Unfuck You Ranger Work Book

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The document discusses anger management and provides worksheets to help manage anger in a healthy way.

The book is called 'Unfuck Your Anger Workbook' and provides exercises and worksheets to help develop a healthy relationship with frustration, rage, and forgiveness.

Microcosm Publishing is an independent publishing house located in Portland, OR. They focus on publishing empowering books on skills, food, bicycling, gender, self-care, and social justice. They print books in the US on post-consumer paper.

Using Science to Develop a Healthy Relationship with

Frustration, Rage, and Forgiveness

unf ck
your
ange r
workbook
Faith Harper
PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN
UNFUCK
YOUR
ANGER
WORKBOOK

Faith G. Harper,
PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN

Microcosm Publishing
Portland, OR
UNFUCK YOUR ANGER WORKBOOK
Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN
Part of the 5 Minute Therapy Series

© Dr. Faith Harper, 2020


This edition © Microcosm Publishing, 2020
First edition, first published January 2020

ISBN 978-1-62106-124-3
This is Microcosm #454
Design and cover by Joe Biel

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These worksheets can be used on their own, or as a companion to


Unfuck Your Anger by Dr. Faith G. Harper

These worksheets are free to reproduce for personal use. No more


than two can be reproduced without written permission from the
publisher.
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Introduction

H
ey, there badass. How are you doing today? Me, I spent
hours dealing with replacing a couple tires yesterday.
And had to walk home in the South Texas heat. And
tried to order groceries but couldn’t remember how to
spell “pretzel.” Let’s just say my frustration level is not that of a blissed out,
fully actualized human person right now. So I’m sitting with that. And
labeling it for what it is, an AFGO.

Another fucking growth opportunity.

We are all dealing with tons of big, shitty problems that are enough to
make anyone angry. People who have hurt us in the past. People hurting
us in the present. Incomprehensible levels of political fuckitude. And
then, as if that isn’t tough enough, there are the dumb little things that pile
on. Like my day today.

Often, out of control anger responses are far more about the little things
piling on than the individual event that sets us off….so paying attention
to all of it is how we learn to better manage our anger.

So I started my lunch on the stove. Opened a fancy bottle of root beer.


Looked up how to spell pretzel so I could order my groceries and am now
having a nice conversation with you.

I did these little things instead of yelling at mechanics and tow truck
drivers or anyone who is crossing my path. Rather than getting so activated
I’m pissy and headachy and ruining my day. Or taking out a Costco sized
bag of potato chips. Or anything else of that nature. Instead of being mad
at myself for feeling frustrated and upset and un-self-actualized, I’m just
feeling what I’m feeling, figuring out what’s going on, and working with
the very human body-mind I live in.

6
And that’s what this workbook is about.

I wrote a book called Unfuck Your Anger. I had a lot of worksheets/activity


type things to go with it, to help put the mindful work of living with our
anger responses into action. Because everyone is different and needs to
unpack their own garbage, right? The problem is it’s kinda hard to write
all that shit out in a small book. And most people don’t want to write all
over their books.

So we decided to leave the fundamental questions in the book, but in a list


format for people who are discussing or journaling through their process.
And THEN create this very workbook-y way for people who want to fill
things out in a more structured way. Or copy it off to use over time. Or
with a group. Whatever floats your boat.

This workbook stands alone from the book so you don’t have to buy
the book for it to make sense. And the book works just fine without the
workbook. Nothing chaps my ass more than buying something and being
told I have to buy nine more fucking things for it to work. So I won’t ever
pull that shit on you. You buy (or borrow) whatever of my writings make
most sense for you and fuck the rest. It’s all good.

So, crack open a root beer, order some pretzels, and start working through
this book. Your anger reactions are going to start making a ton of sense
really soon. And then you are going to have better tools to manage your
responses in a way that’s healthy instead of reactive.

Up earlier, when I called you a badass? I totally mean that. You’ve got a
great smile, a cute butt, and you are a survivor who has the capability of
unlearning your old ways of doing things that helped you survived and
learning newer, healthier skills to help you thrive. You got this.

