Lets Be Friends Again

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Lesson Seven

Title: There’s Nothing Better than a Good Friend

Theme: Considering the Characteristics of a Good Friend

Time: 175 minutes (approx. 3 hours)

Materials: ● Want Ad for a Friend - Assignment


● Friendship Stoplight - Laminated Game
● Magnets or Masking Tape
● Chart Paper & Markers
● Solving Problems In Friendships - Homework Assignment
● Agree/Disagree Chart Worksheet
● Ball (beach ball or object that can be tossed between students)

Objectives
● to teach students about the concept of positive, healthy friendships
● to acknowledge the links between healthy friendships and positive self-esteem
● to consider the reasons it is important to have good friends
● to allow students to think about their own criteria for healthy friendships
● to discuss the healthy signs, warning signs and unhealthy signs in friendships
● to have students explore strategies to deal with difficult situations in friendships
● to identify the effects of social influences on gender roles and equity

Curriculum Expectations
4p8 - identify the characteristics of healthy relationships (e.g., showing consideration of
others’ feelings by avoiding negative communication)

4p9 - identify the challenges (e.g., conflicting opinions) and responsibilities in their
relationships with family and friends

5p9 - identify strategies to deal positively with stress and pressures that result from
relationships with family and friends

5p10 - identify factors (e.g., trust, honesty, caring) that enhance healthy relationships
with friends, family, and peers

6p9 - apply a problem-solving / decision–making process to address issues related to


friends, peers, and family relationships
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Lesson Seven

Background Information
This lesson focuses on the issues young people face surrounding friendships during
adolescence. This topic is important because while friendships are vital throughout life,
peer groups and social relations among friends gain increasing importance during
puberty and adolescence. As the peer group becomes a more significant source of
influence, friendships begin to take on new meaning. During puberty, children will be
making new friends at school and in social settings, and many will also be coping with
evolving friendships from their earlier childhood. Friendships are often put to the test
during senior elementary and secondary school. Children struggle to maintain
relationships with peers who may be changing in a variety of ways. Problems can occur
when children form “cliques,” begin to “hang out” with different crowds, or when they
simply grow apart from previous friends. Peer pressure can be a problem for
adolescents. For example, sometimes young people who choose to use drugs and
alcohol try to persuade their friends to do the same. Inevitably, the friends children
choose will shape their experiences in critical ways.

This lesson is designed to compel students to think about their own criteria for postive
friendships, to discuss ways to evaluate friendships and to explore ways to deal with
difficult situations in their friendships.

Procedure

Activity One: Class Discussion Regarding Friendships - 30 minutes

Tell your students that you will be discussing friendships during today’s lesson.
Encourage students to participate frequently during the discussion, as their input on this
topic is very important.

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Here are some ideas you may use to guide your discussion.

● What kind of things can we do to begin and keep friendships?

Join a club or a team. Meet a neighbour. Seek out a friend at school. Make contact
with the person you would like to know better. Find ways to spend time with him/her.
Talk about yourself, sharing more information as time goes by. Talk on the phone,
write text and/or instant message or e-mail notes to your friend.

● What is a friend? Friends are people …

…we feel close to. Friends are people who have similar interests, people
who care about us, and people we can trust. Friends offer support and
understanding when we really need it.

● Last class, we talked a lot about self-esteem or feeling good about ourselves. How
do you think self-esteem is related to friendships?

When we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to choose friends that
are good for us. There is a saying that says, “we teach people how to treat us”.
In other words, how we behave toward ourselves and other people gives them
clues as to how they should behave towards us. If we feel good about ourselves
and respect ourselves, and treat others with respect, we are showing people how
we would like to be treated.

● Why is it important to have good friends?

True friendship is important. Friends support one another, listen to each other
and give advice. When you and your friend share personal information about
yourselves, you can learn from each other and explore what you have in
common and what makes you different. Friends can teach us many things like
how to play a game or how to make a craft. Friends can introduce us to exciting
things like delicious new foods and interesting customs or celebrations. You can
also learn about acceptance by appreciating the different qualities that make us
unique individuals. When you accept people for who they are, you are being a
respectful friend.

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Lesson Seven

● What kinds of things do you like doing with your friends?

Ideas might include: playing games (video) and sports, hanging out, having lunch
together, attending Girl Guides, Boy Scouts or other community groups, going to
classes together (e.g., dance, martial arts, music lessons), watching
television/movies, using the computer, working on projects and/or doing
homework together.

● How can we be good friends?

