Ripped (Mills & Boon Cosmo Red-Hot Reads)

Ripped (Mills & Boon Cosmo Red-Hot Reads)
Cover Ripped Wardrobe malfunction doesnt be in to cover it! Wit" a rip louder t"an t"e # dos$ Ha%le%s "ideous bile-%ello& bridesmaid dress e'plodes! ("es al&a%s "ad enviable curves$ but nearl% na)ed &asnt *uite t"e loo) s"ed been oin for at "er e's &eddin ! ("es rus"ed from t"e altar under t"e best mans desi ner tu' +ac)et! Ha%le%s e'pectin a blast of ic% disapproval from se'%$ sop"isticated ,iccol- Rossi."is usual reaction to an%t"in s"e does! W"at s"e ets is a )iss t"at nearl% melts &"ats left of "er pol%ester ni "tmare o&n! #ts impossible on a million levels! /'uberant en ineer Ha%le% and buttoned-up la&%er ,ico "ave never seen e%e to e%e.but s)in to s)in0 1"$ mio2! (o &"en ,ico s"o&s up at "er flat on C"ristmas 3a% to ive "er a fabulous ift."imself.Ha%le%s deli "ted to do t"e un&rappin ! But its +ust a "olida% flin ! B% ,e& 4ears 3a%$ s"ell come bac) to "er senses2unless ,icos sensual s)ills tear a&a% all "er resolve! Contemporar%$ se'% stories for sass% &omen! Cosmo Red-Hot Reads from Mills & Boon &&&!millsandboon!co!u)5cosmo Ripped 6o 7atie$ &it" love! Have fun and be fearless! '''' Ripped 3ear Reader$ # love &ritin about stron $ independent &omen and #ve al&a%s been a lover of Cosmopolitan$ so &"en # &as as)ed to &rite a Red-Hot Read from Mills & Boon stor% # )ne& # &as oin to en+o% m%self! 6"e "eroine of Ripped$ Ha%le%$ is a real Cosmo irl! ("es fun$ fearless$ independent and bus% livin life to t"e fullest! ("e s"ares an apartment &it" "er sister Rosie$ "as a +ob s"e loves$ a reat circle of friends.but "er love life is a total disaster! 8nd its about to et &orse! Rescued from t"e most embarrassin moment of "er life b% smo)in -"ot #talian ,ico Rossi$ s"e decides to ive up on love and settle for se'! But dar)$ dan erous ,ico "as "is o&n ideas about &"at "e &ants from Ha%le%2 # "ope %ou "ave as muc" fun readin t"is stor% as # "ad &ritin it! 9oo) out for Rosies sisters stor% comin :une ;<=>! ?ind out more about m% boo)s on m% &ebsite &&&!sara"mor an!com$ and c"at &it" me on ?aceboo) about boo)s$ s"oes$ life and all t"in s fun and fabulous! (ara" ''' Ripped Ripped (ara" Mor an Contemporar%$ se'% stories for sass% &omen! Cosmo Red-Hot Reads from Mills & Boon &&&!millsandboon!co!u)5cosmo Ripped 8B1@6 6H/ 8@6H1R B/(6(/99#,A aut"or (ara" Mor an &rites "ot$ "app% contemporar% romance and "er trademar) "umour and sensualit% "ave ained "er fans across t"e lobe! (ara" lives near 9ondon &it" "er "usband and c"ildren$ and &"en s"e isnt readin or &ritin s"e loves bein outdoors$ preferabl% on vacation so s"e can for et t"e "ouse needs tid%in ! 4ou can visit (ara" online at &&&!sara"mor an!com$ on ?aceboo) at &&&!faceboo)!com58ut"or(ara"Mor an and
on 6&itter B(ara"Mor anC! Ripped 1t"er boo)s b% (ara" Mor an M&B (9/#AH B/99( #, 6H/ (,1WD 6"e 1,eil Brot"ers trilo % Mills & Boon Modern 91(6 61 6H/ 3/(/R6 W8RR#1R 6"ese and ot"er titles b% (ara" Mor an are available from &&&!millsandboon!co!u)5cosmo Ripped Contents C"apter 1ne C"apter 6&o C"apter 6"ree C"apter ?our C"apter ?ive C"apter (i' C"apter (even C"apter /i "t C"apter ,ine Ripped
C"apter 1ne
E3earl% beloved$ t"e priest droned$ E&e are at"ered "ere toda% to &itness. 8 mista)e of massive proportions$ # t"ou "t loomil%$ "oldin m% breat" and sittin up strai "t in a bid to stop m% bridesmaid dress splittin at t"e seams! 8n% moment no& # &as oin to burst out of t"is %ello& tube and t"e &eddin &ould forever be remembered as t"e one &"ere t"e bridesmaid e'posed "erself! ,ot t"at # &as prudis"! ?ar from it! #d danced on plent% of tables in m% time$ but on an ideal da% #d prefer not to find m%self revealin all Fictorias secrets to Areat-@ncle Henr%! (ome irls &ent t"rou " t"eir lives dreamin of bein a bridesmaid! 4ou "eard people tal)in about it as if it &ere a life oal! # "ad a list of life oals! # &anted to an actress$ visit 6ibet (#ve al&a%s "ad a t"in about llamas)$ &or) for ,8(8! Bridesmaid0 6"at &as no&"ere on m% list! M% parents married &"en t"e% &ere bot" t&ent%-one! 6"e% stood at t"e front of a c"urc" muc" li)e t"is one &earin ridiculous clot"es t"e% &ouldnt normall% be seen dead in$ made all t"e usual promises."ave and "old$ deat" us do part$ bla"$ bla".and t"en divorced &"en # &as ei "t! W"ic" tau "t me one t"in .t"at a &eddin is +ust a part% b% anot"er name! Because m% nec) &as t"e onl% part of me t"at could move &it"out strainin a seam$ # turned m% "ead and lanced side&a%s! 6"rou " a forest of fascinators and absurd "ats t"at made me t"in) of @?1s$ # could see t"e door t"at led to a prett% private c"urc"%ard$ no& covered in a li "t dustin of sno&! # &as lad it &as prett% because # &as sure # &as oin to be t"ere soon! Here lies (o"ee$ &"o e'ploded out of "er dress at t"e most inconvenient moment of "er s"ort$ ver% unsatisfactor% life and promptl% died of s"ame! 6"e tin% c"urc" &as crammed &it" people and stuffed full of e'trava ant flo&er displa%s$ t"e clo%in scent of lilies t"ic)enin t"e air and min lin unpleasantl% &it" t"e smell of perfume from t"e elderl% aunts! M% nose tic)led and m% "ead started to t"rob! 6"e priest &as still dronin on in a "%pnotic voice t"at could "ave been recorded and sold for millions as a cure for insomnia! E#f an%one )no&s an% reason &"% t"ese t&o ma% not be +oined$ spea) no&2! 8n% reason0 Was "e )iddin 0 # could "ave iven "im at least ten reasons &it"out even revvin up a brain cell! ,umber one.t"e room &as a total bastard! ,umber t&o.it &as t"ree da%s until C"ristmas and &"o t"e "ell &as dumb enou " to et married &"en t"e% s"ould "ave been rus"in round bu%in last-minute presents0 ,umber t"ree.it &as far too cold to be &earin a strapless dress and at t"is rate # &as oin to be eatin m% C"ristmas dinner in "ospital &it" a nast% bout of pneumonia! ,umber four. E(o"ee$ are %ou 170 M% sister (oo%oun nud ed me in t"e ribs$ increasin t"e strain on m% dress! 1f course # &asnt 17! We bot" )ne& # &asnt fuc)in 17! 6"at &as &"% s"ed a reed to come &it" me$ but t"is &as "ardl% t"e moment for sisterl% bondin over so+u! 6o be "onest$ if s"ed passed me a so+u # &ouldnt "ave )no&n &"et"er to drin) it or dro&n m%self in it! # &as ood at statistics and # could tell %ou ri "t no& t"ere &as a GG percent c"ance t"is &eddin &as oin to end in tears! Hrobabl% mine! E4ou s"ould "ave said no &"en s"e as)ed %ou to be "er bridesmaid$ (oo%oun "issed! E#t &as a mean t"in to do &"en ever%one )no&s %ou used to date "im! 8nd t"ere it &as! Ri "t t"ere! Reason number four &"% t"e bride and room s"ouldnt et married! Because "ed once said "e &anted to marr% me! #d told "im no! # didnt &ant to et married! /ver! #d never "ad ambitions to be a bridesmaid and # "ad even fe&er to be a bride! # assumed if "e loved me$ it &ouldnt ma)e a difference! # mean$ &"at &as t"e bi deal about a &eddin ceremon%0 #t &asnt as if it stopped people brea)in up! 8ll t"at mattered &as bein to et"er$ &asnt it0
8pparentl% not! 6urned out 7im (o H%un &as ver% traditional! He &as climbin t"e ladder in an investment ban) in t"e cit% and needed a &ife prepared to devote "erself to t"e advancement of "is career! #ve al&a%s been crap on ladders! # tried e'plainin # &as as e'cited about m% o&n career as "e &as about "is and "is response "ad been to dump me! #n a ver% public &a%$ # mi "t add$ +ust so t"at no one &as under an% illusions as to &"o "ad done t"e dumpin ! 8dmittedl% it "urt to be dumped$ but no&"ere near as muc" as it "urt to admit #d &asted ten mont"s on a u% &"o &asnt remotel% interested in t"e real me! # realiIed ever%one in t"e c"urc" &as loo)in at me accusin l%$ as if #d come "ere on purpose to ma)e t"in s a&)&ard! 6o some"o& punis" "im for not c"oosin me! 9oo) a ain$ # &anted to %ell$ and see &"ic" one of us is bein punis"ed! W"at irl in "er ri "t mind &ould c"oose to turn up at "er e's &eddin as a bridesmaid0 Was it m% fault t"e bride &anted to ma)e a public declaration about &"ic" one of us t"e room &as marr%in 0 8nd # )ne& # &asnt e'actl% uilt-free in all t"is! # could "ave said no! But t"en ever%one &ould "ave t"ou "t # &as mopin and bro)en-"earted and # "ad m% pride! 6"at &as t"e first t"in Mum tau "t us.never let a man )no& %oure bro)en-"earted! W"ic" mi "t be &"% our dad didnt stic) around for lon $ but more on t"at later! # could feel m%self turn pin)$ &"ic" # )ne& "ad to loo) "orrible a ainst t"e %ello&! # t"in) t"e fabric &as officiall% described as Emist% da&n but if # sa& a da&n li)e t"at # &ouldnt put a foot out of bed! Worst of all0 He &as loo)in at me! ,o$ not 7im (o H%un."e "adnt once lanced in m% direction$ t"e co&ard! 6"e best man! 7im (o H%uns friend from sc"ool$ alt"ou " t"e%d ro&n apart in recent %ears and t"e friend &as no& a super successful la&%er! 6o be "onest # &as a bit surprised "ed a reed to be best man$ but 7im (o H%un "ad lost a lot of friends since "ed ta)en a +ob in t"e cit% and started onl% "an in out &it" people &"o &ere Euseful to "im! 6"e best mans name &as 7&on :i%on ! He &as "ot! (eriousl% "ot! #n t"e loo)s department t"is man "ad been ifted b% t"e ods! @nfortunatel% immediatel% after t"e ods "ad dis"ed out super clever brain$ ood loo)s and an incredible bod%$ t"e% obviousl% decided too muc" of a ood t"in &as a bad t"in and &it""eld "umour! W"ic" &as a s"ame because :i%on "ad an amaIin mout"! 8 perfect sensual curve t"at &ould probabl% loo) ood in a smile! 1nl% "e never used it to smile! ,ever! 8nd "e &asnt usin it no& as "e loo)ed at me! He clearl% &asnt amused to see me sittin t"ere! # &asnt amused eit"er! #t &as probabl% t"e first time &ed felt t"e same &a% about an%t"in ! He lived in 6o)%o! Wed met t"e same ni "t # met 7im (o H%un and alt"ou " &e &ere al&a%s bumpin into eac" ot"er on t"e social circuit$ &ed barel% spo)en! # )ne& "e &asnt m% t%pe! He disapproved of me and # &as done &it" men &"o disapproved of me! 7im (o H%un "ated t"e fact # &as an en ineer! He al&a%s &anted me to &ear frill% dresses to compensate! ,o &onder &e came unstuc)! :i%on cast me an ic% lance at t"e same moment # loo)ed at "im! Bad timin ! 1ur e%es clas"ed! His &ere a dar)$ dan erous blac) and ever%t"in inside me turned to li*uid! # lared$ ta)in m% an er &it" m%self out on "im! # "ated t"at "e made me feel t"is &a%! He didnt li)e me! # didnt li)e "im! We &ere polar opposites! # &as fun-lovin $ friendl% and "onest about m% feelin s! He &as Iipped up$ rut"lessl% contained and cold as t"e inside of m% freeIer! 6"ere "ad been moments over t"e past fe& %ears &"en #d been tempted to leap on "im &it" a blo&torc" to see if # could t"a& "im out! Hed iven me a lift "ome in "is car once &"en 7im (o H%un "ad been too drun) to &al)$ let alone drive! #t &as a ni "t #d tried to for et! Wed been celebratin m% +ob$ &"ic" for some reason "ad sent 7im (o H%un over t"e ed e!
:i%on drove a red ?errari$ +ust about t"e se'iest car on t"e planet$ and "e &as rut"lessl% tid%! 6"ere &asnt a sin le scre&ed-up piece of paper in si "t! ,o mess (alt"ou " b% t"e time "e dropped me off t"ere ma% "ave been traces of saliva &"ere #d drooled all over "is car)! His suits &ere 6om ?ord$ "is s"oes polis"ed and "is s"irts a crisp$ pristine &"ite! But underneat" t"at carefull% polis"ed appearance t"ere &as somet"in ra& and elemental t"at no amount of sop"isticated tailorin could conceal! #d been &earin m% favourite blac) dress t"at ni "t and # remember "e didnt loo) at me once! ,ot even at m% le s$ &"ic" &ere definitel% m% best feature$ especiall% &"en # dressed t"em up in four-inc" stilettos (no pain no ain)! He "adnt bot"ered to "ide "is disapproval t"en and "e &asnt "idin it no&! His burnin aIe lo&ered to m% nec)line and t"at sensual$ unsmilin mout" ti "tened into a line of rim censure! # &anted to stand up and point out t"at t"e dress &asnt m% c"oice! 6"at it &as %et anot"er tric) on t"e part of t"e bride to ma)e sure # loo)ed "ideous! Juite "onestl% m% breasts &ere too bi for t"is dress and breasts enerall% &erent on t"e uest list to a &eddin ! Mine &ere so bi t"e% could "ave *ualified for separate invitations! 7&on :i%on obviousl% didnt t"in) t"e% s"ould "ave been invited at all! 6rut"0 # found "im intimidatin and # "ated t"at! # &as a modern$ independent &oman! #d never &orn pin) and #d never "ad t"e ur e to coo over stran e babies in prams! M% best sub+ects at sc"ool &ere Mat"$ H"%sics and 6ec"nolo %! # &as t"e onl% irl in t"e class and # al&a%s "ad better mar)s t"an t"e bo%s$ &"ic" usuall% pissed t"em off$ but # fi ured t"at &as t"eir problem not mine! # "ad a de ree in aeronautical en ineerin and &as &or)in on a supersecret pro+ect to do &it" satellites! # couldnt tell %ou more t"an t"at or #d "ave to )ill %ou and eat %ou and %ou didnt need a de ree in en ineerin to )no& t"ere &as no room in t"is dress for t&o people! # loved m% +ob! #t e'cited me more t"an an% man #d ever met! But t"at could "ave been because # constantl% messed up m% love life! /ver%! (in le! 6ime! Honestl%$ "o& could an intelli ent &oman et it so badl% &ron 0 #d tried to appl% data anal%sis met"ods to m% datin "istor% but failed to e'tract an%t"in meanin ful from t"e results e'cept t"at ettin it &ron "urt! # al&a%s seemed to end up compromisin &"o # &as$ but t"ats in t"e enes! Rosie and # &atc"ed our mum contort &"o s"e &as for men &"o subse*uentl% left "er! 8s # said$ &e &erent ood at relations"ips$ &"ic" &as probabl% &"% # &as sittin "ere sin le$ &atc"in m% e' et married! # breat"ed in t"e smell of t"is must% old c"urc" and t"ou "t about all t"e promises t"at "ad been made "ere onl% to be bro)en a fe& %ears do&n t"e line! 8nd ri "t t"ere and t"en$ # made a decision! ,o more feelin s! ?eelin s +ust led to miser% and # &as done &it" miser%! ,ot t"at #d ever been t"e sort of irl to &ait b% t"e p"one$ &illin it to rin ! Aod$ no! #f a u% pla%ed t"ose ames &it" me$ # deleted "im from m% contacts! But t"at didnt mean # couldnt be "urt! 8nd fran)l%$ &"at &as t"e point0 E#ve made a ,e& 4ears Resolution! # ris)ed t"e dress and leaned closer to (oo%oun ! E8nd #m startin ri "t no&! E4oure never &earin %ello& a ain0 ("e e%ed m% dress! EAood decision! # i nored "er! E#m sic) of romantic relations"ips! W"% bot"er0 # can o to t"e movies &it" irlfriends! # can c"at &it" irlfriends! # can lau " &it" irlfriends! E6"ats %our ,e& 4ears resolution0 E/ver%t"in # need in life # can et from irlfriends$ # "issed$ Eapart from one t"in . (oo%oun cou "ed! EWell$ %ou can. E,o$ # cant! # need a man for t"at part! But onl% t"at part! ?rom no& on #m usin men for se'! ,ot"in else!
EWell$ as resolutions o$ # predict t"at one is oin to be a lot more fun t"an ivin up c"ocolate! # could al&a%s rel% on m% sister for support! 6"e more # t"ou "t about it$ t"e more convinced # &as it &as a brilliant idea! E# s"ould "ave t"ou "t of it before! # &as tal)in out of t"e corner of m% mout"$ tr%in not to attract lares from t"e elderl% aunts! E#nstead of tr%in to find a man &"o can ma)e me lau " and is actuall% interested in me$ instead of &onderin &"at # can do for "is career$ # loo) for one t"in ! (e' appeal! E#f all %oure interested in is se' appeal$ %ou could start &it" ,ico Rossi$ Rosie &"ispered! EHe is scorc"in "ot! ,ot +ust me t"en! 6"e problem &as$ # didnt &ant to find ,ico se'%! # didnt &ant to t"in) of "im na)ed or &onder "o& it &ould feel to be )issed b% "im! He didnt li)e me! #t disturbed m% sense of order and fairness t"at # s"ould find "im attractive! # loo)ed a&a%$ but not for lon ! # couldnt "elp m%self! # snea)ed anot"er loo)! #t &as some consolation t"at ever% ot"er &oman under ninet% &as starin $ too! #f ever t"ere &as suc" a t"in as ra& se' appeal$ ,ico "ad it! He &as t"e sort of u% t"at made %ou t"in) about sin in a bi &a%$ &"ic" &asnt a ood t"in &"en %ou &ere sittin in c"urc" &it" %our breasts "alf e'posed! # couldnt &ait to et to t"e bat"room so t"at # could unIip m% dress and ive m% ribs t"e freedom t"e% deserved! W"en &as t"is &eddin oin to end0 /nou " alread%! :ust sa% # do and o and live %our lives until %our realiIe &"at %ou s"ould "ave said &as # dont! But no& t"e% &ere starin into eac" ot"ers e%es and recitin "and&ritten personaliIed messa es! # promise to love %ou forever and c"eris" %ou! # promise never to cancel %our subscription to t"e sports c"annel! (17 # made t"at one up but %ou et t"e point!) # &ri led in m% seat$ &onderin &"et"er ,ico Rossi spo)e in #talian &"en "e &as "avin se'! Hed brou "t "is %oun er sister to t"e &eddin .a slee)$ dar) vision of slender perfection! ("e &as poised and sop"isticated$ +ust li)e "im! /ver% no& and t"en s"e lanced at "im adorin l%$ as if "e &ere a od! #t seemed unnatural to me! # mean$ # loved m% sister but t"ere &ere plent% of da%s # &anted to po)e "er in t"e e%e! But t"ese &ere perfect people &"o &ould never s"o& emotion in public! 6"e% probabl% never ar ued! 6"e% &ere t"e sort &"o believed marria e to be an e'citin +ourne%! # &as al&a%s sic) on +ourne%s! 6"an)s to our parents less t"an stellar e'ample$ m% sister and # &ere bot" e*uall% scre&ed-up about relations"ips! ,ot t"at t"ere &erent men in our lives! ?ar from it! Men &ere al&a%s attracted b% Rosies s&eet$ "eart-s"aped face and "er prett% smile! 6"e% t"ou "t s"e &as fra ile and needed protectin ! 6"en t"e% discovered m% sister "ad a blac) belt in )arate and could brea) a mans bones &it" one )ic) and t"e% usuall% retreated nervousl%$ lic)in t"eir &ounded mac"ismo! 6"ere &as a u% once$ but if # so muc" as t"ou "t "is name s"ed brea) m% bones$ too$ so it &as a sub+ect # didnt touc"! :ust &"en # t"ou "t t"is &eddin &as never oin to end$ t"e priest benevolentl% told t"e room "e could )iss t"e bride! Hed been )issin t"e bride and "alf "er friends re ularl% for t"e past si' mont"s &it"out permission from an%one$ but no one seemed to care about t"at! # couldnt "elp &onderin if t"e )iss &as for m% benefit$ to remind me &"at #d turned do&n! #t &as ver% Holl%&ood! ,o bumpin noses or a&)&ard moments! (cripted! 6"e sort of )iss &"ere %ou +ust )ne& t"e% &ere t"in)in about "o& it loo)ed on t"e outside$ not "o& it felt on t"e inside! 6"ere seemed to be an a&ful lot of ton ue involved! Rosie made sic) c"o)in noises ne't to me!
Aod$ # loved m% sister! 8nd t"en finall%$ finall%$ it &as over! # breat"ed a "u e si " of relief! 8nd m% dress split! Ripped
C"apter 6&o
1" fuc)$ so no& # &as na)ed! ,ot +ust &earin a condom$ but a split condom$ and suddenl% no one &as loo)in at t"e bride and room.t"e% &ere starin at me and # couldnt e'actl% blame t"em because t"ere &as plent% to see! 6"ere &ere times &"en # &as "app% to be t"e centre of attention$ but t"is &asnt one of t"em! W"% o" &"% "adnt # &orn a bra0 #d tried it$ but it "ad s"o&n t"rou " t"e c"eap$ s"in% fabric$ so #d decided in t"e interests of vanit% t"at if # "ad to &ear t"is "ideous dress at least m% outline &ould be smoot" and perfect! 8not"er bad decision! 6"e dress "ad split do&n bot" side seams simultaneousl%$ e'posin me completel% from t"e &aist up! # felt li)e a "alf-peeled banana$ but # probabl% loo)ed li)e one of t"ose &omen &"o turned up at sta parties and leapt out of ca)es! # &as strip-o- ram bridesmaid! /ver%one &as starin $ transfi'ed b% delicious "orror$ all deepl% relieved it "adnt "appened to t"em! But it could never "ave "appened to t"em! 1nl% to me! M% life "ad a "abit of unravelin $ onl% usuall% not *uite as literall% as t"is! 6"e sno& and t"e drau "t%$ under-"eated old c"urc" "ad conspired to ma)e m% nipples stand to attention! # tried to cover t"em &it" m% "ands$ but t"en # realiIed # &as probabl% ma)in it &orse! ,o& # &asnt +ust na)ed.# &as touc"in m%self! ?or t"e first time in *uite a fe& %ears$ # pra%ed! 7ill me no&! Mum "ad al&a%s drummed into Rosie and me t"at &e s"ould &ear clean under&ear in case of an accident$ alt"ou " to be fair # dont t"in) t"is &as t"e sort of accident s"e "ad in mind &"en s"e dis"ed out t"at advice! # &is"ed #d listened$ but # "onestl% "adnt t"ou "t m% under&ear$ or lac) of it$ &as oin to be an issue! /ver% unattac"ed irl "oped s"e &ould score at a &eddin $ but # &as a realist! ,o man &as oin to "it on a &oman &earin a iant bod% condom! 3ont misunderstand me.# &as all for safe se'! # insisted on condoms! #t &as +ust t"at # didnt usuall% tr% and s*ueeIe m% &"ole self into one! 6"e dress &as a "orribl% ti "t tube$ floor len t"$ &"ic" basicall% meant m% le s &ere loc)ed to et"er! # couldnt even run a&a%! # &as li)e a mermaid$ but &it"out an ocean to dro&n in! /scape &ould be a slo&$ s"ufflin $ breast-bouncin affair! (carlet-faced$ # tried to rab t"e misbe"avin fabric and cover m%self &it" t"at$ but "onestl% it &as li)e tr%in to cover Bi Ben &it" a "and)erc"ief! (ome&"ere t"rou " t"e s&irlin clouds of embarrassment # "eard Rosie snort! ("e &as lau "in so "ard # )ne& s"e &as oin to be as muc" use to me as a non-alco"olic coc)tail at a part%! Rosie "ad a problem &it" lau "ter! ("e couldnt control it! Watc"in "er lau " usuall% made me lau "$ too$ but an% desire to lau " &as s*uas"ed b% t"e loo) in rut"less ,ico Rossis e%es! W"ile ever%one else &as apin in "orrified silence (and # can tell %ou t"e% &erent loo)in at m% face) "e strode across t"e aisle to&ards me$ all broad s"ouldered and po&erful li)e a &arrior preparin to repel an invadin arm%! # &aited for Rosie to leap to "er feet and e'ecute one of "er incredible scissor )ic)s t"at &ould flatten "im$ but m% useless sister &as doubled up &it" tears pourin do&n "er face and ,ico &as still stridin ! # uessed it &ould ta)e a lot to flatten a man li)e "im! :ust for a moment # s"ivered because &"atever "e lac)ed in t"e emotional &armt" department$ p"%sicall% "e &as trul% spectacular.stomac"-meltin $ &illpo&er-destro%in spectacular! 6"e sort of man %ou couldnt loo) at &it"out t"in)in about se'! 3ar)$ litterin e%es &ere focused on me li)e a laser- uided &eapon pro rammed to destro%! His role as best man &as to support t"e room and solve problems and ri "t no& # &as t"e problem! 1r at least$ m% breasts &ere! 6"e% &ere loose and free and # could tell from t"e loo) on "is face "e t"ou "t breasts li)e mine s"ouldnt be allo&ed out &it"out a permit!
