Lesson 1

KNOWING ONESELF

Introduction

What is Personal Development?

Personal Development may be defined as a process which persons reflect upon

themselves, understand who they are, accept what they discover about themselves,
and learn (or unlearn) new sets of values, attitudes, behaviour, and thinking skills to
reach their fullest potential as human beings. (Personal Development, Ricardo Rubio
Santos, 2016)

Personal development is a lifelong process. It is a way for people to assess their skills
and qualities, consider their aims in life and set goals in order to realise and
maximise their potential. (https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/personal-
development.html)

Knowing Oneself

Recognizing one's inner strengths and weaknesses gives a person the capability to
oneself. This is called self-awareness or self-empowerment. It is when one
recognizes his/her traits as something very important to one's ability to place
importance on continuous learning to improve oneself.

In truth, acknowledging one's assets and limitations is never easy it is a lifelong

process. Even adults find this a very challenging process. The technique to make the
process a little easier is by making a choice. One has to choose to realize how
valuable he/she as a person because if one is in denial about the thoughts, feelings,
beliefs, and characteristics let go of that the victim role in your life today, you tend to
lose your energy and your thoughts will spread. First thing that you need to do is to
choose to recognize your gifts and limitations because it will help you live a bright
and stable life.

Of course, sell-empowerment is not an easy task and being an empowered individual

cannot be achieved and done in an easy way. One may experience frightening and
stressful events in life which makes him/her lonely and disappointed. When this
happens, one may feel frustrated for the rest of his/her life. To prevent this from
happening one nay need some reassurance that something good may come out of
this negative feeling sooner or later.

What if there is none?

If you are aware of your assets and limitations or flaws, you will find out you can get
along well with yourself. This is one of the greatest gifts to yourself.

Self-Concept
One of the forerunners of humanist psychology was Carl Rogers who is especially
well- known for client-centered therapy. Counselling in this type of therapy creates a
non-judgmental environment by being open, honest, accepting and empathetic. This
client-centered approach aims to help those who need to find their own answers to
their questions. In short, that person has to come up with the solutions.

Self-concept is the person's perceptions and beliefs about himself/ herself. It is what
you understand about yourself. It includes your physical appearance and your body
image, social character or abilities and your thinking.

Component of Self-Concept (Carl Rogers)

 1. Self-worth- also called self-esteem, is the set of beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Rogers believed that for positive self-worth to develop, one has to receive
unconditional positive regard. Unconditional positive regard is as acceptance no
matter what a person does or support in spite of mistakes and shortcomings.

2. Self-image- is how we see ourselves, such as whether we see ourselves as being

good or bad and attractive or unattractive.

3. Ideal-self- is the person we would like to be.

Our ideal selves have fulfilled our goals and ambitions. But the ideal self is not
permanent, it can change over time. Your goals when you were in primary school
may be different to your goals today.

 Self-Concept and its Aspects

There are many aspects of yourself that can make you up who you really are today
and who you believe yourself to be. Among them are:

1. The Physical self

Are you tall? Are you fat? Are you handsome?

Who you are physically is important to many

people. For example, you are an active person.

You see to it that you are physically fit because you are the type who is always on the
go. Being strong and healthy big part of how you define yourself.

2. The social self

Are you shy? Are you confident?

Say, you are the type who does not have so many friends just - few who are very
close to you. You like spending time with them and that every day you realize that
you still discover new things about them. This is part or your social self that is, how
you, as a person, relate to others.

3. The competent self

Are you good in sports? Can you swim? Can you sing? Competence is the ability  of a
person to provide for their basic  needs. For example, your best friend  is a hard
worker and is able to achieve  many things in school. She feels like she is competent,
which is a big part of her self-concept.
You too are competent but in a different way. Your pride is on your baking. You don
not really get awards or recognitions in school but you bake like a professional and
you still feel competent because your family and friends appreciate what you bake
for them. Again, this is part of your self-concept even though it is different form your
best friend’s self-concept.

4. The inner self

Can you make decisions easily? Are you pessimistic or optimistic? This is
also sometimes called psychological self, this  is made up of the feelings and
thoughts that a person has deep inside them.  For example, you worry a lot about
your future and what it will bring. You like to ponder deep thoughts and read about
philosophers that try to get at the meaning of life.

I VERSUS ME
“I” “ME”
The “I” is the person deep inside. This is The “Me” is the part of a person that is
the part of a person that is antisocial and about being in society. This is the part of a
just about how you feel person that is about understanding and
obeying the rules of society.
 
Example:  For example, even though you
Example: When you see someone else might want to push a rude person, you still
being rude, you want to shove them and understand that, that is not probably the
knock them down. This is your “I” at best idea. So instead, you talk to the person
work. and try to make them understand that
others have feelings, too. Your “Me” is
figuring out the way to act.

 
 

TEACHER'S INSIGHT

Understanding oneself is the basic foundation of personal development. One has to

be aware and recognize of his/her assets and limitations or strengths and
weaknesses.

According to Carl Rogers, self-concept has three different components that make up
an individual: these are: self-worth, refers to knowing your value as a person; self-
image, refers to how you see yourself, either being attractive or not; and ideal self-
refers to how you see yourself in the coming years.

Self-concept is an understanding of who you are as a person. Self-concept has

different aspects that that an individual possesses: physical self, social self,
competent self, and inner self.

We might have a notion that I and me are the same. However, in the concept of
personal development, I and Me are different. The “I” refers to the person who is
antisocial while “me” is its complete opposite. Note that a person’s actions can be
controlled by either the “I” or the “me”. When you wanted to defend your from
someone who is being rude, your I is taking over and controlling. But when you were
able to control your impulses, your “Me” is in charge.

Remember that knowing which between the two is motivating our actions is a big
part of self-understanding.

Lesson 2.1
Developing the Whole Person

Adolescence comes from the Latin word “adolescere” which means to grow and
mature. (Hurlock, 1982). According to the chronological overview of human
development, the adolescent stsge is between the ages of 12-2- (Shaffer and Kipp ,
2012). As children or individuals grow older, changes in different human aspects
occur.
The period between childhood and young adulthood is a period of rapid change
physical, emotional, cognitive and social. During this time children's bodies change in
different ways at different times.

PHYSIOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT

Physical changes during adolescence:

Girls might start to see early physical Changes from about 10.or 11 years, but they
might start as young as 8 years or as old as 15 years. Physical changes around
puberty include:

·       breast development

·       changes in body shape and height

·       growth or pubic and body hair

·       the start of periods (menstruation)

On the other hand, the physical changes that occur to boys usually start around 11 or
12 years, but they might start as young as years or as old as 14 years. Physical
changes include:

·       growth of the penis and testes (testicles) height

·       growth of body and 1facial hair

·       changes in body shape and height

·       erections with ejaculation

·       growth of body and facial hair

·       changes to voice

 Young people start to show physical changes at widely varying times. Other physical
changes: inside and out of the body of an adolescent is maturing physically, the brain
development, thinking skills and emotional development are happening at their own
speeds. What is seen on the surface does not always match the ones on the inside.

