Owning the First

5 Minutes:
How to Become a Master Storyteller that Captivates Any Audience,
Turn Nerve-wracking Situations Into Powerful Opportunities, Be Bulletproof
in the Face of Criticism, and Have Lasting Influence and Impact
 OWNING THE FIRST 5 MINUTES

Introduction
Part 1 – How I Got Matt to Deliver Up ALL His Best Secrets

My name is Stephen Hussey, and I am not a dating coach.

What I am is the ​brother ​of a dating coach.

Except today I don’t want to talk about dating. I want to talk about
something that will transform the way you approach any area of your life,
whether it’s your career, your family and friends, your ability to attract
clients or future business, or your ability to charm and win over any of life’s
important gatekeepers. And by the end of this document, you’ll know how
to do this in ​the first 5 minutes of any situation​.

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever wondered how Matt has
achieved such a high level of success at such a young age? How did he
become such a master of human dynamics - someone who stands out and
has been able to convince others to give him so many incredible
opportunities? A lot of people have asked me what his secret is. And the
truth is, he has ​many ​secrets.

What most people don’t realise is that years ago Matt actually created a
model to reveal ​ALL OF HIS SECRETS; a step-by-step toolkit to teach
others the powerful techniques he uses to create amazing results in his
own life. Yet for way too long we kept this toolkit locked away.
And that really bugged me (for reasons you’re about to discover).

Matt thought long and hard before he first decided to reveal all this: it’s like
having a forensics team pick apart all your little quirks and behaviours in
front of a live audience and hold them up for the world to see. (“Here’s why
he speaks with that tone, here’s what words make people feel warm to him,
here’s how that response helps him control the attention of the room”.)
He also wondered at first whether his audience would really be interested
in these social tools.
After all, he grew his name by being the “dating guy” right?

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Except that’s not the interesting part of the story. ​What’s really interesting
is what ​made​ Matt the “dating guy” in the first place.
What secrets allowed a 21 year old to build a YouTube channel that has
grown to 2 million subscribers, land multiple network television shows, get
invited on the world’s biggest podcasts, and land a ​New York Times
bestselling book as a first-time author?
The answer is in these pages.
The secrets of influence are always staring us in the face: when we see
that charismatic actor, that captivating speaker, that inspiring leader who
makes us feel high on their passion.
And no, this isn’t about wearing a mask, pretending to be someone you’re
not, or “faking” a confident persona. It’s about bringing out your most
natural, authentic, confident self by using tools that have been honed by
people who have mastered human dynamics since the beginning of time.
Whatever career, romantic situation or personal ambitions you have: there
is no-one who can afford to be without high-level social skills and an aura
of deep confidence as an essential part of their toolkit.
But I have to confess: there is another, more personal reason that I want
these techniques out there.

It’s because I want to put an end to a myth​. A myth that society,

mainstream celebrity culture, and even Matt himself is responsible for
perpetuating. And that myth has to end now…
Part 2 - Matthew Hussey: The REAL Man Behind the Mask

My brother Matthew has pulled a fast one.

For the last ten years he’s had the whole world fooled into believing that
he’s a whirlwind of charisma, a masterful communicator, and a ‘natural’
television personality.

And in truth (and as his brother I can say this for certain), he is NONE of
these things.

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For a long time I sat back and let him have his fun. I nodded and smiled
when people told me, “he’s just a ​natural communicator” People gush that
he was “born to do what he does;” the public perception is that Matthew
Hussey is blessed with charisma, an intuitive zen-master in the art of
influence.

Of course, it’s no mystery why people believe this. Matt has an incredible
ability to own a room within the first five minutes of arriving anywhere - I’ve
seen him do it in nightclubs, on stage, during interviews, at lunches with
friends…in all of these situations I’ve seen Matt’s amazing powers of
influence at work. And it’s the most incredible asset a person can possess
(and I’m going to show exactly how ​anyone c ​ an nail the first five minutes
of any situation​ ​later in this guide).

But people don’t realise that this is all a completely conscious and
well-honed skill. People don’t realise that Matt wasn’t born with these
abilities: he ​developed ​them. People just assume he was fed some special
breakfast cereal throughout his childhood that made him what he is today.
And it’s nonsense. I should know, I had the same cereal as him for 18
years!