6"e elderl% aunts "ad t"eir e%es averted$ but t"e elderl% uncles &ere starin at me$ t"eir bul in e%es remindin me of sea creatures! # sa& s&eat on t"eir bro&s and &as +ust &onderin &"et"er # &as oin to be responsible for addin more bodies to t"at prett% c"urc"%ard &"en ,ico reac"ed me! He removed "is +ac)et in a smoot" movement t"at made me t"in) "ed be ood at undressin &omen$ and &rapped it around m% s"oulders! 8ctuall% E&rapped &as too entle a &ord for &"at "e did$ but eit"er &a% m% bouncin breasts &ere no& safel% buried under 6om ?ord! His +ac)et felt &arm! #t smelled delicious! #t smelled of "im! EMoveK #t &as a command$ not a re*uest and # opened m% mout" to point out m% le s &ere tied to et"er$ but "is "and &as on m% bac) and "e &as propellin me do&n t"e aisle! 3o&n t"e aisle! 6"ats ri "t$ #$ Ha%le% Miller of >; C"err% 6ree Crescent$ ,ottin Hill$ &as s"ufflin do&n t"e aisle &it" a man$ somet"in # al&a%s said #d never do$ e'cept t"at # &as doin it bac)&ards and "alf-na)ed$ so it probabl% didnt count! # sta ered past a sea of faces$ all &it" t"eir mout"s "an in open! 6"e% reminded me of a nest of bab% birds &aitin to be fed and # &asnt +ust feedin t"em morsels of ossip.#d iven t"em a ban*uet! 8t least t"e% &ouldnt need to eat at t"e reception! 8nd be"ind t"e fascinated "orror &as t"e deli "t some people felt &"en t"e% &itnessed someone elses public "umiliation! 6"e%d be tal)in about t"is moment for &ee)s! W"o &as # )iddin 0 4ears! 1ne t"in # )ne& for sure.# &as never trustin a condom a ain! But # "ad more immediate problems to &orr% about! # "ad no idea &"ere &e &ere oin ! 6"is &as a small private c"urc" in t"e rounds of a statel% "ome! /n land &as full of t"at sort of t"in and$ since t"e credit crunc"$ even t"e ver% ric" &ere loo)in for &a%s to supplement t"eir income! Hirin out t"e dust% famil% c"apel for &eddin s &as a clever &a% of allo&in less privile ed fol) to pretend for t"at one da% of t"eir lives t"at t"e% actuall% lived li)e t"is! # didnt t"in) it &as an% more fa)e t"an e'c"an in vo&s and promises about lovin eac" ot"er forever and t"en splittin up a fe& %ears later! #n ot"er &ords$ none of it meant an%t"in $ so &"% not o over t"e top0 #f dressin li)e an over-&"ipped dessert made %ou "app%$ t"en o for it # sa% (but for Aods sa)e et one t"at fits)! /ver%one &anted to et married in t"is particular c"apel$ not for reli ious reasons but because t"e door &as prett% and loo)ed ood in t"e p"otos! E1"$ Aod$ t"e p"otosK W"at about t"e p"otos0 # stopped dead$ but "e pus"ed me for&ard into a room and slammed t"e door! #t &as +ust t"e t&o of us and t"e silence &as reall% loud! # loo)ed around me and sa& &e &ere in a room &it" &ood panelin and portraits of unsmilin du)es on unsmilin "orses! #n t"e corner &as a perfectl% decorated C"ristmas tree! ,o &on)% "omemade decorations li)e t"e ones Rosie and # used in our apartment$ but desi ner perfection! # &as prett% sure &e &erent supposed to be "ere$ but # uessed ,ico &asnt ivin muc" t"ou "t to protectin t"e assets of our "osts! He &as more interested in "idin m% assets from t"e a&pin uests! W"at &as # supposed to sa%0 W"at &as t"e eti*uette for a serious &ardrobe malfunction0 # "ad a feelin Eoops &asnt oin to cut it and as)in for a needle and t"read &ould "ave been li)e as)in for a teacup to bail out t"e 6itanic! E/r.nice +ac)et! 8nd because # &as &earin "is +ac)et$ "e &as in "is s"irtsleeves and # could see t"e s&ell of "ard male muscle pressin a ainst t"e fabric! His s"irt &as pristine &"ite and # noticed "is s)in &as olden$ not pale and past% li)e C"arlies$ and "is +a& "ad t"e be innin s of a dar) s"ado&! 6"ic)$ dar) las"es framed e%es t"at &ere indecentl% se'%.t"e onl% t"in t"at spoiled it &as t"e dan erous lint of an er! He dra ed "is fin ers t"rou " "air t"at &as usuall% smoot" and slee)$ e'ploded into #talian$ and t"en s&itc"ed lan ua e in midsentence as if realiIin t"at if "e &anted to insult me "ed better do it in
a lan ua e # understood! ECristo$ &"at &ere %ou t"in)in c"oosin a dress t"at revealin 0 E# didnt c"oose it! E6"en %ou s"ould "ave refused to &ear it! His aIe &as fi'ed on mine and didnt &aver! Clearl% "ed "ad no desire to o le m% bare breasts! # told m%self t"at didnt bot"er me! W"at did bot"er me &as t"e unconcealed loo) of disapproval on "is "andsome face! # &as sure "e &as a ver% successful la&%er! # didnt even )no& &"ic" bit of t"e la& "e dealt &it"$ but &"atever "e did # &as sure "e &as t"e best of t"e best! # )ne& t"at if # &ere on t"e &itness stand and "e fi'ed me &it" t"at penetratin aIe # &ould "ave confessed to prett% muc" an%t"in ! 4es$ 4our Honour$ its true t"at on t"e t&ent%-second da% of 3ecember # &ore a iant condom to a &eddin 2! ,o$ # "ad no idea # &ould be arrested for antisocial be"avior.condoms are supposed to onl% "ave a ; percent failure rate$ but in m% case it &as =L< percent! 4es$ # understand t"ere &ere serious conse*uences! Weddin interruptus! # &ondered &"% "e &as so an r%! #t &asnt as if t"e room "ad ended up &it" me! 6"is episode could "ave +ust been labeled Enarro& escape! 1utra e started to simmer inside me! # &as t"e victim of a cruel fas"ion crime$ blameless in ever%t"in e'cept m% proportions and # &asnt about to apolo iIe for m% breasts! 8nd an%&a%$ # felt a bit funn% inside! ,ot *ueas% e'actl%$ but a bit diII% and s&imm%-"eaded! # t"ou "t it &as probabl% "earin "im spea)in #talian! 6"e onl% #talian # )ne& # learned from a menu and t"ere &as not"in se'% about HiIIa Mar "erita even if %ou tried sa%in it in a sultr% voice! 6"is man$ "o&ever$ &as spectacularl% se'% and ever%t"in t"at came out of "is mout" made me &ant to rab "im and do ver%$ ver% bad t"in s &"ic" &as definitel% off limits because ,ico &as t"e sort &"o &as al&a%s rut"lessl% in control of "imself and be"aved impeccabl% in public! # assumed la&%ers &erent allo&ed to misbe"ave! EW"% t"e fuc) are %ou "ere$ Ha%le%0 4ou are t"e master of bad decisions! He spo)e t"rou " "is teet" as if "e &ere afraid t"at if "e opened "is mout" a tirade of insults &ould escape! ?ran)l% # &as surprised to "ear "im sa% Efuc)! But no& "ed said it$ # started t"in)in about it! ,ot t"e &ord$ but t"e act! # couldnt "elp it! 6rut"full% #d been t"in)in about it lon before "ed said t"at &ord! # doubted an% &oman could loo) at ,ico and not t"in) of it! ,ot love or romance$ %ou understand! He &asnt t"e "earts and roses sort of man! # couldnt ima ine "im ris)in "is suit b% c"an in a napp% or rollin up "is perfectl% ironed sleeves to &as" a reas% saucepan$ but se'0 Aod$ %es! 8ll it too) &as one loo) to )no& t"is man &ould )no& ever%t"in t"ere &as to )no& about "ard$ "ot$ s&eat% se'! ?or a &ild moment # &anted to as) if "ed impart some of "is )no&led e$ but t"en # remembered "ed +ust told me # made bad decisions! 6"ere &as onl% so muc" abuse a irl could ta)e in one da% and # &as ri "t up to m% limit! W"en %ou &or) in a male dominated profession as # do$ %oure used to bein +ud ed! Most of t"e time # let it &as" over me! #f # t"reatened t"eir masculinit% t"at &as t"eir problem$ not mine! 1ccasionall% # fou "t bac)! (ometimes # too) sadistic pleasure in surprisin people$ but # &as damned if #d allo& m%self to be told # made bad decisions b% a man &"o never let "imself o! # stood up strai "ter and pus"ed m% c"est out ( ood +ob # &as &earin "is +ac)et)! E/'cuse me$ but &"at ives %ou t"e ri "t to +ud e m% decisions0 EWe could start &it" t"e fact %oure currentl% na)ed from t"e &aist up under m% +ac)et! ?i' t"e dress! #m t"e best man! # "ave duties to perform! 8nd # &as &illin to bet "ed perform t"em &ell! 1"$ Aod$ # "ad to stop t"in)in li)e t"at! E6"e dress is unfi'able! 8nd # couldnt refuse to &ear it! 6"is &as &"at Cressida &anted! E4our "alf-na)ed bod% on displa%0 # dont t"in) so! He t"re& me a loo) t"at &ould "ave terrified
an entire arm% into immediate surrender! EBut %oure +ust a irl &"o cant sa% no! EW"ats t"at supposed to mean0 # e'ploded$ &"ic" considerin # &as "alf-na)ed &asnt a ood idea! Because # &as *uite p"%sical # tended to add emp"asis to &"at # &as sa%in b% usin m% "ands! @p until a moment a o m% "ands "ad been "oldin t"e front of "is +ac)et to et"er! ,o& t"e% &ere &avin around &ildl%$ preparin to act in m% defense! @nfortunatel% t"e% &ere not t"e onl% part of me to be &avin around &ildl%! His e%es dar)ened and # realiIed t"at "e "ad stopped loo)in at m% face! (uddenl% t"ere &ere four of us in t"e room! Me$ "im and m% breasts! # sa& a tin% muscle move in "is +a& and t"en "is aIe lifted to mine and t"at &as t"e moment # discovered t"at loo)in at someone could ma)e %ou burn inside! E# can sa% no! M% voice came out croa)% and # realiIed t"e timin of t"at sentence &asnt reat because # )ne&$ # +ust )ne&$ t"at bot" of us &ere t"in)in about se'! EW"at t"e "ell are %ou doin "ere$ Ha%le%0 8t t"is &eddin 0 Have %ou no pride0 EHride is t"e reason #m "ere! #f #d sta%ed a&a% ever%one &ould "ave t"ou "t # &as bro)en"earted! E8nd are %ou0 His *uestion surprised me as muc" as t"e rou "ness of "is voice! We didnt e'actl% "ave t"e sort of relations"ip t"at included an e'c"an e of confidences and t"at &as a deepl% personal *uestion! # "ad no intention of ans&erin it! # "adnt even told Rosie "o& bad # felt$ alt"ou " s"e )ne& of course! 6"at &as &"% s"e &as "ere! (olidarit% even in t"e absence of confession! 6"at &as one of t"e unspo)en rules of true sister"ood! 6"e second &as t"at &e &ere oin to leave at t"e first possible moment$ scoot bac) to our apartment in 9ondon and dro&n t"e memories of toda% in a lar e bottle of &ine &"ile &e &rapped presents and finis"ed decoratin our apartment for C"ristmas! ,ot t"at # &as bro)en-"earted about C"arlie.# &asnt! #t &as more t"e miser% of bein forced to confront %et more evidence of "o& utterl% impossible relations"ips &ere! # &as mournin t"e fair% tale$ &"ic" &as ridiculous &"en # t"ou "t about it because #d never believed in t"e fair% tale! EHa%le%0 Cristo$ ans&er t"e *uestion! His voice &as ra& and t"ic)ened b% an emotion # didnt reco niIe! # assumed it &as an er$ since t"at &as t"e onl% emotion "e ever seemed to feel around me! E8re %ou bro)en-"earted0 6"e *uestion "un bet&een us in an atmosp"ere t"at &as "eav% and s&eat%! 8 moment a o #d been freeIin ! (omeone needed to open a &indo&! #t &as stiflin in "ere! E@nless %oure a cardiolo ist$ t"e condition of m% "eart is none of %our business! # mi "t "ave been "idin m% feelin s but # &asnt "idin an%t"in else! # lifted m% "ands to close m% +ac)et but "e &as t"ere before me! (tron male fin ers tan led &it" mine and t"e bac)s of "is fin ers brus"ed a ainst m% breasts! His "ands &ere &arm and c"emistr% s"ot t"rou " me! #t &as li)e fallin on an electric fence! Bot" of us froIe! 6"e onl% sound in t"e room &as "is breat"in ! 1r ma%be it &as m% breat"in ! He &as standin reall% close to me$ so close # "ad a ma nified vie& of "ot masculinit%! M% e%es &ere level &it" t"at dar)ened +a&$ t"at unsmilin mout" and t"ose incredible bed me if %oure luc)% e%es! Ri "t at t"e moment # so$ so &anted to et t"at luc)%! # )ne& "e &ouldnt be ood for me! Hed probabl% be a bit li)e +un) food.somet"in %ou could crave even &"ile )no&in it "ad no nutritional value and mi "t ma)e %ou feel sic) later! # didnt care about t"e &eddin ! # didnt care t"at #d be ossiped about for t"e ne't t&o decades! 8ll # &anted &as to feel t"at mout" on mine and find out &"et"er )issin "im &ould be as ood as #
t"ou "t it &ould! 1"$ Aod$ &"% not0 6oda% "ad been suc" a total disaster # mi "t as &ell tr% and e'tract one decent memor% to comfort me in t"e "ours of crin in flas"bac)s t"at &ere bound to follo&! 6ellin m%self # &as doin us bot" a favor$ # rabbed t"e front of "is s"irt and &as about to pull "im to&ards me &"en "e muttered somet"in in #talian and dra ed me to&ards "im b% t"e lapels of "is +ac)et! We collided$ loc)ed to et"er li)e &ild animals in t"e matin season! Ripped
C"apter 6"ree
Bodies$ mout"s$ ever% part of us t"at could touc" &ere touc"in $ and alt"ou " # "ad no idea &"o made t"e first move # didnt care an% more because "is mout" &as &arm and s)illed and "is )iss confirmed &"at #d alread% suspected. 6"at "e &as t"e "ottest man on t"e face of t"e eart"! W"atever else it &as$ t"is &asnt a scripted )iss! # doubted eit"er of us &ould "ave )no&n or cared if an%one else &as &atc"in ! We &ere so &rapped up in eac" ot"er$ so absorbed in t"e moment$ &e &ouldnt "ave noticed if a "orse "ad leapt from one of t"e paintin s and started allopin around t"e room! # felt t"e erotic slide of "is ton ue in m% mout" and moaned aloud because &"at "e &as doin connected a million tin% circuits inside me and set off a c"ain reaction until # &as fairl% sure m% bod% &as close to meltdo&n! # didnt care t"at "e never smiled because # )ne& no& "is mout" &as made for )issin and "e proved it &it" ever% delicious$ s)illed stro)e of "is ton ue! M% arms &ere round "is nec)$ m% bod% pressed a ainst "is.and "is &as "ard$ muscular and +ust about perfect! @nder t"at s"oc)in l% e'pensive suit$ t"e man &as ripped! /ver%t"in &as ripped! M% dress$ "is bod% and m% reputation! # couldnt "elp m%self! # covered t"e front of "is trousers &it" t"e flat of m% "and and felt "im$ "ard and t"ic) a ainst m% palm! ECristo. "e muttered a ainst m% lips and slammed me bac) a ainst t"e &all$ "is mout" "ot and demandin on mine! His "ands "ad moved from t"e +ac)et to m% breasts and # felt a t"rill of delicious e'citement as "is t"umbs raIed m% nipples! @suall% # closed m% e%es &"en # )issed$ but not t"is time! His e%es &ere fi'ed on mine$ dar) &it" "eat and ra& desire! #t &as t"e se'iest e'perience of m% life and # didnt &ant to miss a sin le moment of it! M% mind &asnt capable of muc" co"erent t"ou "t$ but # )ne& #d been &ron about one t"in . ,ico Rossi &asnt a ood bo%! He &as a bad bo% dressed in a ood suit! Heat pulsed bet&een us$ t"e c"emistr% screamin $ scorc"in and intense! His fin ers drove into m% "air$ &"ic" tumbled out of its clip and slid over "is "and! His mout" &as pressin "ot$ sensual )isses a ainst m% nec) and lo&er! He murmured somet"in in #talian and # &as about to as) "im to translate &"en # realiIed # didnt &ant "im to! 7no&in &"at "e &as sa%in mi "t spoil ever%t"in ! 6"ere &as no &a% # &as ever oin to understand &"at &as oin on "ere an%&a%$ so &"at &as t"e point in tr%in 0 # felt t"e t"rust of "is "ard t"i " bet&een mine and t"ere &as anot"er rippin sound as t"e seams tore a bit furt"er! #f t"e bridesmaid dress "adnt alread% been ruined it &ould "ave been no&! # didnt t"in) "e even noticed! His mout" devoured mine and "e %an)ed &"at &as left of t"e stupid dress up and loc)ed "is "ands on m% s"iftin "ips! # strained a ainst "im$ feelin t"e "ard t"rust of "im a ainst me and t"en # felt "is "and move to m% inner t"i "! 6"e anticipation almost )illed me$ and t"en "e &as stro)in me &it" t"ose lon $ )no&in fin ers$ some"o& pro rammed to touc" me in e'actl% t"e ri "t place even t"ou " # "adnt said a &ord or made a sound! M% mout" &as on "is$ &e &ere breat"in t"e same air$ bitin $ lic)in and it &as t"e most erotic t"in #ve ever e'perienced! # &asnt t"in)in about an%t"in e'cept "o& ood it felt and t"en "e slid "is fin ers inside me and ood became incredible and # could feel m%self pulse around "im! # &as rippin "is s"oulder because m% )nees &ere so &ea) # t"ou "t # mi "t slide to t"e floor if # &asnt "oldin on$ but t"at left me &it" one "and free and # &asnt oin to &aste it! # &rapped m% "and around "im and felt "im t"ic)en in m% rasp! 8s # stro)ed "im # "eard "im ro&l deep in "is t"roat and it &as t"e se'iest sound #d ever "eard$ even se'ier because # )ne& # &as t"e one &"o "ad done t"at to "im! 6"is man &"o &as so bi on control &as losin control$ and "e &as losin it because of me! His fin ers &ere s)illed$ findin t"at e'act spot &it" unerrin accurac% and # felt t"e first flutters of
or asm! Wed barel% e'c"an ed a &ord before toda%$ t"is man and #$ and %et "ere &e &ere loc)ed in t"is unima inable intimac%! His )nee nud ed m% t"i "s furt"er apart$ ivin "im full access and "e )ept usin "is fin ers$ )ept )issin me until # felt ever%t"in inside me ti "ten and pulse! # &as close$ so close$ and "e )ne& because "e &as ri "t t"ere &it" me$ "is fin ers controllin ever%t"in # &as feelin $ "is mout" breat"in in m% asps! ECome$ "e ordered softl%$ and normall% # &as ver% bad at doin &"at # &as told but t"is time our ob+ectives &ere clearl% ali ned and # ti "tened m% "and around t"e lorious t"ic)ness of "im and t"en "eard someone callin m% name! EHa%le%0 #t &as m% sister$ usin one of "er frantic sta e &"ispers$ )noc)in on doors as s"e searc"ed for me! Hresumabl% s"ed finall% stopped lau "in for lon enou " to &or) out # mi "t be in trouble! ("it! ,ico and # stared at eac" ot"er$ e%es and mout"s still loc)ed to et"er! M% bod% &as suspended in a state of intense e'citement! ?or once in m% life # &is"ed Rosie "ad +ust carried on lau "in and not tried to "elp me out! Here # &as$ "overin on t"e ed e of &"at # )ne& &as oin to be t"e best or asm of m% life &it" t"e "ottest man # &as ever oin to meet and m% sister &as ban in on t"e door! # &as oin to )ill "er! (lo&l%! #f # &as oin to die in a on% t"en # &as oin to ma)e sure s"e did$ too! EHa%le%0 8re %ou 170 #t &as a measure of "o& turned on # &as t"at "avin m% sister ban in on t"e door "adnt made an% difference to t"e &a% # felt! ,ico s&ore a ainst m% mout" (in bot" #talian and /n lis"$ in case %ou &ere &onderin )$ and # &as +ust about to as) &"et"er "ed loc)ed t"e door &"en it burst open! ?ortunatel% ,ico "ad "is bac) to our audience$ s"ieldin me! # "ad %et anot"er reason to be t"an)ful for t"ose broad$ muscular s"oulders! Wit" admirable calm$ "e removed "is fin ers and "is mout" from m% bod% and some"o& mana ed to pull m% dress do&n and dra& t"e lapels of "is +ac)et to et"er at t"e same time! He &as impressive in a crisis.smoot" and composed! Rosie "ad seen most of it before$ of course! Wed lived to et"er since &e left "ome to o to colle e and &e didnt loc) doors ver% often$ so at t"is point # &as more e'asperated t"an embarrassed! But t"en # loo)ed past "is s"oulders (and t"at too) some &illpo&er$ # can tell %ou$ because it &as t"e best vie& #d seen in a lon time) and sa& a s"oc)ed face t"at didnt belon to m% sister! ,icos sister &as starin at "im as if s"ed never seen "im before! 1" crappit%$ crap$ crap! Her e%es &ere &ide and s"oc)ed$ "er mout" sli "tl% a ape! ("e obviousl% t"ou "t #d corrupted "er usuall% controlled brot"er! 8nd ma%be # "ad! # &as certainl% &ell on m% &a%! ?rom t"e moment "ed touc"ed me$ #d t"ou "t about not"in but "im! 8nd before %ou +ud e me # can tell %ou &it"out a flic)er of doubt t"at if t"is man "ad )issed %ou$ %ou &ouldnt "ave been t"in)in of an%t"in but "im eit"er! He s&ore under "is breat"! EAo bac) to t"e c"urc"$ 7iara! #t &as a command$ and s"e colored and stepped bac) &it"out *uestion! #f "ed spo)en to me li)e t"at # &ould "ave posted "is 6om ?ord suit to a &ort"% c"arit%$ but s"e didnt sa% a &ord! :ust obe%ed "im li)e a pupp% in an obedience class! # decided it must be t"e s"oc) t"at "ad stopped "er from standin up for "erself! 8nd # &as responsible for t"at s"oc)! (o muc" for "avin a se'ual relations"ip &it"out emotional involvement! #t seemed t"at no matter
