FOOTNOTE TO YOUTH Dodong started homeward, thinking how he They had fried fresh-water fish, rice, bananas,

Jose Garcia Villa would break his news to his father. He wanted and caked sugar.
to marry, Dodong did. He was seventeen, he Dodong ate fish and rice, but did not partake
The sun was salmon and hazy in the west. had pimples on his face, the down on his upper of the fruit. The bananas were overripe and
Dodong thought to himself he would tell his lip already was dark–these meant he was no when one held them they felt more fluid than
father about Teang when he got home, after longer a boy. He was growing into a man–he solid. Dodong broke off a piece of the cakes
he had unhitched the carabao from the plow, was a man. Dodong felt insolent and big at the sugar, dipped it in his glass of water and ate it.
and let it to its shed and fed it. He was hesitant thought of it although he was by nature low in He got another piece and wanted some more,
about saying it, but he wanted his father to statue. Thinking himself a man grown, Dodong but he thought of leaving the remainder for his
know. What he had to say was of serious felt he could do anything. parents.
import as it would mark a climacteric in his life. He walked faster, prodded by the thought of Dodong’s mother removed the dishes when
Dodong finally decided to tell it, at a thought his virility. A small angled stone bled his foot, they were through and went out to the batalan
came to him his father might refuse to but he dismissed it cursorily. He lifted his leg to wash them. She walked with slow careful
consider it. His father was silent hard-working and looked at the hurt toe and then went on steps and Dodong wanted to help her carry the
farmer who chewed areca nut, which he had walking. In the cool sundown he thought wild dishes out, but he was tired and now felt lazy.
learned to do from his mother, Dodong’s you dreams of himself and Teang. Teang, his He wished as he looked at her that he had a
grandmother. girl. She had a small brown face and small sister who could help his mother in the
I will tell it to him. I will tell it to him. black eyes and straight glossy hair. How housework. He pitied her, doing all the
The ground was broken up into many fresh desirable she was to him. She made him dream housework alone.
wounds and fragrant with a sweetish earthy even during the day. His father remained in the room, sucking a
smell. Many slender soft worms emerged from Dodong tensed with desire and looked at the diseased tooth. It was paining him again,
the furrows and then burrowed again deeper muscles of his arms. Dirty. This field Dodong knew. Dodong had told him often and
into the soil. A short colorless worm marched work was healthy, invigorating but it begrimed again to let the town dentist pull it out, but he
blindly to Dodong’s foot and crawled calmly you, smudged you terribly. He turned back the was afraid, his father was. He did not tell that
over it. Dodong go tickled and jerked his foot, way he had come, then he marched obliquely to Dodong, but Dodong guessed it. Afterward
flinging the worm into the air. Dodong did not to a creek. Dodong himself thought that if he had a
bother to look where it fell, but thought of his Dodong stripped himself and laid his clothes, a decayed tooth he would be afraid to go to the
age, seventeen, and he said to himself he was gray undershirt and red kundiman shorts, on dentist; he would not be any bolder than his
not young any more. the grass. The he went into the water, wet his father.
Dodong unhitched the carabao leisurely and body over, and rubbed at it vigorously. He was Dodong said while his mother was out that he
gave it a healthy tap on the hip. The beast not long in bathing, then he marched was going to marry Teang. There it was out,
turned its head to look at him with dumb homeward again. The bath made him feel cool. what he had to say, and over which he had
faithful eyes. Dodong gave it a slight push and It was dusk when he reached home. The done so much thinking. He had said it without
the animal walked alongside him to its shed. petroleum lamp on the ceiling already was any effort at all and without self-
He placed bundles of grass before it land the lighted and the low unvarnished square table consciousness. Dodong felt relieved and
carabao began to eat. Dodong looked at it was set for supper. His parents and he sat looked at his father expectantly. A decrescent
without interests. down on the floor around the table to eat. moon outside shed its feeble light into the
window, graying the still black temples of his “Son, if that is your wish… of course…” There children… What made him think that? What
father. His father looked old now. was a strange helpless light in his father’s eyes. was the matter with him? God!
“I am going to marry Teang,” Dodong said. Dodong did not read it, so absorbed was he in He heard his mother’s voice from the house:
His father looked at him silently and stopped himself. “Come up, Dodong. It is over.”
sucking the broken tooth. The silence became Dodong was immensely glad he had asserted Suddenly he felt terribly embarrassed as he
intense and cruel, and Dodong wished his himself. He lost his resentment for his father. looked at her. Somehow he was ashamed to
father would suck that troublous tooth again. For a while he even felt sorry for him about the his mother of his youthful paternity. It made
Dodong was uncomfortable and then became diseased tooth. Then he confined his mind to him feel guilty, as if he had taken something
angry because his father kept looking at him dreaming of Teang and himself. Sweet young no properly his. He dropped his eyes and
without uttering anything. dream…. pretended to dust dirt off his kundiman shorts.
“I will marry Teang,” Dodong repeated. “I will ——————————————- “Dodong,” his mother called again. “Dodong.”
marry Teang.” He turned to look again and this time saw his
His father kept gazing at him in inflexible Dodong stood in the sweltering noon heat, father beside his mother.
silence and Dodong fidgeted on his seat. sweating profusely, so that his camiseta was “It is a boy,” his father said. He beckoned
“I asked her last night to marry me and she damp. He was still as a tree and his thoughts Dodong to come up.
said…yes. I want your permission. I… want… were confused. His mother had told him not to Dodong felt more embarrassed and did not
it….” There was impatient clamor in his voice, leave the house, but he had left. He had move. What a moment for him. His parents’
an exacting protest at this coldness, this wanted to get out of it without clear reason at eyes seemed to pierce him through and he felt
indifference. Dodong looked at his father all. He was afraid, he felt. Afraid of the house. limp.
sourly. He cracked his knuckles one by one, It had seemed to cage him, to compares his He wanted to hide from them, to run away.
and the little sounds it made broke dully the thoughts with severe tyranny. Afraid also of “Dodong, you come up. You come up,” he
night stillness. Teang. Teang was giving birth in the house; she mother said.
