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Contents
20 Laws for an Unbreakable Love .....................................................................4
1. Choose the right guy ...................................................................................... 5
2. Choose someone who wants what you want ................................................ 8
3. When he says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him ......................... 10
4. When a man wants a relationship with you, it's obvious... ......................... 12
5. Work on yourself ......................................................................................... 14
6. Don’t play emotional detective .................................................................... 17
7. You have to be ready for what you want ..................................................... 20
8. Use your “Walking Power” when necessary ................................................ 23
9. Be champion fighters................................................................................... 25
10. Being with “the one” feels like love, partnership, and friendship ............ 30
11. Relationships are about growing together, not about completing you or
“making” you happy ........................................................................................ 32
12. Be happy .................................................................................................... 35
13. The things attracted you in beginning should never stop ......................... 38
14. Fill the relationship up ............................................................................. 40
15. You can’t force love ....................................................................................44
16. Stressing over your relationship ruins everything ..................................... 47
17. Love isn’t supposed to be difficult ............................................................. 50
18. Keep the lust alive ...................................................................................... 51
19. Don’t try to change him, or expect change ................................................ 53
20. Know when to let go ................................................................................. 55
Final Thoughts ................................................................................................ 57
Follow Us On Social Media! ............................................................................58
Facebook ......................................................................................................58
Instagram.....................................................................................................58
Snapchat ......................................................................................................58

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 20 Laws for an Unbreakable Love
It may not always feel this way, but relationships are actually
surprisingly simple. And if you can master a few basic principles
about relationships, and what it takes to have the right relationship,
you will be better able to navigate through the confusion and
heartbreak and will effortlessly get the relationship you’ve always
wanted.

Your mind already knows exactly how to bring the kind of love into
your life that you want, deep down. This might sound crazy or
impossible, but bear with us for a second and suspend disbelief. All
this book does is unlock what you already know deep inside, but
may not be consciously aware of. This is about bringing the
knowledge you already have into your conscious awareness.

Everything written in this book is a sign post, a key to unlock what

you already know how to do, knowledge that got buried beneath
negative feelings, anxiety, and past pains. This book is meant to
clear the fog of confusion and doubt and show you exactly how to
automatically bring the kind of love and relationship you want into
reality without “doing” anything.

Having a loving, healthy relationship is actually pretty effortless

when you gain clarity in certain key areas, and that’s what we’re
here for. When you understand the dynamics at play, you will drop
all the bad habits and faulty mindsets that prevented you for
having what you want.

So let’s get to it and look at the 20 universal principles to have a

solid, unbreakable love.

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 1. Choose the right guy
A lot of women write to us begging to understand why their
relationships always fail… why guys treat them badly… why they
always get hurt… why they can’t get a guy to commit. The common
thread in most of these cases is these women are choosing men
who clearly are not relationship material and hoping by some
chance he’ll suddenly transform and be the knight in shining armor
she wants.

All the relationship advice in the world won’t make any difference if
you’re choosing the wrong guy. This is the step that often gets
missed or overlooked. Women hammer away, trying to pound the
proverbial square peg into a round hole, then wonder what they’re
doing wrong, why they can’t seem to make it fit, why they can’t get
the love they want. You can’t turn a losing stock into a winning
stock. You can’t force someone to change and to want what you
want. You can’t convince someone to feel a certain way about you.

Who you select as a partner is by far the most important factor as

to whether or not you’ll get the love you want. And you are 100%
in control of who you choose. It may not always feel that way, it
may feel like some supernatural force has overtaken you and is
pulling you towards that person with a magnetic pull that you are
powerless against, but that just isn’t so. You have control over your
thoughts and your choices. And you can control your mind; it
doesn’t need to control you.

Women who choose well and choose the right kind of guy have a
much easier time in the realm of dating and relationships. The
problem is a lot of women can’t tell the difference between the
good guys and the bad guys. Further complicating things is the fact
that the bad guys can sometimes make you feel really good.

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You may fall for these guys because it feels so right, because you’re
swept up in the passion, the chemistry, and the intoxicating aura of
unavailability; you get sucked into the space that exists when
someone is just beyond your reach and it makes you yearn for him.
You convince yourself that this is it, that he’s the one and you just
need to find a way to get him to realize that.

The important thing to realize is you can’t force love. Nor can you
force someone to feel a certain way about you. Nor can you force a
guy who doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship to become
Mr. Commitment.

Before getting involved with a new guy, it’s important to consider if

there is a chance for a real future. Look at the circumstances of his
life. Is he struggling with something internally? Did he just get out
of a relationship? Has he recently gone through a divorce?

You also need to consider what kind of person he is. How does he
treat the people in his life? How does he treat his family, his
friends, the waitress?

If he treats other people badly you can expect to receive the same
poor treatment. He may have been nice and charming at first when
he was luring you in, but his true colors will come out eventually
and by then you might be in too deep and unable to get yourself
out.

If you get involved with a guy who is having issues — they could be
personal or professional, he may be in a bad place emotionally,
fresh out of a relationship, or just a selfish person—the relationship
will start off on a bad foundation and probably won’t last very long.

Now let’s talk about good foundations that lead to lasting

relationships.

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 - He knows his worth in the world. He feels like a winner in the
world, he pursues his mission in life with passion, he likes his
life and likes the path that he’s on.

- You connect with him emotionally. You might have different

personalities, but you get him, you understand him, you get
where he’s coming from, and vice versa.

- You share the same values and same vision for the future.

- He treats people well, and is generally considerate.

- He is single, as in not currently in a relationship or married. It

doesn’t matter if he’s trapped in the most miserable, soul-
sucking relationship; he’s still in a relationship. It also helps if
he’s not recently broken up or divorced.

- He shows some level of commitment or investment in

you. This doesn’t mean he’s constantly texting or calling you
because that’s not normal behavior for most guys. A lot of
guys want to be focused on their task at hand and don’t want
to be texting and calling all day. If he cares, he will try to show
his love for you in a way that’s natural for him.

Instead of getting swept up in how cute or charming or exciting a

guy is, ask yourself if he has the qualities you want in a long-term
partner, and look at how he treats you in general. That is the real
question to consider, the one that can save an infinite amount of
pain and heartache.

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 2. Choose someone who wants what you want
It is imperative to have a foundation of compatibility, shared goals
and interests, and common values. Some things simply can't be
negotiated. Before you emotionally invest, it is very wise to
determine if you are fundamentally compatible.

You also need to be mindful of what kind of relationship they want.

Someone can seem absolutely perfect for you on the surface, but if
he doesn’t want the same sort of commitment you want, then it’s a
no go. If you want an exclusive, monogamous, loving relationship,
select a man who wants that. If you want a steamy, hot, no-
strings-attached hookup, select a man who wants that. If you want
a man who's wishy-washy, tells you after eight months that he's not
in love with you, select that.

If a person isn't what you want, or doesn’t want what you want, do
not select them. Don’t think you’ll be the one to inspire him to
change, don’t convince yourself that he secretly does want what
you want, he just doesn’t know it yet. Don’t create a different
narrative. Take things exactly at face value.

There’s this idea that if you love someone enough, it will just work
out. But sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean your love wasn’t
real, it just means that there were other factors at play and as a
result, it just couldn’t work long-term.

While love is very powerful and capable of conquering some things,

it isn’t always strong enough to conquer others, like different
backgrounds, values, goals, visions for the future for example. Most
of all, love simply cannot conquer incompatibility.

8
 Do your lives line-up and “fit”?

One major factor that tells you he’s the one is: You have matching
priorities and values (for the most part).

This means that you agree on the most fundamental things. Sure,
you might like salsa dancing and he might like… well… not
dancing… but when it comes to the things that are most important
to both of you, you see things the same way.

Some people put family above all else. For some, it’s work and
aspirations. For some it’s education, fitness, fun, or traveling.

The point is, the right guy for you is one who shares similar values
and has a similar vision. Additionally, his values might compliment
yours… one of you might want to be the family breadwinner while
the other wants to be the caretaker for your future children.

