated, fatigued. By the time I turned 18, I’d
decided to stop trying to “fix” my eyes—
I knew I would get so much more out
of life if I began my journey as a legally
blind woman. The decision made me feel People think fashion
both relieved and anxious. I desperately
needed a break from being in the hospi- is what you visualize,
tal, but I was also overwhelmed by the
prospect of learning how to live without but I think it’s actually
much sight.
Let me pause here to say that it’s
what you envision.
important to know that blindness
exists on a spectrum. People hear the
word “blind” and they think about white When I’m not looking for anything
canes and dark glasses and a total loss Natalie posing in
in particular, I feel like the possibilities a few of the looks
of vision—stereotypical images of the are endless. Or at least they would be, if from her closet.
helpless and hopeless—but that’s just brands provided more access for people
not the case. There is a small percentage with disabilities. We often aren’t able to
of blind folks who can’t see anything, but experience shopping websites the same
otherwise there’s no one type. Person- way non-disabled people do. Most aren’t
ally, I have light reception, which means I compatible with our screen readers—
can see bright colors and I can just barely buttons and links aren’t always labeled,
make out the shapes of objects. pictures typically don’t have audible
Another misconception is that blind descriptions that help us fully process
people only want to wear black or that what’s on the page.
they don’t care about what they put on. To help bridge this big gap between
Before my blindness, I was a jeans and disability and fashion, I started my own
T-shirt kind of girl. My mom used to podcast, Fashionably Tardy, with my
get so mad when we’d go shopping— friend Melissa Lomax in 2020. We tell
I’d never choose a dress. After I started stories of creatives who are killing it
college, though, I felt I needed to care in the fashion industry, and we have on
more about my style. I didn’t want to guests like the designers of BruceGlen
be “the weird blind girl,” so I tried my and the director of global trends at MAC.
best to fit in. I started exploring cloth- When I’m asked to describe my style
ing and piecing looks together, and my now, I always laugh because the answer
outfits became icebreakers. My class- is that I just wear what I want. I like to be
mates often wanted to know where I got on-trend, to look cute, and to explore
my clothes and accessories from, and color. People think fashion is what you
I’d use these conversations to educate visualize, but I think it’s actually what
non-disabled individuals on what blind you envision. I imagine a more stylish
people can be interested in and capable world for everyone, because when you
of doing. look good, you feel good!
Of course, the way I shop now is
different from when I was a kid. When
I go to a store, I use my cane and I walk NATALIE TREVONNE is a designer, writer, actor,
around and feel what’s on the racks. I’ll a n d d a n c e r. Ke e p u p w i t h h e r o n I n s t a g r a m
@NatalieTrevonne.
search for things that can help me get a
B E L L E BA KST i s a j o u r n a l i st a n d a d vo c a te fo r
better sense of the garment—pockets, the blind who is also visually impaired following
buttons, zippers. I usually picture a piece an eye enucleation at age 5. You can follow her
in my head, then imagine what would go @LittleFashionStylist.
Listen to Natalie’s podcast

right here. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 27
T H E LO O K T h e G OAT
PROP STYLIST: GÖZDE EKER.

1
The Greatest 1. COCOKIND
Full of humectants to draw
Face Masks of All Time

in moisture and superfoods
to restore your protective
barrier, this mask basically =
plumper, dewier skin.
Chia Bounce Mask, $22,
Some newcomers, some classics, some cocokind.com
under-the-radar gems. 2. SKINCEUTICALS

BY L AU RE N BAL SAMO PHOTOGR APH BY J E FFRE Y WE STB ROOK Reactive, stressed skin will
love this gel formula that
soothes and calms with
botanicals and an anti-
inflammatory peptide.
Phyto Corrective Masque,
$60, skinceuticals.com
3. NATURE OF THINGS
Max out your beauty sleep
with this all-natural pick.
Massage it on before bed
and let the pineapple extract
dissolve dead cells while you
snooze. You’ll wake up to
smoother, more supple skin.
Rejuvenating Overnight Facial
Mask, $85, natureofthings.com
5 4. SISLEY-PARIS
Three minutes. That’s all
the time this luxe clay
mask needs to give your
face a luminous glow.
Radiant Glow Express Mask,
8 $140, sisley-paris.com
5. CAUDALIE
It’s your dark spots’ worst
nightmare, thanks to exfoli-
ating AHAs and brightening
viniferine (a plant extract
on par with vitamin C).
Vinoperfect Glycolic Peel Mask,
$39, us.caudalie.com
6. RENÉE ROULEAU
A fave among beauty
editors and celebs, this non-
drying gel mask uses
antibacterial tea tree oil and
pore-clearing salicylic acid to
6 combat hormonal acne.
Rapid Response Detox Masque,
$65.50, reneerouleau.com
7 7. KLUR
Fifteen minutes with this
mask is like hitting the reset
button on dull, tired skin. Its
magic? Conditioning panthe-
nol, soothing aloe and cacao,
and purifying kaolin clay.
Supreme Seed Cacao +
Vitamin B5 Delicate
Purification Mask, $60, klur.co
8. BIOLOGIQUE RECHERCHE
The smell is kinda funky and
the mud-brown color may
not be cute, but this cult
favorite’s clarifying effect on
skin will truly blow your mind.
Masque Vivant, $78, mybr.com
Plus, many (many!)

great runners-up. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 29
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T H E LO O K Love T h i s fo r Yo u
Accessories, We Don’t
Know What to Tell You MACHETE
They’ve officially entered their main character era.
BY CH LOE M ETZGE R
LELET NY
Your
Tool Kit
W H E N YO U WA N T
YO U R H A I R . . .
Half
Up Kitsch No-Snag
Clear Elastics, $6 for
100, mykitsch.com
Check your feed—
decked-out hair is
having a resurgence.
But here’s what the
pics don’t tell you:
Those ornate head-
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: COURTESY SALON PARLOUR; COURTESY LELET NY; M. K. SADLER; JACYNTH RODRIGUEZ.
bands and dainty Pureology Style +

pins and clips are just Protect Texture
Paste, $29, ulta.com
for show. One strong
gust of wind—or too-
strong marg—and
your half-up becomes
a whole-down by
evening. The unseen
hero here is a base CHUNKS
of clear elastics that
covertly anchors your Petit Moments Claw
style in place. If you Clip in Trend, $15,
petitmoments.com
don’t already have
natural texture (hi,
braids and curls),
rake some texturizing
paste through your
ends for a finish that
feels defined and
purposeful—versus Scünci Elite Mixed
just thrown together Glam Bobby Pins,
$10 for 6, ulta.com
while leaving the
house (even if it prob- JENNIFER
BEHR
ably/definitely was).
T H E LO O K Love T h i s fo r Yo u
W H E N YO U WA N T YO U R H A I R . . .
All Up AFROANI
Your
Tool Kit
THIS PAGE, COUNTERCLOCKWISE FROM TOP: COURTESY AFROANI LIMITED; COURTESY LELET NY; COURTESY KANEL; MELISSA KAGERER; COURTESY KRISTIN ESS HAIR.
Amika Perk Up Plus
Dry Shampoo, $29 for
5.3 oz., sephora.com
OPPOSITE PAGE, CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: COURTESY ROOM SHOP; M. K. SADLER; COURTESY ROOM SHOP; NILU ZARGHAM; M. K. SADLER.
Insert Name Here
INH BB Pins, $10 for 25,
inhhair.com
LELET NY
Chignon Pin, $10,

thehairedit.com
KANEL CHUNKS KRISTIN ESS HAIR
Perfection is the enemy of a great updo. What you actually want is controlled chaos: major Emi Jay Big Effing
Clip in Brownstone,
texture, some loose ends, casually placed accessories, etc. The easiest way to re-create $34, emijay.com
IDGAF vibes is with dry shampoo (especially if you have slippery, too-clean hair) and bobby
pins. Blast your hair with dry shampoo for grit; twist, twirl, and smash up your hair; then pin the
hell out of it to lock the “chill” in place before adding your clips and barrettes.
ROOM JENNIFER ROOM
SHOP BEHR SHOP
JENNIFER BEHR
KANEL
W H E N YO U WA N T
YO U R H A I R . . .
Down
All accessories need
a little TLC to keep
them from sliding or
peacing out entirely.
Enter: hairspray—but
not in the “duh” way.
Before styling, spray
the backs of your pins
and barrettes to add
some grip that’ll keep
them adhered to your
hair. Working with
slippery fabrics like
silk? Mist your hair
with hairspray until
it’s slightly tacky, then
layer on your bows
and wraps. And don’t
worry about looking
stiff all over—a dab of
oil smoothed through
your hair will dissolve
any hairspray crunch
and replace it with a
natural, polished shine.
Your Fekkai Clean Kristin

Stylers Flexi-
Tool Kit Hold Hair- Bow
spray, $26 for
6.6 oz.,
fekkai.com .com
Amazing, right? And we

have even more inspo here. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 35
T H E LO O K B re a kd ow n
What’s Up With Water- MAISON SYBARITE

Peace of mind, bottled.
That’s what you get with
this brand’s patchouli-,
Based Fragrances? nutmeg-, and lavender-

laced juice. Cofounder
Annabel Dragan says that
in the absence of alcohol,
A deep dive (sorry) into the next big thing in perfume. “you discover new smells,
you discover a new world,
BY J U LE E WI L SO N and you breathe better.”
720 Eau de Parfum, $90,
us.maison-sybarite.com
BEHNAZ
Rose petals and water
are the only ingredients
that founder Behnaz
Sarafpour included in
this scent. “I grew up with
a lot of flower waters
and essences in my daily
life and wanted to trans-
late that into fragrance,”
she explains.
Pure Rose, $125 for 100 mL,
behnazsarafpour.com
HERMETICA PARIS
This perfumery offers
more than 20 alcohol-
free scents, each more
nuanced and complex
than the last (case in
point: this powdery iris
and lily of the valley
blend). It plants a tree for
every bottle sold.
LET IT LINGER Eterniris Eau de Parfum, $195
Because they play well with for 100 mL, us.hermetica.com
skin’s natural water content,
these scents tend to last a
long time on your body. OFFICINE
UNIVERSELLE BULY
This brand takes pride in
being the self-proclaimed
maker of the first water-
based perfume (or at
least the first one bot-
tled for the masses). Its
thoughtful concoctions,
like this yuzu citrus blend,
are coveted worldwide.
Eau Triple Yuzu de Kiso, $135,
buly1803.com
As a seasoned beauty editor, I’m embar- other thing I learned in France is that water-
rassed to say that I only realized “eau de based scents tend to smell more natural and
parfum” translates to “perfume water” while true to the ingredients. My personal proof
researching this story. Adding to my chagrin: DIOR was testing Dior’s new water-based version
Said realization happened while I was in Engineering a of its iconic J’adore—a fresh floral mix of
France...with Dior’s team of expert noses. highly concen- jasmine, magnolia, and orange blossom.
trated water-
JAMES HOUSTON/TRUNK ARCHIVE.
To be fair (to me), modern fragrances have based scent isn’t It did smell so “real,” like I was standing in
mostly been made with alcohol instead of easy. Dior uses some sort of citrusy field of flowers.
water, hence my surprise. But as part of the a sophisticated In fact, all the water-based blends I’ve
nano-emulsion
beauty industry’s effort to become cleaner, process to blend since tried, including the ones above, seem
perfumers are starting to forgo synthetic its perfume oils to emit the purest form of the notes on their
ingredients wherever they can. Thus: a return with water. labels. They’re also less likely than alcohol-
J’adore Parfum
to the literal eau. d’Eau, $148 for
based scents to dry out your skin or cause an
That’s especially great news because the 3.4 oz., dior.com allergic reaction. And that, IMO, is très bon.
ARM & HAMMER™ Sensitive Skin, Free & Clear
delivers a hypoallergenic clean that’s free of dyes,
perfumes, and parabens.
CERTIFIED 100%† BY SKINSAFE™ • DERMATOLOGIST TESTED • GENTLE ON SKIN
Certified by SkinSAFE to exclude 100% of their topmost considered skin allergens. In partnership with SkinSAFEproducts.com
†
T H E LO O K B i g Ac c e s s o r y E n e rg y
Sometimes
You Just Need
5
Some Vibes
These wearable (and
very chic) crystals can help.
BY M A LLO RY R I C E A N D
ANDREA ZENDEJAS
PHOTOGR APH BY J E FFRE Y
WESTBROOK
RESET YOUR MOOD

Need confidence? Go for
success-channeling citrine.
Want to wind down? Pick
soothing malachite.
1. Ginette NY malachite disc ring, $695, ginette-ny.com 2. Monica Vinader x

Kate Young lemon quartz cocktail earrings, $295, monicavinader.com
3. Mckenzie Liautaud peridot mini crystal necklace, $895, mckenzie
liautaud.com 4. Jia Jia citrine bracelet, $540, jiajiajewelry.com 5. Octave
Jewelry pink opal and blue lace agate drop earrings, $525, octavejewelry.com
Your full crystals

38 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6 cheat sheet awaits:
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T H E LO O K B e h i n d t h e B ra n d
You’re About
to See Selfmade
Everywhere
A beauty line that nourishes your
skin and your soul.
BY B ETH GI LLETTE
Whenever I’m feel- via wellness-minded self-

ing anxious, my self- exploration. Ultimately,
care-as-therapy routine she says, beauty is about
almost always revolves “how we feel—rather than
around beauty—a look—when we nurture
calming skincare regi- and trust in our relation-
men, a mood-boosting ship with ourselves.”
makeup application. Selfmade launched in
Ironic, because it’s often 2020 with three multi-
the beauty industry itself functional skin- and
causing my angst (if personal-care products:
beauty standards weren’t a serum, an exfoliant, and
so unrealistic, I might an oil. Each represents
not need to put on a one of the brand’s key
bright lipstick to feel pillars: attachment,
more confident). This resilience, and intimacy.
paradox is one reason “These are core concepts
Stephanie Lee created for understanding self-
Selfmade, a company worth that I learned in
that focuses equally on therapy during my own
the physical and mental mental health crisis,”
sides of beauty. says Lee.
Lee’s mission is to Everything in her high-
reject harmful, outdated quality line is clean and
beauty norms and instead sustainably produced and
foster a sense of worth designed to foster heal-
ing moments of self-care
outside the tricky world of
aesthetic ideals.
“Beauty can be a
ritualistic tool for calm-
Stephanie Lee, who once
COUNTERCLOCKWISE FROM TOP: GARNISH STUDIOS (3); SAVANNA RUEDY.
ing down our bodies

worked in product develop-
ment at MAC, calls Selfmade and practicing loving
“the first emotionally intelli- ourselves,” explains Lee.
gent personal-care brand.” “The times we spend
True Grit Resilience Scrub, $34; putting something on our
Secure Attachment Comfort
Serum+, $36; Self Disclosure
face or touching our skin
Intimacy Serum, $28 are all valuable opportu-
nities for self-exploration.”
What It Is Where to Buy It What It Must-Try Pick

The A calming serum, a skin On Selfmade’s Costs Lee’s personal fave, the
Brand at and scalp exfoliant, and website: $28 to $36 Self Disclosure Intimacy
an intimacy oil, all made BeSelfmade.co per product Serum (it’s a silky body oil
a Glance with clean ingredients and external lube hybrid)
Scan to try some

for yourself. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 41
Quality Cake Content
Page 50
Finger Foods Forever More Coffee, Pls
Page 48 Page 52
bites
Food Tastes
Better on a
Stick and These
Appetizers
Are Proof
*adds cute skewers
BY HAN NAH CH U B B
P H O T O G R A P H B Y C O DY G U I L F OY L E
BITES N o - Ru l e s Re c i p e
With apps like

these, who needs
a main course?
YOU HEARD IT
4 HERE FIRST
2022 is the year of
the finger food.
And lucky for you,
these two-bite
beauts are beyond
easy to assemble,
allowing you to
officially claim your
title as Host of the
Friend Group.
PROP STYLIST: GÖZDE EKER. FOOD STYLIST: HADAS SMIRNOFF.
1. SWEET PEACH 2. BREAKFAST BITE 3. CAKE POP CHOCO