&"at rules %ou pla%ed b%$ someone al&a%s ot "urt! # &anted to tell "er not to &orr%$ t"at &e "ated eac" ot"er reall%$ but s"ed alread% one and # &as left &it" more t"an a split dress to &orr% about! #d t"ou "t m% embarrassment couldnt et an% deeper! 6urned out #d been &ron about t"at$ too! Ripped
C"apter ?our
EBest &eddin ever! #t &as C"ristmas /ve and Rosie &as stretc"in on t"e livin room floor$ surrounded b% "alf-&rapped C"ristmas presents! ("e spent a lot of time stretc"in ! #d learned to ive "er a &ide bert" because t"ere "ad been more t"an one occasion &"en #d moved too close and ended up &it" "er foot in m% face! ("ed started )arate at t"e a e of si'$ t"en s"ed added in Mua% 6"ai &"en s"e &as ei "teen and met. But # &asnt allo&ed to mention "im! 9ets +ust sa% &e call "im He W"o ("all ,ot Be ,amed (and "es not t"at Foldemort u% from Harr% Hotter$ alt"ou " from t"e smile on m% sisters face at t"e time # t"in) "e mi "t "ave "ad a ma ic &and "idden some&"ere)! EAlad %ou &ere entertained! (no& drifted laIil% past t"e &indo&s! 6"e streets of 9ondon &ere &"ite and ever%one &as &rapped up a ainst t"e cold in bri "t scarves and outra eous "ats! 6"at &as one of t"e man% t"in s # loved about livin in 9ondon! Heople &erent afraid to dress creativel%$ especiall% &"ere &e lived! #n ,ottin Hill &e &ere surrounded b% artists$ musicians and &riters! 8nd m% an el-faced$ )arate-lovin $ )ic)bo'in sister! # snu led deeper into t"e sofa$ m% laptop balanced on m% t"i "s because # couldnt be bot"ered to &al) to t"e table and an%&a%$ it saved on "eatin bills! ECan &e stop tal)in about t"e &eddin 0 ("ed been lau "in non-stop for t"e past t"ree da%s! (isterl% love &as &earin t"in! # pretended to be absorbed b% m% laptop$ but if # &as "onest #d barel% done an% &or) since &ed arrived "ome from t"e &eddin ! # couldnt concentrate! M% brain &as +ammed up &it" t"e "ottest memor% of m% life! # couldnt stop t"in)in about it! 8bout "im! Mostl% about t"e &a% Mr (uper Cool "ad one from i norin me to virtuall% "avin se' &it" me! 6"e c"an e in "im "ad been s"oc)in and$ &ell$ e'citin ! W"at &asnt so e'citin &as t"e fact it "ad been interrupted and t"ere &as no c"ance of a repeat performance$ &"ic" basicall% meant # &as doomed to die of se'ual frustration! ,ot t"at # "adnt tried to do somet"in about t"at$ but no vibrator &as ever oin to come close to t"e uni*ue bedroom talents of ,ico Rossi! #t &as li)e &atc"in a bo'ed set$ endin an episode on a cliff"an er and t"en realiIin %oud lost t"e final 3F3! # desperatel% &anted to )no& &"at "appened ne't! But # &as never oin to because ,ico "adnt li)ed me before t"e &eddin $ so "e &as oin to li)e me even less since # ruined t"e da% and &al)ed off &it" "is 6om ?ord! ?or a couple of da%s #d nurtured a fantas% "e mi "t contact me$ but of course "e "adnt! Real life is a split dress and embarrassment$ not a "ot u% rin in %ou! # ans&ered anot"er email$ tr%in to bloc) out t"e memor% of t"e &eddin ! #d scoured 4ou6ube for da%s$ c"ec)in t"at no one "ad uploaded a video of m% diII%in descent into i nomin%! (o far all seemed &ell$ but if # could "ave du a "ole and lived under round for a &"ile$ # &ould "ave done! EW"% t"e "ell did %ou "ave to &al) in &"en %ou did0 EW"% t"e "ell didnt %ou loc) t"e door if %ou &ere plannin to "ave se'0 #ve &rapped a load of spare presents b% t"e &a%! 6"e%re t"e ones &it"out labels! ("e spun and )ic)ed$ almost removin a lamp from t"e table! #f t"e lamp "ad been a person$ it &ould "ave been unconscious! 8nd s"e &ondered &"% men &ere intimidated b% "er! (e' &it" m% sister could probabl% "ave been classified as a let"al sport! 8nd tal)in of se'2 EWe &erent "avin se'K # &atc"ed as Rosie paused to arran e t"e presents in a pile under t"e perfectl% s"aped fir tree &ed pic)ed up from t"e arden centre! # &ould "ave "ad a fa)e one$ but s"e said &e "ad so muc" fa)e in our life ro&in up$ &e deserved t"e real t"in ! Hersonall% # didnt see an%t"in romantic about pic)in dried reen needles out of t"e bottom of %our feet in Marc"$ but t"at &as +ust me! EHavent %ou overdone t"e spare presents t"is %ear0 M% sister al&a%s bou "t e'tra C"ristmas presents! ("e said it &as because it made t"e tree loo) festive$ but # )ne& "er idea of a terrible C"ristmas &ould be for someone to turn up and "er not "ave a ift for t"em! ("e &as ver% enerous.it &as all lin)ed &it" "er fair%-tale vie& of t"e &orld! ,ot t"at
s"e &as idealistic$ but s"e believed %ou could ma)e %our o&n fair% tale if %ou &or)ed "ard enou " at it! W"o needed a prince &"en %ou "ad a credit card and online s"oppin 0 W"en &e &ere little s"e &as t"e one &"o danced around t"e room in pin) ti "ts &it" a tiara on "er "ead$ pretendin to be a princess! 6"en our parents split up and s"e decided s"ed rat"er be t"e 7arate 7id! M% sisters most important self-created fair% tale &as C"ristmas! Because &ed never "ad a proper famil% C"ristmas$ s"e overcompensated madl%! Hence t"e tree$ t"e stoc)in s and "er determination t"at no one &e )ne& &ould spend t"e da% alone! E#m oin to pic) up t"e tur)e%! ("e spun and e'ecuted anot"er )ic) and "er blonde "air fle& around "er face! 6"ere &ere times &"en # t"ou "t s"e s"ould "ave auditioned to pla% Bond (and # do mean Bond$ not t"e dope% irl planted in t"e film so "e can "ave se')! ("e trained for "ours ever% da%$ but it "ad paid off and s"ed landed a reat +ob coac"in martial arts at ?it and H"%sical in t"e Cit%! ("e &as also buildin a list of clients for personal trainin ! Her results &ere startlin $ but # uessed t"at &as because t"e% &ere all terrified of m% s&eet-faced sister! #f %ou didnt put in effort s"e )ic)ed %our butt! 9iterall%! 8not"er ten emails pin ed into m% inbo'! We &ere in t"e middle of t"is "u e pro+ect at &or) and it &asnt oin a&a% +ust because most of 9ondon "ad s"ut do&n for t"e "olida%s! Half of me &as "opin one of t"ose emails &as from ,ico! # didnt need to tell %ou &"ic" "alf but lets put it t"is &a%.# &as &onderin if it &as too late to as) (anta for a ne& vibrator! Was t"ere one called 6"e ,iccol-0 6"at &as t"e one # &anted! #dl% # t%ped Evibrator.t"e ,iccol- into t"e searc" en ine! E# "ave to send t"e +ac)et bac)! E4ou cant do it toda%."e &ont be in t"e office! #ts C"ristmas /ve and its sno&in ! Rosie rabbed "er coat! ECome &it" me! Better t"an mopin ! E#m not mopin ! E4oure mopin ! 8nd dreamin in #talian! # closed t"e lid of m% laptop so s"e couldnt see &"at #d +ust t%ped! # "ad some secrets! E#f it &erent for %ou # &ouldnt "ave "ad to dream! # &ould "ave "ad realit%! # &ould "ave put m% ,e& 4ears resolution of emotionless se' into practice! E#t &ould "ave been a &aste to rus" somet"in so ood &it" a man t"at "ot! E(o instead # didnt et to do it at all0 Ho& is t"at better0 # duc)ed as s"e t"re& me m% coat! E#m not oin out! # still "avent recovered from bein na)ed in c"urc"! (omeone mi "t reco niIe me! E6"e advanta e of bein na)ed from t"e &aist up is t"at no one &as loo)in at %our face! Rosie t"re& m% scarf! E@nless &"at %oure &or)in on is an emer enc%$ %oure comin ! # &is"ed s"e "adnt used t"ose e'act &ords! # &asnt comin ! 6"at &as t"e point! 8nd %es$ it &as close to an emer enc%! 8t t"is rate #d need resuscitation! Mout"-to-mout"! 8nd mout" to. Well$ %ou et t"e point! 8ll # could t"in) of &as se'$ &"ic" &asnt ood &"en t"ere &as no immediate "ope for a satisfactor% resolution! Ma%be freeIin cold and sno& &ould reduce t"e need for a vibrator! #t didnt$ but # "ad to admit t"ere &as somet"in upliftin about &al)in t"rou " ,ottin Hill on C"ristmas /ve! ("op &indo&s spar)led &it" li "ts and decorations and ever%one &as smilin $ &"ic" didnt ma)e sense &"en %ou t"ou "t about t"e number of people &"o found t"is a miserable time of %ear or didnt celebrate$ but ma%be t"e%d all sta%ed indoors! 8 famil% strolled past$ dra in an enormous tree! 6"e% &ere all "oldin "ands! 8 mot"er$ fat"er and t&o ver% e'cited c"ildren &it" pin) c"ee)s and s"in% e'pressions! (omet"in t&isted inside me! # didnt understand "o& # could env% t"at &"en it &asnt &"at # &anted! # cau "t Rosies e%e and s"e s"ru ed$ readin m% mind! 6"at &as one of t"e t"in s # loved about m% sister! ,ot onl% did s"e )no& &"at # &as t"in)in &it"out me sa%in it$ but t"e past &as t"e past! #f somet"in &as messed up$ t"en s"e &as oin to ma)e sure s"e did it differentl% in t"e future! ("e &as all about movin for&ard!
(no& &as fallin on "er "air and # t"ou "t "o& prett% s"e &as! 3ancer-slim &it" amaIin reen e%es and blonde "air t"at lic)ed around "er face and fell to "er s"oulders! 9on $ slim limbs t"at could )noc) %ou out &it" one )ic)! #t &as "er superpo&er! /ver%one else &as t"in)in about C"ristmas$ but # &as t"in)in about t"e &eddin ! E3o %ou t"in) # ruined t"eir bi da%0 E,o$ but it &ould serve t"em ri "t if %ou did! #t &as mean of t"em to insist %ou be a bridesmaid! ,ot t"at "e &as ri "t for %ou$ but t"e% never s"ould "ave put %ou in t"at position! ("e &as m% sister! #t &as "er +ob to tr% and ma)e me feel better$ but # reall% &anted to believe "er! #t &as C"ristmas /ve and no one &anted to feel bad about t"emselves on C"ristmas /ve! E#ts )ind of ironic t"at # &ent because of m% pride$ and ended up "alf-na)ed in public and t"en )issin a man &"o "ates me! Rosie made a snortin sound! EHe doesnt "ate %ou! 6"e t&o of %ou "ave c"emistr%! 4ou al&a%s "ave! 4ou t&o "ave al&a%s been muc" better suited t"an %ou and C"arlie! # stopped dead and aped at "er! EHo& can %ou sa% t"at0 # anal%Ied t"e evidence! E,ico Rossi "as barel% ever spo)en to me! W"enever &ere in t"e same room$ "e i nores me! He doesnt li)e me! W"ic" made t"e &"ole t"in all t"e more confusin ! Ho& could # possibl% "ave "ad suc" a "ot encounter &it" a man &"o didnt li)e me0 EHe arran ed for a car to drive us "ome from t"e &eddin so %ou didnt "ave to face t"e uests! 6"at must "ave cost "im a fortune! 8nd #d alread% tuc)ed t"e mone% into t"e poc)et of "is 6om ?ord! # didnt &ant to be in debt to ,ico! EHe did it because "e &anted to et us out of t"ere! #d alread% ruined t"e &eddin ! EHe rescued %ou &"en ever%one else stood around a&pin ! M% sister "ad stopped$ too! (no& settled on "er blonde "air! EHe ave %ou "is +ac)et! He didnt "ave to do t"at! # fro&ned! EHe didnt &ant me na)ed in a c"urc"! M% sister bent racefull% and scooped up a "andful of sno&$ formin it into a sno&ball! EW"o ave %ou a lift "ome t"e ni "t %ou invited a load of us to celebrate %our ne& +ob and C"arlie proceeded to i nore %ou and et &asted0 E,ico! 6"at evenin "ad been t"e be innin of t"e end for C"arlie and me! Hed proposed t"e da% after$ as an alternative to ta)in t"e +ob! #d t"ou "t "e &as still drun) and )iddin ! 6urned out "e &as sober and dead serious! He sa& marria e to "im as a preferable career option! E,ico$ but "e &as drivin past m% "ouse an%&a%! # &aited for "er to sa% E%es$ %oure ri "t$ but instead s"e &atc"ed me steadil% and suddenl% # &ondered &"at e'planation ,ico "ad iven "is sister! Ma%be "ed told "er it "adnt been "is fault$ t"at "ed been assaulted b% m% bare breasts and "ad merel% been defendin "imself! He &as a la&%er! # &as prett% sure "e could plead self-defense better t"an an%one! 1n t"e ot"er "and "e didnt stri)e me as t"e sort of man &"o made e'cuses! 6a)e "im or leave "im! #d tried to ta)e "im and loo) &"ere t"at "ad ot me! # slid m% arm t"rou " Rosies and resolved to stop t"in)in about "im! E9ets tal) about somet"in else! #d never spent so lon t"in)in about a man # &asnt even in a relations"ip &it"! E(o far m% resolution to "ave emotionless se' isnt turnin out so &ell! Ma%be # s"ould "ave +ust one for somet"in more traditional li)e losin &ei "t and ettin fit! E4oure alread% fit$ and %oure not supposed to start %our resolution until t"e ,e& 4ear! Her"aps %oull meet someone cute tomorro&! (omet"in in t"e &a% s"e said it made me turn m% "ead suspiciousl%! EW"o "ave %ou invited0 Hlease dont tell me its t"at +ournalist u%! E:ust all our usual friends and a fe& ot"ers! ("e &as stud%in a in erbread "ouse in t"e &indo& of our favorite ba)er%! E("ould &e bu% t"at0
E#f %ou bu% an% more food t"ere &ont be room for t"e uests! Rosie$ &"o e'actl% is comin tomorro&0 E# never )no& until t"e% )noc) on t"e door! 4ou )no& &"at its li)e.not ever%one confirms! ("e didnt loo) at me! 6"e %ear before s"ed invited an entire class from "er %m! 6"e% &ere all )ic)in in our livin room! We &andered on$ starin in &indo&s! # t"ou "t "o& muc" # loved 9ondon! We lived in a reat area$ &it" s"ops$ mar)ets and livel% restaurants on our doorsteps! 1ur apartment &as on t"e top floor of a beautiful red-bric) Fictorian "ouse in t"e trend% part of ,ottin Hill! 6"e streets &ere reall% prett% "ere and &e &ere round t"e corner from Hortobello mar)et and an eas% &al) from 7ensin ton Aardens! 9oads of our friends lived nearb%! # &ondered &"ere ,ico lived! Had "e one "ome to #tal% for C"ristmas0 # "oped "e didnt need "is +ac)et! EHe%$ &a)e up! #ts been sno&in all ni "t! # burro&ed under t"e covers$ resentin m% sisters ener % levels! E#ts too earl%! E#ts C"ristmas! We "ave to open our stoc)in s and t"eres loads to do! E1nl% because %ou insist on invitin "alf t"e &orld to lunc"! # emer ed from under t"e covers and loo)ed out of m% attic &indo&! 9ondon &as covered in anot"er deep coatin of spar)lin sno&! #t almost &as a fair% tale$ e'cept # "ad to et up and coo) C"ristmas lunc" for a bunc" of people #d probabl% never met before &"en all # &anted to do &as lie in a "eap$ &atc" bac)-to-bac) 6F and tr% to for et about t"e disastrous &eddin ! Rosie spran onto t"e bed and crossed "er le s$ "er dais% pa+amas a c"eerful$ sprin li)e rebellion a ainst t"e &inter &eat"er! E3o %ou mind0 Would %ou rat"er # didnt do t"is0 # &as about to confess t"at one %ear it mi "t be nice to +ust eat tur)e% sand&ic"es and flop in front of t"e 6F &"en # sa& t"e loo) of e'citement in "er e%es and )ne& # &ould never$ ever$ stop "er doin t"is! 8nd an%&a%$ # understood &"% s"e did it! We couldnt "ave a proper Efamil% C"ristmas so s"e "ad a Efriend C"ristmas instead! Rosie &as determined to create t"e life s"e &anted to live and # admired t"at! E# t"in) its reat! 8nd # did! Because of m% sister$ no one &e )ne& spent C"ristmas on t"eir o&n! /ver%one &it" no&"ere to o &as invited$ &"ic" meant t"at some %ears our apartment &as prett% cro&ded$ but # didnt reall% "ave a problem &it" t"at! E8re %ou sure0 ("e dra ed t"e stoc)in s onto t"e bed! E# &ondered &"et"er %ou &ouldnt rat"er +ust "ave a *uiet da%! E,ot in a million %ears! 3ont et me &ron .m% sister and # fou "t$ but it &as al&a%s over t"e small t"in s! W"en it &as an%t"in to do &it" our past$ &e &ere a united front! We opened t"e Estoc)in s &ed laid out t"e ni "t before (s"e filled mine and # filled "ers! 9ast %ear &ed bumped "eads stuffin stoc)in s at t"e same time)! /ac" &as full of funn% lo&-priced ifts! 6"an)s to t"e stress of t"e &eddin $ #d bou "t all mine on t"e internet! # "ad no idea &"en Rosie "ad done "er s"oppin ! (oon m% bed &as covered in ripped paper and in amon st c"ocolates$ a noteboo)$ an e'ceptionall% cute stuffed llama$ and a festive bra and pant% set in red &it" &"ite fau' fur trim$ t"ere &as a pac)et of condoms &it" Enot to be used until t"e ,e& 4ear on t"em! # raised an e%ebro&! E# dont remember mentionin t"ose &"en # &rote to (anta! EHe )no&s %ouve been a ood irl t"is %ear but "e also )no&s %oure oin to be a bad irl ver% soon! ("e &in)ed at me! E8nd "e &ants %ou to be prepared! Rosie &as as subtle as a )ic) in t"e stomac" from a reindeer! # &as prett% pleased &it" t"e presents #d c"osen for "er$ and as &ell as t"e small t"in s # ave "er m% main ift.a leat"er "andba in a soft s"ade of cappuccino s"ed admired in t"e mar)et bac) in ,ovember!
E# love it! ("e cooed over it and t"en t"re& me an eni matic loo)! E4our bi present is comin later! # &ondered "o& m% present could be comin later &"en t"ere &ere no deliveries on C"ristmas 3a%$ but # "ad no time to d&ell on it because &e &ere e'pectin a load of people and &e "ad to produce food! (urrenderin to t"e inevitable coo)in marat"on$ # s"o&ered *uic)l% and teamed m% favorite s)inn% +eans &it" t"i "-len t" boots and a cute s"irt &it" s"ell buttons! @nderneat" # &as &earin m% ne& festive under&ear (includin t"e bra$ in case %ou &ere &onderin ! ,ever let it be said # dont learn from m% mista)es)! # reported for dut% in t"e )itc"en +ust as Rosie sta ered t"rou " t"e door carr%in t"e tur)e%! #t "ad spent t"e ni "t in our "all&a%$ apparentl% reac"in Eroom temperature! E6"is needs a bit of attention! Can %ou do t"at &"ile # ma)e t"e stuffin 0 # loo)ed at it doubtfull% because # &asnt muc" of a coo)! EW"at sort of attention0 E6"ere are some stra% feat"ers! Hluc) t"em out! ("e &anted me to pluc) t"e tur)e%0 EHoultr% "air removal isnt e'actl% m% specialt%$ # be an$ but # &as tal)in to m%self! Rosie "ad alread% left t"e room$ &"irlin t"rou " t"e flat sin in C"ristmas carols! # &ouldnt "ave minded$ but m% sister &as a muc" better dancer t"an s"e &as a sin er! # stared loomil% at t"e tur)e%! #t "ad dar) stubble on one le ! Clearl% t"e person &"o "ad prepared t"is tur)e% for t"e oven "ad been an'ious to leave &or) earl%! # loo)ed at t"e stubb% ends po)in out of t"e plump pale s)in and s%mpat"iIed! #t &asnt eas% )eepin %ourself smoot"! W"at t"e "ell &as # supposed to do0 # pulled m% p"one out of m% poc)et and c"ec)ed m% te'ts and emails but t"ere &as still not"in from ,ico! ,ot t"at # &as e'pectin EMerr% C"ristmas$ but # t"ou "t "e mi "t at least "ave demanded "is +ac)et bac)! E(top loo)in at %our p"one! Rosie &as bac) in t"e )itc"en$ s*ueeIin oran e +uice into a bo&l of cranberries! EHe isnt oin to call %ou! E# "ave no idea &"at %ou mean! # &as c"ec)in m% &or) emails! E1n C"ristmas 3a%0 # &ondered &"% s"e &as so sure "e &ouldnt call me! # "ad "is +ac)et! #t &as 6om ?ord! #f not"in else$ "e s"ould &ant it bac)! 8 u% li)e "im &as bound to be oin to lots of smart dinners over t"e "olida%s! E6"is pro+ect is important! 8nd %oull be bus% once C"ristmas is over! Rosies p"one never stopped rin in &it" people &antin "er to "elp t"em et into s"ape! @suall% # didnt see "er until ?ebruar% &"en ever%one &ent bac) to bein inactive slobs! 6"e doorbell ran ! We &ere no&"ere near read% for uests and # loo)ed at "er in "orror but Rosie smiled$ &"ic" # t"ou "t &as a ver% odd reaction! Aiven t"e "air% tur)e% and t"e state of our )itc"en # &ould "ave anticipated screamin ! ("e vanis"ed to ans&er t"e door and # decided life &as too s"ort to pluc) a tur)e%! 8nd an%&a%$ # needed rapid results! # formulated a plan$ con ratulatin m%self on m% in enuit%! Be"ind me # could "ear our apartment slo&l% fillin up &it" people and it &as *uite a fe& minutes before Rosie came bac) into our prett% countr%-st%le )itc"en! EHa%le%$ %ou need to. ("e bro)e off and stared at me in disbelief! E4oure &a'in t"e tur)e%0 E4ou told me to remove t"e stra% feat"ers! # ripped t"e strip$ removin feat"ers and most of t"e s)in! E1ops! 6"at &asnt t"e &a% it &as supposed to turn out! E4ou &ere supposed to pluc) itK E6"ere &as no time to pluc) eac" feat"er individuall%! We bot" stared at t"e s)inless le of t"e tur)e%$ me &it" morbid fascination and Rosie &it" "orror!