“Must you marry, Dodong?” gave screams that chilled his blood. He did not Dodong did not want to come up and stayed in
Dodong resented his father’s questions; his want her to scream like that, he seemed to be the sun.
father himself had married. Dodong made a rebuking him. He began to wonder madly if the “Dodong. Dodong.”
quick impassioned easy in his mind about process of childbirth was really painful. Some “I’ll… come up.”
selfishness, but later he got confused. women, when they gave birth, did not cry Dodong traced tremulous steps on the dry
“You are very young, Dodong.” In a few moments he would be a father. parched yard. He ascended the bamboo steps
“I’m… seventeen.” “Father, father,” he whispered the word with slowly. His heart pounded mercilessly in him.
“That’s very young to get married at.” awe, with strangeness. He was young, he Within, he avoided his parents eyes. He walked
“I I want to marry…Teang’s a good girl.” realized now, contradicting himself of nine ahead of them so that they should not see his
“Tell your mother,” his father said. months comfortable… “Your son,” people face. He felt guilty and untrue. He felt like
“You tell her, tatay.” would soon be telling him. “Your son, crying. His eyes smarted and his chest wanted
“Dodong, you tell your inay.” Dodong.” to burst. He wanted to turn back, to go back to
“You tell her.” Dodong felt tired standing. He sat down on a the yard. He wanted somebody to punish him.
“All right, Dodong.” saw-horse with his feet close together. He His father thrust his hand in his and gripped it
“You will let me marry Teang?” looked at his callused toes. Suppose he had ten gently.
“Son,” his father said. than Dodong by nine years, and that was why “Itay …,” Blas called softly.
And his mother: “Dodong…” she had chosen Dodong. Young Dodong. Dodong stirred and asked him what it was.
How kind were their voices. They flowed into Seventeen. Lucio had married another after “I am going to marry Tona. She accepted me
him, making him strong. her marriage to Dodong, but he was childless tonight.”
“Teang?” Dodong said. until now. She wondered if she had married Dodong lay on the red pillow without moving.
“She’s sleeping. But you go on…” Lucio, would she have borne him children. “Itay, you think it over.”
His father led him into the small sawali room. Maybe not, either. That was a better lot. But Dodong lay silent.
Dodong saw Teang, his girl-wife, asleep on the she loved Dodong… “I love Tona and… I want her.”
papag with her black hair soft around her face. Dodong whom life had made ugly. Dodong rose from his mat and told Blas to
He did not want her to look that pale. One night, as he lay beside his wife, he rose follow him. They descended to the yard, where
Dodong wanted to touch her, to push away and went out of the house. He stood in the everything was still and quiet. The moonlight
that stray wisp of hair that touched her lips, moonlight, tired and querulous. He wanted to was cold and white.
but again that feeling of embarrassment came ask questions and somebody to answer him. “You want to marry Tona,” Dodong said. He
over him and before his parents he did not He w anted to be wise about many things. did not want Blas to marry yet. Blas was very
want to be demonstrative. One of them was why life did not fulfill all of young. The life that would follow marriage
The hilot was wrapping the child, Dodong Youth’s dreams. Why it must be so. Why one would be hard…
heard it cry. The thin voice pierced him was forsaken… after Love. “Yes.”
queerly. He could not control the swelling of Dodong would not find the answer. Maybe the “Must you marry?”
happiness in him. question was not to be answered. It must be Blas’s voice stilled with resentment. “I will
“You give him to me. You give him to me,” so to make youth Youth. Youth must be marry Tona.”
Dodong said. dreamfully sweet. Dreamfully sweet. Dodong Dodong kept silent, hurt.
——————————————- returned to the house humiliated by himself. “You have objections, Itay?” Blas asked acridly.
Blas was not Dodong’s only child. Many more He had wanted to know a little wisdom but “Son… n-none…” (But truly, God, I don’t want
children came. For six successive years a new was denied it. Blas to marry yet… not yet. I don’t want Blas to
child came along. Dodong did not want any When Blas was eighteen he came home one marry yet….)
more children, but they came. It seemed the night very flustered and happy. It was late at But he was helpless. He could not do anything.
coming of children could not be helped. night and Teang and the other children were Youth must triumph… now. Love must
Dodong got angry with himself sometimes. asleep. Dodong heard Blas’s steps, for he could triumph… now. Afterwards… it will be life.
Teang did not complain, but the bearing of not sleep well of nights. He watched Blas As long ago Youth and Love did triumph for
children told on her. She was shapeless and undress in the dark and lie down softly. Blas Dodong… and then Life.
thin now, even if she was young. There was was restless on his mat and could not sleep. Dodong looked wistfully at his young son in the
interminable work to be done. Cooking. Dodong called him name and asked why he did moonlight. He felt extremely sad and sorry
Laundering. The house. The children. She cried not sleep. Blas said he could not sleep. for him.
sometimes, wishing she had not married. She “You better go to sleep. It is late,” Dodong
did not tell Dodong this, not wishing him to said.
dislike her. Yet she wished she had not Blas raised himself on his elbow and muttered
married. Not even Dodong, whom she loved. something in a low fluttering voice.
There has been another suitor, Lucio, older Dodong did not answer and tried to sleep.