Haberl 1

London Haberl

Professor Cook

English 1201.508

4 December 2021

How Does Anxiety Affect relationships?

Anxiety is a mental disorder that affects many individuals, causing them to worry greatly

in everyday situations. This disorder has affected more than nineteen million adults in the United

States in 2020, reported by the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (Meditation for

Anxiety). The worrying that anxiety brings to a person can change their life significantly.

Anxiety affects someone when they are working, shopping, celebrating, conversing, and any

other situations that a human would be in. It also tends to affect relationships, contributing to

anxiety and causing a strain in many relationships due to this disorder. Unfortunately, anxiety has

an immensely negative effect on relationships. This negative effect makes it challenging to

maintain relationships due to the helplessness and abstaining in relationships with anxiety.

It is challenging for anyone with anxiety to balance their life and someone else's life. A

person with anxiety can struggle tremendously with self-confidence and self-love. If they cannot

love themselves, how will they show love to someone else? Anyone that struggles with

self-esteem and not loving themselves can cause a bump in a relationship. A person cannot have

a healthy relationship with this low level of confidence. This later causes a great deal of stress

and may develop self-esteem issues. This personal problem can cause someone to constantly

worry about being in a relationship because of that lack of confidence. For example, the article

"How Your Anxiety Disorder is Affecting Your Romantic Relationship" from the Discovery

Mood & Anxiety program brings up the similar questions one may think: What if I am the first
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one to communicate? Or What would happen if we broke up? (Discovery Mood & Anxiety

program). These two questions are just two examples of what someone may worry about if they

were in a relationship, but they would think this a lot, even if their partner did nothing for them

to worry about. This worrying is not healthy for anyone, and if it reaches the point where

someone is always upset, they should consider spending time with themselves.

Anyone with this disorder could also feel unvalued because their self-esteem is so low

that they cannot tell their partner how they feel. In particular, the piece "How Anxiety Destroys

Relationships (and How to Stop It)" from the website Good Therapy, discusses that if someone

doesn't express how they really feel or need, then they are allowing their anxiety to become

much stronger, which later can cause emotions to go out of control from someone's feelings

being held in. This later causes someone to be defensive and overwhelmed by their partner. (Tye

section two). This example of how someone may react when they hold their feelings in and not

tell their partner about those emotions and feelings will harm them and cause that significant

strain to the relationship. Contributing to straining a relationship could also be self-isolating

oneself from others.

Self-isolation can be vastly impactful in a relationship. Self-isolating is when a person

keeps themselves away from others, and this is what some people with anxiety may do. This

isolation can happen for anyone suffering from this disorder, causing them to separate

themselves from family, friends, partners, and workmates. People with anxiety may self-isolate

because of their fear of confrontation with others or negative thoughts and feelings. Coming

from Tulane University in the piece, "Understanding the Effects of Social Isolation on Mental

Health" gives the example of self-isolation through "avoiding interactions, including ones that

were once enjoyable" (Tulane University section two). This avoidance in a relationship with
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someone with this disorder is due to the lack of expression of emotion someone may have. It's

necessary to show emotion and communicate to one another, especially to any family and

friends, so they know how to help and respond.

Suppose one keeps their emotions to themselves and does not tell anyone. Then their

feelings will not be resolved with this problem. The partner or friend will also not understand

how one feels with anxiety, then the feelings that one has can keep getting extended and keep

getting hurt. Especially if someone self-isolates from their family, their connection with them

could eventually be strained.

A Relationship consists of each other's feelings, and if one keeps their feelings to

themselves, it could lead to a road of unhappiness and problems to a relationship. This problem

of containing emotions can be dangerous for any healthy relationship, but especially for one with

anxiety. Also, coming from Tulane University, in the piece "Understanding the Effects of Social

Isolation on Mental Health" gives another example of what self-isolation can do to someone. The

report states that when individuals isolate themselves from others and do not receive comfort, it

could potentially cause them to be “emotionally numb — detached from their feelings" (Tulane

University section two). This statement is exceptionally true because people keep their distance

from others who aren't getting the support they need. Which later can cause someone not to feel

loved or cared about and can make someone feel incredibly lonely.

Self-isolation from a partner, family member, or friend can lead to significant problems

for a person and can lead to depression and crucial mental health issues. The piece "How

Anxiety Destroys Relationships (and How to Stop It)" from the website GoodTherapy also

discusses that people with anxiety cause them to "...reject things that are not dangerous and avoid

things that might benefit..." them (Tye section four). A person needs to come into contact with
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something negative, especially in a relationship, to learn from it and not go into that same

situation. Someone who comes into contact with something that benefits them knows what

conditions are good for them. This causes some to learn what's good and bad in situations. A

person who self-isolates feels undoubtedly helpless in any relationship due to anxiety putting

them through that. Stress can also affect a relationship oppositely through someone being overly

dependent.