–Dr. Faith

7
Your Anger Narrative
W
e all experience anger in different ways. We are the product of our
experiences. What has happened to us, what we have witnessed, what we
were taught by others. Being more mindful of our own experiences of anger
is the first part in recognizing our own unique experiences of anger. And that allows us a
better understanding of them (brain science!) and then managing them (therapy hacks!).
What incident from your past that you have not let go of has the biggest hold on you?

What situations typically trigger anger for you on a day-to-day basis?

What does your anger look like (how do you behave when angry)?

Which of your behaviors fuel your anger and make it worse?

What sensations do you feel in your body when angry?

How does your anger affect your day to day life?

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How has anger been destructive to your relationships?

How has it been self-destructive?

Is there anyone in your past that you learned your anger behavior from (anyone you model
from or react against?)

In what ways do your anger and pain continue to serve you?

In what ways do they operate as a barrier?

What would life be like if you were not still so angry?

Would working through your anger be worthwhile? How?

9
Figuring out your lifemorts

L
IFEMORTS are the nine rage circuits in our brain identified by
neuroscientist and fancy National Instutite for Health researcher R.
Douglas Fields. Short explanation? There are certain categories of
situations that we have adapted an evolutionary response to keep us
safe and alive. And anger is an activating response to help us with that staying-
alive thing.

This worksheet helps you recognize your emotional labels around anger, the
effect they have on your thinking patterns and physical reactions, AND gives you
space to recognize your LIFEMORTS triggers. So if you have certain triggers that
are particularly apparent, you can plan to deal with them more proactively, right?

Life or Limb: This is where the brain perceives a situation as a literal life-or-death
attack and responds defensively.

Insult: This is where the brain perceives an emotional attack rather than a
physical one, like a dominance challenge. Dr. Fields calls it the human
version of head-butting.

Family: This is where the brain perceives an attack on someone we love, our
family as self-defined.

Environment: This is where the brain perceives an attack on our territory, our
physical space (home, car, etc.)

Mate: This is where our brain perceives an attack against our romantic partner.

Order in Society: This is where the brain perceives an attack to our place in
society. This can be a social justice fueled anger, but is also what often
causes mob violence at protests.

Resources: This is where the brain perceives an attack on our resources, like
money or possessions.

Tribe: This is where the brain perceives an attack on our identified community,
whether our extended family, group of friends, neighbhood, etc.

Stopped: This is where the brain perceives that we are being inprisoned or our
progress is being held up by someone else in some way.

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ANGRY ASSOCIATED LIFEMORTS
EMOTION ASSOCIATED BODY
THOUGHTS TRIGGERS
FELT (Irritation, SENSATIONS
Frustration, Rage, etc)

11
Personalizing your anger experiences
with Ahen
This worksheet is another way for you to observe your underlying patterns related
to your experiences of anger. Recall a recent situation where you were angry, and
answer these questions about it.
Anger emerges from:
• Hurt
• Expectations not met
• Needs not met
What are the underlying roots of your anger? If you aren’t sure, reflect on when you
first noticed that you were angry. What was going on around you…sights, smells, noises,
people? What were you doing? What were others doing? What were you thinking about?
Any particular memories coming up at that time?

Once you figured out these underlying roots, were they legit or were they more about you
and your history than about the present situation?

If the roots are legit, are they something that need to be addressed or is it one of those
bullshit daily life things that just happens? Speeding ticket, fucked up drive thru order,
etc.?

If it needs to be addressed what is the best way to do so? How do you correct the situation
with as little disruption as possible?

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What can you do to keep from getting further hurt in the process (physically, emotionally,
and mentally)?

Can you keep the hurt to others minimal (physically, mentally, and emotionally)?

Does it need to be addressed immediately, or can it wait until you are calmer and feel safer?

Is there anyone you can talk to that is going to have a healthy, supportive perspective…a
counselor, friend, mentor, family member? Someone who knows you, loves you, and will
totally call you out on your shit if need be.

After you act (instead of react), then evaluate the results. Did it work? Is this a strategy that
you can use again? Are you still angry or are you feeling better and safer now?

