MASTER

THE INNER

GAME

UNSHAKABLE

CONFIDENCE

CHALLENGE YOUR

BELIEFS & CREATE

SOME NEW ONES

BECAUSE THE

FUTURE IS 100 %

YOURS TO MOULD.

Written by

Kain Ramsay

www.strategiclifeacademy.com
PAGE 1 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

THE FUTURE IS
YOURS TO MOULD
THIS BOOK HAS BEEN DRAFTED TO HELP YOU CHALLENGE THE
NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND BELIEFS THAT YOU HAVE ABOUT
YOURSELF. IT EXPLAINS WHERE BELIEFS COME FROM, HOW THEY
BECOME FIXED IN YOUR PSYCHE ALONGSIDE A FEW SUGGESTIONS
ABOUT HOW YOU CAN ALTER THEM!

We all have beliefs about who we are, and it's Our beliefs make the difference between us having high or

these very beliefs that are at the heart of self- low self-esteem. It is also crucial to realise that our beliefs
are only ever opinions, and never facts.
esteem and how we feel about ourselves.

Our beliefs constitute a significant part of our knowledge of the Holding negative beliefs about ourselves will lower our

world. How we behave, what we commit our lives to and how resilience and ability to cope with the common stresses

we feel about ourselves on a day to day basis (our self and pressures of life. Self Esteem is an absolute necessity if

esteem), will always be determined by what we choose to we want to move forward and make effective progress in

believe about who we are, and how the world is. any area of our lives.

We all have different beliefs about objects, about culture, Beliefs often have a habit of being biased or inaccurate,

about the past, and about the future. We have beliefs about and the good news is that over time, our beliefs can also be

whether other people are good, bad, right or wrong, and in the changed, voluntarily or involuntarily. And this is good news!

same way that we judge them, they judge us in the exact same
ways. We use our beliefs to predict, to explain, to create, to
console and to even entertain ourselves.
“Everything that happens to us is a
reflection of what we believe about
Some of our beliefs we call theories, and we are extraordinarily
ourselves. We cannot outperform our level
creative at constructing them. To live a productive life, we must
of self-esteem, nor draw to ourselves
examine our beliefs: what they do for us, how we come to hold
more than we believe we are worth.”
them, and how to evaluate them.

It's crucial that we assess our beliefs carefully, because it's - Lyanla Vanzant
these very beliefs that influence all of our actions, our attitude
towards life and the decisions we commonly make.
 I’m Kain. I'm married to Karen & was born in Dundee,
STRATEGIC LIFE COACHING Scotland, home of jam, journalism, bagpipers & castles. I
lived there until I joined The British Army at the age of 17.

Helping others to move forward in life brings me no end

KAIN
of satisfaction. The approach I've taken to self-
improvement stems from governing life principles,
hands-on experience, nine years studying the disciplines
of Psychology, Sociology, NLP and Philosophy, and most
importantly, the school of hard knocks!

RAMSAY
In the past, my titles have included mentor, teacher &
coach. But regardless, my goals remain the same, to
serve those who want to others. I do my very best to live
life by example.

So far, my journey has allowed me to work with many

amazing people, from world class athletes to soldiers,
CEO's, musicians and also students. We all have a unique
story to share, and a role to play in the world. My main
Edited by Karen Ramsay aim is to help people discover & fulfil this role.
Photograph by S. Knudson
My service in the British Army and time served in the
corporate world led me to found Solid Grounds, a
Scottish Charity that provides lifestyle transition support
and mentoring for Brittish ex-forces personnel who are
reintegrating themselves back into civilian life. Cause
that's very close to my heart.
NOMADIC | 24
PAGE 2 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

WHAT CAUSES LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO IDENTIFY ONE CAUSE OF LOW SELF -
ESTEEM FOR ALL PEOPLE , ALL OF THE TIME , BECAUSE EACH OF US
FOLLOW A UNIQUELY DIFFERENT PATH THROUGH LIFE . THE
FORMATION OF THE CORE BELIEFS WE HAVE ABOUT OURSELF IS A
LIFELONG PROCESS .

Your attitude towards life will play a critical role

influencing our self esteem, but our experiences * BEING SUBJECT TO SEXUAL, EMOTIONAL OR
PHYSICAL ABUSE.
and relationships also have a critical part to play.
* HAVING PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL NEEDS
The negative or destructive experiences in childhood will often NEGLECTED IN CHILDHOOD

be completely interlinked to the self-esteem that we go on to

* FAILING TO MEET PARENTAL EXPECTATIONS
develop as fully grown adults.

* FEELING LIKE THE 'ODD ONE OUT' AT SCHOOL

In the early years of our life, our personality and sense of self in
constantly being formed. Rejection, hurtful and harmful * MAJOR LIFESTYLE OR CAREER TRANSITIONS
experiences will often leave people feeling that they aren't
* PEER PRESSURE TO CONFORM TO SOCIAL/
'good enough' to be valued or seen as important to others.
CULTURAL NORMS

At a young age, when we haven't yet had the chance to * BULLYING OR EXCESSIVE PRESSURES AT WORK/
develop inner resilience (or a layer of tough skin), any negative SCHOOL
views that we develop about ourselves can go on to become
the very same views that we believe about ourselves for the * TRAUMATIC LIFE EVENTS/ EXPERIENCES

rest of our lifetimes. Good or bad!

* PHYSICAL ILL HEALTH & ITS IMPACT ON YOUR
ABILITIES
Significant (and life altering) experiences in adult life can also
shake up our core beliefs and cause them to evolve * BEREAVEMENT/ LOSS OF A LOVED ONE/
dramatically. This process will normally happen over time, and DEPENDANT
because we're often so immersed in daily life, we sometimes
* FACING REDUNDANCY OR BEING MADE
won't even realise that our self-esteem is going downhill.
UNEMPLOYED

Common life experiences that can make a huge impact on a * SOCIAL ISOLATION, REJECTION OR LONELINESS.
person's beliefs and self-esteem include (but aren't limited to):
PAGE 3 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

The Causes of Low Self-Esteem Personal Relationships

The way that people feel about experiences such as those People with constant low self-esteem might find that they
previously mentioned will depend on a multiple of other regularly form destructive or damaging relationships. The
factors, but regardless of the feelings that come and go, common belief that underpins these relationships is that they
negative core beliefs about our ability to solve problems, our don't deserve to be treated with love and respect. As a result
degree of competence, and how 'good' we are as an of this, they allow friends or partners to take advantage of
individual will often be formed. them, control them or frequently manipulate them. Not good.