 Share our interests and activities


 Trust each other and be honest
 Share our thoughts and feelings
 Respect each other’s opinions and beliefs
 Try to relate to how the other person feels
 Be sincere with each other
 Accept each other for who we are
 Encourage and support each other
 Commit to the friendship

Activity Two: (2 parts)

Part A: Ball Toss – 10 minutes

This is a warm-up activity to help students explore the qualities of healthy relationships.
Have the students stand up behind their desks or in a circle at the front of the room.
Toss the ball to someone in the group, and ask them to call out a word that represents
qualities of a healthy relationship (for example; trust, supportive, kind, fun…). Ask that
person to then toss the ball to someone else. Each time a new student catches the ball,
ask them to share a new quality… and so on.

Part B: Want Ad for a Friend - 20 minutes

Tell your students that you would like them to think about the characteristics that are
most important in a friend. Distribute the assignment entitled, “Want Ad For A Friend”.
Ask your students to complete this assignment individually. Allow students ten to fifteen
minutes of quiet writing time. Once students have written the advertisement, ask some
students to share their work by reading aloud to the class. (Friendship Want Ad
handout can be found following this lesson)

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Lesson Seven
Activity Three: Friendship Stoplight Game - 30 minutes
Here are the instructions to set up the Friendship Stoplight Game. (The Stoplight game
cards can be found following this lesson).

On the top left corner of your board or wall space, use tape
or magnets to attach the red stoplight card that reads,
“These are bad signs in a friendship”.
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Place the corresponding yellow and green stoplights


underneath, like in a street stoplight.
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Shuffle the stoplight scenario cards to


ensure that they are not in order.
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The graphic shown below appears on each scenario card.

The object of this game is to decide which scenarios are most


compatible with each of the following three statements: “these are
bad signs in a friendship”, “these are warning signs in a friendship”
and “these are good signs in a friendship”.

Attach the appropriate answers to the board/wall beside the corresponding stoplight
with tape or magnets.

There are several ways that you can play this game. You can read the scenarios aloud
and ask students where they think they best belong. You can give scenarios out to
groups of students and they can arrive at a consensus. You can place the scenarios on
overheads or on the document arm and ask volunteers to give suggestions. You might
also consider placing the scenarios around the room and asking for volunteers to place
them beside the proper stoplight on the board.

No matter what pedagogical strategy you use to play this game, be sure that you ask
students for explanations regarding their choices. The most important part of this
activity is the discussion around whether each scenario constitutes a good, a
warning or a bad sign in a friendship. It is in this arena that students will be able to
discuss their various points of view. Your role in this game is to facilitate and mediate
the conversations of your students. When there is disagreement, you might choose not
to place the scenario beside one statement, but rather choose to set it aside for further
debate and discussion. If the scenario clearly represents a bad or warning sign, be sure
to make this clear for your students.

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There are fifteen scenario cards. Five scenarios correspond with each coloured
stoplight: red (unhealthy/bad signs), yellow (warning signs) and green (healthy/good
signs).

While there may be some discrepancies, the following is a list of suggested correct
answers.

RED LIGHT: These are unhealthy/bad signs in a friendship.

1. You are afraid of your friend’s temper.


2. Your friend criticizes you or people you care about.
3. Your friend threatens to hurt you.
4. Your friend bullies and makes fun of you or other kids at school.
5. Your friend pressures you to do things you do not want to do.

YELLOW LIGHT: These are warning signs in a friendship.

6. You are nervous that if you tell your friend something personal, s/he will
tell other people at school.
7. Your friend sometimes makes fun of you.
8. You rarely get to plan what the two of you will do together.
9. Your friend tells you not to hang out with certain people.
10. You say that you agree with your friend, even when you really don’t. You are
afraid they won’t be your friend anymore if you disagree.

GREEN LIGHT: These are healthy/good signs in a friendship.

11. You usually feel happy when you are with this person.
12. Your friend respects your feelings and your opinions.
13. Your friend talks to you about his/her feelings.
14. Your friend is happy when good things happen to you.
15. You enjoy being with this person, but you also enjoy spending time with other
friends.

Activity Four: Solving Problems In Friendships Homework Assignment - 5 minutes

Distribute the homework assignment. Remind your students about the IDEAL Decision-
Making Model to which they were introduced to in Lesson Five. (If you have not yet
used the model, please refer to Lesson Five for a detailed explanation.) While it is not
necessary, they could use the IDEAL Decision-Making Model to guide their answers.

