The Sexual Mastery System PDF
The Sexual Mastery System PDF
The Sexual Mastery System PDF
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Male Anatomy
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Becoming a sexually proficient, or a "Sex Master," is not a magical or mystical process. Although
very few men could truly be classified as great lovers, let alone Sex Masters, this is not because it is
a particularly difficult task. In fact, I would argue that it is much easier to become a Sex Master
than an "average golfer" (I admit that I may be assuming this because of my 20+ handicap). But,
becoming a Sex Master will take three things:
1) An understanding of some basic skills, exercises and techniques.
2) The proper motivation.
3) The right attitudes.
Rest assured that you will find all of the skills, exercises and techniques in the following pages of
this book.
The motivation is very personal to you.
Following are some of the attitudes that many Sex Masters find helpful. If you are willing to
change your outlook on your sexuality to include some of these attitudes, you should find that you
can easily become a Sex Master, as well:
are unimportant."
I am sure that you have heard the phrase "Money only matters when you don't have any." It is like
that with sex, as well. Performance is only the issue when you can't perform. You can easily learn
the basic skills/techniques to become sexually proficient. In fact, consider it my job to teach you
that part. But these skills and techniques are only a means to an end...your sexual fulfillment. Once
you have the basics down, it should be your objective to start to truly enjoy sex and concentrate on
all of the infinite nuances possible. You can quit focusing on your sexual "blocking and tackling"
and begin to operate in the sexual "zone!" Or, if you prefer a musical analogy, piano maestros do
not become incredible improvisasionalists until they master the musical scales first.
So, Sex Master Attitude "Numero Uno" is...
IF IT ISN'T FUN, IT ISN'T WORTH DOING AND YOU WON'T BE THAT GREAT AT IT...EVEN
IF IT IS SEX.
Basically, always keep in mind that the whole purpose of sex is pleasure and fun...so the more you
focus on these things...the more the skills and performance will automatically happen.
SEXUAL MASTERY IS POSSIBLE...
Although it may seem simplistic, you need to believe that you have the ability to be in control of
your sexual performance. If you have struggled, sexually, it is probably difficult for you to do this.
But, you should know that this struggle is most likely the result of your lack of knowledge of a few
tricks/techniques/exercises...not some major deficit in your manhood! Many men struggle, or have
struggled, before they learned the secrets of the Sex Masters.
Tell yourself, as often as possible...I CAN BE IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY SEXUAL
PERFORMANCE! Until you believe it is possible, you won't do what is necessary to master this
skill. Many men... less intelligent, less fit and less attractive than you have learned these abilities.
And, you can too.
MASTERS UNDERSTAND THE "TAO OF SEX"...
One of the main things that I hope you discover as a Sex Master is that your entire body, not just
your penis, is a sexual organ. Every square inch on your body can be sensual and erotic and can
give you pleasure. From your scalp to the bottom of your feet, you can experience wonderful sexual
sensations. In my seminars, I talk about the "M spot," the male equivalent to the "G spot." I talk
about how wonderful it is to lay back and accept pleasure from your partner...to RECEIVE
pleasure, in a very passive way. I talk about how to sensualize all parts of your body...your
nipples...your earlobes...your anus.
It is at this point in my seminars that I start to notice some of the men in the audience begin to look
very uncomfortable. When I ask them "Why?" they tell me that discussing such things makes them
feel a bit too...feminine. They tell me that they aren't particularly interested in "all of that touchy,
feely stuff" about caressing, hugging, kissing, etc. They are not sure they want to know how
wonderful it feels to just lay back and accept pleasure. They feel very uncomfortable when I ask
them to discuss how it feels to have their nipples sucked or their anus touched. They ask me, "Isn't
that just for sissies, or gay men?"
No. The best lovers are the men that are in touch with their whole bodies...not just their penis. The
most advanced Sex Masters utilize every part of their physical and mental resources to maximize
their pleasure and the pleasure of their partner. They are" Super Aware" of every physical
sensation, in every part of their body as they make love. And, they are always utilizing this
awareness to imagine what would feel good for their partner. They are not hung up on what kind of
pleasure is "OK" to experience and what kind isn't. They are only concerned with what feels good.
Since it is early in the book, I'll simply ask you totrust me on this...I promise you'll be well
rewarded for your open mind. It is important that you have this open, exploratory attitude as you
begin to consider, "Tao of Sex." This is the concept that there are two different types of sexual
pleasure. Some describe the difference between the two types of pleasure as "deep vs. surface."
Others describe it as "genital vs. body" pleasure. In women, specifically, many times it is referred
to as the difference between having a "clitoral" or "vaginal" orgasm.
I am sure you are familiar with this concept. Contrast the difference between one of your less
fulfilling masturbatory orgasms with an orgasmic experience in which you may have felt that your
entire body was pulsing with pleasure. It is as if the orgasmic energy in these two different
scenarios is generated from completely different areas of your body. The former seems to start and
finish mostly within the penis itself; this type of pleasure/orgasm is easily and quickly generated
and is usually over quickly as well. The latter seems to radiate from deep within your body; it takes
much more concentration and effort to produce and is a much longer-lasting and powerful
sensation/orgasm.
Understanding this concept is important for many reasons. First, it helps you to understand that the
deeper, more satisfying type of pleasure/orgasm exists. This knowledge should cause you to be
more aware of these types of sensations in both yourself and your partner.
Also, it is helpful to realize that each type of pleasure/orgasm has its place. Most of the women I
counsel with struggle with their husband's lack of ability to help them have strong, deep orgasms.
But, believe it or not, some women wish their husbands were not so "hung up on always giving
her an earth shattering sexual experience...every time. Sometimes, it is more fun, and appropriate,
to take advantage of a few spare moments with a "quickie."
All of life, in one way or another, seems to lead us to sex in some way or other. One of my favorite
lines in a television show was in a recent episode of Frasier: Frasier Crane is discussing the
difference between men and women and says "Men can't use sex to get what they want...sex is what
men want." I love that line, especially because it is so true. If you are honest with yourself, much of
your motivation in all areas of your life is basically sexual.
For all of these reasons, becoming a Sex Master is incredibly important. Why should you go
through life being bad at something so critical to your ultimate satisfaction and happiness? When,
instead, you have the ability to draw confidence, energy and power from the proper, successful
expression of your sexuality.
Male Anatomy
The male sexual anatomy is a complex and wonderful creation; capable of providing you with an
infinite number of pleasurable sensations.
Although I am sure that you have referred to your penis as "the muscle of love," or as a "boner,"
your penis actually contains no muscle or bones. In fact, when you are not aroused, your penis is no
more than a short, soft tube of sponge-like material that provides a way for you to empty your
bladder of urine. The male urethra runs along the underside of the penis.
Although the penis itself is not a muscle, two to three inches of it is rooted inside the body in the
pubococcygeus musculature. This muscle is extremely important to becoming a Sexual Master (so
important, in fact, that you should consider naming one of your children-at least your dogPubococcygeus). From this point on, I will refer to it as the PC muscle. It is the PC muscle that you
will learn to develop and strengthen. And it is a strong PC muscle that provides the foundation for a
masterful sex life; it allows Sex Masters to maintain rigid erections for long periods of time and is
the secret to accomplishing non-ejaculatory orgasms.
The head of the penis is called the glans. In uncircumcised males, the glans is covered by a loose
tube of skin called the foreskin. Circumcised males have had their foreskins surgically removed,
leaving their glans permanently exposed.
Well, sort of permanently....There is a group of men dedicated to regrowing their foreskins. They
believe that they were deprived of a certain amount of sensitivity that a foreskin may provide. They
re-stretch/re-grow their foreskins with the use of weights and special skin stretching devices. So,
although it seems like a lot of effort, you do have this option.
When you become sexually stimulated, your penis becomes erect. This happens because sexual
stimulation causes valves in the veins of your genitalia area to close. Closing these veins causes the
spongy tissue in your penis to fill with the redirected blood flow; it grows both longer and thicker.
The glans swells to several times its unaroused size, and may become darkened by the increased
volume of blood. Erections occur in newborn baby boys as well as ninety year old men. They occur
several times an evening while you sleep. Erection is a man's first physical response to sexu
al
stimulation.
Penises vary greatly in thickness and length. The size differences are largely hereditary. They do
not correlate with body size (or foot or nose size). Unaroused size and aroused size are not
necessarily directly related; a large unaroused penis may not increase in size as dramatically as a
relatively smaller unaroused penis (I have personally reassured myself with this fact many times).
You have probably seen (or tried) some of the devices sold in men's magazines (vacuum suction
devices, etc.) that are presented as "Penis Enlargement" systems. Although these devices do not
specifically fulfill their promise of magically (and dramatically) increasing the size of your penis,
they're on the right track. The basic rule of maximizing your epnis size is... "Use It or Lose It."
Penises do tend to withdraw within the body with lack of sexual use. Consequently, the more you
practice your sexual mastery, the better. The Sexual Master Exercises that you will learn promote
frequent erection, prolonged erection, and maximum erection; over a period of time, this can
stimulate the penis over a period of months to enlarge to its maximum length and thickness. Also, it
is possible to draw several of those internal inches more to the outside of your body, effectively
achieving your goal.
As you regularly utilize the skills of the Sexual Master, you can determine its effect on your penile
length by measuring your erect penis along the top, from pubic bone to tip. An increase in your
penis size may be a great additional fringe benefit of becoming a Master.
Although I understand some men's concern with penis size, I must emphasize that penis size is
practically irrelevant to sexual mastery. It is true that some women prefer a larger penis (in the
same way that you may prefer large breasts or red hair). But, penis size has very little to do with a
woman's actual sexual stimulation. What some men lack in length or girth truly can be made up for
with proper technique. Your sexual confidence will come from your ability to sexually satisfy your
partner...not the size of your penis.
Below and behind the penis is the scrotum. The scrotum is the sac of skin that contains the testicles,
the walnut-sized glands where sperm is produced. The scrotum, and the two cords that support the
testicles, raise and lower the testicles against and away from the body to regulate their temperature.
Sperm die if they're kept at body temperature for very long, which is why the wives of men who
wear tight underwear sometimes have difficulty getting pregnant.
With sexual arousal, a man's testicles swell, sometimes doubling or even tripling in size. Along
with the thickened, engorged scrotum, they draw up against his body as he approaches orgasm.
Men usually can't ejaculate until theiresticles
t
are fully drawn up against their bodies.
Behind the scrotum, toward the anus, and inside the body is a gland known as the prostrate. It
surrounds the male urethra inside the body directly in front of the urinary bladder. It supplies part
of the clear fluid that bathes the swimming sperm that the testicles produce and that is expelled
from the body at ejaculation. The prostate is an often overlooked, yet incredibly important, part of
the male anatomy. It is, essentially, the male G spot," and I refer to it as the "M spot" in my
seminars. It is often highly sensitive to stimulation, especially when there is already excitement
with erection.
Learning to stimulate your prostate during sex can add to your sexual arousal; it is the stimulation
of the prostate that most leads, in a male, to these deeper, stronger sensations and orgasms.
The prostate can be stimulated by massaging it with a finger inserted through the anus into the
rectum. The prostate is also the reason that most men find anal stimulation more pleasurable than
do women. Anal penetration in men stimulates the prostate. If you (or your partner) are
uncomfortable with accessing the prostrate in this manner, it can be stimulated less directly by
applying pressure behind the scrotum to the area between the back of the scrotum and the anus, in
the valley of skin known as the perineum (pear-ih-nee-um). This is a very important sexual area for
the male. Sexual Masters call this wonderful pressure point the external prostate spot or "M spot."
The closer a man is to orgasm, the more likely he is to find prostate stimulation pleasurable.
When stimulating your own prostate, be aware of the types of sensations that it produces, as well as
the manner in which you produce them. This awareness will be very helpful to you as you explore
the wonderful possibilities of the female "G spot."
A man in an advanced state of sexual arousal will often secrete a drop or two of clear fluid from the
opening of his penis prior to orgasm and ejaculation. This pre-seminal fluid ("Pre-Cum") heralds
the approach of the emission phase of orgasm. Upon ejaculation, semen spurts from the urethral
opening in the penis with enough force to propel itself outward several inches, sometimes a foot or
two. In most men, this semen amounts to approximately a teaspoon or less in volume (Except, it
seems, for porn stars...who invariably are able to shoot quarts of semen...several yards).
BULLSHIT!
Sex was created to be enjoyed. I want (and want you) to enjoy every tiny little variation of
sensation and pleasure that sex offers. Consequently, you need to learn how to confidently enjoy
the entire experience of sex, without the concern of ejaculating too soon. Why bother if you are
supposed to be thinking of something else...just when it is "getting good?"
No, the goal is to be able to maintain your erection as long as you desire, controlling your orgasm
indefinitely, while you completely enjoy and feel everything. You want to be able to use your penis
on your partner like a feather or a sledgehammer...all the time totally confident that you will not
come until you choose to. Before you can accomplish this feat of Sexual Mastery, you will need to
do the following homework:
1) Develop a strong, well-conditioned PC muscle.
2) become acutely aware of each of the phases of your orgasm process...and each phase's
particular
sensations. Although a strong PC muscle is the foundation of sexual
prowess, this awareness is the true art necessary to maintaining an "Everlasting Erection."
Developing a strong PC muscle is simple and easy, but its importance to your overall sexual
abilities can not be overstated! Without question, the major reason that some men are not able to
achieve Sexual Mastery is a weak PC muscle. Consequently, consider the following exercises to be
as necessary to your everyday life as brushing your teeth.
Refer back to the diagram section and the male anatomy page if you do not remember what the PC
(pubococcygeus muscle) is.
Before you can exercise the PC muscle, you need to know what flexing it feels like. To feel the
contraction of your PC muscle, do the following exercise:
STOP THE FLOW
The "Stop the Flow" exercise refers to the flow of urine from your penis. The PC muscle is the
same muscle that you use to start and stop the flow of urine from your bladder, through your penis.
Consequently, if you are familiar with the sensations associated with stopping a flow of urine from
your penis, in midstream, then you are close to isolating the sensations of exercising your PC
muscle.