Similarly, your future plans line up. Do his plans for career,
children, lifestyle, etc. line up with yours?

If he’s dead-set on traveling the world for the rest of his life and
your ultimate dream is to raise a family in a quiet suburb, then
there’s going to be an expiration date on your relationship at some
point.

Love does not in fact conquer all. If you are not fundamentally
compatible, you will face major hurdles ahead. If he is going to be
your life partner, you have to make sure you both are on the same
page when it comes to issues that matter. And if you aren't on the
same page, then make sure he respects where you stand (and vice
versa) and that you both are willing to work together to reach a
mutually fulfilling middle ground.

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 3. When he says he doesn’t want a
relationship, believe him
The simple truth is this: when a guy says he doesn't want a
relationship, what he's really saying is he doesn't want a
relationship with you.

You may think you're the exception and your situation is different,
but it isn't. You're like every other girl in a non-relationship. You're
a great girl who maybe sold herself a little short and is in a
situation where the guy calls all the shots and is just taking you
along for the ride as you sit patiently in the back seat, waiting for
him to decide you're "good enough."

If he tells you he doesn't want to be in a relationship, or he has

"commitment issues,” or hates labels, just take it at face value and
do yourself a favor and move on.

The reason it’s so confusing is when a guy doesn’t want to be in a

relationship with you, he mostly likely won’t put it so bluntly and
say he just doesn’t like you enough. What most guys do is give
some reason for why they can't/won't be in a relationship with you.
The reason they do this is because they want to say no, but they
don't want to upset you.

Unfortunately, what ends up happening is women interpret this as

meaning there's some glimmer of hope and believe that if this
obstacle was removed, a relationship would happen.

Instead of abandoning the relationship, most women double down

and make it their mission to make him come around... whether it's
to fix him, remove the obstacle that stands between the man and a
relationship with her, etc. They essentially chase him and then
analyze his every statement and action for signs that he does have
strong feelings and he does want the relationship she wants.
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Now here’s the truth of the matter. If a guy says or indicates he
wants to be with you, but isn’t actually with you for whatever
reason (I don’t like labels, my ex girlfriend was evil, I’m stressed
about my job, my dog died etc. etc.), then don’t waste your time.
Don’t help his case by reasoning and rationalizing why his excuses
make sense (but he is really busy! And his last girlfriend sounded
like such a bitch, and his dog was his best friend).

When someone is giving you excuses as to why they can’t do

something, what they’re really doing is telling you they don’t want
to do it. Some reasons may be quite impressive, there may even be
sprinkles of truth mixed in there, but when it comes down to it, if
he wants to be with you, he will be. Are there exceptions? Yes, but
they are very, very rare. And even if a guy can’t commit for
whatever reason, he will make sure to still let you know he’s
invested in a real and substantial way.

If a guy isn’t showing you that he is committed and that he wants

to be with you and only you, then stop wanting that from him. It
isn’t easy, but it’s a far better alternative than wasting months or
even years of your life waiting around for some guy to get his act
together, wouldn’t you agree?

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4. When a man wants a relationship with you,
it's obvious...
Continuing on from the last point… guys don’t hide interest. Guys
are not sending secret messages and clues to you... men are not
mastermind manipulators.

When something appears in front of a guy that he really wants and

he thinks he has a shot at it, he'll move mountains to have it. And
it will be beyond obvious. It will be obvious to you and everyone
around you.

Now sure, maybe you know some story about some person where it
wasn't obvious and now they're married and have a family out in
the country with five kids and a white picket fence, but the
exceptional extremes don't disprove the majority of how things play
out.

When a man wants a woman and believes he could lose her to

someone else, he'll make damn sure he locks her down!

This is the problem with chasing a guy, scrambling to snap up any

crumb of a hint that he might maybe sorta, kinda possibly be
interested...

When you're chasing a guy, he knows there's absolutely no

possibility that you're going anywhere else. You've already shown
this guy that you're willing to wait around for an unlimited amount
of time for when he "feels like" maybe coming around.

So why would anything change? There's no consequence to him

being the way he is now... you're not going anywhere.

On the other hand, if you were clearly on the dating market, then
there would be the possibility that another man could snatch you
12
up and the first guy would miss his opportunity. No man is going to
take that risk with a woman he really likes. It just doesn’t make
sense to.

Guys can feel when a woman is on the dating market. So to, a man
knows when a woman is completely fixated on him and not going
anywhere. Even the dimmest guys can feel this instinctually.

To that point...

When a guy feels like he could possibly lose a woman to another

man, that's when he brings his A-game. By that we mean if you're
genuinely on the dating market and genuinely open to meeting and
dating other men. You haven’t settled on this guy and are exploring
your options and could easily ditch him for someone else.

When a mean feels this to be the case, he then needs to make a

choice internally - Does he feel it would be worth it to agree to
being in an exclusive, monogamous relationship with you?

If he does, he'll eagerly and clearly ask for exclusivity with

you. And if you want it, you'll say yes.

On the other hand, if he knows you're 100% single and still doesn't
lock you down even though he knows (or at least believes) fully
that you could be snapped up by another guy at any given
moment... well, then that's actually a good thing too... because it
shows you that this guy was never, ever going to commit to you in
an exclusive way.

Either way, it's a win for you... you either have a clearly defined
relationship and you're on the same page, or you find out there was
clearly no chance and save yourself from wasting months or years
of your life chasing something that wasn't going to happen.

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 5. Work on yourself
Personal development is a lifetime commitment. We should never,
ever, stop trying to be the best versions of ourselves and working
on our weak points. It's not just about getting a guy; it's about
living a life that is better and more fulfilling all around.

Having an amazing guy in your life is a wonderful thing that can

certainly add to your happiness, but it won't ever be the sole source
of happiness in your life. Happiness is an internal state that takes
time and work. It isn’t something that just happens and it doesn’t
show up at our door one day.

A guy is never the missing ingredient in your life. Being in a

relationship won’t make you whole, it won’t heal your pain, and it
won’t give you fulfillment. A good relationship can certainly
enhance these areas, but it can never fill that space entirely.

One of the biggest misconceptions about love is that you “just

know” when you find the “right one.” The mentality frees you of all
responsibility in your love life… you don’t need to work on yourself
or prepare for love, just go about your business and someday the
right one will drop into your life and you’ll just know.

In order to fall in love with the right person, you need to be in the
right place emotionally. If you don’t find love from within, you will
never be able to let it in from the outside. No one likes to talk
about this part though because this takes work, and the idea of
some perfect person just entering your life and being the other half
of your circle, the yin to your yang, is just so much easier, and far
more romantic.

In order to correctly identify the right one for you, you need to
know who you are. You need to know your values, your boundaries,
your fundamental needs, your wants, what you can compromise on,

14
and what your absolute deal breakers are. When you are in this
place and the right person comes along, the one who understands
you and sees you and connects with you and can give you what you
need in a relationship, it will feel right and you will just know.

Each one of us comes with baggage, some more than others. We all
have issues that may be holding us back from becoming who we
want to be and getting what we want out of life.

Maybe your parents had a messy divorce and you have trouble
trusting men, maybe you were teased as a kid and lack confidence,
maybe your first love cheated on you and broke your heart. Don’t
let your past enslave you. Take control of your life and work
through anything that darkened your past so you can enjoy a
brighter future.

Whatever it is that’s making it tough for you to get the relationship

you want, try to identify it and fix it. For some people it will mean
going to therapy. Others might want to hire a dating coach. Or
maybe you just need to read a few good self-help books on the
subject.

Your focus should always be on being your best self and pushing
through anything holding you back from getting what you want out
of life. The work doesn’t stop when you’re in a relationship. A lot of
women view relationships as some sort of finish line or destination
and allow themselves to slip into complacency once they’re there.

