Reading Notes for TCK Chapters 13-19

Chapter 13 Strong Foundation

How do you build a strong foundation for cultural transition?

You build a strong foundation for cultural transitions through a healthy parent-to-parent relationship and a healthy parent-to-
child relationship. A healthy parent-to-parent relationship includes (1) commitment to each other, (2) respect and support for one
another and (3) willingness to nurture the relationship.
Explain Positive Parental relationships Why is a Spiritual Core vital?

Children need to be valued: knowing that what we Barbara Schaetti says, Certainly it is valuable to be able to
think and feel makes a difference to those around understand different truths as represented in different cultures, to
us is a part of feeling significant as a human being. withhold judgment and interpretation. This is part of the global
Parents of TCKs communicate that they value nomad birthright. At the same time, however, it is important for the
their children in all the usual ways parents adult global nomad to plant his or her feet in personal truth, one not
normally do; by listening when children talk, by dependent on circumstance. This is what I believe regardless of the
asking good questions, by seeking clarification cultural context in which I find myself. I may alter my behavior
when a child speaks or acts in a way parents dont according to changing circumstances, but my truth remains my
quite understand, and by giving a quiet hug. truth.
Another way to let children know they are valued
is to include them in the discussion of decisions In a world where moral values and practices can be radically different
that will affect them, such as the possibility of a from one place to another, this block of maintaining a constancy or
global move. identifiable core beliefs and values is the key to true stability
Children need to be special: A parents greatest gift throughout life. When it is strongly in place, TCKs are equipped to
to any child is letting them know beyond any remain on a steady course, no matter which culture or cultures they
doubt that there is somewhere in this world where live in.
they are unconditionally loved and accepted and
that no one else could ever replace them. That
place is in the family.
Children need to be protected: Everyone needs a
sense of safety before they can move ahead in life.
Children especially need to know this and their
main hope for safety is trusting that Mom and Dad
will protect them in every way possible. Parents
can help children not only feel but also be
protected.
Children need to be comforted: Being comforted
communicates that parents care and understand,
even if the situation cant be changed.

How /from what should children be protected? How does spiritual core intersect with a persons worldview?

Walking alone to the store might be safe in one Spiritual core intersects with a persons worldview because it is the
environment and risky in another. Some TCKs felt essence of what makes them who they are. If a person has a strong
pushed out on their own too soon into a new school or spiritual core, they have a belief in something that is greater than the
community, especially when they didnt know the new journey that they are taking on for the moment. If they embrace their
language yet. They felt it during leave when it seemed values and recognize who they are as a human being, then they are
they were put on display against their will for church allowing their morals and values to determine who they are and
congregations or relatives. There are stories of TCKs stabilize themselves rather than the environment they live in.
that are left with a caregiver whether a dorm parent
in a boarding school, a domestic worker, a fellow expat
in the host country, or a friend or relative in the home
country- and were emotionally, physically, or sexually
abused by the person parents trusted to take care of
them. The trauma is intensified if the parent refuses to
believe them.

Explain childs need to be comforted. How do you help your child develop a worthy worldview in an
international setting?
Being comforted communicates that parents care and
understand, even if the situation cant be changed. You help your child develop a worthy world view in an international
Parents should remember, particularly in any transition setting by supporting them, letting them know that they are valued,
experience, that the quietest, most compliant child making them feel special, making them feel protected, and making
might be grieving and need comforting the most. sure that they are comforted. You also support them by showing them
that as parents you have a strong bond, respect to one another, and the
willingness to nurture your personal relationship. You also ensure that
there is a strong spiritual core within your family and your family
values are strong and uphold every transition.

Explain why a child needs to be valued. Explain a positive Spiritual Core.

Knowing that what we think and feel makes a A spiritual core is the beliefs and values that a person has. They are
difference to those around us is a part of feeling the key to true stability throughout life.
significant as a human being. Parents of TCKs
communicate that they value their children in all the
usual ways parents normally do; by listening when
children talk, by asking good questions, by seeking
clarification when a child speaks or acts in a way
parents dont quite understand, and by giving a quiet
hug. Another way to let children know they are valued
is to include them in the discussion of decisions that
will affect them, such as the possibility of a global
move.

Why is it important to understand a childs perspective

of parents work?

Nietzsche once said, I can endure any how if I have a

why. TCKs who understand and value what their
parents do are more willing to work through the
challenges than those who dont.

