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    Avoiding A Breakup

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    Julienne Sanchez-Salazar
    This document provides advice on building secure relationships and avoiding breakups. It emphasizes getting to know someone over time through friendship, in varied settings, and within a support network. Progressing slowly through different stages of a relationship—satisfying thirst for love through friendship first before commitment and intimacy. Important questions to consider are whether a partner helps with one's spiritual growth and if the relationship will increase usefulness. Relationships should avoid flirtation, isolation, and moving too quickly. Seeing God's will through prayer is crucial for deciding when to continue or end a relationship.

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    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd

    Avoiding A Breakup

    Uploaded by

    Julienne Sanchez-Salazar
    131 views38 pages
    This document provides advice on building secure relationships and avoiding breakups. It emphasizes getting to know someone over time through friendship, in varied settings, and within a support network. Progressing slowly through different stages of a relationship—satisfying thirst for love through friendship first before commitment and intimacy. Important questions to consider are whether a partner helps with one's spiritual growth and if the relationship will increase usefulness. Relationships should avoid flirtation, isolation, and moving too quickly. Seeing God's will through prayer is crucial for deciding when to continue or end a relationship.

    Original Description:

    Powerpoint on a seminar @ GYC by Nicole Parker.

    Original Title

    Avoiding a Breakup

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    This document provides advice on building secure relationships and avoiding breakups. It emphasizes getting to know someone over time through friendship, in varied settings, and within a support network. Progressing slowly through different stages of a relationship—satisfying thirst for love through friendship first before commitment and intimacy. Important questions to consider are whether a partner helps with one's spiritual growth and if the relationship will increase usefulness. Relationships should avoid flirtation, isolation, and moving too quickly. Seeing God's will through prayer is crucial for deciding when to continue or end a relationship.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    131 views38 pages

    Avoiding A Breakup

    Uploaded by

    Julienne Sanchez-Salazar
    This document provides advice on building secure relationships and avoiding breakups. It emphasizes getting to know someone over time through friendship, in varied settings, and within a support network. Progressing slowly through different stages of a relationship—satisfying thirst for love through friendship first before commitment and intimacy. Important questions to consider are whether a partner helps with one's spiritual growth and if the relationship will increase usefulness. Relationships should avoid flirtation, isolation, and moving too quickly. Seeing God's will through prayer is crucial for deciding when to continue or end a relationship.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as pdf or txt
    of 38
    At a glance
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    Some key takeaways are tips for secure relationships like getting to know each other gradually through friendship, signs of insecure relationships like isolating partners and ignoring red flags, and questions to ask oneself before marriage like whether the relationship helps one grow spiritually.

    Tips for a secure relationship include being genuine, investing in non-romantic friendships first, getting to know each other in various settings, building the relationship within a support network, and progressing the relationship prayerfully.

    Signs of an insecure relationship include choosing partners based mainly on physical attraction, isolating from others, rushing intimacy, ignoring warning signs, and making the relationship the top priority above all else.

    How to avoid

    a breakup
    How to win a loser, or win a
    winner

    THE DAY IT ALL WENT WRONG

    What was the problem?


    Was

    it that she wasnt the one?


    Was it her personality?
    No, the problem was that I was immature!

    What makes marriages


    succeed?
    Clearly,

    its not a lack of communication

    skills.
    Rather, John Gottman suggests, its the
    attitude with which we approach
    communication.

    5 minutes to determine
    Your next 5 years
    How

    do conversations start?
    The four horsemen of the apocalypse
    Criticism
    Contempt
    Defensiveness
    Stonewalling

    Flooding
    Failure

    to stop an argument out of control

    The Real Problem with Fights


    James

    4:1-3
    The Problem is SELFISHNESS!

    But what about dating


    couples?
    Ted

    Huston studied couples who were dating


    (168 of them) and traced them from their
    wedding day through 13 years of marriage.
    Couples who begin marriage in romantic bliss
    are particularly divorce-prone because such
    intensity is too hard to maintain.
    It is the loss of love and affection, not the
    emergence of interpersonal issues, that sends
    couples journeying toward divorce.

    The first two years are critical


    The

    two years are key- thats when the


    risk of divorce is particularly high. And the
    changes that take place during this time
    tell us a lot about where the marriage is
    headed.
    Loss of initial levels of love and affection
    This leads to bickering and fighting, and to
    the collapse of the union.
    Disillusionment leads to divorce.