So, strange as it may seem, your first exercise begins with drinking an extra amount of liquid than
normal and then waiting 25-30 minutes. Once you feel a strong urgency to urinate, head off to the
restroom. Once in the restroom, concentrate on being especially aware of all of the sensations
surrounding your urinating...sensations that you probably normally do not notice.
The basic exercise is to stop and start the flow of urine from your penis without the use of any
external aids, such as your hand. If you are able to stop and start the flow of urination purely by
flexing your PC muscle, then you should know what flexing your PC muscle feels like.
After you have done this exercise, it is possible to further feel the flexing of your PC muscle
without actually urinating. It is just the quickest and easiest way to demonstrate what flexing the
PC muscle feels like.
Now that you know where your PC muscle is and what it feels like to flex it, it is time for you to
learn the single most important sexual exercise you will ever do: THE PC FLEX.
THE PC FLEX
Stand, or sit, in a very relaxed state. Close your eyes and focus your concentration on your genital
area, specifically your PC muscle. With your stomach and thigh muscles very relaxed and still, flex
your PC muscle. Make sure that you are flexing only your PC muscle and not your stomach or
thighs. As you do this, you should feel your penis and scrotum lift. It is important to distinguish
between flexing your PC muscle and flexing the other muscles; your stomach muscle, etc. It should
be a very specific squeeze/flex of only the PC muscle.
Can you feel the PC contracting and expanding? Are your penis and scrotum rising slightly every
time you flex your PC? Are you certain that you are not using your stomach muscles to create this
movement? If so, then you most likely are now familiar with where the PC muscle is and what it
feels to exercise it. And, you have made the first step toward dramatically improving your sexual
prowess.
Training the PC is no different than training any other muscle in your body. It is simply a matter of
progressively stressing (exercising) it for longer and more intense periods of time. And, like any
other muscle in your body, the PC muscle can become tired and overworked. Consequently, it is
important that you start slowly and work your way up to longer and longer PC exercise sessions.
The following is my suggestion of a PC muscle training routine for a man new to consciously
exercising his PC muscle in this way:
PC TRAINING SCHEDULE
Week One:
Week Two:
Week Seven-On:
Once you are able to do three sets daily of twenty squeezes and you can hold each squeeze for a
very intense 5 second period, you will be very close to the level of PC development necessary.
Luckily these exercises can be done anywhere (traffic, at your desk, etc.), anytime. You have no
excuse not to practice!
Some Sex Masters also do the following:
PENIS POINTING
OK, I know it sounds awfully funny, but it is something that many Masters have told me that they
do. Basically, instead of just flexing their PC muscle, some masters train themselves to be able to
move their penis up/down and left/right at will. They normally do this while erect and feel that it
strengthens the muscles around the base of the penis in a more complete way than does the PC
Flex.
TOWEL LIFTING
Again, I know this may seem amusing, but many masters have actually structured progressive
resistance weight lifting routines for their penis. Starting by simply doing the penis pointing
exercises, without any weight, they then begin to add weight to their penis. Most start with
something like a washcloth and work up to something as heavy as a bath towel. Some Masters have
actually been known to add small weights to their routine.
AGAIN, I WANT TO STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF A STRONG PC MUSCLE...ALL OF
THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IN THIS BOOK ASSUMES A STRONGLY DEVELOPED
PC MUSCLE.
Lifting weights with your penis is not necessary for Sexual Mastery. But, all improvements in
strength and control in the PC and genital muscles will be helpful.
THE STAGES OF THE MALE ORGASMIC PROCESS
After developing a strong and reliable PC muscle, it is next most important that you have an
understanding of all of the stages of your orgasmic process...and what each feels like to you.
The male orgasmic process has several distinct and different stages:
1) General Arousal:
2) Penile Erection:
3) Contractile Orgasm
4)Emission
In addition to these four physical stages, it is helpful to most to imagine a "continuum" of sexual
arousal on a scale from 1-10. For example, you may rate your level of sexual arousal immediately
before orgasm as a 9 on a scale of 10. With practice and concentrated awareness, it is possible for
you to learn to associate very minute levels of sexual arousal with your 1-10 rating system. This
becomes very important to your ability to maintain an erection. For example, if you are aware that
you reach the "point of no return" where orgasm/ejaculation is essentially unavoidable at an arousal
level of 9.8, then your goal is to maintain your erection/arousal at a level below 9.8.
The following exercise is the most direct and effective way to develop an awareness of your
orgasmic phases and their particular sensations.
MOUNTAIN CLIMBING
Since I am sure that you don't have much practice masturbating, I will make a few suggestions to
help you maximize the effectiveness of the "Mountain Climbing" exercise:
1) Find a private, quiet place.
2) Have some form of lubricant (this really is a necessity for effective practice).
3) Attempt to be in a very relaxed state of mind...do not attempt this practice exercise unless
you have unrushed, free time.
4) Have sexually stimulating materials, if necessary.
Essentially, the Mountain Climbing exercise is a way to become very aware of the sensations
associated with every stage of your orgasmic process...and to learn how to control what stage you
are at.
Start this exercise by taking some time to touch and fondle yourself in a patient, curious way that
you may not usually do. It is important that you start to become more aware of all of the sensations
of you body. It is helpful to completely undress and take the time to touch and caress all over your
body; not just your genitals.
Once you are sufficiently relaxed and aroused, using lubricant, begin to stroke your penis. As you
begin to become erect pay close attention to what your body feels like. How do certain
strokes/rhythms feel? How do you rate your level of arousal? How hard or soft do you need to
stroke your penis to move from an arousal of 4 to a 5?
After you have gotten to an arousal level of 8 or 9, try the following:
1) As you feel your arousal rising beyond a 9, stop stroking your penis.
2) Squeeze your PC muscle. Some men prefer one hard squeeze. Others find that two or
three quick squeezes are best.
3) Wait to feel your arousal drop to an 8 or 7 level.
It is called the mountain climbing exercise because you want to spend between 30 and 60 minutes
climbing to different arousal peaks and practicing dropping back down to lower levels. I suggest
that you practice the Mountain Climbing exercise several times per week, until you are completely
in control of your arousal levels.
As you will see, squeezing the PC muscle is very effective at helping you to drop your arousal level
down a notch or two. After some practice, you will begin to be very confident that you know
exactly which stage of arousal you are at and that you are capable of dropping your arousal level
with a few well-placed and strong PC squeezes. This is infinitely more effective than thinking
about baseball!
The "Mountain Climbing" exercise gives you the ability to practice being in a very aroused/excited
sexual state, without the need to ejaculate immediately. You should specifically concentrate on
stimulating yourself for longer and longer periods of time...without ejaculating. Start at just a few
minutes and then work up to 45 or 60 minutes. Practice with and without lubrication. Change your
strokes. Stimulate the head of your cock...then the base. Find particularly exciting sensations and
work on being able to enjoy them for as long as possible, while staving off orgasm.
This exercise also should give you the ability to learn your individual orgasm process and its
associated sensations. You should be able to very accurately describe your level of arousal... "I am
at an 8.5" or "I am at a 9.3." Once you can do this, you are well on your way to being able to be in
complete control of your erections/orgasms. You should know that when you are at a 9.8 you are
within milliseconds of "the point of no return."
You should have a strong PC muscle and a very acute awareness of the sensations associated with
your entire arousal/orgasm process. In addition, you should be very conscious of the "Telltale
Signs" of your approaching orgasm. In addition to learning your own particular arousal
process/sensations, you should know that there are several things that happen, almost universally,
to men upon the onset of the "point of no return:"
YOUR BODY WILL TENSE UP
Specifically, your anus will tense significantly and your toes will begin to curl tightly.
YOUR TESTICLES WILL PULL UP TOWARDS YOUR BODY AND YOUR EYES WILL
TEND TO CLOSE.
Of course, this happens to different degrees, with different men; but, as a rule, most men's testicles
will draw into their body and most men close their eyes at the moment of ejaculation.
EVERY OUNCE OF SEXUAL TENSION WILL SEEM TO BE FOCUSED IN YOUR
PENIS...MOST LIKELY IN THE GLANS.
Part of approaching "the point of no return" is that it feels as if every ounce of sexual tension in
your body is pulsing, frantically, within several square inches of your body (your penis) and that
you must release this tension.
You will notice that the particular instant at which you enter your partner is an unbelievably
wonderful sensation. This is because it is so directly related to the stimulation of your glans. What
an amazing feeling as the head (and glans) of your penis moves through the warm wetness of your
partner's vaginal opening! You will also noticethat, once you have thrust into her fully... it is a very
different sensation; still wonderful...but definitely different.
One of the most useful, and common, techniques of the Masters is to change the fulcrum of contact
between you and your partner away from your glans and to the base of your penis. This means two
things. First, it means that you avoid thrusting completely in and out of your partner; completely
entering and reentering your partner can't help but stimulateyour glans in a direct way. Secondly, it
focuses your attention away from the tip of your penis to the top of your penis, at its base. You
should consciously attempt to stimulate your partner's clitoriswith this part of your penis, instead
of the tip.
This has many advantages, for both you and your partner. It more directly stimulates her; most
females need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. And, it allows you to better monitor and
control your arousal level. The base of your penis is much less sensitive than is the glans,
stimulating it with your thrusting is less likely to cause you to lose control. And, again, it is helpful
in getting through that initial penile/surface arousal to the deeper, more pelvic-type of arousal that
is necessary for real endurance.
One Master describes this position/motion in the following way:
"I don't so much thrust in and out of her when I am looking to control my arousal...I sort of move
my hips so that the base of my penis rocks back and forth against her clit. When I am most in
control, I have the ability to feel as if I am fucking her with my pelvic bone...not my cock. What I
mean is that I can continue to do this movement very strongly, even while she is orgasming, yet
maintain control...because I shift the focus of my attention away from the tip of my penis to deep
inside my pelvis somewhere."
KNOW YOUR SUCCESSFUL "COOL OFF" TECHNIQUES
For most men, there are also very specific physical/manual actions that (when necessary) can help
you to "cool off" your level of arousal and avoid ejaculation. The following two work for many
Masters:
THE TESTICLE PULL
Because the testicles tend to pull up towards your body, especially just before orgasm, it is possible
for many men to reduce their arousal level simply by pulling their testicles down and away from
their body. Either you or your partner can do this. You are not really grabbing your testicles, but
grasping the area of skin between them and tugging firmly.
A wonderful side benefit of this technique is that it truly does demonstrate that you are
tremendously aroused. Some men get into a very predictable sort of "pump, pump, pump, grunt,
cum" sort of routine. We will discuss this in more detail, later in the book, but one of the biggest
complaints of today's women is that their men are not passionate enough. They mean this, in
general, but they also mean it, specifically, about their men's performance in bed. Too many men
think that it is "unmanly" to let go and truly express their sexuality; they are concerned that their
woman might think less of them if they "really get into it." THIS IS A HUGE MISTAKE! At the
top of most women's desire list is a man that is passionate about making love to them. Use this fact
to your advantage. As you shake off/ dissipate your sexual tension, it will be necessary for you to
moan, laugh, and shake your limbs...whatever. All of this is perceived by your partner as a very
positive thing...you are truly enjoying making love to her! It is a wonderful positive cycle; make
love-dissipate sexual tension-she gets excited by your passion-more sexual tension-more
dissipation, etc.
MENTALLY SEPARATE YOUR PARTNER'S AROUSAL FROM YOUR OWN
As you become more and more skilled as a Sexual Master, you will start to see your partner
demonstrate her arousal and sexual excitement in a very dramatic way; possibly, in a much more
open way than you are accustomed to. Although this is a wonderful thing, initially, some men find
it to be a problem; their partner's display of arousal causes their excitement to increase and makes it
more difficult to maintain control. This is why it is important to very consciously separate your
partner's level of arousal from your own.
As with much else in this book, it is best to practice this. While masturbating, you want to imagine
that you are having intercourse with your partner and that she is becoming very aroused. Imagine
her making all of the sounds and movements that are dead giveaways to her highest levels of sexual
excitement. At the same time, make a very focused effort to separate her excitement level from
your own. Some Masters find it helpful to actually tell themselves something like... "Her arousal is
not my arousal. She can do her thing/have her fun...I am doing my own. It is really cool that we can
both get off together, yet separately. I do not need to directly respond to her passion, unless I
choose to." Utilize all of the techniques that you have learned, thus far (PC squeezes, miniorgasms, etc.), but DO NOT SLOW DOWN OR LESSEN THE STIMULATION OF YOUR
PENIS. You are very much practicing your ability to control your arousal level despite your
environment, particularly her level of sexual excitement.
With most men, there is a very definite point in the lovemaking where they recognize that their
partner's arousal is pushing them towards the "point of no return." It is important to consc
iously
anticipate this happening. Once you are able to anticipate this event, you can start to use it as a
"mental trigger" to alert you to the necessity of avoiding the "point of no return." You turn a
potentially negative event into an extremely positive one. When you recognize this "mental
trigger," you should first tell yourself whatever phrase or words that help you to mentally separate
yourself from her arousal and then make the necessary physical adjustments. For example, you can
"shake off" the sexual tension.
You can change your position or rhythm so that you are not stimulating your glans directly. You
can visualize all of your sexual energy dissipating up your back, through your spine and out of the
top of your head. Different things will work for different men, but you should quickly find one or
more "tried and true" routines that will successfully help you to mentally and physically separate
your arousal from hers.
Once you are capable of successfully achieving this alone, begin to practice it with your partner.
The goal is not perfection, but progress...so just focus on lasting longer and longer, despite her level
of arousal.
Most men would be satisfied with the ability to significantly prolong their erection or postpone
their ejaculation. Sex Masters desire more...much more; Masters practice the ultimate sexual
skill...the ability to be multi-orgasmic. Being multi-orgasmic comes in two basic flavors:
ejaculatory and non-ejaculatory. You can learn both, and will, in the next few sections.
2) Penile Erection:
3) Contractile orgasm.
4)Emission
Please note: Stages three and four are separate and distinct events. It is possible to have contractile
orgasms without ejaculating semen.
As you may remember before your puberty, it is very possible to orgasm without ejaculating.