Social Life
"I THINK I’M STUPID AND UNATTRACTIVE TO OTHERS.
EVERYONE ELSE IS MORE INTELLIGENT, TALENTED
AND INTERESTING THAN ME. MOST PEOPLE Many people who struggle with low self-esteem find it
WOULDN’T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME BECAUSE
difficult to accept criticism or challenge (even if this criticism
OF THESE THINGS. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”
or challenge is meant with good intentions). People with self-
esteem issues can be easily recognised through their being
If something happens to us, an experience which reminds us overly-sensitive and very easily upset. As a result of this, their
of a significant negative experience in our pasts, we often social life are affected as they strive to avoid social activities
expect the worst and can be a lot more likely to react in that might expose them to any type of judgement. Thus,
negative or destructive ways. leaving them to become isolated and frustrated. Not useful.

We've all seen that person who got completely caught up in Work
emotion and lost all sense of rational thought, haven't we?
And more often than not, the worst culprits of behaving like When a persons low self-esteem comes from a core belief
this aren't all these other people. but are (unknowingly) they have about their degree of competence or intelligence,
ourselves. they may struggle in the workplace for a couple of reasons.
People with low self-esteem will often be found guilty of
The low expectations that many of us have about our futures avoiding tasks that they don't feel confident about doing, or
are always there, lurking around at the back of our minds, alternatively, they'll try their damndest to produce work which
based upon the beliefs that we've unknowingly developed is near-enough perfect.
about ourselves since childhood, and throughout our
lifetimes. When it comes to applying for promotions, or new jobs, or
even attending interviews - these are always times of great
What are the consequences of low self-esteem? fear, because the core foundational belief that they are
building their whole life upon, is that they are fundamentally
The impact of low self-esteem on our life can be significant, just 'not good enough'.
we may even find that all areas in our lives are affected (or
disrupted) by it in some way or another. For some people, even though this cycle might seem to be
unbreakable, it's crucial to remember that all beliefs are only
opinions, and not facts, which can be changed!
PAGE 4 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Our beliefs constitute a significant part of our knowledge of The best way to explain this conundrum is by thinking of an
the world. external and internal self. Self-esteem relates to they way we
feel about ourselves externally (based upon things on the
We all have beliefs about objects, about culture, about the outside of us), i.e. the way we look, feel, act and the way in
past, and about the future. We have beliefs about other which others perceive us.
people, and we believe that they have beliefs as well. We use
our beliefs to predict, to explain, to create, to console, to Whereas self-worth, on the other hand, focuses more on an
entertain. internal sense of self-value and a constant state of authenticity.
Self-worth refers to the intrinsic value that we offer others, our
Some of our beliefs we call theories, and most of us are sense of belonging and the security we have in the truth of
extraordinarily creative at constructing them. In order to live a who we are.
productive life, we must examine our beliefs: what they do for
us, how we come to hold them, and how to evaluate them. Self-worth also involves establishing meaning
in your life and taking full responsibility for a
We must assess our beliefs carefully because they influence direct sense of ownership or purpose.
most of our actions and decisions.
Another main difference between self-esteem and self-worth
The Warrior Mindset: Storm-Proof Your Self-Esteem is that an individual's self-esteem will often be built on
motivational drive or ambition, whereas self-worth demands
As many of the world's great psychologists have claimed, our that individual character traits are harnessed, cultivated and
self-esteem is usually determined by the way in which we developed through the process of maturation (maturity).
feel about ourselves. So, if this is true and a person has
healthy self-esteem, they will be confident about themselves, As you may be starting to notice, there is a massive difference
and also about life in general. between our self-esteem and our self-worth. Even if you're
willing to take the required steps towards transforming
If there have ever been times in the past when you wanted to yourself from the inside-out, all the self-help books and
improve how you felt about yourself, you'll most likely have courses cannot give you self-worth. Something is either of
been advised to invest time and energy in building up your value or it's not. Our self-worth is a constant, it has always been
self-esteem. a constant, and will always be constant until the day we die.

Although developing our self-esteem is crucial if we want to Self-improvement and personal reflection just allow us to
live stable and balanced lives, having healthy self-esteem become more aware of our value than what we've ever been in
without a grounded self-worth is 'kind of like' having an the past. Full stop.
eggshell without an egg inside it, or having a brand new
sports car with its entire engine missing! I remember watching a YouTube video a few years ago where
a middle-aged Englishman was discussing the subject of self-
So, the question that you might be asking right now is, 'what is worth. After his long winded initial introduction, he went on to
the difference between self-esteem and self-worth?' extract a £20 note from his pocket and proceeded to ask his
audience how much the £20 note was worth.
PAGE 5 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Within seconds few, members of his audience sprung up their Many people find it interesting to discover that where our self-
hands, in anticipation of answering his question. One young esteem bases itself more upon how we present ourselves to
lady called out, 'is this a trick question?' Another said, 'It's others, our self-worth bases itself upon how well we appear to
worth £20!' and then a few others also agreed that the £20 ourselves (how it is that we view ourselves).
note was definitely worth £20.
Consider all self-improvement (reading books, taking courses)
The middle-aged Englishman agreed with the majority of his as the commitment we make towards understanding the
audience and exclaimed that the £20 note was indeed worth extent and scale of our self-worth.
£20. No trick question!

Where self-esteem come's and goes, our

At this point of his presentation, he proceeded to crumple the
self-worth is something that we become
£20 note up into a small ball, drop it to the floor, where he
more confident in over time.
trampled on it, tore it on the corners and spilt some cold
coffee on it so as to stain it.
Within the artisan trades, to build a large house, a builder will
Once the Englishman was confident that the £20 note was no first need to establish some firm foundations. In a similar way,
longer in it's best original form, he picked it up from the floor, the foundations of your life are your self-worth, with the
uncrumpled it and re-presented it to the crowd. furnishings and fittings being your self-esteem.

'How much is this £20 note worth now?' he asked. So, if you ever get around to building this new house for
yourself, do you just want it to impress other people with how
This time around, no-one in his audience put their hands up to great it looks from the outside, or would you want to live inside
answer the question, they just sat there, reflecting and said, of this house with confidence that the foundations are strong
'Ooooohhhhhh!' enough to last a lifetime?