E# cant believe %ou &a'ed our tur)e%K 4ouve ruined it! # felt a stab of uilt! E:ust one le ! 8nd le meat is often dr%! E#m never lettin %ou near m% )itc"en a ain! Rosie s"oved me aside and it &as onl% t"en # remembered s"ed come in to tell me somet"in ! E4ou &ere tellin me # needed to do somet"in ! W"at0 # turned m% "ead and almost passed out because ,ico &as standin t"ere$ "is broad s"oulders bloc)in m% vie& of t"e livin room and t"e ot"er uests! #d t"ou "t about not"in but "im for t"e past fe& da%s! (ometimes &"en %ou fantasiIed about a u% and t"en %ou sa& "im a ain$ %ou realiIed %oud built "im up in %our "ead! ,ot ,ico! He &as trul% spectacular! 8nd imposin ! He filled t"e door&a% of our )itc"en and "e lanced from me to t"e tur)e% and lifted an e%ebro&! (eriousl% unbalanced b% "is une'pected appearance$ # ave &"at # "oped passed for a casual s"ru ! E,ot ever%one li)es le ! E6rue! 6"ose dar) e%es met mine &it" sardonic "umour! ,ot a smile$ but definitel% "umour! E#m more of a breast man m%self! 1"$ Aod$ &"% did "e "ave to sa% t"at0 #mmediatel% # &as bac) in t"at room at t"e &eddin $ &it" "im s"o&in me +ust "o& muc" of a breast man "e &as! # &ondered &"at t"e "ell "e &as doin "ere! Hresumabl% "e needed "is +ac)et for some C"ristmas at"erin or ot"er$ but t"is seemed li)e an odd time to s"o& up on our doorstep! # turned to loo) at Rosie$ but s"e &as in a panic over t"e &a'ed tur)e%! M% sister "ad no sense of priorities! # &as about to fetc" ,icos +ac)et and send "im on "is &a% &"en # realised "e &asnt alone! 7iara stood in t"e door&a%$ roomed and polis"ed as ever! ("e ave me an a&)&ard smile$ &"ic" # returned! 8t a uess #d sa% mine &as more a&)&ard t"an "ers! # felt more na)ed t"an t"e tur)e% (alt"ou " &it"out bein vain$ #d sa% m% le s &ere loo)in a "ell of a lot better)! ,ico &as leanin casuall% a ainst t"e doorframe &atc"in me from under t"ose t"ic) las"es$ t"e &a% "e "ad &"en &ed )issed! He mi "t as &ell "ave been touc"in me because # could feel "is aIe ri "t t"rou " me! 6"e sensation started as a tin lin on t"e surface of m% s)in and t"en it &as a &armt" t"rou " m% veins$ and t"en t"e &armt" turned to "eat! 6"e "eat pooled lo& in m% pelvis and # didnt t"in) it "ad an%t"in to do &it" m% fur-trimmed panties! #t e'asperated me t"at # could feel li)e t"is! 8nd &"at &as even more e'asperatin &as t"e fact "e )ne& # &as feelin li)e t"is! ,ot t"at "e loo)ed smu or an%t"in ! 1"$ no! #f #d "ad to describe "is e'pression # &ould "ave said E&atc"ful! He )ept loo)in at me! @nflinc"in ! @nembarrassed! 8s if "ed as)ed "imself a *uestion and &as no& loo)in at t"e ans&er! 6"en "e lanced from me to t"e &oman standin *uietl% ne't to "im! E4ou "avent been formall% introduced$ "ave %ou0 1"$ reat! He &as oin to ram "ome t"e fact t"at "is sister "ad onl% ever seen me "alf-na)ed! E,o! # spo)e bet&een m% teet"! EWe "avent! E6"is is 7iara! 7iara$ t"is is Ha%le%! 4ou sa& "er briefl% at t"e &eddin ! 8ll ri "t$ enou "K #t mi "t "ave been brief$ but # "ad a feelin it "ad been fairl% compre"ensive! W"at &as t"e u% pla%in at0 1ne more comment li)e t"at and #d ive "im one of m% o&n )ic)s$ &"ic" mi "t not "ave been as impressive or ele ant as m% sisters$ but &ould still "ave t"reatened "is abilit% to fat"er c"ildren! EHi$ 7iara! 9ovel% to meet %ou! # tried not to loo) at "im even t"ou " # could feel "im loo)in at me! He "adnt stopped loo)in at me since "ed &al)ed into t"e )itc"en! Bein on t"e receivin end of t"at smolderin $ intense aIe
made m% le s turn from a solid to a li*uid! # &as about to reac" for t"e fire blan)et Rosie )ept in t"e )itc"en and t"ro& it over m%self! E#ts lovel% to meet %ou$ 7iara said earnestl%! E# )no& %oure an en ineer! #m in a&e! #m "opeless at Mat" and H"%sics! ,ico used to tear "is "air out "elpin me &it" "ome&or)! Hed "elped "er &it" "ome&or)0 # blin)ed! # tried to ima ine t"is smoot"$ sop"isticated u% sittin patientl% b% "is sister$ "elpin "er &it" al ebra! EWell t"ats$ er$ lovel%! 8nd "onestl% # did t"in) it &as lovel%! /'cept t"at # &as confused b% t"e contradictions! E4ou came "ere for %our +ac)et$ so # ou "t to et t"at for %ou. ,ico &as still &atc"in me! # &ondered if part of "is +ob involved interro ation because "is aIe &as li)e a laser! #f #d "ad a mirror # &ould "ave c"ec)ed t"ere &asnt a red dot on m% fore"ead! 6"ere &as a lon $ pulsin silence and "e continued to loo) at me as if somet"in #d said "ad ans&ered a *uestion lin erin in "is "ead! E#m not "ere for t"e +ac)et! Were "ere because Rosie invited us to +oin %ou for C"ristmas! Ripped
C"apter ?ive
("e &"at0 M% sister "ad invited "im &it"out tellin me! # didnt )no& &"et"er to )ill "er or )iss "er! 7iara &as loo)in an'ious! E#t &as )ind of %ou to invite us bot"! 8re %ou sure its all ri "t0 ,o$ it &asnt all ri "t! W"% "adnt s"e told me0 Co&ard! # turned m% "ead to loo) accusin l% at Rosie! # felt li)e %ellin Ec"ic)en but t"en realiIed it &ould confuse people as s"e currentl% "ad "er "ead buried in a tur)e%! # produced &"at # "oped &as a smile$ but felt closer to t"e face # pulled &"en # &as on t"e receivin end of t"e &a'! E4oure &elcome! E6"e food is oin to be a &"ile$ Rosie said bri "tl%$ Eso &"% dont %ou +ust o into t"e livin room and et to )no& eac" ot"er better! C"ill out and pla% some ames! C"ill0 # &as boilin "ot! 8nd as for ames.t"ere &ere alread% enou " ames oin on in t"is )itc"en! @nfortunatel% no one "ad told me t"e rules! 1ne loo) at Rosies face told me s"e not onl% t"ou "t s"ed alread% pla%ed t"e first ame$ s"e &as t"e &inner! ("e &afted past me and murmured under "er breat"$ EHapp% C"ristmas! /n+o% %our present! ,ico &as m% present0 6"at &as &"at s"ed meant &"en s"ed said it &ould be arrivin later0 # &ondered if s"ed told "im "e &as m% ift! # sincerel% "oped not$ but )no&in m% sister s"e probabl% "ad! # follo&ed "er into t"e livin room$ avoidin "is aIe! ,ot t"at # &as particularl% s"% or an%t"in $ but #d been t"in)in about not"in but se' &it" "im for t"e past four da%s! # &asnt confident t"at m% e%es &ouldnt li "t up li)e slot mac"ines! 6"an) oodness "e couldnt read m% mind! He sat do&n on t"e sofa$ nud in m% laptop to one side! Hed abandoned 6om ?ord$ presumabl% because # &as no& in possession of "alf of it$ and &as &earin a pair of blac) +eans! 6"e% molded t"emselves to "is lon $ po&erful le s as if t"ere &as no&"ere t"e%d rat"er be t"an snu led a ainst t"ose "ard t"i "s! # didnt blame t"em! #n fact # envied t"ose +eans! 6"rou " t"e ap in t"e nec) of "is s"irt # could see a "int of dar) "air a ainst bronIed fles"! # &as +ust ponderin t"e eti*uette of acceptin a ift &"o didnt )no& "e &as %our ift$ &"en "e reac"ed idl% for m% laptop! E# dont normall% &or) on C"ristmas da%$ but do %ou mind if # +ust c"ec) somet"in 0 # opened m% mout" to tell "im to "elp "imself &"en # remembered t"at not onl% "ad # not s"ut m% laptop do&n t"e ni "t before$ but t"at t"e last searc" "ad been Evibrator.t"e ,iccol-! # flun m%self across t"e room but it &as too late! Hed alread% opened it and # stood$ marinatin slo&l% in embarrassment for t"e second time in less t"an four da%s! #t seemed # &as destined to "umiliate m%self around t"is man! ?irst "ed seen t"e outer me stripped bare$ and no& "e &as seein t"e inner me similarl% na)ed! # &as doomed! E,ico cant stop "imself c"ec)in t"e court cases! 7iara &al)ed across t"e room balancin t"e bo&ls of nuts and crisps m% sister "ad iven "er! E,ormall% "e does it on "is p"one$ but # unplu ed "is c"ar er last ni "t$ so #m in trouble! ,o&"ere near as muc" trouble as # &as in! ("it$ s"it$ s"it! # &aited for "im to s)e&er me &it" one of "is severe$ disapprovin loo)s$ but "e didnt! #nstead "e tapped t"e )e%board &it" t"ose stron $ clever fin ers t"at )ne& e'actl% "o& to drive a &oman craI%
and c"ec)ed &"atever it &as "e &anted to c"ec)! His e'pression didnt flic)er! He &as t"e most inscrutable man #d ever met! #n fact "e &as so calm and controlled$ # &ondered if ma%be m% memor% &as failin me! Ma%be # "ad closed t"at pa e do&n! # must "ave done$ or "e &ould "ave said somet"in or at least iven me one of "is loo)s! 6"e doorbell ran a ain and ot"er people started streamin into our apartment$ leavin me no opportunit% to d&ell on it! #t &as a ood +ob Rosie "ad bou "t t"ose e'tra presents because prett% soon &e &ere up to t&elve people! # )ne& about ei "t of t"em$ but it didnt reall% ma)e an% difference because # &asnt loo)in at t"em an%&a%! 6"e% mi "t as &ell "ave not been t"ere for all t"e impact t"e% made on me! ?or me t"ere &as onl% one man in t"e room! We popped bottles of bubbl%$ opened presents$ t"en "elped Rosie carr% t"e food to t"e table! 8nd all t"e time # &as a&are of ,ico! 7iara "ad suddenl% become t"e life and soul of t"e part%$ but "ed barel% opened "is mout"! # )ne& t"at$ because # )ept loo)in at it! # loved t"e s"ape of "is lips and )ept rememberin "o& t"e%d felt as t"e%d moved over mine! E# s"ould ive %ou %our +ac)et! # blurted t"e &ords out$ &is"in # "ad a tent" of "is control! E,o "urr%! 6"at &as all "e &as oin to sa%0 6"e atmosp"ere &as so tense t"at b% t"e time m% sister placed t"e tur)e% in t"e centre of t"e table # &as "otter t"an an% of t"e food! Because our table &as desi ned to seat ei "t at t"e most$ t&elve &as a s*uas"! # sat do&n at t"e end$ because at least t"en #d be up close and personal &it" +ust one ot"er person! ,ico sat do&n ne't to me! M% "eart bumped! # tried to &or) out if t"is &as accident or desi n and decided "e &asnt a man &"o did an%t"in b% accident! He didnt loo) at me and as usual t"ere &as not"in in "is e'pression t"at ave me an% clues as to &"at "e &as t"in)in ! His arm brus"ed a ainst mine! We &ere +ammed to et"er li)e atoms in a molecule! 8n%one loo)in at us &ould probabl% "ave assumed it &as lac) of space t"at necessitated t"e closeness$ but # )ne& differentl%! #d li)e to sa% lunc" &as delicious$ but "onestl% # couldnt "ave told %ou &"at # ate because C"ristmas lunc" &as all about t"e man seated ne't to me! W"en "e reac"ed across and for)ed tur)e% onto m% plate all # sa& &ere lean$ bronIed "ands and a dustin of dar) "air on "is forearms! Hed rolled "is sleeves to t"e elbo&! # uessed t"at &as as close to casual as t"is man ot! E/nou "0 # loo)ed at "im blan)l%! E6ur)e%$ "e said entl% and # blin)ed! E4es! 6"an)s! W"at &as it about a mans forearms0 8lt"ou "$ if # &ere "onest$ it &asnt +ust "is forearms! #t &as all of "im! He leaned for&ard to pic) up a dis" of potatoes and # sa& t"e muscle fle' in "is po&erful s"oulders! 6"en "e sat do&n a ain and t"is time "e &as t"i " to t"i " &it" me! 1ur le s mi "t as &ell "ave been lued to et"er! # e'perimented and eased m% le a&a% sli "tl%$ but "is follo&ed! M% "eart s&ooped up&ards li)e a para lider "ittin a t"ermal$ ta)in m% mood &it" it! Rosie lanced at me! E#s it ood0 E1"$ %es! # focused on m% plate even t"ou " # )ne& s"e &asnt tal)in about t"e tur)e%! EBrilliant! 4oure brilliant! Heople &ere s&appin stories about t"eir C"ristmas traditions$ but # didnt "ear a &ord because # "ad t"is nois%$ "app% sound rin in in m% "ead! ,ico &as "ere!
(ittin ne't to me! 8nd &"atever our relations"ip "ad been in t"e past$ ri "t no& it &as "ot and electric! # decided one of us "ad to sa% somet"in or &ed dra& attention to ourselves! E(o &"at sort of la&%er are %ou0 He reac"ed for "is lass$ alt"ou " #d noticed earlier t"at "e &as drin)in &ater! Ma%be "e &as afraid "is control &ould slip if "e dran) alco"ol! E8 ood one! E6"ats not an ans&er! # turned m% "ead to loo) at "im and of course t"at turned out to be a mista)e because "is &asnt a face %ou &anted to loo) a&a% from! # could "ave stared at "im until #d died of "un er$ t"irst or frustration$ &"ic"ever came first! # could tell %ou at t"is rate it &as oin to be frustration! 8nd of course$ "e )ne&! E4ou reall% &ant to tal) about la&0 6"ere ou "t to be a la& preventin a man drivin a &oman t"is craI%! His voice &as so soft # )ne& no one else &ould be able to "ear "im! 6"e blood &as pumpin t"rou " m% veins and # could still feel "is t"i " pressed "ard a ainst mine! # &as +ust about to ma)e a second attempt at polite conversation$ &"en # felt "is "and slide over m% t"i "! 6"e &armt" of "is palm pressed t"rou " m% +eans and # almost +umped out of m% seat &it" s"oc)! # could no lon er pretend an% of t"is &as an accident or t"at &e &ere fused to et"er because of a lac) of space! He left "is "and t"ere$ as if testin to see if # &as oin to +ump$ +o t"e table and )noc) all t"e lasses over! W"en # didnt move$ "e slid "is "and "i "er up m% t"i " and no matter &"at an%one said about some men$ # could tell %ou t"ere &as not"in &ron &it" "is sense of direction! He )ne& e'actl% &"ere "e &as oin ! M% stomac" clenc"ed! 6"e e'citement &as almost painful! 6"e c"emistr% &as off t"e scale! # didnt understand it$ and # &as ood &it" all t"e sciences! # could e'plain nuclear fission but # couldnt e'plain t"is! W"at # felt made no sense at all to me$ but t"at didnt stop me feelin it and also t"e frustration t"at came from bein in public! 6"ere al&a%s seemed to be somet"in bet&een me and se'ual satisfaction! #n t"is case it &as denim and a room full of m% friends! # &is"ed #d &orn a dress &it" stoc)in s instead of s)inn% +eans and t"i "-len t" boots$ but "e &as obviousl% a man &"o didnt let obstacles et in "is &a% because "is fin ers moved "i "er and "i "er until "e &as pressin ri "t t"ere! # )noc)ed m% &ine lass over! ?ortunatel% #d alread% drun) "alf of it$ so &e "ad a puddle$ not a la)e! E1"$ crap! M% sister t"re& me a loo) and a nap)in! 6"en s"e turned bac) to "er nei "bour and continued t"e conversation! ,ico didnt move "is "and$ nor did "e rela' t"e pressure! 8s # said$ obviousl% not a man to let an%t"in stand in "is &a%! # felt s"iver% and &ea)! 6"e atmosp"ere bet&een us &as "eav%$ t"ic) and so scorc"in "ot # &as surprised &e "adnt set off t"e smo)e alarm! # decided # mi "t as &ell ma)e t"e most of t"e t"i "-len t" boots and ran m% foot up "is calf! EMore tur)e%$ Ha%le%0 8 u% # )ne& va uel% from Rosies %m smiled at me from across t"e table and # smiled bac)$ s"oo) m% "ead and murmured an acceptable response! #t &as a surprise to me # could still strin a sentence to et"er because # &as ripped b% ra& desire and t"e delicious friction created b% ,icos clever$ persistent fin ers! 6"e frustration &as almost unbearable! # decided pleasure t"is ood s"ouldnt be one-&a% and slid m% "and up "is t"i " and covered "im! #f #d needed confirmation t"at "e felt t"e same &a%$ # "ad it no&! His erection &as a t"ic)$ "ard rid e under m% "and$ pressin t"rou " t"e constrainin fabric of "is +eans! ?or a moment # &as tempted to pull t"at Iip
do&n$ but # decided #d "ad enou " public e'posure for one %ear! E8ns&er me a *uestion. His voice &as soft and +ust for me! Aiven &"ere m% "and &as$ # &as &orried about &"at t"e *uestion mi "t be! E1nl% t"e one0 # "ad millions # &anted to as) "im$ and t"en # remembered m% resolution to "ave a se'-onl% relations"ip! #d never done it before$ but # &as fairl% sure a se'-onl% relations"ip involved. &ell$ se' onl%! 8s)in *uestions about ot"er t"in s$ particularl% famil%$ &as a fast &a% of turnin it into somet"in # didnt &ant! EW"ats %our *uestion0 8t t"e far end of t"e table 7iara &as lau "in &it" t"e man from Rosies %m! /it"er ,ico "adnt noticed$ or "e didnt care! 1bviousl% "e &asnt "is sisters )eeper! E8re %ou bro)en-"earted0 Hed as)ed me t"e same *uestion at t"e &eddin ! # "adnt ans&ered it! W"% &ould # offer up somet"in so personal to someone &"o disapproved of me0 But no&.0 E,o$ # croa)ed! E#m not bro)en-"earted! He turned "is "ead and ave me a loo) t"at told me not"in ! EW"at time does %our friend C"ristmas usuall% end0 E#ts been )no&n to continue until ,e& 4ear! 1nce &e "ad a uest &"o en+o%ed "imself so muc" "e sta%ed until &e )ic)ed "im out on :anuar% =! We &ere about to start c"ar in "im rent! His aIe dropped to m% mout" and lin ered t"ere! Aod$ "e &as serious! # mean reall% serious! Most of t"e time # &as prett% sill%! M% instinct &as to +o)e around a lot$ alt"ou " #d &or)ed "ard to rein t"at side of me in$ especiall% around C"arlies famil%$ &"o "ad made no secret of t"e fact t"e% found m% sense of "umour inappropriate (and t"at &as before #d burst out of m% dress at t"e &eddin )! ,ico confused me! #d t"ou "t "e disapproved of me$ but "ere "e &as &it" "is "and2&"ere it &as! # sensed somet"in lur)in be"ind t"ose la%ers of rut"less control$ somet"in dar) la%ered under t"e po)er face "e presented to t"e &orld! # &ondered &"at "is secrets &ere! /ver%one "ad secrets$ didnt t"e%0 # &ouldnt "ave minded discoverin a fe& of "is! ?or once # &is"ed our apartment &ere bi er! # loved it$ but it &asnt bi enou " for me to vanis" to t"e bedroom &it"out all t&elve people around t"e table noticin ! #t &as a miracle t"e% "adnt alread% noticed &"at &as oin on under t"e tur)e%! #t &as a ood +ob C"ristmas &as c"aotic! # reall% s"ould "ave "elped clear t"e table$ but "onestl% # couldnt stand up$ let alone &al)! 8ll t"at entle under-table stro)in "ad driven me craI%! # &as so$ so close and t"e buildin desperation &as )illin me and %et still "e &as relentless$ stro)in and teasin until # "ad to clamp m% t"i "s to et"er to stop "im! # could feel "im t"robbin under m% "and! 6urnin m% "ead to loo) at "im # met "is aIe and sa& t"at "is e%es &ere dar)er t"an usual! 8lmost blac)! # s"ivered$ &onderin &"at it &ould ta)e to ma)e "im drop "is uard t"e &a% "e "ad at t"e &eddin ! #d never seen "im lau "$ but it occurred to me #d never seen "im s"o& an% ot"er emotion eit"er! /'cept desire! 6"ere &as no missin t"at! #t simmered in t"e dept"s of t"ose blac) e%es and pulsed bet&een bot" of us! # loo)ed at "is mout" and remembered "o& it "ad felt &"en &ed )issed! # )ne& t"at +a& &ould feel rou " a ainst m% palms$ because #d "ad m% "ands on it onl% da%s earlier! # &anted to "ave m% "ands on it a ain! # &as so absorbed b% "im # &as onl% diml% a&are of m% sister brin in in t"e C"ristmas puddin $ a perfect dome of alco"ol-infused dried fruit brou "t as a ift b% one of our uests! Rosie "ad put "oll% in t"e centre$ doused it in more alco"ol and set fire to it in traditional Britis" st%le! W"at &asnt so traditional &as t"at as s"e put it do&n on t"e table$ t"e flame lic)ed one t"e nap)ins! #t cau "t fire! ,ico &as on "is feet instantl%! Calml%$ "e doused t"e flames &it" a +u of &ater and t"en rabbed a
pile of nap)ins and mopped up t"e &ater before it could do more dama e! 8nd all &it"out ruinin t"e puddin ! EHe%$ *uic) &or)! M% sister loo)ed s"a)en but s"e smiled at ,ico and t"en at me$ as if s"e &as approvin m% c"oice! # &as startin to approve of m% c"oice$ too! 6"e man mi "t be a little uncommunicative$ but "e &as ood to "ave around in a crisis! ?irst m% dress$ and no& t"is! He &asnt a man &"o "esitated! 8nd # li)ed t"e &a% "e "elped m% sister &it" clearin t"e table before sittin do&n a ain! # &as surprised our little fire "adnt set off t"e smo)e alarm$ but ,ico and # &ere producin far more "eat t"an t"e flames on t"at puddin $ so t"e smo)e alarm &as probabl% unconscious b% no&! #d stopped eatin and so "ad "e! # &is"ed t"ere &as a &a% to ma)e C"ristmas lunc" o on forever because # didnt &ant toda% to end! But of course in real life ood t"in s al&a%s ended! EWe "ave to leave no&! He spo)e softl% so t"at no one else could "ear$ not t"at t"e% &ere pa%in an% attention to us an%&a%! 6"e% &ere too &rapped up in C"ristmas puddin and conversation! E1f course! # "adnt e'pected "im to leave *uite t"is soon and t"e level of disappointment appalled me! 6"e &"ole idea of a se'-based relations"ip &as to avoid t"ese emotional lo&s! Clearl% # &as doin somet"in &ron ! E#m sure %ou and 7iara "ave lots to do! E#m not leavin &it" 7iara$ "e said calml%! E#m leavin &it" %ou! EMe0 M% mout" &as drier t"an overcoo)ed tur)e% breast! 6"e same couldnt be said for t"e part of me t"at &as under "is fin ers! E# cant leave! # live "ere! #ts C"ristmas! He lanced at our friends$ most of &"om &ere b% no& lau "in uncontrollabl%! E6"e%re "app%! 8nd # need to ive %ou m% ift! E4ou bou "t me a ift0 4ou didnt "ave to do t"at! # felt a little embarrassed because obviousl% # didnt "ave an%t"in for "im! Hresumabl% "ed considered it an obli ation to "is "ost! EW"% didnt %ou +ust ive it to Rosie &"en %ou arrived0 E#t isnt for Rosie! #ts for %ou! #ts personal! E4ou could ive it to me "ere! E# dont t"in) so! He reac"ed for "is lass and # noticed t"at "e &as still drin)in &ater! # &ondered a ain &"et"er t"is &as all part of "is determination to "an onto control! #t scared me "o& badl% # &anted to pus" "im and rip it all bac) until # e'posed t"e real "im$ but ma%be t"at &as because #d been not"in but e'posed in t"e past &ee)$ so it &as definitel% "is turn! EW"% not0 EBecause m% ift is +ust for %ou! ,ot to be s"ared! EHo& do %ou )no& its somet"in # &ant0 # +umped as someone popped a cor) on anot"er bottle of c"ampa ne! 6"e movement increased t"e friction a ainst "is "and and # almost moaned! E# )no& its somet"in %ou &ant$ Ha%le%! EHo&0 EBecause %oud alread% t%ped it into a searc" en ine on %our laptop! # &as so distracted b% t"e sensations e'plodin t"rou " m% bod%$ it too) a moment for "is &ords to sin) in! W"en t"e% did$ # turned m% "ead a ain! His e%es &ere velvet dar) and loc)ed on mine! 6"ere &as a faint leam of "umour t"ere$ and somet"in else.somet"in t"at made m% stomac" t&ist and spin and t"en drop li)e a stone from a "i " cliff! EM% laptop0 He leaned closer! His lips brus"ed m% ear! E3id %ou mana e to locate 6"e ,iccol-0 Heat poured over me and &armt" pooled in m% pelvis! #f "e &as &aitin for me to respond$ "e &as oin to be &aitin a lon time! # couldnt form a &ord let alone a sentence! # made an inarticulate sound t"at dre& Rosies attention!