13
Riding the wave

T
hink of each emotion as a wave crashing on the shore. Different
types of waves can represent different emotions. Some days, the
surf may be mild and some days it may be huge and stormy. But
we don’t have to drown in the waves. And we know that we can’t
stop them from coming. So we surf. I know, easier said than done. When you are
having a strong emotional response, try this exercise. Hell, even better…try it now
just for practice:

OBSERVE YOUR FEELING


Get curious about what’s going on. Notice it and name it.

EXPERIENCE YOUR FEELING


Let the waves come and go. Don’t try to block the feeling, push it away, or hold
on to it.

DON’T FORGET: YOU ARE NOT


YOUR FEELING
Feelings are information. They are something we experience, not something we
are. You don’t have to act on it. Remind yourself that you have felt different in the
past and will feel differently in the future.

DEVELOP AN UNDERSTANDING
WITH YOUR FEELING
You don’t have to become friends, but you can become more comfortable with its
existence. Don’t judge it as good or bad, just accept its existence. Maybe you can
learn to appreciate what it’s trying to tell you.

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what am i feeling?

I
know, I know. You’re all kinds of pissed off and are supposed to stop and fill out
a worksheet? Fuck off with that. If you can, that’s brilliant. But this is also a very
helpful tool to use in reflection, after you’ve calmed down enough to not wad up
this worksheet and throw it across the room or something.

1. What am I feeling? 2. What activated me feeling this way?


Any LIFEMORTS and AHENs to take into
account?

3. What COULD I do about my feeling? 4. What AM I going to do about my


What are my options? feeling? What is my action plan?

15
communicating with “i Statements”

N
ow here is a great fucking tool for communicating your action
plan to resolve your feelings with someone else. You may
decide to share these statements with someone. Or you may
just be doing internal work around your own anger patterns.
Acknowledgement isn’t necessarily done in your out-loud voice.

I feel

when you

What I want is

I feel

when you

What I want is

I feel

when you

What I want is

I feel

when you

What I want is

I feel

when you

What I want is

I feel

when you

What I want is

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What about when you didn’t?

I
n therapy-speak, we call these exception seeking questions. Meaning, let’s
look at the times that you didn’t manage anger badly. Sometimes the best
tools for anger management already lie within you, we just need to figure
out how you draw upon those tools on the regular.
Can you think of a time where you were angry and you didn’t let it take you over?

How did you do it?

What was different?

What helped?

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How can you reframe your experience?

O
ne of the places in which we get stuck is when we frame the story through
the lens of how we were the victims of the violence or neglect of others.
While those feelings are valid, they impede recovery. Rewriting our story as
one in which we survived can dramatically reframe our experience without
letting anyone off the hook for the harm they have caused. Once we realize our capacity
to survive, we can then focus on our future goals instead of being stuck in the past. Try re-
narrating your experience, placing yourself as the survivor instead of the victim:

18
T
Something pissed you off? Let’s Solve Your problem
his tool (adapted from Dr. Weisinger’s Anger Workout Book) is an
even more structured way of mapping out and creating solutions.
It helps get your thinking brain back online when your emotional
(angry) brain is trying to take over the show.
State Your Problem: Identify and define the problematic situation.

Outline Your Response: After describing the details of your problem as specifically and
expansively as you can, then detail your usual response. Researchers who studied expert
problem solvers found that they didn’t look at the problems in abstract terms, but instead
focused very concretely on the “who, what, where, when, why, and how” facts.

List Your Alternatives: Brainstorm all your possible solutions. Yes, even “magical thinking”
type solutions or “go back to bed and let it figure itself out” solutions. They bubble up, and
that’s ok. Don’t worry about quality, the important thing is quantity. Come up with as
many different possibilities as possible.

Visualize Your Consequences: Consider the possible outcomes of all of the alternatives
you listed. What might happen in both the short and long term? Are these consequences
you can deal with? Cross out anything that is clearly a non-starter. Consider combining
alternatives and visualizing how that would work.

Evaluate Your Results: Now you gotta act. Use the same strategy in more than one
scenario (you know, on multiple occasions when people piss you off). What are the actual
consequences? Is this an improvement over the old ways you responded? Do you need to
go back to the drawing board, or do you have a good handle on things now?