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Lesson Seven
Activity Five: Putting Girls and Boys In Boxes – 80 Minutes*

* Adapted with permission from Rainbows and Triangles: A Curriculum Document for
Challenging Homophobia and Heterosexism in the K-6 Classroom; Toronto District School Board
& Elementary Teachers of Toronto, 2002.

Activity Overview:

In the following activity, the class has an opportunity to explore and examine the ways
gender-role expectations limit and hurt both sexes. In group discussions, students
develop lists of expectations based on gender and as a whole class, begin to challenge
these ideas. As a final task, the class develops an action plan to challenge gender-role
stereotyping in their classroom and school.

Teacher Note: Because of the content and level of discussion involved, activity five
may not be suitable for grade levels under five. The class should have plenty of
previous experience working and solving problems in small groups.

PART A:

1. To begin this activity, have students complete the “Agree or Disagree” chart
independently (Blackline master of this chart can be found at the end of this
lesson). Encourage students to answer honestly and then in pairs, discuss their
responses. Encourage students to provide each other with reasons for their
answers. Give the class a few minutes (e.g., five to seven minutes) to complete
this task. The “Agree or Disagree” chart provides an anticipation guide to assist
students in assessing their own knowledge and ideas about the topic of gender
roles before study. The following are notes on this teaching/learning strategy:

An anticipation guide is a series of statements with which the students must agree or
disagree with and support his/her response with reasons. An anticipation guide:

 Activates prior knowledge;


 Supports students in questioning the accuracy of their knowledge;
 Helps identify student misconceptions;
 Provides students with a purpose for reading/viewing/listening;
 Is used individually, but opportunities need to be provided for sharing and
comparing responses;
 Builds students’ confidence that they are already familiar with areas of the
topic;
 Assists students in making predictions about the topic.

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2. Spend a brief amount of time as a whole class sharing students’ responses. Ask
for a show of hands about who agrees/disagrees with the statements and have
volunteers share their reasons. Open the topic up for discussion, clarifying any
misconceptions.

PART B:

3. Organize the students into mixed or same gender groups of four or five. Explain
that each person in the group is to have a specific task. If the class has had
experience formulating group responsibilities, assign the following roles:
- 2 recorders (record the information)
- 1 organizer (keeps time, encourages people to stay focused)
- 1 idea seeker (reminds students of the task, asks group for ideas, etc.).

4. When these tasks have been distributed among the groups, pass out one piece
of flipchart paper and two markers to each group and ask the recorders to copy
the following diagram in the middle of the chart paper:

5. Divide the class into two. One half focuses on the male roles and the other half
on female roles. (If the class consists of six small groups, three are assigned the
task of male roles and three female roles.) Regardless, each group works on its
own chart, focusing on one gender.

6. Instruct students to fill in the inner square with words or ideas that express all the
things that only boys/males or girls/females can do/be or are supposed to do/be.
Have them leave the inner circle blank for now. Explain that these items should
reflect what students have been taught, either directly or indirectly, by parents,
teachers, siblings and friends. The list does not reflect what is necessarily true.
Many of these items may be stereotypes of untrue expectations (e.g.,
girls/women are soft, sweet, etc.; boys/men are strong, don’t cry, like sports,
etc.). Provide approximately five to ten minutes to complete this task.

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7. Bring the class together. Ask each group to report back its list (adding only what
has not already been stated from the other groups). Compile two master lists –
one for males and one for females – on the board or chart paper as students
share their brainstorm. In the following discussion, consider the following
questions:

 Do you think it’s reasonable for all boys/males and girls/females to act in
these ways?
 Are there people we know who fit within this square?
 Are there people we know who do not fit within this square?
 What is it called when we make assumptions and put expectations on
certain individuals or groups based on their gender?

8. At this point, define gender-role stereotyping with students:

Gender-role stereotyping: the assumption that males and females are limited
by gender in their interests, capabilities and accomplishments. It is the
expectation that being a male or female biologically limits what one can do as a
human being.

Simplified version: thinking that boys can do only some things and should be
interested in only some things just because they are boys, and thinking that girls
can do only some things and should be interested in only some things just
because they are girls.

9. Record an appropriate definition for the class so that it is visible in the classroom.

10. Have students return to their working groups. Before starting the next task, ask
the recorders to write in the inner circle the word “gender-role stereotyping”
e.g.;

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PART C:

11. For the next task, have students insert words and ideas they think of if boys/girls
don’t fit into what is in the box. (e.g., what happens if a girl/female is not skinny,
sweet, doesn’t like shopping, and likes to build things, etc.? What happens if a
boy/male is not strong, cries, doesn’t like sports, likes to cook, etc.?) Ask
students to consider specific slurs or put-downs that are used, assumptions
people may have about the girl/boy, negative behaviours towards the person not
fitting into the gender role.