Chapter 14: Dealing with Transition: Explain following. On left explain the topics from the text. On right column add
your personal experiences or ideas concerning each topic.
Involvement through leaving Building a RAFT
The authors believe that once parents know a The easiest way to remember whats needed for healthy closure is to
move is on the horizon and it is okay for it to be imagine building a raft.
public knowledge in the community, children Reconciliation
should be told. Affirmation
Knowing in advance give everyone a good Farewells
opportunity to begin the necessary process of both Think destination
closure in the present environment and proper Reconciliation: When we refuse to resolve interpersonal conflicts
anticipation of the new. from the past or new conflicts that arise as we unconsciously lean
This leaving stage is a critical one to do well if away, two things can happen. (1) We are so focused on how good it
parents want not only to make the current will be to get away from this problem that we not only skip over the
transition as smooth as possible, but also to help reconciliation needed for good closure, but we also ignore the total
their children grow in the process rather than process of closure and dont move on to building the rest of the
become stuck in some of the challenges we have RAFT. (2) The difficulties dont go away when we move.
mentioned already. Reconciliation includes both the need to forgive and to be forgiven.
Affirmation: Relationships are built and maintained through
affirmation the acknowledgment that each person in this
relationship matters. Here are several suggestions for ways families
can do this: (1) Have children identify who their special teachers or
other favorite adults in the community are. (2) Encourage children to
think of something they might like to give a friend as a small
memento to represent a special time they have shared or that
represents their special friendship. (3) As a family, send a note with a
small gift to your neighbors to let them know what youve learned
about kindness, faith, love, or perseverance through your interactions
with them. (4) When leaving family members behind, such as
 grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, help children write specific
reasons they appreciate being that persons grandchild, niece, nephew,
or cousin, and then deliver the note with some flowers the children
help to pick out.
Farewells: Saying good-bye to people, places, pets, and possessions
in culturally and age-appropriate ways is important if we dont want
to have deep regrets later.
Think Destination: Even if we are saying good-bye and processing
the sad reality of those good-byes, we need to think realistically about
our destination: where are we going? What are some of the positives
and negatives we can expect to find once we are there? Will we have
electricity and running water? How will we learn to drive on the other
side of the road? Do we need to take a transformer with us to keep our
110-volt appliances from burning out on a 220-volt electrical system?

Maintaining stability through transition Mourning Losses

There are a few steps we can take to help us A professor of philosophy, Jim Gould, says that loss always
maintain some sense of equilibrium and produces grief, consciously or unconsciously, and that it will
connectedness with the past and to smooth the way come out one way or another, whether the person intends it to or
for the future stages of entry and re-involvement. not.
One-way is through the use of sacred objects Mourning, however, is the conscious acknowledgement of loss.
those mementos we mentioned earlier that Because of that, he believes those living these globally nomadic
specifically reflect a certain place or moment of lifestyles need to develop better rituals of mourning to help in
our lives. That is why the choice of which that process of dealing with grief intentionally rather than
possessions to keep and which to give away is so suppressing it.
important during the leaving stage. All the suggestions we offered for helping us build the RAFT
Pictures are another way we connect with special might also be cited as these rituals of mourning.
moments and memories in our past. Getting through the transition stage isnt only about exploring the
Another thing we sometimes forget in this stage is present or looking at our losses. It also includes the need to
to take time to stop and smell the roses. Often continue that planning for the future that we began when we
we are flying from one spot to the next, suddenly thought destination in the leaving stage.
living amid strange customs and languages. While
it can be overwhelming, it can also be seen as a
wonderful time of exploration.
Entering right Getting Re-involved
Physical arrival alone doesnt mean we have We have settled into our new surrounding, accepting the people
begun the entering stage. Sometimes the chaos of and places for who and what they are this doesnt always mean
the transition stage remains for some days or that we like everything about the situation, but at least we can
weeks after our initial arrival. start to see why people do what they do rather than only what it is
The more we have thought ahead about this time, they do.
and the more we are consciously aware of what we Weve learned the new ways and know our position in this
and our family will need to make a positive entry community. Other members of the group see us as one of them,
into this place, the sooner and smoother we can or at least they know where we fit.
begin to positively move into our new life. We have a sense of intimacy, a feeling that our presence matters
Its important for everyone involved, to recognize to this group, and once more we feel secure.
that they dont have to wait helplessly around for Time again feels present and permanent as we focus on the here
the new community to reach out and receive them. and now rather than hoping for the future or constantly
The key to successfully negotiating the entry reminiscing about the past.
stage, particularly in an international or cross-
cultural move, is to find a mentor someone who
answers questions and introduces the new
community to us and us to it.