And so it is, that a £20 note or a $20 bill is worth 'just as much' Reflect upon your life for a second. If you woke up one
if it's crumpled, stained, battered and bruised as what it was morning and didn't like your hair, you would do something
the day it was first printed. And in the same way, a person's about it, right? And if you had smelly breath, you would go to
value (their self-worth) is just the same today as what it was the nearest sink and brush your teeth, right?
the day that they were born.
But what would happen if you woke up one morning only to
Because our self-esteem fluctuates, it's inconsistent and goes realise that you didn't like the way in which your life was going?
up 'n' down. Somedays, we feel crumpled, stained, battered Would you be willing to dig deep, assess yourself and
and bruised, where other days we feel 'hot off the press'. establish whether the foundations you are building your house
upon are robust enough to sustain you?
Unlike our inconsistent self-esteem, our self-worth is a
constant; it remains the same and will still be there, regardless Low confidence, low self esteem and self-doubt have become
of whether we 'feel' like it's there or not. progress preventing problems for millions of men, women and
children from the four corners of the globe.
PAGE 6 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Many people today, build their confidence upon their physical Mr Tarantula said:
appearance, upon how knowledgeable they are, how much
money they have in the bank, or even upon the degree of ‘Mr Crow if you think about it, that doesn’t make the slightest bit
which others socially accept them. of sense. If you were to indulge me in this favour and fly me
across the lake, why on earth would I bite you? There would be
What I'm suggesting here, is that the greatest mistake that no reasoning behind that because surely if I were to bite you,
many people will make in life is that they build and base their as you very clearly and wisely pointed out, we would both fall
confidence upon factors that are completely outside of their to our deaths. Of course, I wouldn’t do that.’
control.
Mr Crow replied:
Throughout my life to date, I have learned this incredibly
valuable lesson: real, genuine and authentic confidence in life, ‘Mr Tarantula, that makes good sense but what happens when
cannot be based on anything less than the core and we get to the other side of the lake? Tarantulas are renowned
fundamental for biting crows, aren’t they? What happens if we get to the
truth, of who it is that you are. other side, and you bite me on the neck? You’ll leave me for
dead! This is what tarantulas do, isn’t it?’
Identity Crisis
Mr Tarantula went on to reply:
One day, Mr Crow was standing on the verge of a lake
pecking at scraps of bread left by people who had been ‘Mr Crow; you don’t understand; you misinterpret me. If you
feeding the ducks. indulge me in flying me across the lake, you’ll save me days, so
by the time I get to the other side, I'll be so grateful to you. Why
Mr Tarantula walked up to him and said: on earth would I bite you?’

"Mr Crow, I’ve got a bit of a predicament, I need to make my Mr Crow stopped for a moment to reflect upon Mr Tarantula’s
way across to the other side of the lake and unlike you, I don’t response, to which he replied:
have wings. It does seem that the quickest and most efficient
way to get from this side of the lake to that side of the lake ‘O.K., Mr Tarantula, I’ll trust you, this time. Jump on my back and
would be on your back if you would be kind enough to let me I’ll drop you at the other side. However, I will only do this for
hop on board and fly me across to the other side?" you on this one occasion as I’m not comfortable with this, so
don’t tell any of your friends. I don’t want to make
Mr Crow answered: transportation of tarantula’s a regular habit!’

‘Mr Tarantula; I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s common Mr Tarantula climbed on Mr Crow’s wing, mounted his back
knowledge that tarantulas bite crows, and it wouldn’t make and they set out across the lake. However; about halfway
any sense. If I let you jump on my back, and then fly you across; Mr Tarantula plunged his fangs into Mr Crow’s neck. Mr
across the lake, and you were then to bite me and inject me Crow cried out in complete horror:
with your poison, it would numb my body within minutes. I
would become so weak that we would fall into the lake, and ‘I can’t believe it, you’ve bit me, you’ve poisoned me, and now
then we would both drown.’ we’re both going to drown! Why have you done this to us?’
PAGE 7 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Mr Tarantula replied with a menacing tone in his voice; Are ALL beliefs Limiting beliefs?

‘I’m a tarantula, aren't I? That’s what tarantulas do; we bite Do your beliefs drive you towards fulfilling the dreams you
crows.’ have for your future, or do they keep you in the same place,
with the same old people and going around the same old
Identity, identity, identity! Don’t we just hold ourselves true to circles?
who we believe that we are! So, how would you know that the
beliefs you have about yourself, how the world is and your I heard a story once, from this guy that I used to visit and coach
reason for existing are true? in prison. He told me about another inmate that he knew who
had millions of pounds stashed away, waiting for him after
Now, I fully acknowledge that these are some big questions serving his 12-year sentence for fraud.
to consider, but have you ever stopped for long enough to
think about why you believe the things that you do? Yes, his wife and kids were financially affluent. They lived in a
big house, in a beautiful area where the kids attended the best
Have you ever questioned where your beliefs came from? private school .... just, minus a husband and father.
How they got there? Have you ever re-evaluated your
beliefs? Critiqued them? Have you ever even resented them? As we consider this story, though, imagine if we were to go into
Has someone else decided your beliefs for you? the big city, and visit a high flying Law Practice; where the new
guys are earning at least £75K a year, and the company
Did you consciously start believing what you believe, or have partners are in a financial position where they could have
your beliefs always just been there with a 'DO NOT MESS' stopped working years ago!
warning sign hanging over them?
These inner city lawyers will work very long days, weekends,
Did you choose your beliefs intentionally? Did you learn them and even evenings, with rooms inside of their corporate offices,
via the stories you’ve told yourself about your experiences? which serve them as a home away from home.
Have you adopted them through carefully modelling
someone that you have the utmost trust and respect for? They only see their kids for a couple of hours each week — if
they’re still married, and their wives haven’t already divorced
Or has it just been the case that you had a whole load of them!
opinions and statements rammed down your throat by one of
your parents, both of your parents, a teacher, boss or an You may be able to identify the differences in these men’s
authority figure who influenced you at some point in the past? lives, though; where one is currently serving a 12-year sentence
in prison (most likely against his free will); whereas the other is
Do your beliefs serve you? Do they energetically drive you serving a life sentence in an inner city Law Practise.
towards achieving great things, or do they pin you down to
mediocrity and misery? Are you a slave to your beliefs, or are I guess that although the lawyer might get into his exercise
they a slave to you? yard a little more often; he’s likely to be in his prison for 40
years; not just 12 years like the comparative inmate who might
Are your beliefs building you up, or are they limiting you? even qualify for an early release?
PAGE 8 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Is this how people genuinely want to live? Or do we all just What I’m suggesting here is that there are some beliefs which
live incongruently to our beliefs about who it is that we are, we desperately want to be true (even if they’re false) and so, if
and how the world around us works? we’re presented with new information that challenges or
contradicts our beliefs, we’ll be likely to react completely
Some of the world’s greatest architects might suggest that irrationally in defence of them.
the grandest prisons are those that have been built with cast
iron, reinforcement and concrete. For example, who wants to believe that their Dad has been
hiding homosexual tendencies while having a love affair with
However, I’m going to suggest that the most enslaving prisons their uncle for the last three years? The answer is no-one!
that people can be kept in  are the prisons of their mind, the Because he’s your Dad (and the other guy's your uncle!), the
jail of their beliefs, and the limitations of their thinking. men who've raised you, nurtured you, and even wiped your ass
back when you were young!
So, do your beliefs enable you to explore your full potential
and do amazing things with your life? Or have they just kept You want to believe that he wouldn’t be capable of doing
you imprisoned in a safe, familiar and highly predictable little something like that and tearing apart the family on a sexual
box where as long as you just keep on doing what you're whim, yet situations like this throw the stable and predictable
doing, you'll always get what you’ve always got? inner world of our mind into complete and utter turmoil.