Although, in most men, they are directly linked...in many Sexual Masters, this is not the case. It is
possible for some men, no matter what age, to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms in a relatively
short period of time. This is the result of much practice in the manner of the Mountain Climbing
exercise. The longer and more prolonged your sexual session, the more likely that you will be able
to become aroused/erect again quickly. But, in reality, even with Sexual Masters, it is more difficult
to achieve multiple orgasms after ejaculation. Consequently, many masters develop the ability to
orgasm while not ejaculating...effectively eliminating the need for your penis to ever lose erectness!
In addition, many masters are passionate in their belief that non-ejaculatory orgasms are more
pleasurable than ejaculatory orgasms. This is for two reasons. First, they feel that the sensation of
stopping the ejaculation adds to the overall pleasure of the orgasm; the orgasm seems to be
extended and each spasm pulses more powerfully as you orgasm but do not ejaculate. Secondly,
because you have not ejaculated, you have not dissipated all of the sexual tension that is in your
body...you have only plateaued your arousal. After the first or second non-ejaculatory orgasm, you
start to feel a much deeper "body" orgasm developing. You start to feel as if you are "riding a
wave" of sexual arousal.
I discussed the fact that there are two different types of sexual pleasure, the
surface/genital/ejaculatory type versus the deeper/body/wave type. As you begin to experiment
with non-ejaculatory orgasms, you will become very aware of what this feels like. This is also an
opportunity for you to better understand the orgasmic process of your partner. She also experiences
both types of pleasure. Both are wonderful and desirable; the Master's art is to utilize both
-each at
its appropriate time.
Up until this point, you have been mostly prolonging your erection/lovemaking by redirecting your
sexual tension in one way or another. Although this is effective and necessary, the real test of the
Sex Master is whether he can maintain complete control; can he continue lovemaking through the
"point of no return," through an actual orgasm...without ejaculating and then continue to the next
orgasm.
The next exercise will prepare you to be able to accomplish this Masterful feat. Hopefully, you
have been doing your PC muscle exercises...because this exercise requires a very well-developed
PC muscle. You will have great difficulty accomplishing the goal of this exercise with a weak PC
muscle...so, if you need to go back to your PC exercises and come back to this exercise in a week
or two.
Assuming you have developed a strong PC muscle, you are then ready for "The Master's
Masterpiece." What is "The Master's Masterpiece?" Itsi an exercise that will help you to develop
the ability to orgasm without ejaculating.
At this point, you should already be experiencing longer erections. You should be feeling more
confident in your ability to control your arousal level. During intercourse, initially, you should be
able to gain control of your arousal level by slowing/stopping thrusting for a few seconds while you
do a PC squeeze. After some practice, you should be able to continue thrusting while doing a PC
squeeze...at this point you will have total control of the length of your erections.
At this point, you should already be experiencing significantly more endurance and control in bed:
especially if you have been faithfully doing your PC muscle and penis development exercises. You
are much more aware of your orgasm process and the sensations of each distinct stage. You should
be able to prolong your erection by avoiding orgasm almost indefinitely.
Separating your ejaculations from your orgasms is the next step in this learning process...a
relatively easy one if you have done your "homework" up to this point. Just as the PC muscle was
the key to helping you to control your level of arousal, it is the key to the non-ejaculatory orgasm.
Squeezing your PC muscle, at just the right instant, will be the "shut off valve" on your
ejaculation...allowing you to experience a sensational orgasm while not losing your erection.
Again, although a well-developed PC muscle is the critical factor in this skill, it is necessary to be
very aware of what is going on in the rest of your body and mind. The more you are able to develop
a real sense of awareness...almost as if you are outside of your body watching yourself and closely
observing what is happening to you ...the better. And, again, all of the following methods will be
critical in achieving the skill of the non-ejaculatory orgasm:
Breathing:
How deeply or shallow, how quickly or slowly you are breathing can have a
tremendous impact on how much control you have over your sexual
performance.
Be very aware of your motions and how they affect your arousal level. Pay special
attention to how directly you are stimulating your glans.
Focus:
What are you mentally focusing on? Are you allowing yourself to be caught up in
your partner's arousal, or are you consciously separating your arousal from hers?
Are you able to focus on the rising sexual tension in parts of your body other than
your penis? Are you able to direct this tension from your penis to other parts of your
body in order to dissipate it?
Just as in the Mountain Climbing exercise, you want to take at least 20-30 minutes to bring yourself
to a high level of arousal. It is important that you take this time, leveling off and rising at each
successive arousal level, so that you are experiencing a deeper type of arousal...not just a genital
type. The deeper, more controlled your arousal, the better.
And, as you move up the arousal scale, utilize different methods to level off; breathe very deeply,
change your mental focus, change your physical motion. Be sure that you have several methods
available to you for controlling your arousal level...at some point, you will want to combine
methods to assure success.
Finally, after 20 or 30 minutes, minimally, you are ready to make your first attempt at a nonejaculatory orgasm.
As usual, be very aware of your arousal level and, at that very moments of no return, when you
feel as if orgasm and ejaculation are inevitable, do the following:
1) Make sure that your eyes are wide open.
2) Take several very deep, slow breaths.
3) Squeeze your PC muscle as hard as you are capable. You are actually utilizing your PC
muscle to stop yourself from ejaculating. Some men prefer one very long, hard squeeze. For
others, several quick squeezes do the trick better. Whatever works for you is fine; try both.
Putting these three actions together in the proper combination, at the exactly correct instant, will
allow you to experience the "Master's Masterpiece:" the non
-ejaculatory orgasm. Exactly what this
combination and moment are will depend solely on you. But, I can assure you that it is worth
working towards! With enough practice, you will soon experience this wonderful sensation. And,
as with many other learned skills, you will have a strong knowledge of which combination of
breathing, physical motions and PC squeezes caused you to succeed. Like riding a bicycle, once
you have learned this skill, you don't forget it.
Most Masters claim that their first few successes do not feel particularly exciting...in fact, they feel
rather disappointing. This is because your first sign of success tends to feel like a stalled orgasm
and ejaculation...it almost feels like "half an orgasm." This should not disappoint you. Rather, it
should encourage you.
In fact, you have probably experienced one of these "half orgasms" in the past. Have you ever been
very aroused and close to orgasm, but did not come? You definitely feel as if you had a small
orgasm...but you didn't ejaculate. You were probably a little confused as to what happened. And,
you probably then stimulated yourself another orgasm, with an ejaculation because you felt as if
you had been cheated on the first one.
Although, initially, these orgasms are not very spectacular...they are great signs that you are getting
close to your ultimate goal...a full orgasm without ejaculation.
At this point, you should have been able to demonstrate to yourself with the "Master's Masterpiece"
exercise that you can go from orgasm to orgasm without ejaculating. Now the real fun...can you do
it with your partner, in the middle of passionate lovemaking? Of course you can! It will only take
practice...and if you are going to have to practice something...I could think of worse things. Have
fun and practice, practice, practice.
But, before you can take advantage of your newfound physical development, you must be certain
that you have also developed the proper mental/psychological attitudes, as well.
The first Master's rule to being mentally preparedfor multiple orgasms is to not be afraid of what
turns you on...
Although the physical development and practice that you have learned is a prerequisite to being a
true multi-orgasmic male, it is less important than your ability to mentally and psychologically put
yourself into an extreme state of sexual arousal. And, your ability to do this is directly related to
how well you know what turns you on.
You may be asking, "Doesn't everyone know what turns them on?" Yes, in a general sense they do.
You know that you like girls vs. guys. Or, you prefer blondes to brunettes. That is not what I mean.
I am referring to those thoughts or images or fantasies that, when you allow yourself to consciously
focus on them, literally put your sex drive into hyper-warp.
By their very nature, these thoughts, images and fantasies are incredibly varied and personal. So...I
can only guess what yours might be. Maybe you like to imagine you are with a particular celebrity.
I know Masters that fantasized that they were making love to their first grade teacher. Others
imagine that they are with their frumpy aunt Helen. With some men, it is sexy clothing. They enjoy
seeing their partner in sexy women's underwear. Maybe they enjoy wearing sexy women's
underwear, themselves.
Some Masters tend to focus on particular images such as their partners (or someone else's) body
parts; maybe they picture their partner's erect nipple or clit. Or, maybe they enjoy visualizing
exactly what it looks like for their erect penis to be thrusting in and out of their partner.
Although it is possible that one of these types of things works for you, the particular thoughts,
images and fantasies that I am referring to at this point are most likely the very thoughts images and
fantasies that you may be trying to repress. They are the thoughts or images that you quickly
attempt to send back to your subconscious because you are afraid of them!
Dennis Miller, the comedian once said..."What turns people on is one of the most ridiculous, RubeGoldbergian in the history of mankind." He was so right. Every one of your thoughts, including
your fantasies, are the result of random electric reactions between several million neurons
somewhere in your brain. There is absolutely no moral or logical explanation why a particular thing
or fantasy may or may not turn you on.
The reasons that these things turn you on are so deeply and powerfully buried in your subconscious
that you will never truly understand their origin or purpose. Consequently, rule number one for
great lovers, especially lovers capable of multiple full-ejaculatory orgasms, is THERE IS NO
SUCH THING AS A WRONG SEXUAL FANTASY. Effective, yes. Wrong, no.
Do not misunderstand me. There is such a thing (in my opinion) as a wrong sexual act. I will not
bore you with where I choose to draw the moral chalk marks around sexual morality. But, I do feel
as if there are some things that, when done to children, select adults (and some pieces of farm
equipment) are just evil.
But there is a world of difference between fantasy and reality!
I am assuming (because you to purchased a book written by me) that you are quite intelligent.
Consequently, I can assume that you know that the Flinstones are not a real family. And, you
realize that Pamela Anderson's breasts may (and I don't think I am going out on a limb
here) be
fake. Well, your fantasies (sexual and otherwise) are not real either. If they were, I would be in bed
right now with Wilma Flintstone (played by Pamela Anderson, of course).
Consequently, I suggest that you stop wasting any energy in attempting to avoid fantasies that you
feel may be inappropriate. Use that energy, instead, to be more aware of what turns you on...and
use those things to make yourself capable of unbelievable levels of arousal.
Most Masters express that it is those particular fantasies that they usually attempt to block out of
their minds the quickest that, ultimately, are the most useful for creating instant, high levels of
sexual arousal.
It is those fantasies and images that seem the dirtiest, filthiest, and most bizarre that I am referring
to. For purposes of putting your arousal into overdrive, feel free to fantasize about ANYTHING! In
your fantasies, don't necessarily avoid those things that, in real life, might condemn you to eternal
damnation.
In fact, consider yourself a sexual novelist...attempt to create and chronicle more and more exciting
scenarios for yourself. Make note of the ones that really make you hot and use them again and
again.
Maybe you are the sort that occasionally dreams of sex with Snow White (or one of the seven
dwarves). Don't suppress this fantasy! Use it! Imagine that you are making love to Snow White
with all of the dwarves videotaping....whatever! If you are comfortable with it...get your partner to
play along. I am not sure where you can find a Snow White costume, but I'd probably start at the
Disney Store.
Whatever the fantasy or image...nurture and elaborate on it! In fact, most Masters consider
uncovering and creating newer and more powerful fantasies as one of their most important skills.
They embrace, even catalogue, those thoughts or fantasies that especially arouse them...no matter
how mild or wild.
HOW TO TEST A FANTASY FOR EFFECTIVENESS
One way that Masters test the effectiveness of their personal fantasies, etc., to put their sexual
arousal into overdrive is with the following exercise:
"AROUSAL, HOLD THE TOUCH"
If you are wondering whether a particular thought or fantasy is truly one of your personally most
effective, try the following:
Give yourself some privacy. Undress and sit or lay in a position in which your penis is free from
contact with yourself or anything else.
Close your eyes and begin to visualize those things that you think may be your most effective
sexual arousal images or scenarios.
DO NOT TOUCH YOUR PENIS. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR PENIS TO PHYSICALLY TOUCH
ANYTHING ELSE EITHER.
The goal of this exercise is to bring yourself to as high an arousal level as possible, without
physically manipulating your penis. You are attempting to, if possible, bring yourself to an orgasm
simply by making your thoughts supercharged with enough erotic energy to push you over the edge
without touching yourself.
It is OK to flex the muscles in your genital area and to consciously focus on your penis becoming
harder and harder...and then more and more excited. Just do not actually touch yourself.
When you begin to feel your arousal level plateau, focus on those images and fantasies that can
bring you back to another, higher peak...without physical manipulation. At first, this will seem
incredibly difficult and strange. But, after some practice, you will be amazed at how aroused you
are capable of becoming in this way. Some Masters are capable of reaching a full ejaculatory
orgasm in this way...with no physical manipulation of their penis whatsoever! Even if you are not
capable of that much, you should find this exercise very helpful in creating and refining images and
fantasies that supercharge your arousal.
EXPECT TO BE MULTI-ORGASMIC
As simple as it may seem, the main barrier to most men becoming multi-orgasmic is that they don't
expect that they can be.
The physical limitations on you becoming multi-orgasmic, although real, are not truly that limiting
to your ultimate success. They may stop you, at age 60, from being capable of achieving five fullejaculatory orgasms, with 20-second refractory periods, within 30 minutes. But, will they really
stop you from having three with, five minute refractory periods, within an hour? No!
Your orgasms can be two seconds apart or two hours apart. The critical issue is that you are in
control, improving and do not feel stuck with your old level of performances. As with many other
skills, when you work hard, you get lucky." Allow your new skills and abilities to build upon one
another, working together in a positive cycle of more confidence, as well as control and pleasure.
Your ability to maintain an erection for a longer period of time will increase the intensity and
strength of your orgasms...it will also make it easier for you to recover from a full ejaculatory
orgasm with a new erection and high level of arousal. Your ability to choose, at any given moment,
an ejaculatory or non-ejaculatory orgasm will give you the confidence to experiment sexually...to
be more creative; consequently, you will learn new pleasures that you and your partner didn't know
existed.
You learn to have multiple orgasms, with shorter refractory periods, as you would learn to
accomplish any other skill: progressive training. You start with whatever natural ability that you
presently have and you improve upon it. This ability is no different from any other that you have,
whether it is running, jumping or lifting weights; it can be improved by progressively practicing.
And, the best way to progressively practice this skill is with the exercise, "Orgasm Time Trials."