There was a moment when I finally decided that this misconception has to
end. And it began a morning radio show...

Part 3 - How This All Began…

It all started on a calm Tuesday. Matt was scheduled to record a radio

interview in New York, and I had set a reminder from my home in England
to listen at 4pm.

Matt was going to be live with Elvis Duran on Z100 - a prime-time radio
show in New York which has a huge national listenership, so I was eager to
see how Matt performed. Plus, since it was universally agreed that Matt
knocked it out of the park on his first appearance, the whole team of us
were eager to hear how the next go around would be received.

And then I turned it on…

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Now you have to understand, I’ve heard Matt give at least a hundred
interviews on TV, radio, with journalists - but only this time could I finally
see through the Matrix. The skills he was using, the way he was winning
the room over to him, the emotions he was tugging on in the hearts of the
people in that studio…

Within the precious first five minutes, the Elvis Duran were practically
slapping their knees with laughter. They were hooked, transfixed, as the
room hung on transfixed every word Matt said – they praised him as an
expert and the guy who has all the answers. They cheered uproariously at
his stories - they even thought it was utterly charming that he had showed
up unwashed and in sweatpants!

I went online to check out the buzz. Matt’s Twitter following had
skyrocketed. His new fans were marveling at where this hurricane of
‘natural’ charisma had come from. The Internet had swallowed every word
and begged for more.
And yet here I was, his brother, who had been with him every step of the
way and knew all his techniques. I could see how it wasn’t natural at all -
it was ​all​ engineered perfectly.

That interview was like seeing a magician crafting a well-staged illusion.

This was my brother, whom I could remember as a little stage-shy nervous
kid - yet he has now completely assumed the role of a born effortless
smooth-talker.

And if only people knew the truth; ​Matt had grown up the ​least confident
kid in the world.

Yet in that interview, it was like he was the Wizard of Oz, and I was the only
person able to see the tiny man behind the curtain pulling the strings and
making the world believe in his godly powers. It was time for this illusion to
be shattered.

I phoned Matt immediately after the interview:

Steve: You’re the Wizard of Oz and you need to come clean and admit the

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truth to the world right now.

(Things may have gotten off to a weird start).

Matt: ​Steve? Is that you?

Steve: ​Yeah it’s me. Listen, that Elvis Duran interview that you did earlier…

Matt: ​Uh-huh. What did you think?

Steve: I could see EXACTLY what you were doing the entire time. Every
single move. It was like I was watching a magician but I’m the only one who
knows the tricks.

Matt: ​Well, it was a big show. I had to bring my A-game.

Steve: ​I wonder...wouldn’t it be better if people knew that it wasn’t all just

natural? Right now, people think you just rock up to the studio and all that
charisma just pours out of your DNA. What if people knew how much effort
you put into learning how to own a room under pressure like that?

Matt: ​Don’t you think people must know that there’s a lot of work involved?

Steve: ​I think all people see when they look at you is that you have some
superpower that they can never replicate. You’ve let them go on thinking
that you’re this guy who just sees through ​The Matrix,​ like that part at the
end of the film when Neo sees all the code written on the screen and
suddenly he can just read it, because he’s ‘The One’ and he’s special and
no-one else is. People think you’re Neo, Matt.

Matt: ​Steve, people do not think I’m Neo.

Steve: ​Let me just ask you one thing: did you use the ‘Conversational
Sleight of Hand’ technique when you told that story about the airplane
journey?

Matt: ​Yea. Ha. I guess I did.

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Steve: ​And I bet you already had some of those ‘spontaneous’ anecdotes
written down before you walked in the room, right?

Matt: ​Actually, yea. I had them all written down on my iPad on my way to
the show.

Steve: ​Ok, email me a screenshot of your notes from your iPad. I’m gonna
type them up for something we can use later.

Matt: ​Sure. Done. What for? You gonna write them up for a blog post or
something?

Steve: Better than that. It’s time for you to put your money where your
mouth is.

Matt: ​Er...Steve?

Steve: ​Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later...I think.

Matt: ​What do yo…

*Click*

After that phone call I had what I needed. I had a full screenshot of Matt’s
notes from before the show. Check it out:

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It revealed ​EXACTLY what I had suspected​. Everything from that first five
minutes of the Elvis Duran interview was completely planned out to the
letter! Every little line of the story he told was already scribbled down.
Nothing was left to chance.