Do your beliefs give you an objective perspective on life, or do When we experience an event in life where another person
they just remind you of your failures and allow you to justify a acts totally out of character, this completely rattles our belief
risk-free approach to life? systems. Imagine how you’d feel if you went home to visit your
parents and the moment you walked in the door, you caught
Have you found your beliefs to be flexible in any way and your Dad kissing Uncle Frank with his pants around his ankles
subject to change depending on your daily experiences and and their socks hanging off the lampstand?
life lessons? Or are they set in concrete where you're not MENTAL TRAUMA!!!
willing to budge an inch and even consider that there is any
degree of truth outside of the extent of your life experiences? Throughout our growing up years, many people grow to
assume that Dad is the perfect role model of mature adult
What would happen, if one day you woke up to discover that behaviour. This belief will more than likely now be shattered, as
everything you’ve ever believed to be true about life, was you come to grips with what he’s done and what his conduct
completely untrue? Have you ever wondered what it would will now mean for your family.
be like if you began living life with a brand new set of beliefs?
Might it be better or worse? You might feel sickened, repulsed, hurt and betrayed as you
recognise that what you’ve had throughout your lifetime to
Have you ever considered that some of your most non- date, has been swiftly removed from directly under your feet. If
negotiable beliefs could be completely untrue? What would it you previously believed that Dad was an honest, reliable and
mean if, throughout your whole life, you had been getting the faithful man, within seconds; this belief has now been shattered
'wrong end of the stick' and had grown to believe a whole lot and immediately replaced with a new belief that Dad is a lying,
of stuff about life, that was entirely untrue? cheating and shirt-lifting ‘A-Hole’ ! (or other words to that
effect).
PAGE 9 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Even though you’ve caught him with his pants down and So where do our beliefs come from?
witnessed this betrayal with your own eyes, on some level,
you won’t believe it and don’t even want to either! The reason From the minute we’re born, we get bombarded with
being that this experience doesn’t match with the existing information from a variety of sources. Our beliefs are primarily
reality that you have of Dad inside of your mind. influenced by the people in our immediate worlds who we  love
and respect the most. From the second we're born, our
You might try to create a scenario in your head which justifies conscious and unconscious minds are absorbing, interpreting,
why he’s done what he’s done, to keep your belief intact, and filtering and processing all of our life experiences.
also allow you to protect the delusion (and not burst the
bubble) that you created for yourself all these years ago. Much of what we learn in a day happens without us even being
aware. From childhood, our parents, siblings, friends, teachers,
Is there a different truth to the one you know? TV shows, the music we listen to, the books that we read, the
social groups we attend and websites we visit, all influence us
There are things in life that we are aware of being 100% in believing the things that they want us to believe.
correct, for example, we need oxygen to stay alive and cows
eat grass. If you grew up in an environment which taught you that
education and academic excellence is paramount to your
Then, there are other things, which we want to believe are success in life, then you’ll be likely to demand that your kids
true, such as ‘Dad would never cheat on Mum’, or ‘my partner finish school, get the best exam grades, and also commit to
would never cheat on me because they LOVE me!’ further education - as it's the 'normal' thing to do!

When we reach a stage in life that we’ve believed something Everything that happens to us in life we learn from. All human
for a very long time, whether we're aware of this or not,  we beings have an incredible capacity to learn and solve problems
have an emotional attachment to that belief. That belief is a (we all do this constantly), but most of our earliest life learnings
familiar, comfortable and safe one for us, which gives us the happen unconsciously and unintentionally.
degree of predictability and certainty that we need to build
our lives upon. Sadly, not all of these learnings empower us to move forward
and make a greater degree of progress in life.
It could be said, that our outcomes in life are a result of what
we believe about ourselves. Our beliefs shape us (remember Many of our lifelong learnings tell us we’re stupid, not good
Mr Tarantula from earlier on). enough in some way, undesirable or incapable of solving
complex problems. Some of our past life experiences are the
For many people, life can become nothing more than a basis for many of our limiting and utterly debilitating beliefs.
process of conforming to their pre-existing beliefs without any
understanding of how they even came to believe such things. For many of us to increase our self-esteem and move forward
Living like this is kind of like living out a pre-determined script into a better quality of life (mentally, emotionally, physically,
for our life that someone else has written without our spiritually), we need to unlearn much of what we’ve already
permission, and this is the primary reason why many people learned and made ‘truth’ in our worlds. Or in other words, we
become clones of their parents. need to change our beliefs.
PAGE 10 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

When we come into the world, we are nothing more than a 1. Positive Beliefs.
blank slate with a few inherited attributes, instincts and
reflexes (like eating, breathing, etc.). These things are already These are beliefs that enable us to maintain a helpful, active,
stored in our human nature (or pre-programming). productive, creative and empowered headspace which allows
us to explore and fulfil our full potential. These are the beliefs
As we journey through life, we form habits, beliefs and values that pull us through life’s tough times, and they enable us to
based upon our interpretation of the life experiences we have. deal with our fears and ultimately come out the other side of
It's these experiences that make us the experts of our lives. them much stronger, wiser and far better equipped.