Remember, only you can determine your own worth. It won't come
in a bottle or from a man. You set the standard for how valuable
you are. You do this by living a rich, fulfilling life filled with things
you love. You do things that make you happy, you work on
improving yourself, you develop your talents, you take care of
yourself, you do things that tap into your essence and allow you to
express your true self. This is how self-esteem is built. If you wrap
up your identity in what men think of you, or what your relationship
status is, you will never ever feel satisfied.

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In any relationship, you can't become attached to the outcome.
Instead, you need to have faith in yourself and trust that no matter
what happens, you will be OK and you can handle whatever life
throws at you.

To get the love you want, focus on building a solid foundation of

self-love. Focus on working on yourself and pushing past those
walls that close you off and hold you back. Feelings are scary, being
vulnerable can be downright terrifying, but it’s better than living life
behind the Plexiglas. What’s that? It’s sitting inside a coffee shop
looking at the window at the New York City streets. You feel like
you get a sense of what’s going on out there, but you aren’t feeling
the wind in your face, you’re not smelling the street meat, you
aren’t immersed in the hustle and bustle, you aren’t feeling that
pulsing energy. You are a spectator, not a participant. You’re close,
but not close enough to be in it. That’s what happens when you
hold yourself back, when you put up a plastic wall, when you live
with the fears from your past, when you take solace in the wall
rather than actively working on ripping it down.

Instead of living behind it, say thank you to the wall. It served its
purpose and you don’t need it anymore and are free to feel and be
present and be open and release yourself from anything that’s
holding you back.

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 6. Don’t play emotional detective
We need to talk about a widespread myth that is killing most
women’s chances of having a successful love life. We don’t know
where or why this idea started, but somehow women all over the
world were tricked into believing that men communicate in some
sort of secret code.

That’s not the case. Men aren’t transmitting secret messages to

you through their words and actions.

The actions of men are obvious and, by extension, a man’s love is

obvious.

It’s bad enough if you’re obsessing about what his words and
actions mean (as if it’s not obvious)… you can make a bad situation
worse if you’re obsessing about signs he loves you (or signs he
doesn’t)…

The phrase “playing emotional detective” refers to when a woman

obsesses over how a man feels and looks at all the “signs” and
“clues” to piece things together.

When she sees good signs, she’s elated. When she doesn’t see
good signs… or sees warning signs… she’s terrified.

As she rides the emotional roller coaster of good signs and bad
signs, she becomes increasingly dependent on the guy acting a
certain way or it will ruin her mood.

This is a trap for a few huge reasons:

- Most guys do a ton of stuff they’re not even thinking about…

which the admiring woman interprets as some sign or secret
message to decode.

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 - When a guy likes you, it’s obvious. Stop obsessing over
details; men aren’t subtle.

- It’s way more powerful to assume he likes you than to walk on

eggshells, constantly testing the waters to see if you measure
up.

That guy who you like is just a guy… he’s not a psychological
mastermind… he’s more likely the guy who was just scratching his
balls twenty minutes ago and laughing at “Family Guy.” If you want
to understand men and finally end your perpetual analysis forever,
here is the secret you need to know: Men want to feel good and
they don’t want to feel bad. They will move towards anything that
feels good to them in the moment and move away from anything
that feels bad to them in the moment.

That’s it! That is really all you’ll ever need to know in order to
understand a man and his behavior. This is what people mean
when they say that men are simple.

Now don’t interpret “simple” as meaning simple-minded. Men

actually are quite perceptive, men are capable of a lot and men
have many excellent built-in instincts that serve relationships (even
when it looks and feels like the opposite is true).

All we’re saying here is that the key to understanding men is just
understanding that one secret and not complicating it. So relax…
stop obsessing… stop analyzing… stop making men complicated.

Fixation does not feel pleasant. It does not feel good, but it does
feel very urgent, very important, and very stressful.

When you're fixated on someone, it feels more like you're

suffocating. It feels like you need them... like you must have them
treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or
somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you
have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.

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When you're fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be
about enjoyment and connection. Instead, it’s more like you are
gasping for air, desperately hoping they'll give you whatever it is
you think you need from them.

Granted, even good relationships have a little bit of fixation mixed

in with them, but these are occasional occurrences like arguments,
or when one or both partners are stressed. In general, compatible
people have very little, if any, fixation in their relationships...

People who have good relationships observe how they themselves

feel in a relationship with another person (whether it's a lover, a
friend or a co-worker). They observe if their connection to the
other person feels like love (good) or fixation (bad).

If it feels like fixation, they drop it like it's hot. Unfortunately, the
majority of people don't do that. Maybe it’s the Hollywood-fantasy
culture we live in that propagates the idea that love is supposed to
be a struggle.

This simply is not true. If a relationship with someone makes you

feel bad, that is your mind screaming, "This person is incompatible
with you! Get away and stay away!" When you’re stressing and
obsessing, it’s a huge sign that this relationship isn’t right for you.

You need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your
relationship serves no purpose, ever. It causes problems within the
relationship, and more importantly, it takes a huge toll on your
sense of self and self-esteem. When you obsess, you invest even
further in the relationship and when you care too much, you
inevitably become attached to a certain outcome. You invest mental
energy in making sure things go a certain way. And if they don’t,
then you suffer on many levels.

19
 7. You have to be ready for what you want
Wanting to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for a
relationship. It could mean you’re lonely or that you have some
other issue in your life that you’re overlooking, and you believe a
relationship will be your cure-all.

It doesn’t matter how great or emotionally stable he is, if you’re not

in the right place, the relationship probably won’t last.

A lot of the time women reject the guys who would be good to
them, (and for them) because they are not yet in a place where
they can receive true love. Instead they feel drawn to the guys who
are unavailable and get caught up in trying to prove their worth
and show him they’re good enough. This toxic dating style happens
when you don't feel worthy of love on some level...and going after
these kinds of guys validates that notion.

The funny thing about the human mind, whether you realize it or
not, is it's always looking to validate beliefs, no matter how
damaging said beliefs are. If you think no one likes you, your mind
will ignore all the evidence that you are likable and will hone in on
only those specific incidents when someone rejected you.

A big part of preparing yourself for love is letting go of resentments

from the past—be it ex boyfriends, your parents, your friends—
make an effort to let go of any lingering resentment you feel
because the truth is, holding onto this negativity is hurting you
more than anyone else.

When you hold onto faulty beliefs such as, "All men are
commitment-phobes” or "The guys I like always dump me" you sow
the seeds for a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, when you
carry the idea that all men are afraid of commitment, you will
instinctively put walls up and won't trust the guys you date. As a

20
result, you will never be able to get to that level of openness and
trust necessary to create the kind of connection that leads to love.

Here are questions to ask yourself to determine if you’re ready for a

healthy, long-lasting relationship:

- Are you already emotionally fulfilled?

- Are you happy with yourself?

- Does the way you experience life feel happy to you in general
right now?

- Do you already love yourself?

- Do you already love your life?

- Do you already feel whole and complete?

Filling an emotional void is not the same as being full and sharing
your best. A woman can get into trouble and end up with a string of
failed relationships because she doesn’t recognize the fact that she
has an emotional void within herself, a hole that she tries to fill with
a relationship. And when she has that kind of a feeling, when she
wants the relationship to be what completes her or makes her
happy or gives her that missing piece, she’s completely focusing on
her desires, her wishes, her wants, her dreams, her this, her that.

Relationships don’t work like that; it’s not about one person
catering to the other’s every whim and need for constant
reassurance.

When a woman is trying to fill a void, she’s coming from a place of

neediness, “I need you to fill in my emotional hole or I’ll be
miserable.” She’s not self-sufficient, she’s not confidant, and she’s
not capable of being happy without a man.

Another thing to consider is how emotionally guarded you are.

21
 - Do you have huge walls up?

- Are you carrying anger, bitterness, or resentment for things

that happened to you in the past, or bad experiences you’ve
had with men?

- Do you allow him to know you, to understand you, and to see

you with your guard down?

- Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable around him?

- Do you allow yourself to have a genuine connection, or do you

only let him see the parts that you feel safe exposing to him?