People often wonder what Matt’s secret is. In the space of three years he
moved from coaching six women in a cheap London hotel to being hired by
Eva Longoria to star in an NBC TV show, writing a New York Times
bestselling book (with a little help from yours truly), and owning a
world-renowned company that operates in both the UK and the US.

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The reason is because Matt has managed to build a skill set that is
currently the ​most valuable possession he owns. And this skill set is what
I want to bust open and give away in this guide ​so you too can use it​.

How do I know anyone can copy Matt’s techniques? Because Matt used to
be CRIPPLINGLY SHY as a little kid.

He was scared of everything. He was someone who would always run

away whenever the chance arose to be in front of an audience – he used to
nearly pee his pants at the idea of being seen by a crowd. Forget having
impact, Matt couldn’t even handle being ​noticed!​ Yet he now appears on
television constantly and is regularly called a ‘confidence guru.’

And as Matt’s brother, I’ve seen the whole story up close.

I watched as Matt put every ounce of energy into building the ​Get The Guy
brand from scratch. At times it nearly destroyed him. He lost his social life.
He buried himself in studying and learning ​everything he could about
relationships and human dynamics. He networked and charmed like a
character out of ​Mad Men (albeit with far less whiskey). And soon enough,
he was invited to LA, and as his business grew and grew he was on a ride
to being the world’s most recognised expert on modern dating.

I also got to see the side of the story you never really hear from successful
people. I got to see how h​ e developed. I got to see the bumpy ride it took to
get him here. I saw his failures, his setbacks, and the enormous obstacles
that had to be smashed down repeatedly before he could ever possess the
skills he now has. I saw him work on his stage presence, watching back
videos of himself on weekends so that he could perform better at the next
seminar. I saw him learn how to become comfortable with a camera, and
figure out step-by-step how to influence others in those tiny five-minute
windows you’re given as a TV interview guest.

People think that Matt’s main asset is his business. They’re wrong. ​The
real asset is this ability to create an emotional connection with
people, to be able to sell, influence, communicate, and control the
dynamic of any interaction.

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So powerful is this skill that it didn’t even matter when Matt failed, because
with mastery of this one element, this one skeleton key of human
dynamics, he is always able to turn his fortunes around and make big
things happen whenever he needs.

Part 4 - The One Trait Celebrities Have That the Whole World Wants

There is a secret ingredient to Matt’s success.

This is the ingredient that, Matt realised as a teenager, he’d have to

acquire, or he’d never be able to convince anyone to pay a single dollar to
watch him at a two-hour seminar, let alone give him a book deal or put him
on TV!

And that secret ingredient is ​IMPACT​.

Have you ever seen an interview with a celebrity, or an entrepreneur, or a

movie star, in which the interviewer asked them that obvious question we
all want to know the answer to: “What’s your secret?”

We wonder what that magical quality is, the secret charm that successful
celebrities and entrepreneurs possess that at some point made an agent or
casting director or investor or producer spit out their cigar, wipe the drool
from their mouth with a hundred dollar bill and scream, “Holy mackerel, this
kid is gonna be huge! Sign them up immediately!”

Of course, I now realise that this isn’t a magical ability at all. It’s more like a
martial art or a video game – if you learn all the moves and know which
buttons to press, you can do the same tricks.

And fortunately, by being Matt’s brother, I’ve had the ideal model to learn
from…

The Hollywood-Star Model – How To Win Hearts and Minds In The First
Five Minutes Of Any Situation

How do we become someone people take notice of and listen to within the

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First Five Minutes of us walking into a room?

This is such a crucial skill. In most areas of life we barely get a second
longer than that to convey our message to the people listening.

Our personality has to go a long way in a short space of time, which is why
in that initial five-minute window we have to nail it, just like Matt did in the
Elvis Duran interview ​you will have listened to before reading this piece​.

Below I’m going to share the six secrets that Matt used in that interview,
and explain how you can use them in ​any​ social interaction.

Think of it as watching all the kung fu moves in slow motion.

Once you learn these six secrets and use them in your everyday life, you
will be able to transform any interaction, master any emotional or stressful
situation, and get people to seek you out as someone who they look to
when they need a strong presence in the room.

