Kemboi 1

Faith Kemboi

English 1201

Glena Madden

July 18, 2021

How is Divorce Affecting Children Ages 8 to College in Ohio?

Children are the product of two people male and female. Kids have a right to enjoy their

childhood and have all the love their parents and relatives can offer but sometimes, married

couples stop loving each other, and end up having a divorce. Some children become stressed as a

result and are forced to leave to another neighborhood with one parent far from the school they

have been attending and away from their friends. This change of schools affects their

performance in school negatively as their grades start to decline. I sometimes wonder if parents

ever ask themselves this question: “How will the divorce affect our children?” In my paper, I

will be writing about how divorce is affecting the children ages eight to college in Ohio and

research on ways to reduce the issue. I welcome you to dive in with me as we get answers to the

questions of many people of our time especially here in the United States of America.

Divorce the dissolution of marriage by a court legally or other competent body. Divorce

has become a common occurrence in the United States of America. The divorce experience in

2014 was 3.7 divorce per 1000 citizens as opposed to 1981 when the rate was as high as 5.3.

Currently, the USA has the highest divorce rate as compared to Canada and other European

nations who have a rate of 2.0 per 1000 and Spain with rate of 0.6 (Larner et al, 2006). In Ohio,

the divorce in 2019 was 2.8 per 1000 citizens as compared to 4.7 divorces per 1000 in the year

1990. Families opt for divorce because of many reasons: most couples fail to commit to each
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other, extramarital affairs or infidelity, financial problems, domestic violence, substance abuse,

arguing and much conflict just to name a few.

Before the divorce, some couples try separation but numbers of having divorce

immediately have increased in recent years. Once marriage breaks and parents’ divorce, children

are exposed to stressful events including high conflicts, lost relationships, remarriages of parents

which may lead to internal and external disorders to children. Moreover, most researchers agree

that most children are resilient to cope with these stresses of divorce and they mature into great

adults. They believe their temperament, coping skills in addition with gender, age preexisting

mental factors, great support system in school, good parenting, and social environment, play a

big role in helping these children cope. The researchers on divorce should create intervention

programs designed to help different families. They should focus on resilient children of divorce

ranging from ethnic, cultural, and socioeconomic background (Hopf, 2015).

There are studies and research to back up this topic of divorce and the effects it has on

children. Hanson on his studies, he shows how parental dispute explain in length why divorce is

harmful to child well-being. The same was supported by other researchers and they found out

that kids from divorced families were more negatively affected in different forms than kids who

were raised by both of their parents. These children were seen to have lower chances of

performing poorly in school and had high chances of showing bad habits. The children from

divorced families were assumed to have problems psychologically and socially. The outcomes he

came up with were amazingly consistent for children from diverse social backgrounds and class

and from different ethnic groups and races. It didn’t matter if the custodial parent remarries or

not after the divorce (Hanson, 1999). Other explanations like loss of income, father’s absence,
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family stress and decreased parenting all accounted for divorce and child welfare.

Fig1 How divorce affects children

In another article, (Hopf,2015) the initial separation, parental conflict, loss of vital

relationships including financial problems have been identified to be divorce related stressors in

children. It mentions more that both parents play a role in how their children will be affected in

adjusting to short or long term especially if parents decide to remarry or re-partnering.

Thereafter, there are disorders that come with it. The internalizing disorders and externalizing
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disorders are prone to children between ages 9- teenagers. The externalizing disorders which are

mental disorders characterized by problematic behaviors like antisocial, aggressiveness,

behaviors that are non-compliant, low cognitive agency and achievement, and low social

responsibility just to name a few have been expressed by children of the divorced families. The

examples of internalizing disorders (emotional and behavioral) these children often show are

depression symptoms, anxiety and have challenges with social relationships (Hopf,2015). The

teenage pregnancies, drug and alcohol abuse have been reported going hand in hand among the

children of divorced families.

Some information that parents give to their children may weigh too much on them. I

believe parents sometimes are inconsiderate and reckless when sharing sensitive topics with their

children. It does not matter how old they are, children will still feel the pain. In Afifi’s TEDx talk

shows, she talks of her student whose mom told her she was cheating on her dad and went ahead

to ask her daughters’ opinion of whether she would rather break up with her dad or not!

Sincerely speaking, that parent never cared what weight she was putting on her daughters’

shoulder or the pain she would cause her. Instead of letting children worry about their young

lives like getting good grades in school, where to visit when school closes or to wear clothes to

wear on weekends, parents destroy their thoughts with super heavy weights of family,

relationships, and divorce.

