On Not Loving Everyone
On Not Loving Everyone
On Not Loving Everyone
139
GLOSSATOR 5
it might be nowhere). Yet exhaustion can be alleviated with a change
in trajectory: if one cannot speak about love, then one can still speak
in it (for [w]e know the words of love to be inexhaustible). That
Nancys essay presents as a treatise on love therefore shows there is
reflexivity here. This may be more than an essay on love. It may also
be a declaration of it. Indeed, if it is what it presents itself as, then it
has to be.
The claims are being made in the conditional (It might well be
appropriate . . . [Et sans doute il conviendrait . . . ]), but this is not
because of modesty (rhetorical or otherwise). As Nancy writes:
[T]he words of love, as is well known, sparsely, miserably repeat
their one declaration, which is always the same, always already
suspected of lacking love because it declares it (82; 226f). A
declaration of love has a very particular and ambiguous
epistemological status. It is perhaps more problematic even than the
kinds of reports more usually associated with the skeptical threats of
the problem of other minds: if it is true that when I see someone
writhing in pain with evident cause I do not think: all the same, his
3
feelings are hidden from me, then in love things are complicated.
Here one can be mistaken in attributing the predicate in love to
oneself (Romeo and Rosaline); here it is not meaningless to say, I
know I am in love (How? I just know); here the intensity of an
affective display can itself cast doubt on what we might presume (or
hope) it is intended to convey (sometimes the louder you shout it, the
hollower you sound). Wittgenstein again: Love is not a feeling. Love
is put to the test, pain not. One does not say: that was not true pain,
4
or it would not have faded so quickly. It is not that love cannot be
proven save through exceptional actions (gifts, sonnets, extravagant
marriage proposals, etc.), but rather that this being put to the test is
crucial to it, and persists with it at all times; there is no way of
proving it once and for all, and so the task it sets is continual. As a
thought experiment, imagine it were possible to use neuroimaging to
determine the intensity of feeling a subject has for a certain person.
Even if one could prove scientifically that a particular man or
woman arouses extreme desire and/or affection in the subject, then
would this be sufficient to prove love? Are such feelings even
necessary to love? Could we not, in certain circumstances,
legitimately speak of it in their absence? Nancys essay will try to
3
4
140
141
GLOSSATOR 5
higher or truer instantiations of its essential principle: if we want to
understand love, then it would be a mistake to attempt to distinguish
between loves on the grounds of how authentic, ethical, painful,
dangerous, healthy, passionate, trite, spiritual, erotic, fidelitous,
sentimental, possessive, romantic, exploitative, narcissistic, or happy
they are. Rather, the extreme multiplicity and indefinite abundance
6
(83; 227f) that marks love is its essential principle. The reticence love
calls for, then, is demanded by the boundless generosity (83; 227f)
one needs in order to think it:
Love in its singularity, when grasped absolutely, is itself
perhaps nothing but the indefinite abundance of all
possible loves, and an abandonment to their dissemination,
indeed to the disorder of these bursts. The thinking of love
should learn to yield to this abandon: to receive the
prodigality, the collisions, and the contradictions of love,
without submitting them to an order that they essentially
7
defy (83; 227f).
At this point, the reflexivity that is so crucial to this essay is pushed
further. Nancy indicates that the generous reticence required here
would be no different from the exercise of thought itself (83; 227f):
thought, insofar as it rejects abstraction and conceptualization,
insofar as it refuses to produce the operators of a knowledge (83
4; 227f), is a practice of openness to something that exceeds it. For
Nancy, as for the later Heidegger, thought does not master its object;
rather, it undergoes an experience, and lets the experience inscribe
itself (84; 227f). This letting [laisse] is important: like Heideggers
Gelassenheit, it links the practice of thought with acceptance and
6
Nancy writes: [Love] is not in any one of its shatters, or it is always on the
way to not being there. Its unity, or its truth as love, consists only in this
proliferation, in this indefinite luxuriance of its essence and this essence
itself at once gives itself and flees itself in the crossing of this profusion. Pure
love refuses orgasm, the seducer laughs at adoration blind to the fact that
they each pass through the other, even though neither stops in the other...
[L]ove is not polymorphous, and it does not take on a series of disguises. It
does not withhold its identity behind its shatters: it is itself the eruption of
their multiplicity, it is itself their multiplication in one single act of love, it is
the trembling of emotion in a brothel, and the distress of a desire within fraternity (102; 256f).