4. 5. SAUCY SNACK 6.SWEET AND
Grill a few fresh Think of this treat as Prep the rip- CHURRO Alternate mini SALTY
slices of Georgia’s the best mini break- est fruit you can Scour the frozen- meatballs, moz- Oh, this? The one
finest, then stack fast sandwich of find—strawberries, food section until zarella, and basil that’s cut out for
them with creamy your life minus the raspberries, and you procure a pack leaves, then top breakfast, lunch,
burrata cheese, a bagel. All you need blueberries are wel- of churros. Pop ’em with a plop of mari- dinner, and dessert.
ripe cherry tomato, is a bit of smoked come here—and in the oven, sprin- nara for a mini Pair cantaloupe
and a single basil salmon, cucum- spear with a frozen kle with cinnamon meal that tastes or honeydew with
leaf to help bring ber, tomato, cream chunk of cheese- sugar, and drizzle just as good as your prosciutto, ched-
this salty-sweet cheese, and a cake (psst, store- your new fave with go-to Italian take- dar, and a drizzle of
caprese full circle. teensy little caper. bought is fine). chocolate sauce. out order. balsamic glaze.
TRAVEL LIKE AN EDITOR CELEBRATE EMERGING BIPOC
FINE JEWELRY DESIGNERS
naturaldiamonds.com/eddi
DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS
www.dcleagueofsuperpets.com
BITES Fo o d fo r T h o u g ht
Sad Baking Is a Chocolate Olive Oil Cake

MAKES 1 STANDARD LOAF
Thing. This For the Cake

12⁄3 cups all-purpose flour
Chocolate Olive 1
⁄3 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder
1½ teaspoons baking powder
Oil Cake Is Your 1½ teaspoons espresso powder

½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup dark brown sugar
First Assignment. 1
2 large eggs
1 cup olive oil
⁄3 cup buttermilk
Fudgy perfection, coming in hot. 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
½ cup boiling water
BY HAN NAH CH U B B 2
⁄3 cup chopped semisweet chocolate
1.Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line the bottom and two
longer sides of a 9" x 5" loaf pan with a piece of parchment
paper (we’ll wait here for you to dig out that roll from the back of
a drawer). While you’re at it, break out the butter—you’re gonna
need it to grease the parchment paper and exposed pan sides.
2.In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder,
baking powder, espresso powder, and salt.
3.In a large heatproof bowl, whisk the brown sugar and eggs
together until smooth. Add the olive oil, buttermilk, and vanilla
extract, then whisk until fully combined. Stir in the flour mixture
using a spatula until just combined. Carefully stir in the boiling
REA-TUCKER. PUBLISHED BY HARPER WAVE, AN IMPRINT OF HARPERCOLLINS PUBLISHERS. REPRINTED

Your weekend water, then fold in the chopped chocolate.
ADAPTED FROM THE BOOK BAKING BY FEEL, BY BECCA REA-TUCKER. COPYRIGHT © 2022 BY BECCA
plans: this gooey
goodness and 4. Pour the batter into your prepared loaf pan and smooth the
nothing else. top with a spatula or knife.
5.Bake for 55 to 60 minutes, or until you can stick a toothpick in
the center and it comes out clean. Let the cake cool in the pan
for 10 minutes, then turn it out onto a wire rack to cool
completely. No wire rack? Use your stove grates or an oven rack.
BY PERMISSION. FROM LEFT: AMY SCOTT; BECCA REA-TUCKER.

For the Glaze
½ cup chopped semisweet chocolate
1 tablespoon Dutch-process cocoa powder
2 tablespoons olive oil
Pinch of flaky salt
1.In a medium heatproof bowl, combine all ingredients.

Microwave in 15-second increments, stirring in between,
until smooth.
2.Pour the glaze evenly over the (completely) cooled cake,
and try not to dig in with your bare hands.
Cake as Canvas
Whether you’re rage-baking for
one or practicing your piping
skills, Rea-Tucker’s Instagram
(@TheSweetFeminist) has all the
emotionally supportive inspo you
could ever need.
Bake your way through

50 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6 all your feels right here:
IT'S MORE THAN CHOCOLATE
IT'S MAGNUM ICE CREAM
BITES M a ke ’ E m J e a l o u s
Your Coffee Station

Deserves a Makeover
A case for accessorizing your caffeine habit.
Grosche
B Y H A N N A H C H U B B A N D L AY N I E R O U C H
milk frother, $15,
P H O T O G R A P H B Y C O DY G U I L F OY L E grosche.ca
Georg Jensen
coffee press, Åben porcelain jar,
$129, georg $250, ssense.com
jensen.com
Fellow vacuum canister,

$35 for 0.7 L,
fellowproducts.com
Filtrum Home
glasses, $23 each,
Be gone, shopfiltrum.com
pricey PSLs and
meh oat-milk
lattes. Brew your
own with this here
drink gear that
will satisfy your
aesthetic needs,
your coffee
craving, and your
budget.
Williams Sonoma
coffee dripper, $38
for small, coffee- Jungalow mugs, $48
dripper holder, $15, for 4, jungalow.com
williams-sonoma
.com
Chemex eight-
cup coffee
maker, $49,
chemexcoffee
maker.com
Filtrum Home
bubble drink
glass, $20 for
520 mL, glass
Ekua Ceramics straw, $10, shop
mug, $56, ekua filtrum.com
ceramics.com
Alessi creamer, $95,

sugar bowl (above),
$120, us.alessi.com
© 2022 Tyson Foods, Inc.
Dorm Daze “I Was the Goal Conqueror” Race and Your Relatives
Page 56 Page 60 Page 64
OOO Inspo Feel-Good Shopping
Page 58 Page 62
l i fe s t u f f
Life
After
Life as
the
Sorority
Misfit
I thought I had
come to terms
with my undergrad
experience,
until a sister’s
picture-perfect
wedding reopened
an old wound.
B Y C AT E H A R P E R
GETTY IMAGES.
Important Facts About Can I use tampons or menstrual cups with Excessive pain or vaginal bleeding during placement
Kyleena? of Kyleena, pain or bleeding that gets worse after
Kyleena® (levonorgestrel-releasing Yes, tampons or menstrual cups may be used with placement, or not being able to feel the threads may
intrauterine system) 19.5 mg Kyleena. Change tampons or menstrual cups with happen with perforation. The risk of perforation is
care to avoid pulling the threads of Kyleena. If you increased if Kyleena is inserted while you are
Read this Patient Information carefully before you think you may have pulled Kyleena out of place, avoid breastfeeding, or if you have recently given birth.
decide if Kyleena is right for you. This information does intercourse or use back-up birth control. • Expulsion. Kyleena may come out by itself. This is
not take the place of talking with your gynecologist or called expulsion. Expulsion occurs in about 4 out of
other healthcare professional (HCP) who specializes What if I become pregnant while using Kyleena?
100 women. Excessive pain or vaginal bleeding during
in women’s health. If you have any questions about Call your HCP right away if you think you may be
placement of Kyleena, pain or bleeding that gets worse
Kyleena, ask your HCP. You should also learn about pregnant. If possible, also do a urine pregnancy test.
after placement, or not being able to feel the threads
other birth control methods to choose the one that is If you get pregnant while using Kyleena, you may have
may happen with expulsion. You may become pregnant
best for you. an ectopic pregnancy. This means that the pregnancy
if Kyleena comes out. If you think that Kyleena has come
is not in the uterus. Unusual vaginal bleeding or
out, avoid intercourse or use non-hormonal back-up
Kyleena does not protect against HIV infection (AIDS) abdominal pain may be a sign of ectopic pregnancy.
birth control (such as condoms or spermicide) and call
and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Ectopic pregnancy is a medical emergency that often your HCP. The risk of expulsion is increased with
INDICATION FOR KYLEENA requires surgery. Ectopic pregnancy can cause internal insertion right after delivery or second-trimester abortion.
Kyleena is a hormone-releasing intrauterine device bleeding, infertility, and even death.
Common side effects of Kyleena include:
(IUD) that prevents pregnancy for up to 5 years.
There are also risks if you get pregnant while using • Pain, bleeding or dizziness during and after
Who might use Kyleena? Kyleena and the pregnancy is in the uterus. Severe placement. If these symptoms do not stop 30 minutes
You might choose Kyleena if you: infection, miscarriage, premature delivery, and even death after placement, Kyleena may not have been placed
• want long-term birth control that provides a low can occur with pregnancies that continue with an IUD. correctly. Your HCP will examine you to see if Kyleena
chance of getting pregnant (less than 1 in 100) Because of this, your HCP may try to remove Kyleena, needs to be removed or replaced.
• want birth control that works continuously for up to even though removing it may cause a miscarriage. If • Changes in bleeding. You may have bleeding and
5 years Kyleena cannot be removed, talk with your HCP about spotting between menstrual periods, especially during
• want birth control that is reversible the benefits and risks of continuing the pregnancy and the first 3-6 months. Sometimes the bleeding is heavier
• want a birth control method that you do not need to possible effects of the hormone on your unborn baby. than usual at first. However, the bleeding usually
take daily becomes lighter than usual and may be irregular. Call
• are willing to use a birth control method that is If you continue your pregnancy, see your HCP regularly. your HCP if the bleeding remains heavier than usual or
placed in the uterus Call your HCP right away if you get flu-like symptoms, increases after it has been light for a while.
• want birth control that does not contain estrogen fever, chills, cramping, pain, bleeding, vaginal discharge, • Missed menstrual periods. About 12 out of 100
or fluid leaking from your vagina. These may be signs women stop having periods after 1 year of Kyleena use.
Do not use Kyleena if you: of infection. If you have any concerns that you may be pregnant
• are or might be pregnant; Kyleena cannot be used as
How will Kyleena change my periods? while using Kyleena, do a urine pregnancy test and call
an emergency contraceptive
For the first 3 to 6 months, your period may become your HCP. If you do not have a period for 6 weeks during
• have a serious pelvic infection called pelvic
irregular and the number of bleeding days may increase. Kyleena use, call your HCP. When Kyleena is removed,
inflammatory disease (PID) or have had PID in the
You may also have frequent spotting or light bleeding. your menstrual periods should return.
past unless you have had a normal pregnancy after
Some women have heavy bleeding during this time. • Cysts on the ovary. About 22 out of 100 women using
the infection went away
You may also have cramping during the first few weeks. Kyleena develop a cyst on the ovary. These cysts usually
• have an untreated genital infection now
After you have used Kyleena for a while, the number of disappear on their own in 2 to 3 months. However, cysts
• have had a serious pelvic infection in the past 3
bleeding and spotting days is likely to lessen. For some can cause pain and sometimes cysts will need surgery.
months after a pregnancy
• can get infections easily. For example, if you: women, periods will stop altogether. When Kyleena is Other common side effects for Kyleena include:
- have multiple sexual partners or your partner has removed, your menstrual periods should return. • inflammation or infection of the outer part of your
multiple sexual partners Is it safe to breastfeed while using Kyleena? vagina (vulvovaginitis)
- have problems with your immune system You may use Kyleena when you are breastfeeding. • abdomen or pelvic pain
- use or abuse intravenous drugs Kyleena is not likely to affect the quality or amount of your • headache or migraine
• have or suspect you might have cancer of the uterus breast milk or the health of your nursing baby. However, • acne or greasy skin
or cervix isolated cases of decreased milk production have been • painful periods
• have bleeding from the vagina that has not been reported. The risk of Kyleena going into the wall of the • sore or painful breasts
explained uterus (becoming embedded) or going through the wall These are not all of the possible side effects with
• have liver disease or a liver tumor of the uterus is increased if Kyleena is inserted while you Kyleena. For more information, ask your HCP.
• have breast cancer or any other cancer that is are breastfeeding.
sensitive to progestin (a female hormone), now or in Call your HCP for medical advice about side effects.
the past Will Kyleena interfere with sexual intercourse? You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088.
• have an IUD in your uterus already You and your partner should not feel Kyleena during You may also report side effects to Bayer Healthcare
• have a condition of the uterus that changes the shape intercourse. Kyleena is placed in the uterus, not in the Pharmaceuticals at 1-888-842-2937.
of the uterine cavity, such as large fibroid tumors vagina. Sometimes your partner may feel the threads.
• are allergic to these ingredients: If this occurs, or if you or your partner experience After Kyleena has been placed, when should I call
- do not use Kyleena if you’re allergic to levonorgestrel, pain during sex, talk with your HCP. my HCP?
silicone, polyethylene, silver, silica, barium sulfate, If Kyleena is accidentally removed and you had vaginal
Can I have an MRI with Kyleena in place? intercourse within the preceding week, you may be at
polypropylene, or copper phthalocyanine Kyleena can be safely scanned with MRI only under risk of pregnancy, and you should talk to an HCP.
Before having Kyleena placed, tell your HCP about specific conditions. Before you have an MRI, tell
all of your medical conditions including if you: your HCP that you have Kyleena, an IUD, in place. Call your HCP if you have any concerns about Kyleena.
• have any of the conditions listed above Be sure to call if you:
What are the possible serious side effects of
• have had a heart attack Kyleena? • think you are pregnant
• have had a stroke • Ectopic pregnancy and intrauterine pregnancy • have pelvic pain, abdominal pain, or pain during sex
• were born with heart disease or have problems with risks. There are risks if you become pregnant while • have unusual vaginal discharge or genital sores
your heart valves using Kyleena (see “What if I become pregnant while • have unexplained fever, flu-like symptoms or chills
• have problems with blood clotting or take medicine using Kyleena?”). • might be exposed to STIs
to reduce clotting • Life-threatening infection. Life-threatening infection • are concerned that Kyleena may have been expelled
• have high blood pressure can occur within the first few days after Kyleena is (came out)
• recently had a baby or are breastfeeding placed. Call your HCP immediately if you develop • cannot feel Kyleena's threads
• have severe headaches or migraine headaches severe pain or fever shortly after Kyleena is placed. • develop very severe or migraine headaches
• have AIDS, HIV, or any other STI • Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Some IUD users • have yellowing of the skin or whites of the eyes.
Tell your HCP about all of the medicines you take, get a serious pelvic infection called PID. PID is usually These may be signs of liver problems.
including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, sexually transmitted. You have a higher chance of • have had a stroke or heart attack
vitamins, and herbal supplements. getting PID if you or your partner has sex with other • become HIV positive or your partner becomes HIV
partners. PID can cause serious problems such as positive
Should I check that Kyleena is in place? infertility, ectopic pregnancy or pelvic pain that does • have severe vaginal bleeding or bleeding that lasts a
Yes, you should check that Kyleena is in proper position not go away. PID is usually treated with antibiotics. long time or concerns you
by feeling the removal threads. It is a good habit to do More serious cases of PID may require surgery including
this 1 time a month. If you feel more than just the threads To learn more, talk about Kyleena with your HCP and
removal of the uterus (hysterectomy). In rare cases,
or if you cannot feel the threads, be sure to call your HCP see the FDA-approved Full Prescribing Information
infections that start as PID can even cause death.
and avoid intercourse or use non-hormonal back-up birth found on www.kyleena.com, or call 1-866-647-3646.
Tell your HCP right away if you have any of these signs
control, as Kyleena may not be in the right position and of PID: long-lasting or heavy bleeding, unusual vaginal
may not prevent pregnancy. discharge, low abdominal (stomach area) pain, painful
How soon after placement should I return to sex, chills, fever, genital lesions or sores.
my HCP? • Perforation. Kyleena may go into the wall of the uterus
Call your HCP if you have any questions or concerns (become embedded) or go through the wall of the
uterus. This is called perforation. If this occurs, Kyleena BAYER, the Bayer Cross
(see “After Kyleena has been placed, when should I call
may no longer prevent pregnancy. If perforation occurs, and Kyleena are registered
my HCP?”). Otherwise, you should return to your HCP
Kyleena may move outside the uterus and can cause trademarks of Bayer.
for a follow-up visit 4 to 6 weeks after Kyleena is placed
internal scarring, infection, or damage to other organs, © 2021 Bayer. Whippany,
to make sure that Kyleena is in the right position.
and you may need surgery to have Kyleena removed. NJ 07981 All rights reserved.
PP-KYL-US-1053-1 / July 2021
You know you really want something
when you lie awake at night and
play “I will if.” I will call my parents
every Sunday if….I will start praying
to you, God, if….I will use my in-case-
of-emergency credit card only for
real emergencies if….
As a college freshman rushing sororities, I finished these sentences with,
“...I get into EZN*.” All social cues, everything I saw on campus, from the sisters’
polish to their popularity, told me this sorority was the best sorority. I wanted
to prove to myself that I had what it took to get in.
On Bid Day, hundreds of us corralled into a giant building on campus. I could
hear my heart beat as I was handed my bid card. I tore open the envelope and
saw EZN’s colors beaming up at me. I got in. I got in!! I joined an avalanche of
screaming girls on the back lawn, bolting for the EZN sign, absolutely euphoric. side. Instead, I sat on my bed, frozen, as her
“Smile!” the EZN sisters said as they snapped a photo of my pledge class. “The sobs carried down the hall. Later, I learned
GETTY IMAGES. THESE PHOTOS ARE OF PROFESSIONAL MODELS AND USED FOR ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY.
girls you’re standing beside now are going to become your best friends.” that our entire pledge class had been in the
And these soon-to-be besties were, in a word, impressive. Their majors room—everyone but me.
were premed, prelaw, engineering—serious, smart-girl shit. Wealth winked Lauren and Anna and I, meanwhile, were
at me from their wrists (David Yurman), feet (Uggs), and asses (Abercrombie). becoming more like real sisters. One week,
I was a big fish in my small western Pennsylvania hometown. But now, looking we took a beach trip to Cape May, New Jersey,
around at some of the models—yes, actual models—in my new sorority made and as we walked to dinner, in borrowed
me want to burn everything I owned. dresses from one another’s closets, we fanta-
I quickly got close with two other pledges: Lauren, whom I’d met on the very sized aloud about our future weddings. I
first night of college, after which we tried to sneak into every party we could can’t remember what I said, but Lauren knew
find. And Anna, who lived in my freshman dorm. Doom, however, awaited me. she wanted her wedding colors to be cobalt
One night, during a group meeting with our pledge mom, I was told I was too and orange. I thought it was so sophisticated,
cliquey. It definitely wasn’t by design—I wanted to form bonds with everyone, those two vibrant colors together. Sophisti-
but how do you make 18 girls your best friends? cated like Lauren.
I tried. I took classes with some and went to parties with others. But those When I think of Lauren now, I think of the
efforts got me only to a point. Months later, as I sat with one of my new sisters Rascal Flatts song “Fast Cars and Freedom.”
in the dining hall, she turned to me and said, “A lot of us don’t like you, but How she, Anna, and I barreled down a campus
I’m glad I’m getting to know you better.” I couldn’t process the second part. I street, singing it at the top of our lungs, and
only heard the first: No one likes you. I wonder if I’m just recalling the other, not-
Sophomore year, I got further confirmation. My assigned roommate was so-fun memories too often. Photos from
bold and salty, my personality opposite. I thought it was going well until one that time show me in endless arrangements
day, she burst into our room. Another EZN had just unexpectedly lost her with these girls, my EZN sisters—drink-
father. “Where is she?” I asked. “Down the hall, but she only wants to see her ing, dancing, often at once. I know I felt
close friends,” she replied. “Stay here.” I wanted to go too, to just be there like an outsider in this cool-girl, tight-knit
with her, even if I was in a corner while my sister’s closest friends were at her circle, but was I really so upset about such a
56 *THE SORORITY’S NAME PLUS ALL OTHER NAMES MENTIONED IN THE STORY HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO BE FAIR TO THE SISTERS’ PRIVACY.
L I F E ST U F F Wo r k i n g T h ro u g h I t
in journalism-related groups. But it was like