If you have walls or emotional blocks that prevent you from letting
him in, from letting him feel connected to you, from letting him
understand you on a deep level, how do expect to have a future?

Connection, trust, and understanding are essential relationship

ingredients. If something is missing, everything will be thrown off.

We put our guard up when we believe that people can take away
our sense of wellbeing. The more we live in alignment with a
perspective that feels happy, enjoyable and fulfilling, the more OK
we feel about life in general and we naturally dissolve our
guardedness since we realize that our happiness (or unhappiness)
is sourced from the inside, not from the outside.

Be honest with yourself. Take a long hard look at yourself and ask:
Would I want to date me? Look at the full picture and be honest
about areas that need improving. There is no shame in it and
working on yourself and getting mentally and emotionally ready to
be in a relationship is the greatest service you can do for yourself.

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8. Use your “Walking Power” when necessary
“Walking Power” is your ability to walk away from a relationship
that you don’t want if it doesn’t measure up. Walking Power means
you always remember that you have other options. Walking Power
helps you remember that you don’t need to be in the relationship
with your current guy, you choose to be.

Remembering your Walking Power isn’t something to be obnoxious

or obvious about. You’re not flaunting it and you never say it out
loud. It’s just something for you to always remember and keep in
the back of your mind.

When you remember your Walking Power, you subconsciously

emanate a kind of confidence that says you are the prize and that
you are there because he is earning you … not because you need
him.

When you internalize the fact that you have Walking Power,
relationships stop being so scary. You don’t feel the pressure and
strain because there isn’t so much at stake. You know that if this
relationship doesn’t work out you’ll be fine. And because you feel
this way, you’re able to be more present in the relationship, giving
the space to actually form a connection with him. You aren’t trying
to get anything out of him. You don’t need him to provide fuel for
your self-esteem tank. You don’t need the relationship to work out
in order to prove that you are worthy and lovable.

The relationship is not a barometer for your worth or worthiness.

Your sense of worth is completely independent of the relationship.
You’re in the relationship because you want to be, not because you
need it to prove something to yourself or others. And since you
have such a strong sense of worth, you have no problem walking
away if this guy can’t or won’t give you the commitment you want.
You don’t feel afraid that you won’t find anyone else, and that you

23
better take whatever it is you can get. You know you’ll find
someone else. And because you carry this knowledge with you, you
emanate a strong, confident vibe. How you feel about yourself
projects outward and other people will come to view you in the
same light.

If you internally carry the knowledge that you will walk away if this
relationship isn’t what you want, your man will pick up on it and will
step up and bring his A-game to keep you. And if he doesn’t, then
you have no problem walking away with your self-esteem fully
intact to boot!

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 9. Be champion fighters

Fighting with the person you love is profoundly painful, but it’s
inevitable and sometimes it’s necessary. It’s important to
remember that arguments are a chance to grow, and that you and
your partner are fighting for the same cause (to reach a place of
love and harmony). He’s not your enemy and you’re not his, so
above all else make sure to enter into the interaction from a place
of unity so it’s each of you facing a conflict together, not each of
your pitted against the other.

Even the most compatible couple will sometimes disagree, and

these disagreements can escalate into arguments and full-fledged
fights. In fact, it would be a major red flag if a couple didn’t fight.
That might mean one or both partners are afraid to have any
conflict with one another, which would suggest a lack of comfort
and trust in their partner… and that’s a red flag

Your goal shouldn’t be to never fight; it should be to fight better.

Learn to fight in a way that brings about resolution rather than
dissolution.

A fight doesn’t have to include yelling and screaming and

slamming doors and hurling insults and trying to make the other
person feel as bad as they made you feel. It is very difficult to
come to a place of resolution when emotions are running hot, so
one of the best tips to fight better is to stop discussing an issue
until both of you have had the chance to reset your systems back
to neutral.

Whenever a conflict emerges, it is also helpful to remind yourself,

and each other, that you are both on the same team and that you
should try to work with each other instead of against each other.

25
You and he are on the same team and you’re fighting for the same
cause, the cause being to have a healthy, happy, loving, mutually
fulfilling relationship.

When you make yourself the victim and him the victimizer, you
aren’t on the same team, you are opponents locked in a battle to
prove you’re right and the other person is wrong. This puts the
other person on the defensive, and he may launch a counterattack
that only confirms for you that he is completely at fault, and from
there it spirals into an ugly place.

Maybe you are right and maybe you do want to "win" the
argument, but if you end up tearing each other down to do it, then
you both lose.

Sometimes, you just need to suck it up and say, "I'm sorry we

fought" or "I'm sorry you were hurt." Maybe you think he is being
irrational and you don’t think he’s justified in feeling the way he’s
feeling, and maybe you’re right, but it doesn’t matter who’s right.
What should matter more is the fact that the person you love is
hurt, and you can be sorry for hurting him even if you don’t fully
understand where he is coming from.

If he did something that hurt you, try to express that to him in a

way that doesn’t make him feel attacked. This is totally achievable
when you’re coming from a place of genuinely wanting the
relationship to work and wanting to connect and share your
perspective with him so the relationship will improve, and not from
a place of trying to be the victor.

Here are some tips to fight smart:

1. Be respectful. When you do argue, your arguing is always with

purpose and both of you communicate with resolution in mind.
Even in arguments, you respect each other’s opinions and you
communicate out of care and concern, not out of judgment and
criticism.

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It’s a definite red flag when one or both people argue with an air
of disgust for the other person – sometimes this is shown in barely
perceptible facial expressions, sometimes it’s extremely surface and
obvious. Either way, signs of disgust from your partner are a huge
warning sign that your relationship is headed to a bad place soon.

Great relationships have a quality of respect and admiration for the

other person, regardless of whether or not you’re even with that
person in a relationship. You’re just plain happy that they exist in
this world of ours. When you’re with the one, you
naturally appreciate and focus on each other’s good qualities. They
see the best in you and you see the best in them.

2. Learn to respond instead of react. First, it’s important to

remember that arguments are a chance to grow, and that you and
your partner are fighting for the same cause (to reach a place of
love and harmony). He’s not your enemy and you’re not his, so
above all else make sure to enter into the interaction from a place
of unity so it’s each of you facing a conflict together, not each of
your pitted against the other.

When you react, they have complete control. You may say things
you don’t mean, feel things you don’t want to feel. You go on
instinct and may regret how you reacted. Reacting rarely takes
things in a positive direction. Your knee-jerk reaction may be anger
and indignation, or you may try to get back at the other person.

3. Take a step back. This is part of learning to respond instead of

react. If things start to get really heated, tell your partner that now
just isn’t a good time to talk about whatever the issue is and you’d
like to discuss it later. In the meantime, you should take a walk, go
to the gym, or just go someplace where you can be by yourself to
let things settle down and gain some more clarity and perspective.

In moments of anger we all kind of turn into two-year-olds

throwing a tantrum. We can’t see beyond our own pain and anguish
in that moment. A toddler can be perfectly happy one minute,

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laughing and giggling and everything is great, but then something
happens and it’s like the whole world is ending. All they can see is
the pain of that moment and the happiness from two minutes
before that ceased to exist.

In a heated exchange, you might totally forget that this person in

front of you is someone you love, someone you’re sharing a life
with, someone you admire. All you see is that he’s being stubborn
or difficult and making your life hard, and all the good within him
disappears. Maybe he is being a huge jerk and maybe he does
deserve your wrath, but conversations had in moments of anger or
extreme emotion rarely go in a positive direction. Instead, things
typically escalate and worsen.

4. Get to the root of the problem. The reason a lot of couples

get into the cycle of endless arguing is because they don’t address
the root of the problem. Instead they argue about trivial things
instead of the real thing.

One big complaint women have is that their guy doesn’t help out at
all, and they have to do everything. They may have a fight over
him not taking out the garbage or leaving dirty dishes in the sink,
but they aren’t addressing the core issue. Maybe they’ll argue that
not taking the garbage out will attract bugs and rodents (a valid
argument!) but that isn’t the point. The point is the woman most
likely feels taken for granted and maybe like her man doesn’t care
for her. That’s what’s really going on.