    The Dating Trap

    Thirst for Love

    Intimacy

    Commitment

    Knowledge

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.
    Choose

    based on attractiveness.

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.
    Choose

    based on attractiveness.
    Initiate relationship quickly.

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.
    Choose

    based on attractiveness.
    Initiate relationship quickly.
    Isolate yourselves.

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.
    Choose

    based on attractiveness.
    Initiate relationship quickly.
    Isolate yourselves.
    Progress as fast as you feel comfortable.

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.
    Choose

    based on attractiveness.
    Initiate relationship quickly.
    Isolate yourselves.
    Progress as fast as you feel comfortable.
    Ignore danger signs.

    Insecure Relationship 101


    Flirt.
    Choose

    based on attractiveness.
    Initiate relationship quickly.
    Isolate yourselves.
    Progress as fast as you feel comfortable.
    Ignore danger signs.
    Make each other first priority.

    The First Breakup

    No Cinderellas
    Researchers

    tracked more than 24,000 people


    from 1984 to 1995, asking participants every
    year to rate their overall life satisfaction from
    zero (totally unhappy) to 10 (totally happy)
    The average boost from marriage was small
    one-tenth of one point on the scale
    "People who get married and stay married are
    more satisfied than average long before the
    marriage has occurred.
    Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
    March 2003

    The Courtship Process

    Satisfy Your
    Thirst

    Build
    Knowledge

    Grow in
    Commitment

    Grow in
    Intimacy

    Haste Makes Waste


    Immaturity

    is characterized by the inability to

    wait
    If youre going to be together the rest of your
    life, another month doesnt matter
    The more you do your homework, the less you
    risk heartache or mistake

    Make haste slowly.


    Adventist Home, p. 44

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.

    To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small


    magnitude in the sight of a holy God. And
    yet some will show preference for young
    ladies and call out their affections, and
    then go their way and forget all about the
    words they have spoken and their effect.
    A new face attracts them, and they
    repeat the same words, devote to
    another the same attentions. Adventist
    Home, p. 57

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.


    Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
    friendships.

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.


    Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
    friendships.
    Get to know one another in a wide variety
    of settings.

    Questions to Ask
    Is

    this person a lot like Jesus?


    Is this person a lot like you?
    Spiritually
    Socially
    Intellectually
    Habitually

    (leisure time, etc.)

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.


    Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
    friendships.
    Get to know one another in a wide
    variety of settings.
    Dont rely on your own wisdom

    While pure love will take God into all its


    plans, and will be in perfect harmony
    with the Spirit of God, passion will be
    headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant
    of all restraint, and will make the object
    of its choice an idol. Adventist Home, p. 50

    Worshipping Your Idol

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.


    Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
    friendships.
    Get to know one another in a wide
    variety of settings.
    Build within a network.
    Progress prayerfully.

    Relationships and Prayer


    How

    are you praying?


    When do you proceed and when do you
    break up?

    The Questions to Ask


    Examine carefully to see if your married life
    would be happy or inharmonious and
    wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will
    this union help me heavenward? Will it
    increase my love for God? And will it
    enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If
    these reflections present no drawback, then
    in the fear of God move forward.
    Adventist Home, pg 45; White

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.


    Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
    friendships.
    Get to know one another in a wide
    variety of settings.
    Build within a network.
    Progress prayerfully.
    Watch for danger signs.

    What women need


    When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love
    me still? Will he be patient with my mistakes, or
    will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial?...
    Let a young woman accept as a life companion
    only one who possesses pure, manly traits of
    character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and
    honest, one who loves and fears God. Shun
    those who are irreverent. Shun one who is a lover
    of idleness; shun the one who is a scoffer of
    hallowed things.

    Make a Covenant
    We choose to avoid other romantic
    attachments until we are sure of the will of
    God for our relationship. If after prayerful
    consideration and counsel, either of us
    believes God is not leading us together, he/
    she will be free to share the reasons why in
    honesty and to terminate this relationship
    without guilt. (Parker-Crosier Covenant,
    September 2000)

    Secure Relationship 101


    Be

    genuine, not flirtatious.


    Invest in healthy, non-attraction-based
    friendships.
    Get to know one another in a wide
    variety of settings.
    Build within a network.
    Progress prayerfully.
    Watch for danger signs.
    Seek Gods Will as You Move Forward

    The End of the Story

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