coming home to a bad marriage: I felt like no
matter what I did, it wasn’t enough.
A lovely thing about getting older is that
you start to own who you are. I am a woman
who had a bad experience with Greek life in
college. Okay. I am a woman who doesn’t have
many friends from college because even the
close ones, like Lauren, eventually drifted
away. Okay. I am a woman who moved to New
York City and rebuilt her social circle from
scratch. Okay. Those “new” friendships now
run 12 years deep. And most of the time, I
think I’m fine, even great, until I hear that
Rascal Flatts song.
Lauren got married this summer. I wasn’t
invited and didn’t really expect to be, but I
was surprised by the waves of emotion that
came over me as I watched her wedding
unfold on Instagram. I sat in my apartment
commonplace insecurity? Why, more than a decade later, do I feel like this while exactly 20 blocks away, she celebrated
is such a deep scar? I recently searched back through my emails from 2010. with the rest of our sorority sisters at Tavern
Two months shy of graduating, I wrote to Anna: on the Green. Her color palette wasn’t cobalt
To be honest, I feel like you’re the only real friend I have. I can’t help but and orange anymore—it was a far chicer
wonder what people have to say about me when I’m not around. Part of me white and green.
wonders why I should even have friends, what have I done to deserve them? Even though we hadn’t talked in years, it
That thought comes from me basically having no self-esteem at this point. I felt surreal not to be there, not to have been
hardly ever want to go out with the group, mainly because I’m scared I’ll have invited. Some part of me had accepted all the
no one to talk to. In high school, I didn’t have the insecurities I do now. I feel other invites that didn’t show, but this one
like I’m going backward. scratched at that old scar.
It’s been a little more than 12 years since I sent that email. And one thing I’d messaged her that morning: “Happy
I want to make clear now that I’ve shared it is that these girls weren’t out to wedding day, Lauren!!! I’ll be thinking of you
get me. The women in my sorority were and are today and can’t wait to see all the gorgeous
good people, and I bet some of them even felt the pics!! I hope every minute is just perfect.
way I did at times. Because while the Greek life
system works for a lot of people, its invite-only
I sat in my You deserve it!” And I meant every word, no
dynamic creates a machine that runs on constant apartment passive-aggression. Because even though I
hurt, I’m also not the girl I was back then.
validation—and the constant rejection you feel while exactly And this moment was proof.
in its absence. 20 blocks The next day, she responded: “Omg,
I’ve also wondered if part of the problem was
that I simply wasn’t around that much. Junior year, away, she thank you so much. ” There was a lot
left unsaid, hanging between those two little
I studied for a semester in France—away from the celebrated DMs. I’m not totally okay about it yet. But I
group of sisters who went to Florence and far from
those who stayed back at school. By senior year,
with the rest will be one day.
I’d become hell-bent on working at a magazine of our soror- CATE HARPER is a writer and editor living in New York City—
like this one after college and spent a lot of time ity sisters. near a bunch of good friends.
L I F E ST U F F D u f fe l B a g D e s t i n a t i o n s
JFYI, You Don’t

Need a Trust Fund for
a Wellness Retreat
Or even an entire week of precious PTO. These surprisingly
accessible spots pack all the rest and relaxation your mind
deserves into a single utterly blissful weekend.
BY KRI ST Y ALPE RT
IF YOUR IDEA OF WELLNESS IF YOU WANT TO SOAK UP

MEANS EATING WELL, GO TO... SOME SUNSHINE, GO TO...
Willows Lodge, Woodinville, Washington Laluna, Grenada
Staying in Woodinville wine country comes Mornings here consist of sipping freshly
with plenty of perks, like waking up to squeezed juices and doing yoga on
chicory beignets covered in huckleberry the beach before diving into the pool.
frosting and taking solitude walks in nature Unless, that is, you’re more into Balinese
2
after a memorable meal at the Barking massages, healing sessions, or hanging
Frog restaurant. Bonus: Many of the over- by the sea (honestly, who could blame
night packages for these cabin-inspired you?). Either way, end your day with a
rooms include wine, food, and spa time. full moon meditation practice for all the
zen vibes.
Ojo Caliente Mineral Springs Resort &
Spa, Ojo Caliente, New Mexico Carillon Miami Wellness Resort,
Those blistered shishito peppers you’ll Miami Beach, Florida
be ordering after soaking in the sooth- Prepare to return home with a different 3
ing thermal waters at this desert resort? kind of post-vacation glow. Carillon’s
Grown 1,000 feet away. In fact, nearly board-certified physicians and skilled
everything here is sourced locally, includ- practitioners will tailor your experience
ing the herbs in the hydrotherapy hot- to your specific wellness goals—physical,
towel wraps used during spa treatments mental, spiritual, etc.—with absolutely
like the Satva Botanicals Massage. radiant results every time.
IF YOU’RE INTO NATURE, IF YOU’RE JUST NOT INTO

GO TO... YOGA, GO TO...
Lake Austin Spa Resort, Austin, Texas Spa Eastman Health & Wellness Resort,
Some of the offerings here (see: blue chi, Eastman, Quebec, Canada
sculling, bokken-do, floating meditation) All-inclusive at this Canadian resort means
sound a bit...unfamiliar. But Picnic, Paddle rooms, meals, and as many different daily
& Prosecco? That we get. And also love. activities as you could ever want, all set on
As for the rest, on-site life coaches, mind- 323 acres of Quebecian countryside. The 4
body experts, masseuses, energy work- At Your Wit’s End package even includes
ers, nutritionists, and personal trainers power-nap sessions in its NeuroSpa pod.
can explain (and customize) everything The truly brave go for the Option Discon-
just for you. nect program and turn in their electronic
devices at check-in.
El Silencio Lodge, Bajos del Toro,
Costa Rica The Kentucky Castle, Versailles, Kentucky
No synthesized spa environments here. Only in Versailles can you fall asleep in
5
Just a Costa Rican cloud forest with real a private tower suite after a day of Reiki
waterfalls, chirping birds, and rain scents. sessions, equine mindfulness experiences,
You can take your spa treatments in your and massages, all of which take place at
private villa, but you’ll need to head to the a legit castle. Except, you know, this regal
forest bathing deck for yoga, meditations, palace doesn’t require a passport or the
and sound healing classes. inevitable jet lag.
1. Ojo Caliente Mineral Springs Resort & Spa 2. Lake Austin Spa Resort 3. Carillon 6
Miami Wellness Resort 4. El Silencio Lodge 5. Spa Eastman 6. The Kentucky Castle
Btw, easiest vacay-booking experience of

your life = CosmoTrips. Check it out here. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 59
Y
ou name it and I’ve
likely done it: started
a business, spoken
at TEDx, written two
books. Right before the
pandemic, I was even
an HR executive at a
New York City psychiatric hospital while
my leadership development company,
Performance ReNEW, worked with some
of the biggest brands in the world. I was
Natasha Bowman, the goal conqueror.
People would ask me, overwhelmed
on my behalf, “How can one person do all
these things while also being a mother?”
I’d shoo away their disbelief, saying I
was fortunate to have been gifted with
some sort of unexplained superpower—
one that allowed me to need very little
sleep, be highly creative, and believe
that I belonged in any room I chose to be
in. Privately, I had a feeling something
wasn’t right, but for years—decades,
even—I was too afraid to confront the
My Pandemic Surprise: reality that my mind may not be “normal,”
that it was sometimes flooded with
unusual thoughts.
I’d Been Living Then COVID-19 put the world on

pause. My client contracts hit a standstill;
my speaking engagements evaporated.
With Mental Illness I still had my job at the psych hospital,

but HR issues were the least of our prob-
lems. For the first time in my adult life, my
My Whole Life expertise wasn’t needed. I wasn’t break-

ing through some glass ceiling, I wasn’t
chasing some big, audacious professional
Something I’d always secretly suspected finally target. My work suddenly felt secondary,
BOWMAN: NICK F. NELSON.
became something I couldn’t ignore. hardly the most pressing thing happen-
ing in my world, much less anyone else’s.
B Y N ATA S H A B O W M A N I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y M A R I N E B U F FA R D
Weeks of quarantine went by, and my
emotions started to feel out of control: I’d
go from being easily agitated and angry
to feeling overconfident and on top of the
L I F E ST U F F I t ’s Pe r s o n a l
world. My husband noted a glazed look learned that I’d been living in a seem- Since then, I’ve made it my mission
in my eyes and that my speech would ingly harmless hypomanic state for to be transparent about my diagnosis
race from one sentence to the next. He years and that when COVID-19 hit, I’d so that people like me know they can
asked me repeatedly: “Are you okay?” moved into a dangerous hypermanic still succeed professionally. And earlier
I’d respond defensively, furious he was state. I learned that I have been bipolar this year, I cofounded a nonprofit, the
suggesting something might be wrong my entire life. But like many people, I’d Bowman Foundation for Workplace
with me. I was just changing, evolving, I ignored any signs. I didn’t want a mental Equity and Mental Wellness, to help
thought—the “old” career-oriented wife health condition to overshadow my cultivate cultures of mental wellness in
and mother was gone and a “new” me had professional success, because as an HR workplaces across the globe. Our goal is
arrived. I started spending countless executive, I knew. I’d witnessed firsthand to destigmatize mental illness through
hours talking to old high school friends how stigma can overshadow the value research, management education, and
on Facebook. They became my new life, that people with mental illness bring to creating a safe space for dialogue at work.
my new family, who saw my success and a workplace. I’m not ashamed to have been diag-
started asking...for help buying a new car, But now I also knew that with time nosed with bipolar disorder or to be living
some nice jewelry, things for their kids. I and treatment, I could return to my and working boldly with a mental illness.
gave. And I kept on giving. thriving career—and that so can many And every time I share my story, I hope it
Eventually, full of resentment toward others with mental illness. I wanted to helps others start to live more unapolo-
my husband, my marriage, and every- break the stigma that was holding us getically too.
thing about my previous life, I felt I back, to change the way we’re perceived
needed to leave it all behind. I told my NATASHA BOWMAN, JD, is a mental health advocate,
at work. So in October 2021, I went on
workplace consultant, speaker, author, and LinkedIn Top
husband I wanted a divorce. Devastated, LinkedIn and told my 80K followers what Voice in Mental Health. She is the author of two books
he refused to accept that we’d gone from had happened to me. “This is the face of as well as the upcoming Crazy AF: How I’m Living and
happily married to this in a matter of someone with bipolar disorder,” I wrote. Thriving With Mental Illness and So Can You!
weeks. He urged me to go to a therapist,
but she saw only a “highly functional,
accomplished woman who was going
through a midlife crisis.”
And then, just as suddenly, the
pendulum swung: My speech returned
to normal, the glaze left my eyes, and I
wanted back with my actual family. But
the damage had been done. I’d lost tens of All of it—the ability to work
thousands of dollars to those Facebook
friends. My husband was exhausted. My
for days without sleep, the
two kids were dazed and confused. And
my career ambitions were still nowhere
extreme overconfidence—
in sight. Ashamed of what I’d put my
family through, I was plagued by guilt
finally made sense.
and embarrassment. With no answers
about why I’d behaved the way I did, I
no longer wanted to live. On January 25,
2021, I gathered every pill in our house
and washed them down with a bottle of
champagne. I closed my eyes for what I
thought would be the last time.
The next thing I remember, I was
opening my eyes to a hazy vision of
strangers removing the strings from
my shoes. I was lying on a mattress on
the floor of a small room. A woman sat
outside, watching my every move. I’d
been involuntarily admitted to a psychi-
atric hospital just miles from the one
where I worked. I felt only disappoint-
ment—that I had survived my suicide
attempt, that my life would never be
the same.
That’s when, at age 42, I was diagnosed
with bipolar disorder. And all of it—the
ability to work for days without sleep,
the extreme overconfidence, the exces-
sive generosity—finally made sense. I Natasha now, fighting to destigmatize mental illness for everyone.
The full details on Natasha’s

new foundation, right here. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 61
L I F E ST U F F C o s m o Re c s
Shopping You Can

Feel Good About
Retail therapy but for real this time, because
these buys donate to mental health causes
with each and every purchase.
BY HAN NAH CH U B B
DARLING DANGLERS
Shop from I’mmany’s
Flower Power collection
(these hoops included)
and 30 percent of
the net proceeds will
be donated to mental
health charity Mind.
I’mmany mismatched
earrings,
$115, immany.co.uk
FEELINGS ON DECK
Fifty percent of net
proceeds from these
conversation-starting
cards goes to the Love-
SERGEY FILIMONOV/
land Foundation, which SAVING FACE

STOCKSY UNITED.
helps Black women and Female-founded skincare brand Bubble donates 1 percent
girls access free therapy. of all proceeds from its products—like this cleansing clay
mask—to mental health organizations for young people.
Ban.do card deck, $20,
bando.com Bubble face mask, $19, hellobubble.com
FLICKER OF HOPE
Select “NAMI” at check-
LIP SERVICE out and 50 percent
All (!) of the money of the cost of this
from sales of this luxe candle will benefit the
National Alliance
lip cream goes toward on Mental Illness.
the Rare Impact Fund, Lasting Smiles candle, $60,
Selena Gomez’s lastingsmiles.org
BOXED BLISS
charity that supports
Five percent of the mental health services.
profits on this self-care Rare Beauty lip cream in
box—a calming candle, Limitless, $20, rarebeauty.com
bubble bath, an eye
mask, and more—goes
to the National Alliance
on Mental Illness.
COMFED-UP KICKS
Goodly self-care day Toms donates one-third
gift box, $102,
goodlyshop.com of all its proceeds to
grassroots efforts dedi-
cated to mental health
care access.
Toms slippers, $65,
toms.com
MAIN SQUEEZE
A BETTER SWEATER Fifteen percent of
Proceeds from Happiness Project’s
this cozy merch net profit goes to the
support mental health American Foundation
care, awareness, for Suicide Prevention
and research. (see page 21 for more!).
You Are Enough Co. Happiness Project
hoodie, $50, stress ball, $7,
youareenoughco.com happinessproject.com
PANTS WITH PURPOSE

All proceeds support To Write
Love on Her Arms, which finds
help for those struggling with
depression and more.
To Write Love on Her Arms
sweatpants, $46, twloha.com
SPOT TO JOT
A portion of
the proceeds from all
Papier wellness and
gratitude journals goes SOMETHING STEEPED
to YoungMinds One dollar from every sale of this soothing tea set
through October. is donated to the Centre for Addiction and Mental
Health, a Canadian teaching hospital.
Papier journal, $35,
papier.com Cup of Té luxe gold starter kit, $85, cupofte.com
Scan to shop all of these

do-good goodies. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 63
L I F E ST U F F Fre e T h e ra py
My
Dear Minaa,
Recently I’ve been struggling
with the racist views of my
(white) family. My boomer
Parents parents fail to understand the

anti-racist movement, and
our relationship has become
Don’t strained because of it.

