Final: Part 4 1

Final: Part 4

Makayla Stucki

Sister Carolyn Andrews

FAML220: Parenting

July 22, 2020

Section 1: Reporting on the Bottom 3 Levels

Way of Being

At times I would find myself in the box towards my brother. I would recognize this

because most of the time I had some negative feeling towards him. Most of the time it would be

little things like him not listening to me and doing what I asked right away, playing during

family scripture study, or leaving toys out around the house- things that aren’t that important. I

would say that I would almost categorize myself in the “better-than” box of justification because

as I would watch him do those things, I would feel as though he was less than me and that

because I am older I am an example of “what to be.” In lesson 8, we learned that “because of our

own pride, mistakes and flaws are much easier to see through a window than a mirror. When we

judge our children unrighteously we betray our sense of right and wrong. We betray ourselves so

we need to justify our judgment with one or more boxes.”

In order for me to see my brother with a heart at peace, it was important for me to first

recognize that he is just a little boy. He is only 5 years old. He doesn’t know everything nor does

he have a lot of experience in the world. Like stated in the quote from lesson 8, pride makes it

hard to see our own flaws, but easy to see others. It hasn’t always been easy, but I have been able

to recognize my own flaws rather than just focus on my brother’s. I have come to have a heart at

peace towards him more consistently because I see him as a person just like myself. I also try to

remember that even though he is not perfect, the Savior loves him and therefore, I need to love

him.

I learned that this level - get out of my box - is important for any and every relationship.

If we only see the person from inside of the box then our relation with them will never get better.
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We need to be humble enough to do a self-evaluation and recognize what we can improve on in

the relationship. If I don’t have a very good relationship with my brother then he won’t respect or

be willing to listen to me when I ask him to do something or try to teach him.

Build the Relationships with Others Who Have Influence

I have seven younger siblings, five of which who have influence on my brother. (My

other brother is two so he doesn’t that much.) I would say that my relationship with the older

siblings are much better than with those that are younger, and I think it is this way because of our

age gap and the fact that I am going to school and working. I try hard to love and have a good

relationship with all of my siblings, but they could be better. To try to improve these

relationships throughout this class, I have tried to see each of them as people with feelings etc.

They don’t understand everything as I do and they don’t have the most experience. They are still

learning and growing just like myself. I have also tried to speak kinder and teach them to do the

same to each other.

What I got from my experience from this level is that others influence my brother just as

much as I do. Those that are around us the most we become like. Even if I try to help his

behaviors and try to teach and listen to him, if my family and other influential people don’t, it

might not do any good. Because he is so young, he is influenced by many people and things. If I

can help my family to also apply the Influential Pyramid, then we would have a better chance at

changing his behaviors is a positive way.

Build the Relationship

In the beginning, my relationship with my brother was less friendly. I wouldn’t do much

with him, ignore him when he was having arguments with other siblings, etc. As I have been in
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this class and have tried to apply what I have learned our relationship, at least in my eyes, has

grown. I take the time to listen to and validate what he has to say, help him with things that he is

doing, and try to be patient with him. I also tried to build my relationship with him by spending

time with him and giving him my attention.

From this experience, I learned that building a relationship is very important. I think that

Thomas S. Monson’s quote goes perfectly well with this response. He said, “Never let a problem

to be solved become more important than a person to be loved…. It’s so easy to take others for

granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of ‘what if’

and ‘if only’.” Building my relationship with my brother has helped me a lot. He has become

more important to me than a behavioral problem is.

Section 2: Dialogue Demonstrating the Top 3 Levels

Dialog

Because I have been gone from home and haven’t had any recent interactions with Zach, I am using one
from a couple weeks ago. I don’t remember what was exactly said and at what time it was said. I will try
my best to capture the moment and everything that was said.

Zach and a sister fighting. I angerly yell to Zach to come here. Zach comes after a while with an

upset face. I realize that I shouldn’t yell at him.

Me: Come in here (directing him to my room.)

I sit down on a chair and have him come by me.

Me: What’s wrong?

Zach: Katie is being mean to me and won’t let me play.

Me: Why is she being mean and why won’t she let you play?

Zach: She wants me to clean up and took my Lego truck and put it in with the other Legos.

Me: Well, if she asked you to clean up then you should probably do that and then you can play

again.

Zach: (whiny) But it’s not my chore!

Me: It doesn’t matter if it isn’t your chore. You are part of the family and so you need to help.

Even if I didn’t get something out, I need to help and put things away. Katie has been helping

everyone else with their chores even when she didn’t get the stuff out. Do you think that she

likes to be the only one cleaning things up? (Zach shakes his head no.) No, she doesn’t. She

needs your help. How about you go and help her and then you can play again.

Zach: But she broke my Lego truck and mixed it with the other Legos.

Me: That wasn’t very nice of her, was it? (Zach shakes his head) I’m sure that you can make one

that’s even better because you are so good at building things. Go do what Katie asked you and be

a good example for Derek, okay? He watches you, so if you help, then Derek will help too.

Zach: okay

Me: Try to be a good boy and help, okay?

Zach: (Happier than before) okay

Explain and Connect

In my interaction with my brother, I tried to apply the top three levels. In order from the

top of the Pyramid down, I tried to correct his unwilling and whiny behavior. I did this by

teaching him that everyone in the family needs to help with chores, even if it wasn’t their chore

or they didn’t get the things out. I also tried to teach him that he was a valued member of our

family. I knew what I needed to teach him because I let him explain his side of the conflict and

listened to what he had to say instead of interrupting him to correct him.

I learned a lot from this interaction. First, I learned that I can control myself and my

emotions, I don’t have to be mad and angry when I am correcting someone. I also learned that

kids are more likely to do what they are asked when you talk kindly to them and listen to them.

My sister was just bossing him around and wasn’t being vey kind. Because of this, Zach wasn’t

willing to help her. Taking the time to talk with him and having patience with him helped correct

this behavior, even if it was only for this one time. Increased love for my brother was also

present during that interaction.