Though many may argue that divorce may bring good than bad to them and their

children, others like Hopf disagree, reporting that most divorced couples may as well get

remarried or re-partner soon and as a result, this new relationship may cause more stress to the

children. Studies also show that one third of children will live in remarried or cohabiting families

before they turn 18 years old. The early adolescent years after the divorce of their parents and the
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absence of biological father in their lives, these children may become resistant to their mom

getting remarried causing a lot of problems between these children with their stepfathers.

In one of the TEDx Talk videos on “The impact of divorce on children,” Professor Afifi

reports that the impact depends on how children respond to divorce. For some children, they

argued that they would feel better if they were removed from a conflicted environment, some

were not affected at all while some were completely affected. Most children of divorce have

short term effects like less self-esteem, anxiety, depression, less quality relationship with one

parent. She continues to say that these short-term effects may linger until adulthood leading to

long term effects. In some of her responses, the long-term effects of her students from divorced

families were psychological issues, less satisfied relationships with their parents, fear of not

having a lasting relationship with their boy/girlfriends and high chances of getting divorced

themselves when they marry (Afifi, 2012).

One time as I was visiting my girlfriend in the summer, her parents disagreed, and they

both were asking her these questions that made her so uncomfortable when she had to choose

between the loyalty of their parents. She felt caught up between the two especially if you love

both parents and you do not want to show favoritism. Moreover, this is also true because when I

compare the comments my friends in college have been saying concerning experiences they

faced after their parents’ divorce, most of them had trouble staying in the relationship fearing if

the relationship will only last for a week, or will it be a month? Committing to one relationship

was a challenge to many.

Divorce trauma affects children more severely as they experience more problems in

school and are more likely to have legal trouble. Lerner et al reports that these children were

more likely to divorce after marrying since they lacked good role models when they were
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growing up. In an analysis done in the year 2014, studies showed that 60 to 120 percent of

children brought up in single parent families were more likely to drop out of high school. The

same findings indicated that they were expressing higher asthma rates, speech difficulty and

were more susceptible to illnesses as compared those from both parents’ families. Adult children

who were thought not to be affected by divorce because they were adults showed going through

a painful grieving process even though they no longer lived with their parents as reported in the

study done in 1997.

It is a fact that most children love their parents and have an attachment or strong bond

between them. But when divorce happens, children have difficulty trying to maintain these

relationships more so when they must defend the parent in front of the other. They feel torn apart

when parents use them to maybe convey information to the other like, “reminding your mom that

you have football practice on weekend,” instead of dad talking to mom directly about it. Kids

also report losing the relationship with one of the parents after the divorce and claiming that life

was never the same again as to some children, they were separated from their dad for like 3-5

years. The most destructive of all is when children avoid talking about their feelings about their

parents’ divorce and parents somewhat assume it exists, it is very risky because children will

eventually explode from it either by being aggressive or confronting their parents though it

comes with age. (Afifi, 2012).

While hearing from script and news about the children suffering after the divorce, my

friend Miller in an interview mentioned that “My ex-husband said negative comments about me

in the presence of my children.” She feels it was wrong because the children will lose their

respect for their mom, and she believes the dad was trying to create enmity between her and her
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children. She thinks her kids may decide to go stay with their dad instead. She also mentioned

that during divorce, parents are carried away by their problems and forget all about their

children's needs or concerns, she reports children becoming lonely and emotionally bitter of the

situation. The bitter truth she announced is that of girl child molestation by the so-called

stepfather and stepbrothers’ cousins. While continuing with our interview, I asked how she feels

about whether she regrets getting a divorce or whether it was worth it. The answer she gave me

is that she doesn’t regret getting a divorce at all and claims that she had to make decisions in the

best interest of the kids. Her ex was an alcoholic and abusive in marriage and she could not stand

and watch her children abused physically and emotionally every day. Her advice though was to

keep marriage intact if it has less conflict but to dissolve marriage if violence is involved.

Furthermore, families with rottenness and wickedness in homes are not conducive to live

in. Divorce finally happens and afflict children with enormous pain, ripping them of their

happiness and undeserved shame upon the young children whom their fathers and mothers called

them to this earth, whose acceptance do not allow them to stay together in peace (Larner et

al,2006). These children undergo deep sorrows that are worse than those of orphans who know

for sure that their parents died. On the other hand, when children from conflicted families whom

their parents chose to stay married were interviewed, they reported having more psychological

difficulty and had difficulty sabotaging satisfying relationships later in life as compared to those

whose parents
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divorced. (Afifi 2012).

Fig2. When parents decide to remain married in an abusive marriage were arguing and fighting

exist, children are more hurt than when the parents were divorced.