ORGASM TIME TRIALS
In this exercise, you keep track of how quickly you can go from one full ejaculatory orgasm to the
next. You also keep track of how many full ejaculatory orgasms you can have in a certain period of
time.
Similar to the other exercises thus far, set aside some stress and interruption-free time for yourself.
Create an environment for yourself that is conducive to helping you to become especially aroused.
Make sure that you have the ability to keep track of time during this exercise. Have a clock or
watch in sight, and have a notepad and pencil within reach.
As in many of the other exercises, it is important to start the exercise with a relatively long (and
slow) initial arousal phase. You don't wa
nt to rush to your first orgasm without first building a solid
base of deep sexual arousal first.
As you approach your first full-ejaculatory orgasm, be aware of your level and type of sexual
arousal. Are you truly highly and deeply aroused? Or, are you simply bringing yourself to a very
surface/penile orgasm? If it is the latter...slow down and concentrate on not bringing yourself to
orgasm until you are truly deeply aroused. Remember...in men, multiple full-ejaculatory orgasms
are really only possible if the orgasms are simply the "tips of the iceberg" of your total sexual
arousal. If you feel as if only one or two ejaculations will completely dissipate your sexual arousal
and energy, don't bring yourself to that first orgasm yet.
If you are confident that you have achieved a very high level of arousal, then do the following:
1) Allow yourself to have a full-ejaculatory orgasm.
2) Make a notation on your notepad to the time of this event.
3) Immediately begin to stroke yourself in a manner sufficiently vigorous enough to quickly bring
back your penis back to full erection and arousal.
If you spent sufficient time/effort making sure that you were deeply aroused before your first
orgasm, you may barely lose your erection. If this is the case, do not waste it by being surprised and
letting it go away...instead, assume a confident attitude as if you expected no less, and continue on
to the next orgasm.
It is at this time, especially, immediately after an orgasm, that many men find the most difficult.
This is mostly just because they have little experience with attempting to "come to attention"
immediately. This is the best time to refer to your mental file cabinet to find those personal images
and fantasies that are most effective for charging your arousal. Now is the time to picture Snow
White bent over that sea lion (Sorry...I didn't mean to scare youwith a personal favorite of mine).
4) Bring yourself to another full-ejaculatory orgasm
5) Record the number of orgasms that you achieve and the length of the refractory periods between
each.
6) Repeat the first four steps, as many times as possible within a predetermined time period. Most
Masters start with an hour and work up to several hours (at this point, be sure that you have a good
supply of lubricant).
The goal, of course is to increase the number of orgasms in each time period, as well as decreasing
the refractory period between them. I suggest that you practice this exercise regularly, although not
every day. As with any other part of your body, your penis needs to rest to recover and become
stronger, more developed. Once you have developed a level of performance that you are satisfied
with...you want to start practicing this with a partner (I don't suggest you bring a stopwatch and
notepad... just make a mental note as to your progress). You will probably find that you have
slightly more difficulty, initially, in achieving the same results with a partner that you achieved
alone. This is simply a result of the added complicating factors/distractions that having sex with a
living, breathing human produce. Very quickly, you should be able to replicate your personal
achievements with your partner as well.
They also expect men of the year 2004 to be more conscious of his looks and appearance. It used to
be, in the past, that only women felt pressured to "look good." Well, now that women have more
economic freedom and equity with men...they also have more choices. This means that men are
now feeling equally pressured to look good, as well as provide a substantial living (while finding
the time to help around the house and with the kids).
All of this confuses us silly men (all we really want is laid isn't it?); we are not sure if we are
expected to be incredibly built and good looking, incredibly wealthy or incredibly willing to stay
home and wash the dishes.
Relax. I have learned through my hundreds of sessions with "women of the year 2004" that there
are a few things that remain amazingly constant and similar when women are asked to describe
what it is that they look for/expect in a "man of the year 2004."
CONFIDENCE
"Just remember, as long as you don't hurt anybody, or talk badly about them, or take
advantage of them sexually, you'll always be disappointedly dull."
Eric Idle
Uniformly, the number one thing that women describe as necessary and attractive in a man is
confidence. Absolutely, the trait most mentioned by women as "Sexy" in a man is self assurance
and an attitude of being "in control" of his life. This does not necessarily mean that the man must
have an impressive title or have power over thousands; it simply means that he projects the attitude
that "he knows what he wants and he isn't afraid to go after it." He is not intimidated by life or the
circumstances around him.
In the year 2004, many times, this means that he is confident enough in himself to not be
intimidated by her; his self esteem is not negatively affected if she is a whole, self-fulfilled
individual that (God forbid!) may even earn more money than he does.
He is not afraid of her sexuality either. Many times this refers to the fact that men are intimidated
by women that are sexually experienced and sexually aggressive. They feel as if there is something
wrong with them if they are not always the sexual leader and teacher. Although it is true that, most
of the time, women prefer the male to take (at least a certain amount of) control sexually, this is not
always the case. Sometimes, in the year 2004, women want to feel what it is like to initiate. It takes
a very confident man to not allow himself to be intimidated when his woman desires to be the
sexual aggressor.
And, although women want their men to be vulnerable and sensitive enough to share their feelings,
it is safe to say that very few women find it sexually attractive for a man to present himself as a
perpetual "Sad Sack;" someone that always lets life, and others, to get the best of him.
Interestingly, one of the traits that women listed as being extremely sexually unattractive is
overconfidence. Most felt that rudely "cocky" men were not actually that confident, rather, they
were compensating for a lack of confidence. To some extent, this is relative. If you are Michael
Jordan and you are confident in your ability to score in the playoffs, that's OK. If you are in a
restaurant and berating the waiter because he doesn't earn as much money as you do,that's not OK.
This is not a self-help book on confidence, but I will make the following suggestions:
1) Find and read as much information as you can about "Success" and "Positive Mental
Attitude." Authors such as Napoleon Hill, Norman Vincent Peale, Tony Robbins and many others
have written very important and useful books that can give you innumerable ways to start
becoming
more self confident.
2)"Fake it until you make it!" If you are presently having difficulty believing that you can
develop the self confidence that you desire, thats OK; trust me(and many more successful than I),
when I tell you that you can be in control of your life.
PASSION
"I was too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to someone I don't know."
Gary Shandling
Have you ever wondered why you sometimes see a beautiful woman with a homely (yeah...butt
ugly) man? Many times, you will notice a young, gorgeous woman with an old, frumpy guy. Why
does that happen...certainly more often than you would see the opposite? Well, there could be any
number of reasons (lets be realistic-he could be a billionaire), but one of the most common is that
that man is most likely very passionate about something in his life (possibly her); most likely
something that she is also passionate about.
Passion is an almost magic quality for a human to have; it can make the least attractive person
become attractive. It doesn't re
ally make a difference what you are passionate about; passion seems
to create an aura around a person. In studies done in the thirties, they determined that criminals and
gangsters were some of the most highly sexed individuals in society. It is almost a clich that the
"bad boy gets the girl." On the other hand, church Bible study groups are, without a doubt, one of
the best places to meet a woman (yes, and to get laid). This is because women are attracted to
passion-no matter what the passion is directed at.
In much of the rest of this book, I refer to the fact that becoming a Sexual Master will help you to
improve other areas of your life. Passion is one of the areas of your life that will dramatically help
you in your sex life. This is true whether you are single and looking to attract women, or, if you are
married and looking to keep the sex life hot. Find something that you can be passionate about:
work, skydiving, chess (well...maybe not chess), politics; whatever. As you become more and more
involved in your passion, you will meet women that are equally interested/passionate about it and
you will appear infinitely more attractive (sexually and otherwise) than you would as an opinions
"bump on a log."
Oh, by the way, do not forget that sex itself might be your passion. Some of the most physically
unattractive men in the universe find themselves with exciting sex lives (and unbelievable women)
when they passionately dedicate themselves to mastering their sexual performance and are
confident enough to locate and pursue enough women until "the law of averages" kicks in.
Again, this is a book on sexual performance, not psychology, but I will offer another "tip from your
Uncle Bob:" Life is awfully short. Don't sell yourself short in any area of life (sexua
l or otherwise).
There is no reason that you can not live your life in exactly the way that you dream it should be
lived. Don't be afraid to go after what you want in life; as you start to get your dreams, you will
become more and more passionate about the pursuit...and more and more attractive to the opposite
sex. Please "Go For It!"
DEMONSTRATING YOUR ATTRACTION AND APPRECIATION OF HER
"Man is willing to accept woman as an equal, as a man in skirts, as an angel, a devil, a
baby face, a bosom, a womb, a pair of legs... an ideal or an obscenity: the only thing he won't
accept her as is a human being, a real human being of the female sex."
D.H. Lawrence
"Women should be obscene not heard"
Groucho Marx
It is a truism of human nature that "we like those people that like us." You can not argue with this
point. Well, you could argue with it, but you'd be wrong. I know; you want to tell me a story about
some girl that you pulled her pigtails in third grade and she rejected you. Or, you want me to know
about some complete "pig" that wrote you love letters that you wouldn't sleep with, with my penis.
I am not proposing that you will be able to bed any woman because she knows that you like her/are
attracted to her. I am simply trying to highlight the basic human law of nature that humans love to
be loved and appreciated. And that you should use this fundamental principle in your pursuit of,
and relationships with women.
All women make the following considerations before they decide if it is OK to have a relationship
(yeah, yeah...and sleep with) any particular man:
"Is he the right man?"
"Is this the right time?"
"Is the environment/atmosphere right?"
It may take quite a lot of work to successfully make it through that entire gauntlet of her
considerations. But, first you need to be entered into the pool of candidates considered. To do that,
you need to understand this basic principle; she will be attracted to men that like and appreciate her.
Your job is to make sure that she recognizes that you fit into that category! And, for the Sex
Master, this is a subtle art (that is why the pigtails story doesn't impress me). You need to
consciously determine that you are going to find ways to let her know that you like and appreciate
her; ways that will not be perceived as manipulative bullshit.
I do think, as a good human, you should do this with all of the people in your life that you love; just
be aware that your chances of getting laid without doing it are practically zero.
The critical difference between success and failure in this task is approach; you want her to feel as
if you are noticing her obvious good qualities, not that you are insincerely complimenting her (just
to get into her pants). Generally, you don't want to compliment her on physical cha
racteristics that
might have some obvious sexual connotation. "Wow...you have wonderful breasts" is not a good
approach. "Jill, I noticed how well your jacket and shoes match; I am always impressed with your
sense of style" is a good approach.
I don't sug
gest that you pursue women that you aren't truly impressed with or feel have many
positive qualities; consequently, this task should not be difficult. You should not have to search for
positive qualities; they should be obvious to you. Just be creative in finding sincere, subtle ways of
letting her know that you recognize these things. You will be amazed at how quickly she warms up
to you and begins to consider you an intelligent, observant person (because you are recognizing her
positive qualities).
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Yes, women of the year 2004 do care about what a male looks like. In fact, it is very true that
women today expect more in the area of male attractiveness then they ever have; with their
newfound economic and social equality, they have more options than ever. Consequently, it is
helpful to know what, in particular, women find most physically attractive in a man. So, I will give
you the rundown...But, those of you that are not blessed with the looks and body of Adonis can rest
easy in the knowledge that, even in the year 2004, looks are infinitely less important to women than
are the other qualities we have already discussed.
Women find the following male physical characteristics most important/most attractive:
Bright and interested-looking eyes: Absolutely the number one most-important feature mentioned
by women is eyes. Women place a tremendous amount of energy into describing men's eyes. Hint:
"interested-looking" are critical descriptions. You may have been born with droopy bulldog eyes,
but if they are fixed longingly on a woman and she notices...it is amazing how attractive your eyes
become.
Neatness/Cleanliness: Whatever you have to work with... clean it up and dress it up! Shower or
bathe regularly. Make sure that your hair is always clean and styled. Keep your teeth free of food or
tobacco stains. Make sure that your fingernails are always clean. Deodorant is a necessity. Pay
attention to your clothing. Although you do not need to dress in thousand-dollar Italian suits, you
do need to wear clean, pressed clothing that is at least remotely in style. Women pay particular
attention to a man's shoes; be certain that your shoes are of good quality and, if applicable, shined.
Again, your goal is not to win her heart with your style and fastidiousness, you are simply avoiding
being eliminated from that "pool of candidates."
A firm and rounded ass: Women generally fall into two categories: whether they mention eyes or
ass as the most important characteristic to male physical attractiveness. In the end, eyes win out as
the most mentioned, but ass is a close second. You know how strongly your attention is drawn to a
woman's ass. Apparently, this is exactly the same with women and your ass. Consequently, you
have two options: 1) You can make sure that you are remarkably overachieving in all other areas or
2) You can spend some time working on your body. In the year 2004, I'd be lying to you if I told
you that working out is completely unnecessary. It isn't. It is important to success in all areasof
your life to be in shape; it will especially help you with the opposite sex.
WHAT WOMEN EXPECT FROM YOU
"A woman will sometimes forgive the man who tries to seduce her, but never the man who
misses an opportunity when offered."
Talleyrand
"It is not enough to conquer; one must know hot to seduce."
Voltaire
"All women think they're ugly, even pretty women. A man who understood this could fuck
more women than Don Giovanni. They all think their cunts are ugly...they all find fault with their
figures."
Erica Jong
"When a woman is speaking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes."
Victor Hugo
Since it is the twenty first century, you have convinced yourself that it is too difficult to know what
women expect...right?
Well, I agree that it certainly isn't obvious anymore. But, fortunately, what women want from a
man hasn't actually changed that much. The emphasis might be different. Your approach to giving
it to her might need to be adjusted to better align with the "politically correct" atmosphere that we
live in; but, ultimately women still want from a man what they have always wanted:
Love and Respect: Oh...quit rolling your eyes! I know you bought a book on how get laid more
often (and better). That's why you need to know that, w
ith very few exceptions (mostly clinical
nymphomaniacs), women are just not that interested in sex without love and respect.
I am sure you have heard the quote, "Don't marry for money...just hang out with money and fall in
love." Basically, that is my suggestion to you, as well. If you do not truly (at least) strongly like and
respect the woman you are attempting to create masterful sex with, you are setting yourself up for
failure (and very little sex). It is very difficult to fake such things. Although, if you can fake
sincerity, the rest is easy (that was a joke)! Consequently, you will not be expending your energy in
the most effective possible manner.