Whenever you have recurring arguments, or find yourself going at

it over something that seems trivial, try to uncover what you’re
really upset about.

5. Don’t fight dirty. In a moment of anger, it’s tempting to jab

your opponent between the ribs, but it isn’t helpful and will only
make things worse! Try not to resort to name-calling, labeling, and
attacking to get your point across. Also, stay away from
overgeneralizations. (“You never do anything for me.” “You always

28
leave things lying around.) No one ever always or never does
something.

Name-calling is also problematic. Yes, it may have been in a

moment of anger, but once you say it you can’t unsay it, and you
don’t know how it’s going to hit your partner and affect him.
Instead of “You’re such a jerk,” you can say, “You were acting like a
jerk.” Just that small little tweak makes a difference because
people always get defensive when they are given a negative label.

Even though your partner might be making you insane, remember

that he isn’t all bad. If he were, you wouldn’t be with him
(hopefully). He’s actually someone you like and love, and we should
never intentionally try to hurt the people we care about.

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 10. Being with “the one” feels like love,
partnership, and friendship
People can only fall in love with those they feel secure around. If,
for any reason, a guy doesn’t feel secure around a girl or if a girl
doesn't feel secure around a guy, then love can never happen
between them. Feeling secure around the potential partner is an
essential criterion in the subconscious mind of everybody. This rule
applies to all relations, even friendship. For example, you may only
consider a person a potential friend if you feel safe and secure
around him.

One major sign that you’re with the one is: He inspires you to be
your best. In your relationship with him, you feel empowered, like
you can do anything. He brings out the best in you, not the worst.

He’s with you, not against you, and you have 100% trust that he’s
there to support you. If things get messy in your life, or you have a
major problem, you don’t even have to question that he’s got your
back. You know he won’t leave you or condemn you.

If you really, truly need him to be there, he’ll be there… and this is
either going to be true for your relationship or it’s not. The
question is: Will you be able to be honest with yourself if your
instincts know that he wouldn’t be there? There’s a lot to be said
for knowing that he’s on your side.

One of the greatest gifts we get from being in a relationship is that

it encourages us to grow in ways that we may not have grown if we
were single.

In addition to knowing they have your back no matter what, you

need to have depth of connection. This is what creates an
unbreakable bond. You need to know who he is, what he wants out

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of life, what his hopes, dreams, and fears are. You need to connect
to each other in an honest, unguarded way.

Each person is comprised of many layers. In our lives, some people

see the surface layer, a select few see what lies beneath the
exterior, and very few see straight to the core. Your life partner
should be in the last group.

Knowing the basics about someone isn't knowing who they are. If
you know the same things about your guy as most of the other
people in his life then you don't have much depth of connection.

Attraction and sexual chemistry are never enough to sustain a

relationship. If that's all you have it's fine, but you might want to
move on if you're serious about finding the one.

True love, the stuff that lasts a lifetime, feels like home. You feel
safe, you feel like you are exactly where you belong, and you feel
like you can just be. Even though the relationship won’t always be
perfect because that’s an impossible ideal, it will always feel like it’s
where you belong.

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 11. Relationships are about growing together,
not about completing you or “making” you
happy
Relationships aren't here to *make* you happy... they are here to
make you grow... but when you learn how to embrace growth and
not fight it, relationships become very happy. Being in a
relationship shouldn’t be your end-goal; the goal should be
attaining the right relationship.

The fact is, in many ways a relationship (even a great relationship)

will make your life more difficult. In this way, your greatest
relationship is not about completing you or making you happy… it is
about you growing with him and him growing with you. Life isn’t
necessarily easier with him there, but it’s undeniably better.

When two people are in a relationship, they should bring out the
best in one another. They should challenge each other to grow so
that their attributes strengthen and they become the best versions
of themselves.

When a relationship crushes you and leaves you feeling paranoid,

anxious, insecure, inadequate, and always on edge, just waiting for
the other shoe to drop… you’re cheating yourself out of having the
immense benefits that a good relationship can provide.

In order for a relationship to last and become something real, both

people need to bring their best and work on creating a meaningful
connection. You can’t get caught up in trying to reach some goal or
milestone. Having a title will never give you a sense of security if
you don’t already feel secure. A lot of women get caught up in
strategizing about how to take a relationship to the next level, but
this type of transformation doesn’t come about by force or strategy.
It happens organically as a relationship naturally deepens.
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Again, it’s about getting out of a self-absorbed mindset where
you’re consumed with how he feels and how you’re presenting
yourself, and instead focusing on building a connection. It’s about
dropping your guard a bit, showing some vulnerability, and
connecting to him in meaningful ways. That’s what lays the
foundation for a meaningful, lasting relationship.

A big mistake is to hold out hope that as soon as something

changes, then you’ll find the happiness and security you’re so
desperately seeking. This doesn’t work and is instead a recipe for
even more unhappiness.

Don’t get caught up in the illusion of who you think he is, or what
being in a relationship with him will represent. Be open to his world
and recognize what’s meaningful to him. Figure out what he wants
in his life and what his goals are, and support him. And share
yourself with him, your real self, not the image you’re trying to
project of what you think he wants so you can win him over.

When you are happy, love comes to you. When you try to extract
happiness from a relationship, you will open the empty space even
further and feel more hopeless and miserable.

There is no such thing as happiness in the future. If you're not

happy right now, you need a perspective change in your life before
your love life will improve. Your own peace and happiness leads
your love life success.

There is no lesson in love more important or essential than that, so

if there's anything you take away from this message, embed that
into your consciousness, every moment of every day.

Being with the one brings richness, fullness, and depth to your life.
They give you wings, but they also keep you on your toes. They
bring out your best, even when—if left to your own devices—you
might have taken an easier or more comfortable path.

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Our culture often has the perception that a great relationship will
make them happy or complete. This just isn’t true, though. You
need to already be happy and complete on your own, and then
bring this into your relationship.

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 12. Be happy
This point is kind of a continuation from the last one because it is
such a hugely important concept when it comes to getting the love
you want … and is often the most overlooked and misunderstood.

Despite what you’ve heard via mainstream media your entire life,
relationships do not lead to happiness and being single does not
equal a life of misery. Relationships can certainly enhance your
overall feelings of happiness, but they can never fill a void for you.
Happiness always comes from within. Most people don’ realize or
accept this, though. Instead, they expect their relationship to make
them happy and then feel disillusioned and resentful when it
doesn’t. They may take it out on their partner, lashing out at him
for failing to provide the happiness that is owed to them. But a
relationship isn’t there to make you happy. And it’s not even
possible unless you already feel happy within yourself.

When you’re happy, you automatically give off a vibe that is

irresistible to your man. He can’t get enough of it.

Nature designed love to work this way. Hollywood would have you
believe that love and relationships are here to “save you” and bail
you out of your unhappiness.

This is simply not reality. It is backwards. In reality, we must

understand how to show up happy ourselves before love and
relationships start working for us. In this way, love and
relationships are the reward for following our path to happiness and
not the key to gaining access to happiness (while moping about
unhappily, waiting for love to find us).

It’s amazing how easy relationships become once you finally allow
yourself to do the things that make you happy… and think the
things that make you happy… and be the way that makes you

35
happy… and surround yourself with the people who actually make
you happy (not the people who you wish would make you happy or
who you think should make you happy, but don’t).

The most important thing you can do in a relationship is to make

sure that you are happy. Your happiness is like a radio signal that
your man’s mind will pick up… and when he picks it up, he’ll want
more and more of you. The feeling melts his heart and makes him
want to make you feel as good as you’re making him feel. In this
way, your happiness creates an upward spiral of good feelings.

Here’s a secret most people don’t know, or don’t talk about. All a
man really needs to be happy in a relationship is for his woman to
be happy. That’s it! And a man will never commit himself to a
woman if he doesn’t think he can make her happy. A man bonds
and drops his guard when he sees that he can successfully make a
woman happy. That is the real key to a man’s heart. The sexiest
woman to any man is a woman who is thoroughly happy with him.