Have you noticed the changes in the way you think about things? As you grow into
becoming a teenager, how you think about and understand things develop as
well. Cognition in developmental psychology refers to the thought processes of a
person. Hence, cognitive development deals with how people's thoughts develop.

Jean Piaget’s Cognitive Development Theory

Jean Piaget (1896-1980) outlined specific stages of mental growth in children and
adolescents. While babies find their way through new experiences and the use of
their senses, children start to attribute meaning to every little thing that they do in
their surroundings.

Note that childhood is considered as the exploration age. It is the time in our life
when we gain understanding of the world around us.

SENSORIMOTOR STAGE (from birth to 2 years old)

During this period, infants develop an understanding of the world through trial and
error using their senses and actions (i.e., motor movements).

Sub-Stages: Development & Examples

The sensorimotor stage of development can be broken down into six additional sub-
stages including simple reflexes, primary circular reactions, secondary circular
reactions, coordination of reactions, tertiary circular reactions, and early symbolic
thought.

Reflex acts (first month of life). The neonate responds to external stimulation with
innate reflex actions. For example, if you brush a baby’s mouth or cheek with your
finger it will suck reflexively.
Primary circular reactions. The baby will repeat pleasurable actions centred on its
own body. For example, babies from 1 – 4 months old will wiggle their fingers, kick
their legs and suck their thumbs. These are not reflex actions. They are done
intentionally – for the sake of the pleasurable stimulation produced.

Secondary circular reactions. It typically lasts from about 4 – 8 months. Now babies
repeat pleasurable actions that involve objects as well as actions involving their own
bodies. An example of this is the infant who shakes the rattle for the pleasure of
hearing the sound that it produces.

Coordinating secondary schemes (4-8 months). Instead of simply prolonging

interesting events, babies now show signs of an ability to use their acquired
knowledge to reach a goal. For example the infant will not just shake the rattle, but
will reach out and knock to one side an object that stands in the way of it getting
hold of the rattle. Tertiary circular reactions. These differ from secondary circular
reactions in that they are intentional adaptations to specific situations. The infant
who once explored an object by taking it apart now tries to put it back together.

For example, it stacks the bricks it took out of its wooden truck back again or it puts
back the nesting cups – one inside the other.

The beginning of symbolic thought. This is transitional to the pre operational stage
of cognitive development. Babies can now form mental representations of objects.
This means that they have developed the ability to visualise things that are not
physically present. This is crucial to the acquisition of object permanence – the most
fundamental achievement of the whole sensorimotor stage of development.

PREOPERATIONAL STAGE (2 to 7 years old)

Mental representations for objects are essential in this stage. Children at this age are
tog curious about things. They question almost everything that arouses their interest.

Substages: the symbolic function and the intuitive thought.

Stage 1: Symbolic Function (2-4)

Symbolic function refers to the use of mental representations for imagination.

Remember those times when you used to play make believe? The girls used to
gather around a table pretending to be having tea with friends while holding their
invisible tea cups. This is a representation of symbolic function.

Also present during this stage is what Piaget referred to as egocentrism. When we
were children, we tend to focus on ourselves and think only from one’s own point of
view. Remember when we had friends over and we wanted to play hide and seek, we
think our friends do too - because at this stage, we are not yet able to imagine how
our friends may feel about playing the game that only we want to play.

Stage 2: Intuitive thought (4-7 years old)

Intuitive thought refers to a growth m curiosity and basic reasoning. We used to

pose questions such as: Mommy, why is there a rainbow? Daddy, why is the moon
following us? In this age, according to Piaget, children are acquiring a great amount
of knowledge but have no idea yet about how to use it.

CONCRETE OPERATIONAL STAGE (7-11 years old)

This is the stage in our life when we began to think logically about objects and
incidents. According to Piaget, conservation is one of the ways to think logically- it is
an understanding that quantities do not change when the appearance is altered. At
this age. Our understanding tells us that ten pieces of 1-peso coin 1 is greater than a
piece or 10-peso coin. When given with a lot of 1-peso coins, we tend to brag about
it because we find it rewarding enough as a child. Otherwise we pull a face because
of the simple idea that we now have something that is of less value. However, as we
grow older, we realize that they have just the same value.

FORMAL OPERATIONAL STAGE (7-11 years old)

We are now in this stage of development when we begin to think in a more complex
manner. Our thoughts become more abstract and more detailed. In this stage, we
become more able to solve problems and are open to considering different ideas
and points of view. Sometimes, a teacher thinks of your classmate as someone who is
sluggish but you know that this classmate comes from a problematic home, you see
his/her situation as something that is more complex. In this stage, you do not just
see things as black and white. Instead, there are shades of gray in some situations.
This is also the stage when walking around the school feels as if everyone is looking
at you even if they really are not. Or this is the stage when you do not believe that
your parents really do understand you. Instead, you feel that you are the only one in
the world going through a tough time - you feel situation is the only one that exists
and not understood.

You now realized that the way you think also evolve as you grow older And because
your capacity to think is even more complex at present, you should also understand
that our capacity to know the difference between right and wrong transforms as well
as we grow and age.

To better understand Piaget’s conservation theory, visit the link below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnArvcWaH6I
Lawrence Kohlberg's Theory on Moral Development

Lawrence Kohlberg (1927-1987), developed three levels with six stages to reflect our
progression through moral development. These levels and stages describe how our
ideas of right and wrong change we grow. However, Kohlberg did admit that not all
people progress through these changes at the same age due to differences in
cognitive functioning. In fact, he stated that some people never reach full moral
development.

Moral development refers to the ways we distinguish right from wrong or good and
bad as we grow and mature. Generally, the moral development of young children
differs to a great extent from that of adults.

Stages of Moral Development

Level One: Pre-conventional Morality Stage 1: Punishment-Obedience Orientation

Stage 2: Individualism and Exchange Orientation

Level Two: Conventional Morality Stage 3: Good Boy-Nice Girl Orientation

Stage 4: Law and Order Orientation

Level Three: Post-Conventional Stage 5: Social Contract Orientation
Morality
Stage 6: Universal Ethical Principle Orientation

Level 1 - Pre-conventional Morality

At the pre-conventional level (most nine-year-old and younger, some over nine), we
don’t have a personal code of morality. Instead, our moral code is shaped by the
standards of adults and the consequences of following or breaking their rules.
Authority is outside the individual and reasoning is based on the physical
consequences of actions.
• Stage 1. Obedience and Punishment Orientation. The child/individual is good in
order to avoid being punished. If a person is punished, they must have done wrong.

• Stage 2. Individualism and Exchange. At this stage, children recognize that there
is not just one right view that is handed down by the authorities. Different individuals
have different viewpoints.

Level 2 - Conventional Morality

At the conventional level (most adolescents and adults), we begin to internalize the
moral standards of valued adult role models. Authority is internalized but not
questioned, and reasoning is based on the norms of the group to which the person
belongs.