These beliefs, values and habits are determined and 2. Limiting Beliefs.
underpinned by our experience of culture (social and cultural
norms). Also from our parents (with the beliefs that they Obviously, the polar opposite of positive beliefs! These beliefs
already have), our friends (with their upbringings), TV, movies, will destroy your potential, your happiness, your relationships,
music genres, books, political propaganda, alongside our your career, your self-esteem and virtually every single area of
incorrect assumptions, judgments and naive your life if you allow them to!
misunderstandings.
3. Circumstantial Beliefs.
Once a belief has been formed in our minds, any information
from these pre-mentioned sources is filtered so that we can These beliefs are exactly as they sound; not typically life
strengthen and validate our original hypothesis (our altering or changing in any way; just there. For example; 'I
assumptions). We then reject any information that might believe that Scotland is a great place to live. I believe a
contradict it (it’s not as if we go out of our way to prove Vauxhall Corsa is a better car than a Fiat Punto. I believe the
ourselves wrong, do we!) sun will rise tomorrow morning, and that rowing is the best
cardio workout that any human being can do!'
For example, if you genuinely believed you were ugly, stupid,
incompetent or worthless; no amount of reassurance from We have thousands of these types of beliefs that just exist
friends or family could ever make you feel better about somewhere in the recesses of our brains and don’t serve a
yourself (increase your self-esteem) because you'd reject any greater meaning or purpose other than to give us a difference
new information which proves contradictory to whatever it is of opinion from others.
that you've already grown to believe.
The human mind can be our very own worst enemy with its
How many different types of Belief are there? self-defeating conversations, matched up with what’s often a
very limited understanding of how we can most effectively
Over the years, beliefs have been classified in many ways by pursue the things we want in life!
various people. However, I’m going to do my best here to
simplify (and lose the psycho-babble that’s often found in
textbooks) because I don’t fully understand what half of the Whether You Believe That You 'Can Do' Or
long words mean anyway! Allow me to break our beliefs That You 'Can't Do' - You're Right Either Way!
down into three simple categories:
PAGE 11 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Core Beliefs Core Belief B: "I More Than Good Enough"

We all view the world through a completely differently set of

lenses. Two people can have the exact same life experience, "I'm More "I'm More
yet have two completely contrasting interpretations of what Than Good Than Good
Enough" Enough"
actaully happened. Our core beliefs are the deeply held
beliefs that determine how we interpret our experiences.

Think of core beliefs like a pair of sunglasses. Everyone has a Core Thinking B: "This Person Will Definately Be Interested In
different “shade” that causes them to see things differently. Going Out With Me"

For example, imagine a situation where you meet someone Course of Action B: Get a Coffee Date. Qualifies for a Second
new, you like them, and begin thinking about whether you Date ... then a Third Date ... then 1st Base, then Marriage, Babies
should ask them to go out with you for a coffee. etc ... and you can see how the rest of this scenario goes!

The following diagrams (based on two different sets of Short Exercise:

beliefs), will determine the outcome of the scenario.
a) Based upon everything that you've read so far, name and
Core Belief A: "I'm Not Good Enough" shame ONE negative belief that you currently have about
yourself:

"I'm Not "I'm Not _____________________________________________________________________

Good Good
Enough" Enough"
_____________________________________________________________________

b) List three pieces of evidence that prove this negative core

Core Thinking A: "This Person Wouldn't Be Interested In Me" belief to be untrue:

Course of Action A: Doesn't Get a Date & Remains a Loner. 1)

Many people have negative core beliefs that cause 2)

completely disasterous consequences. To start challenging
any negative core beliefs that you might have, you first need 3).
to identify what they are.

Here are some common examples:

"Just Because We Believe That Something Is
I'M UNLIKEABLE, I"M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, True, Doesn't Mean That It Is True!"
I"M NOT SMART ENOUGH, I'M A BAD PERSON,
I"M BORING, I"M WORTHLESS ... etc
PAGE 12 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Neil Gaiman, the author of hit book, American Gods, wrote: I believe that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in
a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time
“I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll
and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there
not. are stars in the universe billions of years older than the
universe itself.
I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the
Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries
believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god
that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her
aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an
lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background
and our women. noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't
rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know
going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all what's going on will lie about the little things too.
men are just overgrown boys with deep problems
communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe
coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all
state to state. human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death
penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no
I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that
California is going to sink into the sea when the big one I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life
comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well
alligators and toxic waste. lie back and enjoy it.”

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to Hmm, interesting, right?! Well ....
dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the
common cold like martians in War of the Worlds. Over 1500 years ago, Plato (the Philosopher) made an
interesting claim about one of the 'things' that many people
I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith value most in life: opinions.
Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and
that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Plato had an 'opinion' about 'opinions'! He claimed that:
Siberian shaman. 'Opinion, is the medium between certainty, and ignorance'.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that I guess what Plato was trying to highlight here, is that our
candy really did taste better when I was a kid, and that it's opinions about things are nothing more than circumstantial
aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly." beliefs (like those I mentioned a few pages ago).
PAGE 13 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

It’s fascinating when we consider the subject of confidence or Because who you are is a constant. It always has been a
self-esteem; there are many myths, things that people constant. But the only thing that influences how you feel on a
genuinely believe. For example, some people believe that daily basis is the belief that you have about yourself.
confidence is something that we are either born with, or it’s
something that we are not. You see, if you believe that you are competent and highly
skilled and really good looking and talented and
Now, I'm not going to suggest what is right or wrong here, but knowledgeable and all of these sorts of things, then you will
if this is something that you choose to believe (confidence is feel confident. But if you believe that you're not, then you won't
something that we're born with), then that might mean that feel confident at all.
you're some sort of victim. As, if this belief is true, then
whoever made you, has made a seriously drastic mistake! My wife Karen (the good Christian girl)