Teacher Note: Be sure to create a safe environment by letting students know that
it’s okay to use slang and/or inappropriate language for the purpose of
deconstructing myths and stereotypes. You may want to discuss this lesson
(language use) with your administrator prior implementing this activity.

For example:

12. As a whole class, discuss the students’ results. List in categories the ideas that
groups came up with. Create headings, and record appropriate items under the
headings as students share.

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For example:

Boys/males who don’t “fit in”


Ideas (stereotyping) Behaviours (discrimination) Attitudes (prejudice)
 Wants to be/act like  Name-calling (sissy,  Disliked or hated
a girl faggot, gay)
 Is gay, homosexual  Left out
 Likes boys  Picked on, beaten up

13. Share ideas with the class as to how the victim might feel if these thoughts,
behaviours and negative attitudes were targeted at him/her (e.g., sad, isolated,
angry, ashamed, embarrassed, etc…). What might he/she do to get away from
this treatment? (e.g., change to be something he/she is not, pretend to be
different, fight back, become violent and angry, change schools, become
isolated, depressed, etc.)

Discuss the ways that gender-role stereotyping hurts everybody: males and females.
Ask students to provide examples of times that they, or someone they know, have
stepped out of the traditional gender role in their lives (e.g., males cooking or taking
care of younger siblings, females being athletic or working in construction).

Possible Extensions

Once their homework assignments have been submitted, think about having students
role-play their way through some of the “friendship problems”. Consider having
classmates judge their performances, offering alternative suggestions for solving the
problems.

Activity Five – Possible Extensions:


1. In groups, create posters that express messages of gender equity and anti-
homophobia education to place around the school.
2. Read stories of same-sex families or gay/lesbian and bisexual characters (refer
to the sexual orientation section in the introduction/teacher guide section).
3. Research how gender-role stereotyping and homophobic attitudes are
perpetuated in our society (e.g., peer behaviour, parents, media, religion).

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Possible Assessment
Two opportunities for formal, summative evaluation are presented in this lesson: the
“Want Ad for A Friend” assignment and the “Solving Problems In Friendships”
homework assignment. As well, if students complete the role-play activity, they could
evaluate themselves or their peers.

Activity Five – Possible Assessment:


1. Group Discussion/Chart Work -
 Do students work effectively and co-operatively in their group?
 Do they share and listen to each other’s opinions and ideas?
 Are they able to incorporate prior knowledge of issues (e.g., vocabulary
and ideas related to equity)?

2. Development of Action Plan –


 Do student understand equity concepts and vocabulary and are they
able to utilize the knowledge in a practical way?

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Assignment

Want Ad For A Friend

Date: ______________ Name: ______________

We are a young couple who is looking I am an eleven-year-old girl who is


to adopt a puppy. We would like to looking for a friend who is also in grade
add a golden retriever to our family. six. I would like my new friend to play
The puppy should like children and volleyball with me. This person should
should enjoy going on long walks. be funny, honest and a good listener.

Have you ever seen a want ad in the newspaper or online? Sometimes people who are
looking to adopt a pet write ads describing the type of pet they are hoping to find. Other
times, adults write want ads if they are looking to find a friend. Pretend that you are
trying to make a new friend. Write an ad that describes a friend you would like to find.
Think about what age you would like this person to be. Does it matter if the friend is a
girl or a boy? What personality traits are you looking for in a friend? What kind of
person do you think would make a great friend? Are there any activities that you would
like to share with this new friend? If you spend a lot of time rollerblading, you might
want a friend to share this activity with you. Think about all the things you need in a
good friend. Today, you will be writing a want ad for a friend. This is how your written
assignment will be marked.

Criteria poor fair good very


good
excellent

Student completed at least five full sentences

Response shows evidence of careful consideration of


characteristics desired in a friend

Quality of written work including spelling and grammar

Grade out of 15 ………………………………………………………………..... / 15

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Assignment

Want Ad For A Friend

In the space provided below, write a want ad for your new friend.

Make sure that you write at least five full sentences.

Use your best spelling and grammar.

Total Grade out of 15 ………………………………………………………. / 15

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You are
afraid of
your
friend’s
temper.
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Your friend
criticizes
you or
people you
care about.

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Your
friend
threatens
to hurt
you.
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Your friend
bullies and
makes fun
of you or
other kids at
school.
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Your friend
pressures
you to do
things you do
not want to
do.