• Stage 3. Good Boy-Nice Girl. The child/individual is good in order to be seen as

being a good person by others. Therefore, answers relate to the approval of others.

• Stage 4. Maintaining the Social Order. The child/individual becomes aware of the

wider rules of society, so judgments concern obeying the rules in order to uphold the
law and to avoid guilt.

Level 3 - Post-conventional Morality

Individual judgment is based on self-chosen principles, and moral reasoning is based

on individual rights and justice. According to Kohlberg this level of moral reasoning
is as far as most people get. Only 10-15% are capable of the kind of abstract thinking
necessary for stage 5 or 6 (post-conventional morality). That is to say, most people
take their moral views from those around them and only a minority think through
ethical principles for themselves.

• Stage 5. Social Contract and Individual Rights. The child/individual becomes

aware that while rules/laws might exist for the good of the greatest number, there
are times when they will work against the interest of particular individuals. The issues
are not always clear-cut. For example, in Heinz’s dilemma, the protection of life is
more important than breaking the law against stealing.

• Stage 6. Universal Principles. People at this stage have developed their own set of
moral guidelines which may or may not fit the law. The principles apply to everyone.

E.g., human rights, justice, and equality. The person will be prepared to act to defend
these principles even if it means going against the rest of society in the process and
having to pay the consequences of disapproval and or imprisonment. Kohlberg
doubted few people reached this stage.
Lesson 2.2
Psychosexual Development Theory

Sigmund Freud, the father of Psychoanalysis and the father of Modern Psychology, is
probably the most well-known theorist when it comes to the development of one’s
personality. Freud’s Psychosexual Development Theory is said to be the most
controversial theories of personality, explains that an individual’s personality
develops through a series of childhood stages in which the pleasure seeking energies
of one’s personality become focused on erogenous zones. This psychosexual energy,
or libido, is said to be the driving force  behind a person’s behaviour.

Oral Stage (0-1 year)

In the first stage of personality development, the libido is centered in a baby's

mouth. It gets much satisfaction from putting all sorts of things in its mouth to satisfy
the libido, and thus its id demands. Which at this stage in life are oral, or mouth
orientated, such as sucking, biting, and breastfeeding. Freud said oral stimulation
could lead to an oral fixation in later life. We see oral personalities all around us such
as smokers, nail-biters, finger-chewers, and thumb suckers. Oral personalities engage
in such oral behaviors, particularly when under stress.

Anal Stage (1-3 years)

The libido now becomes focused on the anus, and the child derives great pleasure
from defecating. The child is now fully aware that they are a person in their own right
and that their wishes can bring them into conflict with the demands of the outside
world (i.e., their ego has developed). Freud believed that this type of conflict tends to
come to a head in potty training, in which adults impose restrictions on when and
where the child can defecate. The nature of this first conflict with authority can
determine the child's future relationship with all forms of authority. Early or harsh
potty training can lead to the child becoming an anal-retentive personality who hates
mess, is obsessively tidy, punctual and respectful of authority. They can be stubborn
and tight-fisted with their cash and possessions. This is all related to pleasure got
from holding on to their faeces when toddlers, and their mum's then insisting that
they get rid of it by placing them on the potty until they perform! Not as daft as it
sounds. The anal expulsive, on the other hand, underwent a liberal toilet training
regime during the anal stage. In adulthood, the anal expulsive is the person who
wants to share things with you. They like giving things away. An anal-expulsive
personality is also messy, disorganized and rebellious.

Phallic Stage (3 to 5 or 6 years)

Sensitivity now becomes concentrated in the genitals and masturbation (in both
sexes) becomes a new source of pleasure. The child becomes aware of anatomical
sex differences, which sets in motion the conflict between erotic attraction,
resentment, rivalry, jealousy and fear which Freud called the Oedipus complex (in
boys) and the Electra complex (in girls). This is resolved through the process of
identification, which involves the child adopting the characteristics of the same sex
parent. The most important aspect of the phallic stage is the Oedipus complex. This
is one of Freud's most controversial ideas and one that many people reject outright.
The name of the Oedipus complex derives from the Greek myth where Oedipus, a
young man, kills his father and marries his mother. Upon discovering this, he pokes
his eyes out and becomes blind. This Oedipal is the generic (i.e., general) term for
both Oedipus and Electra complexes. In the young boy, the Oedipus complex or
more correctly, conflict, arises because the boy develops sexual (pleasurable) desires
for his mother. He wants to possess his mother exclusively and get rid of his father to
enable him to do so. Irrationally, the boy thinks that if his father were to find out
about all this, his father would take away what he loves the most. During the phallic
stage what the boy loves most is his penis. Hence the boy develops castration
anxiety. The little boy then sets out to resolve this problem by imitating, copying and
joining in masculine dad-type behaviors. This is called identification, and is how the
three-to-five year old boy resolves his Oedipus complex. Identification means
internally adopting the values, attitudes, and behaviors of another person. The
consequence of this is that the boy takes on the male gender role, and adopts an
ego ideal and values that become the superego. Freud (1909) offered the Little Hans
case study as evidence of the Oedipus complex. For girls, the Oedipus or Electra
complex is less than satisfactory. Briefly, the girl desires the father, but realizes that
she does not have a penis. This leads to the development of penis envy and the wish
to be a boy. The girl resolves this by repressing her desire for her father and
substituting the wish for a penis with the wish for a baby. The girl blames her mother
for her 'castrated state,' and this creates great tension. The girl then represses her
feelings (to remove the tension) and identifies with the mother to take on the female
gender role.
Latency Stage (5 or 6 to puberty)

No further psychosexual development takes place during this stage (latent means
hidden). The libido is dormant. Freud thought that most sexual impulses are
repressed during the latent stage, and sexual energy can be sublimated (re: defense
mechanisms) towards school work, hobbies, and friendships. Much of the child's
energy is channeled into developing new skills and acquiring new knowledge, and
play becomes largely confined to other children of the same gender. Genital Stage
(puberty to adult) This is the last stage of Freud's psychosexual theory of personality
development and begins in puberty. It is a time of adolescent sexual
experimentation, the successful resolution of which is settling down in a loving one-
to-one relationship with another person 4/5 in our 20's. Sexual instinct is directed to
heterosexual pleasure, rather than self-pleasure like during the phallic stage. For
Freud, the proper outlet of the sexual instinct in adults was through heterosexual
intercourse. Fixation and conflict may prevent this with the consequence that sexual
perversions may develop. For example, fixation at the oral stage may result in a
person gaining sexual pleasure primarily from kissing and oral sex, rather than sexual
intercourse.

Psychosocial Developmental Theory

Erik Erikson (1902-1994) has contributed to the field of psychology with his
psychosocial Developmental Theory. Psychosocial refers to the interplay between our
inner, emotional lives (psycho), and our outer, social circumstances (social). Just like
Sigmund Freud, he believes that an individual develop in stages. He focused on how
children socialize with other people and how this affects his or her development as a
human being. He came up with eight stages of identity formation which revolve
round conflict and resolution. In his theory, he stressed on the importance of
completing each stage so that an individual will have a healthy development as a
human being. Failure to successfully complete a stage can result in a conflict where
one finds himself/herself problematic in dealing with other people.