("e fro&ned sli "tl%$ satisfied "erself # didnt need t"e Heimlic" manoeuvre and dre& ever%ones attention to "erself b% tellin a funn% +o)e t"at re*uired sound effects and "and estures! 3id # mention # loved m% sister0 ,ico didnt seem to care &"at an%bod% else at t"e table t"ou "t! He &as focused +ust on me and it &as t"e se'iest$ most intense e'perience of m% life! C"arlie "ad loo)ed over m% s"oulder most of t"e time$ as if conversin &it" me &as an irritation "e "ad to endure! 6"e bo%friend #d "ad before "im used to +ust start tal)in about "imself! #d never "ad a man loo) at me t"e &a% t"is man &as loo)in at me! 8s if ever%one else in t"e room &as inconse*uential! E# dont )no& &"at %oure tal)in about! His e%es &ere t&o s"immerin pools of dar) promise! E,o0 Because # "appen to )no& &"ere %ou can find &"at %ou &ere loo)in for! Aod$ "is voice &as se'%! 8nd t"e &a% "is breat" &armed m% nec)! # *uivered and s"ivered! E4ou do0 E4es! # could "ear t"e smile in "is voice and feel t"e sure$ confident slide of "is "and bet&een m% s"a)in t"i "s! EBut %oull "ave to come &it" me! E4oure su estin # leave m% o&n C"ristmas part%0 E4ou "avent tal)ed to an%one else since &e sat do&n! 8 burst of raucous lau "ter brou "t me bac) to t"e present and # lanced at Rosie$ &"o &in)ed at me and raised "er lass! 8 different person mi "t "ave sco&led at t"e t"ou "t of bein left &it" t"e &as"in up$ but Rosie &asnt li)e t"at! ("ed set t"is up for me! 6"is &as m% C"ristmas present! # o&ed it to "er to ma)e t"e most of it! 3ecidin t"at t"is &as one ift # &as oin to un&rap in private$ # pus"ed m% plate a&a% and turned to ,ico! E9ets o! Ripped
C"apter (i'
His car &as still t"e same lo& red ?errari! 8 ro&lin as- uIIlin trop"% of #talian en ineerin perfection! # &ondered if # &as supposed to pla% it cool and pretend # travelled in cars li)e t"is all t"e time! 6"en # remembered "ed seen me "alf-e'posed in a torn dress and found m% computer searc"! Cool "ad flo&n t"e nest! # san) into e'pensive leat"er and si "ed! E3o %ou realiIe t"is "as a >!L litre FM en ine0 6"e% reduced t"e piston compression "ei "t as t"e% do in a racin en ine! 1"$ Aod$ # love it! # &ant to cra&l all over it and lic) it! # restricted m%self to stro)in t"e das"board! E# suppose bein #talian$ %ou "ave to "ave a car li)e t"is! 4oure not compensatin for deficiencies in %our masculinit%$ are %ou0 His response &as a slo& smile because of course # alread% )ne& t"e ans&er to t"at *uestion! #d eaten C"ristmas lunc" &it" one "and on "is masculinit%! #t &as t"e first time #d seen "im smile and it &as &ort" &aitin for! #t pulled "is mout" into a se'% curve t"at "inted at more "idden la%ers! # stared for a moment$ fascinated! 6"ere &as so muc" more to t"is man and # couldnt &ait to uncover t"ose parts.all of t"em! 6"is promised to be t"e best C"ristmas da% #d "ad in a lon time! Alancin in t"e mirror$ "e pulled smoot"l% a&a% from t"e curb and do&n t"e empt% streets! #t &as still sno&in ! 6"e ?errari s"ould "ave been a ni "tmare to drive in t"ese conditions$ but "e didnt seem to "ave an% problems! ,ico Rossi &as a man &"o seemed to ta)e ever%t"in in "is stride$ be it split dresses$ table fires or a let"al road surface! E(o # uess t"e abilit% to drive fast cars is in #talian 3,8! Ris)in life and limb$ # put m% "and bet&een "is t"i "s! ECristo. He breat"ed in s"arpl% but )ept "is e%es on t"e road and "is "ands on t"e &"eel! #mpressive! 8s # said$ t"is man "ad iron control! E4ou didnt )no& 7iara and # &ere comin toda%! # assumed Rosie "ad discussed it &it" %ou! E,o! ("e sprun it on me! Cursin softl%$ "e pulled in to t"e side of t"e road$ t"e movement so sudden # &as surprised t"e airba didnt smac) me in t"e face! E6ell me t"e trut"! He spo)e t"rou " "is teet" and "is e%es &ere a dar) flas" of molten passion! # couldnt believe #d ever t"ou "t "im cold! E8bout &"at0 E8bout "o& %ou feel! # need %ou to be "onest! # "ad no problem &it" "onest%! # preferred it$ even t"ou " "onest% meant e'posin %ourself! ,ot t"e split dress t%pe of e'posin .t"e ot"er t%pe! E#m in %our car! 6"at s"ould tell %ou "o& # feel! E# +ust &ant us bot" to be clear about &"at t"is is! #d for otten "e &as a la&%er! E4ou &ant me to si n a contract or somet"in 0 He s"ot me an e'asperated loo) and # s"ru ed! E(orr%$ +ust c"ec)in ! #f %ou e'pect me to read %our mind$ %oull "ave to ive me more clues! 4ou dont reveal an%t"in about %ourself! Most of t"e time # cant even tell &"et"er %oure "app% or sad! EW"at about turned on0 His voice vibrated$ lo& and se'%! ECan %ou tell &"en #m turned on0 # t"ou "t about "o& "e felt under m% "and! E6"ose clues are easier to read! E6"e%re t"e onl% clues %ou need! His aIe "eld mine! E# &ant %ou! #t s"ouldnt "ave turned me on to "ear t"at$ but it did! #n fact it &as e'actl% &"at # &anted to "ear! # didnt &ant an%t"in else! # &ondered if t"e ?errari came &it" a sprin)ler s%stem because # &as fairl% sure # &as oin to burst into flames at an% moment! E?ine b% me! M% ,e& 4ears resolution is to +ust "ave se' &it"out t"e complicated$ totall%-messedup relations"ip part! His e%es narro&ed$ as if "e didnt believe me and "is scepticism didnt surprise me! W"% &ould it0
We could put a man on t"e moon$ but apparentl% &e couldnt convince t"e ma+orit% of t"e male population t"at a &oman could &ant se' &it"out needin to "ear t"e 9 &ord! # didnt "ave an% reason to believe ,ico Rossi &as different to t"e avera e man! 6"ere &as a lon $ tense silence! (no& drifted onto t"e &indscreen! E6ell me "o& %ou felt at t"e &eddin ! EHonestl%0 # cant reall% e'plain it! 1bviousl% %oure an incredibl% ood )isser! 8nd %oure ood at ot"er t"in s$ too! # &as e'cited! 6urned on! /'asperated t"at bot" our sisters c"ose to )noc) &"en t"e% did. # stopped$ t"in)in #d prett% muc" summed it all up! 6"ere &as a lon $ pulsin pause and t"en "e breat"ed deepl%! E# &as as)in "o& %ou felt about seein C"arlie marr% anot"er &oman! E1"2 (o no& instead of a sprin)ler s%stem # "ad "umiliation$ &as"in over m% s)in li)e boilin oil$ seepin into m% pores and "eatin me up until # t"ou "t # mi "t vaporiIe! #d been tellin "im "o& stron l% # felt about "im and all t"e time "ed been as)in about C"arlie! #d revealed so muc"! 6oo muc"! W"ic" &as t"e stor% of m% life if %ou t"ou "t about it! Metap"oricall% and literall%$ m% &"ole life &as a ripped dress! ERi "t! Well$ t"is is embarrassin ! E,o$ it isnt! E,ot for %ou$ ma%be$ but %oure not t"e one &"o +ust put "erself out t"ere! E4ou &erent bro)en-"earted0 E#f &ere oin for "onest% "ere$ t"en #d li)e to )no& &"% %ou )issed me &"en %ou dont even li)e me! #m all for se' &it" no complications$ but self-esteem demands its at least &it" someone &"o li)es &"o # am! His aIe &as stead%! E3id %ou reall% t"in) # &ould "ave "ad m% "and up %our dress if # didnt li)e %ou0 E4oure a man! Men do t"at sort of t"in all t"e time! He flipped on t"e &ipers$ cleared t"e sno& from "is &indscreen and pulled bac) into t"e road! E(ome men ma)e decisions based on somet"in more t"an a sur e of testosterone! He s"ifted ears smoot"l% and t"e en ine purred$ lovin "is s)illed touc"! # s%mpat"iIed! # s"ifted in m% seat so t"at # could loo) at "is face! #t &as past si' ocloc) and an%&"ere else in t"e countr% it &ould "ave been dar)$ but in 9ondon it &as as if someone "ad for otten to turn t"e li "ts off! 6"e place blaIed li)e t"e run&a% at Heat"ro& airport! E8re %ou an r%0 #t &as a moment before "e ans&ered! E6"in)in about %ou &it" C"arlie ma)es me an r%! W"% t"e "ell &ere %ou &it" "im$ Ha%le%0 He constantl% tried to ma)e %ou someone %ou &erent! E6"at isnt true! EW"en %ou ot t"is +ob$ did "e "elp %ou celebrate0 ,o$ "e ot drun)! 8nd ,ico "ad driven me "ome! 8s m% sister "ad reminded me$ it "ad been ,ico &"o "ad dropped me safel% at m% door! M% "eart "ammered a ainst m% c"est! #t felt li)e a &a)e-up call because "e &as as)in me t"e *uestion # s"ould "ave as)ed m%self ri "t from da% one! E# )no& %ou disapprove of me! 8s usual "is e'pression revealed not"in ! E4ou dont )no& an%t"in $ Ha%le%! He pulled up at a +unction! 6"e li "ts &ere on red and # found m%self loo)in at t"e fle' of t"i " muscle as "e stopped t"e car! 8nd t"en "e turned "is "ead and # lanced from "is le to "is face! # felt li)e a teena er unable to stop starin at t"e best loo)in bo% in t"e class! Ri "t at t"at moment no one else e'isted for me! We could "ave been t"e onl% t&o people on an alien planet &"ere li "ts blaIed and t"e streets &ere empt%! E# dont &ant to tal) about C"arlie! His voice "ad a rou " *ualit% t"at rubbed over m% nerve
endin s and made me s"iver! E17! #t &asnt e'actl% an elo*uent response$ but it &as t"e best # could mana e &it" "im loo)in at me li)e t"at! E8nd +ust for t"e record$ # cant e'plain &"at "appened at t"e &eddin eit"er! 6"ere &as an ed e to "is voice! E#t &asnt li)e me! 1ne loo) at 7iaras face "ad told me t"at! ,o& # couldnt spea) at all! M% insides &ere *uiver%! Warmt" spread t"rou " me because ri "t no& # &as t"e &oman "e &as &it" and # didnt care &"at "ad "appened before or &"at mi "t come after! 6"e li "ts "ad c"an ed$ but "e didnt move and neit"er did #! We &ere loc)ed to et"er b% a s"oc)in c"emistr% and a total inabilit% to loo) a&a%! Honestl%$ &"enever t"is sort of t"in "appened in t"e movies # rolled m% e%es! 8lt"ou " admittedl% in t"e movies t"e "eroine &as starin at someone li)e R%an Aoslin $ &"ic" ma%be made t"e &"ole Estruc) b% li "tenin t"in sli "tl% more believable! But # "adnt ever ima ined it could "appen in real life to an ever%da% person li)e me! 6"e connection &as so intense and po&erful # &anted to bottle it! # &anted to feel t"at same revvedup level of e'citement for t"e rest of m% life! 1r ma%be # didnt! # &ouldnt be able to eat or sleep feelin li)e t"is! # t"ou "t about Around"o 3a% and decided if # could sta% in a moment forever it &ould be t"is one$ suspended in t"e blissful$ almost unbearable e'citement of &"at &as to come &it"out an% of t"e trauma after&ards! Ma%be &it" m% ,e& 4ears resolution$ all m% relations"ips &ould feel li)e t"is! #d live t"e e'citement$ t"en &al) a&a% before t"e collapse part! 8 "orn sounded be"ind us and # realiIed &e &erent t"e onl% people on t"e roads! ,ico s&ore softl% and turned "is attention bac) to t"e car! He &as drivin to&ards t"e river and # realiIed # "adnt even as)ed &"ere "e lived! # didnt )no& &"ere "e &as ta)in me! We drove alon t"e emban)ment$ past t"e 8lbert Brid e! #t &as m% favorite brid e in 9ondon! /le ant and floodlit$ it sent spar)les of li "t over t"e in)% blac) surface of t"e &ater belo&! W"en # &as little it used to ma)e me t"in) of a &oman puttin on diamonds for an e'citin ni "t out! Rosie called it t"e Blin Brid e! # didnt believe in fair% tales$ but if # did$ t"is brid e &ould definitel% "ave featured in mine! We &ere in C"elsea and # e'pected "im to drive sout" because # didnt )no& an%one &"o could afford to live "ere$ but "e suddenl% s&ooped into an under round car par)! #t &as spacious and &ell lit$ but a&a% from t"e bri "t li "ts of t"e cit%$ t"e trut" suddenl% "it me! # &as &it" a man # barel% )ne&! 6"e blood pulsed in m% ears and t"en "e reac"ed across and undid m% seat belt! E#ts cold! We s"ould o up! Cold0 # &asnt cold! # &as burnin "ot! # &as also "avin second t"ou "ts$ despite remindin m%self t"at t"e fact &e barel% )ne& eac" ot"er &as supposed to be a ood t"in ! 6"at &as t"e point of emotionless se'! 8nd it &asnt as if "e &as a stran er! Wed bumped into eac" ot"er on and off for %ears$ +ust never reall% spo)en! But "onestl%$ "o& &ell did an% of us ever reall% )no& an%one0 M% Mum &as married to m% 3ad for fifteen %ears before s"e found out "e &as "avin affairs! ("ed trusted "im! #d been &it" C"arlie for ten mont"s and "ed be"aved in &a%s t"at made it obvious to me #d never )no&n "im! 8ll &e )ne& about anot"er person &as &"at t"e% c"ose to s"o& us! 4ou could onl% )no& someone if t"e% let %ou )no& t"em! His apartment &as on t"e top floor and m% +a& &as also on t"e floor because it &as t"e pent"ouse$
complete &it" balcon% and vie&s over t"e river to&ards m% fair%-tale brid e! EWo&! 8s praise &ent$ it &asnt t"at elo*uent$ but it &as all # could mana e! Honestl%$ # &as dumbstruc)! Ho& t"e "ell could "e afford t"is0 EW"at sort of la&%er did %ou sa% %ou &ere a ain0 Hed told me "e &as a ood one! #t &as obvious "e &as a ver%$ ver% ood one! E3o %ou reall% &ant to tal) about &or)0 His voice came from ri "t be"ind me and # turned and sa& t"at "e &as "oldin a bottle of c"ampa ne! # &as surprised! E4ou didnt drin) an%t"in at lunc"time! E# )ne& #d be drivin %ou "ome! # lic)ed m% lips! EW"at if #d said no0 E# &as in possession of evidence t"at su ested %ou &ouldnt! His response &as sure and confident! 6"e corners of "is mout" flic)ered and "e eased t"e cor) out of t"e c"ampa ne li)e a pro! B% no& # &as so +ump% and on ed e t"at &"en it popped$ # flinc"ed! E# dont see "o& a fe& &ords t%ped into a searc" en ine could be used as evidence! (everal people "ad access to t"at laptop$ includin %ourself! He raised an e%ebro& and poured me t"e spar)lin li*uid into a tall$ t"in-stemmed lass! # didnt &ant to be impressed$ but # &as! Rosie and # onl% dran) c"ampa ne if someone else bou "t it and &e never dran) out of lasses li)e t"ese! #t made it feel special! He made me feel special! # &ondered &"at "ed t"ou "t of our apartment &it" its non-matc"in plates and table desi ned to seat "alf t"e number of people &ed s*uas"ed around it! His "ome &as all polis"ed &ood and soft leat"er! EW"at are &e celebratin 0 # &atc"ed as t"e bubbles rose and &ondered &"at it &as about c"ampa ne t"at lifted t"e mood! EC"ristmas0 E4ou! ,a)ed in m% apartment! M% tumm% ti "tened! E#m still dressed! His e%es met mine and "e "anded me a lass! E,ot for lon ! M% pulse &as racin and # lifted m% lass! EMerr% C"ristmas! EBuon ,ataleK (aluteK 1"$ Aod$ #talian &as a "ot lan ua e! We dran) and t"e c"ampa ne fiIIed in m% mout" and spread t"rou " m% veins! 1r ma%be it &as t"e c"emistr% t"at &as fiIIin $ but &"atever it &as # could feel it all t"e &a% t"rou " me! E6"e onl% #talian # )no& is HiIIa Mar "erita! 8nd %oure t"e first #talian man #ve met! 6"e corners of "is mout" flic)ered! E#m (icilian! E9i)e 8l Hacino! E8l Hacino &as born in ,e& 4or)! ("ut up$ Ha%le%! E#ll stop tal)in ! E3ont$ "e breat"ed and "e turned to put "is c"ampa ne lass do&n on t"e lo& lass table! E3ont stop tal)in ! # li)e it! E4ou li)e it &"en # tal) crap0 E4oure not tal)in crap! 4oure +ust nervous! He removed m% lass from m% "and and # s"ould "ave ob+ected$ not +ust because # &as en+o%in t"e c"ampa ne but because after C"arlie # didnt &ant an% man tellin me &"en # could or couldnt drin)! E8ctuall%. E# li)e it &"en %ou dont censor &"at %ou sa% and do! :ust &"en # &as read% to punc" "im$ "e said somet"in li)e t"at! E4ou didnt loo) as if %ou li)ed it &"en m% dress ave &a%! E# didnt &ant all t"ose &eddin uests "avin "eart attac)s! # didnt t"in) t"e "ospital could cope
&it" a ma+or incident t"at close to C"ristmas! # &as lau "in and blus"in at t"e same time because it &as impossible to remember it &it"out also rememberin t"e moments &ed s"ared! E# still dont )no& &"at "appened! E6"e inevitable "appened! E,ot true! #m not sa%in it "adnt crossed m% mind but not in a million %ears did # reall% t"in) it &ould "appen! He paused! E# &asnt tal)in about t"e dress! E,eit"er &as #! # &as e%e level &it" "is t"roat and # could see t"e dar) stubble s"ado&in "is +a&! #d seen t"e Arand Can%on and ,ia ara ?alls$ but # decided t"ere &erent man% better vie&s t"an t"is one! E# +ust didnt ever see us to et"er! # didnt t"in) %ou li)ed &"o # &as! E# didnt li)e &"o %ou &ere &"en %ou &ere &it" C"arlie$ because t"at &asnt t"e real %ou! 4ou &ere constantl% tr%in to rein %ourself in! He stro)ed "is fin er over m% +a&$ stud%in me and # ulped$ &onderin "o& "e )ne& so muc"! EMa%be %oure not oin to li)e t"e real me! EHa%le%$ # sa& &"o %ou &ere t"e first time # met %ou! # spotted %ou across t"e room and %ou &ere so full of ener %$ so e'cited about %our topic t"at # moved closer because # "ad to "ear &"at %ou &ere sa%in ! EHrobabl% somet"in borin ! 6"e trut" &as #d noticed "im$ too! E#t &as at C"arlies part%! 6&o %ears a o! E6&ent% mont"s$ t&o &ee)s$ t&o da%s! # c"o)ed on t"e c"ampa ne! E#s t"at a la&%er t"in 0 Rememberin t"e tin% details0 He loo)ed at me steadil%! E(ome t"in s sta% in m% "ead! E4ou didnt tal) to me t"at ni "t! He ave a funn% smile! E4ou &ere tal)in to C"arlie! 8nd after t"at$ # never sa& t"at same e'citement a ain! 4ou reined it in! EC"arlie didnt et too e'cited about satellites! /'cept t"e sort t"at ave "im t"e sports c"annel! EHe molded %ou into a different person and %ou &ere so an'ious to )eep t"e relations"ip oin $ %ou &ent alon &it" it! 8s"amed t"ou " # &as to admit it$ it &as all true! # suppose #d needed to )no& # could "old on to a man if #d &anted to! 6urned out # couldnt! 9ittle b% little$ #d subdued m% real self! #d stopped tal)in about m% &or) &"en &e &ent out and smiled &"en C"arlie "ad tal)ed about "is! #t "ad "appened a bit at a time$ so # barel% noticed # &as doin it! # &as li)e t"e 8rctic fo' &"o c"an ed "is coat from bro&n to &"ite in t"e &inter to blend into "is surroundin s! 1n t"e inside # &as t"e same$ but on t"e outside # blended &it" t"e cro&d! #d never been in a relations"ip t"at &or)ed on an% ot"er level! ,ever been &it" an%one$ apart from m% sister$ &"o onl% ever e'pected me to be me! But # "ad no idea "o& ,ico )ne& t"at! E# t"ou "t %ou disapproved of me bein &it" "im! He lo&ered "is "ead and leaned "is fore"ead a ainst mine! E# did! #t &as li)e ivin a ?errari to someone &"o onl% ever drives to t"e supermar)et! 8 tra ic &aste! E,o man "as ever compared me to a ?errari before! 6o me$ it &as a compliment! 8nd so &as t"e &a% "e &as loo)in at me$ as if # &as t"e best C"ristmas present an% u% could be iven! EHe &as &ron for %ou in ever% &a%! # &asnt oin to ar ue &it" t"at! /speciall% not ri "t no& &"en ,ico &as moments a&a% from )issin me! # &is"ed # "ad a tent" of "is control! Aiven t"at #d been &aitin all da% for t"is moment # t"ou "t # &as s"o&in reat restraint! # discovered # actuall% *uite li)ed t"e slo&$ desperate build of anticipation and ma%be "e did$ too$ because instead of brin in "is mout" do&n on mine$ "e ave a "alf smile and slid "is fin ers t"rou " m% "air! #t didnt matter &"at "e did &it" "is fin ers$ &"ic" part
of me "e &as stro)in .it al&a%s "ad t"e same effect on me! #d t"ou "t about not"in but bein )issed b% "im for t"e past four da%s and t"e &ait &as )illin me! #t didnt "elp t"at &ed driven eac" ot"er mad all da%! # bro)e first! 1ne moment # "ad m% "and loc)ed in t"e front of "is s"irt! 6"e ne't # &as undoin buttons! ?inall%! 6"e bi reveal! E4ou sa& me na)ed from t"e &aist up! 4ou o&e me! His mout" "overed close to mine$ but still "e didnt )iss me! He &as eit"er a s)illed torturer or "e )ne& ever%t"in t"ere &as to )no& about dela%ed ratification! E# al&a%s pa% m% debts! His e%es &ere "alf s"ut and t"e &a% "e &as loo)in at me made m% stomac" flip! # "ad "is s"irt undone to t"e &aist and m% fin ers &ent all fumbl%$ mostl% because # sa& se' in "is e%es! # lost patience and %an)ed t"e s"irt! Buttons s)ittered and bounced over t"e pale &ooden floor$ but # &as too bus% loo)in at t"e smoot"$ po&erful contours of "is c"est t"rou " t"e s"ado&in of dar) "air! 1"$ (anta$ (anta$ &"at "ave %ou brou "t me t"is %ear2! His e%es dar)ened! E4ou +ust ripped m% s"irt! E(orr%! ,ever in t"e "istor% of apolo ies "ad an apolo % sounded less sincere! # &asnt sorr% at all$ and +ust to prove it # slid m% "ands slo&l% up "is c"est! # felt "ard muscle and t"e stead% beat of "is "eart! E4ou sa& me in a ripped dress$ so no& &ere even! E4ou seem to "ave a t"in about rippin clot"es! 6"e leam in "is e%es made it "ard to breat"e! E#ts C"ristmas! 4oure allo&ed to rip open %our C"ristmas presents! 8nd an%&a%$ # fi ured if %ou can afford to live "ere$ %ou can afford anot"er s"irt! # pus"ed t"e s"irt off t"ose muscular s"oulders and suc)ed in a breat" because t"ere$ curlin over t"e top of "is biceps$ &as a s%mbol in)ed into "is fles"! # t"in) m% "eart mi "t "ave stopped! #t definitel% did somet"in stran e in m% c"est! E17$ &ell$ t"ats. # breat"ed and stared at it for a moment! 6"en # lifted m% "and and traced it &it" t"e tips of m% fin ers! E(urprisin ! ,ot in a million %ears &ould # "ave e'pected t"is man to "ave a tattoo! E# t"ou "t %ou &ere t"is rut"lessl% controlled$ conservative$ /ton-t"en-strai "t-to-1'ford t%pe! E3id %ou0 His "us)% *uestion slid a ainst m% )nees and &ea)ened t"em! # t"ou "t about t"e &eddin $ &"en #d spent a ood ten minutes starin at "im ac)no&led in t"e ra&$ elemental *ualit% t"at lur)ed beneat" t"e beautifull% cut suit! 8bout t"at car +ourne%$ &"en t"e tension "ad almost fried bot" of us! #d al&a%s )no&n &"at la% beneat" t"e surface! E# uess # made assumptions! EHeople do t"at! 6"e% loo) and t"e% t"in) t"e% )no&! 8nd sometimes t"e% dont loo) because t"e% dont &ant to )no&! EC"arlie. E# dont &ant to tal) about C"arlie an% more! ,eit"er did #! # &ondered "o& a man &"o never s"o&ed emotion could be so perceptive! (o in tune &it" m% feelin s! #t unsettled me! # &as used to people believin in t"e person # presented to t"e &orld! # c"ose "o& muc" of m%self # revealed! 3iscountin t"e da% of t"e &eddin &"ere #d revealed far more t"an #d &anted to$ # didnt s"o& muc"! # t"ou "t about all t"e parts of m%self #d never s"ared &it" an%one! 6"ou "ts t"at &ere all mine and not for s"arin ! E6ell me about t"e tattoo! E8 tattoo is +ust on t"e surface! 4ou and # are oin deeper t"an t"at! # s&allo&ed! We &ere0 E8 tattoo isnt &"o # am an% more t"an a ripped dress is &"o %ou are! His mout" &as closer to mine! # could feel t"e &armt" of "is breat" a ainst m% lips!