There are many incidents where the authors from different journals and articles repeat the

same problems experienced by kids from families that divorced in contrast to those from families

that live together. For example, (Learner et al, Jekielek,1998); agree together that children do

worse in school on average, problems with social relationships as the children fear being in

relationships which may lead to divorce. The children also develop a lack of trust in peers and

future relationships. Financial problems, according to Hopf, are known to affect families

indirectly, for example, single or divorced families are forced find a place in inexpensive

community that has feeble school systems, Increased crimes rates, and peers with unpleasant

characters. Studies have shown that help fund either committals or custodial father figures will

shield kids from receiving destructive effects to having beneficial connection to their kids though

finding a better adjustment between mother and father is sometimes challenging.

Last but not the least, the significance of my paper on divorce and the effects it brings to

children is that; despite the high rate of divorce, marriages remain popular and more common

even if couples are marrying for the first, second, third or fourth time. People continue to fall in

love, marry and have children even though cases of increased divorce are reported. Though
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people have been told they have 50% chance of getting divorced, the statistic is somewhat

skewed because studies done in 2004 by Rutgers university concluded that delaying pregnancy

until after marriage, finishing college degree and marrying after age 25 was found to reduce the

divorce rate. The country’s administration, denominational and community leaders have initiated

ways to make marriage unions flourish and lower the rates of divorce and separation. Church

ministers in some of the United States capitals concurred to not participating in uniting couples

in marriage agreements unless they have finalized a compulsory training offered before the

wedding (Lerner et al, 2006).

In conclusion, to reduce the negative outcome the divorce brings to the children,

researchers, and authors from my reliable sources whom I agree with came up with the following

conclusions. Resilience in children from divorced families for example, are about 75- 80 percent.

These kids developed to fine young adults without having any behavioral or psychological

concerns. Parents who make rules on how to communicate with each other and to their children

on how to co-parent were found effective. Educating parents not to engage in bad mouthing each

other and showing respect to each other after divorce was recorded to improve positive outcomes

on children. Focusing on your behavior was best because children can tell which parent

respected them and which one did not. Listening to the children’s inner voice was reported

helping the children cope. Intrafamilial protective factors as studies shows like authoritative

parenting, effective joint custody arrangements, children residence in paternal or maternal

custody, noncustodial parents’ involvement, and supportive stepparents’ participation, drastically

reduce the possibility of children growing and expressing behaviors both internally and

externally. Moreover, having additional features like educational programs for divorced parents

and youth groups with enhancing relationships with peers and non-parental adults and not
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forgetting the authoritative schools can help children adjust to their new life situation. I think

taking children to church and having them participate in church activities or have a spiritual

leader as a mentor, will help them grow upright and have a good life.

References

Afifi, Tamara. “The Impact of Divorce of Children.” YouTube, Commentary by

Professor of Communication at UCSB, Tamara Afifi, 20 May 2012.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKcNyfXbQzQ,

Getty Images. “iStock” Family fight- angry couple arguing in front of a child. Accessed

on 20 July 2021.

https://www.istockphoto.com/vector/family-fight-angry-couple-arguing-in-front-

of-a-child-gm1160400537-317620247

Hanson, Thomas L. "Does parental conflict explain why divorce is negatively associated

with child welfare?" Social Forces, vol. 77, no. 4, 1999, p. 1283+. Gale In Context:
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Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A55438296/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=34c90424. Accessed 14 July 2021.

Hawwash, Ghazal. “Psychological and Emotional Divorce Effects on Children.

“Accessed on 20 July 2021.

https://ghazalhawwash.wordpress.com/2016/03/09/psychological-and-emotional-

divorce-effects-on-children/

Hopf, Sarah-Marie. "Most Children Adjust to the Negative Effects of Divorce." Divorce

and Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. At Issue. Gale In

Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953202/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=17d5f369. Accessed 14 July 2021. Originally

published as "Risk and Resilience in Children Coping with Parental Divorce," Dartmouth

Undergraduate Journal of Science, Spring 2010.

Jekielek, Susan M. "Parental conflict, marital disruption and children's emotional well-

being." Social Forces, vol. 76, no. 3, 1998, p. 905+. Gale In Context: Opposing

Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A20565301/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=e1098ecc. Accessed 11 July 2021.

Miller, Amber. Interview. By Faith Kemboi. 14 July 2021.

"Why Divorce Is Bad." Family in Society: Essential Primary Sources, edited by K. Lee

Lerner, et al., Gale, 2006, pp. 49-52. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,
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link.gale.com/apps/doc/CX2688300032/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-

OVIC&xid=73e87cb8. Accessed 11 July 2021.

https://www.google.com/search?

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