7
Translation slightly modified.
142
143
GLOSSATOR 5
only a philosophical treatise on love, but also an attempt at a kind of
multiplicitous exposure of it; like love itself, Nancys essay offers
finitude in its truth; it is finitudes dazzling presentation (99; 251f).
This ultra-reflexivity which requires of the essay this intertwining of
content and form, of philosophical claims and their enactment is
part of what makes it beguiling.
None of this entails that the affects we associate with love are
necessarily appropriate to thought. It is not that to think in Nancys
sense of the term requires any particular feeling(s) of the thinker,
whether they are taken either as a condition for, or simple
epiphenomenon of, thinking. Love is not a feeling. Rather it is a
simultaneous opening and obliging of the self: an opening of the self
to something that exceeds it and an obliging of the self to that excess.
To say that thinking is love, then, is not to expound any kind of
irrationalism (such that, for instance, thinking would necessarily
mean being intoxicated, giddy, exalted, etc.). As Nancy puts it: To
say that thinking is love does not mean that love can be understood
as a response to the question of thinking and certainly not in the
manner of a sentimental response, in the direction of a unifying,
effusive, or orgiastic doctrine of thinking (84; 228f). Instead, the
obligation appropriate to love is also appropriate to thought. It is not
exactly an ethical obligation, at least in the mainstream philosophical
sense of the term (after all, it is possible to be in love and to be
unethical; indeed it is possible to be in love and to be evil and
11
sometimes love provokes it). It is an obligation in the etymological
sense of the word, which derives from the Latin ligre, meaning to
bind (think of our ligature, or the speculative etymology of the term
religion as that which binds the human to the divine). Love/thought
ties one to what one loves/thinks. As Nancy writes: [I]t is necessary
to say that thinking is love is a difficult, severe thought that promises
rigor rather than effusion (84; 228f). Love/thought asks something of
the lover/thinker; to engage in it is to be tested. Nancys is not a
sentimental or flabbily relativistic thinking.
11
Nancy writes: (It is perhaps that a hypothesis that I leave open here in
love and in hate, but according to a regime other than that of Freudian ambivalence, there would not be a reversal from hate to love, but in hate I
would be traversed by the love of another whom I deny in his alterity. Ultimately, I would be traversed by this negation. This would be the limit of
love, but still its black glimmer. Perverse acts of violence, or the cold rage to
annihilate, are not hate) (102; 255 6f).
144
145
GLOSSATOR 5
weakness, which allows the experience of the limit, where thought
takes place, to be recognized (85; 229-30f); in this text, Plato
touches the limits and presents his thought with a reticence
13
[retenue] not always present elsewhere (85; 230f). On the other
hand, however, the Symposium also exercises a mastery over love
(85; 229f): it introduces choices of philosophical knowledge and a
truth regarding love that assigns its experience and hierarchizes its
moments (85; 230f). So the work takes away with one hand what it
gives with the other; it deigns to open its discourse to the multiplicity
of love, but recoils from that multiplicity, substituting the impatience
and conatus of desire for its joyous abandon (85-6; 230f): [I]n Plato,
thinking will have said and will have failed to say that it is love or
to explain what this means (86; 230f). This ambivalence, here
displayed in one of philosophys foundational texts, marks the
traditions inheritance of love. Philosophy needs it, but fails again and
again to display the generous reticence it demands. As Nancy writes:
If thinking is love, that would mean (insofar as thinking is confused
with philosophy) that thinking misses its own essence that it misses
by essence its own essence (91; 237f).
This immanent critique of the tradition of philosophy, in which
the discourse appears as engaged in a flirtation with mastery and
security that would, if consummated, represent the denial of its own
condition of possibility, places Nancys essay firmly in the postHeideggerian tradition of the critique of metaphysics. Nancy, we
might say, here reads the Heideggerian history of (the forgetting of)
being in terms of a missed rendezvous (91; 238f) between
philosophy and love. As Linnell Secomb points out, it reminds in
particular of Levinas, whose own work can be understood as an
attempt at opening philosophy to an experience of difference and
exposure that had been haunting it all along. Nancys loving
philosophy, Secomb writes, is indebted in part, and perhaps most of
all, to Levinas a debt, a gift, a legacy that Nancy lovingly announces
through an exposition of Levinas and an exposure of his own thought
14
to that of Levinas. But of course, Levinass own relation to
Heidegger was nothing if not ambivalent, and Nancys own postHeideggerian reception of Levinas returns the ambivalent favour.