Chapter 15: Meeting educational needs of children when living abroad.

List various types of educational choices in the Rate each choice according to what you believe would be the best
following spaces. choice and indicate why.

Home and Correspondence schooling Here the child would live with the parents, have individualized
 instruction, moral and spiritual values of the parent are taught, the
schooling would be parent and home-centered, the child would be
able to continue schooling in home country without interruption, and
the parents can use the curriculum of their choice. The cons are there
is a lack of parental teaching skills children may fall behind, there
will be parent-child stress, lack of peer contact, and lack of healthy
competition.
Schools on the internet The pros are the child lives with their parents, small class sizes, the
child can continue schooling in home country without interruption,
internet classes include virtual classmates, discussion, and real time
teacher, and online schooling teaches responsibility with teacher,
more like physical classroom; the parents are not teaching outside
their skill level. The cons are there is a lack of physically present
peers, and it may be more expensive than other home schooling
options.
Satellite Schools The pros are the child is living at home with parents, there is more
chance for interaction with peers than homeschooling, there is a
trained teacher, there is externally organized curriculum, and the
parents are still closely involved. The cons are labor-intensive for
sponsoring agency, still may have limited social opportunities,
inadequate equipment for certain subjects, and high teacher attrition.
Local National Schools The pros are the child lives with parents, building cross-cultural
relationships, language acquisition, good education in many places,
relatively low cost, strong exposure to host culture, and cultural
immersion/assimilation more possible. The cons are
religious/philosophical differences from parents, total cultural
identification with host culture loss of own cultural identity,
unacceptable philosophy of education, tension or rejection due to
nationalism, and compete with host nationals for available places to
attend school.
Local International Schools The pros are academically high standards, excellent facility and
equipment, enrichment and specialized programs, potential continuity
with schooling during leave in home country, usually home with
parents, good preparation for reentry if curriculum is based on home
countrys system. The cons are it is expensive, potential lack of
preparation for school in home country if curriculum/language are
different, and economic imbalance among students.
Boarding Schools The pros are they are academically good; parents dont have to double
as teachers, usually closer than a school in the home country, peer
group relationships, and good preparation for reentry if based on
home country curriculum. The cons are the school is isolated from
real life, early separation from parents, living away from parents,
separation from local culture, individualized care difficult, and
potentially different religious/philosophical values from parents.
Pre-university Schooling in the Home Country The pros are education compatible with higher education, reentry
adjustment minimized, and educational/enrichment opportunities. The
cons are there is extended separation from parents, lack of
personalized care, cultural influence without parental guidance, and
loss of cross-cultural advantage and language acquisition.

Chapter 16: Enjoying the Journey

Select 5 key points that you wish to discuss concerning enjoying the journey and explain your views and personal experiences
with each.

1. Have Fun: It is important to have fun and enjoy the adventure of the life that you are living. Having fun in the journey is
another great way to tie the many elements of a TCKs life together into a cohesive whole that is essential for building a
strong sense of identity. I think it is important to have fun during this time in your life because it will teach you to
appreciate the little things in life. It will help you build relationships with other people and make friends from all over the
 world.

2. Touring other countries while traveling and explore and become involved in the surroundings: I think it is important to get to
know where you are living. If you do not take the time to explore the place where you are going to be for a while, then you will
never understand the people that you are living with or the culture that you are getting yourself into. When you are leaving
another country, the best thing to do is stop and explores other country that surrounds it. Take mini vacation in the neighboring
cities and take your time entering a new home. This will help the transition because you fill yourself with more history and
knowledge of the different worlds around you.

3.Keep relationships solid: I think by keeping your family close, it makes moving around easier. You know that you always have
someone there to support you during the tough times, like leaving your friends from another country, or being scared to start
your first day of school somewhere new. By relying on your family and keeping the bonds close, this helps you have strong ties
and make moving easier.

4. Return to the same home during each leave: I think this is important because it gives the TCKs some familiarity. There is
nothing really stable about their lives, and being able to go to a place that remains the same may be good for them. It may help
them during their weak times and may strengthen them when they are going through something hard. It is always nice to be
comforted with familiarity and thats what this would do for the TCKs.

5. Acquire sacred objects: I feel like having sacred objects from places and people that a TCK many have met in another
country will symbolize something that is real to them. It will help them move on with their life. Know that part of their life
happened and they built many great memories there, but they are now onto the next chapter.
Chapter 17 : Coming Home

Reentry Process How does reentry become a plus?