1. Trust vs. Mistrust Trust vs. Mistrust

This is the first stage in Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This stage
begins at birth continues to approximately 18 months of age. During this stage, the
infant is uncertain about the world in which they live, and looks towards their primary
caregiver for stability and consistency of care. If the care the infant receives is
consistent, predictable and reliable, they will develop a sense of trust which will carry
with them to other relationships, and they will be able to feel secure even when
threatened. If these needs are not consistently met, mistrust, suspicion, and anxiety
may develop. If the care has been inconsistent, unpredictable and unreliable, then
the infant may develop a sense of mistrust, suspicion, and anxiety. In this situation
the infant will not have confidence in the world around them or in their abilities to
influence events.

Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of hope. By developing a sense of trust,
the infant can have hope that as new crises arise, there is a real possibility that other
people will be there as a source of support. Failing to acquire the virtue of hope will
lead to the development of fear. This infant will carry the basic sense of mistrust with
them to other relationships. It may result in anxiety, heightened insecurities, and an
over feeling of mistrust in the world around them.

2. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

Autonomy versus shame and doubt is the second stage of Erik Erikson's stages of
psychosocial development. This stage occurs between the ages of 18 months to
approximately 3 years. According to Erikson, children at this stage are focused on
developing a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of
independence. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of will. If children in this
stage are encouraged and supported in their increased independence, they become
more confident and secure in their own ability to survive in the world. If children are
criticized, overly controlled, or not given the opportunity to assert themselves, they
begin to feel inadequate in their ability to survive, and may then become overly
dependent upon others, lack self-esteem, and feel a sense of shame or doubt in their
abilities.

For example, during this stage children begin to assert their independence, by
walking away from their mother, picking which toy to play with, and making choices
about what they like to wear, to eat, etc.

3. Initiative vs. Guilt

 Initiative versus guilt is the third stage of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial
development. During the initiative versus guilt stage, children assert themselves
more frequently. These are particularly lively, rapid-developing years in a child’s life.
According to Bee (1992), it is a “time of vigor of action and of behaviours that the
parents may see as aggressive." During this period the primary feature involves the
child regularly interacting with other children at school. Central to this stage is play,
as it provides children with the opportunity to explore their interpersonal skills
through initiating activities. Children begin to plan activities, make up games, and
initiate activities with others. If given this opportunity, children develop a sense of
initiative and feel secure in their ability to lead others and make decisions.

Conversely, if this tendency is squelched, either through criticism or control, children

develop a sense of guilt. The child will often overstep the mark in his forcefulness,
and the danger is that the parents will tend to punish the child and restrict his
initiatives too much. It is at this stage that the child will begin to ask many questions
as his thirst for knowledge grows. If the parents treat the child’s questions as trivial, a
nuisance or embarrassing or other aspects of their behaviour as threatening then the
child may have feelings of guilt for “being a nuisance”. Too much guilt can make the
child slow to interact with others and may inhibit their creativity. Some guilt is, of
course, necessary; otherwise the child would not know how to exercise self-control or
have a conscience. A healthy balance between initiative and guilt is important.
Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of purpose, while failure results in a sense
of guilt.

4. Industry vs. Inferiority

Erikson's fourth psychosocial crisis, involving industry (competence) vs. Inferiority

occurs during childhood between the ages of five and twelve. Children are at the
stage where they will be learning to read and write, to do sums, to do things on their
own. Teachers begin to take an important role in the child’s life as they teach the
child specific skills. It is at this stage that the child’s peer group will gain greater
significance and will become a major source of the child’s self-esteem. The child now
feels the need to win approval by demonstrating specific competencies that are
valued by society and begin to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments. If
children are encouraged and reinforced for their initiative, they begin to feel
industrious (competent) and feel confident in their ability to achieve goals. If this
initiative is not encouraged, if it is restricted by parents or teacher, then the child
begins to feel inferior, doubting his own abilities and therefore may not reach his or
her potential. If the child cannot develop the specific skill they feel society is
demanding (e.g., being athletic) then they may develop a sense of Inferiority. Some
failure may be necessary so that the child can develop some modesty. Again, a
balance between competence and modesty is necessary. Success in this stage will
lead to the virtue of competence.
5. Identity vs. Role Confusion

The fifth stage of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development is identity vs. role
confusion, and it occurs during adolescence, from about 12-18 years. During this
stage, adolescents search for a sense of self and personal identity, through an intense
exploration of personal values, beliefs, and goals. During adolescence, the transition
from childhood to adulthood is most important. Children are becoming more
independent, and begin to look at the future in terms of career, relationships,
families, housing, etc. The individual wants to belong to a society and fit in. The
adolescent mind is essentially a mind or moratorium, a psychosocial stage between
childhood and adulthood, and between the morality learned by the child, and the
ethics to be developed by the adult (Erikson, 1963, p. 245) This is a major stage of
development where the child has to learn the roles he will occupy as an adult. It is
during this stage that the adolescent will re-examine his identity and try to find out
exactly who he or she is. Erikson suggests that two identities are involved: the sexual
and the occupational. According to Bee (1992), what should happen at the end of
this stage is “a reintegrated sense of self, of what one wants to do or be, and of one’s
appropriate sex role”. During this stage the body image of the adolescent changes.

Erikson claims that the adolescent may feel uncomfortable about their body for a
while until they can adapt and “grow into” the changes. Success in this stage will lead
to the virtue of fidelity. Fidelity involves being able to commit one's self to others on
the basis of accepting others, even when there may be ideological differences.
During this period, they explore possibilities and begin to form their own identity
based upon the outcome of their explorations. Failure to establish a sense of identity
within society ("I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up") can lead to role
confusion. Role confusion involves the individual not being sure about themselves or
their place in society. In response to role confusion or identity crisis, an adolescent
may begin to experiment with different lifestyles (e.g., work, education or political
activities). Also pressuring someone into an identity can result in rebellion in the form
of establishing a negative identity, and in addition to this feeling of unhappiness.

6. Intimacy vs. Isolation

Intimacy versus isolation is the sixth stage of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial
development. This stage takes place during young adulthood between the ages of
approximately 18 to 40 yrs. During this period, the major conflict centers on forming
intimate, loving relationships with other people. During this period, we begin to
share ourselves more intimately with others. We explore relationships leading toward
longer-term commitments with someone other than a family member. Successful
completion of this stage can result in happy relationships and a sense of
commitment, safety, and care within a relationship. Avoiding intimacy, fearing
commitment and relationships can lead to isolation, loneliness, and sometimes
depression. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of love.
7. Generativity vs. Stagnation

Generativity versus stagnation is the seventh of eight stages of Erik Erikson's theory
of psychosocial development. This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages
40 to 65 yrs). Generativity refers to "making your mark" on the world through
creating or nurturing things that will outlast an individual. People experience a need
to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often having mentees or creating
positive changes that will benefit other people. We give back to society through
raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community
activities and organizations. Through generativity we develop a sense of being a part
of the bigger picture. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment,
while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. By failing to find a way to
contribute, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. These individuals may feel
disconnected or uninvolved with their community and with society as a whole.
Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.