First we should note that Nancys evocation of Levinas in this essay
(which takes place in an extended parenthetical remark) itself begins
13
14
Translations modified.
Secomb, Amorous Politics, 452.
146
147
GLOSSATOR 5
as he puts it in Totality and Infinity: [W]e can proceed from the
experience of totality back to a situation where totality breaks up, a
19
situation that conditions the totality itself. Crucially, the whole
analysis is predicated upon an equation between being as such and an
impersonal, anonymous force that must be evaded for the sake of the
other. And this is precisely what Nancy will challenge in Levinas,
both in his rather subtle parenthetical note, and implicitly but
consistently in the essay at large:
[I]n the es gibt (it gives [itself]) of Being, one can see
everything except generality. There is the each time, anarchic . . . occurrence of a singular existing. There is no
existing without existents, and there is no existing by itself,
no concept it does not give itself but there is always
being, precise and hard, the theft of generality. Being is at
stake there, it is in shatters [en clats], offered dazzling,
multiplied, shrill and singular, hard and cut across: its
being is there . . . This takes place before the face and
signification. Or rather, this takes place on another level: at
20
the heart of being (105; 261f).
Nancy is alluding here to Levinass essay Existence and Existents; the
argument is intended to call its foundational concept that of the il y
a, or the pure fact of being without beings into question. Nancys
ontology is geared from the outset toward a thinking (loving?) of
being in which this image of a radically impersonal being-in-general is
undermined in its very ground. Levinass teleology of love is
problematic not just because it misses the essentially multiplicitous
nature of its object, then, but also because missing this multiplicity
means missing what love has to show about being. Love shows us
that what takes place before the face and signification is not the
brute totality of a there is (which Levinas will figure in terms of a
21
condemnation to being), but rather a there is that is always already
plural: [B]eing-with takes place only according to the occurrence of
being, or its posing into shatters [clats]. And the crossing the
coming-and-going, the comings-and-goings of love is constitutive of
that occurrence (105; 261f). The multiplicity proper to love is
19
148
149
GLOSSATOR 5
find myself to have lost myself. As Kellogg puts it, What the other
(who we love) presents to us, Nancy argues, is the fact of her
existence, which is to say, a being whose mortality and finiteness,
26
calls us to know our own. Love is only possible (if it is possible
this is only a promise, after all) between finite, mortal creatures. This
is to say that immortals could not love each other (this is perhaps part of
what our literary, cinematic, and popular cultural traditions evoke
with their images of the vampire: all desire, no love and condemned
27
to the continual torture of that). We could say that lovers share
their finitude, as long as this sharing in understood in an
appropriately rigorous way: not as the sharing of feelings or
experiences, as certain debased contemporary discourses would have
it, but the sharing of an exposure to something excessive, absolutely
inappropriable (and of course, as lovers know, there is pain in this).
Some of the most beautiful passages of Nancys essay are dedicated to
a description of how love exposes the selfs finitude to itself, and to
the other:
[T]he break is a break in his self-possession as subject; it is,
essentially, an interruption of the process of relating oneself
to oneself outside of oneself. From then on, I is constituted
broken. As soon as there is love, the slightest act of love, the
slightest spark, there is this ontological fissure that cuts
26
150
How striking that this comes from a philosopher who, five years after the
publication of the essay, would have his own heart transplanted. What an
uncanny confirmation of the lack of self-possession that Nancy posits as essential to (the heart of) being!
151
GLOSSATOR 5
ornamentation: if this is a metaphor, then it should be more than
just a metaphor. We need to take it seriously; but how? Here it is
worth acknowledging that Nancys statement here is made in the
subjunctive [que l'tre soit un coeur his emphasis]. It indicates that we
are returning to the theme of the promise.