Being overly dependent can also be an effect of anxiety on relationships. People with

anxiety can overly rely on anyone that they feel comfortable with. The article "Dependent

Personality Disorder (DPD)" is about people with dependent personality disorder developing the

mental illness of anxiety. The reports give examples that people develop issues with "relying on

friends or family for decision-making," "feeling isolated and nervous when alone," and "fearing

abandonment" (Healthline). These examples demonstrate what a person may feel without their

partner near. Any person should be able to not rely heavily on others. People should be able to

make decisions for themselves too. This is unhealthy for any person and relationship. This heavy

reliance that someone with anxiety may feel with their partner could cause them to want space.

Fig. 1 This image demonstrates how anxiety brings extreme negative effects to relationships and

causes heavy strains ("When Couples Fight").

This over-dependence in a relationship could cause a feeling of claustrophobia to a

person in a relationship. In addition, the article "How Your Anxiety Disorder is Affecting Your

Romantic Relationship" expresses how people with anxiety have an "...intense desire for

closeness to their romantic partners depending on them regularly for support and reassurance."

(Discovery Mood & Anxiety program). Anyone who regularly relies on their partner for that

"support and reassurance" is not healthy for a relationship and can cause anyone to become

helpless. That helplessness is not healthy, especially with someone with anxiety.

The feeling of being overworked and stressed can prevent a healthy relationship from

coming through. To go into more depth about this feeling of being overworked, The Discovery

Mood & Anxiety program article also says that overdependence can leave a "...strain on a

relationship and can make both partners feel inadequate, stressed and overworked" (Discovery

Mood & Anxiety program). Feeling overworked can cause anyone to feel stressed and someone

with anxiety that adds more stress to them. For both partners, having those negative feelings

could cause many unnecessary problems between the two, which leads to that restraint in a

relationship. The article "Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)" gives examples of how

relationships could be affected in the long run. The examples given from the report are "having a

history of neglect," "having an abusive upbringing," "being in a long-term, abusive relationship,"

"having overprotective or authoritarian parents," and "having a family history of anxiety

disorders" (Healthline). These are just some of the long-term effects that could come from being

overly dependent; as one would see, those are not anything anyone would want to have in their

life, especially for a family or relationship. This could be the start of a miserable relationship

with partners, friends, or family members.

This overdependence can cause much fighting. The article "How does Anxiety Affect

Relationships?" asserts that overly dependent people "struggle with effective communication and

lash out in ways that are destructive to their relationships" (Alvarado Parkway Institute section

3). Lashing out on one another does not put a relationship into good health. This destruction that

is happening from lashing out could cause a partner to turn away from the relationship. The

article also states that this lashing out can cause "friends and family to keep their distance

physically and emotionally" (Alvarado Parkway Institute section 3). Family and friends are not

what someone needs to be pushed away. This causes someone to become helpless from not

having anyone stable to feel safe with and can cause that significant strain in relationships.

People tend to be overly clingy when they are over-dependent with anxiety. The article

"Good News: Relationship Anxiety Is Normal" from the Today show written by Wendy Rose

Gould also gives examples of what a partner with anxiety would do when heavily reliant on their

partner. For instance, Dr. Amanda Zayde, who is "a clinical psychologist at the Montefiore

Medical Center," states, "calling 20 times in a row, jumping to conclusions or becoming

emotionally distant" (Gould paragraph 8). This is very stressful for both partners, which causes

strain for the relationship and helplessness for that partner affected by this mental disorder.

Overly valuing what others think can be toxic for someone's mind with anxiety. From the

article "How Does Anxiety Affect Relationships?" The Recovery Village also states how this

"overvalue... for relationships with others causes anyone to become too reliant on validation

from… friends or...family members". Like what the Recovery village said, this "overdependence

is unhealthy" (The Recovery Village Paragraph 4). People with anxiety can not be overly reliant

and value the most on what others think. What if one day, who they rely on most is gone. That

safety net they had is gone.

Anxiety also produces chronic tension in relationships. People that are affected by stress

feel exceptionally unsettled or tense. The article "How does Anxiety Affect Relationships?"

asserts, "When someone is exhibiting tension, others often don't know how to respond to it and

might feel like they need to walk on eggshells around that person." (Alvarado Parkway Institute

section 4). This demonstrates confusion in relationships with family, friends, and partners

because they do not know how to react or help someone anxious. Anyone with anxiety can feel

all sorts of emotions; it is frustrating for both sides. The tension given from stress can "...cause

problems with connecting and communicating in relationships," says the article "How Does

Anxiety Affect Relationships?" (Alvarado Parkway Institute section 4). This problem with

connecting and communicating causes relationships to be unstable and more difficult for people

with anxiety.

This chronic tension is highly exhausting to relationships. The article from "Good News:

Relationship Anxiety Is Normal" describes some effects of anxiety and how exhausting they

could be, Dr. Danielle Forshee who is a psychologist describes the characteristics of how

someone may feel, "'consistent emotional instability, impaired judgment, impaired impulse

control, difficulty focusing and paying attention to daily tasks, feeling lovesick and sad, and a

decrease in motivation, loneliness, and fatigue'" (Gould paragraph 6). All of these characteristics

someone can have can make a relationship hit an ongoing challenge. A person with anxiety is

very helpless in controlling their feelings.

In a relationship, a partner may need to help their other partner that is affected by anxiety.