Once you are with a woman that you truly love and respect (OK...you can really, really like her;
but, for God's sake, at least respect her), there are millions of ways to demonstrate to her this love
and respect.
Know what women's greatest fears are and reassure her that she does not need to be afraid of these
things with you:
1) That she might be unattractive. Tell her all of the things about her that you feel are wonderfully
beautiful and attractive. If you believe that her breasts are perfect (whether large or small) or that
her eyes are incredible...tell her! Disagree with her vehemently when she says negative things about
herself. Tell her how much you fantasize about her naked body... or maybe just her face. TELL
HER TELL HER TELL HER! Again, if you don't believe these things...you might be on the wrong
track (eh?).
2) That you are may just be using her (for sex, for money, for her washing machine?). Let her know
that your true goal is her time and her love...not some ulterior motive. This is something that you
need to demonstrate to her. If she is not ready for sex, don't push the issue; let her nkow that you
are willing to wait until she is ready. If she is wealthy, offer to sign the prenuptial agreement (I
don't know...use disappearing ink
-kidding).
3) That you might do something to hurt her (or she doesn't want to do). This really needs to be
demonstrated over time, but you can start by being sensitive to her reactions to you (spoken and
unspoken) and then letting her know that you are not interested in doing anything that she is
uncomfortable with.
The other thing you need to do is to go out of your way to demonstrate to her that you are looking
to protect and take care of her in any way that she is comfortable with. Open the door for her, if she
is OK with it. Offer to pay, if she will allow you to. Have and use contraception; one of a woman'
s
greatest fears is an unwanted pregnancy.
Attention: I love the quote: "He looks at me like a little kid looks at the Christmas tree, on
Christmas morning." It really communicates what one of the greatest desires that women have: a
man that adores them. The best way to demonstrate that you adore her is to pay attention to her;
truly pay attention to her. Watch her, listen to her and observe her as if she is a wonderful mystery
that you are trying to solve; because she is.
When you are with her, do you look at her and into her eyes? Or do you find yourself looking at
everything (and everyone) but her? When she is speaking, are you really listening to what she is
saying (and not saying)?
It is so much more important to know what she is trying to say to you than what she is actually
saying. It may seem patronizing of me to say that women like to test us, but, in many respects, that
is what they are doing. They do and say things that require us to "read between the lines" to truly
understand their intent. They want to know if we care enough about them to decipher the riddle;
them. Do your best to become a master riddle solver. Notice the little things; her clothes, hair,
makeup, etc. Did she do something different with her hair? Does she have on a new pair of shoes?
When you notice, let her know.
Seduction: This is where I risk having the National Organization for Women burn down my office
building, but here it goes: Most women enjoy being pursued and seduced. To some extent (Godplease make sure the fire alarms in the building are active), women still say "no" when they mean
"yes." They still play "hard to get" and they still, occasionally, want you to have to "work for it." I
am not suggesting that you disregard a woman's direct refusal of one of your specifi
c sexual
advances. In that case, if she says no, stop. Don't necessarily give up on her, but you don't have any
right to force yourself upon anyone. What I am referring to is when a woman throws some
temporary roadblocks in front of you to see if you care enough to go around them.
If she doesn't jump at the opportunity to go away for the weekend with you, after ten minutes, she
may be still be attracted to you; she just may want to know that you actually would wait an
additional ten minutes. If she seems to be giving you reasons why you two wouldn't be good
together...maybe she is searching to see if you have a list of why you would be. It is very simple;
she wants to feel special and worthwhile. And, for the most part, nothing valuable is cheap (free,
maybe, but not cheap) or easy. Let her know that you understand this and demonstrate how special
and valuable she is to you.
Luckily, some of the most effective ways of demonstrating this are some of the oldest and most
obvious. Yes, women still love flowers, poems and skywriting! Find something you can afford and
are comfortable with, but have a passion for the chase! Have fun in finding new ways to show her
you are always attempting to earn her love and affection.
WHAT DOES SHE WANT IN BED?
"Love is not the dying moan of a violin-it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring."
S.J. Perelman
Whew...we finally get to talk about sex in this chapter (I know you were thinking that)!
Well, if you are still with me at this point, you are definitely committed to becoming a Sexual
Master and you deserve a little bit of congratulations...take a minute and pat yourself on the, on the
,er...back.
What do women of the year 2004 want in bed? Although women differ significantly on the
importance that they assign to each of these things, the following skills are most often mentioned as
necessary in a good lover:
Safety and Comfort: The bedroom should never be boring, but it should always be safe. A woman
should always feel as if she is in no danger; either physical or emotional. Let her know that she can
set any limits that she wants and that you will respect her wishes. Although it is important that you
always communicate your needs, if she is not willing to participate in a particular fantasy or
activity, do not push the issue to the point of making her uncomfortable. Many times, the best time
to discuss such differences is outside the bedroom where the discussion is not so emotionally
charged.
Only once she knows that she is totally safe with you, will she be capable of truly relaxing and
letting go of any unnecessary inhibitions. You'll be surprised at what she is willing to try in order to
please you (when she is ready), as opposed to appeasing you.
One of a woman's greatest fears is of embarrassing or humiliatingherself. You should do whatever
you can to make her feel as if that can not happen with you, in bed, no matter what. Never make
negative comments about her or her body. Always do whatever you can, through your words and
actions, to make her comfortable with herself, her body and you. Again, it is only when she is no
longer concerned about embarrassing herself, or making mistakes, that she will be able to be
completely open with you about her needs and desires.
Great Kissing and Foreplay: Many women made the statement that, if they had to make a choice,
they would prefer that their man were a great kisser versus a sexual athlete. Don't you wish I would
have told you that before you bought the book? Well, that was if they were forced to make a
choice. The point is that kissing and creative foreplay are high on the list of a woman's expectations
in bed. By the very nature of their sexual arousal process, most women need more time and arousal
to be ready for intercourse. And, emotionally, it helps to provide them with the comfort and
security that we discussed earlier.
A woman does not want you to just jump on her breasts and vagina as quickly as she is naked. She,
ideally, expects you to "worship" her entire body first. She wants you to make every square inch of
her sexually charged. Whereas most men almost immediately want and enjoy to have their penis
stimulated...no matter what level of arousal they are at, women need to spend a little more time
working themselves up to a state of sexual arousal that allows such stimulation to be pleasurable
instead of annoying.
Although some men truly, selfishly do not care about whether they are giving their woman the
maximum amount of pleasure possible, I believe that most men do care. From my experience with
seminar participants, most hesitancy to take the necessary time and attention to allow a woman to
become fully aroused is a result of their lack of confidence that they had the sexual endurance to
last that long. Hopefully, by now, you have begun to realize significant improvements in that area
and are willing to take the proper time necessary to fully arouse your partner. Approach your
partner's entire body as if it were an erogenous zone. Find new and exciting ways to touch and
caress parts of her body that you normally do not focus on.
Hair:
A woman's hair can be wonderfully sensual and erotic to the touch. Stroke, smell, even taste her
hair. Run your hands through her hair and massage her scalp with your fingertips. Occasionally, tug
gently on her hair in a sexy way; unless she lets you know that she doesn't like it.
Ears:
Take advantage of all of the wonderful possibilities of a woman's ears. Lick and nibble on her ear
lobes; squeeze and massage them between your fingers.
Many women do find it pleasurable to have you lick and blow inside their ears, but don't overdo
this. You are not looking to create a wind tunnel effect, just a warm sensuous feeling. The effect is
supposed to be sexy...not a "wet willy."
Talk to her. Make her laugh. Make her cry. Just do not make the mistake of clamming up in bed.
Although most women may have difficulty telling you, they love to hear the sound of your voice.
And, they really love the sounds you make as you get more and more aroused. Let yourself make
all of those noises that you feel like making: moan, gasp, sigh, and grunt....she will love it!
Eyes:
You are missing out on a lot if you ignore a woman's eyes. Women, again and again, tell me how
sexy men are that look into their eyes with passion. One describes it this way: "When he looks into
my eyes, he looks like a little kid staring at the Christmas tree on Christmas morning." Gazing into
her eyes is a powerful way to demonstrate how much you love and appreciate her.
Also, many women mention how hot it makes them when a man looks them directly in the eye
while performing some sort of lustful act upon her (or while she is, upon you). Try deliberately
looking deep into her eyes just at the moment that you begin to enter her, or just as you are about to
climax...or are climaxing. This is so hot!
Lips/Mouth:
Women appreciate good kissers. Be creative. Don't be so concerned about getting your tongue
somewhere deep into her esophagus; but do be creative. Lick, nibble and suck on her lips. Lick,
nibble and suck on her tongue and teeth. Run your tongue between her lips and teeth. Occasionally
flick the tip of your tongue up and down her lips or tongue. Kiss her firmly and passionately...and
then very soft and gently. Again...this is a great time to look deep into her eyes.
Neck:
Kiss, lick and nibble all over her neck. It is particularly fun to flutter your tongue lightly at the
place on her neck where her neck meets her jaw.
Back/Arms:
Massage and caress her entire back and arms. Most women absolutely love to have their backs
alternately scratched and massaged. While you are back there, be sure to kiss and lick anything that
looks particularly appealing to you. The small of a woman's back is especially sensitive to kissing,
licking, etc.
Breasts:
Although you would think that stimulating this part of a woman's body would come natural to
men...
Play it cool...For the most part, you will find that I encourage you to overly express your
lust/passion with your partner. Although this is still, generally the case with a woman's brea
sts, this
is the one area where I will suggest that you be slightly coy. This is because most women feel that
men are too hung up on breasts...that they are more attracted to their breasts then the woman,
herself. Consequently, sometimes, women perceive your passion/excitement about her breasts as
less of a compliment than you may think.
Consciously treat her breasts more as a part of her overall body/sexiness...and less as ends unto
themselves.
Firmly cup and massage each breast. Lick nibble and suck all over (and around) the breast, not just
the nipple. Be aware that, although sexually powerful, most women's nipples are much more
sensitive than you might think; be gentle. Lick, suck and blow lightly all around her nipples and
areolas. Occasionally flutter your tongue over her nipples. Sometimes you might push her nipple
into her breast with the tip of your tongue (assuming she has outward nipples).
Stomach/Thighs/Buttocks
All of these areas feel great being massaged, kissed and licked. Do all of this...a lot.
Feet:
I suppose some Masters could write an entire book on just feet. I won't. But I will say that few
Masters do not take advantage of all of the sensuous possibilities of a woman's feet. Kissing,
licking and sucking on a woman's feet and toes isone of the most erotic things you can ever
do...and most women find it sooo sexy!
Most women can use their feet in a way amazingly similar to their hands. Take advantage of this
fact; let her touch and play with your body and penis with her feet/toes. I think both of you will find
this type of play very fun.
Tenderness and Courtesy (at the appropriate times): Of course, your entire approach to your woman
should be one of tenderness and courtesy. Women want their men to be gentle and thoughtful at all
times, not just in bed. But, it is especially important in bed.
But...Sometimes she needs and desires to be "fucked like a five-dollar whore: Whereas tenderness
and courtesy should be your overall strategy, sometimes "taking her" and demonstrating your naked
lust upon her is the best tactic. Many women said that they sometimes need what one woman
described as, "a good, and hard fucking."
This generally falls under the category of sexual stamina; women expect their men to be able to
confidently take control of the lovemaking. To do this, you need to be certain that you have the
skills and endurance necessary. Luckily, as a developing Sex Master, you do. Now is the time to
take advantage of your newfound skills and abilities. Toss her around the bedroom like a rag doll,
violate her in every way you (and she) desires...and then come back for more! Whether it is the
year 2004 or not, there are million-year-old urges still coursing through us.
All women expressed that, at times, they find it incredibly erotic to have the man be in complete
control. The reason that most women do not initiate sex is not that they do not enjoy it as much as
you do; it is because a necessary stimulus for most women is the feeling that they are being pursued
and taken.
Oral Sex: Believe it or not, the number one thing that women wish there was more of in bed is oral
sex (sorry, that would be cunnilingus: you doing her). I am not sure why this surprises men, since
they love to have oral sex performed upon them, but it still does.
Uninhibited Talking and Noisemaking: You would be surprised how strongly women are turned on
by the sound of your voice, especially in bed. Women are particularly sensitive to being aroused by
the sound of a man's voice. Use this fact to your advantage. T
alk, whisper, grunt, moan...whatever
feels right at the time; your woman will love it. She will especially love it if you use your voice to
tell her how much you love her and how much she is turning you on.
Having a man "talk dirty" to her is also something that many women enjoy. Numerous women
specifically mentioned how erotic they thought it was to hear their man so lustfully aroused that he
needed to express it in a nasty way. But, a caution: if you have not yet attempted this with your
partner, start small and work your way up, OK? In fact, if you are comfortable with doing it, you
should actually ask her if it is OK first. For most women, the answer will be yes.
After play: You are no doubt familiar with the clich of the man that "rolls over and falls asleep" as
soon as he has had an orgasm. Hopefully, this is not you. If it is, you need to be aware of the
negative affect that doing this will have on your woman; in her mind, the time immediately after
lovemaking is as (or more) important than the lovemaking itself. If you deprive her of this
important part of the event, you can be certain that she will be less enthusiastic about lovemaking
than she is capable of.
You should be aware of the fact that your post ejaculation drowsiness is not just a lack of character
on your part; it is a physiological reality that, after ejaculation, your body goes into a sleepy, dream
like state. Although very real, it is also temporary. Within a few minutes, this drowsy state will
pass. It is best that you know this, so that you expect it and are aware of the fact that you can get
through it (quite easily) if you want to.
But, let me at least draw your attention to the fact that a woman's vagina isnot a mysterious
creation (at least not in regard to how to stimulate it). In it, there are two very sexually-sensitive
areas, the clitoris and the G spot. If you are not directly (or indirectly) stimulating one of these
areas, you are probably not very effectively stimulating her at all.