Other people would believe that confidence is a skill that can My wife Karen grew up in a Christian home which was
be learned. Now, I have watched many self-development regularly frequented by 'right Churchy folks'. As a close knit
programs over the years, I’ve listened to all the audios, read all family, they attended Christian schools and Christian services
the books, and this is something that many people genuinely where they were taught about life (God, religion, marriage, sex,
believe. good, bad, right, wrong) exclusively from a Christian
perspective. As Karen grew up, hanging with her Christian
I often get emails: 'Kain, what is a technique, that I can use friends and only ever seeing the inside of a Christian church
today, that’s going to give me some immediate high building, it's understandable that she never became a punk
confidence?' Or, 'how can I develop my confidence skills so rocker or naughty rebel by her fifteenth birthday.
that I can be more skilfully confident?'
Karen’s upbringing, her environment, her family and her
Fact: Confidence and self-esteem are not skills. Confidence is education taught her that she was born into the 'one true
not something that people can learn. Confidence is something church' (the one's who were getting 'it right'). Whatever that
that you either have, or it’s something that you do not have. was supposed to mean.
Truth bomb. Full stop.
She shared with me how as a teenager, she genuinely felt
Confidence cannot be learned. But it can be developed over sorry for all her non-Christian contemporaries who were going
time as we grow to become secure in the value that we straight to hell, for hellfire and damnation. Poor buggers! After
possess as human beings and as we become confident and all, Karen had the Big J.C. on her team; God’s personal
secure in our intrinsic value and the truth about who we are. representative on planet earth, so, how could she ever have
possibly gone wrong?
One of my old heroes; he is dead now, unfortunately, was a
guy called Jim Rohn, and he once said that if you want things Fortunately for Karen (as she believed), she had luckily
to change in your life, then you must change. Everything managed to find her way on to the right team  for life. What
begins with you. were the chances?!! All those countless religions to be born
into and she was born into the only one that had a direct
We're not talking about the things that you do, or how you do hotline to God, and apparently the ONLY religion that could get
the things that you do. We are talking about you. Who you are. someone into heaven. Talk about good luck!
PAGE 14 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

In her early 20’s, Karen attended Bible college, whereupon The pressure to conform (think, talk, act, believe a certain way)
receiving her opening address; she was told: exists in all areas of the human experience, way beyond the
religions, schools, homes, workplaces, sporting clubs, political
'Welcome to Bible 'Band Camp!' Over the next 12 months, we’ll parties and street gangs. Anywhere that people gather, some
provide you with an extensive overview of the core theologies, expression of conformity will always be required (what the
philosophies and primary teachings of all the major religions in social scientists call 'cultural norms').
the world. Upon doing so, we'll then respect your autonomy
and leave it to you to explore ‘God’ in your way - fully You may be able to recognise times in your life when you’ve
respective of your unique perspective on life. It’s important to begun to question either the ‘system’ or parts thereof, and
us that you find your unique truth, listen to your heart and have ended up being ridiculed, criticised or even completely
develop healthy spiritual beliefs for yourself. ' rejected by others; and labelled as being rebellious, misguided
and troublesome.
Oh wait, she wasn’t told that at all - they did, after all, want her
to join ‘their’ team. The 'right' team! The reason I’m even talking about my wife’s Christian
upbringing is that it has indirectly (and directly) impacted me in
An Objective Perspective hugely life draining ways. Religion (a conditioned mindset and
set of behaviours) is Karen's reference point. It's her primary life
Now, before you begin to assume that I’m an anti-religious experience. Her story. Her default mode. And it’s taken me
bigot, I’m not. All religions are great, and I love them all. almost five years to help Karen break free from the limitations
Especially the violent ones. of her religiously, conditioned mindset.

I guess that over the years, I've become very aware of this I could just as easily be referring to any social system here,
cultural habit called social, emotional and religious religious, non-religious, or any social institution which demands
conditioning. Conditioning will be found in every society, every that people think, behave or believe in a certain way to qualify
organisation and every religion. You'll find an element of for inclusion.
conditioning in any institution that tells you what to do, what to
think, how to behave, what’s O.K., what’s not O.K., and what Is there a group or organisation that you've experienced,
'rules' need to be conformed to. where, if you don’t align with the culturally accepted theology,
way of thinking or set of rules, then you'll not be tolerated as
I’m yet to find any institution (in any society) that offers part of the group? Therefore, in order ‘to fit in and be accepted’
genuine encouragement to explore and discover truth beyond it's imperative that you believe what the group believes, in the
the walls of whatever system it is that you find yourself in. way they believe what they believe, or you're out!

In fact, I’m yet to find a single religion, political party or Manipulation's Everywhere!
organisation which doesn’t discourage exploration and free
thinking. I’m yet to find a religion, a political party or any Every day throughout our lives we are continuously
association which isn't critical of groups (or individuals) who programmed (taught, influenced and conditioned) by the
think, believe and behave in ways that are different from media, culture, society and everyone who lives in it. Our beliefs
themselves. are always being moulded by other people who want us to
‘join their team.'
PAGE 15 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Our beliefs began getting formed the very day we were born, What I will suggest, however, is that to live more confident,
which is why our expectations are often such a non-negotiable congruent and genuinely authentic lives - it is of vital
part of our mental and emotional DNA. After a lifetime of being importance that we learn to discover the difference between
taught a particular message, a set of rules or life philosophy, it our own truth and those belonging to others. To become
can often feel 'impossible' for us even to consider a reality people of value and more well-adjusted adults, we must learn
other than the one we have already accepted to be true. our own lessons and determine our own beliefs.

I once heard it said that: 'Most people will refuse to believe any Upon doing this, if our core beliefs and values happen to align
other reality other than the one which they've already with a social group that we genuinely want to connect with, so
experienced'. 'Most people will also refuse to believe that be it; and that’s ok. But becoming more aware of when
there's any degree of truth outside of that which they've someone else is trying to hijack our brain (and our potential), by
already come to recognise'. having us conform to their standards and beliefs, is crucial for
our freedom. To conform is to compromise and to compromise
When we want to explore anything outside of what we've is to give up our choice to live authentically.
already become accustomed to (another version of the truth,
an alternative option, a new way of living, thinking, seeing or Don’t Even Buy Into 'My Way' Of Thinking!
believing), it's crucial that we question what we believe and
how long we’ve believed what we believe.  This is what takes The last thing on my agenda (well, it’s not on my agenda at all)
people out of their comfort zones. is to have you pledge your allegiance to my way of thinking or
conform to my group. What I would love to achieve through
As a therapist and counsellor, I’ve worked with people who my writings here, is for you to become confident enough to
have become outraged when I've questioned or challenged consider thoughtfully what I’m talking about. Wrestle with what
whatever it is that they believe. I write, explore it for yourself and carefully reflect upon
whether these words ‘feel’ like ‘truth’ for you.
I’m not suggesting here that I’d ever criticise their beliefs;
however I do ask practical, logical, thought provoking and There is every possibility that I have wandered so far off the
intelligent questions that require some serious reflection. For beaten track that I’ve lost a well-calculated view of what reality
someone to even contemplate that the beliefs they’ve held even is! If what you’re reading right now feels 'good' for you, it’s
onto for years may be inaccurate, is to rattle this person's because it probably is. If it feels 'wrong' for you, then it
world completely. Which will often hurt. probably is also.

