fragile

 

The move is mostly done.  I'm settling into the new place and getting used to its noises and rhythms. I was so focused on putting items for donation in the kitchen that I neglected to actually pack up the kitchen.  So here I am on my first night with nothing to eat on or with and few options in the freezer. Ah well.  A junk removal service is coming Sunday to clear out the remnants.  And a local charity shop is coming Tuesday to clear out all the donations--furniture, appliances, books, clothing, on and on.

I don't know how I feel.  I'm overwhelmed.  Most people can't say that they have lived in one home for half their life.

away message

 

I'm heading to Tampa to read College Board exams.  This is my second in-person experience.  Because of Covid restrictions, we had our own hotel rooms last year.  I'm going to be rooming with a complete stranger this year.  As a little icebreaker, I picked up some earplugs for her.  I know I snore* and lately, I've been waking myself up by talking in my sleep.  Last year I was nervous about flying but this year I feel like a seasoned pro.  I have prepped and planned and spent hours getting materials ready for the substitute.

I am not taking a computer with me.  I will attempt to blog from my iPad.  We'll see how that goes.

*I've been assured my snoring is not bad.

weekend randomness

• I tried my hand at making Cheesecake Stuffed Strawberries.  Big fat disaster.  I not only got powdered sugar in my hair and all over my clothing, but the piping bag also didn't seal properly and spewed everywhere as I tried to pipe the filling.  I will say the berries dipped in the cheesecake filling were delish!
• I bought myself some flowers.  Pink carnations.  Very cheery.
• Several of my former colleagues gathered together to watch a live stream of our friend's funeral.  It was a lovely way for us to remember our friend--we had 20+ years of memories together.  He had planned out every detail of the funeral, we could tell.  It was nice for us to get together because the church was above capacity and we wouldn't have been able to reminisce and share our fond stories.
• Today is my Virginia sister's birthday!  We've been texting all day long.  I miss her!
• This is going to be a very busy week.
• The countdown to vacation is 5 days!!!

thanksgiving

Definitely a Thanksgiving to remember.  It's the first time I've spent the holiday on my own and only the third time I've spent it away from family.  But, I chose to be on my own rather than fret and worry about spreading germies I've picked up from school.  I would rather be safe and by myself than sorry.  And it's not bad.  I am watching Thanksgiving movies (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and The Family Stone) alternating with the fireplace dogs.

I baked myself comfort food favorites--a chicken pot pie.  There's actually a story that goes with this:  I had ordered from a local caterer last month, confirmed this past Saturday, and then got a message Tuesday evening that it wasn't going to be available.  I had a little tantrum.  After the tantrum, I had a little cry because everything is overwhelming me (not being with family, Covid fatigue, school, and then the pampering I had planned).  Then I realized I still had time to go to the market and get ingredients to make my own, and a new plan was hatched.

I forget sometimes that I am actually quite a good cook.

I have much to be grateful for this year, despite all the chaos and the changes.  And I'm taking time to reflect and treasure this life of mine.

three on thursday

 Thing one:  I spent a very long time on tedious tasks this morning.  Tedious as in setting up reoccurring Zoom meetings and then deleting out dates we won't actually meet on a day by day basis.

Thing two: Still not 100% sure I'll be able to have students hang out in my room before school or after school.  The Lounge has been in operation for 21 of my 22 years and it would be sad if we can't hang this year when I think they might need it most. (It's not really a lounge, it's just a safe space for kids to come and talk about whatever they want and some kids dubbed it The Lounge.)

Thing three: I was able to come home for a few hours between this morning's workshops and Freshman Orientation this evening.  I don't teach any freshmen so it's a huge waste of my time to be there.  I'll work on seating charts and book sign out sheets.  Maybe the bulletin board I've been meaning to get to all week.