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entrapment by resentment

I
f you are a better human than me, you haven’t ever struggled with resentment.
And that makes you such a badass you totally get to skip this whole section.
Unfortunately, most all of us have been snared by resentment at some point in our
lives, if not on the regular. And resentment is anger’s favorite fuel. It’s a sort of
low-key simmer of all of the anger triggers we discussed earlier. Resentment is tied to our
perception of unfairness about a situation. It fuels the flames of anger because it helps us
justify our feelings of anger.

Resentment is just as valid as anger. I’m so not saying it isn’t. But that resentment isn’t in
and of itself actionable. Paying attention to your resentment habits may help you define
and set better boundaries with others. Or it may help you take note of the thinking patterns
that no longer serve you. Operating in direct response to resentment, however, is toxic to
our wellbeing. We can unfuck our resentments so they no longer control us, while paying
attention to what they may be signaling. For example, others disrespecting you boundaries
may show up as a resentment of them as people rather than actions that you can correct.

I’m resentful of… Because…

I need to pay attention to… What is a rational and helpful


response to this pattern?

20
meditation on the soles of the feet
Adapted from a study by Singh, Lancioni, Singh, Winton, Sabaawi, Wahler & Singh (2007)

This may be a “well, duh” thing to say but the more calm and relaxing the atmosphere, the
better. Even if you can just dim the lighting a bit it can really help.

1. If you are standing, stand in a natural­—rather than an aggressive—posture.


2. If you are sitting, sit comfortably with the soles of your feet flat on the floor.
3. Breathe naturally and do nothing.
4. Cast your mind back to an incident that made you very angry. Stay with the
anger.
5. You are feeling angry, and angry thoughts are flowing through your mind. Let
them flow naturally, without restriction. Stay with the anger. Your body may show
signs of anger (e.g., rapid breathing).
6. Now, shift all your attention to the soles of your feet.
7. Slowly, move your toes, feel your shoes covering your feet, feel the texture of
your socks or hose, the curve of your arch, and the heels of your feet against the
back of your shoes. If you do not have shoes on, feel the floor or carpet with the
soles of your feet. Keep breathing naturally and focus on the soles of your feet
until you feel calm.
9. Meditate on the soles of your feet for about 10 to 15 min.
10. Slowly come out of your meditation, sit quietly for a few moments, and then
resume your daily activities.

Sole Meditation Pre and Post Rating Scale


RATING RATING
SELF BEFORE AFTER
ASSESSMENT MEDITATION MEDITATION
(1-5) (1-5)
How Calm I Feel
How Angry I Feel
How Happy I Feel
How Excited I Feel
How Annoyed I Feel
How Tired I Feel
How _________ I Feel

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alternative nostril breathing technique
Sanskrit Name: Nadi Shodhana

T
his breathing technique has been shown to calm the body by giving
you control of your autonomic function…meaning it literally helps
you calm yourself down and has been shown to be more effective
for this purpose than other breathing techniques designed for the
same purpose (e.g., paced breathing).

To practice ANB, fold your middle three fingers into your palm so only your
thumb and pinky finger are extended. This is the universal sign for “call me,” the
Hawaiian sign for “hang loose,” and my alma mater’s sign for our mascot, the
roadrunner.

Beep, beep.

Ahem, anyway. Use your thumb to close one nostril and breathe in through the
other.

Move your hand to use your pinky to close the other nostril while releasing your
thumb from the first nostril to breathe out.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

22
T
chair yoga
hese are all bend-at-the-waist yoga forms that I specifically use to
calm the vagus nerve and get the parasympathetic nervous system
back online.

They are all meant to be done seated. You can absolutely do these
poses on a mat, but a chair can give you some good support, especially if don’t
have much yoga experience, have limited mobility, some pain issues, etc. But
even in a chair, and even when not doing yoga forms that require extending the
arms, you can still end up hurting yourself…and yoga is NOT supposed to hurt.

Some rules:

1) Don’t do shit that hurts.

2) Modify whatever you need to modify so it doesn’t hurt.

3) Don’t do these exercises at 100% effort. Allow yourself the experience of


only putting only 10% effort. Yoga works just as well (if not better) at 10%
effort. Let yourself relax.

