Tea Party

The tea party has been going on for years.
The tea set is an odd admixture of cracked

pots and chipped cups. The tablecloth is stained and threadbare, the chairs lopsided.
The MAD HATTER slumps in one of them, staring into space, pale and morose. Even
his clothes reflect his gloomy mood. He always wears a ragged and scorched TOP HAT.
Paranoid and anxious, the MARCH HARE constantly wrings his paws and long ears.
The Dormouse has arrived ahead of Alice. She wears the Bandersnatch eye at her
waist. The Hare/house taps the March Hare on his head.
MARCH HARE: What? Where? Whos there?
The Cheshire Cat strolls in with Alice. At sight of her, the

Hatter bolts upright. He brightens, his clothes even perk up.
Transfixed, he moves towards her, shortest route being across the top of the table. He
comes close, studying her intently.
MAD HATTER: Your hair wants cutting... Its you. *
THE DORMOUSE: No, its not. McTwisp brought us the wrong

Alice.
MAD HATTER: Its absolutely Alice. Youre absolutely Alice!

Id know you anywhere. Id know him anywhere. *
He takes her hand and pulls her back over the top of the table. She tries not to step on
any teacups. He plunks her down in the chair next to his.
MAD HATTER: Well, as you can see were still having tea. Its
all because I was obliged to kill Time waiting for your
return. Youre terribly late, you know... naughty. Well
anyway, time became quite offended and stopped altogether.
Not a tick ever since.
ALICE: Time can be funny in dreams.
MAD HATTER: Yes yes, of course. But now you are back, you
see, and we need to get on to the Frabjous day. Im
investigating things that begin with the letter M. Have you
any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? *
HATTER/HARE/DORMOUSE: Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
ALICE: Sorry?
CHESHIRE CAT: Down with the Bloody Big Head.

Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen.
THE DORMOUSE: Its a secret language used by us... the
Underland Underground Resistance!
MAD HATTER: Come, come. We simply must commence with the

slaying and such...
(to Time)
Therefore, its high time for Time to forgive and forget. Or
forget and forgive, whichever comes first. Or, is in any
case, most convenient. Im waiting.
The March Hare taps his watch, listens to it, dips it into his tea cup, listens again.
MARCH HARE: Its ticking again!
The Cat puts his tea cup down with disgust.
CHESIRE CAT: All this talk of blood and slaying has put me
off my tea.
MAD HATTER: The entire world is falling to ruin and poor

Chessurs off his tea.
CHESIRE CAT: What happened that day was not my fault!
Suddenly enraged, the Hatter slams both hands on the table.

Cups and teapots go flying.
MAD HATTER:You ran out on them to save your own skin!

(cursing in Outlandish)
You guddlers scuttish pilgar lickering...
The Cheshire Cat puts his paws over Alices ears. The Hatter keeps cursing faster and
faster. He cant stop himself.
MAD HATTER: ...Shukem juggling sluking ur-pals. Bar lom muck

egg brimni.
THE DORMOUSE: Hatter!
The Hatter jerks. He pulls himself back to the moment.
MAD HATTER:(Fez ??) Thank you. Im fine. *

CHESIRE CAT: Whats wrong with you, Tarrant? You used to be
the life of the party. You used to do the best Futterwacken
in all of Witzend.
ALICE: Futter...?
THE DORMOUSE: Its a dance.
MAD HATTER: On the Frabjous day, when the White Queen once
again wears the crown, again. On that day, Ill
Futterwacken... Vigorously.
They glare at each other like estranged brothers.

The Hare/House taps March Hare on the shoulder again.
MARCH HARE: What? The Knave! Hide her!
Cheshire Cat disappears. Hatter picks up a small bottle.
MAD HATTER: Drink this.
ALICE: Oh no...
They force the liquid down her. She shrinks to six inches high. They shove her into the
teapot and cram her now overlarge clothes in behind her. The Hatter closes the lid.
MAD HATTER: Mind your head. Its dim inside, except for a
stream of light from the spout.
The Hatter does a headstand in his chair. The Dormouse climbs into a soup tureen.
The Hare lays on the table. Following his nose, Bloodhound leads Stayne and two RED
KNIGHTS in.

Tea Party

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The tea party has been going on for years.

The tea set is an odd admixture of cracked

MARCH HARE: What? Where? Whos there?

The Cheshire Cat strolls in with Alice. At sight of her, the

MAD HATTER: Your hair wants cutting... Its you. *

THE DORMOUSE: No, its not. McTwisp brought us the wrong

MAD HATTER: Its absolutely Alice. Youre absolutely Alice!

ALICE: Time can be funny in dreams.

HATTER/HARE/DORMOUSE: Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!

CHESHIRE CAT: Down with the Bloody Big Head.

MAD HATTER: Come, come. We simply must commence with the

MARCH HARE: Its ticking again!

The Cat puts his tea cup down with disgust.

MAD HATTER: The entire world is falling to ruin and poor

CHESIRE CAT: What happened that day was not my fault!

Suddenly enraged, the Hatter slams both hands on the table.

MAD HATTER:You ran out on them to save your own skin!

You guddlers scuttish pilgar lickering...

MAD HATTER: ...Shukem juggling sluking ur-pals. Bar lom muck

THE DORMOUSE: Hatter!

The Hatter jerks. He pulls himself back to the moment.

MAD HATTER:(Fez ??) Thank you. Im fine. *

THE DORMOUSE: Its a dance.

They glare at each other like estranged brothers.

MARCH HARE: What? The Knave! Hide her!

Cheshire Cat disappears. Hatter picks up a small bottle.

MAD HATTER: Drink this.

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