8. Ego Integrity vs. Despair

Ego integrity versus despair is the eighth and final stage of Erik Erikson’s stage theory
of psychosocial development. This stage begins at approximately age 65 and ends at
death. It is during this time that we contemplate our accomplishments and can
develop integrity if we see ourselves as leading a successful life. Erikson described
ego integrity as “the acceptance of one’s one and only life cycle as something that
had to be” (1950, p. 268) and later as “a sense of coherence and wholeness” (1982, p.
65). As we grow older (65+ years) and become senior citizens, we tend to slow down
our productivity and explore life as a retired person. Erik Erikson believed if we see
our lives as unproductive, feel guilt about our past, or feel that we did not
accomplish our life goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often
leading to depression and hopelessness. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue
of wisdom. Wisdom enables a person to look back on their life with a sense of
closure and completeness, and also accept death without fear. Wise people are not
characterized by a continuous state of ego integrity, but they experience both ego
integrity and despair. Thus, late life is characterized by both integrity and despair as
alternating states that need to be balanced.

(https://www.simplypsychology.org/simplypsychology.org-Erik-Erikson.pdf)

Spiritual Development

A research on adolescents' spirituality and involvement states that 50% of young

people engage in spiritual activities every week and more than 75% share spiritual
topics with their peers (Barna Group, 2006). During adolescence, spiritual awakening
happens and adolescents become aware of the existence of the divine, share their
spiritual experiences with peers, and find a way to put faith into practice.
Adolescents express their spirituality, by joining clubs and campus religious ministries
where they express themselves and find meaning for certain aspects of their
adolescent life. Lively discussions and activities inspire them to explore more about
their faith. Adolescents whose parents involve them in spiritual activities will most
likely retain their faith when they reach adulthood. Strong parental leadership helps
teens find and keep a strong spiritual faith.

Lesson 3
Developmental Stages in Middle and Late Adolescence

You have just learned that there are different aspects of holistic development:
physiological, cognitive, psychological, moral, and social development.
The total development of adolescent is too compound and yet it can be best
explained in terms of the developmental tasks that go with each stage.

DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES

About a few years ago, Professor Robert Havighurst (1948) of the University of
Chicago identified several developmental tasks associated with the adolescent
transition. According to Havighurst, each task plays a significant factor in the overall
sense of self of an adolescent which they carry with them as they move toward and
into young adulthood.

In an unpublished book written by Ingersoll entitled, Normal adolescence, the

adolescent must:

a. adjust to a new physical sense of self

The rapid and profound physical changes occur during early adolescence. You have
learned that puberty is marked by a sudden spurt in height and weight. As a young
individual, you experience the emergence of the physical traits that make you a boy
or girl. You now look more like a physically and sexually mature adult and less like a
child. In effect, you become more focused on your body as a young adolescent.

b. adjust to new intellectual abilities

Aside from the physical changes that you go through as an adolescent, you also
experience a sudden increase in your ability to think about the world around you.
You think about more things and your conception of them is at a new level. Before
reaching the adolescent stage, you are occupied with looking for concrete examples
for any problem that you are trying to solve for you, it was to see is to believe
because you are guarded by what is physically present and by what is real. However,
during adolescence, you now learned to recognize and understand abstract
concepts.
c. adjust to increased cognitive demands at school

In high school, you are faced with adult roles qnd responsibilities. This is the time
when you are prepped up for a more mature function of a responsible adolescent.
Everything about high school is now more demanding-you are faced with tougher
tasks regardless of whether or not you have achieved the formal education enough
to achieve the abilities needed in this stage. Of course, not all adolescents can
successfully surpass the intellectual transition at the same rate. The end result? There
are instances when you get frustrated with all the demands of abstract thinking.

d. develop expanded verbal skills

Prior to being an adolescent, your identity seems to be an extension of your parents

that is, you imitate your parents. But as you mature and interact with different people
of your age, you begin to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses which make
you realize that you are unique and different from your parents. As an adolescent,
you are to reorganize your answers to the question, “Who am I?”

e. establish adult vocational goals

Part of the process of developing a personal identity is the process of identifying

one's goals in life. As an adolescent you must also focus on the questions, “What do
you plan to be when you grow up?” and “How do you plan on achieving it?” At this
point in time, you need to set a direction to where you are headed so that it will be
easier for you to achieve your goals.

f. establish emotional and psychological

independence from his or her parents.

We cannot deny the fact that during the childhood stage, we were strongly reliant on
our parents. As an adolescent, you may still have that desire to stay in your comfort
zone- that sate, secure, supportive and dependent relationship with your parents. But
remember, to be an adult, you have to develop a sense of autonomy. You have to be
your own self. Adolescents are still boggled between their need to depend on their
parents for their survival and their desire for freedom. At times, when adolescents
make an effort to be independent in search of their individuality, they tend to
respond in manners that display aggression and lack of cooperation.

g. develop stable and productive peer relationships

Adolescents at this stage are interacting individuals whose friends are the most
important people in their lives. During early and middle adolescence, you have
already made friends and having an accepting “barkada” or a steady peer group
indicates that you have successfully adjusted in the social and psychological
development of a human person. Adolescents are nonetheless expected to avoid
destructive peer relationship that can eventually affect their behavior.
h. learn to manage her or his sexuality

In line with the increased maturity of being an adolescent - both physical and sexual
- you need understand what it really means to be male or female. Your self-image
should be incorporated to your personal Sense ot masculinity and femininity. Aside
from these, you are also tasked to develop values pertaining to sexual behavior.

i. adopt a personal value system

With the amplified complex knowledge that you now have, you also adopt a set of
values and morals. During the early stages of our moral development, our parents
have provided us with a set of rules that we need to follow. We were taught to do
what is right and acceptable and avoid what is considered to be otherwise.
Eventually, you will be faced with conflicting value as expressed by the people and
other factors around you. Then again, as an adolescent, you need to learn to evaluate
the values instilled in you in your early life and reconcile the difference between them
and those coming from the environment. This will allow you to turn your beliefs into
personal philosophy.
j. develop an increased impulse control and behavioral maturity

Moving towards adulthood can be dangerous for an adolescent, You may find
yourselves at risk at any of the following aspect: physical, social or educational .
Apparently, taking risk are manifested during early and middle adolescence, perhaps
because of curiosity and an aspiration to become independent. In an effort to move
towards late adolescence and early adulth00d, you are capable of learning the value
of self-control- you can evaluate which behaviors are acceptable and adult-like. Little
by little you learn the essence of self-discipline.

For the record, adolescents do not progress through these developmental tasks
independently. There are those who may be dealing with multiple tasks at any given
time and may vary with each transition period.