4) If you find yourself holding your breath, you’re working too hard. You
should be breathing because you are a human being and the breathing
in and out thing is important, OK?

5) Use a chair that isn’t on wheels, has a straight back, and (ideally) does
not have arms).

6) Make sure you tell everyone that you totally did yoga today.

23
S
Mountain pose
it straight up and extend your spine.

Root down in your chair on the lowest part of your tailbone (your sit
bones)—the two points that take the weight of your body when you
sit.

Be mindful to keep your legs at a 90 degree angle, with your knees directly over
your ankles, with some space between your knees. This is a great pose to simply
engage your core, check in with your posture, and focus on your breath. Come to
this pose after each of the poses below.

Roll your shoulders back and pull your belly in toward your spine, then relax your
arms down at your sides.

K
Cat-cows
eeping both feet on the floor and you spine long, put your
hands on the tops of your thighs, or your knees if you can do so
comfortably.

Arch your spine and roll your shoulders toward your back. Moo!

Round your spine, and drop your chin toward your chest, rolling your shoulders
forward inward to your chest. Meow!

Continue moving back and forth between cat and cow positions, experimenting
with moving during inhalations and exhalations, 5 to 10 cycles.

24
Sufi Rolls

A
s you inhale, lean your torso over to the right and then circle
it out in front of you and around to the left, coming around
the back as you exhale. Create a circle, leading from the belly
button. Inhale forward and exhale backward. Then reverse.

Chair Pigeons
Move back into seated mountain, then bring your right ankle up to rest on your
left thigh. Keep your knee parallel with your ankle as much as possible and hold
this form for 5 breath cycles if you can do so without pain or discomfort. If you
want to deepen the stretch, you can bend your waist forward over your leg.
Repeat with the left leg.

25
S
Seated forward bend
tart back in seated mountain form, then fold your upper body over
your legs from the waist. You can leave your hands at your sides or
use them for extra support in the form by resting them on your thighs,
then sliding them down your legs as you hinge forward. Experiment
with holding this form for 5-10 cycles of breathing. When you are ready, move
back into seated mountain form.

single-leg stretch

F
or this one, you can scooch forward closer to the edge of the chair for
more traction (but not so close you end up biffing it, ok?)

Stretch your right leg out, pointing your toes up and resting your heel
on the floor. Rest your hands on your right leg, then lift up through
your spine and bend over your right leg, sliding your hands down your leg
to support your movement forward. You can take the stretch as far as it feels
comfortable, but don’t push yourself to the place of pain. You can hold onto your
ankle or the back of your calf for support if you are able to drop that low. Hold
this position for 5 breath cycles, if possible, and experiment with deepening the
pose as you breathe.

Repeat with your left leg.

26
S
Final relaxation form
itting comfortably in your chair, drop all muscle tension. Close your
eyes or allow your gaze to soft focus into the middle distance. Focus
on your breath and notice sensations in your body. Allow yourself
2-3 minutes of rest before getting up from your practice.

27
O
Figuring out our stuck points
ne of the biggest obstacles to forgiveness is our human tendency
to keep reacting to hurt in the same ways, despite the fact that
these strategies don’t serve us. “Well, stop it” is an easy enough
response, but human brains do so adore well-worn grooves of
behavior…and we have to recognize the grooves before we can apply thde brakes.
This worksheet is designed to help you figure out your strategy stuck points by
building conscious awareness of your behavior patterns so you can implement a
plan for different ways of reacting.
New Strategy Experiment

Outcome Of Experiment

Emotional Response
Emotional Response
Old Strategy

Old Result

28
R
Self-injury checklist
esearch shows, time and again, that individuals with elevated
levels of internalized anger—anger at the people who have hurt us
and anger at ourselves for being helpless in the face of abuse—are
the people who engage in self-injurious behavior.