#d ot used to t"in)in relations"ips &ere mostl% fa)e and superficial$ but t"is didnt feel eit"er of t"ose t"in s! 6"ere &as not"in fa)e about t"e &a% "is ton ue traced t"e seam of m% lips! ,ot"in fa)e about t"e &a% "is "ands eased m% "ips into "is$ and certainl% not"in fa)e about t"e t"ic)ness of t"e erection # felt t"robbin a ainst me! # leaned for&ard and pressed m% mout" to "is s"oulder! 6"e tattoo s"oc)ed me because it &as so une'pected! #d al&a%s )no&n t"ere &as so muc" more to "im! # ran m% fin ers do&n t"e s&ell of "ard muscle$ feelin t"e leas"ed po&er under t"e dar) in) of "is tattoo! # "eard t"e sli "t c"an e in "is breat"in and could feel "im fi "tin for control! E4ou "old %ourself bac)! # t"ou "t about "o& rut"lessl% "e "eld "imself in c"ec) and &ondered &"at "ad made "im li)e t"at! EW"o are %ou reall%0 E3oes it matter0 He cupped m% face in "is "ands and "is voice "ad a ra& ed e to it t"at &as impossibl% e'citin ! # remembered m% resolution to "ave uncomplicated se' &it" a "ot man! 6"e% didnt come an% "otter t"an ,ico! E,o! # silenced t"e *uestions in m% "ead$ tellin m%self t"e% &erent relevant to t"e moment! E# &ant %ou! 6"e corner of "is mout" tilted into t"e se'iest smile #d ever seen! He mi "t not smile often$ but &"en "e did "e did it reall% &ell! His mout" "overed &ic)edl% close to mine until # &as afraid # mi "t )noc) "im over and dama e "im in m% "aste and desperation to finis" &"at &ed started at t"e &eddin ! 8nd t"en finall%$ after da%s of m% &aitin and t"in)in of not"in else$ "e lo&ered "is "ead and )issed me! Ripped
C"apter (even
8s #d been t"in)in of not"in else for da%s # t"ou "t m% mind "ad probabl% e'a erated "is s)ill at )issin ! #t s"ould "ave been a disappointment! #t &asnt! #t &as as ood as # remembered! Better$ because t"is time "e &as "alf-na)ed$ too$ and # finall% "ad full access to "is ripped bod%! His "and &as "ard on m% bac) and # could feel t"e &armt" of "is palm pressin t"rou " m% s"irt$ flattenin me a ainst "im! Aod$ "e &as stron ! He "ad t"e bod% of a fi "ter! # )ne&! #d seen plent% &"en #d been to Rosies %m and # )ne& t"is man could "ave )ept pace &it" all of t"em! 8fter t"e almost intolerable build-up of t"e past fe& da%s # &as desperate$ but "e )ept it slo&$ torturin bot" of us &it" pleasure! # moaned as "is mout" slid to m% nec)! E# "ate to rus" somet"in so ood$ but # t"in) # mi "t need %ou to. 6"e &ords died as m% s"irt slid to t"e floor! # "adnt even felt "im undo t"e buttons and "e must "ave done it &it" one "and! # remembered &"at else "e could do &it" "is fin ers and s"ivered in anticipation! He &as smoot"$ s)illed and in control &"ereas # +ust &anted to cra&l all over "im li)e a desperate pupp% and lic) "is face! 17$ not +ust "is face! 8ll of "im! # slid m% "ands do&n "is c"est (o"$ m% Aod)$ lin ered over "is "ard abs and t"en moved to t"e snap of "is +eans +ust as "is "ands parted m% s"irt! His e%es dar)ened$ but t"ere &as a limmer of amusement! E4oure &earin a bra! E1f course! # stared up at "im$ deadpan! E# &ould never be seen in public &it"out a bra$ 4our Honour! He traced t"e line of fur &it" one fin er! E#m not a +ud e! E/ver%ones a +ud e$ especiall% &"ere #m concerned! E#n t"at case$ #m oin to declare %ou uilt%! His voice &as "us)% and # found m%self loo)in at "is mout"! 6"at &ic)ed$ sinful line of sensual torture! # didnt care t"at "e rarel% used it to smile! # &anted "im to use it for ot"er t"in s and # &anted "im to do it ri "t no&! # &as at t"e point of e'plosion! E#f #m uilt%$ t"en #ll ta)e &"atever punis"ment # "ave comin $ but +ust et on &it" it! #m read% to pa% t"e price for m% sins! E# li)e %our festive bra$ but its oin to "ave to come off! # didnt even feel "is "and move but t"e sil)% bra slit"ered to t"e floor after m% s"irt! ?or t"e second time in a &ee) ,ico "ad an uninterrupted vie& of m% bare breasts! :ust for a moment # felt s"%$ &"ic" &as ridiculous &"en %ou t"ou "t about "o& &ed ot to t"is point! Ma%be it &as because up until no& it "adnt mattered &"at "e t"ou "t of me! # &as totall% "opeless at t"is unemotional se' t"in ! # tried to focus on t"e p"%sical! ECristo$ %ou "ave t"e most incredible breasts! His voice &as ra& and t"e loo) in "is e%es removed s"%ness! E6"ere are plent% of people &"o &ouldnt a ree &it" %ou! 9i)e most of t"e uests at t"e &eddin ! E6"e% all a reed &it" me$ dolceIIa! 6"at &as t"e problem! His mout" &as on mine and "e po&ered me bac) to t"e sofa! # fell bac)&ards$ off balance in ever% sin le &a%$ but "e cau "t me and lo&ered me carefull%$ li)e t"ose couples %ou see doin a ver% se'% tan o! Aod$ "e &as stron ! 6"en "e came do&n on top of me li)e a con*uerin "ero$ "is "and on m% t"i "! E# love %our t"i "-len t" boots$ "e breat"ed$ Ebut t"e%re oin to "ave to come off$ too! # &ant %ou na)ed! #n fact # &ant %ou! ,o&! His &ords turned me on almost as muc" as t"e loo) in "is e%es! 8ll # could t"in) of &as "im! @s! 6o et"er! His "ands &ere on m% boots and # &as about to ive "im instructions because t"e% &ere reall% a&)&ard to remove$ &"en "e slid t"em off m% le s! W"en # did it t"ere &as loads of tu in and s&earin and fallin over and %ellin for Rosie! He mana ed to do it in one perfect movement! (ame
&it" m% +eans! ,ot a man to let an%t"in stand in "is &a%! # s&allo&ed! E(o %oure obviousl% ood at undressin &omen. E9ets +ust sa% in t"is case #m motivated! # &as na)ed apart from t"e red t"on trimmed &it" &"ite fur and # decided it needed some e'planation! ERosie ave it to me for C"ristmas! E4ou loo) li)e (antas se'% little "elper! He slid a laI% fin er over t"e fur! E#t loo)s muc" too "ot to be &orn indoors! #t suddenl% occurred to me t"at # &as all but na)ed and "e &as still clot"ed! E#ts %our turn! (trip! 1ne e%ebro& lifted! E8re %ou ivin me orders0 E4ou ive people orders all t"e time! /%es moc)in $ "e rose to "is feet and stood t"ere for a moment +ust &atc"in me$ le s spread$ po&erful c"est on displa% and "is "ands on "is Iip! EW"at do %ou &ant me to do$ Ha%le%0 6ell me! His use of m% name made t"e &"ole t"in more intimate! ,o matter "o& muc" # )idded m%self$ &e &erent stran ers! ?ar from it! Wed circled round eac" ot"er for %ears! 8s "e slid "is Iip do&n$ m% e%es sa& &"at m% "and alread% )ne& and m% mout" dried! 6"e same couldnt be said for ot"er parts of me! # &as desperate! # s*uirmed on "is sofa! EHurr% up! 6"is is an emer enc%! He undressed s&iftl% and racefull%$ but t"at didnt surprise me! /ver%t"in about "im &as controlled! 8ctuall%$ not ever%t"in ! 6"ere &as one part of "im "e couldnt control and t"at part &as t"rustin "ard a ainst a pair of blac) bo'er briefs! # felt s%mpat"% for t"ose briefs! Containin an erection of t"at siIe +ust &asnt in t"e +ob description! #f #d needed evidence "e felt t"e same &a% # did$ # "ad it no&! M% aIe fi'ed on t"e line of dar) "air t"at disappeared beneat" t"e &aistband! # needed to see &"ere it ended! E4oure oin to be "ot in t"ose! He slid t"em off and # stopped +o)in ! Honestl%$ t"ere &as not"in to +o)e about! 6"e atmosp"ere "ad snapped ti "t! # )ne& "e felt it$ too! 8 muscle &or)ed in "is lean +a& and # could almost feel t"e battle "e &as fi "tin ! 6ension t"robbed from t"ose slee)$ po&erful muscles! Wit" a soft curse "e came bac) do&n on top of me$ removin t"e last barrier bet&een us so # &as as na)ed as "im! ECristo$ # promised m%self # &as oin to ma)e t"is last. EWeve made it last for da%s! # slid m% palms do&n "is bac)$ savourin t"e feel of slee) s)in over "ard muscle! He &as "eav%$ but # loved t"e &a% it felt "avin "im li)e t"is! E9on est forepla% ever! 6"e rou "ness of "is t"i " raIed t"e softness of mine as "e pus"ed m% t"i "s apart! 1ur e%es &ere loc)ed to et"er! # could "ave loo)ed at "im all da%! He &as t"e most spectacular man #d ever seen and if # &as "onest$ part of me couldnt *uite believe # &as doin t"is! Wit" "im! ,ot t"at # undersold m%self or an%t"in $ but men li)e "im didnt come alon ver% often! # )ne&$ because #d been loo)in for lon enou "! # &anted to rab m% iH"one and ta)e a picture$ +ust so # could prove it to m%self later! # &anted to post "is picture on 6&itter (&ould "ave ot me at least ><$<<< ne& follo&ers$ # can tell %ou) to increase m% street cred$ but t"en # felt "is "and move lo&er and "e stro)ed t"at *uiverin $ damp part of me &it" sure$ s)illful fin ers and # stopped t"in)in about an%t"in e'cept t"e moment$ and "e &as a man &"o )ne& e'actl% "o& to ma)e t"e most of t"e moment! # t"in) # moaned$ and t"at &as probabl% uncool but t"ere &as no &a% to )eep t"e sound inside &"ile "e &as touc"in me t"e &a% "e &as touc"in me! His fin ers &ere )no&in and clever$ slidin over me and into me in e'actl% t"e ri "t &a% and # )ne& from t"e &a% "e &as loo)in at me$ at t"e &a%
"e )issed me$ t"at t"is &as +ust t"e be innin of &"at &e &ere oin to do to et"er! # &as about to tell "im # couldnt stand it an% lon er &"en "e eased a&a% from me and &or)ed "is &a% do&n m% bod%! He started at m% nec) and t"en moved lo&er and b% t"e time "ed teased and to%ed &it" m% nipples # &as s*uirmin &it" desperation! #t &as almost too muc" to bear! W"en "e moved lo&er$ # s"ifted restlessl% but "e clamped "is "ands on m% "ips and pus"ed m% le s apart$ ivin "imself full access! 6"e first stro)e of "is ton ue made me asp and # soon discovered "e &as as talented &it" t"at part of "imself as "e &as &it" "is fin ers! /ac" s)illed flic) of "is ton ue$ eac" slo&$ delicious stro)e &as desi ned to drive me craI% and it did! # tried to move m% "ips$ tried desperatel% to relieve t"e almost intolerable ac"e$ but t"e "ard rip of "is "ands &ere "oldin me still! ,ot t"at "e &as "urtin me$ but it &as obvious t"ere &as no &a% # &as movin until "e &as read% to let me o! # &as totall% at "is merc% and #d never )no&n e'citement t"is intense! # needed to come$ but "e &ouldnt let me! 3eprived of an% ot"er outlet$ # du m% fin ers into t"e soft cus"ions of "is sofa! EHlease$ please. # couldnt believe # &as be in ! #d never be ed a man for an%t"in in m% life and # )ne& # &as oin to be "orribl% embarrassed later$ but # seemed to spend m% &"ole life in a state of embarrassment around t"is u%$ so # fi ured at t"is point it &asnt oin to ma)e muc" difference! E,ico$ # reall% need. M% &ords &ere dis+ointed$ mostl% because "is ton ue &as inside me$ lic)in me s"amelessl%$ and no& "e &as usin "is fin ers$ too$ so t"at m% bod% &as a mass of delicious$ s"iverin sensation "overin on t"e ed e of t"e incredible! 8nd # &as on t"e ed e! Ri "t on t"e ed e! #f "e "adnt been "oldin me firml% # could "ave moved m% "ips and finis"ed it m%self! But instead of lettin me do t"at$ "e eased a&a% from me sli "tl%$ leavin me "overin bet&een ecstas% and insanit%! E6ell me &"at %ou need$ dolceIIa! 8s if # &asnt alread% desperate enou "$ no& "e "ad to spea) to me in #talian$ t"e bastard! His #talian accent and t"e &a% "e lin ered over t"e &ord dolceIIa almost finis"ed me off! E4ou )no& &"at # need. # couldnt believe "e could be so cruel$ but t"en "e put "is mout" on me a ain and # for ave "im ever%t"in ! /ver% provocative slide of "is ton ue &as desi ned to torment me .onl%$ t"is time "e ave me &"at # &anted! #t &as t"e most intense e'perience of m% life! /ver%t"in inside me ti "tened and t"en or asm cras"ed do&n on me$ t"e rus" of pleasure almost a oniIin ! 8nd still "e "eld m% "ips$ controllin ever%t"in # &as feelin until # la% limp and &ea)! # t"ou "t # "eard "im murmur$ EMerr% C"ristmas$ Ha%le%$ but # could "ave ima ined it! 6"en "e reac"ed do&n and pulled somet"in from t"e poc)et of "is +eans! #d t"ou "t #d never &ant to see a condom a ain after t"e &eddin $ but it turned out # &as &ron ! # la% daIed$ &atc"in as "e s"eat"ed "imself and t"en came do&n over me! # &as &orried #d be too sensitive$ but +ust loo)in at "im made me &ant "im a ain and # &rapped m% le s around "im and felt "is "and slide underneat" m% buttoc)s$ liftin me! M% breat"in &as s"allo& and m% c"ee)s &ere burnin $ but # didnt t"in) t"e "eat "ad an%t"in to do &it" t"e flames flic)erin in t"e fireplace! #t &as "im! # &as lad our first time &as oin to be t"is &a% because # &anted to loo) at "im! 8nd "e obviousl% &anted to loo) at me$ too$ because "e )issed me a ain$ "oldin m% aIe as "e s"ifted "is position! # felt "im a ainst me$ felt "im "ard and smoot" a ainst t"e slipper% &etness "ed created and # "eld m% breat"! (till$ "e too) "is time! His mout" seduced mine$ "is "and &as "ard on m% bottom and "is aIe &as loc)ed &it" mine and finall% "e &as inside me$ slidin deep in a series of slo&$ e'pert t"rusts! 1"$ Aod! #t felt incredible! # didnt t"in) # could feel li)e t"is a ain so soon! He &as "ard and t"ic) and # could feel "im pulse inside me$ feel "is o&n battle to "old bac) t"e primal$ primitive desire t"at "ad sun) its teet" into bot" of us! He stopped for a moment$ "is breat"in unstead% and # sort of understood because # &anted it to last$ too$ but # &as also desperate! # du m% fin ers into t"e smoot"$ solid bul) of "is s"oulders and roc)ed into "im! # felt t"e tension and strain in "is muscles
increase! ECristo$ Ha%le%. His e%es &ere impossibl% dar) and t"en "e ave a roan and sur ed into me$ and # )ne& "e &as as out of control as # &as! He &as deep inside me$ movin &it" a perfect r"%t"m and # cried out because #d never felt an%t"in li)e it! ,ever! @ntil a fe& da%s before &ed never touc"ed eac" ot"er$ and %et some"o& "e )ne& m% bod%! He )ne& +ust "o& to move$ "o& to touc" me$ "o& to ad+ust t"e an le and t"e r"%t"m of "is movements so t"at # felt ever% inc" of "im! Wit" eac" e'pert t"rust "e drove me "i "er and "i "er and all t"e time # could feel "im$ all of "im$ stren t"$ po&er$ masculinit% and # moved &it" "im$ m% "ands on "is s"oulders and t"en buried in "is "air! Hed dimmed t"e li "ts$ but t"e room &as lit b% t"e dancin flames of t"e fire and t"e lo& of t"e cit% at ni "t! We &ere surrounded b% lass and t"e 9ondon s)%line! #t &as li)e "avin se' outdoors$ onl% &it"out t"e ris) of frostbite! 8fter&ards # realiIed t"at an%one &it" a pair of binoculars mi "t "ave been able to see us from t"e apartments on t"e ot"er side of t"e river$ but # didnt even t"in) about it at t"e time and neit"er did "e! We &ere +ust too into eac" ot"er! 6"e &"ole of me &as tremblin and "eld in a state of "ei "tened suspension! # s"ouldnt "ave been t"is desperate$ but # &as$ and so &as "e! He said somet"in to me in #talian$ "is lips dra in alon m% +a& and t"en lin erin on m% mout"! Hresumabl% "e didnt e'pect me to ans&er "im$ &"ic" &as a ood t"in because # &asnt capable of speec"! # didnt )no& &"et"er it &as all t"e forepla% under t"e C"ristmas lunc" table$ &"et"er t"is &"ole t"in "ad been buildin since t"e &eddin or &"et"er t"is &as se' #talian st%le (if so$ # &as emi ratin )$ but # couldnt "old an%t"in bac)! ?eelin s and sensations spread t"rou " me! #t started some&"ere # couldnt identif%$ deep in m% soul$ and t"en filtered and rippled t"rou " m% bod% until # came in a lorious rus" of pulsin pleasure! # felt m%self ti "ten around "im and "eard "im roan in "is t"roat as "e tried to "old on to control$ but t"e ripples of m% or asm sent "im over t"e ed e! # "eard "im curse$ but "e &as lost +ust as # &as$ and in a &a% # &as relieved "is rip on control &as as useless as mine! #f "e could "ave detac"ed "imself from pleasure t"is intense # &ould "ave been &orried! We didnt stop )issin ! ,ot once! ,ot as "e t"rust "ard$ or as m% bod% ripped "is.&e +ust )ept )issin and "is ton ue &as in m% mout" and mine in "is and &e +ust s"ared all of it! /ver%t"in ! /ver% pulse$ t"rob$ flutter$ moan and asp! 1ne of m% "ands &as +ammed into "is "air$ t"e ot"er clutc"in "is s"oulder$ no& slic) &it" s&eat$ and # la% for a moment stunned and s"a)en$ +ust starin up at "im tr%in to ma)e sense of it! # didnt )no& &"at &as oin to "appen ne't! 8fter all$ t"is level of intimac% &as ne& to bot" of us! # suppose part of me$ t"e part responsible for self-protection$ &as braced for "im to +ust roll a&a%! 8nd # suppose if "ed done t"at # &ould "ave said somet"in li)e$ EWell$ # t"in) 6"e ,iccol- is a product &it" a future$ or somet"in reall% lib t"at &ouldnt reveal "o& deepl% t"e &"ole e'perience "ad affected me! # t"ou "t t"at &as probabl% &"at someone &ould sa% after emotionless se'! But "e didnt roll a&a%! He didnt pull a&a%! #nstead "e slo&l%$ entl% lo&ered "is mout" to mine and )issed me a ain! But it &as different no&! 6"is &as a different t%pe of intimac%! #t &as slo&$ se'% &it" a "int of entleness t"at made m% "eart s*ueeIe! # "adnt e'pected tenderness! /ven as # felt m%self melt$ # felt a faint flic)er of panic! M% "eart &as t"e one or an t"at &asnt invited to t"is part%! 6"is &as &"ere "e &as supposed to do t"at classic man t"in and sa% and do t"e &ron t"in so t"at # could flounce bac) to ,ottin Hill and spend t"e rest of t"e ni "t curled up &it" Rosie a reein t"at men &erent +ust from Mars.most of t"em &ere from a ala'% far$ far a&a%! But "e didnt! He lin ered over t"e )iss$ pus"ed m% "air entl% bac) from m% face and studied me for a moment and t"en rolled onto "is side and pulled me a ainst "im! #f "ed done t"at in m% apartment &e &ould "ave bot" ended up on t"e floor$ but fortunatel% "is sofa &as bi er t"an ours! His arms "eld me in a possessive rip and it surprised me! #d t"ou "t "im cold and distant and "ad &ron l% ta)en t"at to mean "e &asnt
ood at intimac%! 1n t"e ot"er "and # "adnt anticipated t"e tattoo eit"er$ &"ic" +ust proved # &as clueless about t"is man! Because # "ad no c"oice in t"e matter # sta%ed &"ere # &as$ loc)ed in t"e circle of "is arms$ m% "ead on "is c"est! 6"e differences bet&een us fascinated me and # la% t"ere$ absorbin t"e contrast! M% blonde "air draped itself all over "im and min led &it" t"e dar) "airs on "is c"est! M% s)in loo)ed cream% pale a ainst t"e &armer tones of "is! 6"e inner s)in of m% t"i " &as soft a ainst t"e "ardness of "is! He lifted "is "and and t&isted a strand of m% "air around "is fin ers and # &ondered if "e &as noticin t"e differences$ too! #d never been t"e sort to lean on a man$ probabl% because &"en # &as ro&in up #d learned first"and t"at leanin &as a let"al sport t"at inevitabl% ended in serious in+ur%! M% Mum "ad leaned on m% 3ad and "e "adnt e'actl% proved "imself to be a sturd% sta)e! #d decided ri "t from t"e start # &as oin to stand tall b% m%self$ so # &as surprised b% "o& ood it felt to be "eld li)e t"is! # "ad to confess it made me feel safe$ &"ic" made no sense at all because &"% &ould # suddenl% feel safe &"en # "adnt ever felt unsafe0 He pus"ed m% tousled "air a&a% from m% face and tilted m% c"in so t"at # &as forced to loo) at "im! W"at # sa& t"ere made m% "eart bump "ard! #d ot so used to t"in)in of "im as remote and cold t"at t"e &armt" in "is e%es &rec)ed me! EBellissima$ "e murmured softl% and # didnt spea) an% #talian$ but # )ne& "e &as tellin me # &as beautiful! (e'ual intimac% "ad turned into somet"in else and nerves &ere +umpin in m% tumm% &"en "e lo&ered "is "ead$ delivered a lin erin )iss to m% mout" and t"en stood up! He pic)ed up m% discarded "air clip$ "anded it to me and t"en scooped me into "is arms! # loc)ed m% arms round "is nec) because alt"ou " "ed more t"an demonstrated "o& stron "e &as$ # didnt trust "im not to drop me! # &asnt used to bein carried an%&"ere$ but not"in about t"is ni "t &as normal! EW"% are %ou ivin me m% "air clip0 W"ere are &e oin 0 E#ts a surprise! E8fter t"at disastrous &eddin #ve one off surprises! # prefer to )no& &"ats oin to "appen so # can prepare for it! His mout" flic)ered at t"e corners! EWere oin to t"e bedroom! # dont &ant %ou to et cold! Cold0 Was "e )iddin 0 # &as so "ot t"at if "ed put a slice of bread on me # could "ave turned it into toast! But it &as evidence "e didnt intend to end t"e evenin %et$ so # &asnt about to ar ue &it" "is reasonin ! 8nd an%&a%$ if # &as "onest$ # &as en+o%in t"e cuddle! # tore m% reed% aIe a&a% from t"e stron lines of "is +a& to ta)e a limpse of "is apartment! E#ts amaIin ! 6"e vie& is incredible! He lo&ered me to t"e floor and # sa& t"at "is bedroom &as dominated b%.&ell$ t"e bed! #t &as sli "tl% raised and positioned to ta)e advanta e of t"e incredible vie&s! ,ot t"at # e'pected to be loo)in at an%t"in e'cept "im! # pressed m% lips to "is s"oulder! His s)in &as salt% &it" s&eat and "e cupped m% face in "is "ands and too) m% mout" &it" "is! He coa'ed m% lips apart and )issed me and # &as instantl% desperate a ain! #d e'pected "im to pull me onto t"e bed$ but instead "e too) m% "and and &al)ed &it" me to&ards t"e &indo&! # resisted! E4ou reall% are an e'"ibitionist$ # be an$ but t"en "e opened t"e lass door and # sa& t"at t"ere$ on t"e dec) &it" a perfect vie& of t"e River 6"ames sna)in to&ards t"e cit%$ &as a "ot tub! EHin %our "air bac) up! #t &as freeIin outside$ sno& still floatin do&n li)e confetti$ but "e pulled off t"e cover and &e
slid into t"e "ot &ater and "onestl%$ it &as t"e most delicious t"in ever! 6"e u% )ne& "o& to live$ # "ad to ive "im t"at! 6"e "eat seeped into m% limbs and soot"ed! 6"e scent &as blissful! ,o& # understood &"% "ed told me to pin m% "air up! E# love t"is part of 9ondon! Have %ou al&a%s lived "ere0 E,o! (omet"in about t"e &a% "e said it made me lance at "im$ but "is aIe &as on m% mout" and suddenl% # didnt care if "ed lived "ere for five minutes or five %ears! We &ere bot" on a little seat under t"e &ater$ m% t"i " pressed a ainst t"e "ardness of "is! ?ar beneat" us 9ondon &as carr%in on as normal$ oblivious to our presence$ and # &ondered "o& t"e cit% could be oblivious to t"e amaIin t"in t"at &as "appenin bet&een us! E#ts a fantastic apartment! W"ere does 7iara live0 E("e lived "ere &it" me until a %ear a o &"en s"e started colle e! ,o& s"e rents some&"ere &it" t&o friends! ("e &anted "er independence! # &as surprised "ed lived &it" "is sister! 6"is place "ad Ebac"elor &ritten all over it! Her"aps s"ed onl% moved in briefl%! EHo& lon did s"e live &it" %ou0 E(ince s"e &as t&elve! His voice didnt c"an e$ but still # sensed somet"in different! (omet"in complicated! #d ro&n up &it" complicated$ so # probabl% "ad sensitive radar! 8nd # &as ood enou " &it" numbers to &or) out t"at "e must "ave ta)en on t"at responsibilit% at a %oun a e! E,o famil%0 E:ust t"e t&o of us! Ho& lon "ave %ou and Rosie lived to et"er0 He &as c"an in t"e sub+ect$ but # didnt mind! # &asnt usuall% mad )een on tal)in about famil% eit"er$ but for some reason ri "t no&$ &it" "im$ it felt comfortable! EHrett% muc" all our lives! # leaned m% "ead bac) and aIed up at t"e s)%! (no& &as still fallin $ li "t$ feat"er% fla)es t"at dusted m% "air and "is! # s)immed m% "and over t"e surface of t"e &ater$ &atc"in as t"e% melted! E6"eres onl% ten mont"s bet&een us! We s"ared a room &"en &e &ere ro&in up! 6"e% almost split us up$ but &e ob+ected! E(plit %ou up0 E3ad &al)ed out &"en &e &ere ei "t! 6"e% fou "t over &"o &as oin to "ave us! 8ll a bit crap if #m "onest! 6"e% t"ou "t it &ould ma)e sense if eac" parent "ad one of us$ but t"at didnt ma)e an% sense at all to us! Rosie "ad once said it &as li)e bein t"e rope in a tu of &ar$ but # didnt tell "im t"at! ,or did # tell "im about t"e time Rosie "ad "un on to me li)e a barnacle &"ile 3ad "ad tried to pull "er a&a% from me and carr% "er to t"e car! #n t"e end "ed iven up! 6"e%d never tried to split us up a ain$ but Rosie "ad insisted on s&itc"in "er ballet classes to )arate +ust in case! EHence t"e friend C"ristmas0 ERosie li)es to create "er version of t"e fair% tale! E4our sister is ver% enerous! ("e invited "alf of 9ondon for C"ristmas lunc"! E?riends are our famil%! # slid deeper under t"e &ater! EW"at &ould %ou "ave done for C"ristmas if %ou "adnt come to us0 EWor)ed! E(o # distracted %ou! (orr% about t"at! M% voice &as smo)% soft and "e ave a moc)in smile! E#f t"ats %our sorr% loo)$ it needs &or)! # lo&ered m% e%elas"es! EBetter0 E,o! E4ou &ant me to be for iveness0 # remembered #d alread% be ed and felt m%self colour! His e%es dropped to m% mout" and # )ne& "e &as rememberin t"e same t"in ! E4oure so se'%! 7eepin m% "ands off %ou "as been t"e "ardest t"in #ve ever done! #t &as so not &"at #d e'pected "im to sa% # almost san) under t"e &ater! EReall%0 His e%es leamed &it" incredulit%! E4ou "ave to )no& t"at$ Ha%le%!