Some reasons for reentry stress are simply extensions The authors state that they believe they can help TCKs and ATCKs to
of the many factors we have already talked about, understand a bit more about their overall story and assist in reentry as
particularly the normal challenges of any cross-cultural well. When TCKs (and all others) see this most fundamental fact of
transition: the grief of losing a world they have come the human likeness they share with others, they dont need to fear
to love, the discomfort of being out of cultural balance losing their sense of identity, no matter where they are, reentry or not.
once more, and the struggle to start to find a place of And then, in the mystery of life, they can look without fear at where
belonging in a new place with new people. they also differ from others, for we also have a need to be unique. The
There are unrealistic expectations: expectations for beauty of the flipped iceberg is that we can see both our likeness to
their dream world and expectations of sameness. and our uniqueness from others.
Reverse Culture Shock Have you ever had culture shock? Reverse culture shock?
Going through the same cycles of culture shock or I have never had culture shock or reverse culture shock. This is
stress many adults feel when going to a new country because I have lived in the same state my entire life. I moved to
for the first time- most TCKs and adults feel like this Nevada when I was little, but that was only for a year and I was so
will never happen to them when they go to their home young I didnt even know what was happening. When I came back
country because its there home. home everything went back to normal and it was like I never left.
Common Reactions What advice would you give someone considering working abroad?
Elevated fears I would tell people that are considering working abroad to remember
Excessive anger at home culture and peers that entering back into your home country is still hard and it is a
A sense of elitism true or projected process like entering into a country at all. There are going to be
adjustments and different things to take into consideration. It may feel
Depression
different when you come home, but if you support each other as a
family, then the process may be a little bit easier.
Supporting a reentrant: How might you be supportive to a TCK/A?
Prepare for reentry before leaving the host country
Remind TCKs that the foundation stones of their lives can never be taken away.
Remind TCKs that foundations are meant to be built on.
Remind everyone this is the time a mentor can be helpful.
Parents must remember its okay when their children dont share the same sense of national identity as they do.
Parents must remember that they have the ultimate responsibility for helping the children through reentry.
Remember its okay for families to customize their approach to reentry depending on their circumstances.
Remember a journey of clarification later on can be helpful.
Chapter 18
Provide 3-5 key points for sponsoring agencies to help a family work and live successfully in an international school setting as
well as getting them back to home country in a healthy manner.

1. Have an entry team or a designated employee to welcome new employees onsite.

2. Help employees evaluate schooling options using the compiled list put together before departure.
3. Establish a flexible leave policy
4. Make provision for children who are attending school in the home country to visit parents during vacations
5. Support international community efforts to provide ongoing expatriate family service.

Chapter 19: Its Never Too Late

Why is a name important for an ATCK and their experiences?
For many ATCKs, simply putting a name to their past I grew up as a third culture kid- opens a new perspective on life.
Discovering there are legitimate reasons for their life experiences and the resulting feelings not only helps them understand
themselves better, it also normalizes the experience. Somehow the concept of normality is very liberating. It doesnt solve every
problem, but it gives permissions for a lot of self-discovery and frees ATCKs to make some changes they many not have thought
possible. For other ATCKs, discovering they have a name-that they are adult third culture kids-and are members of a group
whose membership extends around the world finally gives them a feeling of belonging. Instead of feeling their history is a piece
of lifes puzzle that will never fit, they now see it as the key piece around which so many others fall into place.
Select 3 behavioral patterns that an ATCK should change and provide a rationale for your reasoning.
1. Chronic moving: ATCKs will never be able to settle in one place if they continuously move. They will always be the person
who moves from one place to the other and never actually settle into a society to build a life. Their life will always be on the run
and never face the struggles that they have.
2. Failure to allow intimacy in one relationship after another: Because they are always moving and on the run, they will never be
able to commit to someone and build a healthy relationship with another person.
3. Facing their fears of pain, taking risk again, fear of rejection: Since they have moved so much they are afraid to face their
pain, rejection, and are fearful of taking risks. This is because they have had so much loss in their lives from moving around,
that they dont want to ever feel that pain again. They need to learn how to deal with this pain so it doesnt haunt them the rest
of their lives.
What do you need to learn more about in order to be a good friend/counselor for a TCK?
1. Listen to the story and ask good questions.
2. Dont compare stories
3. Comfort if possible