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The Six Secrets Anyone Must Master To Have MASSIVE Impact In the
First Five Minutes

1. Be Prepared

People who have impact are social geniuses not because they are so gifted
at being entertaining spontaneously, but because they make it ​look like
they are being spontaneous.

And that’s exactly what Matt did in his Elvis Duran interview.

As you can see from the screenshot I posted earlier, Matt wrote his
thoughts out on paper like a script ​before he even got to the studio.

He knew that his terrible plane journey was just the thing to talk about, but
instead of just freestyling it in the moment, he wrote down an extensive
story of what happened, who the main characters were, and got down a
few nuggets of vivid description e.g. the “mountain of a man” with the big
beard who was throwing potato chips in his face. Having this kind of detail
ready enables him to sound eloquent in the moment even though he’s
extensively rehearsed what he’s going to talk about.

Bottom Line: ​Preparation maximizes your chances of nailing those

First Five Minutes.

Mark Twain summed it up best when he said: ​“It usually takes me more
than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

What’s more, when you prepare, it’s much easier to fulfil the second secret
of Impact…

2. Be A Master of the Conversational Sleight-of-Hand

To own the First Five Minutes of any interaction, you need to be ​pro​active
​ ctive. The Conversational Sleight-of-Hand is a technique
instead of ​rea
which helps you do exactly this. The principle is simple:

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Always answer the question you wish you’d have been asked.

This technique guarantees that no matter what situation you’re in, YOU get
to control the dynamic of the conversation. You always get to tell the story
or make the point that you want to make. Plus, when you learn how to pull
it off well, it’s so subtle and indirect, that even the people you’re speaking to
will feel like they are in charge, even when in reality you’re pulling them
toward exactly where you want to go.

See, the secret of the most influential people is that they know not to
wait for opportunities, and instead know ​how ​to ​turn any situation into
an opportunity.

Notice how in the opening part of the Elvis Duran interview, Elvis gives Matt
a ribbing for wearing sweatpants, and Matt immediately says “I’ll tell you
why...” and launches into his pre-scripted story about his plane journey. So
Matt was then able to choose from the ​very first moment what to
speak about even though the interviewer began by leading the
conversation. Suddenly everyone is laughing because he’s got this great
“spontaneous” anecdote up his sleeve - but Matt secretly knew he was
ready to deploy it no matter what the first question happened to be.
You’ll see politicians use this technique all the time. While some don’t do it
very gracefully, those who are masters at communication are able to get
their points across no matter what questions are asked of them or whoever
the audience happens to be.

You’ll also see slick advertisers and savvy marketers do this. They are able
to slip their message under the radar in a way that seems completely cool
and spontaneous. It’s like when an actor is on a talk show and casually
mentions his new movie and makes it sound like the best work of his entire
career, and indirectly coaxes the interviewer into talking more about the
new film he wants to promote. Or when a job candidate subtly brags about
themselves in an interview by telling a story about a time when they
showed initiative and creativity.
So the two simple ways to begin to practice this technique:

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(1) Always answer the question you wish you would have been asked.

(2) Tell a story that lets you indirectly smuggle in your ​real message. E.g.
When the actor tells a funny story about something that happened to them
on the set of their recent movie, which then allows them to seamlessly have
a conversation to promote that new movie.

(Hint: This one is also really handy on a date - when you want to show off
or display a particular characteristic you have without coming across as
bragging or being self-indulgent - e.g. telling a story about a time you were
adventurous, spontaneous, brave, generous, etc.)

3. Learn How To Be An ‘Emotional Conductor’ (And Become

Impervious To Insults, Criticism and Mockery)

We all have to learn how to be strong in the face of criticism.

Matt tells me he actually looks forward to criticism these days because it

gives him a chance to show what he’s made of in his response. This is
because Matt has mastered ​the art of being an Emotional Conductor.

This is one of the most powerful ideas I’ve ever come across, and it’s one
Matt uses whenever he’s on stage, or pitching to executives, or in
interviews – it’s especially great when facing intimidating and urgent
scenarios in which you have to respond on your feet.

Being an Emotional Conductor means being able to be the emotional

center of ​any situation. ​It’s being the person who controls the mood,
instead of simply reacting to it. It’s the ability to turn a negative into a
positive, instead of doing what most people do, which is meet a negative
with another negative and end up embarrassing themselves and losing
control of the conversation.