Happiness doesn’t just happen, it’s a choice you make and it’s
something you have to work on every day. It’s far too easy to get
caught up in everything that’s wrong in your life and it takes a bit
of practice to train yourself to look at what’s going right.

The problem with negative thoughts is they never come one at a

time. The minute you start focusing on one thing that’s going
wrong, all you’ll see is a life covered in crap. The good news is you
have power over your mind and you can overrule the negative
thoughts.

Take an active role in your level of happiness. Put your focus on

activities that make you happy rather than on finding a
relationship. Living a balanced life will make you a more desirable
person and you’ll be more likely to meet someone special.

Being positive is a vibe; it’s an energy that comes across. You can
be saying all the right things, but if you feel negative inside, it will

36
still some across. Our vibe attracts people or drives them away.
This is why women often encounter a phenomenon where they only
attract the guys they don’t want and not the ones they do.

Why does this happen? Well, in a nutshell, with the guys you don’t
want it’s easy to be happy and positive and unconcerned, because
you don’t have much at stake. You don’t let worries or fears or
insecurities enter the picture because you’re not so attached to the
outcome. Instead, you just enjoy your interactions with this other
person and if it works out, great. If it doesn’t, then that’s fine,
too—you weren’t so into it anyway.

Now with the guys you do want there is more at stake. You really
want things to work out, and this activates your fears … specifically,
your fear that it won’t work. This leads you to think negative
thoughts … you think about all the guys you liked and how it didn’t
work out with them, you dwell on your negative characteristics and
worry that they will prevent you from getting the love you want,
you worry obsessively that you will do something to cause this guy
to lose interest.

This worry leads you to feeling upset, and this can take several
forms: feeling angry, nervous, self-conscious, paranoid, bitter,
jealous, unworthy, foolish, unlovable, etc.

Drop all the thinking that is making you feel unhappy.

Yes, we realize that those kinds of thoughts have a momentum to

them and that it might take time to drop the thoughts, beliefs and
perspectives that are making you unhappy. But you can do this.

Train your mind to "be OK" instead of being in that yucky analytic
and anxious mood. Cut the cycle.

Make your mood and your happiness your top priority in life. Men
fall in love with happy women. Men marry happy women. Men find
happy women irresistible. Be a happy woman. Be OK.

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 13. The things attracted you in beginning
should never stop
One of the biggest and most common relationship mistakes is
letting important aspects of your life fall by the wayside as soon as
you get into a relationship.

The fact is, part of what attracted this guy to you was the fact that
you had a lot going on in your life. No man wants to be the sole
center of a woman’s existence… that’s way too much pressure and
is a breeding ground for an unhealthy, codependent relationship.

One of the greatest things you can do for the sake of your
relationship is to continue having an amazing, fulfilling life outside
of the relationship. That means you continue to do things you love.
Whether it’s art or music or exercise, continue to engage in
activities that bring you joy and make you feel alive and connected
to your essence.

People in unhealthy relationships often give up things they enjoy

for the sake of the relationship. They prioritize the guy above all
else (even if he doesn’t do the same) because the relationship is
the most important thing to them.

The more you abandon other areas that fulfilled you, the more you
expect him to compensate. You should also not stop pursuing your
dreams and goals. If a relationship demands so much change, you
are either abandoning who you are (this happens when you don’t
have boundaries) or it’s a bad, toxic, unhealthy relationship you
need to get out of immediately.

A lot of women who become overly dependent on men, or their

romantic relationships, are lacking close platonic relationships. They
may have a lot of friends, but these friendships are superficial and
lacking in intimacy. We all want to be seen and accepted for who
38
we are. If you don’t have that in your life from friends and family,
you will seek it from an intimate relationship.

Friendships are important and fill our needs in ways a relationship,

especially a new one, can’t. Try to focus on deepening the bonds
you have with people in your life, be it friends or family. Try to form
real, genuine connections. This will satisfy your need for closeness
so that it isn’t a big gaping empty hole that you expect a man to fill
by himself.

Aside from the emotional stuff, it’s important to always sell yourself,
or at least try to. In the beginning of your relationship you probably
made an effort to put your best foot forward. Looked your best, you
brought a positive, sunny attitude. You saw the good in him and
showed appreciation for everything. These things don’t need to stop
once you’re in a more established relationship. If anything, you
should make more of an effort once things are more settled. This is
not to say you can’t ever wear sweatpants or be in a bad mood. It
means that you make an effort to be your best self the majority of
the time. You don’t have an attitude of, “Glad that’s over and I’ve
got him. Now I can kick off my heels, cancel my gym membership,
and do whatever I want!”

Isn’t it funny how women will put on makeup and a nice outfit when
they’re going out in public, but lounge around in stained sweats
when they’re home with their guy? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?
Isn’t he the one you want to impress and want to look nice for? Of
course, this isn’t all about the physical. Your attitude and your vibe
also goes along with this concept. Just think about the way you
were with your guy in the beginning and use that as a barometer to
measure if you really are brining your A-game.

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 14. Fill the relationship up
Think of a relationship like a car. It needs fuel to keep running.
When you stop filling it up with what it needs, it dies on the side of
the road.

So what does it actually mean to put fuel into the relationship?

As we said before, you need to be happy and fulfilled before you’re

ready for love. If you’re not, you’ll be susceptible to developing a
needy mindset and using a relationship to fill and emotional void.
This will lead to a vicious cycle of unhappiness and increasing
emptiness. Essentially, you need to show up for love “whole” and
happy.

When you’re whole and happy, you’ll be able to focus on your

partner since you won’t have a burning need to fill some emotional
void within yourself. When you’re in a needy mind state, you
constantly focus on and fantasize about what you’ll get from the
relationship. You picture romantic moments with him, you imagine
hearing him say loving and heartfelt words to you, and you
fantasize about feeling his deep and burning love for you.

The other side of this is that you’ll be in constant fear of losing

those romantic moments… of him not saying those same loving
things… of his feelings decreasing.

When you are in a needy mind state, fear rules you constantly; the
only question is how intensely you are feeling that fear at any given
moment.

A lot of women make the mistake of trying to fill an emotional void

with their relationship. They either show up unhappy or, through
fear of loss, quickly become unhappy and then continually try to

40
extract feelings of happiness and wellbeing from the relationship
(usually in the form of endless reassurance-seeking behavior).

This always leads to downward spiral for the relationship. Does this
mean you can never express unhappiness or have an insecurity?
No, that’s unrealistic. It’s about making the conscious choice to
manage your feelings and work on yourself so you can bring your
best to the relationship.

Here are some important truths about men you need to realize

a) Yes, men understand that women are more emotional than they
are… and they’re fine with that… but they don’t know how to deal
with a woman’s negative emotions at all. At all!

b) Guys look at the world through the lens of wins/losses,

success/failure, problem/solution. If you vent to your guy about
something you’re unhappy with, his male mind will
overwhelmingly push him into problem solving mode. Guys have a
very narrow band of emotions that they find acceptable in their own
emotional state. These emotions for men are called “good” and
“bad.” If they are feeling “good,” no need to do or change anything.
If they are feeling “bad,” then immediate action to solve the
problem is needed.

There’s no discussion. There’s no exploration of feelings. It’s simply

– oh, bad feeling? OK, time to solve the problem. So when a guy
hears anyone complaining about feeling “bad,” they don’t want to
discuss it, they want to solve it.

Men see the world through the lens of problems and solutions
(solving problems is just another expression of “winning”).
Presenting him with a “problem” and talking about it without the
intent of solving it as quickly as possible is the equivalent of taking
a juicy steak and waving it in front of a dog, but not allowing him to
eat it.

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So you might hate it, but… venting is best left for your girlfriends.
They’ll understand you and they’ll be able to give you what you’re
looking for in the first place. Girls are much better able to deal with
empathy and emotional support.

c) Relationships aren’t about turning the man into the source

of everything in your life. There are some things men are great at
because… they’re biologically and psychologically designed to be
great at them. And there are some things men are completely not
designed to do.