The Culture of Non-Conformitism The best plan I can offer you for moving forward in life is this:
keep the beliefs that serve you and ditch the bad ones that
Would I even dare to suggest that our own beliefs shouldn’t don’t. If you don't know the difference, learn fast!
fall into any degree of alignment with a larger group at any
time? No, absolutely not. The most common time that people consider changing their
beliefs is when they’ve reached a stage of life where things
can no longer remain as they are.
PAGE 16 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

In your life, moments like these will come when a particular The greater the emotional investment we have in a particular
belief you have becomes destructive in your life and outworks belief, the more likely it is that we'll act or behave in a
itself in a way that completely counteracts the things you want completely irrational, defensive or even a protective way, to
the most. hold onto this belief.

Limiting beliefs do a great job of capping your potential, And people are stubborn! Many people will stubbornly and
restricting your productivity, and they'll often also have an even aggressively defend their beliefs, even if these beliefs
adverse impact on your most important relationships. Limiting have never served them in any way, or caused them a lifetime
beliefs will limit your career, the depth of intimacy with your of unnecessary heartache and pain.
family and even your physical, mental and emotional
wellbeing (which often expresses itself in low confidence and A huge challenge for millions of people all around the world
low self esteem). today is the process of developing enough humility, to
acknowledge the truth, that we may not be entirely accurate in
In contradiction to traditional thought, when people's lives the things which we believe to be true. Scary thoughts, right?
don't go according to plan and preference, it's not everyone
else's fault, all of the time. Truth bomb. Full stop. But there are a few questions that we can ask ourselves if we
don't want to get caught in the trap of believing something
So, how can I change or even understand what I believe? about ourselves that may never have been true, to begin with.

Although many of our core beliefs will be developed and Q1. 'What do I believe about myself?' Followed by:
reinforced over a lifetime, you'll be happy to discover that they
can be changed in an instant (like how I discussed earlier on Q2. 'Why do I believe what I believe about myself?' Followed
with the ‘Gay Dad’ scenario). by:

Although changing our beliefs can happen in an instant, the Q3. 'Who taught me to believe these things about myself?'
process that leads to this instant, can take years, for those who Followed by:
aren't embracing of change. What can I say, most of us are
creatures of habit! Q4. 'How do I know that what I believe about myself is true?'

As humans, we're a strange breed of emotionally charged And lastly, if you want to expose why you may have previously
beings who've become used to thinking, behaving and believed some lies about yourself to be true, you could ask:
believing in certain ways, over a long stretch of time since the
world began. The good news here is that change can happen Q5. 'How have other people benefitted from me believing
for all of us, the instant we decide that it will. the things that I used to believe about myself?'

All change begins with a decision to change. If you can answer these questions honestly, you've just taken a
huge first leap towards establishing a far greater degree of
It's crucial that we become 'smart to ourselves' and especially truth in your life, and about yourself. Remember the ancient
to our beliefs, as our beliefs and our self esteem walk hand in proverb that I mentioned earlier on, ‘… and the Truth will set
hand. you free’.
PAGE 17 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

So, this truth, whatever it is for you, will set you free in your Now obviously, elephants, as we well know, have more than
thinking and also in your believing, by casting any limiting enough physical strength to break free from any restraint
beliefs that you may have been unconsciously clinging onto placed upon them. If they so choose, they can break free from
for years, out into the open. restraint, the moment they want to, and go wherever, or do
whatever they want.
Our beliefs are fascinating things, they are either going to build
us up or going to tear us down. In life, some people might But yet they don't. Circus elephants will just sit there with a
choose to claim that they don’t believe in anything. In which rope around their neck, attached to a picket in the ground, and
case, these people are either uninformed or liars. not even try to break free. Why? You might ask.

The reason for this is because if someone believes that they Great question, thanks for asking! Some years ago, I invested
don't believe in anything, they 'BELIEVE' that they don't believe some time looking into this, and not just for the purpose of
in anything. Believing that you don't believe in anything is a understanding elephants, but for the core purpose of
belief BTW! understanding the root source of humanities core limiting
beliefs. And I was fascinated with my findings.
So, we all have beliefs. Our beliefs are the 'invisible'
foundations that we all build our lives on. Now, though, I want As I discovered, a circus master will choose a young elephant
to do my best to help you understand what you primarily to train, who has been removed from its parents at an early
believe about yourself, what you believe about who you are, stage of its life. And, while it's this young, the trainers will
about what you're capable of and why you feel the way you confine the elephant to a circus arena-sized enclosure, and
do about yourself. restrain the mammal by binding it to a picket in the ground
with a chain or length of rope.
Because going back some years ago, when I was just a little
boy, my mum and dad would take my sister and me to the Now, as the elephant is still so small, it’s not yet developed
circus. Now, I never particularly liked the circus, I always found enough strength to break free from its restraints. Regardless of
it somewhat boring. how much it fights, tugs or kicks, it’s unable to shake itself free.

There were only a few elements of the circus that I did enjoy, The circus master knows from experience that the elephant
and these were the Lions, the dancing bears and the will not be ready to begin its real training until it stops fighting.
elephants. The elephants, I always found especially
fascinating; being one of the largest mammals on our planet. Because the day that the elephant stops trying to break free
from the peg, is the day that the elephant has grown to accept
I always wondered why elephants, as robust as they are, the belief that it's not physically strong enough to break free
would allow themselves to be so restricted and limited? from its restraints.