Individuals in early adolescence experience rapid physical growth and maturation. It

is the stage where they first attempt to depart from their dependent and protected
roles as a person to establish a unique self, liberated from their parents. Adolescents
focus more on building a self-concept about their physical self. Your physical
acceptability matters most. Early adolescence is also a period of strong conformity to
friends. At this stage, you have this desire to get along with your friends and the
need to be accepted seem so compelling-you do not want to be seen by anybody as
someone who is 'different’.

Middle adolescents, on the other hand, experience new thinking skills. Their
intellectual world has suddenly expanded momentously. At this stage, your friends
are still an important part of your life but you are more directed toward the opposite
sex. Your desire to become independent of your parents is much greater during this
stage because your focus is more on adult roles wherein you start making decisions
about your goals in life - a display of behavioral maturity on your part. As a young
person, you have been oriented toward what is right and proper which enable you to
control your impulsiveness despite some of your careless behavior.

Late adolescence is the stage where the final preparations for adult roles take place.
This is the time of young adulthood wherein your career goals are now clearer and
you start attempting to work on them so that they will soon fall into place. At this
stage, you are no longer concerned about whether or not your friends approve of
what you do. You are an independent person and the transition to adulthood is
nearly complete.

Life throws so many challenges at us that we begin to realize that we need to

transform in order to be on our way to a fulfilling life.

Lesson 4
The Challenges of Middle and Late Adolescence

Middle and late adolescence are the periods in our life when rapid growth and
change occurs. This is also the time when individuals worry about so many things.

According to Evernerd and VanderWerfforteten (1983), it is normal for teenagers to

have worries and fears. Being an adolescent means that you are experiencing too
much confusion about the many changes that are still taking place in this stage of
your life.

CHALLENGES FACING MIDDLE AND LATE ADOLESCENTS

1. Anxiety and Stress

Adolescents in the middle and late stage have a tendency to treat every worry as a
big problem you have a huge pimple on your cheek and you are embarrassed to go
out; your teacher announces a surprise quiz and you start to panic; or you fought
with your friend and you cannot do anything productive. When these worries would
not go away or they get worse over time and interfere with your daily life, this could
be a sign that you are struggling with anxiety.

Take note, if you keep thinking about negative things, can lead It is normal for
teenagers like you to worry about things but take note, not all worries need
professional help.

Sometimes, you just need to take a deep breath and stop thinking about all the non-
sense because there are absolutely other things worth thinking about. Simply, take
things slowly, try to talk about your worries with somebody else and transform those
worries into positive ones you will then realize that you are one step ahead to
overcoming your worries.

2. Pressure in School

Young individuals like you today are under a lot or study pressure from both your
teachers and your parents. You are expected to get good grades so that you can get
into a good college or a university. Teenagers sometimes put too much weight on
their shoulders to excel in school because they want to make a good impression. You
want to be the best in all the activities so that others in school will admire you and
look up to you. However, there are many problems that come with the will to be the
best. Many of you stress yourselves much more than you can or you should: You
spend hours studying or working too hard. As a result, you become restless and get
sick. You have to relax along with all the hard work that you are putting in to avoid
stress attacks and other stress related health problems.

3. Pressure in a Relationship
In this age and time, most middle and late adolescents are relationships. Some
adolescents who are heart broken in love can get easily depressed and  even try to
commit suicide. Be open to your parents if you are in a relationship- they can help
you overcome your sadness. Being in a relationship may also include a physical
involvement with another person. Teenagers get involved in unsafe sex which can
lead not only to pregnancy but also to other sexually-transmitted diseases. These
cases are on the rise and you have to understand the consequences of your actions.
If you are not yet ready to see yourself carrying a little baby in your arms, if you know
that you are still financially incapable of raising a family, if you know that you cannot
give up partying all night, then be responsible enough when you are in a
relationship.

4. Drinking and Smoking

Teenagers may feel the need to smoke and drink because other people do it. They
see their parents drink and smoke. In addition, the teenage social scene often
revolves around drinking and smoking - friends would urge one another to try a
drink or smoke Something, that is peer pressure. Since they are readily available and
they see all their friends enjoying it, in their minds, they would see drinking and
smoking as a part or the normal Teenage experience.

5. Drugs
This is a common problem that most of the teens face today. They could be addicted
to

drugs due to a number of reasons. Mostly it is the peer pressure. If the parents don’t
have time for these kids, then the problem only becomes more serious. So do not
blame your child if you catch him or her taking drugs. Give them the help and the
support they need. It is also equally important that you explain to them how drugs
can be dangerous and must be avoided.

6. Constant Need to Look Good

Some of you may not be aware but many people of your age today suffer from outer
physical image problem.

Middle and late adolescents spend a huge amount of money buying new clothes,
accessories and the like, to improve the way they look but at the of it all, they still
feel dissatisfied. Reality bites, not all teenagers can look gorgeous. In effect, they feel
depressed and become introverts. They choose to stay home and avoid making
friends because they feel that they are too fat and not attractive enough for others to
like them.

Note: You do not need to look good for others to accept you. You are beautiful in
your own unique ways. You just need to accept that tact so you can feel confident
enough about yourself- little do you know, others accept you for who you are and
not for who they want you to become.
7. Eating Disorders

Adolescents at this stage believe that being fat is hideous and unattractive. Part of
the need to look good is the amount of food that a teenager eats every day. Teenage
girls fear getting fat, as a result, they do not eat at all. Because of this, some suffer
from anemia and anorexia. They become too thin and weak, hence, they develop a
lot of health related complexities. Teenage boys, on the other hand, have the habit of
eating lots of junk food. They do not have any discipline and either they skip a meal
or overeat at times.

A responsible adolescent knows his/her limitations when it comes to eating. A little

of everything is better than to have nothing at all.

8. Addiction to Social Networks

Social networking has become a necessity in the life of teenagers. When you wake up
in the morning, the first thing that you do is to check your phone and browse
through your Facebook account.

You are about to eat with your loved ones and the first thing that you do is take a
selfie with the food that you are about to eat. Before you go to sleep, the last thing
that you do before you close your eyes is to post something in your Facebook or
Instagram account. Some of you would even spend the whole night updating your
details on different sites. You may be smiling right now because you know these are
true! This is how addicted you are to social media you do not even sleep well, you
cannot even concentrate on your school work and you suffer in all the aspects of life
because of this.

9. Uncertainty about the Future

As teenagers, you are not sure as to what the future holds for you. You wonder about
which college or university you will get in and what career you will make in the
coming years. Since the answers are uncertain, you often feel depressed. At times,
you find yourself lost and day dreaming. Do not be confused. There are people
around you who can help you decide about what you should do and what profession
you should pursue. Try to seek advice from your school counselor, from your parents
and friends- they will surely show you the way.