Consequently, for now, simply be aware of this fact and focus upon learning ways to stimulate
these areas of her vagina with your thrusting. You will find that "Screwing" is a pretty good way of
describing the best motion for stimulating your woman during intercourse; instead of a basic "in
and out" type of motion, you are looking for more of a grinding, twisting type. You want to manage
to stimulate either her clitoris or G spot (or both) with each movement.
3) Changing Positions and Motions Too Often
I do own a copy of the Kama Sutra. You should too. It is a wonderful catalogue of many sexual
positions, etc. And, women do love variety. But, a good rule of thumb is -Don't attempt all four
thousand positions in a single night! OK, I am exaggerating a bit. My point is important though.
Some men feel that they will be perceived as wonderful lovers if they are constantly trying new
positions, etc. Diversity is a positive thing, but only in moderation. One woman describes it this
way: "My husband is a wonderful lover, very attentive and creative. He is always able to get me
aroused and excited. That's the problem! Just as I find a particular angle or rhythm that is starting to
really get me off...he decides it's time to changepositions. It is like throwing cold water on me."
Its OK to try new positions, just don't move on to a new one until you've perfected the first one.
Find a way, with the new position, to directly stimulate your woman's clitoris or G spot. Or just
find a way to drive her wild with it...but be sensitive to whether changing to another position will
ruin her immediate arousal.
4) Too Great a Focus on Clitoral Stimulation
What? Is it possible to focus too much on a woman's clitoris? Unbelievable as it may see
m.....yes, it
is.
Although most women can not orgasm without some sort of clitoral stimulation, the clitoris is such
a sensitive area of the woman's body that direct clitoral stimulation is slightly uncomfortable to the
woman before and after full sexual arousal. Consequently, it is important that you are careful not to
directly stimulate her clitoris until she is fully aroused. And, be sure to go easy afterward.
The sensation that a woman receives when you stimulate her clitoris is similar to the sensation you
receive when the glans of your penis is stimulated. This type of stimulation also creates a
surface/genital type of sensation that is very pleasurable, but can become uncomfortable if
overdone. Make sure that you keep her clitoris lubricated as you manipulate it. Also, be careful not
to squeeze or bite too hard on the clitoris...you can hurt your woman. Since we will more fully
discuss proper clitoral stimulation in upcoming sections, I will just sum up by saying that it is
important to treat the clitoris as an extremely erotic area of the woman...not a magic orgasm button!
It is fair to say that all true Sex Masters love women and consider them men's equals. This is only
logical; why would you want to spend so much time attempting to please someone that wasn't
really worthy of your time and attention? If you want to truly learn the possibilities of an unlimited
sex life, but you feel that you may have some latent dislike/distrust of women...I suggest that you
seek some professional help to sort it out; if you don't, you are only depriving yourself.
But, then again...I'm just your Uncle Bob.
The clitoris, with its glans, its hood, and its shaft, appears at the upper junction of the minor labia.
When a woman is sexually stimulated, the glans clitoris enlarges at least enough to smooth out the
wrinkles in its covering of skin. In a minority of women the glans may enlarge up to double its
normal size. However little or much it swells, its changes follow along with the changes in the
length and thickness of the minor labia. As a woman reaches high levels of sexual arousal and
approaches orgasm the entire body of the clitoris-glans and shaft- retracts inward and down toward
the vagina, until the glans is entirely hidden under the clitoral hood.
Downward from the urethral opening is the opening of the vagina. The vagina serves for sexual
intercourse and for birth. Normally the vagina is collapsed upon itself so that its walls are touching
all along its length. A woman's first physical response to sexual stimulation is vaginal lubrication.
The walls of the vagina produce lubricating fluid by a process similar to sweating.
With continuing arousal, the vagina opens and lengthens. It produces more lubrication. The uterusthe womb-elevates inside the body, making a tent like space above the bottom of the vaginal barrel.
At the same time the outer third of the vaginal barrel becomes congested with blood and actually
closes down smaller than its previous opening which allows it to hold and to feel a penis of any
size, from very small to very large.
With the beginning of brief orgasm the outer third of the vagina pulses in rhythmic contraction.
This pulsing is the work of a sling of muscle, the pubococcygeus (yes, the same PC muscle we've
just discussed), that attaches to the pubic bone in front and the coccyx or tailbone in back. The PC
muscle surrounds the opening of the urethra and the vagina. As you will see, the PC muscle is only
one of the many similarities in the anatomical structures of males and females.
As well, when a woman is aroused, her nipples will usually stiffen, and her breasts may swell. The
breasts of some young women grow by as much as a quarter when they are fully excited, simply
because of the blood that rushes into them.
In addition, your woman may develop what is called the sex flush... a redness of the skin on the
chest and face; although, this quickly disappears once an orgasm has been achieved.
Generally, the first feelings of orgasm occur in the lower third of the vagina and then quickly
spread through the network of involuntary muscles to the remaining two thirds.
An interesting fact: During orgasm, a woman's vagina contracts every .8th of a second. This is
exactly the same length of the male's contractions while ejaculating sperm. Talk about
simultaneous!
These contractile orgasmic waves rapidly reach your woman'
s womb and, although the contractions
of the womb are slower and not as regular as those of the vagina, they can give her a deeper, more
satisfying type of pleasure; this is what she might be referring to if she ever says that it felt as if
"the Earth moved."
As do yours, during orgasm, her anal muscles will also contract involuntarily. This, plus the fact
that this entire region is connected together by very sensitive nerve endings, is why anal stimulation
(as she nears and orgasm) can be very pleasurable to your woman.
And, while we are on the topic of anal stimulation...
It is a fact that men are generally more interested in anal sex with than are women. This is for
several reasons; women do not possess a prostate (which makes anal stimulation much more
pleasurable), most men are not familiar with the proper technique for ensuring that anal sex is not
uncomfortable (or painful) and some women have concerns that anal sex is something "dirty" or
unsanitary. Although, this is a sexual activity not as enthusiastically embraced by the fairer sex, it
does not necessarily need to be off limits. With a bit of communication and patience, if you truly
desire anal sex, it is possible for you to make it very enjoyable for your woman, as well. But, a few
thoughts and guidelines:
Do not force anal sex. It is one of the few sexual activities that, percentage wise, a majority of
women actually expressed a dislike for. And, it is also one of the few sexual activities that poses
actual health risks to both of you, if you are not carefully and willingly participating. The sphincter
muscle and general area can be damaged (torn, bruised) relatively easily if your woman is not
completely aroused and relaxed during penetration. Do not attempt anal stimulation/penetration
unless she is in a very sexually aroused state. Until that point, it (physically speaking) can only be
uncomfortable and painful. Always use lubrication. Although vaginal fluid may seem to be
sufficient, it usually isn't. Use a lubricant such as KY jelly. Ifyou are using a condom, never use a
lubricant that contains petroleum products; they will deteriorate your condom and negate your
purpose for wearing it.
Enter her as she is ready, not when you are. Accepting something the size of a penis into your anus
takes significant concentration and relaxation. Allow her the time and energy to accomplish this.
The only real exception to this rule is the following: Insert the head of your penis past her sphincter
muscle rather quickly; this part of your insertion is the most difficult and taking your time at this
point tends to be uncomfortable. Once the head of your penis is past her sphincter, take your time.
Never, never insert anything into her anus and then into her vagina. It is rather easy to give your
woman an infection from transferring microorganisms from her anal area to her vagina. You should
always wash any body parts that have made direct contact with her anus before allowing them to
touch her vagina.
Female
Glans of Clitoris
Shaft of Clitoris
Clitoral Hood
Urethral Opening
Major Labia
Minor Labia
Vaginal Opening
Perineal Raphe
Perineum
Anus
It is important to remember these similarities when you stimulate your partner. They'll help you
understand where your partner is sensitive and how that sensitivity feels. I think that one reason
many men have difficulty pleasing their woman is because they falsely assume that the woman's
sexual organs and orgasm process is a mystery...completely different from his. If, instead, he was
more aware of the similarities between he and his partner and pleasured her in ways that he enjoyed
being pleasured, he would be a long way toward becoming a great lover.
The similarity between the glans penis and the glans clitoris partly explains why many women don't
have orgasm during ordinary intercourse. When a man's penis is thrusting in a woman's vagina, he's
directly stimulating his most sensitive organ but only indirectly stimulating hers. Only about one
woman in three is orgasmic with intercourse. That is why "The Perfect Sex Position," which we
discuss later, involves a much more direct stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse.
True Masters utilize their awareness of these similarities to become better lovers. Because Masters
are both hyper aware of what stimulates themselves and are concerned about pleasing their partner,
they are able to intuitively find ways to please their woman.
THE MASTER'S GENERAL GAMEPLAN TO PLEASING A WOMAN:
At this point, we have explored the basics of her anatomy and arousal, we have discussed how you
can maintain whatever state of erection or orgasm that is necessary to please her and we have
touched on the Five Fundamental Mistakes of Female Stimulation to avoid. You should be getting
very close to getting a clear picture of what a masterful love life looks like. But, it should be helpful
for us to summarize what we will refer to as the" Master's GeneralGame plan to Pleasing a
Woman:"
Prepare her for lovemaking long before you get into bed...
As we have discussed, women generally view sex as an expression of love; whereas most men see
it the other way around. It is near impossible for women to disassociate sex from their general
feelings of self-worth, love and romance. Masters prepare the groundwork for masterful sex in the
hours before and after the actual time spent in bed.
Make her feel safe and comfortable...
The more you are able to make her feel safe from physical, spiritual and emotional harm, the more
likely she is to drop her inhibitions and help you "push the envelope" in bed. Never, Never, Never
laugh or tease your woman about a request or fantasy that she proposes to you. Never, ever, say or
do anything that makes her feel unattractive in any way. These are the quickest ways, known to
mankind, to make her cold and uninterested in sex.
A vagina is essentially a passive sexual organ...it is a void to be filled. Part of the female
stimulation is the excitement of allowing herself to be submissive enough to accept your organ; it is
an exciting and potentially dangerous thing to have to trust your partner for a portion of your own
sexual gratification. This is why some women love sex in the "doggy position" so much; it
heightens this feeling of being submissively taken and filled. It is also why some women love anal
sex; the increased need for submission, trust, etc. is even more all encompassing.
Be a Master at Oral Sex....
If you recall, one surprising thing that I have discovered in my interviews with women is that they
absolutely crave and desire more of one particular thing in bed: oral sex.
Part of the problem is that women do have more of an inherent hang-up about having oral sex
performed on them, then do men. They sometimes worry that cunnilingus is a task that you are
performing solely for her pleasure; that it is dirty or smelly or unpleasant.
And, admittedly, many men are not (yet) hugely thrilled about performing oral sex on their women
either.
Well, this is a real shame for everyone concerned. If there is a more exciting, arousing and sensual
activity than oral sex, I would be hard pressed to think of it. Both giving and receiving oral sex can
be an unbelievable sexual experience. Consequently, I suggest that you attempt to stay open
minded about the potential benefits to you of becoming skilled at oral sex
A few guidelines...
Make her comfortable: If she feels that she might be particularly dirty or sweaty for some reason
(its the end of the day and you were both running in a marathon) offer to take a shower with her. If
she is concerned that you are offering oral sex just to please her, make it clear to her that you enjoy
it as much as she does; if you don't (fake it until you do...trust me you will learn to love it).
If you have hesitations about performing cunnilingus because of the tastes and smells that you may
encounter, I suggest that you change your attitude towards such things. Although some women's
vaginal juices have stronger smells and tastes than others, there is nothing dirty or unsanitary about
a woman's vaginal juices.
In fact, most Masters tell me that the smell and taste of their woman's juices is one of the greatest
turn ons that they can imagine. Those of you that are looking to increase their passion in bed should
especially learn this wonderful secret. Although I know of no pill that you can take to instantly
supercharge your sexual energies, the smell and taste of a woman's vagina (and juices) is even
better; for a man lost in the act of orally pleasing his woman, it is possible to create the highest
heights of sexual passion and the hardest of erections. Do not deny yourself these joys.
Be Gentle: Especially before she is highly aroused, you want to be very gentle during oral sex; it is
possible to hurt her with your teeth or even your "5 o'clock shadow." Never bite or lick her in a way
that could hurt her.
Do not just focus just on her clitoris: Spend time licking, kissing, etc. all of her vaginal area. Lick
inside and outside both her labia major and minor. Lick and kiss her inner thighs and her perineum,
the area between her vagina and anus.
Be Inventive: Use your tongue, fingers, lips, chin, nose...whatever seems right at the time. Pay as
much attention to her clitoral shaft as to the clitoris itself. Especially before she is completely
aroused, it is best to indirectly stimulate the clitoris, by way of the clitoral shaft, so as to avoid
causing her discomfort.
Try the "Venus Butterfly Kiss:" One technique that women seem to particularly love is the Venus
Butterfly Kiss. To accomplish this, you do the following:
1) Cover her entire clitoral area with your open mouth.
2) Stimulate her clitoris with the back of your tongue, instead of the tip.
3) With her clitoris resting on the back of your tongue, move your tongue in a motion
similar to how you would move it when making a "clucking" sound. If you touch the back
of your tongue with your index finger while you make a "clucking" sound, you should be
able to get a good idea of what this motion is like. Do you feel how your tongue flips up and
down in a motion similar to the
waves of the ocean? Doing this motion over a
woman's clitoris creates wonderful sensations for her...she may never let you out of bed!
Not Too much Repetition...Not Too Little: During oral sex, some men find a particular motion or
technique that seems to stimulate their woman...and then do it until the woman wants to hit them
over the head! Here's the problem: Women need to be stimulated consistently enough to continually
raise their arousal level, but they are particularly susceptible to becoming numb to any particular
motion. If you find that flicking the tip of your tongue over her clitoris pleases her, by all means do
it...but don't do just this; alternate this motion with others such as licking up and down the
inside/outsides of her labia, etc. But, when you are sensing that she is approaching an orgasm,
change your motions less. Or, at least don't make radical changes (sucking on her clitoris...then
sucking on her toes). This will only frustrate her.
Look into her eyes: Occasionally, go out of your way to stare into your woman'seyes while you are
performing oral sex on her. Many women mentioned that they found it particularly exciting to have
a man look in her eyes (with obvious lust) while he was going down on her.