Click here to join in.

this week needs to end

This week has truly worn me down. With Dad hospitalized for double pneumonia and sepsis (yikes!) and not being able to visit him for a few days and not getting much information, it was awful.  Plus I'll just call it a case of sibling dynamics when my sister went off on me for issues outside of my control.  My uncle passed away after a short stay at the hospice center and the services are tomorrow but there was some confusion about the arrangements.  No hugging.  And grades closed this week to prepare for graduation on Sunday.  I'm meeting a few other teachers to hold signs off campus because only 50 people can be there even though it's the opposite side of the campus but whatever.  I'm waffling between going or watching it online--I won't see the kids actually get their diplomas if I'm there holding a sign.  When I went to OT this week, my therapist was pleased that I've maintained from my measurements from last month but there has been no progress with my lymphedema, so I have to go back to a treatment regimen.  Bandages, I fear.  One of my students emailed me this week to find out how he can raise his grade to pass for the year.  I explained that all the assignments are posted on the classroom page.  This student has done nothing all year so I'm not sure what miracle he thinks is going to happen so he can pass.  He can try.  But I'm done bending over backward to assist his efforts.  This may sound harsh but I have offered numerous opportunities ALL YEAR for him to remediate.  Waiting until the last week of school is... well, let's just say that I'm not receptive to it on top of everything else this week.  Thursday I met with my principal to thank him for being the best administrator I've worked with and to wish him well as he moves to a different position in the district and will no longer be my principal.  We had a thoughtful conversation and it meant a lot to me to get the closure.  Let's add national chaos and the President's visit to my state.  Holy shit this week has been heavy. 

Please don't come at me.

don't mind if i do

Today was a workshop day for my department. We spent the day at the superintendent's office working at revising our curriculum maps. It was a long but productive day. I left a little early for OT. The occupational therapist is thrilled with the lymphedema treatment and the progress I'm making. My appointment today for a re-wrap lasted two hours. I miss showers. I misssssss showers. My morning routine is out of whack. I'm pleased I'm getting results, though. I love chocolate croissants. I hate Crocs.

What does it mean that the highlight of my day was a chocolate croissant?

thanksgiving

I love being with my family. It doesn't matter how many of us are gathered together--there is copious laughter. My dad, stepmom, and I had a lovely little meal. Scratch that: we had a small feast! And we laughed and gabbed and laughed and gossipped and laughed. Dad conked out on the couch with Maggie as his sidekick. Barb and I did the clearing and washing up. Dad snored. Barb and I laughed and talked for two hours. Dad woke up, my sisters phoned and I came home. A lovely, lovely day.

And my tradition continues:

poop emoji week

Not going to lie--this has been a hella week.

There was a fire at my sister's apartment building a week ago and she found out that the building has been declared uninhabitable. Which means that almost all of her belongings are lost to smoke damage--there was no structural or water damage to her place. She found a new place (which happens to be in my building) right off. There has been tremendous community generosity--outpourings of people wanting to help. It's overwhelming how people are reaching out. That's the beauty of living in a small community.

On Wednesday, I was walking down the hall, approaching one of my students when she looked at me and burst into tears. She didn't finish her assignment for class and couldn't handle disappointing me. I gave her a big hug (after asking if she needed one), reassured her that this wasn't a high-stakes assignment and she could have time to finish. But the pressure this poor kid put on herself was radiating from her. I said that I realized there's more going on than one assignment being undone and that her ability to cope was more important than an assignment. I could feel her visibly lighten by the time we were done talking. But that was the vibe of the week from all my students.

Today was a mandatory workshop day that was attended by more than 550 teachers from the region. The keynote speaker was interesting. The featured guest speaker was pretty good. But the breakout sessions were god-awful. Painfully bad. Ugh.

happy day 29

8/29:
I got a huge chunk of essay correcting done today. Specific feedback for everyone. A lot of people underestimate the amount of time I spend teaching writing skills to my students--but historiography and argument are critical in Advanced Placement so they need the skills. Fortunately, I have a strong background (double major) in English and I taught ELA years ago. Some of these kiddos need a lot of feedback.

need to get out more

I spent the afternoon at a track meet. It meant a lot to my students that I went. But I didn't go for them. I went because a chum of mine, who I haven't seen since 1994 was there, cheering on her daughter. Sarah got in touch with me earlier in the week to say she'd be there and it would be great to meet up. And it was great!

We became friends when she was teaching at the middle school--I was student teaching and she was teaching science. She had been so lonely and homesick until we met and I introduced her to my friends and suddenly we were a gaggle of young women on the town!

It was fun to reminisce and catch up. Her life has been filled with family (ten kids!) and she has returned to teaching this year so we had lots and lots to talk about.

I bumped into a few former students at the meet--and we posed for photo ops. And my student-athletes were so excited I was there for the final event of their high school career--and we posed for photo ops.