10. Depression

When you are generally worried about these things for no clear reason and you
cannot relax, when you feel like giving up and you are having trouble sleeping, or
simply, you are behaving in ways that are not like you and this goes on for most of
the time or for more than two weeks, you could be heading towards depression,
which can ruin your future if it becomes quite dangerous and painful for you.

TEACHER’S INSIGHT

There are so many challenges that adolescents face which result from the changes
that are happening to them. One of the important things that adolescents need to
remember when challenges knock on their door is to have a positive attitude. If these
challenges are taken as necessary steppingstones toward greater maturity, the
adolescent can then transition more smoothly to adulthood with more confidence
and self-esteem.

These are the challenges that adolescents may face:

·       Anxiety and stress

·       Pressure in school

·       Pressure in a relationship

·       Drinking and smoking

·       Drugs

·       Constant need to look good

·       Eating disorders

·       Addiction to social networks

·       Uncertainty about the future

·       Depression

Remember: These are parts of life that is why we have to deal with it.  Do not let
these challenges and temptations hinder you to achieve your goals and objectives.

Lesson 5
Coping with Stress in Middle and Late Adolescence

When there are real or imagined disruptions in our lives, may it be demand or a
stimulation in our life, stress occurs. Stress is the psychological and physiological
response to these changes in life. Bad stress, which results from unpleasant events
that lowers the quality of life, is called distress. On the contrary, eustress or good
stress, enhances a person’s quality of life. Distress is set to Depress, but eUstress can
bring yoU sUccess.

TYPES OF STRESS

Eustress

You may doubt the above claim about stress being good because we have always
understood stress as something that is bad for us but this is not always the case.

Eustress can result from:

·       falling in love with someone

·       participating in a ball game you love

·       Seeing your crush anticipating a drop in a roller coaster ride you enjoy

·       getting into a relationship

Basically, eustress comes from participating in or anticipating a pleasurable

experience. Eustress can feel exciting and improves our performance and motivation.
You may find the start of the school year as stressful, but eustress can give you a
feeling of wanting to succeed, impress, and will motivate you to do better.

Eustress is a manageable type of stress. It does not overwhelm you and it does not
last long like some types of distress. But take note, too little eustress can lead to
being bored and too much eustress may endanger your health like adrenaline junkies
might when you seek out this pleasurable form of stress by doing activities like
skydiving and base jumping over and over again.

Distress

Distress, on the other hand, comes from being involved in or anticipating unpleasant
things like:

·       death of a loved one

·       loss from a contest

·       financial difficulties i

·       injury or abuse

Unlike eustress, this stress can:

·       cause anxiety which is unpleasant

·       lead someone to feel as if they are overwhelmed and unable to cope

·       decrease a person's performance in things like school work or life in general

·       might lead to mental and physical health problems may be short or long-term

 
Distress, especially over the long-term, can lead to a ton of mental and physical
health problems which may include heart problems and sleep disorders.

One particular form of distress may not be a bad thing in the short-term. This type of
distress is one that can actually save your life. Known as fight or flight response, it is
our response to stress that makes the body prepare to confront or avoid a situation.

A good example of this would be if you were to be walking outside in the woods,
only to come across a bear out of nowhere! You would, even without thinking about
it, enter into this primitive and instinctive stress response in order to do everything
you can to survive a potential bear attack.

What Are Stressors?

It is important to assess where stress comes from in our lives and the facts about
how all sorts of stress arises in our day-to-day lives. Stressors are the factors that
cause us stress let us identify these so that we will learn how to manage them
eventually.

School and Interpersonal Stress

There is test anxiety that causes distress during an exam even intelligent students
may do poorly on a test when they prepared for it very much. There is also speech
anxiety, which is even far worse than test anxiety for many. Notice the reactions of
some of your classmates whenever your teacher announces that there will be a
graded recitation, you need to report about a topic, or you need to deliver an essay
for your speech class - they just seem so restless. Having to speak your mind in front
of a group of people can cause a stir upon one’s mind and body. Certainly, there is
the math anxiety, the feeling that you are incapable of doing well for as long as it is
related to math.

But there is more here than those obvious examples. School may bring about strain
to a person in different ways. 

Stress from the Environment

Environmental stressors such as light, noise, smells, pollution of all Sorts, and
temperature can add misery to an already difficult situation (Gregson, 2000).
Sometimes you want to go to sleep early because of a tiring day but you cannot
because your dorm mate has friends over who make humongous noise. Your
neighbors are fighting again which would rouse you up from sleep or they are having
a Videoke Party, leaving you totally groggy for the rest of the day.

Internal Stressors
Procrastination, the tendency to put things off until a later time, increases stress.
You have a project to submit and it was announced a month ago so you have
enough time to work on it but because you kept on wasting your time on something
else, delaying your schedule to work on it, you had to cram the night before for the
sake of submitting a project. Procrastination is a type of internal stressor, something
that is generated within ourselves. Other examples of internal stressors include:

·       Perfectionism: the desire to perform or complete things with no room for

mistakes

·       Self-criticism

·       Expecting too much from ourselves in a short space of time

Impact of Stress

Stress can cause anxiety, fatigue, physical ailments, emotional issues and, in some
cases, even behavioral changes (LDavidson, 2002). In the past, people suffering from
stress may have noticed that they are not sleeping well, unable to eat well or are
restless and unproductive.

The effects that stress has on the body are different for each person, but it is equally
important to be able to identify the effect stress has on you. This will enable you to
realize you are stressed and hopefully come up with a means of stopping or dealing
with the issue. Some of the effects stress can have on a person are:

1. Physical: You may experience physical issues with your body such as headaches,
muscle tension, fatigue, change in eating habits and even loss of sleep.

2. Mood: You may start having moods that are driven by anxiety. You might become
less motivated to do work, get angry quickly or be short tempered and possibly tall
into sadness or depression.

3. Behavior: You might start to not eat as much, yell at or become irritated with
individuals more quickly and even turn to alcohol or drugs to deal with the issue.

These signs are indications that you are under stress. These can be caused by many
things in our daily lives of course, let us remember that we are looking at stress
because of our personal actions that maybe we cannot manage our time or get
everything to work the way we want things to be. The technique is: recognize the
symptoms and come up with solutions that will make us effective individuals.

How to Reduce, Prevent and Cope with Stress

Stress management is all about taking charge: of your lifestyle, thoughts, emotions,
and the way you deal with problems. No matter how stressful your life seems, there
are steps you can take to relieve the pressure and regain control. 

Stress Management

In dealing with stress, you have to keep in mind that there is no one size fits all each-
of us respond differently to stress. However, you feel that stress is getting out of
hand, do your part to take some because absolutely do not want harmful effects to
be spiralling in the future.

Stress management can teach you healthier ways to cope with stress. Some of you
may feel hopeless and powerless when stressed out but do not forget that you still
have to control your thoughts, emotions and the deal with your problems. Stress
management allows a person to:

1. change the stressful situation when he/she;

2. reverse ones reactions when he/she cannot;

3. take care of yourself;

4. make time for rest and relaxation.