I’ve found that I can’t
talk to them without correct-
Think
ing their racist language or
getting into a fight about
what equal opportunity really
means for disenfranchised
They’re groups. In 2020 during the

height of the BLM protests,
my parents would often go
Racist. off about how—trigger warn-

ing—the “rioters are burning
down their own neighbor-
hoods,” and “if they don’t
care about their own people,
homes, businesses, or streets,
then why should we care
about them?” As a millennial
who has educated myself on
how systemic racism works,
I know this logic is flawed
and problematic. But when-
I Know ever I try to correct them or

explain why their outlook is
just plain wrong, they turn it
Better. into a debate. It doesn’t feel

like they’re even listening to
what I have to say.
Then again, although my
parents have some pretty
effed-up views on systemic
racism (like whether it even
exists), I do love and care
about them. When we’re not
arguing over these issues,
our relationship is relatively
calm. They’ve always been
What supportive of me, and they’re

proud of all the things I’ve
accomplished thus far.
Do I Do? But as the upcoming

midterm elections, police
violence cases, and “anti-
woke” legislation continue to
make headlines, it’s hard to
Trying (and failing) to get
avoid talking about racism
through to stubborn family altogether. Is there any way
members will never not to get through to them to
be exhausting. Our advice change their perspective, or
columnist, therapist is my relationship with them
doomed forever?
Minaa B., helps you handle
confrontation sans chaos.
I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y
MEREDITH SCHOMBURG
Dear Reader,
You ask if your relationship is doomed because you can’t get
through to your parents, but that question suggests you need
to take on the responsibility of fixing them. You don’t. You can
show up with your belief systems and values and decide what
your future with your parents looks like.
Your power lies in changing the way you respond to
them. Take some time to really reflect on your bond with your
parents. Think about: Can I tolerate being in the same room
as them? Are my parents’ other values in alignment with mine?
If you feel comfortable, set boundaries around the things you
discuss and the things they say. You might tell them, “Hey, when
you use racist phrases or try to debate me on equality, it makes
me feel uncomfortable, so I’m going to leave or hang up if
that happens.” It might not seem like it, but you have a role in
keeping these negative cycles going, so stepping away and
reminding yourself that it’s okay not to have the last word can
help you make peace with yourself in this shitty situation. And
if you need space to recover from your interactions, consider
spending less time with them or calling less often. Although
you don’t owe them a reason, you can share why you’re step-
ping back if it feels safe to do so.
It can be really tough to reconcile the fact that people we
care about, including our family, can’t see the world for what it
is or think it’s no big deal to vote for candidates who uphold the
oppression of non-white
people. But we have to
learn to protect ourselves
when people show us
You can show up who they are. Unless your
with your belief family is actively asking
systems and values you how they can become
less racist, be cautious of
and decide what how much labor you exert
your future with trying to get them to think
them looks like. differently when it’s clear
they don’t want to. We
dispense so much of our
energy trying to change
the minds of people who are fine with the values they uphold.
But the truth is that the person you’re trying to change has to
be willing to see things differently.
When you say you can’t talk to your parents about their
racist views without getting into a fight, that’s an indicator that
your parents are content with their belief system. And since
arguments happen when both parties feel strongly about
their views, your fights likely mean they’re passionate about
the values they’re upholding and they don’t like that you’re
trying to get them to think in a new way. This might sound
harsh, but chances are, your parents are filtering out what
you’re saying because they simply don’t care to take in that
point of view. They have to have their own inner awakening.
And the best thing you can do in the meantime is focus on
your growth so you can support them when they—finally,
hopefully—get there.
MINAA B., LMSW, is a therapist, writer, and speaker and the founder of Minaa
B. Consulting, where she works with busy professionals on enhancing their well-
being and developing workplace boundaries to improve their mental health. She
is a cohost on Sydel Curry-Lee’s podcast Because Life and sits on the mental
health advisory committee for Wondermind, a mental-fitness company cofounded
by Selena Gomez.
Have a question for Minaa?

Scan here to ask it. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 65
Love Is a Battlefield Wait, That’s Really Hot
Page 67 Page 72
Dating With Your Therapist
Page 70
Chapter 5: You know, it’s so easy to fall for
someone amid a whirlwind of well-
Breadcrumbing planned dates. (I mean, that’s literally

the premise of The Bachelor.) And
while I wouldn’t say no to a helicop-
Should Be a Crime ter and hot tub moment with Sean, it’s
actually this type of “comfort test” that
matters most to me—the fact that I feel
completely at ease just hanging out. I
Our dating columnist Zara Field* gets save my lingerie demo, thank him for
cozy with her latest, very promising love interest... the great night, and take the subway
but there’s a catch. Of course there’s a catch. back to mine.
I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y T H E S C I S S O R H A N D S
SUNDAY, 6 P.M.
We are finally engaging in an out-of-
control make-out. Unfortunately, we’re
also in public and in front of children.
SUNDAY, 3 P.M. full attention. I’m impressed by the self- “Less kissing, more skating,” the roller-
awareness and thoughtfulness with rink attendant yells. I suggested this
Still riding a high from our fun, easy which he speaks about his feelings. activity for our fourth date, my lack of
dinner date, I meet Sean (my 29-year- But...why hasn’t he kissed me? I feel like physical coordination be damned. But I
old blonde finance guy) again at the Sebastian in The Little Mermaid trying keep strategically pushing him against
museum he’s suggested. I pack nips of to orchestrate Prince Eric’s lip-lock with the railing so I can catch my breath—
Fireball in my bag. “You’re entertaining, Ariel. Sha-la-la-la-la-la kiss me, Sean. and steal his with well-timed kisses.
I’ll give you that,” he laughs, as we clink He finally gently caresses my neck and So far, we’ve kept it to a firm first
our minibar-size bottles. pulls me toward his lips. I feel a small base. Not even a boob graze. And
Ninety percent of the art here looks shiver through my body. Sean just woke I’m not gonna lie—now I’m kind of
like it came out of a fourth grade class. up the dormant butterflies in my belly stressed about having sex with him.
I propose a game: Pick the most atro- that haven’t been activated in a very First of all, what if it’s disappointing?
cious piece, and the other person has long time. Second of all, Sean has mentioned
to make up its origin story. Sean has I’ve become so conditioned to the that he views sex as a monogamous,
fully committed to the bit. He also mindset of being single, I forgot how exclusive commitment, which means
keeps brushing his arm against mine. scary it is to start really liking some- when we have sex, it’ll be like pulling
We leave and head to dinner one—that weightless feeling as you the relationship version of an Advance
nearby and are deeply engrossed in fall into the abyss, knowing they could to Go Monopoly card. I haven’t dated
each other when someone stops at our crush your heart at any moment. As anyone else since meeting him anyway,
table. “Zara?” Oh my god. It’s Fulvio, we walk out, Sean intertwines his hand but if things go well, that first sex with
the Italian man with whom my friend with mine. Ugh, I love a good kinder- Sean could be my last new sex for who
and I bungled a threesome years garten handhold. Guys, I’m a goner. knows how long? Which also means no
ago—in a literal Roman palace, no sex party with Heather and Ethan and
less. He kisses me on both cheeks and THURSDAY, 8 P.M. no more exploration. But as he confi-
introduces himself to Sean as an old dently skates backward and pulls me
friend of mine. After lots of flirty text banter between through the crowd, I think I might be
It turns out Fulvio is stateside work chaos, I’m on Sean’s couch ready to take that step with him.
getting an MBA at Sean’s alma mater. for a movie night. I’m trying to take “Can’t wait to see you again,” he
Small fucking world. We chat for a bit texts me immediately after we say our
before Fulvio joins his date by the bar. goodbyes. Okay, fuck it. I’m all in. I’m
I’m itching, and I mean ITCHING, to tell ready to give my heart and body to
Sean the full story. But I get the sense
I’m not gonna lie—now Sean. Mark your calendars, team. Our
he may run more sexually conserva- I’m kind of stressed about next date is our sex date.
tive than I do, and I’m not sure how he having sex with him.
would react. I bookmark this potential FOUR WEEKS LATER
incompatibility...but it’s also possible
I’ve read him wrong. things slowly on a physical level, both So. I have not seen Sean. At first, we
because I can tell it’s his vibe and were both just incompatibly out of
SUNDAY, 9 P.M. because sometimes the longer the town, but now he’s breadcrumb-
anticipation, the better the sex. Still, ing me: responding just enough to
We’ve now been at dinner for more I’ve got brand-new Agent Provocateur stay connected but being extremely
than three hours. Sean is surprisingly peeking out of my blouse....Never mind. noncommittal about concrete plans.
vulnerable while telling me about his I fully fall asleep mid-movie. Definitely It hurts. I deserve better than being
life, and he gives my own musings his snoring, possibly drooling. slow-faded into oblivion, because I am
*For any new readers (hi and welcome), “Zara Field” isn’t really
her name. All other names have been changed too. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 67
LOV E ST U F F Za ra Fi e l d
sense that if I backtrack on the video,

he might marry me on the spot. Or
throw me on his bed and rip off my
clothes. But instead, I say this: “I stand
by the video. It’s hilarious. I am who I
am. And I want a partner to celebrate
my humor, not censor it.”
Deep down, I know

that for the right person,
I’ll never be too much.
No matter how much I like him, I

can’t be with someone who would
ever feel ashamed of me. This closure
is a double-edged sword—a mix of
devastation and acceptance. Know-
ing with absolute certainty that you
and a potential partner have irrecon-
cilable differences is a gift, in a way.
But it shouldn’t have taken a month of
being brutally breadcrumbed to get
here. “You’re amazing. This sucks,” he
says, as he gives me a final, prolonged
hug. I take a deep breath and exit his
monochromatic man cave for good.
THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY

Tonight, I have a date with Johannes, a
42-year-old start-up exec who works in
hospitality and definitely uses pictures
from 10 years ago on his profile. He’s
a person and any person deserves (Also, my friends would like me to point great though: funny, relaxed, radiat-
better but also because he and I out that this is not even my funniest ing hot-dad energy. “I hope this isn’t
seemed to have established a foun- butt plug story, but that’s a tale for creepy,” Johannes starts, “but I found
dation of mutual respect, which makes another time.) Turns out, Sean’s family a video you made, and I thought it was
this behavior feel even more insulting. is very conservative, and I guess so funny that I sent it to my cofounder
And after one final “Let’s do next the firm he works at is notoriously and all my friends.” And there it is. The
weekend” from him evolved into “Sorry, scandal-averse. He says he hasn’t sign of the century. (Yes, this is the
I’m actually busy with friends,” I throw been avoiding me out of lack of inter- same video that spooked Sean. No,
out a Hail Mary, hoping to inspire an est or attraction. He’s been calculat- I’m truly not making this up.)
honest conversation. “Cards on the ing the potential discounted cash Our chemistry may be too weak to
table,” I text. “You’re the first person flow from the potential impact of our form a strong foundation, but this date
I’ve liked in a long time. I had hoped relationship on his career and family. was worth it for reaffirmation alone.
to get together again but sounds like And as someone who’s comfortable Deep down, I know that for the right
it might be too difficult to coordinate.” joking about sex (like, you know, in person, I’ll never be too much.
He takes the bait: “To be honest....” We this very column), it’s clear to me that
agree to meet in person. on the balance sheet of his life, I’ve ONE WEEK LATER
moved from a safe asset to a high-
TUESDAY, 7 P.M. risk liability. “Are you still bringing your plus-one?”
“Zara, this is really hard. I like you Shit. I forgot I was going to invite Sean
Last month, Sean’s sister uncovered a so much,” he says. He runs through his to my friend’s wedding. “No worries!”
very funny video I posted online where favorite qualities about me in a way The bride graciously offers to rear-
I tell a story that mentions a butt plug. that shows just how deeply he “sees” range the seating chart. “I’ll move you
Not me using a butt plug, but the me. I’m watching him struggle with the next to the best man! He’s single. You’ll
concept is referenced nevertheless. reality of losing me. And I’m getting the love him.” Well, well, well....
Get caught up on
68 C o s m o p o l i ta n ISSUE 6 Chapters 1 through 4:
LOV E ST U F F S o T h i s I s a T h i n g N ow
A Truly
Compelling
Argument
for
Name-
Dropping
Your
Therapist
on the
First Date
At least if you want a second one.
BY VE RON ICA LOPEZ
We’re not saying you should unpack every

detail of your personal trauma with a newbie
before the apps arrive, but if you’re in therapy,
intel shows that it can actually work to your
advantage to—casually!—mention it. Before
you start coming up with reasons not to, know
this: A Hinge study found that 86 percent
of singles are more likely to go on a second
date with someone who referenced on date
one that they see a therapist, but only 7 transparency. Hinge director of rela-
percent of people are actually comfort- tionship science Logan Ury describes it
able bringing it up. That means there’s a as a hook: “If you’re presenting a very
big gap between the thing we all think polished exterior, there’s nothing for
is attractive and the people who take anybody to grab on to. But if you show
advantage of it...so be one of them? them the little cracks in your shell
Here’s why it works and why you that you’re nervous to share, suddenly
should hop to. there’s something for them to hold on
to, making it easier to connect.”
A Commitment to Self- Take Cindy Ferreiro, a 29-year-old
Improvement Is Legit Sexy marketing director in Miami, who met
Obviously, dating someone who’s in her boyfriend on Bumble: “After I opened
therapy isn’t a magic cure-all for any up about my therapy journey, he opened
relationship problem ever. But know- up about his. To this day, he says my
ing that they’re actively working on honesty was attractive and it made him
improving themselves? Attractive as want to pursue me more.”
hell. It means they’re more likely to be
self-aware, emotionally resilient, and
open to problem-solving and adapt-
ing, says clinical psychologist Rebekah
Montgomery, PhD—all super-desirable
qualities to have in a partner. And some-
It can be as easy
one who’s willing to prioritize bettering as a passing
themselves, not to mention being open
about it, will probably be more likely mention of some-
to bring the same productive energy
to a relationship. “I really appreciated thing you recently
the vulnerability,” says Elaine Hunt, a
28-year-old communications coordi-
talked about in
nator in Brooklyn, of a recent first date
with a guy who Went There. “I figured it
a session.
meant he’d be a better communicator.”
Needless to say, he got to date two.
It’s Kind of a Vibe Check Bringing It Up Doesn’t Need to