I’ve found in my practice that not everyone understands their behaviors as


intentional self-injury, so I’ve included a checklist. If you have a suspicion that
some of your behaviors toward your own body are self-injurious, or if you are
realizing that your self-harm behavior is connected to trauma and internalized
rage, therapy can really help your healing.
(This worksheet was adapted From The Cornell Research Program on Self-Injurious Behaviors in
Adolescents and Young Adults)

Self-Injury Behaviors
Scratched or tore at your skin enough that you tore the skin or left a mark
that lasted more than a few minutes

Pinched your skin enough that you left a mark that lasted more than a few
minutes

Cut or carved any of the flesh on your body with any form of sharp object
(razor blade, knife, scissors, sharp glass, broken button, broken CD, etc.)

Ripped or torn any of the flesh on your body

Burned any of the flesh on your body

Intentionally exposed your flesh to caustic or acidic substances

Ingested poisonous, toxic, or otherwise harmful substances or items

Injected poisonous or toxic substances into your flesh or blood steam for
their harmful effect (not for a high, like with drugs)

Broken or attempted to break your own bones

29
Stuck pins or needles anywhere in or underneath your skin (other than
piercings, tattoos, or BDSM needle play)

Punched yourself, punched objects, or banged other parts of your body


into objects to the point of causing injury (bruising, swelling, bleeding,
inflammation, marks that last more than a few minutes)

Intentionally kept wounds from healing by picking at them, irritating them,


digging at them, rubbing toxic substances on them, etc.

Engaged in fighting, roughhousing, sports, or other aggressive activities for


the intention of hurting yourself (e.g., taking hits or falls you didn’t need to
take)

Jumped down from an unsafe distance for the intention of taking a hard
fall

Ripped or pulled out hair from your flesh

Starved yourself or undernourished yourself not in an attempt to control


weight or body shape, but as self punishment.

Torn out your fingernails or toenails

Choked yourself for the injury or to pass out (not for the high or for
autoerotic asphyxiation)

Are there any other ways you have purposely physically hurt yourself or intentionally
mutilated your body in order to hurt yourself?

30
A
personal symptom record
nger, anxiety, and mood disorders don’t show up on lab tests.
To get help for them, you’ll usually need to get your own damn
self into a clinic saying “shit is fucked and I really really need to
figure this out and get help” so that someone can help you sort
through the shit and figure out what was wrong. And that’s what this worksheet
is for. Not for you to self-diagnose then demand Xanax from your doc, but for you
to take time to create a good record of what’s been going on so you can connect
with a clinician who can ask good questions, clarify information, and help you
figure out what treatment and support you need…and hopefully in far less than
ten fucking years. So consider using this and bringing it in to your appointment
and requesting to go through it with your treatment provider.

What does “symptoms” mean? Anything that you are thinking, feeling, and doing
that are reinforcing problems or stuckness in your life instead of growth and
healing.

(Exercise on next page)

31
Symptoms I’m having Intensity of the experience How long, on average, do How often do I experience How many months or

32
(on a scale of 1-10) I experience the symptom the symptom in any given years has this been going
when I have it? week? on?
B
Unfucking Anger: The check in
ecoming skillful in the management of our emotions is not a
recipe. If it was, we’d all follow the recipe and everyone would
have a lovely homemade flan of a calm life. Instead, we have to
test a lot of different stuff out and find what works best for us. It’s
tough work. Took a while to get fucked, takes awhile to get unfucked. Checking in
on your progress is really helpful in not getting overwhelmed and dissuaded from
continuing to work at it.
Are you finding yourself more or less activated by situations that would make
you angry in the past? Are the differences in the level of anger or the number of
instances of anger?

Are you finding that anger’s grip on you is getting tighter or looser?

Are you finding that you have better skills to navigate your anger than you have
in the past?

Do you believe that you have more control over your emotions that you have in
the past?

Are certain skills becoming easier to access and utilize once you are activated? Do
you see the potential for them becoming second nature?

33
More Five Minute Therapy by Dr. Faith Harper

34
35
Anger is a vital emotion for survival,
but when it gets out of hand, or if you
always bottle it up, it can be disastrous.
When you feel irritable all the time, or
if your rage is getting the best of you,
calm your breathing, reset, and take
advantage of this companion workbook
to Unfuck Your Anger by the inimitable
Dr. Faith. Filled with helpful exercises,
worksheets, the workbook can be used on
its own, and walks you through building
an anger narrative, identifying your rage
triggers, and identifying where you get
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