What a whirlwind.

the cookie speaks

I had a delicious dinner. More importantly, I debriefed with my bestie about all our drama of the week. She gets me.

it's not a popularity contest

I met a couple of former students (they're brother and sister) for coffee and we ended up spending over 2 and a half hours talking. It's not totally unusual for me to meet with former students, often they stop by the school at the end of the day but sometimes we meet for coffee. I love keeping in touch with "my kids" and finding out how they are growing and maturing over the years. I don't love talking about it with one of my closest teacher friends, though, because she wishes it was her. And it feels awkward when she says she's excited for me because I know she has a degree of jealousy. I can't help it that the kids respond differently to us. And it's certainly not a competition. At least not on my end.

I had to get that out of my brain.

reading for pleasure

Tonight my book library book group met to discuss a book I didn't like. Because we postponed the meeting due to inclement weather, there were several members missing. And I know they shared my thoughts on the book (actually, two of them Hated the book--with a capital H). I was the lone voice explaining why the book didn't capture me. And I was facilitating the meeting with no publisher materials to help--no guide, no summary, no questions--just me.

I like being in a book group because it encourages me to read books I never would have picked up on my own. But I don't like being the de facto leader of the group. Being in two book groups is a challenge--to keep up with the reading and to actually enjoy the reading. I admit sometimes it feels like a chore.

When I retire, I will dedicate myself to the written word. I can't wait!

working it out

I finally found my knitting project. My landlord has been doing some prep work for some electrical updates we're having next month and he had moved my knitting and I couldn't find it for two days. I finally found it. In all honesty, he's also been hauling away bins and boxes of the clutter I've been working on. It's very nice to have his help. I realized that I'm having some anxiety symptoms since he's been helping me out, too--that I wake up in the night in a panic.

I kinda wish I had taken before photos to measure my progress. It's slow going. And I also find myself wishing I was still in therapy; maybe for a tune-up or some support with the anxiety. I probably shouldn't call it clutter, as it is more like hoarding. I've done some reading about hoarding: a couple of psychology journals I get at school have had articles and case studies. I definitely fit the profile.

All this rambling is my way of working out how light I feel getting rid of the stuff. Donations to the homeless shelter, the charity thrift store, and removing accumulated paper and boxes are making this place look better than it has in... well, years. I wish I had done this every time I thought about doing it. I wish I hadn't accumulated in the first place. And I hope I maintain it.

beautiful day

I am enjoying this vacation! Today I got together with the Breakfast Club, then had a manicure, after that, I went to an artist's show opening at the local library's art gallery, and finally, a trip to see my beloved Maggie--and my parents, although, really, Maggie. I snapped a photo of the roses that are still blooming at Dad's. It's been a truly delightful day. And tomorrow is going to be an adventure: I'm heading down to Central Maine again!

And I'm contemplating celebrating my birthday month with a self-care challenge. I haven't quite decided yet. This dithering is making me wonder why I'm hesitating--and I can't quite put my finger on it, perhaps I don't want to commit? Perhaps I want to do my self-care in private?

Here's the challenge:

can i get a wow

It's the end of September. I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt! I can't recall ever consistently having these temps at this time.

_ _/_ _ _/._/. . ./. _._./_ _ _/_ . ./.

State mandated testing of the third year high schoolers is today. I've been displaced from my classroom because my wing is the testing location. I was efficient and organized as I packed up my materials for most of the school day. My class thinks it's funny that I even remembered hand sanitizer and tissues. Yet they've used them!

I've got a class working on a Morse Code activity. It's fun to have them do something that's not as structured as my usual lesson. Some of them are loving it and others are struggling. But I'm having fun. And, that's really all that matters, right?

hooky

It's a luxury to have a personal day off. I'm so glad today's my day! I think everyone knows that it's difficult for teachers to take a day--that the lesson planning and planning for a substitute equal more work than actually being there. Today is a half-day: winter carnival in the morning and a workshop in the afternoon. The perfect day to take.

So, I slept in. I stayed in bed reading and dozing. I did laundry. Now I'm hanging out, catching up on DVR'd shows. Yas. I adore this feeling of playing hooky.

pour some sugar sugar on me

I'm listening to a Spotify playlist (Forever Love) and The Archies song "Sugar Sugar" just played. Having grown up with this song I was kind of singing along in my head and it occurred to me that the lyrics of Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me" have some lyrics in common.

Isn't it fun to be hit with randomness?