You should manage your expectations so that you want him to be

great in the areas that he is capable of being great in and go to
women for the things women are great at. In the same way you
don’t want him treating you like a guy, he doesn’t want you
treating him like a girl…

He can’t be your everything. This is completely unrealistic. If you

expect your man or your relationship to fill your every need, you
are setting yourself up for a lifetime of chronic disappointment.

The mainstream depiction of love is actually the opposite of how

healthy love should be. The central focus should be on what is
flowing from you, not to you.

When you’re in a happy and whole state of mind, you will enjoy the
other person, but you don’t need them. You can appreciate them
without feeling that you need to possess them (not that it’s possible
to possess anyone anyway).

When you can appreciate the other person and enjoy them
without needing them, that’s when love becomes easy and
effortless. That’s when love really begins to take shape and
blossom without you having to do anything.

When we’re in a mind state where we feel happy, whole, and

fulfilled with our life, we naturally give and love others without

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needing anything from them in return. It is our human nature to
want to love and give to those that we appreciate, so long as we
feel happy and fulfilled ourselves. You know that you are on the
right track when you can love freely without an expectation or need
for anything in return.

Aside from accepting one another completely, you must both

realize that love isn’t something that is made once, then stands
strong like a statue or monument. Love needs to be made and
remade every day. You want to think of love as a verb, not a noun.

The beginning stages of love and exploration are exciting, fun, and
fascinating, but the real test comes when the party is over and
you’re simply sharing a life together. Once all the “firsts” are out of
the way, that’s really what a relationship comes down to: sharing a
life together.

After it hits that point: Does he still feel like home? Does he still
“just fit?” Does he still “just make sense” in your life?

Essentially, if you want to get that kind of love and prioritization

from him, you have to stop sucking energy out of him and
start filling him with energy.

If you want him to invest more love into the relationship, then lead
by example and invest love into the relationship. When you figure
out how to inspire love in your guy, he will want to please you in
the same way.

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 15. You can’t force love
No matter how hard you try… no matter how many “rules” you
follow… no matter how badly you want it, you can never force love
and you can never force someone to feel a certain way about you.
Love isn’t meant to be some sort of mountain to climb. It’s more
like a river. When it’s right, it flows easily and effortlessly. You
don’t need to force the water to flow.

It’s pretty easy to spot when a relationship will work out. In fact,
we can predict it with stunning accuracy. How? It’s all in the way
they talk about their relationship.

If it’s a good relationship with two compatible people, the question

and description of the relationship is usually pretty short and
concise.

The doomed relationships are nearly always the ones where “it’s
complicated,” and the person sends us a ten-chapter novel
describing the situation.

The super long questions are usually a disaster-waiting-to-happen

because the writer is desperately hoping somewhere in the
mountain of description there is some glimmer of hope, or a sign
that the relationship could somehow work…

She’s usually hoping that we’ll find some sort of shining light under
the pile of rubble, some sign that says, “Yes, he does care! He will
commit! He does love you!” Unfortunately, we’re often the bearers
of bad news in these situations because we can never give the
answer she so desperately wants to hear.

The sad truth is that wanting something… even wanting something

really, really badly… will not make it so. Neither will worrying about
it. Neither will trying really hard to “make it work.”

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Wanting a relationship to be something other than what it is never
pans out well. Instead, practice accepting the situation for what it is
and enjoying it. The fact is, the people who are most successful
with relationships are people who have fun with relationships. It
doesn't feel like work; it's not a struggle.

They accept the fact that the right person for them is a person who
wants to be with them. They don’t need to convince anyone of
anything. They don’t need to sell themselves. They don’t need to
plot and strategize. That’s not what true love looks like. You can’t
trick someone into falling in love with you. The only person you
have control over is yourself. You get to control your feelings, your
thoughts, and even your emotions. So stop investing all those
things into someone who isn’t investing back.

It may feel like the cards are stacked against you, but the truth is
your love live is largely under your control You get to choose who
you spend your time with and who you let into your life. You get to
decide if you will accept what is, or if you want to force things to be
some other way.

It may feel unfair at times, especially if you meet someone who

seems absolutely perfect for you… and he just doesn’t feel the
same way, but you have to learn to gracefully let go of things not
meant for you. There will come a day in the future, when you will
be with the right person for you, and you will look back and see
with crystal clarity why that other person wasn’t right for you, and
why a relationship with him would have been a disaster. You’ll
laugh at yourself for foolishly trying to force things to work with
him and you’ll be so grateful that they didn’t.

If a relationship feels like suffocation, that's a huge clue that you're

not in a relationship with someone who's compatible with you.
Good relationships are effortless (well, 99% of the time within a
good relationship is effortless with the occasional 1% of the time
where you have to put in effort to make sure things stay in a good
place). You don't feel like you're walking on eggshells, worrying

45
that you might screw something up. You don't feel like you have
to make it work. You don't feel like you're suffocating, wishing and
hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. You
aren't afraid to lose them, in fact, you never even think about
possibly losing them because you don't feel you need to possess
them in order to experience the love you have for them.

Love is not meant to be a struggle. Yes, popular songs it sound like

it's supposed to be. Yes, movies make it seem like it's supposed to
be. But movies and music are wrong - love is meant to be
effortless and easy. When it's not, you're doing it wrong!

Remember, you can’t force love. True love doesn’t need force in the
slightest. The only person you can control is yourself so focus on
being your best self, on working through your issues, and realize
that this is the path towards lasting love.

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 16. Stressing over your relationship ruins
everything
Stressing over relationships ruins relationships. It may feel like
your doing something productive by stressing and worrying, but
you’re really only succeeding in driving yourself crazy and feeding
into the neediness mindset.

It’s important to learn not to take things so personally. If it doesn’t

work out with a particular guy, then it’s no big deal, it just means
he wasn’t the guy for you. The problem is most people don’t do this
and instead get way too attached to a particular outcome.

A relationship isn't a measure of your worth or worthiness in this

world. It is not there to serve you and give you things like
happiness and self-esteem. It is not there to make you feel good
about life and about yourself. This isn't to say a
relationship can't do these things, it's just that these aren't the
elements upon which a healthy relationship is built.

A relationship also isn't some sort of milestone, a sign that you

have "made it," that you will be OK, that you are now a member of
some elite club. It isn't something you work to acquire. It is not a
goal to achieve.

A relationship is an experience to be had and shared. It is about

discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there
is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong
partnership, also known as marriage. The only work you have to do
is to make sure you are your best self and get to a place where you
can give and receive love. No amount of plotting or analyzing will
change whether you and someone else are compatible. You either
are or you aren't. The dating process is more of a discovery process
to find out if it's there.

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So you enter into the relationship as your best self and then one of
two things happens: it works out, or it doesn't. And if it doesn't,
you're OK because you know that it just means you weren't a
match with that person. It doesn't mean you're flawed or damaged
or bad or unlovable. It just wasn't a match. Sometimes you'll be
able to see this, and sometimes the other person will have that
clarity. Either way, if it doesn't work, it's because it wasn't the right
fit. That's all!

You have to stop attaching meanings to things that are

meaningless. That’s not to say a relationship is meaningless, but it
is a meaningless measure of your worth as a person. You aren’t
deficient or flawed or in the “slow group” of life because you’re
single. Unfortunately, society has hammered in this idea that being
single is something to be feared and pitied and being in a
relationship is something to covet. (The real thing to fear and pity
is being stuck in bad relationship, that is far worse than no
relationship.) As a result, a lot of women measure their worth by
their relationship status. If a guy leaves, that means she’s
unworthy, she wasn’t good enough to have this thing that she’s
been told she needs in order to be enough. It's hard to undo years
of faulty programming that's been so firmly ingrained into your
DNA, but it isn't impossible.

When you realize where worth and worthiness really come from,
you won’t put so much pressure on your relationships and you may
even be able to enjoy the dating process, instead of getting all
twisted in a pretzel.