Never blow into her vagina. I know, you are wondering why I would tell you this...honestly, I have
never had a desire to do this either. But, I have heard of men that have done it and it can be FATAL
to a woman. Believe it or not, blowing air into her vagina can create a risk of sending an air bubble
into her bloodstream which could possibly turn into a brain aneurysm and death. Although this may
be a novel way to get at that big life insurance policy, I don't recommend it.
The best time to locate it is immediately after a woman has had orgasm. It is then already
somewhat enlarged and sensitive. If a partner presses the G-Spot trigger area with one or two
fingers and strokes it at rate of about once a second, a woman mentally open to the experience will
usually become more sexually aroused. Initially, this area will feel spongy (relative to the
smoothness of the surrounding vaginal wall) and with higher levels of arousal will become hard
and approximate the feel of a small bean.
Why concern yourself with your woman's G spot and vaginal orgasms?
It can provide her with additional pleasure: With very little exception, women describe the
pleasure, orgasm and release of a G spot orgasm as tremendously more satisfying than standard
clitoral climaxes. Although none were willing to trade a clitoral climax for a vaginal orgasm, they
were almost uniform in their description of the vaginal orgasm as deeper, harder and more
psychologically fulfilling.
It can bring you closer together as a couple: Women tend to describe the G spot/Vaginal orgasm as
an almost-spiritual sort of thing. They talk of feeling as if their entire body is "melting" away into a
puddle of warm love for their partner. Various people describe these types of orgasms as "heart
orgasms"; the type of experience that welds two souls together. Simply put, helping your woman to
achieve a G spot/Vaginal orgasm is a bonding experience that is difficult to beat.
Another reason that some women do not experience the pleasures of their G spot and vaginal
orgasms is the same reason that some men cannot maintain their erections and achieve multiple
orgasms: undeveloped and weak pelvic and PC muscles. Women have the same PC muscle that you
do and it is just as necessary to their sexual performance, sensitivity and enjoyment as yours is to
you. Since this is a book on male sexual performance, I will not go into great detail on the exercises
that women can perform to strengthen and develop these important muscles. But, I will tell you that
they are very similar to the PC flex/squeeze exercises that you do. Most clinicians refer to these
exercises (for women) as Kegel exercises and they can be done either with or without an object
inserted into the vagina for resistance against the PC muscle.
Some women have Psychological and/or Religious issues with the concept of a G spot or vaginal
orgasm; they find it difficult to believe that it is a good thing to experience such intense sexual
pleasure. Some find it difficult to allow themselves to allow their body to become engulfed with the
strong, involuntary spasms and convulsions that deep vaginal orgasms can produce; they fell as if
this is a dirty or evil thing to do. For these women, I would suggest that they consider counseling
with either a trained psychologist (possibly a cleric) that can relieve them of these unnecessary
concerns. From my perspective, God created human sexuality and I am sure that he expects us to
enjoy it to its fullest potential.
Some women avoid G spot stimulation and orgasms because it causes them to have a female
ejaculation. Because some women do not know that this is a rather normal occurrence, they feel as
if they may be weird. Or, they mistake this ejaculation for release of urine. Female ejaculation is
definitely not urine. It is a whitish, milky substance similar to the liquid that the male prostate
produces and mixes with sperm to create semen. Women should be made aware of the common
nature of female ejaculation so that they do not attempt to avoid it.
G SPOT AROUSAL TECHNIQUES
Warning: Avoid the mistake that 90% of my seminar participants make after learning about the G
spot and the following techniques-becoming a "pain in the ass" to your wife, in bed! I can't tell you
how many wives relate to me that their men suddenly focused on nothing else but their G spot and
seemed so disappointed when they did not achieve vaginal or female ejaculation...every time.
Do not let "the best become the enemy of the good." What I mean by this is that, although G spot
and vaginal orgasms (as well as female ejaculatory orgasms) are very desirable for both your
partner and yourself, they are not the ultimate goal! The goal is to create a masterful, enjoyable and
fun sex life for both of you. You can not do this if you start to make sex into a competitive sport
where you are placing big expectations on each of your respective performances.
Sometimes, your woman will desire and achieve G spot stimulation and vaginal orgasms of the
highest order. Sometimes, she may just want to do a quickie. True Masters try to meet the needs as
they exist.
Bottom line: Have fun, and let your woman have fun. All things come to those that wait and
prepare.
Manipulation
The female G spot is best manipulated by the fingers of a partner. This is because it is difficult for a
woman to comfortably reach her own G spot and because the male penis is not quite as adept at
performing the specific stroking and rubbing motions that most effectively produce deep vaginal
orgasms (all right, I know...your penis is. But, most aren't).
Although it is possible to reach the G spot effectively from several different angles, most Masters
(and their women) report that the absolute most effective way to stimulate a woman's G spot is with
your index finger inserted into her vagina, while you lay side-by-side. She should be lying
comfortably with her body slightly facing you, legs spread as far apart as comfortable. See Diagram
Below:
Only after you notice many of the signs that she is becoming highly aroused, insert your index
finger into her vagina about two to three inches. Her G spot will be directly behind her pubic bone,
on her front vaginal wall (beneath her belly) and somewhere between (if you imagine her belly
button as "twelve o'clock") "eleven o'clock" and "one o'clock." You are looking for an area on the
vaginal wall that feels slightly different than the rest of the wall's surface: slightly spongier and
courser (it may help to picture what a woman'sareola look and feel like when they are erect).
Be careful, especially until she is very aroused, not to push or rub this area too hard; it could be
uncomfortable. You are not looking to poke or particularly cause any friction with the motion of
your finger upon her G spot; you are more trying to make a motion as if you were polishing a
nickel with your fingertip. You should apply comfortable pressure with your fingertip(s) and move
them in a small circular motion. The best way to completely understand the proper motion is for
you to practice stimulating your own prostate; you will quickly understand the sensations created
by certain motions upon that particular area.
If you are successfully stimulating your woman's G spot, you will discover that her vagina may
respond to your stimulation in ways that you have never experienced: Deep G spot orgasms,
generally, cause the vaginal opening to open very wide and relax, as opposed to tightly close and
tense, as in standard clitoral orgasms. One of the surest signs that you are helping your woman to
achieve a G spot/vaginal orgasm is this relaxing and widening of her vaginal opening, while at the
same time, she is showing obvious signs of increasingly higher states of sexual arousal.
Female Ejaculatory orgasms, generally, cause the uterus and other internal organs to press very
hard against the pelvis, constricting the upper portion of the vagina in a very strong and pronounced
way; many men tell us that immediately before a female ejaculatory orgasm their finger or penis is
actually pushed out of the vagina from the pressure and closing of the vagina.
Positions
With few exceptions, the rear entry ("doggy style") position is rated the most effective intercourse
position for stimulating a woman's G spot. This is because, in this position, the penis naturally has a
greater tendency to come in contact with the G spot area of the woman's vagina. It should be noted
that, for purposes of stimulating the G spot, it is not necessarily best to attempt to insert your penis
as deeply as possible with each stroke. If you remember the location of the G spot, you will see
that, in most cases, it is best to stroke your penis in and out of your woman's vagina only far enough
to be stimulating her G spot.
Another position that received high marks for G spot stimulation is the woman-on-top position; you
lay on your back, she straddles your legs and inserts your penis into her vagina. This position gives
her much more control over where and how your penis comes in contact with her vagina; she is
better able to stimulate her own G spot with your penis in this position. A similar position that was
mentioned is where the man is seated in a chair and the woman straddles his legs (facing him) and
inserts his penis into her vagina.
In most cases, the standard missionary position is not that effective at creating either effective
clitoral or vaginal orgasms. In another section, we will discuss a variation on the missionary
position that overcomes most of its limitations, "The Perfect Sex Position." But, until you master it,
you may want to experiment with stimulating your woman's G spot with the above positions.
Therefore, do not approach this in a goal-oriented, pressure-filled way. Instead, I suggest that you
take a two step approach to helping your woman to achieve an ejaculatory orgasm: 1)
Communicate your desire to help her discover this wonderful experience and be certain that she is
interested as well. Do this at a time (possibly, no where near the actual bedroom) when there is no
implied pressure on your part to try it immediately. The goal is to make her aware of the
possibilities and to determine that she is interested in pursuing them. 2) Wait for the right time! The
correct time and place for attempting her first ejaculatory orgasm is when you have a good amount
of uninterrupted time, when you are both in the midst of one of your better, more "heart and soul"
type of lovemaking sessions. It is absolutely necessary that you are very relaxed, comfortable and
aroused. Since it is difficult to force such a situation, I suggest that you wait until you recognize
one. Again, this advice is based upon the experience of many Masters. Although, I have also heard
many stories of couples that very systematically planned the event and were successful.
You must very deliberately work to both sexually arouse and relax her: One of the fundamental
mistakes that most men make during lovemaking is focusing too much on the genitals and
forgetting how integrally they are attached and related to the rest of a woman's body. Achieving a
deep G spot/vaginal or ejaculatory orgasm requires a high level of sexual arousal, but it also
requires a very high level of relaxation. Consequently, as you are doing your foreplay, consciously
focus on massaging and caressing her entire body in ways that will relax her. Rub and massage her
shoulders, neck and back, etc.
Areas of particular focus for your relaxing caresses should be:
1) The area of her belly directly below her belly button. This area is essentially the external
area over her G spot. Your goal is to gently rub any tension out of this area. Not for too long...this
area can become tender.
2) Upper thighs, buttocks and hips. Think about how many interrelated muscle groups in
this part of her body there are. As we discussed earlier in the book, one of the main roadblocks to a
woman achieving a vaginal orgasm is tension in the pelvic area. You are looking to do whatever
you can to help your woman relax and release all tension in this area...only then will she be free to
experience an ejaculatory orgasm.
Once she is relaxed, you want to be as creative as possible in ways to increase her arousal and
excitement without actually touching or stimulating her clitoris or vagina. This is because her first
desire will be to satisfy the initial sexual tension/itch that will build up in her up clitoral area; if you
satisfy this desire too quickly, you may release the tension before it has a chance to build into a
deeper more vaginal/G spot type of arousal.
I suggest that you tease her in any ways that you find enjoyable. Stroke and touch all around her
clitoris and vagina (just don't actually touch it). Kiss, hug and caress her in every sexy, exciting
way that you can imagine until she is practically begging you to touch her clitoris or vagina. When
she moves your hand to that area, or even if she asks for you to touch her there, resist. Resist until
you are absolutely certain that she is sufficiently relaxed and aroused.
Relative to your arousal, it is important that you be in a similar state of arousal to what you are
attempting to produce in her. The higher your level of arousal, the more concentrated effort you
will be able to dedicate to intuitively finding the absolute best stimulation for her. Lovemaking at
its best is an almost magnetic, electrical interaction between two bodies; the higher your excitement
the better...but, avoid directly stimulating your penis during this part of the lovemaking. Just as you
don't want to risk dissi
pating her sexual energy, you don't want to lose yours either.
When you think that you are both hyper-aroused (and you "just cant wait" any longer), you can
start to move your hand more directly to her vagina. I recommend that the first contact that you
make with her vagina should be the following: with your fingers spread her outer vaginal lips so
that they flatten against her body, then place your cupped hand over her entire vaginal area; your
middle fingers should be resting on her perineum (the area between her anus and vagina), and the
upper portion of your palm should be resting on, or above, her clitoris. The first motions you make
with your cupped hand should be not be a rubbing motion, per se, but more of a slight rocking back
and forth of your entire palm. As you are rocking your hand back and forth, you should gently
squeeze/grasp her entire vaginal area; get a firm, but gentle grasp on her while effecting the rocking
motion.
It is very important to be aware of the fact that you are attempting to achieve a much deeper, more
profound sexual experience for both of you. You will not be able to accomplish this if you
approach this experience as if it were purely a sexual event. This is a Bonding experience between
you and your partner; therefore you must be hyper-conscious of all of your actions to be sure that
you are creating an atmosphere of trust and deep sharing. Most Masters, especially for the first few
times that they bring their women to ejaculatory orgasms, report that the best way to achieve this
atmosphere is to hug their partner in a very deliberate and reassuring way throughout the entire
event.
You want to be non-verbal (and verbally) communicating to her that whatever happens is OK, and
that she is completely accepted and safe with you. It is highly suggested that you put your other
arm around her in such a way as to be able to hug and draw her close to you. Each time that you
sense that she is reaching a new level of arousal, be sure to tightly hug her in a reassuring way to let
her know how close this experience is bringing you.
At this point, you are holding her with one arm in a very reassuring way and cupping her vagina
with your other. One other advantage of this particular position is that it tends to relax you both
because it (consciously or unconsciously) puts you in control of the situation; it allows her to let
herself go and passively receive all of the pleasure that you are giving her and it causes you to
better discover ways to excite her.
Although it is all right to start to stimulate her clitoris, I suggest that you don't resort to whatever
types of stimulation that you might normally do; instead of using your fingertips to directly
stimulate her clitoris, try to stimulate her clitoris as you are cupping/rocking your palm back and
forth. You might allow her clitoris to slip between two of your fingers and gently squeeze it in this
way. Especially at this time, you should be treating the clitoris as if it is only one of the sexually
charged parts of her body, not the most important. In fact, you are actively avoiding it to some
extent.
It is time for you to find her G spot with your finger (s). With your hand still in this cupped
position, insert your finger into her vagina and place it over her G spot area. As we discussed, you
should find her G spot several inches into the front wall of her vagina, directly beneath her clitoris.
Once you have found her G spot, you want to apply a continuous and firm (but gentle) pressure to
this area. The particular motion is similar to the motion you might use to polish a mirror with your
finger do not use your fingertip, but rather the pad of your finger (where you might get
fingerprinted). It can be an up-and-down motion or a circular motion, but it is not really a standard
sort of rubbing motion. If you picture her G spot as a small pearl, just beneath the surface of her
vaginal wall, then you might imagine that you are simply causing the pearl to rock back and forth
beneath your finger.
It is also important, at this point, to not disrupt whatever rhythm/motion that you have established.
Do not remove your fingers from her vagina until you are finished. And, do not directly stimulate
her clitoris. Focus on her G spot as the lotus of her sexual arousal.