The sooner you bring up therapy, the Be a Whole Thing
sooner you can gauge their reaction. It can be as easy as a passing mention of
If they are weird about it or pry in a something you recently talked about in
way that feels icky, then it’s up to you a session, says sex therapist and psycho-
to decide if you’re interested in seeing therapist Todd Baratz. You don’t need
them again. (And by the way: Only you to overshare, and you can peg it to
can decide what level of curiosity you’re something relevant to another topic
comfortable entertaining, and it’s okay if you’re discussing. That can sound like,
PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES. ILLUSTRATION: STOCKSY.
that level is literally zero.) But if they are “I was talking about work-life balance
supportive and treat it like they’d treat in therapy and...” when you’re already
any other cool new thing they discov- discussing your interests and hobbies.
ered about you, then you know they’re Maria Avgitidis, CEO of Agape Match,
worth your time. A mature partner will suggests mentioning it as part of your
react to therapy in the same way they’d weekly routine, like: “Mondays are Bach-
react if you told them you go on a weekly elorette night, Tuesdays I have Pilates,
run to get out some stress. Both are valid Wednesday is therapy....”
forms of self-care, period. By opening up, you’re telling your
Plus, it might help them open up to date you’re a safe space for them to do
you even more. Transparency invites the same. What’s hotter than that?
Looking for affordable

therapy options? Start here. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 71
LOV E ST U F F Yo u S a i d I t
So, What’s
If it seems like everyone is a little more
~experimental~ lately, it’s because they
are. According to a 2021 survey from
Getting Everyone Off sex-toy retailer Lovehoney, 51 percent

of Americans say they’re more open to
experimenting than they were before the
These Days? pandemic, and for 73 percent of them,

that includes an increased interest in
kink. Our minds aren’t any dirtier than
For the sake of your mental health (and—okay, they’ve been all along—people have
been getting off to niche fantasies for
yes—our curiosity), we asked around. eons. But according to psychologist Kate
B Y K AY L A K I B B E Balestrieri, PsyD, we’re definitely being
“One of my favorite fantasies is secretly going down on “I’ve been more and more interested in CNC (consensual
my partner while he’s on an important work Zoom non-consent). I scroll through subreddits
(cameras on, of course). The idea of him struggling where people post their CNC fantasies, but I’m scared
to keep a straight face and muster through
to take the leap and actually try it. Still, the idea
some big presentation while I’m between his knees
about to make him cum in front of all his coworkers? that someone lusts after me so desperately that they’d
I get so turned on by the power and secrecy of it.” just take me like an animal? Whew...gets me hot.”
—Lila, 32 —Trish*, 25
“Spit! I’m totally into

degradation play, and
something about being spit
on makes me melt!”
—Lilith Rose*, 31
“I don’t have tattoos (and in reality, I don’t

even think I want any), but for some
reason, I’m really turned on by the idea of
someone (ideally a hot stranger) tattooing
me. In the fantasy, I go into a tattoo parlor
and the artist is this really hot, edgy-
looking woman who is immediately
attracted to me. I end up letting her tattoo
whatever she wants on me, giving her
complete control over my body and
“My partner and I don’t have kids, but sometimes during sex, I fantasize about us basically branding me. Something about
being kinky parents. Like, we’re at our kid’s friend’s birthday party and I’m wearing a surrendering my body to a stranger in such
panty vibe that he’s controlling and we end up banging in the bathroom.” a visible, permanent way feels super erotic
—Camila, 27 to me.” —Sara*, 32
Don’t worry, we have more:

more open about it. Women in particular news for your sex life, but being open well-being tends to tank when we
are increasingly tossing their (read: soci- about your fantasies—whether they’re repress our desires, which is why we’re
ety’s) old sexual scripts and embracing ones you’d actually bring into the here to fully endorse a shame-free
more unique desires, resulting in what bedroom or those you just like to think embrace of whatever you’re into. Need
Balestrieri describes as “more erotic, about—is also good for the ol’ mental inspo? Let these fellow Cosmo readers
more dimensional, more sensual, and health. According to psychotherapist get you started with some particularly
more kinky sex.” This is obviously good Rachel Wright, LMFT, our emotional spicy takes.
“For years now, an on-and-off fling of mine

has been telling me he wants to
experiment with piss play: Specifically,
he wants to cum on my face
and then piss it off. I was obviously
a little skeptical, but we finally tried it, and it
was honestly a lot hotter than I anticipated.
Like, would definitely do it again.
And again.”
—Stella*, 25
“I used to fantasize about having

sex with my ex-boyfriend’s
daughter (he was a lot older and
had adult children), sometimes
even while I was having sex
FROM LEFT: NEMANJA GLUMAC/STOCKSY UNITED; GETTY IMAGES; BRKATI KROKODIL/STOCKSY UNITED; GETTY IMAGES.
with my then-boyfriend.
I don’t usually have or fantasize
about having sex with women,
and there was nothing even
remotely flirtatious between us,
but something about the very
“There is absolutely nothing hotter to me than a man who wears a necklace risqué, kind of taboo dynamic
underneath his shirt—bonus points if it’s something with some kind of spiritual or of it being his daughter
sentimental significance. There is something so intimate and erotic to me was really hot to me in a dirty-
about undressing a guy and having access to this hidden, personal thing—
little-secret kind of way.”
something I only get to see because he wants me to. Not to mention, feeling it hit my
face and chest to the rhythm of his thrusts when he’s on top is incredibly hot.” —Jenna*, 24
—Steph*, 23
“This is gonna sound super weird,

but I’m hella turned on by a guy
with a big schnoz! Particularly
if it is aquiline-shaped or looks like
it’s been broken before.” —Abby Jo, 25
*Name has been changed. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 73
a s t rolo g y
Aries Taurus
Libra season is officially Work is taking over for
your own personal cuffing the first part of October,
season, so count on some but on the bright side,
~action~ very soon. Then, you now have tons of net-
starting on October 23, working opportunities.
Scorpio season is all about Your schedule clears up
diving deeper into inti- after October 23, when
macy. As in, a serious, real you’ll have plenty of time
connection with your new to spend with your BFFs
(or current) cutie. and a new crush.
Gemini Cancer
Wow, you are living it up You’ve been coming out of
right now, Gem. But at the your crab shell and hav-
end of October, you’ll want ing a blast! You can send a
BY JAKE REGI STE R to start taking things more thank-you card to the Scor-
seriously. Your to-do list is pio vibes activating your
a million miles long, and chart’s zone of romance,
although I know you want sex, and fun. Jupiter in your
to rush through, taking travel zone means you’ll
your time will make every- also have a great vacation
thing go more smoothly. before November ends.
Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio

Whoa, your calendar is Maybe you got ghosted Happy birthday, Libra! Your season is coming very
packed. You’re making or you just drifted apart— Have fun partying it up soon, and once October
all sorts of new connec- whatever happened, there until Scorpio season 23 hits, it’s time to let it
tions—both platonic and are some words left unsaid begins on October 23 and all out. Get creative and
romantic—but there’s one between you and your your work life gets a little write or paint! Get physical
problem: Mars Retrograde ex. Answer their DMs and (or, okay, a lot) hectic. and dance! Tell people
begins on October 30. You talk it out once and for all. Good news though: The you love them! Post 12
know that saying about Afterward, you can finally Sun connecting with Venus TikToks a day! Just be your
keeping your friends close move on (like, for real). Or in your chart’s money zone genuine self and you’ll
and your enemies closer? maybe get back together? means your hard work will attract tons of love, luck,
That’s your new life motto. It’s up to you. be generously rewarded. and (positive) attention.
Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces

Libra season is turning Congrats! You’ve reached I know you hate to hear It’s an introspective Libra
you into a social butterfly. a major point in your it, but you need to try to season for you. Your deep-
And while all your new professional life and you loosen up. As October est emotions, fears, and
friends seem great, free could end October with a ends, Saturn in your sign is bad habits are coming to
ALL IMAGES: GETTY IMAGES.
advice: Be picky about who bonus, a raise, or even a forming a tense square with the surface, and it’s time to
you spend your time with. promotion. Celebrate your multiple planets in Scorpio, change what you can and
Starting on October 30, big win after the 23rd— making you turn every little accept what you can’t. It’s
Mars Retrograde is expos- Scorpio season is all about disagreement into an all- rough, I know, so plan a
ing toxic connections. Trust spending every second of out fight. It’s time to learn Scorpio season vacay with
me, they’re there. your time with your crew. the value of compromise. your friends—you’ll need it.
The Tarot Reader in
Your DMs Might Be a Scammer
Here’s how to tell. BY E RI K A W. S M ITH
If you follow any tarot readers or astrologers on Instagram look at their posts: Scammers download and repost the
or TikTok, you might have gotten a message that says some- original astrologer’s content, but weeks’ worth of photos
thing like, “Grand Rising! I read your name and thought you may be posted all at once—and likely without comments
might need a reading from me.” And to answer your imme- or engagement. And if you’re proactively looking to book
diate question, no, “Grand Rising” is not a real astrological a session, know that real astrologers and tarot readers will
term—it’s the kind of nonsensical phrase being used in a have a website with a contact form or at least a professional,
scam that’s becoming much more common. public email address—they don’t need to be in your DMs.
It goes something like this: A scammer creates a copycat As for those professionals, they’re now finding their
profile of a tarot reader or astrologer, changing the user- incomes and reputations at risk: “I got a message from
name slightly—like replacing the letter “O” with the number someone saying that they had paid for a service, and they
“0” or adding an underscore, period, or extra letter. Then had actually paid an impersonator account,” says Jessi Ujazi,
they message the account’s followers to offer personalized creator of the Afro Tarot. “I was like, Okay, now I see that
readings, sometimes for as little as $20 and sometimes for they’re actually creating distrust with potential customers.”
hundreds of dollars. They may add pressure by talking about The problem has become so prolific that tarot reader Nova
an “urgent message” or messages from ancestors or spirit Magick Tarot created the @ScammerAlertPage to document
guides. After the person sends payment (via PayPal, for them—her goal is to expose 3 to 10 fake accounts per day.
example), the scammer blocks them. So far, she’s revealed almost 2,000.
Elizabeth Bodine-Baron, PhD, a senior information scien- There are some steps you can take if you’ve already fallen
tist at the RAND Corporation, calls it “a natural evolution of victim to one of these cons. Definitely report the account
the Nigerian prince email scam,” often operated not by a to Instagram, and you can file a report with the payment
single person but by an entire organization. service you used, although there’s no guarantee of getting
Luckily, there are ways to spot a fraud. First, double- your money back. Ultimately, the best defense, as they say,
check the username for the aforementioned tells (and for is a good offense—and that looks like blocking the heck out
a blue check mark, if the original account is verified). Then of anyone who dares to “Grand Rising!” you.
$299
Hey, friend.
Your mental health matters. Even if you feel like
you’re doing fine—and definitely if you feel
like you’re not—there are tools and tune-ups that
everyone can benefit from. Don’t know where to
start? Try any of our favorite resources here.
TO GET HELP FOR YOURSELF... 800-950-NAMI or text “HelpLine” to 62640

to speak with a trained staffer or volunteer at
• Find a licensed therapist near you in the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
the American Psychological Association’s
extensive database (Locator.APA.org) • If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or
or via Psychology Today’s therapist finder text 988 to be connected to a Suicide & Crisis
(PsychologyToday.com/us/therapists). Lifeline counselor at no cost to you.
For providers that focus on marginalized
and intersectional communities, visit Ayana
Therapy.com or InclusiveTherapists.com. TO GIVE HELP TO OTHERS...
• Try virtual therapy on a platform like • Volunteer your time with Crisis Text Line, the
BetterHelp, Teladoc, Amwell, or Talkspace. National Alliance on Mental Illness, or the
Online therapy can often be more American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
affordable than traditional therapy,
whether or not you have insurance. • Donate to nonprofits like:
> The Loveland Foundation, which helps
• Join a peer-based support site like Support provide therapy to Black women and girls.
.TherapyTribe.com or HeyPeers.com to find
communities of people dealing with similar > The Brain & Behavior Research Foundation,
mental health struggles. which awards grants to scientists doing
mental health research.
• Message with a volunteer listener at 7Cups > The Trevor Project, which focuses on
.com for free, 24-hour emotional support. suicide-prevention services for LGBTQ+
youth.
• Call the Trevor Project at 866-488-7386 or
the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 for free • Enroll in a Mental Health First Aid course—
LGBTQ+-specific crisis counseling. either online or in your community—at
MentalHealthFirstAid.org to learn how
• If you’re not in crisis but you want to talk to recognize signs of mental illness and help
or get more help finding resources, call accordingly.
Love,
Connect directly with these and

other resources right here. ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 77
Whatever “it” is—that star power, secret sauce, special something—
Laura Harrier has it, with plenty left over. The 32-year-old actor is
effortlessly chic, quietly hardworking, and exceedingly thoughtful
about, well, everything. And her latest roles are no exception.
I NTE RVI EW BY LOL A OGU N NAI KE PH OTOG R APH S BY DAN N Y K AS I RY E FA S H I O N B Y C A S S I E A N D E R S O N
Saint Laurent by
Anthony Vaccarello
dress. Fernando Jorge
earrings and necklace.
I
am supposed to be interview-
ing Laura Harrier. Instead,
between bites of a rice and soy
sauce concoction she’s thrown
together, she’s grilling me. I’m
ready to ask about the many
projects she’s promoting at the
moment (Hulu’s Mike Tyson
biopic series Mike, Netflix’s
animated Kid Cudi project
Entergalactic, a highly antici-
pated reboot of White Men
Can’t Jump), not to mention the
sun-drenched European vaca-
Her body of work would indicate that no, there is not. Following a stint as
a teenage catalog model (which she categorizes as “not glamorous; I was
not like the Bellas and Kendalls of the world”) and a pivot to soap operas,
she’s spent the past near-decade crafting a TV and film career that spans
award winners and action flicks alike alongside the biggest names in the
industry. She’s also, because of course, what one might unironically refer to
as a “fashion darling,” with a David Yurman ambassadorship and campaigns
for Louis Vuitton, Calvin Klein, Kenzo, and Boss under her belt. And with every
move, she’s out to prove that she’s more than a genetically blessed ingenue:
“I have always been ambitious and driven,” she says. “I didn’t enter this busi-
ness with any connections or related to anybody.”
She’s equally driven to be honest about the issues she and all of us face,
especially in light of her platform and the responsibilities that attend it. But
before we dive into all that, let’s talk about her own killer new crib. Because—
finally!—I have an opening to ask.
You sold your home earlier this year....You once said that you wanted
your previous pad to “look like it was owned by a rich lady in the ’70s
who just got divorced and is maybe gonna throw an orgy.”
[Laughs.] I was too honest with that answer.
I want the same level of honesty. Describe the current aesthetic of

your new home.
The current aesthetic is the same vibe, except it’s the ’20s in Paris. That’s
where my head is at now. I’m really looking toward more classic European
pieces. Interior design and architecture are a passion and a creative outlet
that I really love.
Any orgies involved?

I want to clarify that orgies are not a real thing in my life. No shade to people
who are into that, but that is not what’s actually happening in my house.
Judging from your Instagram, the past few months of your life have
still been pretty amazing though. You’ve taken the phrase “We back
outside” to a whole new level.
I’ve been outside. I’m not going to lie. I’m very grateful I’ve been able to travel
this summer. I’ve been in Europe, bopping around mainly in France and Italy.
tion she’s kindly interrupted I was in Marrakech for the Saint Laurent show.
to take this very Zoom. But
Casual.
nope. Laura has taken over, Exactly. You get invited, you must show up, right? Now I’m on a little island
and before I know it, we’re called Pantelleria, which is off Sicily.
chatting about my husband,
Are you hanging out solo? Are you there with someone?
my new home, and my over- I’m here with my significant other.
zealous Nigerian uncles. She’s
even busy taking in my sur- And how significant is that other? Because I’ve heard through the
grapevine that that other is very, very significant now.
roundings: “Is that a Kehinde Yeah. We did get engaged recently, which I’m very excited about.1
Wiley?” she asks, pointing at
the baroque painting of my Congratulations! Walk me through when, where, and how it happened?
It was really simple and sweet in Paris. I never wanted one of those big showy
then-toddler son on the wall public engagements. That’s just not my personality.
behind me. Yes, it is. “Before
I became an actress,” Laura How did you know you were ready for something as life-changing as
marriage?
says, “I thought I’d be a cura- The cliché of when you know, you know. I never really believed it until that
tor.” Okay, fine, so she is kind happened to me. It’s a funny feeling when you just find peace and calm.
and inquisitive and has an eye 1. Laura’s fiancé, Sam Jarou, a dashing Parisian who splits his time between France and
for art—is there literally any- Los Angeles, is a freelance creative consultant who’s worked with the likes of SoCal
streetwear brand Noon Goons. The two met at a dinner in L.A. in 2019 and keep their
thing this woman can’t do? relationship notoriously private, so yeah, this is kind of a big deal (!).
Oscar de la Renta
dress. Ananya necklace.
Fernando Jorge ring.
Miu Miu dress, bra,
briefs, socks, boots,
necklace, and belt.
David Yurman ring.
Christopher Kane dress.
Gianvito Rossi heels. Van
Cleef & Arpels necklace.
I also really do believe that you need to be ready within yourself before you On that note, I won’t ask about children.
can find somebody else to be with, which I also always thought was a cliché No. No. You’re not getting me, girl. [Laughs.]
until I felt secure within myself and the person I am and where I’m at in life.
That is a collab, right?
I know you don’t want to talk much about your fiancé, but last question: That’s a different sort of collab than what
He’s in fashion and you’re an actor. That’s a lot of creative energy in we’re talking about. The biggest collab.
one house. Do you collaborate on projects, or could you, potentially?
Mm. He’s the first man I’ve dated where I’ll actually listen when he gives me Speaking of collabs, you and Zendaya
outfit advice. So is that a collab? became friends after meeting on the
set of Spider-Man: Homecoming. What
Yes. That’s a start. would people be surprised to learn
On that note. about her?
Just how she is a fun, down-to-earth
person, despite being stunningly gorgeous
and good at everything and stupidly
talented and one of those people that you
almost want to hate but you can’t because
they’re just cool and nice.2 She’s a special
person for sure.
Folks on Twitter were recently discuss-