They need to make an effort towards assisting their partner and trying to understand what their

partner needs with anxiety. Anxiety is nothing that can be changed overnight. The article "How

Your Anxiety Disorder is Affecting Your Romantic Relationship" describes how to help guide a
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relationship through anxiety. For instance, the report states that a partner shouldn’t try to be a

therapist and should never try to act as one (Discovery Mood & Anxiety program). If a partner

tries to step across how their partner feels, it could cause many issues. These issues could arise

since the partner does not know how the other is feeling, and the partner could not have a

medical degree over anxiety. Instead, many should think of discussing seeing a therapist to their

partner who is struggling with anxiety. Let them know it would be a good thing and could benefit

them in the long run.

A partner can help their loved one with anxiety by expressing how they feel in a sensitive

tone. The article also explains the "most effective ways to cope with anxiety in a relationship is

to talk about it openly, honestly and directly with your partner" (Discovery Mood & Anxiety

program). Feelings being shared are an essential part of a relationship with anxiety. It will

improve on how both partners feel towards each other and many other situations. This can be a

helpful step for a person with anxiety, especially since they tend to struggle with sharing their

feelings due to that constant sense of worrying. The article makes it also important to note that

"Managing your reactions is an important coping skill to navigate when your partner's anxiety

becomes overwhelming for the relationship" (Discovery Mood & Anxiety program). If a partner

acts out towards their loved one with anxiety, it can cause all sorts of problems. For instance,

people with anxiety can start worrying, overthinking, or even isolating themselves from their

partners if they do not manage their reactions sensibly. A relationship has to be 50/ 50, including

each other's feelings. Both partners need to listen and understand how each other are feeling.

Some may say anxiety is a good thing for relationships and can cause a relationship to be

much stronger. From the article, "The Benefits of Anxiety and Nervousness," the writer

Katharina Star discussed how anxiety could bring "good stress" to a relationship (Star paragraph
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4). Although the article states that anxiety brings good stress, it can also cause someone to act

exceedingly selfishly. Unfortunately, anxiety can bring selfishness to the table. Selfishness is

when someone is only considerate towards oneself and no one else. For instance, the piece,

"How Anxiety Destroys Relationships (and How to Stop It)” expresses how anxiety is a response

of an “overactive fear” and could cause someone to be overly focused on their own problems and

concerns (Tye section 3). As one could only be focused solely on their concerns and feelings, a

partner may feel unvalued towards how they may feel. One may think they need to worry in a

relationship and put themselves first, but they never can consider how others think.

The partner with anxiety can act out selfishly, so can the partner without it. The article

"How Anxiety Destroys Relationships (and How to Stop It)" also discusses that a partner not

affected "may build up resentment and react in selfish ways as well" ( Tye section 3). Both

partners can not act out selfishly; it will end up causing that significant restrain in the

relationship. It is best to keep each other's feelings under control and express how they feel in a

genuine tone. That theme of maintaining a relationship at 50/50; ensure the connection is

balanced and fair. Selfishness can cause both partners feelings to feel helpless and restrained,

which can negatively impact a relationship.

Others may feel that there are positives that anxiety can bring to relationships. For

instance, the article "The Benefits of Anxiety and Nervousness," states, “People who have dealt

with anxiety may be more empathetic and understanding to the issues that others face” (Star 5).

This may seem like it is a positive that could come into a relationship. However, a person could

also, act selfishly from anxiety, and it is not healthy for anyone's mental health but anyone's

relationship, either. It can cause both partners to feel unvalued and unequal. They are causing a

significant impact on both partners, feeling helpless towards their feelings. Helping a partner
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affects a relationship as well. It allows them to learn that they are allowed to express their

feelings. Also, guiding them to know that it would be helpful to go to a therapist. Chronic tension

additionally causes a relationship to become exhausted. Family members, partners, and friends

do not know how to act towards how someone is feeling. They feel they have to be incredibly

careful about what they say or do.

Someone with anxiety can also become overly dependent on anyone they care about.

They rely on them to help with every decision they make and overvalue how they feel. This can

cause a feeling of claustrophobia to anyone since their space is taken away. Someone with

anxiety can do the complete opposite and self-isolate. They feel that their emotions are not

valued and not necessary. They will not tell anyone how they feel. Thus causing a strain between

their communication with anyone they are close with. Which later can cause any relationship

someone with anxiety may have to be restrained to due to not expressing how they feel. Low

self-esteem is a problem that can be added to relationships affected by stress. Anyone with

anxiety can feel anxious about how they look or feel. No one with anxiety can not love themself

if they can not love themselves. People affected by this disorder can not feel confident in telling

anyone how they think, thus causing them to be helpless and restrained in a relationship.

Overall, anxiety is not healthy for anyone's well-being and relationships. Relationships

have so many questions running through someone's head, causing their emotions to be

everywhere. Someone who has a partner with anxiety goes through so much confusion and

feelings, not knowing how to act. Stress affects relationships in the most negative way possible.

The refraining in relationships with anxiety and the helplessness anyone feels; negatively can

impact any relationship, whether it is with a family member, partner, or friend. It negatively

affects relationships, whether or not the relationship is strong enough to pull through.
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