Gabriela Raya

March 4, 2014
Prof. Gabrielsson
English 1A

Change Writing Proposal Essay

There are many children that suffer from their parents getting divorced. What happens to
the children after their parents go through with the divorce papers? Does the age of the children
have any significance to the trauma or change in the lives of the children once they grow up? In
the memoir of Reyna Grande The Distance Between Us, Reyna explains a little about her life
and her siblings life and how they have to be left behind by their parents and to anxiously wait
for their return from el otro lado. Children and divorce have impacts in a childs life that most
or some parents dont really take into consideration. In some of the articles that I have found
about divorce and children it was a little shocking to me that people and well educated people
have opinions about how parents should go about things.
Children suffer from different changes throughout their life due to many situations. Some
of the situations children just get over with time and age without any problem as they become
adults, but unlike divorce from parents this has some effect in their life. Children from divorced
families have more behavior problems, more social difficulties, more psychological distress, and
poorer academic performance; adolescents from divorced families are more likely to engage in
delinquent behavior and early sex and to exhibit emotional distress and academic difficulties,
this helps understand that divorce has an effect of children and it does affect their lives as they
grow older and dont have stability (4). With the information given about how children suffer
from behavior problems and psychological distress there is also another factor that influences
that problem at a higher rate. In the nationally representative sample of 7-to 11-year- old
children in the National Survey of Children, Allison and Furstenberg (1989) found that effects of
marital disruption on behavior problems, psychological distress, academic performance were
larger for children who were under age 5 at the time of the marital dissolution, (4). Children that
are under the age of 5 seem to suffer more of these changes due to divorce.
Most married people believe that staying together for the sake of their children is a good
thing even though they dont get along they should make it work. Others believe that getting a
divorce is better than not getting along and fighting in front of their children. In the last 30
years, however, there has been a sea change in the attitudes about divorce. It is no longer an
uncommon and desperate last measure but an acceptable option that occurs with great frequency.
Indeed, many experts contend that man couples in troubled marriages should divorce rather than
raise children in a household permeated with anger and tension, (1). Do parents really think
about these factors before getting a divorce that it does affect children in the long run or do they
still think that their children will just get over it? These quotes of information have given people
and couples a sense or idea that they should probably think long and hard before making the
decision to get a divorce.
After a divorce what happens to the child? Do they see one parent all the time or do they
just bounce around between parents? Most divorced people tend to have a court judge decide
who gets custody and who gets visitation rights if at some point they cannot resolve the issue on
their own. So what if this happens to the child and has to be bounced back and forth between
parents, wouldnt it be harmful? As David L. Levy stated that This is becoming more and more
acceptable in more and more places, (1). Joint custody of a child is where both parents are
custodial parents and neither parent is a non-custodial parent. Two is usually better than one,
and thats certainly true when it comes to parenting, says Henry. Given the fact that caring for,
feeding and transporting a child is such a hard work, any parents needs to ask whether
demanding sole custody of a child is a good idea (1). As Henry has stated people should really
think about what they are doing and they also have to consider the child and whats best for them
at all cost.
How can the impact on children be less harmful without the effects it has like: behavior
problems, psychological distress, and academic performance? Ladner of Brookings says Its
clear that the extent to which a child adjusts to life after divorce depends on just how well
parents handle their breakups in relation to that child, (1). The way parents can help their
children and also get a divorce is by bettering their relationship as two people getting a divorce
and establishing a good relationship after the divorce with no grudges.
Besides the life of the children and the effects of divorce, what happens to the parents
that filled the divorce? In the article Mothers and their Children after Divorce states that
Parenting after divorce, whether in sole or joint custody, differs significantly from parenting
that occurs in the married family. The subject of out inquiry is how the divorced mothers
financial and emotional resources and changing roles impact her parenting over the postdivorce
years, the consequences of her own life, as well as her attachment to and subsequent
relationships with her children, (3). What this quote is saying is that not only children can be
affected by the divorce but also the parents can be affected. Parents can be affected by divorce
but in different ways. Following divorce, the mother is faced with the enormous task of
compartmentalizing her anger, hurt, and disappointment in the failed marriage, and of
maintaining that cauldron of feelings separate from her parenting, and, in fact, separate from her
continuing relationship with her ex-husband, says Wallerstein Additionally, the mother
typically must confront the greater economic pressures of postdivorce life, the loneliness of sole
parenting and the vulnerabilities of entering the postdivorce social scene as a women alone with
children to attend (3)
In the memoir of Reyna Grande she states something similar to what Wallerstein stated
about mothers having to confront economic pressures and the loneliness. It means hes washing
his hands of us, it means we will starve here in this miserable place, and he will be too busy
tending to his new women to give a damn! (The Distance Between Us p78). Reynas mother
feels the pressure of being now a single mother and dealing with the pressure of having to take
care of her children. She was walking away with brisk steps, her hands clenched into fists,
yelling for us to come and tend the stand or there would be no money for food tomorrow (The
Distance Between Us p82). After divorce or a separation there is much pressure on the mother to
take care and provide.
In the memoir of Reyna Grande her parents situation is a bit different but in respects to
the way they felt, the changes her mother went through and how hard it must have been to know
that their father ended up with another women. Ahrons states Remarriage represents another
dramatic change in the divorced familys reorganization, and children vary in their response to
this change (2). When someone that has been together for a while and have children involved
and they are growing up with mommy and daddy then at a moment where either mommy has a
new partner or daddy has a new partner the children will then be confused. Even if a marriage
doesnt work out and they cant seem to figure out how to fix it except by divorce, however, they
should consider the child and make it a smooth transition.
Divorce among marriages is very common. That people find other people or that simply
because they dont get along anymore and problems start to form they call it quits. If there is
children involved then both parents have to think about whats right and how they can fix it.
Divorce between parents impacts children in ways parents didnt think they would get impacted.
A marriage shouldnt be held together just for the sake of the child and have an unhealthy
relationship because it will be harmful to the child. A marriage should be a group effort to try to
stay together to fix the relationship by attending meeting or seeking counseling, but if all fails
then proceed to a divorce. Divorces should be a smooth ride between partners and children if
involved.

Works Cited

1. Masci, David. "Children and Divorce." CQ Researcher 19 Jan. 2001: 25-40. Web. 4 Mar.
2014.
2. AHRONS, CONSTANCE R. "Family Ties After Divorce: Long-Term Implications For
Children." Family Process 46.1 (2007): 53-65. Consumer Health Complete - EBSCOhost.
Web. 4 Mar. 2014.
3. Wallerstein, Judith, Julia Lewis, and Sherrin Packer Rosenthal. "Mothers And Their
Children After Divorce: Report From A 25-Year Longitudinal Study." Psychoanalytic
Psychology 30.2 (2013): 167-184. PsycARTICLES. Web. 4 Mar. 2014.
4. Clarke-Stewart, K. Alison, et al. "Effects Of Parental Separation And Divorce On Very
Young Children." Journal Of Family Psychology 14.2 (2000): 304-326. Academic Search
Premier. Web. 4 Mar. 2014.
5. Grande, Reyna. The Distance Between Us. New York: Washington Square Press, 2012.
Print.