ing Zendaya and Keke Palmer and the
role that colorism has played in their
respective careers. Some argued that
Zendaya has enjoyed more main-
stream success than Keke because
she’s closer to a Eurocentric ideal of
beauty. Do you think colorism is still
an issue in Hollywood? Do you think
that lighter-skinned actresses have an
advantage?
Some of the most successful actresses
of color tend to be on the lighter side
and that’s definitely not okay. There are
so many facets to the Black experience.
There are so many ways that Black people
look, and only having one narrow view is
something that I think is ultimately putting
everybody at a disadvantage—we’re only
shortchanging ourselves when we don’t
show a diverse range of stories and a
diverse range of people onscreen. I do
think it’s something that’s slowly starting
to change, but even when we were doing
Spider-Man, I would get called “Zendaya”
all the time. People wouldn’t even take the
Saint Laurent by
time to differentiate us. Anthony Vaccarello
dress. Fernando Jorge
You don’t look anything alike. earrings and necklace.
No, not at all. It got to the point where we
would joke about it a lot. What else are
you going to do but laugh because it’s so How do you go about deciding if a project is right for you?
completely ridiculous. I look at the character first and foremost. Is this a person that I feel like I could
portray in an interesting way? Is this something that I haven’t done before?
I know that we’re seeing more women Does this feel different and new? Right now, I’m really interested in showing
of color in front of the camera. What different facets of myself.
are things like behind the scenes? Have
you noticed a shift in how women, par- In addition to Entergalactic,3 you’re also starring in the remake of White
ticularly women of color, are being Men Can’t Jump. What can you tell me about it and about working with
treated? rapper Jack Harlow?
Yeah. I’ve definitely seen it on both sides, This was his first time acting. He’s very charismatic and I knew he’d be able
which is really exciting and promising. to play the part, but he really impressed me. Our chemistry is great together.
Within the past few years, I’ve noticed a lot It felt natural and easy with him. And I think it’s going to be a cute movie.
more female showrunners, female direc-
tors, female writers in ways that I was not Cute movies are what we need right now, a place to mentally escape
seeing at the beginning of my career. It was to during these angst-inducing times. How do you balance staying
so rare to walk on a set and see women, informed with knowing when to turn it all off?
especially women of color, even people It’s so important to know what’s happening in the world and to be active and
of color in general. The sets in Hollywood to use your voice for the greater good and for causes that you believe in. But
have been so white-male dominated for sometimes doing that can really take a toll. Sometimes I have to not read the
such a long time. I have seen that change
recently, which is really cool and exciting. 2. This is also, it must be said, how some people—including me—would describe Laura.
3. The TV special is the brainchild of actor and rapper Kid Cudi, who executive produces and stars
in it as well, so naturally, a slew of music’s and Hollywood’s coolest kids make up the cast, from
I’m sure you’re inundated with scripts. Timothée Chalamet and Jaden Smith to Vanessa Hudgens, Teyana Taylor, and Ty Dolla Sign.
“I feel very angry about our current political system, In addition to bad TV, I’m also a huge
fan of a big, deep, ugly cry. It’s like an
about these abortion bans, about this war on women’s emotional enema.
bodies. That’s what’s making me really angry.” Holding emotion in is not only not good
mentally but not good physically. Physical
manifestations of stress are very real. I’ve
had weird little skin things or backaches
and it’s like, Okay, what is the actual root
cause of this? Maybe it’s because I’m
super stressed or upset and I’m not deal-
news, not check my New York Times app, turn off Instagram because these ing with it?
are really tough times that we’re living in. And it’s easy to get so caught up
in the collective anxiety of the world that you can forget that you also need When is the last time you felt angry?
to protect yourself and protect your own wellness. I don’t think that you can I feel very angry about our current political
make a change and help other people if you’re not taking care of yourself. system, about these abortion bans, about
this war on women’s bodies. That’s what’s
What strategies do you turn to for taking care of yourself? making me really angry. I feel enraged and
I’ve learned tools through therapy. I really am a big advocate for therapy really scared about the future and other
and for mental health care, especially in the Black community. That’s some- rights that can be rolled back.
thing that’s really improved my life and really helped me in significant ways,
especially with dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks. Now that the Supreme Court has over-
turned Roe v. Wade, there’s a real risk
There’s this notion historically that Black people don’t go to therapy. that other rights, like gay marriage
We go to church and we pray the pain away. Are you noticing a shift and interracial marriage, could be
in the Black community when it comes to taking care of one’s mental decimated as well. As the product of
health as you would your physical health? an interracial marriage, that must be
I love that you said that. I definitely believe that mental health care should be particularly horrifying for you, that
prioritized just as much as physical health. There’s been such a long history your parents’ union could be outlawed.
of ignoring mental health problems, of saying, “Oh, just suck it up” or “I’m a Just hearing those words...it’s such a clear
strong Black woman. That doesn’t happen to me.” All of these tropes that breach of human rights and what people
we’ve been taught over generations, when actually, I think given generational fought for and died for in our country. It’s
trauma, of course there are a lot of mental health issues within the Black really upsetting and very scary. We need
community. I’ve been working with a really amazing Los Angeles–based to use our collective voices and do every-
organization called BEAM, which stands for Black Emotional and Mental thing that we can to fight against these
Health Collective. They help people find resources, therapists, and also things, because clearly the justices on the
natural care, like Reiki. Supreme Court don’t want to just stop at
Roe v. Wade.
Do you work any of those remedies into your own mental health tool kit?
I try to meditate. I can’t say that I’m the best with my track record of doing You mentioned the war on women’s
it every day, but I try to at least do some deep breathing. I noticed I literally bodies. What do you think is motivat-
forget to breathe, which sounds wild, but sometimes I’m like, “Wait, I haven’t ing this? Is it a fear of women’s power?
taken a real breath all day,” and just taking 30 seconds to sit and do deep Is it a fear that women are now more
belly breathing is a game changer. Also, I think it’s so common to talk only empowered than they’ve ever been?
about self-care as meditation, yoga, and working out, which are all important, That’s definitely a factor. We obviously
but sometimes self-care is having a glass of wine with your best friend and know that these bans are going to dispro-
laughing and watching shitty reality TV. Watching The Bachelor and drinking portionately affect Black and brown
wine with my girls is awesome. Sometimes that’s the self-care that you need. women as well as women with lower
socioeconomic status. I don’t think these
What other reality shows are on your list of self-care watches? people are concerned about protecting
Do we want to go down this rabbit hole? It’s so bad. fetuses, but I think they really are inter-
ested in keeping people in a cycle of
I do. Let’s go. poverty so that they can remain in power
90 Day Fiancé is my addiction. The amount of hours I feel like I’ve spent in and remain in control, because they’re
life watching this show is....And there are so many spin-offs: 90 Day Fiancé: scared, because minorities are moving
The Other Way, 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days. up, because we are gaining more power,
and they want to keep the status quo.
I feel like I’ve learned more about the immigration system watching
90 Day Fiancé than I’ve learned reading august publications like the When speaking so candidly about such
New York Times or The Atlantic. hot-button issues, have you ever wor-
Oh, I one hundred percent agree with you, and also, now being engaged to a ried about backlash, worried about
non-American, I feel like all my facts are like, “Oh no, we can’t do that, babe. people saying, “You’re an actor, act”?
On 90 Day, their visa got rejected.” All my information is based on this show. Well, I would say that I’m not coming at
This page: Loewe
dress and boots.
Opposite page: Di Petsa

top and skirt. Giuseppe
Zanotti heels. Van Cleef &
Arpels earrings and rings.
Hair: Stefan Bertin at The

Wall Group using Color
Wow. Makeup: Valeria
Ferreira at The Wall
Group using Dior. Mani-
cure: Lucy Tucker for One
Represents. Set design:
Ranya El-Refaey. Produc-
tion: Yasser Abubeker.
these topics as an actress. I’m coming at
these topics as Laura, as a woman of repro-
ductive age who’s affected by Roe v. Wade.
I’m affected by Black Lives Matter issues
because I’m a Black person in America,
because that’s my family, because that’s my
little brother walking down the street that I
worry about. It’s not because of my job that
I care about these issues. It’s because of my
humanity that I do. To people who would
say that, I would encourage them to look
at their own humanity and ask themselves,
“Why do I not care more?” I don’t really
worry about backlash because if I don’t get
a job because I believe that women should
have access to abortion, then that’s not a
job that I want.
Speaking of jobs, I want to talk about

your role in Mike as Robin Givens, who
was famously married to Mike Tyson
for one year in the ’80s. How did you
prepare to play someone so iconic?
I wanted to tell this story as honestly and
truthfully as I could. Both were so misrep-
resented in the media. It was really shock-
ing looking back at these articles from
the ’80s and seeing the way that people
villainized her in legitimate publications.
I wanted to come at it from a place of
compassion but also a place of objectivity.
Do you think their marriage, and Robin

Givens specifically, would be viewed
differently today?
I’d hope it would all be viewed differently
today. Given the events of the past few
years, given the Me Too movement, I really
hope that had this happened now, people would have a lot more compas- aesthetic. I like to find characters through
sion for her. I can’t say that people would automatically believe her even wardrobe and through hair and makeup.
now, because as we’ve seen, it’s still very difficult for survivors to be believed. When I put on that wig and the full beat
and the nails, it just came out of me.
Mike Tyson has been quite vocal about his unhappiness with Hulu’s
decision to air this fictionalized account without his consent.4 Did the I hear the vintage shopping in L.A. is
fact that he wasn’t involved in any way impact your decision to be a spectacular.
part of it? It is. I have one place in L.A. that I love that
I wanted to be part of this project because more than telling Mike Tyson’s I’m not going to share because I don’t want
life story specifically, this is a real commentary on so many American stories. people to steal all my stuff. It’s tough out
We’re talking about racial inequality, socioeconomic inequality, rape culture, here. I got into an argument with a girl at
FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.
the Me Too movement. This story was looking at all those things through the that store recently because she tried to
lens of this incredibly famous man. steal my dress.
On a brighter note, the ’80s ensembles are fabulous. How did you resolve that argument?
We were giving. Is she alive?
It was very silly. She put the dress away,
You were Givens and you were definitely giving. then I took the dress. Then she said she
Thank you! I loved the wardrobe. The ’80s were such a time of excess and changed her mind and she still wanted it.
extravagance. I had major Chanel suits with the miniskirts and the little pumps. I said, “You can’t do that. That’s not how
It was full glam, full-on, all the time, which is so different from my personal this works. You put it away. It’s my dress
now.” She got very upset. It’s a great 2000
4. Tyson recently lashed out at the streaming network, saying, “I don’t support their story Roberto Cavalli. I wore it to a wedding the
about my life. It’s not 1822. It’s 2022. They stole my life story and didn’t pay me.” other day. So sorry, girl.
Schiaparelli bodysuit, hat,
and gloves. Wolford tights.
SIPA USA VIA AP.
BY N A N CY WA LEC K I
H A N D L E T T E R I N G B Y M A R Y FA M A
Alicia Yu could feel it—her thoughts shifting into high gear again. On the surface,
she looked like everyone else grabbing drinks on the patio of a Los Angeles brew-
ery that day, just a recent college grad chatting with her new coworkers. In Alicia’s
mind, though, the familiar what ifs were rising: What if a shooter shows up?
What if we all need to escape? The fence between the patio and street was too
tall to climb, she decided, and there were no windows to shatter like last time.
She looked around at the crowd: baseball fans in jerseys celebrating the Dodgers’
victory over the Giants, friend groups petting cute dogs sprawled underfoot. She
was vigilant. She knew terrible things could happen. Four years earlier, she had
survived one, then another, in the very same week.
The night of November 7, 2018, started like pretty much any other Wednesday.
As usual, Alicia’s close friend and suitemate Alaina Housley was taking forever
to figure out what to wear. Alaina was the kind of person who believed there was
a right way and a wrong way to do everything, and styling her blue flannel shirt
and denim shorts for College Country Night at the Borderline Bar & Grill was no
exception. The girls’ six other suitemates were losing patience (in a fun way) and
trying to shoo Alicia and Alaina out the door. “Go!” they said. “You look amazing!”
Weekly line dancing at Borderline was a long-standing tradition for the
students of Pepperdine University, a midsize Christian school overlooking the
ocean in Malibu, California. Alicia had spent her life pouring all her energy into
church and her studies, so College Country Night felt like her gateway to the
exciting world of “going out.” Most places around Pepperdine close early, but
not Borderline. In a beige stucco building next to a varicose-vein clinic in the
nearby suburb of Thousand Oaks, it was the closest thing to a nightclub most
of the students had.
Alicia, Alaina, and five other girls from the DeBell House freshman dorm—
including Jordyn Regier and their senior RA Josie Utz—arrived at the bar a little
before 10 p.m. The freshmen had their hands stamped with under-21 Xs, and
everyone made their way to the dance floor. Jordyn, a biology major who’d never
tried line dancing, was too shy to dance at first. But once she started, she liked
it so much that she wanted to practice for next time with the video tutorials
Borderline posted online.
At 11:18 p.m., Chris Brown’s “Turn Up the Music” came on. Alicia and Josie
laughed and switched to sweaty freestyling. Jordyn grabbed a table on the
sidelines; by then, she needed a break. Alaina slipped out of sight somewhere
in the crowd. And a man walked through the door with a .45-caliber Glock 21
handgun, modified with a high-capacity magazine, and started firing into the
room at random.
Experts call it the illusion of control—the baseline human belief that we
have the power to protect ourselves from harm. It’s
part of what enables us to function in the world, says
GETTY IMAGES (2).
Karestan Koenen, PhD, a leading trauma expert and Mourners at the vigil
site (right) honoring
professor of psychiatric epidemiology at Harvard’s the Borderline victims
T. H. Chan School of Public Health. And we do have as investigators work
some control, she notes, but only to a point. When the scene (top).
a life-threatening or terrifying event
shatters that illusion of safety, the
emotional impact can be swift and
deeply destabilizing: trauma.
Alicia couldn’t see the gunman at
first. For a second, she thought the shots
might be part of some cheesy country-
Western thing the bar was doing. The
shots kept going, and her mind struggled
to make it make sense. Maybe this is part
of a song remix? she wondered. Then the
screaming came, and someone yelled,
“That’s a gun!”
Josie—in protective RA mode even
then—seized Alicia and yanked her onto
a dogpile behind the bar. Some people
began hurling barstools and tables to
shatter windows and escape. Josie saw
the shooter turn toward her and Alicia.
She did a quick mental calculation and
decided she didn’t have time to grab a
stool. So instead, Josie punched through
the nearest window with her fist. Alicia
barely remembers climbing out. “I genu-
inely don’t think I would have survived
without Josie,” she says. “My brain could
not function. I just remember it was
chaos.”
Meanwhile, Jordyn dove under her
table. She remembered a Tumblr post
she’d once read about what to do in a
mass shooting, with tips for fleeing,
hiding, and playing dead. It’s weird that
I’m prepared for something like this, she
recalls thinking. She scanned the room,
tried to make a plan. When the shooting
paused for a moment, she bolted toward
a side exit and escaped.
The DeBell girls, minus Alaina, spot-
ted one another in a parking lot across
the street. Crouching behind a car, listen-
ing to the agonizing sounds of more
gunshots and more screams—Alicia says,
“That was when I realized the weight of
what was happening.” She texted Alaina:
“Hey, are you okay?”
A person can experience trauma
as a direct survivor—living through a
terrifying ordeal themselves—or as a
bystander, an onlooker to others’ suffer-
ing. One devastating feature of collective
traumatic events like mass shootings,
Koenen says, is that they hurtle people
into both categories at once. Alicia and
the DeBell girls were terrified for their
own lives. They had also just witnessed
the unthinkable happen to their friends,
to a roomful of people who had been out
for a fun night only minutes earlier. If
individual trauma says, “I’m not safe,”
collective trauma says, “No one is.”
In the parking lot, people shouted that
the shooter might be outside (he wasn’t,
but no one knew for sure), so the girls fled
on foot across a nearby golf course. By
then, Josie’s hand and arms were bleeding
heavily from having broken the window.
The group moved as quickly as they
could. Finally, they found a safe place to
stop and called an ambulance for Josie.
Jordyn called her parents, who lived close
by. No one had heard from Alaina.
While the group waited for help to
arrive, Alicia emailed her math profes-
sor. She explained in her message that,
unfortunately, she wouldn’t be able to
finish her homework that night because
she’d just been in a mass shooting.
EVERYONE AT DEBELL HOUSE spent