For Nancy, I love you is the most authentic name for love
itself. It is not simply a constative statement, in that it doesnt just pick
out a fact about the world (say the presence in me of certain strong
feelings). Rather it also does something: it is itself an event, not just a
description of one. But neither (to continue in this Austinian register)
is it a standard performative. While saying I pronounce you man
and wife is clearly an action namely, the act of pronouncing the
status of I love you is more ambiguous. Does saying it mean doing it
in this case? What, besides sincerity, are the felicity conditions of this
performative? At issue is the nature of the act in question is it
really something that happens once, like the pronouncement of
marriage? If I say I pronounce you man and wife, and the power
really is invested in me, then you become man and wife; if I say I
love you, then do I really love you? Even if I am sincere, I can still
be wrong. There are other ways of loving besides saying I love you,
yet one cannot pronounce except by pronouncing. I love you, then,
is a singular kind of statement, one that seems to exist in a zone of
indistinction between the constative and the performative. For Nancy,
it is a sort of promise, and one of a particular sort. It is a promise on
which I am, in a certain fundamental sense, unable to fully make
good (for what would constitute its having been kept?). The
promise, Nancy writes, neither describes nor prescribes nor
performs. It does nothing and thus is always in vain. But it lets a law
appear, the law of the given word: that this must be (100; 253f). A
lack of guarantee thus marks the promise of love: The promise must
be kept, and nonetheless love is not the promise plus the keeping of
the promise. It cannot be subjected in this way to verification, to
justification, and to accumulation . . . Perhaps unlike all other
promises, one must keep only the promise itself: not its contents
29
(love), but its utterance (I love you) (100; 253f).
29
152
This can explain why Nancy turns to the subjunctive in his claim
about being: to say that it is necessary that being be a heart is not the
same as saying that it necessarily is a heart. Its not that being is a
heart, but that it has to be. To say that it is necessary that being be a
heart is to promise that being is singular and exposed, that it is not the
brute generality that horrifies Levinas, but rather a plurality that
exceeds our attempts at mastering it. If being is a heart, then it is
because of a groundlessness at its heart, the fact that it exposes itself
as depending on no law, no foundation. The lack of guarantee that
defines love is essential to being as such. Nancy:
What appears in [the light of love], at once excessive and
impeccable, what is offered like a belly, like a kissed
mouth, is the singular being insofar as it is this self that is
neither a subject nor an individual nor a communal being,
but that she or he which cuts across, that which arrives
and departs. The singular being affirms even better its
absolute singularity, which it offers only in passing, which
it brings about immediately in the crossing. What is offered
through the singular being through you or me, across
this relation that is only cut across is the singularity of
being, which is to say: that being itself, being taken
absolutely, is absolutely singular (108; 265f).
The claim that it is necessary that being be a heart folds Nancys claim
about being into his claim about the self. Both are thus posited as
simultaneously singular and plural, the that it is of each cutting across
the other. Astonishment at my lover, and astonishment with her;
astonishment at being, and astonishment with it and all these
astonishments bound up together, impossible to tell apart. This
positing of the self/being as a heart is a promising, and its lack of
from the simple observation of conjugal law or of a moral or ethical law outside the conjugal institution. This is even, perhaps, what we mean more profoundly by love, if love is primarily related to faithfulness, and if it is not that
which overcomes its own failings but rather that which entrusts itself to what
appears to it as insufficiency... This is why the true correlate of Christian
faith is not an object but a word... our amorous faith is entirely Christian,
since, as faithfulness, it entrusts itself to the word of other, to the word that
says I love you, or doesnt event say it (153).
153
GLOSSATOR 5
guarantee is essential (one cant be astonished by the appearance of a
link a causal chain).
What love shows if it exists is that there is something in
being that is more than being. It exposes excess at and as the heart of
it. And there is no demonstrating it outside of a love/thought whose
condition of possibility is this very lack of epistemic assurance, this
impossibility of definitive demonstration. If love exists, then it is
because being is (infinitely) finite, but we cannot show or be finally
justified in our (true) belief that it exists. To love/think is to testify to
the existence of something withdrawn from knowledge, to maintain
oneself in relation to an excess that, from the perspective of certain
discourses, is properly invisible. Indeed to Nancys list sexology,
marriage counseling, newsstand novels, and moral edification (102;
257f) we might add evolutionary psychology, and perhaps
romance reality television: the first unsentimentally refusing the
distinction between love and desire, reading love as the simple
expression of desires inherited as the result of adaptive processes; the
second sentimentalising them both, reading them as the expression of
some private, unique, confessing, entertaining self. Both miss love,
because both reduce it to the existence or non-existence of a certain
state of affairs. They miss the groundlessness that is essential to it,
and because of it.