People who ​don’t have impact are easily flustered and become emotional
when they are attacked or when things go even slightly wrong. They fall to
pieces. They complain. They get upset. Or worse, they come back with
anger and end up looking like the nasty one themselves.

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Being in control isn’t about avoiding these difficult or dangerous conflict

situations, it’s about being calm and knowing ​how to deal with conflict,
difficulties and criticism. One way to do this is by leading the energy in the
room where you want it to go.

There is a Japanese martial art called Aikido which embodies this idea
beautifully. Aikido is often translated as “The Way of The Harmonious
Spirit” and its main philosophy is based on the idea that we must never
meet force head-on, but instead re-direct the force of the attacker to where
we want it to go. This means that Aikido requires very little strength.
Instead it requires us to be more sophisticated and ‘lead’ our opponent’s
momentum and either turn it towards another direction, turn it into
something else, or dissolve it completely.

Here are three ways to master this technique whenever you face criticism:

(1) Remain calm ​- If you panic, you lose Impact. Whatever is thrown at
you, remain calm and assured that you are able to deal with it in a
reasonable way. This already makes you more powerful than anyone in the
room.

(2) Decide your own mood - Choose your response and set the tone
yourself. Never let other people’s moods influence your own energy. The
more in control you are of your mood, the more others will be led by you.

(3) Re-direct criticism to something positive ​- Very few things in life

warrant an angry or emotional response. Some better responses are to
either (a) calmly explain why a criticism is incorrect, (b) laugh it off and take
it in your stride, or (c) ignore it completely (because sometimes the
strongest response is ​none at all​).

Now, when you are faced with tough questions, you’ll look forward to them
and enjoy these moments of tension – as it becomes like taking a remote
control into your hands and deciding how to play the situation any way you
choose.

Notice how many times Matt gets insulted playfully in the opening of the

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interview. It seems like nothing, because each time he either lets the jokes
wash over him, or he ​just amplifies the humour by stretching the joke
further​. Notice how Matt says that even his stylist says he dresses terribly,
and he goes on to say how he’s a terrible coach, and no-one should take
his advice. By shouldering the criticism and making it funnier, Matt
conducts the emotional energy and makes himself seem like more of an
expert because he doesn’t look like he’s trying too hard. He makes it look
like he’s there to have fun – and as a result he takes the rest of the crowd
with his energy – until by the sixth minute Elvis Duran admits “you just have
the right answer at all times.”

This brings us to another principle we see in these first five minutes…

4. Adopt a Value-Delivering Mindset (and let others praise you for it)

You can adopt all the fancy tricks you want, but if you just talk hot air and
never really get to any meat, you’ll lose your audience very quickly.

Which is why you have to ​never take your position for granted, and treat
every new opportunity as though it were the first and only time people are
going to hear what you have to say.

That means (a) not being complacent, and (b) being prepared to sell your
ideas as though no-one has ever heard them before.

Notice how at no point does Matt come in and pretend he’s a

high-and-mighty dating guru who has all the secrets of the universe in his
pocket.

As well as not taking the criticism seriously, Matt also doesn’t take the
praise seriously.

He knows he’s on the show to deliver and entertain, and that every single
new interview is a chance to bring his material to an entirely new audience.
Which is why Matt always has a focus on ​over-delivering​. He wants any
single person who tuned in to Elvis Duran that day to feel like they were hit
with so much value, whether it’s through entertainment, intriguing ideas or

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a fresh perspective on an old problem, so that ​they can’t believe this guy
is giving it away for free​.

That’s what makes people want to hear every single thing you have to say -
when they feel like they are always going to get gold no matter how many
times they hear you speak.

People who have Impact know that they can never ride on a previous
reputation. ​They have to be as ready and excited to deliver and
re-deliver every time as if it were their very first opportunity.

5. Be a Master Storyteller

In ancient Athens it was recognized by philosophers that expert

communication had to have two parts working in tandem, Logic and
Rhetoric.

Logic involves getting the facts right and making sure that the speaker
knows that what they are saying makes sense and follows sound
reasoning. Rhetoric is all about ​how t​ hings are said, how emotion is used,
and how convincing one is in the way they tell the facts so as to have
maximum influence on others.