E/r.no! W"% &ould # )no& t"at0 4ouve barel% ever spo)en to me! E/'actl%! 6"ere &as a "int of e'asperation in "is voice$ as if &e &ere tal)in about somet"in t"at s"ould "ave been obvious! # t"ou "t about &"at Rosie "ad said on C"ristmas /ve! E(o if %ou felt t"at &a%$ &"% didnt %ou ever tal) to me0 E4ou &ere &it" C"arlie! E8nd # dont even )no& &"%! # slid deeper in t"e &ater$ forcin m%self to t"in) about stuff #d avoided! ERosie and # "ave never been ver% ood at relations"ips! C"arlie seemed li)e t"e stable$ traditional t%pe! # suppose part of me t"ou "t if # &as oin to ma)e a relations"ip &or) &it" an%one$ it &ould be &it" someone li)e "im! E(omeone &"o &ould i nore t"e person %ou reall% are and sleep &it" %our friend0 E6"an)s for remindin me! # didnt even t"in) of Cressida as a friend an% more! ?riends didnt do t"at! E3oes it "urt0 # s)immed m% "and over t"e surface of t"e &ater! E,o! ,ot an% more! 8nd if #m "onest$ it &as onl% ever m% pride t"at "urt! # s"ould "ave been "eartbro)en$ but # &asnt! # suppose t"at s"ould tell me somet"in ! Honestl%$ #m +ust rubbis" at relations"ips! M% ,e& 4ears resolution is to "ave emotionless se'! 6"ats &"% #m "ere! ERi "t! 6"e &a% "e &as loo)in at me made m% c"ee)s burn! E4ou "avent told me &"at "appened after # left t"e &eddin ! E# "ad to arran e a fleet of ambulances to transport all t"e men &"o "ad "eart attac)s! E3ont! # s"ran) at t"e t"ou "t! E# "onestl% dont t"in) # can ever s"o& m% face in da%li "t a ain! E,o one &as loo)in at %our face$ so %oure fine! # lau "ed$ surprised b% "o& eas% it &as to tal) to "im! #t &as li)e removin a pile of roc)s from a river! Conversation +ust flo&ed$ "eld bac) for too lon ! E# "avent t"an)ed %ou for rescuin me! /ver%one else +ust stood t"ere a&pin ! /ven Rosie &as useless! #f it "adnt been for %ou$ #d still be standin t"ere li)e a Hla%bo% centrefold! 4ou &ere ver% *uic) on %our feet! W"at "appened durin t"e speec"es0 EHavin seen %our impressive breasts$ Cassie &as in a foul mood for t"e rest of t"e &eddin $ but it served "er ri "t for stealin %our man in t"e first place! E#m lad s"e stole "im! #f s"e "adnt$ # &ouldnt be "ere no&! E4es$ %ou &ould! #t &as al&a%s oin to "appen! M% stomac" flipped! E#t &as0 Ho& do %ou )no&0 EBecause # &as oin to ma)e it "appen! 3roplets of &ater clun to "is s"oulders! E# &as +ust &aitin for %ou to come to %our senses and realiIe "e &asnt oin to ma)e %ou "app%! E4ou &ere0 E# &as "opin %oud ma)e t"at decision$ not "im! W"en "e made it # &as &orried %ou "adnt "ad time to come to t"at conclusion %ourself and t"at "ed "urt %ou! # t"ou "t about m% +ob promotion part% &"en C"arlie "ad ot drun) and not even offered con ratulations! E# suppose # "ate ivin up on t"in s! #t feels li)e failure! 8n%&a%$ it &ont "appen a ain! ,o more relations"ips for me! :ust craI% se'! More of t"is! # didnt )no& t"is &as oin to "appen! # didnt )no& Rosie "ad invited %ou! E# )no&! 6"at &as obvious &"en # &al)ed into t"e )itc"en and sa& %our face! # turned m% "ead and loo)ed at "im! E#m lad s"e did! E(o am #! He leaned to&ards me$ "is aIe on m% mout"! His "and slid bet&een m% t"i "s! #t &asnt t"at lon since "ed been inside me$ but # desperatel% &anted "im t"ere a ain! # lifted m%self out of t"e &ater briefl%.ver% briefl% because t"e blast of freeIin air over m% s"oulders &as enou " to convince me t"at under t"e &ater &as better t"an out of it.and straddled "im!
# slid do&n so t"at m% s"oulders &ere under t"e &ater and sa& "e &as &atc"in me &it" t"at se'%$ "ooded aIe t"at made me &ant to do &ic)ed t"in s to "im! E4ou are t"e best C"ristmas present #ve ever "ad. # murmured t"e &ords a ainst "is lips and felt "im smile! His "ands &ere loc)ed on m% "ips$ preventin me from movin ! His e%es littered and "is +a& &as clenc"ed! E9ets o bac) inside! E,o&0 E4es$ ri "t no&! # &ant to see %ou! 8ll of %ou$ and # cant do t"at &it"out ivin %ou frostbite! Wit" "is arm around me$ "e lifted us bot" out of t"e &ater and steadied me &"ile "e rabbed a to&el! Ripped
C"apter /i "t
We left damp footprints on "is bedroom floor! He closed t"e door on t"e cold$ t"e sno& and t"e rest of t"e &orld and ur ed me into t"e master bat"room! His arm &as still around m% &aist$ "is mout" on mine and "e reac"ed out an arm and t"umped a button on t"e &all$ sendin needles of "ot &ater over bot" of us! ?inall% # understood t"e true appeal of a &al)-in s"o&er! We didnt "ave to stop )issin ! Water streamed over m% "air and do&n m% bac) and # t"in) "e must "ave altered t"e flo& or # probabl% &ould "ave dro&ned! He removed t"e clip from m% "air a ain and it slit"ered do&n m% bac) in a damp mass! His "ands slid over m% bod%$ leavin no part of me untouc"ed and # did t"e same to "im until # t"ou "t # &as oin to e'plode! # &anted to open m% e%es and loo) at "im$ so # roped for t"e &all and s&itc"ed off t"e &ater! (team s&irled bet&een us! # &as standin toe to toe &it" "im and # leaned for&ard and pressed m% mout" to "is s)in! 3roplets of &ater clun to "is fles" and &it" "ands and mout" # e'plored "is c"est$ t"e flat planes of "is abdomen$ t"e po&er of "is t"i "s! # too) m% time$ lic)in "im$ tastin "im and t"en dropped to m% )nees! 6"ere &as onl% one part of "im # didnt touc" and # "eard t"e breat" "iss t"rou " "is teet" as # teased "im as mercilessl% as "ed teased me! # came close several times$ slidin m% ton ue over "is &arm s)in$ tantaliIin l% close to t"e "ard len t" of "im! #n fairness # &as &illin to bet # &as as desperate as "e &as! ECristo$ Ha%le%. # lanced up and sa& "is e%es$ in)% dar) and focused on me! 8 muscle flic)ered in "is lean +a&! He &as ri "t on t"e ed e of control and # )ept "im t"ere for a moment$ +ust to s"o& # could prolon ratification if # "ad to! 6"at # could matc" ever%t"in "e did to me! 1f course # didnt last as lon as "e "ad! # slid m% ton ue over "im and t"en too) "im in m% mout"$ inc" b% lorious smoot"$ pulsin inc" and # "eard "im roan somet"in in #talian and felt "is fin ers loc) in m% "air! # &ondered "o& # could ever "ave t"ou "t "im ic% cold! He &as ra& #talian passion.it &as +ust t"at "e mana ed to conceal it in public and # loved t"at! # loved t"at # )ne& a part of "im ot"ers didnt! 6"at "e &as li)e t"is onl% &it" me! # sa& t"e real ,ico Rossi! # preferred t"at version! More "uman! Hotter in ever% &a%! # used m% lips and ton ue$ suc)ed and lic)ed until "e "auled me to m% feet and pressed me bac) a ainst t"e smoot"$ damp &all of "is &et room$ "is e%es fierce and "is breat"in uneven! # &as breat"less$ desperate$ but not"in compared to "im! His e%es &ere fierce and "e slammed "is arms eit"er side of me$ ca in me! ,ot t"at # needed to be ca ed! # &asnt oin an%&"ere! # could feel t"e cool$ smoot" tiles pressin a ainst m% bac) and t"e "ard "eat of "is bod%! #t &as t"e best )ind of trapped #d ever felt! Water clun to "is fore"ead and turned "is in)% dar) las"es to spi)es! He &as t"e "ottest man #d ever laid e%es on and # "oo)ed m% le be"ind "is "ips$ pressin "im closer$ not &antin an% space bet&een us! He lifted me easil% and # &rapped m% le s around "im and m% arms around "is nec)! Heat t"robbed bet&een us and "is first t"rust into m% bod% made me cr% out! E4ou feel incredible. His voice &as ra&$ but at least "e could still spea)! # &as incapable of ma)in an% sound t"at &asnt an animal moan and # simpl% clun to "is &ide s"oulders$ )issin "im as "e drove into me! We came to et"er in a simultaneous rus" of ecstas%! He lo&ered me entl% to t"e floor$ but didnt let me o$ &"ic" &as a ood t"in because m% le s &ere li)e +ell%! 6"e room &as steam% and &arm$ presumabl% from t"e "eat of t"e s"o&er$ but to be "onest it could "ave been from us! (till &it" "is arm around me$ "e reac"ed for anot"er to&el."e seemed to "ave an endless suppl% .&rapped it around me$ )issed me entl% on t"e mout" and led me t"rou " to t"e bedroom! M% "air "un in a damp mass past m% s"oulders and "e dried it carefull% and t"en dropped t"e to&el on t"e floor &it"out loo)in at it! He &as loo)in at me! 1ne t"in # )ne& for sure.if t"is &as emotionless se'$ # &as oin to do it ever% sin le da% for t"e
rest of m% life! # )ne& it &as late t"e moment # &o)e! 6"e sun &as blaIin t"rou " t"e lass &all of "is bedroom$ bouncin off t"e river li)e a million tin% diamonds! # rolled onto m% side and sa& t"e bed &as empt%! 6"en # smelled bacon! # sat up in bed and realised m% clot"es &ere probabl% still scattered across "is livin room! ?eelin li)e a bur lar$ # &al)ed into "is closet and found a s"irt! 1ne of "is perfect &"ite ones! (milin $ # slipped it on and it fell past m% bottom and over m% "ands! # rolled t"e sleeves bac)$ ra)ed m% fin ers t"rou " m% "air and &al)ed in t"e direction of t"e delicious smells! He &as standin &it" "is bac) to me$ but "e turned t"e moment # entered t"e room! Hed pulled on "is +eans but not"in else and # stared at "is c"est and &ondered "o& # could possibl% &ant to dra "im strai "t bac) to bed after t"e ni "t &ed spent! # &asnt an% ood at mornin -after conversations and # estured to&ards t"e door$ conscious t"at # &as na)ed under "is s"irt! E# s"ould probabl% et oin . EW"%0 # tuc)ed m% "air be"ind m% ear! E# t"ou "t %ou mi "t "ave t"in s to do toda%! E# "ave! He flipped t"e bacon! E8nd # plan to do t"em &it" %ou! E1"! M% stomac" curled! 8 ni "t &it" "im "adnt cured me of an%t"in ! # found m%self starin at "is s"oulders and t"e lean$ at"letic lines of "is bod%! He &as t"e "ottest u% on t"e face of t"e eart"! E@nless %ou t"in) Rosie needs %ou0 # &atc"ed t"e &a% "is biceps fle'ed as "e reac"ed for a plate! E("es &or)in toda%! C"ristmas 3a% is t"e onl% da% of t"e %ear s"e doesnt train! But # s"ould te't "er! 3ra in m% e%es a&a% from slee) male muscle$ # &andered t"rou " to t"e livin room! 9i "t poured t"rou " t"e &indo&s$ reflectin off lass and polis"ed surfaces! 1utside t"e s)% &as a perfect &inter blue and t"e sun spar)led on t"e surface of t"e river! # found m% p"one$ sent m% sister a te't t"an)in "er for m% C"ristmas E ift$ &"ic" # "ad no intention of returnin for a refund$ and t"en stood for a moment$ distracted b% t"e vie&$ t"in)in about t"e ni "t &ed spent! ECoffee0 He "ad t"e se'iest voice #d ever "eard and # turned and sa& "ed put t&o plates on t"e table and &as no& "oldin out a mu to me! E6"an)s! # too) it and curled m% "ands around t"e &armt"$ even t"ou " "is apartment &as a perfect temperature! E# love loo)in at t"e river! EMe$ too! He "adnt s"aved and "is +a& &as dar)ened b% stubble! E6"ats &"% # c"ose t"is place! 8re %ou "un r%0 E(tarvin ! # "adnt eaten since t"e tur)e% and &ed done some serious e'ercise! E(o %ou can coo)! E# coo)ed for m% sister for %ears! ("es still alive! He "anded me a plate piled &it" fluff% scrambled e s and ras"ers of crisp bacon and # carried it over to t"e lass table b% t"e &indo&! M% stomac" ro&led! E#f # "ad a vie& li)e t"is #d never o to &or)! E4oure not &or)in t"is &ee)0 E1fficiall% m% department is closed until :anuar% ;$ but t"at doesnt stop t"e emails! E4oure still lovin %our &or)0 He spra&led in t"e c"air opposite me and suddenl% t"e vie& "ad serious competition! # pic)ed up m% for)$ cautious about ans&erin ! 6"an)s to C"arlie # &as pro rammed not to tal) about m% &or)! E#ts fine$ t"an)s! E# remember "o& e'cited %ou &ere &"en %ou ot t"e +ob! 8nd # remembered "ed been t"e onl% one to as) *uestions! E#ts e'citin and t"e people are. # bro)e off$ remindin m%self "e &as probabl% +ust bein polite$ but t"en # realiIed "e &as still listenin and loo)in at me$ not at "is &atc" or over m% s"oulder as C"arlie "ad al&a%s done! 8nd because of
t"at # found m%self tellin "im ever%t"in # &as doin $ and t"e more # tal)ed t"e more ent"usiastic # &as until # realiIed #d cleared m% plate and must "ave bored "im ri id! E(orr%! E?or &"at0 6"at is t"e first time #ve seen %ou t"at ent"usiastic since t"at first ni "t &e met! 8nd "e didnt loo) bored! He loo)ed interested and "e as)ed me a fe& *uestions t"at proved "e &as as bri "t as "e &as spectacular loo)in ! E#m pleased its &or)in out! (o ,8(8 isnt oin to et %ou %et! # blus"ed$ t"in)in about t"at a&ful dinner &"en ever%one "ad tal)ed about t"eir "opes for t"e future and #d confessed # &anted to &or) for ,8(8! C"arlie "ad moc)ed me (# t"in) "is e'act &ords &ere E8pollo Ha%le%.Aod "elp us all)! #t &asnt lad%li)e to be interested in roc)ets and +et propulsion (alt"ou " fran)l%$ since t"at "ot encounter &it" ,ico at t"e &eddin #d t"ou " of not"in but t"rust$ and not t"e sort tau "t b% p"%sics teac"ers!) # c"an ed t"e sub+ect! E6ell me t"e "istor% of t"e tattoo! He dran) "is coffee and for a moment # t"ou "t "e &asnt oin to ans&er! 6"en "e put "is mu do&n! EWe moved from (icil% to 9ondon &"en # &as ten! M% /n lis" &as terrible and. "e dismissed it all &it" a s"ru E.lets +ust sa% sc"ool &as "ell$ so # sta%ed a&a%! EReall%0 # ima ined %ou bein a strai "t-8 student! E6"at part came later! Bac) t"en$ # &as out of control! # e%ed t"e tattoo &rapped round "ard bul e of "is bicep! E(o t"at &as t"at &"en.0 E6"at and ot"er t"in s! His tone &as flat! E# &as si'teen &"en m% fat"er died and 7iara &as ta)en into foster care! # ar ued t"at # &as "er onl% famil% and t"at &e s"ould be to et"er! 1f course no one listened! # put m% for) do&n$ )no&in "o& #d felt &"en m% parents "ad tried to separate Rosie and me! EW"at did %ou do0 E# re& up! # &or)ed out &"at sort of +ob &ould ma)e sure # ot 7iara bac) and decided # "ad to be a la&%er because t"e% earned ood mone% and )ne& "o& to ar ue! His smile moc)ed "imself! E# &ent bac) to sc"ool and &or)ed ever% "our of ever% da%! # ot a sc"olars"ip to a top sc"ool! # &as a social e'periment.)id &it" a brain but no income$ lets ive t"at a tr%! E6"at must "ave been tou "! E6ou " &as seein m% sister in a foster "ome! But t"e% &ere )ind people and t"e% "elped bot" of us! E8nd %ou did it! 4ou made a life for bot" of %ou! # mentall% compared "im to m% dad$ &"od left us! E4ou did a reat +ob! ("es confident and c"armin and t"in)s %oure t"e best! #t e'plained t"e bond # sa& and t"e respect s"e s"o&ed "im! E#t &as "ard lettin "er move into an apartment &it" "er friends! E#ndependence is a ood t"in ! 8nd #m lad %ou did$ # said softl%$ Eor &e &ouldnt be on our o&n no&! His e%es met mine and t"en "e stood up and pulled me to m% feet! E9ets ma)e t"e most of it! We didnt leave t"e apartment for five da%s! Most of t"at time &as spent in bed "avin amaIin se'$ but also tal)in and lau "in as &e s&apped stories! # told "im about t"e time #d built a roc)et in t"e )itc"en and made a "ole in t"e ceilin ! He told me "o& "ed blo&n up t"e toilets in sc"ool usin sodium ta)en from an unloc)ed c"emistr% lab! # still couldnt believe "o& muc" t"is cool$ controlled u% "ad "idden in "is past! # &as t"irst% to )no& more! ?avorite band$ favorite drin)$ best place "ed visited2 E6ell me %our most embarrassin moment ever! He rolled onto "is side and loo)ed at me from under t"ose t"ic)$ dar) las"es! E# once &ent to t"is &eddin &"ere t"e bridesmaid burst out of "er dress. 9au "in $ # pus"ed "im onto "is bac) and straddled "im! M% "air slid for&ard$ coverin us bot"!