Missing love in this way, these discourses miss the only possible
site of community. This is not because love is the principle or ground
of community (such that our being-together would necessarily be a
kind of loving). It is because love and community share a condition of
possibility in the groundlessness of being. In The Inoperative
Community, which is the title essay from the collection of English
translations in which Shattered Love also appears, Nancy uses the
concept of dsoeuvrement [inoperativity] to get at this groundlessness. It
is useful to understand it as a response to Bataille, who is Nancys key
interlocutor in this essay because of his lifelong obsession with tracing
a mode of exposure that would be irreducible to intersubjectivity,
relations of exchange, and every form of sociality; Nancy finds in
Bataille an ally in the struggle to locate a place of community at once
beyond social divisions and beyond subordination to technopolitical
dominion, and thereby beyond such wasting away of liberty, of
speech, or of simple happiness as comes about whenever these
30
become subjugated to the exclusive order of privatization. At the
30
154
31
155
GLOSSATOR 5
35
35
156
157
GLOSSATOR 5
conceptual distinctions between love/community and death/sacrifice;
all are fused together in the orgiastic image of communion. Compare
this with the following from Nancy:
Properly speaking, there is no laceration of the singular
being: there is no open cut in which the inside would get
lost in the outside (which would presuppose an initial
inside, an interiority). The laceration that, for Bataille, is
exemplary, the womans breach, is ultimately not a
laceration to the outside. (While the obsession with the
breach in Batailles text indeed indicates something of the
unbearable extremity at which communication comes into
play, it also betrays an involuntarily metaphysical reference
to an order of interiority and immanence, and to a
condition involving the passage of one being into an other,
rather than the passage of one through the exposed limit of
45
the other.)
The difference is subtle but absolutely essential. For Nancy, Bataille
was (involuntarily) metaphysical to the extent that he was wedded to
the opposition between interiority and exteriority (such that, for
instance, lovers would be engaged in an absolute desire to sacrifice
the former for the latter). This is the significance of the breach, the
laceration, and the wound in Batailles thinking: for him, these are
points of entry and openness, points at which the integrity of the self is
threatened with the dissolution that fascinated him. For Nancy, on
46
the other hand, exteriority goes all the way down: as we saw, it is not
that love breaks into the self, violating its integrity; rather it reveals it
as always already broken. Nancys thought of love retains from
45
158
159
GLOSSATOR 5
instance, that God is love provides the model for thinking is love
(86; 228f)). If it is true that I can only love that which is finite, then it
follows that the very idea of a universal love for everyone is
incoherent. If there is any sense in the command to love ones
neighbor, then, it will consist in the fact that the neighbor resists
52
becoming a representative of abstract humanity. Similarly, if there
is a love for being, it will be because there is no such thing as
53
everything, because being does not exist except here and here. In the
terms of Nancys essay, it will be because the essence of being is
something like a heart that is to say: that which alone is capable of
love (88; 234f).
Loves uncertain light shows being not as a brute totality, but
exposes it as singular and plural, completely incomplete. I cannot love
being in general, and I cannot love everyone. But perhaps there is
no guaranteeing it I can love this being, this one.
52
Slavoj iek argues that the realisation of universal love is plagued by exceptions for this very reason (see Neighbors and Other Monsters, 182-3).
53
This finitude arguably also forms the (erotic) condition of the possibility of
commentary. Commentary is a mode (or shard) of love because it exposes
the finitude of a text in exposing the real infinity of the task that it sets for
itself: the fact that one can never completely fill the margin. The text always,
as Zarathustra proclaims of all great loves, wants more. Of course, that there is
always more to say means not only that one can never say enough (as the
pseudo-poet proclaims when he bemoans the inadequacy of language in the
face of his beloved), but also that one cannot say everything: just as I can
only love because I cant love everyone, I can only write because I cant write
everything.
160
161
GLOSSATOR 5
Wittgenstein, Ludwig. Zettel, trans. G.E.M. Anscombe (Berkeley:
University of California Press, 1967).
iek, Slavoj Neighbors and Other Monsters: a Plea for Ethical
Violence, The Neighbor: Three Inquiries in Political Theology
(Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2006), 134-190.
162