Although you should keep relatively constant stimulation/pressure on the G spot, you can try the
following types of motions:
1) A gentle pushing of her G spot.
2) Sliding your fingers in and out of her vagina (not completely), making sure to start and
end each motion on her G spot.
The first sure sign that you are successfully creating a vaginal/ejaculatory orgasm will be that you
will begin to feel her have deep muscle contractions that are rather long and drawn out. You will
notice that they are different than her usual pre-orgasm type of contractions in that they are so
much stronger and have much more time between each contraction.
The next sign you will notice is that her inner vaginal wall will begin to expand inward causing a
very tight fit/pull on your finger(s). As she approaches an ejaculatory orgasm, her entire vulval,
vaginal, urethral area will swell tremendously; much more so than during a normal orgasm. Her
vagina will become larger and puffier, almost as if you had inflated it with air. She will also
become incredibly wet, much wetter than normal.
If you are noticing all of these obvious signs of an approaching ejaculatory orgasm, your main goal
should be to not screw things up! Continue to stimulate her G spot in whatever manner has been
working and be sure to continue to hug and reassure her that she is totally safe with you; she is able
to let herself go and experience something completely new. This is especially important if she has
never had an ejaculatory orgasm before, she will most likely be hesitant if you do not overwhelm
her with an intimate sense of bonding. If you are whispering anything to her, it should be things
like "Yes" or "Come on" or "Go ahead and let go."
As she is seconds away from reaching her ejaculatory orgasm, it is not unusual for her vagina to
tighten up so strongly that it is difficult for you to keep your finger inserted into her. This is a
definite sign that she is about to orgasm.
It is important that you don't let this deter you from attempting to stimulate her; keep as much of a
constant pressure as you comfortably can. But, know that she is so close to orgasm that it probably
is no longer necessary for you to make direct contact with her G spot.
When she comes, if you have successfully helped her to achieve an ejaculatory orgasm, she will
very definitely expel fluid from her vagina upon climax. This may be a gushing of warm fluid or it
may actually squirt out of her vagina several inches. Either way, you will notice that this liquid is
different than her normal vaginal fluid; it is odorless, tasteless, normally colorless and it is
absolutely not urine. She will experience the same pleasurable sensation that you feel when you
ejaculate. Many Masters report that women in the throes of an ejaculatory orgasm are completely
lost in the experience; they have given over their entire body to the orgasm and climax. Many
women find it impossible to keep from making loud noise (screaming, crying, etc.).
If you were able to bring your woman to an ejaculatory orgasm, congratulations! You have just
experienced a magical, mysterious and unbelievably intimate bonding experience with her.
Naming anything, especially a sexual position, "perfect" forces me to clarify exactly what I mean
by the label. As you should be certain by now, I am totally committed to approaching sex as a "big,
fun game," filled with as much variety and creativity as you can possibly imagine. So, by calling
the following position "perfect," I do not mean to imply that it is the only position that you should
consider; absolutely not. But, I am implying that it is probably the best.
In the year 2004, it is, generally, "politically incorrect" to put objective judgments on anything, let
alone sex. It may seem shocking that I am willing to go out on this semi-moralistic limb; but, I am
totally convinced that the following sexual position is the closest thing that we presently have to
"the Magic Formula" for optimizing human sexuality. I believe that this position is "the Magic
Formula" because it is the most effective way for a male and female to experience deep,
psychologically and emotionally, simultaneous orgasms. Although all of the other Sexual Mastery
skills and techniques that we have discussed are positive and exciting, they are all, ultimately, just
appetizers for the main course: mind-blowing, sensation-expanding, simultaneous orgasms.
I am of the school of psychotherapy/sexology that believes that a complete and fulfilled sex life is a
prerequisite for a human to be healthy, particularly emotionally and psychologically. This school of
thought assumes that sexual arousal and orgasm are bioelectrical processes that are directly related
to the function and health of the rest of our body's organs and bioe
lectrical processes.
Further more, I believe that the male and female genitalia are the exact complements of each other,
designed for the purpose of allowing male and female, when properly joined, to create and
complete a larger bioelectrical circuit. Only with the potential of this larger, shared circuit can we
fully and properly utilize and release the sexual electricity/energy that pulses through us. And, if
sexual arousal and orgasm are not properly used to continually circulate this sexual energy/tension
within the body, then this "bottling up" of energy will cause health and psychological problems.
Similarly, only the synergy and potential created by this correctly completed "sexual circuit" is
capable of allowing both male and female to achieve their individual sexual potential; theoretically,
the best, most exciting and fulfilling orgasms and climaxes can only be created through this
method.
Although I realize that not all psychotherapists and sexologists may agree, I am still in very good
company:
Freud wrote, in Sexuality in the Aetiology of the Neuroses, (1905), "No neurosis is possible with a
normal sexual vitae."
Dr. Wilhelm Reich referred to this "proper, complete orgasm" as Orgastic Potency. In 1927, he
defined it, in Function of the Orgasm, as "the capacity for the surrender to the flow of biological
energy without any inhibition, the capacity for complete discharge of all dammed-up sexual
excitation through involuntary pleasurable contractions of the body. Not a single neurotic
individual possesses orgastic potency; the corollary of this fact is the fact that the vast majority of
humans suffer from a character-neurosis."
Alfred Kinsey said "intercourse between husband and wife is one of the most completely mutual
activities in which two individuals may engage...[simultaneous orgasm] is the maximum
achievement which is possible in a sexual relationship."
One of the physical indications of the proper flow and discharge of this "orgastic" energy is the
warm, "melting" feeling that both men and women describe as being part of their deepest and most
fulfilling orgasms. "The Perfect Sex Position" is the most reliable and effective ways for both men
and women to achieve this type of "melting" orgasm.
I can not take credit for the "Perfect Sex Position." It was introduced to the study of sexology and
championed by a psychotherapist named Edward Eichel. In 1977, he delivered a paper to the
Congress of Medical Sexology in Rome in which he named this position the "Coital Alignment
Technique (CAT)" and said that its benefits included "a synergic effect that rejuvenates the whole
psyche." In earlier works by Masters and Johnston, as similar position was referred to as the "Coital
Override" position.
I will let Dr. Reichel describe this position first:
"The documentation that I'm about to present is the result of several years of work with
couples in a psychotherapy practice in which each couple underwent a two-year program. This
consisted of weekly psychotherapy sessions, and every third week a sex seminar in which they
discussed and formulated what I am calling a sexual alignment.
The sexual alignment consists of a positioning that is specifically aligned to give genital
contact, a coordinated form of sexual movement-very specifically coordinated-and what I would
term complete genital contact, with the inference that there is a genital 'circuitry.'
He then put up a slide presentation. The first slide showed a man riding high on the woman with his
penis bent in a north-south direction inside the vagina. This is the first part of the alignment. Eichel
commented that it "differs from what might be considered the normal female supine position
inasmuch as the male is up forward. And the base of the male penis-the external base-presses into
the clitoris. And direct contact is kept with the clitoris. He continued, "Here we have a slide
showing the penis in a normal positioning, where it would not connect to the -it might
intermittently or not at all connect to-the clitoris."
And with the next slide, "This is another diagrammatic presentation where instead of the penis
operating upward and downward in the vaginal barrel without contact with the clitoris, here it is up
forward rocking on the clitoris. The phenomenon might be called 'clitoral excursion,'
as
documented by Dickinson. This sketch was done in 1929. And, you'll notice here, he has the
traction process with the clitoris moving upward and moving downward. Probably in alternate
strokes of the movement."
Another slide. "This slide is a representation more close to the actual anatomy. And there
are two particular target areas of stimulation in sexual alignment. One is clitoral contact. And the
second has to do with what I believe is the 'G
-the Grafenberg- spot stimulation. Here you have the
clitoris caught in the traction between the female pubic symphysis and the male pubic symphysis,
and it would move up and downward as long as the man and woman move in exactly the same
degree upward and downward. Both have to supply exactly equal motion. And it has to be
coordinated consciously and intentionally. It requires considerable discipline to learn this motion.
The clitoris would then, thereby, move upward and downward.
And, initially, I thought that was the only factor that was creating a synchrony. Now
synchrony could come even from the fact that the woman's equal movement stimulated her the way
we have always known the male's movement stimulates the male. So there was much greater
synchrony. When I learned about the interior wall of the vagina, what'
s termed the Grafenberg spot,
it occurred to me that above the clitoris-what is happening-there is a rotation between the male and
female monses. And that rotation applies a deep pressure. There is probably even a buckling effect
from the cartilage of the pubic symphysis.
One important thing that I might mention is that the male does not hold his weight on his
elbows. The whole positioning matters. His weight must be evenly distributed. It must be higher
up. And, any tension in the shoulders-let's say fro
m the upper back region-would probably cut off
the motility to the genitals. And that would be felt as a cutoff of sensation.
The couple, in coital alignment, proceed to climax with only small, slow and smooth pelvic
movements...so there is no speeding up or rushing toward orgasm, which suggests the build up of a
kind of a particular increment of sexual energy...and this technique has almost a bioelectric charge
mechanism, allowing an electrophysiological discharge."
It is helpful and interesting to learn some of the background and thinking behind the development
of Eichel's Coital Alignment Technique:
"I was reading Reich and Freud and finding resonance in their ideas about the link between
the emotions and orgasm. I was always disturbed by theories suggesting that sex was more exciting
when it was impersonal, that numbers were more important than quality. It was my intuition that
the problem of sexual compatibility has been largely ignored by most therapies."
The "Perfect Sex Position" or "Coital Alignment Technique" is different from the standard
"Missionary Position" in two fundamental ways:
1) Positioning-after entry, the man markedly moves his body forward upon the woman so as
to cause the external base of his penis to come into direct contact with the woman's clitoris.
In addition, he allows the entire weight of his body to be supported by the woman's upper
body; he does not support himself, at all, with his arms or upper body.
2) Motion-The basic motion of the CAT is not the typical "male thrusting into the female"
type of motion that is generally part of intercourse. Instead, the motion is more like slow,
rocking movement upon the fulcrum created by the contact between the base of the male's
penis and the woman's clitoris. Additionally, the onrmal roles of sexual interaction are
reversed; in the CAT, the woman controls much more of the movement and the male is
much more relaxed and receptive to her movements. See Images Below:
After you insert your penis into your woman's vagina, initially, it will not be directly contacting her
clitoris. At this point, slide forward higher up on her; assume a "riding high" position with your
pelvis overriding hers. The base of your penis should be brought directly into contact with her
clitoris. Take the weight off of your elbows, lower your chest and rest your upper body on hers.
Your head and shoulders should veer over her left or right side to a position that is comfortable for
you both. Your weight should gravitate forward over her; do not allow your body to slide
backward, causing your pelvis to slip back down under hers. Your woman should wrap her legs
around your thighs with her ankles resting on your calves. Her knees should not be raised because
that immobilizes her pelvis.
The rhythm of movement that you are attempting to establish is very much a mutual,
interdependent one-equally initiated by both of you. The motion of your movement should
correspond to the motion of hers. The pattern of movement is basically identical for both you and
her. The upward and downward strokes of movement should travel a distance of about two inches.
Movement should not be too hard or too fast. You and she should maintain full bodily contact.
Allow her to lead in the upward stroke of sexual movement. As she exerts genital pressure moving
upward, you should offer enough resistance for her to feel clearly defined genital contact with you,
but not with too much force. Your pelvis should actually move a small distance. You should not
move any faster than you are being pushed. Your movement should be in measured response to
hers. Her movement upward should not be over extended. Neither of you should move your pelvis
far enough to feel strain in the lower back.
The pattern of movement should reverse in the downward stroke. You should exert forward and
downward genital pressure on her pelvis. Only apply enough force to lead the stroke; she should
exert moderate but firm resistance, allowing her pelvis to move backward until it is in a straight line
with her spine. Whether moving forward or backward, you and she should be exerting pressure and
counter pressure. The anatomic design of the male and female genitals and the interplay of your
two pelvises allow for the movement to be coordinated in a natural rhythm.
Your sex organs, together, form a genital "circuitry" that is complete when the penis is in the
vagina and in contact with the clitoris at the same time. Simultaneous pressure and counter pressure
during intercourse is critical to keep the penis and clitoris together, and to create a vibrating
sensation that helps both you and her to stay aroused. This contact is established by the positioning
and coordinated movement that characterizes "The Perfect Sex Position."
In this position, your penis is positioned up against the "twelve o'clock" segment of her vaginal
entrance. The front base of your penis shaft fits naturally into the spool like structure that is formed
at the juncture of your woman's pubic bones. The bas
e of your penis comes in direct contact with
the clitoris.
In the CAT position, the pattern of movement in usual coital thrusting is reversed.
Normally, on a downward stroke, you would slide your penis deep into your woman's
vagina...creating a slide/hit, slide/hit type of motion. In the CAT position, the motion is focus/slide,
focus/slide. There is a sharp focus of genital sensation as you reverse the direction of your
movement by initiating the downward stroke. Your woman's pelvis moves downward, and ehr
vagina slides low, leaving your penis shallow in her vagina at the end of the stroke.
In the upward stroke, there is a sharp focus of sensation as your woman reverses the direction of the
movement by initiating the upward stroke. Her vagina engulfs your penis most deeply as it rises
upward. Your woman's movement provides for the deepest vaginal penetration, as appeased to you
moving deeper into her.
Do not support your upper body in any way. It is critical that neither you nor your woman restrict
the free movement of your pelvises. Supporting your upper body in any way does not allow you
this complete pelvic freedom of movement.
Allow yourself to breathe normally; do not hold or speed up your breath-this will affect the natural
orgasmic build up that is occurring. By the same token, do not restrict any natural sounds or
irregularities of breathing that may come out of you.
As the two of you near simultaneous orgasms, you will begin to notice that your coordinated
movements shift from very conscious, coordinated interaction to the interplay of the orgasmic
involuntary motions between the two of you. As this begins to happen, you should both focus on
relaxing and "letting go." If you and she are relaxed and allow this transition to happen, the synergy
of your two approaching, simultaneous orgasms should take over and overwhelm you both with a
mutual orgasmic release more exciting and fulfilling than either of you have ever experienced.
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