a sleepless night desperately await-
ing news. Alaina and Alicia’s suitemate
Ashley Mowreader, a journalism major,
had been monitoring police scanners
and sending out frantic tweets in hopes
of receiving information about Alaina:
“My suitemate is still missing. She is
wearing denim shorts, a blue flannel, and
sneakers. Pls let me know if you know
anything.” DeBell resident Madeleine
Carr, also a journalism major, had rock-
eted out of bed—so stunned that she
forgot to take out her retainer—to cover
the shooting for the Pepperdine Graphic,
her first experience with breaking news stash in her backpack. “Want some?”)
as a student reporter. Most of those killed at Borderline were younger than 25, senseless deaths
At noon, counselors who’d been in a grim statistical story: As of 2020, gun violence became the leading cause
stationed in DeBell throughout the night of death in the U.S. among kids, teens, and young adults. One of those killed at
asked all 50 girls in the dorm to gather Borderline, 27-year-old Tel Orfanos, had survived the Las Vegas festival shooting
in the lobby. One counselor pulled Alicia only the year before.
aside to privately share the wrenching When night fell on Thursday, no one in Alicia’s suite—including Alicia—wanted
news they were about to deliver: Alaina to sleep alone. The girls dragged their mattresses to the common room. They lay
Housley, along with 11 other people together quietly, doing their best to drift off. Outside, high-speed winds rattled
(excluding the gunman, now also dead), the trees and whistled against the windows. The girls didn’t realize it then, but the
had been killed in the shooting. deadly Woolsey Fire was growing in a valley about 35 miles outside Los Angeles
The shock was too much. Alicia found and moving toward Malibu. The next mass trauma was already on its way.
herself completely unable to react, her
thoughts and body divided. You have to MENTAL HEALTH EXPERTS have traditionally sorted traumatizing events into one
emote somehow, she told herself. Say of two categories: single incidents (like a horrific car crash) or chronic, sustained
something. Punch a wall. As Alicia stood states (think: living in a war zone). Recent events have upended that binary,
frozen, many of the freshmen girls, upon giving rise to a troubling hybrid form of trauma that researchers are just begin-
hearing the news, broke down sobbing ning to explore in full. There’s not even a clear name for the phenomenon yet.
on the floor. Roxane Cohen Silver, PhD, a leading researcher in this field and a distinguished
Some lingered there, forming circles, professor of psychological science, medicine, and public health at the University
crying, trading stories about the friend of California Irvine, alternately describes it as cascading collective trauma or
they’d never see again: Alaina, who cumulative collective trauma. Essentially, it’s what happens when distinct mass
crafted delightfully ugly Mod Podge tragedies overlap or occur in quick succession.
renderings of all her suitemates’ home Like, you know, this brief review of very recent history: years of seemingly
states. Alaina, who was obsessed with ceaseless mass shootings, a pandemic that has killed more than a million people
the phone game Cooking Mama. Alaina, in the U.S. alone, racist violence by law enforcement against its own citizens,
GETTY IMAGES (2).
who bought dark-chocolate-covered natural disasters fueled by an ever-escalating climate crisis, the constant threat
graham crackers every time she went to of economic collapse, and the war in Ukraine. Silver says, “We’re really trying to
Starbucks. (“I guess I hoard these now,” understand this very unusual period that we’re in right now, where it’s all bad
she once said to Jordyn, revealing a huge news all the time.”
A
LICIA AND HER SUITEMATES had barely woken up another factor in her distress—griev-
from their pile of mattresses on the common room ing in a cafeteria filled with hundreds
floor when a DeBell RA rapped on the door with of people, all while hoping the place
urgent safety instructions. “Pack up! There’s a fire in wouldn’t burn down.
Malibu! We’re sheltering in the cafeteria!” People sometimes compare the
California was in flames that day, the girls learned, impact of a collective trauma to drop-
and emergency responders were outmatched. In ping a rock in a pond: the disturbance
the state’s northern region, an out-of-control blaze most pronounced at the center, with
known as the Camp Fire was raging after destroying rings rippling outward to represent the
the town of Paradise and killing at least 85 people the broader impact on loved ones of survi-
day before. There in Southern California, the Woolsey vors, on communities, even on people
Fire, stoked by drought conditions and 52-mph winds, had already burned 8,000 following the news from far away, plau-
acres, jumped Highway 101, and turned the sage-green hills of Malibu obsidian. sibly frightened that they might be next.
With the fire at zero percent containment, the university quickly enacted But there’s a modern glitch in that pond
the shelter-in-place protocols it had developed with local fire officials. Students metaphor: the premise of a clear, tranquil
weren’t barred from leaving, but the strong recommendation was that they stay— surface. “In general, people are designed
highway evacuation routes were crowded. Alicia didn’t have a car, so she didn’t to recover from negative events,” says
have a choice anyway. Dana Garfin, PhD, a collective-trauma
This is the apocalypse, she thought as she made her way to the cafeteria. Some researcher at UCLA. The problem: “If
students snapped pictures of smoke plumes in the distance. those events are happening in rapid
Madeleine was staying on campus too, the shock of another emergency in such succession, people aren’t going to get a
a short period of time putting her on autopilot. “It was like a conveyor belt,” she chance to return to that baseline.”
remembers. “You’re on a line job—you do one thing, and then the next thing is A better way to think of cascading
right in front of you.” collective trauma might be to imagine
Josie was on so many prescribed painkillers that she blobs of watercolor paint in different
doesn’t remember much from that day. She’d gotten more Mass events like the hues, applied one after another to a
than 50 stitches for the injuries she suffered at Border- Woolsey Fire are dev- wet page. Each spot seeps outward
line: a U-shape wound that sheared the skin off her right astating on their own. while mixing with the colors beside
In the aggregate, their
forearm, a deep puncture at the base of her palm, and impact may test our it—overlapping, darkening, changing
two slices on her left arm. The fire emergency was yet human ability to heal. the whole picture.
and Ashley went to the library, where smoke inside was thick.
Students snapped N95 masks over their mouths and noses.
University staff distributed bright-yellow emergency blankets
for the night. Ashley and Alicia gazed out the windows. The
blaze was visible now, a thin red line on the hillside, growing
wider, brighter.
At 10:47 p.m., someone on the law enforcement team burst
into the library, announcing that the fire had reached campus
and that everyone needed to evacuate. “What are you still
doing here?!” he shouted. Students flooded the exits, shoving
past one another, before the fire team corrected the man and
told everyone to remain in place. I have nothing left to give,
IN THE EARLY HOURS of the Woolsey Ashley remembers thinking in those moments. Next to her, Alicia felt certain:
Fire, some Pepperdine students took I’m going to burn alive.
a summer-camp approach to shelter- By 2 a.m., the fire had advanced down the hillsides of Pepperdine. Two fire
ing. One made a playlist of fire-themed strike teams worked through the night to save the 1,000 or so people sheltering
songs. Another handed out dozens of at the school, finally beating back the blaze a couple of hours after sunrise. The
plastic kazoos. Survival and coping looks university lifted the shelter-in-place order and canceled classes for two weeks.
different to different people, Garfin The Woolsey Fire burned in the region for 12 more days, incinerating nearly
notes. Some strive to preserve as much 100,000 acres, leveling 1,643 structures, and taking the lives of 3 people.
normalcy as they can. Some, like Alicia,
turn inward: The chasm between her FOR THE FIRST YEAR OR SO afterward, Alicia was haunted by nightmares. “I’d
classmates’ coping strategies and the wake up in the morning and ask God to kill me,” she says. She couldn’t figure
way she felt inside (numb, grief-stricken, out how to make friends after all she had endured (should she tell them about
guilty) was “overwhelming.” November 2018? How?). Concentrating at school became nearly impossible. “How
Dusk came, but the sky was already do you tell your professor, ‘Sorry, I fall asleep in your class every day because I
black. Pepperdine officials told students dream about getting shot every night’?” Alicia may have survived, but she hadn’t
they’d be sheltering overnight. The fully escaped. “It affects every relationship that I have with anyone—my family,
mood turned more serious then. Alicia my friends, partners, whoever,” she says. “It seeps into every corner.”
communities, Koenen says that “it’s
hard to study the field scientifically, as
each experience is so context-specific
and it’s hard to know if what worked
in one situation will work in another.”
Silver recently finished data collec-
tion for a study that will examine the
coping strategies of 6,500 people during
the layered mass crises of the past two
years, which she hopes will answer some
key questions. Still, all the experts who
spoke to Cosmo agree that treatment
alone would never be sufficient: “It’s not
enough to intervene in the aftermath of
these tragedies,” says Sarah Lowe, PhD,
a clinical psychologist and collective-
trauma researcher at Yale. “We have to
work to prevent them from happening
in the first place.”
THE OLD BORDERLINE building is still

there, empty now. In 2020, the bar’s
owners opened a new location in nearby
Agoura Hills, and College Country Night
still happens weekly. By the time Ashley
graduated, she was a regular. She’s
since moved to Washington, D.C., where
she works in business journalism—a
beat that feels safer than hard news.
Madeleine moved from her home state of
Hawaii to Madison, Wisconsin, and has a
job in PR. She loves the farmers market
there and hopes she’ll learn to love the
Ashley experienced similar emotional fallout. “I think Grieving in Thousand cold. Josie recently moved to Alaska
the more and more that trauma compounds, the more it Oaks the day after the
shooting (left) and one
with friends and runs a tutoring busi-
becomes ‘you,’” she says. “It’s easy to get tumbled up in year later, at the dedi- ness. Jordyn, based in Thousand Oaks, is
all these bad things that happened, to think, I’m a prod- cation of a memorial taking a gap year, hoping to rehabilitate
uct of my environment. I never wanted that to be true.” garden (right).
wildfire-damaged ecosystems before
Cumulative collective trauma could become the next starting a graduate program in ecology.
major mental health epidemic among young adults if this Two trees stand dedicated to Alaina
pattern of events persists, Garfin says. Gen Z is more likely than any other genera- Housley’s memory: an olive tree on
tion to report poor mental health, with 25 percent experiencing more emotional Pepperdine’s campus and a cypress tree
distress since the pandemic. Finding your way through multiple mass crises makes in Florence, Italy, where she’d planned
it hard to even figure out an adult identity. Garfin asks, “What’s different about to study abroad her sophomore year.
society now? There’s more media, more news; these disasters are increasing. Young On what would have been Alaina’s 21st
people are up against a lot more obstacles in terms of thinking about their future, birthday, in July 2021, Alicia met up
their safety, and their security. They’re growing up with increasing threats.” with Ashley and Alaina’s other friends
Alicia started therapy not long after the events of November 2018. Over time, to decorate the Pepperdine tree. They
she’s built a mental tool kit to ease her moments of panic—like when she smells climbed into its low branches, weaving
smoke—and to manage the intrusive thoughts that tell her she should’ve done purple and teal streamers through the
something to save Alaina. Senior year, she was the social media intern in Pepper- leafy boughs, and propped a small bottle
dine’s Resilience-Informed Skills Education Program, where she also shared with of champagne against the trunk. Alicia
students her experiences of living through back-to-back trauma. says it helps to be present with people
“I think about this every day. It’s still very much a conscious part of my life,” who remember, who know what it’s like
she says from her apartment down the street from the Warner Bros. studio in to try to make your way forward when
L.A. “At the same time, it’s not what’s consuming me.” She graduated this year you’ve survived so much.
and has a job in the insurance industry. She has a car now, too, that she’s using
ASSOCIATED PRESS (2).
to explore the city. The waves of difficulty ebb in and out, hitting hardest when
NANCY WALECKI is a staff writer and editor at Harvard
Alicia sees other people just enjoying their days, seemingly unbothered by the
Magazine, originally from Malibu, California. She’s
fact that their sense of safety—everyone’s safety—is so provisional. currently at work on a book about the independent
While there are some therapeutic approaches specifically designed to music store Westwood Music, which was a hub for
treat cumulative collective trauma, like those developed for war-stricken major ’60s and ’70s musicians.
Dopamine P H O T O G R A P H S B Y L E V I W A LT O N FA S H I O N B Y C A S S I E A N D E R S O N
W O R D S B Y R A C H E L T O R G E R S O N A N D E M M A B AT Y
SHEER BLISS
Life is short. Wear the
see-through shirt.
Lie in a field of long
grass. Have this exact
photo shoot. You will
not regret it.
Wiederhoeft blouse.
Hatton Labs necklace
and bracelet.
Dressing
Tulle tops, rainb ow knits, b eaded necklaces —
Travis B arker protégé xdn mo dels
the mo o d-boosting capsule collection
we all deser ve.
SO SQUISHY
There’s just something
about puffy clothing,
isn’t there? Go
ahead and imagine
scrunching these
shorts. You’re smiling,
aren’t you?
1 Moncler JW Anderson
sweater and shorts.
Comme Si socks. Coach
boots. Hood hat.
Mateo necklace. David
Yurman ring.
PINTERESTING
Don’t get mad—get
plaid. Specifically,
plaid vest with match-
ing slacks and a
smattering of pins to
make it all you.
Helen Anthony waistcoat

and trousers. Mikimoto x
Comme des Garçons
necklace. Cartier watch.
Cobblestones Vintage
NYC pins.
ONE WORD:
PLEATS
More words: Pink.
Sweater vests. Smiley
faces. Chonky
rainbow sandals!
Ganni vest. Mira Mikati

pants. 1 Moncler JW
Anderson slides.
Mikimoto pearl earring.
Hatton Labs necklace.
About Our Model...
You know him as jxdn,
but Jaden Hossler, the
21-year-old behind
the stage name, was
the first artist signed
to Travis Barker’s DTA
Records in 2020 after
breaking out on TikTok
the year before. His
debut album was a
huge hit (we’re talking
literal millions of
streams). In the wake
of his friend and fellow
content creator
Cooper Noriega’s
death earlier this year,
Jaden channeled
his grief and energy
into a new EP,
28 (Songs for Cooper).
He found catharsis
writing lyrics like,
“Why’d you go so
soon?...I would have
followed but you know
that I couldn’t.” Honor-
ing his friend helped
him find peace, Jaden
says. “I felt there
was no other way for
me to begin to try
to process life without
him.” Stay tuned:
jxdn’s second album is
coming soon.
PATTERNED
TURTLENECKS
ONLY
Those gray work
trousers in your closet
are practically begging
for a tonal turtle. But
don’t take it from me—
take it from jxdn!
Dior Men shirt, pants,

and beret. Mikimoto pearl
earring. Cartier ring (left).
Mateo ring (right).
WEAR THE
RAINBOW
FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.
Nothing taps into

happy quite like a
ROYGBIV moment...
except maybe a
shirtless tattooed guy
holding a flower...?
Mia Vesper jeans.

Mikimoto pearl earring.
Ian Charms necklace.
Cartier watch.
UP, UP, AND
CROCHET
Granny squares give
off warm-hug energy
whether or not
your actual granny
made them.
The Series tank.

Casablanca trousers. Crocs
clogs. Jibbitz shoe charms.
Prada sunglasses. Polite
Worldwide pearl necklace
(above). Hatton Labs pearl
necklace (below).
Groomer: Melissa DeZarate.

