I'm interrupting our regular Harry Potter programming to share a snippet of my crazy life.
You guys probably know that construction stuff has been going on at home and most days I get zero work done. It's hard, not being able to do work. If I were still a classroom teacher, I think I'd have been able to do most teacher tasks even while, say, living in the back of my car. I mean, I could grade lab reports while the world spun madly by outside. I could also still social-media my students to the moon and back. And I could write out lesson plans, proposals for a new pitching machine for the softball team, solicit cost estimates for costumes for the competition choir, and draft letters of recommendation for college applications on my laptop.
Motherhood + design work, though . . . not so much.
It still blows my mind how much unstructured creative space I need for designing and making. Unfortunately, there isn't much creative space in my life right now; all I have are discrete 15-minute-quanta of time-between-other-unpredictable-demands. Enough for a quick trip to the supermarket, a reply to someone's email about a sleeve drafting problem, or a fiddle with the loose screw in some kid's sunglasses (it takes me that long to find the screwdriver now that I don't know where the kitchen junk drawer is since, you know, there's no kitchen).
But nowhere near enough to conceptualize, incubate, or evolve an idea, let alone a working prototype.
I think I've finally come to terms with not actually being productive. Or, at least, productive in the way I think productive should look. Grand announcement: I have officially adjusted my expectations. Microwaving a meal in the bathroom is phenomenal! Getting all the laundry from one floor to the next without smearing paint or wood stain on anything is awesome! Lining up one thousand (okay, 15) Harry Potter party projects to auto-post is Nobel-prize-worthy! Even if I had to correct an average of one thousand (okay, 4) typos per post the second after they went live. Still Olympian-standard. Still productive.
And even if I haven't hand-made anything new in about a century (okay, 3 months) it's still okay.
Although not because my schedules and routines are currently bonkers.
Instead because "productive" as a classroom teacher is not the same as "productive" as an office worker is not the same as "productive" as a full-time mother is not the same as "productive" as a work-at-home parent who didn't manage to actually get any of that work done at the end of any given day.
I hereby cut myself some slack to redefine "productive".
And "hand-make".
And "new".
Let me show you something important now:
You all know this little sweetheart.
Her name is Bunny, and she is Kate's alter ego.
Almost four years ago, Kate asked for her for her birthday.
Almost four years ago, Bunny looked like this:
She looks a little different now.
We've all noticed it.
But none more than Kate, who has been growing increasingly alarmed that Bunny's fur is a bit mangy, that her nose is sparse-ing out, that her neck has got a bit of a tragic kink.
Although personally, that head tilt just about knocks me out every time.
And between you and me, for all the ways she is no longer pristine and cloud-fluffy, Bunny has a fabulous personality.
Especially when she and Kate Get Up To No Good together. They are a hoot. They make the best partners in crime. They inspire the most rip-roaring adventures and stories and skits.
She is, hands-down, the most productive bit of hand-made work I have ever performed.
But the fact remains: Bunny is not what she used to be.
A couple of years back, when the decline first became evident, Kate began making end-of-life plans for her favorite companion.
"You'd better start sewing a new Bunny, Mom," she warned me. "Bunny's fur is falling out."
Last week, she had a bit of a crisis. All at once, it hit her that Bunny was old.
Old = Death, and Death = Loss, and Loss = well, let's not even go there.
Do not laugh. This is important to everyone, especially kids.
"Bunny is well-loved," we reframed.
True, but it was beside the point.
"Bunny hasn't got a single seam-hole," I pointed out, ever the perfectionist seamstress hell-bent on quality control.
True, but it was beside the point.
"We can bleach Bunny," we suggested. "Maybe light grey isn't the new white the media made it out to be."
Practical, but it was beside the point.
"We can sew Bunny a New-Fur suit," we said.
Less practical, and still beside the point.
"I can make you a new bunny," I promised at last. After all, I'd done it once; I could do it again. (And this time I'm using the superior, ultra-expensive fur).
Oh dear. Not only was that beside the point, it was also a travesty to even think it.
You see, Kate wanted Old Bunny with New Fur That Doesn't Scream Grief and Loss. Not New Bunny, or Cosmetically-Enhanced Bunny or even High Fashion Fur Coat Bunny. All ye with children-and-lovies will understand this.
The negotiations went on for two days.
Finally, we had a treatment plan: surgery - organ transplants and a nose job.
I gave Kate a little pill cutter and she shaved Bunny (and saved all the precious little grey fuzz balls in a bag).
And then I took the scalpel to her. It was surprisingly emotional.
Out came all the old, ineffectual stuffing, and in went brand new fluffy polyfill. And I re-stitched her nose and mouth.
Kate is pretty relieved by the outcome although it did take her a while to get used to Reinvented Old-Bunny. Understandably, Bunny post-op didn't look at all like comfortable old pre-op Bunny. For one, she gained a lot of weight and now sits without slouching. When it was all done, Kate took her to school to share the story of her surgery with her class. It was all deeply charming and happily-ever-after but right there in the middle of all that awwwww-ness was the tiniest bit of something melancholic: I missed her old floppiness and attitude; she's suddenly become proper and earnest, like a kid who's been told he must behave himself because he's old enough to know now what he didn't when the world was young and kind.
Or maybe that's motherhood whispering about children instead, and innocence, and how quickly the universe demands they be ready to let theirs go. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.
We will be grafting on new foot pads next. But not just yet - too much all at once might feel like an overhaul. We don't want to accidentally lose Old Bunny, you see. And we're going to coax out her old spunk and personality once again. Already, Bunny is asserting herself with a hint of her trademark sass, declaring that she's off carrots for the indefinite future because she maybe she ate too much too fast and needs a brand new wardrobe and whoa, she can totally hold her head high now and laugh at the days to come.
And that is my life snippet. When designing and creating, I've always preferred to make something new from scratch over restoring something old, because that's the way to challenge dime-a-dozen and push the frontiers of amazingness. I've never been gladder to be wrong.