E#f t"at "adnt "appened &e &ouldnt be "ere! E4es$ &e &ould! His "ands &ere in m% "air! EBut # &as plannin to ma)e m% move after t"e &eddin $ not durin ! # &as oin to persuade %ou to cr% on m% s"oulder! E#m not muc" of a crier! # lo&ered m% "ead and )issed "im$ m% mout" lin erin on "is! E4oure so se'%! (a% somet"in to me in #talian! EHiIIa Mar "erita! # i led$ but t"e craI% t"in &as "e even mana ed to ma)e t"at sound se'%! M% p"one beeped! # i nored it! E(a% somet"in else! E#l mio vestito N strappato! EW"at does t"at mean0 EM% dress "as torn! 8nd # &as lau "in ! 9au "in in bed &it" a u% # &anted to )no& more about! # &anted to )no& ever%t"in $ and finall% # reac"ed across to read m% te't from RosieO five da%s in bed &it" t"e same u% isnt emotionless se'! 8nd # stopped lau "in and realiIed &it" a flas" of panic t"at # &asnt supposed to &ant to )no& more! /motionless$ unattac"ed se' s"ould be e'actl% t"at$ but some"o& over t"e past five da%s #d mana ed to form an attac"ment! # &as in trouble! Ripped
C"apter ,ine
E6"is is %our fault! # stopped eatin ,utella out of t"e +ar and po)ed t"e spoon to&ards m% sister! E4ou invited "im "ere for C"ristmas! E4es! C"ristmasK # didnt e'pect %ou to o "ome &it" "im and sta% until /aster! # &as about to report %ou to t"e police as a missin person! W"at t"e "ell did %ou do for five da%s0 # rinned and s"e rolled "er e%es! EReall%0 (o "es even "otter t"an "e loo)s! Wa% to o! # abandoned t"e comfort eatin and slumped bac) a ainst t"e sofa! E# promised m%self # &as done &it" miser%! E(e' &it" "im &as miserable0 E,o$ it &as incredibleK But no& # cant stop t"in)in about "im! Crap! 8nd it &asnt +ust t"e se' # &as t"in)in about! # )ept picturin t"e &a% "e loo)ed asleep.t"ose las"es s"ado&in "is c"ee)s$ strands of dar) "air slidin across "is fore"ead! # t"ou "t about t"e "ours &ed spent tal)in ! 6"e t"in s #d told "im! 6"in s # "adnt told an%one else! #d discovered intimac% &asnt +ust about ettin na)ed &it" someone! Bat"ed in panic$ # spran to m% feet! E#t &as supposed to be +ust se'! /motionless se'! ERi "t! /motionless se' t"at lasted five da%s! # paced across t"e livin room and t"en turned to "er$ desperate! EW"at am # oin to do0 # need to for et "im strai "t a&a% and move on! E#s t"at reall% &"at %ou &ant0 E8bsolutel%! 3efinitel%! ,o emotional involvement! # didnt tell "er # &as &orried # &as too late for t"at$ but s"e probabl% )ne& because s"e stared at me for a moment and t"en si "ed! E17$ &ell$ t"e ood ne&s is t"at it isnt ,e& 4ear for anot"er si' "ours$ so %ou "avent blo&n %our resolution! 4ou can start fres" at one minute past midni "t! #ve ot F#H tic)ets to 6"e ()%line! 6oni "t &e are oin to part%! E6"e ()%line0 #t &as m% turn to stare! EHo& did %ou mana e t"at0 6"eir ,e& 4ears /ve parties are le endar%! E# meet a lot of people at t"e %m! M% sister loo)ed smu ! EWe &ill "ave a reat time and %ou can for et all about "im! # )ne& # &asnt oin to for et all about "im! # &anted to as) if s"ed reall% for otten He W"o Must ,ot Be ,amed$ but # didnt dare! EWill an%one &e )no& be t"ere0 E4es$ a &"ole roup of us and %ou are oin to "old %our "ead up "i " and &ear %our favorite blac) dress because it ma)es %ou loo) fabulous! EAreat! 9ets do it! # i nored t"e part of me t"at +ust &anted to be bac) in ,icos apartment! E#t &ill be m% first public appearance since # e'posed m%self (# didnt count C"ristmas)! Mi "t as &ell ma)e it "i " profile! # did love m% blac) dress! #t "ad tin% cr%stals se&n into t"e fabric and s"immered &"en it cau "t t"e li "t! #d found it in a c"arit% s"op in ,ottin Hill$ ot"er&ise # never &ould "ave been able to afford t"e label! #t &as brand ne&! (till "ad t"e ta s on it! 6"e o&ner told me t"at t"e &oman &"o "ad brou "t it in "ad fallen in love &it" it and bou "t it$ intendin to slim into it! ?ortunatel% for me$ s"e "adnt! Rosie &as ri "t! #t &as t"e perfect dress for toni "t! # presumed m% lac) of e'citement &as caused b% t"e prospect of meetin so man% people &"o "ad seen me "alf-na)ed! EWere oin to et read% to et"er li)e &e al&a%s do$ and &"ile &ere doin t"at %ou can tell me ever%t"in ! 8nd because s"e &as m% sister and t"is &as &"at &e did$ # did tell "er ever%t"in ! Ho& it "ad felt! Ho& # "ad felt! 8nd "o& # felt no&$ &"ic" &as totall% crap if # &as "onest! Aettin read% to o out to et"er s"ould "ave been fun! Rosie opened a bottle of c"ampa ne left
over from C"ristmas$ but it reminded me so muc" of bein &it" ,ico! E8re %ou nearl% read%0 M% sister &as &earin a velvet s)ater dress &it" mes" at t"e sides and no bac) t"at loo)ed perfect on "er toned bod%! Her blonde "air &as loose around "er s"oulders$ a little mess%$ but t"at made it all t"e se'ier! ("e &ore a pair of verti inous "eels on t"e ends of t"ose incredible$ )ic)-bo'in le s! # blin)ed! EWo&! EWo& %ourself! ("e e%ed me and smiled! E# predict emotionless se' &ill be in at five seconds past midni "t! 9ets o! 6"e cab is "ere! # &is"ed # could "ave felt more e'cited about t"e ni "t a"ead! #t mi "t "ave been easier "ad t"e cab not ta)en t"e e'act route alon t"e river ,ico "ad ta)en &"en "ed driven me to "is apartment on C"ristmas 3a%! E6"is is &"ere "e lives! E#n C"elsea0 Rosie craned "er nec)! EColour me impressed! ("e &ould "ave been even more impressed if s"ed )no&n "o& "ard "ed &or)ed to et to t"is point and all t"e sacrifices "ed made for "is sister$ but # &asnt read% to tal) about an% of it! ,or &as # supposed to be tal)in about ,ico! We arrived at 6"e ()%line and too) t"e lass elevator to t"e top floor! 6"e vie&s of 9ondon &ere incredible and ever%one &as in part% mood! /ver%one e'cept me! Rosie "anded our coats over and fro&ned at me! E4ou 170 EAreatK We sa& a cro&d of our friends and +oined t"em! 6"e ones &"o "adnt accepted invitations to t"e &eddin (because C"arlie "ad alienated most of t"em) &anted to )no& if t"e rumors &ere true! ,aturall% &"en t"e% "eard t"at t"e% &ere$ t"e% all &is"ed t"e%d been t"ere to Esupport me! 4ea"$ ri "t! E,ice one$ Ha%le%! Arinnin $ Rob put "is arm round m% s"oulders and suddenl% # &as rateful for m% friends! ?riends &ere li)e s"oc) absorbers! 6"e% made t"e bumps "urt less! # sa& Rosie &atc"in me and tried to loo) as if # &as "avin a ood time$ but of course s"e )ne& # &asnt! E4oull for et "im in time$ s"e murmured$ "andin me anot"er lass of c"ampa ne! E4ou &a)e up ever% da% and one da% %oull find its stopped "urtin ! E#s t"at &"at "appened &it" %ou and Hunter0 1"$ Aod$ #d said "is name! #d one five %ears &it"out slippin up and no& it "ad tumbled out! # &as dead! M% sister &as oin to )ill me$ ri "t "ere on t"e dance floor on ,e& 4ears /ve! # stood ri id$ not )no&in &"ere to be in &it" m% apolo %$ &"en Rosie leaned in and "u ed me! E#f "e &al)ed bac) into m% life ri "t no& t"is minute$ # &ouldnt even notice "im! ("e &"ispered t"e &ords in m% ear and t"en tapped "er lass a ainst mine and dran)! 8nd dran)! 8nd t"en "elped "erself to anot"er lass and dran) t"at$ too! # &as about to point out t"at if Hunter &al)ed bac) into "er life no& t"ere &as no c"ance of "er noticin "im because s"ed be unconscious$ but s"e slammed do&n "er empt% lass and rabbed m% "and! E(ister time! 9ets dance! We loved dancin to et"er! Considerin &"at s"e could do &it" t"ose le s of "ers$ Rosie &as *uite restrained! Half t"e men in t"e room &ere loo)in at "er! Juite a fe& of t"e ot"ers &ere loo)in at me$ but # &as lad to be dancin &it" m% sister! 6o be "onest$ # &asnt interested! 6"en # loo)ed up and sa& "im standin in t"e door&a%! ,ico Rossi! He "adnt seen me$ but "e &as loo)in round t"e room$ searc"in for someone! He &as &earin a
suit! #t loo)ed li)e t"e 6om ?ord$ onl% t"is time "is s"irt &as blac)! 8s al&a%s "e loo)ed smo)in "ot$ even more so no& # )ne& "o& it felt to be &it" "im! 8n e'plosion of e'citement and +o% &as follo&ed b% blindin panic! # didnt t"in) # &as up to seein "im spend ,e& 4ears /ve pic)in up anot"er &oman and alread% # could see "eads turnin because "e &as t"e sort of u% &"o eclipsed ever% ot"er man in t"e room &it"out even tr%in ! # &as in suc" a sorr% state # didnt even realiIe #d stopped dancin until Rosie too) m% arm and "auled me off t"e dance floor and be"ind a pillar! E# "ave to et out of "ere$ # babbled! E#m reall% sorr% to ruin %our evenin $ but #m oin "ome! 6"e music &as t"robbin and poundin and # sa& "er lips move$ but # couldnt "ear "er and s"e rolled "er e%es and dra ed me out onto t"e terrace &"ere ever%one &ould at"er to &atc" fire&or)s over t"e 6"ames at midni "t! EBreat"e! E#m oin to rab a cab! E4ou are not leavin ! E# "ave to! EW"%0 EBecause. # breat"ed and sent clouds into t"e freeIin air! EBecause # cant bear to &atc" "im pic)in up anot"er &oman! # cant bear to t"in) of "im &it" someone else! E8nd doesnt t"at tell %ou somet"in 0 E4esK #t tells me # totall% fuc)ed up m% ,e& 4ears Resolution before t"e first c"ime of t"e cloc)K E(o ma%be %ou s"ould ret"in) %our resolution! # t"ou "t of all t"e pain and a on% t"at &ent &it" relations"ips! 6"e "ope and t"en t"e "orrible letdo&n! E,o! #m +ust not puttin m%self t"rou " t"at a ain! E6"rou " &"at0 4ou +ust spent five da%s in bed &it" t"e u%! ?ive da%s! 4ou lau "ed! 4ou tal)ed! He listened to %ou$ &"ic" is more t"an C"arlie ever did! He li)es %ou for Aods sa)e. EHes come "ere because "es loo)in for a date! EHes loo)in for %ou! ("e said it *uietl%! EHa%le%$ t"is super-"ot u% is &al)in across t"e room ri "t no& loo)in for %ou and %ou are not oin to "ide! E#ll mess it up! 9oo) &"at "appened &it" C"arlie! EC"arlie is a dic)"ead$ Rose said calml%! E4ou pic)ed "im because. Well$ fran)l% # dont )no& &"% %ou pic)ed "im! We bot" )no& t"at &"en it comes to relations"ips our ps%c"olo % is a bit &arped$ but "e &as totall% &ron for %ou and ,ico isnt! 4ou t&o "ave somet"in ! 3ont t"ro& t"at a&a%! EHe probabl% isnt loo)in for me! #m leavin and if %ou love me %oull let me o! # &inced as "er "and loc)ed around m% &rist! Honestl%$ if t"e police ever ran s"ort on "andcuffs t"e% could use m% sister! E# love %ou$ s"e said s&eetl%$ E&"ic" is &"% # am not lettin %ou o! #m not oin to let %ou blo& t"is! E#m scared! E4ea"! # et all t"at! But its 17 to be scared$ as lon as %ou do it an%&a%! # t"ou "t about pointin out s"e "adnt done it since Mr 4ou 7no& W"o "ad bro)en "er "eart in t&o$ but # decided t"at mentionin "is name t&ice in one evenin after five %ears of silence on t"e sub+ect &as a ris) # &asnt prepared to ta)e! 8nd an%&a%$ t"is &as m% panic! # didnt &ant to s"are it! EHell mess me up! EMa%be "e &ont! #d never "eard m% sister sound so serious! EW"ats "appened to %ou0 4ou &ere t"e one &"o t"ou "t m% ,e& 4ears resolution &as a ood one! E6"at &as before # sa& %ou &it" "im! ("e too) a deep breat" and smiled! E#f %ou run a&a% from
,ico Rossi t"en %ou are bats"it craI%! # made a sound t"at &as "alf&a% bet&een a lau " and a sob and sa& ,ico standin in t"e door&a%! 6"ose dar) e%es &ere fi'ed on m% face and "e didnt lance left or ri "t at t"e &omen &"o &ere starin at "im "opefull%! Rosie released m% &rist and m% blood "ad a silent part%$ relieved to finall% be able to flo& around uninterrupted! E/'cuse me! 6"eres a ood dance floor oin to &aste$ s"e murmured and slid past "im &it" a smile! ,ico nodded to "er$ "is aIe still fi'ed on me! 6"ere &as no&"ere # could o! # &as trapped on t"e terrace and no& # &as s"iverin ! #t "ad stopped sno&in $ but t"e air &as freeIin ! He strolled across to me$ removed "is +ac)et and draped it around m% s"oulders! E# t"ou "t %ou mi "t be in need of a +ac)et! #t felt &arm and familiar and smelt li)e "im! M% tumm% tensed! # &as terrified # &as oin to ive a&a% "o& # &as feelin ! #t "ad +ust been se'! #d bro)en our rules! # felt li)e a snail &it"out its protective s"ell$ e'posed and +ust &aitin to be crus"ed under someones "eav% boot! EW"at are %ou doin "ere0 E# came to find %ou! He sounded so sure and confident! E6"ere are t"in s # need to sa%! Hreferabl% before t"e cloc) stri)es midni "t! EW"%0 3oes %our ?errari turn into a pump)in at midni "t0 He didnt smile! He &as too focused on me! E# &as read% to as) %ou out &"en %ou started oin out &it" C"arlie! (ound and people &as"ed past me! # &as oblivious to all of t"em! E4ou &ere0 E# told %ou # &as read% to cross t"e room and tal) to %ou$ but # &asnt fast enou " and for t"at # "ad to suffer &atc"in %ou &it" "im for ten lon mont"s! 8nd t"en # "ad to &atc" %ou after&ards$ copin &it" t"e fact "ed scre&ed %our friend! 8 muscle flic)ered in "is +a&! E(eein %ou &it" "im &as li)e &atc"in a car cras" in slo& motion! # +ust &anted to pus" %ou out of t"e &a% before %ou &ere crus"ed b% it! E,ico. EHe undermined %ou at ever% possible opportunit%! 6"at ni "t in t"e restaurant &"en "e put %ou do&n in front of ever%one. His voice &as t"ic) &it" an er and # &ondered "o& # could ever "ave t"ou "t "im cool and controlled! Wit" me "e &as an%t"in but! EHe didnt li)e me tal)in about &or)$ # muttered! EHe found it borin $ especiall% on a ni "t out! EHa%le%$ %ou t"reatened "im! He &anted to be &it" someone &"o made "im feel bi er$ not an e*ual! He put %ou do&n and instead of bouncin up %ou sta%ed do&n! He stopped %ou bein %ou! #t &as true! EBut t"at &as m% fault! # &as tr%in to ma)e it &or)! EHo& can a relations"ip &or) if %ou dont li)e eac" ot"er as %ou reall% are0 Ho& can t"at sort of relations"ip be an%t"in but false0 #t &as a fair *uestion! E# &as surprised %ou a reed to be "is best man! EW"% do %ou t"in) # did t"at$ Ha%le%0 6"ere &as somet"in in "is voice # didnt understand! 8n ur enc% t"at made no sense! EC"arlie and # "ave barel% spo)en since t"at ni "t "e ot drun) and # drove %ou "ome! E6"en &"%. E# a reed because "e told me %ou &ere a bridesmaid! 8t first # didnt believe "im! # couldnt believe t"e%d as)ed %ou to do t"at and # couldnt believe %oud a reed! # s"ifted a&)&ardl%! E4ou &ere &orried #d scre& it up for t"em0 E,o! # &as &orried %oud be ver% "urt! His +a& &as ti "t! E# &as &orried %oud fall apart at t"e &eddin and need someone to loo) out for %ou! # &as t"ere because of %ou! # felt a lump in m% t"roat! EMe0
E4ou as)ed &"% # a reed to be best man! 6"ats &"%! 4ou &ere t"e reason! E4ou. # ulped! E4ou )ept loo)in at me t"rou "out t"e ceremon%! # t"ou "t %ou disapproved! ECristo. He dra ed "is fin ers t"rou " "is "air$ e'asperated! E# &as &atc"in %ou to ma)e sure %ou &ere all ri "t! Ho& could %ou not "ave )no&n t"at0 # &as afraid %ou &ould fall apart! E# fell apart in a bi &a%! E# must admit # "adnt e'pected it to be *uite t"at literal! His e%es leamed! E4ou loo)ed so "orrified # +ust &anted to et %ou out of t"ere! E#ve been c"ec)in 4ou6ube for t"e video$ # confessed! E6"ere "as to be one! E6"ere &as! But no one is oin to upload it$ # made sure of t"at! E4ou did0 Ho&0 He stro)ed "is t"umb slo&l% over m% lo&er lip! E9ets +ust sa% # used la&%erl% intimidation! # felt &ea) &it" relief! E# )ne& t"ere "ad to be a reason &"% no one "ad posted it! # "ad no idea it &as %ou! 4ou.%ou said # made bad decisions! E3atin C"arlie &as a bad decision! 8 reein to be t"eir bridesmaid &as &orse! 8nd #d "ad no idea t"at &as "o& "e felt! But suddenl% # &as seein it all differentl%! 6"e &a% Rosie "ad seen it! E4ou &ere al&a%s t"ere &"en # needed someone! 4ou ave me %our +ac)et$ %ou drove me "ome &"en C"arlie &as drun) and acted li)e a dic)"ead$ %ou ave me multiple or asms &"en # t"ou "t # &as oin to die of frustration. E# &ant so muc" more t"an %our t"an)s! He cupped m% face in "is "ands and m% "eart &as poundin so "ard # &as surprised people couldnt "ear it over t"e music! E4ou do0 E4es! # &ant %ou! 8nd # reall% do mean %ou. His fin ers bit into m% "ead and "is e%es &ere fierce on mine! E,ot a version of %ou #ve made up to suit m% o&n needs$ but t"e real %ou! 6"e %ou # sa& t"at first ni "t! 6"e clever %ou! 6"e %ou t"at )no&s about en ines and &ants a +ob &it" ,8(8! 6"e %ou t"at can add up endless numbers in %our "ead as a part% immic)! 6"e %ou t"at loves llamas and &ould do an%t"in for "er sister! 6"e %ou #ve t"ou "t about ever% ni "t for t&ent% mont"s$ t"ree &ee)s and one da%! # couldnt breat"e! E,ico. E6"e %ou t"at &ould turn up at %our e's &eddin because %oure too proud to tell "im "es a bastard! 6"e %ou t"at &ould &a' a tur)e% and searc" for 6"e ,iccol- on %our laptop. E8ll ri "t$ enou ". Blus"in furiousl%$ # lanced around$ but ever%one &as too bus% earin up for midni "t to ta)e an% notice of us! But #d "ad enou " public "umiliation for one %ear$ so # rabbed "is "and and dra ed "im bac) inside into a *uieter corner! EM% ,e& 4ears resolution &as to "ave emotionless relations"ips! :ust se' and "ot men! E# )no&! But its not ,e& 4ear %et! His mout" &as close to mine! E4ou still "ave about four minutes to ma)e a different resolution! 3o it$ Ha%le%! # stared up at "im and &"at # sa& in "is e%es made me diII%! EW"at do %ou su est0 8nd # &ont ive up c"ocolate and #m not )een on ditc"in alco"ol eit"er! EHo& about ivin up "avin relations"ips &it" men &"o &ant %ou to be someone %oure not0 He spo)e softl%$ "is e%es entle! EHo& about startin t"e ,e& 4ear decidin to be %ou and en+o% it0 Ho& about comin bac) to m% place and startin t"e ,e& 4ear as &e mean to continue it.in bed$ in t"e "ot tub$ to et"er! #t &as as if someone "ad )ic)ed m% )nees! # &anted to slide to t"e floor! /ver%one &as at"ered on t"e terrace &aitin for t"e first c"ime from Bi Ben! 8cross t"e room # could see Rosie &it" t"e rest of our friends$ all lin)ed to et"er$ &aitin for t"e countdo&n to ,e& 4ear! We e'c"an ed loo)s and s"e smiled! # )ne& s"e &as t"in)in #d be craI% to turn m% bac) on somet"in t"at felt t"is ood! # a reed &it" "er!
# slid m% arms round "is nec)! E6"e last five da%s &ere t"e best time #ve "ad! /ver! # "eard Bi Ben c"ime and people started to count! M% e%es &ere fi'ed on "is! 6"is felt li)e so muc" more t"an t"e start of a ,e& 4ear! E?or me$ too! He spo)e a ainst m% lips and # smiled! E3o # et permanent access to %our 6om ?ord0 E4ou seem to be &earin it most of t"e time an%&a%! 6"e cloc) &as still c"imin ! #d lost count$ but ever%one &as at"erin on t"e terrace$ bumpin into us in t"eir "aste to et t"e best vie&! 8 final c"ime$ loud c"eers and t"en an e'plosion of fire&or)s and t"e 9ondon s)%line lit up! ,ico )issed me$ slo&l% and t"orou "l%$ oblivious to ever%one around us and t"ere &ere definitel% more fire&or)s inside me t"an t"ere &ere outside! ?inall%$ "e lifted "is "ead! E(o &"ats %our ,e& 4ears resolution0 ?or t"e first time in a lon &"ile # felt li)e me! Reall% me! # realiIed t"at t"is &as m% life and # could live it t"e &a% # &anted to live it! # didnt "ave to be someone # didnt &ant to be! # &as allo&ed to "ave dreams and feel e'cited about m% future! 8nd # &anted ,ico to be part of t"at future! # smiled up at "im! E9ets o bac) to %our apartment and #ll s"o& %ou! 6H/ /,3 Ripped Cosmo Red-Hot Reads from Mills & Boon #(B,O GPM=>P;<Q;MRR R#HH/3 S (ara" Mor an ;<=R ?irst Hublis"ed in Areat Britain in ;<=R Harle*uin (@7) 9imited /ton House$ =M-;> Haradise Road$ Ric"mond$ (urre% 6WG =(R 8ll ri "ts reserved$ includin t"e ri "t of reproduction in &"ole or in part in an% form! 6"e te't of t"is publication or an% part t"ereof ma% not be reproduced or transmitted in an% form or b% an% means$ electronic or mec"anical$ no& )no&n or "ereinafter invented$ includin &it"out limitation 'ero rap"%$ p"otocop%in $ recordin $ stora e in an information retrieval s%stem$ or ot"er&ise$ &it"out t"e &ritten permission of t"e publis"er! 6"is eboo) is sold sub+ect to t"e condition t"at it s"all not$ b% &a% of trade or ot"er&ise$ be lent$ resold$ "ired out or ot"er&ise circulated$ &it"out t"e prior consent of t"e publis"er$ in an% form or cover ot"er t"an t"at in &"ic" it is publis"ed and &it"out a similar condition includin t"is condition bein imposed on t"e subse*uent purc"aser! 8ll c"aracters in t"is &or) "ave no e'istence outside t"e ima ination of t"e aut"or and "ave no relation &"atsoever to an%one bearin t"e same name or names! 6"e% are not even distantl% inspired b% an% individual )no&n or un)no&n to t"e aut"or$ and all incidents are pure invention! 6"is edition is publis"ed b% arran ement &it" Harle*uin /nterprises ## B!F!5(!T!r!l! U and 6M are trademar)s o&ned and used b% t"e trademar) o&ner and5or its licensee! 6rademar)s mar)ed &it" U are re istered &it" t"e @nited 7in dom Hatent 1ffice and5or t"e 1ffice for Harmonisation in t"e #nternal Mar)et and in ot"er countries! &&&!millsandboon!co!u)5cosmo

Ripped (Mills & Boon Cosmo Red-Hot Reads)

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Ripped (Mills & Boon Cosmo Red-Hot Reads)

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Ripped (Mills & Boon Cosmo Red-Hot Reads)

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Ripped (Mills & Boon Cosmo Red-Hot Reads)

You might also like