Manicure: Ely García using
UN/DN LAQR in Cooper’s
Color, a nail polish jxdn
launched in honor of his late
friend Cooper. Twenty per-
cent of net proceeds from
the collection’s sales will
be donated back to Coop’s
Advice Foundation.
ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 1 03
Vans Ver y soon, your nearest abortion clinic might not have a real address or
Cosmo takes the first in-depth look at a top secret fleet of mobile clinics
Not
Bans
a phone number or a front door. But it could have an engine and wheels.
steering the future of abortion care.
You’re having an abortion

today—that much you know. The
pregnancy is about 7 weeks along,
and you’ve booked an appoint-
ment for a vacuum aspiration
procedure. It’ll be quick, simple,
and safe. Five minutes, tops. You’re
just not exactly sure where the
appointment will be, because the
clinic is motoring down a highway
somewhere, just like you are.
Abortion is now almost entirely
banned in your home state of Loui-
siana, so you and your best friend
had to hit the road yesterday,
taking turns driving through miles
of swampy Southern wetlands
before stopping overnight in the
Texas Panhandle. You’re about to
cross into eastern Colorado, the
Rocky Mountains rising into view,
and soon, your phone will buzz
with a call directing you to your
confidential destination: a seem-
ingly random parking lot just over
the state line. That’s where you’ll
find an unmarked van waiting for
you—a fully operational abortion
clinic, hiding in plain sight.
I
t ’s clear—from
studies and from
the lived experi-
ences of pregnant
people throughout
time—that abor-
tion restrictions
do literally nothing to reduce the
need for abortion. That’s why
Minnesota nonprofit Just the Pill
is racing to meet rising demand
with something that’s never been
done before: converting ordinary
BY GARN ET H E N DE RSO N I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y J A C K Y B O E H M
commercial vans into a fleet of specially a procedural abortion is best. “When I Security was always a top priority, but
equipped mobile clinics that can roam needed an abortion for an incomplete now it really is. Organizers aren’t publicly
where and when they’re needed in order to miscarriage, I chose to have a procedure revealing what the mobile clinics look
perform first-trimester abortions on the DL. because I preferred to have the process like, for one. (Let’s just say you won’t see
Its organizers have dubbed the project over as quickly as possible,” she says. “If I or “Abortion Delivered” painted on the side.)
Abortion Delivered, and for the record, someone I love needs another abortion in They’re even secretive about the days and
there’s nothing sketchy about it, despite the future, I want to have as many options hours they’ll be seeing patients.
how it might sound. Abortion Delivered available as possible.” Basically, unless you’re rolling up for an
vehicles are staffed by experienced, She set off on an intense two-year appointment, you won’t even know if Abor-
trained clinicians providing 100 percent odyssey of research and fundraising. For tion Delivered is parked in your neighbor-
legal care. The current sociocultural logistical insights, Just the Pill tapped like- hood. “Those of us who have been through
climate just means they have to operate minded groups providing other kinds of arsons, who have been through blockades,
covertly, with key details kept classified. in-person mobile health care—groups like who have been through Nazis protesting
Cosmo was granted special access as Plan A, which provides free services includ- us, we understand,” Amanda says. “We are
the group made its final preparations to ing STI testing and contraceptive care in the experts in our security in a way that
deploy the vans this summer and agreed the Mississippi Delta region. Amanda even law enforcement is not.” Each single-
to share only what’s in this article for the gathered cost estimates too, which were room van will have a staff of at least four:
safety of all involved. kind of sobering. Turns out, transforming a clinician, a medical assistant, a driver,
If the political winds shift, Abortion Delivered can start its
Y
ou won’t see her real and a security guard. “It’s a small group
name in the press, but of people who have a lot of trust in one
Amanda—a pseudo- another,” Amanda explains. The vans are
nym—is the founder outfitted with ballistics protection—bullet-
of Just the Pill and the proofing, just in case.
mastermind behind Given the extensive precautions, you
Abortion Delivered. might wonder how patients themselves
She got the idea for mobile clinics long will find the vans. The answer, like so many
before the Supreme Court overturned Roe conversations about abortion access
v. Wade in June, after working for years as these days, is in community organizing.
a patient counselor in a Florida abortion For months, Just the Pill has been quietly
clinic. Inspiration struck when she relo- building networks with local groups in the
cated to Minnesota a few years ago and regions it plans to visit, informing clinics
observed the sprawl and isolation of her an empty van into a safe, legal abortion and abortion fund organizers of the first-
new home state. Wow, it’s hard to get an clinic requires at least eight months and trimester procedural support the vans can
abortion out here, she remembers think- a minimum budget of $375,000. It would offer. It’s through this whisper network that
ing. Wouldn’t it be great if we had mobile be a huge undertaking, but it would be patients will plug in with the mobile team.
clinics that could drive around and meet faster and less costly than trying to get a Here’s how it’ll likely play out: Let’s say
patients in need? brick-and-mortar clinic off the ground. It you call a clinic seeking an appointment
Just the Pill got its start (and its name) as also had the potential to serve a broader and learn that all the upcoming spots are
a telemedicine provider of abortion pills, the base of people, especially those without booked. The clinic worker might say some-
kind hundreds of thousands of people take access to reliable transportation. thing like, “Well, there could be another
at home every year during the first 10 or 12 Abortion Delivered was shifting into option in the next few days with a mobile
weeks of pregnancy. But Amanda knew that launch mode when Roe fell—a grim provider....” From there, you’ll be connected
pills aren’t a perfect solution for everyone, coincidence that accelerated the group’s with Just the Pill directly to complete any
that for some people—herself included— efforts while setting nerves on edge. safety checks and make arrangements
D
one-on-one with the van’s team. (The igital security is, of Colorado is also among 18 states that
clinic that connected you won’t be course, its own major permit a range of advanced-practice
involved.) You’ll learn the van’s exact concern. Personal clinicians—not just doctors but also nurse
location shortly before your appointment. internet data, includ- practitioners, nurse midwives, and/or
After that, the plan is for a pretty normal ing search history physician assistants—to perform in-clinic
patient experience, Amanda says. The and private Face- abortions, a reflection of the scientific
scene inside an Abortion Delivered van book messages, evidence on safety.
isn’t much different from what you’d find have already been used in criminal cases Just the Pill isn’t set up to accept insur-
in a regular doctor’s office. The clinics are brought against people who have under- ance yet—it’s working with a consultant
ADA-accessible one-room spaces, each gone abortion or experienced pregnancy to figure that out—but first-trimester
outfitted with an exam table, a few chairs, loss. Meanwhile, data brokers have drawn abortions will cost only $350, much less
a sink, a fridge, space for all the neces- criticism for selling bundles of location than the national out-of-pocket average
sary medical equipment, and a privacy data—mined from people’s phone apps— of $575. Accessibility and inclusion are
curtain. An in-clinic abortion—and one with information on visits to abortion clin- core to the group’s values, Amanda says.
in an Abortion Delivered van—is a five- ics. Just the Pill works with an organization The majority of staffers are bilingual,
minute deal during the first trimester not called Digital Defense Fund to develop speaking 9 languages among them,
unlike an IUD insertion. First, the provider strong internet safety measures, for itself with translation services in place for an
uses a speculum to open the vagina. Then, and for patients. additional 15. Fifty-five percent of staff
engines and set up somewhere else, up to the very edge of where the law allows.
they use an instrument called a tenaculum Given the group’s care in avoiding members are BIPOC and at least 36
to hold the cervix in place. Next, they dilate outside detection, would the van teams percent are LGBTQ+.
the cervix using small wands. Finally, they ever just...flout the law and barrel into “ban Each single-room van will provide up
place a cannula—sort of like a straw—into states” to meet patients closer to home? to 16 procedural abortions per day. Even-
the cervix and use a handheld device to Heroic as that may sound, it’s a hard no: tually, the group hopes to have an entire
create gentle suction, which removes the “We abide by every single law in every fleet of mobile clinics on the road full-time
pregnancy. After a short recovery period single state that we serve. Down to the in Colorado, and it’s eyeing New Mexico,
of 20 to 30 minutes, you’re good to go. letter,” Amanda says. Which gives them Illinois, and its home state of Minnesota
This efficiency is one reason that many enough to think about as is. The leader- next. Also in the works is a larger abor-
of the growing number of traveling patients ship team is in daily contact with pro bono tion bus, with two procedure rooms and a
are seeking procedural abortions over attorneys who help them stay on top of dedicated recovery space. This will allow
medication abortion, says Julie Amaon, legal developments across states. If and the group to perform second-trimester
MD, medical director of Just the Pill. Abor- when the political winds shift, Abortion abortions as well. It’s some big “can’t stop,
tion pills can be an amazing choice for Delivered can start its engines and set won’t stop” energy. Says Amanda, “This is
people who have a safe and comfy place up somewhere else, up to the very edge not the time for fear.”
to rest, but the medication does come with of where the law allows. Several other abortion providers have
several hours of intense cramping and Colorado makes sense as a starting already reached out for guidance on
bleeding, she explains. If you’re away from point and a proving ground, Dr. Amaon adapting the Abortion Delivered model to
home, you have to either find somewhere says. The state is already a safe zone for their own operations. “We have the ability
to lay up after taking the pills or bring patients traveling from nearby restricted- to be bold and pivot as we learn how to do
the pills back home with you—to a state access regions like Texas and Oklahoma. this,” Dr. Amaon says. “We are laying the
where abortion care may be prohibited. And Colorado lacks the medically unnec- groundwork for others to follow.”
This could be legally risky, Dr. Amaon says, essary clinic regulations that some other
especially for people of color and other states have enacted—burdensome rules, GARNET HENDERSON is a freelance journalist
marginalized communities that are more known as TRAP laws, insisting on triviali- reporting on health and abortion access. She is the
likely to face criminalization. ties like a certain size for janitors’ closets. host and producer of Access: A Podcast About Abortion.
ISSUE 6 C o s m o p o l i ta n 1 07
Fo r Yo u r H a i r
and Scalp
A Hair-Oiling Duo
Mauli Rituals
cofounder Anita
Kaushal uses this
set as an overnight
treatment. “I work
the oil into my scalp
in sections, giving
my head a good
massage as I go,
and then I comb
it through to the
ends with my
neem comb.”
Mauli Rituals Grow
Strong Hair Oil and
Detangling Neem
Comb, $53
A Shine-Boosting
Spray
Shake and spritz
this oil-based mist
on dry hair for
instant softness
and UV protection.
Fable & Mane HoliRoots
Hibiscus Hydrating Hair
Oil Mist, $29
AY URVEDA
FOR THE UNINITIATED
The 3,000-year-old science is “new” again, and it’s got some very modern surprises.
PH OTOG R A PH S BY DAM I E N FRY WORDS BY L AU RE N BAL SAMO
S H O T O N L O C AT I O N AT T H E F O U R S E A S O N S R E S O R T N E V I S
L
et’s start with what Ayurveda is not. Despite How does this play out in your
what your feed may tell you, it’s not a trend, it’s products? Balance. Turmeric, for
not a fad, and it’s definitely not a novel idea. example, is now being combined with
What it actually is: an ancient science, specifi- retinol in topical medications to help
cally the science of life (in Sanskrit, “ayur” means temper retinol’s potentially irritating
life or vital power and “veda” means science or side effects. For those experiencing
knowledge), that’s been studied and practiced hair loss or hair thinning, Dr. Mian
in Indian culture for millennia. “Ayurveda is a holistic way of looking encourages patients to combine
at life that is now being more widely recognized and practiced in the daily Rogaine with weekly or biweekly
Western world, especially in the beauty space,” says dermatologist hair oiling, a major Ayurvedic prac-
Kiran Mian, DO. Some tenets: Your outer beauty is a mirror for what’s tice (see sidebars) that involves
going on internally, encouraging you to look deeper and treat an massaging your scalp and strands
issue like a breakout or a rash not just at the surface but also at the with a nourishing oil. “Rogaine’s
root, where triggers like seasonal changes, diet, or just the Hair main ingredient, minoxi-
constant stress of today’s world can create imbalances in Oiling 101 dil, works to dilate blood
your system. “When someone comes to me with acne, “In the U.S., haircare vessels and stimulate
I’ll write them a prescription, but I’ll also help them is all about reversing and blood flow to the scalp,
adjust their daily habits to help reduce inflammation repairing damage, but in India, it’s and that’s essentially
all about weekly prevention with hair
too,” Dr. Mian says. what hair oiling does
HAIR AND MAKEUP: TRACY ALFAJORA. MODEL: DARYA JEMELJANOVIČ. ANEMOS SWIMSUIT
oiling,” says Michelle Ranavat. The

But you don’t need to go to a derm to do some practice helps prevent hygral fatigue with the massaging,”
(WORN THROUGHOUT). FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.
Ayurvedic exploration—Sephora’s coolest new (repeated swelling and shrinking of says Dr. Mian.
brands (like Ranavat and Fable & Mane) are based the hair follicle when wet), Every expert Cosmo
on its holistic principles, and traditional Ayurvedic which in turn reduces spoke to for this piece
herbs and plant-derived ingredients like turmeric, baku- breakage, frizz, and said they want to share
split ends.
chiol, gotu kola, rose water, and ashwagandha are becom- Ayurveda with the world.
ing mainstays. In a few years, the Ayurvedic beauty market is The brands on these pages
expected to be valued at a whopping $14.9 billion. make that possible. Each is inspired
“I believe that Ayurvedic beauty is becoming more mainstream in by different Ayurvedic philosophies
Western culture because we are starting to, through these times of and practices and can help with
global health crisis, return to nature for health, healing, and beauty,” everything from acne to split ends. “I
says Ananta Ripa Ajmera, a yoga instructor, spiritual teacher, and always try to make it clear: Ayurveda
adviser of Ayurveda at The Well, a wellness retreat in NYC. Wellness- isn’t just for Indian people or people
focused beauty has been a thing for years now, of course, but the who grew up practicing it,” says
cultural component hasn’t been talked about as much, says Michelle Ranavat. “It’s the same thing with
Ranavat, founder and CEO of Ranavat. “Now the two things are these beauty secrets and products:
coming together—you’re really getting the full picture.” They’re meant for everyone.”
Fo r Yo u r
Fa c e
A Nourishing
Serum
Mung lentil seed
extract (it’s rich in
vitamin B5) and
niacinamide come
together in this
serum to help skin
stay hydrated and
improve barrier
function.
Avya Hydroveda
Serum, $68
A Gentle Cleanser
Rich in turmeric
and black cumin
seed oil, this face
wash leaves skin
soft and glowing.
Sahajan Golden Milk
Cleanser, $45
Fo r Yo u r
Masking Routine
A Purifying Clay Mask A Softening Cream Mask

A trio of Ayurvedic herbs Inspired by handmade Indian
in this clay mask helps skincare treatments, this mask
soothe inflammation and plumps and nourishes with
reduce excess oil. turmeric butter and argan oil.
Sonäge Tulsi Soothing Prakti MahaMask Pampering
Tri Clay Mask, $48 Moisture Treatment, $44
Fo r Yo u r N ex t
D I Y Fa c i a l
A Brightening Face Oil A Facial Massage Wand

Amla oil (the hero in this oil) The tip of this wand is made of
has been a staple in Ayurvedic kansa, a blend of copper and tin
beauty for centuries thanks to its metals that is prized for its ability
high concentration of vitamin C. to help soothe and de-puff skin.
Aavrani Firming Vitamin C Ranavat Kansa Wand Detoxifying
Treatment, $48 Facial Massage Tool, $70
Fo r Yo u r
Body
A Soothing Body Oil A Relaxing Bath Oil

Infused with plant extracts Pour it in your tub or rub it on
and oils, this cooling treatment your body and let the blend
is perfect for balancing of sandalwood, jasmine, and
skin in warm climates or the chamomile essential oils help
summer season. you unwind.
Nāo Ayurveda Pitta Cooling Body Oil, $36 Uma Pure Calm Wellness Bath Oil, $80
T h e La s t Pa g e
You + Your
Mental Health
Refreshing candor from
your fellow readers.
BY AN NAB E L IWEGB U E
What do you consider Is it hard to talk about

your priority? your mental health
struggles with others?
6 5% My mental health
4 4% It depends on who I’m
3 5% My physical health
talking to.
2 6 % A little....It’s just such a
personal issue.
Who do you usually 1 8 % Yes, I don’t want them

go to for mental or to think I can’t deal with hard
emotional health help? things.
1 2 % No, I like to open up.
27 % My partner.
What has the most
24% My friends. negative impact on your
mental health? (Check all
1 8 % I keep it to myself. Have you ever been that apply.)
1 6 % My family. to therapy?
6 4% Work stress
1 5% A professional 6 7 % Yes
6 0 % Worries about my future
therapist. 3 3 % No
5 4% Financial anxiety
4 4% Friend or family drama
2 5% Romantic relationships
24% Concerns for my health

or safety
FROM TOP: PANSFUN IMAGES/STOCKSY UNITED; IBAI ACEVEDO/STOCKSY UNITED (2).

14% A mental-health-
related diagnosis
In general, over the

What are your top self- past six months, you
care methods? (Check have felt:
all that apply.)
If you have been or do go 6 5% I’ve had both good
If you haven’t been,
to therapy, what’s your 6 4% Netflix binges and bad mental health
what’s stopped you?
main goal? days.
6 3 % Self-maintenance rit-
5 5% I can’t afford it.
5 4% To work on how to han- uals, like skincare routines 1 9 % Mostly happy and/or
dle ongoing life issues. 2 2 % I just can’t seem to positive about most things.
6 1% Exercise
find the time.
27 % Getting through a spe- 1 5% Mostly unhappy
5 0 % Naps
cific rough spot or trauma. 1 9 % It’s so hard to find the and/or negative about
right therapist. 4 3 % Socializing most things.
1 9 % Honestly, I just need a
space to vent. 4% I don’t believe in it. 3 8 % Unplugging 1% I’m not really sure.
Dig even deeper into this

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THE 2022 COLLECTION ISSUE 6

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