In a circus arena, I'd noticed that as soon as these huge Once the elephant has agreed to the concept that it's not
mammals had a rope tied around their neck, or, once they'd strong enough to break free, the peg is no longer needed to
been attached to a chain or picket in the ground, they would restrain it. And from this moment onwards, the limiting belief
stand still and stop moving. that the elephant has adopted will do a good enough job of
keeping it restrained.
PAGE 18 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

So let us now fast forward fifteen years. The now, fully grown As much as you’re able to, invest your time into building
elephant stands in the middle of the circus arena. It has a chain meaningful relationships with people who you respect, admire,
around its neck which is attached to a spike in the ground. The and even trust; people who will encourage and empower you,
main reason why the elephant won’t try to break free is that it not handicap you and hold you back!
knows from experience that it’s not strong enough.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get
The only substantial limitation it has, in reality, is the belief that what you’ve always got, and if you always get what you’ve
it developed about itself when it was young. When the always got, you’ll always have what you’ve always had!
elephant was a baby, it genuinely wasn't robust enough to Capiche? Invest time into talking with people you would
break free, but now that it’s bigger and stronger, it won't even usually shy away from or those that you may previously have
try to break free. Not because it's incapable, but because it thought you had nothing in common with.
believes that it can't.
If you don’t learn anything new about yourself, that’s ok. You
And what's true for elephants, is also true for human beings. will find out more about how these other people have arrived
at the life conclusions they have grown to believe. They will
So, I hope that story makes sense. All that I'm attempting to teach you something.
achieve here is to paint a picture for you, of where our beliefs
come from in life. So, the question I'd ask you here is: 'How I remember once having a conversation with this guy who was
would this, at this stage of your life, actually relate to you?' highly critical of a particular religious group in the south of
England. When I asked him which specific parts of their
When we accomplish something that we may previously have theology, philosophy and doctrine he fundamentally disagreed
believed was impossible for us (such as bungee jumping, with, he looked at me blankly. The truth was that he was
passing an exam, etc.), not only do we experience a shift in our against something that he didn’t fully understand. Some
thinking about this particular achievement but we also begin people might call this naive. Or ignorant? Or both.
questioning other self-imposed limitations that we’ve placed
on ourselves over the years. He’d never read this group's religious texts, or even ever had a
meaningful conversation with anyone of that particular faith.
When we attempt and complete a challenge that we may After a little bit of probing (questioning), I learned that he'd
never have previously believed to be possible, we open a merely adopted his beliefs about religious people from his
mental and emotional door which may have been closed for a opinionated (and racially intolerant) father who he'd secretly
very long time. despised for years.

There’s an old saying that states, ‘birds of a feather, flock Just Be Yourself. Stop trying to fit in and people please. Don’t
together’. So, if you’re used to 'hanging out' with religious be a brown nose, don't kiss people's asses and don’t be a
people, cynical people, aggressive people, paranoid people, sheep. Consistently evaluate why you think what you do,
excuse-making individuals and under-achievers ... guess which behave how you do, and believe what you do.
direction you're heading in your future?
The second you begin exploring where your beliefs came from
Who we associate with does not necessarily determine who is the same second you start out on the journey of a lifetime.
we become in life, but it certainly does influence us. The journey of self-discovery!
PAGE 19 UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE

Don’t accept mine or anyone else’s core beliefs as correct But taking ownership, responsibility and being accountable to
because there’s a certain chance that you don’t know 'how' oneself, demands that your value (your self-worth) is shared
they’ve come to reach the conclusions that they’ve reached. with those who need to experience it. Ownership,
accountability and responsibility are traits of the mature in
Be your own person and determine your beliefs once you've character who are ready to grow out of their old beliefs, their
carefully considered them, interrogated them, tested them old ways, and to grow up into new, better ones.
and discovered them to be true for you and you alone.
Replacing our old beliefs with new, more truthful and
Most of us have to work hard at changing our ways, habits and empowering ones will enter us into a life-long process of self-
beliefs, as the old ways will often die hard! And if you’re discovery. The further we venture down this rabbit hole, the
anything like me, you'll be more than aware of a daily fight more aware we become of our beliefs and how they impact us
going on inside of your mind. (and other people) in the moment, and on a daily basis.

This battle that takes place is between the emotional you (with The pursuit of truth is not an easy journey. However, I urge and
the unhealthy attachments to the old beliefs, behaviours and encourage you to take it. Often, you will find yourself having to
way of doing things),  and the rational you, who understands work hard to over-ride a deep rooted inner urge to conform to
the implications of what it means just to be yourself. your past pre-existing beliefs, your old ways of thinking, your
old ways of doing, your old ways of being, your old ways of
A few years ago I discovered, that when we choose to be reacting and your old ways of communicating.
ourselves (instead of being who others want us to be), we opt
to allow the world its first opportunity to experience the extent The thought of this may scare you, but again I’d urge you to
of who we are, and also who we're not. consider the alternative option: change nothing and continue
to experience life the same way that you always have done.
Choosing authenticity sets us free from the limiting beliefs that Get the same results. Feel the same feelings and think the
most people allow themselves to be plagued by for a lifetime. same thoughts about yourself. The choice, my friend, is yours.

It's easy to fall into the trap of blaming other people, society, As long as you still have life in your bones, you still have time
our education, the Church, or God, for why our lives turn out to be different. Nothing ever needs to stay the same. If you
the way that they do. But this approach to life is neither helpful didn't get what you wanted yesterday for whatever reason,
or productive. today still remains, and you've still got time if you'll but only
consider taking a new approach.
Blame, excuse making and denial are the culprits of a lame
and disempowered lifestyle. It's these three culprits that give To create the results that we genuinely want in life, we have to
birth to the victim mentality of worthlessness, helplessness take a risk. So take a risk and just be yourself. Become the kind
and hopelessness. Blame, excuse making and denial are never of person who lives a grounded life, consistent in all of their
strong allies to those with a desire to progress. ways, decisive, mature in character and an influence to others.

But taking ownership, responsibility and being accountable to Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
oneself, demands that your value (your self-worth) is shared
with those who need to experience it. Just be yourself. Today.
 Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you
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NOMADIC | 24
 WHETHER YOU
BELIEVE THAT YOU
CAN OR YOU CAN'T,
YOU'RE 100% RIGHT
EITHER WAY!

strategic life coaching

 MASTER
THE INNER

GAME

UNSHAKABLE

CONFIDENCE

CHALLENGE YOUR

BELIEFS & CREATE

SOME NEW ONES

BECAUSE THE

FUTURE IS 100 %

YOURS TO MOULD.

Written by

Kain Ramsay

www.strategiclifeacademy.com