The Greeks recognized that both of these, Logic and Rhetoric, had to be
combined, and that too much of one without the other would diminish the
Impact a person could hope to have.

Storytelling focuses on the Rhetoric part, and it’s a skill that recognizes that
there is more to influence than just intelligence​.

While it’s incredibly useful and important to be smart and right, facts on
their own rarely move people to action.
Influence comes from being able to tell an engaging and moving story that
captivates an audience and wins them over with its power. Consider why
movies have so much more effect at bringing world problems to people’s
attention – compare the emotional power of a film like ​Blood Diamond to
the effect of a passive news item that simply reels off numbers and

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statistics about the calamities caused by the diamond trade in Sierra

Leone.

We need stories to move us into action. And people who own the
room need to be able to move others into action. Which means we
have to become Master Storytellers.

Notice in the Elvis Duran interview how Matt peppers his story with vivid
language. Instead of just describing a bad flight, he asks the audience to
imagine ‘the worst flight in the world.’ We hear about a fat bearded guy
playing loud video games, and, to introduce the horror of smelling baby
vomit, Matt asks the studio to imagine “what can only be described as the
most pungent cheese I’ve ever smelt.” Suddenly the hosts are groaning
and laughing at how terrible this situation is!

Notice the power of injecting emotion and drawing out the detail – instead
of just coming in and saying “yeah, so my flight sucked today.”
As you can hear in the interview: when you master storytelling, even
complaining and bitching about a bad flight can create an incredible
atmosphere in the room the way Matt does here.

6. Be Empathetic and Show Appreciation To Others

To truly get others hooked on what we have to say, we have to follow that
old adage:​ Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

People who have real, lasting influence aren’t self-obsessed and

narcissistic. They are able to make others feel truly valued as if they were
the only people in the world at that moment.

Having empathy means truly taking the time to understand what concerns
others and tailoring your message to their needs at any given time.
If Matt marched into a seminar room without acknowledging the audience’s
fears and concerns, they would soon feel like he had no right to be on a
stage telling them about their love lives. They would think: “This guy
doesn’t understand me or what I’ve been through at all,” and all of a

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sudden he would lose credibility in their eyes.

Having empathy is the way to not only deliver your message, but to
make your audience feel like your message has been delivered just
for them and only with them in mind.

This is perhaps the biggest secret of any great public speaker, and it’s what
sets apart those who are merely competent performers from those who are
able to lead on a world-scale and create any emotion they choose.

One way Matt builds empathy in the interview is by being a fallible human.
He shows that he isn’t going to be another self-help guru who is Mr Perfect
by pretending that he has no flaws.

Notice in the Elvis Duran interview how Matt shows humility – he plays
down his expert status and emphasizes the fact that he’s not a master –
he’s just someone who has thought about relationships for so long that he’s
managed to figure a few things out and wants to share them with people.
He even throws in a sneaky line about how he’s been telling other people
how great Elvis himself is, so he shows that he’s not making the show all
about him.

If you make others feel like the show is for them, they’ll want to come back
to the show every single time.

The easy way to practise this is to try understanding where other people
are coming from. What’s on their mind? How can you make the
conversation address their immediate need?

Get into someone’s mind, and you’ll have no problem winning their heart.

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So can you now see how it is possible to apply these techniques to

completely OWN the First Five Minutes of any interaction?

In just five minutes of a radio interview, Matt used these six principles to
walk into the room, have everyone laughing and eating out of his hand, and
set the situation to create major Impact for the next hour of the interview.

Can you see why this is so powerful? ​I could write a book on the whole
hour and that was just the opening five minutes of the interview. There's an
entire world of secrets that Matt uses to be successful, and if we push Matt
maybe he'll start talking about it more and reveal more of his secrets. I
know you'll love them and be able to use them to transform your own life.

This also totally blows apart the myth of ‘natural charisma’ that everyone
likes to pretend exists. You can now see how rigorously Matt employs
these principles to ensure he has influence. Nothing is left to chance.

Take time to study these six secrets and start building them into your
repertoire so that you have no excuse not to win people over in the first five
minutes.

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 OWNING THE FIRST 5 MINUTES

By Stephen H Hussey

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