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You are nervous
that if you tell
your friend
something
personal, s/he
will tell other
people at
school.

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Your friend
sometimes
makes fun
of you.

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You rarely
get to plan
what the
two of you
will do
together.
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Your friend
tells you not
to hang out
with certain
people.

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You say that you
agree with your
friend, even when
you really don’t.
You are afraid they
won’t be your friend
anymore if you
disagree.

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You usually
feel happy
when you
are with
this person.

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Your friend
respects
your
feelings and
your
opinions.
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Your friend
talks to
you about
his/her
feelings.
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Your friend
is happy
when good
things
happen to
you.
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You enjoy
being with this
person, but
you also enjoy
spending time
with other
friends.
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Homework Assignment

Solving Problems In Friendships

Everyone will have some difficult times in their friendships. Even in the best of
friendships, problems do arise. It is important that you are able to know the difference
between good friendships and not-so-good friendships. One way you can do this is to
decide if the problems you face with your friend are “warning signs” or “unhealthy/bad
signs” in your friendship. By now, you have played the Friendship Stoplight Game with
your class. Remember that “warning signs” make you feel a little worried about your
friendship, while “bad signs” make you feel very uncomfortable.

Think of a time when you had a problem with a friend. For this homework assignment,
you will be writing a solution to a problem in a friendship. The solution can be
something you actually did to solve a problem, or it can be something you might do if
the problem came up again. If you cannot think of a problem in your own life, please
provide a solution to either Caitlin’s or Taylor’s problem which are listed on the following
page.

On a lined piece of paper, complete all three tasks below.

Task # 1: In one or two sentences, describe the problem you faced with your friend
OR write down that you will be trying to solve Caitlin’s or Taylor’s
problem.

Task # 2: Explain why you think the problem is a “warning sign” or a “bad sign”.

Task # 3: Write a solution that you used, or that a person could use, to solve the
problem. If you are not sure how to solve the problem, try writing a few
ideas that you think might work.

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Homework Assignment

Solving Problems In Friendships


Caitlin’s Problem:

Caitlin and Suli are best friends. They see each other every day at school and
sometimes get together on the weekend. Two weeks ago, an exchange student named
Heather joined their class. Caitlin likes Heather and she wants to be her friend. Suli is
not happy about this. Suli is jealous of the attention Caitlin is paying Heather and she is
nervous she will lose Caitlin’s friendship. Suli tells Caitlin not to be friends with Heather.
Caitlin wants to be friends with both Suli and Heather. Caitlin is scared that Suli will be
mad at her and stop being friends with her if she keeps spending time with Heather.

How can Caitlin solve this problem in her friendship with Suli?

Taylor’s Problem:

Taylor and Lee are good buddies. They sit beside each other in class. Lee is really
funny and he makes Taylor laugh. Sometimes, Lee acts like a “class clown”. Taylor
likes school and is a good student. Lee struggles in school, usually goofs around during
class and often gets in trouble with their teacher. When Taylor is trying to pay attention
in class, Lee often talks to him and writes notes to him. Their teacher sent home a note
to Taylor’s parents telling them that he is not paying attention in class. Taylor is not
happy. He usually feels proud because he is a good student. Now, Taylor is nervous
that his grades will drop but he is also worried that if he does not act like Lee, he will
lose his friend.

How can Taylor solve this problem in his friendship with Lee?

Criteria poor fair good very


good
excellent

Student thoroughly completed all three tasks

Quality of the solution(s) provided

Grade out of 10 ………………………………………………………………..... / 10

Changes In Me: A Puberty and Adolescent Development Resource for Educators


Junior Grade Level, Second Edition
Peel Public Health, Healthy Sexuality Program, 905-799-7700

212
Worksheet

Agree or Disagree?

Read the following statements by yourself. Check off whether you agree or
disagree in column 1. Think about the reasons why. Then, share your
answers with a classmate. Give reasons for your choices. After talking it
over, if you change your mind, check off your second answer in column 2.

COLUMN - 1 COLUMN - 2
Statements Agree Disagree Agree Disagree
1. Girls are
different from
boys.

2. Girls are better


babysitters than
boys.

3. Bo ys are
naturally better
at sports.

4. Being a
secretary is a
woman’s job.

5. Being a
construction
worker is a
man’s job.

6. It’s not right for


little boys to
play with dolls.

7. Little girls
shouldn’t be
playing with
cars and trucks.

Changes In Me: A Puberty and Adolescent Development Resource for Educators


Junior Grade Level, Second Edition
Peel Public Health, Healthy Sexuality Program, 905-799-7700

213

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