Coping with Stress: The Unhealthy Way

Some coping strategies below may reduce stress but only temporarily. What you are
not aware of, they can have lasting negative effects on your life.

Smoking and drinking

Using drugs to relax

Splurging on junk or comfort food

Sleeping too much

Spending too much time in front of TV or computer

Withdrawing from friends, family and other activities

Procrastinating Pretending to be busy to avoid facing problems

Lashing out your stress on others (angry outbursts, physical violence, and the like)
Coping with Stress: The Healthier Way

You will soon realize that when your methods of coping with stress are not helping
you, it is about time that you find healthier ones. Of course, there is no single
method that works for everyone or in every situation. It is up you to experiment with
what strategy pacifies you and makes you feel calm.

Strategy #1: Get in motion

Physical activity plays an important role in reducing and preventing our daily
schedule because when you exercise, endorphins are released which boost your
mood and make you feel good.

Pick an activity that you enjoy. lnstead of focusing on your thoughts while you
exercise, make a conscious effort to divert your attention to your body and the
physical (and sometimes emotional) sensations you experience as you are moving.
This way, you are able to break out of the cycle of thinking about negative thoughts
that come with overwhelming stress.

Strategy #2: Engage socially

Do not isolate yourself when you are under stress. The more you detach yourself
from the outside world, the more you will dwell on stressful thoughts. Try reaching
out to other people.

Social engagement is the quickest, most efficient way to overcome stress. There is
nothing more calming than talking to another human being who makes you feel
understood or belong and more peaceful on the inside.

Your interaction with other people help release hormones that reduce stress, even if
you cannot easily alter the stressful situation itself. Of course, not all of us have
someone close by to lean on when we feel overwhelmed by stress, but by having a
network of close friends, we can at least fight some of life’s stressors. Some find it
difficult to open up with other people. Remember this: Opening up is not a sign of
weakness and it will never make you a burden to others. In fact, most friends will be
flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them, and who knows, it will only
strengthen your bond with each other.

If you really cannot find someone to talk to or be with and you badly need to pour
your emotions out, there will always be that someone who is readily available to
listen to our woes and worries- He is the One up there. There are people who are not
as prayerful as others.

For the next strategies, try to learn by heart the four As - Avoid, Alter Adapt, Accept.
Strategy #3: Avoid Unnecessary Stressors

It will be impossible to avoid a stressful situation but there are a number of stressors
in your life that you can actually reject.

   Learn how to say "no”- An individual’s capabilities are limited and we are all
aware of the things that we can and cannot do. Taking on more than you can handle
is certainly a recipe for stress. Know the difference between what you 'should" do
and what you must do. You can always say 'no’ to accepting excessively.

   Avoid people who stress you out. You have the power to control your life - that
is YOUR life anyway. If someone consistently causes you stress, limit the time you
spend with that person or better yet, end your relationship with him/her.

   Take control of your environment. If the ‘teleserye’ you are watching makes you
depressed, turn off the TV or change the channel. If heavy traffic angers you, take
another route or leave your house early to avoid the rush hour, If cramming gives
you an unpleasant feeling, do school tasks early.

Strategy #4: Alter the Situation

If you cannot avoid a stressful event, try to change it. You can do this by changing
the way you manage your everyday life.

Express your feelings. Instead of keeping your emotions to yourself communicate

your concerns in an open and respectful manner. This way resentment will not build
up and stress will be prevented.

Learn to compromise. There are times when you want other people to change their
behavior. It is important that you are also willing to do the same. Meeting halfway or
bending things a little is always better in order to reach the midpoint where
everybody can be happy.

Embrace Time Management. Plan things ahead of time so that there is no need to
exceed your limitations as a person. Being a slack off because of poor time
management can cause a lot of stress. If you change the way you do things, you will
soon find it easier to stay calm and focused.

Strategy #5. Adapt to the Stressor

According to Robbins (2007), for every negative thought that you entertain, there is a
corresponding reaction to t. If only you will regain our sense of control, you would
not feel tensed in any situation.
  Look at things from a positive point of view. When something goes wrong, we
easily feel problematic even if we are not supposed to. Rather than getting frustrated
about the never-ending traffic in the metro, look at it as your chance to take a break
and listen favorite radio station while enjoying some alone time.

  Look at the bigger picture. Sometimes, we stress over senseless things. Are these
things really that important to waste our energy on? Will it still matter tomorrow?
Next week? Next month? Next year? Is it really worth getting upset over Because it
not, then there are much better things to focus on -let us just deal with that.

  Adjust your standards. The tendency to be OC (Obsessive-Compulsive) can be a

source of stress which we can actually avoid. By trying to be too perfect means we
are setting ourselves up for failure. Why not set an achievable, realistic standard for
ourselves and for others so that we do not get frustrated in the end?

Strategy #6. Accept the things you cannot change

It cannot be denied that many sources of stress are inevitable. We cannot do

anything to change certain stressors like a serious illness, death of a loved one or a
national disaster. We would often hear other people say that the best way to cope
with these is through acceptance. It may be difficult, yes, but in the long run, it is
easier than to keep on embracing the situation that we cannot.

  Express your feelings. Instead of keeping your emotions to yourself, try to

communicate your concerns in an open and respectful manner. This way, resentment
will not build up and stress will be prevented.

  Consider the plus side. Each opportunity in our life contributes to our own
personal growth - be it bad or good. If you made bad choices in life, reflect on them
and learn from your mistakes. That is why there are second chances.

  Learn to forgive. No one is perfect. Everyone commits mistakes. Try to let go of

anger and bitterness little by little so you can be free from all the negative energies
the world has to offer. When you forgive and move on, you will soon find the inner
peace that you have been longing to have for a long time.

Strategy #7. Have fun and relax

Aside from taking control and a positive attitude, you can also reduce stress by
pampering yourself. Make sure that you regularly make time fun and relaxation so
you will feel being in a better place to lace different stressors.

Do not be so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. You cannot deny the fact that
at times, you forget to take care of your own needs. You have to remember that
taking care of yourself is a necessity-it is never a luxury. Similar to a machine, you,
too, have to recharge your batteries by setting aside relaxation time. Once in a while,
you have to make time for leisure activities that bring you joy. Along with these, you
have to learn how to have a little sense of humor-it is never difficult to laugh from
time to time.

Strategy #8. Adopt a healthy lifestyle

Aside from regular exercise, there are also other techniques to increase your
resistance to stress.

  Eat a healthy diet. Start your day right with a good breakfast and keep your energy
up throughout the day with balanced meals. Stay away from caffeine and sugar. You
may feel active and hyper with caffeine and sugar but these are just short-term
effects which can often lead to a mood breakdown and energy shutdown.

  Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Restoring your health on your own using
alcohol or drugs may enable you to break out from stress but only for a while.
Instead of trying to avoid the stressful situation, try to clear your mind and deal with
the problem head on.

  Get enough sleep. Over-fatigue increases your stress because it does not allow you
think rationally. But when you get sufficient sleep, your mind and body are both
energized and you are able to perform your tasks correctly.