Stressing never leads to anything good and instead causes more

problems than it solves. When you stop stressing out and obsessing
about your own fears, worries, and nightmare scenarios, something
great happens: you give the relationship room to breathe. Usually
it’s at this point that both of you start enjoying the relationship a
lot more.

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Remember, you are always in control of your thoughts and
emotions. If you base your worth on how someone else feels about
you, then you will never ever feel at ease in a relationship and you
will drive yourself insane with stress, which will ultimately push the
guy away and kill what you have. Learn to accept that if a
relationship doesn’t work out, it’s because the relationship wasn’t
right, not because there’s something wrong with you.

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 17. Love isn’t supposed to be difficult
The predominant depiction of love in movies and on TV is that it’s
supposed to be a challenge, something you fight for at all costs and
don’t ever give up on. While this certainly makes for good
entertainment, it’s not a realistic portrayal of love.

Relationships do take work, but falling in love (in a healthy way), is

a relatively effortless process. It’s not filled with hours of analyzing
what he meant when he said XYZ… or feeling a sense of impending
doom at all times… or making these grand sacrifices and
compromising who you are for the sake of the one you love. When
someone truly loves you, you will not have to mold yourself in
order to fit with them, the pieces will naturally click.

The drama so often associated with love usually only applies to

unhealthy relationships, ones that result from infatuation,
obsession, or unrealistic expectations, rather than a genuine
connection.

A healthy, loving relationship is one where two people can be their

authentic selves and look at what they can give to the relationship,
rather than what they can get from it. Both people complement
each other and are able to give what the other needs, and happily
receive what their partner has to give.

You should never have to fight for someone’s love, or plot ways to
make someone love you. When it’s real and genuine, it will flow
easily and effortlessly.

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 18. Keep the lust alive
When we think of what it takes to have a lasting, happy
relationship, people of course say love is the most essential
ingredient, next usually comes good communication, shared goals,
and the like. But no one ever talks about the importance of lust.

Love and lust are often painted as opposites, with the former being
pure, transcendent, and full of light while the latter is depraved and
full of darkness. They say love is giving, lust is taking; love is
selfless, lust is selfish. While in its pure, isolated state lust can be a
negative thing, so can love (at least, in romantic relationships).
When your relationship is pure love, you have a level of comfort
and familiarity. Married people and couples who live together know
what this is like. You love your partner very much, and can be
completely comfortable around them… but sometimes things
become a little too comfortable and the passion you once felt is
nowhere to be found.

This isn’t the result of lack of love, it’s lack of lust. When you are in
an established relationship, you shouldn’t just sit back, sink into
complacence, and assume he’ll just love you unconditionally. This is
true to an extent, but if you want to keep the flames burning, you
have to work on maintaining that level of lust. One of the most
common reasons for breakups is the old, “I love you, I’m just not in
love with you.” Usually what this means is “I no longer feel that
lustful passion for you… I love you… but in the same way I love my
family and close friends.”

In a romantic relationship, love will give you stability, partnership,

acceptance, but lust will give you passion, fire, and sexual
satisfaction.

While love is about accessibility and constant companionship, lust is

a bit more forbidden. It’s about wanting rather than having. There

51
are many ways to keep the lust alive in your relationship, you’ll
probably discover them all by just thinking about how things were
in the beginning of your relationship, back when you were
overcome by a magnetic force of physical attraction. Try to
maintain some mystery when you can, and get back in touch with
your more sexual side.

It bears repeating that love is a verb; it is about actions. You can’t

passively sit back and hope for it to blossom. You need to
constantly nourish and water the relationship and take action to
keep it strong.

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 19. Don’t try to change him, or expect change

One of the biggest, and most common, relationship mistakes is

expecting your partner to change, or trying to force him to change
and be what you want. This always backfires.

People do evolve over time. And a good, healthy relationship can

encourage personal growth and help two people become their best
selves, but you can’t enter a situation with this expectation. You
need to take him for who he is right here and right now.

You need to ask yourself: Do I totally and completely accept him as

he is now, even if he never changes? Take the time to really think
about this and give an honest answer.

When it comes to love and the true long-term success of a

relationship, you really want to make sure you don’t have any
lingering doubts or wishes about him. True love and relationship-
growth isn’t possible if you wish he were some other way, or you
want him to change. When you want someone that you love to
change or be different, your love is being clouded by your own
fantasy image of what you wish was reality (but is not)…

True love, true communication, and true intimacy require you to

see and fully accept the person in front of you, exactly as they are
at that moment. It can be tough to admit, but sometimes you
know in your heart that you’re not there with them at that place of
true acceptance.

Part of knowing that he’s the one is checking in on how you feel
about him and a future with him. You’ll want to ask yourself:

- How do previous boyfriends compare to him?

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 - How do I feel about his faults?

- How is our time together when we’re doing something

completely routine and unexciting – is it still fun and
comfortable?

You can’t change a man. You can inspire him to be better, but you
can’t change who he is at his core. If you’re unable to accept who
he is, his underlying characteristics, his core values, his
mannerisms, then this relationship is not built to last.

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 20. Know when to let go
The final law to follow in order to have an amazing, long lasting
relationship with the one is to learn how to spot the not-the-ones.

Recognizing when a relationship isn’t working and summoning the

strength to walk away it probably one of the hardest skills and it
takes a lot of emotional maturity, strength, and self-awareness to
be able to really get there.

Love isn’t enough to ensure a relationship stands the test of time.

Two people can love each other very much and still not be right for
one another. We’d all like to believe that all you need is love, but
the truth is, it’s a lot more complicated than that. If a lasting,
committed relationship is what you want, you need to be able to
recognize the warning signs that indicate a relationship isn’t built to
last.

The reason this can be so hard to do is no one wants to start all

over from scratch. You’ve already invested so much time and
energy on this person and it can’t be for naught! Even though you
may feel miserable in the relationship, you’re sure you’ll feel even
more miserable out of the relationship so you stay and fight. But if
this isn’t the right relationship for you, then what are you really
fighting for? More years of unhappiness and heartache?

Try to look at life as one big learning experience. Sometimes we

make the wrong choices and this isn’t necessarily a waste of time,
it was a lot of lessons we needed to learn in order to get where we
want to go. Have faith in yourself and trust that you will find
someone more suited for you and realize you are deserving of
having an amazing relationship. People who really realize this don’t
stay in bad relationships for fear they’ll never be able to find better.
They know they deserve better.

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Learn to listen to your gut and to the people closest to you (as they
can often see situations more clearly and with an objective eye). If
something feels off, it’s because it probably is. Don’t shove this
knowledge to the side. Don’t tune out people who genuinely have
your best interest at heart. Don’t cave in to fear or your own self-
doubt.

You are largely in control of what happens to you in life. You are an
active participant in your own life, so don’t play a passive role.
Have strength and make the choices that will put you on a better
path.

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 Final Thoughts
There you have it, the top 20 laws to have an amazing, long
lasting, profound, unbreakable love. You have all the information,
you know exactly what to do… now it’s on you to take initiative and
go on and do it.

You may have made many mistakes in the past, maybe you’ve
broken all the laws outlined in this book, but you can always turn
things around and why not start today?

Yes, some of it will require work. You will have to look deep within
yourself in order to clear out your personal baggage and learn to
find happiness, and wholeness, but it will be so, so worth it when
you get there.

The laws outlines in this book will not only help you find romantic
love, you’ll find self-love. And as we discussed, self-love is always a
precursor to healthy, romantic love. When you love yourself,
navigating the dating waters isn’t quite so scary. You aren’t afraid
of rejection or disappointment and you don’t stay in bad
relationships for fear you’ll never find better. You feel strong and
confident, you accept that not everything is meant to work out and
that’s OK.

It all starts with you. It starts with you making the decision to take
ownership over your love life, of really realizing what it takes to
have an amazing relationship and getting yourself on that path. You
already have the information, now is the time to start putting it into
practice!

Lots of love,
sabrna alexis and eric charles

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