Strong Fences
Strong Fences
Strong Fences
by Teodor Mihalcea
She leaves in a hurry, smashing doors behind, showing how much angry she is.
Kids these days, they have no patience, she wants to help, but she doesn’t
understand, there are moments when you just wait, brace, sacrifice and rebuild.
Sometimes, you can’t swim against the current, it’s too strong, but I hope he knows
this.
“Honey…”
“Mmm…”
He has two more bites, I’ll let him finish first, he knows this and doesn’t inquire
about my thought, just finishes eating.
“How bad is it?”
He wipes his mouth and smacks his lips, then swallows emptily. He looks me
in the eyes. For the first time in my life, I read worry.
“It’s bad. I don’t think I can take us afloat again. The company is just plunging
deeper and deeper.”
“You’ve done it before, as you love to say it, you always swim against the
current faster than when the current pushes you from behind. We’ll get through this.”
“This isn’t a current. I’m not swimming above the water, I’m swimming deep
down, trying to get to the surface, with a company tied to me. And it’s so deep down,
the sharks here are monsters compared to the ones at the surface. I’m bleeding out
and I’m attacked by sharks, and pulled down by the company and…and…and I’m
out of breath. I won’t reach the surface if I keep myself tied to the company, and if
I don’t reach the surface, I’m dead, we’re all dead.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know… I’m going to cut the weight off, and try to make it to the
surface.”
Never seen worry on his face, weakness, exhaustion, confusion. He really is in
waters he’s never been before. Bleeding.
“We’re going to survive, don’t worry. I know you, I trust you more than
myself… I love you.”
“I love you.”
I jump into the water and start swimming towards my son. First aided by the
current, I get to him in no time, but as I grab him, I change course and push, as hard
as I can, against the current. It’s…it seems impossible, but I can’t give up. I gather
even more strength than I thought I’d have and start advancing back towards the
pillar I was holding.
With Danny on my back, and the freezing, unnaturally overpowered, water
pushing me in the face, I plough through. I never swam against one like this in my
life. It feels…so hard, even harder than what I ever faced, so pointless and ineffective
and with no seeming rewards ahead of me. It’s like pushing against the current for
no reason, none other than family. There is no success at the end of this battle, if I
can even win it.
But with all my being, I get to the pillar, hold it like more than my life depends
on it, and wait. Wait this fruitless exhaustion and empty endeavour to end. The
current slows down. The water dissipates. We all lay down on the floor, soaked,
tired, hurt. But we survived. The storm is gone, but left behind…
Danny gets up and hugs me, it’s warm, and the coldness the water left behind
is now gone too. We all hug. I get up and walk out, into the yard and towards the tall
fence of my neighbour. I hear the lawnmower running. I guess the grass is greener
on the other side, not muddy like here. But…
But for the first time in my life, after beating a current, I’m left not with a
feeling of accomplishment, but a feeling of love, and happiness. All my life I’ve
been chasing the current of wealth and success. I worked…I swam against that
current, but I barely dipped my toes in the current of my family…and I wish I did. I
know I couldn’t have done both, be both successful and present in my family, I just
wish I’ve tried before, swimming against this current and discovering it.
One cannot swim against two currents, one can only swim against one, so one
has to be chosen. Both are hard, both are…somewhat rewarding, but one is
fulfilment and the other is happiness, and despite this, they look so similar, and give
similar feelings. If one does not try both, can never discover they exist, and are so
different. If one does not swim against both currents, at least once in their life, but
not at the same time, one might be confused which is which. One might confuse
fulfilment with love and success with happiness.
Swimming to get Danny out of danger, riding against that current and beating
it, together with my family…gave me something else. I’ve worked all my life, I was
always rewarded for it, always feeling fulfilled. But never happy. Swimming
towards family gave me happiness in the most stormy of times. That’s the current I
choose to swim against from now on.
THE END